#U GOTTA DO IT WITH CONFIDENCE AND NO SHAME

[gifti3]

i think a good yandere needs to at least be a little pathetic

[undersugarnights]

In the Night I Dream of You (Two)

✦ MDNI — 18+ Only ✦

✧ pairing: poly!lashton x reader

✧ summary: a game of truth or dare in a hot tub with your two long-time crushes definitely is bound to go somewhere.

✧ warnings: lashtonnnn threesome!! oral (m&f receiving), mentions of alcohol, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it folks, this is a fanfic), cum play, cursing. lmk if i missed anything

✧ word count: 6.2k

✧ title: in the night — by Childish Gambino

✧ author’s note: lord this took me ALL DAY, it was surprisingly hard to write LMAO. anyways, this is the first threesome i’ve ever written, i tried my best i’m sorry. thank you to my sweet friend for this request and i’m sorry to my other friend for the lack of mermen… i did try to keep the water theme LMAOOO. i edited this myself so if you catch any mistakes, lmk. as always, SEND IN YOUR REQUESTS!!!

Copyright © 2024 undersugarnights. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

“We kept up the lie the whole livestream,” Michael snickered, taking an exaggerated swig from his beer. “Told everyone Ash was sick, but really, the idiot was just getting laid.”

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do,” Ashton murmured with a casual shrug, his eyes flickering briefly toward you.

Luke sat next to him, seemingly lost in his own world, not paying much attention to the conversation. He was absently toying with the lip ring that adorned the corner of his perfectly plump mouth, drawing your gaze and making it impossible to look away.

“When it comes to sex, we’ve all got our fair share of stories,” Calum chimed in, rubbing his eye with his knuckle. “Like when Ash and Luke both hooked up with that Hailey girl.”

Luke’s gaze snapped to Calum, his attention fully drawn back into the conversation as a faint crimson blush crept up his cheeks.

“Wait a minute,” you piped up, furrowing your brows as you looked between Ashton and Luke, zeroing in on Luke’s bashful expression and Ashton’s sly smirk. “At the same time?”

“No,” Luke groaned, covering his face with one hand and leaning back dramatically. “Definitely not at the same time.”

“Missed opportunity,” Ashton quipped, his grin widening as he nudged Luke with his elbow. “Gotta cross that off the bucket list at some point.”

Luke let out an exasperated laugh, dragging his hand down his face. “Not a chance, mate.”

“You say that now,” Ashton teased, winking in your direction. “But I’ve got a feeling it wouldn’t take much convincing.”

You had to admit, the two of them made an undeniably captivating sight. You’d known the boys for a few years, first crossing paths at a party thrown by a mutual friend. Back then, they were just getting started—touring with One Direction and living the kind of chaotic, carefree life only rising rockstars could pull off.

From the moment your eyes landed on Ashton and Luke, that familiar heat rushed to your face. Over the years, they’d only grown more mesmerizing.

Your gaze drifted to Ashton first. His sandy hair was darkened by the water, strands clinging to his forehead, and those ever-present dimples creased his cheeks when he smiled. Rugged and effortlessly handsome, his hazel eyes had a mischievous glint that seemed to see right through you. His hands bore the evidence of countless hours spent drumming, knuckles rough and calloused, a stark contrast to the elegance of his long neck and easy confidence.

And then there was Luke—an entirely different kind of beauty. His piercing blue eyes seemed to put the sky to shame, and the sharp lines of his jaw and the subtle curve of his perfectly slanted nose were enough to make anyone falter. Tall and slightly reserved, Luke carried himself with an air of quiet mystery, the kind that drew people in without him even trying. Yet there was a softness to him, a hesitance that Ashton seemed to balance effortlessly.

“Y/N,” Michael’s voice snapped you out of your daze as he waved a hand in front of your face, a knowing smirk tugging at his lips. “You good, or…?”

“Yeah, sorry,” you mumbled, forcing yourself to focus on Michael, even as your stomach tightened at the sight of Ashton’s sly grin. He’d definitely noticed the way you zoned out looking at him and Luke.

You cleared your throat, trying to shake it off, but it didn’t help when Ashton leaned over and whispered something into Luke’s ear, making the latter chuckle softly. Their easy banter was magnetic, almost as if they were entirely unaware of just how effortlessly they commanded the room—or, in this case, your full attention.

“I was just going to ask how you were feeling—you’ve been quiet,” Michael said, his expression curious as he studied you.

“So has Luke,” you shot back without hesitation, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

Luke, already watching you, let his gaze linger on the curve of your neck, a smirk tugging at his lips. “I’m actually pretty entertained right now,” he replied with a shrug, his tone casual. “I’ve participated more than you have.”

Calum let out a small yawn, clearly unimpressed by the bubbling banter between you and Luke. “Well, whatever,” he muttered, standing up from his spot beside Michael. He stretched lazily as he stepped toward the stairs leading out of the hot tub. “I’m spent. Think I’ll call it a night.”

Michael pouted, looking at Calum as though the betrayal was personal. “You’re tired? Really?” he asked, standing up to follow him.

Calum turned back with an exaggerated frown, crossing his arms dramatically. “If you stop looking at me like I killed your grandma, we can head upstairs and play some Call of Duty.”

Ashton chuckled, running a hand through his wet hair. “Don’t wanna pass up on that opportunity, Mike.”

Michael looked torn as he glanced between Calum, Ashton, Luke, and you. “Are you guys coming, or not?” he asked, clearly hoping for backup.

“I’m not much for video games, Michael,” you teased, your tone light as you brought the neck of your beer bottle to your lips, taking a deliberately slow sip.

Ashton’s eyes flicked to you immediately, his focus unshaken as his gaze lingered. A sly grin formed on his face, and you noticed the way his fingers absentmindedly drummed against the edge of the hot tub, his telltale sign of interest.

“I think I’ll stay, too,” Ashton said with a grin, tossing you a wink.

Nothing had ever happened between you and Ashton—just harmless flirting. It was mostly because the opportunity never seemed to arise, though part of you held back because of your budding crush on Luke.

Having the hots for two members of the same band felt like too much to unpack. You didn’t even want to think about what could happen if you pursued both.

The idea seemed almost too rapacious, but when Luke glanced between you and Ashton and the corner of his lip quirked up and his eyebrow rose slightly in intrigue, you wondered if maybe it could be possible.

“Me too,” Luke chimed in with a cheerful grin, and Michael rolled his eyes, muttering something before climbing out of the hot tub and following behind Calum. The two quickly disappeared into the night, their figures growing smaller as their conversation faded into the distance.

The night felt much quieter now, the air heavier as reality settled in. You were alone in the hot tub with Luke and Ashton—completely alone, the faint buzz from a couple of beers still lingering.

Oh Lord.

“Okay, so I think we’ve officially hit that point of the night where we can play stupid high school games,” Ashton said with a mischievous grin, his tone laced with challenge. “What do you say?”

“What, like seven minutes in heaven?” you asked, causing Luke to let out a soft snort. The sound sent a jolt of satisfaction through you, and you watched as Luke shook his head in amusement.

“We can do that too,” Ashton replied, completely unbothered by your joke. “But I was thinking something a little less… you know, down bad.”

“Truth or dare?” Luke’s brow furrowed as he played with the ripples created by a nearby jet in the tub. “Could be fun, I guess.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I could definitely be convinced to play truth or dare.”

Ashton’s grin widened, his confidence radiating like the warmth of the hot tub water. He leaned forward, his eyes darting between you and Luke, lingering on you a fraction longer than necessary. “Who goes first?”

“Well, Ash,” Luke replied, leaning back and propping his arms up on the edge of the tub. “It was your idea, so you should go first.”

Ashton frowned playfully. “Is this you stalling for time to come up with something to ask?”

Luke shot him a smug grin, winking. “Exactly.”

Shaking his head with a soft chuckle, Ashton ran a hand through his damp hair, the motion flexing his bicep just enough to catch your attention. You quickly pulled your knees to your chest, hoping to steady the rush of nerves coursing through you.

“Alright, Luke,” Ashton said, his grin turning devilish. “Truth or dare?”

Luke paused, his fingers brushing over his stubble-covered jaw as he considered the question. His lips were slightly parted, his mind clearly elsewhere, and you could barely focus on anything but him.

“Truth,” Luke said finally, his voice calm but laced with uncertainty.

“Boring,” Ashton pouted dramatically but pressed on. “Alright, have you ever lied to anyone in this room?”

Luke froze, his expression tightening as the question sank in. His cheeks flushed, and his gaze flickered briefly to you.

“You lied to me?” you asked, your eyebrows shooting up in surprise as you tried to piece together what he could mean.

“Not about anything serious,” Luke mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “You remember that time I liked that really old picture on your Instagram? I told you Michael had taken my phone and did it to mess with me, but… the truth is, I was just stalking.”

Your jaw dropped, and a stunned laugh escaped you. “Luke!”

“Yeah,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, his blush deepening. “Not my finest moment.”

“Well, talk about loser central,” Ashton teased, a sly grin tugging at his lips. “Can’t blame you, man—she’s hot.”

The casual compliment caught you completely off guard, and you stammered, struggling to regain your composure. Thankfully, neither of them seemed to notice your flustered reaction.

“Is it my turn?” Luke asked, breaking the moment.

Ashton nodded, leaning back lazily against the edge of the tub. Luke let out a sigh, clearly thinking hard about what to say next. Finally, his shiny blue eyes locked on yours. “Y/N,” he said, his voice steady, “truth or dare?”

Without hesitation, you shot back, “Dare.”

Ashton smirked, draining the last of his beer before stepping out of the tub and perching on the edge. “Atta girl.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, shaking your head as you waited for Luke’s challenge. He didn’t keep you waiting long.

“Tell us someone’s secret,” he said, his lips curling into a mischievous smile, “without saying who they are.”

You let yourself think for a moment, wracking your brain for a good enough secret that wouldn’t give anyone’s identity away. But then your eyes landed on Luke as he titled his head, looking at you expectantly and your mouth went dry.

You could always say your own secret, because neither of them would ever figure out who you were talking about. “Alright,” you cleared your throat, straightening up. “I know someone that has been aching to be in a man sandwich between you two.”

Luke’s eyes widened comically as he leaned forward, his tone dripping with curiosity. “Who?”

“Nuh-uh,” you grinned, shaking your head. “That was not the dare.”

Pouring, Luke’s shoulders sagged. “Fine, whatever, you win.”

Ashton watched the exchange with a wide smile, leaning back on his hands as he studied the scene before him. Your gaze trailed over the smooth, tan skin of his chest and abdomen, lingering on the faint trail of hair leading beneath his swimming shorts.

“Ash,” you murmured, your voice soft, almost breathy. “Truth or dare?”

Ashton’s eyes flicked to Luke for a brief second before returning to yours. “Dare.”

A small smile curved your lips as you considered your next move. Finally, you leaned in just slightly closer. “Alright,” you said, grinning. “Let me draw something on you with a permanent marker.”

Ashton furrowed his brows, tilting his head in disbelief. “Where the hell am I supposed to pull a permanent marker from?”

“My purse,” you replied, shrugging with a sheepish smile.

Luke’s confused laugh broke the moment. “Why the fuck do you have a permanent marker in your purse?”

"You never know what the night will bring," you teased, flashing him a playful look. Slowly, you stepped out of the tub, feeling both sets of eyes on you as you grabbed your purse. Rifling through it, you pulled out a Sharpie and turned back, catching the unmistakable way Ashton and Luke's gazes lingered on your body. A wave of heat flushed down your spine.

Settling down beside Ashton, you gave him a nudge. "Lean back on your hands like before," you instructed, uncapping the marker. Ashton obeyed, a hint of curiosity in his expression.

Grabbing a towel from a nearby pool chair, you wiped at his skin to dry the area. Your fingers brushed lightly against the sensitive skin of his hip, and you didn't miss the sharp inhale he took at the contact.

You bit back a smile, pushing his shorts down just enough to reveal the sharp definition of his v-line. Carefully, you scrawled your name across it with the marker, pulling back to admire your work. Ashton's pupils were blown wide, his chest rising and falling a bit faster than before. Luke, on the other hand, stared at the two of you with an almost fascinated awe.

Clearing your throat, you placed the marker on the floor and slid back into the water. “Who's next?"

Luke's voice cut through the tension as he leaned toward Ashton with a sly grin. "I've got one," he said. "Truth or dare?"

Ashton frowned slightly, his brow furrowed in thought before he shrugged. "Truth."

Luke's eyes darted briefly to you, the corners of his lips curling into a wicked smirk “What's your real opinion on a threesome?"

Ashton raised an eyebrow, slightly surprised at the sudden turn of events in the conversation. He let out a small laugh, shaking his head in disbelief before meeting Luke’s gaze. “Really? That’s where we’re going? Threesome?”

Luke shrugged unabashedly, leaning back against the tubs edge with a smirk. At some point, he had moved closer to you— his body brushing yours as his arm rested behind your head. Ashton’s eyes flickered between the two of you, and he licked his lips.

“Alright,” He said slowly, running a hand through his dampened hair as he considered the words of his response. “I guess it could be fun. Right group, right vibe… I could be convinced.”

Your breath caught as Ashton’s eyes met yours, the glint of arousal almost unmistakable in the dim light. You briefly wondered if he knew that you had shared your secret, your most intense fantasy.

"Y/N, what about you?" Luke asked, his smirk deepening as he leaned in closer. You could see every detail of his face-the curve of his nose, the subtle quirk of his brow-and it made your mouth go dry.

When you glanced over at Ashton, his eyes were flicking between you and Luke, his chest rising and falling unevenly, as if he were bracing for whatever came next.

With a sudden surge of confidence, you tilted forward, your nose brushing against Luke's. His breath fanned across your face, still tinged with the scent of beer. "It's my turn, pretty boy. Wait for yours."

Luke's eyes dipped to your lips, and you caught the flicker of his tongue as he licked his bottom lip, drawing in a sharp breath. "That's no fun."

"Truth or dare, Lu," you murmured, your voice light but laced with challenge.

"Dare," he replied, his voice low, almost a growl.

You smirked, pulling away from him completely, letting the tension linger as you turned to Ashton. His darkened eyes were fixed on you, and the intensity in his gaze sent a thrill down your spine.

"I dare you to make out with Ashton," you said, your tone playful yet daring.

Everyone went quiet, and for a moment you wondered if perhaps you’d gone too far. But then, Ashton’s mouth quirked into a challenging smirk, and Luke slowly glanced at his best friend.

“Fine,” Luke murmured, pushing up from his sitting position and slowly walking over to where Ashton sat by the edge.

You watched as he lowered himself back into the tub, looking between you and Luke. “You’re not gonna back down?” He asked.

Luke shrugged, his smirk only deepening. “A dare is a dare. Plus, the lady requested it.”

You watched as they closed the gap between them, Ashton’s jaw slightly tightened as he titled his head and met Luke��s lips with his own.

The kiss was slow at first, and you supposed it was only natural since neither of them made a habit out of kissing other men. Still, after a few seconds, Ashton’s hand came up to grip the back of Luke’s neck, pulling him closer.

You watched in stunned silence, your breath caught in your throat as the kiss quickly deepened. Waves of desire washed over you, and you clenched your thighs in an effort to find some semblance of relief.

Luke responded to Ashton with equal fervor, his hands coming to curl into his damp hair— and you caught the hiss he let out as Ashton gently bit his lip ring.

It was over all too soon though, because Ashton and Luke both pulled away. They were slightly out of breath, looking at each other in surprise. Luke was the first to sit back down, his cheeks having a faint flush to them.

“Is that you wanted, Y/N?” He asked teasingly, his expression daring.

You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to remain composed as you met Luke’s desire ridden stare. Everything was about to change, and you couldn’t be more ready for it. “Oh absolutely,” you grinned, keeping your voice smooth despite the heat that flooded your cheeks.

“Alright then,” Ashton stretched, closing in on Luke and you. “It’s your turn. Truth or dare.”

Your mind was running wild with possibilities of what Ashton could ask of you with either choice. Still recovering from what you just had witnessed, though, you found that you didn’t want to just answer a simple question. “Dare.”

Ashton exchanged a quick glance with Luke, leaning closer and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I dare you to kiss Luke exactly like you just made him kiss me.”

Your mouth went dry, and every nerve in your body seemed to hum with anticipation as you turned to face Luke. His hand slid to the back of your neck, his touch firm yet gentle. A small, cocky smile tugged at his lips as he leaned in, his breath brushing against your skin. "I don't bite," he murmured, his lips grazing yours teasingly. "Unless that's what makes you moan."

Before you could respond, his lips crashed against yours with intensity. Your hands instinctively gripped his shoulders, seeking stability as his mouth worked eagerly against yours. The cool sensation of his lip ring against your skin sent shivers down your spine, and without thinking, you tugged at his hair, earning a low growl from him.

Luke's tongue grazed your lower lip before slipping past, exploring your mouth with fervor. His hands slid from your neck to your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. When he bit down gently on your bottom lip, a soft groan escaped you, and his smirk deepened against your mouth.

"Ashton," Luke murmured between heated kisses, his voice dripping with challenge. "Truth or dare."

"Dare," Ashton replied, his voice steady but laced with curiosity.

Luke's lips paused for a moment as he grinned wickedly. "I dare you to kiss what you think her most sensitive spot is."

The words sent a wave of heat through you, leaving your head spinning. Luke's hands steadied you as Ashton moved closer, his gaze burning into yours. When he was within reach, Luke pulled back just enough to slip behind you, his lips trailing warm kisses along the side of your neck.

Ashton's hand ghosted over the knot of your bathing suit top, his eyes dark and questioning. "Can I?" he asked, his voice low and husky.

You nodded, breathless, and with one swift pull, the knot came undone, leaving you bare before them.

