peace-coast-island

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

When life disappoints you, lose yourself in an aquarium to remind yourself that the world isn't such a bad place

Aquariums can be nice to look at, especially when you want something simple that still gives you a much needed change of scenery. I haven’t been to one since I was young and probably not able to really appreciate them the same way grown adult me would. I mean, it’s nothing groundbreaking, just really cool to look at, and that’s good enough for me. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating something just because it looks nice and not something you’d see every day - I guess that’s the main appeal of aquariums.

For me, I think the main appeal is just seeing all the different creatures, the colors, and just watching them swim around. It may not look like much, but I find it kinda fun. In a child’s imagination, an aquarium is like another world, and I was that kid who imagined herself living in there. Funny to think that as an adult, I sometimes find myself doing the same and it’s just as fun.

This trip was kinda something we put together last minute, which seems to be the thing when I meet up with the Epiphany. Simply put, we needed something that was chill while somewhat engaging enough to get ourselves out of a rut and take our mind off things. I’d say the aquarium did its job.

I’ve been feeling out of whack after spending a week stuck in bed knocked out by a virus. It started with a cold that made me use my inhaler more than usual, which is not a good sign. After a few days, I went to see a doctor, who told me that I wasn’t having an exacerbation, so that’s a relief. However, because I have asthma, they prescribed me an antiviral to reduce the risk of complications. Had it not for that, then it’s just the usual bed rest and drink lots of fluids.

By the time I saw the doctor, some of my symptoms had resolved itself, aside from the coughing and occasional shortness of breath. The medicine, on the other hand, that’s what really knocked me out. They warned me about the side effects and how that should not keep me from taking it. Yeah, it was bad, but I pulled through. I figured that I was better off feeling terrible now than pay for it later if, worst case scenario, I wind up in the hospital. Sometimes you just have to drag yourself through it.

One side effect I noticed right away was the persistent bitter taste in my mouth that made a lot of things taste bad, like water. Then came the upset stomach, which made matters worse. Tea helped for a bit, but when that became too bitter I put together a drink that was basically honey, hot water, and oat milk and lived off that. I was told to try to stay hydrated, which I think really helped a lot when I was unable to eat, bit it wasn’t easy.

Ugh, that was awful, though nothing compared to the headaches that came on later. That, and the brain fog in general from being sick just killed me. I tried taking something for the headaches, but that didn’t help, so I tried to sleep through it. As someone who is somehow incapable of taking naps, that was kinda tricky even though I was exhausted, though I managed to get a tiny bit of sleep here and there.

So I was basically flat out on my back for a week because of that damn medicine. But so did many other people who took it and made a full recovery. I’m not 100% yet, but I feel a lot better, so there’s that. Yeah, I can see why some people stop taking it after a couple days, but that’s not a good thing. Well, at least the ordeal’s over. Getting sick is not fun at all.

On the bright side, I managed to make some good progress on some of my knits before the brain fog and exhaustion overtook me. First was my basic raglan cardigan, which I’ve been putting on the backburner to focus on finishing my kompeito cardi, which came out amazing. I’ve managed to get one wear out of my kompeito - or confetti, as my family calls it - before getting sick and got a lot of compliments about it. After having mixed feelings about my cabled cardigan that’s a size too small, I’m glad to have another finished project that I feel really proud of.

As for the basic raglan, I finished one sleeve and got started on the other one. I figured that since I had one done already, why not just start the other one? Hopefully that’ll sort of combat second sleeve syndrome, as well as give me a better idea of how long I want the body to be. I think on the picture it looks kinda cropped, and I’m not sure if I want that. At least I know for sure that I have plenty of yarn to add extra length - maybe an inch at the most. At least with the body it’s just mindless stockinette, which I’ll save for days when I want to turn my brain off and just knit.

My main WIP is the long awaited and hyped Blissful Cardigan. It’s a saddle shoulder v-neck cardigan that’s really popular and has been on my to-knit list for a long time. I’ve never done saddle shoulder before, which is one reason why I kept putting it off. Along with trying out a different construction, it’s also my first venture into mohair. So far, I’ve been liking the result, though sometimes I have to be careful to make sure I’m holding both yarns together since it’s easy to accidentally miss the mohair, especially if I’m knitting somewhere that’s kinda dark.

Knitting with two yarns held together isn’t a huge learning curve, my main concern was not knowing how I’d like the mohair. The brand for both the yarns are very popular - for good reason - and I’m glad to say that it is not scratchy at all. I actually have no idea what my sensitivity level to wool is, but since I don’t like high necks like turtlenecks, I’m assuming that I wouldn’t do well with yarn that’s really scratchy.

I’m only on the sleeve increases part of the yoke, which thankfully doesn’t require as much math as the first part of the yoke since you just knit even on the purl side. The first part, the set up, has you doing increases on the purl side, something I don’t do often, and I’m still eeeh on make 1 right purls. They’re just so fiddly to work with, but I’ll deal.

I like that the yoke is engaging and that the pattern has clearly written out the rows for each size in a separate chart so you can keep track of everything. I find that I’m not a fan of at the same time instructions because it’s easy to get lost and mess up your numbers, so that’s a plus for me with this pattern. Also, it’s fun learning a new construction and seeing how it all comes together.

Then comes my third WIP, which will have to take top priority since it’s a gift knit. It’s a the Hibernate v-neck pullover for my mom, something she always wanted in her wardrobe. I had her feel the mohair and merino combination of my Blissful before settling on the same yarns and she liked it too, saying that she wanted something kinda fancy. Mohair really does add a level of luxury to knits and now I’m afraid of falling into a potentially dangerous rabbit hole. Of course, I wanted one of my own, and there happened to be a big sale, so I got the yarns for both of us.

The base color my mom chose was unicorn purple, a soft and pretty light purple, paired with marzipan, a very light grayish beige. It’s cool to see how using a different color mohair adds something to the merino without looking too marled. For my own sweater - which I won’t be working on for a while - I went for marzipan as my merino base and cream for my mohair because I could use more neutrals in my wardrobe.

Since my mom is a size smaller than me, I hope that I’ll get it done a bit faster. I’m at the beginning of the yoke, which is a compound raglan. The first part of the yoke, like the Blissful, involves raglan increases on the purl side. Thankfully, there wasn’t as much of that and it looks like all the purls will be knit even rows from now on. Like with the Blissful, the Hibernate also puts detailed charts for the raglan increases. Stuff like that takes a lot of time and effort to add, so I really appreciate both designers doing that.

And like me, the Epiphany also got sick and were knocked out by the same virus and medicine. Laufey got hit first, followed by Jewel, then Fionna, Jiangyi. Meiying, Landry, and Hongxia. Yang and Della only managed to avoid it because they were out - more on that later.

Since Meiying, Jewel, and Fionna were also in the high risk category of developing serious complications, they were also given the medicine, which they all complained about too. Well, misery loves company, so at least we were able to let off some steam complaining in our group chat about the side effects, especially about that persistent bitter taste. Again, better off to feel like shit now and have that go away than have it bite us back in the ass later. At least we all know now that the medicine did work or else we wouldn’t be up to going out today.

While everyone was sick, Della was summoned back home for what will probably the last time. After the dissolution of the Eagle Stellarons, things have been going downhill over there. The political instability has gone bad to worse with the possibility of war down the line as the former Stellarons are willing to destroy everything just to maintain their status. Yikes, this is why people like Della are willing to put their lives on the line to stop them from abusing their power.

Knocking down a corrupt and powerful faction will always have devastating consequences, sort of a last resort kind of thing when all other possibilities of reform is just impossible. Yang said although the Stellarons act like they rose from a noble cause, the truth is that they have always been self-serving from the very start. In other words, under their rule, if you have money and status, you can get away with anything while the common folk have to pay the price for your whims.

Some individuals, like Della, are in a difficult position because of their families. There’s this inside joke about the members of the Epiphany surviving at least 30 attempts on their lives - 30 being a super low estimate on purpose considering that most people wouldn’t even have 5 murder attempts in their lifetime. Thanks to her father, Della sidestepped at least 15 assassination attempts this year. She said if it wasn’t so fucking serious, it would actually be funny in an incompetent way.

Like, seriously, who do these people think they are? This guy’s daughter rightfully criticizes the government and he brings out the snipers because he won’t accept that he’s complicit in many crimes. Della always had a difficult relationship with him, especially after he made it clear that he would rather have her dead than accept that she was struggling with severe mental health issues. When he found out that she was gonna testify, he flat out said in court that he was gonna get her killed. Still, some people chose to ignore that, even after the murder attempts began. Not surprisingly, they would say that she brought it on herself - anything to excuse the former Stellarons of any wrongdoing even though they’re boldly committing crimes in broad daylight for all to see.

She’s long accepted that her father’s a lost cause, and his failed attempts at assassination makes him more of a joke than a serious threat. Seriously, how desperate can someone get? To think this ultra powerful commander is soooo threatened by his daughter because she’s willing to call him out on his bullshit that he doesn’t hide the fact that he’s trying to put a bullet in her head. Despite the real danger he poses on her life, Della sees him as nothing but a pathetic coward who throws a temper tantrum when things don’t go his way.

Her mother, on the other hand, is her main source of disappointment. Yang was hoping that she’d stay true to her word and commit to the fight the whole way. However, she, like many of her colleagues, ended up backing out once shit really hit the fan. Just as he feared, a lot of them cared more about protecting their standing with the former Stellarons than looking out for the civilians whose lives are now in upheaval due to the growing instability. Damn, that is a letdown, especially after so many of them preached about how important it is to look out for the common folk.

Yang says the most frustrating thing about Clio is how she seems to only care about the issues when it’s convenient for her. The main reason why she finally decided to testify against the Stellarons was because she feared for her daughter’s life. She knew that if Della stuck with the Stellarons, there was no doubt that she was going to be killed, and she did not want that for her daughter, who she felt deserved so much better. But when it came to doing the actual dirty work, meaning putting her former subordinates on the spot and publicly denouncing them while doing everything in her power to undo the damage they did, she suddenly decided that she would rather stay in their good graces than become their next target of ire.

While Yang says there’s no doubt that Clio values Della’s life, once she realized what she will lose by turning against the Stellarons - prestige, influence, respect, all that good stuff that comes from being a commander - she was unable to let go, to accept that the things she fought for are no longer hers. And Della’s not the only one disappointed in her, so are the civilians who thought Clio was by their side, which makes it worse. To fill their hearts with empty promises that will never be followed through, to deceive those close to you into believing that they’ll always be by your side when you need them - nothing is more cruel than dangling hope on a thin thread just out of reach, only to snip it away moments before you can catch it.

And on top of that, Della’s citizenship has finally been revoked, something she knew was gonna happen eventually. She was actually surprised that it took them that long to finally get around to doing so. Like Sara, Della has long severed her ties with her homeland once shit started going down, and she has no desire to return, if ever. While she’s cautiously optimistic that the people will rise up against the former Stellarons, there’s just too many painful memories for her over there. In the few times she’s returned since traveling with the Epiphany, so much has changed because of the ongoing tension that it was no longer the place she remembered.

It sounds like a lot, but Della says she’s kinda over it. She still hopes to help the civilians any way she can, especially with rumors of war looming on the horizon. She hopes it doesn’t go down that route, though situations like these are always unpredictable. Yang reassures her to put her faith in the people, to listen to their voices, and support them when they need it - that’s what it means to be an ally. She’s done her part, now she just needs to keep her word and follow through on what she says, even if it means making her an enemy of her former colleagues. That was a price she was well aware of paying when she stepped up in court and she will never forget that.

I admire her for staying true to her word. I can’t imagine it being easy in her position, risking everything to ensure that other people will have a future to look forward to. Admitting that you were wrong for being a member of a faction that served to oppress and control the general population, playing a major role in spreading their lies and turning a blind eye to the injustice around you. To open your eyes to the world around you and being brave enough to say, “This is unacceptable, I need to do something about it.” She didn’t do all of this to become a hero, she did it because she needed to do the right thing.

After the week we’ve all had, going to the aquarium was the perfect remedy to clear our minds. Sometimes you just need to lose yourself to fish swimming in the water, maybe even imagine yourself as one of them. It won’t solve your problems, but it’s nice to have a bit of an escape to help you break out of a rut before running back into the swing of things.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Destroy the idea that you have to be valuable to society in order to earn the right to live

Why must someone be “useful” to justify their existence? Is it not enough to just live for yourself and those you care about? Why must we bend over backwards to gain other people’s approval at the expense of our own well being? The older I get, the less I understand this sort of mentality that some people try to force on to you.

I consider myself lucky in the sense that I was never raised in such a way that I was treated like a tool, a pawn to use for someone else’s advantage. But I have fallen into the trap of believing that I need to be useful in order for people to like me, that being a burden is the worst thing I can be. Of course, forcing yourself to shoulder everything and suffer in silence never works out, but sometimes it feels like we have no other choice.

Some people would rather let you drown than admit that something’s wrong with the system when there’s not enough rafts to carry everyone. Worse, they might even try to justify why someone doesn’t deserve help, often by placing the blame on an easy target even though the problem’s far more complicated than that. In other words, they only care about you when you’re convenient, and have no problem tossing you aside when they can’t exploit you anymore.

When you grow up a certain way, it’s easy to assume that some aspects you don’t look fondly back on are just shit most people deal with, only to realize later on that what you went through wasn’t normal and maybe a little bit fucked up. Instead of wallowing in what could have been, I think the best thing to do is accept that what happened to you in the past was unacceptable, but you can - and will - move past that on to better things. That whole you can’t change the past but you can do something about the present and future sort of deal.

Although it’s good to have high expectations of someone that you know you can trust, I feel like it’s easy to get too caught up in the potential and end up placing immense pressure on the other person. While it’s good to push yourself to be better, you also have to understand your limitations - something that I admit I still struggle with. Unfortunately, there are some who refuse to understand that not everyone can always be winners and that there’s more to someone than their achievements and usefulness.

Even if someone isn’t useful or contributes to society in any way, I think they still deserve respect and dignity just for the sole fact that they’re people and that should be a given. Apparently, that idea makes certain people really mad for some reason. Case in point, this random dick who called a dead prostitute some throwaway who doesn’t deserve to be remembered. Lian was about to give him a good piece of her mind when Dainn beat her to it. Although the guy brushed him off, I think he managed to take him down a notch. Seriously, the nerve of some people.

Then that led to an unexpected lore/backstory dump, the kind that changes how you see someone after learning more about their past and how that shaped them into the person they are today. Not only I’ve gotten to know Dainn better over the years, my respect for him has gone up a lot too. He’s gone from some enigmatic guy in the background who I only knew through Raiden and Qingmei to one of the gang, which is nice to see develop. Really, after all the shit he had to endure over the centuries, he deserves to live a quiet life where he can just do whatever he wants without feeling guilty for being alive.

The reason why hearing someone reduce a prostitute’s life as worthless set him off is because he could’ve easily become one of them, and the fact that he’s seen too many people go down that road. When he mentioned that he was raised on the streets, that’s basically what they called everyone at the bottom of the social ladder. In his case, Dainn, and his friend Mem, were raised by a physician who worked for a brothel. The brothel was known for a trio of high ranking courtesans who ran the pleasure district, and who also had a hand in raising the kids the physician took in.

According to Dainn, those who were raised over there were illegitimate children of noble families that were kept as a backup plan, so to say. In his and Mem’s case, their family ties were only acknowledged because there were no other heirs. Aside from gaining a name and having access to many privileges, they had no connection to their biological families at all. Their achievements, such as becoming captains of the Karephira Royal Knights, were done through their hard work and effort with no help from their blood ties whatsoever.

In fact, some people actually protested their positions at first, and they both simultaneously became the most respected and disrespected of the knights, which is what I consider an amazing feat. Talk about a love-hate thing - like, I can’t imagine being so polarizing like that and actually getting a kick out of it like it’s nothing. Some people really are built different.

For Dainn, what made him so polarizing despite being one of the most respected knights ever was the fact that he chose to be a prostitute - or more accurately, moonlight as one. It was one of those open secret sort of things where everyone knows and he doesn’t give a fuck if anyone has a problem with it, probably because most of them wouldn’t say it directly to his face due to his ranking. Really, it was the elders who often clashed with him for various reasons, but that’s irrelevant now, he says. Some things are better off lost to time.

As for why he chose to become one of them, the best way he can explain it is that it gave him a sense of control. Like, he’s willing to be used as a pawn in terms of being an exceptional warrior, but outside of that, his life is his. He owed a lot to the people who raised him, especially since they were the ones who kept him grounded as he rose up in the ranks and inevitably got caught up in the political drama that eventually contributed to Karephira’s downfall.

To him, and the courtesans who had a hand in raising him, there was no shame in being a sex worker despite what others might say. I mean, it’s just like any other job, something that most people can’t seem to wrap their heads around. It’s a shame that even today there’s still this idea of sex work being taboo or beneath you - not to mention the fact that exploitation and abuse are very real issues that are prevalent in that field. At least the brothel Dainn grew up in was considered upper class, which meant some of his clients were actually his subordinates - or even his superiors in a couple instances. He never elaborated, so I don’t know if that was awkward or he didn’t care enough for that to phase him.

Again, his lack of fucks given is admirable, and maybe that played a role in how he survived for so long. I wouldn’t say it was ideal since he obviously suffered a lot throughout his life, but sometimes you gotta do whatever it takes to survive, even if it means detaching yourself from the world just to make it a tiny bit more bearable to get through the day. At least he liked being a captain and a sex worker, which was why he was willing to be used as a pawn - I mean, it could be worse, but I guess it’s better to want to be used than feel like you have to against your will.

So, to survive a day in Dainn’s life pre-Karephira downfall, you need to a) have balls of steel to not give a fuck while they talk shit behind your back, and b) turn to booze as a coping mechanism, Karephiran style. Sounds rough, but he said that’s how it was back then, something that was considered normal, believe it or not. Yeah, I get what he means, even if it is unacceptable by most standards. Some cultures and societies have their own ways of living whether we agree with it or not.

Around the time the Karephira disaster hit, Dainn was well on the same path of self-destruction like Mem. Of course, he managed to fool everyone by appearing as if he has his shit together even though that’s far from the truth. He played the dutiful role of a warrior quite well, and he figured maybe that’s why they let him get away with so much shit even when it became clear he was falling apart. Out of sight, out of mind.

Funnily enough, it was his side job that kinda kept him from completely going over the edge - something about feeling wanted and fulfilling someone’s desires, he said. Well, transactional intimacy’s better than nothing. Plus, I imagine it helped give him some sort of distraction. Again, sometimes you just gotta do whatever it takes to get through the day - and in his case, it was the need to feel needed, which I totally get.

On a side note, Raiden learned about his brothel past in an interesting way when he offered himself to her to show his trust, that he was on her side. When she realized that meant sleeping with him, she initially thought he was some sort of secret pervert. Welp, that’s awkward on both ends. Like, how do you recover from that?

That whole debacle was after Mei revealed who his birth mother was, to which he said that he preferred it when his mother was some unknown prostitute a knight had a one night stand with. Considering how she, who also happened to be a former captain, was planning to use him as some sacrificial weapon, only to be assassinated in Sango before she could go through with that, I don’t blame him. Mei felt that she, like many warriors she’s seen throughout the centuries, had lost their way, believing the ends always justify the means, even if it means sacrificing a few to ensure they’ll get the upper hand. If fate wasn’t so merciful, Dainn would’ve easily walked the same path as those like his mother and Raiden’s brother.

Speaking of Raiden’s brother, would it still be considered a situationship if the other person’s long dead? Basically, that whole thing was, and still is a mess, and yet Dainn admits that he still feels something. Not exactly love, or hate, maybe more like yearning for something he knows he can’t ever have. I guess love - or whatever you want to call it - has no rhyme or reason. It was a case of two lonely people desperate to make a connection, except both of them are emotionally constipated and can’t communicate for shit.

Somehow, I imagine it’s like being on a rollercoaster that you know is falling apart, yet you don’t want to get off because you’ll have nowhere to go afterwards.

To sum it up, the biggest issue they were never able to overcome was the lack of communication. They were both sending mixed messages to each other about pretty much everything, and that wasn’t doing them any favors. That whole, “I don’t want to burden you with my troubles, so I’ll just suffer in silence,” deal combined with “No one will like me if I’m not useful, so I must be convenient as possible for the other person to use me however they see fit.” Yikes, I can see why they fell apart later on.

The way Dainn described it, Raiden’s brother had a tendency to lead him on, and he’d follow, only to go off in another direction when they couldn’t commit. In other words, Raiden’s brother says A with a question mark at the end. Halfway through, they lose steam while Raiden’s brother ponders whether to continue or not, to which Dainn would take them to B, only to end up at C. Yeah, that’ll get you nowhere pretty quickly.

It also didn’t help that both of them weren’t entirely committed to a relationship, which was more on Raiden’s brother’s side from my understanding. To simply call them friends with benefits or fuck buddies is an oversimplification, though Dainn says it felt like that sometimes. He also kinda feels guilty for taking on clients when money was tight, though he only did so with Raiden’s brother’s approval. I mean, I wouldn’t count that as being unfaithful because it’s a job that pays for your expenses. Raiden believes that her brother just wasn’t the type who was willing to commit to a long term relationship, but would be the last to admit it.

Even now, Dainn still isn’t exactly sure how he feels about Raiden’s brother, as in whether his want for intimacy was genuine or out of loneliness. Probably both, which just complicates things even further. Even when they parted ways acrimoniously, Dainn was still hoping they’d reconcile one day, especially after crossing paths with Raiden and Qingmei. And then Raiden’s brother flipped out - putting it lightly, they said - when he saw Raiden and Dainn fighting side by side.

When he told his sister to stay away from Dainn, that was actually one of the few times Raiden deliberately disobeyed him, and that, she said, kinda marked the beginning of the end with her brother. Not too long after, she witnessed what looked like an assault, which Dainn insisted was just some brief scuffle, but she’s not convinced. Basically, she saw her brother pin Dainn down like he was trying to suffocate him, and he fought back by forcibly kissing him. Yeah, pretty sure that’s assault. Raiden hates to think what would’ve happened if she hadn’t intervened. And then it went downhill from there.

As harsh as it sounds, Raiden and Dainn believe that maybe it’s for the best that he’s dead and buried. From how it sounds, he was a deeply unhappy person who was seriously wounded by the misfortunes of the world to the point that he felt like there was no way out. How do you show the light to someone who can no longer see it because they’re too fixated on the dark? They’re aware of the light peering through the dark, but they don’t think it’s worth looking at because it’ll go out eventually.

I can’t imagine living with the mindset of, “It’s all gonna go to shit anyway, so why bother?” The way I see it, if it really is shit, then try to do something about it. Sure, you won’t change the tides overnight, but if you can do something can even make the smallest difference, that’s a lot better than doing nothing at all. You can’t move mountains, but you can at least clear the trail to make it a bit easier to navigate.

Sometimes it’s easy to throw in the towel and say fuck it, but that doesn’t do much in the long run. Giving in to despair will only bring you suffering and pain, while hope gives you something to look forward to. Sometimes just knowing that there is a way out is more than enough. Like, that alone won’t solve your problems, but at least you know that life goes on whether you like it or not.

I think that’s what ultimately set Dainn apart from Raiden’s brother. Despite sharing similar pessimistic views of the world, a part of him still wanted to find the good, that tiny speck of hope to keep him going. I’d like to think that someone who sees a “washed up druggie hooker” as a human being who deserves respect and dignity like any other person wouldn’t give in to despair and nihilism so easily.

That’s not the first, nor the last time he’d stand up for someone whose life is casually brushed off as insignificant because they didn’t “contribute to society.” Growing up in a the pleasure district, he’s seen a lot of people living out on the streets, and had it not been for the brothel, that could’ve easily been him. Despite claiming to be sort of a cynic, he’s the kind of person who’d go out of his way to reach out when someone falls through the cracks unnoticed. Even if he can’t save them, the least he could do is be there for them, to acknowledge that they once existed no matter how insignificant they think they are. That, he says, is what keeps him going these days, and I think that’s great.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Sundaes, tea, and confetti candles at Milkcloud

Tea is the theme for this fun collab between the camp, Milkcloud, and Flickering Dreams. From tea flavored ice cream to confetti tea leaf candles - and even some of the other kind of tea - I’d say we really went all out! There’s nothing like getting warm and cozy with a hot cup of tea - one of those little simple pleasures that helps me get through the day.

So we’re making tea ice cream, which may sound unusual, but it works really well. Matcha ice cream is actually one of my top favorite flavors, and I grew up eating tea flavored sweets, so to me, it’s not strange. Sure, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea (ha!), but if you do like tea a lot, I’d recommend giving some stuff like that a try. Obviously not all teas translate well to ice cream, though the ones that go well with milk and sugar are perfect - like chai, earl grey, Thai tea, and London fog.

After making the ice cream, we had to make them into cute sundaes, because why not? We were in the mood to do a little baking, so we made a batch of shortbread cookies in a bunch of cute shapes. You can’t really go wrong with shortbread and tea, and turning that into a sundae takes it to another level.

Then we made candles decorated with dried tea leaves, which kinda reminded us of confetti - hence, the name. They’re basically a bunch of cute tealights with a little extra touch. Definitely screams fall aesthetic, something I’m all for!

So we’ve got us campers, Kati, Millie, Junia, Nina, Emma, Alexi, and Sabrina, an occasional vlogger who’s the newest member of the Milkcloud crew. We’re all just chilling out, enjoying our sundae creations and serving some tea. In other words, there’s some drama going on in the content creator world - not exactly a hot topic, more like something that happened a while back that continues to have repercussions. Kinda like beating a dead horse sort of thing that’s veered into uncomfortable territory.

Sabrina’s not directly involved with the original controversy that sparked the current situation, but that person happens to be her sister. Sammie, aka swiftlysammie formerly of the Awesome Sisters, was - and still is - a bit of a controversial figure in some circles. She and her two ex-best friends started Awesome Sisters in high school, which then took off a few years later thanks to Hologram Viral, a company that’s kinda evolved into a toxic cesspool of social media and content creation, I’m afraid to say.

A lot of what I hear about Hologram is not good - like, I’m just sitting here minding my own business in my little corner and every so often I hear a commotion outside. Sometimes I think I’m a bit too chronically online - who doesn’t these days? - and then I hear about discourse around the most random trivial shit and realize. “Hey, how’s it going, you good? How about getting offline and touching some grass once in a while and maybe you’ll realize how little people really care about whatever you’re throwing a tantrum over and just get on with their lives.”

Seriously, constantly engaging in online discourse is like poison for your brain.

