#being emotionally/socially stunted due to abuse

[mswyrr]

Things like prolonged abuse can give people very uneven social and emotional development. They can be very responsible and "mature for your age" in some areas and also very stunted and immature in others.

This can also happen for, say, LGBT people who were closeted during pivotal periods of development too, where dating and discovering themselves happens later and there can be a development gap for a time. And grief around never getting to be a kid when they were a kid can be a thing for people once they try to connect with the things they had to cut off because they weren't safe to feel them. I went through some of that myself, from various sources, so I have a lot of empathy for that and how absurd/frustrating it can be.

(And a lot of hope - it doesn't, as far as I've seen and experienced, take someone very long to "catch up" after a while of fumbling around like an idiot)

Anyway - sometimes I see people reading Carmy's "accidental fuckboi" behavior in terms of how a grown man who's been dating since he was a teen would be thinking/feeling, if he behaved like that. But, for me, I interpret that differently because of the “first” situation and the developmental stuff. IMO, he's basically being a feckless/inexperienced teenager dating for the first time here, because in this area of his life he is still developmentally a dumb feckless teenager (and one who is trying and failing "not to be shitty" without much of a clue what that looks like).

Doesn't make the harm less real, but the intent I think is shaped deeply by the fact that, for the first time in his life, he feels safe enough (because of how much responsibility Sydney and Nat are taking on and that is absolutely not fair to them!!) to try to enjoy things. And he thinks maybe he can even make that work with being responsible somehow, but... utterly clueless about how.

There's the caveat that he didn't go out and choose to start dating at this pivotal moment for the business - dating found him and there's complexities around how much he wanted it to find him right here and now and how much he feels obligated to be what his family/friends/Claire wants him to be. I think he'd have been able to turn down anyone who wasn't as deeply tied to his family as Claire, and I'm not ignoring his agency in the situation, but they chose to bring someone in who he'd find it incredibly difficult to balance pleasing/doing what he's expected to do by while balancing everything else for a reason.

The "executive function" stuff where he's staring at the calls coming in and unable to answer either of them is key for me, in terms of this being someone who just isn't functioning well rn at all and is coming to a real crisis point and trying to ignore that/salve that any way he can think of. Masking really hard and deep in denial and trying to keep a lot of plates spinning without being very intentional about any of it.

It leads to sucky behavior and he's responsible for that--and the other characters can and should hold him responsible for that, but especially for actually addressing the core gravity warping untreated mental illness that's motivating a lot of this frantic rushing around and being a prick-- but I don't personally see much of it as a crime of intent. Intent requires a level of insight and experience that he doesn't have in the area of dating specifically lol

That balance of someone being responsible for their actions but also, for various reasons, in a place that mitigates and shapes what they're able to do--based on the tools they have--is an interesting part of the story that gets touched on again and again through various characters. It's interesting and it can coexist with the people around someone having the right to protect their own peace and boundaries.

[stromuprisahat]

Hi, I just wanted to know your opinion (if you haven`t answered these questions before, sorry). In the Grishaverse TikTok (especially the Russian half), I constantly see that in addition to being an abuser and a groomer, Darkling is often considered a narcissist and an infantile boy. They even compare him to Bagra - like, she is a grown and serious woman who chose duty over family, and he is an idiot who has only whined and taken revenge for 500 years (I still don't understand who he is taking revenge on, to be honest). Also, they say he only cares about his own goals and only hides behind the idea of ​​saving the Grisha. I just wanted to clarify, maybe I read the books wrong, but where are the signs of infantilism there at all… Tbh after seeing that shit I turn to your blog to read smth adequate, thanks for posting on Grisha stuff!

Well, first of all thanks for some positivity.

Second, for some reason I believed there can't be more stupid takes, than those of US-American wokies.

I stand corrected.

Duty? To what? Whom? Baghra's never shown to genuinely care about anyone or anything but herself, and even that isn't quite correct- she's more than happy to wither if it helps her to emotionally blackmail her disobedient son.

Baghra's also the one with narcissistic traits. What else would you call her cold-blooded path to her own carbon copy?

Darkles isn't infantile. He's emotionally stunted, ironically at least partly as a result of his upbrigning, when he was forbidden to properly socialize. It's likely also a coping mechanism formed to deal with both immortality AND being a pariah even among his own due to his uniqueness.

I would LOVE to see vengeful Aleksander. I would love to see him unhinged and uncaring for anyone, but his own feelings. Alas, even when dealing with Alina's childish antics, he's doing his best to remain composed (See: S&B Ch 21 and basically any interaction, when Alina's acting like herself) and do whatever's good for his people.

If not well-being of Grisha, what are his alleged goals?!

It's certainly NOT his well-being, and if it were the simple boring "power", he could've tried that anywhere else rather than collapsing Ravka. As present reality's proving- it's easy to rule the world from the top of your capitalistic heap of gold, so why not start in Kerch, where rules are much looser and slavery's saving the money that move the country?!

Yeah... it's just another case of idiots piling up all ugly words they can think of.

[alittlebitofloveliness]

I love your characterization, and it made me wonder

How would you characterize the Shepards as socs? I’ve thought about it myself but I figured I was interested in what you had to say lol

Oh, this is a fun question, thanks anon!

This might be controversial, but I think the Shepards as socs would be a lot more...mellow? ig compared to their greaser selves, and let me explain why. A huge part of how I see and write the Shepards is shaped by their circumstances. Tim had to step up to raise his siblings because no one else would. He had to turn to dealing and illegal activities because how else could he survive? how could he feed himself or his siblings when his mother spends her money on booze and his dad is no longer around? Tim's desperation to take care if his siblings, his determination to not only survive but thrive even in the shit circumstances he's been born into are what make him who he is. Curly and Angela are so close because emotionally, they're all each other has, growing up with abusive/absent parents, and Tim who had to focus on providing physical needs before emotional ones. Angela became so jaded and cold to protect a heart that hungered for love and was only fed scraps, Curly becomes so egotistical because there was no one growing up who ever told him he was good enough. He pulls dumb stunts because it's the only way to get a shred of attention. He's hungry for affection that simply doesn't exist in the world he was born into.

The soc version of them just...wouldn't be the same in my eyes. Even if their dad was still abusive or absent, even if their mom still had addiction issues, the money socs have could hire a nanny. Tim wouldn't be parentified to the degree he was, he'd have an oportunity to grow an identity beyond surviving and raising his siblings. He'd probably still be proud, still have strong leadership qualities, still excel at whatever he does- but they key drive of him as a greaser wouldn't translate, so I think he'd be a calmer version of himself. Soc Tim would have the opportunity to be selfish, which is a luxury greaser Tim never has. To me, Soc Angela would still be temperamental and headstrong, but her coping mechanisms would likely be different. I could see her filling emotional wounds with material items, and becoming the stereotypical high school 'mean girl' but again, taking away the need to survive in tough circumstances would take away the need for being closed off and cold. I think she'd be softer in some ways, more open to love, but also I think social power and prestige would go to her head and she'd lord that power over others. Finally, I think soc Curly wouldn't be calmer, but his recklessness and stunts would be dismissed due to socs being viewed as 'refined' compared to greasers. If Curly had the option of covering stuff up or buying his way out of trouble, he'd use it to his full advantage, but not being branded as a 'hood' and a 'troublemaker' would change his future, if that makes sense. Honestly, he'd probably end up a lot like Bob: never knowing when to quit, never being curbed or learning consequences, and that would probably be his downfall.

Anyway, this got longer than I meant it to, but yeah, you can take the Shepards out of the east side, but you can't take the east side out of the Shepards without fundamentally changing them as people (at least in my opinion).

Thanks again for the ask xx

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Diana and the countryside/outdoors.

I think she was more girly and just hated the outdoors because of the weather, mud, walking etc. and I think she wouldn’t like hunting as she comes across as someone genuinely empathetic towards animals not just humans. I think Diana had her issues emotionally and was at times stunted. But I think she liked the outdoors when around children and playing with them? Diana did come from the aristocracy and would’ve understood the aristocratic set’s behaviours and hobbies like hunting and that stuff and unlike Meghan wouldn’t have stopped or changed it. I just don’t see her as big on that stuff. I think as well that Diana grew up around that stuff and seeing how dysfunctional her family was that she wanted away from it. I think she’d enjoy Catherine’s outdoors program and ideas for kids and having it help them.

I think Diana was obviously in an illmatched arranged marriage and while she and Charles could get along and had some affection for each other, that it just didn’t work out. I think that factored into the whole situation as Highgrove would’ve meant Diana was either home with Charles alone or alone with Charles and baby William and like Catherine’s said being alone or isolated away from friends or family can be stifling and bad on health. Meghan was finally in the A List and didn’t want to miss out on everything she had spent her entire life scrambling and screaming for and wanted the nonstop drama and attention.

I think Diana always knew she’d end up married to some baronet or something like that and in a little life where she lived in an old estate or manor but I don’t know if she’d be happy in that situation because she grew up at Althorp and elsewhere and it was obviously unhappy. But I do think she would have respected the houses?

Diana did call the paps on occasion but the paps back then were unregulated and out of control and she was harassed and threatened and abused nonstop by them and obviously overplayed her hand at times but she didn’t really know what to do. Meghan calls the paps nonstop and wants to be followed and harassed, because then she feels she has made it. She doesn’t understand the effect that the paps had on Diana and Catherine and others who didn’t call them.

I think Diana was a social butterfly in a way and enjoyed being around people and had a genuine connection with those around her in whatever way - Meghan doesn’t have this and never will.

Diana did respect the system, the monarchy and aristocracy and she was very much a snob who saw herself a cut above the rest due to being a daughter of an earl. Look how she treated Sophie and other women. I do think Diana suffered from jealousy and anxiety that being stuck away from everything and everyone would have her mind running 100mph over and over again that people were talking about her etc.

Diana hated the feeling of being replaced or forgot about or passed over, which stems from her childhood trauma. Meghan however hates not being the centre of attention, because she is narcissistic and sociopathic in that she sees herself as the best thing since sliced bread.

