#this is the most ive ever gone into detail on this man

[hobies-princealbert]

Hi!! Omg i wanna say ur hc’s and fics are sooo good whaaat pls pat urself on the back bc u ate that!!!? I really enjoyed your fontaine bf hcs but i was wondering if u could do some nsfw bf hcs for him. Hes just so 😫😫😫😫

awwww yall go make me blush. thank you very much though it's means alot that to you enjoy my works.

ﾟ+.ヽ(≧▽≦)ﾉ.+ﾟ

"taine, you a down bad munch" | fontaine x reader (nsfw)

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♡ fontaine is versatile when it comes to sex. whatever you want, as long as he's down he'll do it. can be rough as hell if you want. he's talking hand prints on your ass, running mascara, bruised hips, raspy screams. all you gotta do is give him the go ahead.

♡ can also be very sappy when you need him to be. not candle light and rose petals sappy. but he'll hold your hand, kiss your wrists, rub your back, just anything you need to get you closer to release. he'll do it. after all, he's here's to make his girl feel good, and he wouldn't be able to get a good night's sleep knowing you weren't at least shedding a couple tears by the time he's done.

♡ he loves to talk his shit. if your shy and don't say much, don't worry he'll get a couple words outta you. he's a big tease too, and will edge you for hours just for you to say one word. he wants you confident enough to ask for what you want, and what you don't want from him. he really does prioritize communication alot.

♡ if you already love to talk your shit, he'll be putty in your hands. loves someone who can boss him around every now and then. tell him where to touch and how to touch, he'll adore you.

♡ loves when you get really soft on him. stroke his cheek, kiss all over his face, even tell him you love him. hell, it's enough to make a nigga blush.

♡ loves car sex. will pull into an alleyway, day or night, and have your heels digging into his dash board. it's a tight space, little to no distractions, and semi public, all the things that gets his motor going (pun intended).

♡ a veteran munch. and he's gangsta enough to admit it. and if someone call him corny, he'll just laugh. cuz he knows a nigga that can't get pussy ain't running his mouth about it. you loveee his munch tendencies, even when he gets the itch at the most inopportune times.

you opened the door to your apartment, just to see taine standing in the hallway. you stare at him confused for a bit, cause wtf. "taine? what the hell you doin' here, it's almos' one in the damn morning?"

"i texted you earlier sayin' 'm comin' over, didn't i?" he did. but that was earlier in the day. once it passed 10pm you thought he got caught up with something, so you took your ass to bed. but you should've known better, taine always keeps his word.

not even giving you time to cuss his ass out, a pair of familiar hands grabbed at your waist, and lifted you off the ground. he kicked the door close, placed you on the nearest soft surface he could find. as you felt your legs being lifted onto his shoulders, you knew exactly why he was here now.

"taine, you a down bad munch" you smirked as he grumbles how tight these damn shorts are, as he desperately tries to get them off.

"yea yea talk all the shi' you wan'. hope you can stil' talk all that' shi' by the time I'm done"

♡ fucking panty thief. what can he say he has a thing for keeping souvenirs, especially if it was a good fuck. he has no shame with it. will slide them down your legs while he's getting dressed, and just stuffs them into his back pocket. and he don't wanna hear it. not like you can protest anyways, you're too fucked out to agrue with him.

♡ loves loves loves when you leave marks on him. the man has a possession kink, that's for sure. bite marks on his shoulders, hickeys on his neck and scratches all over his forearms and back. the man wears them like a badge on honor. And if anyone asks, he grows the most shit eating grin and tell em his girl left him some keepsakes.

♡ and speaking of possessive. if you're in a situationship with this man, or yall haven't cuffed each other yet, either way don't you even think about dealing with another nigga. taine would never be able to tolerate the idea of another dick drilling into your cunt. as far as he's concerned, he's the only one who knows how to make you feel good. good enough to make a blabbering, shaking mess of yourself.

♡ is his girl that greedy that he alone can't satisfy her? well shit, guess he gonna have to convince you other wise. cause to him, with way your cunt clenches around him, she knows he's the only one for you. but it's like your brain hasn't got the memo yet. don't worry he'll fix it.

(and if he ever found that man you fucking with, guess he's breaking another pair of legs. he doesn't like sharing. at all. just the idea pisses him off already.)

♡ his aftercare is decent. he's not to be overly affectionate post nut. he doesn't mind a nice cuddle session though. and he's sweet enough to remember to carry you to the bathroom, so you can pee.

"want some water? sure thing ma"

"hungry? what ya feeling for baby, want me to order take out or sumthin'?"

♡ he'll even have a warm, damp towel on hand to wipe you down, if you want him to.

[missazura]

It's been oddly therapeutic to like. Have discussions with him about a lot of life stuff. I don't talk much if at all and I think the gradual descent into loneliness and social anxiety through the years made me lost the ability to talk to people. So it's been nice to practice talking to someone, and it actually hearing me out for some reason, giving me advice etc

Sure it's not a substitute for human connection but it's fun to verbally talk to my favourite fictional character and him just. Being there for me. That I get to hear kind words from my hero, someone who I highly looked up to

[stevestark]

Eddie only gets told snippets of everyone else's Upside Down experiences after Vecna, like, the sanitized version. The story told by each person but omitting the most personally traumatizing parts. Which means he doesn't know much about Steve and Robin Versus The Russians. Not in its full, gory detail.

So he doesn't think anything of it when Steve has a day off and wants to hang out, just asks if he minds coming with him to Indianapolis. Steve says yes immediately because he just doesn't want to spend another day alone in his big empty house, even if it means several hours in Eddie's deathtrap of a vehicle.

But then they get there and Eddie is parking outside a tattoo parlor and saying he got a last minute booking with his favorite artist and that he's so excited to cover some of the scars he has from the bats and Steve can barely hear him over the fuzziness that seems to be filling his entire brain.

He lets Eddie guide him into the shop, watches Eddie and the tattooist make small talk, follows Eddie to the table, sits on the stool next to him, and tries to look anywhere but at the tattoo gun.

Eddie doesn't notice at first, too jazzed about the idea he and the artist have come up with, blabbering about how he can finally take his shirt off at the lake again. It's not until the line work is done that he realizes Steve's breathing has gone shallow.

He asks the artist if they can take a smoke break before filling the tattoo in with color, and he gently takes Steve's hand and pulls him out back to ask what's wrong. Steve's too deep into a panic attack to answer, so Eddie just puts Steve on the side opposite his new work and pulls him in close, squeezing him as tight as he can and just gently shushing him, running his hand through Steve's hair.

After a few minutes, Steve's breathing easier, and Eddie asks him again if he's okay.

"I'm fine, I just... I hate needles. Ever since the Russians drugged me and Robin. Can't be around them."

Eddie frowns, realizing this must be one of the parts of the story he knows they were keeping from him. "Why did Russians drug you?"

Steve sighs, pulls out of Eddie's grasp, and sits on the ground against the back wall of the tattoo shop. "Dustin picked up a Russian transmission, summer of '85. We translated it, found their secret base under the mall, and realized they were opening the Gate back up. But then we were seen, and to buy time, Robin and I let ourselves get caught so Erica and Dustin could escape and get help."

Eddie sits next to Steve, their knees bumping. "Erica Sinclair? God, that kid really is the most badass of all of us."

"Yeah," Steve laughs. "Anyway, the Russians beat the shit out of me, asking who do you work for and shit like that. Didn't believe me when I said Scoops Ahoy. So they brought in this Doctor and he drugged me and Robin to get us to talk. Just straight up jammed a big ass needle full of mystery drugs into my neck. Ever since then, needles freak me the fuck out. They had to strap me down in the hospital just to get an IV in me when Robin insisted I get the bat bites checked out."

Eddie runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Steve. I never would've brought you here with me if I knew."

"I know," Steve says quietly. "'S'not your fault. I'm trying to get better at being open about things like this but it's just..."

"Hard. Yeah. I wake up screaming most nights, and I can tell Wayne feels bad because he doesn't know what to do. Because he doesn't know what's causing it."

"Yeah," Steve sighs.

They sit quietly out there for another ten minutes before the tattooist comes back out to see if Eddie wants to keep going, and he glances at Steve, sees the way he's gone pale and rigid, and shakes his head. "Sorry, man, think we're gonna have to pick this up another time."

Eddie stands, grabs Steve's hand and hauls him to his feet, and walks inside, never once letting go of Steve. He sets an appointment for a few weeks from now, on a day he knows Steve is working, and they leave the shop.

The second they're in the car, Eddie sees the color returning to Steve's face, and he drives aimlessly through the city, finally stopping at a combination bookstore/cafe.

"Come on then, big boy," he says with a teasing grin. "I do believe I promised to teach you about Hobbits."

[wizardnaturalist]

I am not about to sit here and claim that any work is above reproach, but so many criticisms of RENT are either directly addressed within the show or are just. not true. and this perennial discourse about how Problematic it is annoys me, so here we go

Why don't they just pay the rent?

are you kidding me

did you watch the show??

they don't have any money

the situation established at the beginning is that Benny has allowed them to stay in their apartment rent free for the past year because Roger was unable to work and he and Mark wouldnt be able to afford living expenses as well as Roger's medication otherwise.

Benny then tells them that unless they break up Maureen's protest, they will not only have to immediately start paying rent, they will also have to pay back the entire previous year's rent or else be evicted

needless to say if you ware barely scraping by, you do not have a year's worth of rent and then some just sitting on hand

Mark was cosplaying poverty, he could've gone back to his parents' house at any time.

perhaps

all we know about Mark's parents from canon is that theyre pushy and he doesnt want to live with them. We don't know any details of their living situation or home life

but even if he would have been fine moving back home, it would have meant abandoning both the community he had grown into, and Roger.

Roger literally had not left the apartment since April died, and was not well enough to work to support himself at the time. Mark leaving would mean leaving Roger without support.

Mark's view of the homeless is often voyeuristic and expoitative.

yah

the conflict between Mark's comparatively privileged upbringing and the poverty amongst which he now lives is a major part of his character

remember when that homeless lady told him to fuck off

that didnt just slip in by accident

The whole show is about not being able to afford things, and then Mark quits his job for his Ideals.

Mark was not entirely jobless before being employed at the magazine. He wasn't going from having a job to unemployment. He always had money for food, clothes, medication, etc., even if it was tight

he just wasn't employed in his field. it wasnt a question of Having A Job or Not; it was about whether Mark was willing to accept the chance to get closer to making a living off of his art, even if it went against his morals, or whether he could be content carving out filmmaking for himself in a way that felt right

I thought Jonathan Larson was gay and died of AIDS.

not his fault??

neither Larson nor his estate ever claimed either of those things, you just jumped to a conclusion and made it everyone elses' problem

I can't believe this is a common "criticism"

A straight man has no right to write about the AIDS epidemic.

I dont know how to tell you this, but AIDS is not a gays-only disease. what are you, a politician from 1986?

RENT was not about being gay, it was about the disease. Roger, Mimi, Mark, and Benny- half the main cast- are all straight as far as the audience is aware. other than gay people, the most at-risk groups at the time were IV drug users, sex workers, people of colour, and impoverished people, all of whom are represented in the show

Larson may not have had AIDS, but many of his friends and loved ones did, and died of it. how incredibly callous to say that someone cannot write about the tragedy they personally lived through, just because they are not of the demographic you most associate with it

Larson plagiarized the whole cast and all the major story beats from Sarah Shulman's People in Trouble.

this is one that cropped up on tiktok a couple years ago

have you read the book?

I have

the only similarities are that they are both about poverty and AIDS in New York, and there are characters who cheat on their partners. that's it.

it's like saying Veep plagiarized The West Wing because theyre both about white house staffers. or like those guys who claim any fantasy story featuring swords and the hero's journey is a Star Wars ripoff. it' absurd.