So, the story basically goes like this. About a year ago, Sammie was canceled when she lost her temper during an argument and punched someone during a livestream. According to Sabrina, Sammie’s been likely struggling with anger issues her whole life, which she is finally working on addressing. As a result, she became the target of harassment and was kicked out of Awesome Sisters and Hologram Viral.

Because they have different mothers, Sabrina and Sammie didn’t grow up in the same household. For context, their father has been married and divorced eight times - Sabrina from marriage number four, Sammie from marriage number six. Since Sabrina’s an only child and Sammie has two other siblings, Sabrina was shipped off to her stepmother’s during the weekends. While she got along with her siblings for the most part, they weren’t particularly that close.

It took her a while to fully understand what had transpired between Sammie and the Awesome Sisters, part of it because she simply didn’t want to get involved. Unlike her sister, Sabrina doesn’t revolve her life around content creation. To her, it’s a fun hobby that unexpectedly took off, and while it has grown to be more than just video diaries, she prefers to strictly keep it as a side thing, not her personality or her livelihood. In fact, seeing how Sammie turned out was the main reason why she refuses to become a full time content creator.

After a flimsy apology video she later deleted and several lackluster attempts going solo, Sammie eventually caught the attention of a group of misfits living in an old mansion outside the city. Then she and gang - Garnet, Hyacinth, Azure, Chyna, and Dinah went on to become Chill Out Besties, a channel that’s a hodgepodge of content from clickbait challenges, music, recipes, gaming, and casual vlogs. A combination of the erratic upload schedule, the inconsistent content, and the quirkiness of the ladies ended up being their selling point as Sammie was determined to get as many views as possible to stick it up to everyone who looked down on her.

The girls, specifically Garnet and Chyna, were the stars of the show while Sammie worked behind the scenes. Over time, the girls began having more creative input while Sammie lightened up on her mission to keep up with the trends, which allowed the channel to really take off. There’s still some clickbaity stuff here and there, but it doesn’t feel forced, more like them just messing around, which I think makes it feel less like they’re doing it for the trend and more like, “We’re doing this because we think it would be fun.” Although it’s not my thing, I can see the appeal.

The fact that Sammie was behind Chill Out Besties wasn’t supposed to be publicly known for various reasons, mainly because of the backlash. Her old friends at Awesome Sisters found out by chance when they happened to run into each other. They started talking, Sammie revealed what she’d been up to, and then the girls secretly filmed the whole thing, staging it as a reconciliation.

What they uploaded was very different from reality, framing Sammie as a “mentally unstable brute”, consequently putting Chill Out Besties under fire. Sabrina was unwillingly dragged into that drama when some people found out that they were related. She described it as brutal, even more so than the original controversy. Sammie was already a polarizing Awesome Sister due to her short temper and people were far too eager to jump on her whenever she lost her cool or put her foot in her mouth.

At this point it doesn’t matter if she was a straight up unlikable bitch, harassing and bullying someone to the point where she’s contemplating suicide is fucking unacceptable. Not to mention harassing her friends and family and revealing personal information to use against them. And a lot of that was coming from those affiliated with Hologram, which makes it ten times worse.

Then that died down after a while, probably because they got bored when they realized that they weren’t gonna get a rise out of Sammie. Sabrina believes that Garnet, who eventually became her girlfriend, had a lot to do with that. Plus the fact that she knows that Sammie has been a lot happier and less stressed out since meeting Garnet and the others. Sabrina has only really gotten to know Garnet, Azure, and Hyacinth recently, and her impression so far is that they’re loud and eccentric, but they’re also genuinely kind and sincere, unlike the other two Awesome Sisters. She also believes that Garnet is the best thing to ever happen for Sammie, even more so after the incident earlier this year.

Said incident took place at a convention where various content creators from all over meet up. It happens to be the same event where Nina and a couple others ended up seriously injured when they decided that safety wasn’t a priority. Ever since management changed, that event seems to be drawing a lot of controversies, the toxic and unwelcoming environment being a major one.

Serious and disabling injuries was bad, now what about attempted murder? That’s right, Chill Out Besties was poisoned at some point during the three day event, the culprit being poisonous mushrooms in a dish they ordered from the retreat they were sharing with a bunch of other content creators, including the Awesome Sisters.

While the others eventually recovered, Sammie suffered extensive kidney damage and is now on dialysis. There’s no doubt that she was the intended target and that the Awesome Sisters are involved somehow. However, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where they play a role in all of this, especially since Sammie herself doesn’t believe either one would know anything about poisonous mushrooms. There’s also the question of how they would have access to the kitchen. In other words, this was a coordinated attack.

Not surprisingly, no action was taken despite the fact that people almost died. And Hologram Viral’s content creators memed the shit out of that incident to boost their views, which is really fucked up. It seems strange that Sammie’s still trying to regain respect from Hologram when they made it clear that they don’t respect her at all, but she has her reasons. Sabrina hates to say it, but it seems like they’re rooting for her death because they think she deserves it. As for the Awesome Sisters, they could probably benefit from her being dead far more than being alive in terms of them being able to say whatever shit they want about her and get away with it since she wouldn’t be able to contradict them.

These people really have no sense of compassion or morals, it’s fucking sickening. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Eventually, the topic went from it’s okay to kill someone who’s a waste of space to eugenics is actually good for society. Ummmm…okay…. Like, I’m not surprised, but at the same time I’m like, you can’t really be serious? Like, you guys need to shut up forever, I’m not even kidding.

Sabrina and Sammie’s father then added fuel to the fire by revealing personal information about Sammie, like the fact that she’s in kidney failure and was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Of course, the harassment and bullying returned with a vengeance as it gave the haters more of an excuse to beat her to the ground. It’s bad enough that NPD is already vilified by many, now there’s people proudly proclaiming that they’re ableist and view those with psychotic mental illnesses as monsters who deserve to be dehumanized. Yikes.

Then that turned to a discussion about how disabled and chronically ill people are a burden to society that must be eliminated. That only worthy people should be allowed to receive adequate healthcare while the losers aren’t worth caring about. As if it couldn’t become even more of a shitstorm of a dumpster fire.

Along with the topic of certain people should be denied medical care, there’s also people saying that you’re better off dead if you have to take meds in order to live. By that logic, those like Nina and Kati, who have to take medications every day for the rest of their lives to prevent their immune systems from killing them, don’t deserve the right to live.

To add even more to this shitshow, fucking Mae and Alon are also contributing with their own shitty takes. Alon saying that he refused to be a donor for Pippa’s bone marrow transplant because she hadn’t done anything worthwhile to prove herself and acting like it’s worth bragging about because it shows that he has high standards or whatever. Like, who the fuck acts like refusing to help a family member makes you superior? It just makes you look like a selfish asshole. Then Mae went on again about damaged goods and how it’s a good thing to treat people as disposable because it shows you’re better than everyone. To think I grew up alongside those two…. I feel awful for Daisy Jane, Almie, and Pippa.

For the time being, Chill Out Besties is still doing occasional livestreams. Sammie’s still involved behind the scenes, but to a far lesser extent because she can no longer keep up with her old schedule, which was already ridiculous to begin with. As far as Sabrina knows, Sammie has never taken a break from content creation since she started, even when she initially got canceled, which is wild. At least she’s finally slowing down now, though not by choice, and that has been beneficial for her.

With the future of Chill Out Besties still up in the air, Sabrina believes that maybe Sammie would be better off quitting the world of content creation for good if that venture eventually doesn’t work out. Since the chances of her leaving is unlikely, then she hopes that Chill Out Besties successfully becomes its own thing and that Sammie completely severs her ties with Hologram.

I agree with Nina and Sabrina that it’s not worth sticking around with those who don’t respect you. That became even more apparent when a bunch of people put up fake fundraisers claiming that they were asked by Sammie’s family to help pay for her transplant. Chill Out Besties put out a video in response to those, denouncing those who thought it would be a good idea to profit out of someone’s suffering. Like seriously, what the fuck? Garnet went on to say that now she knows who not to turn to for help if any of them were in a difficult situation.

Now that her relationship with Sammie is public knowledge, Garnet’s also receiving a lot of harassment, which she seems to shrug off easily. Sabrina feels like it’s more that she would rather be the target over anyone else, which I get. It’s one thing to bully you, it’s another to bully those close to you. Still, it’s not nice being the center of a hate campaign, though Sabrina feels that compared to Sammie, Garnet seems to be handling things better in terms of not letting it completely get to her head.

I can kinda understand why Sammie feels the need to validate herself and tell her haters to stick it, but now it’s getting to a point where she’s fighting a losing battle. They clearly don’t value her life, so why would they give a fuck if she was doing well? Better to sever her ties and get on with her own life.

Ongoing drama aside, Sabrina says that Sammie’s doing all right. It seems that her brush with death has made her realize that she needed to grow up and take responsibility for her actions. Along with dialysis three times a week, she’s also working on her anger issues and NPD with a counselor. However, it looks like she’ll need a kidney transplant, so they’ve already tested the family for donors. Sabrina just found out not too long ago that she wouldn’t be a good match, which leaves their brother as the best candidate.

Even if Chill Out Besties ends for good, Sabrina knows that Garnet and the others will continue to stick around Sammie because they genuinely care about her, and vice versa. Plus, they’ve proved to Sammie that her life doesn’t have to revolve around content creation and getting the most popularity votes, which was something Sabrina had been trying to get through to her for years. And truth be told, Sabrina never really liked the Awesome Sisters, and I think she had every reason not to considering how they turned out. So Sammie getting canceled ended up being sort of a blessing in disguise, though in sort of a convoluted way.

And that’s the tea - the other kind. Alexi and Emma are aware of the drama, which they also agree has become like beating a dead horse at that point. Sammie’s no saint, nor she’s an abusive monster her haters paint her to be, but there’s no denying that she’s dealing with a bunch of deep rooted issues that a toxic environment like Hologram Viral exacerbated to the point that she was well on her way towards self destruction. At least the one thing Hologram did right was give her the boot, which then kinda forced her to deal with her problems.

Now, if only they can just let her learn from her mistakes, move on, and do her own thing instead of turning her into a punching bag for clout, but that’s Hologram for ya. People make mistakes, and if they’re willing to own up to them, we should allow them to. That’s not to say you have to forgive them if they truly hurt you, but you just have to let them live their lives without your shadow hanging over them.

Sometimes you don’t need alcohol to open up, not when there’s some piping hot tea to serve.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Kicking off sweater weather by picking apples and cozying up at home

One thing I’m looking forward to when it starts to get cold is wearing my handmade knits. I’ve been on a cardigan kick lately and now it’s the perfect season to show them off. I do want to knit some pullovers though, but first I have to finish what I have on my needles before casting on another project.

Body and sleeve island is kinda getting to me, so I gotta push through or else I’ll lose motivation. After spending two months working on one sleeve, I knew something had to be done. To be fair, that was brioche, so it was tedious and took forever to finish compared to plain stockinette. So I’m trying to change things up with one of my WIPs, a basic raglan cardigan with a double knit button band, by putting the body on hold while working on a sleeve when I start a new skein. So far I’ve been making good progress on that, and maybe I’ll just do the other sleeve after just to get those out of the way. Then it’ll be easier for me to figure out how long I want to make the body since things like sleeves and collars can affect the final length.

However, for my main project, the button band and body are done together, so less body island since I have to keep track of the rows for the buttonholes. It’s an oversized and boxy drop shoulder cardigan that’s perfect for transitional seasons, and a pattern I’ve had my eye on for a while. Then I found the perfect yarn for it, a cotton silk blend from a popular Japanese brand that’s known for its colorful yarns that shine in basic garments such as this.

The colorway I chose is called kompeito and it is absolutely gorgeous! It kinda reminds me of funfetti with the blues, pinks, greens, purples, and yellows. Easily the most colorful knit I’ve made so far and I’m loving it. While it is very colorful, it’s also kinda muted in a way that the colors look cohesive and don’t stand out too much, so I can pretty much throw it on top of any outfit. I just love seeing how the yarn works up into a lovely fabric that’s soft and has a lot of drape yet feels durable - the kind of knit that’ll last for years and years to come.

Along with the pretty colors, I’ve been having a great time working with it. I mean, this yarn was a bit of a splurge for me - $45 a ball - so it better damn well be worth it! One of the characteristics of this yarn is the uneven spin, so some sections are thick and loosely spun, and some section are thin and tightly spun, which I think adds a lot of character to the yarn. The owner talks about embracing nature through colors and textures with their yarns, and I think they succeeded with that.

Along with making a lot of good progress on my cardigan that I hope to wear soon, I’ve been spending time getting reacquainted with the campsite in general. I’ve been traveling so much, and while it’s been fun, I think I could use a break. After all, it’s been a long time since we had a camp event, and to be honest, I don’t really have anything planned at the moment. Maybe a gyroid event or a fishing tourney in the near future - just something super casual.

Like right now, it’s just a casual get-together with some friends, new and old. Not really something you plan for, it just kinda happens. That’s just how we roll here.

Connie and Pai are here full of stories about their first impressions of Sazona, along with two new friends from there. After their misadventures in Marippe, Connie decided to set some money aside and pay for a travel guide. Sazona’s rugged terrain can be difficult to navigate for an inexperienced adventurer, especially with dragons roaming freely throughout the land. Yeah, I can imagine a bunch of young and foolish travelers easily running into trouble.

Of course, things didn’t end up working out the way they planned it. The guide Connie hired ended up being a no-show, which Connie said was kinda their fault for not looking into her more. While she was an experienced adventurer, she was also known for being flaky, something that Xiloxoch and Amatl know all too well. After all, she’s their half-sister, the kind of person who pops in and out of their lives when she wants something out of them.

Luckily, Connie and Pai are experienced enough that they could make their way through Sazona without running into too much trouble. Along the way, Pai ended up adopting a lapis dragon she named Espresso who kinda served as their travel guide. Espresso eventually led them to a village where they met Xiloxoch, who was in a bit of a bind.

Basically, Xiloxoch was chosen to represent her tribe during a big tournament, which is a really big deal, especially for someone as young as her. Problem was that she couldn’t find any teammates when her partner suddenly had to drop out. Connie offered to partner up, but only those from Sazona could participate, so they offered to help train her. Now they’ve got a student-mentor thing going on, which is really sweet. Xiloxoch seems to really look up to Connie and Pai.

Along with Xiloxoch, there’s five other representatives - Amatl’s one of them, as well as their friend Matlal, who decided to team up with Xiloxoch. The tournament is described as a test of strength to not only defend the nation from ruin, but also instill hope for generations to come as they try to ensure that there will be a future for the people. I’m guessing that has to do with the crisis Connie has to find a way to somehow avert. Throw a wrench in and there’s no predicting what’ll happen next - that’s how Connie operates.

The host of the event is also the leader of Sazona, known as the Sacred Flame Keeper. Like Xiloxoch, Amatl, and the others, the current Flame Keeper was a representative of her tribe who fought valiantly in the tournaments. She is said to possess immense strength and a burning determination like no one has seen before, which is why she attracted the attention of her predecessor. After singlehandedly turning the tides on what seemed to be a losing fight and ensuring that everyone who stepped in the battlefield would return home no matter what, there was no doubt that she’d become the next Flame Keeper.

According to Amatl, while the Flame Keeper takes her role seriously, she is also very casual, friendly, and a bit of a wild card sometimes. He knows her pretty well since they’re from the same village, so to him and most of his peers, she’s known as Big Sis Mixtli. From how it sounds, Mixtli’s the older sister type figure who the kids look up to because she’s cool, though she can be a bit of a bad influence sometimes. Xiloxoch added that although she might seem intimidating. Mixtli is actually super easy to talk to once you get over the formalities, which she never really cared for anyway. Aside from gaining divine powers after inheriting the title of Sacred Flame Keeper, Mixtli was, and apparently still is, like any other ordinary person, and that’s what helps her connect with others.

Up until then, all Connie and Pai knew about her was that she was insanely strong and could easily snap you in half. Some seemed to give off the impression that she was a brawny brute, which is clearly exaggerated - though she apparently has a thing for lifting weights. As in, she has a massive collection of equipment that it’s actually starting to get ridiculous. Amatl can confirm that it’s getting out of hand, not just because he’s seen it for himself, but also he’s delivered some stuff to her as a courier - and a good number of them are like investment level stuff, aka they’re $$$$.

And yes, her massive strength did cause some incidents in the past, which is why she now only practices indoors as being a minor inconvenience in the city during her workouts is a lot safer than accidentally causing a landslide. Damn, no wonder people are intimidated by her if they only know her at a glance.

Although Sazona’s villages and people are pretty spread out, news manages to travel fast. In less than a day, Mixtli was aware of Connie and Pai’s arrival and was hoping to invite them out for drinks. Neither one expected their first meeting to be in front of a workshop while Matlal was giving them a quick tour of the city. They were just walking down the streets when they heard someone climbing a roof and shouting “Girrrllll, where arreee youuuuuu? I was hoping you can add some more cooolll mods to my bike!” To outsiders, she might look ridiculous, but to the locals, that’s just how she is. An interesting first impression that kinda goes against what they thought - in a good way.

Seeing that Mixtli was probably gonna stick around all day waiting, Matlal reminded her that the owner, a friend of theirs in on vacation and won’t be back until next week. Since she mistakenly got the dates mixed up, Mixtli had some free time on her hands and took the opportunity to get to know about the adventuring duo who was taking on the Celestine Onyx by storm.

Like the others said, Mixtli was easy to talk to once you get past the intimidation stage. Compared to other leaders they’ve gotten to know, Connie says Mixtli is the most down to earth, probably because she was born and raised as a mortal human before ascending to Flame Keeper. Speaking from personal experience, there will always be sort of a gap, like a detachment, between immortals and mortals, even if they have coexisted for years alongside each other. It’s just one of those things that are bound to happen, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. More like cultural differences, they put it, which I think is the simplest way to put it.

So overall, Mixtli is the kind of person who has a level head on her shoulders and knows how to get down to business when the going gets tough. Pai says she’s honest and patient, even when things are chaotic and uncertain, taking the time to explain her actions while sympathizing with others and being receptive to their grievances.

Xiloxoch didn’t expect the Flame Keeper to push herself far beyond her limits to revive and save her when she was trapped in limbo on the battlefield, for which she’s forever grateful for. Even if Matlal and the others hadn’t pushed to risk their lives to bring Xiloxoch back, Mixtli would’ve done so anyway because she valued everyone’s lives. Xiloxoch is still in disbelief that her friends would go that far to save her, and I don’t blame her. Sounds like they’ve been through a lot in such a short time!

For now, things have quieted down thankfully. Though that’s mostly because there isn’t much anyone can do right now other than wait and see what happens next. In the meantime, Connie hopes to use that time wisely to prepare for battle, as well as take the time to explore Sazona. At least Pai’s keeping busy with Espresso, who is a clever little one. She showed me a bunch of pics and he looks so cute! Plus, he makes a good travel guide in an unconventional way, making things a little more fun and interesting.

As for the situation with Xiloxoch and Amatl’s sister, the Guild’s dealing with that issue. Mixtli heard about what happened, saying that Cozca needs a good shake once in a while to stay on track. Apparently, she worked under Mixtli for a time, only to be regrettably let go due to her constant tardiness and absences despite being good at her job when she gets down to it. Xiloxoch explained that Cozca is related to her through her mother and Amatl through his father, and that she’s significantly older than them. They don’t know too much about her past, except that she was raised by her grandparents, who prevented Xiloxoch’s mother from seeing her.

After they died, her parents had married with families of their own, so she just did her own thing, which involved getting into trouble, usually by starting fights. Amatl and Xiloxoch didn’t know about her existence until Xiloxoch’s mother found out that Cozca was alive and well in the city. Since then, she’s been trying to make up for lost time, but Amatl thinks that Cozca’s just taking advantage of her kindness since she has to keep bailing her out.

However, that doesn’t stop him from doing the same, though he makes it a point to lay down some strict conditions. He was the one who got her that job with Mixtli, which worked for a short time before she eventually quit showing up to work and gambled her earnings away. Mixtli tried her best by giving a lot of leeway to her, but even she had her limits, especially when other people are affected. Although the Speaker’s Chamber has a tendency to be chatty, they do get their jobs done effectively, so having someone like Cozca hold things up is not good.

Xiloxoch doesn’t have much of an opinion on her sister since she’s not close to her, other than she’s just someone who needs to get her priorities straight. Her older brother doesn’t get along with her while her younger sister’s told to stay away from her because she’s a bad influence. Xiloxoch’s willing to help her out like Amatl has, but she doesn’t want to get too close. The only reason why Cozca keeps a distance from her and her little sister is because they’re kids, so she can’t sponge off them like her brothers, who are financially independent adults with connections that she can use to her advantage.

Ooof, situations like that are always complicated. On one hand, family’s family, so you gotta help them when they’re in a tight spot. But if it’s someone who keeps getting into trouble and always expects you to bail them out, maybe even take advantage of you as well, then you have to set some hard limits. Being treated as a doormat is not good, especially when they try to drag you down too. Amatl seems to know what he’s doing by keeping his distance while not shutting her out completely, and he’ll do his best to protect Xiloxoch when she gets older and Cozca suddenly takes an interest in her.

Then there’s the issue of Amatl’s greatsword, which Mixtli borrowed during an unexpected confrontation because she didn’t have her weapon on hand. It was a tough battle and the weapon broke, so Mixtli insists on giving him a super fancy replacement. Amatl said he could just as easily get a new one - his was custom made, which is a lot more expensive, but it’s not like he can’t afford it without worrying too much about his finances. However, once Mixtli has something in mind, good luck trying to stop her. Also, he knows her well enough that she’s already got someone started on making it, so to decline at that point would be rude. So he’s accepted that he’ll be getting a super fancy upgrade, but he insists on paying Mixtli back somehow.

As for Xiloxoch, she hopes to continue her training with Connie. Amatl says it’s done her a lot of good, not with improving her combat skills, but with her confidence as well. She seems like the kind of person who often undermines herself, which is why Amatl and Matlal try to push her to step out of her comfort zone and not let fear and anxiety stop her from moving forward.

Pai admits that Xiloxoch kinda reminds her of herself, someone who always felt like they were living under someone’s shadow. Except unlike her, Xiloxoch is the kind of person who sets out to prove herself. Even if she stumbles and makes a lot of mistakes along the way, she always stood back up, and that’s what makes her worthy of representing her tribe. After risking her life while it was in limbo to prevent an already impending disaster from spreading, which ended up buying a lot of valuable time for Mixtli and the others.

As for why they’re up here at the camp, Connie says it’s part of Xiloxoch and Amatl’s training - though not in an official sense. Basically, up until meeting Connie, neither once has been outside of Sazona, so Connie’s been dispatching them throughout the Celestine Onyx. And since Connie is one of the privileged few who can take their team outside of that jurisdiction, they figured, why not? After all, this camp has kinda become an unofficial hangout spot for their team, especially now with so many friends from various places.

So Connie has been making the most of the downtime by getting Xiloxoch and Amatal acquainted with everyone and everything, and in return, they take turns as tour guides, giving Matlal a run for her money. She was invited to the camp too, but she’s out of town on a business trip with her parents this week, so Xiloxoch’s taking a lot of pics for her. She would’ve liked to video chat too, but the timezones don’t seem to be working out. At least she’ll have a bunch of gifts to bring back!

Apple picking season has begun, so we had to get a bunch. Xiloxoch and Amatl find that the apples here are a lot more sweeter compared to the ones at home, which they described as having a warmer, spiced flavor. They made a popular apple cider drink from there, which still turned out good, but the flavor’s obviously very different because of the apples. I feel like the apples here are best suited for desserts, so that’s what we used them for.

Tarte tatin is still my go-to apple dessert that’s best shared with others. I make a simplified version that’s also less sweet, which is how I like it, but I know the actual recipe requires a lot more skill and technique. I’m not opposed to trying it out the traditional way, but I’m lazy and it seems like a lot of work. Still, at least the version I follow is pretty good, and that’s what matters.

Xiloxoch hopes to be able to bring some apples, grains, and cacao beans from Sazona so she can whip up a bunch of specialities, which I’m looking forward to. She’s been having a blast traveling to places she’d never had the opportunity to visit if she hadn’t crossed paths with Connie that fateful day. After her brush with death, Amatl says she’s become more assertive and confident in herself, finally seeing her potential, which she always had.

You don’t get to be chosen to represent your tribe without good reason, and although Xiloxoch didn’t understand herself, she was aware that there was something about her that made her worthy of that title. She’s a bright girl who’s clearly a hard worker, someone who puts 100% in everything she does, it’s just that she needs to believe in herself more. I’m sure Connie will be a great mentor for her.

Spending the daylight in the great outdoors admiring the beauty of autumn and the night cozying up with a warm drink and a freshly baked good - that, to me, is peak sweater weather.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Foraging for mushroom roses and poppy mints in the Bellmark Thicket

The cool, crisp air of autumn is one of the little moments that makes me feel a bit more awake and energized. As I get older, I become more aware of the subtle changing of leaves from bright green to various warm shades of browns, oranges, reds, and yellows. Something about being more aware of the passage of time…I kinda have mixed feelings on that, but it is what it is. Time passes by, life goes on, and we get older - that’s just how it works.

Right now it’s mushroom rose and poppy mint season, two unique plants that are only found in two places in the world - Bellmark Thicket being one of them. It’s also a popular spot for camping and horseback riding, so it’s important to plan things out since it can get busy sometimes. The last thing I want to do while foraging is run into someone who’s camping or accidentally walk into someone’s path while they’re riding along the trail.

Aislinn’s making good on her promise to visit Steve and Elena more often, as well as Jamie and pretty much all her friends from the States she still keeps in contact with. Steve and Elena especially since they’ve been a huge help for her when she was dealing with her HIV diagnosis, from diagnosing it early and proving a lot of support when certain people in her life turned their back on her. It’s a shame that even now there’s still a stigma attached to HIV, usually out of ignorance.

Meiying, who’s also visiting, can sympathize with Aislinn on living with HIV and dealing with the stigma attached to it. Like Aislinn, she also contracted the virus through a blood transfusion when she was born. Except in Aislinn’s case, the virus lay dormant for years until a routine physical with Steve caught the early signs when it started to emerge. As for Meiying, she was lucky to be under Aiwen’s care when her birth mother was deemed to be unsuitable to be a caretaker.

Although she calls Aiwen her mother, she’s actually her great-aunt. As for her birth mother, Meiying refers to her as the woman who birthed her. Meiying said there isn’t much to know about her except that she made a bunch of poor decisions, like getting into drugs and working at a crack house so she could get her fix. After leaving Qiangshou, no one heard from her for years until Aiwen found out she was in a hospital in Sarinan, having just given birth to Meiying. There had been complications, which was why they gave her the blood transfusion.

