#but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

libbee · 2 years

Text

About air lovers

Air men (moon in gemini/libra/aquarius//moon in 3rd/7th/11th house)

1. Racing thoughts, if I think it I will speak it, I need to speak, no I cannot think internally I need to speak, tell, blurt it out to someone.

2. See, unless you stimulate me, please dont try to befriend me. I am volatile and versatile. If you are not a quick thinker, chatty, conversationalist, how will we connect and bond? How will we stay friends? What do we talk about-you ask? We talk about history, universe, biology, business, science, news, cinema, TV shows, your pet, my pet? No, we dont talk about how I feel, we dont talk magic, we talk concepts and ideas. Emotions are magical, you see. How those witch babes manipulate energy for spells, I am a "how to make friends and influence people/rich dad poor dad" kind of person. Please dont tell me about your healing powers, I am a metacognition/neuroscience kind of person.

3. You are either fun or boring. Sorry, I cannot see anything else that makes a person worthy of my friendship or relationship. My partner is my best friend, we talk, share our thoughts with each other, laugh out loud, we are constantly texting. I only date people who are mentally stimulating. Though I am not too romantic and I dont offer emotional intimacy, but I can offer you a fun time and belly full of laughter. Sorry sir, we dont do inner work here, we dont do self reflection here, we are not that deep. We are all about ideas, thoughts and reasoning. Emotions make things messy and complicated. Y'know I dont have that stability to sit down and get in touch with my feelings. I can be meeting new people in that time, that's just who I am. So if you are someone who's looking for emotional vulnerability, emotional sharing of insecurities and complexes or trying to make me spiritual then I cannot do that, please find someone who is compatible with you. I am not spiritual, I am logical. Sorry, I dont understand what you mean when you say that you are feeling shame/fear/anger, I just dont let feelings trap me, I just move on to the next thing. I dont understand what healing means, I am just not meant for these things. I dont understand what you mean when you say soul or spirit or divine or energy, are these not just words? Where is the proof they exist? You're intuitive? Hmmm, I am more of a thinker type. You're into astrology and tarot? Oh, I am an economics nerd, there is so much to learn and understand in the real world, why are you lost in virtual, spiritual, magical world?

4. I need variety. You can be the most mentally stimulating person in the world but I still need variety. I just need variety. It is not about you, it is about me. Conversations, connections and chatting give me validation, they are fuel to my engine. When I am with you, I wonder what am I missing out on? Please dont feel sad about it, see that's why I dont like feelings. Life is supposed to be fun not serious. I need to try out new things and meet new people. More I try, more I learn. I like mental and emotional freedom. I like playfulness and joy of living. Let's hangout for lunch tomorrow? That's how I like to bond and connect with you. I am not shallow, the right people will understand that I am a very fun and smart friend. You have emotional needs, I have mental needs. We are different. "Let's hangout for lunch tomorrow":

5. LMAO, that's my new joke. My mom was like... and my dad was like.... lmao, seriously that was so funny. You dont like jokes? You're offended, triggered, taking it personally? What even.. How can someone not like jokes? Laughter is the best medicine, my friend. I self actualize with jokes, I roast myself, I twist events to make them funny. I want people to have a fun time with me. I dont know how people can sit in silence and paint or draw or meditate for hours or enjoy their own company. I would rather play video games, watch TV, write some essay or shoot some video for YouTube or tiktok or Instagram-I need motion, movement, to do something. Next task ✅ Next task ✅ Next task ✅ I get bored if I stay at one place for too long.

Air men (sun in gemini/libra/aquarius//sun in 3rd/7th/11th house)

1. If you want to torture me, keep me isolated in a room. Social groups are where I thrive. I cannot stand solitude, simply because being solitary means to sit with my emotions, thoughts, insecurities, complexes and face them. I cannot do that, I just cannot.

2. Fortunately, my life theme attracts many opportunities to make friends/socialize/meet a lot of people on daily basis. Astrology not only tells personality traits but also life event patterns. 3rd, 7th, 11th houses deal with other people, networking, public interactions, connections and relationships, you see the association? Some are born lone wolf, we are not. I can never be a monk, I dont have the emotional discipline for that, though I can be your travel partner to Thailand when you visit a monastery, I love to explore new places.

3. I need you to like me, I am really good at studying others. I like to keep a lot of connections, I like to network with people, people are assets, friends for life, there is nothing much in life. Hanging out with friends, being around people, socializing makes me feel alive, rejuvenated and meaningful. I am a bit of chameleon, yeah so what, you are too. People are not one dimensional, what is this obsession with authenticity? Do you even know who you really are, duh!!

4. When I meet someone, I notice their desirable qualities, what makes them attractive, what is their best quality and I internalize that, make it my own, morph myself into a desirable person. More similar we are, stronger our bond will be. I know I am not authentic but it is simply not my nature to be so. Please appreciate me for what I am capable of offering you. I can be a really nice actor though, I have the charisma and versatility for it.

5. They call me charming. Because my personality shines. I am the person people approach when they are at the cashier. I am the person people approach when I am just minding my own business. I appear desirable, friendly and safe to people. You wouldn't approach an intimidating, stiff, serious person, will you? Let's see it this way, water man and I enter a bar. Bartender greets both of us. Water man emits vibes that provoke uncomfortable emotions, insecurities and traumatic memories in the bartender. But I emit vibes that are comfortable, friendly and safe to feel. I am more approachable. This is because I dont spend my time exploring my depths, complexes, psyche. I am the person who runs the community, I run the entertainment business, I run the economy. If everyone sat down to do self introspection and inner work then who will take care of the material world? See-leave it to me, I can handle that.

6. Though I make a loyal partner when I am mature. I am loyal because cheating is too much of mess for me for too little return. I am not really obsessed with power, I am the sigma not the alpha, we are equals, I dont want to be superior to you-I dont want power over you. I want to be your friend. I make love with my friend. You are my friend and you are my lover. I dont like power games. Though if I have fire/water placements too then I can be power centric otherwise I am just the equal dynamic type. I am a very balanced type of person.

165 notes · View notes

ceasarslegion · 2 months

Note

I support u getting back into marvel. Who were ur big fave characters?

We liked Hawkeye, Bucky, and like, pre- Tom Holland Spiderman. Nowadays we r a fan of Bruce lol

Man I have a lot. Deadpool, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Kamala Khan's Ms. Marvel, Daredevil, Black Panther, The Falcon. I don't put Deadpool and Wolverine at the top of the list because of the new movie either, I've been reading Deadpool and the X-Men comics since middle school. I think I connected with them easily because I was always the only Canadian I knew overseas so having two characters of my own nationality meant a lot to me and filled this need for commonality I was lacking. But the one character that I really can not understate the importance of to me is Tony Stark.

Tony was everything to me. I knew exactly how he felt in so many deeply profound ways and I also hide behind this false confidence and sex appeal to push away my own insecurities and traumas. The fact that he was flawed, and that was a feature, not a bug. All I really have in the face of neglect and abuse is my hyper independence, and he used his in the same boat as me to literally build a better version of himself. He's not perfect, he's far from okay, he's a bit broken and rough around the edges, and hey, so am I. Seeing a man like Tony portrayed as a superhero who is not defined by the worst parts of himself means so much to me that I really can't put it into words. And every Iron Man and Avengers film with him released at exactly the right time for me to see it.

Tony will always be special to me. My favourite Iron Man run is International Iron Man, which hammers it all home for me that much more. It's about how Tony was adopted as a PR stunt by the Starks because his birth mother was just too poor to take care of him, and although she loved him, she gave him to this rich family that couldn't conceive because she thought they could give him everything she couldn't, and she wanted her baby to have the world to explore with no barriers to entry. Tony learns about how he was adopted, and sets out to reunite with the mother who loved him more than Howard ever did. It's a deep exploration of identity and how complicated the world is when you're someone like Tony, and they never once portrayed it as his birth mother not loving him, it was the dichotomy between Tony's paths in life being a mother who loved him to the point of letting him go who had nothing to give him, or a father who had no concept of not having who couldn't really care any less about him.

And when MCU Tony got to be the one to save the universe after spending his whole life haunted by his past actions and trying so hard to be a good person (which he already was, he just never accepted it) it hit me real hard man. I don't like that he had to die though, not when he had his little family and life and finally got to be the one to save the world he spent so long trying to be worthy of.

I also got really attached to Tom Holland's Peter Parker as a consequence of this, for obvious reasons. Irondad makes me mentally ill for all the reasons listed above.

All this is also why i dont... really engage with what the fandom has to say about Tony. It makes me want to chew glass that both haters and fans despise both him and everyone who likes him, and seem to make it their goal to completely misunderstand and shit all over his character to the point of saying that he had no right to be mad that Cap lied to him about Bucky killing his parents.

8 notes · View notes

okthatsgreat · 2 months

Text

if i could ask for any changes for the bg3 dark urge playthrough in patch 7 i would ask larian studios for bigger reactions to the redeemed durge scene in act 3. and of course i am strange about bg3 and my ocs so i WILL be expanding on what could possibly happen because it truly felt so underwhelming :(( DARK URGE SPOILERS DOWN BELOW

okay SO the redeemed durge getting killed by bhaal in act 3 if you choose not to follow bhaal anymore. i am always of the opinion that a dark urge playthrough is THE way to play bg3 if you want to make an original character because you are truly involved in the story, integrated into the lore, and get to have great story moments like your fellow party members do!! the weight of your decisions is SO heavy, and you are given fantastic motive/underlying intentions to each decision, with this huge dilemma of "good versus evil" being far more important to the dark urge (in my opinion ofc). it's a huge buildup all the way up to the end, ESPECIALLY for me who played a redeemed dark urge character that was fighting with itself for the entire playthrough. and then it just sort of falls flat bgfhdgbsjfg

as mentioned before, the dark urge gets a lot more special cutscenes than a regular tav does, which makes it feel as if the durge is more strongly integrated into the narrative. and with these cutscenes comes the expectation that there will be some kind of resolution to their own personal journey (as the dark urge gets a much more specific one than simply "get rid of that tadpole and defeat the absolute"). most of the other party members get resolutions-- think astarions final battle with cazador, shadowheart resolving the situation with her parents, gales decision about whether he should blow up or not, etc. for the dark urge, this "final resolution" is the battle with orin and the decision they make concerning if they become bhaals chosen one or not. off the bat this is pretty damn cool already!! your oc gets their own special battle with their blood-sibling, they get special perks depending on if they succumbed to their urges or not, and it is truly the culmination of their personal journey. which is why its so INFURIATING that nobody CARESS

i played a dark urge cleric of "lathander" that was teetering back and forth between her worship. it was fun!! they were a redeemed dark urge, which meant they fought through the orin battle without any special perks, and afterwards didnt accept bhaals powers. the battle was cool. the talk with bhaal was admittedly pretty cool. but then, when it finally came down to her refusing to be bhaals chosen, she just kind of Dies. and so much of why the scene falls flat comes down to how LITTLE the companions react LMAO.

like that death is HORRIFYING!! they didnt just get killed normally, because that would mean they could be revivified. the dark urge gets UNMADE right in front of their party. a god of death contorts them in the middle of a bhaal temple, revokes the blood that had created them, and unmakes them entirely right then and there. thats SCARY! but there is SO LITTLE REACTION. they just look a LITTLE unnerved all of the sudden as the dark urge unravels right in front of them, and then we dont see the rest of their reactions. like this is somebody who has been travelling with them this entire time, in most cases has helped them with their own personal journeys, has made deep connections with them, and then when all of this happens theyre just kind like 😧

