#because i know what my heart wants
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Fire forest ?
I think it's mostly happening in Greece right now
#ask the owl#okay okay#jokes asiiiiiide#i got myself into the bumblebee bug bang#and ive been working on that fic#also outlining ideas for the co-op fic with lex#lexa-griffins god bless her#but i have an outline for the fic#i just need to get my brain out of the sludge to get it over with that final arc#becsuse i was even talking about with another author#it's not a win-#win situation in the fic#someone will have to give#and making that choice is hard right now#because i know what my heart wants#and then there's what makes more sense in the story#and real life bias spilling into onegaverse dynamics#or maybe im overthinking it?#clexa#fanfiction#fire forest
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something something about mentors and cycles and mentors and cycles
#like#what if your memory became so intertwined with my ideals i could not help but to pass you on to those who look up to me#along with what makes my very heart beats and bleeds#(and realise i was so young#so young#and maybe i didn't deserve everything that happened then)#and maybe i could start forgiving myself for who i was then#because now i know i was just scared and alone and thinking i held the world on my shoulders#and now i just want to tell him#breath kid#breath#ace attorney#aa#ace attorney fanart#aa fanart#gyakuten saiban#gyakuten saiban fanart#mia fey#phoenix wright#apollo justice#charley the plant#polly the parrot#yes they're important characters and should be cited#dounart#fanart#art#the cycles and patterns woke me up at 4am once again and refused to let me rest
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Neil Gaiman, letâs be realistic. A 21-year-old working in the home of a man four decades her senior cannot truly give meaningful consent to any type of sexual encounter, let alone within mere hours of meeting him. Even though you are denying it was not consensual, the fact you have conceded the sexual encounter did happen at all is a full confession. You are, by your own admission, a predator.
#neil gaiman#tw sa#cw sa#tw power imbalance#my heart goes out to his victims and to the people who found comfort in his work#sorry you have all been failed by a man who should have protected you - not preyed on you#i believe victims!!!#sa tw#abuse tw#power imbalance#trying to hit this with as many tags as possible because i don't know what triggering tags people have blocked#and i want to be respectful here of survivors
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Daddy, don't go.
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#jiang fengmian#Scenes that are tragic but still made me laugh: JFM wrapping the boys *right back up* after finding out it was YZY who tied them up.#I know he did it because he understands the severity of what's going on in lotus pier & the need to protect his children.#But it also comes off as 'Oh your mother said so? Yeah I'm not overruling her. Listen to your mother kids. I gotta go.'#You guys ever think about how the last time Jiang Cheng saw his parents alive it was them both pushing him away one last time?#I do!!! I sure do!!! Now you can too! Welcome to my sad little club. The refreshments are all saltwater.#And the subtle difference in who the parting is intended for. YZY meant to leave WWX with JC as a protector. JFM wants them both safe.#The reveal that Zidian responds to JFM aches so badly.#The fact the weapon she literally lashes out with also reveals her heart is so poetic.#I sure hope they can reconcile their feelings. I hope it all works out.#This is the last of the math boat jokes. Back to labeling the boats properly after this.
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(Unseen Academicals, Terry Pratchett) I think Shang Qinghua and Ponder Stibbons should have tea and compare notes about somehow accumulating so much behind-the-scenes power by doing menial jobs no one else wants that they could basically run the show if they wanted...
meanwhile we have Shen "meh good enough" Qingqiu
#svsss#shang qinghua#shen qingqiu#sqh#sqq#cumplane#discworld#my art#sqq 100% knows how to delegate meanwhile sqh is here trying to run a sect a demon kingdom and juggle a bunch of secret conspiracies#his little rodent heart is going to explode from stress at this rate no qi deviation necessary#i'm gonna need to draw sqh more i really don't know what i want his design to be yet but i like him a lot#if anyone has any sqh drawing prompts send them to me i need some ideas to play with (WITHOUT SPOILERS THOUGH I'M ONLY ON BOOK THREE)#i was scrolling back to see the last time i had drawn cartoony cursing to remind myself which shapes i like to use and wow#it looks like it's actually been a while??? it surprised me because i really love drawing them#i laugh any time i see them in a comic#anyway what are the odds i reread unseen academicals again before the month is through? highly underrate pratchett novel imho#variations of this quote is actually used a few times in the discworld series i think but this is the one that stands out to me#when stibbons reveals just how much power he actually has at the university#*chefs kiss*#the wizards are so dumb i love them so much
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deadclaws badassery where it's revealed Wade and Logan tested the distance on Logan's hearing.
Watch them hundreds of feet away from each other in the battlefield and all it takes to set Wolverine loose is for Deadpool to mutter "Logan."
gif credits to original owners!