Aiwen took them home, only for her niece to run off again. Then when Meiying was almost a year old, she became seriously ill with a cold that gradually worsened into pneumonia. Aiwen rightfully suspected that something was wrong, but she never expected it to be HIV. Around the same time, her niece was running around with untreated HIV and syphilis. Although Aiwen put her on aggressive treatment, she died a couple years later. And that’s the end of it.

To Aislinn and Meiying, it’s just something they have to learn to live with and be upfront about. They’ve had their fair share of people who immediately turned on them, treating them like they deserved to be locked up, or that it’s some divine punishment that they deserved. And although it’s never happened to them personally, they’ve heard stories where people have been criminalized for having HIV. It’s astounding how ignorance really fucks with their logic.

Meiying found it surprising that in a place like the Senlin Pavilion where it’s all political drama, no one, as far as she knows, has tried to use her HIV status against her. Sure, she’s had some who started treating her like she’s untouchable after she told them, but aside from some dirty looks, most people just accept it and get on with their day. The worst she experienced was when a couple elders demanded that she be kicked out of the pavilion after she got attacked on the streets while uncovering a conspiracy. The assailant slashed her leg and gave her a concussion, then flipped out when he found out that her blood, which he got all over his clothes, was “tainted”.

For the most part, they consider themselves lucky that they’re able to live relatively normal lives without dealing with serious complications, which shows how much has changed over the past few decades. Also, having a good support system really goes a long way, another reason why they consider themselves lucky. Sadly, not everyone can be so accepting, especially with something that’s still stigmatized like HIV.

While starting treatment and coming to terms with her diagnosis, Aislinn became close friends with Steve and Elena, the physician and nurse, respectively, who really helped her get back on her feet. She lived with Elena for a time and also bonded with Steve’s son Jim and niece Elly, both who are now residents at one of the local hospitals. So they’re all like a second family to her.

Along with foraging in the Bellmark Thicket, we’re also here for a retirement party for Elena. She’s been a nurse for 50 years - 30 of them with Steve - so she’s been a huge part of the community. A good number of her patients have been under her care since they were babies, and she’s like a mother to Jim, Elly, and Sandy, Steve’s daughter.

Although Elena works under Steve, he says she’s his mentor because he wouldn’t have gone into general practice and opened his own office if it wasn’t for her. Like with Aislinn, Elena stood by Steve when he was going through a rough time after his wife Jane died unexpectedly from complications while pregnant. He credits her for not letting him spiral from grief or use his work as a crutch by reminding her that he had to take care of his kids, especially when one’s a newborn fighting for his life.

In short, they’ve been through a lot together, not just through their work, but their personal lives as well. Elena’s had a fulfilling career, so she’s more than earned a peaceful retirement spoiling her grandkids and working on her garden.

So it was nice getting to know Steve and Elena’s families. Elena comes from a big family being the oldest of five - three sisters and one brother - and they’re all married with kids and grandkids. She has four kids and nine grandchildren, all who are very close to her. Then there’s Steve’s family - Sandy and her son, Jim, and Elly. All of them gathering together to wish Elena a happy retirement and thank her for being a pillar in their lives.

While everyone else had to go back home and to work, Jim and Elly are on break, so they’re spending it at home catching up with Aislinn. Elly is doing her residency in orthopedics while Jim is doing his residency in neurology. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it because they’re able to make a difference in these people’s lives, which is why they wanted to study medicine.

Elly revealed that being a doctor was more like her plan D in terms of what she wanted out of life. She’s gone through a lot of ups and downs growing up with parents who hated each other. Her father is Steve’s older half brother who’s been out of her life for years. Her parents never married but her mother used Elly as leverage to keep him around, which is not good. Then he had got another woman pregnant and used that as an excuse to leave, only to walk out on them too a couple years later.

Her mother became resentful and took her anger out on Elly to the point that she deliberately drove off a cliff in an “accident”. Like, holy shit, that’s so fucked up. Somehow, they both survived, but Elly needed multiple surgeries in order to be able to walk again, all the while her mother lamented that her daughter was a freak who will never get married. Apparently she was obsessed with getting her daughter married off, which, now looking back, Elly realized was really fucked up. She clashed with Steve and Elena a lot, probably because she’s not used to people fighting back when she bullies them.

Then she began accusing Elly of manipulating her uncle to get him on her side, and social services had to get involved when she prevented Elly from keeping up with her PT appointments. Finally, like her father, Elly’s mother up and left, disowning her daughter - and claiming she’s dead according to some rumors. It was no question when she decided to live with her uncle, who has always been more of a parent than her own.

Around the time her mother walked out on her, Elly was starting to look at colleges. She had been secretly working after school since she knew that she would have to pay for college on her own with no help from her mother. It wasn’t like they were struggling financially, her mother was just selfish. She was undecided on what she wanted to do, except that she didn’t want to keep working retail.

First, she studied business for two years, then she switched to education, and later radiology before finally settling on pre-med. She figured that if things didn’t work out there, then she’d try either communications or psychology. Sometimes you need to do a bit of everything in order to figure out what you want, and even if things don’t work out, I wouldn’t say it’s a waste, especially if you got something good out of those experiences like she did. Then she and Jim got accepted into the same med school, which was nice, so they had each other’s backs when things got stressful.

And after doing her internship with orthopedics, Elly said everything fell into place for her. Not only she liked the work, but also being there and remembering her own experiences as a patient helped her come to terms and learn to let go of her past. While a part of her wants her parents to suddenly pop back into her life so she can gloat in their faces, she’s more than happy to leave them be because whatever they’re doing right now has nothing to do with her and she wants it to stay that way. I’d say living a happy and fulfilling life without your abusers is one of the best forms of revenge.

As for Jim, he says his reasons for wanting to become a doctor is relatively straightforward. After all, his father’s a doctor, as was his mother, and Elena’s a nurse who was also like a mother to him since he never got to know his. Steve and Jane were barely out of high school when Sandy was born, and they were lucky to receive support from some family members so they could go to college. They both got into general medicine and wanted to open their own office, so Elena helped with that.

Then unexpectedly, Jane became pregnant with Jim, and everything seemed to be going well. She was young and healthy - there was no reason to suspect that anything could go wrong. But during her seventh month she suddenly started hemorrhaging, which then led to an emergency delivery where she died soon after. Jim spent the first couple months of his life in the NICU.

Like his sister, Jim watched his father work, and he got to know many of his patients. Some of the regulars, such as Aislinn, are now practically like family, even long after the doctor-patient relationship ended. It was actually Aislinn who inspired him to follow in his father’s footsteps to become a doctor after seeing how he and Elena helped her get her life back together after her fiance abandoned her. He said that if he could make as much of a difference in someone’s life like his father did for Aislinn, then he knows that he succeeded.

Just reaching your hand out to support someone can do wonders, more than you can expect to imagine. That’s why Steve and Elena are so well loved by the community - they do more than treat sickness, they also know how to reach out to someone who’s falling, to be there for them when they need it the most. And most importantly, they will not give up on you, even when others say it’s futile. Obviously, they can’t win all battles, but at least they can say that they didn’t try their hardest. It takes real strength and conviction to deliver promises like that.

Since Elly’s familiar with Bellmark, she served as our guide to picking mushroom roses and poppy mints. The good thing about mushroom roses, she says, is that they have a very distinctive look that can’t be easily mistaken for other species. Also, much to Meiying’s disappointment - and Hongxia’s relief - poisonous mushrooms aren’t really an issue here, so the chances of her running into one are basically none.

If Nabil was here, I’d imagine he’s immediately go off on a lengthy lecture about the dangers of messing around with poisonous mushrooms, which I think an apothecary like Meiying should be well aware of.I’m starting to understand why Hongxia warned us that Meiying can be like a mad scientist - emphasis on the word mad. I appreciate her dedication to her craft though - after all, one must understand poisons in order to make the most effective medicine, and the line between those two are often very fine. Trial and error’s risky since you can easily make a fatal mistake, but that’s never deterred Meiying from trying. At least years of experimenting has allowed her to build up an immunity to some poisons in the sense that she can tolerate high doses that would have already killed most people. But that doesn’t make her invincible, just maybe a bit overconfident.

And because things like open wounds are out of the question, Meiying’s only option for experimenting with poisons is ingesting them. With mushrooms and fungi in general, she also runs the risk of fucking up her immune system, so all the more reason why she really shouldn’t mess with that. I mean, in general she has to be careful since she has to take meds for her HIV, which have a lot of side effects, so the last thing she needs is a drug reaction. Like I said, I appreciate her dedication, and I trust she knows what she’s doing, but she really is taking a lot of chances with her health. Then again, she somehow built up a tolerance for certain poisons, so she’s clearly build differently despite her limitations on what she can do.

So, mushroom roses. Just as the name suggests, they’re mushrooms that kinda look like roses. Like, the tops are kinda shaped like rose petals, which I’m assuming is how they got their name. Also the color reminds me of a yarn colorway of the same name, a pretty purple mauve that leans neutral. Depending on the lighting, it can look either more pink, purple, or brownish. A very interesting looking mushroom indeed.

Mushroom roses are used in cooking, notably pasta and congee. They can also be fried, which I think is how I prefer to eat them, mainly because it takes away that mushroomy texture that I’m not a fan of. Though I find the congee to be good too since the mushrooms absorb the broth and the texture doesn’t bother me too much since it’s buried in rice.

As for poppy mints, they get their name because the flowers kinda look like poppies - if you squint, I guess - and the mint comes from their color - which I’m not too sure about either. I guess if you’re going for like that mint chocolate chip bright green, then yeah, I kinda see it. But actual mint? That shade of bright green that leans almost neon just doesn’t scream mint to me.

Poppy mints are used in black tea blends for its cinnamon and allspice like flavors with notes of peach and apple. That sounds really specific, but after trying the tea, I can see where they’re going. This type of drink will be perfect for the fall weather with its warm flavors. Something about autumn and warm spiced drinks is just a winning combo.

We spent pretty much the whole day up there, so we got a lot of herbs and mushrooms, all which will store well. Thanks to Elly, we got a quiet area away from campers, hikers, and riders, so we were able to forage to our heart’s content.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Hot pot and sake on the snowy peaks of Warefolk Slopes

Sometimes, an unexpected detour ends up being the highlight of a trip. We didn’t plan to spend a couple days up at Warefolk Slopes during its off season, it just happened to work out that way when our previous plans fell through. Oh well, stuff happens, so you just gotta roll with it.

So the original plan was to go see the Dragonfly River Festival with Mika, Eiko, and Sophea. Along with those three, Sophea invited two other friends to tag along, two people who turned out to be very important people from a distant city up in the mountains. They aren’t really supposed to be out, so they’re posing as travelers while everyone back home thinks they’re on a business trip. Then that plan fell apart when something came up that resulted in the festival bring cancelled, which is unfortunate given the circumstances.

The main highlight of the Dragonfly River Festival is watching the boats go by while checking out the vendors. Apparently, there had been issues setting up this year’s event, mainly because there’s a new person in charge after the previous one retired. We don’t know the full story, other than there was poor communication between the organizers and the vendors. In other words, had it not been for that other thing - the real reason why the festival was cancelled - they would be dealing with a bunch of problems relating to that.

To think we dodged a bullet - going to a poorly organized festival with everything being a mess sounds like a nightmare! I mean, the current circumstances aren’t good either - arguably worse, but I don’t think a comparison is fair.

Summary is that it wasn’t meant to be, and I’m fine with that.

Sophea and Mika arrived a couple days earlier to meet up with a couple friends, which was the main reason why they came to the village. Then Eiko and a couple of their friends joined them - they were there for the festival since one of them has family there. And then then we came along, also for the festival, as well as to meet up with the others. We didn’t really have much of a plan other than hanging out and seeing the boats. To be honest, we weren’t really expecting too much anyway.

The friends Sophea and Mika met up with basically snuck out of the city, which is why they’re posing as travelers. Along with the festival, the main reason why Kioto wanted to go to the village was to seek out an old friend, someone he referred to as his right hand woman before his wife and partner-in-crime Amaha took her spot.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t meant to be either. A couple days before they arrived, Aya and her brother left the village for what seems to be an indefinite time. Aya’s the daughter of the village chief, as well as the granddaughter of a lord from the mountain city, specifically the palace where Kioto and Amaha reside. Kioto doesn’t know the full story, nor is it in his place to look into it more, but he says it’s a sensitive subject for Aya since she has her reasons for refusing to associate herself with that side of her family. A lot of it has to do with family politics, specifically the fact that she is actually the chief’s illegitimate daughter, making her an ideal candidate for a succession dispute with her older brother despite her repeatedly stating that she refused to do so.

Being in a similar position with his older brother, who was pushed out of the line of succession because his mother was of a lower status, Kioto can sympathize with her. Although in his case, he was made successor and now head of his family while his brother’s role is like a high ranking advisor. Like Aya, he also maintains a good relationship with his brother despite what others may think, and they themselves still don’t understand why they’re being pitted against each other.

However, the main difference is that Kioto’s accepted his role as head, burdens and all, while Aya seems determined to fight fate to the point she actively dumbs herself down so everyone would have a lower opinion of her while her brother’s shown in a more favorable light. She was also a bit of a troublemaker, which was why she was sent to the palace alongside a potential bride for Kioto for a year in hopes that her experience over there would help shape her into a proper young lady.

There, she met Amaha and Sakine, Kioto’s younger sister, and she unwillingly got involved in the politics and family drama over there. Amaha said that it was short of being a bloodbath with all these prominent families handing their daughters over in hopes of getting their foot in the center of the palace. Aside from one lady - more on her later - the others weren’t too interested in the politics aside from feeling obliged to follow their families wishes. In other words, they cared more about winning his his heart over than maintaining political power, which I agree is a good thing.

That one lady, the daughter of a priest from the countryside, however, wanted both, and she was willing to do whatever it took, even if it meant getting blood on her hands. Apparently, she met Kioto and Sakine when they were little and since then, she had been smitten with the young lord. She also acted as a big sister to Sakine, which made others suspicious as Sakine seemed to favor her over the other women. And being from the countryside living a sheltered life, she played up the role of being a naive fish out of water maiden a little too well. One lady found her seemingly too pure attitude infuriating while Amaha and another lady - who happens to be her lady-in-waiting now - felt that she was a poor fit for the palace and initially pitied her.

Aya was the one who saw something sinister in her, a sentiment that Kioto shared. However, they didn’t have any concrete evidence that she was up to something nefarious, so it was just pure speculation at the time. From the way they described her, I agree, there’s no way someone can be that naive to the point that they’re just like “uwu I’m sooo innocent about everything, the world is a big and scary place and I am a helpless little girl.” Yeah, I can see why the others found her infuriating. Like girl, you’re a grown ass woman with responsibilities like everyone else living in this world, so act like it.

The lady Aya was supposed to watch over ended up leaving for personal reasons - being kicked out for misbehaving, according to Amaha - so Kioto decided to take her in as his assistant, which caused an uproar in the palace. Of course, there were vicious rumors that maybe Kioto was having a secret affair with Aya, which were definitely started by those who knew about Aya’s true family ties. Amaha and the other women formed a defense squad to protect Aya since Kioto couldn’t do too much because of his position other than standing his ground and threatening to punish anyone who dared to lay a hand on her.

According to the villagers, Aya’s considered a blockhead, the kind of person who tends to get into fights and often acts without thinking. However, Kioto and Amaha knew there was more to her than some punk who felt that the best way to avoid responsibilities was to get throw hands. They saw her as a calculated girl, the kind of person who was able read the room and immediately spot if something was amiss. It was understandable why she played that down to avoid being taken advantage of, which they find a shame because someone as sharp as her would fit right into the palace.

In a place full of power hungry backstabbers, even from your own family, Kioto wanted to keep someone like Aya close. Along with her sharp analytical mind, Aya was also hard working and fiercely loyal, the former being another strength she purposely kept hidden to avoid drawing too much attention to herself. Sounds like the palace is a cutthroat environment, a setting I know I definitely wouldn’t last a day in. It sucks, but you gotta do whatever it takes to survive in a place like that, so I don’t blame Aya for wanting out once her time was up.

Aside from wanting to see Aya live up to her full potential, Kioto saw her as a friend he could trust. Unlike most people in his life, she was one of the very few who he felt comfortable enough to truly be himself around. And it seemed like Aya felt the same about him, especially when she began taking on a more active role as Kioto’s assistant, poking her nose in the palace’s affairs to ensure Kioto’s safety as the pressure on him to choose a bride grew.

That then led to Kioto, Amaha, and Aya uncovering a conspiracy regarding that overly naive countryside lady with Sakine as her unwilling accomplice. Basically, she managed to pull a lot of strings by playing innocent in hopes of ensuring that she ends up as Kioto’s bride. Things like having Sakine intercept letters Kioto wrote to the ladies, hiring someone to assault her sister so she would take her place in the palace - which further added to her whole fish out of water act since she was a last minute replacement. Then she used that same man to attempt to assault another lady, except that failed because the palace was highly secured, so she pushed him off a cliff and no one thought much of it since the ladies, including Aya and Amaha, positively ID’d him as the creep stalking the palace.

And that was the end of it - or so they thought. A couple days later, another body was found at the bottom of the cliff, this time it was Sakine’s assistant and childhood friend. They later found a suicide note where she revealed that she was the one who sent that man to harass the women because she resented the fact that she was never chosen as a potential bride for Kioto despite being close with Sakine. Although they didn’t know her that well, Amaha and Aya didn’t buy that story - except, again, they had nothing but speculations.

During the days leading up to the ceremony where Kioto would choose his bride, he, Amaha, and Aya investigated the palace’s various affairs, which not only served to help Kioto maintain his position, but also snuff out any backstabbers who undermine him and his siblings. Sophea’s well acquainted with some of the generals there and describes it as the kind of place where those who you can trust to stand by your side are indeed very few and far between. Even Kioto can’t trust his own parents, who are threatened by him, while Amaha mentioned that it was a good thing that she never knew her parents. Like damn, what an oppressive environment to grow up in.

Kioto and Amaha admitted that if life worked out differently for them, they wouldn’t have stuck around - but you can’t choose what family you’re born into. Plus, Kioto seems like the kind of person who’s bound to his duty, even if it kills him in the end. Sophea sees it as him trying to play hero in a doomed battle, a sentiment that Aya apparently shared.

His ultimate goal is to reform the palace, to free it from its outdated ideals and constant power struggles. To ensure that everyone, no matter what family they were born into, can exist freely without burdens, without feeling like they have to be useful like a tool in order to be accepted. He said seeing someone like Aya constantly downplay herself in order to retain her freedom solidified his convictions that the people of the mountains simply can’t keep living like this anymore.

As idealistic as it sounds, Kioto is the kind of person who takes action, which is why many see him as a real threat. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, even if it means making him an enemy against those who support his parents. The fact that he chose Amaha as his wife made him even more controversial, especially since she wasn’t supposed to have been a candidate in the first place if his brother hadn’t pulled some strings.

Seriously, his life sounds like something out of those historical political dramas, except it’s happening right now and more frustrating than intriguing in real life. It’s no wonder why he needs to play hooky as Kioto the commoner once in a while.

So in the end, they uncovered that conspiracy involving that overly naive lady, who managed to successfully fool everyone with her act, especially Sakine, who looked up to her. Sakine’s assistant saw through her act and tried to warn Sakine about her, only to die in an unfortunate accident when Sakine tried to get her to flee. The lady felt guilty since it was indirectly her fault, so she convinced Sakine to forge a suicide note and link her to what had been assumed to be an unrelated incident. Damn, she really played everyone with her uwu act.

After admitting to accidentally killing her friend, Sakine isolated herself from everyone. Kioto blames himself for not trying hard enough to reach out to her when it became clear that she was intent on shutting herself out from the world. As he revealed the lady’s deception, he also condemned his sister for failing to use her good judgement once she realized that she was being played. He felt that his sister idolized him, which he never felt comfortable with, but he also thought very highly of her, which was why he was immensely disappointed in her for falling into that same trap of manipulation and deceit in order to maintain the power structure - or in her case, use her status and influence to ensure that someone close to her is guaranteed a certain position.

There’s no use beating yourself up over things that already happened, but sometimes you just can’t help yourself. Kioto regretted turning his back on his sister when she begged for his forgiveness. He said he didn’t think much of it at the time - he had felt betrayed by someone he thought he could trust and couldn’t look her in the eyes at the moment. Plus, there was a million other things going on, like preparations for the wedding ceremony and bidding Aya farewell.

As much as he hated to admit it, he was kinda relieved that he didn’t have the time and energy to think about Sakine. By the time things settled down - and he got a good ass kicking from Amaha - Sakine refused to respond to his letters. He tried to visit her a couple times, only to be turned away by her retainers on her request. The same happened with their brother too, and he concluded that their sister just needed some more time and space.

The fact that she was still allowed to reside in the palace shows how much status and bloodlines matter as it sounds like she got off lightly for accidentally killing someone. I can’t imagine what atrocities some of these people have committed that they can easily get away with because of their families. Mika knows all too well what it’s like living with the fact that the couple responsible for his sister’s death basically got off scot free because their parents had money.

Before heading off to the village, Kioto tried to visit his sister again, only to be turned away as usual. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at the time - by then, Sakine had become a hermit who absolutely refused to leave her room. He, Amaha, and his brother knew that it couldn’t go on like that any longer, so they planned to confront her after he returned, even if it mean breaking in - something that they wanted to avoid, but desperate times call for desperate measures. That was why Kioto wanted to see Aya and bring her back to the palace.

A couple days before he and Amaha arrived, Aya left with her younger brother to stay with some relatives down south. Apparently, there had been disputes again regarding who was going to be the chief’s successor and Aya basically snapped, punching an elder who always criticized her. The elder retaliated, and so Aya’s brother’s stepped in to defend their sister, and then it escalated. If it wasn’t for their mother, Aya would’ve been punished more severely, so as a compromise, she and her brother were sent away for a year while the elder brother remains in the village and continues to take on the responsibilities as his father’s successor.

Of course, it’s a bandaid over a gaping wound type of solution that fails to address the root of the problem. Kioto believes that when Aya returns, the dispute will come up again, so it’s likely that maybe she might use this opportunity to flee. It’s unlikely given her ties and loyalty to her home, but at the same time, he imagines it’s too tempting not to run with a chance of total freedom, even if it means losing everything and starting from the ground up. Knowing how clever Aya is, he says she seems like the kind of person who can pull that off. If she decides to do that, then he wants her to succeed, to be able to start over and live a new life where she can completely be herself.

Since finding Aya didn’t work out, Kioto and Amaha figured that at least there’s the festival. Then a body turned up in the river, forcing the festivities to be canceled because now they have to do an investigation. Sophea and Kiyoto went to check out what was going on, and that was when Kiyoto recognized the victim. She was identified as a teenage girl wearing what appeared to be an expensive kimono and a necklace bearing her family’s emblem.

Once he was able to confirm that the girl in the river was indeed Sakine, Kiyoto was left with even more questions. The river isn’t too far from the cliffs where the two murders took place, so that meant Sakine was dead for at least three days for her body to wash up in the village. That also meant she had already disappeared by the time Kiyoto and Amaha left, putting her retainers under suspicion since they should’ve been able to see if Sakine left her room. It’s a highly secured place, so there’s no way she would’ve been able to sneak out. There’s also the possibility of her leaving through the window, but Kiyoto ruled it out because she would have to break it in order to be able to go through.

For now, Sakine’s retainers are claiming ignorance, though Kiyoto and Amaha aren’t convinced. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were hiding something. Kiyoto and Sakine’s brother managed to get into Sakine’s room and found a couple letters she left behind. He managed to find an excuse to leave abruptly, arriving at the village around midnight, surprising Kiyoto and Amaha. Apparently, he managed to cut the travel time from the mountains to the village by almost half, which really is something.

While the investigation continued, the rest of us tried to distract ourselves. I walked to a few stores, only to leave after a few minutes because it was uncomfortable hearing everyone whisper about the girl in the river. Eventually, I decided to head back to the hotel and just stayed there for the rest of the day.

The next day, Kioto’s brother said he would be handling Sakine’s affairs and that he and Amaha should take all the time they need before returning. Amaha agreed that Kiyoto needed time and space to process what happened - because if he went home, he’d go on and it’ll be business as usual.

Mika and Eiko have sadly been in his position before, losing a sibling and feeling somewhat responsible about their deaths. Like Kiyoto, Mika also has a lot of regrets regarding how things were between his sister before she died. Brenda, like Sakine, was troubled and was well on her way towards a downwards spiral. On top of that, her life was being threatened and no one took it seriously enough until it was too late. While Mika’s accepted what’s done is done, he still can’t help wishing that he did more to help his sister. Like how Mika regrets not being able to do more to protect his sister from her enemies, Kiyoto regrets being too hard on his sister to the point she felt like she failed him. That’s why he feels responsible for her suicide.

At the suggestion of Eiko’s friend, we decided to spend a couple days at Warefolk to distract ourselves with hot pot and sake. Hot pot is best enjoyed with friends anyway, and it certainly helped bring up the mood. The sake and tea are also great - it’s just a bit of a shame that Kiyoto was unable to try the sake since he’s underage. Apparently the restaurant’s pretty strict about that since the waiter gave Amaha and Kiyoto a stern lecture when she tried to sneak him a glass. It’s not like he’s never drank before - the drinking age over there is also 18, except it’s not really enforced so most people, like Amaha, have become well acquainted with alcohol as early as 10 - but we didn’t want to get into anymore trouble so we played by their rules. At least it gave us a bit of a laugh, something that we really needed.

Since it’s off season, a lot of places aren’t open, which I’m fine with because it was too cold to go out anyway. Also, the events of the past few days drained my energy, and while the hot pot helped a lot, I needed some time for myself to recharge and clear my head. the inn is nice, so I don’t mind staying in there with my journal and my latest knitting project.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Ride a hot air balloon through the clouds and dive into the crystal blue sea to set your worries free

Although Marippe’s known for its crystal clear waters, the bright blue sky’s worth admiring too - especially through a hot air balloon! When you need to clear your head, why not lose yourself to the sea and sky?

This trip was a bit of a last minute change as we - us campers and the Epiphany had other plans that didn’t pan out. Basically, we were supposed to check out this place called Leafsea, only for the hotel we reserved ended up closing because of a bad storm that took place a few days ago, which is unfortunate. There was flooding, fallen trees, and major power outages in several cities that took a couple days to clear up. So I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

And that’s how we ended up in Marippe. Landry actually spent a good part of her life there, something most of us never knew until now. Fionna spent a good part of her life here while Yang has some connections over there, most notably with the Warden of the Fortress, the Justice Fontaine, and Lady Madeleine. Laufey and Jiangyi have visited a couple times when they traveled with Yang to visit Fionna. As for the rest - Della, Jewel, Meiying, and Hongxia - it’s their first time coming here.

