#because im home alone with no one to talk to
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Home ⪠Mattheo Riddle x bff!fem!reader
Requested: No
Pairing: Mattheo Riddle x f!reader
Summary: y/n wants to makes something special for Mattheo's birthday, but little does she know how special it is about to get.
Word count: 3.1K
Warnings: Fluff; English is not my first language.
A/N: Thank you guys so, so much for over 300 followers, love y'all!! That said, I don't think I like this one lol. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Sorry for the typos. Hope you enjoy it! xx
Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus @wolfyychan @blocked-zombieartist
Tag list for this story: @lilloves-34
âAw, how lovely it is to see you two!â
âHi, mum.â
Your mother held you warmly before turning to the person next to you.
âYouâve grown taller, Mattheo, dear.â
âAs always, Mrs. y/l/n.â
She held him too, and Mattheo did his best to return the hug. His dark eyes turned to you and you offered him a small, affectionate smile. He suddenly looked more comfortable and smiled at your mother when she let him go.Â
âLeave your luggage here, dears, it can be unpacked later. Come, Iâve made you two some snacks.â
You and Mattheo follow her into the kitchen, and you canât help but look at Mattheo. Partly because, well, itâs not like he wasnât the most handsome boy youâve ever seen, but mostly because you know heâs not always comfortable in your motherâs house, despite having living here for over two years now.Â
Mattheo and you had been best friends since your first year at Hogwarts. But as the years went by, knowing Mattheo was alone at Hogwarts during the holidays made you feel so upset that you started asking him if he wanted to spend it with you, which he accepted with a gratitude he had a hard time hiding. And, naturally, you also asked him if he wanted to come for summer break here as well. From the day Mattheo met your mother, she adored him and soon considered him a full member of the family, sending him sweets and gifts while at school just like she did for you, offering him gifts for his birthdays and Christmas as well, and he started coming every holiday without you asking him. You knew Mattheo was thankful for your motherâs hospitality and affection, as he always made sure to let her know, but you knew - despite him doing his best to hide it - that he felt that he somehow didnât deserve the kindness and care you mother had shown him. It broke your heart to know he felt like that, but Mattheo wasnât the kind to easily speak about his feelings so you never dared to bring it up, only sometimes telling him how happy you were that he was here, and that this house was his home.
But what your mother - or anyone else for that matter - didnât know was that now having Mattheo around at all times was bittersweet for you. You absolutely loved having him in your house, where you knew he was finally loved and cared for, but it also made you two closer and made feelings for him grow - feelings you didnât know were shared or not. It was slowly breaking you from the inside, and you didnât know how to deal with it. Of course, you could talk about it with Pansy, who was your other best friend, or your mother, but you perfectly knew what they would both tell you: âtell him how you feel.â Merlin, no. You just couldnât. Not only because if Mattheo didnât feel the same way, your friendship would never be the same at best - or completely destroyed in the worst case scenario - and in both cases, you knew it wouldnât take long for Mattheo to decide to leave your house. If I ever do tell him how I feel, itâs better to wait until weâre both out of Hogwarts and have our own places.Â
You walked in the kitchen to find your favourite snacks on the table.Â
âAw, thanks, mum.â
âYes, thank you, maâam.â
âYouâre more than welcome. Come, sit.â
The three of you sat around the table, you being next to Mattheo on one side and your mother on the other. You and Mattheo started eating while your mother asked about yours and Mattheoâs lives at school. You and Mattheo took turns in making conversation and even had a few laughs as you recalled some of the funny memories you had. After both your stomachs were full, you decided to go unpack your luggage. Mattheo had the same idea, and went to the bedroom that was now essentially his. You both finished at the same time, and found yourselves in the corridor of the second floor.Â
âIâll go take a shower,â Mattheo said quietly. âIf you donât mind.â
âOf course not.â
He walked to the bathroom, but before he came in, you called for him. âMatty?âÂ
He turned to you and you continued, âAs always, this is your home.âÂ
He gave you a single nod before quickly turning away and going into the bathroom. Letting out a small sigh, you went down downstairs in the living room and found your mother reading a book.Â
âMum?â
She raised her head from her book, âYes?â
You sat on the sofa next to her, a small smile on your face.
âYou know Mattheoâs birthday is coming up?â
âYes,â she nodded, âI already got his gifts and have everything I need to make his favourite cake. Why?â
âWell,â you said, âI thought that we could do something else for a change. We usually have quiet birthdays and itâs nice but Iâd really like to do something for Mattheo this time.â
Your mother frowned, âLike what?â
âA surprise party?â you answered. âI could write to the boys and invite them to celebrate?âÂ
âThatâs a good idea, darling. Iâll soon go to Diagon Alley to buy some decorations and, well, more food and drinks.â
You smiled and went to give her a quick hug. âThank you, mum. Youâre the best.â
The evening was nice and quiet, spent playing chess with Mattheo on the ground in the living room like you always did, with your mother playfully cheering on the one winning from the sofa. Mattheo and you laughed a lot while playing, and it warmed your heart to see him relaxed and happy. You knew he was usually shy in the first days he came here, and while you perfectly understood it, you couldnât wait for him to be his warm, chill, funny self again. The Mattheo you knew and loved. After dinner, your mother went to bed and soon after, Mattheo and you decided to follow. You both went upstairs, and you then went into the bathroom to take a shower and put on your pyjamas. Mattheo had his own bathroom, and he was likely getting himself ready to go to bed. Once you were done, you went to your bedroom, and you werenât surprised to see Mattheo casually laying on your bed. You went to close the shutters, and when you got in bed, Mattheoâs arms immediately wrapped around your body, and you put your head on his chest. Mattheo and you had taken the habit of cuddling to sleep since the first night he spent here, where a discussion before going to sleep ended up with you guys falling asleep and for some reason waking up in each otherâs arms. You found that you slept way better in Mattheoâs arms, so much so that this situation continued in Hogwarts - and it was made easier by your roommate Pansy essentially spending all her nights with Blaise. At first, you just enjoyed the feeling of warmth and safety Mattheoâs embrace gave you, but as your heart started to feel more than friendship for him, cuddling, just like his perpetual presence, became bitter-sweet. You still loved cuddling with Mattheo, in fact you didnât even know if you could even sleep without him now, but you wondered if it was a good idea to continue like this. But even if I decided it was better to stop, how do I tell him?Â
âYou alright?â you whispered, raising your head to look at him.
He nodded, âYeah. Why?âÂ
âI just want to make sure youâre comfortable here. This is your home, Matty. And it will always be. But if youâre feeling something different, I want you to tell me.âÂ
âIâm fine, y/n, really. Iâm grateful for your mum and you, you know that. Donât worry your pretty little head over me.â
He kissed your hair, his hands started gently caressing your shoulder and the middle of your back. Soon after, you felt yourself going to sleep, and thought you heard a voice saying âsleep well, princess.âÂ
â§âââ
âââ§âââ
âââ§
The next following days, Mattheo and you spent all of your time together. Every meal, every activity - playing Quidditch in the garden, reading, studying, taking a nap - was done with him. You loved it, but it made it harder to write to Mattheoâs friends to invite them to the surprise party or to prepare the said party without him knowing, but you still managed to do it while he was reading a book in the living room. Thankfully, all the boys answered your letter and said they would come, and thankfully also, your mother had time to buy what was needed and had the idea to hide it in her room, where you and her knew Mattheo would never dare to go.Â
On the day of his birthday, you woke up once again in his arms, and kissed him on the cheek as he was slowly waking up.
âHappy birthday, Matty.â
âThank you, pretty girl.â
You had managed to get Mattheo agree to go to Hogsmeade in the beginning of the afternoon to get his favourite sweets from Honeydukes so your mom could prepare everything for the party and welcome the guests. You spent some time here, and once you knew everything was likely to be ready, you and Mattheo got back home, and you had a hard time not smiling. But you also suddenly worried about how Mattheo would react. Last year, Theo had a surprise party and Mattheo was happy to help prepare it. But does that mean he wants one for himself?
You opened the door, and entered the silent house. Mattheo looked around the corridor, and put his bag full of sweets on the floor in order to take off his jacket.
âIs your mom here?â he asked.Â
âI donât know,â you shrugged. âLetâs check the living room.â
Mattheo remained silent and approached said living room, and you had the biggest smile on your face when he suddenly stopped.
âHappy birthday!â
There was some cheering and applause, and Mattheo turned to you as you approached him.
âWhat-â
âItâs a surprise, Matty,â you couldnât help but laugh at his confused face. âYou deserved to have your friends and your brother with you today.â
He stared at you for a long minute, and you felt your heart beat faster, and he finally smiled at you.
âThank you, y/n.â
You smiled back at him and gestured for him to go say hi to his friends, who were quick to wish him a happy birthday and greet him warmly, and his brother Tom, who was colder and more silent than the others. You looked around the room, and what your mother had done to decorate was incredible: there were numerous small fireworks up in the air alongside big golden letters saying âhappy birthday Mattheoâ, small decorations all around, and the long wooden table, usually bare, was also very much magically decorated. Mattheo hugged your mother to thank her while Pansy came closer to you.Â
âWell done, dear. If youâve put it together for a friend, I canât wait to see what you will do when youâll be dating him.â
âDonât start,â you warmed her. âMattheo and I have always been friends and will always be.âÂ
âWeâll see,â she teased.
You rolled your eyes and went closer to Mattheo. It was now time for him to blow out the candles and make a wish, and everyone was gathered around him as your mother brought his favourite cake decorated with whipped cream and full of magic candles.
âHappy birthday again, dear,â your mother smiled. âMake a wish.â
Mattheo closed his eyes for an instant and then blew out the candles. You applauded alongside the others, and everyone gave Mattheo their birthday gifts - books on Quidditch or history or wizards, Quidditch equipment, special quills, a watch - and then came your turn. Feeling your cheeks becoming red, you handed him your own gift, scared he might not like it. He unwrapped it and then saw the book.
