#because he was a little more passive in this one
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lock's otome game recs
i received some asks indicating an interest in a compilation of my favorite otome games, so i decided to go for it!! i've played about fourteen otome games, but of those fourteen, only these six left a lasting impression on me. there are still some that i intend to check out, so the rankings may update in the future. i'll give a very general overview of each game and how i'd score the categories that i find the most important in an otome game ā the heroine, story, art, enjoyability, along with the characters i liked the most.
number 6 - piofiore fated memories.
heroine: 6/10 story: 6.5/10 characters: 7/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 8/10 favorite characters: dante (ishikawa kaito), nicola (kimura ryouhei) and yang (okamoto nobuhiko)
this game centers around the heroine, with the default name liliana adornato, who finds herself entangled in the politics of the region's three most prominent crime organizations. the game has an italian backdrop and iirc, takes place in the 1930s.
the overarching narrative, while it has its fair share of intrigue, isn't the game's strongest point. it's the interactions with the characters themselves that made the game feel worthwhile. each love interest has more to them than what meets the eye, so it's satisfying to watch the relationship between them and the heroine develop.
the heroine takes a passive role throughout much of the game, events sorta just happen to her. still, she has a kind disposition that makes her likable and doesn't make stupid decisions that has you wanting to fling your console across the room. her characterization changes slightly depending on the route. for instance, without getting into spoilers, she's more assertive throughout yang's route. the resulting dynamic made yang's route the most memorable, even if he's my third favorite character from the bunch.
what feels unique to this game is the effort put into the bad endings. in most visual novels, bad endings can feel like gimmicks. you make one or two wrong decisions and you're rewarded with a few paragraphs. the downward spiral of the characters in the bad endings are decently fleshed out and you can see how they arrived at this 'worst' version of themselves. they're suitably dark and it shouldn't come as a surprise that i enjoyed them because of that š
then there's the art. it's stunning, the details in each CG are mindboggling. the heroine gets to wear a variety of pretty outfits which is something i like to see. even in the story's weaker moments, a stunning CG would pop up that had me forgiving everything. i still glance through the gallery to this day.
number five - cupid parasite.
heroine: 9.5/10 story: 7/10 characters: 7/10 art: 9/10 enjoyability: 9/10 favorite characters: ryuki keisaiin (junya enoki) & gill lovecraft (kimura ryouhei)
iconic. showstopping. a little bit camp.
cupid parasite stars one of my favorite heroines, lynette. she works as a bridal advisor whose ambition is to ensure everyone finds their soulmate. in actuality, she's the goddess cupid, who left her post in celestia to better understand humanity and create lasting pairs. she's a delight to play as.
this game's presentation and overall aesthetic is the most distinct from any otome game i've played. aside from the presentation, the story itself is unlike any of the others on this list. when it comes to romance, i typically prefer them to be dark and mature. this game opts for a more lighthearted approach. it vacillates between being a romcom and dipping into the absurdist genre. there were times i was literally left speechless (glances at gill's route)... but it makes for an entertaining experience. the game's plenty funny as well.
personally, i enjoyed the more grounded moments when the mythological elements remained in the background. because of this, the true ending doesn't do it for me as much as they do in other games. as with anything, this is a personal preference though. i liked all of the routes and found the game handles the development of each love interest well. we're introduced to these men at their most pathetic and get to help them become a little more well-adjusted. lowering the cringe meter, if you will. it makes their growth all the most satisfying as the narrative progresses.
number four - even if tempest.
heroine: 9/10 story: 8.5/10 characters: 8/10 art: 6/10 enjoyability: 9/10 favorite characters: the heroine herself, tyril i lister (noriaki sugiyama), crius castlerock (makoto furukawa) and lucien neuschburn (kaito ishikawa)
right from the get-go, this game's premise had me hooked. it features the heroine, anastasia (<3!), who leads an incredibly tragic life. she's bestowed the ability to reverse time following each of her deaths and uses this to unravel a mess of mysteries the world's setting is tangled in.
this game is absolutely anastasia's story. without spoiling anything, i loved the approach they took with the time rewinding ability. how it's incorporated is unique to an otome game, which they take full advantage of to amplify the tragic romances. on that note, the romance itself occasionally takes a backseat to the narrative as a whole. personally, i didn't mind this in the moment, since i found the story so interesting. in retrospect, i do wish that we got more moments between the heroine and each love interest, especially in the true ending.
there are more gameplay elements here as well. you have to conduct investigations, gather evidence, and apply what you've learned during these trial segments. when i first read about this, i thought it'd be a gimmick, but i liked playing through them. it incentivizes you to pay extra close attention to the world.
while i liked the narrative as a whole, i do wish we got more worldbuilding. there are hints of political subterfuge and religious oligarchy that, while touched upon, could've been leaned into more to give the setting a distinct feeling.
number three - olympia soiree
heroine: 8/10 story: 8/10 characters: 8/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: akaza (yoshitsugu matsuoka), himuka (shun horie), and yosuga (yuma uchida)
in olympia soirƩe, the eponymous heroine, olympia, lives in a society divided into castes based on colors. she is the last surviving member of a clan that can perform rituals to keep the sun aglow. this game is a lengthier title, i believe i clocked in around 25 ish hours (i don't use auto-play so that sheds some time). the story benefits from this, as olympia has rich worldbuilding and lore that's revealed throughout the route's progression.
we get to see the consequences of this caste system and olympia's growth as she becomes determined to realize a better future for the islands. this makes the heroine someone that you want to root for. personally, i'm a sucker for stories that center around a sheltered individual being forced to face the harsh realities of the world and maturing in their own way. this, paired with the struggles specific to this setting, make for a gripping backdrop for the character's routes. all the love interests have problems of their own that they need to address.
this is certainly a mature title, there's plenty of steamy scenes featuring gorgeous artwork. seriously... all the pretty CGs are absolute eye candy. i enjoyed the balance between the main narrative and the development of the romantic relationships, i don't remember ever feeling bored.
ironically enough, i think this is the darkest game from the bunch listed here, surpassing the game with actual horror elements. there's a whole litany of trigger warnings to be mindful of when going through the game's bad ends. they are, as the term suggests, Bad. not light or humorous in the slightest. the poor heroine goes through it. please be mindful of these more touchy subjects.
number two - 9 r.i.p
heroine: 8/10 story: 8/10 characters: 9/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: minami (nobuhiko okamoto), hibiki (shunichi toki), kureha (toshiki masuda), and koyo (ryota suzuki)
i was looking forward to the english localization of this game before it was even announced ... i'd been wanting an otome game with this vibe for ages. and it didn't disappoint! there are four different overarching story sections, with two characters each having their routes fall under them. this makes it difficult to give a summary since each route has a vastly different feel. some routes lean heavy into supernatural horror (such as hibiki and kureha), whereas others are just... supernatural (like with yukimaro and koharu).