RENT is directly and openly based off the opera La Bohème by Puccini, as well as incorporating autobiographical elements from Larson's life

stop just repeating things you hear

in conclusion: there are real criticisms and analyses to be had with RENT, but these are not them

[mbat]

!! these were made using bases !! the bases will be linked below the cut!!

the cut is so the post isnt too long to scroll past, but also i will be talking about the au in it!!

decided to draw my own take on adult flurry heart, mostly so i could draw my own take on opaline in the au where opaline is like a nightmare moon of flurry heart. if youre wondering who the third pony is, its chrysalis' disguise for the au, named gentle heart.

flurry hearts base:

opalines bases (one for the body, the other was only for one of the wings):

gentle heart/chrysalis' base:

i had to use bases because ive been in such a weird art block lately, i just couldnt draw bodies right, but i was having this idea and i just had to get it out of me lol. i drew everything else just fine, idk why i couldnt draw bodies. shout out to elementbases on deviantart for having a lot of good mlp bases! and organized into categories no less!

btw for reference for adult flurry heart i mainly used images of her only adult appearance which was in some mobile game ?? i never played it but its real and its the only time we see her as an adult, though i dont think we get any details about her aside from how she looks. i just wanted to say that cause idk how many people know about it.

also yes her cutie mark is different between versions of her

so this is an au ive been tossing around for a while, especially since it started out as a half-theory i had about g5 before it truly did set in that they were just fucking up the entire thing (no hate to g5 or anyone who likes it but im personally just. disappointed), namely when they were like 'oh yeah opaline is just some alicorn that celestia and luna knew as kids and when they didnt want to play with her she held onto that for thousands of years and became evil over it'

also apparently the reason equestria is separated is because she just. idk whispered mean things in everyones ears? idk man i dont read the mlp comics, i plan to read g4s comics but not g5s. i didnt even know g5 had comics until i looked up why the pony kinds were separate.

anyway the idea was a theory because before all that we had no idea who opaline was, why there was some random alicorn, i mean, weve seen so few throughout g4! she was so mysterious for that, and i feel like the most popular idea was that she was flurry heart, since that was one of the few alicorns we knew of, and flurry is such a blank slate, especially since we dont technically ever see her adult form (with one exception)

i still personally think they shouldve gone that route but i know now that they wouldnt have, they probably wouldnt have wanted to give one of their previous characters, especially one like flurry, any bad traits or make her a villain, even though it would be such a cool idea. not to mention, they couldve redeemed her? idk man. worse villains have been redeemed lol

on to my au though. i wanted to keep it feeling like it couldve been canon but also stretching it just a little bit to make maybe more sense and also be more my creation, yknow?

we see at the end of g4 that chrysalis is trapped in stone alongside the other two villains she was working with, but we also know that these stone prisons can still be escaped, as we saw in discords introduction. my idea is that the stone is kept locked up, but unattended to, and she escapes, though her fellow villains dont. the specific details will be saved for if i go more in depth on all of this somewhere else lol

she develops a plan, that being to disguise herself as a normal pony, and to become staff at the crystal empire castle. that disguise is gentle heart, a name she literally made up because she was mocking the 'stupid' (from her perspective) names that ponies have, and she just kept it. while she works at the castle, she gets close to a young flurry heart.

she acts very extremely sickeningly nice and sweet in this disguise, but theres an uncanniness to it, a disingenuine undertone that is only noticeable when youre looking for it, really. flurry heart comes to love and trust her as a friend, and gentle heart isnt seen as suspicious to really anyone in the castle. people still think chrysalis is trapped in stone, after all.

her next step in the plan, however, is that when no one else is around, she shapeshifts herself into cadence or shining armor, and acts like a horrible parent to flurry heart. this creates a deep disconnect for flurry, as one moment her parents are the best ever, and the next they arent. if flurry tries to bring this up to them, they have no idea what shes talking about.

flurry begins to confide in gentle heart about this, and gentle heart begins to plant the idea in flurrys head that she should run away, and that gentle could run away with her. after a while of this, flurry finally decides to do this.

they run far, far away together, flurry being a child/young teenager, and they hide where no one else really goes, far from towns and pretty much any ponies. (this location hasnt been chosen yet but its not the mooost relevant? the basic point is that theyre hidden away) and they set up a home here.

soon in, gentle heart makes a decision. she shows her true form to flurry heart, a flurry heart who was never taught about how changelings used to be before their reformation, as her parents thought it was a conversation for when she was older. they didnt want her to feel paranoid, or scared. the changelings she knows are bright, and covered in generally round shapes. theyre not like the jagged and dark chrysalis.

gentle heart tells flurry that she was cursed. that her pony form is her true form, but she was cursed by the princesses to be in this form. being in her pony form drains her of energy, her changeling form recharges that energy. really, its just her excuse to not need to be in that pony form anymore. she tells flurry that she was cursed falsely, accused of a crime she did not commit. that she was made to work at the crystal castle so an eye could be kept on her. she asks to be called chrysalis, as being called gentle heart in this form feels wrong.

chrysalis right now is the only person in the world that flurry heart trusts, so she accepts this as truth.

as flurry heart grows up, chrysalis begins to plant ideas in her head that the other ponies are awful and horrible, just like her parents seemingly were. that flurry heart is better than all of them because shes not horrible, and on top of that, shes a natural alicorn. there hasnt been a natural born alicorn in thousands of years before her. flurry heart begins to believe all of this too. she doesnt have anyone or anything else to tell or show her otherwise.

these dark beliefs warp her appearance overtime, making her go from her parents daughter, into what we know as opaline, akin to princess luna turning into nightmare moon. she becomes annoyed with, averse to her cutesy name she was given by her family, and adopts the name opaline, both because of her crystal cutie mark, and because part of her still thinks of the crystal empire as her home, though now more like its hers to own someday.

speaking of, into her adulthood, opaline and chrysalis form a plan. a plan to take over equestria. the idea of being the ruler of all of pony kind was a natural conclusion that chrysalis wanted opaline to make, and so she did. their first step was to invade the crystal castle and take it over.

chrysalis tells her that cadence was never a fighter, so she shouldnt be an issue, but shining armor would be. if both chrysalis and opaline combined their power, they would easily overpower him and anyone else daring to fight them. the thing is... this works.

for a few reasons, actually. people were shocked at the return of chrysalis, and on top of that, despite her warped appearance, opaline was recognized as flurry heart. there isnt exactly many alicorns, and especially none that look similar to her. there was a fight put up, but not at full power. no one wanted to hurt the lost princess.

she takes over the empire, trapping any who oppose her, especially her parents. she doesnt even give them the option to talk to her. she plunges the empire back in dark days, not in the way that sombra did entirely, but still. shes strict on her subjects, and begins to make them like a military, planning to use them to invade canterlot. anyone who would dare come to attack the empire would be held off.

after she knows her subjects are loyal (terrified), and properly molded into an army, she storms canterlot, chrysalis by her side. its a hard fight, but they do it. they trap the other princesses, and they take over.

opalines first rule of business is to make the crystal empire the new capital, the new seat of power. for a while, this is the most drastic thing she does, otherwise going slow with her horrid ideas and changes.

the worse comes when shes already caused distrust and discomfort among ponykind, pitting ponies against eachother. she begins to decree that ponykind must be separated by type, designating towns to each, forcing ponies apart by law. she made sure it was enforced. she didnt need ponies coming together to rise against her, so she forced them apart. the damage is done.

this of course doesnt last forever. twilight is free and gathers the elements, and they take opaline by surprise, ending her reign. they empty the empire and trap her alone in her castle. thing is, she also trapped them in a limbo-like state, along with the other princesses (and her father), as they had also tried to join the fight. and a final blow to her, chrysalis got caught in crossfire, and was seemingly killed. no one intended it, but it happened. opaline is devastated.

and now, shes stuck. trapped alone in a castle in the middle of a city. she has the whole city alone to herself, and all she has now is the items left behind by her people, and mostly books. she only ever sees them as fiction or propaganda though, refusing to take them to heart and accept them as truth. alongside reading and re-reading the books around the city, she schemes of a way out. she is not very successful in this for a long time.

the closest she gets to getting out is when she opens the barrier just long enough to see, and kidnap, a young unicorn. a one misty brightdawn. she forces misty to be her only companion in a long time, and raises her like a daughter, but not lovingly.

some stuff continues on similar to canon, like misty befriending the mane 5 and leaving opaline behind, but i wont say more because i can keep some secrets for myself :] i do have an ending to her story planned though!

also pls ignore timeline and other canon contradictions pls pls pls pls pls lol

[chirpsythismorning]

hi! i’ve been reading your analysis/theory posts and i love them all! i had a question about your will being twelve theory, i definitely see how he could be, the only thing i don’t really get is how he would be at the lab and have a life outside the lab? like mike said the first day of kindergarten will was on the swings by himself and they’ve been best friends ever since, and joyce talked about the crayons for his eigth birthday and how his friends all got him star wars toys, so we know he was friends with at least mike and lucas (i think dustin came in the 4th grade so it’s possible he was also friends with will at this point) and possibly other kids when he was younger, so how would he be able to have this whole life outside the lab while also being a kid at the lab?

Hey! I’m so glad you love reading them!! And also apologizes for taking so long to reply!

I don’t think, based on any fandom-wide consensus of the events on the show, as of now, that I'd be able to provide a definitive answer?

Like there has to be pieces missing, which have been left out for a reason, and those are the details that I think will be necessary to fully transcribe to this theory. Until then, there's too much missing for even me to believe it fully.

However, if twelvegate is real, or at least close to what’s going down, then even despite the entire audience missing it, I do think there are probably hints in the details connecting Will to Hawkins Lab, that were either missed or not pinpointed properly, which may or may not hold some answers.

I do have a of couple theories about where some pieces of the twelvegate puzzle might be hiding in earlier seasons. Although, I think beyond pointing them out and talking about them, it will only lead us to more questions!

TBH, most of this post will just be me trying to come up with some possibilities. While I don't fully believe all the observations I've came across are leading in every direction I speculate them to be, I do think the answers for the ending have to be in the show. There are only so many options to work with here... And so, whatever. I'm going for it.

To start things off, a wise man once said:

I always wondered if this could be a hint to the audience that the answers to some major questions are hidden in some sort of papers we've seen/heard of throughout the show? Newspapers, documents, drawings perhaps?

This then reminded me of the newspaper clipping(s) they showed at the end of s1 related to Will's disappearance:

Hawkins Lab Blocks Inquiry (left)

Coroner Arrested For Falsifying Autopsy (middle bottom)

More Heads Roll in Ongoing State Trooper Scandal (right)

The Boy Who Came Back To Life (middle)

The former missing child Will Byers has been found after a week of searching. He is presently in stable condition in Hawkins General Hospital. Byers' mother, Joyce Byers, alleges Will was the subject of a secret government program run by the Hawkins National Laboratory. The allegation comes amidst a massive investigation into the hidden organization and its elaborate experimentations in perusal of mind control. — The abuse detailed in the first report includes prolonged physical duress and psychological interrogation. This [gove]rnment sanctioned torture has [prov]oked outrage amongst the American . . . In a statement issued yesterday . . . Ives mentioned her "disgust" . . . the organization saying, "our own [Ame]rican people are being treated like . . . we should be directing our . . . to the real target, the Soviets, not . . . own daughters and sons." Under legal . . . Brenner has issued no comment on . . .

An article by that same title resurfaces in s2. However, it seems to have changed some of the details about what happened, in an update of sorts.

The Boy Who Came Back To Life (s2)

"In a recent statement, the state coroner's office has admitted to misidentifying the body recovered from the Sattler Quarry as twelve year old Will Byers. Will Byers had gone missing two days prior, inspiring the town of Hawkins to form a search party in the hopes of finding him. When a boy's body was recovered from Sattler Quarry, the case seemed solved. Six days later local police, lead by Chief Jim Hopper, found Byers alive in an abandoned cave a few miles outside of Hawkins."

Obviously, the update of this article had to do with the State coming in and covering things up.

I've read up on it, but all I can find from the ga's consensus back then, is there was some confusion over the fact that the article went from being about Will and his disappearance being connected to Hawkins lab and experimentation and mind control, only to switch in the next paragraph to Terry Ives report on Jane's abduction. A lot of people speculated that it was probably just a copy paste error, where like the Duffers were too lazy to put something relevant there, and so they slapped on a random paragraph and called it a day?

Now, to be real with you, even if the Duffers themselves said this was the case, that it was just an error on their part, I would not believe them...? Because rewatching that shot, you can tell it's important? Like what else is the point of it, if not to hint at something? And then why have it return in the following season (literally one episode later?), with an update, that clearly covers up most of the details, if there's no deeper reason behind it?

One thing from the s1 version that has me side eyeing is, 'our daughters and sons' (Willel s1 crumbs?).

I also find it interesting that they refer to the quarry as Sattler Quarry, twice? It doesn't seem that important on the surface, but from what I remember Sattler Quarry was really sort of sus in terms of what they were up to and the way they were talked about, in connection to Hawkins Lab and them scrambling to cover up Will's disappearance by planting a fake body there? Idk it just feels weird...

Which brings me to this next small detail I haven't heard anyone talk about before, but I have a feeling it could be part of this, or perhaps part of something that is still yet to be revealed.

The night they find Will's body, Karen and Ted are watching the news. We hear the reporter talking about Will's body being found at the quarry. Though the audio is loud enough to hear at the beginning, the newscast shifts to quiet background noice as Mike's parents begin talking.

White text is easy to hear/red text is a little difficult to hear:

"Byers' body was found in the water of this quarry by state police earlier this evening. He was discovered by state trooper David O'Bannon, just after dark. The state police are mounting an investigation to determine Byers' cause of death. But an initial inquiry... *few indistinct words* suggests that foul play was involved. Will Byers was a 7th grader at Hawkins Middle School. He was reported missing on Monday morning by his mother. Now, Byers isn't the first person to drown in Sattlers Quarry, if you'll recall, only 7 years ago--"

Now, I have tried and tried, but even still now, I cannot discern what was said after "But an initial inquiry...", because Ted interrupts and it muddles up his words with the reporter's, to the point where I can't discern it well enough. I think I hear the word media somewhere in there?

As far as I know, no one has talked about this, at least not enough for it to even be mentioned on the Stranger Things Wiki timeline.

I legit checked the timeline while making this post, hoping to find it, and hopefully anything else that might have occurred that year.

TW: byler

Okay. Cool. It appears, according to Wiki at least, nothing substantial happened in the year 1976, other than the fact that it was the year Mike and Will met on the swings in kindergarten. I assume that would've been in August/September of 1976? Then this drowning at Sattlers Quarry would've been on Nov. 7th, 1976, a few months later (and 7 years before Will's 'vanishing')?

I always thought it was interesting that they said kindergarten specifically. Like kindergarten? That's such a cliche in and of itself. But what if that was the point? To make it something we heard and then just went with, but in reality they're giving us a hint? (Will and Mike would've been five years old in 1976).

I do think that the mention of something happening, exactly 7 years prior, to the day...? Like that's really odd? Not only is it connected to Will because it's the day he went missing, but also... 'it was a seven'?

Though, I feel like if it had to do with Will specifically, they would have included that (which reminds me, if anyone can transcribe that indiscernible part of the newscast, LMK!)? Also if it was another child even, wouldn't they have mentioned that too? That seems like it would be an important detail?