âItâs, um, a photo album with some pictures we took along the years and, well, I wrote down some of my favourite memories with you.âÂ
You heard some whispers among Mattheoâs friends - his brother Tom remained silent - but your only focus was on Mattheoâs reaction. He turned some of the pages, smiled at some of the pictures and read the memories you wrote down - and the note you had also written him about how much he meant to you and how special you genuinely thought he was. After a moment of apparently being lost in thoughts, he gently put down the book on the table near the others books he got and looked at you to give you a half-smile.
âThank you, y/n.â
He gave you a quick, strange hug, and then turned to his plate. Feeling confused, you wondered if he truly liked the gift. You went to sit between your mother and Lorenzo, and as you ate the cake, you looked sometimes as Mattheo, who was now the center of attention, and as time went by, you saw him switching from his usual, funny self to a more quiet, uneasy self, barely listening to what Theo was saying to him. You guessed he was feeling overwhelmed, and as the others finished their plates and went to sit on the sofas, you saw Mattheo mumbling an excuse before leaving the room to go to the garden. You wanted to follow him to make sure everything was fine, but you knew he probably needed some time alone. After a while, you finally went outside, and found him sitting in the grass, lost in thoughts. You approached him slowly before sitting down next to him.
âAre you okay, Matty?âÂ
He nodded, âYes. Was it your idea to have this party?â
âYes,â you said quietly. âWhy?âÂ
âThank you, y/n. It means a lot,â he looked at the grass before shaking his head.Â
âYou deserve it,â you said with a gentle voice.Â
âActually, Iâm not sure,â Mattheo said in a low voice, his head now down.
You frowned, confused. âWhat? Why?â
Mattheo turned to you and had a small sigh.
âHonestly, y/n. You and your mum have already so much for me. Letting me live here, giving me gifts, being there for me, and now thisâŚWhat did I ever give you back? Nothing.â
You opened your mouth, but it took a few seconds to answer. âMattheo, have you not read what I wrote in the photo album?âÂ
He didnât answer, still looking at the grass.
âWell?â you insisted. âWhat did the text say?â
âThat you deeply cared about me,â he said, almost mumbling. âAnd that you thought of me as caring, and kind.â
âI meant it, alright?â you said in a more serious voice, wanting him to understand. âYouâre the most exceptional person I know. Youâre kind, gentle, funny, and caring. Youâre a great friend to the boys, and youâre doing your best to have a good relationship with Tom, even when itâs not easy. Youâre always there for me, you're always ready to spend time with me no matter the activity, and I know I always count on you whenever I need help or need comfort. You always know what to say, and you always listen to me when I have something to say. Youâre also smart, and a damn good Quidditch player. I know youâre scared of becoming like your father, but I know you wonât. Because you two couldnât be more different. And even if you started to be like him, we both know Iâd smack some sense into you.â He had a hint of a smile and you went on, âYes, sometimes youâre annoying and I think you love to fight too much, but nobodyâs perfect, and I wouldn't want you to change for anything in the world. Youâre the best person I know, Mattheo, and thatâs why Iâm in love with you.â
He whipped his head towards you, and thatâs when you realised what you just said.Â
Oh, no. Oh, no. Merlin, no.
âIâŚJustâŚForget what I said.â
You quickly rose up and almost ran back to the house, but you suddenly felt a warm hand on your wrist.Â
âWait!â Mattheo said, âWhat the hell, you canât leave like that after saying that to me.â
âYes I can,â you retorted, panicking, âand thatâs what Iâm doing, justâŚforget it happened, alright?â
Mattheo let go of your wrist to run a hand through his dark curls.Â
âBut, y/n, I canât forget,â he said, frowning, as if it was obvious, âand I donât want to. Did you really mean it?â
âMattheo, IâŚâ
ây/n, please,â he cut off more severely, both his voice and eyes now pleading. âPlease, answer me.â
Doing your best to not look at him, you hesitated before nodding, feeling the need to disappear. He looked at you in a strange way, and you wondered what he was going to say.
âLook, Mattheo,â you started, âI know our fâŚâ
âI love you too.â
It was now you turn to look at him with confusion. âWhat?â
âI love you too,â he whispered. âYouâreâŚall I want, and all I need. You said this house is my home, but the truth is, youâre my home.âÂ
All of a sudden, he stepped closer to you and brought his hand to your face, slowly caressing your cheek with all the gentleness in the world. You wondered what you should do next -Â put your hand on his? Put your own hand on his cheek? - but he made the decision for you, suddenly lowering his head towards yours.
âFuck, y/nâŚâ
And after that whisper, he pressed his lips on yours. It took you a few seconds to kiss him back, but when you did, he immediately grabbed your waist to pull you closer before putting a hand on the back of your neck. You let out a moan, and he deepened the kiss. You had a hard time believing what you had been dreaming for years now was actually happening but at the same time, Mattheoâs lips on yours and his hands on your body was all you could feel, all you could think about and all that mattered. When he finally pulled away, you were both out of breath.Â
âDoes you saying that you love me and this kiss count as two more birthday gifts?â he suddenly asked.Â
âIf you want,â you laughed.Â
âThen, it really is the best birthday Iâve ever had.â
You both smiled at each other before he kissed you again before taking you into his arms, holding you as if he died if he let go. You held him as well, feeling that, wherever you were, Mattheo was also your home.Â
Want to be on the permanent tag-list or for specific characters/fandoms? Feel free to use my Ask-Box!
Next projects
Masterlist
#harry potter#hp#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo riddle x reader#tom riddle#draco malfoy#lorenzo berkshire x you#blaise zabini#theodore nott#theo nott#regulus black#slytherin house#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys#benjamin wadsworth#reader insert#best friends to lovers trope#tom riddle x reader#theo nott x reader#blaise zabini x you#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire x reader#female reader insert#hp fic#hogwarts
188 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Oenomel
PAIRING - Tendou Satori x Reader x Tsukishima Kei WC - 9.4K GENRE - smut CW - threesome, unprotected sex, oral f!receicing, fingering, spit, face fucking oral m!receiving, multiple orgasms, praise, light degradation (reader called slut a couple times), two dicks one hoooole dp, creampies, mentions of drinking <33 SYNOPSIS - im insane 10 years after the 2012-13 volleyball season, Miyagi prefecture decides to hold a small reunion at the Shiratorizawa campus and as Aoba Johsai's old manager and Iwaizumi's little sister, of course you're invited. you finally get to live out those fantasies you had about the forbidden players from the other teams and then some...
note: honorary tag to miss risu @tetsuskei , my fellow tendou and tsukki simp <3 happy birthday girlie <3
Miyagi meant a lot of things in your life. Growing up, it was always a place you were trying to get away from. A motivator to get yourself to the next stage and off to collegeâcollege that was far, far away. You wouldnât plan on leaving the country, not like your brother had, that change was too much for you. But you could use at least a couple hours between you and the place that youâd always call home.
Growing up in Miyagi meant following your brother to Kitagawa Daiichi for middle school, becoming best friends with the younger sister of his best friend. It meant the two of you then following along with the âvolleyball madnessâ of your elder brothers and once again following them and going to Aoba Johsai for high school. It meant that the two of you became managers for their volleyball team. Miyagi meant you and your best friend being nicknamed âlittle Iwaizumiâ and âlittle Oikawa,â respectively. Though youâd hated to leave her alone, youâd loved escaping the title of âlittle Iwaizumi.â
Lately however, you had started to dread your time away. You missed the comfort of being back home, missed your best friend and the fun you used to have together. So, when there was news of a Miyagi volleyball reunion, it was a relief to you.
A ten-year reunion between the old high school volleyball teams, held at and sponsored by Shiratorizawa academy. All the teams you used to watch from the sidelines as a manager during high school.
You guess you could use the word âwatchâ as a relative term. âDrool overâ was probably better used to describe it. You could never talk to your best friend about it because sheâs been in the same relationship since middle school, she didnât understand it. But you? Perpetually single you? Took every chance to drool over the boys from the other schools, the tall and ridiculously well-built boys. Much to the dismay of the boys on the Aoba Johsai volleyball team.
You truly couldnât count how many times Tooru had begged his sister and you to just pick one of the boys on your volleyball team if you wanted a volleyball player. The two teams in particular that seemed to piss off Hajime and Tooru just so happened to be the teams you watched the most.
It wasnât like you planned to get the hots for boys from Karasuno and Shiratorizawa. You always did feel bad about it, but you just couldnât help yourself.
Two boys in particular always drew your attention more than the others.
Tsukishima Kei and Tendou Satori.
It made you feel like an awful manager, an awful little sister, but how could you not look at them like that.
Youâd been yelled at when you were caught staring at Tsukishima and berated even further when you were caught with Tendou in your sights next. Begged by your third years that if you had a thing for middle blockers you could go for Mattsun or for Kindaichi and no one would be mad about it. But Kindaichi was too nice for you to think of that way and you hated the prospect of being with someone as close to your brother as Mattsun was.
It wasnât like anything ever came of the little fantasies that lived in your head though. The little dreams you had of getting one of the tall boys from your rival teams to fall for and fawn over you.
No, you were âlittle Iwaizumi,��� and everyone on the team made sure you wouldnât be touched.
Even when Hajime and Tooru left, theyâd left Kyotani to be your âguard dogâ with explicit instructions that no other team was to even look in your direction. And when Kyotani left, heâd passed the torch down to Kunimi and Kindaichiâ the traitors held to the rule.
Now, however, ten years after youâd first joined the Seijoh volleyball team as manager, you couldnât be called âlittle Iwaizumiâ anymore. 25 years old, your brother couldnât control who got close to you anymore, no one on the team could. They could only complain when they saw your eyes wander.
This reunion really did nothing to calm their stress over you. Not when the two boys who controlled most of your fantasies in high school were in the same room as you now. Not when you had less guilt about who you were drooling over and how that drooling affected others.
Everyone in the room had grown up tremendously, matured in both physicality and mentality.
