#buck struggling with it when he finds out - not wanting to see Tommy

[johanna-swann]

The annoying thing about the break up is that it would have made so much more sense if they'd had Tommy break it off because of any of the multiple things Buck says in that conversation that are kind of weird. The vibe that Buck also kind of wants to be Tommy, which isn't helped by him replacing Tommy twice over. The fact that it's been six months of Tommy apparently being open about the kind of work he had to do on himself to get to this point but Buck still hasn't really taken Tommy off the pedestal. Asking someone who probably has a house to move in to a loft. Springing a mention of a possible future marriage on him when it doesn't seem like it's come up before. The writing in this episode was so bad but they still managed to unintentionally give Tommy actual reasons to decide he was done.

I'm not sure what Buck "replacing Tommy" is referring to here, but a lot of the other stuff I agree with. Even upon first glance that break-up made so little sense to me that I immediately jumped to the conclusion that this was merely one of the "hurdles" we were promised and they'd get back together in season 8b.

It was always a possibility that Tommy wouldn't be Buck's "forever love", but the way they broke up was... strange, to say the least.

First of all the Abby thing makes zero sense. It doesn't fit with the way Abby talked about her ex. Even if she didn't want to talk to Buck about being engaged before, she would've at least mentioned to Carla that the terrible break-up she had to relive over and over again came from her fiancé, not just a boyfriend. It doesn't make sense that Tommy never mentioned her to the 118 either. She was basically his beard, right? Isn't the point of those relationships that you can pretend to be straight in front of others? And then Tommy actively hid his relationship with her instead?

This only served as a conversation starter though, it wasn't the reason they broke up. In his conversation with Josh Buck didn't feel comfortable using the l-word, but he did admit seeing and wanting a future with Tommy. Which he later also said to Tommy himself.

Then the very moment Buck said the words "move in" I immediately went "not a-fucking-gain!!" Because this rushed, overcorrecting clinging - throwing ideas of marriage and so on around without even having exchanged "I love you"s yet - is such a Buck 2.0 thing to do. He didn't even take into consideration that Tommy lives in an entire ass house. You promised us Buck would get off the Hamster wheel Tim! He has been more grounded than I've ever seen him in a relationship, but then suddenly, nope. Character growth who?

And lastly Tommy's answer. Maybe he just got cold feet, but. Why did he even give Buck a second chance in the first place when he already thought this wasn't going to go anywhere. If he thought what Buck needed were more casual queer experiences, then why did he stay with Buck for six months? And if he liked Buck enough to be afraid of getting his heart broken, wouldn't he have left that relationship earlier?

I mean. They ended up breaking things off over liking each other too much, essentially. Find the sense in that.

And maybe while Tommy was too pessimistic and scared, Buck was still viewing the relationship too much through rose-tinted glasses. But that's when you say: "Hey, we kind of want the same thing here, but I think we still have a lot to talk about and to figure out about each other. Maybe let's just date a little longer and come back to this conversation in two or three months."

(Though I think Tommy struggling and working on himself is one of the very things Buck so admires about him. It's not that Buck is (love-) blind to this information, it's part of what makes Tommy's confidence so attractive to Buck.)

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Living for the idea that they might actually give us the plotline that Tommy hadn’t actually changed - that he’s just been wearing a mask to fit in wherever he is and its slipping and revealing his racist, sexist, homophobic past - that isn’t so in the past after all - that that is who he actually is!

[theotherbuckley]

Just some Bucktommy headcanons <3

- Buck always struggles to hide his surprise every time Tommy goes out of his way to turn up for him because he’s not used to someone actually showing up for him. Tommy sets out to always prove him wrong.

- Tommy was completely prepared for Buck to be a baby gay (inclusive) and still chokes every time Buck is super flirty, not that he’s complaining.

- After bad shifts they both take care of each other and help each other wash off and then cuddle together.

- The first time Tommy sees Buck with Jee he damn near has a heart attack. Buck sees him and gets worried but Tommy just tells him he’s adorable and Buck blushes.

- Buck gets butterflies and blushes so hard every single time Tommy calls him cute or adorable or anything like that because he’s not used to being perceived in that way and he loves it.

- Every single time Buck sees a helicopter he sends a pic to Tommy asking if it’s him. This leads to Tommy sending Buck photos of random doggos and asking if it’s Buck.

- Buck can’t shut up about his how his boyfriend is a pilot and will tell anyone who will listen.

- Buck loves how Tommy calls him Evan it makes his heart skip a beat. One day Tommy asks him about it because everyone else calls him Buck and should he? And Buck ducks his head and says “I like the way you say it.”

- They have a vulnerable discussion and Buck tells Tommy about Daniel and growing up constantly getting hurt and Tommy shares his rough childhood with his parents divorce and feeling like nobody was in his corner. Tommy vows never to let Buck think he’s worth anything less than everything and Buck makes sure Tommy knows that hes got him has a steady figure. He invites Tommy to all the 118 gatherings to make sure he knows that he has them too.

- At one of the gatherings Bobby takes Tommy aside and he thinks he’s getting the shovel talk but Bobby just hugs him and welcomes him to the family. Tommy has to wipe his eyes before going back out to the gathering.

- Tommy talks to Hen privately and profusely apologises for his behaviour at the 118 which leads to them both in tears by the end of it. Hen promises to give him a Christmas card every year and Tommy laughs.

- The first time bucktommy has a fight it’s over something trivial, Tommy leaves to get some fresh air and returns an hour or so later to find Buck crying. Buck looks shocked that he came back. Tommy tells him he will always come back and vows to communicate more clearly with Buck.

- Buck always talks about wanting to get a dog and Tommy just shakes his head and laughs. One day Tommy comes home covered in soot with a small golden retriever puppy that he saved in his arms and tells Buck he couldn’t let go of him. They name him Leo. Chris becomes obsessed with him and begs Eddie to get a dog too. Instead Carla takes Chris over after school to see Leo and feed him when Buck and Tommy can’t. Leo loves Chris and always barks when he leaves.

- Buck teaches Tommy how to dance because he never learnt. Buck tells him how he learnt for Maddie.

- When Buck gets hurt on a call Tommy won’t leave his side. He asks Eddie how he did it when Buck actually died and Eddie shakes his head and said he didn’t. Eddie takes Tommy home and forces him to shower and eat. Eddie, Chris, and Tommy sit together talking about Buck until they get the message that Bucks okay.

- When Eddie gets hurt on a call Buck is beside himself. Buck tells Tommy about the will. Buck tells Chris his dad is hurt again and Tommy holds Buck when he breaks down afterwards remembering the shooting.

- The first time they go further than making out Buck tells Tommy he loves his tits and then blushes and apologises. Tommy just chuckles and tells Buck he loves his tits too.

- Buck comes in with a limp one day and turns red when they ask him to explain. Hen keeps laughing at him but Chimney is so confused and keeps asking about it. Buck breaks and tells him. Chim can’t look Tommy in the eye at the next BBQ

- When they get married Tommy says how grateful he is to have an ally like Buck in his life.

[theallyandhisbeast]

About bucktommy and 911 in general

You know, in the end, this just feels extremely cheap and cruel.

Showing bucktommy be incandescently happy in all the episodes but 8.6? Even in this ep you can feel how much they care and genuinely love each other. Audience was largely optimistic and excited about them, in a way we have never seen for other buck's LI.

Only to what? Throw it all away because you can't be bothered to write a satisfactory arc for them? Because Buck is the epitome of the guy who dates a lot but always gets broken up with? That to be able to decide if you want to be in a committed relationship if you are bi you have to explore first or else your decision is null and void?

What a way to waste potential and your characters arc.

The special thing about Tommy was that he was beloved by not only bucktommy fans, but GA, and most importantly he was a sort of representation we don't see all that much in media. People loved him because they saw themselves in him, they could connect to his journey and they were genuinely rooting for him to find love and family with Buck. To waste it all away, and to do so by basically throw at us all that we loved about them is unnecessarily cruel.

What hurts the most is that even buck and tommy themselves didn't want to break up. but instead they "must" because bowing down to harmful stereotypes about bi people who are "confused and so they must experiment before settling" is more important than telling a compelling story.

Even without bt break up, I feel like this season took a sharp dive for the worst about well thought storylines in a way that baffles him. Gerrard was reduced to a joke, as was Ortiz, both pgs that could have been used to create compelling arcs that intertwined the 118 even more but instead we got this cheap throwaway joke of a Gerrard, Ortiz was basically throw out of office in a single ep. Hotshot sl could have been fun but instead it's just.... there. And coming back too just for funsies, cause apparently that sl was more important to develop instead of a interesting queer relationship.

