#and just completely uproot and fuck over our lives in the process

[kentobb]

PRESAGE | CHAPTER TEN

Characters: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Female Reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Fluff?

Author’s Note: 🩷 Work has been fucking me up haha

The taxi rolled smoothly through the neon-lit streets of Tokyo, the city's bustling energy muted by the quiet hum of the car's engine. Inside, Ushijima sat in silence, his eyes fixed on the figures beside him. You sat in the middle seat, hand gently caressing Asahi's hair as he slept soundly, his small body curled up against you. The soft glow of the city lights filtered through the windows, casting a gentle luminescence over you.

Ushijima couldn't tear his gaze away from you and Asahi. The way your fingers moved through Asahi's hair, the soft rise and fall of his son's chest as he breathed, and the serene expression on your face as you watched over him—it all felt surreal. A part of him still struggled to comprehend the rapid changes that had uprooted his life. But another part, a deeper, more instinctive part, felt an overwhelming sense of rightness. This was where he was meant to be, with you, with Asahi.

You glanced at Ushijima, catching his intense gaze. You offered a small, reassuring smile, sensing the whirlwind of emotions behind his stoic facade. "He's completely knocked out," you whispered, voice barely audible over the car's engine. "It was a long day for him."

Ushijima nodded, his expression softening. "I'm glad he's comfortable," he replied quietly. "It's a big change for all of us.”

You continued to stroke Asahi's hair, your touch tender and comforting. "It is," you agreed. "But we'll make it work. Together."

The taxi eventually turned onto a quieter street, pulling up in front of a modern apartment building. Ushijima paid the driver and stepped out, then turned to help you as you carefully lifted Asahi from the seat. The boy stirred slightly but remained asleep, his head resting against your shoulder.

Ushijima grabbed the bags from the trunk and led the way into the building, holding the door open for you and Asahi. As you stepped into the elevator, the metallic doors closed with a soft chime, sealing them in a small cocoon of silence. Ushijima glanced at you, his mind filled with a thousand unspoken thoughts.

"Thank you for coming with me," he said finally, his voice low and sincere. "I know this wasn't easy for you."

You smiled softly, shifting Asahi's weight in your arms. "We needed to be together," you replied simply. "For Asahi's sake.” ‘And for ours’ Ushijima thought.

The elevator doors opened onto Ushijima's floor, and you stepped out into the hallway. He led you to his apartment, unlocking the door and pushing it open. The interior was neat and modern, but it had a lived-in feel, with personal touches that spoke of Ushijima's life here. As you entered, you looked around, taking in the space that would now be their home… temporarily.

"It's nice," you said, voice filled with genuine appreciation. "You've made it a real home."

Ushijima set the bags down and turned to you, his eyes earnest. "It's temporary," he explained. "I'm in the process of finding a house. Something more suitable for all of us. This happened so quickly, and I wanted to make sure you both were comfortable while we transition."

You nodded, eyes meeting his. "I understand. We can make do for now. It's more important that we're together."

Ushijima's expression softened further, a rare warmth in his gaze. "I want you both to feel at home here. If there's anything you need, just let me know."

You smiled, a mixture of gratitude and relief washing over you. "Thank you, Ushijima. That means a lot."

Asahi stirred in your arms, blinking sleepily as he woke up. He looked around, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings with wide, curious eyes. "Where are we, Mama?" he asked, his voice small and sleepy.

"We're in Tokyo, sweetie," You replied, kissing his forehead. "This is where we're going to live now, with Daddy."

Asahi's eyes brightened with the innocent excitement of a child. "Really?”

Ushijima stepped closer, his heart swelling at the sight of his son. "Yes, Asahi.” he said, his voice filled with quiet determination.

You set Asahi down, and he immediately began exploring the apartment, his curiosity piqued. Ushijima watched him with a smile, feeling a sense of completeness that had been missing from his life. He turned back to you, who was watching Asahi with a tender expression.

"This is a big adjustment for him," Ushijima said, his tone thoughtful. "But I think he'll adapt quickly. Children are resilient."

You nodded, eyes following Asahi as he explored. "He will. Especially with both of us here to support him."

Ushijima stepped closer to you, his hand reaching out to gently touch your arm. "And you? How are you feeling about all of this?"

You looked up at him, eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. "It's overwhelming," you admitted. "But it's also... right. It feels like we're finally where we're supposed to be."

Ushijima's heart swelled at your words. "We'll make this work, I promise."

Asahi's excited chatter filled the room as he discovered new corners and objects. You and Ushijima watched him, the shared commitment to your son strengthening the bond. Despite the challenges ahead, there was a sense of hope and unity that made everything seem possible.

You spent the rest of the evening settling in, with Ushijima helping you unpack your things and Asahi exploring every inch of his new home. As the night grew late, you tucked Asahi into his new bed, his small form quickly drifting off to sleep.

Ushijima stood in the doorway, watching with a soft expression as you kissed Asahi goodnight. When you joined him, you walked back to the living room together, a comfortable silence settling between you.

Ushijima turned to you, his voice filled with quiet resolve. "We'll start fresh here, as a family. And I'll do everything I can to make sure you and Asahi are happy."

You looked up at him, eyes filled with gratitude. "Thank you, Ushijima. For everything."

As you stepped out of the room, he saw how tired you look, yet there was a peacefulness in your eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time. He gestured for you to follow him to his room.

“There’s only one guest room,” Ushijima began, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “And one room… one bed left, which is mine. You can take the bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

You shook your head immediately, a stubborn set to your jaw. “No, Ushijima. I’m the one intruding. You should sleep in your own bed. I’ll take the couch.”

“That’s nonsense,” Ushijima replied, his tone firm but gentle. “You’ll be more comfortable in the bed.”

You crossed your arms, your resolve unwavering. “I’m not letting you sleep on the couch in your own home. I’ll be fine.”

He stood in silence for a moment, the impasse between you evident. Ushijima’s brow furrowed as he considered the options. He knew you well enough to understand that you wouldn’t back down easily, but he also couldn’t let you sleep on the couch when you needed rest.

“Alright,” he said finally, his voice softer. “How about we both sleep in the bed? It’s big enough for the two of us.”

You blinked in surprise, your cheeks flushing slightly. “Are you sure? I don’t want to make things awkward.”

“It’s not awkward,” Ushijima chuckled, assuring you. “I know we are going slow…” Ushijima said as he caressed your cheek. “But believe me… it’s not awkward.”

You hesitated for a moment longer, then nodded, a small smile playing at your lips. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

He led the way to his bedroom, opening the door to reveal a spacious room with a large bed in the center. The room was neat, with minimal decorations, reflecting Ushijima’s practical nature. You glanced around, appreciating the simplicity of the space.

“I’ll grab some extra pillows and blankets,” Ushijima said, moving to the closet. He pulled out a couple of pillows and an extra blanket, placing them on the bed. “You can take the left side.”

You took your bag with your products and a towel. “I’m going to take a quick shower," you said, looking at Ushijima. "See you in a minute.”

Ushijima nodded, his expression softening. "Of course. Take your time."

You smiled at him, the warmth of his affection evident in your eyes. "Thank you."

You walked towards the bathroom, Ushijima listened to the sound of the water running, a soothing backdrop to the night calm. He busied himself with tidying up, settling your side of the bed and making sure everything was in place.

As he worked, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Glancing at the screen, he saw Hirugami's name flashing. He answered the call, his voice calm and measured. "Hello, Hirugami."

"Ushijima! Welcome back to Tokyo," Hirugami’s cheerful voice boomed through the phone. "How’s it going? How’s everything?"

Ushijima glanced toward the bathroom door, ensuring you were still out of earshot. "It’s going well. We just arrived. Still getting settled in."

"That’s great to hear," Hirugami replied. "So, are you planning to come back to the team soon? We miss having you around."

"I need a few more days to settle in properly," Ushijima said, his tone firm but considerate. "I’ll be back soon."

Hirugami laughed, a playful edge to his voice. "I’m sure Hakari will be thrilled to see you back. She’s been waiting for you, you know."

Ushijima felt a flicker of irritation but kept his voice even. "I’m sure the team will manage just fine without me for a few more days."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Hirugami teased. "Just don’t keep us waiting too long, okay? And give my best to your…new family?”

Ushijima’s grip tightened on the phone. "I will. Thank you, Hirugami."

"No problem, man. Take care, and see you soon."

Ushijima ended the call, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He took a deep breath, trying to shake off the lingering discomfort from Hirugami’s teasing. His thoughts returned to you and Asahi, the two most important people in his life now.

After a while, the water stopped, and he heard you moving around in the bathroom. He took the opportunity to grab his things to take a bath.

The bathroom door opened, and you stepped out, wrapped in a towel with your hair damp. You looked refreshed, cheeks slightly flushed from the warm water.

"Feel better?" Ushijima asked, standing up to greet you.

"Much better," you replied with a smile.

Ushijima nodded, his gaze softening as he looked at you. “I’m glad.”

You moved to the bed, beginning to dry your hair with a smaller towel. "Did you get a call while I was in there?"

"Yes, from Hirugami," Ushijima said, his tone neutral. "He was just checking in."

Your expression grew curious. "How’s the team?"

"They’re fine. They’re eager for me to return, but I told them I need a few more days," Ushijima explained.

You nodded, a thoughtful look crossing your face. "It’s good that they understand.”

Ushijima walked over to you gently placing a hand on your shoulder. "I want to make sure you and Asahi are settled before I go back. That’s my priority now."

You looked up at him, eyes filled with gratitude. "Thank you, Ushijima. It means a lot."

He leaned down, brushing a soft kiss against your forehead. "We’re in this together. All of us."

When Ushijima returned from the bathroom, dressed in a plain t-shirt and sweatpants, you were already under the covers, hair fanned out on the pillow. He hesitated for a moment at the sight of you in his bed, feeling a strange sense of rightness that you were here, in his space.

He climbed into bed, making sure to leave enough space between the two of you. The bed was indeed large enough for both of you, but the proximity was still intimate. You both lay there in silence for a moment, the room filled with the soft hum of the city outside.

“Thank you, Ushijima,” You said quietly, breaking the silence. “For everything. For bringing us here, for making us feel welcome.”

Ushijima turned his head to look at you, his eyes softening. “You don’t need to thank me. This is where you both belong.”

You smiled, your eyes glistening with unshed tears. “It means a lot. More than you know.”

He reached out, his hand finding yours under the covers. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, a silent promise of support and commitment. You squeezed back, feeling a warmth spread through you at the simple gesture.

As you lay there, the initial awkwardness began to fade, replaced by a comforting sense of closeness. Ushijima’s presence, solid and reassuring, was a balm to yours weary soul. You found yourself relaxing, breathing evening out as the events of the day caught up with you.

Ushijima watched you for a moment longer, his heart swelling with emotions he rarely allowed himself to feel. This was his family, and he would do everything in his power to protect you and make you happy.

“Goodnight” he said softly, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Goodnight,” you replied, your voice warm and tender.

Both of you fell asleep like that, hand in hand, finding comfort in each other’s presence. The future was uncertain, filled with challenges and changes, but for now, they had this moment. And that was enough.

Ushijima woke to the soft murmur of a voice. Blinking against the morning light filtering through the curtains, he turned his head to find Asahi standing by the bed, wide-eyed and curious.

"Daddy?" Asahi whispered, his voice a mixture of awe and confusion.

Ushijima's heart swelled at the word. He shifted carefully, ensuring he doesn’t wake you. “Good morning, Asahi.”

Asahi's face lit up with a brilliant smile. "Morning, Daddy!"

You stirred slightly beside him, but Ushijima was determined to let you rest. He slipped out of bed with practiced ease, motioning for Asahi to follow him. They tiptoed out of the room, Ushijima closing the door quietly behind them.

In the kitchen, Asahi's curiosity was boundless. "What are we gonna do, Daddy?"

Ushijima smiled, his usually stoic face softening. "We're going to make breakfast. Your mom had a long day yesterday, so we'll let her sleep a bit longer."

Asahi's eyes widened with excitement. "Can I help?"

"Of course," Ushijima replied, lifting Asahi onto a stool by the counter. "What do you like for breakfast?"

Asahi's face scrunched up in concentration. "Pancakes! With lots of syrup!"

Ushijima nodded, his movements calm and deliberate as he gathered the ingredients. He handed Asahi a small whisk and a bowl of flour. "Stir this, okay? Gently."

Asahi took the task very seriously, his little hands moving the whisk with great care. Ushijima watched him with a mixture of amusement and pride. This was new territory for him, but he was determined to make it special.

As the batter came together, Ushijima found himself enjoying the process more than he had expected. Asahi chattered away, his stories about kindergarten and friends flowing freely. Ushijima listened intently, his deep voice occasionally offering a question or comment.

“Daddy, do you like pancakes?” Asahi asked suddenly, looking up with big, curious eyes.

“I do,” Ushijima said, his lips quirking into a smile. “Especially when they’re made with my son.”

Asahi beamed at the compliment, his whisking growing more enthusiastic. Flour puffed into the air, landing on the counter and dusting Asahi’s pajamas. Ushijima couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

They cooked together, Asahi’s laughter filling the kitchen as they flipped pancakes and added toppings. When the stack was complete, Ushijima set the table, placing a small plate in front of Asahi filled with pancakes, syrup, and fresh fruit.

“Can we watch cartoons, Daddy?” Asahi asked, already sliding off his stool and heading towards the living room.

“Alright,” Ushijima agreed, carrying their breakfast to the coffee table. It was a strange feeling, breaking his strict routine, but he found he didn’t mind at all.

Asahi turned on the TV, quickly finding his favorite show. They settled on the floor, the bright colors and cheerful characters providing a lively backdrop to their morning meal. Ushijima found himself engrossed, not in the show, but in Asahi’s joy.

“Look, Daddy, it’s my favorite part!” Asahi exclaimed, his face glowing with excitement.

Ushijima watched the screen, trying to understand the appeal. The antics of the cartoon characters were lost on him, but Asahi’s enthusiasm was infectious. He smiled, nodding along and offering occasional comments that made Asahi giggle.

“Do you like it, Daddy?” Asahi asked between bites of pancake.

“It’s… interesting,” Ushijima said diplomatically, earning another giggle from his son.

They continued like this, the morning stretching out in a series of small, perfect moments. Asahi’s laughter, the comfortable warmth of the room, and the delicious scent of pancakes created a bubble of contentment that Ushijima never wanted to burst.

As the final credits rolled on the show, Asahi leaned against Ushijima, his small frame fitting perfectly against his father’s side. “Can we do this every day, Daddy?”

Ushijima’s heart ached with a fierce protectiveness. “We’ll do this as often as we can,” he promised, ruffling Asahi’s hair. “I’ll always make time for you.”

Just then, you appeared at the doorway, hair tousled from sleep and a soft smile on your face as you took in the scene. “Good morning,” you said, voice warm with affection.

“Morning, Mommy!” Asahi called, his excitement renewed at seeing you.

“Good morning,” Ushijima echoed, standing to greet you. “We made breakfast.”

Your smile widened as you joined them on the floor, your presence completing their little circle. Sharing the rest of the morning together, the bond strengthening with each laugh, each shared story, and each bite of pancake.

Ushijima glanced at you, your eyes meeting for a brief, meaningful moment. He was grateful for this chance to be a part of your lives, to create these memories. For the first time in years, his morning routine felt perfectly right, exactly as it should be.

Notes, comments and reblogs are appreciated <3

[jenniferisacommonname]

Bonus Level Unlocked

This week marks the release of Jason Schreier’s Press Reset, an incredibly well-researched book on catastrophic business failure in the gaming industry. Jason’s a good dude, and there’s an excerpt here if you want to check it out. Sadly, game companies going belly-up is such a common occurrence that he couldn’t possibly include them all, and one of the stories left out due to space constraints is one that I happen to be personally familiar with. So, I figured I’d tell it here.

I began working at Acclaim Studios Austin as a sound designer in January of 2000. It was a tumultuous period for the company, including a recent rebranding from their former studio name, “Iguana Entertainment,” and a related, ongoing lawsuit from the ex-founder of Iguana. There were a fair number of ghosts hanging around—the creative director’s license plate read IGUANA, which he never changed, and one of the meeting rooms held a large, empty terrarium—but the studio had actually been owned on paper by Acclaim since 1995, and I didn’t notice any conflicting loyalties. Everyone acted as if we always had been, and always would be, Acclaim employees.