Meghan looks out for only Meghan - not her kids, not her husband or her friends… but Diana did look out for her sons, her husband when things were fine and did have some good friendships.

Diana made mistakes, but sometimes they were misguided or manipulated, she wasn’t the smartest and does seem to have wanted to see the best in people. Meghan doesn’t make mistakes, she makes deliberate bad decisions that she doesn’t care about the outfall or outcome as she only looks out for herself.

Here's another anon about Diana that I keep forgetting to post.

Anon hits it right on the head. No matter she did, Diana's intentions were always pure. That's why so many people love her and embrace her, even to this day. She knew how to put others before herself. She may not have been a country girl and may have preferred being in the city, but she knew the countryside was important to her heritage and her family so she could deal with it and she could find some pleasure in being out there in the mud with her boys.

[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!

[limeade-l3sbian]

I think the socialization part shows itself a lot more since most romance manga(and in cases of manhua and manwha, the chinese and korean equivalents) are written by east asian women, whom obviously live in a place even more patriarchal than the west. not to say the things these women learn to accept from “love” makes them less or even unusual, i simply want to reiterate that it’s more pronounced there due to how even more constricted their societies are in regards to the treatment of their women.

anyway. now that the disclaimer is out of the way!

i’ve grown up reading a lot of manga of many different genres but i’ve especially used to have had some intense shoujo phases. shoujo is basically manga created for the demographic of girls and young women. not to say others can’t read it, but it’s simply where they tend to be marketed.

shoujo romance especially shows this issue a lot that i wanna talk about. the male leads will 9 times out of 10 be rich, extremely emotionally stunted(this can show in the form of intense rudeness, complete lack of emotional depth, no expressions, stoic to the extreme, downright abusive) and handsome. Those are the three traits they almost all have. Now obviously I get the want for a handsome or beautiful lead, whether it’s female or male, it is after all just fantasy fulfillment to an extent. The same with wealth. But i think the emotionally stunted side speaks of the women and girls’ who read the mangas socialization a lot. We have these male leads who often make the female leads go through hell, whether it’s due to his own actions or inactions. Sexual assaults have gotten less common in more modern manga, but it was only like ten years ago where sexual assaults in manga by the male lead towards the female MC would be a common place for him to show his desire for her and despite it often being portrayed as bad on the MC’s end, she always did end up forgiving him. The same with however else he treated her.

Made her to all the heavy lifting emotionally of the relationship? He’s forgiven, because suddenly he’s gotten a “tragic” backstory of a lonely, lonely boy being neglected in his massive mansion from childhood. He’s absolutely vile towards women? His mom was probably a horrid woman who either cheated on his poor dad and left or maybe she was simply so overbearing he now feel suffocated and dates new women every week like it’s some kind of game to dangle others feelings at his fingertips. Way into the romantic relationship having started with the MC he’s suddenly revealed to have a arranged fiancée or a very mean spirited but extremely beautiful childhood friend who the main character now how to basically fight off him with a stick while the male lead does not much else in most of these stories besides being useless. if we are lucky we get him talking the fiancée/childhood friend that he actually liked this new girl(MC), but extremely rarely will he actually go out of his way to truly set boundaries. he will passively essentially invite scorn towards his current gf. and these are just SOME of the examples of repeat patterns in behavior in the romantic male leads.

time and time again in shoujo romance male leads will make life much harder for the female main character. she will often be put down to her face for scoring such a rich hottie(even though we are at times 50+ chapters in and feelings on his end still seem finicky), she will have to bear the emotional heavy lifting and basically mother him/be a teacher to him on how to express himself, despite the fact that he usually changes very little. she will forgive any and all transgression he commits, even if it breaks her heart, because he is the main male lead and therefore he can do nothing truly wrong to not end up with her. and in the end of the mangas it’s usually somehow made clear in some way that SHES the lucky one. despite her carrying the relationship on her back. She should be grateful. And women and girls in east asia, and obviously also very much outside of it, eats it up. Yes! Give us a borderline abusive or at least emotionally neglectful man! We can forgive! We can forget! Let us be his doormat!

Not manga but it’s also so obviously in most romance kdramas i’ve seen. It’s such a common trope, these handsome, rich, utter asshole male leads and then these utter angel for a female lead who absolutely tolerates getting walked all over.

And while i’ve not read any of those books, it’s not like it’s not visible in the west. When authors like Coleen Hoover has basically built a career off of emotionally stunted but hot guys treated their gf/wife like utter garbage but it’s okay!!!! so romantic!!!!

women all over the world have such bottom of the barrel standards when it comes to emotional maturity in men. in some mediums it’s certainly more apparent than others, but it’s visible all over.

I do wanna be 100% clear that not all romance manga is obviously as I described. I’m simply talked about popular tropes, and i mean EXTREMELY popular, as in its more common to see at least one of them than it isn’t. That’s all.

!!!

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Morally Questionable Anime Milfs Side B Round 2 Match 5

Propaganda:

Eva -

"AVOIDING SPOILERS AS FAR AS POSSIBLE, her moral ambiguity is a deeply important part of the story. Like Episode 3 is in some ways a battle between her better and worse nature, between her love for her family and her resentment and bitterness to her brother.

As a mother to George, seemingly she's raised him very well, turning him into a perfect gentleman and preparing him for a successful life. However, this was all part of her scheming against her brother, trying to mold him into a suitable heir for the Ushiromiya fortune and usurp her nieces position. She made sure he spent every waking moment in study, leaving him socially stunted and resentful of his peers who knew how to make friends. In a way she's using him for her own petty resentment against her elder brother, but she's also trying to set him up for a good life in the only way she understands.

With Ange, things get both harsher and more complicated. Yes, after the horrific tragedy of 1986, Eva becomes a cruel and abusive adoptive mother to Ange. But, it's possible that, at first, she made a sacrifice on Ange's behalf that slowly twisted her into the monster she became. And part of episode 8 is showing the possibility of Eva becoming a good foster mother to Ange, and genuinely loving her, (and raising the question of whether that love was really in Eva's heart, or if it's just a comforting fantasy)

I know I'm saying "just trust me" because of spoilers, but this is a big part of the ending of the story and the overall theme: ambiguity, and the difficulty in knowing another's heart, and what we should believe about others given that. Maybe her actions (and her possible or alleged actions) are too evil to call her morally questionable. Maybe there's enough goodness in her to be in the poll. Hopefully I've expressed some of it in less than one million words. I'll leave it in your hands."

Morgan -

"Adopted a fae child who was one of the few things that gave her hope and that she cared for… was unable to ever tell the child in question this. Her method of trying to prevent her child from continuing to be abused and murdered by other fairies was to tell the child to become evil/torment the weak, and the child in question is desperate for her love and affection due to her emotionally stunted nature and so continues to do this in an effort to gain her praise. Despite all this, she DOES love her child, and it was her daughter being held hostage that enable her to be finally defeated by others. She's just very bad at expressing it."

[exghul]

HEADCANON 013. DAMIAN & ASPD.

OG POST. most damian writers will diagnose him with autism, my portrayal aligns closer with ANTI-SOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER (aspd).

i was originally going to write this about sociopathy but damian was born with an emotional disconnect, a symptom of those with aspd.   without his brain’s amygdala (fight or flight instinct), he is reckless, impulsive, and careless.   it makes him a great assassin but it also stunts him emotionally.   studies have shown that those with aspd, with no empathy and no proper emotional connections in their brain, will begin to mimic those around them in an attempt to fit in.   damian had been hard-wired to be talia’s perfect successor.   it was a way of life and also the way to nurture a sociopath.   by frowning on emotional outbursts but praising him for logical achievements, this taught damian to repress anything and everything.   with no coping mechanisms as a child, this further pushed him back.

according to the national library of medicine, aspd is a "deeply ingrained and dysfunctional thought process that focuses on social exploitive, delinquent, and criminal behavior most commonly known due to the affected individual's lack of remorse for these behaviors. [ ... ] disregard for and the violation of others' rights are common manifestations of this personality disorder, which displays symptoms that include failure to conform to the law, inability to sustain consistent employment, deception, manipulation for personal gain, and incapacity to form stable relationships." further, mark zimmerman states "[b]oth genetic and environmental factors (eg, abuse during childhood) contribute to the development of antisocial personality disorder. a possible mechanism is impulsive aggression, related to abnormal serotonin transporter functioning. disregard for the pain of others during early childhood has been linked to antisocial behavior during late adolescence."

another study from 2010 for aspd in incarcerated offenders brings up an interesting point: "[aspd] is associated with comorbid disorders, high suicide risk, and impaired quality of life. those with comorbid adhd were more impaired than those without adhd." theravive references the dsm-5 in saying "[ ... ] antisocial personality disorder is comorbid with substance abuse disorder, and other personality disorders (american psychiatric association, 2013)". this specifically aligns well to damian & his grappling with his skin condition. skin hunger is a condition created out of emotional distance in some children, especially if neglected touch from birth through childhood.   it’s especially difficult to deal with on top of aspd.   it can lead to health problems, skin conditions, and in the most severe cases: death.   humans require endorphins to function healthily so when given none from human touch, damian spent his childhood seeking the rush from other means such as assassination contracts.   in his case, he developed a skin condition from it, thanks to his heightened senses.   when touched by another human, his skin feels like it’s being lit on fire.   it’s similar to the feeling of cold water splashing on feverish flesh but amplified.    fortunately, the cure for it is simple:   human contact.    his childhood with it is rough but by the time he reaches maturity, he grows out of it thanks to spending the second half of his childhood roughhousing with his older brothers.

back to aspd. zimmerman had another point that i think is important to highlight: "[r]emorse for actions is lacking. patients with antisocial personality disorder may rationalize their actions by blaming those they hurt (eg, they deserved it) or the way life is (eg, unfair). they are determined not to be pushed around and to do what they think is best for themselves at any cost."