Athena once again doing copaganda. Bobby coming back to the 118 without any particular struggle or even guilt about dropping the bag. Things said in interviews that we expect to happen and never even made it to the screen (Eddie's loneliness? Chim and Hen having conflict over Mara? Buck feeling guilty about injuring Gerrard?).

The way Maddie cannot have any sl that is not either tied to a man or about motherhood. Madney having another surprise baby instead of them choosing on purpose to expand their family. Hen & Karen gaining trauma after trauma about their children and not having any other sl that is not tied to that. Josh just existing in the periphery and only becoming important as the "insightful token gay" but not having any type of meaningful screen time since Carson.

The other side characters like Sue, Ravi, Linda, Carla completely disappearing without anyone mentioning them. Ravi has not been given any important sl ever since he talked about having cancer and ever since reduced as a comic relief without anything to add to his character but he's a "landlord".

Chris is out of the picture for who knows how long, and is basically kept around to be traumatized over and over again. Eddie hasn't gotten any character development until first s5 and seemingly now, but i'd argue that the whole thing just felt rushed because what do you mean it takes one chat with a priest for him to do a 180° while he still isn't talking to Chris? And Eddie was the one who got the best treatment of all of them this season.

It's the way this show is slowly chipping itself away. It's the way they start a queer story line promising it would be impactful and handled with care and then half-assing it a best. It's the way the other queer characters are never explored and able to breath and revel in their queerness in the first place. Because, really, when was the last time Hen and Karen kissed on screen? When was the last time they went on a date? When was the last time their arcs were not about children or getting hurt, but just about them as individuals? And on this thread what about Maddie? Or Josh? Or Chim? Or Eddie?

Everything feels reused again and again and again without no real development than then starting the circle all over in half a season.

What a waste.

[capseycartwright]

miss me, but let me go

“I have - I’ve carried this grief, for you, for so long, and I know I can’t let it all go, because a part of me is always going to grieve for you,” Eddie paused. “But I can’t feel like this forever, Shannon. I don’t think you’d want me to, either. So - I need to let some of it go. Okay? I need to - I need to be myself now. For me, and for Christopher. I want to be me."

On November 1, Eddie builds an altar for Shannon and finds a way to let her go.

ao3 link

November 1. The date is not one Eddie is likely to ever forget. Even before Shannon died, Dia de los Muertos wasn’t a holiday he ever missed - as a child, he would help his abuelo make their altar every year, a picture of his abuelo front-and-centre, Edmundo Diaz Senior, the man he’d been named for, looking sharp in his suit as he looked out from the glass picture frame where he’d lived all of Eddie’s life. He’d never met his grandfather - only carried his name. 

Over the years, more faces found a home on the altar - friends, and family, time a fickle thing and the only certainty about life that it ended. Death was familiar, a constant in a world Eddie felt like he could never quite figure out.

After Shannon died -

The first November 1 after she died, Eddie built his own altar for the first time, explaining the tradition to Christopher. They had done it every year since, Christopher’s face in a set line as he made sure everything was absolutely perfect. No less than his mother deserved, Eddie knew. 

Shannon hadn’t grown up with the traditions of All Saints and All Souls, but she’d embraced them wholly when she and Eddie had gotten married, making the altar herself when Eddie wasn’t there. It felt right to honour her with the traditions she had loved herself. That was why Eddie had taken to adding a picture of Shannon’s mother to the altar too, when she died the year after Shannon did. Breast cancer, they’d said, but Eddie knew heartbreak had been the thing that had pushed her over the edge.

Every year, Eddie celebrated Shannon, and her mother, his grandfather, the people he’d served with who had died - 

Except this year.

Eddie felt bad. Really, he did - he was going to build the altar himself, but when his dad had texted a picture of the Diaz family altar, Shannon front and centre, Eddie couldn’t quite bring himself to make his own. Shannon was being remembered - that was what mattered. He’d gone to her grave instead, only half listening as the priest had said mass over the graveyard, praying for the salvation of the souls who were buried there.

Grief was a funny old beast, Eddie knew. Grief had made him do crazy things - grief had driven his son to Texas, for crying out loud. The grief didn’t hit standing by her grave, but it did when dusk descended over Eddie’s house, and the absence of an altar began to feel like one of the worst things he’d done amongst a year of terrible decision-making.

Maybe he should have taken Buck up on his offer of coming over to make an altar with him, but Eddie had asked enough of his best friend in the last four months. Eddie knew Tommy had bought them tickets for some movie Buck was dying to see, and as much as Eddie was a near-professional third wheel now, he didn’t think he’d make a good addition to the back row of their local movie theatre.

Eddie winced as he looked at the candle he’d swiped from the dining table. “It’s cedarwood,” he said, apologetic as he lit it, setting the candle down in front of the framed picture of Shannon that lived on their fireplace. “I know you hated cedarwood, but I’m working with what I’ve got here, Shan.”

Eddie pressed his cheek against his folded arms, taking one, two, three shaky breaths. “I really struggled after you left, Shannon. I don’t think I really even realised how much until now - and it’s not just because you were gone, but you were gone and you wanted a divorce, and I - suddenly, I was never going to get answers.”

He’d been talking about Shannon a lot in therapy, lately, unpacking all his complicated feelings during his excruciating weekly hour with Frank. 

“I don’t know if I even wanted to stay married to you,” Eddie admitted, the candle flickering in the growing dark of his living room. That was terrifying to admit out loud - that even if she had stayed alive, he and Shannon wouldn’t have made it work. There were a thousand reasons why, and Eddie could sit, and list them all, but one was more important than the others. 

“I think I’m gay, Shannon,” Eddie had never said it out loud before, despite the thought never quite leaving his mind, Pandora’s box open, now. “If you were here, I bet you’d have such a laugh with that - not like, in a bad way. Just - I think you’d find it funny, that your mom’s gaydar was right after all.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh at the thought himself. Shannon’s mom had been the bitchiest woman he’d ever met, and Eddie loved her for it. 

“I’ve made such a mess of things,” Eddie paused. “But with you, most of all. I’m sorry - for my part in it all. I thought I was doing the right thing, joining the army. I just wanted to take care of you and Chris, and I didn’t see any other way out. I know it was the wrong choice - but I really thought it was the right one. You know?”

Shannon’s picture stayed silent. 

“I have - I’ve carried this grief, for you, for so long, and I know I can’t let it all go, because a part of me is always going to grieve for you,” Eddie paused. For the life she might have had, if not for the car crash - Eddie sometimes liked to indulge himself and think of an alternative life where Shannon had survived, where they got divorced, and learned how to co-parent, and maybe they found their way back to being friends. It was a nice thought.

Eddie wiped roughly at his eyes. “But I can’t feel like this forever, Shannon. I don’t think you’d want me to, either. So - I need to let some of it go. Okay? I need to - I need to be myself now. For me, and for Christopher. I want to be me.” 

With a shaky hand, Eddie pressed a kiss to the framed picture, setting Shannon back down with the candle. It was a half-assed altar, and somehow, that made Eddie feel worse. He scrambled to his feet, heading for his bedroom, and the box of Shannon’s belongings he knew was stashed at the back of his wardrobe. He hadn’t kept much for himself - most of it was for Christopher - but he had a few things. There was a necklace in there, he knew that Eddie had bought her for their first wedding anniversary. It was a cheap thing, because they were always broke, but it was something of hers - it would make it a more acceptable offering.

Eddie couldn’t help the breath that hitched in his throat as he spotted what was in his bedroom. A butterfly, resting on his pillowcase, on the side he always slept on. “Hey, little guy,” he whispered softly, not wanting to startle the tiny creature. His abuela loved butterflies - they were spirits of the people you loved, who had left, coming back to visit. Eddie felt slightly ridiculous, but he said it anyway. “Shannon?”

The butterfly didn’t move. 

“I’m so glad Christopher isn’t here, because he would really think I’ve lost it,” Eddie crouched by the side of his bed, holding out a finger. “Hey. Is this your way of telling me it’s okay to let you go? Did you hear all of that?” 

The butterfly moved, tiny wings fluttering as it came to land on Eddie’s outstretched finger. 

“I hope that’s a yes,” Eddie knew tears were streaming down his cheeks, now, but he didn’t want to freak the butterfly out by wiping them away. “How did you get in here, eh? None of the windows are open.”

If Eddie Diaz believed in a higher power, still, he’d blame God - or the universe. 