Over the next few years I worked on a respectable array of triple-A titles, including Quarterback Club 2002, Turok: Evolution, and All-Star Baseball 2002 through 2005. (Should it be “All-Stars Baseball,” like attorneys general? Or perhaps a term of venery, like “a zodiac of All-Star Baseball.”) At any rate, it was a fun place to work, and a platformer of hijinks ensued.

But let’s skip to the cutscene. The truth is that none of us in the trenches suspected the end was near until it was absolutely imminent. Yes, Turok: Evolution and Vexx had underperformed, especially when stacked against the cost of development, but games flop in the retail market all the time. And, yes, Showdown: Legends of Wrestling had been hustled out the door before it was ready for reasons no one would explain, and the New York studio’s release of a BMX game featuring unlockable live-action stripper footage had been an incredibly weird marketing ploy for what should have been a straightforward racing title. (Other desperate gimmicks around this time included a £6,000 prize for UK parents who would name their baby “Turok,” an offer to pay off speeding tickets to promote Burnout 2 that quickly proved illegal, and an attempt to buy advertising space on actual tombstones for a Shadow Man sequel.)

But the baseball franchise was an annual moneymaker, and our studio had teams well into development on two major new licenses, 100 Bullets and The Red Star. Enthusiasm was on the upswing. Perhaps I should have paid closer attention when voice actors started calling me to complain that they hadn’t been paid, but at the time it seemed more like a bureaucratic failure than an actual money shortage—and frankly, it was a little naïve of them to expect net-30 in the first place. Industry standard was, like, net-90 at best. So I was told.

Then one Friday afternoon, a few department managers got word that we’d kind of maybe been skipping out on the building lease for let’s-not-admit-how-many months. By Monday morning, everyone’s key cards had been deactivated.

It's a little odd to arrive at work and find a hundred-plus people milling around outside—even odder, I suppose, if your company is not the one being evicted. Acclaim folks mostly just rolled their eyes and debated whether to cut our losses and head to lunch now, while employees of other companies would look dumbfounded and fearful before being encouraged to push their way through the crowd and demonstrate their still-valid key card to the security guard. Finally, the General Manager (hired only a few months earlier, and with a hefty relocation bonus to accommodate his houseboat) announced that we should go home for the day and await news. Several of our coworkers were veterans of the layoff process—like I said, game companies go under a lot—and one of them had already created a Yahoo group to communicate with each other on the assumption that we’d lose access to our work email. A whisper of “get on the VPN and download while you can” rippled through the crowd.

But the real shift in tone came after someone asked about a quick trip inside for personal items, and the answer was a hard, universal “no.” We may have been too busy or ignorant to glance up at any wall-writing, but the building management had not been: they were anticipating a full bankruptcy of the entire company. In that situation, all creditors have equal standing to divide up a company's assets in lengthy court battles, and most get a fraction of what they’re owed. But if the landlords had seized our office contents in lieu of rent before the bankruptcy was declared, they reasoned, then a judge might rule that they had gotten to the treasure chest first, and could lay claim to everything inside as separate from the upcoming asset liquidation.

Ultimately, their gambit failed, but the ruling took a month to settle. In the meantime, knick knacks gathered dust, delivered packages piled up, food rotted on desks, and fish tanks became graveyards. Despite raucous protest from every angle—the office pets alone generated numerous threats of animal cruelty charges—only one employee managed to get in during this time, and only under police escort. He was a British citizen on a work visa, and his paperwork happened to be sitting on his desk, due to expire. Without it, he was facing literal deportation. Fortunately, a uniformed officer took his side (or perhaps just pre-responded to what was clearly a misdemeanor assault in ovo,) and after some tense discussion, the building manager relented, on the condition that the employee touch absolutely nothing beyond the paperwork in question. The forms could go, but the photos of his children would remain.

It’s also a little odd, by the way, to arrive at the unemployment office and find every plastic chair occupied by someone you know. Even odder, I suppose, if you’re actually a former employee of Acclaim Studios Salt Lake, which had shut down only a month or two earlier, and you just uprooted your wife and kids to a whole new city on the assurance that you were one of the lucky ones who got to stay employed. Some of them hadn’t even finished unpacking.

Eventually, we were allowed to enter the old office building one at a time and box up our things under the watchful eye of a court appointee, but by then our list of grievances made the landlords’ ploy seem almost quaint by comparison (except for the animals, which remains un-fucking-forgivable.) We had learned, for example, that in the weeks prior to the bankruptcy, our primary lender had made an offer of $15 million—enough to keep us solvent through our next batch of releases, two of which had already exited playtesting and were ready to be burned and shipped. The only catch was that the head of the board, company founder Greg Fischbach, would have to step down. This was apparently too much of an insult for him to stomach, and he decided that he'd rather see everything burn to the ground. The loan was refused.

Other “way worse than we thought” details included gratuitous self-dealing to vendors owned by board members, the disappearance of expensive art from the New York offices just before closure, and the theft of our last two paychecks. For UK employees, it was even more appalling: Acclaim had, for who knows how long, been withdrawing money from UK paychecks for their government-required pension funds, but never actually putting the money into the retirement accounts. They had stolen tens of thousands of dollars directly from each worker.

Though I generally reside somewhere between mellow and complete doormat on the emotional spectrum, I did get riled enough to send out one bitter email—not to anyone in corporate, but to the creators of a popular webcomic called Penny Arcade, who, in the wake of Acclaim’s bankruptcy announcement, published a milquetoast jibe about Midway’s upcoming Area 51. I told Jerry (a.k.a. “Tycho”) that I was frankly disappointed in their lack of cruelty, and aired as much dirty laundry as I was privy to at the time.

“Surely you can find a comedic gem hidden somewhere in all of this!” I wrote. “Our inevitable mocking on PA has been a small light at the end of a very dark, very long tunnel. Please at least allow us the dignity of having a smile on our faces while we wait in line for food stamps.”

Two days later, a suitably grim comic did appear, implying the existence of a new release from Acclaim whose objective was to run your game company into the ground. In the accompanying news post, Tycho wrote:

“We couldn’t let the Acclaim bankruptcy go without comment, though we initially let it slide thinking about the ordinary gamers who lost their jobs there. They don’t have anything to do with Acclaim’s malevolent Public Relations mongrels, and it wasn’t they who hatched the Titty Bike genre either. Then, we remembered that we have absolutely zero social conscience and love to say mean things.”

Another odd experience, by the way, is digging up a 16-year-old complaint to a webcomic creator for nostalgic reference when you offer that same creator a promotional copy of the gaming memoir you just co-wrote with Sid Meier. Even odder, I suppose, to realize that the original non-Acclaim comic had been about Area 51, which you actually were hired to work on yourself soon after the Acclaim debacle.*

As is often the case in complex bankruptcies, the asset liquidation took another six years to fully stagger its way through court—but in 2010, we did, surprisingly, get the ancient paychecks we were owed, plus an extra $1,700-ish for the company’s apparent violation of the WARN Act. By then, I had two kids and a very different life, for which the money was admittedly helpful. Sadly, Acclaim’s implosion probably isn’t even the most egregious one on record. Our sins were, to my knowledge, all money-related, and at least no one was ever sexually assaulted in our office building. Again, to my knowledge. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure we remain the only historical incident of corporate pet murder. The iguana got out just in time.

*Area 51’s main character was voiced by David Duchovny, and he actually got paid—which was lucky for him, because three years later, Midway also declared bankruptcy.

[piratefalls]

A McDanno rec list for a new friend. (These are also authors I enjoy, so consider this a blanket rec list.)

The Bareknuckle Poet by pleasebekidding

After a serious accident left Steve temporarily wheelchair-bound, working towards his recovery, he enrolled at Rutgers for a year. He met Danny Williams in his criminology course, wearing pride pins and chipped black nail polish, so sure of himself that Steve found it breathtaking. What happened next redefined Steve's sense of self, his ambitions, and many of his priorities.

Tax Benefits by renecdote

“Everyone already assumes we’re married so maybe we should just...” Danny gestures broadly with his beer. He’s maybe a little bit… Not drunk, but definitely tipsy.

“For the tax benefits.”

Danny gives him an aggravated look. “Yes, Steven, for the tax benefits.”

Danny (jokingly) suggests they should get married. Steve takes him seriously.

ua kaha aku la ka nalu o kuu aina (the surf has pressed upon my land) by icoulddothisallday, TetrodotoxinB

Steve knows, he learned, how a man behaves. He can play his part. Danny, who is a good man and great father, looks nothing like what Steve was taught. Reconciling the two means giving up everything he's clung too for the last two decades, and there's nothing about it that's easy.

*potentially triggery AF (deals with effects of conversion therapy) but beautifully rendered

the art of leaving and saying goodbye by Verasteine

2007 is the year Danny learns that choice can be the worst kind of heartbreak. AU.

*warning for infidelity (not mcdanno)

in jest by apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

not just friendship (romance too) by earthquakedream

Steve's gone and gotten himself a boyfriend. Danny's not sure what worse: the fact that he's stupidly jealous or that he actually likes the guy.

All I Ever Wanted (It Comes with a Price) by leviarty

Steve gets shot. Again. Danny is not okay.

* warning: a young grace shoots someone to protect both herself and a gravely injured steve

After All Our Troubles, We Have This by Banshi13

"I'm ending this," McGarrett muttered after a few moments of silence. "I'm not coming back until Wo Fat is in the ground. I'll dig his own grave and bury him myself if I have to, but my father is dead, my mother is running all over the world in hiding, my sister and I were uprooted from our lives, and now he's got Danny locked somewhere in a basement in the middle of Japan." He looked both Chin and Kono in the eye, deadly resolve in his eyes. "This ends. Now. This is the absolute last time that man interferes with my life and my family."

The Other Guy by haldoor

Danny tells Steve what he thinks is a funny story from when he attended Grace's school play. Steve doesn't think it's so funny; in fact, it makes him jealous.

Strapped by stellarmeadow

Steve's determined Danny's going to be prepared next time.

Warm to the Touch by veronicaluv

Danny didn't think twice about going to North Korea to find Steve. He just didn't know everything would go to hell when they got back.

Me and my heart (We got issues) by SquaresAreNotCircles

“I’m in love with you, Steve,” Danny says. He does it softly, quietly, laying the words into the darkness of Steve’s backyard like they’re something breakable, something to be tiptoed around. “I thought you should know.”

Steve’s heart jumps. It rams against his ribcage so hard it’s going to leave bruises. So hard he startles awake, and he almost yells before he realizes he’s outside because he fell asleep in one of the garden chairs in his backyard again.

how to be gay for your best friend in ten easy steps by commatme

See, the thing is that Danny doesn’t really do gay sex, what with being straight and all, but when Steve says I love you he sounds so earnest he makes Danny want to consider it. Which is crazy, right? He’s pretty sure that’s crazy, or at least a little unhinged.

It’s Not So Easy Caving In by paradis

The one where Danny used to be a heroin addict.

blame it on the ocean view by carryokee

Danny gives in, freaks out, and comes to his senses.

So Have I Loved You by Brumeier

In which Grace has a surprise for Steve's birthday and there's not a dry eye in the house.

take it back to a couple years yesterday by itsrosencrantz

Danny really, really doesn't want to go to his twenty year high school reunion.

Steve decides they're going anyway, and Danny takes it about as well as you'd expect.

View From The Shipwreck by flowerfan

Danny Williams isn’t in a great place – he’s a reluctant transplant to Oahu and an outsider at HPD. Former Navy SEAL Steve McGarrett isn’t doing much better, having suffered a career ending injury. When Danny’s young daughter Grace wanders into Steve’s bar after getting lost on a school field trip, Danny is drawn to Steve, somewhat against his better judgement – he’s got enough on his plate. He’s not exactly sure what Steve sees in him. As they spend more time together, Danny learns how Steve’s injury has changed his life in many ways, but not the most important ones. As one thing leads to another, Danny realizes that things might be looking up after all.

True North by lavvyan

“Tell you what, my dad’s throwing his annual Christmas Ball on Saturday. It’s not a trip to Aspen or anything, but it is nice. Fancy food and everything. You guys should come!”

On the trail of a suspected war criminal, Steve and Danny have to go undercover at a fancy ball. The sacrifices they make for the job.

Oh, and Steve's pining like the taiga. Nothing new there.

outside the lines by withoutwords

“I’m Detective Williams.” Danny says, not trying too hard to keep it smug free. “This is my partner, Detective Mackenzie.”

Ken Doll keeps his arms up, his eyes flickering between them all as if he's only seeing police for the first time. “Good cover,” he tells Danny, and it sets Danny’s teeth on edge.

“This is the part where you say sorry for assaulting a police detective, for compromising an investigation, and for acting like a complete asshole while doing it,” Danny growls, about to change his mind and cuff the guy himself.

“Sorry, Officer.”

The bastard is still grinning.

Boys Like Me, We Try Too Hard by romanticallyinept

Steve's always wound so fucking tight.

And Danny's worried about him. Legitimately worried about him. Because maybe Steve always lays into the perps a little hard, and maybe he follows his own rules and his own morals and doesn't stop to sleep unless his body's actually shutting down around him, but usually, Steve's okay at the end of the day. Usually, Steve's not leaning against the wall of the alley they're in, eyes closed and shaking, with the perp he'd cuffed a minute earlier lying on the ground and crying about his broken nose.

Steve keeps a secret, and Danny does his best to patch him back up when it comes to light.

Transformative by boxparade

“You know, I’d heard you’d changed a lot after high school, but I’ve gotta admit, this is a little weird.”

* trans (FTM) Danny

All the Way by VictoriaAGrey

Danny has lost count of how many times he and Steve have used the sexual tension between them for undercover work, only for it to be bottled away after the op is over. With Saint Michael as his witness, that ends tonight.

Nocturne in C# Minor (featuring Stevie Ray Vaughn) by minor_demimonde

So, to recap, Danny has beautiful eyes, great shoulders, a pleasantly-shaped butt, a delectable mouth, expressive hands, and he smells good.

You know, Steve has gone to bed with women who didn’t have that much going for them.

seen it in the flight of birds by Siria

AU from the beginning of Season 2. The Five-0 task force has been reinstated, but the new governor's determined to shake things up. Facing changes and unexpected betrayals, the team has to work together to face new challenges.

It Ain’t Me Babe (Nah), It Ain���t Me You’re Looking For (Babe) by tourdefierce

A story in which Danny makes lists and can't find his heterosexuality underneath all his homogay, Steve has a lot of faces, Kono is perfect in every way and Chin continues to keep Hawaii safe from the Five-O's general disfunction—Or, a story about Kono being awesome and how she likes her men with hearts in their eyes for each other.

Ratios, Decimals, and Percentages by fuchs

In which Steve takes an internet quiz and slowly loses his mind. Danny's okay with it.

Let’s Dance Like We Used To by AndreaLyn

There isn't a world in which Danny wouldn't go after Grace. So when Rachel moves the family to California, Danny goes with. Steve gets left to process life without Danny.

Gunfire, Rainfall, and Beach Erosion by thegrrrl2002

Steve and Danny are kidnapped. After which there is too much swimming and too much rain and it's all very romantic. If you are Steve, that is.

Moving In (To Every Single Aspect of Danny’s Life, Including the Boring Bits like Dry-Cleaning by westgirl

It felt wrong for Steve to sound unsure of his place in Danny’s life. His place in Danny’s life was at Danny’s side, driving him slowly insane. Steve should feel secure about that.

Always Known What I Wanted To Be by mickeysixx

Grace Williams has always wanted to be a cop.

The Taper Phase by popfly

It’s like being run over by an armored car, like the impact of gunshot to tac vest. The pride Danny feels for his daughter and something else, something about Steve’s tank top sticking to his stomach, the way his shorts stretch across his thighs. The goofy grin that lights up Steve’s face when he sees Danny and Charlie, waving one hand while he nudges Grace with the other.

