#being emotionally/socially stunted due to abuse

[mswyrr]

Things like prolonged abuse can give people very uneven social and emotional development. They can be very responsible and "mature for your age" in some areas and also very stunted and immature in others.

This can also happen for, say, LGBT people who were closeted during pivotal periods of development too, where dating and discovering themselves happens later and there can be a development gap for a time. And grief around never getting to be a kid when they were a kid can be a thing for people once they try to connect with the things they had to cut off because they weren't safe to feel them. I went through some of that myself, from various sources, so I have a lot of empathy for that and how absurd/frustrating it can be.

(And a lot of hope - it doesn't, as far as I've seen and experienced, take someone very long to "catch up" after a while of fumbling around like an idiot)

Anyway - sometimes I see people reading Carmy's "accidental fuckboi" behavior in terms of how a grown man who's been dating since he was a teen would be thinking/feeling, if he behaved like that. But, for me, I interpret that differently because of the “first” situation and the developmental stuff. IMO, he's basically being a feckless/inexperienced teenager dating for the first time here, because in this area of his life he is still developmentally a dumb feckless teenager (and one who is trying and failing "not to be shitty" without much of a clue what that looks like).

Doesn't make the harm less real, but the intent I think is shaped deeply by the fact that, for the first time in his life, he feels safe enough (because of how much responsibility Sydney and Nat are taking on and that is absolutely not fair to them!!) to try to enjoy things. And he thinks maybe he can even make that work with being responsible somehow, but... utterly clueless about how.

There's the caveat that he didn't go out and choose to start dating at this pivotal moment for the business - dating found him and there's complexities around how much he wanted it to find him right here and now and how much he feels obligated to be what his family/friends/Claire wants him to be. I think he'd have been able to turn down anyone who wasn't as deeply tied to his family as Claire, and I'm not ignoring his agency in the situation, but they chose to bring someone in who he'd find it incredibly difficult to balance pleasing/doing what he's expected to do by while balancing everything else for a reason.

The "executive function" stuff where he's staring at the calls coming in and unable to answer either of them is key for me, in terms of this being someone who just isn't functioning well rn at all and is coming to a real crisis point and trying to ignore that/salve that any way he can think of. Masking really hard and deep in denial and trying to keep a lot of plates spinning without being very intentional about any of it.

It leads to sucky behavior and he's responsible for that--and the other characters can and should hold him responsible for that, but especially for actually addressing the core gravity warping untreated mental illness that's motivating a lot of this frantic rushing around and being a prick-- but I don't personally see much of it as a crime of intent. Intent requires a level of insight and experience that he doesn't have in the area of dating specifically lol

That balance of someone being responsible for their actions but also, for various reasons, in a place that mitigates and shapes what they're able to do--based on the tools they have--is an interesting part of the story that gets touched on again and again through various characters. It's interesting and it can coexist with the people around someone having the right to protect their own peace and boundaries.

[stromuprisahat]

Hi, I just wanted to know your opinion (if you haven`t answered these questions before, sorry). In the Grishaverse TikTok (especially the Russian half), I constantly see that in addition to being an abuser and a groomer, Darkling is often considered a narcissist and an infantile boy. They even compare him to Bagra - like, she is a grown and serious woman who chose duty over family, and he is an idiot who has only whined and taken revenge for 500 years (I still don't understand who he is taking revenge on, to be honest). Also, they say he only cares about his own goals and only hides behind the idea of ​​saving the Grisha. I just wanted to clarify, maybe I read the books wrong, but where are the signs of infantilism there at all… Tbh after seeing that shit I turn to your blog to read smth adequate, thanks for posting on Grisha stuff!

Well, first of all thanks for some positivity.

Second, for some reason I believed there can't be more stupid takes, than those of US-American wokies.

I stand corrected.

Duty? To what? Whom? Baghra's never shown to genuinely care about anyone or anything but herself, and even that isn't quite correct- she's more than happy to wither if it helps her to emotionally blackmail her disobedient son.

Baghra's also the one with narcissistic traits. What else would you call her cold-blooded path to her own carbon copy?

Darkles isn't infantile. He's emotionally stunted, ironically at least partly as a result of his upbringing, when he was forbidden to properly socialize. It's likely also a coping mechanism formed to deal with both immortality AND being a pariah even among his own due to his uniqueness.

I would LOVE to see vengeful Aleksander. I would love to see him unhinged and uncaring for anyone, but his own feelings. Alas, even when dealing with Alina's childish antics, he's doing his best to remain composed (See: S&B Ch 21 and basically any interaction, when Alina's acting like herself) and do whatever's good for his people.

If not well-being of Grisha, what are his alleged goals?!

It's certainly NOT his well-being, and if it were the simple boring "power", he could've tried that anywhere else rather than collapsing Ravka. As present reality's proving- it's easy to rule the world from the top of your capitalistic heap of gold, so why not start in Kerch, where rules are much looser and slavery's saving the money that move the country?!

Yeah... it's just another case of idiots piling up all ugly words they can think of.

[alittlebitofloveliness]

I love your characterization, and it made me wonder

How would you characterize the Shepards as socs? I’ve thought about it myself but I figured I was interested in what you had to say lol

Oh, this is a fun question, thanks anon!

This might be controversial, but I think the Shepards as socs would be a lot more...mellow? ig compared to their greaser selves, and let me explain why. A huge part of how I see and write the Shepards is shaped by their circumstances. Tim had to step up to raise his siblings because no one else would. He had to turn to dealing and illegal activities because how else could he survive? how could he feed himself or his siblings when his mother spends her money on booze and his dad is no longer around? Tim's desperation to take care if his siblings, his determination to not only survive but thrive even in the shit circumstances he's been born into are what make him who he is. Curly and Angela are so close because emotionally, they're all each other has, growing up with abusive/absent parents, and Tim who had to focus on providing physical needs before emotional ones. Angela became so jaded and cold to protect a heart that hungered for love and was only fed scraps, Curly becomes so egotistical because there was no one growing up who ever told him he was good enough. He pulls dumb stunts because it's the only way to get a shred of attention. He's hungry for affection that simply doesn't exist in the world he was born into.

The soc version of them just...wouldn't be the same in my eyes. Even if their dad was still abusive or absent, even if their mom still had addiction issues, the money socs have could hire a nanny. Tim wouldn't be parentified to the degree he was, he'd have an oportunity to grow an identity beyond surviving and raising his siblings. He'd probably still be proud, still have strong leadership qualities, still excel at whatever he does- but they key drive of him as a greaser wouldn't translate, so I think he'd be a calmer version of himself. Soc Tim would have the opportunity to be selfish, which is a luxury greaser Tim never has. To me, Soc Angela would still be temperamental and headstrong, but her coping mechanisms would likely be different. I could see her filling emotional wounds with material items, and becoming the stereotypical high school 'mean girl' but again, taking away the need to survive in tough circumstances would take away the need for being closed off and cold. I think she'd be softer in some ways, more open to love, but also I think social power and prestige would go to her head and she'd lord that power over others. Finally, I think soc Curly wouldn't be calmer, but his recklessness and stunts would be dismissed due to socs being viewed as 'refined' compared to greasers. If Curly had the option of covering stuff up or buying his way out of trouble, he'd use it to his full advantage, but not being branded as a 'hood' and a 'troublemaker' would change his future, if that makes sense. Honestly, he'd probably end up a lot like Bob: never knowing when to quit, never being curbed or learning consequences, and that would probably be his downfall.

Anyway, this got longer than I meant it to, but yeah, you can take the Shepards out of the east side, but you can't take the east side out of the Shepards without fundamentally changing them as people (at least in my opinion).

Thanks again for the ask xx

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Diana and the countryside/outdoors.

I think she was more girly and just hated the outdoors because of the weather, mud, walking etc. and I think she wouldn��t like hunting as she comes across as someone genuinely empathetic towards animals not just humans. I think Diana had her issues emotionally and was at times stunted. But I think she liked the outdoors when around children and playing with them? Diana did come from the aristocracy and would’ve understood the aristocratic set’s behaviours and hobbies like hunting and that stuff and unlike Meghan wouldn’t have stopped or changed it. I just don’t see her as big on that stuff. I think as well that Diana grew up around that stuff and seeing how dysfunctional her family was that she wanted away from it. I think she’d enjoy Catherine’s outdoors program and ideas for kids and having it help them.

I think Diana was obviously in an illmatched arranged marriage and while she and Charles could get along and had some affection for each other, that it just didn’t work out. I think that factored into the whole situation as Highgrove would’ve meant Diana was either home with Charles alone or alone with Charles and baby William and like Catherine’s said being alone or isolated away from friends or family can be stifling and bad on health. Meghan was finally in the A List and didn’t want to miss out on everything she had spent her entire life scrambling and screaming for and wanted the nonstop drama and attention.

I think Diana always knew she’d end up married to some baronet or something like that and in a little life where she lived in an old estate or manor but I don’t know if she’d be happy in that situation because she grew up at Althorp and elsewhere and it was obviously unhappy. But I do think she would have respected the houses?

Diana did call the paps on occasion but the paps back then were unregulated and out of control and she was harassed and threatened and abused nonstop by them and obviously overplayed her hand at times but she didn’t really know what to do. Meghan calls the paps nonstop and wants to be followed and harassed, because then she feels she has made it. She doesn’t understand the effect that the paps had on Diana and Catherine and others who didn’t call them.

I think Diana was a social butterfly in a way and enjoyed being around people and had a genuine connection with those around her in whatever way - Meghan doesn’t have this and never will.

Diana did respect the system, the monarchy and aristocracy and she was very much a snob who saw herself a cut above the rest due to being a daughter of an earl. Look how she treated Sophie and other women. I do think Diana suffered from jealousy and anxiety that being stuck away from everything and everyone would have her mind running 100mph over and over again that people were talking about her etc.

Diana hated the feeling of being replaced or forgot about or passed over, which stems from her childhood trauma. Meghan however hates not being the centre of attention, because she is narcissistic and sociopathic in that she sees herself as the best thing since sliced bread.

Meghan looks out for only Meghan - not her kids, not her husband or her friends… but Diana did look out for her sons, her husband when things were fine and did have some good friendships.

Diana made mistakes, but sometimes they were misguided or manipulated, she wasn’t the smartest and does seem to have wanted to see the best in people. Meghan doesn’t make mistakes, she makes deliberate bad decisions that she doesn’t care about the outfall or outcome as she only looks out for herself.

Here's another anon about Diana that I keep forgetting to post.

Anon hits it right on the head. No matter she did, Diana's intentions were always pure. That's why so many people love her and embrace her, even to this day. She knew how to put others before herself. She may not have been a country girl and may have preferred being in the city, but she knew the countryside was important to her heritage and her family so she could deal with it and she could find some pleasure in being out there in the mud with her boys.

[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!