“Let’s get you outside,” Eddie said, and the butterfly flapped, a little, coming to land on the windowsill instead. “Yeah? You’re ready to go?”

The butterfly flapped in response again.

“I think I’m ready to let you go, this time,” Eddie admitted, carefully unlatching the window. “We’re going to be okay, me and Christopher. I promise. You can go. You don’t need to worry about us.” 

The butterfly seemed to pause, for a second, before it flew out the open window, disappearing into the beginnings of the evening. Eddie wasn’t sure how long he stood there, tears pouring down his cheeks, rolling off the curve of his chin and onto his shirt, but the next thing he knew, he could hear - 

“Buck?”

“Eddie! You’re a firefighter - how long have you left that candle unattended, huh? Eddie - Eddie, where are you, man?”

Buck appeared in the doorway of Eddie’s bedroom, a family-sized bag of sour patch kids tucked under one arm. “Do I need to teach you the basics of fire safety all over again?” he huffed, pausing as he noticed Eddie’s tears. “Eddie - you okay?”

“Yeah,” Eddie offered his best friend a teary smile. For the first time, Eddie might actually mean that yes. “I’m okay. There - there was a butterfly,” he explained, gesturing at the window vaguely. “I had to let it out.”

“A butterfly?” Buck looked confused. 

“My abuela always said butterflies were the spirits of people who’ve died,” Eddie explained. “I lit a candle for Shannon, and there was a butterfly just sitting on my pillow, when I came in here. It’s…” he paused. “It’s stupid.”  

Buck’s face softened. ‘It’s not stupid,” he shook his head. “You think it was Shannon?”

Eddie glanced at the window again. “I hope it was,” he admitted, taking a deep breath before he closed the window. That in itself felt like symbolism, Eddie decided - a closing of a chapter he should have let go a long time ago. That’s what he needed it to be, at least. “Wait - aren’t you meant to be on a date?”

Bcuk shrugged. “We changed the tickets to tomorrow,” he explained, holding up the bag of candy. “You said you weren’t going to make an altar, and I didn’t want to let you skip out on it. These were her favourite, right?” 

Eddie could cry all over again. Buck, like Shannon, hadn’t grown up with Dia de los Muertos, but here he was, with a bag of Eddie’s dead wife’s favourite candy, ready to sit in Eddie’s grief with him. Eddie wasn’t sure what he’d done in a previous life to deserve a friend like Evan Buckley, but he thanked whatever God or universe was listening for giving him Buck anyway.

“She’d eat so many she’d give herself a stomach-ache,” Eddie grinned, and the memory didn’t hurt, the way it used to, the grief a dull ache that he could grow around, now. He leaned into the embrace Buck offered, breathing in the familiar cedarwood scent of Buck’s favourite cologne. “Thanks. For being here.”

“Nowhere I’d rather be,” Buck hummed, pressing a ridiculous, loud, smacking kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. Eddie loved him. “But I’m buying you one of those electric candle warmers if you’re going to keep leaving candles unattended, Eddie.” 

Eddie was mostly listening as he let Buck guide him back to the living room, the candle still flickering golden in front of Shannon’s picture. It was the same one he’d put on her memorial programme - bright, and beautiful, just like she’d always been when she was alive. 

Buck grinned, as he set a piece of candy in front of her picture. “Berry,” he explained. “My favourite,” he added, tossing a handful of the sour sweets into his own mouth. 

They sat, the television playing reruns of a procedural in the background, eating candy until their stomachs hurt, the candle burning all the way to the end. 

The butterfly didn’t come back.

Buck stayed.

Eddie was ready to move on.

(Buck stayed.)

[diazsdimples]

My favourite Buddietommy HCs bc they should ALL get to be loved.

They buy a super king sized bed when they move in together because Buck starfishes and likes to be in the middle, and Tommy and Eddie don't like being kicked

BUT more often than not they'll all end up snuggled together anyways because they're like magnets and always drawn together.

Tommy doesn't like cooking, mainly because he's worse at it than Eddie, so Buck decides to teach them both how to cook. Tommy suddenly becomes very enthusiastic

Tommy and Eddie initially struggled to think of date ideas together but then they both figured out that neither of them need anything grand, and something as simple as sparring together is enough 90% of the time

Buck and Eddie have this weird twin telepathy thing going on, due to years of best friendism, and often this is used to rile Tommy up, such as both men pinning him down on the couch and ravishing him without so much as a word of warning.

Speaking of sex, they really do like their kinky stuff (all 3 men love domming and subbing equally) BUT they also love it when they have soft, kissy missionary sex and can just stare into each others' eyes like the lovey bitches they are

Eddie spends the first month of their relationship in a daze because he's loved Buck for years, has loved Tommy for a good long while too and he can't quite believe that he's lucky enough to have both of them

Buck has a weird thing that if he kisses one of his boyfriends, he'll feel off kilter until he kisses the other

Tommy likes woodworking and makes both men a carving of the animal he associates them with - Buck gets a Golden Retriever and Eddie gets a sleek looking cat

Christopher is locked in a neverending cycle of "I don't know, ask your dad" and it drives him insane

Eddie sends Tommy photos of Buck when he falls asleep on shift. They both have a folder of Sleepy Buck on their phones

On the flip side, Buck sends Tommy photos of whenever Eddie doesn't manage his facial expressions when he hears something stupid. They're in a folder in Tommy's phone called Judgemundo

Sometimes all the boys want to do is shove the couches together, make a pillow fort, and watch shitty Romcoms while consuming their weight in popcorn. Tommy always falls asleep during these times and Buck and Eddie tease him mercilessly for it. They find it so cute though

When Buck ends up in the ER, Tommy and Eddie work each other up so badly that Bobby nearly separates them so they'll calm down. He doesn't when he sees how tight they cling to one another, though

[buckleyblueyes]

yeah, yeah the Diaz family finding out about the Will would be juicy and dramatic, for sure. but you know what I kind of can't stop thinking about? Tommy finding out. Not only an outsider POV, but a queer outsider POV, seeing buddie at their most codependent? oh the drama potential.

Cause, at this point, from Tommy's POV he's dating this guy, and he knows he's really close with his bestie, and with his bestie's kid. but that's fine. they've been through a lot together and Tommy understands the bond that is often forged among first responders. and Buck's bond with Chris is sweet, makes him more attractive.

and then one day Eddie gets gravely injured and is hospitalized, and his boyfriend steps in to take care of his kid. no one in his life questions this. no one discusses it. it is assumed. it is natural. Buck knows exactly how to take care of Chris in Eddie's absence, how to navigate this house that isn't his, how to keep Chris's day to day going smoothly, in spite of it all. Buck is falling apart himself, but he pushes that aside to be there for this kid.

it surprises Tommy, because Eddie has mentioned an aunt who lives nearby, and after a couple days, Eddie's parents have flown in, and yet Buck is still staying with Chris. so Tommy asks, casually, if Chris doesn't have other family who could be taking care of him, if Buck has to be doing all this when he is clearly struggling himself. Buck just shrugs. "I mean, technically, but that's not what Eddie wants. it's not what I want, either."

what does that mean, that Eddie wants Buck to take care of Christopher? how does Buck know? so he prods further, not judgemental, but curious, not quite getting it. finally, Buck explains that Eddie put it in his will. if anything happens to him, Buck gets custody of Christopher. he explains, rather emotionally, how Eddie told him this after the last time he almost died, how Eddie trusted him to be there for Chris, to fight for him.

and Tommy has spent enough time with Eddie to know how much he loves his son, how serious this decision would be. that's Eddie's heart and soul on a silver platter. and suddenly, he understands. he looks at his boyfriend, eyes red from crying over another man. a man whose son he is caring for, whose house he is staying in, and he sees it with startling clarity.

and, in a reversal of bucktaylor getting together at the end of season four after Eddie was shot, this becomes the impetus for the (hopefully amicable) buck/tommy breakup.

[cosyvelvetorchid]

I love the fic idea of the team finding out that Buck and Tommy are dating because one of them gets injured at an incident that both stations responded to and the other one looses their mind when they find out

Thank you for the prompt. I made a slight change to it but I think (hope) you'll like it 😊

If anybody else has promt ideas btw, send to my ask and I'll write some more!

Also this was supposed to be a short one but I got carried away 😂

****

Buck was never a fan of weighted blankets. He'd tried once once but felt like he was suffocating under it and then had to give birth himself to get out. Maddie had told him that he probably just had one that was the wrong weight for him and that he just had to find the right one. Turns out she was right. He did eventually find the right one.

His name was Tommy.