Pitching Woo by SBG

In which Danny pitches (and then accidentally catches) woo.

clue: four letters, ‘is a many splendored thing’ by armillarysphere

“Crosswords? What are you, sixty?”

“They stimulate brain activity, Danno. You ought to try it sometime.”

Steve doesn’t even look up from his newspaper, half-chewed pen resting at the corner of his mouth in an entirely too distracting way.

That’s Not Just Friendship, That’s Romance by thismuchmore

Danny and Steve start out accidentally dating each other, and it turns into something more.

it’s not what you’re sure of (it’s what you don’t know) by somehowunbroken

Art thief Steve McGarrett and his team come up against FBI Special Agent Danny Williams, and things spin wildly out of control from there.

Same Deep Water by JiM, kalena

This isn't the first lifetime Danny's been in Hawaii. When the stress ratchets up, the dreams get more and more real. Turns out Danny has some unfinished business . . . with Steve.

Warning: Ambien use may lower inhibitions in a wakeful state.

Curiosity Didn’t Kill This Cat by unadrift

"I'm confused," Rachel says. "Are you two dating or not?"

Danny sighs. "You remember that thing with the cat in the box? The one that's both dead and alive?"

"Schroedinger's cat?"  

"It's kind of like that."

"Okay," Rachel says. She clearly has no idea what he's talking about.

2727 Piikoi Street by imaginary_iby

The ways in which Danny makes himself at home by Steve's side, and the family he gains as the years go by. (Featuring Steve in Timberland boots and little else, and happy goofs who like to make out against the front door).

All The Earth Awaits Thee by Portrait_of_a_Fool

Steve knows all about war and willpower, but this is still the hardest battle he’s ever had to fight.

* warning: life threatening illness, no MCD

The Vertical Challenge by AlamoGirl80

Five times Danny thinks about his height, and then realizes that being "not-tall" doesn't really suck at all.

Some Things to Think About When You Decide to Be an Asshole by sutlers

Steve gets high and tries to fuck Danny; things devolve from there.

Inked by thehoyden

Of course Steve is enjoying himself. They're bait for a serial killer who has some sort of serious hangup about tattooing loved ones' names on their skin -- of course Steve thinks this is practically like a vacation, but better, because the chances of collateral damage are higher.

This Thing Of Ours (It Needs a Better Name) by leupagus

Cosa Nostra: (kō'sə nō'strə) etym: Italian n. The branch of the Mafia operating in the United States. Literally, "our thing" or "this thing of ours."

Ho’oponopono by ember_firedrake

Groundhog Day AU. Danny finds himself trapped in the same day over and over again.

Swim for Brighter Days by zarah5

Danny kisses Steve late on a Tuesday, early on a Wednesday. Steve punches him. (Set vaguely post-finale, so spoilers for that.)

All My Guards Away by sheafrotherdon

Tag to episode 1x18, with all the heartache that implies. Now with bonus fixes. With thanks to dogeared for all her suggestions and edits.

Let’s Take it from the Top by pterawaters

Steve goes along with the bachelor-party-in-Vegas, because he chose Danny to be his best man, and that's what Danny wants to do. Unfortunately, the things that happen in Vegas don't necessarily stay there.

How to Keep Your Mouth Shut by primetime

Danny’s sometimes gay. Gay, sometimes. Does dudes. He doesn’t know how to say it right. He doesn’t know how to say it at all.

Don’t Turn Me Home Again by gyzym

After a rough day of island living, Danny wakes up in New Jersey and learns the hard way to be careful what he wishes for.

End-Around by t_fic

Steve hesitates with his hand on the doorknob, looking back over his shoulder at Danny and nodding once before disappearing inside, and yeah, Danny is going to be so fucking lucky to get through this night without a coronary event.

Lonely People Do Stupid Things by waketosleep

Danny decides to show Steve the true meaning of Christmas, and does it by dragging him to New Jersey.

Down Beneath the Waves by samjohnsson

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it takes another thousand to explain it.

Love’s a Battlefield (and the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) by cyerus

The Kalakaua-Kelly clan are determined to matchmake Steve. Out of desperation, Steve makes up a boyfriend named Danny.

It doesn't quite go according to plan.

put your mind at ease by eleanor_lavish

Somewhere in the last year, while Steve was busy killing bad guys, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been erased from the books and guys like Jeff can marry whoever they damn well please.

You’ve Got Hawaii (and all I’ve got is you) by queenklu

In which Danny has issues, presents, and Steve fleas, not necessarily in that order.

Jaws by JoeLawson

Danny has a secret.

[k-liight]

so I had a really weird dream about Ian and Barley

they didn't show up until the latter portion of the dream but they were certainly there. XD anyway I wanted to write this down before I forgot it all LMAO the earlier parts of the dream are vague and fuzzy and honestly unimportant but the first thing I clearly remember was this biker woman with a weird-ass half tan (like she had tanlines from what she was wearing before but she was wearing something skimpier so the rest of her skin was pale af and only half of her face was tanned for some reason?? XD) leading me to this house I was supposed to go to via her motorcycle. I was on foot though so she sped out of sight within seconds, and I remember that she apparently thought she was hot shit and was completely unaware of her ugly tanlines LMAO. anyway I arrived on that house on my own, I cut through a field so I saw the back of the house first, it was on a cauldesac so it was in a middle-class neighborhood. apparently my dad was working around there and needed me to come and help him out for some reason?? so I go around to the front of the house and my dad's talking to one of my uncles, who is also there for some reason, along with my mom, Ian, Barley, and Laurel. apparently my mom and Laurel were friends?? if only XD anyway there was this dead tree that my dad wanted us to get rid of, and it was already halfway uprooted, so I take the front of it, Barley takes the back, and we somehow freaking drag the thing up out of the ground the rest of the way-- I remember Barley and I laughing about how surprisingly easy it was, maybe Ian was using the levitation spell on it??-- and we carry it up a steep hill and all the way inside of this other house??? and we don't stop until Ian tells us to, somehow he caught up with me and he only tells me to stop because we reached the back of the house on the uppermost floor, the top branches are sticking through the window... and outside of those windows is what appears to be the interior of a very weird, creepy haunted house. Ian and I are both like 'holy shit how is this possible??" and Barley hears us from further back and he's like "what's going on up there?" and Ian's basically like "this thing's lodged inside of a haunted house!" and we hear Barley's voice get closer as he laughs like he just heard the funniest joke like "no way, man!" but then he actually gets up the stairs where we are and he immediately stops laughing like "holy shit, that IS a haunted house out there". Ian says "there's gotta be a reasonable explanation for this." so there was only one thing we had to do-- go inside the haunted house. I have no idea how we got in there, but next thing we know we're inside the thing and looking around in awe. we only then realize it seems less like a house and more like the outdoors, like we entered a portal to another world or the gates of Hell themselves. we pass up an actual house, sure enough, it's the house we were just in, with scraggly tree branches sticking out the attic window. and next thing we know, we're getting jump-scared by random monster's you'd typically find in a haunted house, Ian's getting scared and clutching onto his staff for dear life while Barley and I are just laughing and having a good old time! I love haunted houses so that part was pretty fun LOL. shit got real though when a group of ghoulish women that looked like knock-off Disney princesses started actually trying to kill us. XD" so the three of us start running for dear lives, Ian was probably firing spells at them but I don't remember and they apparently weren't working anyway, also Ian was running hella fast so he was ahead of Barley and me. then we come across this rickety bridge over this deep chasm that leads to a door out of there, so we start running across it, but the wood can't hold Barley's weight, so about halfway across the boards break and fall through every time Barley takes a step so he's gotta start running faster so he can get past before he falls through, Ian and I are terrified for his life, I'm practically running backwards and holding his hands just in case I have to try and pull him up, until finally we smash through the door and tumble back into the weird house we started from in the first place. and we end up crashing right into our parents, who were by then joined by a couple women that looked like Princess Fiona and my middle school teacher's aide XD they were all like "wtf are you guys doing??" and we tried to explain everything that happened and that there was a haunted world on the other side of the house with monsters trying to kill us (apparently they knew there were more people inside and wanted to kill everyone) but they didn't believe us, not even Laurel, and then we got fucking yelled at because we weren't "doing our jobs"?? when it looked like all they were doing was standing around blabbing to each other. XD apparently that really upset Ian, cuz he started tearing up, and I specifically remember him saying "I'd prove it to you, but I might kill myself in the process." and then he just... storms off. not out of and away from the house though, but back into the haunted world, as if he was gonna do it all over again out of spite or try to kill the monster women. and it gets a little fuzzy after that but apparently our moms and their friends followed us to try and apologize and somehow accidentally made peace with the ghouls and then I woke up. XD"

[paradisobound]

Sail Away With Me: Part 8

Summary: It was a fluke. Dan shouldn’t have ever gone with Sam to a party on a yacht. He shouldn’t have trusted her to go. But in a chance encounter, he ends up in bed with Phil Lester, a billionaire CEO of a luxury clothing company. When he thinks he’s screwed up enough, he realizes he’s in way too deep. Because Phil Lester has fallen in love with him. The catch: Dan gave Phil a fake name and all Phil has to remember Dan by is the tattoo on his hip and the necklace he left behind.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: None

Pairing: Instagraminfluencer!dan and CEO!Phil

This is a chaptered work. Updates every Saturday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN | WATTPAD**

PHIL POV

It was morning when Phil wakes up and sees Ethan curled onto his side on the bed beside him. His chin resting on his hand and his hair pressed disheveled onto the pillow. The light from the window was streaming down onto him like the sky opened up and sunshine poured through the clouds down. It was like the first ray of sunshine on a summer day.

Warmth.

Phil realizes this sounds incredibly cheesy but it’s hard for him to not feel that way when he finally has the man he’s been looking for in his life. It felt like all of the weeks leading up to this were worth it with all of the sadness and defeat that would well up inside of him.

It was like he was finally able to feel the same feelings he felt for Lucas all those years ago.

As he looks down at Ethan and smiles, he lets out a sigh through his nose. It had been so long since Phil has allowed for himself to feel this way about another man. He had withheld these feelings for so long because a part of him was saying that he was betraying Lukas. He felt like he wouldn’t—no, couldn’t—be in love with another man because that would meant he finally no longer loved Lukas.

But that’s not really the case at all and Phil realizes this now. He realizes all of this as Ethan’s shoulders rise and fall just the slightest amount as he breathing picks up a bit and then he’s turning in bed, the sheets rucking up on his lower half.

Phil forgets that they’re both naked until he notices the hair on Ethan’s happy trail peeking out from under the lowered duvet and it makes his heart swell as he remembers the night before, and how amazing it was to be in the throes of passion with Ethan again.

Ethan stirs a little bit more and then his eyes open and it’s like golden honey pouring into Phil’s soul.  

“Morning.”

Ethan’s eyes open a bit more and he reaches up and rubs the tiredness out of them by rubbing his fisted hands onto them. He then stretches and the blanket slips down a bit more and Phil looks down just in time for Ethan to grab it and pull it back up, covering all that he can.

“Did you sleep well?” Phil decides to ask.

Ethan looks up at him and nods with a sleepy smile. “Yeah. Did you?”

Phil nodded and leaned down, pressing their lips together in a quick kiss. Ethan lets out a sigh against Phil’s lips and his body goes lax as he relaxes and melts into it. Phil reaches out with a shaking hand to Ethan’s arm and rubs up and down on the skin.

The same electricity that was there before was there again and it feels like more.

The kissing doesn’t progress much because as soon as Phil begins to roll Ethan onto his back to hover over him, his phone begins to ring loudly from the bedside table. He groans and pulls back, rolling onto his back as he reaches for it and grabs it in his hand. He doesn’t bother to see who it is, he presses answer and then presses for speaker phone and let’s the voice ring through.

“Phil! Where are you? You’re missing the meeting with Luxor.”

Phil quickly sits up in bed with the sound of Geoffrey’s stressed voice ringing through his speaker. “Oh shit. That’s this morning isn’t it?”

“Phil, it started a half an hour ago. We were putting it on hold until you arrived but you’re still not here.”

Geoffrey sounded upset and Phil understood it. He should have been more responsible. He had been a bit reckless with Ethan but in his defense, he never thought he would see Ethan ever again so this was a major deal to him to have Ethan with him.

“I can be to the office in 20,” Phil says, throwing the duvet back and hissing at the cool temperature of the room hitting his naked flesh. “I’m so sorry.”

He hangs up before Geoffrey can say anything back and he goes to turn around to Ethan when he notices Ethan is already out of bed and stepping into a pair of boxers. “I’m so sorry.” Phil began, causing Ethan to jump. “I completely forgot about the meeting with Luxor today. My company is collaborating with them and this was our project planning meeting so I need to be there to give my input.”

Ethan lets out a small smile and nods. “It’s okay. I should get going anyway.”

He’s slipping his shirt back onto his arms when Phil jumps up and rushes over to him. “Please tell me I’ll see you again?”

Phil feels a bit pathetic, a bit desperate, asking Ethan if he can see him again but the nod and blush that Ethan supplies him with is enough to help him brain from overthinking it. “I’ll call you later, okay?” Phil says.

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” Ethan says before he brushes up against Phil and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek. He finishes dressing and slips out the door before Phil has time to say anything else.

His heart hurts a bit to see him go and a part of him is worried it’ll be the last time. But another part of him is telling himself that this is definitely not going to be the last time and everything will be okay and Phil will see Ethan as soon as possible.

***

“Where were you?”

Phil is rushing into the building with Geoffrey waiting for him just past the security clearance desk. “I was busy.”

“Doing what?” Geoffrey prodded. “Having a final shag with a bloke you met last night?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “No, in fact, Ethan spent the night.”

Geoffrey pressed the button for the elevator and scanned his ID badge in to activate it. “Ethan?”

“The guy I met in Italy.”

They stepped into the elevator and made their way up to the 10th floor. When the doors opened, they both stepped out and hurried to the conference room.

“The guy you’ve been looking for?” Geoffrey asks and Phil nods. Geoffrey gives him a cheeky smile and elbows him gently in the ribs. “Phil, you sly—“

“Shhh!” Phil warned. “I don’t even know if it’s quite a thing yet so just—”

They push open the conference door and Phil greets all of the people sitting there with handshakes. “I apologize for the lateness,” He begins but as he sees that no one else is impressed with his excuse, he shuts up and looks up at the powerpoint that Geoffrey is now referring to.

It’s halfway through the meeting when the words, “Amalfi office” catch Phil’s attention. He looks up from his notepad and sees that Geoffrey is talking about how they believe their Amalfi office could help establish and international shipping point for their clothing.

Phil’s intrigued now because Amalfi, while it never had much place in his heart before, had plenty of space now. It was the small coastal town where he met Ethan and it’s the city where his life changed forever. And yeah, he was just there not that long ago but if he can experience that all over again he—

“I’ll go to Amalfi and oversee the company.”

The words are out of his mouth before he can even process what he has just said. He just agreed to temporarily uproot his entire life to Amalfi to oversee that international branch.

Geoffrey set down his laser pointer and leaned on the table. “Phil…are you…?”

“I really think it would be the best,” Phil says. “I can manage the company from Amalfi and help overlook the proceedings while everything is underway here in London. It only makes sense if I go instead of sending someone else there who isn’t going to know what they’re doing.”

“Are you positive this is what you can do?”

Phil bites his lip and nods his head and then the entire table erupts into chatter as Phil stands up, grabs his notebook, and leaves the room.

Jeanna finds him in his office a short time later with a scorned look on her face. “Are you mad?” She says.

“Possibly.”

“You’re absolutely mental to go to Amalfi and oversee the company from there while this major collaboration is happening.”

“It’s not mental,” Phil says. “Amalfi was the best thing that ever happened to me. I want to go back there.”

“But Ethan is here.” Jeanna counters. “So are you going to leave Ethan behind while you uproot to Amalfi for a few months?”

And just like that, a lightbulb goes off in Phil’s head and he excuses himself out of the office. He makes his way to his private bathroom and steps inside as he dials Ethan’s number.

Ethan answers after a few rings and a confused but hopeful “hello?” rings through the speakers.

“Do you want to come to Amalfi with me to live for a few months?”