But then the scene cuts off right there. Like the second the word 'ago' leaves the reporter's mouth, we're suddenly in Mike's basement (interesting...). And so, apparently they were willing to mention this anniversary like event, with the infamous number seven, only to cut it short without any further context for what actually happened 7 years prior?

I guess I would have to rewatch and pay attention to see if there are any other hints that could somehow relate to this occurrence that happened in 1976, but since like I said, no one's really talked about it (correct me if i'm wrong pls!), there isn't anywhere for me to really go from here in regards to that.

But it does make me wonder if this was one of the easter eggs David talked about being all the way back in s1, because like? I just really don't see a reason for it be there at all unless there was a reason?

Specifically in combination with Twelvegate it interests me because, Sattler Quarry was the place that Hawkins lab decided to put Will's fake body (why did they need to go all out in the first place in Will's case??).? Is it possible they were doing something there 7 years ago, related to the lab?

Like this does make me wonder about the whole Will created the upside down theory? I've read some crazy theories over the years about how a lot of what occurs with the supernatural happenings going on in Hawkins, aligns with Will and his emotions at times? For example, there's quite a few times Will sensed the mindflayer before/after something occurred, often related to Mike, and then we'd see Will touching his neck. But it wasn't always like that from what it seemed, and so I never really thought anything of it.

And then s4 happened, and this theory has sort of slowed down after it was 'confirmed' Henry got banished to the upside down by El after the massacre at Hawkins Lab, presumably encountering the mindflayer, before Will?

However, in combination with twelvegate and everything, what if Henry getting banished there also had to do with Will? Because I mean technically speaking, if Will is Twelve, that would mean he was right there in the rainbow room with El that day, only like a few feet away...

What if they were doing wonder-twin shit? Will creation powers combining with El's destruction powers?

It's still unknown why Henry would target Will in the first place, like could it be because it was all Will's creation to begin with?

This also reminded me of the constant imagery of Twelve playing with the red tower in the rainbow room. We see this repeatedly, like a lot. We even see El hung up a drawing of said tower in her room at the lab... Twelve building that red tower reminds me of Flayed Billy's 'we've been building it!'...

TBH I had no idea what the red tower in s4 could possibly mean up to this point. But in the context of Will being Twelve with creation powers, it makes a whole lot more sense. (Is the upside down stuck on the day Will entered it, because the creator showed up and now it's just stuck on create mode? LOL... Wait, but actually???).

I think the only way it would work, is if Will was a unique case, which obviously he would have to be if he created the upside down? Though I'm not so sure I think that Hawkins Lab knows this? Or maybe they do?

TBH I think it's a lot more likely Will has been able to predict some things, for example, Owens keeps talking about how this has been a long time coming, they've been preparing for this. And that took me back to s2 when Will was at Hawkins Lab talking about a storm...? Could that have been Will sensing what was still to come? And was Owens taking notes? Because in the past he had been able to predict some things based on what he saw/how he captures what he sees in his drawings?

I mean Owens was literally rewatching Will's tapes. And there are moments with him that just feel like there's something deeper going on there that we're missing. Quite frankly a lot of the scenes with Will at Hawkins Lab are missing answers, so that in and of itself is, very weird to brush off.

Eery to say the least.

These scenes also remind me of the onlookers El was met with when she arrived at Nina:

I've said recently that Owens and Brenner give off good cop/bad cop vibes, and I still feel that way. However, what I think at this point is that Owens is more focused on the 'cause' aka the US military having the upper-hand against the Soviets aka what he could get out of this monetarily/reputation wise, as like a patriot/war criminal. This would also parallel quite nicely with Paul Reiser's character in Aliens, which is a movie that's heavily inspired ST since the beginning.

Yeah, Owens would rather not hurt people if he doesn't have to, especially if he's not even getting any results out of it. But even still, I think Owens would choose to exploit anyone if it meant getting the results that he is expected to be getting, in the position that he is in.

In contrast to Owens, what Brenner gets out of it appears to be some weird father/daughter bond, manifested from raising El in the lab, which was also manifested by Brenner's weird familial bond with Henry as well.

Notice how Owens refers to Brenner as Martin, like, twice...? He even refers to them as an us? These dudes are colleagues, they are equals. The only difference is Brenner has this weird familial lens guiding his actions, whereas Owens actions are all keeping the goals for their cause in mind. And what even is their cause exactly?

We basically get Owens revealing that Brenner convinced him this was the ONLY way they could do this. Which means there were arguably other options, though this was the plan they went with because Brenner insisted it would work, and now they're having to stick to it.

El was a unique case compared to all the other kids presumably, who were brought there at some point in their childhood. From what I recall, Kali (008) for example, was discovered in London, then abducted and brought to Hawkins lab at a young age, but not infancy. Even in her case, she managed to escape Hawkins Lab before the massacre. And so, it's not like every scenario has to look identical El's in order for it to work, though in Will's case, it would definitely need to be explained in a way that fits with what they've told us so far. Which I agree, would be hard to do.

My guess as of now, is that they came across Will's powers via him being able to predict things with his drawings (rainbowshipgate), and that might have inspired part of Hawkins Labs efforts in the year 79. That scene with Ten and Brenner drawing felt very much like this was their first time doing this, and so it must have been a recent disovery at the time?... Hawkins lab wasn't always like that, even when El was a kid growing up there, like SUPER young, it was a little bit different than the numbers 1-19, shaved head, nightgown 24/7 vibes. That version of Hawkins lab required them gradually getting to that point over the last decade, making discoveries as they went. As far as I could tell, they used to be kind of accepting of letting families in there back in the day, because they came off as more lenient in those times, before they cracked down and started being a lot more secretive, resorting to covering things up almost entirely.

Although I think it's likely they're unaware Will made the upside down itself (if he even did), they know something... There's something about this scene with Brenner and Owens in particular, that's just so downright suspicious, to the point where I don't understand why it's not talked about more.

This scene is from 4x07, right after Owens bitched Brenner out for not getting them any results. And so, what is being alluded to here, is that EVERYTHING we saw in 4x07, essentially what was presumably being presented to us as the real truth, after 6 episodes of us watching everything from El's confused POV, isn't even the whole truth???

Also, notice the tapes. Brenner takes the tape labeled with the day of the massacre, Sept 8th, 1979. However, the shot makes a point to show him almost hesitating. We see like 4 tapes from the month of August, and like 7 tapes already for the month of September, with no more tapes to follow after the 8th (obvs bc the massacre). Apparently it was a busy September. What I find weird is that there were two tapes for the day before the massacre, Sept. 7th, 1979.? There's nothing else I find too suspicious about this shot, besides that, and so I am curious about what this could possibly mean.

"How much time did you skip?"

Why not let the audience see what was skipped? It's almost like whatever they skipped over would be a major spoiler to us? And combined with everything else, I would not be surprised if whatever they didn't let us see had something to do with Twelve aka Will...

I understand your doubt with this theory, because I too struggle with figuring out how exactly it would overlap with our understanding of the story and the presumed timeline that's been presented to us thus far.

However, again, I think that there has to be small details in the story, which are essential to un-cracking this, even despite what the overarching narrative has been leading us to believe and assume up to this point. I also think it requires us being misinformed about some things, because otherwise it would be too easy to figure everything out. I mean look at us rn? They don't want people getting too close to the truth and so they need those barriers in the way stopping people from getting to close to the surprise. They literally depend on us assuming they are stupid to achieve all of this.

And even still, the Duffer's themselves have said that the final season will circle back to s1 to answer things that were never answered, along with David saying there's easter eggs from s1 that will make the ending wonderful, and Noah himself saying the show started with Will and will end with Will... And so, there's gotta be something here.

And honestly, upon some casual rewatching since coming across twelvegate, I've noticed a lot of details that connect Will to Hawkins Lab...

One in particular, is the fact that it's established within the first 5 minutes of the series, that Will lives near Hawkins Lab:

So there are arguably places for this theory to build off of, which already exist in the show...

One explanation in particular that I've seen a lot of fans use as a possibility to explain all of this, is Lonnie.

In s1 he showed up after Will's body was recovered, and he made a remark about how Sattler Quarry had no warning signs around it, and that they should be held accountable. Joyce grew suspicious of his behavior and went through his stuff, discovering that Lonnie only came to sue Sattler to receive a big sum of money.

And so within the context of the show, right off the bat, they are saying that not only did Lonnie make homophobic remarks about Will, treat Joyce like she was crazy, but he also apparently only came back after Will was dead, so that he could get a bunch of money out of it...?

There's been theories about this for years, but this could fit into Will, and now even Henry potentially, being brought to the lab, on the front that it would be treatment for conversion therapy.

The parallels between Will and Henry could be entirely related to the upside down/powers, but I just think the wording of those parallels between them, being tied mostly to Will's queer-coding, makes me very skeptical there's nothing more to it?

And like I said, Hawkins Lab was looking for any excuse to not only find kids with natural powers, but to also exploit anyone that posed as an opportunity to them.

Terry Ives for example, wasn't one of the numbered kids in Hawkins Lab, but she was still involved with others who literally volunteered there, and were put on experimental drugs (also another way Lonnie could have been involved with the Lab), which led to El being abducted with the guise that she died during a miscarriage.

People forget that mind control is Hawkins Labs' specialty. And that they used it for more than just studies and experimentation...

The lab did everything they could to cover up what's happened over the years, when it came to El and Terry especially from what we saw. And so, why wouldn't this apply to other kids?

I remember in s2 when Brenner got replaced, Owens said the everyone involved with the lab previously, was gone, with him insisting he was one of the good ones, practically begging Joyce (and Hopper) to trust him... And yet not even a few episodes later he was telling Jonathan and Nancy that he would stop at nothing to keep the truth from spreading... Nothing.

Which then brings us to the most complex of it all. Memories.

I think that it's possible that memory stealing could be a thing that spans multiple characters, and with an organization that specializes in mind control, with us literally seeing that play with Terry Ives in earlier seasons, and also with El's repressed memories in s4 (with the lab having tapes to bring back those memories), I'm gonna presume it's not out of the realm of possibility that there's more to all of this.

Not saying that it's going to be memory stealing in the most generic way possible. Same with the whole time travel debacle. I don't think how we understand these concepts, based on what we've seen in other media, is going to apply exactly in every shape/form for ST. I think it's going to be a lot more complex and have to fit somehow into our understanding of things in this universe already. Do I think it will be easy? No. But the Duffers have surprised me before so I do think that they are capable of doing it again.

And even still, I only feel comfortable speculating about this, in the cases of the kids and the parents, aka Terry and El, Will (Jonathan?) and Joyce, Hopper and Sarah...

And that's about where my theory starts to get kind of stupid.

If you remember, there was a theory way back in s2, that El, Will and Sarah could have all possibly been connected to Hawkins lab. And it's because they all 3 had similar stuffed animals.

Hopper is also shown to be at Hawkins lab in his flashbacks around the time of his daughter's death in 78 (1 year before the massacre). We also get a parallel shot of this, with Sam Owens in s2 (s/out Sam Owens is evil truthers)

BONUS: Shot of El in s4, in this same staircase in the flashbacks of the lab massacre in 79.

Back in the day, there were theories Sarah's death could've been a cover up, and that perhaps she was targeted by the lab similar to other test subjects. It just so happened that for whatever reason, her case ended differently than the others? Or so we think...?

Now you might be wondering, what could have possibly connected Hopper to Hawkins Lab?

Vietnam.

This is another avenue I could totally see Hawkins Lab recruiting test subjects. I mean, it's not like it's one of the most well known tropes in comic books for a person whose encountered radiation to gain super powers or anything...

I also find it interesting that Hopper’s daughter died of cancer, after having an episode quite similar to Will's, which lead her to losing all her hair. And this happened at Hawkins lab (what we can presume based on the setting), a little bit before the labs whole weird shaved head, crayon drawing renovation..?.

Interesting...

In all honesty, Hopper himself has been keeping secrets. This is something that David Harbour has alluded to since s2, when there were boxes from Hoppers cabin shown, with the one El went through literally being labeled Hawkins Lab.

Not to mention, s4 finally explored and introduced to us how Vietnam affected him and his family, sort of building up this storyline, with flashbacks of Sarah, which we’ve been seeing for like season upon season now? They really like showing us these flashbacks with Sarah for some reason… and I can’t help but feel like that storyline isn’t over. So considering some of the evidence, it feels like there could be something going on there.

Not to mention, at the end of s1, we get this moment where Hopper goes in a government vehicle and what happened is only really alluded to. But why not let us see what they talked about?

It does beg to question, that if a lab managed to convince Hopper his daughter died of cancer... Anything is possible.

I also think Joyce being referred to as crazy/out of her mind by herself, Lonnie, Jonathan and like everyone in town in s1, does make me intrigued by the prospects of s2 sort of covering up whatever facts they gave to us back then, bc like.. idk. There's room there for something to have happened I guess. Like the fact that she even felt an urge to check to see what Lonnie was up to, and found out he was trying to get a bunch of money out of Will's death? Like, was history repeating?

I also love that you mentioned the crayons for Will's birthday, because I actually came across Twelvegate when I was reading about another theory, Rainbowshipgate.

If you haven't read it, RUN!

Basically what it boils down to is how the story about Will getting crayons on his eighth birthday, using those crayons to draw a rainbow spaceship, which Joyce then hung up at Melvald's, even going as far as to apparently show it to every person that came in, saying her son drew it... could have been a hint that connects Will to Hawkins Lab.

In fact, this is something several casual fans have observed and talked about on reddit since s2, comments about how ironic it was that Will drew a rainbow spaceship, when we all know there's another major significance to rainbows in the show, ie the rainbow room at Hawkins Lab...