That did not mean that their competitiveness disappeared, however.
Now, you canât seem to remember who first proposed the idea, youâre not sure anyone really does, but the volleyball net had been dragged out and three-on-three matches had been on rotation for the last hour. Short single set matches that youâd all elected would end with the first to hit ten points.
You couldnât remember who first proposed the idea, but god were you mentally thanking them for what it got you right now.
You were leaning on a table, chin propped up on the heel of your palm, sucking down yet another alcohol-filled beverage and staring at the two boys currently only separated by the volleyball net. Both Tsukishima and Tendou had gotten taller since youâd first seen them. Both still all lean muscles and sharp movements. Lazy smirks and their very long fingers that the balls bounced off of.
âGet a hold of yourself Little Iwa," Makki laughed lightly, poking fun at you from his seat diagonal from you at your table.
âY/n can you fucking stop," Hajime growled at you, annoyed at the way you refused to tear your eyes off of the two boys moving across the court, sending taunts at each other.
âWe donât need our manager getting with one of those losers," Tooru pouted, crossing his arms with a huff. You rolled your eyes quickly but went right back to staring.
âFirst, Iâm not your manager anymore,â you said pointedly at Tooru, and kept talking before he took your small silence as a chance to speak. âSecond, Iâm just looking, so relax. You all know Iâm not going to do anything.â You ignored the grumbles that came from the table.
Your best friend, Oikawaâs little sister was over at another table flirting away with her boyfriend, and you shot her a quick glare. As much as you loved her, sheâd left you to deal with the overprotective boys of your team alone.
The three-on-three of your favorite eye candy ended quickly, like most of the matches had been and you watched as your brother and Tooru moved onto the court along with Mattsun.
âYouâre real keen on annoying them huh?â Makki gave a laugh without looking away from where his closest friends were starting their game. You rolled your eyes and stood up from your spot, tearing your sight away from where Kageyama and Hinata were taking the side opposite from your boys along with one of their old aces.
You easily finished off what was left of your drink before setting the cup down on the table. âIâm gonna go find a bathroom, now that my guard dogs are busy.â
Makki snorted at your declaration but made no move to stop you from moving towards the exit of the gym. The rest of your team was too invested in the match about to start and barely noticed you slip out. You sighed, sliding the door shut behind you just as you heard them hit the volleyball for the first time.
You breathed in the fresh air, it was a smell youâd missed in the city for college. The light was quickly fading from the sky and the stars were slowly starting to peek out. The air sent soft bumps rising across your skin in response to the temperature change.
You barely noticed the exchange of words sent out in harsh tones until you saw who they belonged to. Tsukishima and Tendou were standing across from each other, words dripping venom as their bodies began to move closer to each other.
The familiar forms of boys about to get into a fight sent your body into an instinctual reaction. Practice built into the fiber of your being from all the confrontation youâd shut down in your time as a manager.
You easily slid yourself between them without a second thought, the flat of your palms finding each of their chests and lightly pushing them apart. They each took a step back, probably from shock rather than the force youâd pushed them apart as you started to ramble off.
âCome on now, no oneâs supposed to be actually fighting tonight,â you insisted, closing your eyes and shaking your head lightly. âAll fun and jokes tonight and it will not be on my watch that a fight breaks out.â
The slight buzz in your veins from your drinks had you forgetting that who you were spouting off to were not your old Seijoh boys. That they were not the boys you were usually lecturing. That they were, instead, the boysâ the men youâd never actually found yourself in a conversation with despite how often youâd dreamed them up. Men who probably didnât even know who youâ
âYouâre the little manager from Seijoh, right?â A voice from your left sounded off, deep and smooth, a playful lilt to the tone as it up-ticked on his last word.
âYeah, yeah," a voice from your right mused, indifference leaking into his words as he acknowledged who you were as well. âIwaizumiâs little sister, yeah?â
And suddenly the warmth inside your veins from the drinks youâd had seemed to turn into ice, freezing you in your place.
They knew who you were?
The reality of the situation crashed down onto you. You were standing between two men who were much, much bigger than you.
You swallowed hard as you took a step back to have them both in your view at once. Both of them easily towered over you. Even with their slouched postures, their long limbs made height no competition.
You had never seen either of them this close before and you felt yourself try to swallow the ball of nerves suddenly formed in your throat as you stared up at them.
You could see the defined lines of their muscles running across their skin and suddenly you were once again falling victim to all the little fantasies your teenage self had dreamed up all those years ago. You felt your face heat up as they both stared down at you and you quickly realized that you hadnât responded to either of them.
You, despite your realization, couldnât force yourself to push out any sort of response. A small pathetic squeak was the only noise that came out as your mind derailed into images of all the times youâd thought of them while you touched yourself.
You had always thought of them separately, however, now here they both were. Standing in front of you. Together.
Your eyes darted between the two of them quickly, your brain trying to force your body to move or your voice to come out, to no avail.
Tendou was the first one to reach out and try to grab your attention. If you had been as observant as Tendou, you would have noticed the way Tsukishimaâs eyes had trailed to the bottom hem of your dress, resting on your revealed upper thighs.
Tendouâs smirk was easy as he lifted his hand. You jumped at first contact, his fingers hot as he brushed them along your jaw, lifting it so that you could look at him as he stepped into your personal space. His voice slipped out of his throat easily as his eyes flicked over your features, taking in every small reaction. âWhatâs wrong little bunny?â His head tilted at the question, smirk forming a mocking pout. âYouâre not scared, are you?â The teasing lilt of his voice sent a new layer of goosebumps rushing across your skin as you struggled to reply.
Your attention was stolen as Tsukishima scoffed and stepped next to Tendou, easily swatting away Tendouâs hand and replacing it with his own. Your jaw was turned easily, forcing your gaze to him now. âIs this guy bothering you?â He gave no pause for me to answer his question even if I had my wits about me before he continued to speak, âwhy donât you come with me, pretty girl?â
You felt your thighs squeeze together involuntarily and your eyes widened as you looked up at him in shock. Tendouâs laugh seemed to bring not only you, but Tsukishima as well, back to the moment.
As both of their touches left your body, you stood between them again, completely lost as they turned their eyes away from you and, instead, they looked over you. Yet another reminder to yourself of how much bigger they were. You shrunk in your own skin at the intensity they used to stare at each other, but your legs stayed pressed together as you intently watched every twitch of their jaws.
âWhat?â Tendou laughed at Tsukishima, inviting him to participate In a little game. âDo you think you could reach deeper than me?â You choked on the air trying to escape your lungs and looked up at Tendou shocked, trying to process the taunt that had just left his lips. Tendou had lifted his hand again, he displayed it in front of your face then, wiggling his fingers lightly as if to show me their movement range and length. âCome on bunny, tell me I could go deeper than Mr. Vanilla here.â Mr. Vanilla, a taunt that heâd assigned to Tsukishima back in your first year. A taunt that dared you to say a contradictory statement.
Tsukishima stole your attention again, staring at his fingers brushing down your arm as he wrapped them easily around your wrist. You whimpered as you registered that his fingers were just as long as his current competitorâs.
âDonât worry, pretty,â you stared in awe as he bent down lightly, bringing his face inches from yours, âIâll prove him wrong, and then you can be mine.â You swallowed hard again, your eyes flickered over to Tendou as Tsukishaimaâs grip tightened on your arm, demanding your attention again. âAll mine, right?â His tone screamed âcondescensionâ and your brain and body were melting under the possessive words and touches.
You barely registered your feet following blindly along as the two of them ushered you through the unfamiliar territory of the Shiratorizawa campus towards the dorm rooms. You registered Tendou slipping a key into the door of one of the rooms.
Each of those who came in from out of town for the reunion had been offered up a room in the dorms to stay in for the weekend. Part of the overly generous sponsorship of Shiratorizawa Academy.
Hands brushed against your body easily, wandering touches from both the men, grasping at the thin fabric covering your body. Your head was swimming and you had no idea what to do with yourself.
One of your arms rested on the shoulder of Tendou in front of you as his hands were pushing down the straps of your dress. He was bent towards you, pressing kisses into the left side of your neck and trailing them to your collarbone, sucking marks into your skin.
Your other arm was reaching behind you, hand grasping onto Tsukishimaâs hair as his fingers easily were bringing down the zipper on your dress. He was bent towards you as well, sucking his own marks into the right side of your neck.
You were pressed onto your toes in this position, both their hands holding you up to ease their own bending. Your head was stuck in place, head tilted towards the ceiling, your eyes half shut as you let yourself be consumed by the dizzying feeling of their lips and hands on your skin.
âI hate how gorgeous you look," Tsukishima whispered under your ear, his hot breath fanning across the wet marks heâd just left. His tone was heavy and his voice had gotten deeper since entering the room, a shiver forced its way down your spine at his words.
âNo idea how much Iâd wished I could get your hands on you back in high school," Tendou pushed down the top of your dress, slipping the fabric below your chest as he immediately moved his mouth lower. Delivering hot kisses to the tops of your breasts, he slowed down your processing of his words. Did he justâ âI would watch you at games you know.â The words were paired with his mouth latching around one of your nipples. A harsh gasp was forced out of your mouth, your chest arching towards his mouth.
âYou have any idea how fucking irritating it was,â Tsukishima pushed the fabric of your dress down lower, past your hips so that it could pool at your feet, his hands immediately finding purchase on your hips, âto know such a cute little thing like you couldnât be touched?â You felt his fingers tighten across your hips and whimpered lightly as he rolled his own hips harshly into yours.
âLook how small you look between us bunny," Tendou teased and you shrunk in your skin again. Your thighs pressed together hotly only to be knocked back apart by one of Tsukishimaâs legs from behind. âItâs so cute how shy you get when we remind you.â
You felt your face heat up even more, the flush spreading down your neck and up your ears. You let out a small noise in the back of your throat as Tsukishima stood back to his full height and pressed his body flush to yours. âWhatâs the matter, pretty girl?â He was rubbing hard circles into the sensitive skin of your hips and your breathing stuttered as Tendou removed his mouth from your chest.