Phil hears a loud boom on the other side of the line.

DAN POV

He dropped his phone. He dropped his damn cell phone as soon as Phil spoke those words because what the ever-loving fuck was happening? They just reconnected and now Phil is asking him to stay with him in Amalfi for a few months. Could he even do that?

“Ethan? Ethan? Are you there?”

It still makes Dan cringe to hear Phil use his fake name. “Yeah, I’m here. Sorry I dropped my phone.”

Phil laughed on the other side. “So what do you say?”

Dan feels his mouth slack open and he runs a hand over his face before he finally says. “Yeah.”

“You’ll come with me to Amalfi?”

Dan nods and then laughs. “Yeah, I’ll come with you.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t think you actually agree!” Phil says. “I have to work out the logistics but we’ll leave in a few days. No need to worry about money or flights, I have you covered okay?”

Dan feels the giddiness bubble up inside of him as he says a quick okay and then they both hang up. Dan falls to the floor of his bedroom and Sam looks up at him from where she is sat on his bed.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I was just asked to go to Amalfi with Phil.”

Sam shot up from the bed. “WHAT?”

Dan just nodded with a massive smile because he couldn’t believe it had been real either.

“Did you agree?”

Dan nodded again and Sam screeched. “DAN WHAT THE FUCK!”

“I’m going to Amalfi with Phil.” Dan repeated. “I’m fucking going to Amalfi with Phil for a few months and we’re going to drink wine and cruise around on his yacht and have lots of sex and I’m—this can’t be real, right?”

Just as soon as he questioned reality, his phone buzzed again and he looked down to see a new text from Phil telling him that he wanted to see Dan that night. Dan bit his lip and smiled down at his phone as he answered that he would definitely be there.

“We need to get you some new clothing to take!” Sam exclaimed. “Oh my gosh, we need to go now!”

“Sam, you know I don’t have the money to buy a bunch of brand new clothes.”

Sam rolled her eyes and walked over to his closet. She opened the doors and begin to rifle through his various shirts and hanging pants. “How do you not have any nice clothing to take to Amalfi? Didn’t we buy you some before we left the last time?”

Dan shook his head. “Most of it was rented from a company, remember? It was part of my sponsorship deal. All of those clothes got returned.”

Sam shut the door and turned around on her heels. She reached out, grabbing Dan’s arm in her palm with a hard grasp, and she yanked him towards the door.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m taking you shopping,” Sam exclaims. “We’re getting you some expensive clothing just for Phil to remove and through on the floor of his home every night.”

Dan lets out a loud laugh and follows her out of the flat.

***

The shopping was just as eventful as Dan had thought it was going to be. He tried on--and he’s not exaggerating--hundred of tops. Sam had also been super strict about what he was allowed to buy and after seeing the price ring up on the till every time, he would try to wrestle the black credit card out of Sam’s hand. But of course, Sam bought him a bunch of new clothing even though he protested to most of it. And now, after putting it all away, he’s on his way in a car called by Phil to Phil’s penthouse.

Dan’s extremely nervous, but not in a bad way. He’s super excited to be able to see Phil again but he’s also nervous because this is a lot happening all of the sudden. Just a few days ago, he was figuring out whether or not even wanted to show up to meet Phil. And now he’s kissed Phil, spent the night with again, and he’s going to Amalfi.

The car stops in front of the penthouse and Dan gets out, nodding a thank you to the driver as he goes inside and buzzes to go up to Phil’s place. When he gets inside the elevator, he pushes for Phil’s floor?l, which is appropriately labeled, and the doors open just outside of Phil’s penthouse.

Phil opens the door as soon as Dan steps up to it and he wraps his arms around Dan without a warning and Dan slips his arms around Phil’s waist as Phil kisses up and down his neck, sucking lightly on the tender skin. It’s not enough to leave a mark but it’s enough for Dan to feel the pleasure from it.

Phil stops and walks them back into his living room and he brings Dan to his couch where he has two glasses of red wine poured and a plate of meat and crackers setting out. “I didn’t know if you wanted anything to eat but I ordered us sushi from my favorite place that will be here in a few. I poured us a glass of wine while we wait.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Dan blushes. “You don’t have to do any of this.”

Phil smiled. “Well, then think of this as a celebration of you agreeing to come to Amalfi with me.”

Dan smiled and picks up the glass. He raises it up to his lips and takes a sip and it’s easily the best wine he’s ever had. He pulls it back and looks at Phil with a stunned look who just laughed. “Never has wine before?”

Dan scoffed. “Of course I have but I’ve never had wine this good.”

Phil laughs a bit more. “Well, expect it from now on. Because you only deserve the finest everything.”

Phil leans over and attaches his lips to Dan’s neck again. Dan reaches up and puts his hand on the back of Phil’s neck and holds him in place, letting Phil suck and leave bruises on his skin. He’ll have marks for a few days now but he doesn’t care. Let people see them and see that Phil did them.

Dan let out a moan and Phil pulled back, connecting their lips. Dan sighs into the kiss and melts again. His body feels so relaxed with Phil, so ready. Everything feels so good, so right.

“I still can’t believe that you’ve agreed to come with me,” Phil says pulling away. “I never thought that this would ever happen.”

Dan smiles. “I can’t wait to get to explore Amalfi with you.” He says. “I can’t wait to be there and relive the night when we met.”

Phil blushes. “I can’t believe you’re real, Ethan.”

He leans down and kisses Dan and Dan feels a bit caught off guard by Phil still thinking his name was Ethan. He should correct him. He should say something before this gets too far deep and he no longer can say anything.

He pulls back and opens his mouth to say the words but the doorbell buzzing into the penthouse interrupts his thoughts and he decides that he’ll wait until a better time.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Skate date (S.M.)

Summary: Shawn takes you out on a date.

Warnings: FLUFF and some swearing

Word count: 1770

Winter came around, more ferocious than any you've ever experienced. Everyone told you that moving to Canada comes with snow that could completely cover you with it's height and you always took it as a joke. Boy were you wrong.

„Come on babe! I wanna take you somewhere!“ Shawn whined pulling at your hand to get you off the couch and out of your protective blanket fort.

„No. Blanky. Warm. Come.“ You mumbled, pulling him as well, but your boyfriend was twice your size and definitely had you beat in the strength department. In one swift tug he had you in his arms. He wrapped those warm arms around you, resting his chin on top of your head, lightly swaying you with a small hum leaving his pink lips. You didn't bother fighting it, relaxing in his embrace, letting yourself get lost in the way his heart thumped faster and just a little louder whenever you were near him. He once said his heart never sits still with you around and so far he has been nothing but truthful. It made you proud of yourself, doing wonders for your confidence, because when you can make a guy like Shawn Mendes feel like a school boy with nothing but your presence, what more could you ever need?

„Do you wanna go in your pajamas, or should I let you get dressed?“ He questioned cheekily and you smiled back at his insistence. Whenever he was home, he always took you to new places just to make sure you got to know your surroundings. You've only lived in Toronto for two months now, but Shawn knew you had a slight problem with adapting to your new living arrangements. Not the apartment or him itself, but moving to a different continent just to be near him. So, he made sure you felt welcomed and had things to do when he wasn't around. You knew he felt bad uprooting your from your family and friends which is why you were with him during tour for as long as you could, but you wanted this, him. It didn't bother you as much as he felt guilty over the whole deal. Shawn was someone you knew would leave a big mark on your life and it didn't hurt to try and make it work. Moving wasn't a problem, as long as you had him. And Shawn definitely didn't let you forget you did in fact have him.

„Lemme just put something on. If I'm not down in five, I fell asleep.“ You joked, giving him a light peck on his jaw before walking away, turning back to look at the man who had trouble tearing his eyes from you as well. You put on some warm leggings and a long jumper, ankle high boots and a winter coat over the ensemble. You decided against make up, putting on a thick layer of lip balm instead.

„You awake?“ His voice came from behind you and a smile instantly found its way to your lips.

„I'm ready.“ You ran out of the bathroom and his jaw dropped.

„What?“ You asked self consciously and he shook his head lightly, his lips still parted.

„You're gorgeous.“ He stated and you chuckled.

„I have zero make up on.“ You retorted and his lips spread into a wide grin.

„I don't care. You're stunning. I'm so lucky.“ He pulled you in for a soft kiss, smiling into it which was your favorite thing. That moment his lips smile against yours always made your heart flutter and mind go into a frenzy.

„I'm the lucky one. Even if you're leading me into certain death.“ You raised an eyebrow and he looked at you with confusion written on his face. „Have you seen me and my height? I'm a fucking minion! I'm gonna end up swimming through the snow!“ You pointed out and he laughed.

„Well, the driveway is cleaned up and a car is at the very end of it. I will get you safe and sound to our location. Promise.“ He raised his pinky and you hooked yours with his.

Naturally, you tripped on the very first step out of the safety of your apartment building, but thankfully Shawn had mad reflexes and caught you before you hit the ground. He laughed in your face about it, but even that was better than a broken bone so you took it like a champ.

It took a twenty minute drive, but you were soon in front of a huge arena, looking at Shawn who had a coy smile on his face. The way his lips lifted upward. The way his one dimple crinkles. The way his teeth are perfectly aligned. The warm glow his happiness gives. His smile is a ray of sunshine, and here you were, in the middle of the winter, sunburn.

With his hand in your own, fingers intertwined, you made your way inside and with one look at it you knew why he brought you here.

„Skating?“ You gasped as he stood before you with his hands spread out. You looked around, your eyes stopping at him every time until a laugh made its way to the surface. It was a brief outburst of laughter quickly brought under control.

„You do realize I'm a klutz? Right? We're gonna need an ambulance on standby.“ You pointed out and he rolled his eyes playfully before holding out his hand for you to take.

„I won't let you fall. Promise.“ He always said promise whenever he spoke to you. It gave you a certain warmth to hear those words and the way they left his lips so effortlessly made you all fluffy inside. He promised you his heart would always race with your proximity, he promised he'll never stop losing his breath when he sees you looking back at him, he promised never to stop holding your hand or opening your door. He promised never to get used to you and so far he had delivered without a doubt on every promise he has made.

„Get me some skates.“ You took his hand without a question, enjoying the reappearance of his smile once more. You put them on, while Shawn was already doing a few laps in the rink. You carefully stood up, feeling a little uneasy already, your balance completely off. Shawn noticed and made his way to you the blink of an eye, both his hands waiting for yours to hold. With a slight huff, you took the security he offered and in one step you were on the ice. Your legs wobbled a little like a newborn deer and he chuckled at your uncertainty.

„Stop laughing!“ You shout, grabbing at his shoulders to stop yourself from falling.

„I can't! This is the first thing you can't do! I was beginning to think you're not human!“ He exclaimed and you sighed, exasperated.

„I never had a chance to skate! Okay?! You saw where I was from. I'm not graceful off the ice either.“ You muttered and he put a finger on your chin, lifting it so he could look into your eyes.

„You're still perfect to me. Don't stress yourself out, okay? I'll help you out.“ He said and you nodded in acknowledgement. His cheeks were bright pink, making him more adorable than before and you melt at the sight tuning out his instructions to keep yourself on your feet instead of the ice.

He showed you how to move and keep up, no fancy moves just to make sure you don't break your legs in the process. You told him to let go, so you could try yourself, which didn't quite go as planned. You were slamming the edges of your blades against the ice, while Shawn was scratching the delicate surface, gliding around you, emerging from all sides of the rink making your scream out in frustration.

„Stop doing that! It freaks me out!“ He laughed wholeheartedly in response while your knees bent a little to prevent a face plant on the ice beneath your feet. Without a warning Shawn had his hands around your waist, pulling you up with him.

„Let me do all the work.“ He whispered in your ear and you let him lead the way. He held onto you tightly while he skated circles around the rink with you in hand. You could hear the faint thumping of your own heartbeat pulsing inside your chest, fear melting away and adrenaline taking place. It felt like you were flying, free as a bird, safe as long as his arms were around you. It was one of those moments that engrave themselves in your neurons, forever staying in your memory, something to replay when things get bad.

Once you were back in the car, you rubbed his hands in an attempt to warm him up while he huffed over yours in return. You were giggling like two children, your forehead resting on his, lips only inches apart.

„You gave me a happy memory for Expecto Patronum“, you spoke and his lips stretched into a smile.

„Glad to be of service.“ His lips found yours, the kiss melting away the world around you. It was slow and soft, comforting. He pressed his tongue to the seam of your lips and, at your grant of access, delved inside your mouth turning the kiss sloppy. His breathing quickened as did yours. He began nuzzling your neck with delicate kisses, so faint, they were whispers. When you broke apart for air, you rested your forehead against his and gathered some much needed oxygen. His smirk told you everything and you smiled back, sinking into his hold.

„My happiest memory was our first night in the apartment. You and I slow dancing at 3 am, drunk on wine and hopes for the future. You were glowing and I was terrified you'd change your mind any moment and leave my sorry ass. I can't explain how better my life is with you in it. I thank whoever sent you my way every morning, every time we kiss, every night as you curl up next to me, my arms around you. Every breath you take makes me thankful. I love you.“ Shawn kissed your forehead and you wiped a happy tear from your cheek. You turn to him and leave a small kiss on the back of his hand.

„I never regretted moving here. I'm with you till the end of the line. I love you so much it hurts. It consumes me completely and I am a willing victim. Yours forever no matter what.“

[rorykillmore]

oh feel free not to answer this if uve already gone into this and i just missed it but what r ur characters Thoughts about the big denny shift (plus laura who like, clearly isnt gonna know too much of what denny was like Pre shift,)

okay so lucille is gonna be a bit ruffled, she doesn’t really like change on principle and this is a whole lot of nonsense going on for someone who. doesn’t generally like nonsense,

that said, it’s gonna be really easy to be insular if you want to be given the nature of the new revamp locations so like. really she can just stay in victorian london and be content not to get too involved in the rest of it. she might go to metropolis sometimes too just because the modern world has grown on her and there are certain things she prefers about it, but that’s about it

siobhan might be a little shaken up by the whole thing, honestly, because she’s been on denny... i dunno is it close to three years now? so to have everything just suddenly up and completely change one day is. worrying. like it has to make you wonder, can the rifts just fuck up everybody’s lives any time they want? no matter how long they’ve been stable? she probably... won’t be very Optimistic about denny after that, maybe privately feel that they’re all kinda living on borrowed time, but she’ll still go about doing her regular denny guardians thing because. the world doesn’t stop even for this shit, and she has no patience for standing still

sara is not entirely unused to completely changed timelines and alternate realities so this is a little bit par for the course for her! i think more than anything she’ll just have to adjust a bit to... the lifestyle changes she’ll be required to make. being restrained to a single time, having to find a bit of a different purpose and all that. i can imagine things MIGHT get a bit stir crazy on the waverider while everyone’s adjusting. so if anything, all the changes in the world and the weird ways the rifts are reacting gives her something to do, something to investigate, which is a relief at that point. sara never got to do enough science-y stuff before anyway. people forget she’s good at science-y stuff!

bramblestar, badgerstripe, and nightcloud will probably all have some varied reaction of “...uh, what” because they don’t really have a thorough enough understanding of the rifts to like. try to make sense of what’s happening. and to them, the southwest is a big enough world that they never really have to leave it and go deal with all of this plot stuff, so to some extent it doesn’t really matter or affect them that much (we’re still keeping the rdr 1 locations as well as just adding a few from rdr 2 so it’s not even like their territory is gonna change). the only exception might be nightcloud, who occasionally leaves the clan territories to visit people and who may or may not ultimately end up not in a clan at all so. if she does, she’ll have to find a new place to settle

dolores probably.... won’t like it; it’s kinda easy to make her bristle at stuff like this, where someone or something else just seems to have complete control over her environment and can change it on a whim. but she’d also lose patience pretty quickly if she tried to confine herself ONLY to beacon heights, so she’ll make the best of it. she’s gonna be pretty fascinated by auriga - our future space station world - and see some opportunities to... maybe find some advantages and gain a foothold there, so.