[limeade-l3sbian]

I think the socialization part shows itself a lot more since most romance manga(and in cases of manhua and manwha, the chinese and korean equivalents) are written by east asian women, whom obviously live in a place even more patriarchal than the west. not to say the things these women learn to accept from “love” makes them less or even unusual, i simply want to reiterate that it’s more pronounced there due to how even more constricted their societies are in regards to the treatment of their women.

anyway. now that the disclaimer is out of the way!

i’ve grown up reading a lot of manga of many different genres but i’ve especially used to have had some intense shoujo phases. shoujo is basically manga created for the demographic of girls and young women. not to say others can’t read it, but it’s simply where they tend to be marketed.

shoujo romance especially shows this issue a lot that i wanna talk about. the male leads will 9 times out of 10 be rich, extremely emotionally stunted(this can show in the form of intense rudeness, complete lack of emotional depth, no expressions, stoic to the extreme, downright abusive) and handsome. Those are the three traits they almost all have. Now obviously I get the want for a handsome or beautiful lead, whether it’s female or male, it is after all just fantasy fulfillment to an extent. The same with wealth. But i think the emotionally stunted side speaks of the women and girls’ who read the mangas socialization a lot. We have these male leads who often make the female leads go through hell, whether it’s due to his own actions or inactions. Sexual assaults have gotten less common in more modern manga, but it was only like ten years ago where sexual assaults in manga by the male lead towards the female MC would be a common place for him to show his desire for her and despite it often being portrayed as bad on the MC’s end, she always did end up forgiving him. The same with however else he treated her.

Made her to all the heavy lifting emotionally of the relationship? He’s forgiven, because suddenly he’s gotten a “tragic” backstory of a lonely, lonely boy being neglected in his massive mansion from childhood. He’s absolutely vile towards women? His mom was probably a horrid woman who either cheated on his poor dad and left or maybe she was simply so overbearing he now feel suffocated and dates new women every week like it’s some kind of game to dangle others feelings at his fingertips. Way into the romantic relationship having started with the MC he’s suddenly revealed to have a arranged fiancée or a very mean spirited but extremely beautiful childhood friend who the main character now how to basically fight off him with a stick while the male lead does not much else in most of these stories besides being useless. if we are lucky we get him talking the fiancée/childhood friend that he actually liked this new girl(MC), but extremely rarely will he actually go out of his way to truly set boundaries. he will passively essentially invite scorn towards his current gf. and these are just SOME of the examples of repeat patterns in behavior in the romantic male leads.

time and time again in shoujo romance male leads will make life much harder for the female main character. she will often be put down to her face for scoring such a rich hottie(even though we are at times 50+ chapters in and feelings on his end still seem finicky), she will have to bear the emotional heavy lifting and basically mother him/be a teacher to him on how to express himself, despite the fact that he usually changes very little. she will forgive any and all transgression he commits, even if it breaks her heart, because he is the main male lead and therefore he can do nothing truly wrong to not end up with her. and in the end of the mangas it’s usually somehow made clear in some way that SHES the lucky one. despite her carrying the relationship on her back. She should be grateful. And women and girls in east asia, and obviously also very much outside of it, eats it up. Yes! Give us a borderline abusive or at least emotionally neglectful man! We can forgive! We can forget! Let us be his doormat!

Not manga but it’s also so obviously in most romance kdramas i’ve seen. It’s such a common trope, these handsome, rich, utter asshole male leads and then these utter angel for a female lead who absolutely tolerates getting walked all over.

And while i’ve not read any of those books, it’s not like it’s not visible in the west. When authors like Coleen Hoover has basically built a career off of emotionally stunted but hot guys treated their gf/wife like utter garbage but it’s okay!!!! so romantic!!!!

women all over the world have such bottom of the barrel standards when it comes to emotional maturity in men. in some mediums it’s certainly more apparent than others, but it’s visible all over.

I do wanna be 100% clear that not all romance manga is obviously as I described. I’m simply talked about popular tropes, and i mean EXTREMELY popular, as in its more common to see at least one of them than it isn’t. That’s all.

!!!

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Morally Questionable Anime Milfs Side B Round 2 Match 5

Propaganda:

Eva -

"AVOIDING SPOILERS AS FAR AS POSSIBLE, her moral ambiguity is a deeply important part of the story. Like Episode 3 is in some ways a battle between her better and worse nature, between her love for her family and her resentment and bitterness to her brother.

As a mother to George, seemingly she's raised him very well, turning him into a perfect gentleman and preparing him for a successful life. However, this was all part of her scheming against her brother, trying to mold him into a suitable heir for the Ushiromiya fortune and usurp her nieces position. She made sure he spent every waking moment in study, leaving him socially stunted and resentful of his peers who knew how to make friends. In a way she's using him for her own petty resentment against her elder brother, but she's also trying to set him up for a good life in the only way she understands.

With Ange, things get both harsher and more complicated. Yes, after the horrific tragedy of 1986, Eva becomes a cruel and abusive adoptive mother to Ange. But, it's possible that, at first, she made a sacrifice on Ange's behalf that slowly twisted her into the monster she became. And part of episode 8 is showing the possibility of Eva becoming a good foster mother to Ange, and genuinely loving her, (and raising the question of whether that love was really in Eva's heart, or if it's just a comforting fantasy)

I know I'm saying "just trust me" because of spoilers, but this is a big part of the ending of the story and the overall theme: ambiguity, and the difficulty in knowing another's heart, and what we should believe about others given that. Maybe her actions (and her possible or alleged actions) are too evil to call her morally questionable. Maybe there's enough goodness in her to be in the poll. Hopefully I've expressed some of it in less than one million words. I'll leave it in your hands."

Morgan -

"Adopted a fae child who was one of the few things that gave her hope and that she cared for… was unable to ever tell the child in question this. Her method of trying to prevent her child from continuing to be abused and murdered by other fairies was to tell the child to become evil/torment the weak, and the child in question is desperate for her love and affection due to her emotionally stunted nature and so continues to do this in an effort to gain her praise. Despite all this, she DOES love her child, and it was her daughter being held hostage that enable her to be finally defeated by others. She's just very bad at expressing it."

[exghul]

HEADCANON 013. DAMIAN & ASPD.

OG POST. most damian writers will diagnose him with autism, my portrayal aligns closer with ANTI-SOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER (aspd).

i was originally going to write this about sociopathy but damian was born with an emotional disconnect, a symptom of those with aspd.   without his brain’s amygdala (fight or flight instinct), he is reckless, impulsive, and careless.   it makes him a great assassin but it also stunts him emotionally.   studies have shown that those with aspd, with no empathy and no proper emotional connections in their brain, will begin to mimic those around them in an attempt to fit in.   damian had been hard-wired to be talia’s perfect successor.   it was a way of life and also the way to nurture a sociopath.   by frowning on emotional outbursts but praising him for logical achievements, this taught damian to repress anything and everything.   with no coping mechanisms as a child, this further pushed him back.

according to the national library of medicine, aspd is a "deeply ingrained and dysfunctional thought process that focuses on social exploitive, delinquent, and criminal behavior most commonly known due to the affected individual's lack of remorse for these behaviors. [ ... ] disregard for and the violation of others' rights are common manifestations of this personality disorder, which displays symptoms that include failure to conform to the law, inability to sustain consistent employment, deception, manipulation for personal gain, and incapacity to form stable relationships." further, mark zimmerman states "[b]oth genetic and environmental factors (eg, abuse during childhood) contribute to the development of antisocial personality disorder. a possible mechanism is impulsive aggression, related to abnormal serotonin transporter functioning. disregard for the pain of others during early childhood has been linked to antisocial behavior during late adolescence."

another study from 2010 for aspd in incarcerated offenders brings up an interesting point: "[aspd] is associated with comorbid disorders, high suicide risk, and impaired quality of life. those with comorbid adhd were more impaired than those without adhd." theravive references the dsm-5 in saying "[ ... ] antisocial personality disorder is comorbid with substance abuse disorder, and other personality disorders (american psychiatric association, 2013)". this specifically aligns well to damian & his grappling with his skin condition. skin hunger is a condition created out of emotional distance in some children, especially if neglected touch from birth through childhood.   it’s especially difficult to deal with on top of aspd.   it can lead to health problems, skin conditions, and in the most severe cases: death.   humans require endorphins to function healthily so when given none from human touch, damian spent his childhood seeking the rush from other means such as assassination contracts.   in his case, he developed a skin condition from it, thanks to his heightened senses.   when touched by another human, his skin feels like it’s being lit on fire.   it’s similar to the feeling of cold water splashing on feverish flesh but amplified.    fortunately, the cure for it is simple:   human contact.    his childhood with it is rough but by the time he reaches maturity, he grows out of it thanks to spending the second half of his childhood roughhousing with his older brothers.

back to aspd. zimmerman had another point that i think is important to highlight: "[r]emorse for actions is lacking. patients with antisocial personality disorder may rationalize their actions by blaming those they hurt (eg, they deserved it) or the way life is (eg, unfair). they are determined not to be pushed around and to do what they think is best for themselves at any cost."

FOR A DIAGNOSIS OF ASPD, PATIENTS MUST HAVE: a persistent disregard for the rights of others AND meet three or more of the following criteria.

disregarding the law, indicated by repeatedly committing acts that are grounds for arrest

being deceitful, indicated by lying repeatedly, using aliases, or conning others for personal gain or pleasure

acting impulsively or not planning ahead

being easily provoked or aggressive, indicated by constantly getting into physical fights or assaulting others

recklessly disregarding their safety or the safety of others

consistently acting irresponsibly, indicated by quitting a job with no plans for another one or not paying bills

not feeling remorse, indicated by indifference to or rationalization of hurting or mistreating others

for a full diagnosis to be accurate, aspd is typically diagnosed at eighteen. the patient must have disorder present before the age of fifteen & the behavior patterns must continue into their young adulthood. there is no evidence of a "cure" for aspd. the current treatments for it are cognitive-behavioral therapy & drugs: both of these are considered short-term goals & are not permanent solutions. neither of which, damian will partake in.

[qtipcottonbuds]

𝙔𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝘼𝙇𝙋𝙃𝘼𝘽𝙀𝙏 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝙃𝘼𝙒𝙆𝙎 [PART TWO]

split into two parts, with this second part being from letters n to z (also, first time doing this so). also, credited blog here for the alphabet !!! this will be quite lengthy - and it’s more of a mini look at keigo in a darker light.

warnings ;; potential mild language, references to emotionally manipulation, potential physical harm, stalking, obsessions, also references possibly to the dark triad.

by qtipcottonbuds 2022. do not repost.

𝗬𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗘!𝗛𝗔𝗪𝗞𝗦 𝗫 𝗚𝗡!𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥;

NAUGHTY ; HOW WOULD THEY PUNISH THEIR VICTIM?

I feel he’d lean more into the emotional tactics of manipulation, as a form of punishment, but that being said, he would potentially consider more physical punishments. Verbal communication might not always work in your dynamic with him, so he may have to resort to more physical to really get the point across.

