#bruce: sorry :(
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Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?
Jason: *takes off his helmet*
Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?
Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*
Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???
#a platypus?#PERRY THE PLATYPUS?#this is so stupid im sorry#dc comics#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dcu#batfamily#dc robin#jason todd#red hood#under the red hood#worlds greatest detective#incorrect batman quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect dc quotes#source: phineas and ferb
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love the idea of the Batfamily getting stopped and searched in the family car on the way back to the Manor and everyone’s tense expecting Jason to be the one packing like twelve guns but it’s Alfred? Alfred is absolutely unbelievably strapped up to high heaven? And he somehow manages to talk to the cops out of arresting him or even giving him a ticket?
Bruce is just standing on the side of the road pinching the bridge of his nose. Jason is grinning so widely his face is about to rip. Alfred’s guns are all sitting on the hood of the car and there’s at least three there that Bruce remembers taking away and destroying. Dick is taking pictures on his phone to send to Barbara and trying not to laugh. Tim has Kon on speaker narrating it…
#ok NOW I’m going back to work#sorry#alfred pennyworth#bruce wayne#batman#dc#batfamily#alfred mf pennyworth#I know that’s right#STAY strapped up#the traffic stops disappears entirely from GCPD record#it’s still not enough for Bruce
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Dick hums the same little tune every time he visits Jason’s grave. When Jason returns as Red Hood his first play is to capture Nightwing, Batman’s star pupil, his golden boy. While he’s waiting for Bruce to react, Jason hums it to himself. Nightwing goes still, a moment before he breaks free of his bindings and pins Jason to the wall, snarling “how do you know that song?” Jason blinks at him a few times before responding, surprisingly, both because he’s caught off guard by Dicks reaction and because, well… it’s the truth. “My big brother used to sing it to me. While I slept.”
written
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duality of man….
#batman#superman#damian wayne#jon kent#super sons#superbat#dc comics#clark kent#bruce wayne#it also works in the reverse ngl#FOR SOME REASON THE ORIGINAL… had a giant shadow?? In the bottom??#I could not let that stand… so sorry#If u saw the original no u didnt#This is devastating ik. Forgive me.#my art
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Bruce tries to figure out why his kids tend to fall asleep when they're under his cape, because it's been happening since Dick was Robin and twice with Jason could be a coincidence, but it's still happening by the time Damian arrives, so there has to be something there
It's the weight? They do like they weighted blankets, but that doesn't seem to be it
He's doing experiments, anything but asking, really-
And it's not like they'd actually tell him that the real reason it's not the cape itself, but the fact that to be covered by it they're being carried by him
They're being hold by their dad, and can hide into the little darkness that it makes, making a little warm, safe, comfortable place because of the man who's wearing the cape
Most of the kids cried upon realizing this, they hadn't felt like that in a long time, or ever before
But since then, it was always a nice thing for them, no matter how big they got
Dick had tried to forget about it when he fought with Bruce, but the first time he had to be carried around after patrol together again, it was still there
Jason had almost actually forgotten when he came back, and by the time he was in good terms with B, he definitely was too big for it, right? Wrong, when they got attacked with fear gas and he was the last to be able to get out of it, he found himself in that same old warm place
Tim felt wrong about it at first, not his place, like everything, he remainded himself, but as time went on, he found himself craving for it sometimes, to an embarassing point where Bruce will just start opening his cape to him every. Night. Not that Tim will say no to it. Bruce does that to him, it's almost a routine by now
Cass and Damian have always liked to hide in there for "surprise factor" but if they stay in for longer, and Bruce knows they'll doze off, it's not a problem either
It gets a bit hard when it happens at the same time though
It was one of the first things they all did when Bruce was back from the time stream, a nice way to process the idea that he was back with them-
#batman au#batfamily#batman#good dad bruce wayne#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#cassandra cain#couldn't think one for steph sorry#im kinda sick have mercy
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It's so wild when you think about how much of a shift the batkids had after they were adopted by Bruce, because NONE had a sibling and were like-
Dick, who accidentally walked into Tim's room, spotting the robin shrine he has there:
Tim: ...I can explain
Dick, walking out: Nevermind! It's my fault for wishing for siblings when I was a kid
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jason: Who the hell tweeted 'skibidi toilet rizz' 56 times from my twitter?!