sophie-anne ultimately doesn’t really care how the world pieces itself together. she might be a little more fascinated by what the rifts are capable of than she lets on; but she’s also gonna benefit from all of this way more than she’s gonna be inconvenienced. so! she likes living in the 1920′s more than modern times anyway, probably. and she gets to make a useful deal with the organization,

camille is just going to be exhausted, as usual,

really though there’s getting used to weird stuff and then... there’s this. i think camille’s standard defense mechanism for things that are Too Much is to just, not try too hard to process it, so she might not really react a lot outwardly. she’ll just keep doing her job, maybe try to help felix a little if he needs it. though eventually if she starts travelling a lot... she’s gonna get to see a lot of different parts of the new world one way or another, so it’ll be interesting to see what she ultimately makes of the whole thing

sly is going to be a little... concerned about the stability of things, naturally, but i also think he’s actually the type who will adapt pretty easily to all the changes! actually his world is honestly. kind of similar in spirit to new denny’s, because a lot of the sly cooper games are just traveling around to different locations that are playfully stereotyped and stylized enough to almost seem like they’re from different eras. and i think he’ll really fit in in port royal, and he’ll be thrilled to get the chance to kind of, take after henriette (his pirate ancestor) more, so he’ll be pretty content! at least for a while.

susie is just gonna be like “mmm okay”, like, that’s just about the best way i can describe it. like less concerned and more almost judgmental,

but no she’ll be able to understand what’s going on a lot more thoroughly and instantaneously than. most characters, so in some regards she’ll have less reason to worry (she knows how the glitches work, understands that the rifts aren’t going to suddenly blow up or anything) but in some she’ll have more (she’ll be a little more :/ about the whole organization thing even if that’s not really the sort of thing she gets involved in)

delia is going to find the whole thing pretty frustrating. as if she needed more to worry about! she can’t really control where the academy ends up, so the fact that’s gonna be in a much more precarious and dangerous location than before is... ugh. i won’t talk much about this here because giz sent me a separate ask for it but suffice to say she won’t be happy

alana is going to be... slightly overwhelmed and also a little more nervous. with all of these isolated, varying locations to contend with instead of just, you know, one big, organized country, it would be a lot easier for people like hannibal to slip under the radar. actually, probably a lot easier in general for criminals to hide out in certain places, so the mld is really gonna have to crack down and adapt. she’ll probably be pretty invested in getting everything... organized again

for villanelle, on the other hand, that’s the opposite of a problem!, being stuck in just one country is pretty problematic for an assassin; she’s had to be a lot more careful in how she operates. being able to travel a lot more in between these locations that are still struggling to even figure out ways to communicate with each other is so much more preferable! and chaotic! and fun! plus she gets to experience more culture than just. america. she’s been really salty about just being stuck in america. it doesn’t really concern her that much what the rifts may or may not do (or she’ll say it doesn’t; she’s not exactly gonna be pleased that her younger self was running around for like a week) as long as she has her freedom and stuff to keep her busy and entertained

and then laura, like you said... is an interesting case because she’ll have known original denny for like. less than a week. she’s not gonna appreciate the world fucking uprooting itself, but she also has no real attachment to a lot of these places that other people do. and honestly laura is so fucking. numbed to weird bullshit at this point that she’ll probably get over it pretty quickly anyway. she’s a lot more concerned with... everything she left behind in her world and what she’s gonna do with herself now than she is with any of the big site changes, basically

[ikesenhell]

A Family Tree

Bloodline, Chapter 3. You can find all other IkeSen works of mine here. NOTE: Ayana is @jindalraekarkki’s lovely OC! Thank you so much!

Masamune and Mitsuhide nicknamed the archivist ‘Princess’. It was their idea of a joke, prompted unbidden by a remark Nobunaga made at the office. Something about Ieyasu ‘rescuing a Princess in distress’. 

“Very funny,” he snapped irritably. It wasn’t as if he needed a reminder on how he’d endangered the poor woman. The whole situation was his fault. “Back to the important things. Do we have some kind of a lead on this?”

“As it so happens? We do.” Mitsuhide set down some paperwork. “The accelerant used for the fire is actually quite similar to the products we found in the office Masamune cracked into. It appears that someone in our current investigations to the mob has not only figured out that Ieyasu is involved on our team, but is taking an interest in obscuring how his family plays into their organization.”

“So let me see if I understand.” Nobunaga twirled a pen idly over his desk. “The Mob not only was in possession of photos of the Tokugawa family, a pair of former CIA agents deceased over a decade and a half, but figures out that their son is also in connection with the CIA, and that he is investigating on his own into this?”

Masamune frowned deep, his blue eye glittering. “That sounds like a mole to me.”

The men fell silent.

“I’ll certainly be branching my investigations into that possibility,” Mitsuhide remarked lightly. “Don’t you worry about that. In the meantime, we need to move the Princess into protective custody.”

Ieyasu grimaced. How unfair was this? The poor woman would have to completely uproot her whole life, disrupt everything she knew--and it was all because of him. He clenched his fist tight. 

“Have some opinion on the matter?” Nobunaga cocked a brow at him. “You appear tense.”

“No opinion.” He replied brusquely. It wasn’t as if that train of thought mattered. But Mitsuhide kept staring, a knowing look emerging on those snaky lips. Of course Mitsuhide could tell what was wrong.

“How about this?” Mitsuhide suggested. “Our dearest Princess is likely a valuable resource in our investigations. She’s already played a part, after all. We could move her into Ieyasu’s custody.”

“Intriguing. Do tell.” Nobunaga folded his fingers together, resting his chin on the lattice of his knuckles. 

“As excellent as Mitsunari is at his job, it’s known that we’re stretched a touch thin. I already took the liberty of looking into her background, and she is squeaky clean. We could employ her as a civilian contractor for this particular case. It would free up our process and provide Ieyasu with a bit of needed interpersonal interaction.”

“I don’t need interpersonal interaction,” Ieyasu snapped. The idea of having someone in his personal space was almost offensive. Granted, he did owe her that much, and Mitsuhide was right--but still. “And I don’t need a random woman living in my house.”

“No? Not even with all the benefits of someone assisting you on your case? We all know of your aversion to working with Mitsunari.”

Damnit. Ieyasu ground his teeth tight together. He was up against a rock and a hard place, and everyone knew it. “Fine.”

Apparently she didn’t have much. Maybe she just hadn’t brought much. Either way, when he picked her up from her apartment, she only had two large suitcases and a confused expression.

“What’s with that face?” He snapped harder than he meant. “Come on. Is this all you have?”

“It’s all I need. I didn’t think it would be polite of me to load up your space with my things.”

Well that was downright considerate. He felt bad for being rude already, but an apology wouldn’t unstick from his throat. Opting for silence, he placed her things in the back seat and drove them both to his place. 

He had a three bedroom apartment and frankly no reason for all the space. If he were honest with himself, he’d gotten the extra rooms partially for if Masamune decided to come over and crash, partially for space for his own collection of books, partially for an office. Converting the spare room he’d meant for Masamune wasn’t a stretch at all--he’d just gotten some new sheets and towels. Quiet as a mouse, she slipped into the room and looked around. 

“Thank you so much,” she murmured. “I’m sorry to be in your way.”

What was he supposed to say to that? It was his fault she was there. Ieyasu reached for words and finally settled for, “It wasn’t that much trouble.”

Clearly he’d missed the mark. She didn’t look assuaged at all. Desperately trying to wriggle his way from the situation, Ieyasu added, “The office is free for use. Mitsuhide sent you some clearance. I’ll put the folders and files you can use in there, and the payment processing is going through. Questions?”

“No, not really. Thank you.”

She was quiet for certain. Ieyasu half-forgot she was there some days. All that ever reminded him was the soft hum of some song or another, the gentle clink of mugs in the morning and the scent of food cooking. As far as roommates went, she was courteous and clean. As for the rest? He wasn’t expecting much. How useful could someone entirely outside the CIA training regimen be? It wasn’t that she was a subpar researcher (not that he knew if she was or wasn’t), but he just didn’t have hope. 

But Mitsuhide kept presenting him with dossiers, so he kept bringing them to the office, stacking them with the others. She neatly cataloged and read and took notes, but Ieyasu wasn’t expecting much. 

And then one morning she walked into the kitchen as he was brewing coffee, holding a file in her hand. 

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Mmm?” Yes, he thought, but he just looked at her expectantly. 

“I’m sorry. It’s a little invasive.” But then she paused. “You were raised by an uncle, weren’t you?”

That was a weird question. He lowered the mug. “Yes?”

“I--” The Princess paused, thinking about her words before finally coming out with it. “Are you sure you’re related?”

Ieyasu stopped short, staring at her. “What kind of a question is that?”

“I know that sounds weird,” she rushed out. “I know it does. But I did a little looking into your familial background, and something isn’t adding up. So I went through your uncle’s history. He supposedly graduated from Princeton, same as your father, but--well, just take a look.”

She fished through the folder and produced several pictures, laying them out for him. That pang of familiarity rushed through him once more. It was him--that mystery man in the newspaper clipping from ‘93. Except now it was a smiling, younger man on the Princeton Yard, baseball bat slung over one shoulder and a slight caption underneath. I. Tokugawa, first baseman. 

“What the fuck,” he blurted out. The whole world tilted under his feet; he sat heavily on the floor, struggling to make sense of it. That was his uncle. That was his uncle. So much now swirled into focus. His ‘Uncle’s aversion to talking about his parents--how they didn’t have a resemblance--how he’d never met anyone else in the family--it wasn’t even his family. Who the fuck was that man? Who was that stranger?

The cold press of a cup into his hand jerked him from his reverie. The Princess stared into his eyes, concern etched in every line of her face. His first instinct was to withdraw. He didn’t need her pity. Familiar irritation rose hot in his throat; no doubt she saw him as a poor orphan, a pitiful thing abandoned by his own blood. But as his fingertips closed around the ice water, he came back to himself. She wasn’t pitying him. She was genuinely worried. 

“That’s a lot to process,” she murmured. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to shock you, but I couldn’t think of any other way to tell you.”

For a single second, he appreciated the hell out of her. He’d undersold her on every respect, and here she was, shining in every conceivable way. What an ass he’d been to her. How was he supposed to right that? He gulped down the ice water, looking for anything else to do aside from answer. At last, he found his voice. “I told my Uncle--or whoever that was--about the photo in the paper I’d gotten. He’s the mole.”

She paused. “Are you certain? How did he figure out you were part of the CIA? The link between which specific place and the paper?”

“Not a clue.” He struggled to his feet, screwing down his resolve. “Not a damn clue. But I’m going to find out.”

[urfavmurtad]

What are some things about Judaism and Christianity that you learned that surprised you? What about polytheistic religions like native american animism, Buddhism, Shinto and Jainism? Zoroastrians? Baha’i? Yazidi?

Anon this is… such an in-depth question! Idek where to begin here. Of all those religions, I have learned the most about Judaism since I stopped being religious. What I knew about Judaism prior to maybe 5 years ago was mostly just what Islam says about Judaism. Meaning, you know, from Adam to Moses, then it skips ahead to David/Solomon/Saul, then there are some brief mentions of Jonah and Ezekiel and that’s really it.

So I didn’t know a lot, and I wasn’t very interested in what I did know tbh. The only reason why I started reading the Bible is bc I wanted to compare it to the Quranic versions of the stories and see how much Mohammed fucked them up. And that was fun but I didn’t bother to look much further into Judaism past that. The Books of Kings and Chronicles, for example, I took one look at them, decided they were boring, and didn’t read them until only a couple of years ago. That’s when I first got into the whole Biblical history thing. I tried reading a book about how the Bible was put together and realized I didn’t know enough about the Bible itself to even begin.

I forced myself to read those four books and then some of the prophet books (side note: all of the female prophets were left out of Islam, I didn’t even know they existed. Damn it Mohammed!!!). And I’m glad I did, because it changed my whole view of the Jewish Bible. It’s a history book!! Like… that’s literally what it’s supposed to be, a (legendary) history of Israel/Judah, and every bad thing that happens to them is ascribed to YHWH getting pissed off at them, but then like my friend and her trash boyfriend he always forgives them and takes them back even tho they just go on to disappoint him again. The Bible is the world’s oldest and greatest self-drag!!!

Once I actually knew the general chronology of the Biblical kings and shit I could actually make my way through this book without getting confused (mostly). Highly recommend this one for beginners btw, there is a PDF online and it’s not overly long.

And damn… I know there’s some debate about certain elements of it like the exact nature of the “documentary hypothesis” but even just focusing on the stuff that people agree upon, I didn’t know any of it before reading this, beyond there being no evidence for the Exodus/the huge kingdom of Solomon etc. I also knew that early Judaism was a system where multiple gods existed but YHWH was just their patron god, but I didn’t fully understand the process in how he got conflated with El and became the god.

More relevant to this topic, though, I didn’t understand the history behind the Bible itself. Deuteronomy being written separately/earlier than the rest and the Bible claiming that it was “found” in the Temple after like 900 years in Josiah’s time… like I had never even heard of Josiah prior to a few years ago and here I am realizing that this bitch perpetrated fraud that would make Linda Taylor proud. Tf. AND, the whole thing with Judah being way, way less developed than Israel, and Israel was actually a multi-ethnic and prosperous society, but then after the Assyrians handed Israel its ass the Judeans were suddenly the top bitch in school and wrote the whole Bible to make their former northern neighbors out to be assholes?? Wow Team Israel tbh.

Then when you get to the time of the Babylonian Exile tho you have to feel a bit bad for the people of Jerusalem, like the Babylonians were uncommonly dickish even for their time and the ppl of the city were clearly traumatized tbh… a lot of the stories in the Bible, especially those believed to have been added only after the exile, make a hell of a lot more sense when you realize the huge changes occurring in Jewish society at the time. The transition from “there are lots of gods but YHWH is our god” to “YHWH is the god” is completely understandable when you realize that people were searching for some explanation as to why they had all been uprooted and thrown out of their homes, and the obvious explanation is that, yet again, they had pissed YHWH the fuck off by worshiping other gods.

I feel like both Christianity and Islam (but especially Islam) try to separate many of Judaism’s better-known stories from the context of ancient Israel/Judah itself, presenting them as more universal stories that apply to everyone, but tbh the whole over-arching story doesn’t work unless you look at it as a history written by and for Jews who were rebuilding their religion and society in a volatile period. I’m reading this rn and it’s relevant to that topic.

It’s truly a damn shame that pretty much like 0% of Muslims have been exposed to any of this tbh? I feel like almost all scholars of Biblical history come from non-Muslim countries. I have more feelings on this subject but let me answer the rest of your question. First of all, Christianity. I read the New Testament in full a couple of years ago as well. It was obviously way easier to read because the Gospels are all different versions of the same story and the rest is just supplementary material, basically. I think the text itself is pleasant and Jesus was a chill dude. I like him. And the whole… sequence of events made much more sense after I’d read the Book of Isaiah and realized that the authors of the Gospels were viewing Jesus in light of those prophecies. Revelation is a fascinating shrooms trip. The Acts of the Apostles were fun to read, but all the letters were just like w/e. More historically interesting (if they’re real) than interesting in terms of content. Though I do think some of the content in them is very nice, idk if people know this but Muslims think Paul was responsible for perverting the (non-existent) “real” Gospel of Jesus and paint him very poorly. But I dunno, the letters seemed fine to me.

