#bruce: sorry :(

[waveoftheocean]

identity shenanigans ft. clark's supersniffer 😤

superbat (every)week winter exchange gift for @gravygranola - your prompts were so delightful and i wish i was able to incorporate more of them but i hope you like it regardless!!

also thank you so much to the @superbateveryweek mods for organizing this event 💕💕

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[prlssprfctn]

Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his surprise, he quickly gains millions of followers and a loyal auditory. The only problem? Jason has no idea that these people came here not necessary for recipes.

Jason: Geez, my followers had been pissing me off lately.

Dick, confused: Huh? Why?

Jason: They keep commenting ATE. Like, dude? Fucking where? I am not eating in my cooking videos. What is the fucking point?

Tim, choking: Oh my fucking God-

Jason, making an angry text post for his followers: YOU ALL. STOP COMMENTING "RAW". MY MEAT IS NOT RAW. I AM A PROPER COOK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Cassandra: Maybe it is time to tell him...

Tim, Steph, Duke, in unison: NO

Bruce, awkwardly trying to have a conversation with Jason: Hey, lad, how is your cooking blog is going?

Jason: Uh, people keep commenting cryptid messages. Like, the last time I was showing the right way to tenderise meat for chops because apparently it wasn't clear and someone requested the whole video? Anyway, I did it, and the whole comment section was writing me "in bed, on the floor, on the couch, on a chair, against the wall, against the window, against the door"... Like, why would I do that, not in the kitchen?

Bruce, no less clueless: Maybe it some kind of challenge. Kids love trying new stuff in extreme places nowadays.

Jason: Huh. Maybe. Thanks.

Bruce, just proud to have a proper conversation and somehow a help: Anytime, Jaylad!

Damian, who was unblissfully educated on the slang matter by Tim (because it was his responsibility as a big brother to traumatise him), with his eye twitching: ...None of these words were in Quran

[business-as-usual-bats]

Read a fanfic where Tim Drake thinks Bruce ignored his birthday, then on some random day was like, "Happy Birthday, Tim!" And Tim was like, "It's not my birthday...?" And Bruce was like, "Uh, according to your birth certificate it is, though?"

And the birth certificate shows a date with a different month and day than Tim thought was his birthday, and he realized his parents just FORGOT when his birthday was and essentially picked either a random day or a day more convenient for their schedules or a day they could remember better-

Tim, this whole time, had a completely different birthday than what he'd been celebrating his whole life, and he is so MAD. Like no shit his life doesn't make any goddamm sense he's been a fucking Pisces this whole time

[frownyalfred]

love the idea of the Batfamily getting stopped and searched in the family car on the way back to the Manor and everyone’s tense expecting Jason to be the one packing like twelve guns but it’s Alfred? Alfred is absolutely unbelievably strapped up to high heaven? And he somehow manages to talk to the cops out of arresting him or even giving him a ticket?

Bruce is just standing on the side of the road pinching the bridge of his nose. Jason is grinning so widely his face is about to rip. Alfred’s guns are all sitting on the hood of the car and there’s at least three there that Bruce remembers taking away and destroying. Dick is taking pictures on his phone to send to Barbara and trying not to laugh. Tim has Kon on speaker narrating it…

[noka-exe]

duality of man….

[haveihitanerve]

Dick hums the same little tune every time he visits Jason’s grave. When Jason returns as Red Hood his first play is to capture Nightwing, Batman’s star pupil, his golden boy. While he’s waiting for Bruce to react, Jason hums it to himself. Nightwing goes still, a moment before he breaks free of his bindings and pins Jason to the wall, snarling “how do you know that song?” Jason blinks at him a few times before responding, surprisingly, both because he’s caught off guard by Dicks reaction and because, well… it’s the truth. “My big brother used to sing it to me. While I slept.” 

written

[plutonicbees]

save a horse (the sequel) 🐎

[theredcuyo]

Bruce tries to figure out why his kids tend to fall asleep when they're under his cape, because it's been happening since Dick was Robin and twice with Jason could be a coincidence, but it's still happening by the time Damian arrives, so there has to be something there

It's the weight? They do like they weighted blankets, but that doesn't seem to be it

He's doing experiments, anything but asking, really-

And it's not like they'd actually tell him that the real reason it's not the cape itself, but the fact that to be covered by it they're being carried by him

They're being hold by their dad, and can hide into the little darkness that it makes, making a little warm, safe, comfortable place because of the man who's wearing the cape

Most of the kids cried upon realizing this, they hadn't felt like that in a long time, or ever before

But since then, it was always a nice thing for them, no matter how big they got

Dick had tried to forget about it when he fought with Bruce, but the first time he had to be carried around after patrol together again, it was still there

Jason had almost actually forgotten when he came back, and by the time he was in good terms with B, he definitely was too big for it, right? Wrong, when they got attacked with fear gas and he was the last to be able to get out of it, he found himself in that same old warm place

Tim felt wrong about it at first, not his place, like everything, he remainded himself, but as time went on, he found himself craving for it sometimes, to an embarassing point where Bruce will just start opening his cape to him every. Night. Not that Tim will say no to it. Bruce does that to him, it's almost a routine by now

Cass and Damian have always liked to hide in there for "surprise factor" but if they stay in for longer, and Bruce knows they'll doze off, it's not a problem either

It gets a bit hard when it happens at the same time though

It was one of the first things they all did when Bruce was back from the time stream, a nice way to process the idea that he was back with them-

[demonicsuffrage]

It's so wild when you think about how much of a shift the batkids had after they were adopted by Bruce, because NONE had a sibling and were like-

Dick, who accidentally walked into Tim's room, spotting the robin shrine he has there:

Tim: ...I can explain

Dick, walking out: Nevermind! It's my fault for wishing for siblings when I was a kid

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason: Who the hell tweeted 'skibidi toilet rizz' 56 times from my twitter?!

