#theyre in my brain and they wont leave
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I see people being like "I feel like I'm interrupting something when i watch fit and pac" recently but I see them and I'm like. "I need to study them under a microscope. I need to witness all of the sappy silly low-key cringe things they do together and I need to gather it all up and cherish it." I love them so much n it's fun to joke about how insufferable it can get but. I really love it. I spent almost all of my 25 minute subway ride home today watching the same 3 fitpac clips on loop bc I couldn't stop giggling to myself about them. These cubitos are gay as shit and it feels great seeing these characters who are so nervous abt messing things up but love each other regardless of all of the things that they've done/have been to them.
#qsmp#fitpac#i cant stop thinking about these gay cubes man#theyre in my brain and they wont leave#theyre not just living in my head rent free they kicked me to the curb my head belongs to them now#i need to break back into my own brain#and take it back from pactw and fitmc
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discduo:3
#ctommy#cdream#dsmp#sorry not sorry for still being a dsmp girlie#theyre in my brain and they wont leave#eyestrain
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💚 ▬
i just think they're neat → reblogs appreciated! → check out my ko-fi!
#the world ends with you#twewy#neo twewy#ntwewy#neo the world ends with you#shiki misaki#neku sakuraba#yoshiya kiryu#joshua kiryu#joshneku#neshiki#joshiki#joshneshiki#zircon arts#i am once again in polyship hell#as in they wont leave my brain kind of hell theyre very cute otherwise
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haha maybe one of the primary reasons that harry finally goes to therapy after the game (41st being a busy station, and harry not remembering a single thing, and kim transferring might not help too much with leaving everyone with a ton of free time) is how he realizes how much hes started idolizing kim. his own innocence right in front of him. staring up at him like he did a broken stained glass windown not so long ago. maybe his final push to prioritize getting therapy, not letting this all too familiar feeling take him over again. he might not remember exactly but hes seen what it resulted in first hand, hes experienced it.
third times the charm, this time it might completely tear both of them down, untill there is nothing left. there is remnants of the previous two times within him and jean and in a bit of everyone around them. harrys bearly starting to connect the dots of his previous life but he knows for certain it would be the last time if he spirals into this obsession again.
(i like to think that a bit after jean and harry met and became partners at 41st, they dated for like a month max. harry was still reacently recovering from the breakup with dora and jean was there as a sort of savior from that. right person wrong time sort of thing ig? then broke up after realizing how fucking bad it was for both of them. maybe they still might be a bit bitter it didnt work out and maybe they still want it to but in the end it was better (not by much) for eveyone like this)
the ending where kim joins 41st (ive only played that one so far and havent watched any of the others yet, but man its been living in my head rent free) is such a catalyst for change within 41st. one of the top detectives from an other station is already going to be such a big help to lessen the stress and workload for the others already there. kims arrival, and harry seeking therapy (hopefully jean too that bitch needs it a shit ton too), it gives the whole station time to breath, to truly catch a break. with a slightly lessened work load on each of the members, they have time to focus on things other then work, to not have to drink themselves into amnesia on the job (*cough cough* harry- but imo jean and the others just as much, theyre more responsible on the job but its hard as fuck on them too, especially with harry pre game)
within time, lots of time, they can all grow close again, harry can get to know each of them over again and things can not just go back to the way they were but better
thats what i wanna think anyway, pls just let then be happy oml

anyway thats all i wrote this at 2 am pls dont mind if its fucked lmaoo
#slightly horrified of watching or playing any of the other endings#this is how i keep myself somewhat sane#theyre happy and theyre doing great and are all going to get better and theyre fine and#thinking ab this is the only thing keeping me alive atp after the game#anyway ya#dumping my thoughts into the void at 2am#disco elysium#harrier du bois#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#jean vicquemare#de#theyre all ive been able to think ab i hate them#ALSO FUCKING DOLORES DEI#been thinking ab her too#inspired by a post i saw a couple days ago thats been just in my brain. it wont leave#ill find it then reblog it after posting this
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ok i swear i posted something like this ages ago but i can't find it so fuck it im posting it now
so im rewatching torchwood with my mum rn and im also in the middle of listening to tma so i can't get the idea out of my head that the torchwood team and the archives staff are literally the same people in slightly different genres, like torchwood just deal with aliens instead of the supernatural
anyway here's the character parallels i can think of
jack - jon
both the boss of the group
everyone hates them at one point or another
burdened with a fate they can't avoid (immortality/being an avatar)
bisexual (jack's omni but that's under the bi umbrella so it counts)
really doesn't like their love interest at first
ianto - martin
in love with their boss from like the very beginning
tea man / coffee man
softie but also like...don't get on their bad side.