Tbh I was surprised to see how different Islam’s version of Christianity/Christian stories is compared to the “real thing”. I don’t even mean his disastrous misconceptions of Christian theology but just like… with the stories Mohammed pulled from the Jewish Bible (and the Talmud–which I also enjoyed flipping through btw, it’s like a bunch of old guys yelling at each other in written form), he gets details wrong but the overall stories are basically the same. But with the Christian stories, barely anything in the Quran is from the Bible. I think I’ve said this before but like 90% of the stuff pulled from Christianity in Islam is about baby Jesus, not adult Jesus, and even that stuff isn’t from the Bible. It’s understandable when you realize that he was listening to these stories, not reading them, and just picked the ones he liked best… which happened to be later texts. That brings me to a subject that is near and dear to my heart:

Apocryphal texts bih. I love this shit, with full sincerity and zero irony. The weirder it gets, the better. I started out just reading the ones that made it into the Quran, like the Life of Adam and Eve, the Infancy Gospels that I’ve mentioned before, and the Testament of Solomon. Then some Gnostic stuff, which I only read because it has the same substitute-crucifixion thing going on as Islam, but WHEW chile the DRUGS these ppl were on while writing this shit…! The Sethians and the Nag Hammadi library produced such treasures of crazy-ass literature. It makes me sad how so much of this stuff is just totally forgotten now that Christianity is mostly just Catholic/Protestant+Orthodox. There were so many sects and people had so many divergent ideas, some more drug-assisted than others probably!! And Middle Eastern Christianity was very diverse even in the 7th century. Some of the stories they produced had such rich lore. My fave right now is this Syriac collection:

I came across this one while looking for the origins of the al-Khidr story in the Quran. There were all sorts of opinions about who he was, bc Mohammed never really gave any details on his life, but Ibn Ishaq recorded an opinion that al-Khidr was the one who buried Adam and Allah granted him long life in return. So I looked for the source of that story and it was the story of Melchizedek in this book. Then I read the whole thing and man this would make for some weird psychedelic series or sth. It’s online, look it over and you’ll see how trippy it is.

Um… anon this is getting rly long tbh so let me sum up my knowledge of Shinto, Native American animism, and Jainism: not much!! Buddhism I have only an intro-level knowledge of, I know the basics but I don’t know more than that. The beliefs of Yazidis I don’t fully understand, but the little I know is pretty cool. From what I understand it’s a blend of pre-Islamic Kurdish religion + early Islamic influence + some other influences thrown in. It’s sad how they’re branded as devil-worshipers or w/e when the story of Melek Taus is actually really interesting and has a good moral and is way, way better than the story of Iblis. I also enjoy Yazidi architecture and that unique ribbed cone top of theirs. I hope they’re able to live on as a community after, uh, recent events.

I actually was taught about Bahai people growing up but I was told it was some heretical offshoot of Islam comparable to Ahmadiyya people. I didn’t realize it was considered its own religion until fairly recently tbh. I did read the Kitab al-Aqdas (which is blessedly short, this makes Bahai a great religion automatically!!) once. It’s definitely super inspired by the Quran in terms of style and to me clearly seems to be an attempt to make a Kinder And Also More Iranian Islam. I think it’s pretty neat. In fact I think a lot of attempts to magically make Islam “nicer” would just end up making it more like Bahai tbh. And it has a really fascinating history, with the Bab basically being a new John the Baptist and Bahaullah being the one he foretold. He even accidentally ended up in Israel lmao. I also really love Bahai architecture in terms of how diverse it is, with the only unifying feature being visual interest, and I would love to see the temple in India irl one day. India always has the best architecture anyway.

I saved Zoroastrians for last bc I have to be honest here. I tried to look into it, because it’s ancient and had an influence on Judaism etc and that makes it important. Fam I got about 3% of the way through the Avesta before giving up. I was still in the hymns part and just like… every other word was something I didn’t understand. I will go back and try again one day but for now the answer is “lol idk”.

ANYWAY… yeah… I’ve enjoyed reading about religion way more now that I’m not religious, both in terms of Islam and other religions, I can appreciate the process or w/e now that I’m not constantly trying to make it fit into Islam or panicking every time I spot something that makes me question my faith. I know a lot of atheists either fall away from religion altogether or just look at it like it’s something dumb, but even if it’s fake, that doesn’t make it worthless imo. The history itself is always worth studying.

[pasta-abomination]

FemslashEx 2020 Dear Creator letter

Dear Creator,

Thank you for bringing more femslash into the world! And thank you especially for making femslash for me, too. Gonna jump to the prompts under the cut:

General Housekeeping

Canon pronouns and gender identities:

Bending canon pronouns or identities is delightful, but completely optional.

DNWs: Explicit works where the characters are underage, ship or character bashing, kinks involving bodily fluids/excretions, stories focused on marriage (characters being married is fine, and I do like "woke up married" stories or fake or arranged marriage stories, but not stories where The Marriage Is The Point) or kidfic.

Re: g!p: Like I said, I love genderbending, and that does mean I'm theoretically okay with a lot of things--aliens, robots, magic, ABO, etc., in addition to things like gender play during sex, toys, intentionally fucking with gendered cues, clothing, etc. I'm also really a fan of stories that can respectfully include nuances of marginalized identities & experiences.

So if you want to engage with real identities in your fic, please do--I love exploring different potential "versions" of characters, and thinking about how a character's canon or canon-adjacent characterization might fit with the experiences of multiple different identities. I love stories that celebrate bodies and experiences that are considered non-normative.

My only caveat is that, if you're going to give a character a dick only so they can fuck someone with it, or if the fact that the character has a dick is the kink (i.e. if the character having a dick & using it in particular ways is the thing you’re really interested in writing), please have it be the result of something like magic, or shapeshifting, or even technology (aliens and robots!) instead of including it under the banner of trans or intersex identity.

tl;dr: Wanna write about trans or intersex versions of a character, including depictions of people with penises using those for sex? I would love that. Wanna write about Adora boning down with a flesh-and-blood dick because you think She-Ra has BDE? Have it be a magical transformation of some kind.

General Likes

Hurt/Comfort - Tending wounds! Bedside vigils! Nightmares! Reassurance! Touch-starved characters! Shared grief! Oh my!

Casefic/Mission fic - Mostly exactly what it says on the tin

Worldbuilding - Similar to genfic, but I just *clenches fist* Worldbuilding. Religion, magic, geography, history--especially if it adds something to our understanding of the characters and the experience of the bigger story.

Genderbending & Subcultural Identities - I really like exploring how a character might fit/not fit/understand themselves within IRL identity frameworks, or even thinking about how existing identity frameworks in the canon universe might influence how the character sees themself. This might be worldbuilding-heavy (I'd be super fascinated by the nuts and bolts of gender fluidity and transition with the kind of magic that Etheria has) or just a, "I feel like these two characters have a butch/femme dynamic and I'm going to play that up" or literally writing about a character trying out a haircut and a more non-binary way of being in the world and... enjoying it?

That also shows up in my ABO. I really like ABO that focuses on the subcultures that might  exist in that kind of world.

Altered states: Drunk, high, or otherwise intoxicated characters. Magic influencing peoples' emotional and mental state. Sleep deprivation, adrenaline, near-death experiences.

Thoughtful smut - You know that galaxy brain meme that went around where the highest level was "porn with math"? Yeah, that's me.

Poly - I only selected one triad for this (Dani/Sarah/Grace under Terminator) but I do really like poly relationships, and I’m generally okay with F/F/M as well, although I’d really prefer that the focus be on the women in the relationship. My only ask is that Catra (and Adora, for that matter) not be added to She-Ra pairings unless specifically requested or noted--I like them both a lot, I’ve requested them both together and separately, but I’d also like the spirit and the dynamics of the Adora- and Catra-related pairings I’ve requested for that fandom to be honored, and that rarepair requests not get rolled into & subsumed by the juggernaut pairing. (And, “requesting” can be either in the ~official request~ or in the prompts).

Following on that, though, I am a huge fan of complicated emotional dynamics. Liking two people at the same time but in different ways and for different things? Fan. Fucking someone and thinking of someone else? Awesome. Meaningful and unique present-day emotional relationship that doesn’t replace or assuage the pain of a past relationship and the longing for that person? Heaven. Complicated emotional dynamics are my Jam. As long as neither relationship is denigrated and the pairing requested is the focus of the fic.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Prompt Set 1: Adora/Glimmer, Perfuma/Adora, Adora/Mermista, Adora/Huntara, Huntara/Perfuma

My rarepairs!

These are the ships I ship because of canon moments, but are super rare in the fandom Because Reasons. And I like just about every ship in the fandom, but wanted to make sure these in particular got some love because they're fun, and I'm going to tell you why I like them, and some favorite tropes or prompts I have with them.

Adora/Glimmer- in PARTICULAR because of:

In 1x04 when Adora sneaks into Glimmer's room to sleep on the end of her bed. 

Bed-sharing is a GREAT trope with these two, whether accidentally, purposefully, or "oh no there's only one bed".

In "The Shadows of Mystacor" where Glimmer straight-up falls asleep on Adora in little spoon position in the hot springs

The day of Glimmer's coronation where Adora confesses that Angella told her to "take care" of Glimmer (even though she told them to "take care of each other", which is also super fucking shippy for me) and then resolves that she's going to do that

In "Mer-mysteries", their argument sounds like a subtextual break-up, and I love that

The scene in "Beast Island" where Adora almost gives up and then remembers Angella's last words to her and remembers *Glimmer* and even if I'm not feeling very shippy it still just hits me right in the feels

The implication in "System Failure" (the s1 episode where Entrapta is introduced) that Adora smashes rocks for Glimmer's enjoyment. Just. Y'know. Glimmer getting her buff gf to move things around for her. Carry things. Like boulders. Especially when she lifts things over her head--

Perfuma/Adora - Gosh, I'm just super Here For how Perfuma looks at She-Ra. I'm also here for: 

Perfuma and Adora getting high together and having adventures and making out a little and being happy and cozy together

I appreciate that Adora doesn't just immediately lose the femmephobia she was raised with in the Horde on joining the Rebellion (I think that would probably be more of a Process(TM) than they had time for onscreen) and so generally Adora being uncomfortable and kind of a jock but then getting shown up/put in her place. Obviously by the time Adora tells Huntara that Perfuma "is a demon in battle", she's wised up, but that's three whole seasons of material to work with :P

Anything with Perfuma trying to teach Adora how to relax/meditate (depending on your ADHD feels you can make that explicitly ADHD Adora--active meditation is a thing!)

Perfuma being Very Into her buff girlfriend and Adora being kind of a himbo

Adora/Mermista - I LOVE the energy with these two. Mermista especially feels like she's confident in her powers in a way that even Glimmer and Adora aren't--even though Adora and Glimmer are more experienced commanders/combatants. I feel like Mermista would enjoy Adora's cockier side that comes out when she's She-Ra.

Adora/Huntara - Adora's instant crush on Huntara when they meet in the Crimson Waste is one of the most memorable moments of the show for me, and this show has been very memorable, okay

Adorable butch4butch vibe

Competitive jocks competing jockily

Huntara feels very penitent by the end of the episode where they meet, I would love some penitent Huntara

I'm not sure what her fascination with She-Ra was, but in my head, it's not just about the haunted crashed spaceship, it's about something she knows about She-Ra from her time in the Wastes, and she holds some kind of reverence for her. Being a warrior woman and all

Would also like sad/thoughtful/wistful/quiet/aching moments with these two after the war where they're trying to adjust to like... living at peace. Or how they *can't* adjust to living at peace. And their shared or distinct experiences with the Horde.

For some reason, I really like the idea of Perfuma getting *both* Adora and Huntara high somehow and the three of them having a lot of fun but wow Adora and Huntara's stoned personalities. Just imagine the possibilities.

Huntara/Perfuma - OKAY. I *really* loved their dynamic in "Valley of the Lost". Just. *REALLY* loved it. The vast difference in perspectives, the suggestion that Perfuma liked Huntara but thought Huntara was prickly and didn't like her back, Huntara wondering if Perfuma can handle herself and then Perfuma showing literally *everybody* up.

Perfuma calling Huntara her "desert rose" is um. Fantastic.

I don't know if I see these two *dating* exactly, but I really just need the two of them to have Supremely Gay and Supremely Butch/Femme moments

I just have this feeling that Huntara could be Incredibly Smooth and sweep Perfuma off her feet for like. A mission. A ball, like Princess Prom. A dance. A party. A shindig. A ritual. What Have You. 

(And I think being able to sweep Perfuma off her feet would go a long way towards making Huntara feel... more like herself, after uprooting her life and going back to the war and apparently getting chipped by Horde Prime. She is butch, she is rough, she is smart and competent and god knows she's tough, and in the Waste, she was on top, she was *the* top of the food chain. And here... maybe, sometimes, she feels inadequate. Here, she's just cannon fodder again. In the desert, she *knew* things that set her apart. Here, she's just... mildly informed.)

Prompt Set 2: Madame Razz/Mara, Mara/Light Hope, She-Ra Entity/Mara, Entrapta/Darla

I was going to call these my "Worldbuilding Set" of prompts, but then I realized that this could much more honestly be called "Weird--But Sweet--Xeno Prompts”. 

Madame Razz/Mara - I was inspired in part by Noelle's remark that there's a note in the show bible that Madame Razz has dated "like, everyone in Etheria" because she's dislodged from linear time and has been around forever besides that.

Then I rewatched S1 and there was that scene where Razz tells Adora her and Mara used to go stargazing at the Crystal Castle. And there *was* the way she referred to Mara as "my Mara". And then I was sold.

I don't mean anything weird or kinky by it (which, no judgement if you do), just... idk, in my head, it's a very May/December dynamic, or, heh, maybe Mayfly-December dynamic, depending on how Razz does with linear time. And it sounds like on some level, Mara was kind of an apprentice to her? And, Mara is both very strong and competent and also just seems like this really gentle person? She seems very much like Steve Rogers lol.

Like there is a real potential for worldbuilding in here, too. But a lot of this dynamic is just very... peaceful and domestic.

Mara/Light Hope - GOD THESE TWO CAUSE ME PAIN. I love them. I love the tragedy of them. I love Light Hope's wobbly steps towards self-awareness and self-will. I love the hope of that journey. I love Mara's deepening connection with Etheria. I love the wonder of it. I love how she takes up the mantle of She-Ra in earnest.

And I love how inevitably the end comes up on them. How they're caught in events outside their control. I love how bravely they fight, and how brilliantly--and how it's not enough. I love how *powerful* they are, both of them, in their own specific ways, but they were maneuvered into this position by people who ensured they could keep the upper hand.

And I love how their love is still so strong that a thousand years later, it keeps Adora safe and proves to be their superiors' ultimate undoing. Catradora may have saved the universe in S5, but Marahope did it first.

Some prompts:

Any worldbuilding you want to do around the First Ones, the First Ones’ tech, the Heart of Etheria Project, Grayskull Squadron (ahaha that’s a Rogue Squadron/Rogue One reference isn’t it), She-Ra, the magic of Etheria, other runestones that were active in Mara’s time but are defunct by Adora’s, worldbuilding about the various kingdoms and Princesses, Mara learning from Light Hope, Light Hope learning from Mara... all of it

Light Hope falling in love with Mara--I just want to see how, and why, and what it was like for her, and what Mara did that set her apart from Light Hope’s other charges (if you think that there were others before Mara, which is kind of my base assumption but I’m absolutely willing to read another take), and just *gay noises*

Light Hope mentioned that there were “many” She-Ra/s before Mara, and while she did lie about a lot of things, a lot of her lies were lies of omission or shading of the truth, not just outright false--Mara did the damage to Etheria that she did, but LH lied about why, for instance. Or with the Portal Adora was brought through, Light Hope simply failed to mention that she was the one who brought Adora through it, and allowed Adora to continue in her assumption that Hordak was both the person who opened the portal and the one who brought her through. So, I’d be curious about Light Hope’s feelings for her other charges--was she serially and hopelessly into these magical warriors? Or was there something different about Mara?

Light Hope’s journey to self-will is TRAGIC and beautiful and I love it. And it sounds very much like something that happened over the course of different relationships with multiple people. And I want to hear about all of it and why it culminated when and how it did.

Light Hope training Mara

Mara being adorable?? Help???

Light Hope helping Mara get adjusted to her new role after she’s selected to be She-Ra

Light Hope adjusting to Mara after Mara is selected to be She-Ra

Mara experiencing Etheria’s magic

Light Hope being snarky at Mara while Mara sleeps with the Princesses has Normal Organic Relations with people and the two of them are pining for each other but neither of them really knows it consciously (after all, how would you date an AI? Would AIs date? There’s no social precedent for this. Is there?)

I would actually really like to see something with Mara and Light Hope doing what they came to Etheria to do and studying the planet’s magic, too

Magic and technology and xeno elements--Magical transformations, dreams, visions, new powers, coping with new powers, aliens!, virtual reality, telepathic/mental connections, uses of magic and tech for sex, etc.