âYou look a little nervous," Tendou teased as he stood back up to his full height, pressing his body into your front. You caught both of them in your eyeline as they gave you predatory stares. They really did make you feel like a stupid bunny whoâd been caught by two wolves. Two wolves who were fighting over which one would get to have you for dinner. They were willing to split you in two to win. âWeâre just playing a little game.â His voice was playful but his smirk told you that you would not come out of this alive.
âCome on Tendou,â Tsukishima chuckled as his circles continued, forcing your hips to involuntarily jerk into his, âletâs explain to her the game.â
âYou get to decide who wins, baby," Tendou cooed in your ear, his fingers finding their way to flick over your nipples, still wet from his mouth, pulling a whine from your throat. âWeâre gonna figure out whoâs better with their fingers.â
Your eyes widened as you processed Tendouâs words. You looked up at him, his expression was playful, like he was conducting a simple experiment. You had no doubt that he meant every word of what he said.
âYour body decides the winner, really," Tsukishima laughed and you quickly changed the target of your eyes. You felt your eyelashes flutter slightly as Tendou pressed another sloppy kiss to your collarbone. âItâs a game of who can make you cum more," he whispered against the hollow of your ear.
You tensed at the prospect. It was no time to feel shy, standing before the two men in nothing but a pair of panties, but your face heated up nonetheless. The expectations of their fingers and kisses caused your thighs to press together. You could feel the heat pooling in your abdomen, excitement and anxiousness fraying every nerve of yours. You were hyper-aware of Tendouâs fingers trailing down your stomach towards your last remaining item of clothing. Hyper-aware of Tsukishimaâs fingers bruising your hips before soothing them, only to do it again.
Tsukishimaâs kisses trailed to the front of your neck, your head falling back onto his shoulder as he sucked tiny marks into your skin. Your breathing became weighted and soft moans fell out of your mouth at the overload of touches that you were feeling. âWhoâs making you feel this good, pretty girl?â Tsukishima taunted against your throat.
You were fighting against the foggy feeling in your brain, trying to come up with an answer. Truthfully, you didnât know. You couldnât pick between the two of them, their smells, the heat coming off them, their touches overwhelming your senses in tandem. You were so focused on trying to get your tongue to form the syllables in your mouth that you didnât notice Tendouâs movementsânot until your body was completely lifted off the ground, your knees being hooked easily over his shoulders.
You gasped loudly at their quick and effortless change. Tsukishima had switched his grip so that he helped suspend you in the air by an arm wrapped around your waist, the rest of your weight being placed on Tendouâs shoulders. Tendouâs grip around your upper thighs came with fingertips digging into the soft flesh of one of your thighs as the other hand easily cupped your ass, kneading into it. Your attention was drawn to the way Tsukishima took up the mantle of handling your nipples, rolling them softly between his fingers before pinching to draw a cry from your lips.
Your attention snapped back to the man between your thighs as he bit lightly into the inside of your thigh. You cried out but the pain was quickly washed over by Tendouâs tongue brushed softly over the bruising skin. âTe-tendou,â you panted out as you looked down at him, Tsukishimaâs bites on your neck causing your words to sit heavy on your tongue as you whimpered again.
âNo need to be so formal," Tendou teased as he sucked another mark onto the sensitive skin of your hip. You whimpered out, hips pushing towards him against your will as Tsukishima held your upper body in place. âCall me Satori.â He smirked up at you, locking eyes with you before licking lightly up your thigh, closer to your panties.
âSa-ahh,â you tossed your head back as Tendou interrupted you with a hard press of his tongue, flattening it and dragging it up your core through your panties. Panties that you had no doubt were either already or about to be soaked throughâruined. âSatori, please,â you whimpered, trying to bring your attention back to watch him kneeling there. You tried to take in the sight before you, his bright hair was damp from the match heâd played just half an hour prior. It wasnât spiked up like it had been back in high school, the soft natural waves were pushed back and out of his eyes. His eyes that were trying to lock with yours, analyzing your every reaction. He pulled back just as you accidentally pushed your hips towards himâhaving guessed that was what you would do even without your own prior knowledge of it.
âI want to hear you ask me for it,â you could feel his hot breath against your core and you whined. A new wave of heat flushed through your abdomen and you could feel your thighs tensing. By the smirk he wore, you knew Tendou did too. He trained his teeth to bite into your flesh once again. âYou smell so good, bunny.â
âPlease,â you whimpered out, a fresh flush climbing up your face as you tried to form the question. Tendou hummed against your inner thigh, close to the edge of your panties. Licking teasingly, his tongue just barely brushing under the hem and you cried out in frustration. âPlease Satori," you sobbed out, the stimulation Tsukishima had against your chest was nothing close to the amount that your body was begging for. âSatori, want you to eat me out," you begged, your shame only serving to flood your panties more. âWant to feel your fingers in me," you slammed your eyes shut in embarrassment but that didnât stop you from hearing him.
âOh ho?â You could hear his smirk in his voice. âWhat the cutie wants, she gets.â
Your panties were torn easily from your body, the sound of ripping fabric filling your ears. You, however, had no time to react to the sound before you were assaulted with the instant pleasure of Tendouâs hot tongue pressing against your core. The lewd sound of him slurping up your wetness pulling a cry out of your lips as his tongue flicked over your clit.
âThis wet from just a few kisses?â Tsukishima shamed you in your ear. You whimpered and nodded, keeping your eyes squeezed shut. âDonât be mean," Tsukishima commanded, his hand lifting from your chest to tilt your head down. âLook at him when heâs making you feel so good," you whimpered and pulled your eyes open, looking down. Tendou was already looking at your face, a smirk still on his lips as he went to suck your clit into his mouth. âWhy donât you thank him?â Tsukishima laughed as he felt your body tighten up.
You whimpered as you stared down at Tendou. He hummed in content, sending vibrations through your body. âTh-thank you-â the last syllable drawled out of your mouth as you felt Tendou press his tongue into your entrance. Your jaw hung open as your head fell forward, watching him through half-lidded eyes. He pulled away for a second and smirked at the whine that left your body from the lack of contact.
âDonât thank me yet," he chuckled before latching his lips back onto your clit. The moan that fell from your lips was broken and interrupted by a loud gasp as Tendou slipped one of his long fingers inside of you. You whimpered at the depth, no one had reached that far into you with just a finger before. The arousal pooling in your abdomen, leaked out around his finger and he pulled his mouth just far enough away from you to speak. âYouâre so fucking tight, baby," he moaned out the words and immediately pressed his tongue back to your clit. Soft licks making your head dizzy as he pushed in another finger.
The feeling of being stretched by his fingers while he licked dutifully at your clit had moans of need falling unabashedly off your tongue. âPlease,â you begged as he started to thrust his fingers into you, his knuckles brushing against your entrance every time he pushed in, ââtori please.â You could feel the tightening in your core and tried to push your hips down into his hand and mouth. Tendou smirked up at you and picked up the pace of his tongue. He pressed harder against your clit, switching between sucking and licking on it, his fingers twisted inside of you and curled towards himself. The thrusts of his fingers turned into stroked as he buried his fingers as deep into you as he could, pressing against your g-spot.
A string of curses fell from your mouth as his pace became unforgiving. Your fingers found a way to curl into his hair, your head falling back onto Tsukishimaâs shoulder. âYou gonna cum for him?â Tsukishima asked in your ear. You nodded your head frantically, the curses coming louder as the coil curled impossibly tighter. âCum then, cum like a little slut all over him.â Tsukishima sucked onto the skin under your ear and you felt yourself come undone.
The moan you let out, was more akin to a scream as you felt your body tighten and then relax in rapid succession. Tendouâs pace didnât let up until your grip on his hair loosened. He chuckled as he pulled his face away from you. Your head lifted slightly to see the mess he sported. His hair was messier than before, sticking up softly from where your hands had just been, the bottom half of his face was slick from a mix of your wetness and his own saliva. Your hips protested as he dragged his fingers out of you, trying to follow him but being held in place by Tsukishimaâs arm.
He wiped his face lazily with the neck of his t-shirt and you whined as Tendou brought his fingers to his lips. His tongue darted out as he licked a long stripe up them. âWanna taste?â He teased, bringing his fingers to your lips as he let your legs drop and stood up. Tsukishimaâs grip on you kept your toes a few inches off the ground as your legs dangled. The two still towered over you and your eyes followed to look up at Tendou as his eyes trained on the way your lips parted obediently for your tongue to lick his fingers clean. His fingers lay heavy on your lips as you tasted yourself on them and his eyes glanced over your head to look at Tsukishima. âI think thatâs one point for me," he taunted with a lazy smirk on his lips.
You shrieked in surprise as Tsukishima let out a low growl and dropped your body. You fell forward, your shaky legs buckling at the impact of the floor on your feet. Your chest collided with Tendouâs as his free arm wrapped around your waist, supporting you as his other fingers staying on your lips, coaxing your tongue out of your mouth. Tsukishimaâs fingers entered you from behind as you were distracted, knocking the breath out of you as his two fingers pressed in easily.
âFuck," Tsukishima cursed as he spread his fingers inside of you. âYou really are fucking tight.â He groaned and your eyes rolled back easily as he started to move them in and out of you. The moan you let out was cut off as Tendou easily shoved his fingers into your mouth, testing your gag reflex. Your eyes snapped open to look up at Tendou to find him staring down at his fingers in your mouth.
Tsukishimaâs movements were a contrast to Tendouâs, instead of curling and stroking, he wasted no time beginning to piston his fingers in and out of you. Pulling gargled cries out of you, the stimulation of his fingers so soon after your release had your nerves lighting up and the coil in your core reforming lightning fast. Tendou pressed his fingers in your mouth further and smiled as you tilted your head back for his easier access.