FOR A DIAGNOSIS OF ASPD, PATIENTS MUST HAVE: a persistent disregard for the rights of others AND meet three or more of the following criteria.

disregarding the law, indicated by repeatedly committing acts that are grounds for arrest

being deceitful, indicated by lying repeatedly, using aliases, or conning others for personal gain or pleasure

acting impulsively or not planning ahead

being easily provoked or aggressive, indicated by constantly getting into physical fights or assaulting others

recklessly disregarding their safety or the safety of others

consistently acting irresponsibly, indicated by quitting a job with no plans for another one or not paying bills

not feeling remorse, indicated by indifference to or rationalization of hurting or mistreating others

for a full diagnosis to be accurate, aspd is typically diagnosed at eighteen. the patient must have disorder present before the age of fifteen & the behavior patterns must continue into their young adulthood. there is no evidence of a "cure" for aspd. the current treatments for it are cognitive-behavioral therapy & drugs: both of these are considered short-term goals & are not permanent solutions. neither of which, damian will partake in.

[cochart]

Gundam Witch of Mercury Hot Takes

Seeing new stuff coming out, I thought I'd share some hot takes.

I'm sure some people WON'T like this, so read it at your discretion. This post has not been designated by the State of California as a harmless cinnamon roll.

Okay, so I know this show heavily pushes Suletta and Miorine as a couple. They're officially engaged and everything.

But I personally find them not very charming or convincing as a couple, especially compared to other lesbian pairings in different animes (Sailor Moon, Utena, Rose of Versailles, Kakegurui, etc. etc.) or games (FE3H) or even most fandom ships which can range from almost canon to out of nowhere.

If I'm to put this very crudely, I find Suletta to be emotionally stunted--due to her abusive upbringing--and not yet able to recognize or deal with romantic attraction. Also put very bluntly, I kind of find Miorine to give a "straight but in denial" vibe. Or at the very least, she's not even remotely fond of Suletta. At best, their relationship looks like Miorine--though not maliciously--is manipulating Suletta who's socially and emotionally challenged. Though I wouldn't say that their relationship is toxic per se (and frankly I'm not too sensitive about toxic/not wholesome relationships in fiction/fandom as long as it's being hailed as damn awesome) it's just not too... attractive?

Ultimately, it's up to the second season to pull off whatever they're trying to pull off. But it kind of rubbed me the wrong way because this character pairing is very heavily pushed. Maybe I'm keeping them to too high of a standard, but I don't know... when I see a poster couple, I want them to have decent chemistry, especially if you're making them kind of your show's selling point. I mean, am I being too cruel when I see a show which the main couple is more renowned than its mecha and expect some decent chemistry? I feel like picking up Reese's cups and finding no peanut butter inside.

[qtipcottonbuds]

𝙔𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝘼𝙇𝙋𝙃𝘼𝘽𝙀𝙏 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝙃𝘼𝙒𝙆𝙎 [PART TWO]

split into two parts, with this second part being from letters n to z (also, first time doing this so). also, credited blog here for the alphabet !!! this will be quite lengthy - and it’s more of a mini look at keigo in a darker light.

warnings ;; potential mild language, references to emotionally manipulation, potential physical harm, stalking, obsessions, also references possibly to the dark triad.

by qtipcottonbuds 2022. do not repost.

𝗬𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗘!𝗛𝗔𝗪𝗞𝗦 𝗫 𝗚𝗡!𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥;

NAUGHTY ; HOW WOULD THEY PUNISH THEIR VICTIM?

I feel he’d lean more into the emotional tactics of manipulation, as a form of punishment, but that being said, he would potentially consider more physical punishments. Verbal communication might not always work in your dynamic with him, so he may have to resort to more physical to really get the point across.

OPPRESSION ; HOW MANY RIGHTS WOULD THEY TAKE AWAY FROM THEIR VICTIM?

Had to have a deep think in my noggin’ for this one; but, it’s very dependent on the circumstances. Although, I do think there would be a small exception of him withdrawing from your company completely (again, falling into a sort of narcissistic pattern of push and pull) where, maybe in the beginning stages it wouldn’t bother you as much, because of the initial shock of being abducted and therefore resenting your kidnapper entirely.

But, being forced into a situation for an uncertain amount of time where, Hawks is the only true source of socialisation you have at all (and as social creatures to some extent), you’d start to seek him out. Unknowingly or willingly, maybe the pair of them together. And, again, through Hawks doing this method of reassuring you with so much comfort and ‘love’ having that torn away so abruptly, it’s bound to cause confusion - (what did you do wrong?) - and Hawks will play on this growing fear of being alone. Being abandoned. And knowing you have no one else to rely on apart from him in the long-term; if he never returned, where would that leave you?

PATIENCE ; HOW PATIENT ARE THEY?

Very. His patience should be regarded as something of a virtue, but in this alternate turn of events, it’s a vice to say the least - how he plans out his means of involving himself into your life, your workspace, your personal space, no matter how long it will take, it will be all worth it in the long run. Committed is an understatement. I think as well too, to keep in mind, regardless of what stunts you may pull in order to push his buttons to trigger some sort of response (to get some idea of what you’re working with if you’re brave enough to), you can’t really predict what he’ll do.

For someone so indifferent most of the time, with a smile that doesn’t truly reach his eyes, whatever you chose to do to provoke him, he’d still remain patient. Sure enough, the punishments, abuse, manipulation may escalate to some extremes, but soon enough, he’ll break you down to the point where you realise that no one is coming to save you. He is all you have.

QUIT ; IF THEIR VICTIM DIES, LEAVES OR SUCCESSFULLY ESCAPES, WOULD THEY EVER BE ABLE TO MOVE ON?

A part of me would like to think Hawks would be capable of moving forward after, let’s say, their victim escaped, in this scenario. But, I genuinely don’t think he’d be able to move on, in the sense that - he’s put in so much effort, methodically planning on how to integrate himself into your friend group, understand your once schedule of a past life and so much more, the process of preparing the right time for abduction, securing a specific area where said darling would house and ultimately the breaking down and emotional abuse.

He’s prepared and thought out every scenario to possibly happen (and remember in this case, it’s a situation of the darling escaping); he wouldn’t move on, or rather, give up. Hawks would find you again. Providing the amount of social (acquaintances) connections he has due to hero networking, even if you did escape, would anyone truly believe you? 

In the situation where you had died; then it would not be pretty. Sure enough, he’d maintain enough compursure to continue hero duties, manage attending events etc, but, the charismatic mask of his usual demeanour would falter at times, more often than not. More cruel. Indifferent. Impartial. And, potentially tying in with a heapload of guilt (depending if he was the one to cause your death), and self-awareness, warping into one, and possibly self-hatred too. He knows what he was doing, and what he did was wrong on several levels. And, I think, in the circumstances of handling your death (of course, no one would be aware that the said missing persons case would ever be resolved), it would be him and him alone dealing with it. He’d handle the burial, alone. And he’d yet again, attempt to pull away from the bond you had formed with him, he’d killed enough people to get used to it, right?

REGRET ; WOULD THEY EVER FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ABDUCTING THEIR VICTIM? WOULD THEY CONSIDER LETTING THEM GO?

In the beginning stages, maybe. But, because of that innate self-awareness, it would sort of fall into a situation of him rationalising his actions, given the circumstances, and then justifying them afterwards - becoming a constant cycle, but with each of his actions progressively becoming worse. As long as he can understand why he’s doing these things, then it balances it out. The ends always justify the means.

STIGMA ; WHAT BROUGHT ABOUT THIS SIDE OF THEM (CHILDHOOD, CURIOSITY, ETC?) 

This is a very loaded question; (because there are several factors that come into play here, and that might’ve contributed, however!) I think the main overall contributing factor that lead Hawks to this, I guess you could say mentality, is his desire to have the attention on him. In the public eye, everyone is watching, but they aren’t seeing - to some extent, he wants to be idolised. Knowing he ultimately has the ability to save, and take away life - he is a saviour. You owe him.

Is this maybe bordering on a God-like complex of being superior to everyone else? Potentially. I think that would be more of a progression into the long-term if the public continued to feed into his ego about his placement amongst the other heroes, and maybe, Hawks playing around with the idea of choosing who to save. Possibly having a isolated victim in a attack plead for why he should save them - and if they don’t beg properly for their lives, it’s not like people will learn the truth. It’ll just be portrayed as one of the many victims who died due to the accident.

TEARS ; HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT SEEING THEIR VICTIMS SCREAM, CRY, AND/OR ISOLATE THEMSELVES?

Going back to the natural indifference, Hawks holds himself with, if you’d caused a situation which then resulted in you crying/screaming (in the example of punishment), then no remorse would be felt to some extent - it was all in the idea that it was for the benefit of you - making you better. Reforming you.

Although, in the circumstances of you being given a punishment for whatever reason, and him delivering said punishment, only to find out that you were innocent - then yes he’d feel guilty. Hawks prides himself on never being wrong; so, for this to happen, and you being undeserving of whatever abuse he’d inflict on you, I think his level of self-awareness would allow him to at least try and reconcile with what happened. He’d never explain that he’d make a mistake, or had made one, but, he would try to butter you up with sweet words, and almost dismiss what may have happened entirely depending on the severity of the punishment.

However, with the isolation aspect, it always would fall back to - what would he have to gain from you behaving like that? Even if you weren’t engaging in any real conversations he’d try to maintain with you after a shift at work, maybe being reduced to nothing but hums, grunts and nods of acknowledgement as a means of greeting - as long as you were giving him physical comfort and reassurance with your presence by just being near him, allowing him to bend you to his will, I don’t think he’d really care. You were doing what he needed you to do. 

UNIQUE ; WOULD THEY DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT FROM THE CLASSIC YANDERE TROPE? 

I don’t think he’d fall into the lines of making threats towards potential family members or friends really, I’d view him as someone who’d prey on darlings who’d naturally have no-one, or maybe a few close friends at the most as a makeshift family - the more dysfunctional and lack of contact with the victim’s family in the initial meeting phase, the better.