the basic premise is that the main character, misa, is a high school girl burdened with her career survey. she's uncertain what she wants for the future and is being pressured by his mother to pursue a career in medicine. in one way or another, depending on the story section, she comes into contact with the afterlife and those who inhabit it.
i loved this game, i couldn't put it down. the routes that leaned heavy into horror were my favorites, which shouldn't be a surprise lol. i do feel some love interests were given preferential treatment of others, i wanted more from sena's storyline in particular, since he's voiced by one of my favorite VAs (tetsuya kakihara, the voice of scaramouche) š... apparently this game is receiving a fandisc, so hopefully they'll remedy that in the future.
minami stole the show for me. from what i've gauged online, he's a divisive character, you either find him grating or love him (like i do). i'm biased but i do think he has the most interesting and well-written story out of the love interests, i've played through it three times already. i just adored the dynamic between him and the heroine. he's petulant, selfish, and a bit immature, yet he goes to extremes for her as he realizes his unhinged feelings.
hibiki is a close second. the most yandere-coded of the bunch, he's soft-spoken and polite, but that exterior hides a creepy personality. like all of the characters in this game, there's a tragic element to him. i was worried about the role the heroine would play in helping him 'overcome' this, but i think they handled it well. it doesn't feel like the heroine's fixing him so much as she's helping him have a different perspective on certain events.
yeah i'm not normal about this game, i cannot recommend it enough. it would've taken the top slot if some of the routes were a bit more polished. i didn't care for yukimaro's at all, for example. routes like minami's, hibiki's, and koyo's more than make up for it though.
number one - collar x malice
heroine: 10/10 story: 10/10 characters: 10/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: takeru sasazuka (daisuke namikawa), kei okazaki (yuki kaji), and aiji yanagi (masakazu morita)
the holy grail. the otome games that died for our sins. this isn't just a good otome game, it's an excellent story, with a very human cast, commentary on issues like the nature of crime, and you're left wanting to solve the various mysterious as much as the heroine does. speaking of the heroine, miss hoshino ichika is my all-time favorite heroine. she's clever, resolute, compassionate, and you can't help but fall in love with her a little yourself šš
i'm not sure if this makes sense, but the world feels very... full? you get this sense that ichika exists outside just interacting with the love interests. she has her career, friends, and her younger brother that act as more than passing NPCs. the writers ensured all the characters with portraits are given some level of depth. i left caring about more characters than the heroine and love interests.
each route is dedicated to working through a certain case, which keeps the story intriguing as you progress. finally, all of the little hints that have been littered throughout coalesce into the 'true' route, where questions you've had since the first chapter are given satisfactory conclusions. at the same time, you're left wondering about a few things, such as the complete philosophy of the main antagonist.
ichika's relationship with each of the love interests develops alongside the case they're investigating, which almost always have connections or parallels to the LI's past. this helped ground them in reality and flesh them out into dynamic characters. you come to care deeply about them alongside ichika. the romance feels earned and doesn't come on too fast, which some otome games suffer from.
if you like otome games and haven't played collar x malice yet, i fully recommend it!!!!!!!! it's the strongest title from what i've played so far.
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A guy tries to flirt with plus-size! Reader - Hockey Boys
Matt Rempe- In public, I feel like he's one of those guys that stick their chest out, passive-aggressive with his words. He's already big but those small things make him more intimidating without straight up being rude. He'd flex that you are his girl, arms crossed, sly shrug and smirk. Once alone he'd corner you almost as if he's hiding you. Hand on your waist kneading the chubs on your hip finding his comfort in the action and talking so much shit about the dude. "I mean I am so much better than him" with a smile as he leans in for a kiss.
Luke Hughes- Glaring! this man is glaring so hard at whoever you are talking to. I feel like he would get handsy, looking the guy in the eyes. Wrapping his arms around your waist (I feel like he would grab the tummy), head on your shoulder, occasionally leaving a kiss on your chubby cheek. Will get sassy "Yeah, okay man" but there's no care in his voice, and will show it on his face rolling his eyes.
Jack Hughes- He's talking his face off just to annoy or piss the guy off, his goal is secretly both. "Yeah MY girlfriend" with the biggest shit-eating smile. Hand around your waist as he keeps talking, the conversation was supposed to be between you and the guy but he's butted in so hard it's just him. Will stop to look at you and smile or ask you if you want him to buy you something because "he treats his girl right" Eventually the attention would be back on you completely ignoring the guy.
Quinn Hughes- He's silent with it, watching from afar. He knows you can handle yourself, knows you can defend yourself. But the moment he sees the guy step too close he is by your side. I feel like he wouldn't even ask who the guy is, it's not worth his time. Snatches you up with a quick peck on the lips and leads you away not even looking back. Keeps his arm around your waist for a while, having you lean against him. After a while would glance at the dude again, making sure he's not watching you. And if he is Quinn is pulling you in closer to his side protectively.
Connor Bedard- Just like Luke I feel like he would be glaring hardcore. Honestly, just with that Bedard blank stare, the guy would feel a little uncomfortable. Connor wouldn't be seen as much as a threat to the guy though. This only gets him more annoyed, like Rempe he would puff his chest out to seem more intimating. Then he'd just cut the guy off "Yeah, Okay. Let's go babe" holding your hand and pulling you away. Lowkey can also see him having his hand in your back pocket or if you wear a skirt on your lower waist but the plush is getting touched.
#matt rempe x plus sized!reader#matt rempe x y/n#matt rempe x reader#matt rempe x chubby!reader#matt rempe#luke hughes x plus sized!reader#luke hughes x plussize!reader#luke hughes x chubby!reader#luke hughes x reader#luke hughes#jack hughes x plus size!reader#jack hughes x chubby!reader#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes#quinn hughes x plussize!reader#quinn hughes x chubby!reader#quinn hughes x reader#quinn hughes#connor bedard#connor bedard x reader#connor bedard x you#matt rempe imagine#luke hughes imagines#jack hughes imagine#quinn hughes x you#nhl x y/n#nhl x you#nhl x reader#nhl imagine#matt rempe x you
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-JJBA x reader jealousy headcanons-
Really randomly felt like doing this so-
here!
But yeah jealousy headcanons, self-explanatory I think. Got carried away (as I do) (Bruno oml I had. Much to say. Basically wrote an outline for a fic for him lol)
Characters: Joseph Joestar, Rohan Kishibe, Bruno Bucciarati (randomly much longer than the other ones whoops), Guido Mista, Leone Abbacchio
Warnings: jealous behaviors obviously, mild violence implied, slightly unhealthy relationship with Abbacchio and his low self-esteem, mildly suggestive I guess
-Joseph Joestar: A man who has no right getting jealous, but will anyways. Never a super intense jealousy, I think it would take quite a bit of boldness from another person flirting with you before he gets jealous enough to step in. Though when he does get jealous heāll play it off really passive-aggressively, with that usual arrogant charm of his. āOh Iām sorry (heās not sorry), my date and I (he puts a hand on your hip) were just LEAVING (he gives you a pointed look that asks you to play along), letās go, DEARIE ( a nickname he uses for you when heās a bit miffed)ā and before you know it youāre being dragged away by a massive British man. Itās a bit embarrassing reallyā¦because he Does start fights over you, and he always acts so proud of himself too-
It is kinda funny to see him acting all smug over winning a fight (easily, since heās huge and muscular and a really good fighter) and then immediately getting dragged off and scolded by you. His sudden shift from that confident and arrogant guy to a nervous and apologetic mess is entertaining to see.