âWhat a good little bunny,â he praised you and you could feel yourself tighten around Tsukishimaâs fingers, a groan leaving his lips in response. Tendou tilted your head back further with his fingers at the front of your throat, forcing you to look up at Tsukishima behind you. âLook how cute you are with those tears in your eyes.â
âYou love how big we are donât you?â Tsukishima taunted, his fingers sending your body tightening along with his words. âHow easily we can make you fall apart?â He chuckled as your eyes rolled back, the pressure of Tendouâs fingers on your tongue and of Tsukishimaâs pounding into you becoming too much as you fell over the edge again. The only noises you could make came out as lewd gurgles around the fingers in your throat as you came on the fingers inside you. âOne for me.â
Tendouâs fingers left your mouth, allowing soft moans to escape from your body as Tsukishimaâs fingers didnât stop moving. You gasped at the sudden intrusion of Tendouâs fingers pressing into you next to Tsukishimaâs. Your body was shaking, reeling from the aftereffects of the orgasms that had been ripped out of you in such a short amount of time.
Your mind grew fuzzy, the only thing you could focus on being the way their fingers moved at different paces, both reaching deeper inside of you. The competition of who would be the one to make you fall over the edge. The noises fell out of your mouth as a mix of whines and moans and pleasâfor what? You werenât sure. You were deaf to any words that fell from their lips as you were overwhelmed by them. You felt another orgasm crash over you with no warning, knocking the air out of your lungs and causing your body to seize up.
Their fingers both pulled out of you, all support on your body disappearing. You fell easily out of their arms, trying to gasp air into your body as you fell. Your knees crashed to the ground harshly but you couldnât be bothered by the pain of the impact when your whole body was still buzzing from the pleasure.
âAww, bunny," Tendou cooed at you, his hand gripping your chin and tilting your head up. He pulled your bottom lip down lazily as you looked up at him with half-open eyes. âIf you wanted to be on your knees for us, you just had to let us know," you whined lightly and watched his thumb as he pulled his hand from your face.
âLook how cute you look down there,â Tsukishima teased, coming to stand in front of you, next to Tendou, âalready drunk on us?â He clicked his tongue in disappointment at you and you looked up at him, the need to win his approval clawing at your insides. âYou havenât even seen your prize yet.â
You watched in awe as the two of them shared a small look before they reached for their shirts. A firm grip on the back collar of their shirts and a fluid movement that pulled the fabric over their heads. The sight of their muscles flexing and the reveal of their picture-perfect abs had your mouth hanging open as you stared.
You could feel the light amount of drool collecting in the corners of your mouth as you locked your eyes on their hands and how their long and nimble fingersâ the ones that had just been inside of you and making you fall apartâ easily undid the buttons on their jeans. Jeans that, until this point, had done a wonderful job of denying you the pleasure of feeling just how hard your positions had been making them.
You could register their voices coming out, but your ears tuned out the actual words as your eyes flicked between the bulges now staring you right in the face. Small wet patches staining the fabric of their briefs. The second their briefs came off, you were pressing your thighs together at the sudden rush of wetness you felt flood towards your core. Your eyes widened as you watched their lengths bob lightly as they were releasedâ thick and long and so so pretty. You couldnât decide who you wanted to look at more, your eyes flicking back and forth in awe as you were pretty sure some drool started to leak down your lips.
âCome on pretty girl,â a light tap to the side of your face had your ears working again as Tsukishimaâs voice came into focus, âwhich do you think is longer?â You couldnât answer. Their lengths were both so impressive and from your angle you couldnât tell if one was longer or not.
Your silence was greeted with Tendouâs taunting voice. âLook at you,â he chuckled and you knew he was wearing a smirk but you couldnât pull your eyes to look anywhere but the cocks that you wanted so desperately to reach out and touch now, âpretty little slut, so transfixed by a couple of big cocks. Huh, bunny?â You swallowed hard, registering the words but not finding the willpower to do anything but take in the details of their cocks. The pretty veins running along the underside of them, the precum leaking out the tip, the way their hands wrapped around their own bases snugly and supported them in your line of view.
âCâmon baby,â Tsukishimaâs voice seemed irritated and his hand tapping on your cheek again, âcanât even answer a little question, can you?â You let out a soft whine, not being able to form words as you watched his hand give his length a languid stroke.
âAww, thatâs okay,â Tendouâs voice came out sweetly as your eyes flicked to see the way he squeezed around his length, more liquid dripping out of the tip, âwe can find out who fills her better in a minute.â
And that was what it took to break your trance becauseâ oh fuck. You were going to have to fit those inside of you? You snapped your eyes up to their faces. Predatory smirks graced their lips as they looked at you with narrow eyes.
âThey,â You swallowed hard, your voice coming out whiny as you could feel your still-wet eyelashes brush your eyelids, âtheyâre not gonna fit.â Both of the men in front of you let out a groan as they looked down at you, their eyes filled with the faintest residual of self-restraint.
You didnât realize how wobbly your lips were until Tendou pulled on your bottom one, steadying it. With his thumb pulling it down, he cupped your jaw with the rest of his hand. âWeâre going to make them fit, right?â The condescension flooded his voice as his grip on your jaw made your head nod up and down in affirmation. Your body face heated up again at the implication and you felt your uneven breathing catch in your throat again. âFuck I wanna ruin you," he mumbled, staring at your wide eyes.
âLook how cute and obedient you are," Tsukishima praised down at you, watching as you started to nod on your own. Your eyes fluttered shut as he ran his fingers gently down your hair. You leaned into his touch as the tips of his fingers massaged into your scalp. He suddenly made a fist and jerked your head back to look up at the two of them. His eyes filled with pride at the cry that was ripped from your lips. âGonna be a good slut and get our cocks nice and wet?â You nodded easily, not even second guessing the motion as you licked your lips excitedly.
âSenpai first," Tendou teased as he pulled your chin towards his hips. âOpen up bunny.â You let your lips part hesitantly, your tongue flicking out to lick softly at the head of Tendouâs cock. You reached your hands out, wrapping one around Tsukishima and one around Tendou, meeting their own hands hesitantly. You let them guide the movements of your hands as you licked again.
You gathered the salty liquid from his tip onto your tongue and glanced up at him to gauge his reaction. His eyes were half shut, watching you carefully as his chest heaved. Heavy pants fell from his lips and you decided to push forward. You stretched your lips carefully around his tip and gave an experimental suck. A soft moan left his lips and you smiled at it. You licked along the bottom of his length as you attempted to take more of him in. You loosened your jaw and started to bob your head. The stretch of your jaw stung but it was worth it to hear the moans fall out of Tendouâs mouth as you moved.
After a few minutes, Tendou groaned and wove one of his hands through your hair. âYou trust me right?â You paused your movements and looked up at him, nodding the best you could with your mouth full like it was. His free hand came to unwrap your hand from his length and you let him drop it back to your side. your eyes watched him carefully, your other hand still pumping up and down Tsukishima to the side. âGonna let me make you a little soppy, bunny?â His question was soft and you nodded hesitantly. His smirk grew and suddenly both his hands were in your hair.
He held your head in place and thrusted into your throat quickly. You let out a strangled squeak, your head instinctually trying to pull back as tears sprung to the corners of your eyes. Both men chuckled above you at the panicked look that filled your eyes before he picked up his thrusting. One of his hands fell to your jaw, keeping it pried open, using his grip on your head to thrust in rougher. The wet sound of your gagging sent both of the men above you moaning and more wetness dripping onto the tops of your thighs.
âFuck that feels so good baby," Tendou moaned, his head tossing back as he kept up his thrusts. You could feel the drool falling down your chin, the tears from your eyes spilling over onto your cheeks and mixing into the drool.
A second hand in your hair ripped you away from Tendouâs cock easily. Your mouth hung open, strings of saliva connecting your lips to him. You panted, trying to catch your breath, your chest heaving as your tongue hung out of your mouth. You barely had time to take in gulps of air before the emptiness in your mouth was filled by Tsukishima.
Your eyes rolled back easily as he chose to keep his hips still and instead used his grip on your hair to bob your head up and down roughly. Your throat protested at the rough treatment, tightening as he abused it easily. Tears flooded through your eyes squeezed shut but the sounds of their moans kept you in your place. Your nails digging into your palms as you thought about the disgusting amount of pleasure flooding your lower half.
Your head was dizzy as you zoned in on their voices. âYou getting off on this little slut?â Tsukishimaâs words came out in a mix of groans as he struggled to hide how much pleasure he was in.
âOf course she is,â Tendouâs voice was paired with the wet sounds of him stroking his cock, his fingers gathered some of the drool dripping off your chin, your watery eyes watching as he brought it to aid his motions, âlittle bunny just loves how much bigger we are.â
You whined around Tsukishimaâs cock, the sound coming out wet and gargled. âYou love being pushed around by us?â Tsukishima taunted, dragging your lips off his cock and turning your head so that Tendou could push his way back into your mouth. He gave a couple hard thrusts before pulling out again. Each had a hand in your hair, pulling you back and forth. Tsukishima thrusted into your lips again and you fought back a wet sob as you gagged. âLike us using you how we want.â
You gasped desperately as your mouth was freed again, the lower half of your face covered in spit and precum. Tears flowed steadily from your eyes but you kept your jaw held open. âLook so precious crying over our cocks, bunny," Tendouâs voice cooed down at you. Your vision was blurry but your ears were overwhelmed by the sounds of their voices and the moans falling from their lips.
âYou wanna be filled up now, pretty girl?â Tsukishimaâs taunt cut through to you and you whined around whoeverâs cock was stuffed in your throat. Trying your hardest to nod when you couldnât move much.
âCome on messy girl," Tendou said playfully, and you were pulled away from both of them, gulping in air as you felt the cold air hit your wet face and neck. âBeg for it.â
You whined up at him but did it without thinking. âPlease," your voice was hoarse and breathy as you panted out the words. âWant it. Want it so bad," you brushed the back of your hand against your mouth, wiping tears and drool and a little snot away. You sniffled pathetically at how disgusting you felt.