#why?#because don't come into my house and tell me Wade doesn't have Logan wrapped around his finger. that's why.#especially when Wade is mortally compromised? all that regeneration and smartass banter that Logan loved? compromised?#non negotiable#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#logan howlett#deadpool 3#wade wilson#poolverine#deadclaws#deadpool 2024#AGAIN WITH THE SUPERHERO NAMES BEING DIFFERENT TO THEIR UNMASKED NAMES#The rest of the world can refer to him as Wolverine. the hero. the x men. deadpool's partner. sure.#i specifically want Wade to use Logan's name in this moment because i want to continue the love theme between them#romantic or platonic i genuinely don't care#Logan hears Wade say his name and he knows things are Drastic#Wade might be the type to call him Wolverine to his face in moments of joking. light hearted mocking.#one or two moments of sincerity including âYou wanna know something? You're the best Wolverine.â#but âLogan.â through a mouthful of blood and a scratchy throat is different#we marvel x men kids know how protective logan can get over his students#what more over his partner?
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it's hard to be a shipper
what ship is on your mind right now?
#like an idiot I looked unconsciously at my phone screen because I couldn't decide which ship I wanted to read fanfiction about on ao3#I recently fell into a zosan hole and I think I'll stay there a little bit longer#but there are also so many ships that I love with all my heart#and I don't know what to do anymore#so I'm still wasting my time jumping between websites with different ships because I don't know which one I want more now#zosan#shiguang#sakuatsu#tododeku#wolfstar#reonagi#andriel#bachisagi#rinsagi#akiangel#kunigiri#ryufuyu#bajifuyu#kazufuyu#itafushi#sukufushi#shin soukoku#soukoku#ranpoe#suegiku#inuokko#oisuga#daisuga#pynch#ahhhh I could count these ships forever and then I'm surprised that I can't decide on one
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Just caught up with Dracula Daily and it just tears me apart how desperately everyone loves Lucy, and how desperately everyone wants to save her, and how fully she loves everyone in thanks. From Mina running through half the town to rescue her from her sleep-walking, to Arthur giving all the blood he can and then some for her sake, to Dr Seward and Van Helsing giving blood themselves and keeping watch through the night, to her maids begging to keep watch over her, to her motherâs solicitude for her health, to the tenderness of her words in her diary. Itâs all a labour of love and desperation, and it is devastating that the Count manages to snatch her away despite it all.
#this second read-through of dracula is hitting so much more for me for some reason#possibly because I know whatâs going to happen#everyone loves her so much⌠van helsing sees her once and canât help but want to help her however he can#and sheâs so thankful for it⌠her diary entry ending with âgood-night everybodyâ actually tore my heart in two Iâm not even kidding#the pain of mrs westenra opening the window to give her some fresh air⌠ohhhh my god oh my god#oh lucyâŚ#dracula daily
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"Your heart was in the right place. Don't blame your earnestness and efforts for their lack of understandingâthe right people will appreciate your heart."
EDIT: i mention this in the tags already, but please don't copy my vent tags in your reblogs. thanks for understanding.
#fnaf eclipse#fnaf dca#dca fandom#crab art#traditional art#bright colours#self-insert#my OC Esther#nearly didn't colour this because i was really happy with the lines#but i'm glad i did#please don't copy these tags i'm just going to vent a bit#sigh i've been really feeling it lately#just very discouraged when my efforts to help are dismissed#i know i'm a people pleaser and i just want people to like me#but like#sometimes we just don't click#and it's not worth trying to work myself to the bone to convince people to give me a chance#and it's not fair to blame myself for the friendships that never came to be#they're on their own journey and i'm simply not a part of that journey#just as they are not a part of mine#and that's fine#it's easy to forget when we can connect with so many people online#that we have a limit to how many quality relationships we can realistically maintain#what does it matter if you have so many friends who âlikeâ you#but have no one close enough for you to be open and honest with?#so i will save my heart for those who appreciate it#for friends who will celebrate with me as i celebrate their achievements#who i feel comfortable enough with sharing our troubles and sorrows and supporting each other through it#those are the friends who are worth my heart
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I feel like people don't often fully appreciate how hard dating can be for demisexuals.
It just hit me the other day when I found out that most people are kissing by the first date and having sex by the third and to me that is just wild. And apparently, some people wait up to three months before having sex and that's seen as like a really long time and I'm sorry but is everyone okay???
After three dates a person is still a stranger and after three months they're at most an acquaintance - and people are not willing to wait longer and you'll be seen as unreasonable if you want to wait for a year or more??
