#bullshit incorrect quotes (?)

[burning-quesadilla]

Wally: I need life advice.  Dick, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

[aydien677]

Incorrect Quotes # 5?

Mc: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Lucifer ? 

Lucifer : … No.

Satan : I do! 

Mc: I know, Satan. 

Satan: I Hate Lucifer

Mc: I know, Satan.

Levi : Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million grimm?

Mammon: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house. 

Mc: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million. 

Mammon: Good thinking.

Lucifer : Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night. 

Mammon : You were flirting with Mc. 

Lucifer : So what? They're my partner. 

Mammon : You asked them if they were single. 

Lucifer : "..."

Mammon : "And then you cried when they said they weren't."

Solomon : Hey, Mc? Can I get some dating advice?

Mc: Just because I’m with Lucifer doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Satan : Why are you on the floor?

Belphie : I'm depressed.

Belphie : Also I was stabbed, can you get Beel, please

Mc: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? 

Mammon : The car takes a screenshot. 

Lucifer : For the last time, get the fuck out.

Mc: *subtly breaking the fourth wall* "I have now fed the fandom like throwing meat to the sharks."

Lucifer: "Dafuck?"

Barbatos: *who canonically breaks the fourth wall in the manga* "Good job Mc, should keep them distracted for a little longer"

Solomon: "?????"

[eiraeths]

price: alright that should be it. does anyone have any other ideas for ground rules?

ghost: [grabs a marker and writes down ‘don’t ‘die on the whiteboard]

soap: [takes the market and in parentheses adds in ‘optional’]

[bizarrelittlemew]

bro <3

[magicandmundane]

Watching the Darkness On Umbara arc, and because I still have Bad Batch brain rot, I’m thinking about how they would have reacted to Krell’s bullshit, so here’s what I’ve got:

Hunter: Sir, with all due respect—

Crosshair, flicking a toothpick: Which is none

Hunter, trying not to laugh: —we’re not doing that. Bad Batch, plan 43, let’s go!

Krell: Sergeant, you can’t—!

Wrecker: Too bad!

Fives, smacking Rex: Why can’t we be like them?!

[padawansuggest]

Obi-Wan: *stops in the middle of a battle

Clones: ????

Cody: um… fall back? …sir?

Obi-Wan: *slowly dissolves into star particles, sweeps across the field and leaves broken droids in the wake, resolidifies next to Dooku and puts him in force suppressants*

Clones: Jedi can do that???? Since when???????

Cody: *corners him in the medbay later* general? Since when was… any of that? The plan?

Obi-Wan: Um. It was not. Sorry, I was getting flashbacks and the best way to stop those are to meditate so I started disassociating and then I got a slight existential crisis and was wondering why we existed and suddenly I remembered that we are NOT this crude matter and so I was like ‘okay so what if I STOPPED being this crude matter’ and so I did and then the rest of that happened… it was weird I don’t want to talk about it.

Helix: Buddy, you’re in luck with me cause I ain’t qualified to do anything but gawk at ya, but I think the healers are gonna make you talk about it.

Obi-Wan: It was WEIRD though… ugh, I started thinking about purgals and the Mortis gods and I think I briefly became a force god too. It was stressful and it made the battle seem so small so I needed to get rid of SOMETHING, so I got rid of the battle.

Cody: I have an idea.

Obi-Wan: Oh???

Cody: Yeah. Let’s go get drunk.

Obi-Wan: A solid plan, I like it.

Helix: Oh my god…

[plistommy]

Robin: Okay, bottoms up!

Steve: *stands up*

Eddie: *smirks*

Nancy: I’m never hanging out with you guys again

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Husk: I hate being touched

Husk: The last time i maintained physical contact with another person was in battle

Vaggie: Angel is literally in your lap right now.

Husk: *Angel lounging across his thighs* This means nothing. Fear me.

[chaostroberry1]

Apollo, in a seductive mouth watering outfit, leaning on the doorframe, winking and hinting at something : "(m/n)~ I'll be good tonight and sleep all by myself while I wait for you, okay~♥?"

(M!name), in a meeting with a few gods, incredibly oblivious : "alright! Sleep well. goodnight, dear!"

Apollo : "better join me soon~♥" *walks away to the bedroom*

The gods who just witnessed the BS : "😧"

---

---

I got this from that death note scene of misa in a sexy outfit, obviously hinting at light on "stuff" she wanna do later. Motherfucker did not understand what she meant ☠️

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

thorin textposts because

+ bonus arkenrock

1/2/3/4/5

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Nurse, taking Maedhros’ temperature: …it says 40 Celsius?

Maedhros: you should see my father’s.

[majorstumbles]

Xavier: We need a plan for taking down Magneto.

Scott, high off his ass from taking a gummi Gambit offered him: Chuck.. Logan- wh’t’ef-

Logan, who wants to be thrown as hard as physically possible for Enrichment™️: Yes, yes, good plan. Ignore the part where Magneto will just chuck me out of the way, we’re doing this plan.

[taikoturtle]

x

[rusomnia]

jason: everytime you smile i get nervous

tim: good.

[spn-lesbian]

Cas: that’s ridiculous. Dean doesn’t love me back

Sam: yes he does

Bobby: yes he does

Gabriel: yes he does

Lucifer: yes he does

Crowley: yes he does

Rowena: yes he does

Eileen: yes he does

Jody: yes he does

Dean: yes I do

[somewhere-on-kamino]

The Sad Batch + Text Posts pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | Crosshair special