#theyre in my brain and they wont leave
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I see people being like "I feel like I'm interrupting something when i watch fit and pac" recently but I see them and I'm like. "I need to study them under a microscope. I need to witness all of the sappy silly low-key cringe things they do together and I need to gather it all up and cherish it." I love them so much n it's fun to joke about how insufferable it can get but. I really love it. I spent almost all of my 25 minute subway ride home today watching the same 3 fitpac clips on loop bc I couldn't stop giggling to myself about them. These cubitos are gay as shit and it feels great seeing these characters who are so nervous abt messing things up but love each other regardless of all of the things that they've done/have been to them.
#qsmp#fitpac#i cant stop thinking about these gay cubes man#theyre in my brain and they wont leave#theyre not just living in my head rent free they kicked me to the curb my head belongs to them now#i need to break back into my own brain#and take it back from pactw and fitmc
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discduo:3
#ctommy#cdream#dsmp#sorry not sorry for still being a dsmp girlie#theyre in my brain and they wont leave#eyestrain
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someone take this audio away from me
#girl harmonizing with her... nindroid.. fan?#idk chat i threw this together while sleep deprived#because this fucking fan audio wont leave my brain#ninjago#ninjago fanart#braincellshipping#zane julien#nya smith#ninjago nya#h20 yuri again#theyre so soecial to me#raydioart
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these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p
i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess
#my art#probably wont tag this until later i dont want this in the tags#im mainly posting this because i absolutely need to talk abt something its been bothering me for awhile#im gonna censor this stuff (i REALLY dont want this in the tags) so just bear with me#why doesnt the 🌞&🌜 fandom talk abt v/nessa more. why do we not do that#their entire character is meant to parallel her#there's like a million tiny parallels for them in the games. they were both teased in the hw1 dlc and are both associated with that#🐰 & 🌜's animations (and even their designs) have several similarities to each other#there's a lot of cutscenes and parts of sb where one shows up after the other does.. 🐰 going to the daycare after greggy leaves#🌜 dragging feddy away to parts and service and v/nessa immediately showing up there#the entire 6am ending sequence ???#literally like the only reason v/nessa isnt more popular is bc like 90% of her character is hidden in unused content#and because 🌞&🌜 are the skinny handsome mysterious and tragic tumblr sexymen#and when they become so isolated from their source all of their parallels to her are used to instead repackage her character into a more#appealing design for everyone to fawn over and consume#.. im being dramatic but AuUGGHTHHF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH PLEAAAE3 pleaseee please i love her.#its so hard being in the 'i want to kiss this robot' fandom when you dont actually want to kiss the robot#i just think theyre an interesting character 😭 and also my adhd brain obsesses over them endlessly so im just stuck here HFJSJGJD#anyway these tags got way too long dont read these. im going to bed now
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haha maybe one of the primary reasons that harry finally goes to therapy after the game (41st being a busy station, and harry not remembering a single thing, and kim transferring might not help too much with leaving everyone with a ton of free time) is how he realizes how much hes started idolizing kim. his own innocence right in front of him. staring up at him like he did a broken stained glass windown not so long ago. maybe his final push to prioritize getting therapy, not letting this all too familiar feeling take him over again. he might not remember exactly but hes seen what it resulted in first hand, hes experienced it.
third times the charm, this time it might completely tear both of them down, untill there is nothing left. there is remnants of the previous two times within him and jean and in a bit of everyone around them. harrys bearly starting to connect the dots of his previous life but he knows for certain it would be the last time if he spirals into this obsession again.
(i like to think that a bit after jean and harry met and became partners at 41st, they dated for like a month max. harry was still reacently recovering from the breakup with dora and jean was there as a sort of savior from that. right person wrong time sort of thing ig? then broke up after realizing how fucking bad it was for both of them. maybe they still might be a bit bitter it didnt work out and maybe they still want it to but in the end it was better (not by much) for eveyone like this)
the ending where kim joins 41st (ive only played that one so far and havent watched any of the others yet, but man its been living in my head rent free) is such a catalyst for change within 41st. one of the top detectives from an other station is already going to be such a big help to lessen the stress and workload for the others already there. kims arrival, and harry seeking therapy (hopefully jean too that bitch needs it a shit ton too), it gives the whole station time to breath, to truly catch a break. with a slightly lessened work load on each of the members, they have time to focus on things other then work, to not have to drink themselves into amnesia on the job (*cough cough* harry- but imo jean and the others just as much, theyre more responsible on the job but its hard as fuck on them too, especially with harry pre game)
within time, lots of time, they can all grow close again, harry can get to know each of them over again and things can not just go back to the way they were but better
thats what i wanna think anyway, pls just let then be happy oml
anyway thats all i wrote this at 2 am pls dont mind if its fucked lmaoo
#slightly horrified of watching or playing any of the other endings#this is how i keep myself somewhat sane#theyre happy and theyre doing great and are all going to get better and theyre fine and#thinking ab this is the only thing keeping me alive atp after the game#anyway ya#dumping my thoughts into the void at 2am#disco elysium#harrier du bois#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#jean vicquemare#de#theyre all ive been able to think ab i hate them#ALSO FUCKING DOLORES DEI#been thinking ab her too#inspired by a post i saw a couple days ago thats been just in my brain. it wont leave#ill find it then reblog it after posting this
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ok i swear i posted something like this ages ago but i can't find it so fuck it im posting it now
so im rewatching torchwood with my mum rn and im also in the middle of listening to tma so i can't get the idea out of my head that the torchwood team and the archives staff are literally the same people in slightly different genres, like torchwood just deal with aliens instead of the supernatural
anyway here's the character parallels i can think of
jack - jon
both the boss of the group
everyone hates them at one point or another
burdened with a fate they can't avoid (immortality/being an avatar)
bisexual (jack's omni but that's under the bi umbrella so it counts)
really doesn't like their love interest at first
ianto - martin
in love with their boss from like the very beginning
tea man / coffee man
softie but also like...don't get on their bad side.