AND THEN WHEN YOU GET REVIVED THEY ARENT THAT FUSSED EITHER? most you get is a pat on the back and a good job. i really think they need bigger reactions all around

here are some beautiful suggestions from me because i have a lot of opinions. number 1 give the companions dialogue when the dark urge dies. right now where its at the companions are more devastated when you go down in battle than they are when you are UNMADE BY A GOD IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES lmao. edit the cutscene just a little bit so that characters are running up to your durge trying desperately to do something and it isnt working. have an overhead shot showing the people youve befriended running over with PANIC in their eyes because truly what can they even do here. and then when the dark urge falls suddenly limp and life has left their eyes, have an unbelievably tense moment of silence before the companion you are closest with (love interest if you have one) give one final "NO!!!!!" or something before the screen cuts to black

number 2 establish the durge's death as FAR MORE PERMANENT. because its dnd when a character dies there is always this safety net of "oh i can just revivify them". shadowheart is likely in the party and with how they react before/after the durge's unmaking it really does feel like all of your companions knew you could be easily revivified lmao. UP THE STAKES!! i mean fuck while youre at it have every character in your camp in this cutscene, so that when they are all panicking in that hypothetical scene i illustrated above shadowheart can give a worried line about how "revivify is impossible because this isnt death, this is an unmaking. a god has reclaimed them and i cant bring them back". when bhaal kills the dark urge, it should feel like they are truly GONE and characters should react accordingly

number 3 make it so the day has changed before the durge gets revived by withers. you wake up entirely alone in that temple, hell maybe you even wake up in a GRAVE, and the implication is that your companions truly tried everything they could but eventually realised they couldnt do anything. this gives withers' intervention FAR more weight, as it has now been established that he is one of the only people capable of reviving somebody who has been unmade by a god. not only that, but this second chance of life has now ALSO been given far more weight, because this was truly, TRULY a miracle. it is a MIRACLE you are alive right now. have the conversation with withers, and then have a small cutscene of everybody at camp looking forlorn and sad or whatever before you come stumbling in with withers behind you. everybody is surprised and happy, and your partner might even run up and say a few emotional lines and give you a hug or something. and then when you speak with all of them after the cutscene is over they all have stuff to say about how it is INSANE you survived, so not only are they patting you on the back for defeating your dark urges but they are also just so happy youre still there!! HAPPY ENDING!!!!! a lot more payoff!!!!!

anyways.

#GODDDDDDDD #bg3 #lee chat #dnd: null

3 notes · View notes

baltears · 1 year

Text

starting to realize that one reason not everyone reads you the same way and some people think it's a dramatically dumber show than it is is bc not everyone is aware of how precise the writers were in creating joe's pathology and the amount of verisimilitude in the writing around his extreme trauma and the resultant extreme behaviors.

joe acts the way that he does because part of him (the inner child) sincerely, very deeply craves love and connection, but bc he grew up in an extremely high stakes survival situation – & never really experienced a life away from his multiple sources of simultaneous extreme threat* and longed-for crumbs of affection & validation & emotional comfort before reaching adulthood – he quite literally cannot help recreating that same completely insane level of high stakes in his own life because that is still how his nervous system is wired. he is too internally fragile to feel like he can withstand true inner scrutiny, the type required for deep recovery from trauma. this part is also hard to explain to people who dont have this type of trauma, there's this very pervasive terror that certain things will just somehow annihilate you and swallow you up, such as looking too closely at your feelings, or someone else seeing who you are deep down and rejecting you.

so when joe fixates on someone he has fantasized will save him,** he feels the need to stalk and gather information in order to craft this perfect, completely fabricated self that he knows will not be rejected the way he thinks his real self automatically would be, bc deep level rejection also = annihilation. and because his mom (and i'm not trying to be harsh here, she is also a victim and a survivor, just being real) failed in her handling of the situation with his dad and further failed in her handling of joe killing him, child joe forms this impression in his brain and nervous system that "situations that i am involved in can unpredictably escalate to extreme violence", and "extreme threat to my feelings/emotional self also goes along with extreme threat to my physical body and life". this impression never changes. he never unlearned this. so what he ends up doing is unconsciously creating circumstances where this will happen because it is familiar &he never really learned how to function in situations where the threat level is "normal". when he gets rejected or the threat of abandonment comes up or anything else goes wrong, he immediately internally escalates to maximum threat response and is prepared to resort to extreme violence in order to 'protect' himself and/or a woman or a child. i just feel it's worth noting that the vast majority of human interactions do not and would not escalate unpredictably to extreme violence, and the reason it keeps happening around joe is because he (again, unconsciously- this is a nervous system level response) either creates it himself or seeks out environments where this level of dysfunction is the norm. btw the patriarchal obsession with protecting women comes from a combination of misogyny + a deep mostly unconscious need to justify killing his dad to protect his mom because his entire self worth hinges on whether that would make him a bad person who deserves to die.***

he manipulates others as a survival tactic by mirroring them and saying what he can usually tell they want to hear, but actually does it so constantly and compulsively that it becomes maladaptive and frequently hurts the social impression he gives (how many times did other characters call him out for being a weird phony?). he compulsively narrativizes himself and his life in bizarre, binaristic, fictional trope-based ways because he coped so hard with books when he was locked in a cage as a kid & had to tell himself stories about what was going on around him and what it meant in order to feel like his existence could withstand his circumstances. i could go on. my point is that i think joe is in a lot of ways actually a very accurate intelligently written and sensitive portrayal of a cptsd victim. like frankly i personally just don't want to have the conversation anymore about whether we're allowed to relate to joe because he does the memey relatable narrator thing and is a white man, those things are not why i find him relatable. yes the "commentary on protagonist status being automatically applied to white men", "commentary on patriarchal norms and how women are de-voiced / objectified and treated as disposable", the genre deconstruction stuff, the topical stuff, the memey stuff, are all vital parts of the show as well and deliver some extremely cogent points and an entertaining viewing experience but what im getting at is this cake has layers. love is also an amazingly written character for very similar reasons and i love all the pov stuff with her in season 3. ok signing off now

*in the case of neglect and abandonment from his mom, which has life or death level stakes for a child, and physical abuse and extreme psychological terrorism from mooney

**i want to briefly draw attention here to the fact that healing fantasies are a vital survival tactic for kids in traumatizing situations, although they can become maladaptive into adulthood – there is a misogynistic flavor to joe's because he is a misogynist deep down, but my point is that the healing fantasy is used to avoid total despair/annihilation in the midst of the extreme pain of trauma. most of the other traumatized characters in the show also display signs of coping with a healing fantasy, and the reason joe is so good at manipulating fellow traumatized people is because he recognizes on an unconscious level how to create the image of a healing fantasy that they will be vulnerable to.

***so, again, life or death level emotional need to uphold this belief system, as we saw in s4 when he hit a point of no longer being able to justify any of his behaviors and very rapidly reached a decision to attempt suicide.

#fyi this is a living document because it is frankensteined together out of the various pieces i remember writing last night #before tumblr threw my painstakingly word-vomited first draft of this post off a cliff. so you may notice me making more edits #you #you series #joe goldberg

12 notes · View notes

crawlthruribs · 6 months

Text

so i saw this post somewhere saying that they wanted a fic where ennis, jack, and alma were all in a polyam relationship - that alma saw them kissing but instead of being disgusted she found she was into it. i have some thoughts about this, and it’s not a call out post where im going to be rattling off all the ways that i think op was wrong, it is an interesting concept, i was just thinking about how personally i dont think it would happen.

one) we see through the course of their marriage the slow resentment and change that occurs, and while i am not sure why alma and ennis got together in the first place, they were happy at the beginning. the rift between alma and ennis increases after they have kids, and it only seems to escalate all the way up and through their divorce.

i think, from alma’s perspective, she recognized that the man she married was not the same one who continuously rejects her and expects so much from her. ennis constantly ignores alma, he leaves her to take care of the kids and to cook and do her job and he places his occupation and work over hers - i dont think alma knew how to fix it, how to make ennis pay attention to her. i am sure she blamed herself in a way and most likely experienced loneliness being stuck in this position.

when she finds out what ennis and jack are doing, all the feelings that she had been left to sit in bubble up. this was the 1960s, the whole concept of this story is about hatecrime and homophobia - in alma’s eyes it is disgusting and shameful and putrid and this was the man that she had married. she was left and cast aside for something vile and wrong and it hurt. perhaps maybe in a different story she could have found it appealing in a way, but it’s not just “oh she hasnt explored sexually, there’s a chance she could be into that stuff” it’s also the divide between her and ennis and the emotions that she had previously suffered through and the guilt that she could now blame on someone else. it wasnt her fault that ennis was cold to her, but up to this point that’s what she thought; when she sees them, it’s the tipping point and realization that it wasnt her, but it was this gross affair.

two) from ennis’ point of view, alma is a tether. she is a force that keeps him safe and “normal”, she is the right and traditional thing to do. but she also sort of is a cage, he has to be “normal” and has to love her in order to accomplish this. she is a way to “fix” himself.

piggybacking from another post i saw, there is also the fact that she is a woman. i believe the other person said something about how being with a woman for jack and ennis is different than sleeping with another man because she doesnt pose a threat to their relationship. the woman is simply a necessity and cannot give either of them what they truly want. and that’s all that alma really is, she is only required so ennis can fulfill tradition and be left alone (we see that later after they divorce the amount of times it’s brought up to him that he should settle down again).

three) i am not quite sure what jack would think seeing that alma never really was something he had to worry about. it was always ennis’ work or his deep connection to his hometown that really proved a problem. i do believe though, that being in a polycule with alma and ennis not something he would like. having relations with other men was something he constantly looked for, that he needed to “sustain himself” as he said when he and ennis were arguing about the lack of time they had together and adding a woman to the mix wouldnt be what he was looking for. he could have sex with a woman at any point in time, adding alma into the mix is only taking away his one place that he can get the satisfaction he wants.

feel free to add on or correct me, i have only seen the movie, though i do want to read it, and have watched it once. this was not meant to be a call out post in any way shape or form, simply a pondering of why the three of them wouldnt work and my take on their complex relationships.

@apollosleftelbow

#ennis del mar #alma #brokeback mountain #jack twist #thoughts #long post #i have no clue what alma’s last name is #im gonna assume del mar as well #but it wasnt mentioned at all in the movie

5 notes · View notes

mommycain · 10 months

Text

Ethel Cain

ive been a big fan of Ethel Cain for a while now and it all started in 2020. shortly after discovering her, I began listening to all of the music that she made and it was weird because i've loved rock, metal, electronic, shoe-gaze and indie music and the artists that produce music of those genres, but i've never been so obsessed with someones music, the only ones that came close were deftones, nirvana, linkin park, breaking benjamin, in this moment, Chelsea grin, white chapel, son lux, and lorn. These bands / musicians meant a lot to me and still do, but i was never as in love with them like i am with Ethel Cain.

Growing up poor, gay, and autistic in southern Ohio (Wilmington OH) i was very isolated and ostracized by many. By the time i was a senior in highschool i had enough trauma to make a psychologists head spin, i was personally attacked by children and adults ever since i came out as gay at a very young age, sexually assaulted, abused in every way imaginable by multiple people, recovering from addiction, had multiple suicide attempts, multiple loved ones die, and helped raise my brother all before i was 18, so I really connected with many of the themes and lyrics in her music. I dont mean to come on here and dump all of my trauma on unsuspecting people, i just still cant believe there is someone out there that makes music that i can relate to on such a massive scale. I just want to give her a hug and thank her for existing in the same world as i do. The cliche of people saying "their music literally saved my life" always kind of bugged me, sure, some artists got me out of some dark moments in my life, but Hayden's music really did pull me away from self harm and suicide many times in my adult life. i want to sit down and just talk with her for hours and listen to her life story and thoughts. i know ... trust me i know, i sound kinda crazy, but i,ve just never felt this way about anyone's music except for her's.