He was beginning to get used to waking up to a scratchy face buried into his neck and a thick muscular arm draped across his chest. Every time he awoke in this position, it was a struggle to get out of bed. Not just because he was in a weaker, sleepier state and didn't have the strength to move Tommy, but also because he didn't want to.

He couldn't remember a time when waking up with a previous partner and feeling this happy. He wasn't concerned about his morning breath that Taylor always complained about or his dishevelled curls sticking out all over the place that Ali laighed at. Or even his morning wood, which Natalia always made fun of him for. He knew she was doing so playfully, but it tapped into that deep-rooted anxiety he had about not being good enough.

But Tommy didn't complain about those things. He'd kiss Buck every morning - Buck had stopped trying to automatically push away from the kiss, declaring that he needed to brush his teeth first because Tommy truly didn't care. He'd sometimes wake Buck up by running his fingers through his hair. As for the morning wood.. Tommy had no business complaining about that as he was just as guilty.

Tommy stirred and hummed into Bucks neck, pulling Buck into him. Buck turned slightly and pushed his back into Tommy's chest.

"Mmmm-morning, babe." Tommy mumbled

"Mornin" Buck replied lifting Tommy's hand from his chest to kiss it. An asteroid hurtling to earth couldn't seperate them Buck thought. Until the asteroid hit in the form of a reminder from Tommy.

"What time is Eddie picking you up?"

He'd forgotten that Eddie had offered to pick Buck up for work while his Jeep was in the shop. Tommy's late night visit was impromptu. He'd had a rough shift and wanted to see Buck. He wasn't planning on staying the night but they were both exhausted, so a quick visit turned into a literal sleepover.

"He'll be here in.." He reached out to look at his phone; eyes squinting at the brightness. "About 30 minutes."

"Boooooo" Tommy complained into Bucks neck and he laughed. "I better get going." He added shifting away from Buck to sit on the edge of the bed. Buck felt a pang of guilt.

"I'm sorry, Tommy." Tommy turned and placed a hand on Bucks chest.

"Hey. We talked about this - it's okay. We go at your pace, remember? If you're not ready to tell them about us, about you then that's okay. No rush, babe." He leaned down and kissed Buck gently. Buck immediately put his hands around Tommy's neck to deepen the kiss. Tommy, through all his strength, removed Bucks' hands and broke the kiss.

"Don't even think about it." He teased getting off the bed.

"Spoil sport."

***

It had been four days since they had seen each other. Buck hated it; felt like that missing piece of himself that he'd found when he'd met Tommy was missing every time he wasn't with him.

"Earth to Buckeroo." Chimney clicked his fingers in front of Buck face. He looked up to see the whole team staring at him from around the table.

"What is with you lately? You're lost in your own world more than usual?" Hen asked.

"Oh-uh.. nothing. Just..uh.. I'm not sleeping great lately." Another pang of guilt fizzed in his stomach. He hated lying to everybody. He knew they would be absolutely fine with him dating Tommy - after inevitably ribbing him incessantly, of course - it wasn't that. It was just that this was all so new to him, and while he was sure about his feelings, he just wanted more time to settle into them.

Bobby made a welcome subject change.

"Don't forget with the Santa Anas on their way it might be a rough one for a couple days so keep alert, rest when you can and most importantly-" He gestured to the table full of food in front of them "-eat."

***

Bobby wasn't kidding. 18 hours into their 24 and they'd barely had time to rest. 3 fires, a tree falling onto a car and house, and a 4 car pile up. No sooner had they returned to the station the bell rang once again.

"Where we going cap?"

"We've been asked to assist Harbor Station with fire suppression at the edge of Angeles forest."

Bucks heartrate immediately raised at the mention of Harbor Station. Realistically, he knew he probably wouldn't see Tommy - he'd be up in the air - but he was still excited.

"What are you smiling at?" Eddie asked him. Buck really needed to tell his face to stop emoting.

"I'm not smiling." He argued. Eddie and Chimney shared a look. Buck didn't notice.

***

"The explosion happened in the factory approximately 6 hours ago and spread to the homes nearby. No deaths so far. Couple of minor injuries and alot of smoke inhilation. The 133 and 127 are focusing on the factory, 144 and 156 are working on the houses and we have 217 Harbor station doing water drops - I need you guys to keep the fire from reaching the tree line. With how dry it's been lately, those trees go up and were looking at a major forest fire." Chief Alonso told them.

With jobs assigned and gear on they got to work. 1 factory, 5 cars and 9 houses - this fire was a beast Buck thought. He wasn't sure the flush he felt was because of the reminder of the wedding or from the fire.

"Attention all units! This is Firefighter Kinard-" Bucks heart flipped in his chest "-217 is inbound with fire suppression. Take appropriate cover, over."

"Copy that 217, over. Everybody under the trucks now!" Bobby commanded. Everybody scrambled underneath the engines as the force of the water falling on top made them shake.

Buck emerged from cover, immediately looking up, trying to spot Tommys plane. He caught the tail end of it and smiled to himself. This time, his mask covering it.

Everyone's radios crackled into life with the words no firefighter wants to hear.

"Mayday mayday! This is firefighter Kinard. We have lost all power. Plane is going down. I-" silence.

For a moment, Bucks' heart stopped. As did everything else around him. No sound, so movement, no nothing. He had only just found him. His life was only just complete. Not now. Please, god, not now.

"This is Captain Nash. Come in 217, over." Nothing. "Firefighter Kinard, come in, over." Silence again.

Somehow Buck found the strength to bring his brain back to life.

"Cap, we gotta get to him-them" He corrected. Bobby went to say something, but Buck didn't give him a chance. "It's Tommy he's.. he was 118, right? Doesn't that make him family?"

Bobby contemplated Bucks' words. Hen, in the end, convinced Cap with a look and a head tilt. She agreed with Buck.

"Hen, you take Buck and Eddie. Chim, you're here with me. Go!"

Buck got into the engine before anybody else. Adrenaline coursed through his body. He didn't know if he wanted to scream, cry, or vomit.

News came in over the radio that the plane had crashed 3 miles away in a field. As the engine turned and raced along side of the field, they got a look at the plane.

It was still intact. As much as it could have been. One wing has broken off and there were holes and scrapes along its sides but no fire. Thank god. Hen radioed for an ambulance as Buck and Eddie ran over to the plane. Its nose was tilted up.

"I can't see inside!" Buck cried out. He tried opening the door but couldn't. It was jammed.

"I'll get the saw, hold on!" Eddie told him, running back to the engine. Buck tried grabbing and pulling and kicking the door to try and open it. A twinge reverberated through his ankle on that last kick, but he didn't notice; too desperate to get inside.

Then he remembered something Tommy had told him once about an emergency hatch underneath. He crawled underneath the belly of the plane and spotted it towards the front end. Thankfully, it didn't take a lot of force to push it up, and quickly, he was hoisting himself inside. He immediately headed for the cockpit.

"Tommy!" He yelled out, voice cracking.

"Evan?" Came the muffled reply. Buck pulled the cockpit door open and saw Tommy still his seat.

"Tommy!" He cried out again, kneeling next to him, eyes scanning the damage. Blood was dripping from a small wound on his forehead. His right hand was holding his stomach as his left held his right shoulder. "Oh my god, are you okay?" His hands hovered over Tommys body continually moving, not knowing where to place them for fear of causing him pain. Tommy shifted, trying to look at Buck and winced.

"Argh! Yeah.. Pretty sure I've.. broken some ribs and.. definitely dislocated my sh-shoulder." Bucks' heart broke a little at the sight as he inspected Tommy's head wound.

"I'm fine, Evan. You need to look at him." He winced again as he gestured behind Buck. Buck turned and suddenly noticed the co-pilot unconscious in the other seat. He'd been so focused on Tommy that he hadn't noticed someone else was there.

"I.. I checked his pulse.. a little up there, but.. but not too much. Breathing is.. is steady, and.."

"I got him, I got him." Buck interrupted over the sounds of Eddie pushing a saw blade through the door. He made quick work of it and was quickly appearing in the cock pit.

"Tommy, man, you alright?"

"I'll live," He replied, hissing in pain. 15 minutes later, the co-pilot was backboarded out of the plane, and Tommy was arguing with Buck about needing his own backboard.

"Tommy you don't know what other injuries you might have! You know the protocol." Buck argued

"You mean the protocol you ignored by leaving a fire to come here?"

"That.. that's different. I-I thought you were.." He couldn't finish sentence. Tears pricked at his eyes and he looked down trying to hide.

Three months. That's how long he had known Tommy, and in that short space of time, he had rooted himself into Bucks heart.

