#because Covid never ended for me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bumblebeerror · 2 years ago

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Do me a huge favor and if you’re not normal abt fat people please leave

As in Im 280lbs and 5’5” and I don’t want to hear you tell me to exercise. And I shouldn’t have to explain why or lay out my legitimate concerns about moving my body safely for you to stop fucking doing that shit to me or anyone else

#sometimes I don’t want to work out because my whole body hurts #sometimes I don’t want to because my joints feel unstable #and sometimes it’s because I’m tired #most of the time it’s because nobody ever stopped to teach me how to do it without hurting myself #nor do I have access to people who could teach me #I don’t know how to run without it displacing a whole disc in my back #and yes: sometimes the answer is I don’t goddamn want to #though usually the answer is I don’t want to have to wear a mask on a weight machine #because Covid never ended for me

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tea-cat-arts · 6 months ago

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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

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captainbfresh · 7 months ago

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Just imagining Ryan finding out that Buck was getting a Bi storyline and being like "Oh finally, that's so awesome. So how are we getting rid of Marisol then?" only for Tim and Oliver to have to break it to him that Buck's Bi awakening/first kiss with a man isn't Eddie.

Man would've been devastated.

#911 abc #buddie #him and JLH out in the forest screaming crying and throwing up because Buddie isn't happening yet #Ryan listening to them explain Tommy's character and him being so similar to Eddie and just flipping the table walking out #I want to clarify i don't mean any of this in a ryan/oliver way #spoilers #i just remember when i was acting in a webseries and got told my character was gonna be with a character we'd joked about them getting with #and me and my costar went absolutely feral for the news because we'd had so much fun doing scenes together before that #we never got to film those scenes tho because of covid and it ended up never coming out :((

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milo-the-professional-yapper · 22 days ago

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So I just rewatched the Attack on Titan ending for the second time and of course the ending has me all fucked up. I’ve been trying to find some fix-it fics on ao3 but I can’t seem to find much even with all of my filtering. There’s a lot of shipping fics and I’m not really looking for that- the only exception would probably be Eren/Mikasa but that’s mostly it. Background ships are fine too but I need that ending specifically REWRITTEN.

Anyone have any recommendations? I’d like to have happy feelings again pls.

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verflares · 8 months ago

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this all being said about the light dragon and how it is definitely the biggest highlight of totk (for me at least), i Do think a lot of the reaction to it Is dependent on botw and zelda's characterisation from that game... a lot of which is kind of lacking in totk because of her more passive role (e.g. you are told about her + see her actions after they have already happened)

like. if you didn't already really like zelda and were sold on her relationship with link (and not even just from a shipping zelink perspective, like. just UNDERSTANDING they have a strong bond from everything they've gone through together) then i'm not sure if any of that stuff in totk would've hit as hard as it did. the game does very little to build on what we already know about them, which i think is both a letdown to new players (which. i am not sure why they are playing the sequel before botw, but that is how totk acts most of the time lmao) and returning ones, and as time goes on it's become harder for me to blame people for not caring for it as much.

what a truly odd game

#which also makes it bizarre that totk treats itself like its Not a sequel. even though it is at the same time #ugh the names are escaping me but i am pretty sure this is a thing thats happened in other Sequel games too #just acting like the first one never happened or only when its convenient. stuff like that #i would loveeee to know how bad covid hit totks plot development or whatever. if anything. else they may have been planning #theyve gone on record saying that apparently the plan was for zelda to Always have turned into a dragon #and assumedly the beginning/ending parallel as well (eg hands and link catching her)#but i have to assume or at least HOPE that the buildup may have been stronger. idk man its so strange truly #ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING but i do find this discussion intriguing. and i LIKED totk even despite my criticisms #its genuinely some of the most fun ive had in a video game ever and creating content for it and talking about it has made me very happy #this being said. there are some choices that were made and i do not and likely will not ever understand them #because they said nah we're done now. bye <3 #like oh okay. thank you aonuma. can i at least have wind waker on switch now please #personal.txt

