#brain cant and wont stop
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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That kiss was something else, it was rough it, it was desperate, it was hopeless, it was very probably their first kiss and it was sloppy and inexperienced, they're two guys who know love SO WELL they been in love for 6000 years but at the same time neither of them know how to do love properly theres something so young and new in their old man love.
#IM SORRY IM RANTING#i dont even know what im saying anymore#but my hands cant stop typing and my brain wont stop screaming#good omens 2#good omens#good omens spoilers
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Elain Archeron. Very demure. Very mindful.
#elain archeron#pro elain#pro elain archeron#im on demuretok and i cant stop#as soon as this entered my brain it wont leave
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this failed to post the first time which is immensely fucked up im posting about it again because im really braindead rn. im so fucked up over this. essential caname reading material. upmost importance. all of these strips really. (nodding)(completely convinced) yep... caname cures their loneliness
#kill ame#aph america#aph canada#caname#it gets so fucking serious#my friends made(?) me talk about caname so im braindewd like internal bleeding in my brain rn#i canr stand you boy. stop hmphing. cana is so direct. tears of blood streaming down my face#if you think my caname is unmarried i wont forgive yoy#just kidding... in a way everything is marriage#i cant live like this anymore
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#tw vent#tw suicide#this is my diary#i cant stop crying its so annoying i start tearing up every other minute#nothing in my life is the way i want it to be#and i cant fix any of it#and i just feel horrible all of the time#i wish i would just die already#like.#im done here. ive nothing more to do#i wouldn’t really mind#i think i might be doing way worse than i have ever before because i cant stop or ignore things anymore#like i cant stop myself from saying it i cant bottle it up like before#i mean. i didnt even mean to admit to it but i fucking slipped up and said it earlier todsy#and suddenly the words ‘im doing bad’ slipped out of my mouth. which is crazy because i would never admit to anything like that.#its so scary to think about that im doing bad because that means im doing bad#wdym i would just give up wdym wdym wdym im. like thats not me its not me. its not me its not me thats not me#i feel like theres two uh idk brains inside me and the one that wants to live is being completely overstepped by the other one#i have so many feelings all the time and i still do but its also like. i dont care. like theyre somehwat muted or number now#and i dont think thats a good thing#also i feel horrible for admitting im doing bad because i know myself and i would never do that so im not me i cant be because me woulndt#and i feel bad that that worries people because as much as i feel like dying i wont do that and i know it sounds like i will but i wont#but i feel bad about making people worry#so pls dont worry because i Am doing fine. well. enough to live but like#i sound mentally ill
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I see people being like "I feel like I'm interrupting something when i watch fit and pac" recently but I see them and I'm like. "I need to study them under a microscope. I need to witness all of the sappy silly low-key cringe things they do together and I need to gather it all up and cherish it." I love them so much n it's fun to joke about how insufferable it can get but. I really love it. I spent almost all of my 25 minute subway ride home today watching the same 3 fitpac clips on loop bc I couldn't stop giggling to myself about them. These cubitos are gay as shit and it feels great seeing these characters who are so nervous abt messing things up but love each other regardless of all of the things that they've done/have been to them.
#qsmp#fitpac#i cant stop thinking about these gay cubes man#theyre in my brain and they wont leave#theyre not just living in my head rent free they kicked me to the curb my head belongs to them now#i need to break back into my own brain#and take it back from pactw and fitmc
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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
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Guys. Guys... Guys they won't leave. I... GUYS
M-Micheal... DONT LEAVE ME HERE.... MICHEAAAAAAAAAAAL
#grian#flowerfell grian#flowerfell#god he wont leave#please go away#my silly brain cant#I NEED TO FOCUS#i need to study#I NEED TO MAKE COMIC#but no#no#haha#thatd be too easy!!!#it would be so awesome#it would be so cool...#please grian from flowerfell stop torturing me#and goodness are they coded as the gold fr wtf
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good morning i wish usa never existed as a country
#logging off for the whole day bc i cant fucking stand americans and their lack of brain cells#whoever wins they wont stop the genocide or funding countries with a fuck load of weapons#literally nothing will change
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Stardew fuels the adhd brain demon inside of me like crack.