Ashton leaned down, his lips brushing your skin as he kissed along your neck, his teeth grazing your collarbone before trailing lower. The cool air made your skin prickle, but it was quickly replaced by warmth as his mouth hovered over your chest.

He blew gently against your hardened nipple before capturing it in his mouth, his tongue flicking against the sensitive skin. The sensation sent a jolt of pleasure through you, and you threw your head back against Luke's chest, a moan spilling from your lips.

One of your hands tangled in Ashton's hair as his tongue circled your nipple with expert precision, his teeth grazing it gently. Luke's free hand joined in, kneading and teasing your chest, causing a wave of pleasure to ripple through you. A desperate whimper escaped your lips, trembling as you felt Luke's growing hardness pressed against your back. "Truth or dare," you murmured, your voice trembling. "Both of you."

"Dare," they both responded in unison, their eyes locked on you as they continued their ministrations, seeking more of your moans.

"I dare you both to fuck me."

The words lingered in the air, igniting a spark of heat between the three of you as they both nodded in agreement, their gazes heavy with desire.

"Let's get out of the tub then," Luke murmured, his voice low as he nipped at your earlobe, sending shivers down your spine.

The three of you clambered out of the hot tub, steam rising off your skin as neither of their hands left your body. They guided you to one of the pool chairs, their touches gentle but deliberate, the tension thick between you.

Ashton was the first to move, laying you back on the chair with a smirk. His mouth immediately returned to your chest, his lips and teeth exploring with an eagerness that made your breath hitch. Luke, meanwhile, hovered over you, his hands sliding up your thighs as his gaze locked on yours, full of intent.

You watched through half-lidded eyes as Luke kissed down your stomach, his hands firmly gripping your thighs. Ashton momentarily pulled away, his heated gaze flickering to Luke. Without a word, Luke hooked his fingers into the side of your bathing suit bottom, pulling it aside with precision.

"Let's see just how fun this can get," Ashton murmured, his voice thick with amusement and desire. His lips captured yours in a heated kiss, his hands framing your face as Luke's mouth descended lower, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

The anticipation coiled tightly within you, every touch, every breath sending waves of electricity through your body.

Luke's lips trailed up the inside of your thighs, nipping at the sensitive skin and drawing soft moans from you into Ashton's mouth. Anticipation built with every graze of his teeth, every brush of his lips, until his hot breath fanned against your now-exposed clit, sending a shiver down your spine.

When Luke's tongue dragged a long stripe up your heat, your back arched instinctively, pleasure flooding your senses. Your mind was hazy, barely able to register Ashton grabbing your arm and guiding it between your bodies, pressing his cock—still constrained by his swimsuit—into your palm.

Luke's tongue swirled expertly over your clit, his movements drawing sharp gasps from you. Your free hand found its way into his hair, tugging lightly whenever he sucked just right. Meanwhile, Ashton had slipped out of his shorts, leaving his length exposed. You let your fingers trace teasingly along his shaft, earning a shaky groan from him.

“C'mon,” Ashton murmured against your lips, his voice low and breathless. “I dare you to touch me.”

At that exact moment, Luke slid two fingers into your entrance, curling them perfectly to hit every sensitive spot while his tongue continued its relentless assault on your clit.

"Fuck, okay-" you panted, finally wrapping your hand around Ashton's cock and stroking him slowly.

He let out a sharp hiss against your mouth, and you felt the deep vibration of Luke's hum against you as he sucked harder, sending waves of pleasure through your trembling body. “You’re so pretty,” you heard him mutter between licks. “Taste so fucking good— just as good as you look.”

Your hand increased the speed at which it worked in Ashton, your own body growing heavy with desire. “Look at you,” Ashton purred into your mouth. “All needy for us. You thought we didn’t know? You didn’t think we noticed the way you were practically gagging for our cocks? You’re such a whore.”

His lips pressed against your neck, sucking into the skin and biting— no doubt leaving marks. “Your hand feels so good,” he groaned breathily, and Luke’s mouth didn’t falter on you. “You’re such a good girl for us.”

You nodded eagerly, flicking your thumb over Ashton’s tip and relishing the groan that escaped from deep within his throat. “You gonna let us destroy that pretty little pussy?” He asked.

“Please,” you moaned, feeling the warmth in your belly begin to reach a boiling point. You began grinding against Luke’s tongue, and he moaned into you, his fingers increasing their speed.

Luke was relentless, the rhythm of his fingers and tongue so perfectly in sync that your thighs began to tremble uncontrollably. Pleasure coursed through you in waves, pulling soft, breathless cries of both their names from your lips.

Your hand continued its steady pace along Ashton's cock, the smooth glide drawing low groans from him. Unable to resist, he started thrusting into your hand, his movements needy and unrestrained, a clear reflection of just how badly he wanted more.

“What do you think, Luke?” Ashton asked, his hands coming up to play with your pert nipples and your chest. “Should we let her come?”

Luke pulled his mouth away to answer, and you whined at the loss of contact. However, his fingers didn’t stop moving. “I wanna see how much we can make her come.”

Ashton smirked, leaning forward— his lips brushing against yours in the barest ghost of a kiss. “I think I’d like to see that,” he murmured.

When Luke’s tongue returned to work on you, it became quickly evident that you wouldn’t be able to hold off for much longer. “I’m so close,” you gasped, the hand that was tangled in Luke’s hair tightening slightly.

“Come for Luke, pretty girl,” Ashton urged in your ear, his voice strained.

Ashton’s words sent her over the edge, waves of prickling pleasure crashing down on you as you squeezed your eyes shut, your legs clamping on Luke’s head involuntarily as you rode out your high.

Luke's licks softened into gentle kisses before he finally pulled away, a satisfied smirk playing on his swollen, glistening lips.

The mix of your release and his spit left a sheen that only made his confidence more intoxicating. "I wanna fuck you," Luke rasped, his voice rough as he tugged at the knot holding his swim trunks snugly against his hips. His eyes bore into yours, the heat in them unmistakable.

Still dazed from the aftermath of your orgasm, you nodded, your breath hitching as you turned your attention to Ashton.

"And you're gonna let me fuck your mouth while Luke fucks you, isn't that right, babygirl?" Ashton murmured, his tone a low rasp that sent another shiver down your spine. His fingers brushed your chin, tilting your face toward him.

With shaky hands, you sat up, adjusting yourself until you were on all fours, your body positioned perfectly before Ashton. Your lips parted slightly in anticipation as you waited for what would happen next.

Ashton’s hand cupped your jaw, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. “Can’t wait to see what that pretty mouth of yours looks all full,” he murmured, slipping his thumb past your lips beckoning your mouth to open wider.

“That’s it Y/N,” he murmured, his voice thick with arousal as his other hand gripped his cock, giving it a few strokes before brushing the tip against your lips and pushing in.

The salty taste of him on your tongue made you moan around him, opening your jaw as wide as it could go to take in as much of him as possible. Slowly, you began to work on his tip with your tongue, tracing the underside of it and drawing out a long groan from him.

Behind you, Luke was gripping your waist, his hands wandering. You could feel his fingers teasing your entrance and clit, gathering the moisture on them. “You look so fucking good like this,” he hissed, teasing your entrance with the tip of his cock.

You hummed around Ashton, the vibrations pulling a deep groan from his chest as his grip on your hair tightened. His head tipped back briefly before he looked down at you again, his pupils blown wide with desire.

Behind you, Luke slowly pushed in, the head of his cock dipping deeper until he was fully sheathed inside you. The stretch was overwhelming, a perfect mix of pleasure and pain that left your body trembling.

Despite the sensation, your rhythm on Ashton didn't falter. You hollowed your cheeks, drawing him in deeper as he bit his bottom lip, a low growl escaping him. “That's it, baby,” he murmured, his voice laced with praise. “You're taking us both so well.”

“Fuck,” Luke groaned, his hands gripping your hips as he began to move. His thrusts started slow, deliberate, before picking up pace. “You feel so good, so damn tight around me.”

The combination of their movements left you breathless, your body a slave to the pleasure building with each stroke. Ashton's cock slid wetly between your lips, his hips rocking in time with Luke's thrusts.

The air was thick with the sound of skin meeting skin, your muffled moans, and the groans falling freely from both men. Ashton's hand tangled further in your hair, guiding your pace as he watched you through hooded eyes. Luke's grip on your hips tightened, his thrusts becoming more erratic as his breathing grew heavier.

“You're perfect like this,” Luke rasped, his voice rough. “Taking us like you were made for it.”

His thrusts intensified, each of them hitting deeper and deeper inside you, making you moan around Ashton.

Ashton’s hands tightened on your hair, moving your head on his length and you hallowed your cheeks, swirling your tongue. Tears sprang into your eyes, and you could feel Luke’s fingers digging into your hips as he continued his relentless pace.

Shakily, you raised a hand and wrapped it around Ashton’s cock, pulling back to catch your breath as you moved your hand up and down. “Just like that,” he groaned. “Look at you— taking Luke so well, you’re such a pretty slut.”

His hips bucked slightly, meeting the motions of your hand as you let out a small whimper after a particularly harsh thrust from Luke. His hand had snaked between your legs, beginning to rub at your clit in tight circles as he continued to fuck into you.

“God, baby, you’re squeezing me so tight,” Luke’s voice was strained, letting you know he was fighting back his own release. “Are you close?”

You shut your eyes tight, taking Ashton back into your mouth and whimpering. You could feel the tears beginning to stream down your face, the sensation of Luke filling you and the moans falling from Ashton’s mouth were almost too much.

Your body tensed as the pressure built, Luke’s fingers never letting up from your clit and he made stars spring in your vision with every thrust. He was relentless, sending jolts of ecstasy through your body with each snap of his hips. You opened your eyes, meeting Ashton’s.

“Come for us,” Ashton growled. “Show us how good we can make you feel.”

“Please baby,” Luke whimpered from behind you. “Come with me.”

The combination of Luke's relentless thrusts, the pressure of his fingers on your clit, and Ashton's lewd words proved too much. The tension in your core snapped violently, sending you spiraling into another intense orgasm. You cried out around Ashton's cock, pulling back slightly as your body shook uncontrollably and clenched tightly around Luke.

Luke groaned, his thrusts becoming erratic as he chased his own release. Ashton cupped your face, guiding you into a needy kiss. His tongue swept over your bottom lip before diving into your mouth, tasting you deeply. You struggled to kiss him back, overwhelmed by the pleasure still coursing through your body.

With a guttural moan, Luke finally reached his peak, spilling inside you as he murmured your name like a prayer. His hips stilled, and his forehead dropped against your back, his breathing ragged. Ashton pulled away from your kiss, his thumb brushing softly over your swollen bottom lip as he studied your dazed expression with a smirk.

“You're so perfect,” Ashton murmured, his voice low and full of desire. He stood, his commanding presence making your pulse quicken. “Now, clean Luke up while I fuck you,” he instructed, his tone leaving no room for hesitation.

Without missing a beat, Ashton and Luke switched places. Luke leaned back against the edge of the hot tub, his chest still rising and falling from the intensity, while Ashton positioned himself behind you. You turned toward Luke, your hand brushing over his thighs as your lips ghosted over his sensitive tip.

Behind you, Ashton ran his hands along your waist, gripping you firmly as he aligned himself with your entrance. “You ready for me, baby” he asked, his breath warm against your ear.

You nodded, your lips wrapping around Luke's still-sensitive length as Ashton began to push into you, filling you completely. A shudder rippled through your body at the overwhelming sensation of being taken by both men, their combined dominance driving you to new heights.

Ashton didn't hold back, his thrusts hard and relentless as your cries filled the night air. You barely had time to register the shift before Luke's hand gently tilted your face back toward him. “Mouth on me, baby,” he murmured, brushing away a strand of hair that clung to your damp skin.

“God, your ass looks so good like this,” Ashton groaned, his voice dripping with lust. His hands gripped your hips firmly, ensuring you met each of his thrusts. “You're such a little cockwhore, aren't you? One wasn't enough; you needed both of us to fill you up. Dirty girl.”

Each of Ashton's movements sent waves of overstimulated pleasure through your body, leaving you trembling and breathless. The sharp edge of sensitivity from your earlier orgasms only heightened the intensity. “Fuck, yeah,” you gasped, your voice breaking. “Need to be fucked by both of you.”

Your mouth returned to Luke, your tongue tracing the length of him as you tasted the mixture of yourself and his release. His head fell back briefly, a satisfied groan slipping from his lips.

“I'm so close,” Ashton growled, his grip tightening, his nails digging into your skin as his rhythm became erratic. Luke leaned down, pulling his cock from your lips and guiding your chin upward to meet his gaze.

“Look at me,” Luke commanded softly, his voice a low rumble. He crouched before you, his lips brushing yours before trailing down your jaw. His teeth grazed your neck, and he sucked on the sensitive skin just below your ear, making you shiver. “You're such a good girl,” he murmured, his breath hot against your skin. “Took me so well, and now you're taking Ashton like the perfect little thing you are. Making us feel so damn good, pretty girl.”

Ashton groaned behind you, his pace becoming erratic before he buried himself deep, releasing with a guttural moan that sent a shiver through your already trembling body.

Luke's hands cradled your face with surprising tenderness, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks as he murmured soft praises. He kissed you deeply, his lips coaxing yours despite your shaky, breathless state.

Ashton, still catching his breath, began trailing warm kisses down your spine, his lips pressing softly against the heated skin. You gasped when he dipped lower, his tongue gently lapping at the evidence of their shared release, cleaning you with slow, deliberate strokes.

The sensation sent jolts of overstimulation coursing through your body, and you moaned weakly, your muscles quivering under his touch. By the time Ashton pulled away, you collapsed onto the lawn chair, your chest rising and falling heavily as the last waves of pleasure ebbed away.

"Truth or dare, Y/N?" Luke asked, his tone light as he helped you sit up. Ashton's hands worked carefully to redo the knots of your bathing suit top, his touch gentle as he tried to keep you decent.

Ashton pressed a sweet kiss to your shoulder, his lips lingering for a moment. “Truth,” you answered, your voice soft as you slumped back against Ashton's chest. Your legs found their way onto Luke's lap, and his hands instinctively began to massage your calves.

A small smile tugged at his lips, and your eyes flickered to the black lip ring gleaming under the light. “So,” Luke began, his voice teasing, “did we live up to that man-sandwich fantasy you mentioned?”

Despite your exhaustion, a wave of heat surged through you at the memory of what had just happened. You let out a quiet laugh, your cheeks warming as you smirked. “Only if we can do it again.”

The two of them didn’t hesitate when answering. “Deal.”

Ashton laughed. “But let’s get out of here before Mike or Calum realize what they missed out on.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

thank you for reading pookies!! i hope this was a fun read, this really was out of my comfort zone but it was really exciting to write!

as always, send me your requests <33

[lycanlupins]

NSFW Alphabet - Rogue/Anna Marie LeBeau

Warnings: NSFW content ahead as always, we don’t kink shame here ♥️

Something quick to get my mind off of all the shit in my irl life, ty to the anon who requested this!!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

She’s very caring, very sweet and very attentive after sex. She will make sure her partner is properly hydrated, wiped off and talked to after any sexual encounter especially a rough one.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Her favorite body part is her tits, full stop. She knows they’re perfect and perky. She knows that her partners like to touch and squeeze them and she can’t help but get a little ego boost every time it happens.

On her partner she loves a good thigh. She likes to bite and mark them up just for her to see, and occasionally others when the weather gets warm enough for shorts.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She likes to eat cum like the little freak she is. She’ll lap it up off of her partner directly but if that isn’t an option she’ll taste her own off of her partners tongue.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

She 100% mixed some of her partner’s cum into a morning smoothie, gotta get that extra protein in somehow!

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

She’s very experienced, not cocky but confident in her skills. She knows how to please and be pleased in return and she’ll let you know exactly how she likes it.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When giving she likes doggy style but when she’s receiving she likes to be in missionary, she wants to make sure her partner looks at her while she’s cumming.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

She’s a good mix of both, depends on the partner.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She’s trimmed neatly, sometimes she’s got it in a landing strip or heart but usually it’s just a nice normal trim. She hated being waxed completely.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Depends if its casual or not, but usually she’s somewhere between.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She gets off to the thought of actually touching her partner with her hands someday. It’s sappy but the thought of it sends her sopping cunt into overdrive. 🤭

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dacryphilia

Cum marking

Femdom

Sitophilia

Chastity

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere, anytime! She doesn’t care if she has an audience or not

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Her partner’s pleasure (and consensual pain)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Touch her partner without gloves unless they’re resistant to her power

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She’s a little selfish and likes to receive more than she gives, but she knows what she likes and she likes control

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and steady wins the race with Anna

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She doesn’t mind them but she would prefer if she had time to properly enjoy herself

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

She loves a good risk, so long as it doesn’t involve her touching her partner with her hands

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

4-5 rounds before she needs a break, she’s trained herself for moments like that

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

She’s got a favorite strap she uses on her partner among many other toys

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She loves teasing, especially throughout the day. Just sending pictures and audios of how good she’s feeling while her partner can’t do a thing

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Loud and proud, she’s gonna make sure everyone around knows how good (or bad) her partner makes her feel

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

She likes when her partner is sweaty, she thinks the natural smell is sexy and she’d go down on them immediately if they would let her

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Pink and pretty, usually VERY wet and ready for most anything. It’s plump and just a little paler than the rest of her. Her tits are about a C-D cup with pinky brown nipples that are more sensitive to touch.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

She’s ready to go at any time but usually she can go without, she has toys for that ;)

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

She’s not sleepy but she likes to lay and be held and take in the moment with her partner

[hobies-princealbert]

Hi!! Omg i wanna say ur hc’s and fics are sooo good whaaat pls pat urself on the back bc u ate that!!!? I really enjoyed your fontaine bf hcs but i was wondering if u could do some nsfw bf hcs for him. Hes just so 😫😫😫😫

awwww yall go make me blush. thank you very much though it's means alot that to you enjoy my works.