Tim, salty about the titans tower incident, laptop in hand still open to Jason's twitter account:
Jason:
Jason: I wish Bruce had adopted a puppy instead of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damian, fuming after Bruce got them a shared hotel room on a vacation: I miss the days when I was an only child
Tim: Didn't your mom make like two thousand clones of you?
Damian: I would've preferred sharing my inheritances with all 2000 of them instead of you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dick, entering his room at the manor after a patrol and spotting Duke on his bed and immediately shrieking: BRUCE, THERE'S A RANDOM KID IN MY ROOM
Bruce: Dick, this is your newest brother, Duke
Dick: And you gave him my room?!
Duke: Wow, the colour scheme in here is so 80s
Dick: Consider me and you estranged from now on
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bruce: Jason, unblock your brother, he is currently crying in the living room because of it.
Jason, had blocked Dick after the thirst trap Dick posted got over 100k views on tiktok and now everyone and their sibling was asking for Dick's number: What brother? I identify as an only child.
#i just saw i made them all a little too mean to Tim#but it was unintentional i love my 3rd robin sm!!!😭sorry#batfam#jason todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#batman#dc comics#dc shitpost#damian wayne#duke thomas#nightwing#red hood#red robin#robin#dc
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did u know its illegal to pump ur own gas in new jersey ? i didnt, anyways
shoutout to my friend that gave me the idea, love u
i'm cookin up another drawing, so take this for the time being <3
#sorry i lost motivation for the last one#is this realistic ? no ! but i think its funny#dc#dcu#dc comics#dc fanart#bruce wayne#bruce wayne fanart#batman#jason todd#jason todd fanart#red hood#dick grayson#dick grayson fanart#nightwing#batbros#batfamily#batfam#fanart#fan art#art#my art#cifaeart
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Robin!Jason, who constantly references different books at random times by quoting them and joking about characters, except Bruce doesn't have much time to read everything that Jason goes through. Of course, he understands some nods towards classics, but Jason is an avid reader, so it is hard to keep up with him sometimes. Jason tries to drag him to watch some movie adaptations, but he falls asleep in the very beginning of it.
And then Jason dies.
Bruce goes through all his library obsessively to the point he remembers the page of every little bookmark Jason left, and he knows his little notes on the margins by the heart. He watches movie adaptations, too, even though Jason only ever watched it to hate on them. He finds new books, books he thinks Jason would like if he was alive, and reads them, imagining what kind of analysis would Jason finalise by the end of it; his opinion not always matches with Jason's, but that doesn't matter. Bruce just likes to imagine.
Years pass, and Jason returns to Gotham. Not as a boy Bruce missed so much. Or, at least, he thinks so.
But then Jason does some bitter, irritated reference, comparing them to characters of one of the books he had on his shelf, and Bruce catches himself thinking... well, they still think similarly, but the conclusion they drew had always differed from each other. It is a different situation, of course, but... but maybe he could try to make this work.
Because, if anything, Bruce is tired of imagining. Especially, not when he finally has a chance to get everything back.
On the next day after their fight, someone sends Jason a copy of a new book from his favourite author - the one that he still hadn't read - his old set of colourful bookmarks, and a little note.
Let me know what you think.
Bruce gets the book back in a week, full of frantic notes, a bunch of bookmarks, and a short note explaining what each colour means (a mystery he didn't resolve years ago, after he passed away).
And, oh, God. He completely forgot how fast Jason read sometimes.
#Jason: ...tell me that when you read my books you weren't leaving dog-eared bookmarks.#Bruce: ahaha... uh#Bruce: chump... chump PUT THE GUN BACK I AM SORRY#is that... hurt/comfort attempt from ME#related to bruce and jason???????????#yeah i am surprised too lol#jason todd#red hood#dcu comics#dc universe#dcu#batman#bruce wayne#batfamily#batfam
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"i've just been working on a... celebrity impression. it's for a sting operation of sorts i've been putting together. yes as a matter of fact it WILL keep me busy tonight—"
#RETROBAT. WESTBAT. WHATEVER. SORRY EVERYONE. this is very directly spoofed from a bit from the show#bc i'm always delighted to see this freak switching between brucie mode and bat mode in rapid succession#juggle your conflicting identities for my entertainment boy. FASTER. SILLIER. NOW DO IT ON ONE LEG#art#comic#dc#batman#bruce wayne#superbat#batman 66
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Damian: "Grayson, what are you staring at?"
Dick: "Sh!"
Tim: "Leave him be, D. He's emotional."