#I'm asexual and am not in the business of wanting sex with anyone#but sometimes I find myself wondering if I could and in what situation#and I'm like hm maybe if I knew someone for like 5 years and loved them a lot as a friend and trusted them maybe I could compromise#and then I found out about expectations in dating culture and my mind was blown#it makes me realise how asexual I am lol#but I feel like most people are using dating apps now and it's pretty hard to have a really slow getting to know someone#so my heart goes out to demisexual people because I think a lot of people see them as not having many obstacles#demisexual#asexual spectrum#asexual community#ace spectrum#acespec#asexuality#asexual
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Erik, what are you doing?
X-MEN: DAYS OF THE FUTURE PAST (2014)
#together :(#mine*#cherik#gifset#x-men#xmenedit#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#otp: i want you by my side#filmedit#what makes me so insane about prequel!erik is how he NEVER hesitates in anything ever. because he KNOWS#hesitation can and WILL get you killed. and YET everytime it comes to charles he hesitates. there's always a shadow of doubt when#it comes to turning his back on charles. in cuba after charles sent him away he stared at him a second too long#he knew he had to leave (and he did eventually) but he hesitated to do so#and in this scene you can literally SEE HIM psych himself up to turn his back on raven and charles#no YOU DON'T GET IT he always hesitates when it's about charles. charles has been haunting him FOR YEARS YOU DON'T GET IT#also the way charles' eyes shine when he tells raven he and erik are together I'M SICK they really were his entire heart!!!#they both make me so sad man
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if Bruce had a Jewish mother (an alive one at least, oy) she would take one look at him shirtless, think about it for .5 seconds, and go âitâs too muchâ and walk away without explaining.
#I know this in my heart of hearts#every older Jewish woman Iâve met#theyâd ask#what do you need all that for#bruce wayne#batman#dc#Martha wayne#I know you wouldâve set him straight girl#well not STRAIGHT#alfred so badly wants to be like Martha but he canât#he canât call this goyische nonsense#because heâs actively participating in said goyische nonsense#jewish bruce wayne
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Okay so this is almost a direct copy-paste of my earlier reblog but only the Xin Yuan parts, because its long enough to be its own post and i want to share it! It deserves it's own post <3 typical starry stuff to write a 2k word long reblog, unfortunately.
I say almost because I went through to proof read and ended up adding more stuff.
I've been cooking on this idea for the last two days since I saw the Xin Mo!Shen Yuan post but??? I can't find anything on Xin Mo's backstory or how it came to be -- which means that's free fucking plot right there baby. That's a sandbox and im making LIFE SIZED CASTLES. I'm so excited.
The idea of Shen Yuan transmigrating centuries before the events of PIDW as Xin Mo -- but when he wakes up, he's not the sword. He wakes up in the body of a young boy named Xin Yuan. Now it makes sense for this boy to be a demon, but the drama, the intrigue, the spice of Xin Yuan being a human child.
SY wakes up as a boy below the age of ten, and the System tells him where he is, and SY is excited to meet his favorite protagonist -- only to gradually realize that he's like, a thousand years or so before the events of the novel. The rant he gives the system is legendary.
Bc what's the point of getting dropped into PIDW if he's never going to meet his favorite character??? This is a scam! BUT he settles into his new life, he's like, some orphan street rat or some other tragic airplane-esq backstory.
The system gives Shen Yuan his first mandatory quest: become a righteous cultivator. Which was like, kinda his plan/hopes anyways, except! There's like?? No official cultivator sects anywhere? The Cang Qiong Mountain Sect hasn't even been established yet, and there are pockets of cultivators running around, maybe some groups or schools popping up and then sinking back down, but nothing's really taken root!
If he asks someone how to become a cultivator, there's no straight answer. No "oh you can go to X to do that". He's pissed! How can he become a cultivator if there aren't any schools around to teach him? Deus ex machina, that's how.
Out of sheer luck, SY manages to help save a rogue cultivator, and promptly gets adopted by said rogue cultivator, who gives SY the name 'Xin Yuan'. He is ecstatic. And you know what? It's actually pretty fun!
He's getting to travel the world of PIDW in its early stages, and gets to see the building blocks for the eventual main story. He's discovering all this local flora and fauna that are foreign to his old world and unmentioned in the book, and he's learning cultivation! Granted, its unsafe, newly(ish) discovered cultivation, but it counts!
Wistfully, he thinks about perhaps he'll do something grand and get his name carved into legend. Something that would eventually help the protagonist later down the line in his quest for revenge.
The system remains silent to his thoughts.
But Xin Yuan doesn't take much stock in that daydream anyways. It's nothing more than fantasy to him; wish-fulfillment. He does discover however, that he is positively brimming with spiritual energy. Overwhelmingly so.