ﾟ+.ヽ(≧▽≦)ﾉ.+ﾟ

"taine, you a down bad munch" | fontaine x reader (nsfw)

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

♡ fontaine is versatile when it comes to sex. whatever you want, as long as he's down he'll do it. can be rough as hell if you want. he's talking hand prints on your ass, running mascara, bruised hips, raspy screams. all you gotta do is give him the go ahead.

♡ can also be very sappy when you need him to be. not candle light and rose petals sappy. but he'll hold your hand, kiss your wrists, rub your back, just anything you need to get you closer to release. he'll do it. after all, he's here's to make his girl feel good, and he wouldn't be able to get a good night's sleep knowing you weren't at least shedding a couple tears by the time he's done.

♡ he loves to talk his shit. if your shy and don't say much, don't worry he'll get a couple words outta you. he's a big tease too, and will edge you for hours just for you to say one word. he wants you confident enough to ask for what you want, and what you don't want from him. he really does prioritize communication alot.

♡ if you already love to talk your shit, he'll be putty in your hands. loves someone who can boss him around every now and then. tell him where to touch and how to touch, he'll adore you.

♡ loves when you get really soft on him. stroke his cheek, kiss all over his face, even tell him you love him. hell, it's enough to make a nigga blush.

♡ loves car sex. will pull into an alleyway, day or night, and have your heels digging into his dash board. it's a tight space, little to no distractions, and semi public, all the things that gets his motor going (pun intended).

♡ a veteran munch. and he's gangsta enough to admit it. and if someone call him corny, he'll just laugh. cuz he knows a nigga that can't get pussy ain't running his mouth about it. you loveee his munch tendencies, even when he gets the itch at the most inopportune times.

you opened the door to your apartment, just to see taine standing in the hallway. you stare at him confused for a bit, cause wtf. "taine? what the hell you doin' here, it's almos' one in the damn morning?"

"i texted you earlier sayin' 'm comin' over, didn't i?" he did. but that was earlier in the day. once it passed 10pm you thought he got caught up with something, so you took your ass to bed. but you should've known better, taine always keeps his word.

not even giving you time to cuss his ass out, a pair of familiar hands grabbed at your waist, and lifted you off the ground. he kicked the door close, placed you on the nearest soft surface he could find. as you felt your legs being lifted onto his shoulders, you knew exactly why he was here now.

"taine, you a down bad munch" you smirked as he grumbles how tight these damn shorts are, as he desperately tries to get them off.

"yea yea talk all the shi' you wan'. hope you can stil' talk all that' shi' by the time I'm done"

♡ fucking panty thief. what can he say he has a thing for keeping souvenirs, especially if it was a good fuck. he has no shame with it. will slide them down your legs while he's getting dressed, and just stuffs them into his back pocket. and he don't wanna hear it. not like you can protest anyways, you're too fucked out to agrue with him.

♡ loves loves loves when you leave marks on him. the man has a possession kink, that's for sure. bite marks on his shoulders, hickeys on his neck and scratches all over his forearms and back. the man wears them like a badge on honor. And if anyone asks, he grows the most shit eating grin and tell em his girl left him some keepsakes.

♡ and speaking of possessive. if you're in a situationship with this man, or yall haven't cuffed each other yet, either way don't you even think about dealing with another nigga. taine would never be able to tolerate the idea of another dick drilling into your cunt. as far as he's concerned, he's the only one who knows how to make you feel good. good enough to make a blabbering, shaking mess of yourself.

♡ is his girl that greedy that he alone can't satisfy her? well shit, guess he gonna have to convince you other wise. cause to him, with way your cunt clenches around him, she knows he's the only one for you. but it's like your brain hasn't got the memo yet. don't worry he'll fix it.

(and if he ever found that man you fucking with, guess he's breaking another pair of legs. he doesn't like sharing. at all. just the idea pisses him off already.)

♡ his aftercare is decent. he's not to be overly affectionate post nut. he doesn't mind a nice cuddle session though. and he's sweet enough to remember to carry you to the bathroom, so you can pee.

"want some water? sure thing ma"

"hungry? what ya feeling for baby, want me to order take out or sumthin'?"

♡ he'll even have a warm, damp towel on hand to wipe you down, if you want him to.

[kittygawa--jr]

UR JACK ALPHABET WAS SO GOOD. could i req am nsfw alphabet with mordecai pleez... (with a focus on him bottoming if ur willing. looks at u with big ole eyes). if ur not feeling mordy then timothy? ty ^^

- @kingsuchus

Mordecai NSFW Alphabet | 1.5k Words | Not Proofread

hiii 👋 restarting bl1 made me hit prime missin' mordy hours, so here <3 thank u! i had fun, i hope you enjoy :)

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED. please be patient with me while i empty out my inbox!

A - Aftercare: He is a man that gets Pooped after sex to me. After everything's said and done, he much prefers to lay flat on his back and have a smoke before passing out. He certainly isn't opposed to hugging an arm around someone while they sleep together, though. Just don't expect much from him, and don't expect him to want much either.

B - Body Part: For sure an arms/hands guy to me. He'll act like he's not flustered by someone being able to fit their hands around his waist or wrists or whatever, but one can usually tell by his nervous laughter afterwards that he's still thinking about it. I've always reslly liked the visual of Brick flexing and him sitting up there like a crow's nest. He should be able to do that with more people, and I knowwww he loves that shit.

C - Cum: He's a tiny load blaster. It's very anticlimactic, because I think he also makes a bit of a show of his orgasm.

D - Dirty Secret: Mordecai is 100% a man that struggles to get it up. Like even not considering the alcoholism that comes later, you would have to give so much attention to his dick n balls that maybe it's just better to go for the ass.

E - Experience: I would say like... medium-ishh, I think. He's still got parts to explore more thoroughly, but he's confident in what he enjoys.

F - Fav Position: Flat on his back, knees to his shoulders. He will also take face down ass up but his hips gotta be held up near the end. I think his legs are prone to giving out.

G - Goofy: Definitely more on the serious side 👍 If someone tries to be more silly with him it's a one way ticket to groanville. To bitch 'n moan ville. I don't think it's the worst thing in the world for him, but he does prefer not being taken out of the experience.

H - Hair: I flip flop between him taking pride in trimming or simply not giving a shit. But allow me to indulge myself: he is a bird man. He needs to do a little preening to feel sane.

I - Intimacy: He will certainly get wrapped up in the moment if that's the direction things are taking. I think momentum matters for Mordecai, so anything that he can just glide with will work. Thinking about things is for the post nut guilt 👍

J - Jack Off: I think he's a very practical masturbator. He jerks off to get rid of headaches or get to sleep if he's struggling. I think, in large, though, he's bored of his own hands.

K - Kinks: Intox is definitely one of them. To me. Get him too drunk to think before sex and the world is your oyster, really! I think it's the onky way he can properly conceptualize himself as "powerless," which is fun for sex but not always for the ego. Getting drunk just lets him feel the shame over drunkenness rather than being put below someone. Because I think there's just a little shame there.

L - Location: I think he'll take it anywhere honestly!! Against a wall, in bed, on a table, in the dirt, cramped into a tiny space... I'm not saying he won't complain ever, but there are things he could be pickier about.

M - Motivation (Turn-Ons): Size differences are always good. I think he can admire brutality, given his choices of company most times, but try not to direct it towards him too much. I think he also desires a partner to have some sort of skillset they're good with. Be able to show something off to him. Once again: he is a bird man, he likes it when people peacock towards him.

N - No (Turn-Offs): Do not touch his hair, do not sneak up on him, no degredation 🙅‍♀️

O - Oral: I don't think he's the best at head, but I think he can be down there for a loooong ass time. A sniper's skillset includes holding one's breath and sitting still for a long time, and he's a damn good sniper.

P - Pace: He takes things pretty slow. Working him up takes time, getting him close takes even longer, though his orgasms come hard and fast. It may as well be a screamer.

Q - Quickie: He's such a sucker for them, especially if his brain is already a bit foggy. I think he makes a kinda huffy show of going "Really? Right now?" every time someone asks, but I can rarely see him actually saying no. He's always begrudgingly working his fly down.

R - Risk: I think he's on the safer side. I can't see him ever proper enjoying getting hurt or hurting other people, but I still think spicing up the locations sex is done in will be more than enough for him, usually. Most he'd allow is you scratching him up a bit; he can take it, he has a Bloodwing.

S - Stamina: I think when his focus is only the act of bottoming, he can last a good while, but if he has to properly command his body much, I can see him needing a lot more breaks. He already does sooooo much jumping around and kiting out in the battlefield and you're gonna make his tired ass do any of the work on himself, too?

T - Toys: Especially with a partner that prefers danger and thrill, I could see bondage/a bit of petplay being brought into the bedroom via toys. He did date Moxxi so obviously he must also live and die by the strap 👍

U - Unfair: Oh he haaaaates teasing. I don't think he can see the fun in it and he would hate to be teased, or to tease. Especially while bottoming, I think his ego is just a little too tall to not be writhing and squirming and kicking if one tries.

V - Volume: Not quiet, but I wouldn't say he's very vocal. Most of his noises would be low grunts and groans or fairly breathy. He's trained himself to be very very quiet. Even his orgasms are pretty silent, it's habit for him to make his voice break and cut out once he cums. You might be able to just barely hear the start of a moan before he does, though.

W - Wildcard: His mask looks like a falconry hood. Let's 👏 stick 👏 Mordy 👏 in 👏 a 👏 GIMP MASK 👏👏👏👏👏👏 Take away the sniper's most important senses of sound and sight. Let's see what happens. It'll be fun I prommy.

X - X-Ray: Bone skinny, any fat is distributed to his lower gut from alcohols. He has some muscle to him, however it's almost entirely upper body. Light pectorals and biceps. He doesn't have a lot of hair, it's mostly very light and curly, but there is still some on his chest, with a thin and curly happy trail that mists his legs in light hairs too. He's armed to the teeth with battle scars, but what good Vault Hunter isn't? Plenty of them are from training Bloodwing, even. Under the mask, his wrinkles and lines cut deep. He has heavy bag and very untanned skin, even compared to the rest of him. I think his brows are thinned from the near constant contact with the leather. I also see him as having kinda dry skin but idk.

Y - Yearning: Oh he is down bad but it only comes out when he actually gets with someone, or is drunk. I think he's a very antisocial man and struggles at times with connecting with people. I also believe this is something he's prone to beating himself up over, so his desire only burns harder as a result. I think now that he has friends amongst the other Vault Hunters, his main issue with himself is "fuuuuuccckk I suck so much I can't pull any bitches that stick around for more than a night." as opposed to, "fuuuucck I suck so much I've only ever gotten a bird to like me." Even though he's the one trying to close himself off to puff himself up as cooler than he is.

Z - Zzz: He takes a little while to get to sleep afterwards, but he's pretty prone to it, especially after some drinks. He's a very tired man, his body will take any excuse to rest.

[thatbitchsimone]

Ok, how do I meet older men without using dating apps/sites?

I’m 21, crazily introverted and don’t have many friends, so I never go out. But I’ve been craving the affection of older men lately (I know, it’s fucking shameful) but I have no idea where the hell I can actually meet cool and interesting guys in their 30s/40s that aren’t creepy and perverse. Plus I look really fucking young for my age, so I feel like I can never approach a guy when I think he’s attractive, because I assume he’ll like I’m like 15, and I feel self conscious hanging around bars on my own. I’ve tried to avoid finding someone online because it seems so superficial and inorganic and it turns me the hell off tbh.

well its gonna be hard as fuck for u to find a non creepy older man if u look that young sorry to break it to u but its true. a normal man is already gonna feel very conflicted about dating someone that are 10+ years younger than them and if u on top of that look even younger than ur age they just wont be able to look past it. i dont judge women for wanting to date older men bc its understandable to me that guys in their 20s arent very attractive or interesting to u but i gotta admit i think u should wait with indulging in this until u hit ur mid 20s at least and on top of that i think in order to date older u have to be very skilled at reading ppl and be very good at ”knowing how to pick them” and have a very strong sense of self, confidence, solid legit resilient self esteem and know the ins and outs of emotional manipulation tactics and are quick at catching these tactics and having no fear of pushing back and standing ur ground and not let ur boundaries be pushed or comprimised and to be honest with u i am not sensing that in u from how u describe urself so im not gonna encourage this path for u bc that would not be in ur best interest. ur way too inexperienced rn (not a bad thing in general btw its just a bad thing in this very specific context bc its too risky and ur too vulnerable at this stage in ur life) like it takes a certain type of person to be able to properly handle being the younger part of an age gap relationship and most women ur age arent that type of person and should therefore not pursue it until they have gotten some more years of life experience and growth to back them up

[rjschoicesstuff]

For Ripley x Gabe x Cas: Pre relationship 6, General 10, Love 8, Domestic 2

For this one

Thank uuuu

It's gonna be so long im sORRY the cons of a triad lmao, I'm putting it all under the cut!

What was their "flirting stage" like?

For Ripley and Gabe it starts like basically the minute they meet and I love that for them lmaooo, like just immediately constantly complimenting each other and making cheesy flirty jokes and stuff. Ripley is always rly uhh chivalrous, I guess, with girls she likes and it's a form of flirting for her lol. They already have their first date after knowing each other for 2 days 💀 (nothing big tho, they just drove around town but they called it a Date (also their timeline is different from the book)) so like it takes that short for them to straight up just admit like yea I'm very into u and I'd like to see where this goes hahaha 😭😭. It's super unusual for Ripley to be so at ease with someone so fast tho, there's just something about Gabe..

For Ripley and Cas it starts at the party in the woods, though it's not super genuine from either side. I think when Ripley goes into the woods with him after the autumn festival meeting that's where things start to change, tho there's still this weird hostility in the air. Or Ripley implying she'd hurt him and him acting like he'd enjoy that lmao 😭 and that making her feel some type of way lol. Ripley also kinda has the tendency to hint like I like Gabe more so if u want to have a chance u gotta work harder. Which is so shitty of her but she doesn't exactly give a shit about hurting the feelings of the guy who mauled someone right in front of her a few weeks ago lol. I think she just half still thinks theyre both just kidding cuz Cas doesn't seem to think too highly of humans? After the autumn festival is when things rly change and Ripley has her realisation that Cas actually cares a lot about her and also that she's bi and she does like him like That (EWWW) and she kinda just nonverbally shows this to him by giving him a kiss on the cheek when he drops her off. And from there on the lines start getting more blurred.

So like I hc that Cas and Gabe were a couple when they were still human a few decades ago, iirc they're 17 when they get together?? For a while they're just friends, they meet due to being paired for a project at school and keep hanging out after that because they enjoy each others company. I think they slowly fell for each other and Gabriela just starts slowly Hinting at him that she thinks he's cute and stuff, just to see how he reacts and eventually feels confident enough to just confess to him.

And in the present I think as they start getting along again, sometimes they already flirt a bit with each other and as time goes on these moments increase + get less and less subtle (especially once Ripley starts doing this whole 'inviting u guys on dates and not showing up so ur stuck together-thing) I think Gabe is once again definitely more forward.

What are their parallels, whether in their personalities or their histories?

Ripley and Cas and getting bullied rly bad, even down to getting beat up and shaming themselves over that bc they think it makes them 'weak'.

Ripley and Cas' first hunt and killing someone and having Feelings about it though they handle it differently (Ripley is shaken up and hates herself for it, while Cas forces himself into just embracing it. Ignoring feelings of guilt, leaning into the vampires that encourage him and pushing away his humanity even more, rly the start of no longer seeing himself as human).

Ripley and Cas also have v similar taste in clothing and aesthetics and stuff obviously hahah.

Ripley and Gabe and their feelings about no longer being human, being turned against their will, their feelings about not getting to grow up, never getting to be mothers etc.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

I feel like none of them really prefer one or the other more, I do think Cas Needs verbal affection more because he kinda needs that as reassurance sometimes or something?

If they get married, who proposes, and how do they do it? Would they change their surnames?

I think vampires probably don't really get married, but they probably have their own version of it. I think some probably do anyway but I think it's rare?

I think for years Ripley feels weird as hell about the idea of marriage because she just always feels like a 19 year old 'and that's a thing of the future', like she couldn't picture herself having a wedding right now. I think it's something she's a bit bummed about but it's not her biggest gripe with vampirism.

I do think Gabriela is the kinda person who'd have wanted a big wedding with all her friends and family, on a beautiful location, with a big cake and a beautiful dress.. And is definitely upset that isn't in the cards anymore. Tho I think it kinda helps to know that the 3 of them couldn't have gotten married even if they were human cause only 2 people can legally marry each other anyway.

But like I do think it's a thing that comes up a lot when they fantasize about what could've been. So despite her own feelings eventually Ripley takes them to a nice spot and proposes to both Cas and Gabe with rings similar to those pendants she got at the end of book 1. Except the gems are still missing because I imagine instead of containing a gem with her blood only, those would contain a gem with everyone's blood in it.

And they plan out a private ceremony, just between the 3 of them where they all say their vows and everyone's dressed up (Gabe gets her wedding dress lol). It's not what she always imagined but I think it still brings her some peace, in a way it's just make special because they just do their own thing and make it work.

Like it's not a wedding but its like the same idea with just celebrating what they have, how far they've come and showing each other they all belong to each other.

The whole name changing thing isn't really applicable because they all change their names every few decades anyway hahaha. I do think they might keep going by their og names in private tho. I think early on Ripley often thought and paired up her name with theirs and came to the conclusion that Ripley Reese just sounds better than Ripley Harlow or whatever anyway.