Damian: "Over what?"
Dick, staring at the two quiet figures in front of them: "Would you believe that? Jason and Bruce existing in the same space and not throwing a tantrum, but actually behaving like two adults? They're even working together at the same desk. Unbelievable."
Damian: "Wait, has father just ruffled Todd's hair?"
Dick: "And he didn’t even punched him back! I'm so proud of how far they both have come. *sniff* Now we could all be one happy family."
Damiam: *looking absolutely bewildered, gazing up at Tim who just shrugs*
Tim: "Give them 15 minutes."
Damian: "12."
---
Jason: "Bruce. Bruce WHERE IS MY PEN?"
Bruce: "Y-your pen, Jason?"
Jason: "Oh my god. You don't even remember it. My pen, Bruce. My personalized red and golden Montblanc you gifted me for my 14th birthday. I left it here, where is it? You threw it away, didn't you? LIKE YOU DID WITH ANY REGARD YOU EVER HAD FOR ME AND MY FEELINGS? DID YOU FORGET I WAS YOUR SON TOO? WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO LOVE ME?"
Dick: "Damn! We got so close."
Tim: "And that'd be 10 minutes and 35 seconds."
Damian: "-TT- Pay up, Drake."
#they got so close...#Tim: “But you said 12”#Damian: “Anything under 15 was your defeat Todd”#Jason cares so much about his stuff you know#that was HIS pen#Bruce how could you throw it away?#(plot twist: it was actually Tim who took it)#(it was a really nice pen!)#(he's lost it like half of the things he owns)#(sorry not sorry - Jason will never know)#batfam#incorrect batfamily quotes#batfamily#dick grayson#jason todd#bruce wayne#batman#my incorrect quotes#and I'm back on tumblr lmao
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Obsessed with Batkids that came after Jason's death accidentally letting slip things they know about him/talking about him like he's there:
Tim: "Not that he's-- I mean, the way Bruce talks about him, sometimes it's like--
Duke, simultaneously: "We hired a medium last week to communicate with his spirit."
----------------
Steph, accidentally bursting out of the kitchen while Damian is being interviewed: "Someone tell Jason he's an asshole for finishing all the peanut butter." *spots camera crew and freezes*
Damian: "Jason's what I named our new dog. Right Baba? He's the dog we saw last week at the shelter."
Bruce, through gritted teeth: "Yes, I remember saying that we had too many animals already, but anything to make my kids happy."
Steph, awkwardly sidestepping out of the frame.
#This has been done to death but sorry I still love it#Stephanie brown#Damian Wayne#Bruce wayne#Jason Todd#Batfam#batfamily#Tim drake#Duke Thomas#dc comics#batman
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You know what would be really funny. If Jason had the most normal/conventional food taste out of his siblings (still very far from regular people’s “normal”), he’s stuck in the manor because of an injury and therefore has to witness the culinary WAR CRIMES his siblings consume for sustenance. Since there’s no Alfred to stop them anymore, they have been running rampant.
Jason: What. The fuck. Is that.
Damian, pouring out a green sludge into two cups: father and I’s breakfast smoothie, or did you hit your head hard enough to forget the concept of a smoothie?
Jason, scooting his chair away clutching his water bottle to his chest: yeah I dont know what nuclear reactive, Gotham harbour concoction you so flagrantly bestow the title of “smoothie” on but keep that shit FAR away from me
Tim: *sits down next to Jason, cracks open a can of energy drink and pours it into a glass, pouring milk on top until it reaches the brim*
Jason, with tears in his eyes looking at Dick for help:
Dick: *shrugs, shoving a fistful of dry cheerios into his mouth*
Jason: *turns his horrified gaze to Cass*
Cass: *grins at him toothily with two heaping plates of a full English breakfast sitting in front of her. He has no idea where she got it from. She is using a set of utensils for each plate.*
Jason: *stands up calmly* maybe I should stop looking for the unstable bomb I lost in the manor the other week *walks out of the kitchen, a few moments later a shrill scream is heard*
#Bruce watching it all unfold: yay :) my kids are here :)#Jason: I’m going to hunt you all for sport#Cass: *BONK*#jason waking up in the medbay: GODDAMNIT NOT AGAIN#Godzilla really fucked them up#you will not get that unless ur android im sorry#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#dcu#batfam#batfamily#dc robin#jason todd#red hood#dick grayson#nightwing#red Robin#robin#Tim Drake#batgirl#Cassandra Cain#damian wayne#damian al ghul#incorrect batman quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect dc quotes#text post
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How Bruce gets his kids ready to fight-
Bruce: alright everyone circle up
JL: ????