OPPRESSION ; HOW MANY RIGHTS WOULD THEY TAKE AWAY FROM THEIR VICTIM?

Had to have a deep think in my noggin’ for this one; but, it’s very dependent on the circumstances. Although, I do think there would be a small exception of him withdrawing from your company completely (again, falling into a sort of narcissistic pattern of push and pull) where, maybe in the beginning stages it wouldn’t bother you as much, because of the initial shock of being abducted and therefore resenting your kidnapper entirely.

But, being forced into a situation for an uncertain amount of time where, Hawks is the only true source of socialisation you have at all (and as social creatures to some extent), you’d start to seek him out. Unknowingly or willingly, maybe the pair of them together. And, again, through Hawks doing this method of reassuring you with so much comfort and ‘love’ having that torn away so abruptly, it’s bound to cause confusion - (what did you do wrong?) - and Hawks will play on this growing fear of being alone. Being abandoned. And knowing you have no one else to rely on apart from him in the long-term; if he never returned, where would that leave you?

PATIENCE ; HOW PATIENT ARE THEY?

Very. His patience should be regarded as something of a virtue, but in this alternate turn of events, it’s a vice to say the least - how he plans out his means of involving himself into your life, your workspace, your personal space, no matter how long it will take, it will be all worth it in the long run. Committed is an understatement. I think as well too, to keep in mind, regardless of what stunts you may pull in order to push his buttons to trigger some sort of response (to get some idea of what you’re working with if you’re brave enough to), you can’t really predict what he’ll do.

For someone so indifferent most of the time, with a smile that doesn’t truly reach his eyes, whatever you chose to do to provoke him, he’d still remain patient. Sure enough, the punishments, abuse, manipulation may escalate to some extremes, but soon enough, he’ll break you down to the point where you realise that no one is coming to save you. He is all you have.

QUIT ; IF THEIR VICTIM DIES, LEAVES OR SUCCESSFULLY ESCAPES, WOULD THEY EVER BE ABLE TO MOVE ON?

A part of me would like to think Hawks would be capable of moving forward after, let’s say, their victim escaped, in this scenario. But, I genuinely don’t think he’d be able to move on, in the sense that - he’s put in so much effort, methodically planning on how to integrate himself into your friend group, understand your once schedule of a past life and so much more, the process of preparing the right time for abduction, securing a specific area where said darling would house and ultimately the breaking down and emotional abuse.

He’s prepared and thought out every scenario to possibly happen (and remember in this case, it’s a situation of the darling escaping); he wouldn’t move on, or rather, give up. Hawks would find you again. Providing the amount of social (acquaintances) connections he has due to hero networking, even if you did escape, would anyone truly believe you? 

In the situation where you had died; then it would not be pretty. Sure enough, he’d maintain enough compursure to continue hero duties, manage attending events etc, but, the charismatic mask of his usual demeanour would falter at times, more often than not. More cruel. Indifferent. Impartial. And, potentially tying in with a heapload of guilt (depending if he was the one to cause your death), and self-awareness, warping into one, and possibly self-hatred too. He knows what he was doing, and what he did was wrong on several levels. And, I think, in the circumstances of handling your death (of course, no one would be aware that the said missing persons case would ever be resolved), it would be him and him alone dealing with it. He’d handle the burial, alone. And he’d yet again, attempt to pull away from the bond you had formed with him, he’d killed enough people to get used to it, right?

REGRET ; WOULD THEY EVER FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ABDUCTING THEIR VICTIM? WOULD THEY CONSIDER LETTING THEM GO?

In the beginning stages, maybe. But, because of that innate self-awareness, it would sort of fall into a situation of him rationalising his actions, given the circumstances, and then justifying them afterwards - becoming a constant cycle, but with each of his actions progressively becoming worse. As long as he can understand why he’s doing these things, then it balances it out. The ends always justify the means.

STIGMA ; WHAT BROUGHT ABOUT THIS SIDE OF THEM (CHILDHOOD, CURIOSITY, ETC?) 

This is a very loaded question; (because there are several factors that come into play here, and that might’ve contributed, however!) I think the main overall contributing factor that lead Hawks to this, I guess you could say mentality, is his desire to have the attention on him. In the public eye, everyone is watching, but they aren’t seeing - to some extent, he wants to be idolised. Knowing he ultimately has the ability to save, and take away life - he is a saviour. You owe him.

Is this maybe bordering on a God-like complex of being superior to everyone else? Potentially. I think that would be more of a progression into the long-term if the public continued to feed into his ego about his placement amongst the other heroes, and maybe, Hawks playing around with the idea of choosing who to save. Possibly having a isolated victim in a attack plead for why he should save them - and if they don’t beg properly for their lives, it’s not like people will learn the truth. It’ll just be portrayed as one of the many victims who died due to the accident.

TEARS ; HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT SEEING THEIR VICTIMS SCREAM, CRY, AND/OR ISOLATE THEMSELVES?

Going back to the natural indifference, Hawks holds himself with, if you’d caused a situation which then resulted in you crying/screaming (in the example of punishment), then no remorse would be felt to some extent - it was all in the idea that it was for the benefit of you - making you better. Reforming you.

Although, in the circumstances of you being given a punishment for whatever reason, and him delivering said punishment, only to find out that you were innocent - then yes he’d feel guilty. Hawks prides himself on never being wrong; so, for this to happen, and you being undeserving of whatever abuse he’d inflict on you, I think his level of self-awareness would allow him to at least try and reconcile with what happened. He’d never explain that he’d make a mistake, or had made one, but, he would try to butter you up with sweet words, and almost dismiss what may have happened entirely depending on the severity of the punishment.

However, with the isolation aspect, it always would fall back to - what would he have to gain from you behaving like that? Even if you weren’t engaging in any real conversations he’d try to maintain with you after a shift at work, maybe being reduced to nothing but hums, grunts and nods of acknowledgement as a means of greeting - as long as you were giving him physical comfort and reassurance with your presence by just being near him, allowing him to bend you to his will, I don’t think he’d really care. You were doing what he needed you to do. 

UNIQUE ; WOULD THEY DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT FROM THE CLASSIC YANDERE TROPE? 

I don’t think he’d fall into the lines of making threats towards potential family members or friends really, I’d view him as someone who’d prey on darlings who’d naturally have no-one, or maybe a few close friends at the most as a makeshift family - the more dysfunctional and lack of contact with the victim’s family in the initial meeting phase, the better.

VICE ; WHAT WEAKNESS CAN THEIR VICTIM EXPLOIT IN ORDER TO USE TO THEIR ADVANTAGE? 

His ego; but not in the way you’d think. I’m assuming this on the basis that, Hawks, being praised constantly by everyone else in the public eye - he’s more than aware that he’s the top of the top. He is above the majority, particularly in the power dynamic of authority, even in a general setting where you might not even be aware of his status.

But, in moments of sheer vulnerability where (I highly doubt though) he’d open up about past mistakes - again, emphasis on the doubt, because he views himself as someone who doesn’t make mistakes, whatsoever, if it had to be done, it had to be done - or opening up about possible trauma and you purely just lending a ear to listen to whatever he has to say? It might not give you the end goal, of having enough inconsistency on his part, to escape, but you would be given some privileges to keep you occupied whilst he’s away. Books, films; small things to indulge yourself in to pass time.

WITS END ; WOULD THEIR EVER HURT THEIR VICTIM?

He wouldn’t be opposed to it. Being brought up in a facility with almost simulated environments of the outside world (even though he did have some sort of established contact with others), that upbringing most likely interfered with his ability to form actual emotional attachments. Instead, naturally having a barrier of detachment between each connection he makes, and continues to strengthen so to speak.

And, some of these said emotional attachments, may be placed of higher value, purely because of what he has to gain from them, and whether they can bring him something of value - Machiavellianism. Though, it’s not as visible as you’d think. Hawks covers that up with a more playful nature, with open ended questions posed as closed ones, and never really knowing if there's a hidden meaning underlying his words.

Hurting his said darling? What would he exactly have to gain from it? That would be his main priority, I’d think. If conditioning you with violence as a means to bargain behaviour he’d desire, if other methods weren’t working, he wouldn't be opposed to it. As shown with his somewhat ‘friendship’ with Twice. Negative reinforcement (or positive from his viewpoint) if you will.

XOANON ; HOW MUCH WOULD THEY REVERE OR WORSHIP THEIR VICTIM? TO WHAT LENGTHS WOULD THEY GO TO? 

I don’t want to say he’d immediately put you on a pedestal. Although he sets high expectations for himself, I don’t really think he’d project them onto someone else, darling or not (only with the exception of Endeavour, purely because he views him as the father figure he never had, and that overlaps with his childhood ambitions of being a superhero). In some respects, you could say Hawks is used to disappointment from his own childhood, and prepares for the worst of situations; and sure enough, you may not initially live up to his standards, but that’s not to say he wouldn’t try to reform you, shaping you into an idealistic fantasy. Again, it would be based on you reaching out to him, and adapting to his needs.

YEARN ; HOW LONG DO THEY PINE AFTER THEIR VICTIM BEFORE THEY SNAP? 

I think the curiosity he had for you, depending on your first ever meeting, was always there. Viewing most people as nothing but a stepping stone to move up the corporate ladder, or on the other end of the spectrum, a statistic (if we dip into the elites mindset a little); you were most likely something to him that had a use. But, I think with Hawks, there’s always been a underlying need, a dark one, to be cared for - even if you’d shown him the bare minimum (especially out of a work setting, because that’s to be expected in a pro-hero worklife), he’d indulge in it as much as he could - it’s just a matter of whether he’d actively think it was the right timing to indulge in it, but on a much pervasive level.

Again, what would he have to gain, and what risks would be involved in isolating you from the rest of the world? I don’t think he’d ever snap, so to speak, it was something that was already there to start with. It was just a matter of time before acting on those thoughts.

ZENITH ; WOULD THEY EVER BREAK THEIR VICTIM?

Now, with this, although the majority of the yandere trope have the capability of breaking down their victims, it’s definitely the case more so with Hawks - specifically the case of emotionally breaking down said darling, and rebuilding them back up with empty words, building a very unhealthy example of codependency. You need him. Why would you look to others, knowing full well he can provide you with everything you need?

That isn’t to say Hawks would actively seek this out as an end goal; rather, it’s something he’d prefer to avoid at all costs, if he can. He’d prefer you willingly coming to him, seeking him out for comfort, instead of the other way round. Again, tying in with his lack of vulnerability (unless on the brink of letting out bottled emotions) he preys on your vulnerability instead, allowing you to communicate what you need. What you’ve experienced, been, suffered through. Making him unknowingly a support system. Little tidbits of information you’d mindlessly throw out mid-conversation, not considering them to be of any value; to him, it would be stored away, picked apart and something to use for later on. And, with the lack of socialisation you’d have whilst under his care, you’d leech onto it. In due time, whether you’d like it or not.