[grimescum-2]

Omg grimes it would be so funny stupid if you posted headcanons about how Claudine would be with a love interest

IS THIS HOW U ASK FOR THINGS U GOOF?? not that im complaining thoug heehee i'll give u some rn

- she has no shame; will make her interest known regardless of anyone else being there. if anything, she's a lot more obvious WITH other people around. v possessive. gotta mark yr territory i suppose

- big smooth talker. confident in her ability to pull someone, gets frustrated when it doesn't seem to be working. she (kinda) knows when to quit though

- being a vampire w no active job, she doesn't really have the money for gifts or expensive dining. that is why she steals :o) she'll pull a dine and dash w u like a good girlfriend should

most of her stolen gifts are antiques she thinks are cool

- will not stop trying to convince them to leave their job and join her circus

- very insistent on her love interest letting her dress them or do their makeup

- showers them in compliments that get a little weird as time goes on (ex. "nice skin" "i bet you'd taste good"). its genuine but also she's running out of ideas

- she is also . like. a little physically violent when excited.. even if she's benevolent for the most part her bloodthirst will occasionally get the best of her. leads to her (gently) fucking punching or choking her love interest. shes got a bit of a sadistic streak but shes polite about it so its ok

my tummy hurts im guna take a nap now BUT THANK U FOR LETTING ME INFODUMP!!!! heres some scraps from my work on her redesign

[wooahaes]

hi! (first time sending an ask so pls lmk if anyone has this emoji but-) i completely agree w/ u that writers should put a warning or smth that the fanfic will be catered to a certain body type as ive read fanfic w/o that and have felt insecure. not saying these writers are intentionally trying to make ppl feel bad, but they need to realize that sometimes their works do cater to thin/skinny body types and letting readers know that rly isnt a big deal. ty for always speaking ur truth! - 🐱 anon

hi nonny! im gonna answer all ur asks in one go <3 (no need to apologize for spamming! i had a moment of 'oh fuck did i say something wrong' but thats just anxiety brain speaking haha)

honestly! i genuinely don't mind if writers wanna intentionally write works for a thinner reader, it'd just be nice for them to write in a little warning at the beginning of the fic <3 i write chubby readers and mark 'em with chubby!reader so my audience knows, nothing wrong w doing it the other way around!

i also wanna say, i remember looking up "seventeen x chubby reader", "svt x chubby reader", or smth along those lines on tumblr but just knowing almost nothing will pop up 💔. until i saw a little fanfic called "tiger stripes" and was baffled that someone actually wrote something that had someone like me in mind. i remember feeling and being so happy about it. just thank you for your svt x chubby reader works because u make us chubby carats feel so seen 🫶🏼 - 🐱 anon

aaaa ty lovely!! im a chubby gal myself so i love writing chubby!reader fics from time to time when inspiration strikes <3 usually i try to keep everything body neutral so that anyone can enjoy my fics (even in my chubby reader fics, i try not to specify how big reader is so that anyone bigger can enjoy them), but sometimes i just gotta aim something for the chubby gals out there <3 tiger stripes is one of my most beloved fics and it genuinely makes me happy to think of my own stretch marks as tiger stripes hehe <3

ah anyway !! hope im not a bother w/ my asks !! i just wanted to tell u this despite my shyness bc idk, i rly feel like u needed to hear it 🙏🏼 anyway, i also wanna add ur a rly good writer and keep on doing what ur doing 👍🏼 - 🐱 anon

u are 100000% fine!! i love talking to anons and ur always welcome to pop into my inbox whenever you feel like it <3 + it does always help to hear that other chubby carats enjoy my work!! mwah mwah ur so sweet

tw fatphobia mentions (nothing explicitly fatphobic tho) // omg though.. i remember finding this [redacted] x reader fic and bc it appeared under the [removed] tag (smth like that) and i assumed that it was catered to fat ppl. but unfortunately it turned out to be incredibly fatphobic w/ it's themes, plot, + y/n. im not saying u have to be fat to write "x fat reader" fanfic but perhaps step away from writing for ppl u have no understanding of if ur gna write stuff like that.. - 🐱 anon

redacting the guy + the tag from your ask purely to try and avoid anyone tracking down the writer by any means! i trust my followers to not do something like that, but i'd feel better reducing that risk in any way <3

oh yikes! i think like... its worth it to sometimes address fatphobia in writing, but that kind of stuff 100% needs a warning! one of my current fic ideas involves a reader who is confident in her body but kinda relapses back to a previous mindset of 'maybe i Should be ashamed of it' after being fully insulted for being a bigger gal and the fic would absolutely have a warning.

i do agree that you def do not have to be a bigger person to write chubby/fat reader fics, but its definitely something you need to be mindful of when you wanna handle the heavier topics. im always happy to weigh in with my own thoughts + experiences, and im sure other people would be, too! no shame in trying to address it in themes/plot, but there's def a difference between endorsing those ideas and discussing them (and i'll say i have no idea which was being done in this fic)

(btw: no one go looking for this writer to say anything to them btw, we do not promote harassment on this blog--anon ur 100% fine to express ur opinions since i've seen fatphobia in reader fics, too, and it's okay to express discomfort with the idea. i'm always open to discussing things as long as they don't point too directly to anyone's work--and i'm equally open to taking down anything that pinpoints a certain writer.)

anyway ur 100% fine to send as many asks as u want!! im always happy to talk to people esp abt topics like this (or in general too!) <3 ty for being polite tho mwah mwah ur v cute

[wispycecilia]

people-free bookstore.

akira kurusu x reader

[14:29] - 1298 words.

synopsis: locked in a library while its raining. oh, and did i mention that you’re alone with a hot dude too?

notes: pure fluff. mentions of prominent literature figures. akira used instead of ren. no spoilers, just the 'i am thou..’ speech :)

a/n: yall. i wrote this two years ago. TWO YEARS AGO. AND IT HAS BEEN GATHERING DUST FOR THAT LONG. i revamped it to the point where it’s basically unrecognisable to the first draft, but i just wanted to share some of my old writing w/ u all!! u can definitely see the rookie mistakes still </3

The feeling of the bonded leather made a smile tug at your lips. It had always been like this: with the countless rows of spines facing outwards, the smell of dusty parchment and coffee filling the air - the bookshop in a secluded corner of Shibuya had been your home; your sanctuary.

The atmosphere was unparalleled - there was no other place as calming as here. South-facing windows made light leak through; rays of comfort lining your face.

Time passed by, and those rays of comfort disappeared - replaced with dreary rains as the melodious tune drifting through the air stays consistent. A puff of cold escaped your lips, leaving a trail of disappointment in its wake.

‘So much for going home…’

The rain continued, wed thuds echoing into the quaint bookshop. They were like bullets battering against the roof. You could tell that in order to avoid getting your books wet, going home had to wait a bit.

‘H-Hey guys. You gotta leave soon. I know it’s raining and all, but I gotta wrap up my shift in a bit…'

A meek voice caught your attention. There was no way she actually expected you to go outside in this weather - right?

You opened up your mouth to protest, but a masculine voice beat you to it. ‘With all due respect, there’s no way we’re going out there.’

Immersed in your own world, you failed to realise that there was another person in the cozy shop that wasn’t the shop-keep. You expected to see no one impressive, maybe just a face that blended in with the remaining crowd – a normality, even - but you instead lock eyes with the prettiest boy you have ever seen. You were openly gawking. And doubled with the fact that he rendered the poor worker speechless with just a singular sentence? It was almost comical.

Looking at him closer, you were able to pinpoint why exactly the worker was speechless. The blush on her face said it all. Staring shamelessly, you struggled to keep your eyes to yourself as you studied the stranger’s features. With framed glasses and tousled hair that looked like it hadn’t been brushed in years, he could easily be mistaken as your average passer-by. But he was enchanting. There was something endearing about his plain look; his aura leaking with pure confidence. He could captivate even the strongest people with just one look.

What a piercing glare. The thought wandered into your mind carelessly, foregoing any prior thoughts about the man.

Unable to continue the staring contest, the worker averted her attention to you. ‘By the looks of things, I’m guessing you’re not leaving either, right?’ Giving a hesitant nod in return, the girl groaned. ‘I don’t get paid enough for this. Seriously,’ impassively gesturing to the counter, all previous sense of her nervousness dissipated. ‘This is where the keys are. Lock up when you’re done, and not a word of this to anyone, okay? You’re putting my job at risk here.’

Walking over to the entrance to make her leave, the girl spared one last look over to you two, hands briskly unwrapping the only umbrella from the rack.  ‘I’m only doing this because you’re attractive… The boy. Akira, I mean.’

Wait. They know each other?

And just like that, three became two.

‘The girl has no shame, huh? Totally into you, dude.’ You gave a little smile to your side, in hopes of removing the tension between you and the boy, Akira, if you recalled correctly. Oh, why won't the rain just let up already? ‘Seems like it’s not gonna stop any time soon… So much for going home, I guess.’

His stare was too much for you. Suddenly, the window seemed more interesting than the hundreds of books you were surrounded by. Yet, in the midst of the window's reflection, you swore you saw Akira’s eyes crinkle up in amusement at your pity party. His smile was cute; his name was cute. He was cute.

‘Well, if we’re stuck, we might as well get comfortable, right?’ You walked over to the couch at the centre of the store, gesturing him over with a wave of your hand. Encyclopedia of Thieves was left askew. A childish name filled with equally immature drawings. A teenager definitely left it here.

Oh screw it, literature is literature. Might as well give it a read, right?

Mimicking your actions, Akira grabbed an obscure book off of the horror shelf, before proceeding to sit on the furthest end of the couch you’re on. The novel in question, however, caught your attention.

‘No Longer Human? As in, Osamu Dazai’s?’ That’s one of my favourites! I know it’s cliche, but it’s fantastic nonetheless, really!’ In the midst of your excited sprawl, his mouth hangs open for a bit. Oh no, did you get too carried away? ‘Sorry, I tend to get a bit… Excited over these things.’

‘It’s alright.’

So, he was a man of very little words, huh? That’s alright - it adds more mystery to his persona. Maybe that’s why you’re attracted to his charm in the first place.

You two pause, and with the initial rush of adrenaline and excitement gone, the chatter slows down into a lull of nothingness, replaced with the melodious piano music that drew a line between the tranquillity of strangers. The silence was one you would have with an old friend - it wasn’t awkward whatsoever; it was calming.

That’s when a realisation hits you.

‘Ah did you realise--’

‘We’re alone, aren’t we?’

Completely neglecting the fact that that’s the longest sentence he’s said to you, you stood up in excitement, ‘Don’t you realise? We’re in a people-free bookstore! This is like… the coolest thing that has ever happened to me! W-Wait here! I’m going to get something.’

You excitedly browse through the collection of novels and eagerly grab some until a pile forms within your hands. While you dump them onto the couch - spreading out like falling dominoes as a result - he smiles at your excitement. You were like an excitable cat. Adorable.

The not-so stranger stands up and does the same, picking up novella and putting it on the couch tentatively, creating a tower of books.

You sit down and urge him to follow suit through your smile alone. ‘Here! Look, this is my favourite at the moment. It’s Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, and the plot is fantastic. The author actually takes risks, which is like, something none of ‘em do nowadays. A feat in itself, if you ask me.’

He nods - and this is when you realise, even after everything that has occurred – Akira’s an awesome listener. A stark contrast to your talkativeness.

‘I’m reading this one at the moment,’ He pointed at the cover that read Snow Country, and you questioned Akira’s taste in literature right then and there. ‘The story is just as bleak as the cover implies.’

You laugh at his comment, and the impromptu book show-and-tell begun.

Deep within his mind, Akira heard it.

‘I am thou, thou art I. Thou hast acquired a new vow. It shall become the wings of rebellion that breakth thy chains of captivity. With the birth of the Page of Pentacles persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power.’

Two people, alone, in a bookshop. And with the smiles and laughter filling up the bookstore, the smell of petrichor fails to reach your noses; coffee and parchment, the scents of home, settled in its stead.

The fact that it had stopped raining almost an hour ago failed to dawn upon the duo. But you two didn't care; you were busy basking in the limelight that had been meticulously crafted.

Maybe something more than just a confidant has been formed: a relationship that surpasses the boundaries between acquaintances and lovers.

[joy-drops]

this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me

[cubedmango]

Idk if you saw this spoiler but it’s literally one of my favs and makes me wanna start chewing on glass my GOD so when adachi comes back from nagasaki they move in together and they ended up moving to adachis place, adachi was so shocked cause kurosawa agreed and chose his place instead of his and this absolute sap’s reasoning was "i want to be surrounded with the things you like" (END ME. SERIOUSLY) and afterwards they start unpacking more and when adachi unpacked this box he saw those iconic blue silky pyjamas from ep 2 right and he got so hyped up):£:&? and was like ‘AH I REMEMBER THESE THE PYJAMAS THAT FIT ME PERFECTLY☺️’ and kurosawa oh my god with literally No Shame was like ah yea actually you see i was thinking of you when i bought it..." adachi then went Imfao i know (LIKE I CANNOT. STAND THESE MFS FR I CANNOT) then adachi went ‘oh then can you show me the rest of the items that you bought while thinking about me?’ which can I just say. The damage this line has done to me without hearing him say it is IMMENSE NAINA WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED LIKE ADACHI???? HELLO):&:? the subtle flirting the acknowledgment the confidence i’m@gonna melt through the floor they’re so… JUST SO IN LOVE IT MAKES ME ILL . god and then kurosawa brought out another set of pyjamas which happens before that scene we got from here https://twitter.com/tx_cherimaho/status/1516582423030509569?s=21&t=9YKMCffArunZ96z-muFdCA which lead to another freezesawa moment……….. once again I would like to say that i’m not making it out of this movie alive

WHERE DO U FIND THESEEEEE IM SOBBING ok i read abt the first bit of this w kurosawas insane reasoning for moving in (HES SO!!!!!! he needs to stop saying things Please) and them unpacking the pyjamas but . the rest of this im losing it sskhdkjhfd???? adachi says that ????????? Adachi?????????? ? this is character fucking development oh god what the hell. good for him i support his new confidence

seeing that clip again and........... i gotta find a ditch and lie down in it. can they stop being in love for my sake..,,. Why Are They Like This . Over Matching Pyjamas. Kurosawa Im Gonna Snap Ur Phone In Half Stop Doing The Adorable Taking Pictures Thing !!!!!!! I Cant Take It!!!!!!!!!!!

[ff-imagines]

uhm this is embarrassing thing to request but,,,,,,, how bout u know,,,,,, nsfw alphabet/scenario/hcs with blobster. 👁️👄👁️. I'm sorry.

Boston lobster: nsfw alphabet

Minors dni xoxo

A - aftercare

Admittedly kinda sloppy, it doesn’t occur to him that he should probably check up on you till he’s like “oh shit humans need water” and he suddenly shoots up to grab some and come back to you lmao

If you explicitly ask you get no back talk from him, he just carries you where you need to be and makes sure you’re feeling alright.

Will be endlessly prideful if u say you can’t walk, express your soreness at your sanities risk bc he’ll bring it up for ages

B- body parts

Oh he’s got no shame to tell you he loves your ass and thighs. The type to walk by you and give you a tap on the ass while smirking to himself. Doesn't matter how much or how little you've got he’ll still ask at least once if he can fuck your thighs lmao

Does his height count? He loves how he towers over most humans and food souls alike, chances are he’s probably taller than you, and he really likes that. Sulks a bit if you’re actually taller than him lmao.

They aren’t his favourite part of him but I gotta talk about the antennae. They’re weirdly sensitive, pulling him makes him squeak, which ends with him chasing you or with him chasing you, take your pick. When he catches you he makes it his goal to find a weirdly sensitive part of your body and to tease that spot endlessly. Tickle fight ensues but it’s more like you’re suffering while he’s maniacally laughing above you.

C - cum

It’s thick as fuck and very salty, rip lmao

He likes to cum inside or on your thighs, look they’re very squishy and nice ok he can’t help it </3

He’s also obsessed with not only making you cum, but just… your cum. Amab or afab readers, he will delight in making you watch him swallow. Would also bring his hand up to make you taste yourself, grinning the whole damn way.

D - dirty secret

He’s really affected by scents. If you have a signature perfume or cologne you wear all the time it can make him unbearably horny, since the smell lingers on his sheets and on his clothes long after you’re gone.

E - experience

A fair amount, out of curiosity. Not too many times as he’s spent a lot of years in total isolation. His curiosity is a more recent development, he finds he likes the feeling but something is just missing from his hookups. Then he meets you and is like “ohhhh a relationship is what it was, damn.” Once he realizes that, and even a little bit before when he first starts noticing his internal unease, the hookups stop so he can figure out how to swallow his pride and try and ask a human out lmao

F - favorite position

He loves doggy style because it’s just so so easy to control you that way. He loves to pull you back by your arms, spearing inside you at a punishing pace.

He also would love if you were flexible enough to push into a mating press, getting right next to your ear, whispering about how close he is.

G - goofy

Surprisingly, yea! He’s actually pretty good at making fun of himself, he just doesn’t do it often and doesn’t like it when someone he’s not close to does it. He gives little teases here and there, it eases tension quite a lot.

H- hair

He doesn’t shave for shit lmao. Intense happy trail, intense amount of body hair over all, he actually prefers it that way.

He keeps the same energy with your body hair and will come out and tell you he kinda likes it if you don’t shave. Ultimately he doesn’t think on it too hard, it doesn’t bother him in the end, whatever you want, he wants too!

I- intimacy

He’s not so good at being truly intimate, it’s just not something he’s used to being. If you ever, by some miracle, convince him to let you top him, he’s actually a lot softer and it’s easier to let his feelings speak for him. He also discovers he likes getting dommed a lot but he won’t tell you that lmao

J- jerk off

Not too often, he’s either super busy or he could just find you and solve the problem in an even more satisfying way.