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eggmeralda · 9 days ago

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that period of time between south park post covid being announced in 2021 to summer 2022 when everyone got obsessed with truffula flu was moderately heavenly

#i'm going through all my chronological memory hoarding playlists from late 2013 to now #taken all day but i'm currently on around june 2022 and it's so nostalgic #but like that entire time was unreal #never forget south park post covid announcement literally curing me of like 2 years worth of on and off depression #i was like still weakly crawling out of the abyss and then adult scientist philanthropist kenny jsut yanked me out of there so easily #no warning #and then i was fine. it was so funny to me like i was in the middle of my eateot induced existential crisis where i couldn't sleep and then #everything was just normal? literally whatever episode of my life i was in had ended and everything reset for the next episode #which was such a good episode as well. and then the tflu era??#reading every existing camp entre blog within a month #and then the swag and bitter archives. literally the summer of all time #not just for that i mean it was just a good summer anyway #the only logical direction for life to go in after that was down bc i'd literally peaked for about 8 months #but it was a good time while it lasted #this was meant to be a happy ''remember the good times'' post but how come i'm only allowed to be happy for like a year at most #but i'm allowed to be in the abyss for 2 years #hopefully not longer bc i'm only now just getting over the cursed half of 2022 that doesn't exist to me (sep-dec)#but like. 2015 and first part of 2016 good. 2016-2018 bad #end of 2018 and most of 2019 good. end of 2019-summer 2021 bad #end of 2021-summer 2022 good. end of 2022-now bad #the maths does not add up #anyway shoutout november 2021-july 2022 i love you soooooooo much you were so sexy <3 #(apart from the agoraphobia but that was part of the fun)#(like i'd be out in public and i'd see a pic of entre on my phone and i guess too much serotonin would be released in my brain and i'd get #anxiety and have to go home and i couldn't eat in public and i basically couldn't leave the house)#(because i was too obsessed with tflu)#(that wasn't the main reason it was mostly a wild fear of food poisoning from anything. but tflu didn't help and that is so cool of it)#(truly an iconic time. okay stop talking)#ramble

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schwazombie · 20 days ago

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Remember my sister telling me that she was having trouble sleeping and having panic attacks daily once Biden got elected and I was having the hardest time being nice to her. It was so difficult. Like girl what are you scared of. Girl. GIRL.

#zombie thoughts #i cannot put into words my emotions at hearing my cishet white sister say she was having panic attacks because biden got voted in #like. i just.#was it partly because of the christofascism? towards the end there shortly before i stopped all contact with them she was going the #kool-aid route of 'i don't want any information unless it comes directly from trump' & 'they deleted my post because i'm telling the truth #like the conspiracy type thinking. i never knew for sure but i had strong suspicions that she got into qanon #she posted a lot of shit about mrs clinton not being the real mrs clinton? like she was a double????#and a clearly fake video of bill gates saying the covid vaccine changed dna?#i think i even saw one post about lizard people i'm not even joking she went off the deep end #i will never forgive my parents for programming us the way they did #i fought so long and so hard to get to where i am now #my sister never got that chance because she went into the military #and now my sister is gone. she was stolen from me and i will never forgive my parents for it

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seaofreverie · 1 month ago

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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people

#slash extremely negative #it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long #with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less #'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that #and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess #(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends #flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway #but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke #and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone #but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive #(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour #and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll #and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while #how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least #it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway #what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least #because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad #so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever #goosepost

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the-punforgiven · 10 months ago

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Me, knowing full well I'm gonna be evicted from the house I've lived in since I was 9 in just a few short months, socially exhauted from watching a constant stream of people come in and look around with intent to buy my childhood home for three days in a row now, knowing that this'll keep happening for the rest of the week and right this moment people are engaged in a bidding war over the truest home I've ever lived in and that I'm powerless to do anything about it since I'm broke as shit: Man why do I feel so bad right now