Ive annoyed all of my friends relentlessly with how obsessed i am with her music and her as a person, and ive been spreading the gospel of Mother Cain as much as i can, but here are some deep dives into my thoughts about my favorite songs by Ethel Cain.

Earnhardt- 2020 / 2021.

This is the first Ethel Cain song i ever listened to. When i listened to Earnhardt for the first time, I felt seen, understood, and i was so confused as to why she wasnt more popular. This song had me in a chokehold and i still listen to it religiously, but anyways, Earnhardt really spoke to me when i first heard it and i fell in love with her voice and her mind while listening to this song. The betrayal and hopelessness in the lyrics and the theme of wanting things to get better but everything seems out of your control and only finding peace when thinking about your own death, it all spoke to me in ways i never imagined a single song could.

Michelle Pfeiffer- 2021

While i was scrolling on tiktok, i came across a video of Hayden sitting in a diner with her friend and i thought the whole vid seemed like a found footage film and i loved it, i started reading the comments and there were people saying that she was "running from the law" and "she killed someone i think and now shes fleeing her state", while i was confused, i went ahead and looked at her profile and saw that IT WAS HER, the one who made Earnhardt!!! my favorite song!!! so i went ahead and looked at other videos then stumbled upon a promotion for her new song: Michelle Pfeiffer and immediately listened to it. I was hooked ever since.

Ptolemaea- 2022

Yes, the song that puts the fear of god and or satan into the hearts of the mentally sane and cid-het men, as well as being an anthem to those that have been wronged by those same men. The feeling i got from hearing this song for the first time was extremely cathartic. the demonic and haunting voice of hayden at the end of the song is unnerving and devastating, when you hear it, it feels like a looming figure standing over your paralyzed / near lifeless body, and it wants you to let go and submit to it. The symbolism and poetry in Ptolemaea is something i admire to no end.

Hard Times- 2022

This song quickly became one of my best friends favorite songs, and i dont blame her, Hard Times is another devastating song that paints a picture of sorrow, trauma, insecurity, doubt, shame, and longing for stability and peace.

Dog Days- 2019

An almost lullaby about toxic relationships, full of pain and confliction. wanting to keep someone close to you no matter how much they hurt you, allowing them to hurt you because you can still see a glimpse of who they used to be, the person you fell in love with, excusing the abuse because they still show you affection from time to time, even when you know that loving them is only hurting you and you know it would be best to leave, you stay because no matter how hard you try, you cant help but fear the possibility that nobody will love you as much as they do. you know its poison, but youve been drinking it for so long you worry that life wont ever be the same without it. This is another song i relate to immensely.

Alright, ive been awake for over 37 hours now, so im gonna get some shuteye. i hope you found my crazed obsession amusing and or insightful, and i hope i dont look like a total psycho lmao, i just wanted to geek out and fangirl a bit because again ... i dont really feel this strongly about other musicians.

ps: Hayden ... Queen Ethel ... Mommy Cain ... if by some chance you see this, let me know! so i can die out of embarrassment in peace. thanks, love ya!

#ethel cain #mother cain #mothercain

6 notes · View notes

oh-munda-kukkad-kamaal-da · 2 years

Note

Woahh ohkay

Fine my last question and not a juicy one

You say you are alot like atlas...so tell me why didn't atlas moved on? Like yeah I get it he loved lily but there are a lol of ppl who love someone but still they know they have to move on ...also was it even love? Like lily helped him in his lowest so maybe it's just gratitude that he thought was love.

Yeah i am a lot like Atlas so ig i can answer that. Basically as i said, there was nothing so special about Lily unlike Atlas. The only thing that made her special that she was the only one to help Atlas in not just one but many ways and she was the only one who talked to him. And it's mostly not the person i fall in love with, its the feeling, the vibes and the chemicals my brain gets. For me (so probably for Atlas too) the love for someone never dies, its always there buried deep. The first person i ever fell in love with ruined me for 4 years and now i hate her, but though it's been 3 yrs since i saw her I'm sure my love for her would come back once i see her. And it was more like a promise between Atlas and Lily that he'll be back once he believes that his life is good enough for her. And promises are never meant to be broken. Maybe the person you promised forgets about it, but you dont. Also i dont think Atlas would be so social and open with his feelings around others, so he probably didn't feel that connection with anyone else. And he left Lily after he saw her with someone else, now that he met her again, and saw that she isnt happy with her current partner, ofc he cannot control his anger coz i wont let anyone fucking dare to touch my loved ones. So he tried to help her with her life like she helped him.

Idk if this is what you wanted, but ok

2 notes · View notes

skaardd · 1 year

Text

sometimes life is a little weird

I wish I practiced expressing how I feel in words more

Even though something ended, and probably for the better it is still weird.

Its weird to spend a great deal of time, years with someone

Going on long walks together, traveling, drinking, eating, playing games, celebrating holidays, studying, watching movies together for it to just end

It's weird because I will be reminded of the times spent with this person, and I will just be like melancholic. I know that you were not the one meant for me, and I was definitely not the one meant for you, but I still get kinda weird feelings sometimes. Just because we spent so much time and experiences together so of course it will get weird at times when I am reminded of you.

It's kind of like I lost a friend. But it's weird because I don't think we were actually good friends to each other. I think I was good to you 96% of the time, and you it was 50/50. I can't lie, you tried to love me at one point. you spent a lot of time trying to do things for me. But I dont think it was actual love ever. I don't think we ever had a deep connection. you know that. we tried at one point... or I did rather. It's my fault for starting off things weird. but I think if we were really meant to be, we couldn't help but be in love with each other right off the bat.

Anyway, I am still confused by the entire situation at times. I am ok about it 97% of the time, but 3% of the time I get little reminders of your existence. you had an abrupt official leave from my life, but I think we both knew it was happening over time. I kept trying to keep things together, and you were confusing as fuck. I feel bad in general about it. Im sorry for being so abrupt on you. But then I remember the few weeks where you literally told me apparent? lies. You said to my face we cant be together, my parents will never accept you, and *thats* why. Then this story changed to - its not my parents its actually how I feel, I cant be with "someone" like you. Then it changed to - I actually lied about my parents completely. they never said a thing about you. they never had a problem with you. its just me.

It's like you search for issues/problems. Maybe you feel comfortable that way. It's like thats all you ever knew, so if things aren't chaotic you will fill that void in by creating chaos yourself.

Tonight is the first night since you told me I cant study outside that I am studying outside, late at night. It felt so weird to go back out after 7 and go to SBU to study. It kinda feels like I am doing something wrong by being here. I changed a lot of myself to appease you. I noticed that I became more of a pushover, and more submissive or agreeable with people. Timid, and not as ambitious, more laid back, more careless, less driven, and more people pleaser as I was with you. Thats not good. I feel like I am regaining who I am back again.

I am sad that I hurt you. But you kinda hurt me more. In my opinion, a good relationship is really built on a strong foundation thats created by a good man. I am not saying youre not good, but you know that you didnt display the best version of yourself when you were with me.

anyway, I am just experiencing these feelings and I wanted to say them out loud.

#personal #sigh #confused #processing feelings

1 note · View note

jandyrwoman · 2 years

Text

Why i like you?

At first, i dont really. Sorry to pop that bubble!

You are determined. For whatever you want to achieve; fitness goals, career goals. You are always in competition with your younger self.

You're too competitive at fault It is annoying, funny but in the other side, it makes challenges me too. I wanted to compete too, in a good way. Thank you for that influence in me

I love the shape of your face Your face i find really sexy, my heart skips beat when you accidentally place phone in your lower jaw.

Your overthinking calms me Crazy as it sounds, every time you overthink, it calms me. It calms me because i feel the need to calm you, and so I need to calm my self first, too.

There is connection many says human connection, and that spark is rare. I found that in you, thank you for coming in to my life.

You emotionally satisfy me I dont need too much attention, too much time spent on. You are giving me exactly what for me is enough and healthy.

You embrace my imperfections You get sensitive when I talk about my insecurities, I feel that it saddened you, and i love it. I love that you make me feel enough and that it is okay and that I am beautiful

You make me feel Im a better person now Because you seem perfect in my eyes, I want to be in yours too.

You're intelligent I prefer smart guys, but that'll do. Though our intelligence differ, I think it compliments. What I dont know, you do. What you do, i dont. And we never judge each other for that

I feel like my presence makes you want to be a better version of your self The selfies and cooking shows. Haha! You are perfect to me already, but this makes me want you more! I'll always be here cheering and supporting you in any improvements in life you wanna do.

You are sensitive and vulnerable and you dont hide it from me I love knowing people from deep within. Thank you for trusting me with you weird thoughts, and letting me comfort you when you worry

You encourage me to improve and helps me how We both know we have our own individual potential. Thank you for encouraging me to be, by showing me you're doing your part too.

You are not in a hurry; you are taking it slow enough I know so many times I wanted us to just level up already! But looking back, i appreciate it already. I appreciate that we are slowly getting to know each other more and more each day before we step to next level. I want it too, to be sure this time. To not be reckless and irresponsible with the actions and decisions and just letting feelings do the talking. Reality isnt all about butterflies and sweet nothings. Thank you for making me sure with my decisions, thank you for making me see what i want from what i dont. Thank you for showing me reality. Thank you for making me appreciate my love for self but loving you too, for not making me guilty for not giving it all for you, that I should matter to me too. You are magnificent human being! I adore you!

You are clean First off, your teeth is perfectly white! But what I meant by clean here is the fact that in this generation, you never have one piercing. No tattoo, though planning in the future, i am amazed with this reality of you.

0 notes

hanazuma-inactive · 3 years

Note

Hi, I love your writings ❤. I really enjoy reading them.

Um, can I request Oikawa Tooru with virgin!reader who is (sub, bottom); (praise kink, but doesn't know he has and kinda shy when he knows it); (has shy, soft, and really submissive personality) (3rd year student) ? Reader with Oikawa is a couple of lover, and a roommate. They usually do some cuddles in their bedroom that always started with Oikawa teasing the reader. One day, when cuddling, Oikawa asked reader if he wants to do something more intimate than cuddling and really feels good.

Sorry if that is too much. Thank you

king and his prince, (nsfw) oikawa x bottom!reader

pronouns: he/him (FEMALE ORIENTED DNI!!)

warnings: creampie, praise kink! flirty oikawa

a/n: oikawa is probs my least favorite character in haikyuu, im pretty sure i hated him at one point cuz of his personality. i later found out from many website i am unfortunately a oikawa kinnie (even tho i dont really think so but idk) explains all the self hatred lmao, again for the anon that requested it im sorry for the bad quality cuz i stayed up to write this at 6 am so undoubtedly there will be some mistakes

_____

"y/n, my dear prince~ doesn't it feel good like this?"

"t-tooru…it feels good, i-it really does!" you said, messy hair and looking directly at your boyfriend.