âWant what, slut?â Tsukishima laughed, pinching your cheeks together as you looked up at them. The way they towered over you forcing you to feel the slick on your thighs drip even lower.
âBe specific, bunny," Tendou pouted at you, a small smirk pulling on the corner of his lips.
You whimpered at both of them, the shame filling your cheeks with heat. âWanna be filled with your cocks please," you begged, sniffling as you looked up at them with wide eyes.
âAww, cute little bunny," Tendou teased, slapping Tsukishimaâs hand away from your face and pulling you up onto shaky legs. âYou ask so well, donât wanna disappoint the cutie.â He placed you back between the two of them, facing you towards Tsukishima and pressing against your back.
You let out a shocked squeak as he lifted you up easily. He wrapped his arms around your thighs easily, gripping onto your elbows to trap you in place, your back flush to his chest and your thighs spreadâputting you on display for Tsukishima. You could feel his tip pressing lightly against your entrance, barely pushing in. The stretch was already making your eyes water but you whined for him, trying to push your hips down to no avail, babbling out pleas.
âYou ready baby?â Tendou whispered in your ear, his eyes locking with Tsukishima over your shoulder. Tsukishima who had his own eyes trained on where your pussy was clenching around Tendouâs tip begging to be filled. âWant me to go slow?â His voice was teasing and you couldnât take it anymore.
You shook your head desperately. âPlease," you begged, a soft sob coming out of your mouth. âJusâ want you," your words came out slurred and whiny as you tried to push your hips down onto his. âNeed you now,â you cried, ânot slow please," you begged. âWanâ be fucked âTori.â
Tendou chuckled darkly and you felt Tsukishima grip your chin to bring your attention to him. âYou asked for it, bunny." Tendou dropped you down quickly, laughing at the scream that tore its way from your throat at the feeling of the intense stretch. Your eyes squeezed shut as you felt the burning pain engulf your body. You felt Tsukishimaâs lips press to your cheek, kissing away the tears that streamed out of your eyes. âCâmon bunny,â Tendou whispered in your ear, his voice strained at the snugness of being inside of you finally, âyouâre okay right?â His lips pressed to the opposite cheek of Tsukishimaâs, kissing softly before licking up some of your tears cruelly. You whimpered in response, trying desperately to relax your body around him so he could move.
âYouâre so pretty when you cry, baby," Tsukishima cooed, forcing you to open your eyes and look at him. You could barely focus, your chest heaving up and down as you panted, Tendouâs cock pressing so deeply into you, kissing your cervix, deeper than Iâd ever felt anything before. âYou said you wanted it, right?â Tsukishima mocked.
You nodded stubbornly. You had. You had said you wanted it. You did want it. Whimpers fell out of your mouth in the form of âyesâs. âYou can take me, right baby?â Tendou asked, one hand coming up to aid your head in nodding.
âCâmon little one, tell us what you want," Tsukishima prompted, smirking at the glazed-over look in your eye. âAsk for it.â
You whimpered as Tendou moved his hand back into its position on your arm, his breath hot on your neck. âMove please," you cried, pushing through the pain. âWanna feel you move," you panted as you felt his grip tighten around you. âPlease âTori.â
At the sound of his name you felt Tendouâs lips smirk against your cheek. His arms easily flexed to lift you up and drop you back down. You cried out loudly. Babbling out âthank youâs and whines as he bounced you quickly. The pain gave way to pleasure at the way he made you feel so full. The friction he built causing the coiling to start.
Tendouâs lips trailed down to your neck, marking it more as he bounced you quicker. Tsukishima, in front of you, caught one of your nipples in his mouth, his fingers catching the other one. Your eyes rolled back, your cries turning into loud moans and curses falling off your tongue. Pleas for more coming out as simple babbles, the words refusing to form properly as your brain tried to process the feeling of being pushed closer and closer to the edge. You couldnât even tighten around him, too stretched out to, as you felt yourself tipping over the edge.
You came with a scream, your body going limp in his arms. Tsukishima easily pulled you into his own arms. You whined at the feeling of loss as Tendou slipped out of you. You werenât empty for long, your arms instinctually wrapping around his neck for stability as his cock slipped inside of you. You tried to wrap your legs around his waist, his hands gripping onto your ass as he bounced you up and down. Loud moans fell out of your mouth, Tsukishimaâs groans filling your ears.
The stretch that came from Tsukishima hurt just a little less. your mind was dizzy, your eyes blurry as he fucked himself into you. Tendou cooed praises into your ear as Tsukishima got rougher, his hips slamming into yours. The tip of his cock hitting just the perfect spot repeatedly. It was different than Tendou, harder and rougher, he bullied another sobbing orgasm from your body. You screamed out and felt him still inside of you.
You were gasping, every nerve ending on fire, flinching at every small graze from Tendou and Tsukishimaâs fingers. You felt Tendouâs hard chest press back against your back and you snapped your eyes to look back up at them.
âYouâve got more in you, right pretty girl?â Tsukishima said softly, commanding your attention, you whimpered at the feeling of his cock throbbing inside of you. âWanna keep being our good little slut, right?â Your eyes widened as you felt Tendou press the head of his cock against where Tsukishima had already stretched you out.
You whimpered and turned your head slightly to lock your fearful eyes onto Tendou. His darkened eyes looked at your tears hungrily. âIt's okay, bunny," the softness of his voice was contradicting the look in his eyes. âYou can take us, right?â He coaxed, soft fingers brushing over your lips. âBe our good little girl?â Your eyes glanced between theirs. Their pleading looks had you nodding your head without thinking, giving into their pleas even as you could feel the tears starting again.
âFuckâ and âGood girlâ were moaned out simultaneously in your ears as Tendou eased himself in slowly, his cock snug against Tsukishimaâs in your tiny entrance.
You let out a wet sob as your head dropped forward against Tsukishima. You felt the tears fall in steady streams from your eyes as you whimpered in pain. Tsukishimaâs fingers were gentle as they pressed under your jaw, guiding your chin back up. âYouâre so good for us," he praised in a soft whisper, a soft moan following right after. He kissed away some of your tears.
âYouâre so pretty crying for us." Tendouâs fingers brushed hair away from your eyes gently, softly turning your face to capture your lips in a gentle kiss. âYou still want to take us?â You realized through the fog that the whisper against your lips was a check in. A chance for you to call it quits and find relief from the overwhelming feelings spilling out of you.
You paused for a second, the pain of your lower half screaming at you to stop. But you couldnât help yourself, not when you had every fantasy of yours right on the verge of coming true. You shook your head adamantly. âPlease," you whimpered out, your voice quiet, getting caught in your throat. âWanna cum on your cocks again," you begged mindlessly. âWant you to make me cry," you sniffled, looking away from both of them. âFeels so good.â
They shared a smirk above your head and without replying, started their brutal assault. Moving at different times, tearing a sobbing moan from your mouth as you came without warning. âAlready baby?â but your brain was too fuzzy to recognize whose voice was saying it. You had a hand on each of them, mindlessly clawing at them as they alternated who was filling you. The constant fullness numbing your brain as they took turns hitting into your cervix.
You could feel Tsukishimaâs hands gripping onto your ribcage, his thumbs under your breasts. Tendouâs arms were wrapped under your legs again, spreading them to ease their access. You felt Tendouâs fingers brush over your clit, pulling screams of curses out of you as your body convulsed in their arms. âTell us whoâs filling you better baby.â The command filled up your head through their moans. âWhoâs making you cum like this baby?â
The realization crashed over you at that comment. The realization that your body was cumming without your permission, without your knowledge, at the onslaught from the two men.
âFu-fuck, Kei!â You cried out, throwing your head back, ââT-tori," you whimpered as you heard them both let out loud moans. You sobbed again as you felt them both release inside of you, the feeling of their release being so deep inside of you and slowly leaking out around their cocks making your vision go splotchy.
You whimpered as you felt Tsukishima pull out first, his hands still supporting you as Tendou followed after. The sudden feeling of emptiness sent a rush of emotions through your body that you couldnât quite process. You felt them lower you softly, neither removing their hands from your body, completely supporting your weight. Their fingers rubbed soothingly across your skin, brushing over every bruise and mark they had left on your body.
Soft praises fell from your lips as they tried to help your body calm down. âYou did so good for us, bunny," Tendou whispered, soft kisses pressing to your temple.
âYou look so pretty when youâre all spent like this," Tsukishima mumbled. With your eyes shut, you relied on their touches and words to keep you grounded.
âLet us help you out, okay baby," Tendou whispered as Tsukishimaâs grip left your body. âJust relax, okay," you whimpered at the feeling of a wet towel being pressed to the inside of your thigh. You pulled your eyes open to see Tsukishima there, moving the towel gently as he cleaned up the mess he and Tendou had made of you.
âCome on pretty girl," Tsukishima said softly when he was done, taking your weight from Tendou as Tendou slipped soft fabric over your body. You registered the fabric as the shift Tendou had been wearing earlier.
You were scooped up into Tendouâs arms easily and he set you on the bed, propping you up to sit against him. You whimpered at the movement but was quickly soothed again. âWe got you.â
Your head felt light, droopy as Tsukishima pressed a cold glass to your lips. âDrink some water, please.â You let your lips part to sip, the cold liquid soothing the roughness in your throat.
A soft tug on your hair came as Tendou softly brushed out the tangles from your hair. Gentle fingers working against your scalp as you let your eyes fall shut again.
âYour phone is going crazy," Tsukishima warned as Tendou finally let you lay back against the soft mattress. You found yourself gripping onto Tendouâs arm as he laid next to you.
âLet her sleep," Tendou whispered back in warning. âDonât worry about it, baby," he mumbled into your hair, kissing the top of your head as you could feel your consciousness start to slip away.
You barely registered the sound of the door opening and closing as you snuggled into the warmth Tendou provided. Your phone was long forgotten and irrelevant on the bedside table. You would deal with the consequences later.