Tommy let go of his ribs for a second, bringing his left hand to Bucks face. He looked up to see Tommy trying to force a smile through his pain.

"I'm really okay." He said softly. "I won't be doing anything strenuous for a while, but I'm okay." A thumb brushed away a tear that had fallen down Bucks cheek.

"You ready, Tommy?" Hen called as she approached the cockpit. Buck sniffed and coughed away his emotions.

"Y-yeah he's good to go." He saw the backboard in Hens' hands. "He won't need that." Hen opened her mouth, but Buck stopped her. "Trust me, I've tried."

***

Tommy had correctly diagnosed himself with 2 broken ribs and a shoulder dislocation. An arm in a sling and a few stitches to his head, he laid on the hospital bed sleeping. Buck was sat, chair pulled as close to the bed as possible (he absolutely would have been in the bed with his arms wrapped around him if he could have), stroking small circles into Tommy's hand with his thumb. His hand lightly gripped Bucks, letting him know he was awake.

"Hey." He smiled

"Hey you." Buck tried smiling back but his face couldn't help morph back into something else. "How you feeling?"

"Like I was in a plane crash." He deadpanned. Buck laughed.

"Any idea when they're going to spring you from this joint?"

"They want to observe me over night, and if a is well tomorrow morning."

"Good. Good." Bucks brows furrowed.

"Whats wrong?"

"N-nothing." Even he would admit he sucked at lying.

"Evan." Tommy argued. Buck let out a breath of air.

"I-i just.. I finally understand what my exes were all talking about. When I heard your mayday call I.. I.. " Tommy squeezed his hand.

"Evan, I'm really okay. It's more than okay right now, but that might be the morphine." He added in an attempt to lighten the mood. Buck allowed himself to laugh. But then Tommy face slowly changed to a more serious one.

"Evan.. I am okay yes, but.. with what we both do.. you know there are going to be more moments like this, right? Where either of us could get hurt? If.. if being with me is too going to be too much.."

Buck immediately stopped him.

"No. No, it's not too much. Being with you is never too much. I know that when this started, I wasn't sure about myself and what I wanted, but I am sure about this. About you - I'm not going anywhere." He stood up and placed a gentle kiss onto Tommy's lips.

The nurse insisted he leave a few minutes later to give Tommy a chance to rest. He would be dichaged tomorrow morning, and Buck would pick him up. He'd forgotten his Jeep was in the shop, but he didn't care - he'd find a way. Reluctantly leaving Tommy, he made his way towards the hospital exit only to find Bobby, Chimney, Hen, Eddie, and Ravi in the waiting area.

"W-what are you guys still doing here?"

"We wanted to see if your boyfriend was okay." Chimney replied

"Yeah he's- what?"

Boyfriend. Chimney said boyfriend.

"You didn't think we knew?" Hen teased. All of them stood with smirks on their faces.

"H-how? When?"

"I knew pretty much from the beginning." Hen told him.

"Gaydar." He nodded.

"No!" She lightly slapped his arm. "It was the incessant questions about how i knew I was into women and what it was like for me coming out. And when your eyes starting lighting up when Tommy's name was mentioned in conversation, I knew that he was the reason."

"I saw him driving out of your parking lot when I came to pick you up a few days ago. Why else would he be leaving your place at 6am?" Eddie raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Your sister and I realised when you wouldn't shut up about him." Chimney explained.

"What about you, Bobby?" Buck asked.

"The look in your eyes when his radio call came in. I never would have let you guys go to help otherwise." Buck gave a half embarrassed smile. His eyes moved to Ravi.

"Oh I had no idea until now."

"I-im sorry I didn't tell you guys. I just.. its all so new and.."

"Are you happy?" Bobby asked. Buck sighed and smiled.

"Yeah. Yeah I am."

"Then that's all that matters, kid." Bobby gave him a fatherly hand on the shoulder, and Buck immediately felt all his fear and apprehension melt away.

He was happy. Finally.

[canichangemyblogname]

“The show isn’t going to cater to your fan fiction fantasy 🤣.”

Yeah… no. See, that’s not the issue. 1.) I don’t read fanfiction; can also barely write it, 2.) the issue 100% is that this was very clearly intended to come out of the blue, but because it seems increasingly likely LFJ isn’t returning to the show, there is a lack of resolution. This breakup is result of Tommy’s insecurities in the relationship. He feels he’s gonna get left behind; have his heart broken. The breakup even surprises Tommy. It blindsides Buck, a character who has long been characterized by a listlessness and a lack of defined vision for his future. When his boyfriend breaks up with him because he doesn’t believe that Buck can actually see him in his future, the narratively weighty thing is for the characters to later—after processing this breakup and struggling with competing wants—confront that. But that seems so incredibly unlikely, so it feels more like they kiboshed this for some external reason rather than a narrative one.

Then there’s an issue with the follow through with themes. If this is the end-end— and that seems likely with LFJ’s departure from the show—there’s a lack of follow through on reoccurring themes in the show, like second chances, making one’s own happiness, and how “our people” make life worth it. If the goal is Buck’s return to a 1.0 era, that would be a stark and sharp character regression instead of growth for a character who has come a long way over 8 seasons, which is not narratively satisfying. And when it’s ONLY the bisexual character who ever gets arcs like this, and it’s explicitly because of some “he doesn’t know what he really wants” or “he can’t commit,” then the story isn’t original; it’s a stereotype. There’s also then a very jarring lack of follow through on changes to structure and style they had been planning to explore, like finding ways to integrate a Love Interest into non-romance and non-relationship storylines, being able to expand these characters through professional scenarios together, and that whole thing about Buck getting off the “hamster wheel.” All of these hinted at major structural changes to the way the show writes secondary characters, which would also have major implications for characters like Karen and Josh. This sort of shift, understandably, gets viewers invested in a new era of an EIGHT season show, and disappointed when these structural changes fail (repeatedly, may I add) to manifest.

It’s disappointing because it seems—due to casting changes beyond their control and of no fault of anyone— there won’t be any follow through on this purposefully sudden breakup. Even some upcoming confrontation between the characters could wrap up the tension left in the air. The narrative doesn’t need tropes or some rom-com ending to be narratively satisfying! It can end tragically and still fee resolved.

Most fans’ issue with this is that they did this for the short-term drama, not for the long-term story telling.

—Sincerely, a novelist (a VERY different writing form) who writes tragedies and recently finished a gay romantic tragedy that ends—well—with a break up.

[bugboybuck]

i dont have time to write something proper for day one of @bucktommypositivityweek but i wanted to share a lil drabble/ramble anyway in the spirit of things, so: what tommy loves about buck

tommy grew up in a stiflingly oppressive environment, a household full of anger and coldness. he lived in fear about who he was, what he wanted. he was threatened by his father, his army COs, gerrard, and his survival response was to hide himself away, lock up parts of himself, bury the things he could get hurt for.

his first thought upon getting to know evan wasn't 'wow, here's a perfectly adjusted guy who hasn't had any struggles.' frankly, between his adorably awkward jokes, casually mentioning getting struck by lightning, and trying to kill his best friend with mind lasers over tommys attention, evan seemed like a bit of a hot mess.

but what drew tommy to him so strongly was seeing someone who'd clearly had a lot of weird, difficult life experiences still be like - that. bouncing around on his feet with energy when tommy showed him around the hangar, making dumb jokes, throwing himself headfirst into a basketball game he didn't even like. bringing a brand new date to his sisters wedding. folding tommy into his family nearly immediately, every one of his actions screaming I'm serious about this; no reservations, no holding back.

it only got worse - better - as they got to know each other. it felt like every date they went on, evan dropped some insane piece of lore from his life. his injuries on the job, his disastrous track record with romance, the wild travels he'd been on while finding himself. not too long into knowing each other, the whole thing about his brother, and his parents, and his sister - which explained a lot of the abandonment issues tommy could have seen from space.

and whenever he says something like that, tommys first thought usually isn't marvelling at how ridiculously unlucky Evans life has been. it's how amazing he finds it that evan is still open and happy and throws himself into everything he does head-first, like he's trying to trust the universe to, this time, not let him down.

tommy knows evan isn't all sunshine and roses. he gets downright snippy when he has a to-do list, is more than a bit neurotic, over-anxious about pointless things when tommy's more a 'go with the flow' kind of guy (a 'sure I'll fly into a hurricane for an old friend' kind of guy, a 'I've come out the other side of the shittiest time of my life already, so what have I got to lose?' kind of guy). but evan is - so open. even when he's being annoying, he doesn't try to reign it in. his brain is like a steel trap for facts, he's far from dumb, but when he doesn't know something, he openly and instantly admits it. he's free with hugs and affection but also with a bitchy comment if someone deserves it. he over-shares with no shame. he over-everythings, really. he's so much. and tommy has spent most of his life with not-enough. depriving himself; being deprived. he wants to gorge himself on evans too-much-ness

tommy feels like evan lives his life wide open. and he knows evan has been hurt a lot, for it. but for tommy, who spent thirty years stuffed into a cramped closet space - who felt claustrophobic, trapped, like he couldn't see the sky - Evans openness gives him the same feeling as flying. awe.

so that's what tommy loves most about him. the fact that he's a badass and a blowjob savant who cooks and is built like a sexy brick wall are all just bonuses.