"you look so beautiful when you enjoy it, keep up that pretty face won't you?"

oikawa tooru was too popular for your comfort at school. everyone liked him and they all had a good reason to, and that doesn't make you any different. you were shy and didn't catch a lot of attention so you were incredibly surprised that someone as popular as oikawa even wanted to talk to you.

you were smart and in fact smart enough to compete with oikawa. in fact the first time you caught his attention was when you corrected an answer, making him embarrassed in front of the class. he wanted to "settle this" only to find you harmless. later on he talked to you more and more. the contrast of personality of you two complimented each other pretty well. a cocky bastard who doesn't know how to shut up and a shy boy who likes to listen. inevitably the two of you grew closer as friends, so much to a point where you moved into the same apartment unit.

you didn't mind getting closer to oikawa, emotionally or physically with him being your crush and all so this was pretty much what you wanted, you just didn't think he would be the one to offer instead. being enclosed in a space together made oikawa get a lot more comfortable with you. random hugs here and there, maybe a little head pat, and sometimes leaning on each other's shoulders. it was practically a dream come true and you didn't think this could possibly get better until the man pulled something else out his sleeves.

one day you fell asleep watching the tv in the living room. the weather was a little chilly so falling asleep without a blanket near you wasn't the best idea. oikawa came home to find you shivering in your sleep so of course like the genius he is, he didn't decide to throw a blanket or carry you back into your bedroom and instead cuddled with you on the couch, leaving you wrapped around his arms basically unable to move when you woke up.

both of you would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it. therefore, this whole cuddling session became a regular thing between you two. oikawa being the big spoon and you being the small one. it went on for a while until both of you realized this might not have been the most normal thing that "friends" did. at this point you're pretty sure oikawa had feelings for you, or else he wouldn't have done a lot of the things he has. after a lot of urging from his friends, he finally decided to confess to you. despite him being the playboy he is, he was quite nervous this time, due to the fact that he had to say it to someone he actually has feelings for. so just like that, the relationship between you two finally became official.

another day you guys during your normal cuddling session, oikawa proposed an interesting idea, and to be honest you saw this coming.

"babeeeee, why don't we try something more interesting this time~?" oikawa said, staring at you with his arms around you.

you knew exactly what oikawa meant, you weren't stupid, but you know that he likes it when you act all innocent so you decided to do just that.

"hm? what do you mean tooru-kun? i don't think i understand?"

"oh…baby boy i know you know what i mean alright~" just as he said that the brown haired man grabbed you in for a kiss.

your tongues started to intertwine immediately. this was very much oikawa's style, aggressive and dominant, but soft and caring when he wanted to. the kiss was generally messy but you could tell that oikawa was putting effort into this with all his tiny and intricate movements. a string of saliva connected you after he broke the kiss. leaving you panting and gasping for air while he's on the other side with a sly grin.

"you ready for the next part now?"

"t-there's more ah-!" you gasped as your boyfriend pulled down your pants at once, leaving your hard cock to bounce out.

"of course there is~ we have to tend to this guy don't we?" he said, holding your dick and positioning himself to suck your dick.

yet again attacked by oikawa's mouth you just couldn't keep it for long anymore. it's like his mouth is heaven made or something and it will continue to turn you on and make you cum without fail.

"a-ah! tooru..i'm gonna cum! mmghm!" you said, shooting all your load straight into your boyfriend's mouth, which of course he gladly swallowed right after.

"t-that's it right? i don't think i'll be able to handle more, you know…" you said out of both fear and excitement.

however all you got in response was a smirk from oikawa as he slid off his shirt to reveal his perfectly toned abs.

"almost done, pretty boy."

something about that word, made your half flaccid cock immediately rise up and become as hard as your boyfriends again.

"heh? what a strange reaction, could this mean…" oikawa leaned in closer, enough so that all the hair near your ears would stand up and said,

"my prince likes to be praised?"

you've heard about this so-called praise kink before but didn't exactly think you'd be into it this much. your face turned redder than they already are and you just wanted to cover your face and run away.

"aw, c'mon, it's cute! and if you like it-' oikawa said, spreading your legs open, exposing your asshole and angling his cock head to the entrance of it.

"i might just praise you a little more than usual, hm?"

your boyfriend was hot but this was undoubtedly the most attractive he's ever been. towered over you whispering praises in your ear as he prepared you with his fingers for something bigger that's about to come next. without a warning oikawa began to inch his way into your ass, moving and adjusting his cock to fit your tight asshole.

"you're taking me so well baby...keep doing just that alright? i know you're so good for me aren't you?" oikawa said, leaning closer at you.

at a loss for words due to how flustered you are, you could only give your boyfriend a little nod and covered your face with your arms while flashing a little red on your cheeks once again.

"y/n, my dear prince~ doesn't it feel good like this?"

"t-tooru…it feels good, i-it really does!" you said, messy hair and looking directly at your boyfriend.

"you look so beautiful when you enjoy it, keep up that pretty face won't you?"

the praises that he showered you with were too much. you were already so sensitive since it was your first time and all. now with all these lustful words turning you on, you couldn't hold it in anymore and came onto your stomach while your boyfriend continued to make slow but deep thrusts onto your prostate.

your head was still a little fuzzy but you could still feel your boyfriend jerking his hips faster and faster, ending with a long thrusts at the end which wasn't hard to assume that your boyfriend came inside you, just like how you wanted it. before passing out from bliss, a hand cupped your cheek followed with a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"you did so well baby…i know you're tired so rest now, i'll be here alright."

you couldn't be more happy, with such a loving and caring boyfriend. that being said, you fell into his arms once again and slipped into your dreams even thought they have already become reality.

804 notes · View notes

harrysgoldenline · 3 years

Text

When In Italy Part 4

here is part 4! Um this chapter has bad words and some adult themes so warning for that! The next part will be the last, so let me know what you think! Are they end game or no? Also! If you want a personalized imagine, check out my pinned post! If you want to support me ---> please click here! every little bit helps bc im a broke ass college student so thank u to anyone who wants to support me :)

All comments and feedback are welcome and encouraged!! :)

WORD COUNT: 2.2K

You stood frozen as he stepped out of the elevator, his eyes soft as he met yours, waking towards you.

“Get away from me.” you whisper, attempting to push past him and get into the elevator, pressing the door closed button before even pressing a floor, not wanting him to get any closer.

“Y/N, wait!” he rushed, sticking his hand between the doors and stopping it, his tall frame standing before you that you quickly push past, going back to lock yourself in your apartment, and lock him out, “Please, let me explai-“

“No!” you stopped, voice firm as you turned to face him, “you can’t keep doing this! you can’t keep showing up like this! So just leave me alone.”

You kept walking, ignoring his pleas as he came after you, successfully unlocking your apartment door rapidly, but you catch a glimpse of rings as he hand stops the door.

“Please.” He whispered, not pushing the door open and you saw a flicker of his eyes and you could almost see the sincerity in them, “I know I don’t deserve it, I really don’t, but I would just love to talk to you for real this time, anything you want to know.”

“and you’re not gonna be an asshole this time?” you asked, leaning against the doorframe, peaking at him, “because if you are, I swear to god Styles I will give you 5 seconds to get the fuck out.”

“Promise.” He nodded and your heart believed him, so you opened the door.

You watched as he shoved his hands deep in his pockets, slowly entering your apartment and you didn’t miss how his eyes scanned you quickly, before bouncing around the apartment, looking around the space he used to be so familiar with.

You watched how he headed to the couch about to sit but stutter stepped a bit, scratching the back of his neck and looking at you, almost asking you if it’s okay if he sits down.

You gave him a soft smile and nod, tucking a loose hair behind your ear and sitting on one side of the couch, thankful he sat on the other, giving you each plenty of space as your eyes met. The tension was slowly rising, looking at each other as you sat, wondering who was going to break the silence.

“I never meant for anything to happen.” he whispered, his head falling as a shameful look covered his face, avoiding your eyes, “After the breakup… I- I was just lost. I was messing up at work and I just was doing shit. Then, it was like only like a month ago, I was getting drunk all the time and she just came into my trailer and we were talking and then she kissed me.”

You just nodded, biting your bottom lip and picking at your nails, peaking up and looking at him, your glossy eyes meeting his bloodshot ones, not really having anything to say in response.

“And I just…” he started, “I wanted to feel better, feel anything. So, we just started hanging out more and I just really wanted to feel something, feel a connection. So we took a trip to Italy because… It’s always been a place that made me feel better and then…”

“Yeah.” you chuckled, “and then… Why did you bring her to our house? I know we haven’t talked about that kind of stuff, but it’s mine too Harry and… just seeing you two there? I never felt more replaceable than I did when I saw you two.”

“Oh love, no.” He whispered, scooting closer to you, a hand coming up to cup your face to help your eyes meet, but he retracted it back before he made contact with your skin, “I’m so, so sorry. I’m so sorry and I will never be able to prove to you, but that was never my intention to ever hurt you. The breakup was a mistake.”

“I… How am I supposed to believe that?” you squeaked, voice cracking as the barrier breaks, tears falling on your cheeks as you looked up at him, “We we’re together for years and you just- I mean fuck Harry! I haven’t even thought about even starting to flirt with someone and you’re…”

“We’ve never had sex,” He quietly added cheeks turning a bit red, “or done anything like that. At all, I just… couldn’t.”

Your eyes widen a bit at the confession, watching as he looked at his hands, a slight twinge of embarrassment on his features.

“Oh.” you whispered, “I know I shouldn’t be mad, we… we aren’t together and you have have the right to do whatever you want but it’s just… hard. Especially when I wasn’t expecting it. I went to Italy to try and get away, everything in the city makes me think of you, I don’t know why I thought staying at the house would be any better but, I just wanted to get away.”

“Sorry I ruined your trip.”

“Sorry I ruined your hookups.”

He let out a laugh, the smile staying a bit longer when he noticed you had subconsciously scooted a bit closer to him.

“It’s not like I ever really wanted to… Even little Harry only wants you.” he flirted and an instant, loud laugh leaves your lips, leaning forward and your brace yourself on his shoulder, a simple thing you had done over the years countless times, but still made his heart skip a beat.

“Oh my god,” you said between breathless laughs, your bodies now less then a foot apart as you smiled up at him, “please do not call it little Harry!”

“What do you prefer?” He smirked, “rather I call it bi-“

“What the fuck?” a voice spoke suddenly, both of your red eyes going to your front door and seeing your best friend standing their, her eyes wide in a mix of confusion and anger. Your hand retracted from his body quickly, your best friend looking at you with soft eyes, her eyes darting over to Harry’s and you see the fiery anger behind them, “Y/N, please tell me he was getting whatever shit he left behind and is leaving.”

“We were just talking.” You started, glancing over at Harry, seeing a bit of fear behind his eyes and your lips quirked up in a smile that quickly faded seeing the anger in y/bff/n eyes.

“What do you want to talk to him about? How he broke your heart again?” She asked, confusion and concern laced in her voice, “I’m sorry, y/n, I just… I can’t watch you go through all of it all over again and again.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he quickly stood up beside you giving you a quick nod as he glanced over at y/bff/n the back at you, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just showed up. It was so good to see you, y/n, I’ll get out of your way.”

“Harry, wait!” you stood up, hating the softening in your voice, “I want to talk more… are you staying or do you have to go back to L.A?”

“I’ll be here as long as you need me. And if you want me gone, I’ll book my flight. Okay? It’s up to you, whatever you want.”

“Okay… Can I call you later?”

“You can call me anytime, I’ll pick up.”

***

Y/bff/n definitely wasn’t thrilled with you.

“I just feel like this is a bad idea, y/n!” She had exclaimed once Harry had left your apartment, “He’s gonna hurt you again! What could he possibly want?”

“I dont know, I just… I dont know.” You sighed, sitting across from her on your couch just like you did with him, “I love him and I don’t know what’s going to happen but I don’t want to end up hating him.”

She nodded, looking at you as your eyes glazed over again, “Hey, okay, I’m sorry. I just don’t want you upset. Do you still wanna go try this new place or just hang out here? Let’s get your mind off of everything, you need a break, yeah? Especially if you’re going to talk to him later.”

“Do you think I should?"

“If that’s what you think, I think you should. You know him.” She nods, “but I swear to god if he makes you cry again he’ll have to deal with me.”

So now, here you were, waiting on him to come back to finish your talk from earlier. It was helpful hanging out with y/bff/n, listening to her advice as she gave you a bit of the reality check that you needed, making sure he won’t sweep you off your feet with his familiar charm.

Your heart rate never fully calmed down as you waited for him to come back to your apartment after y/bff/n dropped you back off after your afternoon together and you were glad for the few hours of a distraction, but now your mind was fully occupied with him once again as you sat on your couch.

