#bpd parent

[sociopathicpartofme]

genuinely what do people mean when they say “it’s not their fault but also [x] isn’t an excuse” ??

(in this context it’s referring to mental illnesses, some particularly stigmatized ones)

i get wanting to be nuanced but someone please explain this to me with words other than those

how i understand it: [person] does not stop doing [abusive behavior], [abusive behavior] is exasperated by [disorder], [disorder] is caused by being the victim of [other person’s] [abusive behavior] or genetics from [other abusive person], [person] experiences [abusive behavior] and despite their insight perpetuates the same [abusive behavior] WHAT AM I MISSING

on that note why are the same people that say this constantly on themselves about the same behavior? according to you it’s not your fault!! what’s there to take accountability for?? for some reason you’re not expecting them to, so why should you? unless you think that’s what makes you a better person, and in turn, them a worse person.

look, we’ve seen people double down on racism, misogyny, transphobia, and other absolutely abhorrent beliefs. it’s in their everyday patterns, engrained in them like disordered thinking. why is this so different? it’s almost as if people are taking the stigmatism of these disorders and flipping them completely. like we should feel sorry for them and give them more grace (grace, not love or presence) because they struggle.

i thought the whole point of eliminating stigma was to treat people equally and equitably, not make hierarchies and only apply nuances where you feel like it.

accountability and fault shouldn’t be avoided because you don’t want their disorder stigmatized. that is aiding in stigmatizing the disorder!!!!

(like the definition of excuse is releasing blame or fault)

[mangospr1te]

I don't talk about it very often, but I am a parent with bpd. I have a toddler and it is exhausting trying to be a mom* but also fighting the urge to split when overstimulated because they're just a baby and don't deserve my rage.

I try to be as transparent as possible on here and this is probably the hardest part of having bpd.

*yes I'm genderfluid but use the term mom as it's what I prefer/am most comfortable with

[dragonheartstring360]

Praise that only occurs when you’ve communicated there was never enough in the first place DOES NOT COUNT

Praise as a way to deflect from making a genuine apology DOES NOT COUNT

Praise and apologies that come with huffing, puffing, eye rolls, and irritated body language DO NOT COUNT

[drheartstealer]

Yeah, my mom definitely is the "witch" subtype. Lol, she was slashing the table my aunt gave my dad WITH A KNIFE like a complete psycho because she was jealous or some shit. Fought with my dad too, but she lost so she doesn't physically take it out on dad. And I got beaten so many times for no good reason. She even almost scalded me with hot water once but somehow sanity prevailed. Fucking witch, the name fits.

[katimorton]

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Let's talk about BPD parents - whether it be a mother or a father, or even a mother or father in law. Dealing with someone who has BPD is not an easy process, but we need to learn how to navigate ourselves and our own boundaries when intimately close to someone who has borderline personality disorder or we can be dramatically effected by BPD. The truth is that growing up in a BPD or any form of unhealthy household (narcissist or addiction or many other disorders or diseases). Navigating any BPD relationship in life can be very complex (whether it be a mom or a dad or a partner or any relationships that are close to you) and it's important we create the necessary boundaries in these borderline personality disorder relationships. Let's talk about the 6 ways to deal with a BPD parent (or any relationship) in your life. What else has worked for you in dealing with BPD relationships in your life (partner, mom, dad, colleague, friend, etc.)? 

Let's talk more about BPD and the 10 signs of quiet borderline personality disorder: https://studio.youtube.com/video/4uix8HHzPag/edit?c=UCzBYOHyEEzlkRdDOSobbpvw 

8 signs your mom is a narcissist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pfj4YEIGN-I 

What is borderline personality disorder? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPopjuKuweg 

My Books (in stores now) Traumatized   https://geni.us/Bfak0j   Are u ok?    http://bit.ly/2s0mULy 

[happyherringbonkpickle]

[ed-recoverry]

Inspired by the Cody Ko situation…

Shoutout to all “imperfect victims”

Though there are no such thing as an imperfect victim, shout out to all victims who have traits that make people hesitate to believe you.

Shoutout to victims who lie a lot.

Shoutout to victims who have hurt others.

Shoutout to victims who have done bad things.

Shoutout to victims who are “annoying” or “unlikeable.”

Shoutout to victims who are hard to be around.

Shoutout to victims where the lines are blurred.

Shoutout to victims who are “difficult.”

Shoutout to victims who are “complicated.”

Shoutout to victims whose case was quickly dismissed.

Shoutout to victims who were blown off.

Shoutout to victims who were hurt by a “good” person.

Shoutout to victims who exaggerate.

Shoutout to victims who forget details.

Shoutout to victims who don’t “act” like a victim (whatever that means).

Shoutout to victims who are addicts or criminals.

Your reputation and or bad characteristics do not erase what you went through. You know what happened to you is real. And that’s all that matters. I believe you and others will too.

[a-sip-of-milo]

I always find it really annoying when parents say "oh, they're just doing that for attention" when they find out their child is hurting themselves.

...Why not give it to them, then? Why is your child so deprived of attention that they're resorting to self-harm and other dangerous behaviour in an attempt to get it?

Even if needing attention was the sole reason they're doing it (which it often times isn't), that's still a sign that you've been neglectful of your child's physical and emotional needs.

[chawliekin]

and if I said that dennis’ insistence on being the breadwinner/provider despite literally being a pampered princess who dgaf about traditional roles of masculinity in every other regard (aside from ego) is because his mom only stayed with/chose frank for his wealth and dennis is highly aware that he’s difficult to love and unable to show his emotions openly so he has to be contributing something to the relationship materially in order to feel like he’s worth staying for… and mac grew up with parents who were extremely ambivalent to him and eachother so he has to overcompensate by proving his worth at every given moment and seeking praise/validation from people (and religious icons) who will never demonstrate the same amount of dedication to him but he has no idea how else to desperately keep himself close to those he loves other than by eroding himself into something they’ll approve of… dear god they’re both exactly what the other needs — someone who can’t and won’t leave them even if they try — and they don’t even see it…

[cats-healing-diary]

I have my father's rage inside of me. And it's getting bigger and bigger, I can't stop it this time. It's killing me, I don't wanna turn into him, I hate this man sooo much, he has ruined my life.

[thebpdcove]

I just want a mom.

[bl0w-m3]

[adustoflove]

No one understands guilt better than a girl with emotionally immature parents

[bpdohwhatajoy]

[spookietrex]

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Having survived abuse from people with mental illnesses, I know the urge to warn others to be wary of those mental illnesses. I know how often it can feel like that is your only power in life…the only action you can take against what you went through. But listen. Just because a mentally ill person caused you complex trauma, doesn’t mean you get to generalize and slander and malign every person with that mental illness.

You do not have to forgive your abusers. but you do have to heal without spreading stigma and misinformation. you do have to heal without antagonizing or dehumanizing others who are also just trying to heal. you have to help break the cycle. because nobody can heal alone.