It’s a shame that we just missed Connie and Pai though since they just left for Sazona the day before we arrived. Eloise, Coralie, Josette, Aurelie, Kana, and Madeleine threw them a little dinner celebration to wish them well on their travels. I hope things go smoothly for them over there and Connie’s able to resolve whatever impending crisis that’s going on.

Madeleine and Aurelie have never been to Sazona themselves, but they know some people from there, so they were able to give Connie and Pai sort an idea on what to look forward to. Sazona is said to be a vibrant and colorful place with its high cliffs and jungles, as well as graffiti, which is a big thing over there. It’s also home to various mystical creatures, notably dragons, and they live among the people. So it’s not unusual to see familiars or companions hanging around. Since Pai has a knack for picking up strays, it’s likely that she’ll have a companion of her own.

We were hanging out at a restaurant when Landry said she had to take an important call, which turned out to be an excuse to get away. She never expected to almost run into her mother in the city since she doesn’t live in that area. Yang recognized Landry’s mother as well as her two co-workers who were with her, which probably explains why she was there.

To be honest, I didn’t think too much about it, at least until over an hour passed and Landry was still nowhere to be found. Turns out that she just wandered off and ended up getting lost since she’s not familiar with the city. Then she ran into Josette, who helped her find her way back to Kana’s shop, our designated meeting place. the plan was to just hang around the shops until around 2 and then head for the hot air balloons.

Being up in the sky was nice and relaxing, especially when all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the scenery. I’ve grown to appreciate the view of the world from above with everything looking so small yet so vast - it’s a unique perspective you don’t often see every day, if ever. Once you get past that fear of looking down from very high above, I actually find it kinda exhilarating.

As long as you’re on something safe - like a hot air balloon - there’s like slim to no chance of falling. That is, unless you decide to do something stupid like climb over the edge to take a picture. Don’t worry, no one attempted such a thing - we’re all a reasonable bunch here.

Landry was finally able to relax once we were off the ground. Marippe’s a big place, so she never expected to run into her mother, who, last time she heard, still lives in that same old house in that same old town that’s at least an hour and a half away from the main city. To put it simply, she had a complicated relationship with her mother, who she only saw sporadically over the past 10 years or so since she began her space adventures. Her mother wasn’t too keen on her becoming a space captain, so that’s why they’ve grown distant over the years.

Of course, there’s a lot more to it than just that. Yang had met Landry’s mother and he got the impression that she doesn’t think highly of him, the main reason being that she considers him a homewrecker who took her daughter away from her. Landry’s mother never actually said any of that, but he heard it from her friend. So she wasn’t just avoiding her mother for her own sake, she was also looking out for Yang to avoid an awkward encounter.

Seeing her mother again, even from a distance for a few seconds, was enough to remind Landry why she left home. They used to be close, maybe a little too close. Back then, she said they had a lot in common, and maybe they still do, which was why Landry never felt the need to go out on her own. Her mother was the kind of person who kinda coddled her to the point where she wasn’t allowed to grow as a person.

Not only they were living together, they were also co-workers, so her mother was constantly hovering over her. She didn’t mind too much at first since she didn’t know anyone, but it started to become a problem when Landry tried to make her own friends, something that didn’t come easily to her, only to have her mother constantly intervene, usually by talking over her. sometimes she’d even interrupt Landry if she felt their conversations ran on too long, making up apologies for her daughter taking up everyone’s time. Sounds like the overly controlling type of parent.

Looking back, Landry realized that many aspects of her relationship with her mother were superficial in the sense that despite having a lot in common, they didn’t really know each other at all. I think it’s natural to kinda project yourself on someone you see a lot of yourself in, but it becomes a big problem when you force that other person into that same box that made you you - because they’ll never fit in there. It also never made sense to Landry when her mother would tell her to be more independent, be her own person, and yet, whenever she tried to assert herself, if her mother didn’t agree, she would cut her down.

She said there were times when she’d buy stuff for herself - with her own hard earned money - only for her mother to make her return them because she personally didn’t like or care for them. It’s just like, why? Your daughter’s a grown ass adult who can make her own financial decisions with her own money, why do you feel the need to dictate what she can or can’t buy for herself?

Same thing with her friends, if her mother didn’t like them, she find a way to push them out, often by telling them unflattering things about Landry, like she’s all talk but no action, or insist that her daughter is actually scaring them off from talking to her again because she’s too weird and awkward or something. She sounds like the type who complains that their kid struggles with making friends because they’re not the best at socializing, yet they go out of their way to prevent their kid from putting themselves out there under the guise of it’s for their own good. I think it’s because they look down on their kid, so they can’t imagine anyone wanting to be friends with them, which is pretty fucking sad.

For Yang, although he finds Landry’s mother to be a kind and decent person for the most part, she also reminds him a lot of someone in his past - a family member - who was controlling and overly protective in the same way. That someone, he unfortunately had to cut ties with once he realized that they were the kind of people who have no problems bailing out when the going gets tough and expects to be greeted with open arms again once the storm has passed. Yikes, not the kind of person you’d trust to stick by your side when you need them the most. He was unfortunately right about Landry’s mother in that aspect.

Basically, Landry had struggled with anxiety and depression for pretty much her whole life, something she didn’t realize until she went to college and a professor reached out to her when she was struggling in classes to the point she was just too overwhelmed to even just show up. By then, Landry had suspected that something was wrong with her, but she knew that if she brought it up with her mother, she’d immediately brush her off. So she kept it to herself, though she always wondered in the back of her mind since then if she should take her professor’s advice and seek out a professional.

After graduating from college and having difficulty getting into the career she had been studying for, Landry knew that she had to address the issue sooner or later. She lucked out because her mother’s workplace had an opening and the job seemed like a good fit for her, though that didn’t change the fact that there were still days when she was having difficulty getting stuff done - even more so now that she had a full time job that she didn’t mind too much, but at the same time it took a lot out of her due to her mother constantly watching her like a hawk.

Eventually, she reached a breaking point by attempting suicide, which resulted in her staying in the hospital for a time. To say her mother flipped out was an understatement - Landry said she still remembers the exact moment her mother stopped seeing her as a person, her pride and joy. Nothing like the crushing weight of disappointing your parents and having them turn against you the moment they realized that you were never gonna fit their expectations.

Again with the hypocrisy, which seems to be a recurring thing with Landry’s mother. She wants her daughter to get her shit together, yet refuses to do her part to help. Communication is a two way street - everyone has to do their share of the work in order to move forward. They suggested family counseling, Landry’s mother didn’t think it was necessary. Landry was a capable adult who could make her own decisions, except her mother kept getting in her way, frustrating not only her, but also the medical professionals who were doing their best to ensure that Landry got the help she needed.

Yang was the one who pushed Landry to be more assertive, as well as introduced her to the wonders of the galaxies and beyond. All he asked was if Landry had a say in everything her mother did for her, and she acted like it was a personal attack to undermine her authority. Like, excuse me, your daughter is almost 30, why are you treating her like some helpless person who can’t speak for themselves? So that’s where the basis for the homewrecker accusations came from.

In the end, Landry realized she had to make a decision if she wanted to get out of this slump. One option was to keep living under her mother’s shadow, to keep holing herself up in the box her mother wanted to stay in. Or she could take the plunge and learn how to live for herself, even if it means stumbling and making mistakes along the way. It didn’t take her long to gather the courage to ask Yang about what it takes to become a space pilot.

These days, Landry’s a well respected space captain and adventurer. She wouldn’t go so far as to say that she’s on the same level as Yang, but I think she’s well on her way up there. While she never intended to become somewhat of a hero, a part of her was driven to get her mother’s attention, and what better way to do that than aiming to be the best of the best? That’s not to say that she was solely driven by that, just something that really pushed her out of her comfort zone. Sure, it eventually did her some good, though there were times when maybe she should’ve trusted her gut instinct and stepped back. In short, she wouldn’t have become the person she is today if she hadn’t decided to go against her mother’s wishes.

Unfortunately, climbing to the top wasn’t all it was cracked out to be, especially if your only goal for doing so was to gain the respect of someone you looked up to. It was bad enough that her mother didn’t think Landry had what it took to be an adventurer, nor would she be able to handle life in space, but having her not acknowledge her accomplishments felt like more than a slap in the face. All her mother had to say was that she was wasting time playing hero, even going so far as to try to convince her that no one really respected her, that the friends she made only merely tolerated her and won’t hesitate to drop her for someone more capable.

That’s just fucking insulting. Landry worked hard to earn her title while helping countless lives in the process, only for her mother to just see it as a waste of time. As time went on, the more ridiculous it was when her mother kept criticizing and downplaying Landry’s accomplishments. Eventually, even she realized that her criticisms would make her look bad, so she switched to hyping up her daughter to look supportive and proud while still talking shit behind her back. I agree with Yang, that’s actually worse than just being openly opposed. Things like that results in trust issues.

As for why her mother feels that way, that remains a mystery, one that Landry’s accepted will probably never be resolved. As much as she loves her mother, she admits that looking back, communication was never their strongest suit between them. Although they were close enough to be open with each other about a lot of things, it was mainly on a superficial level with both sides really only focusing on what they wanted to hear from each other. Anything more complicated than that gets brushed under the rug.

I think the main issue boils down to her mother projecting herself on to her daughter to the point that she can’t imagine her as her own person, which is damaging for both of them. Maybe to her, Landry running off with Yang to become a renowned space captain is considered an act of betrayal. Who knows, maybe there’s a bit of jealousy in there too. Well, there’s no use in speculating too much - after all, there’s always more to it than meets the eye.

So that’s the gist of it. Landry still keeps in contact with her mother sporadically, but with her out and about in space during expeditions and now with the Epiphany, she doesn’t really have a reason to visit home, especially one she’s likely unwelcome in. She hasn’t been to her hometown in almost 10 years and has no desire to. As much as she would love to reconcile with her mother, she knows she has to be realistic about it. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and given her reaction to seeing her mother from a distance, I don’t think she’s ready for that yet.

Along with enjoying the lovely scenery from above, the hot air balloon ride did a lot of good to help Landry unload what’s been heavily weighing on her mind. she didn’t mean to lore dump us about her past, but Yang and Fionna know from experience that sometimes it helps to open up, especially around people you know you can trust. After all, that’s what friends are for.

The next day was a little more lighthearted as we spent the day exploring Marippe’s waters. No underwater ruins this time, just a bunch of cute sea creatures. Madeleine told us that there’s a spot near the opera house that’s full of friendly otters, so we had to check that place out. I didn’t expect to be greeted by so many adorable otters who were eager to show off their little treasures to anyone passing by. She also said that it’s a good area to collect all kinds of pretty shells, which is probably why the otters flock there.

And like the otters, I’ve got a handful of little treasures from the sea that I’m eager to show off! I got a couple of pastel pink and blue clamshells that look kinda like ceramics. the wonders of nature never cease to amaze me.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Watching the sunsets while exploring the streets of Stormbreaker Wharf

I know this sounds cliche, but I just really love sunsets. It’s amazing to see the sky turn into all these different colors - reds, oranges, yellows, grays, blues, purples - I just find it breathtaking. Each sunset comes with its own unique palette of colors and I think that’s just neat.

Stormbreaker Wharf is one of those places that comes to life after sunset. Aside from the breathtaking view of the sea and sky, a lot of food stands and shops open up as the harbor becomes bustling with activity. It’s basically a night market, which are fun to explore because the streets hits differently at night.

I don’t know why, being out at night feels a lot more carefree compared to the day. Like in the daytime, you’re usually focusing on getting as much done as you can, while at night, you’re just kinda there leisurely strolling around. There seems to be a lot less pressure to get things done, so you’re more just vibing and chilling, taking in the atmosphere and just going wherever catches your eye. In a night market, there’s a lot of things worth checking out, whether you’re in the mood to check out the shops or unwind by enjoying some drinks and good food.

Over here, the days are short while the nights are long. As a result, most of the residents are night owls, which makes sense because of the harbor being at its busiest around midnight - something about timezones making it work out that way. Most of the boats come a really long way overseas, so I imagine that the people are really jetlagged. Also, stopping at a place that operates at late night hours is really helpful since in most places, everything would be closed, which sucks during a long layover.

Now with the addition of the Thundervalley Bridge up north, the wharf is going to become even more busier. Dixie knows one of the engineers who worked on the bridge and wanted to meet up with him before he moves on to his next big project. In fact, that engineer friend of hers was the one who gave her the cottage and boat in Swan Isle.

Of course, Emilie, Valerie, and Gram are tagging along with Dixie on her travels. It turns out that the engineer, Brennan, was a friend of Gram’s father. They haven’t seen each other since his father’s funeral a few years ago and he was surprised to find out that he’s been living with Ann. He said he met her a few times and in his honest opinion, he preferred her over his friend’s ex-wife. It wasn’t that she was a bad person or anything, it’s mostly the fact that they didn’t have much in common, which happens.

Sometimes you meet someone and they just don’t click with you even when you do get along well. I’ve met people who I wouldn’t mind hanging out with and getting to know more, but at the same time I kinda knew that it would be unlikely that our relationship would go beyond surface level for a variety of reasons - like coming from different circles and have little to nothing that brings some sort of meaningful connection. Sure, things can change in the future, but sometimes you just have to accept that there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to get close with someone that you don’t really vibe with.

Gram’s still trying to work things out with his mother, but his stepfather’s another story. It’s a similar case where he doesn’t exactly dislike him, they just have nothing in common. Since his stepfather travels a lot for work, it wouldn’t have made a difference if he was living with his mother because he was rarely home. His stepfather’s also the kind of person who expects others to just go along with whatever he says or does, though Gram says at least he’s a bit more lenient and understanding compared to his mother, who he describes as difficult to reason with sometimes.

Brennan said it was the same with his ex-wife, she was the kind of person who called the shots and expects everyone to follow her lead. In her case, she happens to be a politician - the kind who’s all talk and ego, according to Dixie. The only reason why they stayed together for so long was for the sake of their daughter Lynnie, who he regretted not spending enough time with. Both their careers took off and make them even more like strangers, especially with him traveling overseas for months at a time while his ex-wife focused on her campaign, leaving their daughter under the care of their housekeeper, who he barely knew.

To make up for his absence, he bought Lynnie a boat since sailing was one of the few things they bonded over. They weren’t really close as he wanted them to be, but they always got along well, and she was always eager for him to spend more time at home. Years later, he’s still beating himself up for not doing so. Eventually, his relationship with his wife was so nonexistent that they were basically strangers. By then, Lynnie was graduating from high school in a few months, and so he felt that it was time to finally divorce. He consulted Lynnie first, and she agreed it was for the best. The only thing she asked of him was if she could move in with him, which he agreed to.

Unfortunately, things didn’t work out for Brennan and Lynnie. Something came up at work, so he was unable to attend her graduation, something he’ll never forgive himself for. And then he was told that she died from an unexpected brief illness, which obviously isn’t really the truth, just something to avoid making her mother the politician look bad. The truth was, as he suspected, that his daughter was going through a rough patch and her mother basically gave her some unhelpful advice that might have made things worse.

Lynnie’s best friend later confided to him that she and the housekeeper suspected that Lynnie might be binging and purging. They tried to talk to her about it, only to be met with denial. Also, with no evidence, they couldn’t prove anything. Brennan later found out that his ex-wife knew but didn’t do a fucking thing about it because she apparently didn’t think it was a huge deal. Sounds like the kind of person who’s like don’t die to someone who’s dying - yeah, huge help you are. Well, it turns out that Lynnie’s destructive habit resulted in a ruptured esophagus, and she bled to death on the bathroom floor.

How awful. I can’t imagine what life was like for Lynnie to grow up with a father who clearly loved her, but maybe not enough to stick around for a long time. Then she has a hot shot politician for a mother, someone who put a lot of pressure on her to succeed because she figured that if she could do it, why can’t her daughter? The mother is likely the reason why Lynnie fell into the vicious cycle of binging and purging, but that’s just my speculation.

Dixie said she met Lynnie a few times and saw her as a bright girl. Her mother, however, is another story. She didn’t go into much detail, but it’s clear what she thought about her. From what I’ve learned about the mother, especially the time she used the press to make a mockery of a drug addict’s death, and now learning more about Lynnie, I can’t say that I have a high opinion of her too. Also, in terms of politics, I find her to be the kind who uses progressive language to sound inclusive and all but what she’s really saying is a bunch of centrist BS that serves to maintain the status quo for people like her - rich white upper class folks.

Since then, Brennan’s completely cut his ties with his ex, who fell out of favor once word came out about what really happened to her daughter. With no one left to come home to, he’s completely focused on work and nothing else. I get what he’s saying because he should be proud of what he’s accomplished, but I also can’t help but feel sorry for him too. Dixie and Gram said that he’s a nice guy, but he was always the workaholic type, which is why he doesn’t have much going for him outside of work.

Emilie’s been there herself and she knows from experience that a lot of workaholics throw themselves into this state is because they don’t want to deal with the outside world for various reasons. One being that they can’t simply turn off their work mode, so they’re constantly running on that to the point where they make their job part of their personality. The last part about making their job their personality, that’s like legit something I absolutely do not want to happen to me. A job’s a job, that’s it, and I want to keep it that way. And there’s some who feel like they have to work in order to feel useful, to prove to themselves and others that they’re worthy and deserving of respect. That’s also not right because your worth shouldn’t be determined based on that.

In short, workaholic = not good. Brennan’s a nice person, but his life does seem kinda empty in the sense that he’s putting everything into his career and nothing else. Sure, it’s one thing to be proud of the work you do and you legitimately enjoy your job, but I don’t think it’s healthy to live life solely like a cog in a machine, if that makes sense.

While it was nice hearing his enthusiasm over the bridge, which sounds like a big deal, we can’t help but feel kinda sorry for him. I don’t know how to explain it other than emptiness. Like, yes, he is and should be proud of being part of something that will change a bunch of people’s lives for the better. I mean, his career as a whole is pretty damn impressive, not gonna lie. It’s just that, again, he seems to be driven by that unhealthy hustle culture mindset where his life seems to only revolve around advancing his career while everything else is just a waste of time.

Emilie’s been down that road before, thinking that nothing else mattered in life other than her career - which she enjoyed and found very fulfilling because she made a difference in people’s lives. But she got too involved and that eventually took a toll on her as she neglected pretty much every other aspect of her life. That’s why she has a complicated relationship with her parents, who were career driven to the point that she wasn’t a priority in their lives. Now they all have regrets for all the times where they put their jobs over their wellbeing and their relationships, something that Emilie’s intent on trying to fix. Unfortunately, not everything can be resolved with time, especially if it ran out a long time ago - like with Brennan and Lynnie.

Time’s one of those things we often take for granted too easily, giving us the illusion that we have plenty of it. But life circumstances can quickly change that, leaving us wondering, “Why didn’t I say or do that when I still had the chance?” You can’t go back, so it’s just something you have to live with, and accept, and just move forward.

Emilie’s able to do that. I hope Brennan eventually figures it out. For now though, he’s focused on his next big project, a bridge in Pine Oak Valley, a large trading center similar to Stormbreaker Wharf. Sounds like a big undertaking, so I wish him luck.

While enjoying cocktails and fried seafood, we ran into Blossom, who also came to check out the night market. To say that she’s been having a rough time since Fern moved back home is an understatement. To be honest, we all think she got off too lightly - I mean, her career in the entertainment industry is pretty much dead, but in terms of legal consequences, she and her accomplices basically got a light slap on the wrist for stealing thousands of dollars, exploiting a disabled person, and harassing people in order to let a sexual predator walk free. I’m sure there’s more to it than that, it’s just that those examples were what people were talking about the most.

What’s worse is that she has never apologized for her actions, the main reason being that refuses to accept that what she did was wrong on so many levels. Blossom said their grandma never figured that Fern would be kind of person who pulls the ladder up from behind after reaching the top. I don’t know what her line of work was in the entertainment industry, but it’s sadly not surprising how an environment like that can change a person. Give them a little power and it all goes to their head, like they think they’re invincible or something.

Blossom’s trip to Stormbreaker was an impromptu one - she just needed to get away from home for a while. She says that Fern’s changed too much in a bad way and she’s worried about her. On one hand, she feels bad because Fern’s at a low point in her life, but that doesn’t give her the excuse to lash out at everyone and play the victim to avoid responsibilities. I agree, it sucks when a family member, someone you care about a lot, hits rock bottom and is struggling to get up in the morning. But I think it’s also important to set boundaries and not let them use you as an emotional punching bag. Obviously, that’s easier said than done, it’s an example of communication has to work both ways in order to move through this rough patch.

However, Fern has gone too far and Blossom’s finally had enough. Ever since moving back home, half their conversations are arguments with Fern making condescending remarks about how Blossom lives her life - petty for the sake of being petty. Blossom suspects it’s not jealousy, it’s more like resentment, saying “You don’t deserve to be happy, I should be the one living the better life because I’m smarter, prettier, more popular…” People with superior complexes really can’t stand to see others succeed, especially those who they consider to be beneath them. To live with that mindset is just sad.

Sure, siblings fight often, but I’m pretty sure most people wouldn’t go so far as to deliberately injure another. Blossom came home super late after adventuring with the Professor, and since she had nothing going on the next day, she decided to sleep in. Apparently, Fern took issue with that, so she took her curling wand, which she turned on to the highest setting, and slapped it on Blossom’s hand to wake her up. Like, what the fuck? Then she insulted Blossom by calling her lazy for sleeping in, all the while she was pinning her down on the bed so she couldn’t get up.

Fern would’ve held her down longer if their grandmother hadn’t walked in and demanded an explanation. Then she had the nerve to insist that it was Blossom’s fault for burning her own hand, which their grandma obviously didn’t buy. Since Fern had held the curling wand against her hand for more than a few seconds, cold water and ointment didn’t do too much to help, so Blossom’s grandma took her to an urgent care. Thankfully the burn wasn’t too deep, or else she’d probably have to go to the emergency room. But since it’s her right hand, Blossom will have to adjust with using her left hand. She’s not too happy about not being able to do a lot of things for the time being since she’s a hands-on person who likes to do arts and crafts, which was probably why Fern did that. Though that’s nothing compared to the pain she’s in, physically and mentally.

Not surprisingly, Fern skipped town afterwards, though Blossom says she tends to do that after fighting with their parents. She spends a couple days at home, gets in some sort of trouble, and then spends the next week or so couch surfing before returning home more bitter and angry. Sounds like someone’s burning bridges. It’s gotten to the point where Blossom dreads coming home because there’s a likely chance Fern will be waiting.

Now she has more reasons to be afraid, which is not acceptable. Their parents are intent on forgiving and forgetting by brushing that whole incident under the rug. However, Blossom and her grandma do not agree because they’re afraid that things might get worse. So do I. Even if the burning incident was a one off thing, which it likely is, it’s still unacceptable. No one should ever feel unsafe around their own family. That shit needs to be addressed before it escalates into something worse.

I think the best thing Blossom can do right now is get away to clear her head. As much as she wants to be there for Fern, she can’t let her get away with playing the victim all the time. Fern’s a grown adult who needs to take responsibility for her actions, something she clearly refuses to accept. Blossom can only do so much to help, but if her safety’s at risk because Fern can’t keep her temper in check, then she has to step away. You can’t help someone who refuses to be helped, nor should you stick around someone who is intent on hurting you.

It’s a tough call, especially when it comes to family, someone you were once close to. I think right now, Blossom needs to distance herself from Fern as much as she can for her own safety and sanity. At least being out here has been helping her a lot in terms of getting her mind off things, and her grandma’s coming to join her tomorrow. She doesn’t have any plans other than enjoying food and drinks at the night market and marveling at the sunsets, which sounds good to me. I’ll drink to that!

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Scattering colorful petals around the Wild Flora Express for good luck

In Cotton Poppy Loch, it’s a custom to scatter a bouquet of petals around the Wild Flora train station to bring good luck. There’s always a gentle breeze blowing to the east towards the lake where the scattered petals eventually land. Watching the colorful petals fluttering in the sky before coming to a gentle landing in the water, there’s just something so peaceful about it. I don’t know, it’s kinda like telling me that the world may be chaotic and life may be giving you a hard time, but rest assured, like many moments in life, it will pass. And eventually, the dust will settle, and life will go on, just as it always does. Even though it’s obvious, sometimes we just really need to hear that just to be sure.

Unlike its neighboring city, Cotton Poppy Loach is relatively peaceful for the most part. The lake is right between two big cities, which are connected to other areas, and the only way to get across is through the Wild Flora Express, and so it is a major travel route. If something big happens around the area, there’s no doubt you’d hear about it here because word travels fast. Not only that, but if you know who and what to ask, you can even get some valuable intel on information that’s not even out to the public and only known to a select few. I know a couple people who could definitely pull something like that off - not me, obviously!

We came here just for a short vacation - the usual travels outside the camp to broaden our horizons and just appreciate the world and how vast it is - when we ran into the Epiphany crew. They’ve been dealing with an ongoing crisis in a planet called Gradient Ivory, which is about 50% resolved according to Landry, but right now there really isn’t anything they can do because they’re waiting on someone who seems to be taking their sweet time despite the situation. Well, it’s out of everyone’s hands, so the commander told the Epiphany that there’s no use in them sitting around and waiting, insisting that they take a break and that she’ll notify them the second that something comes up. Yang doesn’t have a solid confirmation on the identity of who that other person they’re waiting on, but if his speculations are spot on, then it’ll be a bit of a long wait.

As for whether or not that’s a good thing, no one knows. Sometimes all you can do is play it by ear and hope that everything somehow works out. Something about a broken clock being right twice a day. Or a man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one. Kinda concerning that they’re putting everything on this one person who may or may not be able to help, but I trust their process. Sometimes you just have to see how things play out before making your next move. Otherwise, a wild card pops up and changes the whole board, so if you’re in the middle of something, too bad, you just wasted your time, better have another plan ready because things are quickly going south.

In the meantime, the Epiphany’s just gonna hang out here, mainly just to chill. Of course, they have their reasons for choosing Cotton Poppy Loach, which has to do with an acquaintance of Yang’s who is seeking refuge over there. That person is actually a noble, but to the general public he’s some eccentric mage known as Des. His family hails from the Kingdom of Cevilia, which is located to the north of Cotton Poppy - a two and a half hour ride on the Gold Route of the Wild Flora. He wasn’t personally involved in the incident that took place not too long ago, but his siblings and niece were.