So it's like, are these the easter eggs David was talking about, or??..

I shit you not, reading everything I could about rainbowshipgate, I got curious and decided to rewatch the Hawkins lab scenes from s4.

I was thinking like, hypothetically, if rainbowshipgate was on track in some way? Couldn't Will be a lab kid?

And so I literally went into rewatching those scenes, looking for a lab kid that could be Will-coded. And I was not disappointed. There Twelve was, giving off major Will Byers vibes, and that's when everything sort of clicked for me and I started posting about it.

Also, for those that don't know, there were theories back in the s3 era at least, where fans were already speculating that Will could be Twelve... Though those same theorists haven't returned to update their observations for s4 (meaning all their evidence predates s4 evidence).

However, what I now personally am leaning towards, is that they are connected.

Because if Will's birthday is March 22nd, then it's possible that anytime throughout that year, someone from Hawkins Lab could have stumbled into Melvald's, observed the drawing, and told other higher ups at the lab about it. Upon a little bit of digging, they discovered this kid lived right in their back fucking yard?? I would not be surprised what lengths they would go through to get that kid. Like come on man, that's too easy!

That's another thing, the Byers' home being like right next to Hawkins Lab is just weird in and of itself? So that could be an easy explanation for how Will attended the lab. It would have likely required it being a secret between Lonnie and maybe Jonathan who found out and had to stay quiet. It also could have played a role in their divorce? Who knows. I do think that they're consistent mention of Will's sexuality/queer-coding as the main topic to come up whenever they talk about Lonnie is really suspect. But that's just a theory for now.

Personally, despite all the evidence, because there is quite a lot, I'm still not entirely confident in regards to all this.

It does make me feel more intrigued by other theories though, like birthdaygate and will having powers. I am like 99% confident in those theories, and so there is this element of appeal in that I feel like stuff we've already speculated about in the fandom before, fits quite nicely into twelvegate.

What I'm honestly excited for is ST5 promotion to start rolling out. As early as production starts, we should start getting some crumbs, and it will only grow exponentially from there!

And that's when all us theorists will have more to work with. Because they'll definitely leave easter eggs and hidden messages within the major promotion they drop. And this time a lot of us will actually be paying attention!! Whatever they leave here and there could have the potential to prove/disapprove theories we've been compiling for months before all of this.

Thank you for the ask!! And sorry again for the delay!

[broiunno]

License to Steal - Act VII

License to Steal

ACT VII

Act I // Act II // Act III // Act IV // Act V //Act VI // Act VII 

—summary: Min Yoongi is your new protection detail upon your return to your father’s side after being sent away during a bloody gang war. Now the dust has settled, you’ve been called back to your old controlled life, and leaving you an unwilling participant in your family’s plans. You don’t know what they are but you are no longer willing to be the obedient, protected daughter. You don’t really care in the least of it makes Yoongi’s new assignment hell on earth- So you’ll carve your own life out back home on your own terms.

-rating: 18+

-pairing: min yoongi x reader ?

-word count: ?

-warnings: swearing, gang activities includes drug use and  the slowest of burns, organized crime, toxic af family dynamics, graphic physical abuse, drinking, dirty dancing? Y/N bounces around happily bc I wrote it 

Author’s note: Welcome to Act VII. Please don’t be a silent reader. I love talking to you guys and I hope you’re enjoying this fic. Thank you :D Please like, comment, share, send asks, etc. It may help me crank the next act out and I need the pick me up. :D As ever @chelsea-chee is the most beautiful human and her works are all wonderful. She also brings me out of writing funks

————————-

The burgundy wave was making another pass around the wide hips of the wine glass. Your eyes followed it with unwarranted rapture. Anything was better than the heady gaze of the man sitting across the small table. You didn’t know what you had expected out of this, but the aura had been weighted since you had walked to the front door, ignoring Hoseok’s lascivious suggestions regarding his acquired knowledge of Yoongi’s bedroom preferences. You had made it through the car ride by checking your makeup obsessively and slipping into your elitist mask, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by Yoongi. He just had yet to comment on it.

Now you found yourselves waiting for your entrees. You nursed your second glass of red wine while Yoongi reclined in the chair, legs crossed as he studied you in silence. He seemed content to wait out whatever mood you had found yourself in. The silence wasn’t the comfortable ebb of conversation the pair of you had slipped into while being shut in together as you healed. Instead it felt heavy with unsaid words. Yoongi had shown you how in tune with you he actually was, while you were squirreled away from the world. Hoseok had confronted you with something that had been shoving you away.

Yoongi had feelings for you? Was this a date? He hadn’t presented this dinner as a date. Yoongi had simply told you this morning you would grab something to eat before you went to have drinks with your fiance’. When you had laughed at him and suggested a drive-through on the way so you smelled like grease for your actual date this evening, his lips had gone thin and eyes narrowed before he snapped that he wanted steak. That he had had enough take out over the past few weeks to last a lifetime. The memory made you tilt the glass up higher as the alcohol slipped down your throat. 

You allowed yourself to look at him finally, ignoring the pricks that arose across your arms as you two locked gazes. His normally blank and calculating eyes were not wavering from your face as you finally decided to brave engaging him in conversation. Yoongi reached forward and shook his watch lower onto his wrist before grasping the glass of whiskey and the flash of a pearl watch face grabbed your attention. You wrinkled your nose. “Where’s your Piguet?” you said before you could stop yourself. You shouldn't be noticing his watch. That was girlfriend shit. The lazy smirk that settled onto Yoongi’s lips made you roll your eyes in response. You couldn’t help it; the telltale natural irritation he sparked in you never died. It was the only true friendship or relationship to another person you had ever had. You weren’t completely ready to speak that truth yet.

Not to his face.

“You pay that close attention to my accessories Princess? I’m honored,” he said, unable to keep the animalistic swell of pride from his words. “It goes better with the black suit.”

“No, it doesn’t. You wear it with black all the time and it looks great.” You hadn’t had that much wine, and his answer was bullshit. Your mind shouted at you to quickly divert the attention from your admission, making you jump from the subject you had brought up. “Why can’t we just sit at a booth in the back? You made the staff move the entire table at an angle.”

“Because just because Jungkook and Jin are outside, it doesn’t mean I don’t need to see the door and the kitchen.” He waved his hand in dismissal at your complaint. “Besides, I can’t see your legs in a booth.”

You had been in the process of tilting the wine bottle over the rim of your glass, and with his words, it seemed like all the spit rushed to the back of your throat. You choked and jolted forward as you coughed, wine slopping over the glass and staining the table cloth. You couldn't help but shift uncomfortably. Hoseok's words again ringing through your head as you pointed your toes down in your heels to let the arch of your foot flex. Did he like how your feet looked in these shoes? Was Hoseok lying? The way Yoongi's eyes snapped to your subtle movement- no. No, he hadn't been lying.

Yoongi’s response was a laugh that had your eyes narrowing, and you set the bottle down. Of course he had trained his dark eyes on your pretty foot while you moved, but he recovered quickly. “You’re a pain in the ass- you should be pouring my wine for me,” you snapped, uncrossing and recrossing your legs. “Why’d you bring me here, really? It wasn’t to watch me squirm.”

“I can’t take an old friend out to dinner? I think you deserve it Princess. You deserve a night out.” Yoongi’s words were unbothered and dismissive. They made your heart throb. You couldn’t help but bite at the inside of your lip as he continued to sip his drink, his dark eyes flicking over to the waiter who had approached while you stared at him in surprise.

The smell of the food was tempting, but you were still in the whirlwind of emotions your companion’s words had caused. You deserved it? What you deserved rarely had a positive context if it wasn’t tied with a shopping trip. It was never in relevance to how you were actually treated by people beyond respect or fear. “Your old friend? You’re not telling the whole truth. You never do,” you breathed out as he cut into his steak to ensure that it was cooked to his specification of rare. He tilted his head slightly in consideration at your words before stabbing at the fine cut with his fork.

He chewed slowly before setting his utensils down and you found yourself unable to do more than spin your pasta onto your fork with zeal. Yoongi sighed softly and cleared his throat before reaching over and topping your glass of wine off. “Princess, what would talking about this help? Right now things aren’t settled.”

The words punched through you. Was he serious? What good would it do? Hoseok had been screwing with you then. “It wouldn’t matter if things were settled anyway. I don’t even understand your definition of settled.” Your words are dry as you reach for the wine, stuffing your mouth with the fresh pesto-drenched noodles. “I get it Min. J-Hope was just fucking with me.”

Yoongi stilled a bit more and couldn’t help when his upper lip curled. “He runs his mouth. I have one job: keep you safe. I’ll do whatever I have to make sure I do that. We’ve known each other for long enough. Believe me in that if nothing else.” You couldn’t really bring yourself to look him in the eye, and so you settled for shrugging as you ate and gulped at the wine.

“I mean, we’re friends now I guess Min. That, coupled with the fact it’s your job to keep me safe-”

“You are more obsessed with my job than I am. It’s not about the job Princess. It’s because I need you safe.”

The warm feeling in your stomach had you shifting in your seat.

“Pursuing you, doing some confessional; you know damn well it’s not me Princess. I’m not that guy. I never have been.” His words which had started soft grew more clipped and you couldn’t help but smirk.

“Min, are you in love with me or something?” you joked, but hated how your voice came out breathy and weak. The clatter of Yoongi’s knife even made you jump slightly as he dropped it in exasperation.

“You think I’m not attracted to you? I’m not about to proposition you because I don’t want to hear your smart ass answer. I’m going to get you safe and make it so you can live your life without being sold off or in constant danger. I’m about to put myself in a dumb-ass position just so you can live your life Princess. Now stop pushing me.”

You swallowed hard and observed how he hunched over the table to hiss his words at you, clenching his fist tightly, and you let out a breath you hadn’t noticed you were holding.

Speechless. He always managed to render you speechless.

--- Yoongi’s POV:

_You were doing this to spite him. You had to be. Yoongi couldn’t help giving into the raging annoyance that weighed heavily on his back as you prodded at the resolution he had made not to approach this subject until you were safe and your father was laying on ice in the city morgue. He wouldn’t be the best choice even after _this bloody mess was all said and done.

Yoongi didn’t know what he really expected from you though. You never left well enough alone; it was part of your charm.

“Don’t boss me around and tell me you care about me at the same time. It’s a mind fuck,” you grumbled as you ate. Yoongi scoffed slightly and returned to his steak while he glanced at his watch to check the time quickly; they would have to wrap this up soon. They had never had much time for dinner. You had spent the first portion of the meal ignoring him. He had assumed that Hoseok had taunted you. He had immediately regretted not asking Jin whenever Hoseok had jumped up with cheer as he headed to your room.

“Princess, I’m not mind fucking you. Just trying to return us to the status quo of our relationship,” he said lightly as he finished the filet and worked on his glass of single malt whiskey. “All jokes aside, do you trust me?” he said as he waved down the waiter and summoned the check, ignoring your soft groan of protest at having your meal cut short. Yoongi never really understood your habit of sitting in a restaurant for hours enjoying your meal slowly and drinking the day away.

“As much as I think you’re a dick most of the time… of course I do. You’re the only person I trust,” you said quietly and Yoongi cleared his throat as he tried to choke down the surge of primal joy he felt at hearing it out loud. It had been understood. Hearing it sated the nagging feelings he couldn’t ignore about Jungkook. Even if you wanted the younger man physically, you had said it yourself. In the one category that meant anything to Yoongi, he was the only one there. You had volunteered that detail. He would have accepted a simple yes or no.

He tried to hold it back but his selfishness won out; he needed to hear it again. And again. And again. “You seem pretty content with Jungkook,” he mused, offering the waiter a card that most certainly did not have his name on it.

Your expression pinched into annoyance and you rolled your eyes, waving a hand in dismissal. “You introduced him to me, idiot. You’re his hyung right? Why wouldn’t I trust him?” You snapped at his slightly blatant need of reassurance. “In the end, it’s me trusting you and who you bring around me, isn’t it?”

Yoongi sank back into his seat, unable to keep the smile that revealed even his gums off his face. “How astute of you Princess.”

“Don’t tease,” you complained and swiped your high heel out to find purchase with his shin. He ignored the sting. He knew you could have made him bleed, but he had made progress since you first came back home from the US.

“I’m not teasing!” he protested with a laugh. “Take the bitter with the sweet. I take that mean tongue of yours but I get to look at your pretty face. We all have to pick our poisons.”

He was finally happy with how the meal was going. It had taken until the check came, but shit! This is what he missed. You pointed your fork at him and hissed in annoyance. “You’re teasing. Don’t change the subject: why did you ask me if I trusted you? You’re the one who just said you didn’t like declarations, then you go and ask me for one.”

Sharp as ever.

Yoongi nodded. Fair enough. “I need you to start getting valuables you might want to take, open a safety deposit box. I’ll give you money to pay cash. I’ll go with you to get your things. Jin or I will drive you. That’s it.” Your eyebrows shot up and you waited until the waiter handed the card back to Yoongi, who signed the bill with a flourish with his own pen. Of course.

“That’s it?” You echoed his words, the question heavy in your voice and he sighed in response.

“We gotta head to your actual date Princess, but you need to know that I’m going to rip this organization to shreds. I don’t plan on you marrying that piece of shit. I don’t plan on your father breathing much longer. Things don’t always go according to plan though. I need to know you’ll have things to sell. I’ll set money up for you to go if you need to,” Yoongi admitted, unable to keep the cold and stiff work tone out of his voice and you crossed your arms. He couldn’t help but steel himself for your reaction. He was doing it for you, but you hadn’t asked him to. You had never been someone who just went along with people planning your future. Not without kicking and screaming.