It's both a blessing and a curse, as it puts a strain on his meridians if he's not careful, and leaves him prone to qi deviations for the exact same reasons. He already has a heart demon or two from a few traumatic experiences in the past.
(bc hey! angst a day keeps the writer sadism at bay, and all that)
I'll say he's about... eight when he gets picked up by the rogue cultivator, who I'm calling Lin Kai bc he deserves a name. They travel around PIDW up until Xin Yuan is twelve, where he goes through a traumatic experience that results in a heart demon.
It's after that that Lin Kai decides to put a stop to his wandering, and find a place to settle down to raise Xin Yuan in. Coincidentally! They settle down in a nice mountain region that's thriving with spiritual energy. The mountains at the time were called something different, but they will be eventually known as the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect
Coincidentally, the mountain Lin Kai and Xin Yuan end up on is Qing Jing Peak. XY does not realize that the mountain he's on is Qing Jing. The System does not tell him. But he likes it there, more than he was expecting. And as much as he's traveled around, he really does enjoy being in one place.
He has a tendency to go down the mountain and help the village setting up down there, and when he's a teenager he starts venturing out more and more.
Xin Yuan forgets sometimes that he's in a novel, especially after settling down on Qing Jing peak. The system becomes remarkably quiet since there's no quests for him to do and not a ton of opportunities to get B-Points. He cultivates with Lin Kai, helps tend to the garden they're growing, goes down to the village to play with the other kids.
There's one boy he's best friends with, a boy whose not all that good with words, named Liu Zhihao. He's got potential for cultivation though, so Xin Yuan drags him up the mountain when he can so that Liu Zhihao can sit in on lessons with Lin Kai. He drags him all over the forest at the foot of the mountain to go look at bugs and animals.
(One time, when they're fourteen and Liu Zhihao has been learning cultivation for a few years now, Xin Yuan drags him out of bed late one night to go look at the stars. Xin Yuan tells Liu Zhihao about ascension -- something that still feels like a far off dream to many in this time -- that night, while they're sitting on the wet grass.)
("We should ascend together." Xin Yuan tells Liu Zhihao, jade eyes gleaming. Never let it be said that Xin Yuan doesn't love deeply, no matter what kind of love it is. He was always so lonely as Shen Yuan, Liu Zhihao is his best friend. "We'll become immortals, and then we won't ascend until the other is able to.")
(Liu Zhihao stares at him silently, his face unreadable. Then, quietly, he asks; "Promise?")
("Promise.")
When he starts adventuring outwards, further away from the mountain and the village, Liu Zhihao sticks to him like rice. Not that Xin Yuan's complaining, that's his best friend after all, and Liu Zhihao has become a formidable cultivator. He deserves to show off his skills.
He starts making something of a name for himself by the time he's, like, 18 -- although that name is in its baby steps, along with Liu Zhihao. They're slowly growing renown.
Perhaps XY uses his knowledge of PIDW and cultivation in general to help make advancements in the cultivation field. Although the system prevents him from sharing too much, it doesn't mean he can't practice it himself. Perhaps he's one of the first cultivators to develop a golden core. One of the first known immortal cultivators. One of the first to have a spirit sword.
(Although I don't know the logistics of any of this since my knowledge on xanxia/cultivation stuff in general is all still pretty new and google wasn't all that helpful lol.)
Either way, its my excuse to eventually make Xin Yuan come across as ethereal to other people. Peerless beauty SY for the win. Hs wifebeam is too strong, Xin Yuan has a line of suitors following after him and he's completely unaware of it. The rest of history is not.
Demon realm stuff has been stirring up since Xin Yuan was a kid, but at the time it was rare and in the beginning stages. Its been steadily ramping up and the system is sending him on more and more treacherous quests -- some of them mandatory, some optional. SY doesn't often take the optional ones unless it comes with a sufficient B-point reward.
for all intents and purposes though, he's a wandering rogue cultivator with Liu Zhihao, going from place to place to either help a town or village, or to discover more creatures or artifacts (although there aren't that many). Just all around living his life. He participates in a few major quest lines that are sure to get him mentioned in legend, even if it's a background character way.
(Unbeknownst to him, rather than being a side character in these legends, he's named directly. You can't become one of the first immortal cultivators and NOT get name dropped for clout.)