The incident at the Cevilia Castle is one of those classified things that has been swept under the rug by authorities - or, at least that’s what they hoped would happen. Cotton Poppy is basically a hub for stuff like this as it’s considered a neutral zone for those trying to flee, as well as the best place to find out what really happened - that is, if you know how to seek out the right information without putting yourself and others in danger. Even though it looks relatively peaceful for the most part - which it is - there’s a lot going on behind the scenes.

In a way, the people here kinda serve to bring the truth to light and maintain stability, which makes sense because it’s kinda in the center of everything, especially the Wild Flora. If something happens, like political instability, then everyone’s basically fucked since a lot of places can only be accessible through the Wild Flora. There’s actually a contract that states that Cotton Poppy Loach will always be a neutral zone that’s accessible for all and that those who violate any of those terms will be severely punished because, like I said, the consequences would be disastrous.

As far as we know, no one has ever gone against that contract - I mean, you’d have to be really stupid enough to want to do something that actively ruins everyone’s lives and potentially lead to political strife. Then again, there’s (hopefully) very few people who actively want to see the world burn just so they can profit off it. Cotton Poppy Loch has its share of those kinds of people throughout history, and their attempts fail because they underestimated the relationships between Cotton Poppy and its neighboring cities. Their secret weapon? Effective and open communication.

Only a select few know Des’s true identity, including Yang and Hongxia. Des also happens to be a distant relative of Hongxia’s sister-in-law Liangli, whose family is from Cevilia. He actually met Hongxia over 20 years ago when he was passing by Qiangshou, long before Liangli was sent to the Senlin Pavilion to accompany her father and later marry the Tianlin. Obviously Hongxia didn’t recognize Des, though he noticed a bit of a resemblance between him and Liangli, who is said to look more Cevilian than Qiangshouian.

On a similar note, Des noted that Hongxia looks a lot like his brother, minus the Tianlin’s most distinguishing feature, which really is unusual. Hongxia says a lot of people claim to have met the Tianlin, so he has a quick way of verifying that by asking what he looks like. Basically, it’s not something you can miss because it will catch your eye the moment you look at the Tianlin. It’s the fact that he has a qilin horn on the left - a defining feature of his family that Hongxia also has. Yes, that’s right, one qilin horn, unlike Hongxia, who has two like most qilin would. On the right is a xieshi horn - a chipped one. Yeah, that’s not something you see every day.

So basically, the Tianlin family are qilin, like most of the noble families from the pavilion. Then came Lady Qiangwei, their mother, who is part xiezhi, so she and the Tianlin have that horn. Apparently, the current Tianlin’s appearance caused quite a stir in the pavilion as some saw it as a blessing, while others saw it as an abomination. The reason why his xiezhi is chipped is because his grandfather, his predecessor, tried to cut it off. Now the Tianlin shows off his chipped horn as a source of pride.

I’ve heard a lot of not so good things about the former Tianlin, mainly that he was a decent politician but a cold and arrogant person. His son, who never inherited the title, was another story - as in, he was and always will be remembered as a pedophile who hid behind his father. Lady Qiangwei was his second victim, the first being the daughter of a physician who gave birth to a daughter the family never fully acknowledged - something that Hongxia and his brother only found out a couple years ago. The first time, they brushed it under the rug, which was pointless because everyone already knew what really happened. They tried to cover it up again with Lady Qiangwei, except her family was of a higher ranking, and then she happened to give birth to a son, so the former Tianlin married his son off to her now that he had a successor.

I was aware that Hongxia had a dysfunctional family, but now after learning about how fucked up the previous generations were, it’s a damn miracle that he and his brother turned out to be decent people. Meiying and Yang credit Lady Qiangwei for protecting her sons from them. By the time Hongxia was born, his father had become a hermit while his grandfather was showing signs of senility. They both died within months of each other when he was around 13, and not too long after, a rebellion took place within the pavilion that his mother and brother played a big role in. More on that later as it’s kinda connected to why Des called for Yang.

So, an incident took place in Cevilia Castle, which is why Des is laying low at Cotton Poppy Loch. Although the officials don’t want to admit it, there has been growing dissent between the aristocrats and the common folk that’s been brewing for the past 20 years or so. The current regime had become arrogant and greedy, which is why Des and his siblings chose to distance themselves from the aristocrats to the point that most people are unaware of their true identities. But now, with the current state of things being a fucking mess, he might have to reveal his true self and retire his Des persona for good, something he prefers to avoid as it’ll bring on more trouble for him later on. Politics really is troublesome.

A protest took place at the castle that was led by Des’s adoptive niece Eliandra over a decree the aristocrats put out the week before that would result in an entire village being kicked out of their homes because one of the aristocrats claimed that his family owned the land and so he could do whatever he wanted with it. Seriously, the nerve of some people! Who does that guy think he is, barging into people’s homes and telling them to leave so he could build a mansion over it? And if anyone protested, he’d be like, “Shut up, I have money. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” Ugh, yeah, I can see why this would cause an uproar because it’s fucking wrong.

Although Eliandra is officially Des’s niece by blood, she was actually born to a commoner family in a nearby village. She was born with an incurable disease and wasn’t expected to live past the age of 8. However, medical science broke through when she was 7, buying her time she never thought she would have, and she became part of an experimental treatment regime conducted by a bunch of scientists, including Des’s brother Felicio. Their sister Graciele, who was a baby at the time, was also a patient. The treatments later proved to be effective in suppressing the illness, allowing Eliandra and Graciele to grow up and experience less debilitating symptoms. However, there’s no telling what will change in the long term as it’s been only about a decade, but for Graciele, who started treatments at a very young age, she has been doing well for the most part. It’s not a cure, but at least it’s likely she’ll live into adulthood without being completely incapacitated.

Around the same time Eliandra started her treatment regime, she was training to be a priestess at the castle, so she became a regular over there. Des said she was a feisty young thing, a precocious girl full of wisdom beyond her years, yet she was no pushover. She was the kind of person who wouldn’t hesitate to call out on anyone’s bullshit, which was why she immediately butted heads with Des’s uncle, a former priest who saw the common folk as livestock, being he can control like he was playing God or something.

He initially took an interest in Eliandra at first because of her unusual composition, a side effect of her condition, which meant she had an unusual amount of mana that made her a valuable tool - the biggest concern being whether or not her body could handle it. Of course, he was only interested in using her. Then he found out she was a commoner, the daughter of a guard and an accountant, and he took that an an insult, calling her a fraud and insulting her parents. She lost her temper, which meant losing control of her powers, and he used that as an excuse as to why she would make an incompetent priestess. Then for some reason Eliandra was forced to apologize to him or else her parents could be executed, which is just fucked up.

Des said it could’ve been worse if Felicio hadn’t stepped in, who also clashed with the uncle often. Still, despite Felicio’s efforts, his uncle tried to sabotage Eliandra, only to be outsmarted by her. Eventually, he took things too far by endangering Eliandra and her family by selling her out to some shady organization that planned to use her as a weapon. Des is sure that Eliandra would’ve killed him if he and Felicio hadn’t intervened in time, which would have gotten her executed, even if it was justified.

That whole thing resulted in a huge mess that forced Des to show himself, as well as make a proposition that will save Eliandra from severe punishment, but with a price. She would have to live under a new identity as Des’s niece and grow up as an aristocrat’s daughter. Yang added that it’s not unusual for a noble to adopt someone with a unusual composition like Eliandra and pass them off as their own, often for their own gain and to keep them close. Since those like her typically die young, it’s also not unusual for them to be kept out of the public eye until they reach a certain age, which is sad. At least he allowed her parents to keep an eye on her from a distance and allowed her to talk to them if they ran into each other as long as they don’t act overly familiar.

Years passed and Eliandra adjusted to her new life. Although the uncle was out of the picture, he had a few loyal followers known as Purists who wanted to avenge his execution, including Des’s stepmother, his uncle’s half-sister. That small group was the one behind that decree Eliandra and her friends protested against. And that wasn’t the only problem with them. Eliandra and Felicio also uncovered that they were also planning to seize control of the Wild Flora as well as take over Cotton Poppy Loch, which is a big no-no.

Des blames himself for what happened afterwards. Had he known about his stepmother’s ties to a major weapons manufacturing company, he would’ve stopped told Eliandra to call off the sit-in and come up with another plan. The Purists knew where they’d be protesting and rigged the area with well hidden bombs. They went off, injuring and killing protesters and civilians. Eliandra was unfortunately one of the casualties along with a couple of her closest friends. Felicio managed to save countless lives, but was severely injured in the process and is currently in a coma. Graciele was there too and escaped with minor injuries.

And now here we are. Des is laying low for now while he tries to come up with a plan to retaliate. The Purists are already in hot water, but he suspects that will be the least of their problems. There already has been a divide within the aristocrats, and this incident will likely bring more conflicts to light. Ugh, I feel bad for him. While a part of him wants to take his siblings and make a run for it, he knows that Eliandra will likely kick his ass and call him a stupid coward - because she’s right. After all, he’s part of it too whether he likes it or not, and if he’s serious about setting himself apart from the other aristocrats by showing solidarity with the common folk, he needs to mean it. Words can only take you so far, and unless you don’t get your hands dirty and take action, all you’re offering is empty gestures. Good to know that he’s serious and not just all talk in order to please the masses.

Although the situation in Qiangshou was nowhere as drastic, the divide in the pavilion caused a lot of conflict and upheaval. The former Tianlin wanted to seize control of the pavilion despite the fact that he was clearly unfit to maintain a political position, especially one as powerful as Tianlin. He and his successor, the current Tianlin clashed constantly, and he was becoming threatened by his grandson once he realized that his successor would surpass him. Also, the current Tianlin is a compassionate yet strict leader who actually cares about the common folk, so it’s no wonder why everyone was so eager for him to step up.

Eventually, that led to a confrontation between the Tianlins and a couple of the former’s loyal retainers. The meeting turned out to be an assassination attempt, a feeble last-ditch attempt by the former Tianlin in keeping a hold on the pavilion that was one of his many poorly thought out plans throughout his final months. What exactly happened during that meeting continues to be debated, but one thing was certain, only the current Tianlin, Lady Qiangwei, and his guard walked out of that room.

What happened afterwards was like a domino effect thing with other families rebelling against their predecessors, mainly those who were loyal to the former Tianlin. Hongxia recalled that it was an uncertain time where everything was unstable as people were either leaving or getting kicked out. The scariest thing for him and his family was the fact that they were targets for assassinations for almost an entire year afterwards. He remembers at least 5 attempts against his life being averted, mainly through poisoning. And he doesn’t even want to think about how many near misses his mother and brother had. Like, damn, that’s horrifying, and he was just a kid at the time.

It’s too early to tell as everything’s still a mess, but it’s likely that Cevilia would experience something similar in the aftermath. At least Felicio and Graciele are safe - that was Des’s main priority. He already has a couple plans in mind, but they’ve all reached snags at different points, so he’s reaching out for help, specifically towards those who have some experience in that sort of thing. Yang’s gotten involved in political messes, so he has a lot to say on that. While Hongxia wasn’t personally involved in the Qiangshou affairs, Des said his insight is just as valuable since he lived through it, which gives him some much needed perspective as whatever happens next will have an effect on those who aren’t involved, namely the common folk, so if possible, he hopes to avoid causing too much disruption for them.

Well, that was a lot to take in, but that’s kind of the nature of a place like Cotton Poppy Loch. There’s often a lot going on in the background that may or may not impact your life in some way. The people here worked hard to maintain the peace, and it really shows. Des said the Wild Flora is the heart of the lake, like the circulatory system. Without the heart, the body would cease to function, which is why he can’t let the Purists achieve their final goal of getting their hands on the Wild Flora.

After learning about all that, I see why scattering petals for good luck is a big deal. It’s because of what the Wild Flora stands for - hope, peace, and stability. Things that can often be too easily taken for granted.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Up the clouds by the Windmontley Castle looking down at the world below

A castle in the clouds is a fun place to visit and explore, as well as see the world in another perspective. Would I like to live in the clouds? Um…I think I’ll pass on that. According to the siblings who inherited this place, while it is nice to look at and show off, actually living in it and having to take care of it is a huge hassle. Also, it’s kinda in the middle of nowhere since it’s outside of Lakewell Island, making it an inconvenient location because it’s far away from pretty much everything. Not bad if you’re a hermit, but for those who like to be out and about like the Meurig siblings, it’s a bit troublesome.

As for how the Meurig siblings inherited such a place, it was basically by accident, to put it simply. Taran and Siana are adventurers who Sara crossed paths with during her travels. Taran had been hopping around doing odd jobs to support himself and his sister, who was away at school. Then they began taking on dungeons when Siana dropped out, making a name for themselves as an adventuring duo.

With Taran being an expert on monsters and various hazardous environments while Siana’s a skilled mage whose specialty is healing, they make a formidable team. Eventually, they formed an adventuring party if their own, taking on more perilous dungeons until their travels led them to Lakewell Island, home of the infamous Eternal Nocturne Dungeon. An ill-fated expedition resulted in a head on battle with Eilro, also known as the Warrior Dragon, the dungeon master’s familiar.

Siana sacrificed herself to ensure that the party escaped unscathed, only for her brother to rush back in to rescue her. Thankfully, the rest of the group managed to knock some sense into him or else he would’ve headed straight to the dragon without a plan. The Eternal Nocturne’s a massive place that’s always changing depending on the time of year, so it’s foolish to run right in without being adequately prepared. Of course, a seasoned adventurer like Taran would know that all too well, but when it comes to a highly stressful situation where a loved one is in danger, it’s understandable why rationality gets thrown out the window.

Sara happened to be passing by Lakewell when she heard about the situation with Siana and the dragon. Although she doesn’t have a lot of experience in exploring dungeons, the Eternal Nocturne had piqued her interest. Had, as in she reconsidered after finding out what happened to Siana and seeing Taran scramble around using what little funds he had to walk straight into the lion’s den again. She offered to accompany him, but because she wasn’t familiar with the dungeon - or dungeons in general - they all agreed that it was far too risky.

So she agreed to stick around the area for a couple months in case of an emergency - and good thing she did because a lot shit went down after the second confrontation with Eilro. Basically, Siana’s spirit had latched on to Eilro in an attempt to sort of possess him to prevent him from going on another rampage. Apparently, the source of his anger was due to a falling out with the dungeon master, and so he stormed out of his lair, attacking anyone who came his way. Taran later found out that the island’s elders had been aware that Eilro was acting out after a handful of adventurers reported being assaulted by him, but they failed to take action, probably because that would mean shutting down the dungeon, which means they lose money.

And then the worst case scenario happens - Eilro goes too far, someone ends up dead. Now it’s not just Eilro and the elders who are in trouble, the dungeon master’s implicated too because technically speaking, none of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for him. According to Marcie, Siana’s fiancee and a long time Meurig party member, the dungeon master, also known as the Illustrious Mage, is notoriously difficult to reason with. Eilro had a complicated relationship with him - the kind where they’re both so fucked up that them being able to tolerate each other is a better option than letting them roam freely and subject other people to their madness. That was the main reason why the elders ignored the reports - they simply didn’t want to deal with the Illustrious Mage.

Because Siana’s spirit still held a strong presence despite her body being destroyed, Marcie did the unthinkable by performing forbidden magic - specifically, a resurrection spell. It was a last resort sort of thing because Eilro was beyond reasoning, seeming to get a kick out of hurting everyone in a sadistic sort of way, according to Marcie and Taran. Yikes, there’s no doubt it’ll be a losing battle fighting against someone like that. Besides, Siana already crossed the line of forbidden magic by attempting possession of a living creature, so they might as well go all out. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Fighting Eilro was not easy, even when Siana was forcibly holding him back. If it weren’t for the fact that Marcie and Taran can also heal - the former being trained while the latter picked up some basics - they wouldn’t be taking as much of a risk confronting the dragon. They said describing it as brutal would be an understatement. Like, Siana fought head to head with him alone and she was pretty much obliterated. Had she not used forbidden magic, that would just be the end for her, making Taran and Marcie’s journey futile.

And so they took down the dragon, using his body as a vessel to resurrect Siana since they were already somewhat fused. The resurrection spell resulted in a huge explosion that caught the Mage’s attention, which meant that the gang was fucked. Siana was successfully revived and seemed like herself - at first. Except her body wasn’t really hers - it was mostly Eilro’s since her original body was literally in smithereens - and that brought on a lot of complications.

The Illustrious Mage clearly wasn’t happy about that and proceeded to make life a living hell for them. However, it was not so he could avenge his familiar, it was more that he too seemed to get a kick out of hurting others, except instead of beating the shit out of others, his weapon of choice was psychological torture.

His first move was to awaken the remnants of the dragon’s spirit in Siana to separate her from the others. He knew that the others would have no choice but to venture deeper into the dungeon as they were determined not to leave without her. He also knew that another adventurer party would run into them because their leader used to travel with the siblings. Marcie suspected that the Mage likely knew that Taran would confess out of guilt about the forbidden magic to their former party member and he would flip out and be saddled with the responsibility of having to inform the elders.

Then while everyone’s fighting, the Mage let loose a humanoid dragon beast who were once known as Eilro and Siana, now an angry and confused monster lashing out at the squabbling humans. So it’s like, “Oh no it’s a monster!” to “Oh shit it’s Siana!” Except she doesn’t seem like herself anymore and no one knows what to do. That thing is going around fighting their claws and tossing them around and they’re frozen in place because that’s their friend and they don’t want to hurt her, especially if it’s something completely out of her control.

But on the other hand, how would they know if it’s really her? Like, that thing has her face, but is it really her anymore? Possession’s not something to take lightly as there’s far too many risks involved, including losing yourself completely. That’s why it’s under the forbidden category. In this case, there was also the issue of creating a new abomination that was violent and unpredictable, so that brought on another set of problems. Not to mention that the elders would have no choice but to intervene, which will also complicate the situation with even more problems. In short, it was a mess and the Mage took pleasure in watching everyone lose their minds once it sank in that the catastrophe they got themselves in was only gonna get worse from then on.

They all survived - barely - and being able to fend off the monster gave Taran some home that maybe they can save Siana somehow. Since the resurrection spell is irreversible, the only option was to basically kill and resurrect Siana again, and maybe place a curse on her as a safety measure - an even riskier move, but again, they didn’t have any other options. Taran and Marcie felt responsible for what happened, so they were determined to fix things, even if it means dragging themselves through the mud and angering the elders - all to save Siana, whether it’s to bring her back to her old self, or freeing her spirit so she can rest easy if resurrection was out of the question.

Of course, I wouldn’t be here at the castle listening to their story if they hadn’t succeeded, would I? While the other group went back up to inform the elders about the situation, Taran and his party ventured further down to confront the Mage. Against the elders, the other group eventually returned to the dungeon to assist the others. Sara was caught up on what was happening through them and knew that she would have to jump in soon as the further you go into a dungeon, the more dangerous it gets, especially if you’re walking straight into uncharted territory. As soon as she got the signal, she swooped right in and bailed everyone out before the Mage had a chance to wreak havoc again.

She said she didn’t actually do that much, but she did buy the gang some valuable time, allowing them to escape with their lives. It was one of those dangerous situations where every little thing mattered. Sara, with help from the other group set off a series of explosions to throw off the Mage and the beast, essentially trapping them in a corner. If they hadn’t intervened in such a timely manner, Taran and his party would have no chance of surviving the Mage’s ambush. Not only they finally got the Mage and the beast cornered, they were also injured and weakened by the counterattack. And that provided Taran the perfect opportunity to strike.

Right now, things are still chaotic, which is why he can’t say too much about the Mage. The elders are dealing with that, though no one fully trusts them considering that it was kinda their fault of this happened in the first place. To be honest, they’re not interested in him, not after all the shit he put them through, so they’re glad it’s out of their hands. They do kinda feel bad for the Mage because he had a rough upbringing and all, but he also’s a dick who likes watching people suffer and exploiting them for it because he thinks it’s fun. At least he’s finally getting a taste of his own medicine, though Marcie thinks it won’t really affect him as he’ll find some way to paint himself as the victim for sympathy points.

Damn, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s a powerful mage, people wouldn’t have hesitated to knock him down a peg or two. I find that those who are selfish with absolutely no compassion towards others are some of the most dangerous types of people because they won’t hesitate to stab you in the back and bleed you dry.

So because they defeated the master of the dungeon, that means they conquered it, and that’s how they inherited Windmontley. There’s still a bunch of boring legal stuff Taran has to look over, but for the most part, the castle’s his. Siana’s mostly back to her old self, except she still retains some of Eilro’s and the beast’s features, which she’s learning to live with. Dealing with Eilro and the Mage, as well as long her mind when she was that abomination, really took a toll on her - like, it’s remarkable that she still managed to retain her sanity and sense of self after all that. There’s still a lot that she has to adjust to, but it’s one of those things where you can only take on one day at a time.

As for the dungeon, it’s closed down for repairs - at least, that’s what the public knows. Half truths are usually enough to keep everyone satisfied, especially when it’s stuff that everyone already kinda knows or suspected. Along with the damaged caused by Taran’s party and the Mage, there will be thorough investigations conducted, and that will play a role in determining what kind of punishment the Mage will receive. Since it has nothing to do with the gang, they’re staying out of it and just focus on getting their lives back together.

Windmontley is a nice place to settle down in, though it needs a lot of fixing up. It was owned by the Mage’s grandfather, who intended to pass it down to his daughter, except they had a falling-out and she left. Years later, the Mage reached out to him when his health started declining and took over his affairs, selling everything in his grandfather’s name except the castle after he died. Aside from paying for a service to maintain the upkeep, it seemed like he didn’t have that much interest in the place. The others speculate that the main reason why he only kept that property was because it wasn’t worth much compared to the two mansions he sold for a pretty hefty price.

And that’s why I’m here with some campers, because Sara recommended us to Taran and Siana. Moving’s expensive, and it’s just a difficult process in general. The castle’s a huge upgrade from the inn the siblings were living in before, so they don’t have a lot of stuff. Also, Marcie’s with them now, and she doesn’t have that much either since she lived in a small apartment. The castle looks kinda funny with barely any furnishings, so we’re hoping to change that.

It’s funny, even though we’re a camp, crafting furniture is our specialty. Obviously, we’re focusing on the essentials first, like appliances, bathroom stuff, kitchen stuff, beds - it’s best to get the big stuff out of the way first. At least by building them right here, we don’t have to worry about lugging all that stuff to the castle.

Like I said, a castle in the sky sounds nice in theory, but it really is an inconvenient location. Basically, no one would deliver to their doorstep, so they would have to pick up their mail and packages at the post office, which sounds annoying. They can’t even get takeout delivered to their door, which is just as inconvenient. I mean, sky architecture is totally a thing in many places in the world, and they have no problem with bringing mail to them - why can’t Lakewell? Unless it’s because the elders are stingy and lazy, which is likely the case.

Like, why do they have to make a 15 minute trip to the post office just to get their damn mail? Well, they’re fighting with the elders about that, so hopefully they’ll realize how absurd the whole thing is and do something about it. I mean, it’s not that hard to resolve - like, it shouldn’t have been an issue in the first place.

Aside from that, the castle’s slowly growing on them. The view outside the windows is spectacular, especially on cloudy days when the sky becomes all kinds of colors. That’s not a view you get to see every day! There’s something about watching the world from above that makes me feel small in a way that really puts into perspective how vast and huge our world is.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

The power of music brought us here and it'll take us even further as long as we keep following our dreams

Never underestimate how freeing it is to express yourself through art and creativity. When my mind is loud with overwhelming thoughts or if I’m feeling sort of meh, I find that doing something creative often helps my brain unwind. Journaling’s an obvious thing, and maybe it’s because I’m doing it for years now, but I find it easy and therapeutic to just let my thoughts run wild on paper. It can help sort out your thoughts and feelings over things that you feel conflicted over. Or it could help organize your mind of you’ve got a lot going on and just need some time to settle down.

I don’t always have a rhyme or reason for writing in my journal, nor do I have a strict routine. Some days, I have a lot of my mind, and other times, it’s no thoughts, head empty. To be honest, I don’t really care much for routine or consistency, because to me, journaling’s like any other hobby I pick up. The point is to enjoy it, and if I’m super busy or just not feeling it, I could easily put it aside and focus on something else without feeling bad or guilty. I like routine for the stability, but I don’t want it to completely dictate my day to day life, so I try to aim for a balance.

For me, I like do do a mix of different things when I journal. It’s not the most cohesive thing, which is okay for me because it’s my creative space and I can do whatever I want with it. Diary entries, random pages of art, quotes and lyrics that have been living rent free in my mind - really, the possibilities are endless! Over the years, I have developed my own style of journaling, which I’m happy with, and as of this moment, I’m hoping to keep up with journaling for as long as I feel like it - meaning, for the next few or several years to come.

Songwriting’s another popular way of self expression, and it’s actually come up a lot in conversations, probably because we just attended a music festival and some of our friends who performed there are staying at the camp to chill for a couple days. We’ve got Ying, Hua, Desi, Dello, Donna, and Edie - all who came a very long way to attend the Dreamer Festival in Spectrum Falls. Basically, Edie came from the midwest, Desi, Dello, ands Donna all the way in the west coast, and Ying and Hua came overseas from Yuexing - so they came a really long way! At least by stopping by the camp, Ying and Hua are able to cut their travel time by a few hours, which really makes a difference.

The Dreamer Festival is one of those events that’s a huge deal, sort of like a pipe dream for many. It’s not one of those mainstream festivals that is well known outside of certain circles, which makes it even more special if you’re able to get in. Not that it’s like exclusive, or elite, or anything, it’s more that they try to be super diverse and aim to showcase a wide variety of music, and there’s only so much you can pack into one event a year. In other words, space is limited and invite only, which also isn’t always guaranteed because things can change at the last minute - though from what I’ve heard, if they reach out to you, they will try to give you a slot within two years.

So it really was a stoke of luck that this gang of musicians got in this year, months after the organizers reach out to them, which, again, doesn’t always happen for a variety of reasons. Even now, after the festival, they still can’t believe that they made it. Like, if someone came up last year and told them, “Hey, you’d be performing at Dreamer one day” they’d be like, “You can’t be serious!” And now here they are. Amazing, isn’t it? Even more so after years of being told that their music wasn’t going to get them anywhere.

Obviously, you can’t win everyone over, but it starts to get to a point where the naysayers aren’t being logical anymore, or are just jealous or petty. On one hand, it’s understandable why someone might be against pursuing the arts as a career because it’s not an easy path, and even if you have talent, a lot of it also comes down to luck - and money, and connections, which often serves as a barrier for many. That, I get, because it is a valid concern, and it carries a lot of weight on your decisions.