[sociieties]

inosuke + feral child

for better or worse, all of the interactions that inosuke had in his youth led him to be the person he is now. all of that, although not exactly to the fault of one person in particular, resulting in him becoming what’s most popularly known a feral child ( or a wild child ). this is merely in reference to simply having limited or even no human contact from a young age; this impacts all parts of a child’s life. socially speaking, inosuke’s communication capabilities aren’t what they should be. his vocabulary is much smaller than what’s shown in canon. he’s almost completely incapable of complex conversation. although it’s slight, he would have an easier time following conversations than being included in them ( although not always true ). his speech pattern is best noted for his preference over general sounds to convey his thoughts ( huh? ha? ahh! humph! growling. groaning. huffing. so on and so forth ), closely followed by very simple phases it’s likely he’d heard in the very few instances he found himself around creature ( humans / demons ) that spoke the human languages. much like a child, his go-to statements are things along the lines of yes, no, and mine. inosuke is capable of carrying conversation outside of very simple things, but the more complex the topic, the more likely it is for him to check out of the conversation due to his general lack of understanding. he’s not beyond being able to learn new words and phrases and in the process of him learning it, he will overuse and abuse this word/phrase until it feels ‘right’ for him. he’s very likely to use it incorrectly, pronounce it incorrectly, or both use it incorrectly while mispronouncing it. this is most commonly seen with his inability to get people’s names right. emotionally & morally speaking, inosuke’s further removed from most general human concepts. pretty much anything within the realm of niceness politics is beyond him. while he may understand sharing, he might not feel compelled to do it himself. he is stubborn, possessive, stingy, and more, because it’s what he’s seen and come to learn that such qualities will keep him alive. his ability to bond with people is there, although fairly stunted and underdeveloped. up until he met tanjiro, zenitsu, and nezuko, inosuke only had one bond that he thought to be important enough to defend and care for, which was the bond he had with mother-boar. the bond he had with random grandpa and grandson who lived far off was much less emotional and more so a general means to an end out of everything. grandpa eventually died and inosuke eventually stopped going there ( more so, he actively chose to stop going to that place ) and felt absolutely nothing about it. those people may have taught him how to speak, but he did not consider them friends, nor family. if anything, they were just hairless creatures, much like himself, that stood funny, sounded funny, and most importantly fed him. past that, inosuke’s interaction with whatever human here and whatever demon there ( who so happened to chose to not kill him ) contributed to inosuke learning some things, but never allowing him the full scope of most things (until his true re-entrance into society ). murder is bad, yes, but not to him. stealing isn’t really a concept to him because if you wanted it, you should have either taken better care of it or you should have fought him for it. eating habits; once again, i say: cannibalism... if it really, seriously came down to it and there was no other option... he would... he would and he wouldn’t even think about it. on a fairly less graphic note, inosuke has eating pretty much anything and everything in the mountains that he’s seen. if he’s not eaten it and completely digested it, he’s at the very least put it in his mouth once and never again. he’s eating insects, leaves, dirt, flowers, raw and cooked meat, tree bark, etc. he’s tried eating rocks before. he’s been poisoned before, on enough occasions for him to incidentally build a tolerance for poisons and medicines alike. inosuke hunts and he hunts a lot. sometimes to eat, sometimes for sport. the list of things he won’t try hunting is a very small list, but there is, in fact, a list. he also isn’t exactly a clean eater, fairly sloppy and easily considered disgusting when compared to certain human standards; he eats with his hands, face close to food he’s eating as if it would run away. the idea of using utensils is beyond him, he has no idea what they’re for and he wouldn’t use them. ( the image of him using chopsticks wrong, although sorta cute, sorta funny, simply wouldn’t happen. ) as much as you think he’d talk with food in his mouth, he wouldn’t. not because he understands those sort of manners, but because he’s focused on nothing but the food within his reach until he’s decided that he’s done eating. he can and will steal other people’s food because they weren’t protecting it and he wanted it. mannerism wise, inosuke isn’t mocking and mirroring the actions of animals ( mostly, but not exclusively, boars ) to be cute. he is doing it because it’s what he knows and understands. he does as animals do before he will do as a person might do because he knows animal nature much more than he knows and understands human nature. it’s what he grew up around, it’s what, for the most part, raised him, and he will not be able to shake it so easily. over time he can and will learn to trade some animal action and reaction for those of human ones. he only learned to walk in his two legs instead of walking on all fours as most animals do out of pure luck ( thanks to the people who taught him how to speak. thanks to the demon he sometimes, but not exactly consistently crossed paths with. thanks to whatever person he saw for .3 seconds before accidentally scaring them and sending them hightailing back down the mountain. ). his misunderstanding of pain comes from a blend of perspective coming from demons, people, and animals. his misunderstanding and oversimplification of death comes from the same. his misunderstand of himself comes from the same.

[linkspooky]

Like some kind of “Man-Child”

Shigaraki is constantly compared to a child by the other characters around him. Whether it’s the staff at UA calling him a manchild, Ujiko saying he’s a twenty year old brat who has accomplished nothing with his life, or Spinner saying he chases his dreams like a child, Shigaraki’s immaturity and underdeveloped psyche is something constantly commented upon others. 

There are two questions to ask now. One, why did Shigaraki turn out this way, and two what does it mean for his character and future growth? 

1. An Immature Manchild, A Worthless Twenty-Something, The Trash of Society. 

Shigaraki is constantly described by others as acting like a child. In most cases it’s used to insult and demean him, and also to point out his lack of any real tangible goal. 

However, Shigaraki’s childish tendencies, his egocentrism, his lack of ability to see the consequences for his actions, and his emotional instability are not a reflection of whether he is a good or bad person, it’s a reflection of his upbringing. This is an important point I want to make before we continu, the hero system uses all of the signs that Shigaraki shows up legitimate mental illness to dehumanize him and make him out to be a “dangerous psycho” rather than to show him any real sympathy. 

All Might’s analyses him at length and comes to the conclusion not that this is an unstable person who shows clear signs of mental illness, but rather that the signs of mental illness he shows makes him a bad person. All of these traits that Shigaraki shows are used constantly by his enemies, heroes and villains alike to unperson him. 

Once again, Shigaraki acting like a child is not a reflection of whether or not he’s a good or bad person. It’s a product of trauma and his upbringing. Heroes seem to be under the impression that a good person would simply not suffer or react negatively to any trauma. Shigaraki doesn’t grow up not because he doesn’t want to grow up and wants to remain an immature manchild forever, it’s because he was raised deliberately. 

Developmental psychology is a scientific approach which aims to explain growth, change and consistency though the lifespan. ... Developmental psychologists study a wide range of theoretical areas, such as biological, social, emotion, and cognitive processes. 

Shigaraki was raised in an environment where he could not healthily develop into an adult. 

A child’s behaviour is an outward manifestation of inner stability and security. It is a lens through which the family physician can observe the development of the child throughout his or her life. All types of abuse are damaging to children—physically, emotionally, and psychologically—and can cause long-term difficulties with behaviour and mental health development.

Seeing the world from other people’s points of view. Thinking about the consequences of your actions. Processing your emotions and stress in healthy ways. These are all things children learn in the process of growing into adults. However, it’s a learned behavior not a natural one. The idea that people, children, are either born good or bad and will develop based on some internal qualities of goodness or badness is patently false. Children who receive no adult supervision growing up just turn feral and have no ego at all. The ego, or rather identity is something both heavily influenced by the interactions with the adults that raise them and interactions with members of the same peer group.

Shigaraki, raised in a basement with entirely selective and controlled interactions with others that were always underneath AFO’s direct supervision and his thumb, who probably did not even get that much freedom until the UA attack is just barely one step above a feral child who has no adult supervision at all. 

These three behaviors: 

Lack of Empathy.

Cannot View the Consequences of his Actions

Cannot handle emotions, setbacks and stress 

They’re all explainable by specific manipulations that AFO introduced to him as a child. “Shigaraki feels no guilt for what he does” said by almost every hero who interacts with him, but this is completely incorrect. The truth is Shigaraki is constantly made to feel guilty. 

He hates himself, and constantly holds back his quirk because he still feels guilt for what happened to his family due to the accidental activation of his quirk. 

He accepts the entirety of the blame for what happened for his family, and therefore views himself as a monster. This is what Shigaraki unconsciously believes and accepts, that he deserves to constantly be punished and tormented without relief for what he did for his family and that he can’t be saved. 

These are not the actions of a person who feels no guilt. However, at the same time Shigaraki is seeking some relief from his suffering, he wants to be saved even though he believes he doesn’t deserve it. Therefore, AFO manipulates him into believing he doesn’t have to feel guilty for destroying the people he wants to destroy. This is literally the exact tactic that Chisaki used on Eri. 

Tenko is constantly made to feel guilty for what he did to his family, and because of that he’s dependent on what AFO told him would make him feel better. Just like Chisaki convincing Eri that it was her fault that people who tried to save her died made her return to Chisaki.

Shigaraki doesn’t show any emotional maturity because he can’t. Being surrounded by your peers, being in a healthy environment, being taught lessons by the adults around you these are all things you learn growing up. We are shown constant signs that Shigaraki’s childhood was constantly barren. He was raised in a room that was entirely blank. 

AFO controlled everything about his life. He didn’t even give him toys or books until he started murdering people, and we see that same room several years later almost completely unchanged from the way it was when he was a kid. 

Shigaraki’s entire world was that one room. It’s even remarked that he wasn’t allowed to attend any kind of school. 

Shigaraki was raised to have his entire world revolve around AFO’s desires for him. Shigaraki even acknowledges that he doesn’t even really want to accomplish AFO’s dream and knows it won’t satisfy him. It’s something that’s forced down his throat, but also what Shigaraki views as his only path forward. Shigaraki as a person doesn’t exist outside of AFO’s goals for him because he wasn’t raised or nurtured to be a person just a thing that wants destruction. 

And, the reason Shigaraki continues to follow down the path set by him by All for One is a rather childish one too. This is once again where Shigaraki’s foiling with Chisaki is illustrative of his character. 

This is how Shigaraki reacts when forcibly separated from AFO. Crying and begging like a child ripped away from their parent, completely helpless without him. AFO doesn’t act like a parent at all, but for Shigaraki he’s the closest possible thing. Shigaraki still believes that he owes AFO for saving him all those years back. 

Shigaraki and Chisaki are the core of their beings are propelled by this idea that they need to repay their father figures for taking them in. They have this childish desire to make their father figures happy and please them, that’s just as true to their nature as their destructive impulses. So, they act like they were shaped to be. Chisaki acts like the perfect Yakuza member, and Shigaraki as the perfect symbol of destruction. They are both desperately trying to be what their parents want them to be. 

Shigaraki can’t handle any setbacks or stress, because he is constantly stressed. He was raised to feel nauseatingly sick of himself all of the time. 

Eri can’t act like a normal child because even after removed from Chisaki’s influence, the emotoinal wounds Chisaki left on her don’t magically go away. It’s not about being a good or bad child, it’s about being trapped in a certain unhealthy way of thinking. 