He has a spirit sword named ShÄ MĂł, (ć shÄ - to kill/weaken/counteract/reduce) (é mĂł - evil spirit, demon, possession). He routinely goes back to QJP to see Lin Kai, or to rest when traveling has worn down on him and he wants nothing more than to sleep somewhere he knows he'll be safe in. It becomes more frequent as Xin Yuan becomes more famous. Liu Zhihao often comes with him.
it all comes to a head though when the rifts between the demonic realm and the human realm become too great, and the balance between both realms becomes unstable. A demonic emperor's influence, wanting to merge the two realms so he could conquer both to satiate his own greed.
Typical evil king stuff. This comes to a climatic head in a great battle between every cultivator available and the demon emperor's army. Xin Yuan was one of the many who helped lead the charge.
In the end, it was Xin Yuan who ends up defeating the demonic emperor, but the rift that the emperor used to cross between worlds is destabilizing as well. Except instead of trying to close, it's getting bigger and bigger, threatening to swallow the heavens and earth and demonic realm whole.
You know how Yue Qingyuan's soul is bonded to his sword due to a qi deviation? Let's take it a step further >:)
Xin Yuan uses himself and ShÄ MĂł to close the rift. However, it takes all of his spiritual energy to do so, as well as him filtering the demonic qi into his body to redirect it back to the demon realm.
In the end, Xin Yuan and his beloved sword ShÄ MĂł fuse. Xin Yuan's soul becomes trapped in the sword. His physical body is unable to handle the immense amount of power it takes to close the rift, and is destroyed. He is immortalized in legend by his grieving cultivators.
(Liu Zhihao ends up ascending alone. He ascends with the hope that one day he'll see Xin Yuan again, even if it's in the face of someone else. Lin Kai does not ascend, too weighed down by the grief of losing his son.)
Xin Yuan, now Xin Mo, falls into a stasis. He's very confused and disorientated when he regains 'consciousness'. The system has been silent for most of his life, only popping up to give him mandatory quests, hints, points, or to answer any questions.
But once he wakes up, it cheerfully pops up again, congratulating him on completing the origin story of Xin Mo. SY freaks the fuck out. he'd shake the system screen if he could, but he doesn't have arms. or legs. or eyes for that matter.
He can sense his surroundings, but its all like imprints to him. He can sense the energies, but he can't see anything. It's all very disorientating and horrifying after years of being human. Like a sensory deprivation chamber.
The closing of the rift and the cycling demonic qi tainted both Sha Mo and Xin Yuan irreparably, and it did some kind of damage that resulted in SY needing to feed in order to use the spiritual powers. Kinda like how Xuan Su uses YQY's life force for it's spiritual energy, but instead of feeding on his own lifeforce, Xin Mo feeds on others.
The rest is history. Xin Mo is originally tied to the story of Xin Yuan -- believed to be all that remained of the man after he sacrificed himself to keep the realms separate. It's believed that the force of the realms closing permanently infused Sha Mo with demonic energy, turning it into Xin Mo.
But, like many stories do when faced against the tide of time, things get lost; chipped off; changed. Xin Mo is steadily separated from Xin Yuan, especially once it becomes clear how parasitic the sword really is, until they are all but separate entities themselves and the origin of Xin Mo's creation all but forgotten.
The years blur together when Xin Mo is not being wielded, and at first Xin Yuan was agonized by the fact that he stole the lives of all his wielders. He knows it's only a novel, but his decades spent in this life have softened him, and he's grown attached to the world around him.
But time erodes the mind like water erodes stone, and he becomes numb to it, then eventually anticipating of it. He forces himself to remember what he knows of PIDW's plot, and kinda fixates back on his old obsession on Luo Binghe. But while PIDW stays in his mind, his memories as Xin Yuan fall to the wayside.
Not forgotten, per se, but... tucked away. The system prevents him from forgetting fully.
Xin Mo isn't fully a demonic sword either i think, but instead harbors an ugly cocktail of both spiritual and demonic qi. Special circumstances and all that. Everyone just assumes he's a fully demonic sword because that's usually at the forefront, his spiritual qi weakened from the initial fusion and from years of not being fed spiritual qi. It's part of the reason his wielders always end up destroyed by him, other than the whole, yk, 'overwhelming qi' thing.
Nobody would recognize Xin Mo's human form as Xin Yuan other than some truly ancient demons. Of which Meng Mo might. But even that's iffy because there's a lack of surviving paintings of Xin Yuan, but also because of XM's demonic appearance and supposed lack of connection to XY.
Xin Mo has never spoken to his wielders before, not in the same way he does Luo Binghe. He tells Luo Binghe this, and he also tells Luo Binghe down the line that he is both spiritual and demonic -- something he also never told his wielders because there was no point to it.
okay okay i've got to end it here because its already gotten ridiculously long -- of which im both apologetic and unapologetic for -- but i DO think the Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan meeting (and reveal) would be fucking hilarious. Especially if SY has learned how to pop between sword form and human form by then -- although i guess it doesnt matter either way because SQH's reaction is still the same.