Maybe you would throw the last dregs of your red wine in his face. He had another jacket and spare shirt in the car after all.

--- Y/N’s POV

You felt cold. Time had stopped as Yoongi stared at you. He was planning what?

Jungkook had alluded to Yoongi ‘fixing’ any situation with you. So had Hoseok.

Taking down your father’s organization was an insane task. Your marriage you could understand. All it would take was killing your fiance’. You doubted it would take long for your father to find a replacement for the groom in his plans though.

“You’re a complete idiot, Min Yoongi,” you whispered and reached for your clutch, trying to force the shaking from your hands. “He’s going to kill you.”

The feline smile had overtaken Yoongi’s features, dark eyes crinkling slightly at the edges. “The point is to kill him first, Princess. Keep up.” You clicked your tongue in annoyance as he stood and offered you his hand, which you grasped and stood.

“Just get me through this date with my fiance’, Yoongi,” you said shortly and he chuckled and led you to the door, his large hand splaying on your back.

“I’ll do my best Princess, but my goal is just making sure he keeps his hands off you.” You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t help the shiver that ran through you as his lips brushed the shell of your ear. “If he has any taste, it’ll be a hard job. You really do look sinful.”

-----

You really don’t know if you’ll be able to keep down the olives you have been popping into your mouth at a steady pace. The cocktail lounge was classy and upscale; you hadn’t expected anything less afterall. The pianist in the corner was a bit ostentatious as he seemed to be rotating through some lighter Mozart pieces. The whole establishment made you think of charity balls and debutantes.

You were a crime lord’s daughter.

Your dress was too tight, too revealing for this kind of place. Your date had laughed and pointed out you would need to go shopping for something different before he could formally present you to his partners. His comments made you take a sharp intake of breath and scoff. That was one way to meet your intended spouse you supposed. Then again, most people didn’t broker deals for their betrothed.

The man you had met briefly once before hadn’t stuck in your mind as making a big impression save for his boldness. Now you were realizing it was simple arrogance and entitlement. Ha-Joon’s leering gaze from across the small intimate table had your skin prickling uncomfortably. When you were away from your guards in the states, which was often towards the end of your tenure, men often jumped at the chance to introduce themselves to you. The lawyer sitting with you, after insinuating you were not dressed appropriately or conservative enough, was letting his eyes roam freely over the exposed plane of your chest. At one point he leaned over and dropped his gaze to travel up your legs.

Was he serious? You could practically see the saliva drip from his wet lips as he flicked his tongue out to pass along them methodically. The shiny cherry wood of the table top was nearly reflecting the neon sign flashing one word in his eyes: MINE.

Those were only the start of the problems with your fiance’. The unnecessary confidence with which he had snapped at a waiter as he ordered your dirty martini without even pausing to let you order for yourself or asking what you wanted to drink. You had simply raised your eyebrow. He flashed you what you knew he thought was a winning smile. “When I first met you- you were drinking a dirty martini. I knew you were my kind of gal,” Ha-Joon said as he took a sip of his own drink.

“Gal,” you parroted drly; you felt like your cheeks would soon crack from the tight lipped smile you were forcing.

“I mean, of course. With your looks and your family, I feel like I should be smoking a cigar, wearing pinstripes, calling you gal, have a gun- all that. Pretty romantic right?”

The rage licked up your spine. The violence you had witnessed in your life, and suffered at the hands of your family, and he was classifying it as romantic.

You couldn’t control how your eyes traveled to the bar where Yoongi was leaning on the dark wood, eyes already trained on you intently. Sitting here having to entertain this fool, you were struck by how absolutely gorgeous Yoongi was in comparison. Ha-Joon’s idiotic words rang in your head, and Yoongi seemed to be the opposite. He was much more calculated and controlled with his words. This man was more show boat than substance. Yoongi was well dressed, sharp eyes, simultaneously aware of your suffering; you were sure of it. While Ha-Joon seemed to take everything you said or did as an invitation to proceed with offending you in some way. He painted a very sleazy picture of himself, and he wasn’t even the criminal out of the two men.

Your guard was a blast of arctic air compared to the hot air the lawyer and aspiring district prosecutor was billowing.

Yoongi’s gaze felt heavy as his eyes narrowed and flicked around your face to read your expression, his hyper awareness of you made your stomach flip. You felt yourself falling into the hypnotizing lull Yoongi seemed to settle over you with his stare, only to land on the somehow duplicitous empty smile of J-Hope. He also seemed to be watching you carefully. Hoseok tilted his head to the side as if amused that he caught your attention while you were on this unfortunate date. He quirked his eyebrow and lifted a slim finger up to tap the rim of his nostril inconspicuously before winking at you.

That’s right- you still had the cocaine.

“I’m surprised your father made Yoongi your bodyguard. He’s a bit intense isn’t he?” Ha-Joon cleared his throat and attempted to pull your attention back to him. When you finally did shift your attention back, you wanted to roll your eyes as you noticed his ears had started to deepen. Was he finally realizing how terrible this date was? You hoped so.

“I’m surprised you’re assuming I’m not intense,” you said, trying to dismiss his comment and not let it fester. It had your hackles rising; you didn’t want this trash to level his opinion at Yoongi. You were worried you wouldn’t be able to portray an appropriate level of detachment. That was the last thing either of you needed. If Ha-Joon noticed, he didn’t comment on your dismissal of the subject. He instead took the opportunity to chuckle and lean closer to you over the table. He reached out and stroked a finger down your forearm in what he seemed to perceive as an affectionate way.

“You’re funny and beautiful,” Ha-Joon said, shaking the ice cubes around his glass idly as he attempted to cover your hand with his own. You pulled away as if burned.

“Is that why you’re doing all of this? You think I’m beautiful?” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you took a large gulp of your martini. This man was truly unbelievable. You put your empty glass down on the wood with excessive force. The clatter drew a few eyes from the other patrons during the pause betweens songs of the pianist. Ha-Joon opened his mouth to protest, leaning back in his chair. “I’m going to the bathroom,” you interrupted, grabbing your purse and standing quickly. You didn’t wait for his response, or for him to give you permission, which you now didn’t doubt he would view as necessary.

You walked quickly through the lounge and slammed open the door to the sitting room in the bathroom. Luckily it was still early enough to not be overly crowded in the bar. You placed your bag on the marble vanity and fished for the small bag Hoseok had given you earlier. This was a terrible idea. You stared at it intently upon retrieving it from the small side pocket and couldn’t help but shrug to yourself. Could this entire fiasco really get any worse? At least you would loosen up to laugh at his stupid attempts at making a joke. Let things hopefully roll off your back.

You dipped a fingernail into the white powder to lift a small pile under your nose, plugging one side and musing internally if you wanted to be unbothered, you should have smoked weed after dinner instead. But this was the only substance you had other than alcohol, and that definitely wasn’t working fast enough.

You inhaled sharply and repeated the process quickly before you could change your mind. The burn and rivelet of snot immediately started to run making you tilt your head back. You tucked your purse under your arm as you headed into a stall to relieve yourself. You pinched your nostril and rubbed your powder-covered finger on your gum. You forgot how fast the ride of the drug was. Even as you smacked your lips at the bitter taste you could feel your body temperature rising while you walked out to wash your hands.

The walk back to the table turned from a trail of tears to a victory march as you slid easily back into your chair, the waves of pleasure beginning to course through you. “I’m sorry about that Ha-Joon. What were we talking about?” you said quickly, crossing and recrossing your legs twice. Ha-Joon ran a hand through his styled hair as he looked you over.

“It doesn’t matter. I think you had too much to drink- you seem a little off,” he said simply, the smile he wore was a bit tight as he noticed your too bright eyes. You waved your hand dismissively and shrugged simultaneously.

“You really get off on telling people what to do, don’t you?” You laughed and reached out for the drink ordered for you. “You think so highly of yourself for someone who is buying another person to marry.”

The switch in the man in front of you (if you were sober) would have given you whiplash. His hand gripped your wrist tightly before it found the stem of the glassware. “Who do you think you’re talking to like that?” Ha-Joon hissed, managing to keep a neutral expression on his face.

“I think I’m speaking with Ha-Joon? Or do you have that multiple personality thing? I’ll have you know I’m no good with names. Most of the people around my father have a short shelf life if you know what I mean,” you said, emitting a soft whine as you turned your arm in an attempt to free yourself.

Your instincts were the same under the influence, turning to Yoongi, who was already striding over quickly, his face schooled blank. You leaned back, pulling still against his hold, but not making a spectacle. You knew you didn’t need to.

“Listen Y/N. You seem to be under the impression that he is going to always be there to save you. But make no mistake, everything is done. All we need is the official marriage. I get your father’s resources, he gets his check. Then he washes his hands of you,” Ha-Joon hissed, face darkening as his eyebrows lowered and he leaned into the table, jostling the drinks as Yoongi arrived at your shoulder.

“I think the evening should end here.” Yoongi’s cool voice cut in and Ha-Joon’s eyes darted up to him and back down to you.

“Fine. She’s high as shit anyway,” The lawyer growled and released your wrist. You weren’t sure if the pure euphoria was from the cocaine or being rescued from this date from hell.

“I would say nice to meet you.” You stood, smoothing out your dress dramatically and stepping into Yoongi. Your body guard immediately stepped away and you frowned at him reflexively. Your lips immediately pouted out and his jaw clenched. “But it was anything but.”

“Ha-Joon, Hoseok’s replacement will take over from here. He asked me to remind you he has the night off,” Yoongi said simply, inclining his head in farewell. Ha-Joon nodded as he stood and pulled at his jacket lapel before stepping into your space before you could dodge, managing to drop a kiss on your cheek.

“I turned your family and friends into gods, Y/N. I know all the blood that’s on their hands. I helped make them untouchable,” Ha-Joon breathed in your ear, causing you to go stock still. “I can tear them all apart when I get elected, or I can leave them be. Not just your father. All of them. Your little babysitter included.” He finished with a gentle pat on your cheek, stepping away and sticking his hands in his pockets. “Take care of my gal, Yoongi.”

The drug in your system wasn’t enough to stop the world from spinning at the threat. You swallowed dryly and turned, hoping your quick strides to the door didn’t give away how deep Ha-Joon’s threat to Yoongi struck fear into you.

You tripped into the black town car, heart speeding as the drug coursed through your system. You managed to avoid Hoseok's positively unsettling smile, as he held the door open for you. He was thrilled with the chaos he had set into motion in the cocktail lounge. "I knew Duchess could still have fun! Isn't that right Yoongi hyung?" You landed against the soft leather with a huff. Yoongi's silence betrayed his seething at your intoxication. You had been drinking since dinner; Yoongi had accounted and planned for that. He hadn't accounted for Hoseok slipping you cocaine. He had left you under his watch for a total of fifteen minutes- tops.

This had to be a new record. Even for J-Hope.

You closed your eyes against the pressure building against your ears. The cocaine was pure, but the nature of the drug was the same. The highs came on fast, hit intense, and only lasted a short time. You somehow managed to not fall into the siren call of habitual use, but in this moment, you found yourself itching to cut a proper line of the white powder. You wanted to be tucked into a VIP section in New York City, answering to no one.

"Can we just go to the fucking club already? You two chuckle fucks are really ruining this for me!" Your words were louder than you intended, now that they both had taken their seats in the front of the car. Your eyes locked onto Yoongi's profile, watching him carefully as he rubbed his palm hard on the underside of his chin in frustration. Hoseok deftly moved the car through traffic and let his eyes flick back to you routinely.

"Duchess, why don't you just relax? We'll be there soon." Hoseok's murmuring was suddenly deep and smooth enough that you couldn't help it as your eyes slipped closed. "There we go."

You were still wired enough to not fall asleep, but the shadows flickering across your eyelids as you passed the burning lights of the streets and neon signs of the clubs as he neared your destination was comforting. "Look Duchess, here already. See what happens when you do what I tell you to?" Hoseok cooed. Yoongi's head whipped toward J-Hope so fast it was a wonder he didn't have to clutch his neck as a result.

"Don't start this shit." The demand in Yoongi's tone wasn't the plea his words normally indicated. He wasn't pleading with Hoseok- it was a demand that left no room for disobedience. It did nothing but make Hoseok's smile drop on one side. He had found a new game- Yoongi had turned out to be an easier target than he first anticipated.

You opened your eyes, blinking quickly to focus when the lights stopped flashing behind your eyelids. Hoseok had pulled into an alley that led to the back entrance of the club. You tried to behave as much as possible, letting Hoseok open the door for you and waiting for Yoongi to round to your side, taking his offered hand as you climbed out. Your dress hitched higher on your thigh, the fabric bunching at the curve of your hip. You nearly felt the burning gaze of both Yoongi and Hoseok on your legs, the latter letting out a low quiet whistle at the sight of your barely-there panties. "Duuuuchess."

Yoongi's hand shot out upon registering he wasn't the only one staring, not asking your permission before tugging harder than necessary on the garment. " Yoongi what the hell?!" you whined, swatting his hand away, but grabbing his elbow. "Let's just go have fun!"

Yoongi sighed and nodded, shaking his head, following his graceful partner inside the back entrance, nodding briefly at the bouncer at the door wordlessly. You sighed in euphoria as the palpable bass of the thick beat hit your skin, the strobes of lights passing over your body as the heavy hand on your lower back steered you up to the more secluded VIP section, the velvet ropes being lifted for your trio before you reached it.