Shigaraki’s not entitled and emotionally immature. He’s emotionally stunted, and deliberately raised that way. If you could say he was raised at all. His captor had no interest in him as a person. He exists to be a pet revenge project against All Might, to turn Shimura Nana’s descendant into an unstable little bomb that explodes and takes out All Might with him. 

The person who raised him constantly threw him into danger with no regard for his well being. He expected Stain to try to kill Tomura when they met and stopped Kurogiri for interfereing for his safety. He expected All Might to beat the shit out of him and for the UA attack to fail. This goes back all the way to the beginning. 

He exposed Shigaraki to dangerous people who would beat him up, insult him, and belittle him. People that deliberately reminded Shigaraki of his abuser. 

So he would be constantly made to feel unsafe and unstable. Shigaraki has no emotional stability because he was constantly raised in an unstable environment, it’s not hard to remain sane in that environment, it’s downright impossible. 

2. Children can Grow Up

This is a theme we’ve seen repeat itself three times. A child is murdered and has their name taken away by their paternal abusers, and they make it into adulthood (despite symbolically dying as a child) with entirely different names and identities. Takami Keigo grows up into Hawks, Touya grows up into Dabi, Shimura becomes Shigaraki. However, all three of them as adults are malformed and still clinging onto the hurt feelings that they held as a child. Shigaraki and Dabi literally both look like corpses, and Hawks has literally no personality or name outside of being a hero. 

It’s not a reflection of who they are as people, it’s a reflection that they were not raised to be people. However, Shigaraki is constantly remarked on as a child capable of growing up. 

Spinner, Shigaraki’s friend sees the good side of his childishness. He is someone who late in life, is still learning and developing empathy. We see him change over the course of the story. Shigaraki who claims that he doesn’t care about anything besides destruction, also specifically states that he won’t destroy his companions hopes and dreams. 

Shigaraki who is presented as a person who is entirely devoid of empathy, is shown being able to deal with somebody like Twice perfectly. Not only does he listen to Twice’s demands that they rescue Giran. 

He also knows how to make Twice listen, and then carefully places his mask back on again to calm him down afterwards. He deals with him like a person and is accomodating of his quirks. 

Shigaraki makes it deliberately a point that he’s not okay with someone else playing around with Twice’s feelings. 

He also tells Twice to make saving Giran and protecting him a priority when he plans on finishing Rikiya himself. 

All of this consideration for the feelings of an individual. Shigaraki’s empathy has grown and developed to the point where he can imagine the feelings of other people outside himself. Now compare this to the way Hawks deals with Twice. Shigaraki finds trampling all over the feelings of Twice as unforgivable, whereas Hawks brags to Twice’s face how easy it was to deceive him. He belittles him and rubs salt in the wound. 

Hawks can only accept Twice as a good person. It’s Shigaraki who gives a home to those who have no other home, the outcasts, the bad people that heroes would never save. 

Shigaraki who understood how important Twice’s feelings for his friends are, built his entire plan against the MLA around saving Giran, and Twice’s own desires to want to help his friend Giran and pay him back for giving him a place to belong. Hawks literally goes out of his way to single out Twice as the only one he can save and not extend the same helping hand to his friends. Shigaraki recognizes Twice’s feelings for his friends, Hawks goes out of his way to trample on the friends that Twice finds so precious. 

Hawks wants to save Twice but doesn’t understand him as a person. Shigaraki has created a place where people like Spinner, Toga, Compress, Twice, Dabi are all accepted and valued as people. Shigaraki’s childishness is both a good and bad thing. It shows that even after all of this trauma, the core of who Shigaraki is has not changed. 

He is still the kid who deliberately plays with the kids on the playground who get left out. Who states that he specifically wants to be a hero because there were kids who were left out of being played. And who wanted to be a hero even when he knew his father would severely disapprove of it and kept that dream in his heart. 

Shigaraki is still Shimura Tenko. He’s not the child who wanted to be a hero, or the child who wanted to destroy to make the pain go away, he’s both at the same time and that’s where his complexity comes from. Shigaraki like anybody else is capable of good and bad, but what’s especially important about his arc is that we’ve been shown that when removed from underneath the thumb of his abusers, and surroudned by his found family in the league Shigaraki gets better and is able to begin seeing the emotions and feelings of other people outside of him, and becomes a more empathic person. He is a child yes, but also a child capable of growing up. 

It’s also important to remember his arc. When Shigaraki is fighting for the league he always succeeds (against the Yakuza, against MLA). He only ever fails, and relapses (such as his current failure in the hero war arc raid) when he believes that he has to follow the dream laid out for him by AFO. It’s almost as if Shigaraki was intended from the start to shake off AFO’s influence of him and eventually grow into his own person. Shigaraki is a child waiting to grow up, he’s still Shimura Tenko, and he should be allowed that chance to grow past his abuse. He might never become a hero but by the end of the story he deserves to be his own person, not AFO’s thing. 

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Wandering around the Raindrop Park

Lately I've been feeling kinda off - I can't quite put it into words. The weird thing is, the events that happened over the past few days don't affect me directly - as in it's directly related to stuff happening to friends that have little or nothing to do with me. It's basically me being somewhat emotionally invested in someone or something even though I barely know the person. Kinda like the whole how do you miss someone you never even knew sorta thing.

Maybe part of it has to do with a lot of changes happening around the same time in the span of roughly a year or two. By that, I'm talking about a specific group of people - Jamie's entourage, to be exact. Since the entourage disbanded, everyone has still been keeping in touch for the most part. And since then, a lot of members have moved on, pursuing bigger things, working on new projects, coming a long way since the entourage days. A lot of them were just starting out back then and now here they are.

A couple weeks ago, Roselle passed away. It wasn't a surprise since she told us about her prognosis last year, but still sad nonetheless. She was a former teen idol actress and singer turned director with her own production company that she co-founded with a friend. I became a fan of her during her Amanda Savannah days, a role that shot her to stardom as a kid. Like many in her position, she had a sort of love-hate relationship with the character who made her famous.

After Amanda Savannah ended, Roselle wanted to take a break from acting to focus on college. During that hiatus, Roselle was going through a lot of changes, including being diagnosed with stage four cancer. Nearly a decade after Amanda Savannah, Roselle reemerged from the public, starting from the ground up as a director. As for acting and singing, she was willing to keep that open, but realistically, the chances of her going back to either one were slim to none.

I remember when I last hung out with Roselle, about a year ago, when we visited Windcrest Wolf, not too long after the beginning of the end. Roselle has been keeping us updated with her video diary, Business as Usual, which is basically about her final year. The end was quick for her, which is what she had hoped for, so she was able to carry on for as long as she could. In her final entry she said that she was at peace with her life and that she was ready to go, ready to see her mom again after all these years. A few days later she was gone.

That's why I'm here with Jamie and Nedra at the Raindrop Park. Well, part of the reason - there's another thing too. Another death unfortunately, one of someone who I never got to meet.

Two former entourage members, actress Nedra Aylen and stuntman Allan Townshend crossed paths due to a tragedy. Allan's cousin Stef was one of Nedra's close friends at Starling who was gravely injured in a motorcycle accident. The crash left Stef in a coma for years before passing away weeks ago, a few days after Roselle's death.

According to Nedra, Stef and Allan didn't have a good relationship as Stef was abused by his parents. I don't know Allan as well as Nedra, but he comes across as someone who's making an effort to right his wrongs. It still doesn't make up for his past actions, which he is aware of. The two visit Stef at the care center but other than that, they don't interact with each other much.

Given how different Nedra and Allan are in terms of their social circles/personality/upbringing, and such, it's unexpected that they ended up crossing paths through Jamie. Nedra's a classical actress, preferring the stage over the screen while being prolific in both. Allan does stunt work, which I don't know too much about, but basically it means he and Nedra, although they were in the same entourage, had absolutely nothing in common other than Stef.

People always talk about how important it is to form connections, especially through tragedy. You'd think that Nedra and Allan would at least be able to bond over that, but in reality, you can't always share your burdens with someone. In the case of Nedra and Allan - at least the way I see it through Nedra - them being friends won't do much with that burden they carry. That's not to say they're dealing with their problems alone - in fact, they're quite well adjusted despite the circumstances - it's just that they don't need to seek each other to help cope.

It's not that they dislike each other, it's just the fact that they're so different in such a way that forming a connection would feel forced. Nedra says they do keep in touch but other than that, they don't feel the need to keep up with each other. It's good to form connections, but sometimes there's people you just don't feel the need for a strong bond with, and that's okay.

I have a feeling that's the case with Nedra and Allan - they share a struggle but don't need to rely on each other to pull through. Sometimes it just works out like that.

Nedra believes that Allan wants to make peace with Stef, which is why he visits her regularly. Although he and Stef were never friends, they were close to coming to some sort of a truce, with Allan more likely to side with Stef than against her. After all, why would Stef decide to intervene on that fateful day when Allan backed himself into a corner? I imagine the guilt of surviving the accident as well as being the reason why it happened is what pushed Allan over the edge. Nedra says it's not up to her to forgive him for how he treated Stef, but she's willing to give him the benefit of the doubt as what he's going through is punishment enough.

Like with Roselle, Stef's death wasn't unexpected either. By then, Nedra knew that she was already long gone. She says it feels like a weight off her shoulders, the relief of knowing that Stef can finally rest in peace instead of being stuck in limbo. I can't imagine being in Stef's position, stuck to machines keeping me alive even though it's futile. I don't think I'd want to be kept alive on life support if it won't do anything except prolong the inevitable.

When I'm gone, let me go. I don't want to die a slow death where I become nothing but a husk of who I was.

Nedra stuck with her to the very end. Allan was there too but he kept his distance. The end came quickly and quietly, her heart stopped beating and that was it. She says it's been rough, but not as difficult as she thought it would be. Then again, she said she already made her peace with losing Stef so I think that helped a bit.

I can't imagine losing two friends in a short time like what Nedra's going through right now. That's why Jamie invited her along her travels so she can take some much needed time off, leading to us crossing paths at the Raindrop Park. Before coming here, Jamie and Nedra spent the weekend at the Sparkling Spa Resort, which they said they enjoyed a lot.

After the Raindrop Park they weren't sure where they were gonna go next before deciding on the camp. The timing happens to be perfect as another entourage member's gonna drop by later on along with some other friends for a fun event. It'll be good for Nedra and Jamie to see Jean again as we were talking about how she's one of the busier members.

Maybe one day I'll get Marlo to meet Jean and Nedra as she's big fans of them. She and Don are planning to come back, likely during a camp event, so maybe I can finally make her dreams come true. I told Nedra about Marlo and she's totally down for a get together with her and knowing Jean, she'll be all for it too. Now, if only we can find a date and time when all three are available...