And that reaction is internally screaming and going "hey what the FUCK?? WHY DOES XIN MO HAVE A HUMAN FORM??? WHAT IS THIS??? SYSTEM??? EXPLAIN???"
meanwhile from his place on the sword hilt xin mo is squinting at Shang Qinghua in bewilderment and going "aren't you supposed to be dead" but doesn't pay too much mind to it because its not like its going to change anything.
...up until he catches shang qinghua going "WTF" silently from his little corner while all eyes are off him. One moment SQH is standing beside his king, and the next he's been tackled to the ground by one wild-eyed, human-shaped Xin Mo.
everyone, including SQH, thinks Xin Mo is going to kill him. It is a surprise to everyone when he does not, and instead dissolves into deranged, uncontrollable laughter after spitting out some phrase in some ancient tongue and watching SQH's eyes grow wide in recognition.
#svsss au#svsss#scum villain au#scum villain#scum villain self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#liu zhihao is indeed based off liu qingge. i am a multishipper at heart and liushen is a delicious ship. XY and LZ i think were very devote#to each other regardless of if it was romantic or platonic. they're besties! and im a sucker for devotion in all aspects. its neat :)#XM eventually tells LBH about how he used to be human once and he tells him about his Xiao Zhi. and that he hopes Xiao Zhi was able to reac#ascension in his absence. LBH silently seethes with jealousy and abandonment issues a mile wide. he asks XM if he misses him. XM gets this#unreadable distant look on his face that makes him look far more mortal than is comfortable. then he mutters 'yes.' LBH hates it#Cang Qiong sect gets miraculously spared by Luo Binghe on account of 'my demonic sword grew up here and he'd be upset if i ruined it'#does LZH look like LQG? ...i want to say yes bc itd be crime to derive SY of LQG's beauty even if he never knows what LQG looks like#imagine XM as human coming to clash with YQY. he takes one look at YQY. then at Xuan Su. before going 'we're alike. you and i.'#rip SQH. executed for the crime of *checks scroll* making XM laugh before Binghe could. making XM laugh at all actually#XM is usually very reserved and restrained but for the first time in a thousand years he's met someone just like him. the emotional rush#is intense. SQH asks him later how long he's been Xin Mo. expecting like. at LEAST a few years now or after him but then XM blinks at him#and then mutters something about how he's lost track of time. oh hey btw what year it is??? he forgot to ask. SQH tells him and Xin Mo says#'oh! about a thousand years now' 'WHAT' and XM tells him about being Xin Yuan which SQH was not expecting. whether thats because#he genuinely wasnt expecting it or it was part of his outline or an idea he messed around with and didnt expect to make it into the world#SQH tells him about the legend of Xin Yuan. XM is stunned. he asks about Liu Zhihao. LZH made it into legend too. which XM is very#pleased by. 'good. he deserves it for all the hard work he put in.'
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How do you feel about the fact that Katsukiâs apology and his death are not brought up again? I was really sad they never talked about it all. Do you have any headcanons for when/how/if they ever talk?
Dear anon, you've activated my trap card.
By which I mean you've asked me about something on which my feelings apparently vastly differ from those of most people.
To answer your question, I did not expect nor even want a scene addressing the apology again in-canon. Neither did I expect a scene where they discuss Katsuki's death, though I was less opposed to that.
But let me specify this right off the bat: there is a distinction between what I would enjoy seeing and what I think has narrative weight.
And I think that's fascinating to talk about. You asked me how I feel, so get ready!
When people say they wish Katsuki and Izuku had talked about his death, what are they wanting?
Do they want to see Izuku get vulnerable and choked up over Katsuki, shed tears for him? Do they want to see Katsuki see him like that, and watch him soften and let Izuku open up? Do they want to see him take Izuku's hand and comfort him, reassure him that they won, that it's over, that he's still here, and no one is gonna keep him from getting back up again? With the implication that getting back up again means standing at Izuku's side and helping him win?
I sure as fuck do!
But do I think that kind of scene does something for the story, themes, and development of them as characters that what we actually got doesn't do? Not necessarily.
See, stories are not driven by what the audience wants to see.
Stories are driven by what the characters need.
Not what they want, what they need. Often, characters are denied what they want because it does not align with what they need, and this is the very premise of their struggle. Katsuki is a great example of this, because at the start of the story, he wants to feel superior to Izuku, but what he needs is to accept his own admiration of him.
