#bpd parent

[tildeunobelus]

genuinely what do people mean when they say “it’s not their fault but also [x] isn’t an excuse” ??

(in this context it’s referring to mental illnesses, some particularly stigmatized ones)

i get wanting to be nuanced but someone please explain this to me with words other than those

how i understand it: [person] does not stop doing [abusive behavior], [abusive behavior] is exasperated by [disorder], [disorder] is caused by being the victim of [other person’s] [abusive behavior] or genetics from [other abusive person], [person] experiences [abusive behavior] and despite their insight perpetuates the same [abusive behavior] WHAT AM I MISSING

on that note why are the same people that say this constantly on themselves about the same behavior? according to you it’s not your fault!! what’s there to take accountability for?? for some reason you’re not expecting them to, so why should you? unless you think that’s what makes you a better person, and in turn, them a worse person.

look, we’ve seen people double down on racism, misogyny, transphobia, and other absolutely abhorrent beliefs. it’s in their everyday patterns, engrained in them like disordered thinking. why is this so different? it’s almost as if people are taking the stigmatism of these disorders and flipping them completely. like we should feel sorry for them and give them more grace (grace, not love or presence) because they struggle.

i thought the whole point of eliminating stigma was to treat people equally and equitably, not make hierarchies and only apply nuances where you feel like it.

accountability and fault shouldn’t be avoided because you don’t want their disorder stigmatized. that is aiding in stigmatizing the disorder!!!!

(like the definition of excuse is releasing blame or fault)

[mangospr1te]

I don't talk about it very often, but I am a parent with bpd. I have a toddler and it is exhausting trying to be a mom* but also fighting the urge to split when overstimulated because they're just a baby and don't deserve my rage.

I try to be as transparent as possible on here and this is probably the hardest part of having bpd.

*yes I'm genderfluid but use the term mom as it's what I prefer/am most comfortable with

[bambikook]

hey guys! if you have a parent with bpd or high emotional instability, please take this (anonymous) survey! the experiences of children of parents with bpd aren’t talked about enough and we’re trying to change that 💞 18+

and there is a chance to win $20 as a thank you for participating:)

[drheartstealer]

Yeah, my mom definitely is the "witch" subtype. Lol, she was slashing the table my aunt gave my dad WITH A KNIFE like a complete psycho because she was jealous or some shit. Fought with my dad too, but she lost so she doesn't physically take it out on dad. And I got beaten so many times for no good reason. She even almost scalded me with hot water once but somehow sanity prevailed. Fucking witch, the name fits.

[happyherringbonkpickle]

[cats-healing-diary]

I have my father's rage inside of me. And it's getting bigger and bigger, I can't stop it this time. It's killing me, I don't wanna turn into him, I hate this man sooo much, he has ruined my life.

[bl0w-m3]

[templetv]

the way I crave a parent who, not only loves me, but likes me, and notices me is so so embarrassing

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Having survived abuse from people with mental illnesses, I know the urge to warn others to be wary of those mental illnesses. I know how often it can feel like that is your only power in life…the only action you can take against what you went through. But listen. Just because a mentally ill person caused you complex trauma, doesn’t mean you get to generalize and slander and malign every person with that mental illness.

You do not have to forgive your abusers. but you do have to heal without spreading stigma and misinformation. you do have to heal without antagonizing or dehumanizing others who are also just trying to heal. you have to help break the cycle. because nobody can heal alone.

[a-sip-of-milo]

I always find it really annoying when parents say "oh, they're just doing that for attention" when they find out their child is hurting themselves.

...Why not give it to them, then? Why is your child so deprived of attention that they're resorting to self-harm and other dangerous behaviour in an attempt to get it?

Even if needing attention was the sole reason they're doing it (which it often times isn't), that's still a sign that you've been neglectful of your child's physical and emotional needs.

[chawliekin]

and if I said that dennis’ insistence on being the breadwinner/provider despite literally being a pampered princess who dgaf about traditional roles of masculinity in every other regard (aside from ego) is because his mom only stayed with/chose frank for his wealth and dennis is highly aware that he’s difficult to love and unable to show his emotions openly so he has to be contributing something to the relationship materially in order to feel like he’s worth staying for… and mac grew up with parents who were extremely ambivalent to him and eachother so he has to overcompensate by proving his worth at every given moment and seeking praise/validation from people (and religious icons) who will never demonstrate the same amount of dedication to him but he has no idea how else to desperately keep himself close to those he loves other than by eroding himself into something they’ll approve of… dear god they’re both exactly what the other needs — someone who can’t and won’t leave them even if they try — and they don’t even see it…

[thebpdcove]

I just want a mom.

[adustoflove]

No one understands guilt better than a girl with emotionally immature parents

[bpdohwhatajoy]

[junipersxlies]

‘Was I raised without love or was I born unlovable?’

[a-sip-of-milo]

I dunno, i just think you should be able to do something nice or loving for your siblings without being told that "that's not normal" and "you're being creepy" (two things that have been said to me on more than one occasion)

i bullied my siblings horrendously as a child. hated on them. abused them emotionally, like my mother and father had been doing to me. i'd give them a certain look and they'd all go quiet, not because i was respected but because i was feared. i told them that i hated them more than i'd say i loved them. the only time they ever saw kindness from me was when i'd get into fights with my parents over how they were treating the kids.

everybody told me this was normal. they laughed, took videos of the abuse these kids went through and posted it because "that's what it's like to have siblings!"

My younger sister has the lowest self esteem out of anyone I've ever met now. They all have mental health issues that are most commonly developed as a result of trauma, and while I know I wasn't the sole reason behind it, i played a huge part.

Seeing me again several years after I escaped was like meeting a new person, my sister said to me. I hugged her. i told her i loved her. I constantly reminded her of how smart she was and that i was proud of her. i'd buy them little presents from the store sometimes and took the time to get to know each person all over again.

i even told them about what I remembered and apologised for each individual thing, before encouraging them to tell me about what they remembered. I am fiercely protective over them now, and it pays off each time the youngest rushes to greet me at the door because she's so excited to see me.

just because it's "typical" for siblings to argue, insult each other, etc. does not mean it doesn't leave lasting scars. especially when you're young - you do eventually start to believe it, because you're being reminded of how much you're hated every. single. fucking. day.

DNI if you believe in cluster B abuse.