The Raindrop Park is one of those places where it's easy to get lost in. Watching the raindrops fall is strangely mesmerizing, I can't take my eyes off them. In a way, I think it's a good thing, probably because I've had so much on my mind regarding the stuff I just mentioned, so maybe I needed to take the time to process the information. That, and of course, writing my thoughts out once I finally found the words.

Along with the mesmerizing raindrops, another thing that sticks out to me is the decor, like the benches. I really like the leafy designs of the benches and lampposts - a lot of art inspiration around here. The foliage is lovely too and the raindrops really add to the aesthetic. I'm partial to rainy days so of course I'd be drawn to something like this. The cloudy, somewhat gloomy sky seems fitting enough as well. Even though it's gray, there's still some sunlight poking through, so it's not completely dark.

The fog in my mind's clearing up a bit, even more so now that I've put my thoughts on paper. I also think being with Jamie and Nedra also helped, especially knowing that Nedra's gonna be all right. It's rough, but as she said, she's made peace with it. And as for Roselle, she was able to make the most out of the time she had left so she was able to leave with no regrets.

I hope that when the end comes for me, I can leave the world the same way Roselle did. Is that asking for too much?

[sniperduel]

I still have conflicted feelings about Byleth. i’m trying hard to separate my assumptions from what the game actually gives us. I think fe3h could’ve benefited from giving byleth more lines even if they were more unvoiced single-option choices, just to flesh out Byleth and give them more interaction with characters in the main story that aren’t just “i dont understand” or “joke” or “yes i agree”. The game tries to balance having a self-insert combined with actual character and it just falls a little short. 

Sorry long post below i wanted to talk about byleth thanks

I think there’s a lot in Byleth that is interesting. Byleth is emotionally stunted, and socially sheltered from the larger Fodlan culture by Jeralt. Everything that has been done to Byleth in an effort to protect them, but by people with selfish intentions. Jeralt is highly protective of Byleth due to his own issues (and for some good reasons), and Rhea is still attempting to connect with Sothis somehow through Byleth (even though she claims she did it for Sitri); honestly, Sitri is one of the only people that ever did anything selfless for Byleth and the only time Byleth has any meaningful interaction with their mother is in a traumatizing AU moment where their mother’s deceased body is combined with some cuckold backstabber into a monster. I think that Sothis also is rather selfless in her actions with Byleth.... but i think that is just Sothis’s nature and bc she technically part of Byleth...

Byleth’s supports with Hanneman bring another element to Byleth’s relationship with themselves. From the potential “I’m a demon” line to Sothis to Hanneman commenting on their Ashen Demon moniker and Byleth’s visible discontent. Byleth does appear to dislike those things being said about them regardless of player intention; Byleth has a complicated relationship with their humanity. Their whole life is honestly traumatizing and probably further enforced their tendency to not have emotions, or mask them when they did appear. Byleth has somehow been abused by the social systems and Church of Fodlan, but also remains a sort of outsider. There needed to be more opportunities for Byleth to voice their thoughts in actual events, rather than just implied interactions during class or teatime. Their support chains are better (because characters need responses in order to have a conversation) but not by much. Byleth has such a complicated relationship to Fodlan outside of being an avatar for the player, and I think its far more interesting than doubling down on the self insert aspects.

It’s so easy for me to imagine Byleth’s growing discontent and overall humanity as they are forced into increasingly concerning situations. As White Clouds progresses, Byleth is forced to learn a lot of information and interact with many, many new people. While Byleth definitely does not talk much, it is so obvious that they grow and do make decisions based upon their newfound emotional capacity (agreeing to help students in paralogues, being concerned about student’s health/resting habits, deciding to protect or execute Edelgard, etc.)

Although, this just brings me back to wishing that Byleth was voiced. Byleth would have been a much more relatable character had they been able to just speak like Robin or Corrin. I understand they were trying to go the LoZ Link route here but I just think it is to the detriment of Byleth, who is so SO close to being a fully realized character. A character that could still be shaped by the player. While Link’s dialogue choices in BoTW are kinda.... false choices... Byleth’s choices matter a lot more because FE3H is about personal connections and growth (which is a theme that has only been growing stronger in the series, and its hindered by how Byleth’s character was handled). 

I also think it would make Crimson Flower a more effective route for the people who don’t like it. I don’t like when people see it just a shoehorned Edeleth romance because while the route does focus on Edelgard’s relationship with Byleth, it also is the only route that allows Byleth’s character to grow further WITH agency. There is a reason that Byleth’s heart beats at the end of Crimson Flower. Crimson Flower is a good base for Byleth to go through their own traumas and to forge their own path like Jeralt and Sothis implore them to do. It’s actually a big reason why i think Edeleth is a well recieved ship, despite Byleth’s apparent lack of character to some people. Byleth does gain more personal motivation rather than obligation in Crimson Flower by siding with Edelgard (influenced by Jeralt’s distrust of the church, Byleth’s connection with the black eagles). Edelgard always establishes Byleth’s autonomy by asking if Byleth wishes to continue following her. Imagine if Byleth would talk more in CF, because they become more of their own person, rather than just an amalgamation of those who influence them. I think that would be such an interesting mechanic to really drive home the Byleth character arc. 

I love those moments where Byleth’s personality shines through and I wish there was more.

[myfandomrambles]

Azula Character Analysis

Born a princess with a high position

Was favored by her father and second in her mother's eyes

Deeply skilled bender from a young age

Attended the royal girl Fier Nation academy and had private tutors

Was around severe abuse emotional and occasionally physical

Abandoned by mother due to political intrigue which affected her

Aware of her parents' murder of her grandfather

Rose to crown princess after her father coronation and brother banishment which she watched

Was used as a weapon by her father against her uncle and bother by age 14

Had a few friends who became partners in hunting the avatar her brother

Was a skilled tactician able to infiltrate the heart of the earth kingdom

Overthrow the earth king

Nearly killed the avatar

Achieved high status for this but shared it with her brother is a skilled protective manner

Had a tumultuous relationship with her brother

Betrayed by her friends 

Attempted to kill her brother

Became fire lord but felt rejected through this as she was unable to claim victory along with her father

Suffered a mental health breakdown 

Was beaten by Zuko & katara in an Agni Kai losing her status 

Overview:

Azula is a complex character who is gifted, clever, beautiful, and deeply psychologically injured. Her story is one of abuse, manipulation, and war. She was raised by abusive people in a cult of power and supremacy; by the age of 14, she was being used to put the same trauma out on the entire world. 

The prime driver for Azula’s character is the necessity to retain control over her situation and due to her status as the princess of the world’s dominant power, this is control over everything. Control and power are the only things Azula truly understands as valuable. This control also equals safety, safety from physical harm during a battle, and emotional harm by others. We can see this control manifest in her emotional distress at having even one hair out of place during her training (2x01). She uses her place of power to hold fear over other people, those she considers lesser than her, by invoking the fear of losing their place and physical harm. Her social power and skill in bending back up the threats. 

Azula’s need for control started as a child who grew up being taught through the iron hand of Ozai who demanded perfection. Her status as a prodigy with fire bending, physical aptitude, and intelligence gave her positive attention from her father but also led her to be inculcated even stronger into the idea that fear is the only way. Her father taught with the fear of retribution for failure as much as any positive attention. The more blatant abuse Zuko suffered from their father for showing what was perceived as weakness and emotionality was another teacher that she must always control every part of her. (2x07, 3x06)

This control via strength without understanding was worsened by her other connections. Her mother failed to connect and attune to her daughter so even in early childhood they were always moving past each other. Azula’s failure to show empathy was met with judgment and punishment and we don’t see them ever repair the relational rupture. Their mother then abandoned them accompanied by their parents murdering their grandfather and threats against her brother. Leaving her with only Ozai as a point of influence and even more surrounded by violence. (2x07)

Azula also gained little perspective outside of the pure ideology of the fire nation royal family and royal academy for girls. She carried the beliefs of fire supremacy and nationalism with no outside input which left her with the schemas of power in her nascent socio-political awareness and added to the stunting of her ability to gain empathy. She was taught to view the world as nations and people only worth understanding to beat not for its own sake. (2x07, 2x19-20, 3x05, 3x06)

This pain leaves her spending the whole second season [spanning months] as a weapon of her father. She is forced to travel around the world, originally with only staff, with the goal of hurting her own family in the name of not being shamed. To prove she can do it she gives herself the task of stopping the avatar. Azula is able to escape a fight with some of the strongest benders we see in the show easily and is persistent to a fault. (2x03) We see her skills of strategy and combat shine here as well as many of her trauma responses. The biggest one being she is acting in a mindset that can not shift from using the world and not experiencing it. (2x01, 2x03, 2x07-8, 2x13, 2x15)

 Azula’s pure genius shows in her ability to take over Ba Sing Se on her ability to read other people, manipulate court games, and her sheer belief in her infallibility. We see her play the Dai Li and Long Feng with only the backup of her two friends. She has an iconic moment of power “Don’t flatter yourself you were never even a player” and invokes her belief in the divine right of kings or lords. (2x18-20)

Once she proves herself and can bring her brother and uncle home, if in a way not planned, putting her back in a secure place of princess she longs to keep. We see her try and maintain control by being the one who understands both her father and Zuko. We see her struggle greatly with normal life but thrive within the system of the place. (3x05-6, 3x11)

However, we see her set world start to collapse when Zuko leaves and her only two friends choose to take a chance for love versus staying in her control bubble. This challenges her sense of safety she works so hard to maintain. It also goes against her understanding of interpersonal relationships and her innate power. (3x11, 3x13, 3x15)

This causes a breakdown in the end. However, this leaves her without a throne and a sense of safety. After the show, we see her mental health stay in a deteriorated state, struggle with the past, and joins a group that wants to harm the new age of peace. (3x18-20, Comics: The Promise Part Three, The Search. Smoke and Shadow)

Relationships:

Zuko

Zuko and Azula are one of the key family dynamics within the story. Azula acts as a foil to Zuko during their childhood being the golden child to his scapegoat. She was Ozai’s favorite whereas Zuko was closer to Ursa. They both suffered severe trauma as young people but Azula spent the time trying to not be viewed as poorly as Zuko. (3x07, The Search) Something she directly tells their father, to not be treated like Zuko (3x18). Building your relationship with your sibling as wanting to prove you are better than them sets them up too but heads, something she acknowledges was also going to come down to them deciding who is the right one to succeed their father. 

During the main plot, we see them start as the predator and the prey (2x01, 2x08). Both of them lived in the mindset Ozai Taught them, she was born lucky and he was lucky to be born (1x20, 2x07). She is the long arm of their father only claiming some autonomy when she chooses her team and attacks the avatar as well (2x03, 2x08). 

Azula brings Zuko back into their fold because next to Iroh she understands Zuko the best. She knows easily the only thing he wants is to feel in control of his life and craves the respect of their father, these are things she also needs. We see her also offer the double-sided act of letting Zuko take credit. It is partially protective as should he live Azula is protected, Suko would be the one who failed. It can also be some degree of kindness for her brother because she does like the system the way it is and Zuko being in pain causes worse stress. 