Fanworks exist to give the audience what they want, in a vacuum, totally separate from the linear structure of the narrative. You can just pop into a scene of Izuku crying and have Katsuki kiss him better and that gets us every time, doesn't it?
But in the manga, for a scene like this to exist, there has to be a need for it to address. So, what would that need be?
I think people ask for these scenes because they are under the mistaken impression that Katsuki doesn't understand how Izuku feels about him. And I cannot tell you how much I disagree with this.
If Katsuki didn't understand that Izuku cares deeply for him, then a scene like what I described would probably be intended to tell the audience that he needs to understand how Izuku feels and, up until now, he hasn't.
But that's not true.
Katsuki knows Izuku cares about him.
At the start of the manga, Katsuki is convinced Izuku looks down on him.
Chapter 10
We the audience understand this is projection. Katsuki's admiration of Izuku makes him feel inferior, so he rejects his own self-critical feelings and assigns them to Izuku. No matter how many times Izuku shouts that he thinks Katsuki is amazing, Katsuki's inferiority complex is unfazed.
He utterly ignores it, it doesn't even register for him.
Chapters 10 and 119
Instead he doubles-down on his own frustration and dissatisfaction with himself, engaging from a point of competition, as though Izuku had insulted him rather than complimented him.
This tells the audience that the problem does not lie with Izuku, but with Katsuki himself. Izuku cannot resolve this situation with words, we've seen him try. Instead, Katsuki needs to change his own perspective.
After Deku vs. Kacchan 2, Katsuki acceptsâbegrudgingly and with great discomfortâthat Izuku does not look down on him.
Chapter 120
Even though Katsuki reconciles this, that doesn't change the fact that he is weak. He needs to grow as a person and as a hero. Now, his struggle is not just about his self-perception, but also his real progress.
Chapter 209
We joke about Kacchan being a tsundere, because he is, but part of the reason he rejects Izuku's appraisal of his progress is because he still hasn't met his own standards yet. Katsuki admires Izuku and All Might so much; he knows what they are capable of, he sees the gulf between where he is and where they are, and he is fighting like hell to close that gap.
He won't be satisfied until he does.
Chapters 362 and 409
I've seen people talk about this moment like it is a revelation for Katsuki about Izuku's feelings.
Chapter 359
And, first of all, lemme just say that no villain has ever said a damn thing to Kacchan that he didn't already know.
Chapter 358
ShigAFO's comment does not exist to confirm Izuku's feelings to Katsuki. It exists to signal to Katsuki (and the audience) that ShigAFO knows how Izuku feels, and he is prepared to use it against them.
This is a threat. This is about instilling horror in us and bringing to painful fruition Katsuki's fears about being a weakness people can exploit to hurt Izuku.
But let's not bury the lede: Katsuki would not have these fears if he didn't understand that Izuku cares about him.
Chapter 82
Look at his face and tell me he doesn't know with every fiber of his being that Izuku would die for him.
You could argue that because Katsuki understands Izuku's heroic nature better than anyone, perhaps he doesn't consider Izuku's protectiveness of him unique. Maybe he doesn't understand that Izuku loves him specifically and, to him, this is simply an expression of Izuku's selfless, save-to-win mentality.
But that I counter with two points:
Katsuki is not dumb, guys. He is our most emotionally intelligent and self-aware character. We are shown on numerous occasions that Katsuki can read between the lines and understand someone's feelings without being told (unlike Izuku, who's a damn nerd).
The story arc of Katsuki and Izuku's relationship is predicated on the fact that Katsuki rejected Izuku, but they are both unable and unwilling to truly disentangle themselves from each other. This means that their interactions, across the whole of the series, generally focus on Katsuki accepting Izuku and his own feelings, thereby restoring their relationship. To do this, he needed to both accept himself and better himself.
As a result of the second point, the focus is not on Izuku demonstrating his love for Katsuki as the bridge of change. The fact that Izuku loves Katsuki and wants him in his life is indeed highlighted frequently, but it is often treated as a given.
I've said it before: Izuku's feelings are not the ones that change the most, Katsuki's are.
Now you might say, "Maybe Katsuki doesn't need to hear Izuku's feelings, but Izuku might still need to say them!" And you're right, that is a possibility! Even if it is a given to the audience, there could be something that suggests Izuku saying these feelings out loud would be significant or change something between them.
But that's not what the series tells us.
Izuku does not hold back about the way he feels for Katsuki. Whether he is calling Kacchan a stupid jerk or saying he is amazing, Izuku is not subtle about what he thinksâin fact, these are often his most raw, unfiltered character moments, and they are significant.
Chapter 119
The only significant time Izuku does not tell Katsuki how he feels is his image of victory moment at the end of DvK2.