Batman: nightwing… do you want to do the honor
Nightwing: *tears up* yes.
Nightwing: *deep breath* you gotta, gotta, get your head in the game
Batkids: you gotta getcha getcha getcha getcha head in the game
Nightwing: you gotta, gotta, get your head in the game
Batkids: you gotta getcha getcha getcha getcha head in the game
Nightwing: YOU GOTTA, GOTTA GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME
Batkids: YOU GOTTA GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME
JL: *concerned*
~
Batman: alright hands in, save the world on three. One two three,
Batkids: SAVE THE WORLD
JL: what the fu-
~
Batman: never back down never what?
Batkids: never give up!
Batman: NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT
Batkids: NEVER GIVE UP
JL: okay they’re seriously scaring us now-
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cat related revelations...
bonus- panels wo lighting:
#superbat#clark kent#superman#bruce wayne#batman#clark#bruce#mine#my art#sorry . i know he is golden retriever coded to many people#but he is kitty coded. to me .#i shant explain
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I understand the appeal of writer!Jason Todd while he’s the Redhood but I don’t think YOU understand the appeal of writer!Jason while he’s a pre-teen Robin. That young man writes a field report like it’s a mystery novel, and like what is Bruce even supposed to say “Hey, chum… while the pacing of the report was very intriguing, I need you to be LESS detailed about the color of the suspects ‘emerald green orbs.’” No, he won’t!! because Jason may be a bit annoying but it’s a vast improvement from Dick “What happens with the titans is between me, god, and the emergency room on 34th ave.” Grayson who used to just write “fixed it :)” on cases he completed.
#Tim might’ve been uploading Adopted By The Waynes fanfic to wattpad at 12 but#but Jason was writing Finding Out Your Krptonian fanfic on the batcomputer at 13#AND THAN HE SHOWED IT TO BRUCE?!!?!#HE SHARED IT IRL HE DID NOT HAVE WATTPAD HE HAD GOOGLE DOCS AND A DREAM#dcu#batman#batfam#batfamily#bruce wayne#batkids#jason todd#i really do jsut say shit sorry#red hood#dick grayson#nightwing
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Bruce showing his kids affection, aka, gift-giving
Tim, who finally got a spleen transplant after Bruce had begged him a million times, returning home from the hospital: Hey Bruce
Bruce, extending papers towards him: Welcome back. These are for you, sign here
Tim: Aren't these are Wayne Enterprises papers
Bruce: Yeah it's your company now :)
Tim: What do mean it's my Company now?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16-year-old Dick, returning home after winning his mathlete championship: What're the papers for, Bruce?
Bruce: It's your new mansion's paperwork
Dick: What?
Bruce: On your new private island :)
Dick: WHAT?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jason, running into Bruce on patrol: Sup
Bruce, with a man in tow: Thank god I ran into you, Jason
Jason, eyeing the guy beside Bruce: Who's that?
Bruce: You couldn't get to family dinner last time because your bike was broken so
Jason: So you got me a guy?
Bruce: He's the new pilot for your new helicopter :)
Jason: My fucking WHAT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cass, day after she defeated Bruce in training for the first time: Bruce, where's my suit?
Bruce: Oh I gave it away to charity.
Cass: What? Why?
Bruce: I'm getting you a new suit made with triple weave Kevlar and titanium dipped resin lined with memory foam
Cass: Expensive?
Bruce: Just $1,058,600 :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damian, in his initial days as Robin, who hadn't killed anyone in an entire month: Good morning, Father, what are you doing?
Bruce, choosing a colour scheme for the new zoo he's about to make for Damian: It's a surprise:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duke, listening to music: Man i wish someone would buy me Spotify premium so I can listen without all these ads
Bruce, handing him the deeds of Spotify the next day: :)
#another headcanon post from yours truly#he pays steph's college tution and rent ofcourse#as a compensation cause she was robin#i jjst ahve so many. thoughts about them. sorry#jason todd#dick grayson#batfam#bruce wayne#tim drake#damian wayne#batman#batfamily headcanons#batfamily#dc#dc comics#nightwing#red hood#red robin#robin#the robins#batkids#cassandra cain#batgirl#duke thomas#signal#signal dc
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