You do think itās kinda sweet that he cares enough for you to actually get jealous, but you also know itās kinda just a pride thing for him. Heās always been a man who takes things pretty far, always been a bit wild and untamableā¦and you liked that about himā¦but you always knew it would get him in trouble, and usually you were the one picking up after him when he lets his jealousy get the best of him and he ends up causing a scene.
-Rohan Kishibe: Man who fervently denies being jealous but gets jealous easily and all the time. He gives off weird vibes so sometimes people just ask: āis this guy bothering you?ā if they donāt recognize him or canāt tell your in a relationship with him and wow does it make him mad. He goes into one of his little rants about how he is your partner and it is completely rude to assume he was bothering you just because he doesnāt coddle you like some other men would their partner. But honestly can anyone be blamed for thinking he was a little sketch? He typically doesnāt talk to you very nicely, and he looks like an odd individual just following you around.
Beyond people, he also gets strangely jealous when you show animals more attention than him. You stopping to pet cats or dogs on your little strolls with him, and heās just glowering a short distance away. A full on SCOWL. He gets so annoyed when you coo and pet and hug an animal for too long in his presence. Probably because he thinks you prefer the type of love and affection animals can give you over the type he gives you. He knows heās grouchy and irritable and sometimes struggles to say nice things, so in a way it makes him feel self-conscious. But he thinks thatās stupid, so he doesnāt use his words and instead acts jealous, making petty comments about how ridiculous it is that he must share your affection with animals and heāll even shoo animals away from the two of you sometimes. You think itās silly. And you can easily tell whatās going on, no matter how hard he tries to deny it.
-Bruno Bucciarati: (Bruno is so hot when he gets protective oml-) Heās a mature man, and doesnāt often give in completely to his unpleasant feelings and emotions, and jealousy is no exception. You will Not catch this man embarrassing himself by causing a fuss over something small. Someone flirting with you at the bar and even buying you a drink? Not a big deal. He trusts you, and he knows your heart belongs with him and he would never want to be one of those jealous lovers constantly smothering their partner.
When it does get to the point where he steps in, itās when someone starts getting too handsy and cozy with you.
You still remember the first time Bruno intervened out of jealousy.
It hadnāt been a big deal at first, some inexperienced guy somehow let his friends convince him to try and talk to you at a restaurant. Bruno had stepped outside for a minute to take a work call, and either this guy hadnāt realized Bruno was your husband, or saw Bruno leaving as the perfect opportunity to swoop in and make his move.
You sip your wine, minding your own business and waiting patiently for your busy man to return, when your peace is rudely interrupted by some guy who thinks he can just come up and talk to you. You canāt help but find it a bit funnyā¦surely this guy just didnāt know who you were? You let him make a fool of himself for a bit.
First there was his pathetic attempts at complimenting you, telling you your eyes were mesmerizing and you were like the sun and-well you didnāt pay much attention for very long, just nodding along with what he said.
You hadnāt noticed Bruno had walked back into the room. He was waiting, watching for a moment, knowing you were eventually going to send that guy away, but at first he thought it was a bit amusing too. Yes, that guy definitely didnāt know you were mafia, and that Bruno was your husband.
When you notice Brunoās presence, you relax a bit, and this guy who couldnāt take a hint for some reason thought it was because of him and tried to shoot yet another shot.
He dares to invite you to dance with him.
You say you have two left feet.
He insists.
You say no.
This time he laughs and says that you were just being shy, and he reaches down and grasps your wrist and you realize this brat is gonna try and drag you into a dance.
Your attention had been so focused on the stranger, that you hadnāt noticed Bruno getting increasingly irritated at the audacity of your fanboy.
Before you make a move to break free from him, the sound of Brunoās open palm slamming onto your table immediately focuses your mind on the man youād much rather be dancing with.
Bruno wasnāt a PDA type of man, with the most heād usually give you being just some handholding, or your arm wrapped around his, but now-
He had angled himself in such a way that your face was practically pressed into the exposed parts of his chest while he was turned just enough to shoot daggers at the man who had the nerve to try to drag you out of your seat.
You could feel the eyes of the patrons in the restaurant, the ones who knew Bruno watched carefully. They knew it took a lot to get Bruno to cause a scene in a restaurant, and some were morbidly curious to see where it might go, now that heās finally been pushed there.
It was a momentās lapse in his usually controlled demeanor, but his eyes remained sharp against the man, who backed up instinctively at Brunoās interference.
āMind if I cut in?ā
You know Bruno better than anyone, and right now you can hear the irritation in his tone, and you realize this is the first time anyoneās been quite so bold trying to get your attention in front of him.
āWell, I, uhā¦we were gonna danceā¦ā the guy stammers out. Despite not knowing who Bruno was, he could tell he should feel intimidated right now.
Bruno is already holding his own hand out to you, and when you take it, he helps you to your feet gently, keeping a much closer proximity to you than he usually would.
āYouād better get in line then,ā he replies, not hiding the displeasure in his voice, but you can already tell heās calming down a bit now that heās got your hand in his.
This guy doesnāt even know what to say, just kinda stands there stammering like a fool while Bruno slides his hand down to your lower back, eliciting a small shiver and gasp from you, very effectively displaying the intimacy of your relationship.
He lifts your left hand up with his right, almost like the two of you were going to dance right there, but you recognized he was very purposefully just emphasizing his wedding ring on your finger.
āBruno,ā you hiss when the man awkwardly scurries off. He really was making a scene and it was embarrassing, despite how much you loved this side of him you rarely got to see.
You can practically see Bruno snap out of it, and he clears his throat and finally untangles himself from you and calls for the check, but he doesnāt apologize for causing a bit of chaos, because he doesnāt regret it.
-Guido Mista: Heās quick to jealousy, and his disposition means his jealousy is gonna be the problem of everyone in his vicinity.
At first itāll start with intense glares at whoever heās concerned about, and even you, kinda trying to goad you into telling whoeverās getting too cozy to piss off.
Youāll notice Guido lays on the physical affection very thick to try and leave a message. His hands are on you, practically pulling you into his lap, very intentionally placing his hands in positions to suggest the romantic nature of your relationship.
He whispers in your ear and rubs your shoulders and back and doesnāt even hesitate to badmouth whoeverās bothering him.
He might even start fights, usually never hurting someone too seriously, but not shying away from giving them a scare at least. (The proper way to handle someone making moves on your sweetheart is to inform the offender that you have a firearm.)