They continue to bump heads as we see Azula feel most at home within the bureaucracy whereas he struggles to feel as if it was right. Zuko still carries the pain of shame for his actions at the same time Azula pushes much of her emotion down. Part of this is Azula knows where she stands and as long as others play the part she has no worries. Zuko breaks this steady normal as a child when he wants to be empathetic to soldiers and again when he feels the need to save the earth kingdom she wanted to kill in total war. (3x01, 3x05, 3x16)

Their reactions during The Day of Black Sun (3x11) set them on their paths for the end and they mirror each other. Azula uses the time to play her role and waits for the fire bending to turn on to win. Zuko uses the time to pull away from their father for good. They continue to be antagonistic and Zuko is an axle in her relational rupture with Ty Lee and Mai. (3x14-16)

Their final Agni Kai for the title of Firelord shows how much Zuko has learned in his complex bending style and ability to hold control while we notice Azula loose form entirely relying almost completely on her raw power. Her very body language giving off how sick she is currently in her movements now disjointed and lacking precision which conflicts with the controlled fighting we see from Katara and Zuko. (3x18-21).

They have spent their whole life used as pawns by their parents and stuck in the milieu of war and suffering. Azula’s status as her father’s favorite offers her the status Zuko wants but she also lacks the time and ability to grow Zuko earned through his relationship with Uncle Iroh. Their understanding of each other is strong but Azula fails to offer sympathy to her brother when he chooses things she wouldn’t and treats him poorly. And Zuko needs to be able to challenge her so he can properly heal, along with team avatar, the fissures in the world.

Ursa

We see that Azula and Ursa do not understand each other and the abuse they both suffer disallowed them to properly attach. Ursa didn’t understand Azula’s natural predispositions or her trauma which left Azula often being told off by her mother or treated as separate from the bond Ursa had with Zuko. I wouldn’t go as far as to say Ursa was forming a scapegoat golden child dynamic more so she couldn’t bring herself to look past her trauma. (2x07, The Promise, & The Search)

During the fire nation teens' conversation at ember island, we see that Azula generalized her mother's view of her as a monster as much as the other conditioning she had as a kid. This whole where her mother’s attunement should be opened even more space for what Ozai taught her. Azula lack’s a full ability to process this but it is the one time we see Azula even come close to verbalizing painful emotions other than paranoia and anger. (3x05)

If we are to believe the memory we see from Iroh (1x12) she was already immune to violence as a pre-teen believing that Ozai’s assault of Zuko was justified and even taking gratification from it. This play into her relationship with her mother as the gentleness her mother might have displayed towards her child was missing making the hardest part of the indoctrination become the most prevalent. Worsen when Ursa abandons her children and seeks out her new life. The effects of this are her willingness to be cavalier with life, and failure to attach to others (3x17).

Azula’s relationship with her mother ends up being the breaking point in space after the betrayal of her friends. When we see her experience hallucinations and paranoid thought they center around her mother and their relationship, rather there was love or not being the central question. (3x19) 

Paranoid delusions around her mother continue in the comics where we see Azula unable to interact from a clear headspace. (The Search)

Ozai

Ozai is Azula's main force of identity shaping her internal and external perceptions to the point of making her more of a human tool than a real daughter. The craving for her father's need is just as strong as Zuko’s but instead of trying to restore it her job is to keep it and not rock the boat. This is seen in her letting Zuko take credit for the killing the avatar which brings her brother back in (3x01) and when she asks Ozai to not treat her like Zuko when he becomes the phoenix king (3x20)

Throughout the show, everything she does is to please her father from going after her brother and then succeeding in killing Aang. (2x01-2x20). She also parrots her father's belief about weakness, fears power, and the might of the fire nation. Examples include naming the city New Ozai, demanding the divine right of kings, and her obsessive focus on acting and appearing perfect. 

Ozai’s abuse permeated everything Azula was and is leading to her becoming the shadow of a person we see at the end of the series. 

Ty Lee & Mai

Next to her blood family Mai & Ty Lee are her most influential relationships. She considers them generally friends starting when they went to the same school (2x07). We see that even as a child she had the highest status in the group and already needed to win. However, they do seem to have some genuine care for the princess even if it is never balanced. For example, when recruiting Ty Lee she uses manipulation and fear to force her back into serving the fire nation. (2x03). Mai and Ty Lee are skilled fighters making them useful to Azula, something she values more than anything other than loyalty. She has trouble conceptualizing their emotions as validly seen in her calling their emotions performances, however in the same episode we see her care about making Ty Lee cry and experience very human emotions of envy herself. They bond over their traumas and their shared love of destruction (3x05).

None of the three of them are particularly well adjusted but what Azula has on her side is an utter belief in her competence and her belief that their friends will fall in line with that ambition. For the most part, they do; Ty Lee often flatters her and Mail generally does as she’s told when Azula is around. However one of Azula’s most pivotal moments comes when this obedience falls through. Mai loves Zuko more than she fears Azla’s wrath and Ty Lee can’t bear to see them hurt each other. Earning one of Azula's most characterizing lines ``You should have feared me more”. This betrayal and shift in her stable world put Azula over the edge and fuels paranoid thoughts and a slip into worse mental illness. (3x14)

To consider Mai and Ty Lee to be the manipulative ones or otherwise treat them as the bad or abusive party to Azula is unfair. They are doing what they can as they believe Azula has the right to be in charge and suffer consequences when they step out of line. However, it’s equally unfair to assume everything Azula does is machiavellian; she too is acting on sincerely held beliefs and as a daughter of abusive or neglectful parents. I think Azula has a hard time conceptualizing others as full people objectifying them in her schema of the world but unlike some of her behavior to Zuko, I doubt it’s intentionally cruel. 

Developmetnal Trauma

Adulti-fication (2x01,2x03, 2x07, 2x08, 2x13 2x19-20, 3x01-2, 3x05, 3x15, & 3x18-21)

Anger (3x13-20)

Control fixations (2x01, 2x03, 2x07, 2x7, 2x13, 2x19, 3x01, 3x05, 3x15, & 3x18-21)

Conditioned Value Systems (2x01, 2x07, 2x19-20, 3x01, & 3x05)

Empathic Deficits (2x03, 2x07, 2x15, 3x05, & 3x11)

Harm to Animals (2x07 & 2x15)

Hypervigilance (2x01, 2x03, 2x07, 2x08, & 2x19-20)

Obsessive Thoughts (2x01, 2x03, 3x05, & 3x18-21)

Locus of Control breakdown (2x01,2x07,  2x15, 3x05, 3x14, & 3x18-21)

Paradoxical Arousal, [Functions best during high-stress situations and worse under normal or positive] (2x03, 3x05, 3x13-5)

Paranoid Thoughts (3x18-21)

Perfectionism (2x01, 2x07, 3x05, 3x13, & 2x17-20)

Positive & Negative Psychosis Symptoms (3x18-21)

Recklessness (2x03, 2x07, 2x08, 3x05, & 3x15-16)

Risk Seeking Behaviors (2x03, 2x13, 2x15, & 3x11)

Social issues (3x05)

Trust Issues (2x13, 3x01, 3x11, 3x13, & 3x18-21)

Violent Play Behaviors (2x07 & 3x05)

[ramblingguy54]

Binged The Owl House in one sitting recently and besides the interesting chemistry Luz has with Eda being such a rough around the edges mother figure catching my intrigue and Eda & Lilith’s very complicated sibling history between each other, another highlight of the series that struck a serious chord with me would have to be Amity Blight’s character arc and her development thus far.

In its first several episodes the way Amity acted caught my interest. Particularly her interactions with Luz in early episodes gave me the idea that she was raised to be an arrogant student not only due to the stereotype of magical natural talent she was born into that was expected by her peers, but also that she had an abusive upbringing, much like Pacifica Northwest from Gravity Falls. However, what sets Amity apart from Pacifica’s much harsher attitude in Season 1 is that she isn’t as intense as the latter was per say to the main character of their own respective series anyways. Amity in the Covention episode lashes out at Luz when she’s faced with the reality that Lilith had amplified her magic powers in the Witch’s Duel against Luz, showing her serious insecurities and visible regret for how much she’s had to sacrifice up to this point, like say her close friendship with Willow, to achieve what she’s been forced to believe is the “correct” path. This is more than just being upset at what happened in their Witch’s Duel. It’s Amity showing the years of regret she’s been bottling up and seeing that it hasn’t made her feel any happier about the choice of reluctantly following what her parents demanded the kid follow. Mae Whitman’s performance really nails that.

Pacifica took until Season 2 of Gravity Falls to actually start really socializing with Dipper & Mabel Pines, but Amity here is more than willing to interact with Luz from the get go, despite how much of snobby attitude she tries to carry at first. Even so much as encouraging and in a sense compliment Luz, too. Amity makes a strong first impression of being a kid with a lot on her plate emotionally to deal with, as well as lingering regrets of turning into what she is currently. The writers did an impressive job of hitting this right spot that while Amity can be a jerk, she isn’t without her moments of moral clarity either in Owl House’s starting round of episodes. That’s never an easy thing to accomplish in writing like this. It’s no wonder Amity started to have an eventual romantic connection with Luz, given that no matter how much of the odds are stacked against her capabilities, she still aspires to be what resembles her inner desires and that’s something Amity was robbed of in early childhood. Luz’s unwavering determination is bringing out the best in her conflicted nature as a blossoming aspiring Witch. That’s why she broke the Everlasting Oath between them at the end. Amity’s respect for Luz was beginning to grow toward her optimistic nature.

Human’s don’t have magical capabilities, but I doubt that will stop you.

Soon afterwards we get to see another big hint laid out of Amity’s family background and how that reflected upon the kid’s emotional growth in the episode, Lost In Language. Amity’s older siblings, while nothing like her parents, do like to tease her a lot. So much so, they wanted to go the extra mile and make copies of her private diary to not only get back at her uptight attitude, but also teach her a lesson about lightening up as a person and spread those copies around school, which Luz doesn’t take that idea too well. That was when the notion really started to cross my mind more that Amity most likely had very tough parents that contributed to her stunted emotion issues. There’s clearly makings of a troubled family life that stirred up Amity’s behavior into becoming this cold, emotionally distant, and harsh character. Quite a few poetic seeds are planted throughout Lost In Language’s story that surround Amity’s character and the kid herself comes to a realization that she needs to be better.

I saw that human girl again. I may have overreacted. I don’t want to come off as cruel. I just can’t show weakness.

I’ve been trying to figure out what your deal is. Are you a poser? A nerd? I know... you’re a bully, Luz.

Why are you doing this!? I’ve been reading you since I was kid! I know you’re not like this! Someone changed you!

Maybe you’re not a bully. I haven’t exactly been the friendliest Witch, either. I’ll think on that...