3 new messages from Kunimi
5 new messages from Haji
2 missed calls from Kindaichi
1 missed call from Mattsun
5 new messages from Toru
4 missed calls from Kyotani
3 new messages from Fuyuko
6 new messages from Kyotani
10 missed calls from Haji
1 new message from Makki: Little Iwa, you better hope your brother doesnât find out who you ran off with. Have fun ;)
a/n rewriting this made me just as insane as the first time...
TAGLIST -
@intergalacticrory @tsukiran @awkwardaardvarkforever @all-in-the-fandoms @mightyknight501
@pearl-blue-musings @qichun @megumuro @s0uldarling @samus-onigiri-stand
@seiri-ously @deepenthevoid @albakugo @winniethepooh-lover @stunies
@little-miss-naill @theycallmenanamisgirl @cl-0-vr @iluv-ace @appalost
@rockrose-blossoms @afire24 @Crystal-lilac
#tendou x reader#tsukishima x reader#tendou satori x reader#tsukishima kei x reader#tendou smut#tsukishima smut#tendou satori smut#tsukishima kei smut#hq x reader#haikyuu x reader#hq smut#haikyuu smut#đť Tendouâs Gravity#đť Tsukishimaâs Gravity#đť Void Screams Back#đť Dark Side of the Moon
182 notes
¡
View notes
Text
November 8 - Friday
Whew! Caught up at last!! (took me long enough)
Today was actually pretty good. I called Angel before school which made me really happy!! (I love him sm ill sob rn actually). My class wasn't toooo bad. The teacher talked sooo much ugh, but I drew the whole time so it was fine. I made my oc thinnn n pretty, love him. Also we had to go around the room and talk to people for like 30 minutes. 30. (did yk you have 30 minutes??)
It was so nerve wracking, especially because I was unprepared lol. I bet I looked like such a total weirdo with the lack of eye contact I was making, but at the time I was just trying not to break a nervous sweat LMAO.
Then, after my class I went to the library (on call w/Ange) and did an assignment. I went home afterwards because my phone was gonna die, and I needed my charger.
After a bit at home, I went to my next class, and I had a test in this one. It went good I think! We studied beforehand which I'm really grateful for.
We had a break in this class, so I went to walk around for a minute, and during this my mom texted me with:
"Eli
What did u eat today"
...
nothing. So, I said "I had some chicken nuggetss after my class hehe"
to which she responded "No fries no pop. How many nuggets"
GURL. So i was like "I did get some fries lol? and i got 10 why?"
and she just CONVENIENTLY NEVER RESPONDED. UGH.
(but wait theres more.)
After my class ended I went home and got ready for work. I was otp w/Angel (because seriously when am I not?) and he was playing minecraft. It was so peaceful and entertaining to watch and listen to him play- I loved every bit of it. Then, we talked about how we should play together (I ltrly will do anything to idc).
Work was actually ehh, not toooo bad. My dad and friend and her mom stopped by which was nice, and also my hairdresser LOL. They both tipped really well (obviously my dad did but yk).
I went home after what felt like one billion years, I was so so so happy. When I got home I just said a few things about my day like I usually do, and made sure to slip in the fact that I got a free meal at work. Which isn't wrong, I did, but I didn't get anything. I actually am just gonna let my friend get something tomorrow. but they don't have to know all that shhhhhhhh.
Then my mom stopped in front of me and was like what did you eat? and so i repeated myself bc no one listens to me <3
(I told her fried chicken tenders, fries, mac and cheese for context, a very 'me' meal tbh or at least it was)
Then, she was like "how many chicken tenders?" "no drink?" "did you finish it? all of it?" "so then you ate 2 full meals today?"
oh. my god. like. genuinely.
why. is. she. interrogating. me. pls. fucking. leave. me. alone. IM GENUINELY MORTIFIED AND HONESTLY IM SO AGGRIVATED. LET ME STARVE IN PEACE HOLY FUCK.
I tried to act like a normal person and be like ??? why are you interrogating me? BC WHY ARE YOU (as if I'm not literally starving myself)
She was just like "because I need to make sure you're getting nutrients." ok girl.
Then, I went to my room and she went to bed. I cleaned my room a bit and did a homework assignment, so I'm pretty proud of myself.
Also if you couldn't tell by now I fasted today. I was gonna either 48 hr fast or do 2 24 hr fasts back to back, but I think I'm just gonna do around 36 hrs. I wanna eat in front of my mom tomorrow so maybe she'll start leaving me alone (I seriously doubt it).
It just gets really frustrating when every meal I have she thinks isn't enough, even when I'm genuinely full. I can't eat like I used to like I physically cannot, she has to get that.
Anywho, I was thinking of making some cucumber boats tomorrow, I think it'll be fun.
Total Steps: 6.7k
Look at me meeting my step goal for once. I'm gonna start really making an effort at meeting it!
'Til tomorrow :)
(P.S. actually getting activity on these makes me so nervous but haiii)
#light as a đŞś#th!nsp0#thinneristhewinner#thinspø#thin$po#tw restriction#light as a feather#3ating d1sorder#th!n$piration#âď¸ ing motivation#putting the â in âving#âď¸ve#âď¸vation goals#âď¸rving#tw skipping meals#tw ana bløg#tw ed ana#tw ana rant#tw 3d vent#tw thinspi
22 notes
¡
View notes
Text
I truly just do not understand what it takes to hate a whole group of people for made up reasons. Like my brain cannot comprehend the vitriol and maliciousness that people hold for other people who are *checks notes* not at all that different from you. How do you become a person who can hate an unknown human being simply because they practice a different religion or because they choose to live their own life the way they want? How do you become someone who is so angry and upset and not at all concerned with the goings on of your own life that you can just get up on stage/write a book/sing a song/hold a rally specifically to punch down on people who don't perfectly match with your own ideals and beliefs?
Not only are they so preoccupied with these perceived threats, but they're lazy about it! They don't read articles or do their own research or idk TALK to people who may be different from them. They are spoonfed bullshit lies by people in the very positions that they SAY they are critical of and yet just believe shit without any critical thought process happening.
I feel like every time I go anywhere, be it online or irl, I am plagued by the news that yet another person opened their unkind, uneducated mouth and spewed such utter horrible, vile things about people that they don't even know! And I'm sick of it! I thought we all learned the Golden Rule! If you don't have anything nice to say? Don't say anything at all.
#i cant even tag a specific person because its so many people#comedians actors writers politicians every day Joes#personal rant#because im home alone with no one to talk to#so now im screaming into the void#be kind! be smart! be compassionate!#it may be hard but so is always being worked up about whatever the latest fake boogeyman is that some millionaire/billionaire wants to#punch down on just to make more money/get more views/etc#and this does not apply to people who speak negatively about their oppressors or abusers#just to clarify
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Special interest? Triggered.
I will now talk about the movie breakfast club for 4 hours straight.
#no literally this is one of my favorite movies#i related to it so much as a teenager#the trauma school brings? the awful home lives? the teacher being a bad person? realizing you're not alone?#yes please. more of that.#im serious i could go on for hours#i could talk about the entire meaning of the movie and still go in depth on each and every character#when is say this movie is a special interest I MEAN IT#also they're all so queer and i firmly believe they should be in a polycule#the breakfast club#special interest#claire standish#john bender#allison reynolds#andrew clark#brian johnson#its so frustrating when people miss the point of this movie because it holds so many important messages that kids still relate to today#and we as adults should listen to and try to make better for them#ok im done talking(for now)#aml speaks#autistic#autism
42 notes
¡
View notes
Text
and then i realized today well shit man no wonder im exhausted all the time. i work all day and then i spend the rest of my time at home also working on writing and stuff so that i can obtain a single shred of the feeling of love and attention and validation through writing 150k words that some people get for free just for existing
#when my grandma said she loved me grandCHILD i realized it was the first time i had felt loved in person in a very long time#and the first time i had ever felt like any family member had ever known or understood me period#i write thousands and thousands of words to be seen and understood and the fleeting attention i get not only solely exists on the internet#but its like meager fleeting scraps compared to people who have been selected by others just for existing#i write to be understood because itâs the only way i obtain a sense of love in terms of like#âbeing understoodâ#i write to obtain love and it is scraps and table crumbs and none of it is irl#iâm not used to living in a life where i dont have to work to be loved#what is that like#every single thing i have to do for love (attention) is work#if i dont talk in the group chat people dont talk to or think of me#if i dont host gatherings at my house no one goes out of their way to see me#i cant just come home and exist and know i am loved by someone#i have to talk#or post#or write#or host parties#or organize events#and itâs work work work work work#but when i go home im alone and so itâs basically like i dont exist#so itâs the only thing i can do to prove im out there to someone so people dont forget me#oh and all the parties and hosting and writing and posting and events are fleeting anyway#they end and then everyone leaves and nothing changes until the next one and then it repeats
7 notes
¡
View notes
Text
^ Most fucked up movie lines
#posting my image so that i can complain to myself in vague terms . Talking about food if you dont wanna see that#also vague allusions to ed dont read my complaining tags if that will trigger you#but i hate having migraines and my fibromyalgia is so bad that it makes it si hard to get up and out of bed and like even if i manage to It#Like. ill give up and just go back to bed because with my migraines the nausea makes everything unappealing . so i'm only eating if i order#something or if my nana brings something home Or way later than i should and it sucks . And I'm out of money and i hate taking it from#other people more than anything else. i wish like everything was walkable like it is back home because then i could just drag myself to#walk a few blocks to the store or something. But i cant do that here so i'm just stuck . And then there is the disorder . Ok that's all . i#hate complaining about this directly to other people but i have to get my Everything out somewhere just to get it off of my mind.#ots just AUGHHHH!!!! SO FRUSTRATING. I hate Being alone in my room and i cant even ask my mommy if she'd get me something. haha 𤣠. Ok#im done now .#basically they should find a way to make food free when youre only comfortable eating One thing .#meowing
9 notes
¡
View notes
Text
i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me
#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything#guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of#and then distract myself with books and shows and nature#the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being#im losing interest in humanity and society#literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity#and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume#i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore#i feel so numb in one way#but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like#it wont even matter if i do#what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is#i dont even require that much#that is what is so .. terrible almost#i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into#i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here#it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so#because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that#so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck#i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao#but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people#without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters#besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life#so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me
10 notes
¡
View notes
Text
since Monday morning there has been a mouse in our apartment just hauling absolute ass across all corners of every available floor space, in the day time. I need this little furry maniac to either leave or die a swift and peaceful death in one of our traps
#I havnt actually seen it yet today. please pray for me that I wont see it because Im home alone all day and I cannot handle get jump scared#by this creature while Im alone#hannah is talking#weâve had mice before but mostly only at night and never running around the way this one has been#it acts like itâs being chased
9 notes
¡
View notes
Text
.