[nqueso-emergency]

on the topic of Tommy not having anyone around him and how that maybe links to his past…

what if we find out that tommy is estranged from his parents (and potential siblings)? possibly because he’s gay and they didn’t agree with that. Maybe Tommy has been a ‘lone wolf’ all these years and has had no one in his corner (or in his posse lol)

That might cause Buck to think, because not only did he not openly struggle with his identity as a bisexual man, but he’s got the 118 as his family even when his biological parents let him down.

It’s such a big contrast between them in both ways but also has similarities: both let down by biological parents, and both spent significant time alone.

The difference is that Buck managed to make a found family with the 118 and create something great, and Tommy hasn’t been able to do that. He’s still wandering alone, and maybe he’s used to that. Maybe he’s going to struggle adapting to life with the 118 in his pocket. Maybe he’s repressed what he wants from life, like marriage or kids, thinking he’s better off on his own or worse, that he’s destined to be alone.

Maybe it goes further and they talk about kids. Maybe one of them says “I’d never do that to my own child” and it prompts the conversation.

If they’re trying to group Tommy in with the 118 like Karen, then this would be a good way of doing it. Altho i can see the bestie boos slating this as “tommy doesn’t want to be with buck, be wants to be buck”, when in fact is actually makes perfect sense that buck would want his partner linked with his found family- he’s never had it before and buck is a very family orientated person. it’s also just very buck like to go that extra mile for tommy and prove that he’s part of the 118 family, because he’s just that nice.

Yea, anon!! I need this!! I need Tommy to think he doesn't belong and Buck does this huge grand gesture because he's Buck.

[ohithankyou]

now that the initial feelings of shock hurt and betrayal re: bucktommy’s abrupt breakup (let me be dramatic) are wearing off (well i’m still hurt and depressed lol) — i’m circling back to the conversation buck and tommy had that led to the breakup and appreciating it in a different light than before (although i still do not like certain elements of it). specifically, tommy’s reasoning for the breakup - now that i’ve processed my feelings - i’ve come to realize give him so much more depth as a character and really bring forward what we got to know about him before in a different way while putting other things we got to know about him, into perspective. what i think i struggled with initially, and what i still struggle with now, is that we won’t get to see him explore any of those feelings. not with buck and not alone. if he was still a character on the show, even if him and buck never got back together, we’d get that chance to peel back the layers and understand the reasons behind him breaking up with buck when both of them essentially wanted the same thing: a future together. but we don’t get that opportunity since he was a side character/love interest.

and all in all, i think i would be able to appreciate the breakup and some of the reasoning behind it more if it wasn’t meant to be the hard end of their relationship when the narrative leaves it so open-ended and ready for deeper exploration. if there would be more to come - an aftermath - whether that be them making up (my ideal scenario and what to me makes the most sense for their stories), or finding some sort of closure with each other by having a conversation that really explores the feelings that were laid out rather suddenly and abruptly for us to digest.

[lemotmo]

Question and answer. Their fight is clinging to life right now.

Q. I just don't understand how you could have liked Tommy so much after episode 4 and still refuse to admit that the reason you don't like him now is because you don't like Lou. Tommy changed after episode 4 because their relationship changed. It got more serious as the season went on and we saw Buck change and grow as that relationship grew. He even took back his name as a result of his relationship with Tommy. The show has shown Tommy to be supportive, encouraging, protective and funny. Just because we didn't see specific scenes showing all of those things doesn't mean that the show isn't implying they don't exist. Oliver and Lou don't have the same comfort level of Oliver and Ryan no one cares. Who cares if Oliver doesn't like him? I don't. It's his job to show up and act professional.

A. Okay I'm going to answer your question, but I'm going to get very real with you very quickly. I am not the place for any of your reclaiming his name bullshit. That is not what he did. That is not at all what the Evan thing is about. You know that, and I'm not going to humor your ridiculous attempt to claim otherwise. As for the rest of your ask, where exactly was it shown that their relationship was serious? What episode was that? And did you really say just because the show didn't show us specific scenes of Tommy being the perfect boyfriend doesn't mean they're not implying those qualities are there? What scenes implied those qualities? I'm going to go through this in a very simple way because you seem to be struggling with everything.

My opinion of Tommy changed because the show wanted it to change. We now basically have confirmation that episodes 7 through 10 were rewrites, and the scripts were rewritten, hastily, during the winter break. Tim has all but confirmed that at this point. Their filming schedule also confirms this. They were filming the next episode the week the current episode was airing. Which means the new scripts were written AFTER episodes 4 and 5 aired. Meaning Tim and the writers knew you all liked Tommy. They had that knowledge going into the rewrites. They didn't give him a scene where Buck talks to him about his feelings regarding the name Evan, the audience knows how Buck feels about that name. The show would have absolutely given the audience that scene. The show didn't give him a scene where he comforts Buck during the whole Bobby ordeal. Tommy had one scene in the finale it could have easily been at the hospital. In fact it would have been easier if it had been at the hospital. Instead they went out of their way to work in a deliberately awkward scene. The show didn't write anything for him that was comforting, encouraging, protective or funny. What the show wrote for him was:

"They had Henley's in the 80's"

"Enjoy it while it lasts"

" I certainly hope so" (when Buck asked him if he thought he had daddy issues) and even Tim has long since stopped trying to pass this off as flirty.

I didn't invent that dialogue. It didn't come from a cameo video or a headcanon. The show gave him that dialogue. That dialogue is his canon character. Nothing about any of that is charming as Buck's boyfriend. I have said repeatedly that they're not writing him as a BAD guy. They're writing him as a bad FIT for Buck. And that's okay! You can still like him! You can headcanon the relationship as something else entirely, that's your prerogative, but the show's writing is very clear. I'm following the writing. As for Lou, I am an adult. This would not be the first show I've watched where I didn't like a particular actor/actress. I find Lou gross. I don't deny or pretend otherwise. But I can separate Tommy from him for the sake of the show. That's called compartmentalizing. That's what adults can do. None of this is difficult for me because I'm following the show's lead. You all are the ones killing yourselves trying to force a narrative that doesn't exist. I will also take this time to point out something that was a first this season. This was the first season in the history of the series where Buck had no storyline. Buck had one episode of plot the entire season and it was episode 4. The entire rest of the season for Buck was spent in Eddie's storyline. Not scenes with Tommy. Not scenes building up that serious relationship you speak of. His entire character purpose this season was spent in the Eddie storyline. You cannot build up an outside relationship when you're doubling down on the Buddie aspect. And the show spent the entire season doubling down on that pairing. For better or worse, whether you like it or not, every single partner Buck or Eddie have will be compared to their relationship with each other. And the show puts zero effort into any of their other relationships. Anna was clearly supposed to be Eddie's realization relationship but when Kristen scrapped that she ended up just being awkward as hell. Marisol didn't even have a last name. The only thing we were ever told about Natalia was her fascination with death. Tommy has been no different. The show gave the bare minimum required to indicate that he doesn't fit Buck. His entire dialogue , minimal as it was, this season was dedicated to highlighting that. And that has always been the problem. The show isn't interested in building any relationship for Buck or Eddie outside of each other. And if they were going to do it this was the season to do it. Brand new network, new expectations and a fresh start. And instead they doubled down on them. And in fact made more effort to highlight and showcase their connection. I didn't get that from a cameo or headcanon either. The actual canon scenes told us that. They didn't give Buck a storyline this season so his scenes could be used entirely for Eddie. He wasn't used off screen with Tommy he was used on screen with Eddie. It was a deliberate choice.