Financial stability’s one thing, burnout and stress is another that’s a huge concern for many. A good support system can help with that, but that’s also not guaranteed, especially when it comes to factors that are completely out of your hands, which is the unfortunate nature of the music industry. Mainstream music, I can definitely see a lot of behind the scenes stuff happening, though that and smaller labels or independent have their own challenges too. Please note, I know absolutely nothing about the business side of the music industry except that like any other job, it has its problems and whatever.

For Dello and Donna, they acknowledge the fact that they had an advantage because of their connections because their uncle is The Kent Clanwing. However, everything else like finances and such, that was their own hard work and effort, partly due to Clanwing not being involved in that at all. Even now, his support still sends mixed messages to the family, which is something they’ll just have to accept. Not ideal and could be a lot better, but that’s just how it is.

Dello had always been into music, so he’s had a bit of experience with the industry, though it was more of a side thing. Clanwing never exactly discouraged him from pursuing music, but it was kinda implied that he felt that Dello didn’t have the chops to survive the business. Sure, he had the talent and artistic merit, though that can only take you so far, especially if you have other factors working against you.

The biggest obstacle was Dello’s stutter, something he’s struggled with all his life that he still gets self conscious about from time to time. It’s gotten better over the years, but it’s still there, and he knows how to live with it. Of course, Clanwing would never admit that he considers Dello’s stutter a flaw that should be hidden away out of shame. There’s no doubt that Clanwing holds his nephew in high regard, but even then, there’s always gonna be that catch, which is also something Dello has long accepted.

One thing that Clanwing always enforced on his family is to know how to roll with the punches, and so that’s how Dello chooses to live. He knows he can’t control his speech impediment, so he’s not gonna let that control his life and stop him from living. Why let that stop him from singing? Or in his case, why let that stop him from writing and producing music?

It wasn’t until he, Donna, and the others moved out of the manor when he decided to pursue music seriously, forming Ocean Winds with Donna. Dello knew from the start that he didn’t want to sign on with a major record label, choosing to go independent instead so he’s have more artistic control over his work. For them, that was a viable option, and I think they made the right choice to go down that route. They didn’t want to be big stars, they just wanted to make music and share that with the world.

Shine Within You, their debut single unexpectedly rocked the charts, because A, it’s a good song, and B, it has a reassuring message that spoke to a lot of people. And not surprisingly, the song’s message resulted in some “controversy”, which to me is more like pointless discourse, mainly by chronically online people who have nothing better to do. Really, how do you interpret the message of the song - that it’s okay to be yourself and you don’t need to be spectacular to be worthy - and say shit like it’s promoting laziness and being a burden to society?

I think more people need to hear that it’s okay to be mediocre and live a mundane life that makes you happy rather than constantly feeling the need to climb the ladder and aim for perfection in order to prove yourself. After all, it’s not healthy to be always pushing yourself, to be beating yourself up if you fail to meet the high expectations you’ve set for yourself. To always be aiming higher, never feeling satisfied enough with what you have because of the belief that there’s more.

The way I see it, it’s kinda like a never ending cycle - like, what’s the point in always aiming higher if you know that you still won’t be happy with what you’ve got? What’s the point of measuring your self worth with things like how much money you made, or if you did anything groundbreaking, or if you managed to climb to the top, if it brings you stress?

Maybe I’m kinda jaded because I know some people who treat life as some competition to see who’s the best of the best, either constantly beating themselves up for failing to meet their often unrealistic expectations, or acting like they’re superior because they’ve accomplished a lot and so everyone else is just lazy for not being able to reach the same level as them. I get being pressured to succeed and be on top of everything, but it becomes a problem when you force your views on others to the point that you end up being an unpleasant person to be around.

If anyone knows what that’s like, it’s Edie. She and her siblings always had a difficult relationship with their father, who seemed to disapprove of everything they did. He saw Edie’s venture into music a waste of time, saying that she needed to take life more seriously or that she didn’t have what it takes to be a good musician. By that, he meant that she had to be groundbreaking, a game changer, a prodigy - someone. She couldn’t just be a musician - she said nothing was ever enough for him, which was the main source of frustration between them.

I can’t imagine what it’s like growing up with someone that insufferable, especially a parent. Sure, he had his reasons, like the fact that he never really had a childhood because his father died when he was young and as the eldest he was responsible for the family. Still, that doesn’t excuse being a stuck up bitch who thinks you’re better than everyone. It’s even worse when they go out of their way to put others down so they look better in comparison.

Edie’s long accepted that she and her father will never see eye to eye. Aside from his disapproval over pretty much everything she does, he was also a manipulative liar, which is a whole ‘nother thing. He would basically tell people that Edie’s a struggling, disgruntled artist who’s failing to find an audience, and then get defensive when they find out the truth, that Edie was doing well and she was happy with her life.

However, the most telling thing about her father is his comment on her song Cloudy Roses, which was basically what he thought of all her work. Out of all the songs he chose to listen to, he chose the one she knew he was going to hate due to the fact that it’s about two women falling in love, something he considered blasphemy. His response? Telling her that back in his day, she would be murdered for writing something like that. That was really the only direct comment he had over her music. What the fuck? Like, what kind of a thing is that to say to someone? Edie knew he never thought highly of her work, but to basically straight up tell her that she should be killed for expressing herself through her art is going too far.

The others can relate to being told weird and unprompted comments regarding their music, though not on the same level as Edie’s father. Clanwing seems to support Ocean Winds in general, but he appears to have issues with the messages behind some of the songs. Donna said that he has a tendency to overreact to anything he perceives as criticism, so songs where they talk about their struggles - like mental health issues, for example - he can’t help but see that as a personal attack. She and Dello speculate that maybe part of it has to do with guilt, especially for someone like him who has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. On the other hand, it’s like yes, their songs tend to be more personal and inspired by their own life experiences - the key word being inspired - but it’s not 100% true to life, like pretty much all forms of art.

Ying says it’s similar with some of her more conservative relatives too. She doesn’t mind them listening to her music, but she knows that they’ll take issue with some of her songs that touch on subjects like being queer and dealing with mental health struggles. she won’t stop them from checking her stuff out, but at the same time she isn’t up to explaining herself when they demand an explanation, which has happened a couple times. They’re like, “We want to support you, but we don’t agree with your art and the messages you’re conveying through it and we don’t like that.”

Her father and grandparents are also the kind who take it as a personal attack when she opens up about her struggles growing up, specifically what it’s like to be a kid with undiagnosed ADHD and feeling like something was wrong with you, as well as dealing with those who aren’t always supportive of what you do or who you are. I guess it’s uncomfortable for them to accept that someone you grew up with or raised will never fit into that mold you had in mind for them and your expectations mostly succeeded in hurting them instead of helping.

It really sucks when there’s people close to you who refuse to accept you as you are, whether it be your sexuality, identity, if you’re neurodivergent or have a physical, or mental, or chronic condition - anything that makes you different. They’re like, “We don’t wanna hear any of that shit, so suck it up and suffer in silence.” Some people don’t want to admit it, but what they’re really thinking is, “We’d rather have you live in shame and suffer in silence because who you really are makes me uncomfortable,” and it becomes more apparent when other people are able to accept you without reservations while they keep insisting that you’re wrong and they’re right.

The mental health/ADHD stuff continues to be a touchy subject in Ying’s family as there’s still some who don’t believe in that kind of stuff and don’t want her to be associated with those types. At this point, the way she sees it, they’re entitled to their opinion, she’s entitled to her life - if they can’t see eye to eye, then so be it. Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Better to leave it as is rather than waste your energy trying to prove yourself to someone who won’t listen.

For Desi, most of her naysayers are, not surprisingly, people she worked with during her days with Too Cool and the Shayne Brothers, who are known for being cookie cutter mainstream pop - the kind that are stuck reliving their past in a bad way that makes them look bland and uninspired. These days, their songs are too formulaic and predictable, a far cry from their past when they actually put effort in their music rather than pander to what they thought would make the Top 40. I have no idea what they’re up to now, mainly because I’m not interested, though it’s likely the same old stuff.

Although they openly showed their support when Desi decided to go solo, she said it felt sort of backhanded, kinda like they were hoping that she’d reconsider her decision. It became even more apparent when she decided to embrace her Cuban roots, blending elements of traditional and pop rock, as well as incorporating Spanish lyrics. Some fans weren’t too keen on that, which wasn’t a surprise as they expected her work to be more like Too Cool, something she wanted to break away from. Looking back, her only regret was that she hadn’t left earlier once she realized that she was stuck in a rut.

I guess one of the biggest takeaways is that you can’t please everyone. Some people will always find something to criticize no matter what. It sucks to have someone you trust not give you their full support, it really does. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from achieving your dreams. After all, this is your life - you’re the one who calls the shots, not them. Maybe they don’t see eye to eye right now, but that doesn’t mean things won’t change for the better in the future.

Just focus on the present and do what feels right for you. In time, as long as you keep working at it, everything else will fall into place. I know from experience that things will work out in the end, often in ways you least expect it.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Rustic pumpkins, poppy honey tea leaves, and wild talismans in the Baozhou Forest

The Baoshou Forest is said to be home to many lost and wandering spirits who need a place to stay while they figure things out before finally crossing over into the afterlife. Since her family has been performing rituals for the deceased for generations, Tao pretty much knows the forest like the back of her hand. She always keeps some items in hand to help a wandering spirit out, either by helping them sort out affairs, perform a ceremony to give them closure, or just be there for them when they need to get a lot off their chest.

Like her predecessors, she too is a regular visitor in the forest, someone a wayward spirit can turn to when they need guidance. Although she doesn’t always have an answer, Tao does her best to help out. Sure, she may seem quirky in a morbid and creepy lighthearted way that often rubs people the wrong way, but I think you kinda have to be like that when your family’s line of work is dealing with death. It’s not like she’s desensitized or is like “tee-hee, death and coffins, lol we’re all gonna die someday,” - more like her “normal” is clearly different, so her openly talking and even joking about death isn’t unusual, but to others, they see it as weird, and maybe even insensitive.

She’s used to it though, so it’s not a big deal since it’s usually coming from those who don’t know her well. However, she does try to be tactful, and she takes her duties seriously when it comes to burying the dead and sending them off to the afterlife. Some find her a walking contradiction, she says she doesn’t get it because people are complex and fascinating creatures. I agree, some people just don’t get it - or maybe they just prefer thinking in terms of black and white.

Before coming up here, we actually stopped by Meishui Village to meet up with some of Sophea’s clients. Shuyi and Lifeng live up there, which is considered unusual since it’s the countryside, and Lifeng’s family are in Yuexing Harbor - so that’s a bit of a commute. Somehow, Lifeng’s sister is able to go back and forth a couple times a week, though now that the engagement’s official, she’s making arrangements to move closer by.

We didn’t get to meet her unfortunately, but I’ve heard a lot of good things about her, like how she’s taken Shuyi under her wing and giving her the love and support her own family never gave her. She was the one who recommended Sophea when Shuyi found out that her father forged her mother’s will, taking away what little she had left behind that was supposed to be rightfully hers and keeping that for himself. Her father had resented his first wife and eldest daughter, and because Shuyi also happens to be disabled, he used that to justify his abuse towards her, which is really fucked up. His second wife and daughter treated her the same way, with absolutely no compassion or kindness towards her.

So her parents made a fool of themselves in court, failing to convince the public why people like Shuyi should be hidden away from the world for not being useful enough for society and a bunch of other bullshit. By then, Shuyi had been living with Lifeng for several months and was learning how to stand up for herself, so she surprised everyone by telling her father off when he threw a temper tantrum over the final verdict. That turned out to be the last time she ever saw her parents as they committed suicide that night, refusing to take responsibility and cursing Shuyi until the very end.

As for Shuyi’s younger sister from her father’s second marriage, she had disappeared when her parents were found dead. Months earlier, she attempted to sabotage Shuyi and Lifeng in some last ditch attempt to elevate her family’s failing status. It failed, and the consequences were dire as the Yulin clan fell even further. Those events actually led to Shuyi meeting her mother’s family and discovering the will as she was finally able to freely contact them. Around that time, Yan had been exiled somewhere in the mountains for a community service type of thing such as cleaning up litter and tending to the plants. She remained there until a few days before the final verdict, presumably taken away by her parents.

When her parents were found, a search was conducted, though it was believed that Shuyi’s sister was likely dead too. But with no body, it was all circumstantial, and the authorities kinda left it at that because it seemed kinda straightforward. Not to mention that by then, Shuyi just wanted to sever her ties with her family completely, which is totally understandable.

Then a few weeks ago, her sister suddenly showed up out of nowhere when Shuyi and Lifeng’s sister went to the forest to pick poppy honey leaves. Shuyi wandered off near the river to pick some lotuses when her sister confronted her. She almost didn’t recognize her, describing her as a once beautiful girl with an extravagant fashion sense - so basically, a superficial rich girl who likes to show off by flaunting her looks - to looking disheveled and wearing old, worn clothes while having a look of pure anger in her eyes that gave her chills.

Next thing she knew, her sister grabbed her by the shoulders to the point that she woke up the next day with her left side bruised and sore. Shuyi wasn’t sure if she was trying to push her in the river or if her sister’s hands were gonna move to her throat. Part of the reason why Shuyi wears a somewhat elaborate necklace is to cover the scars from when her sister strangled her - that same incident that got her banished to the mountains.

Like her parents, Shuyi’s sister also screamed curses at her, blaming her for her current predicament and the sorry state of their family’s name. Shuyi somehow managed to break away from her sister’s grip and told her to leave. She didn’t listen and started pulling at Shuyi, who fought back for the first time, which probably threw her sister off guard. So she got angrier and even more violent, forcing Shuyi to act in self defense by pushing her into the water where they both went down just as Lifeng’s sister was about to intervene.

Shuyi wound up with a mild concussion from hitting her head when she fell. Her sister wasn’t as lucky and died from her injuries when she landed on a bunch of sharp rocks. The whole thing wound up being anticlimactic, which is probably for the best. Shuyi can’t help but wonder if her sister was trying to get a rise out of her on purpose because she felt it was different from all the other times she taunted and bullied her. After all, when you have nothing left to lose, some people just flip out and say or do whatever because they know they’re going down and refuse to accept that. Basically like throwing a tantrum, except it’s a grown ass person who can’t take no for an answer and makes that everyone’s problem.

Well, what’s done is done and Shuyi can finally leave her past behind for good. She’s a lot happier now that she’s no longer in their shadows and instead surrounded by people who genuinely love and accept her, shortcomings and all. And not only that, they also treat her like an actual, living human being with feelings and thoughts rather than some object to be ridiculed or talked down at. I’d say good riddance - the world doesn’t need anymore people like them.

Through Sophea, Shuyi and Cerise became good friends as they have a lot in common, especially in terms of growing up with a shitty family who saw them as nothing but a burden because of their disabilities. They’ve both taken a couple pages from each other’s books in terms of gathering up the courage how to stand up for themselves and live life on their own terms. They can’t help being who they are and if some people can’t accept that, seeing them as a burden on society and whatnot - well, like it or not, disabled people exist and they are a part of society, just like any other human being.

Along with Cerise, Saff and Nikolai stopped by to meet up with Shuyi, Sophea, and Lifeng too. Sophea was a great help to the three of them when people from their past started digging up skeletons in order to discredit their accomplishments. Although the three of them came from different walks of life, they wound up being an adventurer team thanks to a chance meeting at a bar on a crowded night that somehow turned into a drunken therapy session - the one common thread bringing them together was the fact that they were tired of being constantly fucked over by close ones who they thought they could trust.

Tao has also become well acquainted with the adventuring trio during her excursions to the Baozhou Forest. In fact, the four of them made a trip up there last week to hang up some talismans after hearing complaints from locals about a spike in unusual supernatural activity in a certain area. Stuff like that happens once in a while, so if it starts to become a concern, the adventurer’s guild usually finds someone to take care of it.

At first, Tao picked that commission out of boredom, only to find out that it wasn’t just talismans, but some restless spirits who needed guidance as well - and monsters lurking in the darkness acting strange for unknown reasons. A quick visit to check out the situation told her to bring some extra hands because there’s no way she’d be able to fight a bunch of agitated monsters, set up talismans, and perform rites all by herself. Yeah, there’s no way anyone can get all that done in a day - even someone as energetic as her.

Then on the way home, she stopped by Meishui, where she ran into Nikolai, Saff, and Cerise. They talked, she told them about the situation in the forest, and they offered to accompany her. The three of them happen to be well versed with the supernatural - Nikolai and Saff being seasoned adventurers while most of Cerise’s knowledge comes from a mentor when she was in school, someone who hailed from a family of exorcists and taught her the basics on that. So Nikolai and Saff did most of the monster fighting while Tao and Cerise dealt with the restless spirits. Together, they were able to find the source that was causing the unrest and put a stop to that. Finally, once all of that was done, Tao performed a ceremony, and they put talismans around the area. All in a good day’s work.

About a week has gone by, and so they went back up there to check and make sure that there were no further disturbances or anything else that would be concerning. So far, so good - nothing out of the ordinary has happened and the talismans are still in good condition. Since they made the trip up here, why not take it easy and hang around for a bit? Along with poppy honey flowers, rustic pumpkins are in season too, so aside from visiting some friends, we also wanted to visit the forest for that.

Rustic pumpkins are kinda like a hybrid between kabocha and butternut squash. They’re known as rustic pumpkins because they’re popular outside of Yuexing. It’s mostly the elders that call them their actual name, which is hard to pronounce, and with English being the common language, it just somehow became known as rustic pumpkins.

I’m no linguist but I do find languages in general to be fascinating. Somehow that doesn’t translate well into motivating me to actually get down and really learn a language (Khmer, ahem). And in the Celestine Onyx, which is a sort of jurisdiction of seven different countries with their own languages, cultures, and customs, it’s interesting getting to know the people there and how they’re all kinda interconnected with each other.

In terms of languages, English is the common language because that’s how they’re able to communicate with each other. Then there’s also their second language, which to simply things I’ll just call it their native tongue, and that’s widely spoken, usually among locals, and that too has its own regional differences. So in Yuexing, it’s Mandarin, Sango -Japanese, Marippe - French, Adrikha - Arabic, Sazona - Spanish, Melovka - Russian. Then in Bonsai, it’s kinda a mix of everything. And usually, in the bigger cities or places where you’d generally find more travelers, they mainly speak English. Then in places like Meishui, it’s kinda like 50/50, so you’d hear conversations in English - usually among the younger folk - and Mandarin - usually between family or the elders.

Anyway, so rustic pumpkins have many uses, though they’re more for dishes outside of Yuexing culture. Rustic pumpkin and salmon pie is well known in Marippe, which is to the northeast, and that takes elements from the cuisine of both cultures. They’re both known for seafood, though they obviously prepare and serve it in different ways. A while ago, I heard a funny story about Ruby getting caught off guard by the amount of chilis in a shrimp dish she tried in Yuexing while on a mission with Connie and her brothers. Thanks to her experience, Aurelie was careful to avoid a similar incident as she too can’t take spice too well either - Yuexing cuisine really goes hard on the heat! Also, Xiang making mods to her own spin on various dishes she grew up eating or else most of us - myself included - wouldn’t be able to enjoy her country’s food.

Then there’s poppy honey flowers, which are mainly used for tea. And like with Marippe, tea’s big here in Yuexing, which they also have their own spin on. Me being Asian, I kinda have a bias for Asian teas, like the kinds that don’t need milk or sugar added in. Not that I’m a purist or anything, I just grew up drinking tea like that and I prefer drinking it that way - with exceptions being like boba tea, or if maybe the tea has no flavor or is way too strong, aka not good. Marippe has good teas too, and it’s made me appreciate tea with milk, cream, sugar, and other sweet add ons that can elevate a tea, but overall, I think I tend to gravitate towards teas that don’t need anything added to it.

Poppy honey tea is a black tea with a natural sweetness to it, so no need to add anything to that. Soy milk may be added if the black tea flavor’s a bit too strong - again, down to personal preferences. For me, I don’t think it’s necessary. I’m a black tea girlie, so I’m a bit biased towards Yuexing, Sango, and Adrikha. Green tea’s good too, but I think I’m more into matcha. White, I think it depends, I just kinda find the flavor lacking in general. And fruity or floral teas, I’m kinda picky about them as they can be a hit or miss. Strong floral flavors aren’t my jam while fruit teas I find taste better iced and with some sweetener.

We kinda had a debate on whether we’re team black tea or green tea, and we ended up in the middle. I’d say why pit these two bad bitches against each other? (Ignore my black tea bias earlier). Poppy honey is used mainly for black tea, though it’s popular with green tea too, though that’s mainly outside of Yuexing. Both are good, though, and I like having options because sometimes your preferences depend on what you’re in the mood for.

Right now, I’m in the mood for black tea because, I don’t know, something about being out here in the countryside makes it feel suitable for the occasion.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Recite a spell to add some magic to your day, balance a grimoire on your head while contemplating problems where there is no clear answer

Some people really need to realize that they don’t live in a bubble. By that, I mean they need to realize that they live in a society and not everything is centered around them. You have to realize that the stuff you do can affect someone else and take accountability if or when shit goes down because of your actions. You can’t be like, “Nah, I don’t give a fuck if it has nothing to do with me” - it doesn’t work like that.

Am I talking about someone I know personally? I mean, I know of people like that, but I’m not particularly close with them. But I know some people who wound up being surrounded by those kinds of people. In most cases, it’s out of their control, like from their own family or a less than ideal workplace - again, the whole bubble thing.

Shara, for example, is someone who grew up with those kinds of people who only care about themselves and nothing more. Money, status, anything that puts them above everyone else, they’ll do whatever it takes to get to the top, stepping on everyone else just to prove their point. In other words, they won’t hesitate to sabotage if they can benefit from it, kinda like that hero syndrome thing where they deliberately put someone in danger so they can swoop in at the right moment to save the day. Not the kind of people you’d trust with anything.

Having grown up under that kind of environment, it’s kinda made her distrustful of people and their intentions, which is totally understandable. Kindness takes effort and it took years for her to unlearn a lot of what her family taught her as it’s an ongoing battle. In her case, cutting ties with them was the only way she could live her life on her terms. Rather than staying trapped in their bubble, she chose to participate in a society that holds each other up instead of cutting each other down.

That’s said, it’s safe to say that Shara has developed a sort of intuition on whether someone has good intentions or not. Obviously it’s not always perfect and she’s willing to give the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes you can just straight up tell hmm I don’t trust this person trying to get all this information out of me.

There are times when alarm bells are going off and I think you should just go with your gut. If it feels wrong, don’t do it. Like, if there’s voice in your head saying that you have a really bad feeling about this, listen to it.

Of course, there are times when the signs aren’t so clear. As with most things in life, it’s not always black and white. Maybe this person isn’t being rude or inconsiderate out of malice, they probably didn’t think too much about how their actions affected you. Or this person said something out of anger and quickly forgot about it while it stuck with the other person for years like an injury that never fully heals. Or maybe they just don’t think at all - a lot of people are like that.

In Shara and Odette’s case, the person in question seems to fall into the blissfully ignorant in a bad way category. They aren’t exactly close with Freya since she usually keeps to herself, so they don’t want to get too involved with whatever’s going on with her unless something happens where they have to report it. Though she probably never intended to, she fucked up a lot and it’s finally starting to catch up with her. It’s one of those things where you do feel kinda bad for them, but at the same time they brought it on themselves by refusing to take responsibility in the first place.

Shara can sympathize with Freya in the sense that they’re both always overshadowed by those who are bigger and better than they are. It’s hard to speak up when everyone else keeps speaking over you, and even worse, when they put words into your mouth because for whatever reason they think you’d just nod and agree with them. Like asking for someone’s opinion only to just completely ignore it because it didn’t line up with yours. You get to a point where you just stop talking because no one’s gonna bother listening to you anyway.

There’s a lot more things that Shara and Freya have in common, though it’s more on a superficial level. They basically gravitated towards each other because everyone else had been there longer and had their own circles - a couple of fishes out of the water. Shara especially had no connection at all with the other mages in their class while at least Freya was well connected because of her family, which posed its own set of challenges for her.

However, Shara was lucky in the sense that she had Freya by her side since she was considered a prodigy. That was a big deal since Freya didn’t really go out of her way to really interact with the others, so the fact that she was mentoring someone seemed too good to be true. And then she later met Odette, who her first friend outside the academy who also took on a mentoring role for both of them.

After graduation, Shara and Freya kept in contact sporadically, mainly through social media. Freya followed in her brothers’s footsteps by becoming a Golden Witch, which means she’s really up there. Then last year she became a proctor for one of the exams, and that’s another huge thing, especially for someone as young as her. The other proctors, aside from the one who she replaced when they retired, are the same ones who oversaw the exam when she took it years ago.

According to Odette, it’s a difficult test for good reason because people have actually gotten killed. They prefer to have 0 casualties, but the purpose of the exam is to make sure these mages can survive dangerous situations, especially those that can go 0 to 100 in an instant. Just getting a letter of recommendation as a potential candidate is very hard to come by. Odette was one of the lucky few who passed the first time, though just barely, while Gideon, like many others, were able to succeed after their third attempt. Shara had considered looking into it when one of her instructors brought it up to her, but ultimately decided that it wasn’t worth the stress.

Rory’s been getting recommendations over the past year now that she’s old enough to enter, but after hearing so many horror stories about the exam, she’s staying away. Well, a certification’s not essential where they’re from, unless Rory decides to become an adventurer or work in some other super niche and specialized field that requires it. Plus, the test has changed a lot since Odette and Gideon took it,

As for Freya, she almost had it the first time, only to get seriously injured and disqualified in the final round. At the time, she was taking the exam alongside her childhood friend, who also came from a family of renowned mages, so their paths crossed a lot. The childhood friend, Nikki, has a cousin who became friends with Odette when they took the exam years earlier and they still keep in touch once in a while.

Odette wasn’t sure what to think of Freya and Nikki as they were constantly fighting - not just bickering, they were also pulling each other’s hair and smacking each other. Sure, there were times when they got along, not to mention that their powers worked well together, making them a formidable duo, but most of that was lost underneath the fighting. Kinda reminds me of Talha and Haitham, minus the fist fighting and hair pulling. The way it usually went would be Nikki gets indecisive, Freya gets annoyed and provokes her into making a decision, and if Nikki is still unable to make a move, Freya literally jumps on her, starts pulling her hair, and they both start screaming at each other. Yeah, I wouldn’t like to be in the middle of that either.