Tragic Backstory™
one of their first interactions with their jobs was because of an animal (myfanwy counts as an animal here, then the dog from the trailer/liveshow)
tosh - sasha
the reliable one
definitely queer
dead (sorry)
owen - tim
the flirty one
bisexual
probably the one who hates their boss the most
dead (sorry again)
gwen - daisy
joined the group later
ex-police
easily angered
bonus: if gwens daisy, this makes andy basira lmao
literally the only difference is there's no elias - there's no evil boss, jack's just an enigma
#yes this makes jurgen leitner a weevil.#this probably has the nichest audience ever but idc the parallels wont leave my brain#imagining the torchwood crew trying to deal with the fears is hilarious tho#theyre somehow even more dysfunctional than the institute staff#torchwood#tma#the magnus archives#jack harkness#ianto jones#gwen cooper#toshiko sato#owen harper#jon sims#martin blackwood#sasha james#tim stoker#daisy tonner
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And then I get tired and then I get cranky and wonder where did all of that come from and then I remember why I stopped reading as much as I used to
#also the cotl game is giving me problems and it wont play without the character lagging behind or glinching about#and I wanted to go out and clear my head but I had to wait to charge my phone that I havent charged in three days because the charger-#was less than a meter away from me but the steps from 'grab charger' to 'plug charger' to 'plug phone to charger' seemed like too much#and then there's the dogs. take care of the dogs. many dogs. i could leave but id have to take care of things first#and ive been trying to write too and draw too but then the drawing app game me issues and the writing was not working#WHICH WAS WHY I STARTED READING. TO FIX THE WRITING#and when I tried to take a break from the reading to draw to relax THAT GAME ISSUES TOO#Anyways. theyre silly things that just. seem silly. but my head feels crowded and it feels more than it is#yeah#just ranting I guess.#note says things#delete later#maybe#adhd#or maybe its#anxiety#or maybe its something else#i never know#the braisn braining#just not in the nice way#on the good side: cat is headbutting me rn#AND THEY PUT THE PAW ON MY ARM YEEAHHH LETSGO TEAM
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i think a good yandere needs to at least be a little pathetic
#thinking about nonsense again this morning#like what makes a yandere excellent at their job you know LMAO#also im like comparing ���yandere's” made by people from different countries in my mind#i feel like u need to remove the shame from ur body if u wanna make a top tier yandere#not shaming anyone cause ik i would have problems doing it#like a part of my brain is always like...but that bad#so it ruins any attempts#u always feel like u need to rehabilitate them#i dont think that necessarily ruins it tbh cause ive seen it done well before#but....that person will be going to jail#“jessica he killed 5 people you cant stay with him sorry”#either that or they need to leave cause they cant stay here you know?#idk if im making sense#also i think u need to be honest about the type of character ur making#like if u wanna make a yandere#do it with ur chest and tell people how its gonna be#so people who hate that shit wont get attached to said character and get upset that theyre toxic#well i mean it can still happen with warnings but u know#itll be less of an issue#i think being honest will also prevent u from being kinda wishy washy with it if that makes sense#U GOTTA DO IT WITH CONFIDENCE AND NO SHAME#or its gonna flop#its like trying to write smut with shame....