Chapter 120
My conclusion about this is that Izuku has felt conflicted about his own behavior and thinks Katsuki would reject him if he knew about it, so he chooses not to bring it up.
However, there is still a narrative purpose of showing us this thought, and that is to demonstrate that while Izuku may feel conflicted, ultimately he still accepts his own feelings. Regardless of whether Katsuki accepts him or not, the way Izuku feels won't change, and he's not sorry about it.
This moment exists for a lot of reasons, but chief among them is so that we the audience can see the true shape of Izuku's heart.
And what we see is that he loves and admires Katsuki, no matter how he acts or even what kind of person that makes Izuku.
I liken it to Katsuki's All Might card moment.
Chapter 362
Listen, I would have loved to see my explody boy get his autograph, but the greatest impact of this scene is not in the question of whether he will get one, that's just the tragedy lying on the surface as we witness his death.
No, the most meaningful part of this moment is in how it makes the audience truly understand that he still longs for it, even after all these years.
I wanted Izuku to tell Katsuki he is his image of victory, but the fact that it doesn't happen signals to me that Izuku ultimately didn't need to say those words out loud for that moment to matter. Izuku reconciled the discomfort he felt about admiring Katsuki and embraced his positive feelings for him, and that's pretty damn important.
I can and will indulge in fandom to meet my heart's desires, and that's excellent. But rather than simply feeling disappointed by canon material, I think it is more interesting to allow both what happens in the story and what doesn't inform my understanding of it.
I have been planning an in-depth post about the apology and what I think people are missing when they say Izuku "didn't respond" to Katsuki, but let me just lightly touch on my objections to that line of thinking.
Many people in the English-speaking audience appear to have a very narrow range of actions they consider a "response," and allowing someone else to act upon you for some reason does not seem to count.
If you frame interactions only by what Character A does to Character B and see Character A as the only active participant, you are missing out on a lot.
For example, Katsuki catches Izuku, and we see that as a demonstration of his love, as we should.
But how is Izuku allowing himself to be caught not an action that expresses his feelings? How is the fact that he responded to an apology with his own apology not indicative of how he wants to connect to Katsuki in this moment? How does it not convey what he feels for Katsuki, what he has always felt for him?
Furthermore, I see a lot of people take for granted how silence is a choice, and it carries meaning. Much like with what does and doesn't happen in a story, there is meaning in what people say and what they don't.
Japanese as a language values indirectness; it is not a bug, it is a feature. This is partly to avoid forcing yourself onto others and causing them discomfort, but another part is trusting others to understand who you are and how you feel without beating them over the head with it.
But you'll have to wait for my full post to hear the rest of that idea.
I dunno if this is what you were expecting out of your question, anon, but I hope you enjoyed the ride all the same!
#the nature of what goes unspoken between Izuku and Katsuki#is arguably one of the strongest implications that they are in love#Japanese romance aka I rely on you and trust in you and believe in you more than anyone and you know this without me breathing a word of it#you know my heart and trust me the same way#you stand by my side without question#and all you ask is that I allow you to do it#of course I allow it#because I want the same thing from you#at some point these tags should probably become a proper post lmaooo#but that is for another day#bkdk#bakuhatsu asks#anon asks#mha 10#mha 82#mha 119#mha 120#mha 209#mha 322#mha 358#mha 359#mha 362#mha 409
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say what you want about svsss but hands down the most distraught i have ever been while reading a mxtx novel is after the bing-ge extra. what do you mean he asked shen qingqiu to come with him. what do you mean âitâs not fairâ. what do you mean he looked back.
#svsss#luo binghe#luo bingge#lbh#meta stuff#every time i read that part i literally have to just stop to recover#because what the hell. heâs making his escape but at the last moment he turns.#he turns and looks back and then he vanished forever. and the narration is shocked#that it was so easy.#what in the eurydice manganâs sister and lotâs wife have you done to me#turned into a pillar of salt#i donât know if i have it in me to be more eloquent about this. itâs just.#out of everything this is just the ultimate tragedy#the fact that itâs just part of an extra. the FIRST extra#i just sit there like iâm supposed to just move on from that????? iâm supposed to read ahead and watch bingqiu fuck#and not want to rip my own heart out??????#i just. i just. i said iâm not ready to get into it with svsss i just know itâll break me
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#our flag means death#ofmdedit#stede bonnet#edward teach#gentlebeard#mine#hadn't noticed that the bits from ep7 they showed during Mary's speech weren't in the actual scene & now I want to scream#bc stede's smile looking at ed is gonna make my heart burst & also because i need the whole unedited take#i NEED to know what else they improved this day
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