Tim, salty about the titans tower incident, laptop in hand still open to Jason's twitter account:

Jason:

Jason: I wish Bruce had adopted a puppy instead of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damian, fuming after Bruce got them a shared hotel room on a vacation: I miss the days when I was an only child

Tim: Didn't your mom make like two thousand clones of you?

Damian: I would've preferred sharing my inheritances with all 2000 of them instead of you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dick, entering his room at the manor after a patrol and spotting Duke on his bed and immediately shrieking: BRUCE, THERE'S A RANDOM KID IN MY ROOM

Bruce: Dick, this is your newest brother, Duke

Dick: And you gave him my room?!

Duke: Wow, the colour scheme in here is so 80s

Dick: Consider me and you estranged from now on

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Jason, unblock your brother, he is currently crying in the living room because of it.

Jason, had blocked Dick after the thirst trap Dick posted got over 100k views on tiktok and now everyone and their sibling was asking for Dick's number: What brother? I identify as an only child.

[cherrie-blue-s]

You will be missed

[clownwhims]

did u know its illegal to pump ur own gas in new jersey ? i didnt, anyways

shoutout to my friend that gave me the idea, love u

i'm cookin up another drawing, so take this for the time being <3

[t00thpasteface]

"i've just been working on a... celebrity impression. it's for a sting operation of sorts i've been putting together. yes as a matter of fact it WILL keep me busy tonight—"

[prlssprfctn]

Alfred, who tries to punish little Jason for something he messed up with by using the same methods he used on Dick — aka. ground him, make him wash dishes and clean the house, or just watching some old reality shows with him — expect... it never works. Jason is actually fucking excited about all of these things.

Alfred: To my attention was brought a fact that you smoked with Commissioner Gordon again. Jason, stuttering: I mean- I- Alfred: Thus, you are punished. I expect all dishes to be cleaned by the time I return home. Jason, confused: Really? Alfred: Yes. Jason, beaming, because cleaning makes him feel better and helps to distract himself: Cool! Thanks, Alfie. Alfred: Excuse me?

Cut to Alfred, who stares in shock as he finds Jason actually enthusiastically washing dishes, while singing along with Whitney Houston.

Alfred: For this punishment, you will... be grounded. Jason: Oh, thank god, guys from school invited me to the cinema, but I didn't want to go, anyway. Alfred: ...And clean up the whole cave. Jason: I actually did this morning! But I can do another round of quick cleaning session if you want, Alfie. Alfred: ...And then you will watch another soap opera with me, lad. Jason, squealing: Cool!

Bruce, staring amusedly on Alfred and Jason, who sew Batman's and Robin's suits, while discussing the new episode of their favourite show: Al, I don't think that's a punishment for a kid... Alfred, frowning: Of course not. I am just spending time with my grandson. Bruce: Mhm-m. What about the punishment for your favourite broken vase? Alfred, who promised to punish anyone who did it this morning, because he thought it was Bruce, and not Jason, who accidentally knocked it off with the tip of his cape: ... Alfred: What vase? Jason: *beaming*

Alfred, solemnly: My boy. I am afraid, this time you truly need to serve your punishment in the order to understand your mistake. Alfred: No Jane Austen adaptations marathon for this Sunday. Jason, in horror: Alfred, no. Please. Alfred: Even more, you are obligated to go out on Sunday, and stay away from doing any additional homework. Jason: NO-O. Dick, who came for holidays, witnessing this for the first time: ... Dick: I think this kid is broken or something.

[whipbogard]

brutalia in your style pls? 👉👈

Brutalia it is

+ bonus Babian

I have not known peace ever since I discovered that’s fandom nickname for Baby Damian (?!)

[purpleangiie]

Damian: "Grayson, what are you staring at?"

Dick: "Sh!"

Tim: "Leave him be, D. He's emotional."

Damian: "Over what?"

Dick, staring at the two quiet figures in front of them: "Would you believe that? Jason and Bruce existing in the same space and not throwing a tantrum, but actually behaving like two adults? They're even working together at the same desk. Unbelievable."

Damian: "Wait, has father just ruffled Todd's hair?"

Dick: "And he didn’t even punched him back! I'm so proud of how far they both have come. *sniff* Now we could all be one happy family."

Damiam: *looking absolutely bewildered, gazing up at Tim who just shrugs*

Tim: "Give them 15 minutes."

Damian: "12."

---

Jason: "Bruce. Bruce WHERE IS MY PEN?"

Bruce: "Y-your pen, Jason?"

Jason: "Oh my god. You don't even remember it. My pen, Bruce. My personalized red and golden Montblanc you gifted me for my 14th birthday. I left it here, where is it? You threw it away, didn't you? LIKE YOU DID WITH ANY REGARD YOU EVER HAD FOR ME AND MY FEELINGS? DID YOU FORGET I WAS YOUR SON TOO? WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO LOVE ME?"

Dick: "Damn! We got so close."

Tim: "And that'd be 10 minutes and 35 seconds."

Damian: "-TT- Pay up, Drake."