The knock on your door caused you to jump, hoping up and checking your appearance in your hall mirror before swinging open the door, seeing Harry standing their with a bouquet of flowers, a small smile on his face.

“Got these for you,” he began, “shoulda showed up with them when I kinda crashed into you earlier… but I was so nervous I didn’t think about it, honestly.”

“Thank you.” You softly replied, eyeing up at him and taking them from his grip, letting out a shaky breath as you welcome him in and turn on your heel, going to your kitchen to place them into a vase quickly before going back to him, seeing him in the same spot you two were sitting in earlier.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry again… and thank you for letting me come back and talk to you at all, really don’t deserve your time, but I’m thankful for it.” He began, eyes glued onto yours as he scooted closer to you when you sat down, his fingers tentatively trailing on your arm before laying his hand on your own, “I… I want you back, y/n. I want to be with you, I never stopped wanting just you.”

“Harry, I… I don’t know what to say.” You started, “I just… there’s so much still up in the air and it’s all happening so fast. Are you still with Olivia?”

“No, of course not.” He instantly answered, “we were never anything real, I left Italy when I went to the house and you were gone. I came back here and I just… I would sit outside your building in my car and just try and get the nerve to walk in to talk to you, but I was so scared of you telling me to leave again.” Harry started deep into your eyes as he continued, his own welling up with tears, “I love you so much and I was such an idiot and fuck baby… I’ll do anything to prove it you.”

Now, you two were just inches apart, his hand cupping your cheek as you leaned into it, eyes glued onto his eyes as both of your gazes were glassy, sets of eyes wandering down to one another’s lips. Your eyes fluttered up and looked at him, his nose nudging into yours, seeming to test the boundary and you simply nodded, causing him to connect your lips in an instant.

Your lips met softly, gaining speed as the passion overflowed you both as the familiar move came back easier than either of you could have imagined. You both moaned into one another’s mouths, his tongue quickly sliding past your lips as your crawled onto his lap, fingers gripping the soft material of his shirt.

Things escalated quickly as he carried you into your bedroom, body hovering over yours as his body pressed against yours, the articles of clothing disappearing piece by piece, lips never separating a second longer than they had to you as you refamilarized yourselves with one another.

His fingers dug their way into your waist as he kissed you harder, singular pieces of thin material being the only things separating you and as Harrys fingers slipped down, pulling back and looking up at you for permission, your breath caught in your throat, reality hitting you like a wave.

“I can’t do this.” You whispered, fingers removing themselves from his hair as you covered your face, voice wavering as tears welled up in your eyes once again, “I-it’s all too much, too fast- I-I, I don’t think I can do this, Harry- I can’t.”

“Fuck, it’s okay.” He whispered, crawling off from on top of you, scrambling to pick his t shirt off the floor and handing to you, quickly covering your body with it, “Fuck, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”

You nodded quickly, knees tucking into your chest as you let out soft cries, flinching as his arm came around you, going to comfort you with the soft stroke of his arm and retracted it quickly after seeing your reaction.

“I-I… I just keep seeing you and her in my head.” You whispered, “…I don’t know if I can do this.”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagines #harry styles masterlist #harry styles series #harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles headcannon #harry styles fanfic #bucky barnes

240 notes · View notes

wh6res · 4 years

Text

chase — renhyuck

“needy kitty. i can’t wait for purge night.”

tw bullying, violence, swearing, yandere themes, possessive themes, blood, weapons (a gun, a grenade), implied noncon, implied kidnapping, mentions of stalking

disc i dont condone this behavior

wc 5k

‏‏‎ ‎

29 hours before the annual purge

“hold her down—i said hold her down, idiot!”

putting everything into account, they saw you more like a glorified chew toy than an actual person.

they ruined your life simultaneously and it's ironic, that despite being sworn rivals, it seems you were their neutral ground—after one has had their own fun, you’re passed on to the other person so they can deliver that final, shattering blow that weakens your resolve.

it was meant to be that way because it had always been that way. you’re the unlucky loser that ignited the worse sides of both lee haechan and huang renjun.

they’re like oil and water; they don’t mix but with you, they found a compromise. stealing your lunch money, trashing your homework, quickies in between lectures. all of these should’ve been enough to give them a good power trip. but they’ve developed a hunger so severe that these past instances are but mere crumbs that hardly satisfy their cravings.

it was beyond exhausting, being caught in between two headstrong people that were unwilling to back down at any cost. their aggression and anger towards each other directly being channeled onto you as they shove and swing you around like some ragdoll.

you weren’t a bunch of kids, you knew that. you don’t cry and sob and say that it’s unfair, you hold your chin high and walk up to the guidance counselor’s office to report them for bullying. but you never should’ve underestimated the power of money and their respective families’ broad network of connections.

without a doubt, the empty promises for justice is what broke your heart the most. it breaks with every bruise, every tight grip, and every nasty name the people willingly turned a blind eye to.

it’s sad but it was a reality you taught yourself to get used to—the meek mouse learning how to evade the cats hot on her trail.

but you weren’t as lucky today.

“i am holding her down.”

a pair of lips comes in contact with your neck. its feathery and light at first until its biting down to mark you with his teeth. not too strong to draw blood, but enough to dent the surface of the skin.

haechan has an oral fixation. biting his lips. his nails. whenever you see him, he always has a lollipop on his mouth and if he doesn’t, he’s painting hickeys across your skin. you hated his oral fixation, especially when makeup and clothes proved useless to hide the marks he gives you.

“why run?” renjun asks you, slipping his fingers underneath your skirt as he kneels. “you know you have nowhere to hide in the campus.”

haechan snorts. “or anywhere else.”

it’s always the same thing. you go to school. you sit in your first period for thirty minutes until one of them shows up. then the other boy probably felt a gut instinct that he’s missing out on the fun. last time, it was an empty classroom in the abandoned left wing.

they like taking you there all the time, it was always dark, the blinds pulled and shut tight. not to mention it was incredibly dusty. but both male knew you’re afraid of the dark, exactly why it’s their favorite spot. but empty classrooms and supply closets are close seconds, too.

“you’re so pathetic. useless—only know how to whine like a fucking pornstar,” he quickly comments, feeling you arch against him when renjun’s tongue comes in contact with the pearl between your legs. “my cumdump.”

you feel a sharp exhale against your lower lips. you shudder. renjun clicks his tongue in annoyance. “can you shut up? you’re making my dick soft with all that talking.”

but haechan had ignored him completely, blissfully ignorant of the petite boy’s frustrations as he angles your head up to crash his lips onto yours. when he slightly pulls away, still playfully nibbling your bottom lip, what he said next made your blood run cold.

“needy kitty. i can’t wait for purge night.”‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

6 hours before the annual purge

the price to pay for protection started rising again this year and you, much like your neighbors, are in a sense of turmoil. jamming the doors with cabinets and nailing your windows with wood is hardly enough to satisfy the gnawing feeling in your stomach. much less when you didn’t even have a weapon to wield other than a wooden bat and a cheap taser you bought on sale.

“its not like anyone will be coming for you, right?” the little girl says, touching the randomest stuff in your apartment. her name was naeun and she never really liked pink and sparkles like most girls her age, maybe that’s why she took a liking to you.

her mom works a 9 to 5 and her grandma stays with her on occasion. but the old lady loved to sleep, naeun said, so she gets the chance to slip out and come knocking on your door. you tried shooing her out of your apartment countless times but she’s stubborn.

she reminds you of yourself.

“well, i hope no one does.” you joked, putting on a turtleneck.

naeun’s mom doesn't like you as much as it is, but if you yourself let naeun see the bruises on your skin? you’d hate yourself forever. “now, come on little missy, go back to your grandma. i need to head over to the bank to settle my protection fees.”

“but you just said no one is going to come for you anyway,” she whines stomping towards the door. “mom already settled ours yesterday becase grammy forced her to. mommy said it was just a waste of money because who’d bother to rob us anyway?”

a memory flashes in your head. two boys who’ve sandwiched you between them in the dark of a fucking supply closet at uni. wandering hands, labored whispers, curt giggles, one pair of lips trailing up your neck while the other up your inner thigh.

“needy kitty. i can’t wait for purge night.”

you needed that protection. that was no slip up because haechan never makes mistakes. if he wanted to make you feel like some animal on the run after catching a whiff of trouble then he sure is doing a good job.

“hey! i think you just went someplace else there,” naeun says, nudging your side irritably to get your attention again.

you try forcing out a chuckle but it doesn't work, still deeply peeved by a memory from last week replaying vividly in your mind. if they ever mean what they meant (which you know they do) then this is now more than just trying to get through the night—you have to survive, prepare, and pray neither of them finds you.

“i think your grandma’s right in doing what she did, naeun. with humans, you’ll never know.”

and just like that naeun went silent, bid you goodbye, and disappeared behind the apartment door.

the bank was a quick walk from your apartment. you hardly broke much sweat and you even managed to stop by the grocery store to make some last-minute runs. the store’s nearly empty, deserted of any human being as the seconds slowly but surely ticked away. it was only when you walked past aisle seven did you pause, the hairs on your back standing as a slow chill crawled up your spine.

you look over your shoulder.

no one’s there.

you swallow, quickly looking down your watch to check the time as you made your way to counter. 3 hours before the annual purge. you needed to get your ass moving. you just need to grab one more thing and you’ll best be on your way.

you practically ran towards the dairy section and just as you spin around, strawberry ice cream pint in your hands, you jump as he appears before you in thin air and you drop whatever you’re holding.

“such a skittish little kitten,” renjun clicks his tongue, bending down to retrieve the ice cream on the floor. “here you go.”

you couldn’t even stare at him in the eye. your hands shook but it wasn’t because of the cold desert. now you get it. it’s his eyes you felt on you earlier, ever intrusive and piercing as he watched you from afar. was he stalking you?

“i didn’t quite catch a thank you, kitty.”

how foolish of you to think he’ll let you duck away without at least speaking to him, hm?

“thank… thank you?”

renjun grins, satisfied with your stuttering as he raises a hand to ruffle your hair—he ignores how you flinched away from him—before walking away with one hand in his coat pocket, whistling an eerie tune that can haunt your nightmares way after purge night.

“see you later, kitten.”

if it wasn’t the whistling that set you on edge or that clear promise of your doom—it’s the pack of zip ties and duct tape in his hands.‏‏‎ ‎

you were watching a rerun of your favorite morning reality tv when it cuts to the dreaded blue screen showing the flag of korea.

this is not a test.

this is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the annual purge sanctioned by the south korean government.

weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the purge. all other weapons are restricted.

commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours.

police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning until 7 am when the purge concludes.

may god be with you all.

you’ll never get used to the blaring siren that echoes through the empty streets. you can feel the floor vibrating and it travels throughout your whole body as the dread starts sinking deep into your skin.

you’ve already double checked all your windows and the front door. activated the security system provided by the bank. and you’ve also already charged your taser and have hammered down nails into your wooden bat. fine. if they wanted to scare and bully you into a panicked frenzy, it did its job but fuck no will you go down without a fight.

you shut all the lights, the apartment basking in the moonlight glow brought by the translucent curtains as you make your way to your bedroom, nearest the emergency exit just in case they barge through your front door by force.

at first, nothing happened. it was peaceful. tranquil. you can hear a pin drop with how quiet it was. both inside and outside. you were almost tempted to cover your mouth in case you were breathing too loud.

it’s silent. until it wasn’t.

your phone rings. it’s there, vibrating on your desk and you make long strides until you’re face to face with a set of numbers on your screen. an unregistered contact. there’s a debate inside your head whether to answer it or not, fingers hovering between the red and green button… until it eventually lands on the green.

you put it up to your ear, hands sweating as you wait with bated breath for the person on the other end to speak.

“kitten?”

it’s renjun. you don’t answer.