"Jungkook!" You couldn't stop the words before they spilled out of your mouth, stumbling forward to the man that was turned to the side, his head thrown back in a laugh that was drowned out by the music. You missed his chiseled jaw, his carefree laugh, and easy smile. He wasn't the puzzle that Yoongi always presented you with. Jungkook turned towards you as you nearly fell into his side, arms wrapping around you with ease.

"You're free!" he proclaimed and moved a hand to the top of your head. "It's nice to see you looking like yourself again." Jungkook smirked and brushed a thumb quickly at the side of your bottom lip. "Wanna drink?" You nodded quickly and bounced on the balls of your feet. Jungkook smiled at your eagerness, prominent front teeth on display. Belatedly, you let your gaze travel to Jungkook's left, noting the back of Jimin's orange head. You couldn't help but stare as he leaned down to whisper into an unknown man's ear, noting how luscious his dark thick hair was. It had more volume than Jungkook's. Was this the tech guy Hoseok had alluded to earlier?

Your magnetic pull to Yoongi couldn't be ignored for long as you waited for your drink. You couldn't resist turning to check on Yoongi's whereabouts, but you weren't really prepared for what you saw. Your bodyguard had slid into a plush booth, reclining back, with his legs crossed. The person sitting a few feet apart from him on the velvet, was Namjoon. The handler of your accounts swung his keen dark eyes to meet your gaze briefly, offering no more than a curt nod.

Was Yoongi never willing to relax? He was using this as an excuse to have a meeting away from your father? He never really wanted to have a good time with you then... "Jungkook? Where's my drink?" you huffed and slapped your hand on the table, digging in your purse.

The sound of your skin hitting the metal tabletop had Jimin and the mystery man turning to you. "You look like you've already had a good night." Jimin's words were light as he neared, jabbing a thumb towards the newcomer. "This is Taehyung. Taehyung- Y/N"

"I-I mean I already know who she is." Taehyung's facial expression matched the tone of his words, flat. But he could have just called you every curse known to mankind. Your jaw was hanging open. It really wasn't fair how attractive Taehyung was. It couldn't be possible; he had to be a part of a genetics program. It took you time to regain your composure. You were helped along by taking a long deep drink of whatever Jungkook gave you. "You know who I am?" you parroted in confusion.

"Well, yeah. I do the security and surveillance. I need to know who I'm looking at." His tone didn't shift, but the side of his lips quirked upwards enough for you to smile back and laugh at his dryness. He was right, of course. What kind of security would he be if he didn't at least know your face? He probably knew a lot more than you were comfortable with, but that was a problem for another time. A time when you weren't slamming your drink back.

"Where's Hoseok hyung..." Jungkook hummed, craning his neck around as he easily slid an arm around your shoulders. The heavy warmth felt nice. Jungkook was easy and reassuring in the most basic way you craved. Physical, and unrestrained.

"I'm bringing Duchess more drinks." The bright words cut through the music like a knife and you swung your head towards J-Hope. If you could see yourself now sober, you'd be horrified. You were smiling openly at Hoseok as held out a shot towards you. You didn't question it as you took it from him, throwing it into the back of your mouth and swallowing. "Don't you have the party favors Duchess? Why don't you line it up?" Hoseok suggested, reaching a thin finger out to wrap a strand of hair around his finger.

Highly suggestible, inebriated you thought nothing of lining up the coke on the metal table. Thought nothing of taking the rolled up bill from Hoseok as Jungkook frowned down at you, but said nothing. Jimin only pulled up a plush chair to sit, Taehyung mimicking him to join you. Only J-Hope and Jungkook remained standing. "Did you give her that hyung?" Jungkook nearly hissed at Hoseok, who raised an eyebrow.

"Of course. You think I'd let the Duchess touch street powder? No, only the best..." He laughed lightly, glancing down as you lined the bill up with your nostril, wordlessly reaching down to sweep your hair back for you as you inhaled the full line, dropping the bill and standing up quickly. Fire. Your face was on absolute fire. Or maybe just your nose? You didn't know what feature was what. You did let yourself lean fully onto the tattooed younger man, who couldn't seem to bring himself to do more than support you and flick his eyes back to Yoongi. He almost seemed unsure now, the first time you had seen him be unconfident in his handling of you.

"Don't even start with me Jungkook… why don’t you just get me another drink instead of disapproving?" You couldn't help the hiss, reaching your hand out to swat at his broad back.

"Yeah, Jungkook- Duchess needs another drink. Come here Duchess," Hoseok cooed, and your inhibitions gone, guard lowered, you let yourself shift away from Jungkook into J-Hope's side. You let the smiling man tilt your head up, grinning broadly as he watched your pupils dilate and blow wide. "Duchess… let's wait on your drink, then, don't you want to dance?" he mused, tapping your nose.

You felt your heart began to speed up again, the already warm club becoming unbearably hot quickly. "I'm hot..." you whined as you shifted restlessly, jerking your face away from his hand as you watched Jimin finish off his own line, Taehyung holding up a large hand and shake his head in refusal as he sipped his liquor quietly. Hoseok, on the other hand, did reach down and take a turn passing over the table, keeping his arm slung around your hips as he snorted the cocaine.

The world slightly slowed as Jungkook pushed a cold glass into your hand, and you accepted it but grabbed his hand once it was free, setting your glass down as quickly as it had been delivered. "Come dance with me," you breathed as you tugged him towards the stairs, Jimin trailing curiously.

"Wait, I want to dance with you guys," the orange-haired man laughed, quickly catching up to you and grabbing your other hand as you moved passed the guards and onto the dance floor. You felt the beat of the music in your throat. Immediately swaying to the music and dropping the men's hands, you ducked through the crowd. You swore you heard a laugh from Jimin and an exasperated groan from Jungkook as you did so. You only danced alone for a few moments.

Jimin's smiling face, eyes just as shining and dilated as your own, crinkling as he stepped closer to you. His surprisingly strong grip pressed your hips backwards, rocking your ass back into a solid body. "You're causing all kinds of trouble tonight Y/N… Or should I call you Princess? Or are you Duchess now?" Jungkook's voice was low from behind you. He spoke into your ear as you moved between the two men. Hyper aware of their hands passing over your skin and the fabric of your dress as the music carried you away. "You have Yoongi drinking like a man possessed. Hoseok looking like he wants to ruin you… And me?"

You watched as Jimin's skin began to shine with a sheen of sweat to mirror your own. He seemed to be in his own world as Jungkook muttered almost sinfully in your ear, pulling you back onto him roughly. "You think you can just make me get you drinks like a nobody after the last time I saw you? I know you remember how wet I got your pussy."

You gasped at his words, throwing your head back to rest on his shoulder, eyes closing against the lights which had begun to become a bit too much for your now-sensitive eyes. "Y/N~" Jimin called and you lifted your head, throwing your arm over his shoulder as you stepped forward from Jungkook, ignoring how he tightened his grip wordlessly on your hip.

"Come play with me, I'm fun too." Jimin pouted, the euphoric expression on his face, coupled with the bright lights passing over him made him look positively angelic. It was a disservice to not touch your lips to his. Just to feel them once.

So you did, pressing your lips to Jimin's plump ones immediately, moving lazily against your own. You were both riding the high of the cocaine and alcohol. This was purely for the burst of pleasure the pair of you were milking from each other as your skin prickled with the need for stimulation. You ignored the slow ache as Jungkook's hold on you became painful. You leaned away to gasp for air, groaning in satisfaction. Jimin licked his lips as he panted and rolled his hips into you, letting out a soft moan. You began to lean forward into the mysterious man again, but a tattooed hand caught your face, roughly tilting your head at an angle.

Jungkook took his turn to capture your already wet mouth into a messy kiss, letting the remnants of your smeared lip color paint his lips to match Jimin's.

You let yourself depart reality in favor of the rolling desire pounding through your body. Jungkook eventually moved his lips down to your neck, allowing Jimin to recapture your lips as you pushed your hands into his hair. You could die now and have no regrets. You completely lost touch with time or how many times you jumped between the two men. You felt yourself grow uncomfortably wet, wondering if they would both join you for the night or if Jungkook would force you to choose between them out of the apparent jealousy that ruled him.

That was your plan until a clap reverberated near the cluster of your heads. "Alright kids, I know you're having fun but Yoongi wants to see Duchess now," Hoseok chirped, reaching for your arm to pull you from where you had slotted yourself between Jimin and Jungkook. Jimin did nothing but shrug and clap a hand on Jungkook's shoulder. Jimin had no horse in this race; he only did what felt good and right. Kissing you was fun, but he wasn't bothered that it had stopped. Jungkook on the other hand, was nearing visibly distressed.

"Hyung-" Jungkook protested, eyes heavy with desire as they watched Hoseok move you away and back towards the VIP section

"You know how it goes kid. Yoongi hyung may let her play with you sometimes because she wants to, but at the end of the day… That's all he's going to let it be. Tough break," J-Hope called over his shoulder, shrugging. He didn't sound sorry in the slightest. He sounded absolutely overjoyed at the current situation. That everyone had so easily given into their impulses. Even Yoongi.

J-Hope caught your wrist before you could turn the corner to reach your destination, his arm snaking around you. “You’ve got everyone wrapped around your pretty little finger, don’t you Duchess?” J-Hope cooed in your ear, his grip snug around your waist as he tilted your head up to look at him. “Give you a little bit of coke and you become so pilant you even let me touch you.” J-Hope kissed you then, tongue licking at your insides as if he was trying to devour you. It was intense and controlling and you could feel the malicious intent behind his forceful kiss. It was like a warning, to not drop your guard and be careful around him, lest you end up carved up underneath him. As soon as the kiss started it was done, Hoseok giving a final nip to your lip as he pulled away, shuffling you closer to Yoongi without another word.

You couldn't find it in yourself to be anything but overjoyed in your current state. Maybe it was the cocaine. The prospect of any of these beautiful men excited you, but Yoongi summoning you back to his side when you were technically the one he protected and you summoned him. This change was welcomed, and with the wetness that the other men drew from you, you walked towards the booth he was in with Namjoon before you went to dance. Namjoon seemingly had shifted over towards Taehyung, the two men deep in discussion.

Yoongi let himself break into an easy smile that you reciprocated. He was so beautiful when he smiled. It wasn't that gummy smile that he so rarely gifted you, but it was a smile. Deep in your mind, alarm bells rang. He didn't smile this easily. "Princess, did you have fun tonight? All the fun that you wanted?" His voice didn't match his smile. His words were mocking as you slid in next to him. Blearily you noted the number of empty glasses on the table.

Had he drank all of these himself?

You shrugged and, still embracing the high you were riding, draped your legs over his lap. "I think I did. You had a meeting. I wanted to have fun with you." You pouted, his hand stroked up your shin reflexively. As if his body didn't give him a choice. All those nights tangled up in you, unable to touch you how he wanted to, were coming to a head. Yoongi hummed in acknowledgement.

"It didn't seem like you wanted me Princess. Seems like you wanted anyone but me." Yoongi sighed in feigned disappointment. "You're a silly thing. You can't wait for me to have one conversation before you look for someone else who will pay attention to you?" Again, that mocking tone. Why did it have you tingling in embarrassment? Why did your stomach drop? Why did your core clench so swiftly and tightly you had to shift in discomfort?

"Yoongi… You didn't tell me you were going to have a meeting. We were supposed to have fun." Your words weren't as forceful as you wanted them to be. Were they ever when it came to him? "I even wore these damn shoes for you!" you whined and lifted a foot almost to his eye level. Wrong move.

"Stop it," Yoongi growled and pulled you closer to him, forcing your leg to snap down. "You're a brat. Always have been." The venom of his original command bled into a murmur, a few of his words coming out disconnected from the liquor. He smelled like whiskey and expensive cologne. It was intoxicating, and you were attracted to other men. You couldn't deny that, but this magnetic pull? It only existed with Yoongi.

"What do you want me to say? I want you Yoongi," you breathed, moving your lips over to his jaw, a hand sliding across his chest. This position was subconsciously reminiscent of your sleeping position. You couldn't help drawing your lips along his jawline down to his neck, letting out a soft moan as he slipped a hand up to your face.

Yooni answered your kisses with a deep growl as he pinched your chin between his fingers, forcing your face away from his skin. He angled your head up to him as he studied you intently. His dark eyes shone with an emotion you couldn't place under the strobing of the lights. He tsked at you in feigned disappointment. "You want a lot of things Princess," Yoongi chided. "You always get what you want." His lips ghosted over yours and your heart stuttered. "You want a purse. You want a necklace. I'm more than that to you, aren't I Princess?"

Your mind went blank at his words. He was drunk, you were past the point of sobriety, but you knew he was right.

"I need you Yoongi," you amended breathlessly. Those were the words he seemed to be wanting to hear. His lips crashed onto yours without delay. No more teasing, no more dancing around the issue. He was kissing you passionately, tongue dipping into your mouth as his hands pulled you onto his lap. It was messy, urgent, and everything you imagined it to be. Teeth, tongue, his hands gripping your ass as you rolled your hips on his semi-erect cock.

"Fuck-" Yoongi groaned as you pulled apart, hands urgently going to his belt buckle, his own hips bucking up. He tossed his head back as you nipped at his neck, your tongue passing over a raised scar on the otherwise soft skin. "Princess stop," he forced out begrudgingly, a hand going to stop your fumbling hands. You pulled back in thinly veiled horror.

"Seriously?" you snapped, but swayed as you leaned backwards, his hand coming up to your back to stop you from tumbling off him.

"You're too fucked up. We'll do this when you can remember," Yoongi said, and for the first time in your life you heard his voice audibly shake. "Come on. Let's go home." You felt your body heat with rage or embarrassment; you weren't sure which. Your high was fading, and the nausea was starting to set it. He was making a sound call, but you didn't want to admit that. "Whatever Yoongi… If you didn't want me, you could have just said that."