#I remember we used to move around a lot when I was a kid #but this place was where we finally settled for so long #like I know on some level we'll make it through this since we always have before but just. man.#this shit sucks dude #this little shithole of a house #with ghosts in the walls and asbestos coating the outside #is the cheapest place in the entire town #and even HERE it feels like we're barely making ends meet #and so just watching people waltz around with clear intent to take this from us #the only place in town we can fucking afford #just kinda pisses me off tbh #especially with rent and housing prices skyrocketing since fucking covid #one of the guys apparently wanted to buy this property just to rent out to people #and I'm glad I wasn't in the room for that one because I don't think I could have held my tongue for that one #plus all these tours have been fucking with my sleep schedule and I'm exhausted as shit lol #plus the stupid fucking property service that my ''homeowner'' does deliberately anonymizes the shit out of him #so I don't even have a name or a face to be pissed at #just this vague nebulous force that's been bleeding us of money for years #who's never once done anything to help upkeep the house he owns #and now that he's faced with a fairly large cost he can't ignore #(something with the city and new pipes)#he's just gonna sell it and make it someone else's problem #and just completely uproot and fuck over our lives in the process #and the worst part is that I know this isn't even an uncommon experience #landlords pull this bullshit all the time #and it drives me insane that people are just fucking OKAY with that #not to speak for everyone since I'm just one broke queer person #but this shit should not be allowed to stand #well I've hit the limit on how many tags I'm allowed to post so I guess that's the end of that #Pun's text Posts

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tamagotchikgs · 2 months ago

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realizing if i get this job i will b the only person in the house with one

#that is so strange #everyone has always put me down for being the one that doesnt. im the useless leech #n like they all get first serve of everything because of it #i have to wait days to shower sometimes . i never got to test for covid & all the food is reserved for their lunches u kno #n somehow i might end up fully swapping #it is such a weird feeling #my sister is still trying to find another job so it wouldnt be for long but still #to even be that for a second is wild

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seilon · 6 months ago

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genuinely it is so depressing to spend money drinking just to end up doing nothing interesting and just sitting around

#i need friends who like. doing things.#i need more friends in general but i mean yeah.#would love to have an actual college experience one day. I’ve been in college 4 years or so and I’ve never been to a party and I’ve never #made lasting/close friendships. since pre-covid I haven’t really made friends at all #all my friends (all four of them) are from high school #it’s really fucking pathetic actually how incapable I am of making friends or having a life #and it just feels like a huge fucking waste of time and a waste of a college environment #part of me wishes I would rent at a place full of mostly other students and get a roommate I don’t know (as much as that’s a bad idea if #it’s anything like last time) just so I can be around people and be forced to meet people #also so I can avoid getting lowkey fucked over because my friends I’m supposed to be renting with eventually don’t want to pay a #significant amount of rent and I’d end up paying way more than them just because they supposedly can’t afford it (we all have about the same #income.)#gehsdhdhdhshhd #they also want to rent a place with four of us total and I just. really don’t want to live with that many people. like I think it would #drive me fucking insane. I need control over my surroundings and that leaves me with no control and I don’t like it #and a million other reasons I don’t like the idea #it was originally just supposed to be me and one friend. so. this was not the plan #hahsgshhshh anyway kill me #I’m in that post-drinking state where all pleasant affects of the alcohol have long since worn off and I’m just sort of left a hollow shell #depressed and disappointed.#and I have to go to work this afternoon woohoo awesome so cool #kibumblabs

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grim-echoes · 1 year ago

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what *is* cryptofash?

it's short for cryptofascist, it's a term used for someone who covertly supports fascist sentiments or ideas adjacent to them without explicitly signaling it. someone who's cryptofash might closely associate with people who are more openly alt-right, express sympathy for fascist talking points, and voice certain statements/ideas common in fascist circles that, while not always strictly fascist ideas in isolation, can imply alt-right thinking when in tandem with other common fascist sentiments. in essence it's that guy you've always been suspicious of but you can't say for certain if they're just under-educated, reactionary, or a genuine nazi until you discover screenshots of them asking the jewish question in a discord server