#Im flying home for the last time this year barring another death in the family#and itâs going to be fine everyoneâs going to be nice to me like nothing ever happened#and Iâm still shitting bricks over here#because Im going to be in a car alone with my sister who I called cps on and we NEVER talked about it aside from her asking me if I could#tell them what I could tell CPS#and mom and dad being super upset with me about it#and relaying how upset everyone was andâI went go into more details#thatâs been over for a while#but i feel like everyone is silently angry at me about it bc of how big an emotional and financial problem that was and how much of a#betrayal it was#and Iâve been processing so much religious training trauma and stuff#and processing getting locked in the room weekly at my sisters house#and some of the things I was taught to do to keep the kids in line#and how bad the fighting was between my mom and sister and me during college#and I feel terrible about being so scared about this because#i AM an adult with agency#and i AM choosing to see them#and itâs NICE of them to drive me places#and theyâve been super nice the last couple times I was in town#but conversations and interrogations were usually sprung on me when we were one on one#and if things are like they used to be mom and my sister are always passing info back and forth about me and angling for info to share with#each other to get ideas on how to get me back on the straight and narrow#and i feel crazy for talking about all this#but i still feel SO MUCH GUILT because nothing super bad was happening when I called CPS#and people were working on it behind the scenes and I just didnât trust and give them time#and last time I was in town I saw another book about bringing your kid back to the faith and morality out on momâs desk#shh katie#continuing in next post tags bc I ran out of tags here
16 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Guys I genuinely donât know how much more I can take
#I was supposed to have my therapy appointment last Friday but that got canceled on account of hurricane#which is like. just fucking awesome because you know what would really really help rn#some fucking therapy!#im so grateful to be alive but im also genuinely just not#I already felt so useless and unworthy and now here I am#feeling powerless and lost and worthless#I donât feel like I can talk to anyone about it either because everyoneâs got their own shit going on or is in it with me#so here I am screaming into the void#I just need to vent#right this moment I donât care about anything outside of this hurricane#I donât care about your cosplays or the ren faire or your hobbies#I donât care about your pictures of the cool restaurant you went to or the concerts youâre seeing#I care about the fucking bodies that havenât been recovered and the missing loved ones#I care about the people trapped and scared and alone#I care about the fact that people are just chomping at the fucking bit to swoop in a take the spots where peoples homes were washed awau
2 notes
¡
View notes
Text
i hate living here
#i havent talked to my mom literally all day and she came home and is just PISSED at me#like. what the fuck#also. also! shes pissdd that i have ocd that SHE gave me#the definition of homegirl i get it from u!!!#and ive dealt with urs my whole fucking life!!!! and when mine gets worse u fucking hate me#why did u have a kid!!!!#what did u expect!!!#and uve literally never let me do anything in this house and now when i dont volunteer to like clean or move stuff ur surprised#bitch u threw my barbies down the stairs when i was a kid#bc i drew on one of those black felt things (do u know what i mean? i cant remember what they were)#and then touched them without washing my hands#YOUUUU made me this way and our living situation this way#YOUUUUU were the adult#(this isnt to say im like. nasty and not cleaning anything. this happened bc i didnt put the coffee maker back together)#like she wouldnt have ripped my head off if she hadnt wanted it put together#i dunno. just hate it here#and i wanted to rant but i hate to rant to my boyfriend about her bc the nuance to understand what shes like is ridiculous#hence all. ^^^ that.#and yet i dont leave because i dont want to leave her alone#because sometimes we're like best friends. which i dont GET#bc its like u hate me and then sometimes ur happy to have me around#i dont know. anyway.#love u if u read all this <3#tw parents#tw abuse#<- maybe? just in case#rebeccaspeaks
2 notes
¡
View notes
Text
what up iâve been awake since 5 am after falling asleep at fucking midnight but i won my first fortnite battle royale solo last night and my anxiety is ⨠buzzing â¨.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[my aunt called me at 5 literally crying because she was stuck downstairs on the toilet and couldnât get up. and it shocked me awake but i#handled it surprisingly well so thereâs that in spite of the continuous flashback i feel like im trapped in. i just. so desperately want to#have a day that doesnât start and end with a disaster. had a cursory interaction with my other aunt that just⌠made me feel worse. feels#great when people quite literally are just talking to you to go âhowâs your aunt???â. i need a day off so bad but like. a real one. one#with actual time off. you ever feel enclosed inside your own brain but also youâre incredibly alone outside of it? fucking hell i miss⌠my#entire family. I miss having a family. what the fuck does it feel like for your home to be a place of comfort and not a hellish chaos.]#negativity /#medical mention /#medical /
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
partner (half jokingly) accused me of having a piss kink so i had to tell them "no, actually, and sometimes when you squirt in my mouth i have to prevent myself from having a panic attack. okay? :)" like actually you may know me more than anyone else but you still don't actually know me :) thanks for trying
#no one does or ever will!! not even me!! its not personal#also is it okay that im angry at them for waking me up even though they were sleep talking#they cant control it but they literally scream and wake me up and they talk all morning so i cant go back to sleep if i try#ugh#part of why our dream home would have a large enough office for me to fit a daybed into so i can be in there when i need to be alone#because i often need to be alone#vent
5 notes
¡
View notes
Text
it's so dumb that we still feel awkward about creating willogenic headmates in our sys when we literally found out we were plural through the tulpa community
#SYSCOURSE GET BLOCKED AND EXPLODED đĽ#endo safe#tulpa safe#but like we figured out we had an actual disassociative disorder through that community#because when we first started 'creating' headmates and talking about it in the community#everyone was like 'yea its... not usually normal for tulpas to form so completely THAT fast??? especially multiple at once???'#'its not really normal to be SURPRISED by a 'new tulpa'? like... the whole thing is you have to put in effort to create them?'#when we started tulpamancy we basically had a cambrian explosion of headmates like we went from Cecil alone to 14 all at once#(and we have confirmation that Cecil did not arrive alone. his arrival (or reveal) was ANNOUNCED by A DIFFERENT GUY)#literally the conversation was just#ruby: why am i getting intrusive thoughts rn#sheo; not making himself known: it's cecils fault#ruby: WHOS CECIL?????#cecil: hi thats me#we talked about how cecil basically formed by himself (blank as well) and everyone was like... bestie that might not be a tulpa....#they were really kind abt it though i happened to be in a nice group#anyway all that backstory aside we keep wanting a headmate of a specific concept but keep feeling weird about making them from scratch#cause like. years and years ago. we ran away from home once and. well let's just say we did not intend to be found with a pulse#and like. we were texting our friends while walking and they weren't able to convince us to go home at all we were. very not ok#and i had to put away my phone bc it started raining so i kept walking for a bit and then just. stopped#bc in the middle of the road there was just. a single solitary bright red salamander. just standin there#and i just. i don't even know. i broke a little? i was just overwhelmed with the wonder of nature and life and coincidence?#I've literally only ever seen two salamanders in my entire life. one that i caught under a bush and wanted to keep as a pet but was told no#and that little fire red salamander in the middle of the road#and i genuinely think if i had not stopped to look at that salamander i would not have gone home#and i want. to have a salamander headmate that can be there for comfort and stuff#if we ever get a tattoo we're definitely getting a salamander one as our first one#maybe mixed with a semicolon bc the salamander is like. symbolizing the same thing for me#the 'i fucking made it. im still here' kind of vibes
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Im kind of feeling like i can't take it anymore
#vent#bad sad sleep-deprived and mentally ill#i am currently crying myself to sleep just fucking sobbing because everything hurts#my brain is failing me my body us failing me#i dont know what to do with myself#so many things are happening so many things hurt and i have no body to talk to#i have never felt so utterly alone#i hate myself for even writing this because i feel so pathetic and as if im just whining for attention#because i probably am#some lame ass cry for help because i really don't know how to function at this point#truly i am just so fucking alone#and there is just so much that is happening and i cant share it with anyone so it just all stays in my stupid brain and#probably makes me more mentally ill or smth#and for however long all i do is keep myself from crying during the day bc i cant let my family catch me having mental breakdowns#yet i have all of these painful thoughts that are plaguing my mind all the fucking time#i am just so so tired#and i keep thinking about death and it's so fucking scary#i just wish i wasn't myself and i had a different brain i could be better than this because maybe then i would be fine#at home im in toxic hell#in online spaces i have no one actually close to me#in my brain i have horrible thoughts and hardcore daydreaming distactions that dont fix anything#in my course i think im not doing well enough and im scare dthat my the end of it im still going to be a useless unemployed moron#on my silly blog i think if i dont make content i have no value and ehatever i make is not even that good or interesting#so i better cover it up with quantity but i dont have time or ability to do so#which again makes me into a fucking Nothing#god my head hurts so much#that's what u get for wailing at 4 am#anyways i am doing horrible and i can't take it anymore truly reaching my fucking limit#all my fault tho so âş#delete later and if someone actually reads it Um sorry for this i am hashtag unwell đđŤ
11 notes
¡
View notes