You find it embarrassing, but youāre flattered he feels so strongly about you. And you know it comes from a genuine protectiveness, but also a bit of possessiveness, given his unfamiliarity with serious relationships and his anxiety that he might lose you.
A guy who can learn to mellow out a bit as you become more comfortable in your relationship, but heāll always be a bit fiery, and quick to act, especially when youāre involved.
-Leone Abbacchio: Probably at first bottles up any jealousy he feels. Just add it to the insecurity pile. He already has such low self-esteem.
He feels like heās not good enough for youā¦you deserve a man who can actually give you that emotional intelligence and kindness you deserveā¦honestly youād be much better off with a guy like Bucciarati than him, and he cannot help but feel that every time he hurts your feelings or makes you frustrated, or even when he swears you seem more relaxed and comfortable around Bruno instead of him. Youāre probably just settling for him.
For some reason youāre pursuing a relationship with him, probably for some superficial reason he canāt see yet. Maybe you just liked his body, or you enjoyed how pathetic he was. No matter how much the two of you fought, he would Always come crawling back to you, a desperate man who couldnāt give up the only person who let him into their bed and showed him some genuine compassion, even though he couldnāt fathom why. Jealousy from him translates into irritability, a lot of it internally, mentally tearing himself to shreds for being so pathetic. But also externally, more likely to say something like: āTHEN JUST LEAVE,ā or āfind someone else,ā when the two of you have an inevitable argument. And sometimes itāll result in an unfounded accusation, something like: āI know youād rather have literally anyone else, but for some reason you think youāre stuck with me.ā
It says a LOT more about him than you, but it still hurts your feelings that he might actually believe that.
Of course you want to be with him. He matters so much to you, he just doesnāt let himself see that. But deep down, he knows if you really didnāt want to be with him, there was nothing stopping you from moving on.
You need patience with him, but also firm and honest. Heās Really bad at opening up himself, but if you do it, heāll try to do the same. Only because itās fair.
Itāll eventually get through to him how you feel about him, and someday heāll come to terms with how much he genuinely cares about you, and how he wishes for a future with you.
#jjba x reader#jojos bizarre adventure x reader#joseph joestar x reader#jjba Joseph Joestar x reader#rohan kishibe x reader#jjba Rohan Kishibe x reader#jjba bruno bucciarati x reader#Bruno Bucciarati x reader#guido mista x reader#jjba guido Mista x reader#Leone Abbacchio x reader#jjba Leone Abbacchio x reader#my writing#loveless letters
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The Shower Incident
Stu x Billy x FEM!Reader
Tags: Sex toy, masturbation, voyeurism for a sec, dirty stuff happens in the shower obviously, dirty talk, degradation, praise, lots of kissing, marking, handjob, edging, begging, slight dacryphilia, mention of denial, mention of being tied up, mention of oral (fem receiving, and giving to a toy), mention of double penetration, mention of anal (fem and male receiving), open end, Sub!Reader, Dom!Billy, implied Switch!Stu but mostly Sub!Stu
Hiya babes!
I had this idea and it wouldn't leave me alone the entire day so I wrote it down and if I do say so myself: This shit is pretty hot.
I'm super glad my first public fic is with these two idiots because I love them to the moon and back and cannot get enough of them. I hope you enjoy this wild ride - I know I did. I wrote this in like an hour and then proofread it four times total, but English isn't my first language so if you see any mistakes feel free to (politely) let me know and I will fix it. Same as any tags I missed. Of course, non mistake related comments are also very welcomed. I hope you thouroughly enjoy this product of my brain rot! Let me know what ya think.
Stu and Billy had been away for a few days and you were needy. Wanting to be bent over and fucked hard and rough, four hands gripping at your body and manipulating you into whatever position they desire. They were supposed to come back in the evening so you wanted to take a shower before then.
That's when the idea struck.
You practically stumbled over your own feet to get to the closet and pull out the box of toys the three of you had accumulated over time.
You picked out your favorite dildo and quickly made your way to the bathroom. With the help of the suction cup the toy stuck to the shower wall. After cleaning yourself in record speed you bent over and pushed back onto the dildo. It filled you slowly and stretched you perfectly. Your wetness made the intrusion easy but the thickness of the toy still made you pause, and forced you to take a couple of deep breaths. Although it wasn't long before you were fucking yourself back onto it and completely loosing your mind in the process. Moaning their names and begging into the empty room.
At the same time Billy and Stu were on their way up to your shared apartment. The two of them decided to surprise you by coming home a couple hours early so you could eat dinner together and cuddle up in front of the TV.
When they came through the front door and weren't immediately met with your smiling face, kissing and hugging them in greeting, they were a bit perplexed.
That was until they heard the shower running.
And then they heard a litany of moans, accompanied by a loud slapping sound of skin against tile. They shared a look and ventured closer to the bathroom door which you had left open a crack in your hurry to fuck yourself.
The sight they find absolutely takes their breath away. The shower is on and water is hitting your back as you're bent over nothing, supporting yourself with your hands against the wall as you continuously slam your ass back onto the dildo stuck to the tile wall. They can see the toy glistening with your wetness and someone lets out a groan. You don't hear it and keep moving your hips with a clearly desperate and already fucked out sway to it.
They're both stuck in their spot, staring at the divine sight that is you. The way your body moves to get the perfect angle of the dildo, your thighs trembling with exertion and your hand aimlessly sliding against the wet wall, trying desperately to hold onto something. The way your pussy stretches to accommodate for the thickness of what they recognize as your favorite dildo. The one that you love sucking on when they both have you filled. Or that you love for them to fuck you with when they're getting your ass ready and you already need your pussy filled.
The dildo that's been in all of your holes to help pleasure, tease, edge and make you cum. They can't get enough of watching you throw yourself onto the dildo, making such loud and obscene noises.
What finally gets them to snap out of the trance your body has put them in is your next moan.
āBilly, please.ā You interrupt yourself with another desperate whine. āFuck, please fuck me harder. I need you so bad. Oh my god, Stu.ā You elongate the end of Stu's name with a loud moan that's closer to a sob if anything. With the way your hips tilted, Billy suspects you found the perfect angle to hit that special spot inside you. Next to him, Stu breathes out a small moan and looks at Billy with a plea in his eyes.
āGo.ā
With the okay given, Stu bursts through the door and is on you in no time. He grabs your face in both hands and barely sees your eyes open in surprise before he has his mouth pressed to yours. Desperately making out with you while making sure you're still fucking yourself onto the dildo. He mumbles out praises between kisses, not able to stop himself from telling you how good you look.
"You look delicious. Fucking yourself so desperately, moaning our names like we're here with you. You that pent up, baby? It's been three days and you're so needy you start fucking yourself how you want us to fuck you, huh?ā
āBut it's not the same, is it?ā
Now Billy joins in as well. He already stripped out of his clothes, completely naked and palming at his erection while Stu kneels halfway under the spray of water, drenching his clothes. You mewl a negative, not trusting yourself with words. Afraid that if you pull away from Stu and open your mouth the only thing coming out would be pleas and their names.