VICE ; WHAT WEAKNESS CAN THEIR VICTIM EXPLOIT IN ORDER TO USE TO THEIR ADVANTAGE? 

His ego; but not in the way you’d think. I’m assuming this on the basis that, Hawks, being praised constantly by everyone else in the public eye - he’s more than aware that he’s the top of the top. He is above the majority, particularly in the power dynamic of authority, even in a general setting where you might not even be aware of his status.

But, in moments of sheer vulnerability where (I highly doubt though) he’d open up about past mistakes - again, emphasis on the doubt, because he views himself as someone who doesn’t make mistakes, whatsoever, if it had to be done, it had to be done - or opening up about possible trauma and you purely just lending a ear to listen to whatever he has to say? It might not give you the end goal, of having enough inconsistency on his part, to escape, but you would be given some privileges to keep you occupied whilst he’s away. Books, films; small things to indulge yourself in to pass time.

WITS END ; WOULD THEIR EVER HURT THEIR VICTIM?

He wouldn’t be opposed to it. Being brought up in a facility with almost simulated environments of the outside world (even though he did have some sort of established contact with others), that upbringing most likely interfered with his ability to form actual emotional attachments. Instead, naturally having a barrier of detachment between each connection he makes, and continues to strengthen so to speak.

And, some of these said emotional attachments, may be placed of higher value, purely because of what he has to gain from them, and whether they can bring him something of value - Machiavellianism. Though, it’s not as visible as you’d think. Hawks covers that up with a more playful nature, with open ended questions posed as closed ones, and never really knowing if there's a hidden meaning underlying his words.

Hurting his said darling? What would he exactly have to gain from it? That would be his main priority, I’d think. If conditioning you with violence as a means to bargain behaviour he’d desire, if other methods weren’t working, he wouldn't be opposed to it. As shown with his somewhat ‘friendship’ with Twice. Negative reinforcement (or positive from his viewpoint) if you will.

XOANON ; HOW MUCH WOULD THEY REVERE OR WORSHIP THEIR VICTIM? TO WHAT LENGTHS WOULD THEY GO TO? 

I don’t want to say he’d immediately put you on a pedestal. Although he sets high expectations for himself, I don’t really think he’d project them onto someone else, darling or not (only with the exception of Endeavour, purely because he views him as the father figure he never had, and that overlaps with his childhood ambitions of being a superhero). In some respects, you could say Hawks is used to disappointment from his own childhood, and prepares for the worst of situations; and sure enough, you may not initially live up to his standards, but that’s not to say he wouldn’t try to reform you, shaping you into an idealistic fantasy. Again, it would be based on you reaching out to him, and adapting to his needs.

YEARN ; HOW LONG DO THEY PINE AFTER THEIR VICTIM BEFORE THEY SNAP? 

I think the curiosity he had for you, depending on your first ever meeting, was always there. Viewing most people as nothing but a stepping stone to move up the corporate ladder, or on the other end of the spectrum, a statistic (if we dip into the elites mindset a little); you were most likely something to him that had a use. But, I think with Hawks, there’s always been a underlying need, a dark one, to be cared for - even if you’d shown him the bare minimum (especially out of a work setting, because that’s to be expected in a pro-hero worklife), he’d indulge in it as much as he could - it’s just a matter of whether he’d actively think it was the right timing to indulge in it, but on a much pervasive level.

Again, what would he have to gain, and what risks would be involved in isolating you from the rest of the world? I don’t think he’d ever snap, so to speak, it was something that was already there to start with. It was just a matter of time before acting on those thoughts.

ZENITH ; WOULD THEY EVER BREAK THEIR VICTIM?

Now, with this, although the majority of the yandere trope have the capability of breaking down their victims, it’s definitely the case more so with Hawks - specifically the case of emotionally breaking down said darling, and rebuilding them back up with empty words, building a very unhealthy example of codependency. You need him. Why would you look to others, knowing full well he can provide you with everything you need?

That isn’t to say Hawks would actively seek this out as an end goal; rather, it’s something he’d prefer to avoid at all costs, if he can. He’d prefer you willingly coming to him, seeking him out for comfort, instead of the other way round. Again, tying in with his lack of vulnerability (unless on the brink of letting out bottled emotions) he preys on your vulnerability instead, allowing you to communicate what you need. What you’ve experienced, been, suffered through. Making him unknowingly a support system. Little tidbits of information you’d mindlessly throw out mid-conversation, not considering them to be of any value; to him, it would be stored away, picked apart and something to use for later on. And, with the lack of socialisation you’d have whilst under his care, you’d leech onto it. In due time, whether you’d like it or not.

[sociieties]

inosuke + feral child

for better or worse, all of the interactions that inosuke had in his youth led him to be the person he is now. all of that, although not exactly to the fault of one person in particular, resulting in him becoming what’s most popularly known a feral child ( or a wild child ). this is merely in reference to simply having limited or even no human contact from a young age; this impacts all parts of a child’s life. socially speaking, inosuke’s communication capabilities aren’t what they should be. his vocabulary is much smaller than what’s shown in canon. he’s almost completely incapable of complex conversation. although it’s slight, he would have an easier time following conversations than being included in them ( although not always true ). his speech pattern is best noted for his preference over general sounds to convey his thoughts ( huh? ha? ahh! humph! growling. groaning. huffing. so on and so forth ), closely followed by very simple phases it’s likely he’d heard in the very few instances he found himself around creature ( humans / demons ) that spoke the human languages. much like a child, his go-to statements are things along the lines of yes, no, and mine. inosuke is capable of carrying conversation outside of very simple things, but the more complex the topic, the more likely it is for him to check out of the conversation due to his general lack of understanding. he’s not beyond being able to learn new words and phrases and in the process of him learning it, he will overuse and abuse this word/phrase until it feels ‘right’ for him. he’s very likely to use it incorrectly, pronounce it incorrectly, or both use it incorrectly while mispronouncing it. this is most commonly seen with his inability to get people’s names right. emotionally & morally speaking, inosuke’s further removed from most general human concepts. pretty much anything within the realm of niceness politics is beyond him. while he may understand sharing, he might not feel compelled to do it himself. he is stubborn, possessive, stingy, and more, because it’s what he’s seen and come to learn that such qualities will keep him alive. his ability to bond with people is there, although fairly stunted and underdeveloped. up until he met tanjiro, zenitsu, and nezuko, inosuke only had one bond that he thought to be important enough to defend and care for, which was the bond he had with mother-boar. the bond he had with random grandpa and grandson who lived far off was much less emotional and more so a general means to an end out of everything. grandpa eventually died and inosuke eventually stopped going there ( more so, he actively chose to stop going to that place ) and felt absolutely nothing about it. those people may have taught him how to speak, but he did not consider them friends, nor family. if anything, they were just hairless creatures, much like himself, that stood funny, sounded funny, and most importantly fed him. past that, inosuke’s interaction with whatever human here and whatever demon there ( who so happened to chose to not kill him ) contributed to inosuke learning some things, but never allowing him the full scope of most things (until his true re-entrance into society ). murder is bad, yes, but not to him. stealing isn’t really a concept to him because if you wanted it, you should have either taken better care of it or you should have fought him for it. eating habits; once again, i say: cannibalism... if it really, seriously came down to it and there was no other option... he would... he would and he wouldn’t even think about it. on a fairly less graphic note, inosuke has eating pretty much anything and everything in the mountains that he’s seen. if he’s not eaten it and completely digested it, he’s at the very least put it in his mouth once and never again. he’s eating insects, leaves, dirt, flowers, raw and cooked meat, tree bark, etc. he’s tried eating rocks before. he’s been poisoned before, on enough occasions for him to incidentally build a tolerance for poisons and medicines alike. inosuke hunts and he hunts a lot. sometimes to eat, sometimes for sport. the list of things he won’t try hunting is a very small list, but there is, in fact, a list. he also isn’t exactly a clean eater, fairly sloppy and easily considered disgusting when compared to certain human standards; he eats with his hands, face close to food he’s eating as if it would run away. the idea of using utensils is beyond him, he has no idea what they’re for and he wouldn’t use them. ( the image of him using chopsticks wrong, although sorta cute, sorta funny, simply wouldn’t happen. ) as much as you think he’d talk with food in his mouth, he wouldn’t. not because he understands those sort of manners, but because he’s focused on nothing but the food within his reach until he’s decided that he’s done eating. he can and will steal other people’s food because they weren’t protecting it and he wanted it. mannerism wise, inosuke isn’t mocking and mirroring the actions of animals ( mostly, but not exclusively, boars ) to be cute. he is doing it because it’s what he knows and understands. he does as animals do before he will do as a person might do because he knows animal nature much more than he knows and understands human nature. it’s what he grew up around, it’s what, for the most part, raised him, and he will not be able to shake it so easily. over time he can and will learn to trade some animal action and reaction for those of human ones. he only learned to walk in his two legs instead of walking on all fours as most animals do out of pure luck ( thanks to the people who taught him how to speak. thanks to the demon he sometimes, but not exactly consistently crossed paths with. thanks to whatever person he saw for .3 seconds before accidentally scaring them and sending them hightailing back down the mountain. ). his misunderstanding of pain comes from a blend of perspective coming from demons, people, and animals. his misunderstanding and oversimplification of death comes from the same. his misunderstand of himself comes from the same.

[linkspooky]

Like some kind of “Man-Child”

Shigaraki is constantly compared to a child by the other characters around him. Whether it’s the staff at UA calling him a manchild, Ujiko saying he’s a twenty year old brat who has accomplished nothing with his life, or Spinner saying he chases his dreams like a child, Shigaraki’s immaturity and underdeveloped psyche is something constantly commented upon others. 

There are two questions to ask now. One, why did Shigaraki turn out this way, and two what does it mean for his character and future growth? 