If he ever can’t, expect him to grab one of your shirts to press to his nose as he fists his cock, the feeling of being surrounded by you is enough to help him finish when he desperately needs it.

K- Kinks

Well, the scent thing ofc.

He’s really into risky sex, a true exhibitionist. He’s hot, you’re hot, who wouldn’t want to see you both put on a show? If it gets it into their heads that no matter how bad they want you, you belong to him, your place is right here, getting split apart on his cock, he’ll make sure the message gets across.

Huge breeding kink. Hates the idea of kids but really likes the idea of claiming your insides. He’d love to push you into the mattress and release as deep as he can go.

He’s into humiliation as well, let him tease you while calling you his sweet little whore, he'll make it worth your while.

He’d love if you let him tie you up, he’d probably get into doing fancy designs that accentuates your body in the best way. A pretty rope to tie up and dick down a pretty s/o.

Also I can’t look at his skin where he’s got that suit on and not know he’s got a daddy kink, I just can’t. He doesn’t care for anything other than the title, it’s more about power than anything else. Call him daddy in public and watch how fast you get taken to a more private area. Or, maybe a less than private area, if you’d let him.

He’s got a thing for size difference as well, he loves to loom over you, even if he isn’t actually bigger than you.

L- location

Anywhere, anytime. He’s a prideful bastard, he’ll show off his ability to get you drunk off his cock any way he can. Not only isn’t there a spot in your house he hasn’t fucked you on, there probably isn’t a place on your street either.

M- motivation

What really gets him going is seeing you when you're at your most confident. If you come to him beaming about winning an award, wearing an outfit you feel great in, even if you just say something cocky, it just makes him so proud and eager to share that confidence with you. He doesn’t want to break you down, he wants to prop you up! Tell him about how good you feel, he’ll make you feel even better <3

N- no

As much as he likes to show you off, he doesn’t actually like the thought of a third party joining in. He might be swayed if it’s someone he really trusts. He also doesn't like receiving humiliation, he’s much too prideful lmao

O- oral

Please suck him off, he’ll be kinda rough with you but he’ll be nicer if you ask. He prefers to be mean though lmao. He likes ordering you around on what to do when you’ve got his dick in your mouth, his words get more incoherent the closer he is, though.

He’s just as eager to give you head too, he treats you like a whole 7 course meal. He loves biting around your thighs before ever touching where you're desperate for him to.

P- pace

Oh he’s punishingly hard. Loves to have a fast steady pace then stop as deep as he can and roll his hips a bit to make sure you feel just how deep his dick is inside you.

There are rare days when he’s feeling soft, those days he’s slow and methodical, gripping into your hips to make sure you can’t wiggle to increase your own pleasure, he wants you to savour the high he gives you.

Q- quickies

Well, why not! So what if you’re in an alleyway near a busy street, and anyone can walk by and see you getting pounded? You’re feeling heated aren’t you? Don't kid yourself, just turn around and let him take care of you.

R- risk

He lives for it. If you’d let him he’d bounce you on his cock in a plainly public place, like a subway car.

It’s a big fantasy of his for someone who absolutely pines for you to flirt just a little too hard, you coming to him and letting him fuck your right in front of them. It fuels his pride beyond belief to show you off.

S- stamina

His refractory time is fairly low. Even if he...can? doesn't really mean he wants to. He prefers either one drawn out, long round where you’ve both been edged to the point of desperation, or a few quick rounds throughout the day.

T- toys

At first they kinda hurt his pride but then he’s like “wait I can strap them on a vibrator and just sit back and watch” and then he’s totally on board lmao.

Forcing you to sit on a chair with a vibrator he had the remote to, keeping you on the edge and smirking while you beg and snivel, having no actual plans to give into your pleading.

U- unfair

Oh fuck yea, strap in babes.

He loves loves to edge the fuck out of you, he’d drag it out for hours if you’d let him. Even better if he can tie you down so you can’t squirm away from what he’s giving you.

Overstimulation is just as exciting to him, but he actually loves it more on himself. Sometimes he’ll overstimulate himself on purpose by still continuing to buck into you even after he’s already cum, determined to chase a second high no matter how painful it feels.

V- volume

Loud groans, and he won’t stop talking. Loves to ask you questions when you’re clearly way too blissed out to answer in any sort of coherent way.

He gets a lot louder near his release, he loves to bite into your shoulder to try and muffle himself. If he decides to be bold and let you hear him, he grabs your jaw and brings his face right next to your ear. What a show off.

W- wild card

He kidnaps small items that remind him of you, not just things that smell like you. That one earring you always wear, a glove, a necklace, picks flowers that remind him of you for whatever reason, he might even go out of his way to buy things that remind him of you, keep them to himself for a while, then give it to you when he’s sure it smells enough like him. He gives your stuff back… eventually.

X- X Ray

Oh please… he spits, sweats, and bleeds big dick energy. I refuse to believe his dick isn’t big enough to make you nervous. Would have you sit on his lap and track a finger up your stomach to measure how deep his cock can go.

Y- yearning

He’s pretty likely to mold to your sexual drive. However often you need him, he’s at your beck and call. He likes to keep it closer to 2-3 times a week if he can.

Z- zzz

He doesn’t sleep all that easily at all, but it gets a little easier when he’s got you in his arms. Prefers to be big spoon, and as much as he hates getting overheated, he just can’t will himself to let go of you. It’s ironically one of the most peaceful sleeps he’s ever had.

[hnychn]

KARASUNO’S MANAGER !!

SYPNOSIS — it’s a new year and the karasuno team decides to throw a new years party in the school gym

WARNINGS — tooth rotting fluff <3

AUTHOR’S NOTE — none of this is realistic but shut up and let me live laugh and love with the idea it’s real

⇀ HAPPY NEW YEARS BABESS

⇀ so it all started out when noya and tanaka came up with the brilliant idea to throw a new years party

⇀ and since canonically, everyone in haikyuu are losers, everyone agreed 😀

⇀ of course you invited your boo kenma 😼 and the nekoma team

⇀ and kuroo invited the fukurodani team since bokuto heard about the party somehow

⇀ the party is held in the gym, it's byoc

⇀ "bring your own cups"

⇀ cause y'all broke broke 😭😭✋🏼

⇀ kidding . . . about the cup part, y'all are broke though . . .

⇀ anyways, so the team put you in charge of getting the drinks

⇀ . . . but they never specified non-alcoholic 😼

⇀ so you, being the six foot seven giant you were, got some alcohol

⇀ it was surprisingly easy

⇀ like the guy behind the counter didn't even ask you for an ID or anything and he probably assumed you were 21+ because of your features 🤡

⇀ i mean you do be chiselled by the gods themselves 🤪🥴

⇀ not me simping over you 🤺

⇀ so the party is about to start and you come in with literal bottle of alcohol like fUCKING JACK DANIEL'S AND WHISKEY AND RUM AND ALL THAT SHIT

⇀ and when daichi saw you with all the paper bags filled with bottles of alcohol he just-

⇀ . . . 🧍🏽‍♀️

⇀ "y/n. . ."

⇀ "yes? 🤠"

⇀ "why. . .why do you have alcohol?"

⇀ "you said to get drinks. ."

⇀ "i mEANT PUNCH-"

⇀ all daichi wanted to do was punch you 🏌️🏽‍♀️

⇀ LMAO BUT NOYA AND TANAKA TURNT UP WITH THE ALCOHOL

⇀ they poured that shit into those punch bowls? ya know? the ones in those cliche highschool movies

⇀ they got red solo cups and everything 🔫

⇀ anyways, so people start showing up and daichi panics because no sir, these minors aren't getting drink on his watch, but oops-

⇀ kiyoko locked him in the shortage closet 👁

⇀ "i'll let you out in 20 minutes"

⇀ because babes knew that's all it'll take for everyone to be blackout drunk

⇀ and she was right 💅🏽

⇀ fifteen minutes into the party, noya, tanaka, yamamoto, lev and a bunch of first years are drunk drunk.

⇀ suga, kuroo, asahi, and ennoshita are also drunk but like they're the chill typa drunk y'know?

⇀ they playing a game of uno with normal playing cards 🧍🏽‍♀️

⇀ kenma . . . doesn't want to be there BLESS HIM LMAO-

⇀ he's sitting in the corner, red solo cup in hand because kuroo took his pspspsp and won't give it back, even if he is drunk

⇀ and you- good god

⇀ YOU. ARE. D R U N K.

⇀ i'm talking the embarrassing type of drunk

⇀ you're dancing on one of the volleyball poles like a fucking stripper and bokuto is throwing napkins at you like they're ones please- 🔫

⇀ kenma is just in the corner staring like 🐚🌝 hello yes, officer? imma need animal control here asap.

⇀ LIKE DJFJD WTF IS MY BF DOINGG

⇀ he's embarrassed for you 😔✋🏼

⇀ but in the corner of your eye you see kenma sitting all alone so you go over to him, alcohol nearly spilling over the side of your red solo cup

⇀ "what're you doin all alone here, kitten?"

⇀ kenma crinkles his nose because you smell like alcohol, but he just shrugs

⇀ he says something but you can't hear him over he loud music, so you lean closer but you end up spilling your drink all over your shirt and you just

⇀ "ew it's sticky . . . i guess I'll just take it off"

⇀ SO YOU DO

⇀ IN A CROWDED ROOM

⇀ OF DRUNK POSSIBLY NOT STRAIGHT MEN

⇀ and holy fuck-

⇀ how knew you were so foine 🥴🥴

kenma's eyes widen when you suddenly pull off your shirt, your chest still slightly damp from the drink spilling on you. he could feel heat rushing to his face the longer he stared. kenma wanted to look away, he really did, but it was something about the way you rubbed your hands over your abs and chest to wipe off the moisture and the way you looked down with hooded eyes that had him entranced. he couldn't look away, and by the sight of the other people in the room also staring at you with no shame, they couldn't either.

despite being drunk, you could tell people were staring and it filled you with a sort of confidence you only got in the privacy of your room with kenma. speaking of kenma, he wasn't fairing any better. his head was turned to the side to look away, but his eyes betrayed him and stayed focused on your chest.

you smirked.

kenma gasped as you suddenly leaned forward, your hand slamming onto the wall next to him and the other pushing him by the hip, your cold fingers slithering up his shirt and sending chills up his spine. your breathe was warm next to his ear and kenma's blush intensified.

"see something you like, kitten?"

kenma's breathing began to get heavier the longer you whispered in his ear, his chest and pants tightening. kenma refused to look up, knowing half of the people in the gym were staring, but he would by lying if he said it didn't turn him on more than he already was.

your stopped whispering in kenma's ear and began trailing kisses down his jaw and neck, leaving marks behind. kenma had to bite his bottom lip to stop noises from escaping his mouth, but his restraint was limited due to the small amount of alcohol in his system.

your fingers traveled further up his shirt and caressed his waist, pulling him closer to you. pulling away from his neck, you turned to his lips, sucking and biting on them as if it would be the last time you would be able to. kenma's neck was littered with hickies that, even in the darkness of the gym, were extremely visible.

but before things could go any further, you were ripped away from kenma by a fuming daichi, "first you bring alcohol and get everyone drunk, then you try to fuck your boyfriend in the middle of the gym? i'm gonna kill you, y/n."

⇀ you were put on daichi watch for the rest of the night 😔🔫

⇀ but by the time 11 rolled around, you were a bit sober so i guess that's good

⇀ everyone gathered into he middle of the gym and counted down until midnight

⇀ kiyoko and yachi had hung some of those colour changing lights and gave the room some amazing vibes

⇀ and kenma was standing next to you, your arm slung over his shoulder as the lights hit his face perfectly and outlined every feature of his beautifully

⇀ you smiled down at him

"it's already 2021, huh?"

kenma looked up at you and immediately looked away when he saw that you were already looking at him. even after months of dating and nights spent in each other's embrace, he still got nervous when you looked at him the way you were right now.

eyes so full of love and lips pulled into a satisfied smile.

"yeah. . . i guess. . ."

you laughed and pulled him closer to your side, kenma stumbled a bit and grasped onto the new shirt you put on. it was a spare that you left behind in the clubroom one day.

"c'mon kenma! new year, new possibilities! what are your new years resolutions?"

kenma shrugged, burying his head deeper into your side, "i don't have any."

5 . . .

you smiled, "really?"

you looked back up at the digital clock kiyoko hung up on the wall just for new years, your smile never faltering. kenma loved that about you, your ability to smile no matter what. no matter the circumstances.

4 . . .

"what about you?" kenma asked, a small bubble of guilt building in his chest for not answering how he thought you wanted.

you looked down at him with the same lovesick eyes and satisfied smile, kenma felt his heart stop, "me?"

you looked back up at the clock, "hmm. . ."

3 . . .

"i think. . . " you drew out, a playful smile on your face when kenma pouted at your long answer. he slapped your chest when you laughed at him.

2 . . .

"i think," you tugged kenma in front of you and rested your chin on his head, a lazy smile drawn on your face as everyone else yelled about, excited for the new year.

1 . . .

"i think i have everything i could ever want right here."

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

kenma gasped as you suddenly turned him around, lifting his face by the chin. everyone around you cheered as the clock hit 12 and it was now January 1, 2021.

kenma's heart pounded when he saw the same old lazy smirk on your face and the same old lovesick look in your eyes; but no matter how many times he's seen it, he would always feel the butterflies fluttering in hit stomach.

"happy new years, kenma." you whispered as you pulled him into a kiss.

what a way to start the new years.

⇀ everything after that was a blur

⇀ the party amping up as a way to start the new years and you were sure even daichi had a cup full of some unholy concoction of alcohol kiyoko made for him

⇀ when you woke up, you were in bed, kenma laying a your side.

⇀ with close on, y'nasties 👁

⇀ your head felt like it was going to explode and your stomach turned in ways it shouldn't

⇀ but you were too lazy to get outta bed

⇀ me 🤡

⇀ so you just pulled kenma closer and went back to sleep

⇀ dreaming of a happy future with the man in your arms

taglist:: @stickystrawberrysyrup @420-uwu @nvthvlyy @kaiwai @goshizaki-jun @thetrash-mammal @dprhvn @bakuhore

a/n :: i'll add the read more thing in the morning, i gotta start getting dressed for the new year party. this was kinda rushed too so sorry if it's a bit jumbled or something

[halloweenhoneylover]

the window

summary: reader gives spencer a really cute holiday gift, and he really, really appreciates it (spencer reid x gn!reader)

word count: 2.7k

author’s note: this was supposed to be a blurb lmao. also anon, u did not specify gender, so this is gender neutral!!! also, this is for the holiday season and isn’t specific to christmas (aside from mentions of secret santa gift exchange). also also, spencer knits canonically.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

Rolling your eyes, you closed the seemingly menacing pop-up on your screen and continued to finish up your paperwork. A few seconds passed before a second pop-up appeared.

DO NOT CLOSE MY MESSAGES!!!

You heaved a sigh and stood, making your way to Garcia’s lair. Pushing the door open, you skipped a greeting entirely and chided, “Dude, you gotta stop sending scary pop-ups to my computer. People are gonna start thinking that unsubs are hacking the FBI and threatening agents.”

From beneath her horn-rimmed glasses, Penelope tutted and chewed the end of her pen. “You are no fun. Besides, you are forgetting my immensely cool and mysterious origin story. ‘The Black Queen’ was not one of the good guys!”

“That’s true,” you admitted, “but you’re one of us now, so that means no more suspicious messages unless you want to be fired.”

She gave you a contemptuous glare, “Not gonna happen. Also, I’m really shocked that you thought you could distract me from the matter at hand.”

Furrowing your brow, you replied, “I don’t even know what the matter at hand is.”

Garcia’s smirk curled devilishly. “You and Reid.”

Further confusion ensued. “And what about us?”

She groaned and threw her head back, “Oh my god, you really are dragging this out. I know that you did not get him for Secret Santa, but you still got him a present.” The quirking of her eyebrows was enough to indicate that she meant more than what she was saying, and you were hesitant to explore the implications.

“Okay, first of all, it is illegal to look at my credit card history, and secondly, he is my best friend, so yes, I got him a present. Is that a crime?”

“Certainly not...but this does solidify the fact that you’re in love with him.”

“Dear god, Garcia, I am not in love with Spencer Reid.”

The look she gave you was one of utter incredulity. Her disbelief was so strong in fact that she did not deign your statement worthy of verbal response. Instead, she sat there. Staring. And under her rather unnerving gaze, you began to fidget, your resolve slowly dissolving. Squeezing your eyes shut, you relented. 

“Okay, maybe I am the littlest, tiniest bit in love with Spencer Reid.”

“Well, duh, but what I really need to know is when you’re gonna tell him.”

“When? Garcia, this is not a ‘when’ question. Actually, it’s not a question at all because never in a million years would I ever tell him.”

“Why not?” she exclaimed, gesturing with her pen still in hand. “You spend almost all of your time together, at work and at home! You guys go to bookstores and museums and cafes. He talks about his silly little statistics, and you listen, and you make your silly little jokes, and he laughs; you’re a match made in heaven! And he’s so obviously into you! That boy writes the definition of heart eyes every time he looks at you.”

Steeling your jaw, you rebutted, “That’s just not true.” Your voice faltered. “Sure, I’ve noticed a certain...affection, but he does not love me in the same way I love him.” You let out a shaky breath before deciding to continue. “Did you know that in all of our years of friendship he’s never touched me? I mean sure, it’s happened once or twice in the field, but that was always an accident. And yeah, I know he has his thing with germs, but don’t you think if he liked me as anything more than a friend, he would have done something by now? A pinky promise, a teasing elbow jab—I don’t know—something?”

Penelope’s face softened, and she tried to recover your confidence. “He’s like that with everyone! He likes his space. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him initiate contact with anyone on the team.”