“i can hear you breathing, you know. i can’t wait to see you. we’ll have so much fun together. it’s sad that i have to share with that imbecile but better half of you than nothing of you, right?” he laughs and you feel a rush of anger surge through you. yet, you don’t bother to give him the satisfaction of a reply.

“i can see you’re angry, little kitty. while it’s cute and hot… don’t be. turn that frown upside down for me, wouldn’t you?”

but the blinds are drawn he couldn’t have seen you—

“you’re never going to get me, you fucking bastard. i’m not scared of you,” you sure do hope he can’t hear the tremble in your voice. “whatever you plan on doing to me, you’ll fail.”

you walk back slowly, eyes darting everywhere to look for a camera they could’ve installed in your room. they have connections and the money to do it so you won’t put it past them.

“oh, my stupid kitty. how can we fail when we already got a head start?”

the floorboard behind you creaks and before you could turn around, someone slams your head against the desk. you hear a crack, whether it’s the screen of your laptop or your nose, you couldn’t tell. the person is agile and silent as he maneuvers you to the ground and seals your lips with duct tape.

“after all,” haechan giggles. “you can’t lock out what’s already inside, kitten.”

your phone lands somewhere near your head. renjun has already dropped the call and the line goes silent.

squirming, you glared at the person on top of you. is this how you’re gonna go? you can’t deny, even you yourself find this pathetic. the security alarms you bought, the nail-studded bat, your taser, everything was all for naught? just because you didn’t check under your bed to make sure no one was there?

how long was haechan waiting? when naeun was still here? when you went out to buy groceries?

you thought it would be fear you’ll be feeling as you get caught but the emotion isn’t present at all. instead, it’s white hot anger that overrides your system and forces you to act without thinking—and it just fucking saved your life.

haechan always saw you as a vulnerable, sad little human being who couldn’t do shit on her own. it’s easy to underestimate you and that’s his first mistake.

the second is rather foolish—not tying your legs up first. it’s all too easy to slam your forehead against his before jerking your leg up to knee him in the balls.

you can see the anger in his eyes clear as day as you made a run for it to the kitchen, having come up with another escape plan—because surely if you went down the emergency exit, haechan would’ve caught up easily with those long legs after he’s recovered from your assault.

your nose was probably bleeding and your head is in the early stages of a full blown migraine, at least you were able to function enough to wobble your way towards the trash chute situated near the stove. you had cursed that chute the first day you moved in here (who would put a trash chute next to a fucking stove) but the day has come for you to thank the gods that you have that in your house.

going for a swim in all your neighbors’ trash is disgusting and unplanned (plus, falling down maybe six floors to your doom) but you’ll choose that over lee haechan and huang renjun any day.

“don’t you dare fucking think about it!”

you flashed him the middle finger to tick him off. a petty retaliation for all the bullshit he and renjun put you through but it felt good nonetheless.

“catch me if you fuckers can.”

and you were falling down the trash chute.‏‏‎ ‎

okay, yeah—maybe you should’ve thought it through before hurling yourself six floors down only for some half-filled dumpster to catch you but at least you’re still alive, right? alive and free, mind you. but you don’t have time to celebrate.

it smelled awful and you swear your knees and elbows are bruised but you scramble to climb out and run away as fast as you can.

it was only haechan inside your apartment. no sign of renjun but he did see you somehow and you have no doubt it was a camera inside that room. you didn’t have much time to ponder for how long they were installed in your room. it’s the least of your worries at the moment.

you’re outside.

during purge night.

even if you did manage to escape it felt more like a win than a lose, forced out of your own apartment in nothing but shorts and a shirt—heck, you don’t even have shoes on!—it felt like they won. again.

if you’re not going to die in the hands of some other wacko, you’ll die of hypothermia. how nice.

you didn’t know where you were running to, the only thing you knew was you need to get the hell out of this neighborhood as fast as you can. you didn’t want to run in alleyways and risk getting stabbed for fun. maybe the sewer system… oh, right. you don’t have your phone on you and it’ll probably be pitch black down there.

you really, truly, genuinely didn’t want to run so out in the open but it was the best you can impulsively come up with.

when you feel like you’ve put a reasonable distance between you and the apartment, you stop, hands resting flat on your knees as you crouch to catch a breath. just as quick the adrenaline appeared as fast as it had disappeared. you feel the weight and tension crushing your legs, not to mention you’re really starting to feel that headache settle after headbutting haechan.

you almost collapse against the brick wall.

the last person you ever thought you’ll see jumps out from the corner of the alleyway and you almost broke their nose.

until you saw who it was.

“NAEUN?”

their apartment got raided, some buffy sickos who they had the misfortune of breaking into their house to purge. luckily they got away, but after getting attacked on the streets, naeun got separated after she ran for her life just like you did. you can’t help but feel sorry for the little girl, who experienced the full effect of this godforsaken holiday.

this is bad. you can’t leave her but it’s tough enough to have to fend for yourself. you’re not so sure whether you can protect another human being but you’ll have to try.

“did your mom or grandma tell you anything? anything at all?” you ask, crouching to her eye level. “you said your mom knew the way… where? what do you mean?”

“mom said they’re providing refuge on the other side of town but it’s a 30-minute drive. walking would take longer.”

shit. you didn’t want to risk it. you don’t have a car and you’d rather die right here right now than walk another step out in the streets—

“who’s ‘they’?”

“i don’t… i don’t know. she didn’t say.”

you licked your chapped lips. you can’t trust what she’s saying, not when you didn’t even know these people. it’s too risky, not to mention you’re already running from not one, but two people.

naeun sits next to you against the bricked wall of the alley, looking down at her lap. “i’m scared,” she admits. you hear a tremble in her voice. “are mom and grammy de—”

“no,” you cut her off, pulling her tiny body against yours. when you feel her fists clutching your jacket, you swear to protect this girl with your life. “no, they’re not. i’m sure they’re heading there now to the refuge center just like we are.”

her head pokes out, looking up towards you. “we’re going? i thought you didn’t want to.”

you shake your head, wiping her tears. “well, it’s the one way for you to meet your mom and grammy, right?”‏‏‎ ‎

walking down the streets during purge night—man, this has got to be the most ballsy thing you’ve ever done after that one time you spat at renjun in the eye. you managed to find a litter of bodies way into thirty minutes of walking and you nearly sent naeun flying onto the asphalt with how hard you pushed her back. she couldn’t see this mess, you’d be damned to allow a nine-year-old walk right into psychological trauma.

you pocket a gun—you didn’t have enough courage to fight with a knife. you wiped the blood off using your shirt before shoving them down onto the garter of your shorts. you didn’t bother to take their shoes, none of them would’ve fit you anyway and it’ll just slow you down.

“hey, are you alright? is that blood—”

“it’s not mine, naeun. come on, let’s get moving.”

for two hours you walked towards this mysterious refuge center on the other side of town and both you and naeun managed to evade death three times.

the first attack: a group of high schoolers with their uniforms on. there were three of them, about your height, and while you weren’t responsible for the blood on your shirt, you’re not so sure about their lot. they looked crazy, excited even, but sloppy in the way they flung their knives and bats around. their first purge, you assumed, so it was fairly easy to take them down. a bullet to the head worked like a charm. naeun didn’t say anything when you urged her out of her hiding place to flee the scene. three bullets left.

the second attack: it was a surprise, one that got you stabbed in the shin of your right leg. it was a drunkard with a knife, you could smell him as you walked past by his slumped form in the sidewalk. he wasn’t moving, so you thought he was dead and it was poor judgement on your part. it’s pathetic getting injured this way, you thought, but at least it was you who faced the consequences and not naeun. two bullets left.

the third attack: two men but deadlier than the girls and the drunk. you didn’t get to reason out with either of them, not when they drove their cadillac at 140 miles per hour and nearly ran you over. a chill crept up your spine when you saw the bloody, naked women strapped down onto the hood. victims. you didn’t engage in any form of combat, it’s impossible, so you took naeun in your arms and ran straight to the back alleys. number of bullets remain the same.

three lucky strikes.

three times you’ve cheated death.

but time is up and your luck has run out.

“beating up a girl? what a coward, if you ask me,” you say, spitting out a tooth after someone kneed you in the face. you were in no position to say such things when they’ve got you busted up and bloody, left eye swollen after one hard punch.

naeun is nowhere to be seen.

good.

who knows what these assholes could’ve done to her. you told her to run so she better fucking run and make sure she lives through this nightmare.

another kick flies to your ribs and you lie sprawled on the dirty pavement of an alleyway—what an uncool way to die but at least you’ll die with a clear conscience.

you passed by city hall a few minutes ago. surely, the refuge center is not too far from there. naeun will make it safe. she’ll make it.

“what’s that look on her face? is she dead?”

another one scoffs. “well… if they’re after her then she’s as good as dead.”

you blacked out. ‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎

you hate the scent of disinfectant. it crawls up your nose and you hate how the stench is so strong you can taste it on your tongue. this isn’t heaven, not when you know you’re better off burning in hellfire.

unless you weren’t dead—your eyes shoot open, sitting up in haste as you clutch the thin blanket.

rows upon rows of the same cot you were lying on greets you. people injured, some standing, some sitting. there were people treating them, too, but they were in normal clothes so this can’t be a hospital. in fact, it looked like you’re in some warehouse, stacks of metal crates sealing off all entrances.

“it’s the refuge,” you whisper.

“you’re awake!” before you could even turn around, a body launches itself onto you and nearly makes the cot collapse. judging by the small frame and the pitchy voice—

“naeun, be careful!” her mother hisses but the girl in between your arms couldn’t care less. if she’d been an adult, she’d be squeezing the life out of you. when she pulls you closer, your healing ribs made a strike of pain surge through you.

you groan, bowing in the pain. distantly, you can hear the mother and daughter fighting and it was a banter you’ve never experienced with your own mom. it nearly made you tear up from the overwhelming wave of emotions you were feeling but all else disappears when a person tenderly grips your shoulder.

“thank you for taking care of my granddaughter.” the old lady was smiling appreciatively as she stared at you.

that was it. it could’ve been the happy ending to a gruesome and bloody storyline—it should’ve been, family of three reunites again and that was all thanks to you, right?

but even heroes have their own bad endings.

you heard the ticking of the grenade only seconds before it detonates. the other refugees didn’t even have the time to take cover as some closest to the sealed doors were sent flying so far back they crashed into the row of crates behind you.

you were severely injured, limping, ribs broken, and you only had one good eye to rely on—yet the first thing you thought of was protecting naeun. maybe the midget had a way of worming herself into your heart. but before you even push yourself off the cot, a figure emerges from the smoke.

petite and harmless, pretty as the tips of his hair grazed porcelain cheekbones. renjun’s eyes are as cold and calculating as can be and it’s the only thing that terrifies you to no end. when he opens his mouth, anger is hidden well underneath that calm tone.

“i’ll give you one minute to come here willingly.”

there’s no room for bargain, he needn’t when he knows you have absolutely nothing to offer him but yourself. he doesn’t finish his sentence but he trusts you’re smart enough to figure out the silent threat—come, or he’ll turn this place into a fucking bloodbath.

cornered and weak, defenseless. weird how they have a fixation for calling you ‘kitty’ when they’re the cats in this chase.

“naeun,” you whisper, trying to crane your neck to look for her in the filth of rocks and debris. please don’t be hurt.

you freeze when you feel a barrel pointing at your head. it was only there for seconds, haechan probably doesn’t have the guts to hurt you in any way permanently (unless it’s inflicted with his own hands and not through some other medium).