All of this comes to a headway in my favorite episode centered around Amity’s character, Understanding Willow. This story hit all the right notes for me on what a character’s redemption arc should be like. The emotional payoff between Amity & Willow’s dramatic tension against each other is terrific, as it shows both perspectives are empathetic. You feel for Willow getting turned down so badly by her best friend and being led to believe that she wasn’t good enough for Amity. However, you feel for Amity too because she only turned away Willow to save her from never being able to attend the same school since her parents threatened to pull strings to have their way, giving this a bittersweet new light over Amity’s conflict with Willow. Regardless, this doesn’t take away from Amity’s actions either that are brought into question by Willow’s emotional manifestation of raw anger. Amity may have been manipulated by her parents that much is greatly true, but who is to say she couldn’t have eased up on Willow after cutting her off as a friend? Amity’s parents aren’t obviously always around, so whenever she was at school Amity could’ve simply not just paid her any mind at least, instead of going above and beyond to mock Willow as a late magical bloomer with help from her so called friends too for years no less. That’s what made this episode around Amity a real stand out. Amity understands that she gets a fair share of the blame for treating Willow the way she did and could’ve made things easier for her former friend at school, as well. This particular statement from Amity’s deep remorse spoke to me.

That line, “I was too weak to be your’s...”, made me tear up because I’ve had my own fair share of being a shitty person to an old former friend I used to speak to years ago before having a nasty falling out with him. Granted, he was toxic toward me and did some nasty stuff, but I also returned that toxicity back at him, which only added more fuel to the fire between us and ended the friendship on bad terms. I did email him months or so later to clear the air giving my sincerest apologies, regarding being so awful toward him after seriously reflecting on it afterwards and went my separate ways from there. The point I’m trying to make here is I understand Amity’s pain of hurting someone you once had as a friend and feeling so terrible after the fact. This is where I grew to love Amity’s arc because even after she’s apologized for all the crap she put Willow through, she doesn’t look for forgiveness, but only wants her to know the painful truth.

Amity’s one of my favorite characters from Owl House for how well they tackled the idea of someone who was once close with someone, but had a falling out, due to an abusive upbringing that had a negative affect on their personality.

Can’t wait to see more of her development in Owl House’s future.

[simtrospective]

SCRAPPED STORY CHALLENGE by @bugsims

01. Post a few screenshots from a scrapped scene / edit / story! 02. Share why you scrapped this specific thing. 03. Tag five friends, and watch the fun play out!

Thank you to @gilded-ghosts for the tag.

Because I wrote so much that you might prefer to skip, let me do 03. outside the cut. I tag...

@ladykendalsims - @jet-plane-sims - @boogey-studios - @pinkmonsimblr - @dynastiasimss

The above pictures (plus the related tray files) are all I have left of an idea that was half-formed to begin with and which never got off the ground at all.

01.

Depending on if you’re a follower of mine + how long you’ve been following me, you may have seen a few of these shots before but I’ll explain them anyway:

Set 1: The characters Charlie, Hick, and Craig, in their original states on the left and their enhanced, final states on the right;

Set 2: A few WIP pictures of the performance space/club/thing I built;

Set 3: A bunch of test shots I took to see how the characters looked interacting, what they did naturally, and how they looked when I ~directed them. I used these pics to try and find my editing style for the story. I didn’t find the style I wanted. Clearly.

02.

I scrapped this idea because it never came together; I didn’t connect with the characters; I didn’t care about the storyline; I’m not done with my new save so I couldn’t ~comfortably start telling this story when the rest of the world was/is disordered; and on and on. The point is, I wasn’t feeling any of this. Oh! And I hate the whole vibe and time period and aesthetic irl; what on earth was I thinking writing about it?!

So. What was this going to be?

[[Under the cut because this is... so, so long. So long.]]

Charlie, Hick, and Craig were

going

to live in Del Sol Valley in my new save, in the Pinnacles neighborhood, which I was

going

to turn into a Laurel Canyon-style neighborhood. An entire community of would-be songwriters/musicians were

going

to live in the two smaller lots and commune with one another and be the New Guard colliding with the Old Guard; the huge mansion lot was

going

to house an aging former film-current soap actor confronting his mortality and also hating the living shit out of these hippies whose existence he took as a personal affront--I digress. Back to the “story.”

Charlie, Hick, and Craig met after each arrived in DSV separately and they vibed and they moved in together, all in a matter of, like, a week’s time. Charlie and Hick vibed especially. So much in common! Such poor little rich [kids]! Both came from pampered environments in which their family money and respective fathers’ connections allowed them to skate through life and to play at being musicians because--despite crying oppression at the hands of upper class WASP-dom--they'll always have safety nets to ensure they’ll always be okay. Charlotte Grant graduated from her all-girls prep school and put on a floppy hat and became Charlie Grant; Richard Hickey (lololol) ripped up his acceptance letter to Britechester and grew his hair out and hitchhiked and told people to call him “Hick.” They’ve lived parallel lives and “recognize” one another as soon as they meet. They have an electric connection, but neither will verbalize that. Above all, they... really want to sleep together.

Craig grew up working class and has no safety net; he just wants a little adventure before he gets a real job/grows up/gets married (his gf back home is off to college; they’re long-distance; it’s... not going to work). He’s a good guitar player and he’s a good songwriter and that’s it but maybe it’ll be more? What do they say about the lottery? Can’t win if you don’t play? Charlie and Hick want to be famous ~rule the world. Hick plays guitar well and tries to write songs but they’re shitty. Charlie is passively learning the keyboard and writes songs that are not... bad...? Some are... good?

Charlie and Hick--can you tell they eclipse Craig, yet?--have weird sexual chemistry and tension: they tease, they flirt, they taunt, they enjoy one another’s attention but they never so much as hug. They both have cruel streaks as only disconnected, spoiled, emotionally stunted bluebloods can: the torture of their relationship/non-relationship gets them off more than anything else could and that thrill drives much of their behaviors: bringing wanton strangers home for one night stands, each hoping the other is watching/overhearing, fighting about little things, acting like inappropriately close siblings, acting like strangers. Craig suffers their whims; Charlie and Hick aren’t just united in their toxicity and their dreams of fame, but in how they make Craig into a third wheel or a--well, punching bag is too strong a term. Charlie and Hick think they’re teasing their bff but you know how it is to be teased allllll the tiiiiiiime and how it can make your head spin when people who can’t get along with one another join forces--without even having to discuss it--to turn on you. Their relationship gets patched up, you’re hurting, they insist it’s not a big deal and even that you even liked it. We’re all friends. We’re all best friends omg.

But sometimes they have fun together. They have a lot of fun together. Sometimes it all is everything each dreamed it would be. DSV is a wonderland and their careers are happening and life is happening and they’re best friends. They’re soulmates for life.

The three work on music, perform at clubs. Craig is starting to come into his own as a man. I hate the term coming-of-age but in the background of the Charlie & Hick Show, Craig is maturing. He has to, because C&H are fuck-ups. They jeopardize scheduled performances. They don’t know how to talk to club owners. They’re not interested in paying their dues. They are unable (or unwilling) to promote themselves without being obnoxious attention whores. They don’t practice or help write songs. They don’t take care of the house. Hick is late with his rent. Charlie thinks she can flirt her way out of everything. Craig is also the only one of them who works; he has a day job at a print shop, gives guitar lessons on the side, and makes sure the three get gigs and don’t get evicted. The only thing C&H put consistent effort toward is making the social scene or finding a party or scoring drugs or getting laid. As the group’s local star(s) rise, their fates start to change course which increases the interpersonal tension. Hick’s fun-loving nature is starting to turn into a legit substance abuse problem and he’s picking fights with the wrong people and socially devolving, his arrogance and issues and general laziness rendering him unable to relate to others; Charlie is getting a lot of attention from older men In the Business, who have the money and connections to make her a solo star, which she is shrewdly considering; and Craig’s resentment toward his “friends” and disillusionment with the superficiality of DSV is making him rethink his motivation for coming west in the first place.

Oh, and Charlie and Hick--again, as their paths change and as their weird tension remains unresolved--continue to take their bullshit out on Craig and now it’s not funny anymore, it’s not cute, it’s not exciting, and neither is it when Hick ruins a show by being too stoned to perform and neither is it when Charlie brings unsavory characters home who trash the three’s equipment and neither is it when C&H steal Craig’s songs and perform without him at a gig they didn’t tell him about.

What I intended was that the story would at first seem to be The Charlie and Hick Show, all about them, as if we’re supposed to root for them, but ideally, through my ~deft hand 🙄 the reader 🙄🙄 was supposed to be like, Um... hold on-- until it eventually was quite obvious that these two--though human; though in situations we could understand and empathize with--were captured at a point in their lives when they were Super Toxic Assholes, and what you were watching all along was Craig as Hero.

So I had ideas, but I didn’t know how to fit them together and I didn’t want a really long story and I couldn’t--I just couldn’t figure it out. I do know that the end was going to be Craig screwing them like they’d been screwing him, a final middle finger with consequences. I know that he and Hick were going to have words and Hick was going to try and fight him (such a loser) and Charlie was going to throw a Hail Mary of like... trying to seduce (lol) Craig into staying omg I always had a thing for you/we’d be such a great team/I always thought we could ~be something ~together uwu bullshit like that. Was this true? Was this true in her own mind? I think I was going to set the story up so that if you reread, yeah, it could be true, but she’s so flirty and manipulative and socially savvy and used to getting what she wants that who knows what her real feelings ever are? Ultimately that would’ve been irrelevant bc Craig never looked at her that way and hates her and Hick now; good going guys. It’s worth noting, I guess, that when I put the group on a test lot, Charlie was super into Craig immediately, went right to him, stood close to him, was eager to make romantic overtures; she went 0 to 60 in an instant and as so far as is possible in this game they had chemistry, but Craig was not feeling the romance. And no one was feeling Hick.

Anyway, Craig was going to move on with his life and Charlie and Hick were going to learn nothing and blame him, ~the end.

And then, as I continued to play my save and maybe tell more stories, there would be Easter eggs, references to Charlie, Hick, and Craig older/in the future and where they went in life in the background of other, unrelated stories: Hick’s substance abuse problems and rehab stints and going by Richard again and his eventual moderate fame and eventual sobriety and attempted comeback and his bad relationships with his exes and children; Charlie’s legit fame + marriage to a producer + eventual fade away + moderate comeback + solid second or third marriage and bff relationship with her children 🙄🙄🙄 and her palatial house on the coast and now she exclusively wears white and ivory and pampers her dogs and eats raw (but drinks wine) because it “cured” her undiagnosed, unnamed “autoimmune disorder,” which she wrote a book about resulting in a semi-comeback but as a Famous Person and not a musician. Craig going to college and becoming a high school English teacher who plays in a local band on the weekends and who has a good marriage (not to the long distance gf) and nice kids, one of whom would eventually have her own story where she pursued musicianship with her dad, which got him back into his first passion but it was a qt father-daughter project and not An Attempt to Be Famous.

So. Idk. That’s what this all would’ve been. But it wasn’t, and it won’t be!