1. An Immature Manchild, A Worthless Twenty-Something, The Trash of Society. 

Shigaraki is constantly described by others as acting like a child. In most cases it’s used to insult and demean him, and also to point out his lack of any real tangible goal. 

However, Shigaraki’s childish tendencies, his egocentrism, his lack of ability to see the consequences for his actions, and his emotional instability are not a reflection of whether he is a good or bad person, it’s a reflection of his upbringing. This is an important point I want to make before we continu, the hero system uses all of the signs that Shigaraki shows up legitimate mental illness to dehumanize him and make him out to be a “dangerous psycho” rather than to show him any real sympathy. 

All Might’s analyses him at length and comes to the conclusion not that this is an unstable person who shows clear signs of mental illness, but rather that the signs of mental illness he shows makes him a bad person. All of these traits that Shigaraki shows are used constantly by his enemies, heroes and villains alike to unperson him. 

Once again, Shigaraki acting like a child is not a reflection of whether or not he’s a good or bad person. It’s a product of trauma and his upbringing. Heroes seem to be under the impression that a good person would simply not suffer or react negatively to any trauma. Shigaraki doesn’t grow up not because he doesn’t want to grow up and wants to remain an immature manchild forever, it’s because he was raised deliberately. 

Developmental psychology is a scientific approach which aims to explain growth, change and consistency though the lifespan. ... Developmental psychologists study a wide range of theoretical areas, such as biological, social, emotion, and cognitive processes. 

Shigaraki was raised in an environment where he could not healthily develop into an adult. 

A child’s behaviour is an outward manifestation of inner stability and security. It is a lens through which the family physician can observe the development of the child throughout his or her life. All types of abuse are damaging to children—physically, emotionally, and psychologically—and can cause long-term difficulties with behaviour and mental health development.

Seeing the world from other people’s points of view. Thinking about the consequences of your actions. Processing your emotions and stress in healthy ways. These are all things children learn in the process of growing into adults. However, it’s a learned behavior not a natural one. The idea that people, children, are either born good or bad and will develop based on some internal qualities of goodness or badness is patently false. Children who receive no adult supervision growing up just turn feral and have no ego at all. The ego, or rather identity is something both heavily influenced by the interactions with the adults that raise them and interactions with members of the same peer group.

Shigaraki, raised in a basement with entirely selective and controlled interactions with others that were always underneath AFO’s direct supervision and his thumb, who probably did not even get that much freedom until the UA attack is just barely one step above a feral child who has no adult supervision at all. 

These three behaviors: 

Lack of Empathy.

Cannot View the Consequences of his Actions

Cannot handle emotions, setbacks and stress 

They’re all explainable by specific manipulations that AFO introduced to him as a child. “Shigaraki feels no guilt for what he does” said by almost every hero who interacts with him, but this is completely incorrect. The truth is Shigaraki is constantly made to feel guilty. 

He hates himself, and constantly holds back his quirk because he still feels guilt for what happened to his family due to the accidental activation of his quirk. 

He accepts the entirety of the blame for what happened for his family, and therefore views himself as a monster. This is what Shigaraki unconsciously believes and accepts, that he deserves to constantly be punished and tormented without relief for what he did for his family and that he can’t be saved. 

These are not the actions of a person who feels no guilt. However, at the same time Shigaraki is seeking some relief from his suffering, he wants to be saved even though he believes he doesn’t deserve it. Therefore, AFO manipulates him into believing he doesn’t have to feel guilty for destroying the people he wants to destroy. This is literally the exact tactic that Chisaki used on Eri. 

Tenko is constantly made to feel guilty for what he did to his family, and because of that he’s dependent on what AFO told him would make him feel better. Just like Chisaki convincing Eri that it was her fault that people who tried to save her died made her return to Chisaki.

Shigaraki doesn’t show any emotional maturity because he can’t. Being surrounded by your peers, being in a healthy environment, being taught lessons by the adults around you these are all things you learn growing up. We are shown constant signs that Shigaraki’s childhood was constantly barren. He was raised in a room that was entirely blank. 

AFO controlled everything about his life. He didn’t even give him toys or books until he started murdering people, and we see that same room several years later almost completely unchanged from the way it was when he was a kid. 

Shigaraki’s entire world was that one room. It’s even remarked that he wasn’t allowed to attend any kind of school. 

Shigaraki was raised to have his entire world revolve around AFO’s desires for him. Shigaraki even acknowledges that he doesn’t even really want to accomplish AFO’s dream and knows it won’t satisfy him. It’s something that’s forced down his throat, but also what Shigaraki views as his only path forward. Shigaraki as a person doesn’t exist outside of AFO’s goals for him because he wasn’t raised or nurtured to be a person just a thing that wants destruction. 

And, the reason Shigaraki continues to follow down the path set by him by All for One is a rather childish one too. This is once again where Shigaraki’s foiling with Chisaki is illustrative of his character. 

This is how Shigaraki reacts when forcibly separated from AFO. Crying and begging like a child ripped away from their parent, completely helpless without him. AFO doesn’t act like a parent at all, but for Shigaraki he’s the closest possible thing. Shigaraki still believes that he owes AFO for saving him all those years back. 

Shigaraki and Chisaki are the core of their beings are propelled by this idea that they need to repay their father figures for taking them in. They have this childish desire to make their father figures happy and please them, that’s just as true to their nature as their destructive impulses. So, they act like they were shaped to be. Chisaki acts like the perfect Yakuza member, and Shigaraki as the perfect symbol of destruction. They are both desperately trying to be what their parents want them to be. 

Shigaraki can’t handle any setbacks or stress, because he is constantly stressed. He was raised to feel nauseatingly sick of himself all of the time. 

Eri can’t act like a normal child because even after removed from Chisaki’s influence, the emotoinal wounds Chisaki left on her don’t magically go away. It’s not about being a good or bad child, it’s about being trapped in a certain unhealthy way of thinking. 

Shigaraki’s not entitled and emotionally immature. He’s emotionally stunted, and deliberately raised that way. If you could say he was raised at all. His captor had no interest in him as a person. He exists to be a pet revenge project against All Might, to turn Shimura Nana’s descendant into an unstable little bomb that explodes and takes out All Might with him. 

The person who raised him constantly threw him into danger with no regard for his well being. He expected Stain to try to kill Tomura when they met and stopped Kurogiri for interfereing for his safety. He expected All Might to beat the shit out of him and for the UA attack to fail. This goes back all the way to the beginning. 

He exposed Shigaraki to dangerous people who would beat him up, insult him, and belittle him. People that deliberately reminded Shigaraki of his abuser. 

So he would be constantly made to feel unsafe and unstable. Shigaraki has no emotional stability because he was constantly raised in an unstable environment, it’s not hard to remain sane in that environment, it’s downright impossible. 

2. Children can Grow Up

This is a theme we’ve seen repeat itself three times. A child is murdered and has their name taken away by their paternal abusers, and they make it into adulthood (despite symbolically dying as a child) with entirely different names and identities. Takami Keigo grows up into Hawks, Touya grows up into Dabi, Shimura becomes Shigaraki. However, all three of them as adults are malformed and still clinging onto the hurt feelings that they held as a child. Shigaraki and Dabi literally both look like corpses, and Hawks has literally no personality or name outside of being a hero. 

It’s not a reflection of who they are as people, it’s a reflection that they were not raised to be people. However, Shigaraki is constantly remarked on as a child capable of growing up. 

Spinner, Shigaraki’s friend sees the good side of his childishness. He is someone who late in life, is still learning and developing empathy. We see him change over the course of the story. Shigaraki who claims that he doesn’t care about anything besides destruction, also specifically states that he won’t destroy his companions hopes and dreams. 

Shigaraki who is presented as a person who is entirely devoid of empathy, is shown being able to deal with somebody like Twice perfectly. Not only does he listen to Twice’s demands that they rescue Giran. 

He also knows how to make Twice listen, and then carefully places his mask back on again to calm him down afterwards. He deals with him like a person and is accomodating of his quirks. 

Shigaraki makes it deliberately a point that he’s not okay with someone else playing around with Twice’s feelings. 

He also tells Twice to make saving Giran and protecting him a priority when he plans on finishing Rikiya himself. 

All of this consideration for the feelings of an individual. Shigaraki’s empathy has grown and developed to the point where he can imagine the feelings of other people outside himself. Now compare this to the way Hawks deals with Twice. Shigaraki finds trampling all over the feelings of Twice as unforgivable, whereas Hawks brags to Twice’s face how easy it was to deceive him. He belittles him and rubs salt in the wound. 

Hawks can only accept Twice as a good person. It’s Shigaraki who gives a home to those who have no other home, the outcasts, the bad people that heroes would never save. 

Shigaraki who understood how important Twice’s feelings for his friends are, built his entire plan against the MLA around saving Giran, and Twice’s own desires to want to help his friend Giran and pay him back for giving him a place to belong. Hawks literally goes out of his way to single out Twice as the only one he can save and not extend the same helping hand to his friends. Shigaraki recognizes Twice’s feelings for his friends, Hawks goes out of his way to trample on the friends that Twice finds so precious. 

Hawks wants to save Twice but doesn’t understand him as a person. Shigaraki has created a place where people like Spinner, Toga, Compress, Twice, Dabi are all accepted and valued as people. Shigaraki’s childishness is both a good and bad thing. It shows that even after all of this trauma, the core of who Shigaraki is has not changed. 

He is still the kid who deliberately plays with the kids on the playground who get left out. Who states that he specifically wants to be a hero because there were kids who were left out of being played. And who wanted to be a hero even when he knew his father would severely disapprove of it and kept that dream in his heart. 

Shigaraki is still Shimura Tenko. He’s not the child who wanted to be a hero, or the child who wanted to destroy to make the pain go away, he’s both at the same time and that’s where his complexity comes from. Shigaraki like anybody else is capable of good and bad, but what’s especially important about his arc is that we’ve been shown that when removed from underneath the thumb of his abusers, and surroudned by his found family in the league Shigaraki gets better and is able to begin seeing the emotions and feelings of other people outside of him, and becomes a more empathic person. He is a child yes, but also a child capable of growing up. 