Still, despite the constant fighting, they had each other’s backs. Freya meant well, even if she had a bad way of showing it by kinda forcing your hand, but that was how she showed that she cared. Nikki understood and she became more confident in herself because Freya pushed her into taking action rather than just let her stand there overthinking everything.

I don’t always agree with those kinds of methods, but sometimes you need a bit of shoving, someone who will grab you by the shoulders and make you break out of your comfort zone with full force. There are times when being pushy and forceful are necessary, and Nikki sounded like the kind of person who absolutely needed someone like that.

So a couple years pass since the exam, which is every three years. By then, Freya and Nikki have upped their game, worked on their weaknesses, and have their experiences from the previous exam under their belt. Of course, things never go according to plan, especially during the final round when it all goes to shit. Freya survived, Nikki didn’t, making her the only casualty during that section.

That was actually noted as unusual since, A, there would usually be more, and B, it was a freak accident that shouldn’t have happened. And that was the incident that would bite Freya in the ass years later when the truth came out. So she finally got her certification, but it didn’t really matter to her anymore because Nikki wasn’t there alongside her.

The Freya Shara got to know was not the same person from before, so it goes to show how easy it is to be led astray. One bad decision led to a sort of snowball effect where she just kept on using poor judgement to guide her. Eventually, she went way off track, but failed to notice until it was too late.

In Freya’s case, a moment of thoughtlessness led to a fatal accident. She and Nikki was having one of their fights when Freya accidentally tampered with Nikki’s tracker device. The purpose of the device is to keep track of the examinees and teleport them to safety when they’re in a pinch. If they were seriously injured, there’s a switch that will teleport them to the clinic, but because they’ve left the exam, they’ll be disqualified. At least for those examinees, they can return to the next exam in a few years. For those who failed, unless a proctor gives them a letter directly, they’ll have to get another recommendation, which sounds like such a hassle.

If I failed, I’d probably take it as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be. The process for certification as a High Mage is super selective for a reason, so they have their ways of making sure that the people taking this exam are super serious about it. Nikki wound up being one of those extremely rare exceptions where she was recommended by all four proctors to retake the exam after she failed - the reason being that she had potential, but lacked the confidence and self assurance that a High Mage should possess. So the purpose of the exam isn’t just to see how skilled you are in magic in perilous situations, it also shows whether or not you have what it takes to be able to live up to the title.

There’s no knowing whether Nikki would have passed her second time around, though the proctors noted that she had matured and gotten stronger since the last exam. Of course, she still had her moments where she second guessed herself, making Freya irritably impatient. Except this time, something went wrong, a freak accident, as they put it. Freya admitted that she noticed that Nikki’s tracker device wasn’t working properly and that she could have pointed it out, but because she was annoyed at the time, she didn’t say anything.

Of course, she didn’t think it would be a big deal, worst case it being an convenience - though considering how dangerous the exam is and the fact that people have been killed, it really was plain stupidity and carelessness on Freya’s part. The main purpose of these devices, after all, is to ensure the safety of the examinees - it’s not perfect, but it has saved many lives when they were in a pinch, like Freya when she got impaled in her first exam. In other words, tampering with the device, even if it was accidental, is a huge fucking deal.

The fact that she deliberately chose not to say anything about it makes it even worse because who’d want to work with a High Mage who can’t even hold herself accountable? Aside from being irritable at the time, another reason why she didn’t say anything is likely because she knew she’d be disqualified again. Sometimes people do stupid things to save their own asses. And there’s speculation going around that maybe she wanted the upper hand, that maybe she secretly wanted Nikki to fail and so it was actually sabotage. From what Shara and Odette know about her, that’s very unlikely.

An investigation was launched when the proctors realized that Nikki’s device had malfunctioned. Had it worked properly, instead of falling from a tower while fighting a monster and getting crushed to death by the debris, she would’ve been able to escape. Sure, she’ll get disqualified and have to retake the exam in a few years, but at least she’ll still be alive. Foul play and negligence were definitely suspected, however, because there was no evidence that pointed to either one, Nikki’s death was eventually considered a freak accident, a one-off thing that hopefully never happens again. Obviously, the council, the proctors, and Nikki’s family weren’t satisfied with that conclusion, but they had nothing to go on.

Though now with Freya’s confession, that changes things a lot. Her admitting that she tampered the device is one thing. The fact that she was with Nikki moments before she was attacked and was the one who pushed her off the falling tower is another. To be clear, Freya didn’t push her like it was another one of their fights, she said she pushed Nikki out of the way because she had already been injured and wouldn’t be able to dodge the monster’s attack in time. She had naturally assumed that either Nikki would be able to land safely or teleport away, like anyone with good judgement would.

Then this is where it gets confusing - at least, it’s hard to tell how truthful Freya is and whether she’s doing it intentionally or not. Maybe’s she’s not entirely sure - that’s also very likely given the chaos of the final stage of the exam. She keeps going back and forth on whether or not she knew if Nikki was trapped in the ruins or not. Apparently, she gives different answers depending on who asked. She claimed that she saw Nikki fall, but was unable to check on her because the monster was now chasing after her. Or, she just assumed that Nikki teleported away and she didn’t see, so she never realized that something was wrong.

Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that the whole time the investigation was going on, she never said a word, even going as far as to claim that she barely saw her during that stage. She was concerned when Nikki didn’t show up at the end, but that now raises the question of whether it was an act or if she was really that unaware.

However, one thing’s certain, Freya was never the same after Nikki died. Like I said, it turned into a snowball effect thing where she just stopped caring about a lot of things. Ignorance and apathy, those are the two words being thrown around to describe the person she’s become. She’s not a bad person, but she did make some poor choices that haunted her more than she’d like to admit, and that guilt continued to cloud her judgement over the years.

Even after confessing, she still tries to shift the blame, and that’s why Shara’s conflicted about her. Part of it’s because of her own upbringing with her family’s tendency to use someone, usually her, as a scapegoat. Plus the whole refusing to take responsibility for your actions, especially when you fucked up. Like, I kinda get it, but also, you need to hold yourself accountable for what you do. In Freya’s case, which is a bit of an extreme since someone died because of her, she really did a lot of harm, and so her trying to downplay the whole thing with ignorance is just making things worse for her. The more she tries to justify herself, the more it comes across as her only being sorry because she couldn’t get away with it anymore. Talk about burying yourself in a deep hole.

For the sake of her mental health, Shara’s keeping her distance, which I think is a good idea. So that’s why she’s spending a couple days up here at the camp to kind of reset her mind and get way from it all. She still has a tiny bit of respect left for Freya because of all she taught her about what it means to be a witch. Freya didn’t have to go out of her way to take Shara under her wing, but she chose to reach out to her. As to why, Shara still doesn’t know, though she now wonders if maybe she reminded Freya of Nikki. Since we never got to know her, we can only speculate, but it is possible.

A lot of things in life is a mystery, just not those kinds that have a satisfying ending or a clear cut solution. For the most part, all we’re left with is only a bunch of vague clues we can speculate with.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Keeping memories by making models of our travels and using old mementos to explore the past

It’s funny how much can change in a year without realizing it. Even without any drastic, life altering changes, when you look back exactly one year ago, things are almost always different in some way. For example, one year ago from this moment, I haven’t yet met most of the people visiting the camp right now. And one year ago, I’m pretty sure we were all in different phases of life.

I’m not the kind of person who looks too deeply into the past with nostalgia tinged glasses, I’m more of a focus on the present type. Though it’s nice to look back and see how far you’ve come, what you’ve accomplished, learned, and all that. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that you were once there and now you’re here. Sure, there were a lot of twists, turns, and mistakes, but that’s part of the experiences that shaped you into who you are today. Sounds trite, I know, but there’s some truth to it.

If anyone knows all too well about the passage of time, it’s Raniya. I can’t imagine how disorienting it was for her to have to readjust to the outside world after being trapped in the ruins for so long, unaware that centuries had passed since her disappearance. While she’s pretty much gotten over that show - it didn’t really take her that long, she said - though there are times when it really hits her like a ton of bricks that the life she once knew and the people she had grown up with are no longer there.

Finding her assistant Aliphelia and the letters her mother and sister left for her is one of those “brick things”, as she called them. It’s just something she’ll have to grieve and accept, much like life in general. You gain some, you lose some, that’s just how it is.

This event’s kinda special because we’re looking back on past adventures and making mementos out of them. By that, I mean we’re making miniature models of some of the places that we’ve traveled to, which is a fun challenge. For a beginner like me, my models are very much on the simpler side, just enough to recapture the essence of the place I’m trying to recreate.

Take Adrikha City, for example, since most of our visitors are from there. Obviously, with it being a big city and all, there’s no way a miniature would capture everything or else it’ll be super cluttered. So I stick with the big stuff that makes the city distinctive, like the giant tree at the center and notable places like Dharma and the bazaar. Though I think the bazaar itself deserves its own mini because that place is huge and very lively!

Talha’s got a lot of experience building models so we’ve been going to him for help. Raniya’s got a lot of experience too, though she’s more mechanical stuff while he’s in architecture. I mean, I’d better be used to building all kinds of stuff by now, but still, it’s nice to work with some experts and learn some new things that’ll help us later in the future. After all, crafting things is what I do, so I gotta keep up, improve my skills, pick up some new skills - all that fun stuff.

So, like I said, about one year ago, I didn’t really know people like Talha, Raniya, Sadiki, Haitham, Nabil, and Amina that well. Now we all keep in touch and have since then gotten to know each other a little better. Plus there’s one new person, Laith, who’s a distant cousin of Sadiki. He’s from the desert, born and raised there, but he’s quite familiar with the city having traveled back and forth a lot. And because he knows the desert like the back of his hand, he’s the kind of person who you want to find when you end up getting lost.

Things have been busy with Dharma as usual, even when it’s summer as there’s still classes going on. Laith’s using this time to get acquainted with the way they run things since his organization’s gonna be working closely with them. Over the past year, Dharma’s been working on reestablishing connections with various communities that they either fell out or cut ties with in the past, mainly in the desert and the outskirts of the rainforest. So far, they’ve been successful for the most part, but it’s understandable why there’s still some hesitation, and that’s just another hurdle they’ll have to handle with care.

Laith was aware of the changes going on since Nahla took charge, so he knew it was a matter of time before he met Sadiki again. They were raised by Laith’s grandfather for a time when they were young - sometime after Sadiki was adopted by Cobra, who was living in the desert at the time. Then they had a falling out and Cobra moved back to the city, taking Sadiki with him.

Years passed and the four of them just went on with their lives until Laith’s grandfather, who was dying after years of ill health, wanted to reconcile with Cobra. It was his way of clearing his conscience so his successor wouldn’t be burdened by the past, though he did it in such a roundabout way that initially left Laith and Sadiki baffled. Well, there was a lot of things in the past they have questions about that still doesn’t make sense, though it literally has nothing to do with them or the present, so it’s better to just leave it at that.

It didn’t take long for Laith to become a part of Sadiki’s circle, especially since he’s the kind of person who makes friends easily. Raniya said that it’s remarkable how he manages to find time to be all over the place helping others out, leading her to wonder at first if he had a twin or something. Turns out, he just likes going out and meeting new people and spending a lot of time in the city provided many opportunities for that - that’s really all there is to it.

Now that he’s part of Connie’s entourage, he has even more opportunities to travel, especially outside of Adrikha. Being here at the camp is actually Laith’s first time outside of the Celestine Onyx, so that’s exciting! He officially joined around the same time as Josette, so he spent quite a bit of time in Marippe during their training because they had to work around her schedule. Once things settle down, he’s actually considering taking some doubles just to explore new places. especially since it won’t be long before Connie and Pai set off to Sazona.

Right now, along with getting acquainted with Dharma, Laith is considering renting a place in the city so he won’t have to travel back and forth as much. Sadiki, Nabil, and Amina are more than happy to let him crash for a couple nights, which they have, but he doesn’t want to inconvenience them. It’s still up in the air as there’s a lot to consider like money and all, though the more he thinks about it, the more he’s leaning towards the idea. Sadiki, Nabil, and Talha are helping him look around, not just strictly in Adrikha City, so they’ll work something out eventually.

I mean, the commute from his home to the city sounds tiring, and if he’s gonna basically split his time between the two places, he’s better off getting a space of his own. Sure, running around’s no problem for Laith - maybe for now - but he does need to rest once in a while, especially when things get really busy.

Of course, there’s the option of being a roommate, which Laith isn’t entirely opposed to, though chances are that he’ll have to live with a complete stranger. If Raniya wasn’t living in a one bedroom apartment, she’d be more than happy to take him in. However, she does tend to work on projects late at night, so maybe she might not be ideal for an early riser like him. Talha’s similar in the sense that he tends to pull all nighters on projects too, usually hammering away on something, though Haitham’s lived with him long enough that he’s used to the noise.

Speaking of roommates, I finally learned about why Haitham and Talha, a seemingly unlikely duo, ended up living together. As it turns out, Laith was curious about that and the nature of their relationship too, especially since he usually sees them together in the bazaar. I remember Pai saying that she wasn’t sure if they were friends or complicated exes, and it certainly seemed that way when I first met them, especially during the festivities last year. Apparently, things between them mellowed out since then, so they’re now much more chill between each other - occasional bickering aside.

So Talha and Haitham go way back - their parents were colleagues, renowned researchers from Dharma. Out of the four, only Talha’s mother remains and she’s living in Bonsai with her second husband. Haitham was raised by his grandmother and she helped Talha and his mother out a lot after his father died. They weren’t exactly childhood friends in the sense that they were close even though they sort of grew up together - like, they were aware of each other’s presence, but they never really went out of the way to become well acquainted with one another.

Then they became students at Dharma and wound up working on a research project together, except that had a lot of ups and downs, so they ended up parting ways. Talha graduated first since he’s a couple years older and he became an architect, which also had a lot of ups and downs - more low points than he’d like to admit, but sometimes that’s how it is. By then, his mother had remarried and moved to Bonsai while he chose to stay in Adrikha. Not long after she left, he decided to take the plunge and go freelance, a risky move that ended up paying off in the long run - not that much in terms of money, which is a whole ‘nother story, but he’s become somewhat of a household name.

Haitham initially followed in his grandmother and parents’s footsteps by becoming a researcher, but he found it too stressful at times. As a student, he worked part time in the library mostly doing menial tasks, mainly so he can earn some extra money to buy books to read at home. He’s actually got quite an extensive library - plus, he always carries a book with him whenever he has downtime - so he’s a real bookworm. And it so happens that he decided to join Connie’s entourage because he can travel and get all kinds of books he won’t be able to get back home - at least not without paying an absurd amount of money.

Long story short, he was so good at his job that he got promoted to more secretarial duties, then worked his way up to admin, eventually working under the former head of Dharma. Some call him a glorified secretary, which is obviously an oversimplification - though he said it was pretty much like that back then. When management was pretty much overhauled - meaning a good number of them resigned or got kicked out - and Nahla was rightfully reinstated, Haitham began taking on a more active role in Dharma’s affairs.

He was actually considered as a candidate to replace some of the higher ups, only for him to keep rejecting for the sole reason of not wanting a stressful job, which is totally valid. Some people are okay with a boring office job and actually don’t mind, or even enjoy doing the admin tasks, sending emails, shuffling papers, organizing files - like, there’s nothing wrong with that, especially if you’re good at it. Plus, he gets paid pretty well for it - the whole faculty basically got a nice raise when management changed hands and thoroughly investigated the institution’s finances, which had been - surprise, surprise - mismanaged by the former higher ups.

So, somewhere between all that - at least, before Dharma’s upheaval - Talha was going through a rough time. He took on a big project that made him famous, but it cost him a lot, leaving him in a difficult financial situation. Haitham, out of all people, decided to help him out after unexpectedly running into him in the bazaar. Talha doesn’t remember too much about what happened since he had been out drinking, but he apparently spilled everything to Haitham, probably because he was the first person he came across who he recognized. And that’s basically how Talha ended up moving in with Haitham.

The funny thing is that they’ve been living together for a couple years now and aside from some friends, no one else knows about it. Part of it was because Talha was embarrassed - to think that a renowned architect couldn’t afford to live on his own - yeah, I get it. Meanwhile, Haitham never cared about what other people thought of him, so he never said anything. Talha complained that he was more of a housekeeper than a roommate, which Haitham doesn’t exactly deny.

And of course, another reason why no one would ever think of them being together was because they fought a lot. Back then, it was more than just bickering, like it was near screaming matches, at least for Talha. I remember back during the tournament there was definitely sparks flying between them - I wasn’t sure if they were good or bad. Though based on everyone else’s lack of reaction, I took that as normal, or they’re just so used to it that it no longer even registers. Talha gets riled up and Haitham would keep provoking him - that was the gist of it in simple terms.

There didn’t seem to be any malice, more like they had trouble seeing eye to eye on things, which leads to poor communication, which leads to frustration. Most of their grievances go way back to that failed research project, which they both said it was simultaneously a failure and a success. The kind of thing that brings out the best and worst in people. Still, even with all the conflicts and disagreements, they kinda still had some sort of trust as in they have a long history together and if shit went down then at least they can turn to each other. After all, they wouldn’t be living under the same roof if they couldn’t.

So during that tournament last year, Talha learned about an incident that his father was affected by. That was why he ultimately decided to decline the award since that researcher fucked over a lot of people and their careers, his father especially as he never was able to recover from that. Not too long after, Talha’s father became ill and eventually died while the incident was eventually forgotten and buried.

In fact, about half of the staff working on the event were kids when the whole thing happened about 20 years ago. They were aware that something happened, but obviously, since most of them were pretty young - as in under 10 most likely- they didn’t really pay that much attention to it once the hype died down.

Basically, in a roundabout and totally unrelated way, that whole investigation about this incident from 20 odd years ago somehow led to Talha and Haitham finally making more of an attempt to get along. Since Haitham was part of the staff organizing the event, and he works closely with Nahla, they were the ones who started looking into things when they realized there was a connection. It was just a coincidence when Talha ended up winning and the researcher’s daughter noticed that he looked familiar because she was acquainted with his father. There’s obviously more to it, but long story short, Talha learned from Haitham that the researcher did work with his father and led to him becoming disillusioned with life.

These days, Talha and Haitham are getting along better, though they still bicker every now and then. By the time Laith started coming to the city more often he always saw them together, so he naturally became curious about their relationship. I mean, it would make sense to infer that, “Hey, these guys are always together, obviously they’re pretty close.” Then you wonder, “Are they besties? Are they a couple? Married?” Again, it makes sense because they seem like a package deal sort of thing.

As for what exactly they are, they either are being cryptic on purpose - at least on Haitham’s end - or they really have no idea - probably more for Talha. Call them friends and they’re like, ”Yeah, you can say that.” Well, if you said that like a couple months ago, maybe there’d be some hesitation, and something along the lines of “It’s complicated”, and then things get awkward. Call them exes and they suddenly change the subject. Someone, I don’t remember who - maybe Haniyya, or Nilou, or Pai - actually asked them that on separate occasions and it was basically one of those moments where you’re like maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

Now, if you ask if they’re a couple, that’s apparently a, even more loaded question that maybe even they’re not so sure of. Yeah, they do seem like an old married couple, so I can’t blame people for wondering if they are dating. The thought has definitely crossed my mind. It’s just kinda interesting that they kinda skirt around that, neither giving a confirmation or denial. Again, it could just be that they have no idea and some relationships are blurry like that, especially one as messy as theirs, but I gotta admit it’s kinda funny seeing them being like ????

Honestly, if I was in their shoes, I wouldn’t know how to answer either.

Sadiki, Amina, and Nabil have known them forever and even they’re like, “What’s the deal with you two?” I get it though, complicated relationships and all that. Then you throw in romance and it’s even more messier because that’s how romance is. Basically, they have a lot of history together to the point where their lives are pretty much entwined, that’s probably the best way to put it.

Whatever lies in store for Talha and Haitham in the future, whether they decide to stay friends, pursue a romantic relationship, or part ways, I wish them the best. I’m glad that they’re getting along better and the others are happy that their arguing has gone down a lot to mostly bickering in the good natured kind of way - like, that’s just how they are. Not only they get along better, they’re also happier too, which I think is the most important thing.

Kinda interesting how we’re making miniatures of our past travels and yet we’re talking a lot about the near future. We’ve all got nothing grand in mind, just little things that we’re looking forward to, and I think that’s what life’s all about - the little moments that keep us going.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

A light shower of spring rain for the sprigs of lavender lotuses and night sorrel

The Misty Range Woodlands is a planet, though many see it as a giant greenhouse - and they’re not wrong. It’s home to all kinds of rare and unusual plants that seem to only exist here, and so great care is taken to ensure that they remain as bountiful as ever.

Not surprisingly, it’s one of those places where you have to make reservations far in advance in order to visit. Thankfully, I have connections, so we got a good deal on one of their resorts thanks to the Epiphany since they’re here on a mission. What I didn’t expect was to also run into Jamie, Aislinn, and the Linnea squad, so that was nice. Jamie had been hoping to meet up with the Epiphany crew, especially since she hadn’t met Meiying and Hongxia in person yet.

As for why we’re all here, it’s to take a hands-on class on how to take care of lavender lotuses and night sorrel. Not too long ago, those two plants have been discovered outside of the Misty Range Woodlands, most which are native to those areas but were considered unknown until recently. And it turns out that there’s some growing near the camp, which is a pretty big deal.

Even if it wasn’t required, I still would’ve signed up for this class out of curiosity if someone suggested it to me. I think it’s fun to take random classes to learn something new without the pressure of having to be good or worry about grades - sometimes you’re just curious and want to try something out because it looks interesting.

Who knows, maybe you’ll find yourself enjoying the experience far more than you expected, which then leads you to wanting to take a deeper dive into it. That’s how I got into things like mechanical keyboard building, which I knew nothing about until I got one of my own and wanted to customize it after seeing a bunch of pretty and aesthetic pics on social media. Sometimes you just see something that looks pretty and you’re like I want that.

But really, making your workspace pretty while still functional helps a lot with your productivity. I mean, who wouldn’t want a nice looking desk that sparks joy when you look at it? Why must everything look so plain under the guise of professionalism? What’s wrong with having some color or design to show a bit of personality and make things a bit more visually interesting?

Maybe it’s just me, but having a mechanical keyboard makes me more motivated to get work done. They’re just so satisfying to type with, especially with the right key caps that look and sound nice - basically, it’s a sensory thing. A flat keyboard just doesn’t hit the same anymore.

Anyway, so learning about lavender lotuses and night sorrel’s kinda like that in terms of starting out with little to no knowledge about it, to now wanting to take a deep dive after learning a bit about the basics. I’m no plant expert by any means - I know a lot of people who deserve that title far more, though expert doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of their expertise - but I have picked up a lot of interesting tidbits over the years.

It helps to know someone who’s not only well versed, but also passionate about the subject. I find that they’re the ones who are more than happy to talk about it, teach about it, and just share their enthusiasm in general. Meiying and Nabil are two plant experts - though for very different reasons/fields - who easily fall into that category, so it’s no surprise that people often turn to them for advice.

In fact, Meiying was invited as a guest lecturer for this course since night sorrel - and moon sorrel, which is kinda related/under the same plant family - is native to Qiangshou. Both are used for its medicinal qualities related to improving sleep and reducing headaches induced by stress and anxiety. Along with having studied the plants extensively, Meiying also has firsthand experience on the medicinal effects. Over there, they use it in herbal teas, usually one whole sprig if taken before bed, or a handful of petals if taken for headaches.

Now that I think about it, I do remember seeing some night sorrel growing along the Crimson Maple River - she even pointed it out to us along with a million other unique plants that grow there. There were even a few sprigs hanging on one of the windows of her place, probably something they usually have on hand when needed.

So that was fun learning about, as well as a much needed break from an informative, though just as interesting, series of classes. Plus, Meiying’s good at explaining things as well as keeping the audience engaged, even when she sometimes goes off tangents, which I think adds to the charm.

Even though she never intended to be a lecturer, people back at home just assumed she’d be good at it because she knows so much about topics that most would consider niche - not to mention how clearly and thoroughly she explains things. Her first go at teaching a class kinda came out of nowhere - personal recommendations, one which happened to come from Hongxia’s sister-in-law.

What was the subject? Sex education. Because a lot of adults are lacking in that, which isn’t really surprising. Why Meiying specifically? Because she gets quite a few customers who are looking for some natural or herbal thing to increase their sex drive. Also, on the opposite end with people trying to suppress their sex drive, and maybe even induce abortions. Then there’s some who think they can treat STDs without having to see a doctor, probably because they’re ashamed and assume they can hide it.

Being an apothecary sure brings a lot of unusual cases, so it’s no wonder that Meiying picked up on a lot of different things. Although her official title’s an apothecary, people have referred to her as a detective, medical assistant, IT person, secretary, pharmacist, teacher, botanist, consultant, just to name a few. Still, even though she’s considered a jack of all trades, she considers herself first and foremost an apothecary, someone who just happens to be fascinated with medicine - not just in terms of treating an ailment, but also the process of making it and the pharmacology behind it.

Seeing Aislinn again was a nice surprise - same for the Linnea Squad too. Aislinn and Jamie are here to visit a friend and the Linnea Squad tagged along at almost the last minute. Basically, there’s shot going down with Linnea’s family, so Jamie’s taking them under her wing again until that drama dies down. Linnea already blocked at least 20 calls since we got here, which is a lot. Like, don’t they have anything better to do than to harass someone who’s not even involved?

She already made her stance clear by standing up against them and she absolutely doesn’t regret her decision. The other members - Florina, Nash, and Shirin - stood with her in solidarity, not just because she’s their leader, but because they had their own reasons for becoming disillusioned with the International Sanguine Watchdogs Army. Many have accused them of biting the hands that fed them, especially since they’re the reason why they’re still alive today, but that’s obviously their way of saving face.

In short, it’s a fucking mess that they’re lucky to get out of relatively unscathed, mainly because Linnea has one sympathetic family member who was willing to put their neck out for them. Linnea’s able to keep in contact with him, which is how she got the heads up about the current situation. She doesn’t know too much about the specifics other than it’s another one of those things that kept being swept under the rug until it piles up and now it’s blowing up in their faces. The older she got, the more she noticed that stuff like that was a regular occurrence, which is very problematic.

However, she did learn something that might be a bit of hopeful news from her adoptive brother Lauge regarding someone the squad assumed was dead. The squad broke ties with the International Sanguine Watchdogs Army for various reasons, and the annihilation - yes, that’s the word they used - of their comrade Altti’s squad along with countless others proved to be the last straw. Linnea and Altti were assigned to work together on an ill fated mission, resulting in him being the only survivor of a failed retreat.