 “But isn’t that the point, Garcia? I’m just like everyone else to him. He wants space from me.” Bitterness roiled in your stomach and dripped from your tongue. “Not very romantic, huh?” 

Trying to piece together a counterargument, she stumbled slightly, “No, I will give you that.” She paused. “But I think he’s just scared. Not of germs, not of you, but of his feelings for you. He’s not the most well-adjusted person I know.”

You chuckled lightly, gradually resuming your normally light-hearted disposition, “I would agree.”

“Well, I hope he likes his present.”

The semblance of a tired smile graced your face. “Yeah, me too.” 

You turned to walk out and had almost made it out the door when her voice stopped you. “Also, I will stop sending suspicious pop-ups to your computer.”

Peeking back through the doorway, you grinned.“I think it’d be for the best. Texting does exist for a reason.”

——— 

It had been a really good day. It wasn’t often where an entire day in the bullpen passed only with friends and laughter and love and light, but today was one of them. Snow fell silently outside the windows, but everything inside felt warm like laughing so hard that your cheeks ache and your stomach hurts.

By now, a sort of daze had befallen the team as the giddiness wore on and the alcohol set in, fuzzing eyes and minds. Most everyone had paired off after the gift exchange a few minutes prior, but no one had drifted too far. (Maybe it was the team instinct: never stray too far from the pack, but it was also likely that everyone just enjoyed the proximity to their loved ones, their family.) Garcia seemed to be in heaven, tucked into Morgan’s side on a couch that had been dragged haphazardly into the bullpen, and murmured conversation stretched on with intermittent peals of laughter. Predictably, Hotch and Rossi had sequestered themselves to a nearby desk, their scotch glasses never dry and grins never fading. (Hotch during the holidays was something special. His often frigid demeanor thawed, and out from the ice peeked his former self who wasn’t so serious. (His rare giggles were quite the surprise though.)) Emily and JJ sat on the latter’s desk, discussing anything and everything (except for psychopathic murderers), while you had pulled your chair up to sit beside Spencer at his desk. 

“So are you pleased about your gift from Rossi?” you asked, a faint grin playing at your lips.

“I am,” he replied, clearly enthused. “But I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he managed to get an authentic TARDIS key.” His finger traced the edge of the authenticity certificate Rossi had bestowed on him that sat on his desk; the key was already hanging around his neck.

You raised your eyebrows and nodded. “Well, money is a powerful thing.”

“True,” he mused before furrowing his brow. “But that’s another thing, the expense limit is not a suggestion, but he always treats it like it is. Puts all the rest of us to shame.”

“There’s no shame in an inexpensive gift!” you argued. “As long as time or thought was put in, it doesn’t matter.”

“Penelope surely didn’t skimp on time spent for yours,” he said, pointing to the homemade knitted hat and glove set on the desk beside you.

“No, I did not!” she yelled from her spot on the couch, somehow having managed to pick up on your conversation, and you laughed. “Lots and lots of time and love was poured into those!” Her speech was slightly slurred as her eggnog intake began to infringe on her lucidity.

“I know this, and I love you for it,” you beamed at her.

“I love you too.” She proceeded to bury her face in Derek’s shoulder who could only chuckle at her antics. 

You picked up a glove and inspected it. “I truly cannot comprehend how she made these. Circular knitting needles are my living hell.”

Sitting up with renewed interest, Spencer said, “If you need help with them, I could lend a hand. I knit my mom a sweater this year, and I think I finally understand how they work if you ever wanted me to show you.”

“I’d love that.” Hopefully, the flush of your cheeks could be blamed on the wine you had had. “Speaking of your mom, how is she? Are you excited to see her?”

The corners of his mouth turned up, and he nodded. “She’s good; her nurse said she’s been doing really well lately. She’s less paranoid, more alert, so I’m really excited. I think this will be a good trip.”

“I’m so glad!” You sat there with a dumb smile for a moment, your mind lagging for a moment (damn wine) before realization crashed onto you. “Wait, speaking of your mom, I have something for you!” He cocked his head to the side as you stood up and went to your desk, rifling through one of the drawers. Pulling out a neatly wrapped gift, you trotted back over and offered it to him. “This is for you.”

He took it, running a hand over the wrapping paper (it was the one with cowboys wearing Santa hats that you had found when shopping together a couple weeks before, his favorite). “(Y/N), you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Shrugging lightly, you said, “Yeah, I know we did the whole gift exchange thing, but I saw it, and I thought of you and had to get it.” And you definitely did not actively seek this out for him in the search for his perfect present. Which is something somebody who is definitely not in love with him would do.

He looked up at you, eyes already glassy and searching your face for something. You weren’t sure what he was looking for, but then he met your gaze with unwavering certainty. “Thank you, (Y/N/N).”

“No problem, ya big sap, now open it already.” 

Ever the cautious one, he opened it carefully, sliding a finger under the edge of the paper and gently easing the tape up. The small action of unwrapping a present so attentively was just so Spencer your heart swelled as you suppressed the growing grin. From the paper emerged a book.

“‘A Collection of Poems by Geoffrey Chaucer,’” he murmured, smoothing a hand over the cover.

When he didn’t immediately react, seemingly frozen, nerves crept up the back of your neck, and you sputtered out some sort of reasoning. “I know your mom used to read Chaucer to you; you mentioned ‘The Parliament of Fowls’ when we worked the Fisher King case, and it’s in this collection, and I thought it’d be fun for you to take it to Vegas and read it together and—”

Your explanation came to an abrupt halt as Spencer threw his arms around you, enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug. Immediately melting into it, you embraced him with a similar intensity and buried your face in his neck. Something in his touch allowed you to let go, and it felt like the moment you could finally exhale. 

A breath you’d been holding for longer than you could remember. 

You could smell the cologne that he wore for ‘special occasions’ and his shampoo and something so faint but so undeniably him, and his hand slid up to the back of your head, cradling it in the most tender fashion, and you felt like you could cry. So you pulled him closer, and he did the same.

The hug definitely lasted longer than what most people would find comfortable, but neither of you could be convinced to retreat until you became aware of the silence that had settled over the bullpen. You felt the many pairs of eyes on you, and it pained you to pry yourself off of Spencer. Breathless, you looked around at the shocked faces of your co-workers who sat with mouths agape and eyes wide. You coughed slightly to try to ease the tension and then for some reason beyond your knowledge, you decided to wave at them in the most awkward fashion. Sitting back down, you could feel stares lingering as conversation resumed, and you looked up at Reid who looked like a deer in headlights. You laughed quietly, tugging his sleeve until he received the memo and sat down again. 

He cleared his throat and avoided eye contact, glancing at his present. “Thank you for the book, (Y/N/N).”

“You’re welcome,” you replied, your tone earnest as ever. Still reeling from the hug, you faintly became aware of the speed of your heartbeat and unconsciously brought a hand to your chest. You attempted fruitlessly to sort through your raging thoughts, while across from you, Spencer tried to think of something, anything to say now. 

He couldn’t really believe he’d done it. His germaphobia remained everpresent, but somehow the emotion welling in his chest at your sincerity and benevolence had overridden it, and he felt helpless in stopping himself. His heart had lurched in his chest as if it was suddenly struck with the need to be in your hands, propelling him forward. But it wasn’t like he hadn’t wanted to. He had wanted to for so long, but he’d never mustered the courage before. There was something so special, so intimate about touch, and so many people gave it so freely, and he just didn’t understand how they could allow themselves the indulgence. The absolute luxury of giving and receiving love. Spencer often felt like he sat by a window, watching his life pass by outside of it, and he had always wanted to open it, to really experience all the joy and all the grief and all the love that was waiting for him, but it was scary to open himself up to those feelings and the hurt that could ensue. So, he usually sat discontented by his window. But today, it was like he’d grabbed a hammer and smashed the glass completely and stepped through to be able to return the love you had offered him. 

It felt so good.

But now, he had no idea what to do. He stood there in the midst of the shattered glass, and deep down, he knew had to take the last couple steps to get to you, but he didn’t know how. 

His fingers fidgeted in his lap as he analyzed your blank face, trying to find something to give him the next direction when a realization hit him. “I didn’t get you anything!”

Drawn back from the depths of whatever thought you had been stuck in, you met his gaze and shook your head. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. I broke the gift exchange rules to get you something, so you had no way of knowing.”

“But I feel terrible.” His eyebrows drew together, and he frantically tried to think of some way to repay you. “You get me an incredibly lovely and wonderfully thoughtful gift, and I’m the loser who didn’t get his best friend a present!”

“Spencer—”

“Wait!” he interrupted, a revelation arriving. (He knew how to take the last steps.) “When I get back after the holidays, do you want to get dinner with me? Then, we can go to the bookstore on 10th that you love, and you can pick out a book, and I’ll pay.”

Your eyes widened further than you thought possible, and your heart which had only partially recovered was off to the races once again. You decided to take the plunge and ask the burning question. “Do you—um, do you mean like a date?”

“Yeah,” he answered, beaming so brightly. “Yes. Like a date. If you want to.”

You held each other’s gaze, and the warmth that had filled the bullpen all day filled your chests, and you smiled so hard your faces hurt. 

So silly, you thought, to have wasted all this time boarding up my affection and keeping it tucked away, safe and useless.

So ridiculous, he thought, to have sat by that stupid window for so many years when the real thing feels so sweet.

“I think I’d like that a lot.”

[dirtyoatmeall]

Good for you

A/N: Wow sorry I've been gone!! I suddenly got back into reading and suddenly found myself in the middle of multiple series! anywayz, I finally listened to Olivia Rodrigo's new album so here is a songfic for good for u. I ended up going in a completely different direction than I had in mind. It's also long as fuck. I proof scanned it, but it's like 18 pages, as always sorry for the incorrect grammar, I do what I want. Call me Maybe will be getting one soon as well :)

Pairing: ex!Kageyama x reader, foreshadowed Atsumu x reader

Genre: angst? hurt/comfort? Its sad for pretty much most of it.

Word Count: 10.3k (im so sorry)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drinking, implied adult themes, all characters are 21+ !!, detailed breakup. 16+ only por favor

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.

Your phone chimed, alerting you of a new text, you reached for it on the side table, pausing the movie you were watching. It was a message from Shoyo and an image: ‘I’m sorry, I figured it’d be better if I told you instead of finding out on Twitter.’ Your brow pinched, what could that mean? You unlocked your phone to open the text.

The pinch deepens as you zoom in on the picture, eyes beginning to prickle with tears. It was a photo- most likely taken by a fan or paparazzi- of Tobio, your boy-, ex-boyfriend. He was with a woman, she seemed slightly familiar, probably a model or something along those lines. Your face heated and shame burned in your chest, the embrace they were in looked so intimate; private, that it seemed wrong to look. You deleted the image and left Shoyo on read for now; you’d reply when you’re in a better headspace.

It had only been a couple of weeks and he had already moved on, meanwhile, you were just starting to not cry at the little reminders of him scattered about your apartment. He hadn’t even come to get his stuff. You sniffle and walk over to the wall to your left; the picture wall- and gently take one of the photos off, smiling faintly at the memory it brings to the surface.

Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?

The sun filtered through the blinds, casting a soft glow around the room. Groaning, you squint at the brightness before rolling over. Your eyes find blue ones, startling you slightly. He chuckles softly, voice deep and gravelly with sleep; sending heat through your body. “you’re so jumpy in the morning.” he whispered in the otherwise empty apartment.

You roll your eyes and let him pull you into his chest, listening to his heartbeat and his fingers traced lazy shapes into your hip. “Shut up, you know it takes me a day or two to adjust after you’ve been gone.”

You meant for the words to be light; not expecting the emotion you heard behind them. He sighs, arm winding tighter around your waist as he kisses the top of your head. You bring your head up to meet his gaze and shift in his arms, frown tugging on your lips. “’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”

He sighs again, shaking his head softly. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, I should, for never being home, missing holidays and-“ You put a hand against his lips silencing him, brows drawn tightly together.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for either. I knew what I was getting into when we got together, it didn’t bother me in school and it doesn’t bother me now. I’d much rather you live out your dream than being stuck here with me all the time.” You feel his mouth open to object, but your hand stays firm. “I’m serious Tobio, I mean every word.” He nods against your hand and you release him. You flush slightly at the open emotion in his gaze. He pulls you into a kiss, murmuring against your lips. “I don’t know how I got so lucky with you, I promise I’m gonna give you the world.”

And good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself. I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped

A few days later you meet Shoyo for lunch, a new onigiri place where he apparently knows the owner. He sighs as he sets down his menu, your eyes snapping back your own, pretending like you’ve been mulling it over this whole time. “Alright, go ahead and ask.”

You look up from your menu, feigning innocence. “Hm? Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” He rolls his eyes and raises an eyebrow. You hold his gaze for a few moments before your shoulders sag in defeat. Your eyes fall to the table as you pick at the corner of the laminated menu. He gives you a minute to collect your thoughts before he places his hand atop yours, a sad smile gracing his features.

“(Y/N), it’s normal to want to know how he’s doing.” You chew your lip and mumble, “Well he’s obviously doing good since he already moved on.”

He continues as if you hadn’t spoken. “He started going to that therapist you recommended a day or so after,” he pauses, trying to gauge where your mind is. You’re meeting his gaze, and he can see you got what he was implying so he continued. “He’s been going consistently; says it’s really helped him.” You nod, blocking out his next words; too busy thinking about how you’re going to find a new therapist.

Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl

As you eat, you think over his words. You swallow and take a deep breath, trying to instil confidence in yourself. “Are they… good together?” Your voice comes out softer than intended and you inwardly cringe. He smiles faintly and nods. “They are.” You nod in understanding and turn your focus back to your meal.

Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy, not me-If you ever cared to ask

You knew it was inevitable, your apartments aren’t that far apart, you just wished it wasn’t so soon.

You were grocery shopping for the week, trying to figure out how many oranges to get before settling on 4 with a sigh, you toss them into your cart, turning around to see blue eyes at the other end.

You inhale sharply, your gazes met and he was too close for you to run away, leaving only one option. You were suddenly glad you met Shoyo for breakfast this morning, you were dressed up a bit, but you weren’t so glad when you became queasy. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped, letting it fall shut. You feel your face flush with heat and you duck your head, mumbling a soft “sorry!” and move to continue down the aisle, hoping he’d let you go.

Those hopes were crushed with the hand that gently captured your elbow, halting your escape as he turned you to face him. You were silent for a moment before he realized he was still gripping your elbow, dropping his hand to his side. You crossed your arms around your middle, trying to look- be smaller, small enough to get away. Though the rational side of you knew it wouldn’t happen, that you’ve known each other too long to simply stop. So you raised your gaze, uncurling your arms and bringing your shoulders back to at least look the part of an old friend caught by surprise, smiling as you spoke.

“Oh, Kageyama! I didn’t see you there, how are you?” He cringed ever so slightly at the use of his last name, filling you with a sick sense of pride that weighed uncomfortably in your chest. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a brunette coming up to him, not noticing you as she surveyed the list in her hand.

“Babe, did you find the oranges? Oh, remind me to pick up my birth control at the phar-“ Her eyes widened as she noticed you; cheeks flushing slightly in embarrassment. Unfazed, Kageyama snorted softly, wrapping an arm around her waist before turning back to you. “This is Yumi, babe, this is (Y-) uh, (L/N).” You smiled and waved, which she mirrored, going to speak but instead was interrupted by you, who had decided to spare all of you of the awkwardness of prolonging the conversation. “It’s nice meeting you Yumi, and it was nice seeing you Kageyama, but I gotta run.”

They nodded and waved in farewell as you continued down the aisle, letting out a deep breath before heading into the next aisle. You needed more alcohol.

Good for you. You're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that.

You saw them a few more times during your shopping trip. You had wanted to leave right away, but you had been putting off groceries for too long, and leaving your cabinets and fridge almost barren. Thankfully they were always far enough where if you accidentally made eye contact a smile in passing was warranted enough.

As you contemplated between mini pizzas or a large pizza, you heard a loud giggle from further down the aisle. Your head turned towards the noise instinctively and you saw them at the end, near the ice cream, which you hoped they moved soon because that was next on your list. They were laughing, her arms around his waist as she looked up at him, he had an arm around her, resting on her hip as he met her gaze and you felt your chest tighten and an emotion you definitely did not want to name and wanted to shove down, down far enough to forget it. They looked the part of smitten lovers, and you decided you didn’t need ice cream all that bad and grabbed the mini pizzas before heading to checkout, continuing to ignore the emotion swelling, weighing down your chest and moving up to your throat.

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom

You took a deep, shuddering breath that broke halfway into a gasping sob. The emotion was suffocating, burning in the back of your throat and pulsing against your skull as you hugged your knees to your chest, the cold press of the tub against your back doing nothing. You tried to take a breath again but your chest was too tight, it was constricting your lungs, pushing hot tears down your cheeks and pulsing harder as with the ringing in your ears.

You could faintly comprehend the door to the bathroom opening, but didn’t look up as someone wrapped their arms around you, pulling you to them; the feel of fabric twisting in your grasp somewhat grounding as they smoothed down your hair, their words muffled under the ringing. You couldn’t think about the tears and who knows what else dampened their shirt, couldn’t think of anything except the emotion weighing so heavy in your chest you were positive it was going to break your ribs, break through you and continue down, down, deep underground.

You have no clue how long you were there with them, not even sure how long before they arrived. They shifted their arms to pick you up, and you let them, not even moving your hands from their place on the shirt, you were sure they were glued there, the tears acting as an adhesive. Sobs still racked your frame as you were set down, tucked under the covers of your bed before the person laid next to you, resuming their soothing touches as the weight in your chest slowly lightened, gradually releasing its grip on your lungs as the ringing quieted, allowing you to hear the slew of soothing words softly coming from the person next to you.