“ah, look. now we have matching black eyes,” he giggles like a madman, craning your neck up and the leather in his globes brings discomfort to your skin.

you see the way the other refugees looked at you—scum, dirt on their feet that brought about trouble in their lives. they were already badly hurt as it is and now, this happened? you don’t blame them.

not one man tried to stand up for you as haechan hauls you up and throws you down on renjun’s feet. your ribs were screaming and you’re cold and so, so afraid. with shaky fingers, you gestured towards the crowd. “just... please, don’t hurt them. they don’t have anything to do with this.”

renjun coos. such a cruel smirk for a pretty face. “aw, such an angel my darling is. always thinking of others instead of her own safety. funny because i don’t think you’ve ever done such a thing for me and haechan, though. i wonder why...”

the latter digs his heel in your injured legs and you scream as black starts to surround the corners of your vision. you tried to crane your neck back, pleading eyes wanting to look at the assaulter but renjun’s calloused hand is gripping your chin too tight.

“should we make a bargain, kitten?”

you stare deep into renjun’s eyes. he knows you don’t have anything left, he can see it in your glassy eyes, too wide and vulnerable. he’s doing this all for show, trying to make you even more desperate and self-aware of your eventual demise.

and you thought haechan was the only cunning one.

“what… what bargain?"

renjun practically gleams in pride. “i’ll let everyone walk free—even your precious little naeun—that’s her name, right? the little girl you’ve been protecting the whole night?—we’ll let her and everyone in this building walk away unharmed. that’s my bargain. you know how those work, right? now, you need to give me something i want.”

forcing you to offer yourself up to them.

what a brutal way to crush your pride.

choice wasn’t an option. if you don’t oblige and choose to run away on your own, they’ll kill them and still hunt you down. you gotta say, it was a tempting bargain that appealed to the sense of heroics in your heart. naturally, you have to choose where there is less blood shed. and as renjun lets go of your chin and lets you look over your shoulder to meet little naeun’s eyes, how she sobbed against her mother’s arms and shook her head and screamed…

“hurry, kitten. i don’t like to be kept waiting.”

you know what needs to be done.

“me. i’ll give you… me.”‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎

they stood playing a game of pool in the dead of night. it’s peaceful inside the estate while the city beyond rampaged and burned. they achieved their goal, had finally seen an end to a plan that had been set in motion for years. they’ve succeeded and the broken woman lying on the bed meters from the pool table is proof of their victory.

“don’t you just love it when an elaborate plan works like clockwork, injun?” he asks, voice like trickling honey as he hits number 9 with the cue ball.

the other, more petite male, rolls his eyes but doesn’t disagree. “oh, please, people like us always triumph, donghyuck. it’s nothing new. although i am surprised that little girl and her so-called “family” played along so well. almost had me fooled.”

“i agree. it's such a shame they had to go.”

‎

taglist !!

@hoeartchoke @donghyukcore @stopknot @greenish-taro @zhongriot @lmaoskz @zephyr-abyss @anonymous-stuff @josuke8 @jaemotel @winwiniee @dundun-baby @nakamotocore @hcwurld @alaeddis @recs-for-later @jaehyunssslut

wanna be added to my taglist? click here!

‎

#nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #renhyuck scenarios #renhyuck imagines #haechan imagines #renjun imagines #yandere haechan #yandere renjun #purge au #purge au nct dream #tw bullying #tw violence #tw purge au

451 notes · View notes

myafterlifeisbetterthenyours · 3 years

Text

Welcome, Father...

"Tell us, demon scum." The male agent grabbed the light from the female agent, shoving it in his face, "Who do you work for? Satan?"

"How did you get to our world from the afterlife?"

"Why are youse killing humans?"

"When did you show up here?"

The damned agents finally stoped passing the lights about, giving him a moment to adjust to the situation.

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch." He snapped at the humans, "First of all, we just woke up from a very nasty shock and I'm still feeling fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffees in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch." Looking over his shoulder, he asked his employee, "Mox?"

Raising his nose, Moxxie began, "I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup they always put "Foxy" or "Roxy", I hate that."

"If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional Misto. Please use soy milk with two blond shots Affogato and Ristretto. I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-"

"Enough!" The male agent snapped, "We aren't getting youse coffee!"

"Wow, I was getting massive douche chills just there, Mox." He told him proudly, "Congrats!"

"If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers out of you nasty hell beasts!" The female agent failed to sound threatening.

"When you say "tortured", do you mean physical or psychological?" Moxxie asked in his typical know-it-all tone, "Physical seems counterproductive; we would likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, and you have no way of knowing what was true." He spouted at the humans.

"Or we might like it too much." He but in, "And then you got a whole new thing to deal with."

The male agent leaned down, raising a bore "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, you're stupid, huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy Likey Dummy!" Blitzø taunted the agent.

"Good one sir, Daddy likey-" Moxxie sputtered, squirming in his chair.

"You better stop laughin' at us." The female agent threatened.

"Yeah! You're the ones at our mercy!" The male agent yelled at him, grabbing his collar

"It's hard to resist, I'm really sorry. I mean, considering your approach thus far, you've had us tied up here for what, hours?" Mox cut in, "And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are!" Moxxie mocked the agents like the nerd he was.

"What are you?" The female agent asked, a curious tone coming to the females voice.

"I'm a Virgo." Moxxie told her, smugness dripping from his voice.

Both Imps burst into laughter, the agents only getting more frustrated.

Just as the male agent was gonna snap at them, the door to the room suddenly swung open.

An unnatural amount 9f light poured into the room, blinding them all for a brief moment. Once there eyes adjust, they found a silhouette standing in the doorway.

They were dressed in black, looking up a distinct shine came from his eyes, the figure wearing glasses.

Walking into the room, the figure spoke, "The question isn't what they are? The question is why there here?" He spoke cryptically.

Stepping closer the male agent came to meet the stranger halfway, "Who da Hell ah' you and how'd you get in here?" The male agent demanded.

Raising his gaze the stranger wore a smile.

The agent noticeably reacted. Stumbling back "F-f-f-father Cain... W-what are you's doin here?" He sputtered.

This 'father' just smile at him, "My associates informed me you acquired two new specimens." He looked at him, "I've come to process them." He spoke menacingly.

Father cain looked over the agents shoulder, gazing at him and Moxxie. "Excellent job My child. I always knew my faith was well placed." The father told the agent, patting his shoulder.

The agent seemed taken aback, "Th-thank you Sir." He spoke, a lone tear sliding down his cheek.

"Father Cain?" The female agent asked, walking up to 'father' Cain. "Last I heard you were down at some beach on Spring break."

Smiling at the pair, father cain raised a finger, "Ive no time for such hedonistic pleasures. Not while the Lords work is to be done" He said happily.

"Now" He began cheerfully "I need a table if I am to do my work." He spoke firmly, raising a medium sized doctors bag, that seemed to appear from nowhere.

The male agent snapped to attention, quickly running about before rushing into the back room.

Walking forwards, Father Cain removed his glasses, staring down at him. "My, my, my, they certainly did a good job. Quite a pair of specimens you have here." He spoke to himself.

Raising a brow, Blitzø wore a little grin. "Oh yeah? You should see my junk, now thats a specimen." He spoke in his usual cocky tone.

'Father' Cain just smiled, slowly walking around to Moxxie inspecting him as well. "And unharmed, very impressive." The 'Father' told the female agent.

A moment later, the male agent returned, awkwardly dragging in a large wooden table. Dropping it down, he gave a few deep puffs, "There ya go 'Fatha', will this do?"

'Father' Cain smiled told him, gratefully telling him "That will do perfectly, thank you my child."

Walking over, the 'Father' placed his bag down before opening it and pulling out a myriad of odd and strange objects.

There was a series of shiny items and tools. Although a small wooden case caught his attention, the Imp couldn't help but think it didn't belong.

"Hey, uh, you guys seem pretty chummy and we'd hate to be a third wheel, so we'd be happy to leave you to it." He cut in smugly, hoping to get a rise from one of them.

And that he did, the male agent trying to snap at him, only to be tempered by this 'Father' Cain

Calming down, the male agent asked, "What did you mean, when you came in Sit. That it's not "What they are, it's why there here?'"

Smiling, Father Cain patted his shoulder, "I'm glad you caught that, I always knew you were sharp."

He smoke warmly, "I said that because, simply put. I know what they are. They are Imps." He said it simply.

That actually surprised him, even Moxxie reacted, releasing the slightest gasp.

Looking over the father just had a eerie smile, clearly happy with there reaction.

Both agents looked confused, "Imps?" They asked each other.

The father released a deep sigh, "Yes, Imps. Imps are the very lowest of the low in hell, as well as the lowest of the Hellbornes, or Hellspawn, I can never seem to remember which is the proper term."

Walking over, Father Cain placed a finger under his chin, raising his head to meet his gaze. "Your responsible for the death of a two hundred and sixty three humans." He told him coldly.

"Yeah, but I wanna know is why?" The female agent asked, "If they were just killing humans for shits and giggles, why not just kill wherever and whenever?" She asked.

Nodding his head, "Because..." Father Cain stood up, "They do serve a higher demon, but not Satan."

Standing up, the 'Father' walked to his bag, pulling a yellow folder out. "They've killed hundreds, and the only thing that connects them...? Death."

There was another pause, before he spoke again, "But not there deaths. Each person they've killed has had someone directly related to there lives die in the past decade."

Walking over to the Imps, the 'Father' showed them a series of pictures. Blitzø recognised them... they were targets they'd killed.

"There not killing them for a demon lord, there killing them for other human souls. I imagine with a the ability to travel to the human world, you've turned revenge into a buisness." He said simply, tossing the pictures to the side.

Crouching down, the 'Father' stared at him coldly before asking "Who's book did you use to get here, Demon?"

Blitzø stared back at him, the Imp doing his best to keep calm. But he could tell this human was clearly more dangerous than the other two idiot 'demon hunters'.

Standing up, 'Father' Cain told the other agents coldly, "Leave us. Remove any cameras. I dont want any sort of witness."

"What?" The female agent asked aghast, "We caught these 'Imps' there our score and we'll be interrogating them." She snapped at the 'Father', only for the the father to calmly stare at her.

Before he could speak, the male agent grabbed her by the wrist, dragging her out of the room he spoke hastily "P-please forgive her, Sir. She doesn't fully understand the importance of your work."

The female agent put a fight, but was quickly pulled out of the room, slamming it behind him.

Now with just the three of them, 'Father' Cain removed his glasses before placing them on the table.

Stretching his neck, he removed the white collar piece at the front of his shirt, placing it in his coat pocket.

"Now" he began coldly "shall we begin the fun?"

Turning around, Blitzø decided now was a good time to speak up. "Fun, aye? What kinda fun we talkin. Shots, blow, maybe a good old fashioned threesome?" He asked, hoping to get under this 'Father' Cain's skin.

He was surprised, however, when the 'Father' just laughed, glancing over his shoulder at him.

"Your tricks won't work on me demon. I'm used to your tricks by now." He spoke happily, grabbing a small gun like object. Placing that down, he inspected a series of bottles.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Blitzø spoke up. "You clearly know more us then those dumbass agent dickwads did, so... what's your game?" He asked, trying to be serious.

The human stopped for a moment, looking over his shoulder, he spoke up, "I know much about you. For instance, your the other Imps boss, hence he calls you Sir." He spoke coyly, still inspecting the myriad of items he'd brought.

"I also know you've killed people on three different continants, although I wonder how many you came up to kill specifically and how many were collateral." He spoke again.

Turning around he held a small bottle, walking forwards he leaned over Blitzø "I also know you can only get to the living world if your a succubus, a demon lord, or... you have a Grimoire."

Blitzø chuckled, "What is that some kinda fish?" He asked, trying to play dumb.

The 'Father' chuckled, shaking his head, "Besides how do you know I'm not a succubus, I can hold my own in the sack." He spoke smugly.

The 'Father' stared at him, an eerie smile crossing his lips.