It’s also important to remember his arc. When Shigaraki is fighting for the league he always succeeds (against the Yakuza, against MLA). He only ever fails, and relapses (such as his current failure in the hero war arc raid) when he believes that he has to follow the dream laid out for him by AFO. It’s almost as if Shigaraki was intended from the start to shake off AFO’s influence of him and eventually grow into his own person. Shigaraki is a child waiting to grow up, he’s still Shimura Tenko, and he should be allowed that chance to grow past his abuse. He might never become a hero but by the end of the story he deserves to be his own person, not AFO’s thing. 

[dragonflymage]

Hmm… I’m not sure if you mean physically or socially or what?

As an INFP, here are a few different ways I’ve bloomed or not bloomed. 😌

🌸 Physically - I developed at about the same pace as the other kids around me. I remember that I felt self-conscious about my own changes and tried hard to make myself as unnoticeable as possible. None of it was explained to me very well at home. Prior to puberty one day, my mother pointed to a box in the bathroom and told me that when I began bleeding to “read the directions on the box and use one of those”. 😕 I didn’t know how to determine if my hair was dirty. I also didn’t understand about body odor and was embarrassed one day when my father awkwardly tried to explain how to use deodorant. So I’d say that even though I did physically bloom at an average age, my knowledge about this blooming time was sadly lacking.

🌸 Emotionally - My emotions were always in full bloom. I was sensitive to everything that went on in my environment. If I could see it, hear it, or became aware of it in any way, it affected me. From a young age, I learned that it was always best to hold my feelings in. My mother disliked any emotional displays, especially out in public, and never forgot to remind me how broken and wrong I was for being sensitive. I became an angry child and eventual teenager as a result. I had nowhere to send my broken emotions, so I tore up my insides with them. I would say that my emotional self bloomed vividly, but I was severely criticized for it so I had to relearn how to feel them properly as an adult.

🌸 Psychologically - I was psychologically stunted. 😟 I lived in an emotionally abusive household where I believed my very breathing was done wrong. No one outside of the home knew about what my brother and I went through. I had no concept of healthy attachment or boundaries. I was depressed and anxious, with no safe outlets for the internal build-up. I withdrew into my own imagination, creating places and situations that brought me happiness. I was definitely a late bloomer psychologically.

🌸 Socially - I have always been an Introvert. Before I understood what that meant, I was self-conscious about not wanting to join in socially as much as the others my age. I mostly wanted to be left alone, yet also felt left out. I did force myself to be a little more social, but it always left me feeling worse because I honestly hated it. My parents were also Introverts but in unhealthy ways. My mother’s anxiety rubbed off onto me and I carried this social anxiety with me into adulthood. Now, I’ve come to realize that I like being away from people and there’s nothing wrong with this preference. When I was a teenager, I wish I understood this instead of feeling like a social outcast and a late social bloomer.

🌸 Spiritually - I was spiritually bruised and fractured. At a young age, I was enrolled in what I now accept to be an emotionally abusive religious cult-school. As an INFP, I was sensitive to criticism and despised being made to conform. Whenever I refused to do what they wanted or if I asked ‘inappropriate’ questions, I was paddled with a ping-pong paddle, called a sinner, and told to pray on my knees in front of the church congregation. 😔 I haven’t talked too much about my experiences during the 8 years I went there, but it definitely added to what I endured at home. It’s also a reason why I refuse to go near anything with a ‘religious’ label attached. Now, I consider myself to be spiritual with the universe on my own terms. But as a child, I was definitely a late bloomer.

🌸 Overall - It looks like I was a late bloomer. Probably due to the abusive environment I was raised in. If my home and school life had been healthier, I’m pretty sure I’d at least be an average bloomer.

I am making up for it now by not forcing myself to be who I’m not. I have accepted large portions of my past and found ways to incorporate it into the much stronger person I am today.

So, precious INFP, no matter what sort of bloomer you were in the past, it is never too late to find new ways to bloom beautifully today! 💗

Thanks for the question! 😊

— I couldn’t decide which video to use. So, here are two! 😏

You're Gonna Be Ok - Brian & Jenn Johnson

Hidden Citizens - This is Our Time

[chaoticspacefam]

wonder if part of why the swtor jedi-sith conflict plays the way it does with “sith stans” and etc because the sith empire are functionally saturday morning cartoon villains - “murder and mayhem await!” compared to the more, i guess, believable evil of the republic/jedi following good ideals to bad conclusions and justifying war crimes

I'd certainly say it doesn't help things, you're right! I have...a lot of issues with the Jedi and their portrayal (especially in the Legends/SWTOR era), but I also recognise that a lot of that is very personal to me and that another fan might feel differently. Long, ranty post ahead so if that's not your deal, skip this one.

TL;DR: thinking critically about the behaviour of the Good Guys bad, I guess, since they're the good guys and you're obviously not allowed to use your own agency to decide something they do makes you deeply, viscerally uncomfortable.  And God help you if you disagree with anything they do and cite personal experience behind your (very justified) avoidance of that rhetoric/teaching, because Bad Things Justified If Good People Do Them and how dare you have different personal experiences and responses. If that's what you do, you're doing fandom wrong /s Also, bad writing choices of the writers themselves that perpetuate toxic, harmful viewpoints and/or stereotypes don't mean anything when said viewpoints/stereotypes are the Bad Guys because...Bad Guys Aren’t Supposed To Be People With Rights, Thoughts and Feelings Too, They’re Just Evil, (cringe)

Disagreeing with someone’s opinions is fine, but if you’re going to deliberately expose yourself to content you don’t like and then attack the person that is making the content because they made it and it upset you when you went looking for it....you are, in fact, the one at fault babes. No one is holding you hostage, you can block tags or unfollow a person (especially me. I really don’t care honest to god, if my posts are not your jam just leave. please.) if you hate what they post so much and are unable to just scroll past things you don’t like to stay for things you do. I’ve done it and will continue to do so, and my fandom experience is happier for it. Also, people are human and sometimes we’re tired and we make mistakes like we miss a trigger tag, and you are within your right to come to the person and point that out, but you are not within your right to threaten them because they made a mistake. Then you’re just a dick.

But I still wouldn't be the one going around (passive) aggressively attacking other fans for disagreeing with my opinions and again, this is based on personal experience, but I've seen a lot more of that stuff from "pro-Jedi" people who seem to be conveniently okay with shit like mass-genocide and cultural erasure because "the Jedi are the good guys and the (OT) Sith are fascists!"

I don't interact with the subsect of fans that do think "the (OT) Empire did nothing wrong hurr durr" unironically (and for good reason, I don't agree with that viewpoint either and the fact that half the time the "defence" of these other fans is "well you're pro-fascist then!!" lmao) but there's a very big gap between the OT Empire which is rightfully a mirror of fascism and dictatorial governments and I do, in fact, raise my eyebrows in heavy criticism and disdain at the writers of the TOR-era deliberately choosing to "justify" the ultimate end being said fascist Empire by making the Sith species (and as always I preface this by saying I am in fact white & therefore know I have priveledge and can only "relate" on a much shallower level as POC fans, but there are places where I do find them more relatable than the TOR-era Jedi which reek of conservative, pearl-clutching Christianity (which I spent way too much of my life having forced upon me by the bible-bashing Evangelists(tm) in my family) to me and I just don't have the fucks to give to spend time fixing something that's honestly traumatising for me to be reminded of):

-heavily Indigenous/POC-coded

-"tribal" and not in a properly-researched and respectfully portrayed sense but in a very deliberate "these people are savage and need to be colonised and "sophisticated" by the More Acceptible (Human) Dark Jedi" even though they had their own society, belief systems, and even had technology - just not in the "socially acceptible, conventional sense" I guess

-perpetuating this by adding slavery and all of that can of worms into the mix too, just to drive home the "evil and bad" prototype ig. I'm not even gonna speak more on this part because it just makes me angry.

-Deliberately giving them more "alien" or inhuman characteristics, which while by itself is not necessarily a bad thing, put it together with all the other things?? Big. Fucking. Oof.

-Were literally exterminated and the survivors selectively bred for ONLY the "bad and evil" traits for not agreeing with the Jedi's beliefs. Their own practises and beliefs were automatically "evil" and "wrong" just because they didn't want to "convert" (sniff sniff, Christianity, is that you?)

A direct quote for those who can't be bothered to click and read the link:

For nearly two thousand years, superstition, loyalty and sympathy were bred out as the two groups interbred, and qualities such as cunning, ambition and affinity to the Force were favored, which shaped Sith society over the centuries.[3][21][22] In the Sith Empire, as time progressed pure-blooded Sith were steadily bred out,[6] resulting in only a few pure-blooded Sith left in the Sith Empire by the time of the Great Hyperspace War.[13] Long after, the true species in the Empire were believed to have gone extinct due to the interbreeding process.

And conversely the Jedi:

-Deny young children contact with their parents, siblings and families from the moment their Force sensitivity shows (hmmmm. )

-Continually and actively support the condemnation and Exile of "imperfect" Jedi, hell, it's even pointed out on Wookieepedia, that any Force sensitive, even those who are not aligned to either faction, but that train with or follow teachings that are not Jedi Approved (tm) is labelled as a "Dark Jedi" by the Jedi Order

Although "Dark Jedi" originally referred to a Jedi who had fallen to the dark side, it could also refer to uninitiated Force-sensitives who received no Jedi training but began their careers under another Dark Jedi. Others were simply dark-side users who did not follow the teachings of the Sith or other dark side organizations.

because "oh noooo you do not follow the way of the Truth and the Light you horrible person how dare you defy The One True Correct Teaching, that makes you the Devil Incarnate no matter what" UGH.

-Continuously push the idea (very heavily) that Emotions Are Bad, which just creates a bunch of emotionally-stunted powderkegs unable to recognise, confront and deal with said emotions (and as I've said, I would know, I was one and maybe still am in some ways lmao) , then blames said powderkeg for exploding because they were never taught how to handle the emotions in the first place.