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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not sure how i manage to be bad at making a self insert lmao, i always end up developing them into an entire OC in the end
#ramble tag#smth smth all art is self insert to a degree bc u cant help but leave pieces of urself in it#and also i have no proper self image. idk if thats bc of the identity related dissociation or what#unrelated but ive been trying to get more comfortable w the whole. roomies in the brain thing#which is hard bc reading related resources and support makes us shut down a bit so we never get more than a few sentences in lmao#thats like so dumb. i already know guys. we can read about it i promise it wont hurt!#forever thinking about the time a therapist said DID and immediately walked it back bc it was way too soon to call that lol#i still dont call it that bc its hashtag complicated#me looking at that one section of our notes app: have i met literally any of you people#i explained it to my coworkers at my first job like#''ok u know they 'there r 2 wolves inside u' thing? imagine that but many wolves. here let me draw a chart real quick-''#we took turns more back then for some reason#i miss vie. p sure theyre fine i just havent seen them in a bit.
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thinking about my recent wips like I swear I write more than just smut, I promise. there's soft in it to! and these [a few pages fall out] have actual plot! I promise it's not all smut
#i have a problem#help#i worked on 2 fics today and it was either smut or smut adjacent#theyre also both andreil but thats bc i have a hyperfixation of a special interest and they wont leave my brain#i have kevally and jerejean and kerejean fics to write too i just keep getting ideas and then suddenly i have like 20 wips#mar rambles
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i keep thinking abt the name Pepper this past week and idk why - cannot tell if it's a name I want to have or another part who's surfaced (maybe split? its entirely possible w the high stress lately) or a name for a character 🤔 it'd be fun to be able to use it for a s/i or maybe create a f/o oc with it though 👀
#but also if it is another part then fhfkdl augh. sigh.#and if it is someone else then theyre verrrrry blendy and co-fronting w me a lot which is... weird#idk!! i will have to just keep thinking abt it i guess and see where this leads to#its an interesting name though :] I've never rly thought abt it much before but all of a sudden it popped up and wont leave my brain sdjskl#dandy.cmd
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am i having a crisis about my graduation? yes but not in the way you'd think
#im not proud of myself#im also not not proud of myself#basically i have everyone telling me that theyre proud of me and that the day is all about me and how i should be proud of my degree#and proud of all the shit that i went through with covid#but im not#im neutral about it#my brain wont let me be proud i guess#i survived? sure#so did everyone else#i got a 2:2? great#other people got better#i just feel nothing about it#and i dont want to pretend that i care about it#im going to graduation because my mum would be so upset if i didnt#id be fine with them just emailing me my certificate and leaving me alone#theres nothing special i wanna do or a way to celebrate#what am i gonna do? go out partying with my friends? what friends? i hate drinking why would i celebrate that way?#i dont know#ive been crying over everything being unfair for a while now#im tired and i want to hug someone#@ moots can i have a hug?
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.
#i love seeing other peoples art!! theyre all so pretty and talented!!!#and then i look at mine like... 🫤🫤🫤#i Know i can draw#just sad its not as good as others#like... it doesnt stop me from drawing anyway#or wanting/trying to improve but :(#i get a lil envious i guess#it's weird#I'm emotional mess ignore me#like my brain is like oh theyre better at this your friends will leave u!!! they wont like ur stuff anymore#but thats not true! people are allowed to like both mine and theirs at the same timeeee!!!!!!!!!#we bring different things to the table!!! we have different style!! different ideas!!!#its hard to shut the negative brain up even tho i KNOw better#Anna happy brain vs sad brain fight in real time#🐝
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I JUST. THINK THEYRE NEAT
#thsi is a wip but. hwatever#theyre in my brain im tryna do a rush project i this weekend qnd they wont leave me alone!!!!!!!!
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that harrow meme where she says having a crush gives her the same symptoms as psychosis. Yeah. yes i forgot to take my meds last night and what about it
#i will be fine but i hate that my brain gets like this!!! i would like to be normal in this regard#the first time someone disappears from conversation without saying anything is always the worst#im normal with crushes except this One Thing and i hate the constant thoughts and i wish i could just. stop. i wish i didnt have to distract#maybe they had a family emergency maybe theyre busy and tired maybe there was a work thing or a performance or maybe their in hospital maybe#it drives me fucking insane#their phone broke or their service was cut maybemaybemaybe#i wish my brain didnt obsess about that#like this is the One Thing that i get AHHHHH about because everybody leaves me or i leave them#and i dont continue to text them after a while because maybe theyre trying to ghost me but then what did i do wrong and i just want to be#wanted. i want to be texted first. maybe im a bother but i dont want to be a bother#then there's the “but they wouldnt do that” but they might. people always surprise me in that way.#myself in vain. sigh#it straight up makes me suicidal and i try to distance myself and yet when i get a notification i check it immediately to see if it was them#and i say them specifically bc this has happened more than once with different people and then we have to have a conversation called#Sorry I'm Really Insecure#sigh#it doesn't help that i just interviewed for an apartment and im terrified i wont get it#perhaps nobody should give me hope. ever.#lessons of the hand and the mouth
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