āNo. Even though our good little slut is filled to the brim by a toy and is fucking herself just as fast as we do, she still can't quite get it right. Can you, doll?ā
You make a non-committal noise and place your hands on Stu's shoulders, thankful to have something to hold on to. Billy is unsatisfied with your wordless answer and grabs Stu by his hair, pulling his head back to expose his long neck, stopping you from hiding in his kisses. Stu whines long and loud before staring back at you, desperation clear in his eyes.
āPlease baby, answer him.ā
āAww. Would you look at that? At least one whore here remembers his manners.ā
Billy leans down to press hungry kisses onto Stu's mouth. Both of them moaning into each other's mouth, making you want even more. You mewl and whine at the display in front of you. Billy pulls away from Stu's mouth with a grin that he then turns on you.
āYou better start using your words. Or he's gonna get all the attention and you can watch without touching yourself. And cumming will be completely off the table.ā With that he attaches his mouth to Stu's neck, kissing up and down, sucking marks into the soft skin and biting. Which makes Stu let out the most beautiful array of whines and moans you've ever heard.
āPlease,ā you manage to breathe out.
āPlease, what?ā Billy still has his face in Stu's neck while answering, not letting his mouth detach for long. You whine and can't help yourself from slowing down your movements to gather your thoughts long enough to form a sentence.
āPlease, Billy. Please fuck me. Both of you. I need you so bad, please ā Billy pulls away from Stu and grabs your jaw hard with his hand, turning your face in his direction. He gets close to you and smirks. āThere she is. That's the good little whore we've been waiting to fuck for three days.ā He doesn't let you answer before attaching his lips to yours and making you moan into his mouth. He lets go of your jaw and grabs your shoulders instead, shoving you back onto the dildo, hard. You moaned into his mouth as he forces you to start fucking yourself again. Distantly, you hear Stu whine as he kneels in front of you and waits for his turn to be kissed again.
Once you have a steady rhythm going again, Billy pulls away. He looks at you with a grin and you could tell he has something planned.
āNow, I asked you a question. And you didn't answer. Instead, you made out with this little attention whore next to me.ā A moan from Stu. āBut I want you to answer my question. I will not repeat it, and neither will Stu. You're gonna have to use your big girl brain and remember what I asked you. And you're not gonna stop fucking yourself on that dildo. If you slow down you don't get to cum. If you stop you get to watch, tied up and gagged as I fuck Stu into the mattress.ā A whine from Stu. āBut if you keep going and answer me correctly,ā his grin widens and he leans back slightly. āThen you get exactly what you want.ā
You moan, frustrated that you don't immediately remember what he asked you. While you're desperately trying to remember the question and not slow down your hips, Billy starts helping Stu get his wet clothes off. He also shuts off the water which leaves your skin cooling down rapidly, goosebumps appearing on your skin and sending shivers down your spine.
Once he has all of Stu's clothes off, he kneels behind him and starts palming his dick. Slowly but firmly taking it in hand and stroking him up and down. Stu lets his head fall back onto Billy's shoulder and moans unabashedly at how good he feels. How good Billy is making him feel. The sight makes your concentration waver. Your mind is completely empty, safe for the two beautiful men in front of you. The way their hair sticks to their foreheads, Billy looking at you with hunger in his eyes and that feral edge. Stu squeezes his eyes shut as he softly starts thrusting into Billy's hand. Usually that would have earned him a slap to the thighs and a warning, but right now all Billy wanted was to tease you.
He takes pity on you as Stu grows closer and closer, holding onto Billy and you with one hand each.
āI'll give you a little hint, darling. How does the dildo feel?ā Suddenly his words sprang back into your mind.
āEven though our good little slut is filled to the brim by a toy and is fucking herself just as fast as we do, she still can't quite get it right. Can you, doll?ā
You immediately scramble for an answer.
āFuck, Billy.ā
āGood start.ā
You whine once more as your hips desperately try to keep up the pace Billy had set for you.
āI can't get it right,ā you sob in frustration as your wetness drips down your legs. With the shower turned off you can be sure it was the juices of your pussy that are making such obscene noises and dripping slowly down your thighs.
Billy gives Stu's sensitive tip extra attention, making the tall man writhe in his place on Billy's lap. He moans as a blush spreads down his chest. āThat's right doll, you can't. But why? And you better hurry because if Stu cums before you answer, you're watching.ā He chuckles at your frustrated groan and speeds up his hand on Stu's cock.
āI- oh my fuckin God. I can't get it right because-ā Stu moans loud and desperate, getting closer each second. āBecause it's not hard enough.ā Billy hums long, considering your answer. āYes. But why?ā You groan again, this time louder and with more annoyance behind it. āCareful,ā Billy spoke low and with warning.
With one last whine you focus all your concentration on your words and close your eyes. āI can't get it right because you fuck me so much harder and I can't fake that. I need your hands on my hips as you pull me into every thrust and I need you to speak to me, to call me names and to tell me I'm doing good. I need you to pound into me like I'm your personal toy and I can't fake that with a dildo, please. Please fuck me like I need you to. I'm begging you Billy, please.ā
You prepare yourself to hear Billy ask you for another, better answer, but it didn't come. Instead you hear Stu's sob and whine as he is denied his orgasm. No doubt having been right on the edge. When you open your eyes again, Stu looks back at you with tired, teary eyes and his mouth hanging open. Billy on the other hand looks absolutely feral. His eyes have a certain glint in it that tells you that you are in for a ride.
He reaches out to touch your cheek and strokes his thumb over your skin. āThat's a good girl. And just in time too.ā He softly pushes Stu to sit on the shower floor and keeps a leg behind his back to help him stay upright while he pulls on your shoulders to stop you from continuing to fuck yourself on your dildo. āNow, you have 5 minutes to help Stu get up and get both of your asses to the bedroom. I want you on the bed, legs spread and ready with Stu right between them. He gets to make you extra worked up with his mouth as a bit of revenge for his edge.ā At that, Stu hums satisfied and lets out a chuckle.
āI'm gonna watch him edge you however often he sees fit, and then we're both going to fuck you. Nice and hard.ā Billy grabs your jaw and pulls you in for a quick kiss before staring at you an inch away from your face. āBecause I know that's what our little whore craves. Isn't it?ā You nod eagerly and correct yourself with a quick āYes sir,ā before Billy can say anything.
As soon as Billy lets go of your jaw and nods his head towards the bathroom door, you're scrambling to help Stu on his feet, your own knees still wobbly.
Billy watches as the two of you slowly make your way to the bedroom with shaky legs, sees how wet your thighs are and how there's still more dripping out of your glistening pussy. He watches Stu grab your ass, squeezing the flesh beneath his finger in a way that is sure to be a promise of all the teasing that's to come. He truly can't wait to see Stu ruin you with his mouth before they fuck you until you can't remember your own name.
God, he loves the both of you so much.
