#incorrect xmen quotes

[s10127470]

X-Men, but if they remembered that Magneto was old.

Erik: DEATH stalks you at every turn!

Wanda: Grandpa!

Erik: Well, it does! [points at Kurt, who was reading the Holy Bible , and yells] Gah! There it is! DEATH!

Wanda: It's only Kurt.

Erik: [chuckling] Oh, yeah. You know, at my age, the mind starts playing tricks. So.. [screams] DEATH! [points at Jean, who was doing a puzzle]

Wanda: It's just Jean.

Erik: Oh. [points at Kurt again and screams] DEATH!

Wanda: That's Kurt again, Grandpa.

Erik: Oh. Where were we. [points towards something, probably the door and screams] DEATH!

Erik: [speaking in gibberish thanks to his messed up dentures]

Pietro: If you don't start making more sense, we're going to have to put you in a home.

Erik: [Spits out his dentures] You already put me in a home.

Pietro: Then we'll put you in the crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes!

Erik: [meekly] I'll be good.

(At the hospital, Erik was visiting a comatose Xavier)

Erik: Poor Charles. The world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Xavier: [ Drooling ]

Erik: [ Yells, just as he magnetically picks up a chair] Kill it! KILL IT!

Scott: Erik, please! He's in a coma!

Erik: Coma!? Pfffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the...[falls asleep] [wakes up] French toast, please.

Kitty: Is a coma painful?

Erik: Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girls from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.

Raven: There, Lehnsherr, seven gone. As soon as you're in your press board coffin, I'll be the sole survivor and the treasure will be mine.

Erik: Over my dead body, it will!

Raven: That's precisely the point! Oh, Lehnsherr.......can't you go five seconds without humiliating yourself?

(Erik's pants suddenly fall down with a "boing" sound.)

Erik: How long was that?

(Piotr opens a port-a-potty to find Erik)

Erik: This elevator only goes to the basement! And someone made an awful mess down there......

Erik: We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Hamburg. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Hammaburg, which is what they called Hamburg in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

(All of the X-Men look towards Erik with bored and annoyed expressions)

Bonus Scene:

Bobby: [screams in horror and runs away through the whole town after an encounter with Cain] Out of my way! Out of my way! [points] Can't you see he's gonna kick my butt?! 

[A bunch of Marvel heroes look over to see Erik, standing at the bus stop]

Erik: Hi there, young people. Nice day today.

Peter: So, you like kicking butts, do ya?! Well, we'll show you, old man! 

[Peter, along with other Marvel heroes start beating up on Erik while Bobby is hiding in a garbage can]

[accelactor]

Erik: Don’t worry Charles. As long as I am here, we will stand together even if the whole world is our enemy.

Charles: Thank you Erik, but may I ask why the whole world is our enemy?

Erik: Because I am here.

[wilkkio]

Erik: You know, you could make me do anything you want with your power...

Charles: Yes I know.

Erik: Like really anything you wanted you could make me do it.

Charles: I know.

Erik: I couldn't disobey you...

Charles: I'm aware.

Erik: ...

Erik: So are you gonna do it ?

Charles: No.

Erik: WHYYY !! PLEASE CHARLES DO IT, PLEASE !!!

[cathrrrine]

y/n, mentally: i wonder what would happen if i asked charles-

[distant shriek] [sounds of falling] [door banging] [startled cat yowl] [falling again] [creaking stairs] [heavy footsteps]

[y/n’s door swings open]

charles: *red-faced and panting* yes.

y/n: what

charles, hands on his knees: yes *wheeze* i’d say *wheeze* yes! *laughing*

y/n: you’d…sub in for my 8am class tomorrow?

charles: ye-! wait, no- you…wh? i- *dying breath* [slowly lowering himself down to lie on the floor] you- yeah *wheeze* sure

[kurtobsession]

Kurt: I'd say I'm pretty comfortable with where I am in life right now.

Scott: You mean on Logan's lap?

Kurt: *unashamed* yes

[venominomenon]

Wade, coming up with bdsm alphabet: What does C stand for?

Logan: Cyclops.

[charlesyapperxavier]

Charles:

Erik:

Charles:

Erik:

Charles:

Erik:

Charles: *laughs*

Raven: oh my god, stop flirting in your minds!!

[majorstumbles]

Xavier: We need a plan for taking down Magneto.

Scott, high off his ass from taking a gummi Gambit offered him: Chuck.. Logan- wh’t’ef-

Logan, who wants to be thrown as hard as physically possible for Enrichment™️: Yes, yes, good plan. Ignore the part where Magneto will just chuck me out of the way, we’re doing this plan.

[marvelsgirl616]

Incorrect Cherik <3

Erik: CHARLES! OMG SOMETHING TOUCHED MY LEG?!

Charles: THAT WAS ME YOU MAGNETIC MAN-CHILD!

[pyrostartedthefire]

Bobby: I don't have to worry about my boyfriend cheating. I have to worry about him driving like he has nine lives, running his mouth like he's 6'4" and if he's actually ate anything today or if he's just still running off pure rage and caffeine."

[karmaspidr]

Laura: So mutants don't exist here?

Peter: Not as far as I'm aware. Although the number of unexplained enhanced individuals has been growing since the Blip. Should probably look into that.

Laura: What's the Blip?

Peter: The Blip refers to the five years when half of all life in the universe, including me, was dead before the Avengers used time travel to bring all of us back and defeated a past version of the purple alien that caused it.

Laura: ...What the fuck is wrong with your universe?

Peter: Great question. I'll be sure to answer it as soon as Captain America is done fighting the president.

[accelactor]

Just imagine if Peter ever gets to be a teacher

Peter: I want to thank my dad for who I am today.

Charles: But isn’t he absent for most of your life?

Peter: That’s why I thank him.

[wilkkio]

Charles: Erik and I have to live together because the price of flats is very high.

Erik: Yes, and we had to rent a one bedroom flat because the two bedrooms flats are way too expensive.

Charles: And buying two beds was off budget so we only bought one.

Raven: Charles, you're rich and you own a mansion.

[cathrrrine]

logan: sometimes i wish the love of my life would stop doing stupid shit and pay attention to me

y/n, in the middle of doing stupid shit: sucks to be you i guess

logan: *sigh*

[cherikdogfood]

Magneto's Expectation:

Erik: Charles! Look at me! *Twirls around in his Magneto costume and purple cape*

Charles: Oh my, Erik! You look so dashing! Like my knight in shining armor!! I'm so in love with you!!

Reality:

Erik: Charles! Look at me! *Twirls around in his Magneto costume and purple cape*

Charles: ... *Snort laughing*

Erik: =_=

[kurtobsession]

GROCERY SHOPPING

Kurt & Logan: *both carrying handfuls of beer*

Scott: *not even looking up* No, you put that back.