Tragic Backstory™
one of their first interactions with their jobs was because of an animal (myfanwy counts as an animal here, then the dog from the trailer/liveshow)
tosh - sasha
the reliable one
definitely queer
dead (sorry)
owen - tim
the flirty one
bisexual
probably the one who hates their boss the most
dead (sorry again)
gwen - daisy
joined the group later
ex-police
easily angered
bonus: if gwens daisy, this makes andy basira lmao
literally the only difference is there's no elias - there's no evil boss, jack's just an enigma
#yes this makes jurgen leitner a weevil.#this probably has the nichest audience ever but idc the parallels wont leave my brain#imagining the torchwood crew trying to deal with the fears is hilarious tho#theyre somehow even more dysfunctional than the institute staff#torchwood#tma#the magnus archives#jack harkness#ianto jones#gwen cooper#toshiko sato#owen harper#jon sims#martin blackwood#sasha james#tim stoker#daisy tonner
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I hope all my besties know that my lack of initiative in our relationship isn't a lack of interest in you its just me being so scared of coming across as annoying that I don't do anything until prompted to
#gamer txt.#i never used to think that i might like have abandonment issues until i realised the no. 1 thing stopping me from doing shit is being-#-utterly terrified that if i slip up even once everyone around me will leave and not want anything to do with my anymore#and usually when i figure things out about myself i have some idea of how to start fixing the problem#but im like completely clueless here#like reassurance doesnt work. i want it to but it doesnt my brain wont stop insisting that theyre lying#and i know theyre not why would they be but its still enough to scare me into freezing up and its so fucking stupid#i gotta figure something out man its pissing me off honestly
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i think a good yandere needs to at least be a little pathetic
#thinking about nonsense again this morning#like what makes a yandere excellent at their job you know LMAO#also im like comparing “yandere's” made by people from different countries in my mind#i feel like u need to remove the shame from ur body if u wanna make a top tier yandere#not shaming anyone cause ik i would have problems doing it#like a part of my brain is always like...but that bad#so it ruins any attempts#u always feel like u need to rehabilitate them#i dont think that necessarily ruins it tbh cause ive seen it done well before#but....that person will be going to jail#“jessica he killed 5 people you cant stay with him sorry”#either that or they need to leave cause they cant stay here you know?#idk if im making sense#also i think u need to be honest about the type of character ur making#like if u wanna make a yandere#do it with ur chest and tell people how its gonna be#so people who hate that shit wont get attached to said character and get upset that theyre toxic#well i mean it can still happen with warnings but u know#itll be less of an issue#i think being honest will also prevent u from being kinda wishy washy with it if that makes sense#U GOTTA DO IT WITH CONFIDENCE AND NO SHAME#or its gonna flop#its like trying to write smut with shame....
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guys i have to share this because vpn is literally taking over my brain rn (when do they not..)