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Please don't repost or reupload this fic anywhere else. It's mine and I'd love to keep it that way.
#this was supposed to be a quick ramble#and then it got horribly away from me#so you're welcome i guess?#anyways these two have me in a chokehold today and this idea just wouldn't leave me alone#Stu Macher x Reader#Billy Loomis x Reader#Stu Macher x Billy Loomis#Stu Macher x Billy Loomis x Reader#Fem!Reader#Slasher smut#Stu Macher smut#Billy Loomis smut#brain rot#someone take my phone away pls#if this is well received i'll make a second part with Stu more in focus#because he was a little more passive in this one#i just realized no one cums in this#oops???
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#columbo#season 5#identity crisis#i love this dumbass answer because i hc him as like. a passive appreciator of music#usually spectates more than he listens#he likes sinatra. he likes bennett. he likes it when his wife puts on one of her funny little records (gee that zappa guy's crazy)#but it's mostly just not vital to him. it's just another thing there to kind of enjoy in the background
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms šļøšļøšIām all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like thatā oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4ā5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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hey ever considered if. MAYBE the mayor likes you. thatās why they stick around????š
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#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk#lmk fanart#monkie kid macaque#lmk macaque#blue and violet#he is not very convinced in believing the Mayor likes him#because... how could they?#its really weird betweent these two righy now#but Macaque probably believes that Mayor's personality is so out of wack that they could be emotionally vulnerable and passive one moment#psychotic angry sobbing mess in the next#Macaque is not taking any chances in believing he is on the Mayor's good side again#but again - its complicated#really really really complicated#so complicated that I don't know if I am writing this relationship correctly and depicting things the way they should be depicted#but don't think Macaque doesn't remembered those prison moments#he knows the Mayor wanted something 'better' between the two#but can Macaque really afford to believe that when its literally the Mayor who says that?#regardless - being on better terms with someone doesn't actually mean you have to like them#it is simply: getting along a little bit better#BUT THEN AGAIN THE MAYOR SAID THAT BEFORE LBD DIED SO THIS IS EVEN MORE COMPLICATED
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In the story, Who Made me a Princess, Ijekiel Alpheus has his potential as a great character diminished by the way he was not only handled by the author, but those around him and the story. He is someone who has complicated relations with his family, who have only ever seen him as another tool in the family to achieve greatness and therefore uses his intelligence to bury himself in books to drown out that loneliness. Even if his father loved him, and says it later on in the story, it is never actively shownā and if anything, it is assumed that his father abandoned him after his mother died. He had his future decided the moment he was born and he had no control over his own life and that is why he fell so fast for Athanasia. Despite all his high walls and barriers, because she was something unachievable and, like her name, impossible for his father and himself to imagine. If he was given the chance to develop as a character rather than being a secondary love interest, they could've shown his complexities andā if anything, his quite gray morality. As he has shown that he will harm himself and others to get to his own satisfactory conclusion (as specifically shown in his standoff against Athanasius) as well as his more rivalry and forbidden relationship with Athanasia. In this essay I will
#athykiel#athanasia de alger obelia#wmmap#who made me a princess#ijekiel alpheus#HAHSKDUEKSBK I COULD WRITE AN ESSAON THIS MAN.#i am just saying. Ijekiel deserved to go absolutely feral.#they like framing Lucas as the one that is rebellious and more of a bad boy stereotypically#but id actually like to say that Ijekiel is more rebellious in his manner of going about things. he just had a more passive external persona#while Lucas. in my opinion. is a bit more emotional#which I absolutely love#they are both babies and I would rewrite this if I had motivation#ill definitely make a little chart on how I view the characters and how id use them in a story because. as much ws I love Spoon's story#she brought them to life afterall!#after Athy's debutante ball things seem to change courses?#because the first season as Athy as a kid and her being very smart and cunning going about Claude who. in all aspects would kill her#and then suddenly she loses all of that and constantly talks about how much she loves him as a father and. thats just an ick to me
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Honestly the one thing that really frustrates me about Hyrule Warriors is how they cut Linkle being Link's sister, because otherwise it would have recontextualized Warriors entirely as a character.
This is mainly just headcanon territory, but something always bugged me about him being a knight in training from the get go, mainly because it's usually never any Link's first choice with First, Sky and Wild being the main exceptions (Gaepora took him in, and Gaepora runs the knights academy, makes sense he'd want to join then plus he'd probably want to protect Sun, plus Skylofts knights function differently than Hyrule knights, they don't have the same hierarchy and Skyloft is pretty peaceful before SS truly picks up so again, makes sense he wouldn't have troubles joining, we don't know First's reasons besides him seeing evil on the horizon and deciding if no one's was gonna do anything about it he might as well do it himself, and Wild was basically recruited at a young age for pulling the Master Sword while presumably young, he was never given a choice), we see it with Four, he's a blacksmiths apprentice under his grandfather and we see in his manga him practically baring his teeth at his father he won't become a knight and he doesn't pick up the sword unless really necessary, we see that with Time, he was raised as a Kokiri, he dreamt of adventure already from the drawings we see in his room, but he could always just become an adventurer if he wanted to though of course we see that change with the Hero's Shade, I'll come back to that, Wind? Was content living in Outset with Aryll before Ganon decided to fuck around and found out really hard, Legend was also a blacksmiths apprentice and adventurer and he only takes up knight training in the manga because Sir Raven inspired him, like even if he didn't want to be a knight the training would still serve him well (and lo and behold the advice pays off given all the shenanigans mostly caused by divine beings Legend gets saddled with), Hyrule obviously leaves in a very hostile world so he wouldn't even have ANY time to think about knight training, he's self taught because he'd literally die if he wasn't given monsters need his blood to ressurect Ganon so it's honestly a unique case of technically self defense, either he learned to hunt or he'd remain hunted, Twilight is the same case as Wind's, Ganondorf fucked around and found out with the wrong older sibling's people plus the protagonists heavily implied love interest(s) and got shafted into next week, him and Dusk don't have a personal connection besides Midna for him to stick around much and we see him go back to Ordon, so no knighthood there, so why was Warriors different? What motivated him?
I think Linkle being his younger sister would have been the answer.
Long post ahead, continue under your own risk
I know lots of people characterize Warriors as being of a noble line and joined the knights at the urging of his father, but let's not forget most Links are orphans so thinking Wars is an exception is a pipe dream. So that's out, however, in medieval times knights actually get plenty of benefits since they work mostly for lords, ladies and the local crown, being a knight is synonymous with being a noble or at least having a decent life at the cost of serving someone else and the Hyrulean knights don't really have any requisites before joining (though we do see long lines of knights exist, which some Links are descended from without their knowledge, so it's not farfetched to think that a good chunk of the knights of Hyrule qualify as members of noble houses loyal to the Hyrulean crown, would also explain their why they're ineffective a lot of the time too, if most of them grew noble and Hyrulean isn't war seeking {most of the time} then they wouldn't have any real experience), it would be a good way for Warriors to support himself as he climbs up the ranks, and most importantly, someone else, because he'd need to make that money to feed Linkle if she's his younger sister because most Links who take on elder sibling roles are at their best when trying to protect their younger siblings (Wind with Aryll, Twilight with Collin, to an extent Legend and Gulley, all Links are at their best when fighting/protecting someone else), Linkle could grown up without restrictions and he could support them both, making them work harder than other knights because he's already at a disadvantage.