#speedrunning has a fuckton of these and there's two you may recognize #rwhitegoose and karl jobst #both have been outed through screenshot evidence from the same server spouting white supremacist shit #particularly about jewish and chinese people #karl jobst was just never found out until later because the shit rwg had said was so much more horrifying #several youtubers i'm extremely wary of because i suspect them #internethistorian is on the more visible end of crypto because of his associations with openly alt-right youtubers #his earlier videos being all about 4chan and its culture while using its lingo and associated memes #and his covid denialist/antivax tweets to name just a few reasons #manykudos i'm not certain on but it's more his associations and less what he thinks and says #he's dunked on people who are 'a little too into war history for it to just be a hobby' before which is like #not a group you'd typically make fun of if you were fash so it makes me think he's Aware #magicmush gives me huge cryptofash vibes because of the subject matter of his videos being all about #standard fare online punching bags including cwc #and anybody who talks about 'lolcows' is instantly shitlisted for me because it's fucking blatant what their politics are #wendigoon is also crypto for me because unfortunately if you talk about being a pro-gun christian #while also associating with other people who just exude right-leaning proclivities #i'm not gonna trust you #etc etc

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parvuls · 2 years ago

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okay wait I'm writing an actual post so I can start handling all these emotions

#in the tags #because I am extremely aware of the privilege involved in buying extra content and even getting it shipped so fast #if seeing madison/kickstarter talk bothers you feel free to ignore this post! it'll likely be my last one on the subject.#but the thing is: three and something years ago I was deeply depressed and confined to my house because of covid #I hadn't been active in any fandoms in 3-4 years at that point and I started to think I'd never feel this passionate again #and then I read omgcp in a fit of insomnia one night #and then waited with baited breath for the last episode to go up so I could write a completley canon compliant madison fic #I spent six months obsessively writing it.#it was my first long fic in 5-6 years and working on it honestly - genuinely - dragged me out of that bad place.#when I posted it I knew one day it'd be jossed by canon madison but I was so okay with it. I couldn't WAIT #and tbh I thought it'd happen much sooner than it did #but now we're finally here and it weirdly feels like a big moment for me #like a: look where we were and where we're at now kind of moment. like a: end of an era kind of moment.#by no means the end of my omgcp era #but I think a part of me just felt unfinished as long as this moment was still unfulfilled #anyway. if you were here when I was completely new to this fandom and just started talking about that 2015 summer nonstop #just know you were a major part of my mental health journey during covid and that I appreciate it so fucking much #rip madison fixation 👋 you've served me well #text

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rubenesque-as-fuck · 1 year ago

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Hnnnng I want to have the energy to do one of the several projects I have on the docket for this weekend, but I currently have 0% energy and my body just wants to take Poorly Timed Naps

#the never-ending struggle #wish i wasn't exhausted 90% of the time #need to paint #need to take a new set #need to clean apartment #need to do anything but sit fighting to keep my eyes open #and truly not sure if it's depression tired or long covid tired or just regular exhausted by capitalism/life tired #maybe all of them #one of the reasons I miss having someone to talk to every day is it gave me extra pep to get shit done #because turns out i thrive on positive reinforcement and having someone to tell when I'm doing stuff #because then I feel obligated to do the things so I'm not lying to the person #basically i need accountability to even do fun stuff 😬#life of faye

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5-htagonist · 6 months ago

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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3

#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery #i think i had 2 burnouts really #1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically #and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime #n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout #then i did again injjjjunior year i would say #i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through #because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before #but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that #summarized the book #which helped a lot #but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd #it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older #i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it #but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like #great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo #but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol #which i now realize was that 2nd burnout #and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed #and being a therapist #and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao #but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered #i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise #i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid #(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot #but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group #and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college #re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that

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cuteniaarts · 7 months ago

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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

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