But as the emotion lessened its grip on you, tiredness swiftly replaced it, the pounding at your temples only encouraging the darkness to weigh you down, until it settled over you like a blanket, your fingers laxing enough for them to fall back to your side. Your breathing slowed, the occasional hiccup breaking the silence as you slept.

But you’re so unaffected, I really don’t get it, but I guess good for you

Shoyo let out a deep breath as he gently shut the door to your bedroom behind him, shoulders slumping with exhaustion when he heard the latch click. He dragged a hand down his face, combing his fingers through his hair as he went to your kitchen to finish putting away your groceries, throwing away what was defrosted before collapsing on your couch, pulling out his phone, debating whether or not to text the person likely responsible for your tears. Turns out he didn’t even have to, they had already called him and left a message about an hour ago, a little after Shoyo first got to your apartment. He brought the phone up to his ear as he pressed play.

“Hey, I ran into (Y/N) at the store today, you know I thought you might be right; that our friendship ended with the breakup, but it was like nothing had changed! She even met Yumi though Yumi didn’t notice at first and started talking about her birth control,” a laugh, “I don’t know why you were so worried, she seems perfectly fine. I was thinking about having a little get together in a few weeks, Yumi really wants to meet everyone from Karauno, you both should come! Oh one sec, what? Okay! Sorry, I gotta go, Bye.”

Shoyo slid down the couch slightly, groaning as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Really? He was glad you stocked up on alcohol at the store because after hearing that, he needed a drink.

Well, good for you, I guess you're gettin' everything you want. You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off.

Two weeks later you sat on your couch, eyes focused on the match televised. You tell yourself you’re watching the tournament to see who Shoyo will end up going against; if you can give them any pointers, though a part of you knows it’s a lie.

At the end of the match, the Adlers, no, To- Kageyama, had scored the winning point, securing a spot in the semi-finals. You lifted the remote to change the channel, but you froze as the camera zoomed in on the edge of the court, where you watched Yumi jump into his arms, he threw his head back laughing as he spun her around before kissing her. You could hear the commentators discussing the game after making a cheeky comment but you tuned it out. You watched them walk off the court, snapping out of the trace as soon as the camera cut to the other team. You quickly turned it off. Taking a deep breath in your silent apartment.

You were going through your Instagram feed when you came across a post from Tobio. It was him and Yumi in front of a new car, kissing. You noticed it had multiple pictures, and swiped through, all of them of the couple. The last one was the most recent, earlier today, in fact, you recognized the jersey of the other team in the background. You part of the caption, deciding to scroll past before scrolling back up to read the long paragraph that was pretty much a love letter to Yumi. You bit your lip and liked it, cursing afterwards, you didn’t want him to know you still followed him. You debated unfollowing but decided against it, it’d only look weirder if you had liked a post and weren’t following him. You couldn’t get his expression out of your head, he looked so happy.

It's like we never even happened. Baby, what the fuck is up with that?

Over the next few days you received multiple texts from Kageyama, updates on his family; that they were asking about you, wanting you to visit, an invitation to a small gathering they were having next week, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Yachi were in town and he wanted to introduce Yumi to everyone. And several attempts to start a conversation.

You replied to all of them, thanking him for the update, politely declining the invitation; using work as an excuse, and you halfheartedly tried to keep up with the conversations until it got to be too much. It was like nothing happened, like he hadn’t suddenly broken up with you, after almost 7 years together. There were times you wanted to remind him, but decided against it. You didn’t want to be the bitter ex, you wanted to move on, like he had.

And good for you, it's like you never even met me

You think Shoyo had a talk with him.

After it all became too much, the media, the texts, the times he tried to call you, you told Shoyo. He was furious, ignoring your pleas to just leave it be as he left your apartment.

Later that night he came back, less angry and with takeout. When you had asked where he went he just smiled and told you not to worry about it. You watched movies the rest of the night. When you awoke the next morning there were no texts from Kageyama, and nothing on social media. Your nosiness got the best of you and you looked him up, only to furrow your brow as the results came up blank. You checked the other social media you had each other on and couldn’t find him anywhere. You didn’t dare text him, just in case, but it was obvious- he had blocked you, on everything.

There was an emotion curling in your chest, but you couldn’t quite name it. You didn’t know how to feel about it, so you stayed in bed for a few more hours before migrating to the couch. Shoyo didn’t come over that night, and you hated that you were slightly relieved.

Remember when you swore to God I was the only person who ever got you?

You sighed, still slightly out of breath and damp with sweat, snuggling into the body next to you regardless, smile stretching your lips. He tightened his arm around your waist, petting your hair as he shifted onto his side, bringing you closer and tangling your legs together. You wrapped your arms around his neck loosely, softly kissing his throat, right below his adam's apple before resting your face against his collarbone. He shuddered and drew you impossibly closer. “I know I don’t say it as often as I should, but I love you (Y/N), so much. I swear sometimes I feel like you’re the only person in the world who understands me. Ugh, that sounded so cliché.” You snorted as he slightly shook with laughter. “I love you too Tobio.” You brought your head up for a tender kiss before the two of you settled into a peaceful slumber.

Well, screw that, and screw you. You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do

You awoke the following morning with a hollow ache in your chest, your eyes burned but nothing came. You don’t know if it was good that the tears never came, but the hollowness settled heavily in you, it seemed to be all around you, weighing down the air equally. You were on autopilot the whole day, not fully there.

You blinked at the chime from your phone and raised your brows at the time, and your eyes widened at the name in your notifications. You quickly opened the text and looked at the image 2,3,5 times. It was a selfie, only the top part of Yumi’s face was visible, she must’ve been taking it, having to have it out enough to get Kageyama and all of his family in the frame, everyone smiling brightly. The typing bubble popped up for a few seconds before it disappeared and was replaced by a small message. You read it over and over before biting your lower lip. This is when the tears would normally come, when they’d be expected and yet they didn't. The burn was there, the lump in your throat but nothing else except the hollow pulsed in your chest. You didn’t think that was a good sign.

From Tobio:

We miss you! The kids keep asking when you’re going to come to play again. We love you, and you’re always welcome to visit. -Miwa~

Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy, not me if you ever cared to ask

You decided not to tell Shoyo about the picture, after all, it was his sister who sent it. He sent an apology the next day and you quickly dismissed it, asking him to tell her thanks and to tell everyone hello for you and that you hoped they had a great trip.

He unblocked you later that day. You assumed it was because of your text, he probably thought everything was fine now, that little bump in the road passed and things were back to normal again. And you tried, you tried so hard to go back to the person you were before. Fake it ‘till you make it was something you lived by, and you certainly were doing a great job faking it, but the ache in your chest told you that you hadn’t made it yet.

Good for you, You're doin' great out there without me, baby

You always kept up with the volleyball news and media, now for just Shoyo, but it was impossible to not see Adlers updates, and as MSBY’s rival you felt you needed to keep up. They were a force to be reckoned with, win after win; tournament after tournament they were at the top, MSBY one of the few to keep up. You sent him a congratulatory text after his last win, if he didn’t want to leave your friendship then you’ll try your hardest not to either, even if it hurts.

God, I wish that I could do that

Well, that lasted about 2 weeks. It’d been about 2 months since Kageyama broke up with you. You texted occasionally, most of them short conversations. They used to be longer, but you knew that to really get over him, you couldn’t be his best friend like before, you had to distance yourself. Shoyo wanted you to block him, even if just for a few more months, so you can move on quicker, but you disagreed. Your lives were so intertwined it wasn’t possible to not see him or hear about him at least once a week, usually in the form of sports journalism.

You laughed at Tsukishima’s joke, choking on the margarita you were in the middle of drinking, causing the others to laugh at you. Everyone was miraculously in town this week and demanded that you all hang out all week. Yachi stayed at Hinata's apartment since he had a roommate, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stayed at yours, though everyone decided to congregate at your apartment, the former two falling asleep on your couch and after the third night in a row, you convinced them to just stay. Hinata packed a bag and slept on your futon, Yachi slept in your bed with you, and the last two shared your guest bedroom.

While they all swore it was a mere coincidence everyone was in town, you had a strong theory that Hinata invited everyone down to stay with you, since in 3 days was what would’ve been your 7 year anniversary with Kageyama. They did their best to keep you distracted, going out to clubs, having movie marathons and game nights that lasted until dawn. You were filled with immense gratitude for that, and you made sure to let them know it. You were glad your little group was able to stick together, even if the shadow of the empty seat at the table grows with each passing day.

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom

You almost made it. Everyone stayed in today, keeping a careful eye on you all morning, until you got a call from your mother. Your parents lived in the countryside, they didn’t have great reception out there, even if they did they’d keep the single landline they have now. They called every so often, for holidays or updates on health and family members. The last time you talked to them was about 6 months ago. You head into your bedroom before you answer, a little worried about what might be going on, you knew your father’s health was declining, could something have happened? You took a deep breath and accepted the call, bringing your phone to your ear. “Hello? Mom?”

It takes a second before she replies, probably trying to get your father to stand next to her. “(Y/N) sweetie, sorry it’s been so long, it’s been busy down here and since your father can’t do a whole lot anymore, it’s been taking longer to keep the farm in shape.” You can hear your father grumble something in the background and you can imagine your mother rolling her eyes.

“Nevermind that! We were calling to congratulate you and Tobio on your anniversary, that’s today right? 7 years, I hope you know how lucky you are dear, these days relationships just aren’t lasting like they used to, but I’ve always known you two would stick through, I still do. Hopefully one of these days I’ll get a call about a ring? Or maybe some grandbabies?” She giggled on the other end, going on to talk about her and your father’s relationship, not paying attention to if you’ve replied or not, and you haven’t, you’re- you’re- you jolt out of whatever trance you were in to find yourself on your bathroom floor, back against the tub, your mother still chattering away in your ear, though you can’t hear her.

She’s right. Today is- would’ve, been 7 years. A flurry of emotions roars to life in your chest and you feel the familiar burning and grip start to take hold. You clear your throat, interrupting her story.

“Uh mom, me and Tobio aren’t together anymore. I’m sorry, I meant to call earlier, but there’s a lot going on. I actually have to go, I promise I’ll call later okay? I might be able to get away from work in a few weeks to visit. Love you.”

You ended the call, guilt joining the mix, you had completely forgotten to tell your mother, her words stirring the pot of emotions and memories in your gut as they rose into your chest, filling your lungs, spilling into your throat into your nasal cavity, behind your eyes and into your skull. You slackened your hold on your phone, and it tumbled onto the tile. You choked against the burning in your throat, pressing your palms into your eyes, trying- uselessly- to stop the slideshow of memories.

He had been your best friend, your longest crush, your first- well, everything. You truly thought you would be spending the rest of your life with him, travelling the world as he plays volleyball, eventually settling down and buying a house somewhere, anywhere. Marriage, a cat, maybe a dog, and kids. You never once thought the father of your future children would be anyone but Kageyama Tobio. Apparently, he thought differently. Against your will, the night he ended everything played back in your vision.

You heard the door close as you finished up dinner, a smile stretching wide on your face as you imagined his reaction. You spent the week learning how to make this dish, an old family recipe from his grandmother that he apparently adored and ate every time he visited home without fail. After years of watching her make it, you’d think you would have a good idea of how but you were naïve to think so. You finish plating the dishes and setting up the table, brows pinched in confusion, he hadn’t come to greet you yet, which he always does. You shrug it off, he might’ve had a tiring practice, hopefully the food makes up for it.

You pad down the hallway, thinking he jumped straight in the shower. You stop in the doorway of your shared bedroom; He was sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as his elbows dig into his knees. Worry and confusion rose; what was wrong? Was practice that bad? You don’t try to mask your steps towards him, though he flinches all the same when you lay a hand on his shoulder, quickly withdrawing it. You sink to your knees in front of him, gingerly holding his wrists as you speak softly.

“Hey babe, what’s wrong? Did you have a bad practice? Why don’t you tell me about it over dinner, I got everything at the table.” He sighed deeply, sagging further, like the weight of the world weighed down on him. Your concern grew and you squeezed his wrists in a silent question. He took a deep breath and sat up, you let your hands fall away but he caught them, cradling them in his grasp, pity and guilt swirling in his glassy gaze as it met yours.

You sat up on your knees, why in the world would he look at you like that? “Tobio? What’s wrong, baby you have to tell me so I can help, you gotta let me in.” You were pleading at this point. He so rarely showed this much sadness, you were sick with worry, mind going to the worst-case scenario. He squeezes your hands, bringing them up to his lips. He keeps them there for a moment, his eyes shut, brow drawn tight.

He brings them back down to his lap and lets out another sigh, meeting your gaze again. You can see the conflict on his features bright as day. “(Y/N), I’ve been so lucky to have you in my life, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay back what you’ve given me. I’m truly, truly grateful and you've been one of my longest friends, one of my best friends. Which is why- why-“

He lets out a shuddering breath gaze dropping, tightening his grip around your hands. Your brow is pinched deeply, eyes searching his features for any sign of what could be going on. He takes a breath, trying to calm himself before continuing, and when he meets your gaze you no longer see the guilt, you see a wall you worked so hard to bring down. You open your mouth to speak, but he cuts you off. “You are one of the most important people in my life, which is why I have to do this. I can’t keep doing this, prolonging the inevitable only makes it more painful and the last thing I want to do is hurt you. But, (Y/N) I can't keep this up any longer, I thought- I thought it might pass, if I kept going along, pretending like everything is fine, when it’s not.” Your heart drops, no, it can’t be, what does he mean?.

“Everything is fine Tobio, what are you talking about? What are you saying, I-I don’t understand.” The emotion thickens your voice and his face falls as he sees the tears gather in your eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I loved you so, so much. I promise, I loved you more than anything, so much it hurt.” The tears are escaping both your eyes. You want to get out of his grasp but his hands only tighten around yours, like a lifeline. You suppress a sob bubbling up to speak, the world tumbling softly from your quivering lips. “Did?”

A hand touching your shoulder tears you from the memory. You’re aware of the hot tears streaming down your face, of the tight sobs wracking your frame, ripping from your throat against your will. You feel hollow, the ache grows and pulses until it’s all you feel, grief rising to meet it. You blink the tears away, to look around the room, you hadn’t recognized it right away, still disoriented from the memory. You see your friends, concern and in some cases, anger, in their gaze as they hover. You were surprised to find Tsukishima was the one at your side, the one who had pulled you from the memory turned nightmare. Your lip wobbles and he pulls you into his arms, embracing you as you cry into his sweatshirt, much like you had to Hinata weeks ago.

You’re vaguely aware of hushed voices around you, the rumble of Tsukishima’s voice oddly soothes you. You can hear Shoyo behind you, you think you hear him say your mother’s name, was she calling again? The thought slips from your mind as quickly as it came. You sat in your bathroom for who knows how long, crying in Tsukishima’s arms, surrounded by your friends.

But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it but I guess good for you

Later that night, when everyone has finally passed out, you slip through your apartment door, pulling your hood up as you head towards the street. You have your phone, keys and pepper spray. You just wanted- no, needed to get out of there, the slight chill in the air rousing you. You take in the surroundings, letting your feet take you wherever they please.

You sigh as you take in the park in front of you. You used to come here a lot, whenever you needed to clear your head. It was a space for you to be truly alone to work out your emotions. Which is exactly what you needed now. You smile faintly as you reminisce, not paying attention as you head to the swings, only to stop in your tracks, still hidden in the shade as you watch on. What the fuck.

The creak of the swings is drowned out by laughter, two people sit on the swings, legs pumping to go higher and higher. Her hair whips in the wind and she closes her eyes, leaning back for a moment. You watch him slow down, eventually stopping and getting up to approach her flying form. Right when she is about to pass him, he moves, grabbing her and the swing, halting them mid-swing. She squeals, which quickly melts into laughter as she lets go of the chains, wrapping her legs around his torso and her arms around his neck. Her smile is a sun in the night, love radiating from the couple as they kiss. You look away and spot an open picnic basket, a bottle of wine poking through on a blanket rumpled from use.

You leave as silently as you came.

Maybe I'm too emotional but your apathy's like a wound in salt

The hollow ache starts to burn as you walk back to your apartment. You didn’t expect him to be as affected tonight as you were but you thought he’d- what did you think he’d feel? Mourning? Grief? Sadness? Why would he? He was the one who broke it off, who ‘fell out of love’ or at least that’s what he said when he broke your heart. And to bring her there?

Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all

You shared that spot with him a year after you moved in together, he knew its significance to you, to your relationship. How long had he been bringing her there? What did he tell her about it? Did he use the words you said to him all those years ago? You wondered if he even remembered what today was. He said he had loved you, but was he truthful? He promised quite a few things during your relationship that were broken when he admitted it, when he confessed ‘what had been eating him up inside.’

Maybe I'm too emotional but your apathy's like a wound in salt

The hollow was slowly filling, bitter, anger, loss, and more flooded the space as you recalled his words that night.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You had never felt more dread than in that moment.

“I loved you so, so much.” You had wished the past tense was a mistake, but you knew it wasn’t.

“I don’t know when it happened, if it was slowly or quickly.” You could tell it was a lie.

“I-I just realized I loved you in a different way than you loved me.” A cute way of saying he no longer loved you.

“I thought that if I just stuck with it, that it might change, that it was just a slump.” Another way to say ‘leading you on because I was too afraid to tell you the truth.’

“I tried, I tried so hard to love you the way you wanted me to.” For how long? How many years did he lead you on, how long did he let you think everything was ok?

“You deserve more than I can offer.” You knew that was true, you did deserve more. You deserved a lot more than this, than an offer.

Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all

You were crying by the time you got to your apartment building, but it was different. You didn’t feel the aching hollow as strongly as before. You felt anger, bitterness about what he said, you had a million things you wanted to say to him, to make him know what he did. But didn’t he already know? He was there, he saw what his words did, he saw the aftermath, at the very least he heard about it. And yet the night after he was pictured entering a popular high-end club. It was on your Twitter feed that morning, effectively pouring salt and lemon into the hole in your heart. You had thought it then, and you’re thinking it now.

Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask

The next morning, no one brought up last night, and you were thankful for it. You think they could sense the shift, from the aching despair to the brittle anger. So you all lounged on the couch, playing Mario Kart to help you channel it.

You were on the fourth stage of Grief according to Yamaguchi, who brought it up the following day over breakfast. He explained: Denial- which was during the breakup and right after, Depression- which came to fruition after you ran into them at the store, Bargaining- When you tried to go back to how it was before, trying to keep the friendship alive so you’d still have him around, Anger- which was now, when you realize that you wasted years of your life for someone who didn’t even love you and now they want to go back to friends, after they immediately get into a new relationship. The next step would be the final- Acceptance, when you would finally accept he was gone, when you could finally move on.

Good for you

After that night the change became more obvious. You weren’t hiding anymore, you would hold your head high and snap others off if they trod down the wrong path. You felt the hot anger slowly cool over time, as you continued to go out, to clubs, bars, parties Shoyo always invites you to but you always decline. You met his teammates, finally after too long.

He had dinner for you and the team at his apartment that he shares with one of the said teammates. You dressed up a little, enough for Shoyo to whistle when you showed him over facetime as you finished getting ready. You weren’t planning on going anywhere except your apartment after; there was just something about knowing you look good that does wonders to the confidence. You grin widely as he complains about not wanting to deal with his teammates crushing on you. You end the call when you get into your car, you were going to stop by the store to get something and then head over, despite his assurances no one else was bringing anything.

You purse your lips in thought as you surveyed the wine selection in front of you, bending slightly to read the label of one on a lower shelf. You didn’t realize you were taking up the aisle until someone cleared their throat behind you. You paid the little mind, murmuring an apology as you stepped to the side. You felt their presence next to you, and after a minute of them burning a hole through you with their gaze you turned towards them, lips pursed in annoyance rather than thought.

You're doin' great out there without me, baby, like a damn sociopath

The wide eyes of Kageyama Tobio meet yours as you study him for a moment before smiling. “Kageyama! Sorry, I didn’t realize I was taking up the whole aisle, you know me; always so indecisive.”

Your joke seems to snap him out of whatever train of thought he was in. He smiles and chuckles, turning to look at the wine in front of you. “What kind of an occasion is it?” He asks after a beat. “Oh Shoyo is introducing me to his teammates today, wine’s something people bring to dinners right?”

He smiles and nods before pointing out several bottles. “These would be appropriate, and Shoyo likes this brand.'' He plucks one from the shelf before presenting it to you. You smile and thank him, before parroting his question back to him. He turns back to the wine. “Uh, Yumi got a promotion and I’m surprising her with dinner with her coworkers.” You hum in thought before grabbing a wine off the shelf for him. “I think this would be a good one. It's white, so the stain won't be as bad and won’t stain her lips like a red would. It’s a dessert wine so even her younger colleagues should enjoy it. Oh, and tell her congrats for me.” He smiles and thanks you before you part.

You arrive right on time at Shoyo’s, the wine was well received and his teammates were great. They were everything he told you and more, you all got along great, especially you and Atsumu, he was Shoyos roommate and it was great to have another person to make fun of his horrible habits with, much to Shoyo’s dismay.

The dinner flies by, and eventually, you’re the last to leave. You wave to Atsumu before hugging Shoyo. “Thank’s Sho, for everything you’ve done for me these past 6 months. I love you.” He squeezes you tight, kissing the crown of your head before pulling away.“You don’t need to thank me (Y/N), I know you’d do the same. I love you too, drive safe.” You wave as you leave back to your apartment.

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night. Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom

The next 6 months fly by, and you spend more and more time with Shoyo and his team. Bokuto dubs you an honorary Jackal and you celebrate drinking until dawn, as a true Jackal would. You spend time with them individually, the gym with Bokuto, reality TV with Sakusa, movie nights with Shoyo, and all of the above with Atsumu, in addition to annoying his brother Osamu at his restaurant.

It hits you out of the blue. You had felt a little off all day, but you had chalked it up to the takeout you had last night. You glance at the calendar as you walk past, only to backtrack and look again, with wide eyes. Today marked a year since the breakup. It had taken you a long time to move on, but you were finally starting to feel yourself again, so why did your heart ache all of a sudden? Why did the burning rise in your throat, prickling the back of your eyes as you began to breathe faster, feeling the despair rise out of the depths to rip a sob from you lips? You try to stop, taking deep breaths, count five things in the room, but none of it works. It’s not as bad as the other times, but you feel shame crawling up to join, you were finally turning things around, how could you let it all go to waste?

You curl into yourself on the couch, blindly calling Shoyo to ask for his company, maybe he’d know, he helped you get this far, maybe he can make sure you don’t fall too far. You listen to the rings until you hear the click of an answered call, not even letting him speak before crying into the phone, asking him to be with you, help you understand. Half your words are unintelligible as you ramble on, not really listening to the other end until you think you hear him say he’s on his way, but he sounded odd, different. Had you interrupted him? Was he too busy? No, he would’ve told you and sent someone else, probably Yachi since she was the closest.

You quickly tire of trying to hold everything back, and let it wash over you, all the feelings from this past year rise up, poised to drown you, and you allow it, letting it crash down and wash over you. You let the sobs free themselves, somehow knowing it was the right thing. You give yourself to the despair, the anger, the loneliness.

You don’t hear the knocking at the door, or the sound of the door opening, too absorbed untangling the knot of emotions in your heart; until you feel the cushion next to you you sink with the weight of another person, and a hand gently rubs your back soothingly.

You lean into him, letting him pull you to him like many times before. He pulls you into his lap, curling an arm around your waist while the other hand cradles the back of your head, letting you sob into his shirt. You take a deep breath, letting his familiar scent calm you- wait.

You freeze and your stomach drops. It’s not Shoyo. They're bigger, enough to cradle you against their chest. They’re whispering soothing words into your hair, and you hear a familiar accent, leaning back quickly enough to send a wave of dizziness through you and you sway for a moment.

“Woah, what’s wrong?” Atsumu asks, moving his hands to your hip and back to steady you. Your wide eyes meet his and he tilts his head slightly in confusion. “(Y/N), hey sweetheart, you okay? Gave me quite the scare there earlier ya know?” You continue to stare at him until he waves a hand in front of your face, breaking whatever spell you were under.

You blink a few times, shaking your head slightly as the corner of his mouth quirked up. You look back at him, brows furrowed, cringing when you hear your voice, hoarse after however long of crying. “’Tsumu? What’re you doing here? Where’s Sho?” He raises an eyebrow at your question, lifting his hand to wipe a tear from your cheek.

“Whaddya mean? You called me cryin’ an’ askin’ me to come here to keep ya company. Speakin’ of, what in the world is wrong? What’s got you so sad sweetcheeks?” Your face heats at the nickname.

“Oh, ‘m sorry, I meant to call Sho, he knows; it’s- today is-” He embraces you as a fresh wave of tears springs from your eyes. You can hear the rumble of his chest as he speaks, breath fanning your ear. “It’s all ok, ya don’t haveta cry, I can call chibi if you want him instead of me, it's no prob-“ You shake your head, cutting him off.

“No, s’kay. Thanks for being here ‘Tsumu, sorry I pretty much threw myself into your lap when you sat down.” You rub an eye, feeling awfully close to a toddler. He chuckles and combs your hair back, tilting your chin up so you’re looking him in the eye. “No needta thank me doll, and I won’t object to a pretty thing like you throwing themselves into my lap, though I’d enjoy it more if you weren’t crying. Now, d’ya wanna tell me what made you cry a river in here. Or at least what I can do to help.”

You curl inward slightly, not sure how to explain your wants at this moment, the emotions tangling in your chest too raw to name. You use actions to express your needs as words continue to fail you. You shift in his lap, straddling him instead of the awkward side hug you were doing before. You break eye contact, looking anywhere but him, feeling awkward and exposed. He snorts softly and his hands run up your knees, palm flat against your thighs, up and over your hips to splay against your back, bringing you back to his chest. Your pals lay flat against his sides, sliding along his ribcage and then south, fisting the fabric against his lower back as you rested your cheek on his shoulder. You waited and waited but the tears didn’t come, you could feel the tear tracts cool on your cheeks, trying to put your feelings into words.

A shudder than through his body as he felt you sigh into his neck, arms wrapping tighter around you, pulling you closer, until you were flush against him. The minutes passed by as the two of you stayed wrapped around each other, you breathing the only sound in the apartment. You sighed again, pulling away from him slightly to lean back to look at him. He searched your face, taking in the emotions clouding your eyes, thumbs rubbing circles into your hips soothingly. You gave him a weary smile and took a deep breath, looking down at your hands as you spoke.

“I don’t know if Sho told you about this, but about 6 months before I met you guys I got out of a pretty serious relationship, I mean it was my first relationship and the breakup hit me really hard. The day of the dinner was one of the first times I had truly felt myself again.

“We got together in our first year of high school. We had been friends years before that. God, I had a crush on him for so long, I can’t remember anyone before that.” Your voice is whispy, reminiscing on a better time. “I wasn't a manager that first year, though I was around often enough that I helped where I could. I was at almost every practice, which is how I got acquainted with the other first years. He was still guarded and grumpy then, so I was friends with everyone first, and we all slowly warmed up to each other.

“When he asked me out at the end of the year, after saying goodbye to the third years, it just- it felt so right, like this is supposed to happen. I was a manager our last two years and by graduation the six of us were close. We managed to stay in touch and visit each other whenever possible. Sho had gone to travel, Kei to Sendai for school, Hitoka and Tadashi stayed for school before she went to Tokyo and he stayed in Miyagi. Tobio was picked up by the national team immediately after graduation, to play in Rio. I was accepted into a university in Osaka, and he moved in with me when he got back.” You ignored the way Atsumu’s hands tightened their grip when you said his name.

“It was perfect, we- we were doing fine, or at least I thought we were.” Your voice cracked and you took a shuddering breath before continuing. “He traveled between Tokyo and Osaka a lot and of course for games but it never bothered me, I knew what I was getting into. Eventually, Sho came back, and joined your team, moving into an apartment not far from ours. I was so happy.” You whispered the last sentence, afraid if you said it too loud it’d sound like a lie.

“I hadn’t noticed any changes, he didn’t seem withdrawn or unaffectionate, he was like he always was, until he wasn’t. He came home one night and said he didn’t love me like that anymore, that he couldn’t love me the way I loved him. He- he said he tried to, he said he tried for a long time, in case it was a slump but it wasn’t. And all-all I could think about was the way he said it, like he had been thinking about this for a long time, he looked so tired like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders as he told me the last who knows how long was a lie.

“He left and stayed at a teammate's house until he could get an apartment. He moved close by, I still don’t know why he didn’t move to Tokyo. Sho came and stayed with me for a few days, until I kicked him out so he could focus on the tournament that was coming up. He kept in touch with Tobio, and would update me when I asked.

“That was a year ago, and I know I should be over him, and I am, or I thought I was until I realized what today was and- and everything, all the emotions I had pushed down came back up, no longer letting me ignore them. All the grief and anger and insecurity kept rising and rising until I thought I was gonna drown. Which is when I called Sho, or at least I thought I did.” The corner of your mouth twitched into a small smile as you met his gaze.

But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it

“I- I think it would’ve been easier if he hurt too, if I saw that it affected him even half as much, because that would mean he had felt something, he had loved me at one point. And I don’t know, maybe he came to terms with it before he ended it, but seeing him with someone else, not even 3 weeks later just rubbed salt too deep into the wound that just seeing them happy together sent me into tears. When I ran into them days after I found out, when I saw with my own eyes how good he was, how happy he was without me; I don’t know how long I cried, but it was suffocating, it had such a tight grip on me I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t even realize Sho was there until he was hugging me.” You watched your tears fall onto your hands, leaving droplets on his pants. You took in a shuddering breath, suddenly meeting his gaze.

“I just- I don’t know what wrong with me, why can’t I let myself be happy?” Your voice cracked, and you brought a hand to your face, embarrassment simmering low in your gut. Atsumu gently pried your hand away from your face, replacing it with his own as he cupped your cheek. He wiped the tears that fell from your lashes with his thumb. He brought you forward to kiss the crown of your head before returning his gaze to you.

“Doll, look at me. There is nothing wrong with you, ya hear? Your heart was broken, it ain’t gonna fix itself in a day. You will be happy, I promise. Whenever we lose someone we love, a piece of us goes with them. He was sucha huge part of your life, I’d be more worried if you weren’t sad. I can’t say when, but one day you’ll notice it hurts less and less until you barely notice it. Until then you have me and everyone else to help you, so don’t hesitate to lean on us when you need to, got it?”

Your bottom lip wobbled and your eyes were glassy with tears yet again, though this time for a different reason. You threw your arms around his neck and crushed him into you as you cried his name. “I didn’t know you were such a softie! I bet no ones gonna believe me when I tell ‘em.” He wrapped his arms around you again, you were so close you could feel his laughter in his chest. “Yeah, and I didn’t know ya were such a cry baby.” You snorted and pulled away, “That’s on you, I am a well-known cry baby.”

You matched his grin, feeling lighter. You pulled yourself off his lap, but he didn’t let you get very far, pulling you into his side, your legs thrown over his thighs as you turned on the TV. You ended up falling asleep on your couch together, your neck cramped and you found out you drool, but it was worth it.

But I guess good for you

The next few months went by relatively quickly. There were a few hiccups, mostly on holidays, but you listened to what Atsumu had told you and you leaned on your friends during those times. Speaking of Atsumu, while you two were close before, after that night you felt even closer. You found yourself at the apartment he shared with Shoyo more and more. You came to every MSBY game you could, usually helping Osamu run his booth.

When you weren’t with him, Atsumu would often find you helping his brother run orders at the restaurant; under the guise of an apology for annoying him so often, but both twins saw how happy you were when you were working. Eventually, Osamu just gave you a position there, because he didn’t want to get caught exploiting free labor, not because he liked you or anything, you were just as annoying as his brother- or so he says.

The blonde hadn’t noticed just how much time the two of you spent together until you went to visit Yachi in Tokyo for a week, and had odd chunks of time with nothing to do. It was confusing, and frankly off-putting how different it was when you weren’t around. Everyone noticed of course, and teased him for it, more the team than Osamu, because he couldn’t deny he missed you too.

Despite your protests that it was just a 2-hour train ride from Tokyo, and maybe another 10-minute ride to the stop near your apartment, Atsumu insisted on picking you up from the station during your call earlier. “ ‘M not taking no for an answer doll, I’m picking ya up.” You rolled your eyes at his stubbornness and sighed. “Fine, but I’m venoming you for the gas, no ifs ands or buts about it.” You smiled at the sound of his groan from the other line, good thing you were just as stubborn.

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily

You were idly scrolling through your Instagram feed, about 10 minutes away from Osaka when you saw a glimpse of a ring, you scrolled back up and read the caption. ‘I’m the luckiest man in the world’ followed by a picture of what must’ve been Yumi’s hand, and adorned on her left ring finger was a large, and no doubt expensive, engagement ring. 6 months ago it would’ve summoned tears, but now you smile faintly, commenting your congratulations before scrolling past. Atsumu was right, eventually, it started to hurt less and less and now it was barely there.

You stood up when the announcement of your arrival in Osaka rang overhead, tucking your phone away and grabbing your bags to exit the train car. You immediately spotted your chauffeur, thanks mostly to the gaggle of young girls surrounding him as he laughed and signed autographs. You walked slowly, trying to buy time until they left but (un?)fortunately he spotted you. A wide grin stretched his features and you couldn’t help but reciprocate, lifting your hand in a small wave. He turned back to the girls and said something before breaking through, jogging towards you as you met him halfway.

You had an amused look on your face from his theatrics and the wide gazes of the girls he left behind. “Hey.” He said when he stopped in front of you. You snorted, “Hey.” He pouted at your tease, which only made it more funny, before rolling his eyes and taking some of your bags, giving you a pointed look when you tried to object. You huffed and walked next to him towards the exit.

You startled slightly when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you by your hip into his side. You looked up at him but he kept his gaze ahead, though you could see the slight flush to his cheeks and the slight twitch of a grin. You reciprocated, hooking your thumb through the belt loop by his hip as you kept your gaze ahead, his stare bringing a slight heat to your face.

He laughed lightly and you two continued out to his car where he tried to make you sit in the back seat because “ it’s not professional for a chauffeur to let their passenger sit up front.” You laughed before letting your face fall into a mock-serious stare and said “no.” in the best deadpan tone you could conjure up before climbing in.

You raised an eyebrow as you looked at him when he didn’t start the car. His hands were on the steering wheel and he was looking ahead in thought. “Atsumu?” He looked at you, smiling softly, still not saying anything. “Uhh you okay? Do I really need to sit in the back for you to be able to drive because-“ He laughed, waving your concerns off. “No, no, I’ll allow it this once. Sorry for spacin’ out, I’m happy yer home.” You looked at him incredulously, “ I was 2 hours away ‘tsumu.” You see a faint flush creep up his neck and he clears his throat, turning back to the wheel and turning on the car. ‘I know, I just missed ya ‘s all.”

You were just able to make out his dejected mumble, quietly huffing in amusement as you glanced down briefly before turning to look forward, biting back the smile at his flinch when you grabbed his hand, bringing it to your lap as you intertwined your fingers. “I missed you too, ya big softie.” Smiling, he squeezes your palm before focusing on the road, and you feel something stir, a bud sprouting from the once hollow place in your chest. It hasn’t bloomed yet, but you have a feeling it will soon.