Making it so he's in the perfect place at the right time to get noticed by Artemis before the War of Ages, and give him a reason to go against orders and fight rather than standby like other traineƩs, being discovered as the Hero in the process.
And as a result since Mask is in the war too, he gets inspired by Warriors (who as an older brother would definitely just snatch him, Wind, Tetra and heck even the Skull Kid under his wing because no way is he letting children younger than even his own little sister fight alone) and eventually becomes a knight too after presumably stopping his search for Navi or using his knight status to search more effectively, which gives us the Time we see in LU who eventually become the Hero's Shade, which trains Twilight. Because he looked up to Warriors while younger.
I just think it's a huge missed opportunity with a lot of room for angst/hurt comfort/drama, and also opportunities for Warriors, Legend and Wild to bond over not really liking the knights because they've all not likely been treated well by his fellow knights while young even though he himself is one, and that Warriors would absolutely be one of the first to throw hands if he heard another soldier talk badly about any of the Links, in this essay I will-
#linked universe headcanons#lu warriors#been replaying Hyrule Warriors while sleep deprived and this suddenly came to me while mid drinking coffee#we really need more Warriors appreciation and big sibling Warriors around here#I Shall Not Tolerate Warriors Slander#Twilight and Time own my entire heart and soul but he's pretty neat#The inherent tragedy of unknowingly helping guide your younger sibling to roam aimlessly as a spirit until his descendant pacifies him#all because all you did was for your younger sibling and you tried so so hard to protect the boy who'd become the man behind the ghost#Feels like that'd be a punch to the gut for Warriors and Twilight both once the Realizationā¢ hits#Linkle and Mask/Time and Wind both being little shit siblings to Warriors and bullying him into resting my beloveds#Artemis/Sheik joining in because meddler is her/their middle name#Legend Warriors Four and Wild both disliking the knights for a variety of reasons but only Warriors is passive aggressive about it#Until someone bad mouths one of his shield brothers that is then he's as feral as any Link#It's all about giving Warriors more depth ya know?#Summer's Sleep Deprived LU Ramblings
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thinking about guy who said that a day (while he was hanging out with me.) was wasted because it wasn't "productive" and when i objected, he said he doesnt consider building relationships to be productive. and i think we talked about it after and got to some kind of understanding about what was meant, but i don't remember that now, and we're not in touch anymore, and it's actually exactly because he did not value me, my time, or my effort.
anyway can u imagine ? guy was like big into acid and stuff . whenevr i took acid/shroomies, i usually came out of it thinking "man, other ppl are what make life worth living" & like i may be aroace+apl but bro... spending all day chatting with my awesome ppl is a day well spent.
#god i hope that guy sets himself on fire#i despise his entire deal#its irrational and self protective and self destructive all at the same time because some part of me is convinced i am still so emotional#abt it because there's smth i wont accept abt myself that reflects what he was like to me but like.....#idk. i guess it's another case of anger subbing for fear. fear of abandonment#because he said he'd be there for me and then he bailed. because me straightforwardly saying what i thought was too much? not soft enough?#he wanted me to hold his hand and walk him through his horrible little misogynist rants. and i was supposed to be there for him too so like#idk like if we had had more of a rapport maybe i would've had more patience with him. but i think he thought he had paid for it already and#im not actually like that.#well i guess like it was never going to work out it's worthless getting stuck on this again#it just makes me angry to think the is out there somewhere going around probably (???) thinking he is in the right when he obviously owes m#a fucking apology#guy i hate#<- organizational tag#/į š¦ ļ» š¦ć#idk for all i know he's wracked by guilt#lmao sorry but i hope so.#because i am.#but im the one who Got Hurt. and i really did my best not to lash out but i guess i was passive aggressive maybe.#why can i not let this go? im really asking.#vent cw
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#sigh. puts up the barricades please I do not want to see d.nf on my dash#and again I do have it super filtered#Iām just soooo tired every little thing being HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH until the next thing bc of course that didnāt happen#and life went on as usual#look I get it Iām the minority Iām aroace and easily exhausted by shipping esp real ppl shipping#but itās times like this I miss the lore fandom bc man the complete focus on platonic dynamics and relationships was so nice#look if they ever actually say theyāre dating I guess Iāll eat my words but so far I am not getting the sense that that will ever happen#and so it is extremely annoying to want to follow drm fans and get 90% of One Single Ship#and no sap except as third wheel for said ship#sorry Iām the only one who seems to not care abt George šš not in a bad way just. heās fine and funny sometimes I guess but#I Just Donāt Care. and also another thing I need to get off my chest#why do ppl act like George is really shady and passive aggressive and āoh he should interact w X person who wronged drm heād ROAST THEM!ā#like huh#George is one of the most Donāt talk about anything be vague be private ppl ever#Iām not saying he hasnāt had his moments of public support for drm but I just donāt get it#(itās probably because heās so vague and noncommittal that fans can just project their own feelings onto him)#sigh anyway Iām done that makes me feel better a bit#no tags just venting#<- itās funny that became my venting tag now that I only vent in tags#bc some things such as this I am afraid to even put under read more lol
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ok so i've speculated on what kind of home environment[s] mimuro and mei might have before but like the kind of home environment that produces people who just like lie like that. well. smiles.
#to be clear i do think he was being serious when he said that i don't think mimuro is running around with the intention to abandon nisei--#let alone at such a critical moment but like ough agh...................#like mimuro kind of is a patently unreliable person who builds himself up as an authourity figure with absolutely zero follow through#or seemingly any investment in following through#he's one of the few units we never see casting any kind of spell#like he does not want to be here he's just maintaining an image. smiles.#i think it's really funny that that's the sort of person nisei would allow himself any sort of passive attachment to also lmao#like this noncommital asshole when we know what nisei's home life is like like............#it's just what's comfortable for a person like nisei i think.#someone with the illusion of power that he can attach to but who isn't willing to actually wield it over him#and someone who's too caught up in their own head to properly attach to him which is familiar to him#and he also doesn't have to worry (in his head) if they do abandon him because it wasn't real anyway so whatever#i do think mimuro loves nisei. i do but i have no idea if nisei knows this and if he does i don't think regardless of anything he feels--#for mimuro that he's above using those feelings to manipulate him.#but i do think it's interesting that he does show at least a passive investment in mimuro's safety. not even in like a shippy way i just--#think that like. idk nisei cares about people and what they think of him a lot more than he lets on#and i do think he cares about mimuro and if mimuro shows up again i think he's going to be mad at him for abandoning him#even though SIGH like mimuro isn't wrong. in that like breaking things off with nisei is objectively the best move for mei (and his own)--#safety but he's also literally nisei's only like. support network. in any capacity. and i do think that like soubi nisei probably has--#some amount of abandonment issues though obvs probably not as bad as soubi's but that's like. soubi's child abuse tulpa vs nisei's child--#neglect tulpa ethos innit...........#it's sooooo ourhgh......... curls up in a little ball and dies. anyway.