#eelslippers#i cant stop wont stop#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#before 1.6 i was hyperfixated on terraria and i mean i was averaging like 150 hours of playtime this week#but that felt more maneagable....#the stardew hyperfixation has gotten so bad that i nearly didnt sleep for 3 days if i didnt force myself to sleep last night#i keep saying just one more day....but before i know it an hour has passed and then im like...another day cant be that long just one more..#at this point it's not me playing the game it's the little adhd brain goblin inside of me playing it#please help
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that feeling when you want to talk to and hang out with a person that doesn't drain your social battery, but they tell you that you drain theirs so they keep making excuses for no hanging out and never reach out first and the process of trying to interact with them drains your battery so you just never get to interact with them anymore and it makes you very sad 😭
#that feeling when youre autistic and need a comfortable and familiar friend to be there for you but they stop being there for you#because their brand of autism changes so its no longer compatible with yours and they no longer need you 😭#autistic#autism#actually autistic#socializing#i cant make new friends. ive tried SO HARD for 4 months and it just sent me into severe autistic burnout i cant recover from#i dont know what to do. old friends wont be there for me when i need them. cant make new ones because too exhauted to try. what do!#brain keeps saying it needs human interaction because this social isolation is hurting. but. what do!!!!!!
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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apple juice @sunshines-child
behind the scenes lol
hands suck. i used metallic calligraphy pens i have and whodve thunk the lighting made them look like different colours. turns out my handwriting sucks too XD
photo edited slightly for colouring. i was really on the fence about the wreath tho, the marker made it look like maple leaves which was adorable lol but i went over it with gold.
very rough but i like em well enough ^-^
#i need to stop listening to music my brain wont stop coming up with lil doodles and stuff#cant complain tho look how cute this is :D#apple juice by madilyn mei#my art#sunsprite#i have an exam on wednesday#but nope#its these 2 love birbs
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for so long all I wanted to do was die but now that I'm older, all I worry about is dying too soon. too soon to experience all the things I didn't give myself time for when I was young. I don't want to spend these years overthinking what time I have left
#[static]#wild how the brain shifts#i want to live i want to experience everything i can and i never thought i'd make it this long#my brain has done a 180 and it's always on the back of my mind (and sometimes the front) that i could die in the blink of an eye#im not scared of death but i am scared of not having lived#my ptsd/ocd combo has been pummeling me lately and i feel like im sometimes at a breakthrough where ive figured out a way-#-to stop being scared ... to just allow myself to live without the what ifs.#i do it in practice but the reality is that no matter how nonchallant and down to earth I appear in real life-#-my brain is picking apart the resolve i've carefully put together for myself#it's like constantly picking at a wound that's begun to heal and i cant get myself to stop#it's Exhausting having to continuously catch ones self from falling further back down the hole your younger self dug#im finally living as the person i always wanted to be and nothing can take that from me even if it were to all come crashing down tomorrow#but im still not used to the stability so that's why my brain does what it does best#what's three or four years of stability to decades of being in fight or flight ... it will take time and it's hard work#but i know with time it will be worth it and i wont remember the dread in the back of my skull every time i experience happiness#i'll just remember the days as they were ... and they are wonderful#just needed to vent for a moment! mental health is such a surly thing
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sorry . i did it again
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ratscream
#ive just been sitting here staring at my desk for like an hour because my brain wont let me do anything#everything feels stupid!!!#like yea i know im stuck in my head but walking away and trying to do something else doesn't help either#and just results in me spending all my free time laying in bed which just contributes to the Negative Thoughts(TM)#its like im just sitting here but im exhausted because inside my head there is an endless rube goldberg device that just sets of a myriad o#disasters that never stop#cant even find the energy to watch a movie or play a game
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