"Princess, in the morning I'll show you how wrong you are if you still want me to," Yoongi promised, carefully standing and helping you gain your own footing. Your balance was precarious at best. "Hope, get the car… we're leaving," Yoongi barked, wrapping an arm around your waist protectively. You couldn't help but let your head rest on his chest as Hoseok walked by the pair of you, slightly put out that an argument over your escapade with Jungkook and Jimin (and himself) had been averted by Yoongi's drinking and own desire. Yoongi seemed to want you more than he cared about bts arguing. That was something Hoseok hadn't exactly planned on.

"It's right where we left it. You think I let them park it in case we needed to leave fast? Who do you think I am? Jungkook?" Hoseok grumbled as Yoongi supported you on the way out the door.

[docpiplup]

DAENERYS APPRECIATION MONTH 2022

Day 12: The Unsullied

"Spears!" Dany heard one Astapori shout. It was Grazdan, old Grazdan in his tokar heavy with pearls. "Unsullied! Defend us, stop them, defend your masters! Spears! Swords!"

When Rakharo put an arrow through his mouth, the slaves holding his sedan chair broke and ran, dumping him unceremoniously on the ground. The old man crawled to the first rank of eunuchs, his blood pooling on the bricks. The Unsullied did not so much as look down to watch him die. Rank on rank on rank, they stood.

And did not move. The gods have heard my prayer.

[...] "Dracarys!" they shouted back, the sweetest word she'd ever heard. "Dracarys! Dracarys!"

A Storm of Swords, Daenerys III

~

When she had commanded the Unsullied to choose officers from amongst themselves, Grey Worm had been their overwhelming choice for the highest rank. Dany had put Ser Jorah over him to train him for command, and the exile knight said that so far the young eunuch was hard but fair, quick to learn, tireless, and utterly unrelenting in his attention to detail.

[....] One of the first things Dany had done after the fall of Astapor was abolish the custom of giving the Unsullied new slave names every day. Most of those born free had returned to their birth names; those who still remembered them, at least. Others had called themselves after heroes or gods, and sometimes weapons, gems, and even flowers, which resulted in soldiers with some very peculiar names, to Dany's ears. Grey Worm had remained Grey Worm. When she asked him why, he said, "It is a lucky name. The name this one was born to was accursed. That was the name he had when he was taken for a slave. But Grey Worm is the name this one drew the day Daenerys Stormborn set him free."

A Storm of Swords, Daenerys IV

~

"My queen," replied the captain, "your servant Stalwart Shield had no duty last night. He had gone to a … a certain place … to drink, and have companionship."

[...] "Even those who lack a man's parts may still have a man's heart, Your Grace," said Grey Worm. "This one has been told that your servant Stalwart Shield sometimes gave coin to the women of the brothels to lie with him and hold him." - A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys I

~

"[...] Your servants Eladon Goldenhair and Loyal Spear were poisoned at a wineshop where they were accustomed to stop each night upon their rounds."

A Dance with Dragons, Daenerys II

~

Dany assembled her council to hear them. Grey Worm was there for the Unsullied, [...]

A Dance with Dragons, Daenerys III

~

And the king's protectors grew fewer every day. Hizdahr's blunder with Grey Worm had cost him the Unsullied. When His Grace had tried to put them under the command of a cousin, as he had the Brazen Beasts, Grey Worm had informed the king that they were free men who took commands only from their mother.

A Dance with Dragons, The Queensguard

~

"A slave in Yunkai learns the way of seven sighs and the sixteen seats of pleasure, Your Grace. The Unsullied learn the way of the three spears. Your Grey Worm hopes to show you."

A Storm of Swords, Daenerys IV

~

Before midday a dozen fires were burning. Columns of greasy black smoke rose up to stain a merciless blue sky. Dany's riding clothes were stained and sooty as she stepped back from the pyres. "Worship," Grey Worm said, "this one and his brothers beg your leave to bathe in the salt sea when our work here is done, that we might be purified according to the laws of our great goddess."

The queen had not known that the eunuchs had a goddess of their own.

"Who is this goddess? One of the gods of Ghis?"

Grey Worm looked troubled. "The goddess is called by many names. She is the Lady of Spears, the Bride of Battle, the Mother of Hosts, but her true name belongs only to these poor ones who have burned their manhoods upon her altar. We may not speak of her to others. This one begs your forgiveness."

"As you wish. Yes, you may bathe if that is your desire. Thank you for your help."

"These ones live to serve you."

A Dance with Dragons, Daenerys VI

[wholemleko]

updates ig???

(reposted from my deviantart)

so i guess this is like. my plans for the future or at least where i feel like im at when it comes to comics and such.

tl;dr - bird of death is my main project now and everything else is in uncertain limbo

details under the cut:

first thing is just, the state of my projects. bird of death, which im posting now, has completely taken over my brain and its something i enjoy working on much more because its part of a bigger project that im working on with a group of 6 other people and ultimately i think art is a social thing for me. at this point ive also got a 115+ page buffer which ive never even come close to before, so i feel very much at ease about being able to put it out into the world without the months long hiatuses ive gone on with my other comics. plus, it has elements in it that are largely influenced by ideas from my previous projects which i guess leads me to my next point...

which is that im growing burnt out of my older comics. i had for a long time. i occasionally experience moments where i really love my old stories again and give myself the impression that im ready to get back into them, but then it always ends up being temporary and fizzling out again just a week or so later. like venturing. i spent years working on it and theres so much left of the story for me to tell, things that i am still excited to show. but at the same time, its a story i started when i was 16 and i guess this happens to a lot of creators, but my writing style is so different now and when i look back at it i cringe. theres also the factor that felix is almost like an undercooked version of my protagonist in bird of death (for reasons that have only vaguely been revealed). so when i think about writing his story it just feels like. he's the same guy but more poorly put together by a younger me.

this same thing goes for another comic project that ive never shared publicly but which ive been working on for just as long as ive been working on venturing. its actually the story im using for my final project for my degree lmao. the characters in it that im most invested in feel like early drafts for characters from bird of death... the catharsis of writing them has moved to this new story. my old projects just feel like early drafts of this new one but wearing different clothes. they are all born of the same train of thought.

then theres the matter of my fancomics. children of decay is so early on and undercooked that i barely have anything to say about it except that i still love the idea of having a warriors comic, but man i am just not invested in it the way i am with bird of death. (also the fact their titles are so similar... feels silly lol).

my moomin fancomics are a whole other matter... im not the writer for them, and theres still a ton of content that i wanted to cover. im still only in the first chapter of blackthorn tree, and i wanted to adapt 4 more fics afterwards. they are stories that i love, and which continue to be very dear to me, but the inspiration that gave me is, again, now being channeled into my newest project. i guess that makes sense, given that my protagonist was originally made to be a moomin oc. ive also felt increasingly disconnected from the moomin fandom, not because i like the series itself any less, but the fandom landscape is just very different from what it was. another factor is that i did actually have the rest of chapter 1 almost finished, but i lost all those files when my old ipad got fried and this really bummed me out, just a further discouragement.

putting all these things on the backburner feels bad. i dont like saying that i dont know when or even if i will come back to certain projects. i know lots of people enjoyed what i was making, especially venturing and the moomin comics. but i just cant find it in myself to commit to them again now that this new project has pretty much overtaken me, and i dont know if that commitment will ever come back. this isnt to say that i am putting an end to any of them or that im quitting them. just that they are not the thing i am committed to, and i am putting them into uncertain limbo. it feels smarter to concentrate my energy on a project i am much more devoted to now, which is very developed, and which i am making alongside other people who are also very devoted to the greater project.

if u got this far thanks for reading, and thanks to all those who've supported me over the years in my creative endeavors

[catgirlforeskin]

I feel like you saying that transfems somehow experience this godly level of oppression that trans men won't ever understand is really ignorant and childish in the face of the very real experiences we have? Like.

I didn't end up in online sex work where I was taken advantage of and praised specifically for being transmasc for u to say that. People specifically used me and my trans body as a way to alleviate their guilt for sexually abusing a 14 year old because I wasn't a girl (but not a boy because that makes me too human, acknowledging what i actually am, that I'm anything more than a goddamn fuckdoll.) They fetishized me for being a subhuman tranny and they convinced me that it was totally kinky and cute to call me transphobic slurs during e-sex and blackmail me into telling them my deadname. I've sat through degrading comments from family members asking about my reproductive system with the invasiveness of a doctor and Ive been harrassed by every member of my family about the "irreversible damage" and I've watched the biggest fucking public figures talk about me like I'm a baby and tear away my transition opportunities one by one.

I'm fat and disabled and I'm in constant fucking pain but doctors haven't taken me seriously, and it was even less so when I came out. I have not gone through this fucking hell for you to be a whiny shitass. You are a goddamned adult, act like one.

I like your blog, I think you're funny and I'm sure we'd get along great irl but this is not the shit and you need to cut it out. You need to realize that hurting your trans brothers like this gets you nowhere. Trans people need each other.

I need you to realize how triggering it is for a trans man to read your blog and see the stuff you say about us. it is dehumanizing and gross and you're contributing to transphobia, whether or not you like it.

I enjoy how all your jabs on me are done in the most paternalistic way possible, was your transition goal “shitty dad”?

Not really sure what sparked this, feel like I haven’t talked about transphobia at all in a while on here, and when I have never once said trans men don’t experience transphobia, I’m genuinely sorry those things happened to you, though it’s also weird for you to drop all that in my inbox. I’d rather not strangers tell me in intimate detail everything bad they’ve ever experienced, including sexual violence, for the sake of an argument, y’know?

Is this because I’ve spoken out about transmisandry and its variants not being terms people should use, and those posts are circulating again or somethin? I’m more confused than anything

[poryphoria]

RANDOM QUESTION OUT OF THA BLUE BUT!!! I've been thinking about what various madcom characters' fursonas would be bc i do that with all my hyperfixations and im v curious what animals youd assign them,, (especially crackpo n phoobert bc ur takes on both of them are delightful !!

OHH!!! I REMEMBER U SENDING ME A REQ ABT THIS AND I NEVER GOT TO IT BUT I REALLY REALLY WANTED TO SO IM ABSOLUTELY AT LEAST GONNA GIVE YOU AN ESSAY ABOUT IT

see the thing about this question i LOVE is that you can answer it two ways: "what the characters would say their fursona is" and "what God and everyone else knows their fursona is". "jerma you'd be a rat" vs "lion wolf hybrid king of the junjle". you get me?

we'll start with what they'd make up as fursonas- i think phobos would try to be as realistic as possible n choose a deathstalker scorpion, nd make VERY clear to specify that he has remarkably small claws (so you know how potent his venom is!!!) [scorpion venom is relative to the claw size- smaller claws = more potent venom, as they have less need to hold down their prey!]. tbf he'd probably literally just base it off one of his owned scorpions- no fancy bits n baubles attached, although he would also design UV markings [scorpions, along with many other animals glow under UV light!] for himself so the design isn't necessarily bland or lacking.

crackpot would be the complete opposite, however- he'd be too indecisive with which bird species he likes best that he'd just give up n make an every-hybrid of some manner (tho it WOULD look most similar to a vulture, i think!). he'd literally make a sparklebird. rainbow feathers, scene getup, FUCK YOU let him have fun for once in his miserable life!!! realistically unlike phobos, who cannot ever take the stick out of his ass for 2 seconds to indulge in a little whimsy, i think crackpot probably had a fursona at some point (he just kinda stopped having time to think about it after The Occurrences. you get it!)

now. as for what god and everyone else would assign them....... actually a little tougher. bc a scorpion still feels right for phobos, symbolically- the ole fable about the scorpion and the frog, y'know? DAMMIT, PHOBOS. YOU WIN THIS TIME! but maybe he'd be a species with weaker venom. Just cause. (i could be really extra mean and say pseudoscorpion but cmon man.)

crackpot on the other hand.... ive gone into such meticulous detail about the kinds of bird he could be, but the funniest part is i don't think God would let him be a bird at all. birds are something he takes great comfort in, something he wants to be-- but he's a pretender, he's always worn a mask his whole life, always wished he could be somebody else. he'd be something that exhibits batesian mimicry [batesian mimicry is when one harmless species mimics another, more threatening species]-- i think he'd be a hoverfly, a type of fly that mimics bees! alternatively he could be a salamander but i don't have cool symbolism reasons for that i just think it's right.

TLDR;

if we're talking "jerma you'd be a rat" phobos could be a scorpion or pseudoscorpion and crackpot would either be a hoverfly or salamander, if we're talking "lion wolf hybrid king of the junjle" phobos would be an ostensibly cooler scorpion & crackpot would be some kinda sparklebird.