The Linnea Squad barely escaped themselves, and Altti would’ve been killed too if Jet hadn’t insisted on saving him. By then, Linnea and Florina had grown fed up with the higher ups and their questionable decisions. Sure, things can get unpredictable and go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye, but straight up sacrificing your own people just to send a message and then playing them up to be martyrs is taking things way too far.

Like, damn, it’s basically an extreme case of if I can’t have this, then no one can. It’s like someone throwing a fit when they lose a game, except instead of flipping the game board, they just bombed the hell out of it. Then they declare it a victory because everyone’s dead, therefore, no one can object. No wonder Linnea and the others bailed out - I too would be like fuck this shit, I’m out, bye.

So for a time, Altti accompanied the Linnea Squad. He initially butted heads with them, mainly because he was older and wasn’t too happy with having to work with a bunch of kids, especially two who technically outranked him. Jet was the one who managed to get him and his squad to cooperate and see them as equals. When the higher ups brushed the tragedy aside like some cold statistic, the Linnea Squad stood in solidarity with Altti when he protested against their indifference. They didn’t expect a domino effect to follow afterwards, though they now know that it was bound to happen eventually.

Then in the span of a few weeks, the Linnea Squad lost three comrades - Altti, Jet, and Gabe. However, Altti didn’t walk out like the other two, and his status remains unknown, but presumed dead. Linnea was warned by her brother that the Sanguine Watchdogs was planning to seize the entire Sanguine Jurisdiction, which meant that the squad had to flee the country if they want to survive. For context, the main city is right in the center, so the closest border is about a 6 hour drive - even longer and more treacherous when you’re most likely traveling on foot most of the time, as well as trying to evade the military.

They were almost at the border when disaster struck, forcing the squad to split up in order to improve their chances of escaping. Linnea and Florina went north, Jet and Gabe east, Altti, Nash, and Shirin west. The westbound group was caught in a crossfire when riots broke out in the surrounding cities, forcing the higher ups to resort to extreme measures similar to what happened with Altti’s squad.

Nash and Shirin got separated and they barely escaped thanks to a civilian who was believed to be the last person who saw Altti before he disappeared in the chaos. As the riots escalated, the guys realized they had to make a difficult decision with Nash insisting that they not leave until they find Altti because it’s what Jet would have done while Shirin felt that they were wasting valuable time, even if he agreed that it wouldn’t be right to leave without him.

In the end, Lauge came in and practically dragged them out of the city despite their protests. He managed to reunite the rest of the squad at the border of Sanguine. Despite the risks, he wanted to see them off since it’ll probably be the last time he’ll ever see them face to face. Of course, the Linnea Squad was reluctant to leave when one of them’s missing, but Lauge told them that there was no turning back. If they refuse, their days will be numbered - no exaggeration, this is what happens when you live in a war zone.

Linnea had no choice but to do as he said, though she made him promise to do whatever he can to find Altti and help him out in any way he can. She says Lauge always keeps his word, which is why he’s the only family member she can trust at this point. A lot of people went missing and are presumed dead, so there’s a high chance that Altti is one of them, as much as she hates to admit it. Even so, he and all the other victims deserved better than to just be some “unfortunate casualty”, a term the army likes to throw around that Linnea’s grown to despise.

So there is finally a bit of hopeful intel coming from Lauge that suggests Altti survived the riots. He had heard some rumors here and there, but it wasn’t until recently when he came across concrete evidence that finally settled that matter. It’s still not much to go on since Altti’s current status remains unknown, but at least they now know that he escaped the riots and retreated south. Lauge plans to search the areas where he might have gone and hopefully uncover more information.

While the squad remains realistic, they really hope that they’ll be able to reunite with Altti. It’s bad enough having Jet and Gabe walk out on them - and that whole thing is just a mess. All Florina can say is that it’s for the best if they keep out of each other’s way, though they can’t keep that up forever. They agree that Jet means well, but he often fails to consider the bigger picture, which they fear will lead to his downfall. It’s still a bit of a sensitive subject for Linnea, but sooner or later, she and Jet will have to face each other and work things out.

The classes have provided a welcome distraction for the Linnea Squad - good thing there were enough open spots to squeeze them in. Nash isn’t certain, but he’s pretty sure he’s seen night sorrel in his hometown, or maybe it was moon sorrel, which looks similar. Meiying and the instructors don’t think he’s mistaken since both flowers have distinctive colors - shades of blue and purple, kinda like a galaxy. Yeah, that’s something that would leave an impression. Even though Nash’s hometown is in ruins and likely occupied by the Sanguine Watchdogs, it’s likely that there might be some night or moon sorrel growing in the ruins, so it’s worth looking into. Looks like getting into the class was meant to be.

Then there’s lavender lotuses, which are native to the Misty Range Woodlands. So far, there’s no known sightings of them outside of the planet. They have many uses - potions, perfumes, vitamin supplements, kombucha, and soups. Along with being a good source of vitamin C, they also help relieve stomachaches and reduce anxiety. While lavender lotus products are relatively common in these parts, they’re pretty much unknown outside of the Arrowroot Orbit - meaning, places like planet Earth. So they’re using this course to introduce the outside world to this otherworldly flower that’s basically their version of a dandelion.

Even though there’s a lot to learn about night sorrel and lavender lotuses, I don’t feel that overwhelmed. I mean, it’s a lot of information, though the hands-on stuff and Meiying’s interlude kept things engaging while also breaking up the monotony of just sitting through a bunch of lectures and video modules.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Escaping the summer heat by camping out in the snowy mountains of Montberry Peaks

When the dead of summer gets to you, just take up to some snowy mountains! But seriously, this summer heat and humidity has not been good for my health. I think my body tends to run hot, and throw in humidity being a trigger for my asthma - not a good combination. On top of not being able to catch my breath, I just have no energy in general. So I gotta do something about that.

And now we’re out in the mountains with Estella and Lumine, enjoying the refreshing cold air and starry, starry nights. It’s not like frigid or anything, more like late fall/early winter kind of temperatures where the air is cool and crisp but you won’t be freezing as long as you have some light layers on.

Of course, I will take any opportunity to show off one of my handknitted cardigans since most of them are best suited for this kind of weather. Although a warm and chunky sweater sounds nice and cozy, I find myself gravitating towards knits that can be worn for most of the year, particularly garments made from a DK weight yarn or lighter, especially cardigans because they’re just so versatile.

I mean, I would love to knit up a big, oversized, chunky, and warm sweater one day - if I ever find the right yarn that screams for a garment like that - but it’s not high up on my list. I seem to be on a cardigan kick right now, which makes sense because it’s summer and the last thing I think most people would want to make is a sweater. Even in a snowy place like this I feel like bringing a fall/winter knit would be out of place.

Besides, I have a project that’s starting to drag after a strong start - a combination of sleeve island and brioche being tedious. I didn’t find it as much of an issue when it’s only a couple sections while cables in between kept things interesting. However, the sleeves are all brioche, so it’s very slow growing. Plus, it’s worked in the round, so I have to pay attention to whether I’m knitting or purling, which took some getting used to.

I���m hoping to power through and finally finish this damn sleeve, which probably won’t take took long now that I’m about 3/4 of the way there. Then I’m not sure if I’ll work the button band just to break things up because I’m not really looking forward to the second sleeve.

This cabled cardigan really is a labor of love. Maybe I was a bit ambitious in making this my first big project with cables, but I just couldn’t resist! Along with cables, it also involves twisted stitches which create this circle chain motif, and the brioche of course. And it was my first time doing a charted pattern, which also took some time for me to learn.

So it was a huge leap out of my comfort zone - in a good way, for the most part. I’m very happy with how even my cables have turned out. The twisted stitches, I clearly messed up in many spots, but after frogging so many times, I just let them be when they became less frequent. Same for the cables I twisted the wrong way. Mistakes are part of the process after all, and most of them aren’t that noticeable compared to the rest of the garment.

Hiking out in Montberry has been pretty chill and the crisp air has done wonders for my lungs. It feels so great to be outdoors and not be out of breath all the time. The heat and humidity back home has gotten so bad that there were times when I had to use my inhaler more than once, which is not good. At least I’m back to normal out here, so it looks like I’m not heading towards an exacerbation, something I definitely want to avoid.

Lumine’s here for similar reasons - humidity really is one of asthma’s worst enemies. She and Estella have another reason to come up here too as they have a friend who just moved to the village nearby. Along with it being a housewarming party, they’re also celebrating an engagement and a finalized adoption. So we spent a couple days in the village for that as well as do some sightseeing.

The newly engaged couple, Nolwenn and Loeva, are quite familiar with the village and mountains by now. Loeva has some relatives who live nearby, which is one of the reasons why they chose to settle down here. They’ve had their eye on this house for almost a year, but it needed a lot of fixing up before they could settle in, so that’s where Estella came in. The house is about 85% complete with all the important stuff like electricity and plumbing all set, while most of the remaining work has more to do with aesthetics and decorating. Sure, there’s still quite a bit to do, but the important thing is getting settled now that almost everything’s up and running.

Loeva introduced us to her cousins Lia, Rivelin, and Dewi, who then gave us some good recommendations on where to explore. She’s close to them because her family would often spend the summer here and they always have a great time. Then when she started bringing Nolwenn over, they immediately took her in as one of the family, so it’s like she’s known them forever when it’s actually about 5 years or so.

Along with Nolwenn, Loeve and her family also took in Nolwenn’s stepsister Clervie with open arms as well. Had she lived, she would be joining them here in Montberry too. However, Nolwenn has successfully won custody of Clervie’s daughter, Solenna after avoiding what could have been a drawn out battle against Clervie’s mother. That whole thing is another reason why Nolwenn’s looking forward to starting a new chapter in her life up in Montberry with Loeve.

Unlike Loeve, Nolwenn was never really that close with her family. Though, she says it’s nothing compared to Clervie and her family. Nolwenn’s mother was married to Clervie’s father for three years - both had been divorced twice by then, and it didn’t really come as a surprise when that marriage fell apart too. The one good thing that came out of it was Nolwenn gaining a sister, someone who really got the short end of the stick in life. She just wishes that she could have done more to help her, but what’s done is done, and rest assured that Solenna won’t grow up in a family where her existence will be seen as nothing but an unwanted burden.

For whatever reason, some people are just born unlucky. Clervie was one of them, abused by her mother and basically ignored by her father. Her sister, on the other hand, was spoiled by them, and so her relationship with her sister was strained. Clervie’s mother actually questioned Nolwenn and her mother’s motives just because they never belittled or talked down Clervie, which baffled both of them.

I can’t imagine having such a low opinion of someone, much less your own kid, to the point where you automatically assume there’s some sort of conspiracy going on when something even remotely positive happens to them. Clervie’s mother sounds like the kind of person who gets a kick out of cutting someone down else because they like to be in complete control. People like that should never be parents.

Clervie planned to leave home and move in with Nolwenn as soon as she turned 18, but her sister thwarted her plans by outing her to her mother. For reasons unknown to Nolwenn and Loeve, the youngest stepsister never liked them - the latter saw her as a spoiled brat who was well on her way to becoming like her mother. Both of them blame Nolwenn for turning Clervie into a wretched sinner, which is another way of saying that they’re homophobic bigots.

And so the mother did the worst thing imaginable to Clervie as punishment for being a sad excuse of a daughter. That fucking bitch had one of her coworkers rape Clervie, resulting in her getting pregnant. Then she forced Clervie to carry the pregnancy to term despite her objections, even after complications arose that were serious enough to endanger her life. Not to mention that Clervie didn’t want to bring someone into this world who she’ll probably grow to resent like her mother did with her - that reason alone is more than justified.

Things were so bad that Nolwenn and Loeva had to contact her in secret after Clervie’s mother and sister harassed them whenever they tried to intervene. It wasn’t until Lumine got Tony involved when Nolwenn was able to take legal action to ensure Clervie’s safety, only to be locked in horns with her ex-stepmother’s lawyers. Unfortunately, despite their best efforts, Clervie went into premature labor and died from complications while Solenna was barely hanging on.

Even now, Clervie’s mother shows no remorse for her daughter’s death, calling it the will of God and some other bullshit to justify why a lot of things went wrong. But the reality is that things couldn’t have worked out better for her. She used her lawyers to drag things out, knowing full well that her daughter would suffer from inadequate medical care in the process. In other words, Clervie probably would’ve had a better chance of surviving of her mother hadn’t literally kept her under lock and key.

Of course, Nolwenn and Loeve are still fucking angry about what happened, but they’re not gonna let that anger take over their lives. They have Solenna now, who they cherish. Just as Clervie wished, they will raise her to be a strong and capable person who knows that she’s loved and respected by her family, something that she was wrongfully denied by her mother and sister.

Nolwenn said that despite her resentment, Clervie would never stoop so low to take her anger out on someone solely for existing, which is why she speculated that when Clervie foresaw her death, she simply accepted it like it was an act of mercy. So she had Lumine sort out her final affairs as she knew that her mother will turn Solenna’s custody into another drawn out legal battle. Just as she was certain of her own death, Clervie knew that Solenna was going to survive, and so ensuring her future to Nolwenn and Loeve was way of telling her daughter that despite the circumstances, her mother had loved her.

And like Clervie had predicted, her mother only suddenly started taking an interest in Solenna when it was clear that she was going to pull through. If custody was awarded to her grandmother, Solenna would be abused and exploited by her, and maybe grow to resent her mother for allowing such a fate to fall on her. Abuse in a family is a vicious cycle, and there’s no doubt that it would continue to fester had Clervie’s mother got her way.

As far as Nolwenn knows, Clervie’s mother and sister are still playing the victims to draw sympathy regarding her death - absolutely no morals or compassion between them. They can make up whatever lies they want for all she cares - as long as they’re not involved in Solenna’s life whatsoever, it doesn’t matter. Nolwenn, Loeve, Lia, Rivelin, and Dewi aren’t related to her by blood, but they’re more of a family to her than her grandparents and aunt will ever be.

Rivelin served as our main tour guide during our stay in the village, which kinda reminds me of Honeycloud, except a bit more homey, like out in the countryside where everyone’s kinda like a big family in a good way. There’s a lot of street food vendors run by families who lived here for generations, including Loeve’s.

Lia has taken over the family business when her parents decided to go into semi-retirement earlier this year, a soba stand that was originally started by their grandmother around 50 years ago. She and her brothers have been helping out in the kitchen for as long as they can remember and Louve eventually joined in too when she was old enough. For now it’s just the family, though they’re in the process of hiring some temporary part time workers, which is a common practice here. They serve a variety of hot and cold dishes, all original family recipes that you can’t get anywhere else!

So food was the main highlight of our stay in the village and we got to try a lot of good things. At times like these I find it a shame that we only have one stomach. Along with the food, we also learned a bit about some of the vendors, most which have a long history. A lot of the popular vendors are run by elderly couples who have been working for pretty much their whole lives. Although most of them are able to hire help or pass the baton to the next generation so they can have more time to themselves, a lot of them don’t want to fully retire because then they’d have nothing to do. Not only they enjoy what they do, but it gives them the opportunity to socialize since most of their customers are regulars - many they grew up with!

Then out in the wilderness it’s a lot more quiet and still, which is just as nice. Like I said, the heat humidity has not been good to us, so the cool and refreshing air was exactly what we needed. Exploring the mountain peaks in the daylight and stargazing at night, it really doesn’t get better than this.

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[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

A bunch of time loop survivors gather together to make cake pops

The funny thing about events is how it brings certain people together without being intentional. Who would have thought that we would be making cake pops and opening up about what it’s like being stuck in a time loop? It’s just one of those things that kinda just happened, and for most of them, enough time has passed that it’s just like whatever to them and they’ve long moved on since then. Kinda wild when you think about it.

Not surprisingly, they’ve unofficially call themselves the Time Loop Survivor Support Group. So far, the members are: Alma (the leader), Pai, Laufey, Emmanuelle, and Batt. They’ve had wildly different circumstances for their ordeal, the one common thread being that it was a life and death sort of thing. Hard to believe that we’re in the good timeline where they all survived their doomed fates, which is no easy feat, nor something they will ever take for granted.

I’ve learned bits and pieces of their experiences over the years I got to know them, so hearing them talk about it so openly and casually was totally unexpected. All of that while we were baking and decorating cake pops. I think it’s good to be able to talk about stuff like that to people who can sympathize with your ordeal, especially when they’re all at a point where it’s all in the past now and they can look back on it without a lot of resentment.

I really don’t know if I would survive if I went through what they did, nor would I ever be clever enough to find a way to break out of it. You really have to be built differently in order to get through something like that, and I don’t mean just resilience alone.

Emmanuelle and Batt were stuck in a time loop that was the unintended consequence of various factors, most which Emmanuelle admitted was her fault. Basically, what was considered an act of revenge ended up going way too far beyond what she intended when other forces got involved. In other words, she lashed out and a couple witches somehow turned it into a game of torture. To make matters worse, they dragged unsuspecting people into the time loop too, specifically Batt and his sister, who became aware of the loop due to the fact that they’re half human hybrids.

Decades ago in another universe, the Remote Island Incident took place, resulting in the deaths of several people visiting there. What was under the guise of a murder mystery game ended up being a gruesome reality. As much as she hates to admit it, Emmanuelle actually got a kick out of the first few loops, watching people lose their minds over the murders and turning against each other to save their own asses. Thankfully, Batt knocked some sense into her, literally and figuratively.

It was their unexpected alliance that ultimately turned the tide and ensured their survival. Initially, the key to supposedly breaking the time loop was to figure out who the murderer was before the bomb on the island goes off. It wasn’t until the fifth loop or so when Batt started getting involved when Emmanuelle realized that the game was rigged, meaning that Alpha, the head witch, intended for the game to be unsolvable.

She also learned that the main purpose of the loop was to torture her, driving her into helplessness while all those unsuspecting people gave into their selfish desires and resorted to violence. The witches knew that disaster was inevitable as they have the ability to look into different timelines. They always had a low view on humans, which was why they took pleasure in watching them suffer and self destruct, even keeping some as “pets” after cursing them with immortality. Emmanuelle was one of them, a formerly mortal human who was disillusioned with life, which resulted in her being led astray by the witches Alpha and Gamma.

Eventually, the games became even more convoluted, and Emmanuelle realized that the witches could keep it going indefinitely if they wanted to. She could have just let them do exactly that, but after seeing Batt and his sister Nora attempt to turn the tides and avert fate, she wanted so desperately for them to succeed. If they were able to beat the witches, that meant there was hope for her to finally break free from their clutches.

Of course, it rarely turns out so straightforward. Emmanuelle did get her freedom, just not in a way she expected, nor did she intend to drag Batt into it. He certainly didn’t intend to butt heads with the witches, but because he and his sister are espers, they gained an awareness that no one else on the island had. And so they used that to their advantage, playing dirty when necessary in order to get the upper hand to throw the witches off.

Along with having to relive those moments again, the worst part was seeing people give into their arrogance or cowardice, which further proved to the witches that humans were nothing but selfish creatures who only looked out for themselves. That sounds like pure hell - anyone would easily lose their minds in that kind of ordeal.

In the end, Emmanuelle and Batt concluded that the only way to stop the madness was to destroy the game. In other words, desperate times call for desperate measures, and at that point, a swift death for everyone trapped in there seemed to be the most merciful option. Yikes, that just says a lot about how truly fucked up those witches were.

So they blew the island up after accepting that trying to save everyone was futile. Really, it was a last resort thing they didn’t want to do - they had no other choice. And they intended to go down that sinking ship as well. Besides, if they were all doomed from the start, the least they can do is have a hand in how they die, preferably by their own hands rather than be victims of a wretched fate.

However, fate pulled one last trick on Emmanuelle and Batt, throwing them into the depths of the Forlorn Sea, sinking to the bottom if certain higher powers hadn’t intervened. Next thing they knew, they woke up in an entirely different world. Eventually, they figured out that Nora might have had something to do with it by making a deal with Alpha and Gamma. They still don’t know too much about that other than Nora sacrificing herself when she backstabbed Alpha with Gamma’s assistance, which then resulted in a rift opening up where the time loop took place.

Even if Nora and Gamma hadn’t caused another nuke to go off at around the same time, a cataclysmic event like that was bound to happen anyway because the time loops itself were ripping away the delicate fabric holding the world together. Had the loops continued, it would’ve caused an implosion that will have devastating effects outside of it, which would lead to even bigger problems.

Basically, the rift was a side effect of the loops that ended up sparing Emmanuelle and Batt, but sealed them away from their world for good. They also speculate that Nora, or at least some fragments of her consciousness, got pulled into this world too. Then they later discovered that Nora and Gamma’s consciousness merged to form a being called Gemini who has declared war on Alpha. But other than that, they really don’t know anything else, especially with Gemini and Alpha being uncharacteristically silent for the past six or so years.

Although Emmanuelle and Batt accept that Alpha’s game was doomed from the start, they can’t help but wonder if there was another way. It’s one of those wishful thinking kind of things where they know it’s impossible, and they’ve come to terms with that. In all honesty, they have no desire to return to their original world, not when there’s nothing to return to. When they realized that they were spared, they took it seriously. I mean, why wouldn’t they after being treated as a pawn for what felt like an eternity for them? Why not jump at a chance to finally break free from that prison and start over with a renewed sense of purpose?

From what they’ve hinted, they seemed to have troubled pasts, which made it all the more easier for them to drop everything and easily accept their new circumstances. Emmanuelle said she was either born under some unlucky star or was cursed from a past life, which was probably why she and Alpha got along in the sense that they were both so fucked up that they were perfect for each other, similar to Pai and Alistair.

And like Emmanuelle and Alpha, Pai found herself stuck in a time loop caused by their not so better half - except theirs was an accident and not as convoluted. Pai says there’s not much to it other than they fucked up and that got them into a lot of trouble. They didn’t even know they were in a time loop until conflicting memories started appearing. She doesn’t remember too much about the whole thing, though her experience proved to be helpful later on when a city was struck by a samsara and she was quick to realize something was off.

After telling their stories, Pai and Batt believe that Alistair might have been influenced by Gemini, though that’s pure speculation on their part. However, there are some coincidences that line up a bit too perfectly, so Batt hopes Pai might be able to help bring him one step closer to finding his sister, or at least get closure on what happened to her. How funny is it that Pai’s involved in two missing sibling cases where both were presumed dead, only to find out that it’s a lot more complicated than that? She doesn’t know if she can be of much help, but she’ll try her best, even if it means bringing up a bunch of painful memories.

Of course, he told her that she didn’t need to go that far - her eagerness can be kinda off putting at times, especially with how willing she is to put herself in harm’s way. Not gonna lie, I’m concerned about her sometimes. But I kinda get where she’s coming from, that fear of not being useful, or helpful, or just good enough, especially if you’re up against people who overshadow you in almost every aspect. It’s not that she’s incompetent or anything, but it feels like if you’re just average, most people just don’t bother, which really is a shame. And they wonder why we become insecure…

At least Connie’s a positive influence on Pai, always pushing her to be more assertive without overstepping her boundaries. Some people give her a bad rap because they assume she’s lazy when in reality, she’s afraid of getting in the way and holding everyone back if she messes up. And so what if she doesn’t have a special talent or skill or isn’t extraordinary at something? Mediocre and average doesn’t mean bad - the reality is, most people are just like that, and that doesn’t mean they’re worth less than those who stand out.

There’s more to life than always proving to others that you’re the best - it’s a shame that some people won’t accept that. Life shouldn’t be a constant competition where you have to keep piling on high expectations only to beat yourself up when you fall short.

Along with Pai, Alma suffered from exceedingly high expectations because she’s a shrine priestess from a once honored bloodline that gradually declined over the generations due to corruption. Her predecessor, her mother, was among the group of council members known as The Five. Due to an ancient prophecy, Alma, as the eighth Grand Priestess, was believed to be the one to either cleanse the bloodline of the curse, or bring calamity to the village.

The Five felt that the sins of their ancestors were ingrained in their blood, so as long as their descendants existed, misfortunes will keep occurring. In other words, if there was trouble, they automatically blamed it on the curses left by the demons who once occupied this land. Sure, there were a lot of unexplained phenomena as well as an unusual aura about Corentine and its surrounding areas, but there was also the issues with the community at the time being generally closed off and opposed to anything new or different.

When Alma was growing up, Corentine was considered a hick town and some people were eager to leave, mostly out of embarrassment. Of course, at the time, she didn’t really understand why, but she was aware that there was a growing rift between those who wanted to stick to the status quo and those who wanted to move forward. Her mother was one of those on the extreme end, believing that progress and change only brought more trouble. And with the prophecy, she also saw Alma as a threat, which led to her having complicated feelings about her daughter.

So Alma used her powers to put the village in a time loop in order to avert the disaster that took place in the original timeline caused by The Five. She didn’t expect to fight her own mother, nor did she expect to be trapped for over a hundred years in a seemingly futile battle. On top of that, she was only a kid when it all happened, just a month shy of turning 14.

Just when things seemed hopeless, time was disrupted by another loop created by her father. As for how he gained the ability to do that despite being a mortal human remains a mystery, same as how he was granted a timepiece with the ability to control snow by gods he has no known connection to. Basically, for unknown reasons, time loops have the ability to unlock hidden abilities in certain people like him, Batt, and Nora. When their loops converged, Alma was able to use that to her advantage and turn the tides, finally putting to rest the curse that affected the village for centuries.

There’s a lot about her father’s past that’s a mystery as he was adopted by a distant relative of the village chief. What he and Alma were able to uncover was that he’s actually an illegitimate son of Olivier Sala, meaning that he’s Rika and Elowyn’s half uncle. Other than that, nothing else. Given the fact that he was able to create time loops, it’s safe to say that he’s no ordinary mortal human being. With that in mind, the prophecy with Alma being different from all the previous Grand Priestesses becomes more credible.

Since I last saw her, Laufey has recovered more memories from when she and Jiangyi were stuck in a time loop, though most of it’s still a blur to her. In her case, it wasn’t just her memories in all those alternate timelines that got scrambled, she forgot her childhood as well. Though, considering that she had a troubled upbringing, she had already repressed them and the side effect of the time loops just conveniently locked them away. So when she started remembering previous loops, the memories of her past she long buried away returned too, which was a great source of distress for her.

These days, she’s doing a lot better after getting over the initial shock when everything came rushing back. She said she kinda knew that she’ll have to face it sooner or later or else it’ll always be hanging over her head. What’s done is already done, so all she can do is make peace with the past and focus on the present and future.

And right now, in the present, we’re just vibing and making cake pops, because why not? Sure beats being stuck in a time loop.

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