(Fuck "there is no emotion, there is peace", that's not how people work and never will be lmao)

I don't really know what else to say about this to be honest, because even though I've only been on tumblr about a year now, I'm already tired of this constant "I'm right, you're wrong" finger-pointing between those people in the fandom.

Cause to some of these "pro-Jedi" people it's an unthinkable crime to dare to have a different opinion to them and just want to be left alone, I guess. I've literally been attacked for saying "I don't like the Jedi and find dealing with their dogma too traumatising based on personal experience and trauma from my childhood so I'm going to avoid it but you do you"

I've had American Christians (tm) clap back to that with the ever-wonderful "LMAO bitch you don't have religious trauma, you didn't grow up in the bible-belt, stop trying to be edgy, shut up and go to therapy"

(all of this is sarcasm, for those who need me to spell it out for you. I'm still traumatised by the shit I went through and have to constantly check myself and my own feelings because of the toxic "habits" those teachings tried to push onto me as a child and I have zero tolerance and patience for your (not you, ssalmon, but the royal "you" as it were) victim-blaming abuse apologism "gotchas")

because 1) clearly American Christianity and the bible-belt are the only insidious and harmful subsect of Christianity and it's not like the concept of Evangelism as a whole is inherently toxic, harmful, and traumatising to those subjected to it right 2) Obviously there's a Stated Right Way To Be Traumatised and anyone who falls outside of that (Non-Existent) handbook is "faking it for attention" 3) bold of them to assume that curating my own fandom (and life) experience, and refusing to engage with things that trigger me, isn't something that I literally fucking learned in therapy lmao

Also, I find it funny how these are the people going around attacking people like me, who are literally minding our own motherfucking business, but then claim to preach “love and tolerism” and all this other bullshit. Karen, sweetie, only one of us is going around telling people they deserve to be murdered/stabbed for disagreeing with thier opinion about a videogame and pointing out that “hey, that’s...very yikes maybe don’t do that, step back and calm down” and it ain’t me (true story, this happened a couple of months ago and I don’t wanna dredge the post up because it’s very upsetting to think about) People are allowed to have opinions, and they don’t have to agree with your opinion just because that’s what you think, and the second that you sink to sending people death threats because they don’t share your opinion, you are, in fact, the asshole in that conversation.

It was even funnier because the person in question followed me first, I initially thought they were pretty cool so I followed back, then they threw a massive temper-tantrum and threw a bunch of very upsetting and triggering shit at me without my consent because I didn’t agree with them (I’d even put my opinions in tags on MY blog in an attempt to be courteous and not hijack their post with negativity, in hindsight perhaps I should have made my own post in the first place and I do acknowledge that BUT if that’s all they’d said I would have apologised and moved on, quite gladly, there was no need for them to explode the way they did at me for...making a mistake because I’m a stranger on the internet who didn’t know them & wasn’t a mind-reader and I happened to miss a trigger tag that I didn’t think of at the time lmao)

This post is getting awful long and rambly so I'm going to shut up now, but that's my take on it I guess, I hope that's what you were getting at and if it's not I apologise, I've been taking a huge step back and actively just avoiding any and all major posts related to this discourse as of a few months ago because it just infuriates and upsets me too much, it’s not worth the detriment to my mental health, I’m just here to make friends who are also hyperfixated on SWTOR and have fun vibing and talking about our characters, not get into one-sided morality debates with pearl-clutchers. 🤷

[fasterthanmydemons]

fellow comic book reader here and I also agree that Pietro was annoying in the comics, I remember just rolling my eyes everytime he was on a page LMAOO. but then MCU Pietro came along and he was the bravest, purest, most adorable boy. I was like "oh I actually really like his personality?" and then "oh.... he ded ._." LOL. however, what are some personality traits that your Pietro shares with comic Pietro? I'd say the temper and arrogance (and love for his turtle) but that's it.

{out of breath} *sigh* Okay. I’ve been debating actually writing about this particular topic for about a month now because I was afraid it would offend some people somehow with regard to mental illness, but... since you asked. Yes, I would say that MCU!Petro has Comic!Pietro’s anger and arrogance. Definitely Hands down. I feel like there’s one other thing he has sort of in common with Comic!Pietro, but whereas it’s intentional for Comic!Pietro, it’s unintentional for MCU!Pietro. Under the cut because LONG.

One of the major things that made Comic!Pietro a jerk was the way he made Wanda feel like she wasn’t mentally competent to make her own decisions. Part of it was that he was very controlling of her. It started out as a need to protect her, but then it just became a function of his own ego, like... well I know better, so I’ll just decide and shhhh, don’t talk. But a part of it later on became also that he realized he could manipulate Wanda into doing or not doing things he wanted by making her feel like she wasn’t mentally capable or strong enough to make decisions for herself. The results was that she depended on him emotionally to a debilitating degree, and he absolutely took advantage of her because of it. Wanda had self-confidence issues and she was very much aware of her mental fragility and afraid of going insane, something that runs in her family. Pietro fed off that fear and basically manipulated Wanda by saying well, I’ll take care of you and make decisions for you and all you have to do is rely on me. It was not only not healthy for Wanda, it was abusive.

Now... let’s talk about MCU!Pietro for a bit. I will never ever say that MCU!Pietro was ever intentionally abusive to Wanda. Never. He never meant to be, he was only ever trying to help her and protect her. However, some of the things he did while he thought he was protecting her ended up not being so great for her emotional, social, and mental development in the long run. It stunted her ability to function independently and enabled her to be extremely dependent on him as she preferred. I first became aware that this was an actual real side effect of trauma that some people have, referring to Wanda, when I came across this post. I read that and I thought... wow that sounds really similar to how I’ve described the twins’ relationship. I did some more research on the subject since then, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this is a thing that definitely happened with the twins. It isn’t really either of their faults, it more just like... they were using each other as a crutch and a coping mechanism in different ways because of traumas they had suffered, and didn’t realize it was actually harming them developmentally.

This might take a while to explain, but I’ve been wanting to do this and get these headcanons down for a while so I’ll try to explain in as much detail as I can. When Marya and Django Maximoff were killed, the twins reacted differently. A big part of the reason for their different reactions was, unfortunately, due to their different upbringing because of their sexes. Wanda was raised by her mother to take care of her family, to watch over them, feed them, tend their wounds, and defend them conversationally. Pietro was raised with the idea that the men were the strong ones who protected the women physically. They didn’t cry or show weakness, they were physically there to protect and shield. Basically, the men were the physical strength and the women were the emotional strength. Although this seems positive on the surface, it is confining the twins to gender roles and is defining those roles in limiting and outdated ways. Pietro grew up feeling that he was less of a man for crying or needing a hug, and Wanda grew up feeling like she could depend on men to do what she couldn’t... as if there were things she couldn’t do herself. I mean... I don’t want to overly judge this because it wasn’t done with malice, it’s just that Marya and Django were more old world, traditional parents. That’s what they grew up with, so they taught it to their children. It’s easy to be outside looking in and say it’s wrong, but until the age of ten, the twins were happy and well taken care of and thought they were doing fine.

When their parents were killed, suddenly they were their own parents. At age 10, the twins had to do the best they can with foster homes and living on the streets. So what did they do? They fell into the roles they were taught. Pietro, as the man of their family now, felt like he had to take care of and protect his sister. Wanda, and this is where that post I read comes in, had a much more severe trauma reaction in which she retreated from the world, into herself, and gave control over to Pietro. What I mean by this is that Wanda, partly due to things suffered as a very young child and partly because Pietro was all she had left in the way of family, reacted to losing her parents by retreating behind Pietro. So they both fed into their own learned roles a bit, if that makes sense. Pietro thought he should take control and protect his sister, and Wanda was content to let Pietro be her shield and filter between herself and others.

This created an interesting power dynamic between the twins as they got older, because Wanda actually has a very assertive and at times dominant personality, she just didn’t know it at a young age. Losing her parents, being a witch, having been assaulted in the past and almost burned alive as a witch, Wanda trusted her parents to protect her. Without them, all that hope got transferred to Pietro. Pietro, who already felt guilty for not protecting Wanda from her assault, felt doubly responsible now to step up and protect his sister. The result is that Pietro would handle any and all daily interactions between people and themselves, and Wanda would hang back and largely be silent, just observing.

Wanda felt threatened by people getting too close to her, especially men. Pietro knew this and would always put himself physically in between Wanda and anyone who approached her. Wanda learned that her brother would always do this, and two things started to happen: 1) she relaxed when he was around because she knew he would always be her interface to the world, she would never have to talk to anyone she didn’t want to, and 2) she could say whatever she wanted from behind him and not have to deal with the consequences. This, in some ways, fed her assertiveness, because it let her express herself and voice her opinions in a safe way. If she opens her mouth and upsets someone, it doesn’t matter because Pietro will be right there to keep them from getting too close.

So as the post mentions, there’s sometimes a loss of autonomy that occurs with trauma in which a person questions everything. The decisions they make, where their food comes from, they feel like they need permission to do anything, eat anything go anywhere. If alone, they hesitate to do things, and if with someone else, they look to them for permissions and approval. It’s borne of anxiety over not knowing what to do and feeling like they can’t make good decisions on their own. In Wanda’s case, it was easier and more comfortable to give control over everyday decisions and interactions to Pietro. He decided what they ate and gave her the food. He decisions where they went, where they slept, who they talked to. He did most of the talking. Pietro was all too eager to fill this role because he thought it was the right thing to do.

Wanda just held his hand and stayed a step behind him, watching and listening, because what happens when someone is in this kind of secondary role is that they feel safer and more comfortable in the shadow of someone they trust and can think more clearly. Because they don’t have to look out for things on their own, they can more calmly think about other things, notice what others might not, and take in the details of their surroundings. This is the root of Wanda being quieter and more observant than her brother. If Wanda was on her own, she’d be worried about everything. Looking everywhere, wondering who would hurt her, trying to find food, not knowing what to say when others spoke to her. But because Pietro was there to handle all of that, Wanda could relax, hang back, and think calmly about bigger things. That meant she could make more long-term decisions about the directions of their lives.