Entrapta/Darla - I just love how horny on main Entrapta is for technology, and I love the observation that someone on the creative team shared that Entrapta sees tech as a living creature, and sees the “humanity” in it. I am open to anything here. Go wild.

She-Ra Entity/Mara - This is super niche and very worldbuilding-heavy, potentially, but I really love the idea of there being a relationship of sorts between not just Mara and She-Ra, but the She-Ra line and the She-Ra entity, going back to whenever the First Ones bound her to the Sword, and maybe even further back.

Queer spiritual & religious metaphors? In my fanfic? It's more likely than you think.

Prompt Set 3: Double Trouble/Catra, Castaspella/Shadow Weaver, Glimmer/Shadow Weaver, Catra/Glimmer

My trash children prompts! And by "trash children", I mean everything from "my genderpunk trash children" to "these two need a whole buddy comedy except they spend 95% of the film loathing each others' guts" to "holy wow student-teacher power imbalance".

Castaspella/Shadow Weaver - If you were wondering which pairing I thought "needs a whole buddy comedy", this is that pairing. Just like, a buddy comedy, but in a romantic way. They feel like they’d be great fodder for crackfic, because once you get Really Into the weeds of magic usage and these old family-related hatreds it gets either very technical and serious or just very ridiculous and honestly I like both options.

I have this very weird, very specific AU idea where the two of them have to go undercover as a married couple while simultaneously *loathing* each other and of course they bang it out eventually

I'm also a fan of whatever it is you think about them. I just about guarantee it.

Glimmer/Shadow Weaver - In my head, a lot of this is going to be after Glimmer’s coronation. 

Their dynamic definitely has shades of “Glimmer is hurting and overwhelmed and will respond extremely well to a vaguely maternal figure no matter how vague or inappropriate”

There is always the lure of forbidden knowledge and Glimmer being high on the sense of competency and power and general ability to do things, which she probably feels she’s been denied all her life--and that have only been given to her at a huge personal cost. Glimmer might be mad at the world, mad at herself, mad at her mother. 

I looooooooooooooove a good moral corruption story. I love how Glimmer seems like she’d be drawn to Shadow Weaver’s ruthlessness, especially after her interactions with Catra and how Catra tricked them constantly and weaponized their good natures and intentions against them

I've seen people point out that this seems like an appropriate pairing for tentacles and I have to say I agree.

Double Trouble/Catra - I don't know *why* I found it so endearing when Double Trouble would show the slightest basic kindness to Catra and Catra would just... melt? I mean, fine, they were getting paid to care, and DT was probably really interested in the drama too. 

But then, you have the two of them egging each other on at being terrible, too. Being devious and misbehaved. I just need the two of them being my trash children. My gender-nonconforming queer punk trash children. Who make out sometimes, or have this... tension between them. Who might turn on each other sometimes, but god help you if you come after either one.

Catra/Glimmer - Idk, I especially enjoy them after seeing their dynamic in S5. I would love to see more of them doing... whatever, basically. I love how alike they are, and the ways they're different. And I love how Glimmer warms to Catra.

Catra annoying Glimmer. Because she is a cat.

Glimmer *getting* Catra, because they are a *lot* alike in some ways.

... And also any kind of "the aliens made them do it" smut fic you want to write about while they're out in space

Avatar: The Legend of Korra

Korra/Raava, Korra/Kuvira, Asami Sato/Lin Beifong, Korra/Lin Beifong, Kuvira/Opal

Korra/Raava - Kind of like with the She-Ra/Mara pairing under SPOP, I like there being an actual "relationship" between the mystical entity and the human connected to that entity. I'm not really looking for smut here, unless you're really feeling it, but any take on that is welcome.

Korra/Kuvira - This is, like, the opposite of Korra/Raava. Lol. All my rough pairing things apply:

Physical roughness. Can include rough sex, adrenaline/post-fight sex, sparring, or just actual fighting. Two women with dirt and blood streaking their skin snarling and circling each other? Perfect. Women who are scraped and sweaty and 

Mystical elements - Reversal lol, but I do like mystical healing, telepathic or empathic connections

Redemption arc stuff for Kuvira, bc obvs.

Neither of them seem particularly prone to indulging in substances, but if they did, or if there was an AU, I do also love it when two warrior types get intoxicated together somehow

Asami Sato/Lin Beifong - Idk, I feel like Asami has probably gotten in trouble before, right? And I don’t see Lin being very moved by flirting, but I could totally see Asami making a pass at her and it backfiring lol--maybe even before she met the Avatar. 

And then after that, Asami worked alongside Lin when she started working with the Avatar. And then she's worked with Lin in a non-bending professional capacity for a while too, post-s3. Idk. Maybe they have pre-Avatar interactions, or interactions that don’t revolve around the plot of Avatar, and there’s some kind of romantic or sexual Thing between them? 

Korra/Lin Beifong - I have a few dynamics I like with these two:

Grumpy/sunshine pairing

The sunshine one is superpowered

Sparring with a D/S flavor

A lot of the “rough pairing” notes I made for Korra/Kuvira apply here, too, except there’s not so much of a rivalmancy going on 

Under the Muppet Theory of Relationships, I’d probably place Lin on the Order Muppet side and Korra on the Chaos Muppet side. 

Kuvira/Opal - Mostly thinking post-rehabilitation for Kuvira. The two of them find each other again and a lot has changed. 

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Katara/Azula, Toph Beifong/Katara

Katara/Azula - If you like me are into this ship--thank god I’m not the only one. I don’t know why I like the idea of the dynamic between them so much--Azula’s conviction of her right to rule, her redemption arc that never materialized, Katara’s involvement with the Avatar, the opposing natures of their powers, Katara’s mastery vs. Azula’s. It’s just *clenches fist* phenomenal fodder for enemies-to-lovers, the trauma they both carry, the different monsters they have inside them.

Toph Beifong/Katara - These two were super fucking adorable and had the best tomboy/femme vibe and I would like to see more of that dynamic at literally any point throughout their lives. Alternately, I am up for any ideas you have about them.

Terminator (Movies)

Grace Harper/Dani Ramos - THE LOYALTY. THE TRAGEDY. THE KNEELING.

Grace Harper/Sarah Connor - I am game for anything: Grace lives, Grace dies, Grace rises from the dead a vampire (j/k. Unless you’re into that idea). Unlike the other two pairings here, I really like the roughness and snark between them, the fact that they don’t entirely get along even when they’re nominally getting along. They feel like they’re constantly competing, and I would love for that competition to either extend to the bedroom or for them to work their differences out through banging or for meditation on how Grace reminds Sarah of Kyle or--

Dani Ramos/Sarah Connor - I wonder sometimes if Sarah calms down once Grace is gone, mostly because they’re no longer in immediate danger, but also because Grace seems to really chafe for Sarah more than Dani. Sarah seems almost soft in her regard for Dani, and I love that and I love how it comes from this sympathy she feels for Dani’s position. It feels really rare for her, and I love the juxtaposition of her roughness, grief, and caring.

For these two, I’d be really curious about anything that happens post-Dark Fate.

Dani Ramos/Sarah Connor/Grace Harper - I like all three of the above pairings, so why not put all three of them together? I think it’d be fun. Especially if the three of them are on the road together after the events of Dark Fate in an AU where Grace lives. Road trips, cyborgs, time travel, and gay sex.

Grace Harper/OFC, Dani Ramos/OFC - I know a lot of people really like the idea of Grace only ever having been with or interested in Dani, or vice versa, but I kind of feel like having more experience would make them better lovers when they’re with each other. Things I like a lot with this:

Grace blowing off steam with another Augment

Grace having drunk/high sex with another Augment

Dani occasionally sleeping with Augments when she doesn’t have Grace and really needs the comfort

The two of them fucking other people and thinking about each other

The two of them fucking and thinking about the other version of their partner

Worldbuilding for Dani’s post-Judgement Day world through the lens of femslash

[pendulumprince]

Lurking the depths of the internet and found something interesting. The theory is pretty long but I found it plausible. (1/4)

Revolver’s Father worked for SOL technologies and they had a secret project to develop life and therefore become Gods by creating AI in the Cyberse. Revolver’s Father was the head of the experiments where Yusaku and presumably numerous other children were used for testing Human free will by scanning their brains during emotionally intense situations and Yusaku may have even been the culmination of the project as an AI 

or he was the basis for the development of Ignis and his kind which resulted in Yusaku having a specific connection with the VRAINS. Revolver’s Father realised the dangers of what SOL was creating and grew to regret his actions, he then likely freed all of the test subjects and subjugated the AIs they developed to stave them off for time and develop a way to destroy them, Ignis escapes and Yusaku is rescued with the other children likely including Aoi and perhaps Go. 

(Just so everyone knows, this is the first part of a series theories @storiesofsass sent me. Expect the rest in the coming days!)

So I like this, and feel that it has a good chance of being true. Right now SOL stands as the creator of Link Vrains; but we know that Link Vrains cannot exist without the Cyberse, which was created and/or maintained by the Ignis’s, who were created by Dr. Kogami. So it’s only natural to think Dr. Kogami has a connection to SOL.

So let’s say SOL employed Dr. Kogami to create a new lifeform, which could in turn sustain a new world. We can infer that Dr. Kogami was once very passionate about the Ignis’s; we can’t forget what he said in episode 8 regarding his special AIs:

So Kogami’s connection to SOL may have started out simply enough: because they gave him the funding to complete his life’s ambition. It would be one thing if Kogami were in on the whole “Let’s-Become-Gods” idea and simply realized it was wrong one day, but I personally think it would be more interesting if he turned against SOL because they targeted his son, Revolver, as a test subject. If he caught wind of this—that the Chess Piece Bosses wanted to rule over the Cyberse like gods, and were using his son to do it? That would probably hit him hard. 

… hard enough to start a quasi-terrorist organization to stop them, no doubt. And look, if Revolver’s wellbeing was his starting motivation, it’s since moved past that. Because if this was SOL’s plan, it involves the exploitation and subjugation of several key groups, first and foremost the Ignis’s. If we look back on episode 8, we get this scene between Ignis and Akira:

Akira: “Ignis! My company will retrieve you.”

Ignis: “Everything you do is by force. You’re losing your cool.”

And if SOL conducted a hostile takeover of the Cyberse? Used it to their own ends? Perhaps even forced the Ignis’s to maintain it? Then of course Ignis would feel contempt for them. This would especially be the case if the Chess Piece Bosses were the ones forcing the Ignis’s to “take over the network”, thus turning them and their world into the KoH’s target.

And after the Ignis’s, who else was exploited? The kids. Good lord, those kids. That episode 11 flashback added credence to the idea that yes, Yusaku was kidnapped; his Special Person tells him:

“Three. Think of three things. Three things to live. Three things to go home. Three things to defeat the enemy. By thinking, you can still live.”

I already unpacked what this quote implies, but tl;dr? “Three things to go home” means Yusaku once had a life, a home, friends and family that he was ripped away from. His Special Person, no matter their motives or true feelings, was using the possibility of his life going back to normal to incentivize Yusaku to not give up.

And this was probably the case for every. Kid. There. We have our Six Lost Babies, but we don’t know if they were the only ones kidnapped. For all we know, their were dozens more, and they were the only one’s to make it out alive.

Dark, but tbh I wouldn’t put it past Vrains to go there. There kids had their lives uprooted, destroyed, possibly ended, because SOL-fucking-Technology wanted to make a buck. Because it’s CEO’s wanted to become gods. Just. Just sit on that for a minute.

… and lastly, there’s one other group that’s been exploited: all of Den City. The first thing we learned about SOL in the preliminary information is that “nearly everything in Den City is connected” to them. Obviously this means Link Vrains, and by extension the dueling world. But it has got to go beyond that. Think schools. Hospitals. The banks. Law enforcement. Local government. The Chess Piece Bosses weren’t able to become real gods, but they certainly go lord over Den City like they are.

Now, back to Kogami. I’m sure he has the kids, Den City, and all of humanity in mind—and the easiest way to halt SOL’s ascent would be to destroy his own creation, the Ignis’s. Because they’re the ones keeping the Cyberse afloat; remove them, and the Cyberse is vulnerable to destruction. I mean, that was basically the first scene we ever saw in Vrains.

So, no matter how many kids were actually there, let’s say that there were six “main” kids, who resulted in successful AIs. They translate to the six AIs we see in episode 1. And they go, in this (relative) order: Revolver, Go, Yellow AI kid, Green AI kid, Aoi, and Yusaku.

Revolver’s first, as Kogami’s son. He results in the Red AI, the one who physically resembles a flame, harkening back to the name “Ignis” itself. Go, Yellow!Kid, Green!Kid, and Aoi come after. And last is Yusaku, who was used to make our Ignis: “Ai”. 

And it’s important that Yusaku came in at the tail-end of the experiments—because remember the Glitch/Incomplete!Ignis theories? Our Ignis looks quite different from the others, and that could be because Kogami released the kids before the experiment with Yusaku was complete. This would explain why our Ignis looks different, why he didn’t need to be trapped in order for the Cyberse to become vulnerable, and how Yusaku knows his past was messed with—because the memory erasing process was done haphazardly with him, on-the-fly, because the facility had been breeched. 

We can theorize that Revolver knows he was experimented on because his father told him and/or revived his memories. Yusaku retains some memory for the above reason. And Aoi, Go, and the other two have no memory of The Incident at all, because the memory-altering procedure was done properly, and they had/have no one around to tell them what actually happened. 

… I really went all around town with this one, so TL;DR: Kogami for sure could have worked with SOL, before discovering their true motives and forming the KoH to combat them. Several key groups were adversely effected by SOL’s actions: the Ignis’s, the Lost Babies, and all of Den City itself. The AI’s could have been formed using the kids; Yusaku was probably the last child to be experimented on, explaining why our Ignis is “different” and how Yusaku remembers anything at all.

[mst3kproject]

Hercules

Now that we’ve all seen Starcrash, I’m sure we can agree that there was only one question on our minds while we watched it – namely, what would happen if the same group of people got back together and made a Hercules movie?

Well, okay... it was probably more like “what drugs were these people on?” or “what terrible secret did Christopher Plummer have, and who found out about it and blackmailed him into this movie?” or even “who was wearing more eye makeup, Caroline Munro or David Hasslehoff?” but I don’t have answers to any of those questions.  I can, however, answer the Hercules one, because that's more or less exactly what we have here: Luigi Cozzi, Golan and Globus, and their insane design team made a Hercules movie, and it's a legitimate fucking masterpiece.  If not the Mona Lisa of terrible movies, this is at least the School of Athens. I found the DVD in the ninety-nine cent bin at Zellers back when Zellers was a thing, and it was the best dollar and six pennies I ever spent (pennies were a thing then, too).

The so-called plot is an absurd mess.  It's as if one movie starts, then another, then a third, and it's only by complete accident that most of the threads are sort-of-but-not-really tied up by the end.  After the most confusing history of the universe you will ever hear, the god Zeus creates Hercules to be a hero among men and sends him to be incarnated as the prince of Thebes.  Sadly Zeus' timing is not very good, for shortly thereafter the King and Queen of Thebes are overthrown and murdered by agents of the evil King Minos of Thera, and baby Hercules is saved only by his nanny putting him in a boat to drift downstream and be found and adopted by some childless peasants.  So surely this story will be about Hercules discovering his royal heritage and reclaiming the throne, right?

Nope! Our hero's origin story is more or less immediately forgotten.  He grows up on the farm, doing useful chores like uprooting stumps and pulling a triple plough, only to be tragically orphaned again. First a bear mauls his adoptive father, and then his mom is killed by a giant robotic fly created by Deadalus, goddess of science, at Minos' behest.  Okay, so this movie is going to be about Hercules searching for the killer of his adopted parents and taking revenge for that, right?

Still no!  Instead of setting out on a quest for vengeance, Hercules rather more practically goes looking for a job. This brings him to the court of King Augeas, who needs a new bodyguard for his beautiful, be-veiled daughter Cassiopeia. Herc gets himself hired but falls in love with the princess he's supposed to be protecting, whereupon Zeus for some reason strikes them with a lightning bolt.  Maybe this is because Cassiopeia is already supposed to marry somebody else, but I can't see that mattering to Zeus of all dieties.  The lightning incapacitates the lovers, so Minos and his daughter Adriana kidnap Cassiopeia in order to sacrifice her to the phoenix who lives in their volcano.  So the movie's gonna be about Hercules rescuing his true love and taking her home to marry her with her father’s blessing, right?