i make sure vpn is kinda everywhere... like their eye highlights are vpn coded if it wasnt obvious enough, colin's eye highlight is purple cuz of keith's (i call him keith in my au srry all mean steve gang...) eye color
Keith's is like green cuz colins very green coded (and also cuz of his eye balls). Plus colin has 2 different eye colors and it wouldn't rlly look good if keith had 2 different eye highlights so i went with green
#vpn isliterally taking over my brain rn just bc i saw something that reminded me of them#and now they wont leave.. theyre like parasites in me brain...#once keith gets in da ask blog its so over... vpn must be real...#colin rambles ^ ^#dhmis#dhmis vpn#dhmis key x colin#dont hug me im scared#dhmis keith#dhmis mean steve#dhmis key#dhmis colin#dhmis colin the computer
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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not sure how i manage to be bad at making a self insert lmao, i always end up developing them into an entire OC in the end
#ramble tag#smth smth all art is self insert to a degree bc u cant help but leave pieces of urself in it#and also i have no proper self image. idk if thats bc of the identity related dissociation or what#unrelated but ive been trying to get more comfortable w the whole. roomies in the brain thing#which is hard bc reading related resources and support makes us shut down a bit so we never get more than a few sentences in lmao#thats like so dumb. i already know guys. we can read about it i promise it wont hurt!#forever thinking about the time a therapist said DID and immediately walked it back bc it was way too soon to call that lol#i still dont call it that bc its hashtag complicated#me looking at that one section of our notes app: have i met literally any of you people#i explained it to my coworkers at my first job like#''ok u know they 'there r 2 wolves inside u' thing? imagine that but many wolves. here let me draw a chart real quick-''#we took turns more back then for some reason#i miss vie. p sure theyre fine i just havent seen them in a bit.
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thinking about my recent wips like I swear I write more than just smut, I promise. there's soft in it to! and these [a few pages fall out] have actual plot! I promise it's not all smut
#i have a problem#help#i worked on 2 fics today and it was either smut or smut adjacent#theyre also both andreil but thats bc i have a hyperfixation of a special interest and they wont leave my brain#i have kevally and jerejean and kerejean fics to write too i just keep getting ideas and then suddenly i have like 20 wips#mar rambles
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i keep thinking abt the name Pepper this past week and idk why - cannot tell if it's a name I want to have or another part who's surfaced (maybe split? its entirely possible w the high stress lately) or a name for a character 🤔 it'd be fun to be able to use it for a s/i or maybe create a f/o oc with it though 👀
#but also if it is another part then fhfkdl augh. sigh.#and if it is someone else then theyre verrrrry blendy and co-fronting w me a lot which is... weird#idk!! i will have to just keep thinking abt it i guess and see where this leads to#its an interesting name though :] I've never rly thought abt it much before but all of a sudden it popped up and wont leave my brain sdjskl#dandy.cmd
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am i having a crisis about my graduation? yes but not in the way you'd think
#im not proud of myself#im also not not proud of myself#basically i have everyone telling me that theyre proud of me and that the day is all about me and how i should be proud of my degree#and proud of all the shit that i went through with covid#but im not#im neutral about it#my brain wont let me be proud i guess#i survived? sure#so did everyone else#i got a 2:2? great#other people got better#i just feel nothing about it#and i dont want to pretend that i care about it#im going to graduation because my mum would be so upset if i didnt#id be fine with them just emailing me my certificate and leaving me alone#theres nothing special i wanna do or a way to celebrate#what am i gonna do? go out partying with my friends? what friends? i hate drinking why would i celebrate that way?#i dont know#ive been crying over everything being unfair for a while now#im tired and i want to hug someone#@ moots can i have a hug?
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#do u ever feel emotionally numb and barely keeping it together and just so lost and like youre standing in your own way to make it better#my chest feels so tight i keep taking deep breaths and theyre not doing anything#im not even stressed im just 😶 gotta keep trucking 😶#i dont even feel that bad and yet i shouldnt be feeling this bad rn#cant leave the house because its waste of time and i dont want to get sunburnt again#i probably should but then what ? i just cook my brain on campus again bc its so warm#and then i feel extra bad for not being able to focus#even deleting instagram wont keep the bad news away bc i got so bored i checked twitter for like an hour earlier 😭#idk man i think once this next exam is over life will be good and normal and happiness will return forever again#dont tell me to hope for less i cant take it
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Not sorry for putting Hetalia on ur dash in 2025... simply put i am deeply mentally ill and need bad yaoi to live.
#mumblings#all our middle school interests are reering... rearing??? you get the idea. theyre cropping back up again.#these freakazoids literally live in my brain and. wont leave. please help Gilb is there and does notttttt pay rent.
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Be honest would you guys cancel me if i got top surgery scar tattoos à la that one post. Would i be flayed alive in the court of public opinion
#mine#theyre just… so….. COOL😭😭😭 and sexy#i never wouldve thougjt of it on my own butnow that the idea has entered my brain….. ooohhh it wont leave#i want it soooooo bad
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