It may seem counterintuitive, but the twins’ relationship developed into Pietro handling all the little, everyday decisions, and Wanda handling all the big, life-changing decisions.... such as volunteering for the experiments, opposing the Avengers, and supporting Ultron. Pietro just went along with those decisions because he trusted her to make them. Pietro mistakenly thought his sister was much smarter than him, for one thing, and also he trusted her as a female to make major decisions for their family, as their mother did.  This was part of their emotional co-dependence. Pietro was comfortable in his role and Wanda was comfortable in hers. It eased their anxiety after the loss of their parents and the traumatic circumstances that surrounded it.

Coming back to your question, in the comics, Pietro manipulated and controlled Wanda into thinking that she was mentally unstable and incompetent and needed someone to make all her decisions for her. And she believed that, because she trusted him. In the MCU, Pietro kindof did the same thing, but not intentionally. Until Pietro’s death, Wanda would have said that Pietro was in control, he made the decisions, he was the strong one, etc. She would have said that she was not assertive, and couldn’t handle all these things herself. But anyone looking at them and reading the power dynamics of their relationship could easily tell that she was the leader and the one calling the major shots. However, this is not at all how Wanda felt mentally. She really believed that she could not survive without her brother, and that she was mentally very weak without him, because she felt that way, ever since her parents died. It took Pietro dying - and her protective buffer between herself and the world disappearing - for her to realize how strong she was on her own and that she was perfectly capable of navigating the world by herself. In some ways, she transferred her emotional need to be dependent on someone to Vision after Pietro’s death, starting to attach emotionally to him the way she did to Pietro, but she realized this wasn’t healthy. I believe that’s part of a complex mess of reasons why she was afraid to commit to him. But, I digress.

It’s interesting that both twins gave up control to the other, but in different ways. Wanda let Pietro control the minutiae of everyday decisions while driving their overall direction in life, and Pietro took control on a daily basis but followed Wanda wherever she wanted to take them. Both of them found comfort in this dynamic, which can be seen in the scene discussed in this post. Wanda is a lot stronger emotionally than her brother, but she unfortunately does not realize it until he’s gone and she’s forced to be more independent. So I think that MCU!Pietro does share this with Comic!Pietro, in that they both had Wanda in this emotionally dependent relationship where she felt she couldn’t or shouldn’t make decisions on her own, or at least was more comfortable letting him make the decisions, but their reasons for doing so are completely different. 

Alright I think I’ve rambled long enough about this. I hope I made sense, haha. These are some headcanons I’ve wanted to get written down for a while. If anyone has any thoughts on this, feel free to reblog or reply to this post. I would love to hear what others think about this.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Wandering around the Raindrop Park

Lately I've been feeling kinda off - I can't quite put it into words. The weird thing is, the events that happened over the past few days don't affect me directly - as in it's directly related to stuff happening to friends that have little or nothing to do with me. It's basically me being somewhat emotionally invested in someone or something even though I barely know the person. Kinda like the whole how do you miss someone you never even knew sorta thing.

Maybe part of it has to do with a lot of changes happening around the same time in the span of roughly a year or two. By that, I'm talking about a specific group of people - Jamie's entourage, to be exact. Since the entourage disbanded, everyone has still been keeping in touch for the most part. And since then, a lot of members have moved on, pursuing bigger things, working on new projects, coming a long way since the entourage days. A lot of them were just starting out back then and now here they are.

A couple weeks ago, Roselle passed away. It wasn't a surprise since she told us about her prognosis last year, but still sad nonetheless. She was a former teen idol actress and singer turned director with her own production company that she co-founded with a friend. I became a fan of her during her Amanda Savannah days, a role that shot her to stardom as a kid. Like many in her position, she had a sort of love-hate relationship with the character who made her famous.

After Amanda Savannah ended, Roselle wanted to take a break from acting to focus on college. During that hiatus, Roselle was going through a lot of changes, including being diagnosed with stage four cancer. Nearly a decade after Amanda Savannah, Roselle reemerged from the public, starting from the ground up as a director. As for acting and singing, she was willing to keep that open, but realistically, the chances of her going back to either one were slim to none.

I remember when I last hung out with Roselle, about a year ago, when we visited Windcrest Wolf, not too long after the beginning of the end. Roselle has been keeping us updated with her video diary, Business as Usual, which is basically about her final year. The end was quick for her, which is what she had hoped for, so she was able to carry on for as long as she could. In her final entry she said that she was at peace with her life and that she was ready to go, ready to see her mom again after all these years. A few days later she was gone.

That's why I'm here with Jamie and Nedra at the Raindrop Park. Well, part of the reason - there's another thing too. Another death unfortunately, one of someone who I never got to meet.

Two former entourage members, actress Nedra Aylen and stuntman Allan Townshend crossed paths due to a tragedy. Allan's cousin Stef was one of Nedra's close friends at Starling who was gravely injured in a motorcycle accident. The crash left Stef in a coma for years before passing away weeks ago, a few days after Roselle's death.

According to Nedra, Stef and Allan didn't have a good relationship as Stef was abused by his parents. I don't know Allan as well as Nedra, but he comes across as someone who's making an effort to right his wrongs. It still doesn't make up for his past actions, which he is aware of. The two visit Stef at the care center but other than that, they don't interact with each other much.

Given how different Nedra and Allan are in terms of their social circles/personality/upbringing, and such, it's unexpected that they ended up crossing paths through Jamie. Nedra's a classical actress, preferring the stage over the screen while being prolific in both. Allan does stunt work, which I don't know too much about, but basically it means he and Nedra, although they were in the same entourage, had absolutely nothing in common other than Stef.

People always talk about how important it is to form connections, especially through tragedy. You'd think that Nedra and Allan would at least be able to bond over that, but in reality, you can't always share your burdens with someone. In the case of Nedra and Allan - at least the way I see it through Nedra - them being friends won't do much with that burden they carry. That's not to say they're dealing with their problems alone - in fact, they're quite well adjusted despite the circumstances - it's just that they don't need to seek each other to help cope.

It's not that they dislike each other, it's just the fact that they're so different in such a way that forming a connection would feel forced. Nedra says they do keep in touch but other than that, they don't feel the need to keep up with each other. It's good to form connections, but sometimes there's people you just don't feel the need for a strong bond with, and that's okay.

I have a feeling that's the case with Nedra and Allan - they share a struggle but don't need to rely on each other to pull through. Sometimes it just works out like that.

Nedra believes that Allan wants to make peace with Stef, which is why he visits her regularly. Although he and Stef were never friends, they were close to coming to some sort of a truce, with Allan more likely to side with Stef than against her. After all, why would Stef decide to intervene on that fateful day when Allan backed himself into a corner? I imagine the guilt of surviving the accident as well as being the reason why it happened is what pushed Allan over the edge. Nedra says it's not up to her to forgive him for how he treated Stef, but she's willing to give him the benefit of the doubt as what he's going through is punishment enough.

Like with Roselle, Stef's death wasn't unexpected either. By then, Nedra knew that she was already long gone. She says it feels like a weight off her shoulders, the relief of knowing that Stef can finally rest in peace instead of being stuck in limbo. I can't imagine being in Stef's position, stuck to machines keeping me alive even though it's futile. I don't think I'd want to be kept alive on life support if it won't do anything except prolong the inevitable.

When I'm gone, let me go. I don't want to die a slow death where I become nothing but a husk of who I was.

Nedra stuck with her to the very end. Allan was there too but he kept his distance. The end came quickly and quietly, her heart stopped beating and that was it. She says it's been rough, but not as difficult as she thought it would be. Then again, she said she already made her peace with losing Stef so I think that helped a bit.

I can't imagine losing two friends in a short time like what Nedra's going through right now. That's why Jamie invited her along her travels so she can take some much needed time off, leading to us crossing paths at the Raindrop Park. Before coming here, Jamie and Nedra spent the weekend at the Sparkling Spa Resort, which they said they enjoyed a lot.

After the Raindrop Park they weren't sure where they were gonna go next before deciding on the camp. The timing happens to be perfect as another entourage member's gonna drop by later on along with some other friends for a fun event. It'll be good for Nedra and Jamie to see Jean again as we were talking about how she's one of the busier members.

Maybe one day I'll get Marlo to meet Jean and Nedra as she's big fans of them. She and Don are planning to come back, likely during a camp event, so maybe I can finally make her dreams come true. I told Nedra about Marlo and she's totally down for a get together with her and knowing Jean, she'll be all for it too. Now, if only we can find a date and time when all three are available...

The Raindrop Park is one of those places where it's easy to get lost in. Watching the raindrops fall is strangely mesmerizing, I can't take my eyes off them. In a way, I think it's a good thing, probably because I've had so much on my mind regarding the stuff I just mentioned, so maybe I needed to take the time to process the information. That, and of course, writing my thoughts out once I finally found the words.

Along with the mesmerizing raindrops, another thing that sticks out to me is the decor, like the benches. I really like the leafy designs of the benches and lampposts - a lot of art inspiration around here. The foliage is lovely too and the raindrops really add to the aesthetic. I'm partial to rainy days so of course I'd be drawn to something like this. The cloudy, somewhat gloomy sky seems fitting enough as well. Even though it's gray, there's still some sunlight poking through, so it's not completely dark.

The fog in my mind's clearing up a bit, even more so now that I've put my thoughts on paper. I also think being with Jamie and Nedra also helped, especially knowing that Nedra's gonna be all right. It's rough, but as she said, she's made peace with it. And as for Roselle, she was able to make the most out of the time she had left so she was able to leave with no regrets.

I hope that when the end comes for me, I can leave the world the same way Roselle did. Is that asking for too much?