Well... sort of.  We never do see King Augeas again or meet Cassiopeia's original fiance, but after considerable sidetracking Hercules does manage to save her from the Phoenix.  In the process he also defeats Minos and Adriana, but I'm not sure whether he has any idea that Minos is the one who killed both sets of his parents.  It's apparently important that the Phoenix is now free from Minos and 'its fire can serve the universe', but this comes out of nowhere and I'm not sure what it means.  At the end, Hercules and Cassiopeia kiss and then ascend to the stars.  Over the course of the story, Hercules did a number of 'heroic' things like separating Europe from Africa, slaying some monsters, and retrieving Circe the Sorceress' amulet from hell, but there's no real sense of him having 'saved the world'.

The ending still kind of works, though, possibly because nothing else in the film makes any sense either.  Hercules has shown us a bunch of scenes that don't really fit together into a coherent narrative but kind of look like a movie, so as long as the ending kind of looks like an ending, it's a fitting close.

If you want humour, the major source of giggles in Hercules is the special effects.  These are a mix of poorly-chosen and poorly-executed, often both, and sometimes one and then the other in succession.  The only effects moment I can think of that looks all right is Hercules pushing Spain and Morocco apart – and it comes only seconds after the utterly ridiculous shot  of him growing to enormous size to accomplish the deed! Swordfights are accompanied by flashing lights and laser noises.  The miniature robots are atrocious.  Hercules beats up the bear that killed his adoptive father and then throws it into space, as represented by a shot of a completely stiff model bear in a crucifix position tumbling head over teakettle into a starfield. I've only got room for one screenshot here, though, so my vote for the worst effect in the entire movie is the moment when Zeus' hand reaches out of a waterfall to catch the boat with baby Hercules in it.  It looks like a plasticine octopus.  It's so awful, the first time I saw it I nearly pissed myself laughing.

The movie's attempt at mythology is not even worth mentioning.  Names appear out of a dozen different stories, many of them in places that have nothing to do with the characters they're supposed to belong to.  Cassiopeia, for example, was the mother of Andromeda in the legend of Perseus – she had nothing to do with Hercules. Daedalus was a male human inventor whom Minos imprisoned, not a hermaphrodite deity he worshipped.  Circe lived on one of the islands in The Odyssey, and never met Hercules – she doesn't even turn anybody into a pig in this movie.  The one thing Circe is known for in popular culture to this day is turning people into pigs!  Ducktales knew that, for crying out loud!  Why would you put Circe in your movie and not turn anybody into a pig?

There's exactly one place in the movie where it really got its mythology right, and weirdly enough it's something almost everybody gets wrong. The container given to Pandora was a pithos – a clay pot – rather than a box.  How did Hercules get that right while screwing up practically everything else?  The Italian Wikipedia article for 'Pandora's Box' is titled Vaso di Pandora, even though the illustration on the page shows a box, so it appears the correct translation is common knowledge there.  That explains it... and then, having done that right, the movie dives cheerfully back into its totally bullshit creation story about how the planets formed from the pieces of the broken jar!

Does any of this matter?  Well, no, not really.  The whole movie is so completely divorced from its source material that it's hard to even think of it as Greek mythology.  It's more a piece of particularly bizarre heroic fantasy with some mythologically-inspired names. Between the weird sound effects, colourful stars, robotic monsters, and jarring appearance of a literal rainbow bridge, it feels like what you might have got if the early eighties had tried to make a Thor movie.

Is Hercules trying to say anything?  Rather shockingly, I think it is. Throughout the film runs a theme of science as being something opposed to the gods.  Plenty of movies have tried to take a look at the complicated relationships between science, magic, and religion, but Hercules goes about it in a particularly strange way.  After all, this is a world in which the gods actually exist. How can Minos talk about science when he's standing on the moon talking to a divinity, and when his secret weapons are a fiery bird and a magical sword?

I think maybe what this is getting at is that science is how humans become gods, by learning to do things that only the gods ought to be able to do.  Either that, or once we have science and technology, humans no longer need gods, either for protection or as an explanation for what's going on around us.  If either of these is what was intended, it's pretty muddled... not least by the fact that in the final battle, science loses and the gods, via their champion Hercules, win!  What are we supposed to learn from this?  Should we put curiosity aside and go back to trusting in deities to make the world work?  Or does this dichotomy actually mean anything at all?  Maybe somebody just thought it sounded cool, and I'm seeing meaning where none exists.

The only place where I'm confident that somebody was making a point was with the figure of Daedalus, goddess of science – I'm  not sure 'goddess' is the right word here, but I don't know what else to call her.  Daedalus is played by trans actress Eva Robin's (that's how she spells it), and wears a costume with both a sweetheart neckline and a codpiece to emphasize her nontraditional gender.  The gods of Greek mythology were male and female, and susceptible to the passions of lust and jealousy that go with that – Daedalus, as personification of science, is not subject to such irrational emotions.  She is male and female, both and neither, in a single body.  I'm not sure what this says about Luigi Cozzi's views of trans people, but it does seem to be the only place where anybody thought about the theme very hard.

So yeah, Hercules seriously is all-around terrible in every possible way – and it's one of my favourite movies ever.  If I had to pick one movie to watch every day for the rest of my life, Hercules would be on the short list with real movies like Back to the Future, The Martian, and Lilo and Stitch. It misses out on being my favourite Hercules movie only because the Disney version had catchier music.  This is not only the Starcrash of Hercules movies, it's also the Space Mutiny, entertaining in its very incompetence, and I love it.  Wait'll you see the sequel!

[myaekingheart]

So this is only my second night away from home due to the hurricane (my boyfriend and I had to evacuate our apartment per my mother's pestering and go to a hotel even though by the time it reached it, it downgraded to a tropical storm and didn't even do much damage other than knocking some trees over and causing some power outages) and I'm already feeling antsy and homesick, which is ridiculous because we're literally ten minutes away from home. I don't know, maybe it's just the anticipation of knowing tomorrow morning we'll have to leave by a certain time because of check-out and check-in times and I can't stop thinking about what if I don't wake up in time, overthinking loading all of our shit back into the car and just how massively unnecessary all of this really was and the collective stress that's built up over this whole situation. I spent the entire past week being hounded by my mother and the rest of my family about going to the hotel even though I knew by the time it got up here, it'd be nothing and that this all was pointless but everyone refused to listen to me and made me feel like I was a child incapable of making my own decisions for going against what they demanded of me. They failed to understand, too, that up until Saturday my boyfriend was still scheduled to go into work as if nothing was wrong. The hotel is on the complete other side of town which meant that if he did end up not getting called out of work, he would've had to drive through either shitty weather or shitty traffic, neither of which are ideal. He refused the idea of the hotel and I refused to go there by myself and be separated from him in the case that the hurricane did hit stronger than it eventually did. My family was disgustingly pleased to hear that I ended up doing what they wanted but that didn't make coming here any fucking easier. My mom has been so panicked about this whole thing that her anxiety has become contagious-- she's been making everyone else around her nervous, as well. Everyone keeps telling her she needs to take a Xanax or something, and I don't blame them. She had been preparing for every possible disaster and going overkill (or at least what I consider overkill) on the hurricane precautions. She was pounding all of them into my head and making me panic even more, telling me every single little thing I needed to do and how it was non-negotiable. I'd be rich if I had a dollar for every time she said to me "I'm just trying to save my life!" Her outrageous anxiety about this whole ordeal ended up absolutely setting off my own, though, to the point where I was having full blown panic attacks yesterday morning trying to pack up the car. My hands were tingling and going numb and my stomach felt like it was in a vise grip, I kept running to the bathroom feeling like I was either going to have a diarrhea attack or throw up. I was hyperventilating and I couldn't think straight. I was so fixated on getting all my things packed and getting out of there but the actual act was so nerve-wracking I couldn't get anything done without taking breaks in between to take deep breaths and try to calm myself down. I'd get dizzy walking down all the stairs to try and load the car up, and at one instance I nearly thought I was going to be sick right there in the parking lot. See, the issue is that the separation factor wasn't the only reason I was so adamant about staying home. It was also the transition factor. It's only been a little over a month since I moved up here, I'm still in the process of getting settled in and accustomed to this new way of life. When you've been living in the same house for six years and then just uproot yourself and move someplace else, it takes a while to really get used to. I still catch myself thinking in terms of visitation, based on me and my boyfriend's previous status as being long distance lovers. A part of me still feels panicky and like I need to rush to fulfill a set list of goals in a now-pseudo limited amount of time. If I'm watching a show on Hulu with my boyfriend, I'll have a little flash of panic about how we need to get through as many episodes as possible before I'm stripped of the privilege when I go back home. Just tonight, the cat kept stealing my blanket and I thought to myself "If you love this thing so much, what are you going to do when I go back home and you won't get access to it anymore?" But that's the thing. I'm not going back home because my parents' place isn't home anymore. This is. I mean, the hotel room I'm sitting in right now isn't, but this town and that apartment in it. I still can't quite wrap my brain around the fact that this place, this town I've visited so often when my boyfriend and I were long distance, is my home now. It's been a battle trying to adapt to all of this and the last thing I wanted was some sort of detour in my road to adjusting. This whole mess with the hurricane and this unnecessary evacuation, however, has been just that: a detour. The reality of everything didn't really hit me until yesterday when we were packing up the car, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and how riled up she was about this whole thing. Up until yesterday morning, I wasn't the least bit nervous about this storm. It was honestly a welcome tranquility for someone who panics about literally everything else in life. I honestly was angry with my mom about it all, like why couldn't she just let me enjoy this one rare morsel of calm in the face of disaster? Why couldn't she trust that I knew what was happening and that I had enough confidence in my decision to believe that there was nothing to worry about? But anyways, back to my realization of the severity of the whole thing. Between my mom and everything my boyfriend and I were suddenly doing, I started realizing maybe my confidence was unwarranted. Maybe this storm really was bigger than what I believed it to be and that I was overestimating myself. Mental images of mass destruction started flashing through my brain: of coming back to find our home had been reduced to scraps of wood and piles of debris, the remnants of what once was our own home and all of our belongings. I frantically packed up all of my absolute most valuable posessions, which was a smidge difficult because I'm a very materialistic person. I'm not proud of it but it's not because I'm greedy. Rather, it's because I'm clingy. Everything I own has some sort of significance to me and I find it hard to distinguish what's most important and what is more easily replaceable. Like obviously I know I can always buy another copy of the same book but can never replace precious childhood pictures and sentimental stuffed animals. It's just tough when everything seems sentimental in one form or another. I left the house fearing the worst, thinking I'd never see any of this stuff ever again. It's an overwhelming feeling, putting that much pressure on yourself. Even packing the bare minimum of what was of utmost importance (my laptop, obviously, an envelope of chidlhood pictures, a couple Narnia books more for reference in case I wanted to work on my fanfic while I was away [I ended up being far too panicked and out of my head to feel motivated enough for that shit, but I did make a couple edits], and some sentimental stuff like the Rapunzel pillow I just bought at Kohl's, my favorite quilt, the plush of Spikey my parents got me when I moved away, and my favorite childhood doll who I've literally had since birth and used to take absolutely everywhere with me), I still felt like I had packed far too much and that it was all ultimately a huge pain in the ass to lug around. The thought of having to lug it all back again tomorrow is outrageosly daunting and I really don't want to deal with it. It's like I'm faced with the inability to settle in right now, which sucks because I am very much an instinctual settler. I guess I have a rather earthy mindset, where I like to root myself deeply in one place and stay there and let myself get insanely comfortable. That was the problem with uprooting from my parents' house, having to settle in someplace else and accustom myself to new surroundings. In a way, I guess I am very much like a plant. I get nice and cozy in my little pot and let my roots deeply attach themselves to the soil but then when I'm forced to move, it's a struggle and it takes a while for my roots to take hold on the new soil in the new pot, and my enitire being panics because I had grown so comfortable in one spot that my branches grew wildly and clung to everything like a screaming child hugging their mother on the first day of preschool. I need to settle in someplace and stay there, to feel comfortable and at home and let my branches cling to things. I know it's ridiculous to be this worked up about feeling uprooted yet again when it's only my second night in the hotel and I'm going home in the morning (and I can stay in my pajamas for all I care because I don't give a fuck what the people in the lobby think and home is ten minutes away anyways so you better bet your ass I'll be climbing right back into bed as soon as we transport all of our stuff back into the house...if our house is even in a liveable condition when we get back, which I'm sure it will be but with all the panic surrounding the hurricane, the fear still sticks in the back of my mind. Unfortunately.) I just wish I knew how to be more adaptable and how to better handle rapidfire changes like this. I know no one is ever ready for such quick changes and disasters and roadbumps and whatnot, that no matter how prepared some of us may think we are, they still take us by surprise, but I also know that it's the way we react to those rapid changes that defines how well we handle them and I just desperately wish I was better at that. I guess it just takes time and practice, I don't know, but as it currently stands, I fucking suck at this shit and I just honestly wish I could snap my fingers and already be back home settled in with things exactly the way they were, as if I can just skip right over the fact that this whole hotel thing even happened because this was completely unnecessary and I'm honestly still really salty about this, and I wouldn't be surprised if I stay that way for a little while after all of this. I just want this to be over and done with already. I just want to go home.

[petty-crush]

"The Terminator" (Part of New Bev "Arnold All Nighter")

-this film is a stone cold classic. Wonderful concept, exceptional low budget filmmaking, terrific character interaction, and the volcano eruption of as screen icon

-this time travel film about robots trying to kill has a better love story than most romantic films I have seen. It is heartwarming and strengthening

-I had completely forgotten about the flashbacks /dreams/memories of the future. They are grimey, dripping with death, and altogether something to avoid

-this contrasts nicely with all the fun the characters have in the 80's, notably Sarah Conor's goofy roomate who had headphones on during sex, making a sandwich, just everything

-I vehemently disagree with people who are miserable in real life and poo poo characters being good fun on camera. Chastising a moment where Sarah chains her bike next to a statue and says "watch it for me,big buns" as poor writing or stupid when the whole point was the characters are living day to day for fun, unexpecting the harshness. Nothing everything has to be sour, especially everyday shit

-like Dave chappelle said "I know people in Africa are starving, but I'm hungry and need lunch too, man!"

-have fun, even when robots are death calling

-Lance Hendrikson and Paul Winfield have an easy going chemistry that makes me want to see them get their own film

-Winfield in particular is the tired voice of reason, and kills at it

-how would it feel to see someone with your name got killed on tv, and there are more than one?

-the violence in this film is brutal and cold, which is a flavor none of the other films carry

-Arnold really has a look to him, a vibe of pure unfuckableness that is so threatening. Like a metallic Dracula

-Linda Hamilton knocks it out of the park for me. The emotional waves she rides and the way we as a audience change our relationship to her is fantastic.

-in many time travel films I see, the changes are outer, surface level(this costume, this partner). She really does transform emotionally, and we get to see it along with Kyle Reese, and are equally won over.

-like with "Alien" the sequel/second film really does transform the entire series, and set in motion so many ways the now a series uprooted; so when you come back to the original the simple human take resonates in a different way

-that sequence in the police station with the red computer info still gives me chills. It is exceptionally well directed

-Michael Biehn is so beat down, so resilient, so damn persistent that he makes himself a star too

-conversely, there is a far amount of downtime, where we get to see be characters interact (while still being under the threat of moving forward); to see Kyle and Sarah fall in love and tend for each other, to see Arnold's terminator fix itself and learn a new insult

-that part where it processes "fuck you asshole" is fantastic, an little "we started here now we end here moment"

-Bill Paxton as the punk still makes me laugh every time

-seeing the actual machine after Sarah is scary

-it all comes down to her, and her before untested strength gets her to rise above, her value bigger then that of her attackers

-inspiring, inventive, violent, hopeful, loving, light out of darkness; this film is all of that and more