As for Oliver, you all are the ones who keep bringing up that Oliver and Lou don't appear to be close. If you didn't care you wouldn't keep bringing it up. They're not required to be close. And we have no actual proof that they outright dislike one another. What we know is they're clearly not comfortable with one another. And there could be many reasons for that. I doubt, given what we know of Oliver, and what we learned about Lou this year, that they have much of anything in common. It's hard to bond when you have nothing in common to bond over. There is also no way anyone involved with the show, outside of Lou, didn't have a problem with what the cameo videos created. They were a completely avoidable mess. A mess that Lou openly encouraged until he could no longer financially benefit from interacting with those people. And Oliver is a professional. He has never shown anything other than completely respectable, professional behavior. But please don't interpret that as him not having a say because he very much does. But I doubt he spends any amount of time worrying about what your opinion of him is. Unlike some he doesn't have to pay for validation.

All right, I have another OP truth bomb for you guys. Thanks once again to the kind Nonny who sends these to me.

I won't add anything to this one, because I think all that needs to be said is explained so beautifully in this post.

So enjoy!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting these anon OP updates instead of reblogging. Don't get mad at me. There is a reason for it and it's all done with consent from the OP. You can find out more about that here.

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[gayhoediaz]

nieeeee. i literally cannot stop thinking about of solace and amelioration. like. i've read it three times and i always skip to the end and cry because buck and tommy are. so full of love for each other, it literally makes me Ache. and. the little details you wove in there about tommy's backstory? just.. annihilate me. do you have any more tommy/bucktommy headcanons to share pls 🤲🏾🥺

jaaaack my loveee 🥺🥺🥺 yess of course anything for you!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

tommy spent a lot of time alone growing up so he can solve a rubik’s cube in like absolute record time. for some reason buck finds this just… so hot. he loves it when his man is capable and confident. (and he loves his hands.)

tommy doesn’t necessarily mind being alone because he is so used to it - spending christmas alone, watching love actually and cooking just for himself doesn’t make him sad. he’s certainly not someone who feels sorry for himself. but when he does have people around him? oh god he loves it so much. he loves taking care of people he loves loving people and he loves it when he gets the same right back.

buck is not a huge fan of muay thai either but he still learns a little bit - mostly because he likes seeing tommy all hot and sweaty (and capable) in as many situations as possible (and yes it always ends in sex, in fact i think eventually “muay thai” stops meaning muay thai altogether. it’s just code for dicking each other down.)

buck loves running his fingers through tommy’s hair and tommy loves it when he does it. after a bad day, he’ll just walk in through the door and drop himself on the couch with his head in buck’s lap.

a few years ago tommy went to the animal shelter to maybe get a cat cause he was a little lonely, but he came home with an irish wolfhound and he named her keira because bonus hc: keira knightley is his favorite actress. (buck and keira take to each other immediately, and since buck does more cardio than tommy, he takes up a habit of running with her whenever he has time - usually in the morning, dropping a kiss to a half-asleep tommy’s temple as he tells him he’ll be back in a bit.)

tommy loves buck’s ass (what he sees, i don’t know, there is literally nothing there) but by the time they’ve been together for a few months, he’s comfortable enough to stop holding back, and he’ll just fucking live down there. often it’s sexual but sometimes it’s also not - sometimes they’re having a sick or lazy day, watching the tv in tommy’s bedroom, and buck is fully dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, and he always ends up on his stomach so tommy can use his non-existent ass as a pillow.

they shut keira out of the room when they fuck, but when they’re done they always let her back in to sleep in bed and she takes up 85% of the space but that’s okay ❤️

tommy meditates and buck tries too but his brain moves too quickly it doesn’t really work for him. when meditation doesn’t work for tommy either - he smokes. it’s a terrible habit left over from rebellious teenage years and stressful time in the closet, and he’s done a good job kicking it, but sometimes buck kisses him, and he can smell it on his breath and he just. sighs. and runs a hand through his hair and asks if he wants to talk abt it.

the longer they’re together the more “cracks” start to show in tommy, i think he’s a lot better at hiding it than buck is - but he struggles not only with ptsd, but with depression and anxiety and he has worked on himself and continues to do so, but he still keeps a lot of that stuff to himself - it takes a while but when buck starts opening up more, tommy slowly starts to do the same, and evan is the first person he feels he can truly rely on and trust, and he’s never really had that before, never felt as if he can be all of himself with someone - not like this.

tommy is plant dad. he has so many plants and he takes such good care of them, and of course, since buck loves learning things, it quickly becomes a shared hobby. their monstera is their pride and joy.

tommy drinks his coffee with so many extra shots of espresso that buck usually makes a little bit of a face when he kisses him right afterwards.

tommy has a lot of small skills he’s kinda good at but not really but kind of (usually, again, born out of boredom and/or loneliness) painting, baking bread, playing the harmonica. he knows how to do these things, but whether or not his own results will be great is… a toss up. however combined with buck’s love of learning and adhd brain, they learn a lot more small skills together. kind of. for a while. until they drop it and move onto the next thing.

tommy is really good at playing the guitar and the first morning buck wakes up in his bed, he asks him about it, and he plays for him. until buck wrestles it out of his hands and puts it to the side because his boyfriend is even hotter now and he needs to get dicked down again thanks. (when they’re done, buck asks tommy to teach him and they end up doing the classic “hands over hands” move and it’s very cute but tommy keeps pressing soft little kisses to bucks shoulder and telling him he’s doing so good and it’s hngggggg… very distracting.)

tommy used to be on the swim team in high school.

tommy is indeed abby’s tommy cause i think it’s funny. it throws them both off a little bit but then tommy says something so smooth that buck forgets all about it. it doesn’t matter. they are each other’s now, fuck her. (i think tommy ended things w her amicably probably cause he was figuring out he’s gay and doesn’t have any negative nor positive feelings abt her, but when buck eventually tells him how she ended (or didn’t) things w him, tommy decides that he does have decidedly negative feelings about her actually.)

[kinardsevan]

BuckTommy/911 fic masterlist

as promised, here is your master list for everything I've written so far (and will continue to update as it changes):

(Divide added because this is getting kinda long now)

UPDATE: UNDER CONSTRUCTION - (this list is getting fairly long, so it may grow in to separate pages as I work on it in the coming days/weeks)

The Song Lyric Series:

Just as the title suggests, these have mostly been lyrically driven. The intention is for them to remain looser than a story, but so far it's been the same plot. (subject to change)

what if there's a little boy that needs a safe place :

Chapters: 1 Rating: M Warnings: n/a

“I’m sorry Evan,” Tommy stated genuinely as he watched Evan drop his towel and then redress. “I honestly don’t know what to say.” Evan huffed, unable to hold all the feelings in any longer. Everything felt so tight—his chest, his throat, his stomach. He couldn’t keep it all buried inside against Tommy’s lack of an answer. OR. The one in which Evan is not okay with a drunk rando flirting with his very beasty, very sexy boyfriend and it leads to professions of love.

they all led me to him (he's one of the good ones:

“I might’ve mentioned fucking you properly earlier this evening,” Tommy says, and even in the midst of wanting the older man to tear his body apart, Evan knows that this moment is as serious for Tommy as it was for Evan earlier. “Yeah,” Buck rasps, unable to stop himself from grinding his hips against Tommy. “Please do so.” “I’m not going to,” Tommy replies softly. OR. Tommy wants Evan to understand just how in love with him he is. Chapters: 1 Rating: E Warnings: n/a

i'll be here (and you can lay by my side) :

Chapters: 2/? Rating: E Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

When Tommy has to look back on this weekend in the years that come to pass, he won’t have the words to express how things went from so right, to so wrong. He’ll struggle to even find a way to comprehend the trauma inflicted by having his soul shredded right in front of his face and absolutely unable to prevent it. And at its worst, he won’t even have words to explain it all. OR. part 3.

Multi-Chapter Stories

your arson's match, my somber smile (the love of my life): Chapters: 4/? Rating: n/a (subject to change) Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

In that moment, the nanosecond in which he had crystal clarity, only one thing mattered to him. As his feet finally slipped out from under him, just before the warped metal came swinging down at another angle, he looked Bobby in the eyes. “Tell Tommy I love him.” And then the world was black.

guilty as sin (i choose you and me, religiously): Chapters: 1/2 Rating: T Warnings: n/a

Buck and Tommy's first kiss, as told through Tommy's POV.

Never Til Now (Rolling Up The Welcome Mat) Chapters: 5/? Rating: M (for themes) Warnings: n/a

"Maybe there’s something about tangibility, about holding the real thing versus just the idea of it, but it cracks something open in him that hasn’t existed in a long time. Because all of a sudden, he can’t imagine not having this. Not getting to see Evan like this, every day. And it’s barely been thirty seconds." - In March 2025, with plans to propose, Tommy realizes Evan wants kids. the problem is, Tommy doesn't. In November of the same year, in a happenstance exchange, he meets their baby girl. (OR, we take a trip through a dual timeline in which the idea and reality of having kids drives Evan and Tommy apart, and then brings them back together.)