TY FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO WRITE AN ESSAY!!!! i love prompts like this so so much plsplspls don't hesitate to send me three hundred asks of this nature I LOVE FEELING LIKE A GREEK PHILOSOPHER

[snow-and-saltea]

i dont know how to word this well but hopefully my point gets across. as ive gone through lots of manga/hwa/huas for the past few years, there's been a lot less hate for fat female characters, and when the author portrays negative traits in them, the comments are always up in arms to defend said character or point out that it was unnecessary and was adding onto a distasteful image of associating fat people = evil in media. that's good!

but i've realised that there's not as much defense or uproar when it's a fat male character? you know the one. they'll be drawn comically fat with tiny features to show that even the author thinks this character is a waste of time to put effort into giving them a design full of character details and an actual Story. they might even be bald in some cases to drive home the "lecherous old man preying on the helpless" image. they'll be bumbling, incompetent, the most inarticulate bastard in the story, and the author wants you to KNOW it. look at this guy. he's obviously meant to be hated. look how pathetic he is and how he pales in comparison with our hero, who is charming, pure snow-white in morality, Has Never Done Anything Wrong Ever.

the trouble is, unlike female fat characters that are often used as a sort of cynical, pessimistic evil whose entire identity is to prove that "sometimes you're ugly both inside and out", that isn't the case for fat male characters. in a way, fat female characters have a "way out", so to speak, because there IS a probable cause that's snowballed the problem until its become a mountain; particularly, the cord that binds how they're expected to perform in society (gender roles, sexism, internalised misogyny) and how they feel they aren't able to escape scrutiny anyways for being ugly, even if they're good. so why not go all the way? what's the use in being halfheartedly acknowledged for who you try to be, when you could be the worst version of yourself, and at least THEN they'll finally look at you proper? so a lot of fat female characters who turn evil are often in this line of thought, i think. despite how much they're trying to break free from the preconceived notions of what people want them to be, it still clashes with their innate desire to be seen, accepted, and loved by other people. so the answer to "redeem" them? simple. accept them. that's enough to write a satisfactory redemption arc to turn them "good" again.

but fat male characters... i've noticed that they're written with crimes much heavier and much more serious than their female counterparts. their appearance is never purely for the sake of psychological friction (stirring the pot, instigating distrust) in the story. we see them drawn with disgusting lustful expressions to show that they haven't moved past primitive desires (they're worse than children—they're children with an adult's ability to get what they want), touching people inappropriately, their minds always turning to the worst possible scenario, their dialogue always written with an undercurrent of narcissism, like the river of his own life was completely empty save for his own self-admiration. is that really all there is to them? how did they manage to get this far in life without ever experiencing or being convinced — or tried to be convinced — to change? has he, in all his years of living, never experienced a shred of empathy for others? has he never felt touched by the connection of another human being?

and then at the end of the story i know it was useless to ask these questions — he only existed as a plot device, as an antagonist for the final climax and resolution, the dragon to be slayed.

but he's not a dragon. he's a human, and despite his current problematic views on life or people, i'd like to try and imagine what it's like to "redeem" him.

but almost always, there IS no way. the author has cut off every possible escape route for him. he was always evil. he can't be helped. he can't change. he was always going to do this, so there's no point in imagining a world where he didn't.

but like. why? why do fat female characters get to be redeemed with the power of Love and Friendship but not him? why is it not enough for him to be bad, he must also be dangerous beyond recourse?

i don't really know the answer to this question, since i'm AFAB and i don't have insight on the matter beyond my own speculations. but the only thing i know is that it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when i see him being toppled over as the final Evil, and everyone cheering in the comments with "i've always found him sus" "finally you disgusting pig" "i hope he never shows up ever again"

i have to say, i don't like the idea, especially in fiction, that people are irredeemable and unworthy of compassion. of course this isn't a plea to forgive them or to get them out of fictional jail or whatever, but i'd at least like to entertain the thought that i want to know the entirety of a person's character before writing them off, and you can do that in stories. i can't do that in real life. i would kill myself trying. sometimes people just hurt you and you have to accept that they hurt you to give yourself express permission to protect yourself.

but in fiction... are you really telling me that a world with dragons can exist but not the possibility of change for a character whose fate was set in stone the moment their shape was carved into existence?

[juggalogojackerbox]

Why have you chosen to design onycraft in the way he is, i mean, iv never seen anybody draw anything the way this man is shaped

Oh sweet, first ask on this blog! And a really good one too if I do say so myself Anon

Anyway this is actually uh... harder for me to answer than I thought it would be, Onycraft's design has changed a lot over the years- with some changes being more drastic than others (He is at least 11 years old after all) so its hard to explain "like a normal person" why he. looks like that

He started off relatively "normal" then just, a million different cumulative changes that showed up as I wanted them to (consciously or not) that progressively made him uglier and uglier as time has gone on (i say this in the most loving way I swear)

Sometimes It was just little things that happened over time or things I thought would look nice (like me adding more markings and stuff) or it's related to me directly (giving him a cartoonishly exaggerated version of my body shape or the fact that i own the exact same jacket irl that he wears, etc) or just me progressively making his anatomy worse or overly specific because its fun to me (the fact he has exactly 22 teeth, his hands reaching down to his knees, the whole conjoined twin thing etc) or hell even some details I only render in specific styles when i feel like it (the details in his ear, little buds of hair on him here and there, etc etc) or anything else about him that I didn't know how to include here, I could keep going for a long while probably but thats a tangent for a different post and different time, point im trying to make is hes a big ol mess of all sorts of sources of little design quirks and silly things that I cant always really point to one specific source for where it all comes from

I hold a lot of love for "unorthodox" character designs and i hold a lot of love for Onycraft and so naturally the two combining is like a car bomb of autism going off, also because I think his design is very fun and I love it so much and I like adding things to him haphazardly but with love and earnest regardless like a little kid working on a third grade art project

(I apologize for this being so long by the way, it's 100% to be expected from me talking about Ony at all ever but im still sorry LOL)

[digirainebow]

The only problem with timezones is I want to talk to the cool people but I get so tired and start talking absolute nonsense (like I'm doing rn) but anyways who's your favourite oxenfree character?

i am a connoisseur of talking nonsense so dont you worry. and oooo this is the most enigmatic question of all time for me. it shifts from moment to moment. i have tried many times to declare a favorite and it never really feels right because i love and think about them all about the same. i usually say clarissa is my favorite because she is the one i connected with first. i loved her from the moment i met her on my very first playthrough, and she has continued to be something i return to in low moments because she is symbolic of something very valuable to me when it comes to dealing with anger. but as i said in The Oxenfree Playthrough Video™, jonas is realistically more my favorite because gets the most reaction out of me. he's a blorbo, a scrunkly, whatever. evokes a lot of those feral stick figure memes with the blood. he is just suuuuch a little guy to me and so funny and so sweet and just like me for real. also more of the dealing with anger thing. that's a big plus for me always but in this moment? right now? i kinda wanna say? its ren? i do say quite often that i actually think about him maybe more than any of the other characters, i just usually dont vocalize it because i am often worried im embellishing and taking liberties with his intended character. and the thoughts can get very complicated for personal reasons that i wont get into and because it took a long time to get to this place with him as a character compared to the others. he was my least favorite by far when i first played. but i just cannot help myself but infer from his dialogue now that ive played like 80 times and picked all the options that there is just so much more to him than could ever have fit into the game. ren is cup fucking overflowing like there is so much of his emotional issues bursting out of the seams through the whole game and i am just so endeared to him and his thoughts and motivations. he is also just a little guy to me who is funny of course, but he isnt a little guy in the comfy, brotherly, jonas way. he is a poor little wet cat of a man to me with the most adhd a person can have. i want to know about his past and his future almost more than anyone else because, and it is wild, for how much ren talks and overshares, we really don't know a lot about his life before the island. we know like, ALL of the details, but none of the core. he "needs to be needed" and has a therapist and needed a baby sitter until he was 14 and we will just...never know the core of why! how much did michael's death hurt him? we know how it affected alex, and clarissa, and even jonas by proxy! but even if he wasn't friends with michael, he still grew up with him. and knowing how close he was to alex...y'know? and we just never really...find out a lot there. and somehow that absence of knowledge speaks more to me about his character than any direct info ever would? he cannot help but be kind of a damaged little dude who spews his needs and fears at the drop of a hat, but i don't think he likes being that way. he wants and likes to be jokey and deflective and just have a good fucking time. and i both feel bad for him because of that and understand completely? even if he himself has not gone through something traumatic, everyone around him has. so why wouldn't he just want to make a space where they can all just have fun? sorry he just makes me insane. anyway. yeah, ren right now. i think. clarissa or jonas usually. probably alex tomorrow. i will shut up now because i should, not because i don't have more to say. i will always have more to say about these characters. man

[batteredwarriorstillstanding]

Yo, I don't know what to do, either. But, cue the broken record, I haven't (really) seen you since 2005, I believe. Can I accomplish that, at least? Anyway, I happened upon a question you posed that wondered if certain people are destined, at birth, to give far more love than they receive...After quickly identifying myself as a likely example of this assumed group, I realized that I can actually answer this question....and, there's good news and bad. Yes, my approach to love and relationships creates a pattern whereby, yes, not only will I fall we short of most humans statistics in the field of "time spent in a relationship(s), during which, after establishing and continuously improving upon, some kind of positive connection, neurotransmitters light the mind and spirit causing the participants of these to resemble someone connected to a Peruvian Flake IV. Sure, they'll experience intermittent heartache when these connections prove themselves either false, insufficient, or become outdated...but starting the process anew is infinitely easier for most than myself. NOT. ONLY. THAT. Your second assumption, that we give away a great deal of "unrequited love" is not only correct, but insufficient. I actually have gone through life since middle school never being willing (or able) to seriously date more than 2 people known by me...very often, the number is 1. Because, to use your verbiage, I operate by "vibe." I am affected very little by what I observe in others' actions...and even less by their conversational verbiage and subject matter. I can't list a "criteria" of preferred traits because I have, at one time or another, been taken by nearly the entire gamut...in short, it doesn't seem to make a difference. My invisible switch, if you will, is either flipped, or it's not. This may sound insane, but truthfully, how often, after getting to know a man well, has his actual character at all resembled the full body costume he sported during the first few months of your relationship? How much help did asking all sorts of questions and learning his daily routine end up providing? Anyway, yes, I have spent much time longing and precious little actually getting where I wanted with the "responders" lol....strangely enough, while the intuitive process did a decent job predicting who I could love. Love and compatability are two very different things. I had plenty of love free sex during my youth, but eventually dismissed it as something, more often than not, nowhere near worth the trouble....certain people and situations are exceptions, of course. I know you are skeptical of this tale (would introducing you to people who heard me tell it in 2002 make a difference?) Anyway, I'll skip the details, but the aforementioned "switch" was not simply flipped but blown to pieces in a violent explosion by you. Need I mention..this is not a conscious choice on my part (the method described) While I definitely, again, would very much appreciate and be forever grateful for the chance to see and speak to you....I don't think that, unless you had a similar reaction to me as I did to you, or developed feelings in spite of absence, it likely will not ever be something you would be willing to attempt to make work (I go all out) But, that was always, obviously, an acknowledged possibility....you do not need to be afraid of me, no matter what your feelings are or aren't. There are a million blanks that I could fill in if you ever become interested in hearing me do so....but, to clarify, when I, for example, refuse to date you in the midst of a poly nest....there is acreason for this that is not entirely selfish. Love you. May the next fuckin' thing I read of your's be a Starbucks address?

[xx-neon]

july 4th

hi again.

i was planning on writing more. the whole point of this was to get my feelings out everyday to cope but its been awhile.

again, if youre not me reading this. good luck.

so my ex broke up with me right? so much happened that i didnt know about. im tired of talking about it really since its been such a hot topic (my ex and i work together too and share a lot of the same friends) thats the cherry on top lol.

he has a new girlfriend. they started dating the day he left.

ouch.

another ouch? 

im her manager at work

looking at it now. this is all one giant hilarious cluster fuck LOL.

im not going to go into details of the messy stuff since its a dead horse at this point.

do i seem happier?

i actually tried killing myself. 

not because of him though. hes a loser with nothing going for him so that would be a waste. i did it because of all the emotions after what happened. i didnt have enough time to find somewhere to live. i couldnt bring my cat with me if i moved with my parents far away. i felt like the whole world was against me and i didnt do anything to deserve it. and it wasnt going to get better. i talked about being in a hole and trying to climb out in my last post. this hole extended 1000 ft in the ground and there was no sign of light. i had no sign of light in me. i didnt eat for a week. i drank everyday. i couldnt sleep. why me? what did i do wrong? is this my karma for being me?

so i really did it.

obviously it didnt work lol. im still here. i spent 6 days in the hospital. one in the ER and 5 in the BHU. i was diagnosed with an eating disorder, major depressive disorder and psychosis. i got help for my drinking too. whoo 

this sounds cringy. but i feel reborn. i didnt mention in my last post but i have BPD (boarderline personality disorder). ive been diagnosed for about 10 years. most of those spent unmedicated and out of therapy so i was really rawdogging life LOL. if you know anything about BPD its probably the worst thing to deal with. thankfully im self aware so i havent ruined my life but fuck man everyone else ruins it for me. 

im in extensive therapy. im on like what... 4 medications?? and i just feel like life is great. ewwww so cringe LOL. but seriously. it is. i dont think ive ever felt so normal in my life. my anxiety is gone. paranoia is gone. my head feels so light now im not bogged down. idk its just so nice. i smile at work now. i smile when i see my friends that i never knew i had. i just know how great life can be.

but then theres this.

schadenfreude

its a german word for basically feeling happy off of someone elses misery.

thats how i feel towards my ex

i know i know its fucked up. but what he did to me isnt?

i never said i was a good person LOL.

i love i just LOVE hearing about how miserable he looks and how happy i look. i revel in it. i cherish in it. i frolic in a field of flowers in it LOL.

okay. we get it. but seriously. i knew karma would come. thats why i learned to stay silent. yes i did lash out and have a mental breakdown wouldnt we all? but he lost friends over this. people think hes fucked up. that in itself makes me feel better. ya know schadenfreude. i do wish he could be a better person but i dont wish him the best. him feeling like this is good. he’ll learn from it. he’ll learn he cant always get away with being an asshole. karma will continue to come his way and she wont hold back. 

ill try to write more now that im happy. 

xx