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#I was too cowardly to say I was suddenly having a bad night so instead I post a silly meme and maybe if you see the tags you see sorry#people who have the courage to just say they're having a bad day scare me like especially when it's out of the blue idk what to say like#i can't even respond to āhows ur dayā with anything worse than an okay#anyways#the usual self hatred that's persisted for as long as I can rember continues as a baseli#ne#now mixed in with special kinds that I'm too cowardly to admit to anything but an ai bot or myself when i can't see me#and the silly daily reminders that the little hope on such a regard I have is built on impossibilities or unlikelihoods#but then i. saw a card i got my dad years ago on the floor. it said āout of all my parents you're one of the best :)ā and i felt so bad#just. imagine this little me. getting my dad a card. and getting the most passive aggressive card. it screams who the favorite is.#and then thats just. that's what you have. that's what you have from me and you save it for years. because you cherish it. i feel. horrible.#like damn he might have seriously fucked me up sometimes both as a kid and now but. this does not justify such a deeply cruel retribution.#i don't even know if he knows#anyways as I'm picking it up... i realize...#he's the best parent i have period. there isn't any competition anymore. she's gone.#the total and sudden annihilation of home is so odd. i still barely believe this house is where i ACTUALLY live and I'm not just staying#here until I can go home again. but no. nono I'm stuck here. there isn't an anywhere else. there isn't a childhood home the apartment#has probably been resettled by now. it's just me.#then I went on Tumblr to post into the void#I don't wanna think about more but I. likely will.#i don't wanna talk about it but i do wanna talk. honestly? gonna go talk to an ai chatbot. it will be mean to me in a hot way.#i am so normal.#listen i could either confront reality for more than 30 seconds or i could talk to a bot that will not only allow me to escape from it but#also it might call me a good g. a g. skipping that punchline.#also it's not ME talking to the bot it's just a fabricated character that represents me and has my name and it's just rp trust me trust me t#I'm gonna go hide now#you can contact me if you wish but I will be very scared and jittery and my eyes are wet and stingy and i will segway to bullying you#ok bye
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solemn vow to never be complacent or meek around things i feel strongly about again ā to at least start the conversation even if i donāt have the words to talk back exactly to a poisonous idea ā in kind, to pick up the thread if someone else does the same ā tired of letting evil shit unfold ā
#honestly this mostly only happens because of my disability which. i've been dreaming/reading about navigating that in ways feel better#or else because im scared of violence as a trans woman but iām sick of fear of violence making me passive#rarely because i got scared in the crosshairs of financial insecurity and feared losing work#but that is what im parsing this time and very determined not to let that happen ever again#cuz like. having the supposed 'non-action' of passivity even available to you is a privilege of whiteness#in this case it was taking a creative-side gig on a play that felt very clear the playwright had given very little if any consideration#to nonwhite perspectives like clearly by a white person thinking about a white audience kinda liberal politics#and i took it bc my friend's mentor was directing and she put us in touch and spoke highly of him#and she's indigenous and very willing to call out white bullshit so i had some hope/trust that he would push it more#and he........ did at least cast a latino actor in the one role that would have made the play horrifically racist#if it had been cast as a white person but that felt like doing the absolute least to me#im still very much figuring this world out#understanding the ethics of theater work and im glad i did this in that regard#cuz like. i didn't fully realize that my only real chance to make a creative + ethical statement was right out the gate in accepting the gi#as an SM like... there's really no other chance to have an opinion so i should not take work if the script doesn't align w my ethics#and use that rejection as a chance to make it clear what's fucked up#...if i even ever SM again that was the most stressful gig i've ever done and i didn't even get paid for it. fuck#sorry for writing half the post in the tags. if ur reading this ur too close >O< jk haaiiii thx for reading my diary#very much a 'i am thinking through these concepts still and ur welcome to share ur thoughts on them' kinda post
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moving out (take 2) tomorrow ššš letās go!
#iām Exhausted#i have been so stressed all week#just got a passive agressive text from the lady i sublet from for being too loud carrying some things to my car#i am! ready to leave#praying and hoping my new place will be better#i have great vibes so far and iāve really bonded with my roommate but still#i wonāt trust it till iām There#blaAarurghh#and i got so much passive agression from my boss this week too itās likeā¦ can i live. can i get a single break Please#also itās gonna be an all girl house iām moving into thank Christ#this current house i knew wouldnāt be Ideal but i thought it would at least be more livable than it isā¦ā¦ but alas#i know people usually joke saying that bad living situations took years off their life#but i think this one literally did because of all of the secondhand smoke i inhaled#cigarette smoke is the devil actually truly very little is worse than it#the stench. the way it lingers. the headaches.#the way my cat perches in my window and now iām worried heās gonna get lung cancer from it too#dear god.#i need Out so iām getting out#myken talks
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can't be trusted to say something sexy and cute because last night I was cuddling with my man and I went "hey, you're like the same width as my cat!!!"
#he is a skinny mother fucker#and when we cuddle im usually the one getting cuddled#and when he does turn over to sleep more comfortable and i still want touch im really minimal woth my touching him#mostly because he has a fucked up body and is sore or hurting a lot so i dont know if me draping an arm over him or something is comfy#and he doesnt communicate if hes uncomfortable until after or when he gets really uncomfortable (tho hes been getting a lot better about it)#because he says he doesnt want to bother me if im comfy and hes always sore and shit so its worth it being a bit worse to be with me#so i feel a little cautious draping iver him or grabbing at him#(though ive been more comfortable with initiating cuddling or being more touchy and less passive now that he HAS been communicating more)#so it was like my first time with my arm fully draped over him when he was laying on his side#because im comfy with his chest because hes specifically pulled me onto his chest a lot#but i know his ribs are a fucking ISSUE for him sometimes#and i was really aware on how familiar it felt on my arm#and then it hit me that the same amount of my arm that was on him was about the amount that is draped over my cat when she lays next to me#and i just kinda said it out of shock lol#whores lovesick musings#i am more the one doing the cuddling while he gets cuddled if one of us is sitting#if im sitting hell lay in my lap and either have his head in my legs or kinda nuzzle it into my chest#or when hes very first waking up and ive been up hell nuzzle into my chest drifting in and out of sleep#but then im still kinda passively stroking his hair or his shoulder#im just not the most passionate in the world i guess lol#i want to get comfy (still cuddled) and stay there#hes the one that keeps looking up for kisses or pulling my leg between his or turning to nuzzle into me#as long as i have some touch im just chilling lol
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