The Devil Doesn't Bargain Chapters: 12/? Rating: E Warnings: Rape/Non-con, Self-harm, Suicidality (discussed and attempted), PTSD, Anxiety, ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

Tommy Kinard lived a whole life before he walked into Evan Buckley's life, and it's not one that he's offered up much of so far. Until Evan starts asking questions. Trigger warnings for sexual assault, abuse, and so forth.

you're the only one (who ever gave a damn) Chapters 2/2 Rating: M (for themes and mild sexual content) Warnings: Rape/Non-con

“I um… I don’t know,” he admits softly. “C’mon, Tommy,” Eddie replies. “No, not like that,” Tommy says, looking back up at Eddie. “Not like I don’t have a real excuse. I don’t know like…like I really don’t know, Eddie. I was drunk. I remember being at the bar with you and the other guys, and joking about you and Evan sparring the next time we were going to train, and then…” He pauses, shakes his head. “Nothing. I woke up in a house I didn’t recognize.” Eddie stares at him, coffee cup in hand and mouth slack, and Tommy waits for the judgment to come. He’s fully prepared for Eddie to tell him what a dick he his for going home with some other guy and having drunken sex. But Eddie doesn’t speak. Eventually, he’s quiet so long that it makes Tommy uncomfortable. “Look, I know you’re over there judging me-..” Eddie blinks a few times, shaking out of his reverie as he lowers his coffee mug to the counter. “Tommy, man, that’s not cheating,” he states matter-of-factly.

a set of empty bones chapters: 9/? rating: E warnings: rape/non-con, graphic depictions of violence

“You’re not even paying attention right now,” he growls. “Look, Eddie,” Evan tries, lifting his hands up in surrender. Eddie’s eyes trail from his eyes down to his lips, his chest, and then back up at him, and Evan doesn’t like the way it feels. Something about the entire moment feels uncomfortable to him. Eddie sets the bowl on the counter and puts his hands on Evan’s ribs, pushing him back towards the fridge. “Eddie, man, what’re you doing,” Evan stammers nervously. BTHB: "you can scream all you want", lacerations, betrayal

Minis:

the rhythm of your heartbeat: Evan has night-terrors. Tommy has to contend with them.

you are the reason: post 709 buck/bobby conversation in which Buck makes it to Tommy's.

Connecting: 709 deleted scene. Evan is getting dressed before the medal ceremony, and Tommy's pretty sure he's going to make them late.

oceans deep, rivers wide: Evan has a realization after a work incident. Tommy concurs. burn it to the ground: Tommy knew the first time he kissed Evan Buckley he was burning his whole life to the ground.

for a thousand years (and a thousand more): In which Tommy tells Evan what it was like falling in love with him. 30 Day Fluff Challenge: Concept list found here

Prompt Minis: here

Others/Oneshots:

something stronger than me (i can hardly stand up, i can hardly breathe): Chapters: 1/1 Rating: E (for language) Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, TW: Self-harm, TW: Suicidal ideation

It had been years since he’d been down this low. At least, that’s how he’d been presenting it to others. But in the darkness of his apartment, where his boyfriend couldn’t see his legs because their schedules were conveniently not aligning ever since Gerrard’s arrival…his thighs were coated in fresh wounds.

The Saboteur: Chapters: 1/1 Rating: M (for language) Warnings: TW: homophobic language, TW: harrassment

Five times Tommy Kinard is faced with having to file a complaint against Vincent Gerrard, following his reinstatement at the 118.

take me to the other side Chapters: 1/1 Rating: E (for themes) Warnings: n/a

“So what’s on your mind,” Tommy asks him. “Are you imagining a specific scene? Or a particular want you’re thinking about?” “Not a scene, necessarily,” Evan says, twiddling his thumbs. He’s struggling to piece together the words in the right way to convey what he’s actually wanting. “Okay,” Tommy says, accepting his answer. When Evan doesn’t speak again right away, Tommy prompts him. “I want…?” Evan gulps. “I want…I-i want you to t-t-tie me up."

you're the only one (in the dark, i see) Chapters: 1/1 Ratings: T (for language) Warnings: n/a

He closes the door behind Tommy, his hand still resting on the handle for a beat as he stares at Tommy’s back. He wants answers, and if this is his last chance to get them, then God damn it, Evan’s going to get them. - Tommy breaks up with Evan after Gerrard's return to the 118. Evan is not okay with this decision.

BuckTommy Week 2024

Day 1, Date Night: Rating: General

clay wheels and no ghosting: Tommy and Evan attempt ceramics and talk about things.

Day 2, Emergency: Rating: M (suggestive language)

Under the Weather: Evan and Tommy fall ill

Day 3, Bad Weather Days Rating: M (Graphic Depictions of Violence) Chapters: 2/2 its hurting (but it ain't dead) : Tommy is pissed. No one called him to ask him if he was cool with this idea, and it really doesn’t matter to him in the moment that they didn’t actually have to. It was Evan. They had allowed his boyfriend to put himself in the line of fire without bothering to even ask if that was something he was alright with. He wasn’t even forewarned; just showed up to a scene where they’d been asked to send extra support in plain clothes. But if he’d known…oh, if he’d known…

[epiphainie]

i think a very tasty flavor of bucktommy angst would be a situation where there's a big emergency, maybe their apartment building is on fire or the hotel they're staying in is about to explode and it needs to be evacuated immediately. the two of them - immediately in lifesaver mode - quickly get everyone off the premises and barely make it out alive themselves.

then they realize someone is missing (an elderly neighbor who got stuck? a child they met during vacation whom buck bonded with?) and buck being buck wants to run back in and save them but the chances of him making it in and back again is extremely extremely slim and tommy sees this. so he doesn't let him.

like he physically holds buck back as buck tries to move in and buck immediately starts trying to fight him off and tommy does not let him go and they both begin screaming and shouting in each other's faces. it only lasts mere seconds, though, because during their struggle, the building actually goes boom. a loud bang, then the silence of the aftermath sets in.

this, of course, puts a strain on their relationship.

no, worse. this ruins their relationship.

because for months after this - months - they live in this perpetual feeling of grief and malaise and it turns their world upside its own head.

they're talking but not really. nothing more than mumbles of "how was your shift?" and "can you pass me the salt?"

they're touching but not really, a handjob here and there then lights off and their backs to each other.

they're tiptoeing around each other; they never ever tiptoe around each other.

it all is so foreign to them, so alien.

buck, of course, is wracked with guilt. how could he not be? he was right there when someone in danger needed his help, and he couldn't. he was right. there. he feels upset, no, he feels tormented. he's so angry with himself because it's his fault, isn't it, for missing the child the first time? children get stuck in the most unexpected places, after all, so why did he not check the room again? why did he not do a head count?

anger with himself, however, is familiar. guilt? he's experienced plenty of that too. no, the worst is the bitterness he feels. he feels oh so bitter, with resentment set deep in his chest, because how could tommy not let him do his job? how could tommy - who's always been respectful of buck's wishes and who knows just how desperately that child needed saving - dare hold him back and take this choice from him?

tommy, of course, does not regret it. he tells himself that every day because how could he regret keeping buck safe? it wasn't even a choice of buck's life over a kid's, tommy knows this, because there was no choice, not really. there was no way for buck to get the kid and get back to tommy safe and sound. he'd die, within seconds, in his reckless impossible attempt, and tommy knows this, and he. does. not. regret. it.

but it starts to fall on his own deaf ears as days pass and he sees his evan become even more withdrawn, torturing himself over someone who couldn't be saved. and the distance between them becomes wider, the cold snap even more sharper, and they're walking on eggshells around each other as it feels like one wrong move could bring everything down.

turns out, they need to break the eggshells to finally crack the ice. they realize this on a random, particularly cold night. neither can stand it anymore and at one point that icy pressure turns into screams of "why did you have to stop me?!" "you couldn't have helped him!" "you should have still let me do my job!" "it wasn't your job! and i wasn't gonna let you get yourself killed on our damn honeymoon!"

again, a loud bang. then the silence sets in.

then, for the first time in months, they find themselves actually in each other's space, reaching for the other. their chests rise and fall against each other as their arms find a hold on the other's back, shoulders, neck in desperation and they actually cry and talk and apologize and cry some more. it gets better.