"You want to know how i know what you are?" He asked coldly, cold eyes sending a shiver down his spine and not in the good way.

Before he could ask what I was, the father reach forwards, ripping a hole in his pants leg. "What the fuck?!" He yelled at him, "These are my good pants!"

Not minding him, the 'Father' removed a second bottle. "This" He showed him a small blue bottle, "Is poisen to Succubus." He said simply, opening the bottle and revealing an eye dropper, dropping two little droplets on his leg.

Nothing happened, the cool liquid sliding down and observing into his pant leg. Putting the bottle away He showed the original brown bottle, "This... is for Imps." He said simply.

Opening the bottle, it revealed another eye drop, holding it over his thigh, he dropped a single drop on his leg.

This time his whole body reacted, he pulled against his bindings as he released a blood curdling screech.

It felt like someone was jamming a molten hot poker into his thigh. It went on for minutes, the Imp whining in pain. "What the fuck do you want you sick fuck?!" Blitzø yelled at him.

A small smile crossed the 'Father's' lips before he stood up and told him "I want to show you something."

Walking over to the table, he grabbed that wooden case before bringing it over to the Imps.

Crouching down besides the both of them, he told the both of them "These are my most prized possessions." He spoke warmly, running his hand across the wooden case.

"What'cha got there? Ya dildo collection?" He tried to sound smug, though the Imp was still writhing in pain.

He heard moxxie tried to laugh, but it died in his throat, the smaller Imp still terrified by his boss's earlier reaction.

Opening the case, he revealed several colourful arrow heads, each one varying in size, shape and colour.

It took a long time, the imp looking over the arrow heads before he realised, 'Those aren't arrow heads... there demon tails.'

"Fuck..." Blitzø gasped, he heard Moxxie sputter out a similar cuss, just as scared behind him.

The 'Father' on the other hand, seemed quite proud, gently trailing his fingers across the tail heads.

"These are my life's work" He spoke calmly, "I've dedicated my life to hunting demons like you." He trailed his fingers across the tails, "Most of these are from Succubus. They can come and go from my world to yours the easiest, so most of the demons we find are Succubus."

He pointed to two crimson tail tips, "But these two... these two are special."

Leaning in, he spoke gently "These two... are from Imps." The revelation seemed to bring bile into the back of Blitzøs throat.

"Jesus..." moxxie said shakily, turning his head and throwing up.

Blitzø took a deep breath, doing his best not to throw up. Looking back at the human he found him holding up a tail head.

"This one" he told him, twirling it between his fingers, "I got at a little beach city. The city getting my attention after a giant demonic fish had popped up. Sound familiar." He asked with a smirk.

"Unfortunately most of them had used there demonic charm to escaped the police before I arrived... key word being, 'most'." He told him, turning his attention back on the tail head.

"I got this one from a succubus. She hid herself as a chubby little black woman. She played dumb, just like you, and much like you she was cocky and ignorant." Placing the tail tip into the container, he said coldly, "But now..."

He left the question open, clearly trying get in there heads. The problem being... it was working.

Standing up the human didn't speak for several long moments, before he placed the case on Blitzøs lap, gently telling him "Hold this"

Blitzø's whole body froze up, a deep sickness growing in his stomach as he felt the cool wooden case on his lap.

The human walked over to the mirror Blitzø only just noticed. The human stared at it for a long moment, the silence in the room becoming palpable.

Until the silence was dashed when the 'Father' smashed his arm through the mirror, before throwing his body back smashing the male agent through the mirror and slamming him into the wall.

Looking at his slumped form, 'Father Cain turned back to the now broken mirror, finding the terrified female agent standing there.

Releasing a deep sigh, the 'father' began climbing in through the now broken double sided mirror.

"It was your doing, wasn't it?" He asked, "I said I needed no witnesses, but you always did hold him back. What a waste of potential." The 'Father' told her, before grabbing her and dragging her through the window.

Bringing her to her knees, he grasped the sides of her head.

The woman desperately clawing at his arms. The female agent releasing a desperate cry for mercy as he began crushing her head.

Blood began trailing from her eyes and nose, crying out until her head splattered between his hands, sending a splatter of bone and brain matter across his face.

Dropping her now destroyed head, he realised it, the now sludge like head hit the ground with a wet splat.

Before the 'Father' flicked his hands, looked back at the Imps, "What the fuck are you?!" Blitzø yelled at him.

The human only smiled, walking over, he gently grabbed the wooden case before walking back over and placing it on the table.

Walking over to the now collapsed male agent, he placed his foot on the side of his head. "I... am alpha and Omega." He said coldly, staring him right in the eyes before crushing the other agents head beneath his foot.

Walking back to the table, he grabbed a red cloth, wiping his face before placing on his glasses he turned to the two Imps.

"Oh Satan... Oh, Satan please, please help me" Moxxie begged, clearly losing his shit. "Please just let me see Millie one last time, I don't want to die."

Before Blitzø could snap at his limp dick employee for showing weakness, the roof began to rumble, bit suddenly gave way, Millie falling through carrying a battle axe.

"MILLIE!!!" Moxxie practically cried, tears of joy beading in his eyes.

"MOX!" Millie cried back, rushing over and getting them out of ther bindings.

Just after that Loona broke through the door, Blitzø taking a moment to tell her how proud he was to see her in the field.

Now all free and together they turned to the 'Father', finding him still very much cool and collected, the sight sending a bone chilling shiver down his spine.

"Just in time" The human spoke, seemingly happy at the outcome "Its so good to see a family reunited."

"Now I imagine one of you have my Grimoire?" He asked inspecting his fingers. "Give it to me and I'll let you leave."

Now it was Blitzøs turn to chuckle, "Nah, I don't think so." He spoke cockily, reaching into his emergency pack for a gun.

The 'Father' just chuckled again, standing up straight he snapped his finger. And like it were choreographed, dozens of suit wearing humans burst into the room.

"Gentlemen!" He addressed them "These demonic scum have killed your commanders. And they shall do it again and again and again, until you send them back to hell." He told them, stepping into the back room.

The fight after that was one of the best Blitzø had ever had, although it would have been even better if he didn't have this injured leg.

Regardless, the whole thing was so bad ass and everyone was working together so well. He even got to see his Loony kick some ass.

Firing a missle, from his over sized launcher, he cleared what was left of the agents.

He'd though that was it, there weren't anybody left to stop them.

He was wrong.

The lights to switch to red, an alarm start blaring through the facility.

They all made for the door, only for a series of doors to slam in there face, locking them in the room.

His Loony tried desperately to read the book, but couldn't see anything in the crimson light that filled the room

It was then he heard a slow clapping, all of them turning to find the 'Father' giving them a condescending clap.

"Well done, Hellspawn, Well done. You've killed all the witnesses, depleted your ammunition and now I know you can't read the Grimoire in crimson light. Well done."

Standing before them, even outnumbered and unharmed, the 'Father' seemed to hold total control of the situation.

Before he could think of something any, all the air seemed to such out of the room, demonic whispers filling the room like shadows.

"You dare threaten my Impish little plaything~" the whispers spoke.

He knew this voice, but like his friends and family, he chose not to speak, too caught up in the moment.

Screens flew off the wall, avian footprints trailed across the floor. The bodies of the dead agents rose to there feet, eyes black as they began the intricate process of drawing some demonic symbol from there own blood.

Stepping back the 'Fther' looked about, before smiling, "Finally" He whispered, pulling out a flask and began chugging it.

Shadows seemed to slither like a million black snakes crawled across the floor, disappearing at the 'Fathers' feet.

There was a long pause before the human bent over and violently projectile vomited, throwing up what seemed like gallons of black liquid from his mouth.

The vomiting stopped, the human standing back up.

The back liquid slowly pulled itself to gathering, slowly morphing into a figure.

The black tar slowly formed into feathers, limbs and fingers, a set of crimson eyes appearing in the black goo.

The figure appeared to be Stolas. But this was not the elegant demon lord of hell.

This being was a wretched, wounded animal, covered in filth.

The 'Father' just wiped his mouth, that cold gaze returning to his eyes. Stepping forwards he grabbed Stolas by the filthy collar, staring him down.

The owl demon was a sputtering mess, coughing up black liquids as he tried to breathproperly.

The owl looked up at him.

And for the very first time in wjat was likely a millennia of existence, Stolas looked Terrified.

Not scared.

Terrified.

Grabbing at the arms of the human, the Prince of Hell sputtered out, "W-what are you?"

The human stopped, looking down at the owl, leaning down and whispered, "I am the beginning... and i am the end..."

The owl just stared up at him in horror, the humans hand coming to wrap around his throat, the demon feebly attempting to break free from his grasp.

There was a long moment where the only sound in the room was the prince's pitiful wheezing, frail little cries coming from the owl as the life was squeezed out of him.

The sounds were seemingly corked by a wet smack ringing out.

Blitzø had taken one of the agents weapons, a large knife and had impaled the 'Human' through the lower stomach.

There was a long moment of silence, before the 'human' slowly turned to look at him with that same cold gaze.

Without releasing Stolas, he pulled his arm back and smacked Blitzø, sending him sliding back to his friends.

Reaching down, he grabbed the knife, yanking it out of his back without hesitation.

Nothing came from his wound, and when pulling the knife out, no blood stained it's blade.

With knife in hand, he released the owl, letting his pathetic form hit the ground, the owl desperately gasping for breath.

Leaning down, you grasped Stolas' wrist, the owl releasing a pathetic little gasp of pain, followed by a frail little whimper as the 'Human' slid the blade across his wrist.

But what came next left them all shocked.

Bringing his wrist to his mouth, he pressed his mouth down before greedily suckling the foul blood straight from his veins.

He drank down the demons fowl blood, not making a sound cept the muscles of his throat contracting to push the fowl liquid down his throat.

The demons black blood flowed down his throat. Every demon in the room just watched, to shocked to think and to fearful to do anything as you had your way with the Prince.

After a few minutes of the 'Father' drinking the demons blood, he finally released the demons wrist. The owl quickly clutching his wrist to his chest as he desperately clawing to get away from the 'human'.

The 'Father' stood there, panting as a demons black blood stained his lips.

When he finally opened his eyes, they held a Unholy glint to them.

Wiping his lips he walked forwards, calmly packing what few items had survived the fighting into his bag before Putting on his glasses and placing the small white band into his shirt collar.

Walking past the now cowering demon Prince, he leaned over and pressed one of the buttons on the dashboard, instantly the lights returned to normal.

Stepping before the group they awaited some sort of attack, or threat, what they got instead was a single phrase "Excuse me."

He said it so simply, each hellborne took a moment to make sure they'd heard correctly.

Each of them just stared for a moment before Millie spoke up, "What?"

The human raised a brow, lowering his glasses he asked again, this time his voice cold, threateningly cold, "Excuse me."

The demons awkwardly stepped to the side, giving him a clear path to walk.

Walking past them he gave them a slight nod, "Thank you."

The demons were all in shock, silently watching the 'human' walk away from them.

"That's it?" Blitzø asked before he could stop himself, quickly slamming his hands to his mouth.

The 'Father' stopped in his tracks, looking over his shoulder, he smiled, "Kill you later." He told them playfully, lowering his glasses and giving them a wink.

He walked away, the eerie sound of his shoes on cold tile floors permanently burned into there memory.

Hey Hey, I hope you enjoyed. I really wanted to try something a bit different. I had the idea for this in my head since episode 6 came out and I just really like the idea of an unknown entity showing up with either motive or intentions clear to anyone.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, I really wanna start writing more of my own original ideas, so expect more content in the future. Bye Bye.

#helluva boss headcanon #helluva boss #headcanon #helluva boss I.M.P #truth seekers #episode 6 truth seekers #helluva boss truth seekers #helluva boss original character #not really clear what im doing #just going with the flow #my own idea

134 notes · View notes