#bc im sure this is FAR from the end of it
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Alhaitham x reader NSFW
Smuuuuuuut
HELP IM SO DOWN BAD FOR THIS MAN.
NSFW MDNI
this is from a poll I did a while back and never got to but now I am!! This guy goes from submissive to dom by the end god he’s so hot
ENJOY BC I LOVED WRITING THIS
Preview: "Oh…i was tired before, but now you've got me so riled up haven't you? how am i supposed to sleep with all this energy? you'll help me get tired again right?"
soft pillows and cream colored sheets shifted as the tired scholar fell on top of them. The akademiya used to require little of him, but the recent promotion to acting grand sage meant that now he had a lot to deal with. the amount of people asking him questions and creating a loud atmosphere was too much for him to handle. it wore him and his ears out to the point he had to just leave, heading straight home to his shared apartment.
kaveh was on a job and wouldn't be back for a few weeks, meaning alhaitham could actually find rest in his room. you were there that day working on a project of your own in the living room. Both men had said you could come over anytime, so you usually took advantage of that kindness when things got too busy at your own place.
Seeing al haitham open the door and go straight to his room made you curious. the project was practically done, so you decided to follow him back there. it was unusual to see him this tired, as he worked to be anything but that, so you wanted to ask him if he needed anything.
quietly, you opened the door to the grey haired man's room and peeked in, calling out in a soft tone, "haitham? are you awake?"
that earned a lazy wave of a hand, which you took as a sign to come in. when you scanned the room, you noticed he had taken his headphones off and placed them on a nightstand by the bed. ohh...something was definitely up. al haitham told you in the past, when you asked why he wore them all the time, that he had very sensitive ears. Loud noises annoyed and overwhelmed him, so the noise canceling headphones helped. with soft steps you walked over and tapped his shoulder, getting him to turn his head from the covers to look at you.
"can i do anything for you to make you less stressed?"
"yeah..." the handsome man grunted, "would you mind massaging my back? Pretty sure there’s a couple knots"
smiling, you let out a little huff before climbing up and over al haitham to sit on his lower back, your knees propping you up slightly. his jacket was already off on a nearby couch, leaving him in his plain skin tight top that very clearly showed all the muscles along his back. with your thumbs, you started pressing along his shoulder blades and wherever you felt there was a knot or a tense area.
he hummed when something felt good, letting out a bit of a grunt if you pressed in a really tense spot that needed to be worked out. occasionally, al haitham mumbled into the sheets, whispering things like, "mm...feels good there- maybe a bit harder if you can"
when you were pressing along his nape, continuing your expert work, you got an idea when glancing further up at his head. Those pink tipped ears were uncovered...and you were the only person he let touch them...
hand movements slowed on his nape and slid down his skin to suddenly press on his lower back and waist. immediately, his back arched up since it was unexpected, being a completely different pressure from what you had done so far. al haitham's hands reached back to grab yours out of instinct, but you moved your hands away at the last second. grabbing his wrist, you pinned them together on his lower back, putting weight onto him so it would be difficult for him to try to get up.
his face turned to the side as he tried to look at what you were doing. "what are-ahha-mm wait-"
as soon as he turned his face, you leaned down and started kissing those sensitive ears of his, nipping a bit. Alhaitham’s hips pressed into the mattress, and you could feel his fists clench in your grasp. it always made you feel giddy when the powerful and collected man was reduced to such a state because of you, squirming and trying to get more friction somewhere. Pretty grey eyelashes fluttered closed as he let you do what you wanted.
"plea-please more ah-" that voice started to break, the usual calm tone replaced with a more desperate one, something no one would ever believe the great acting sage would have. His occasional words were punctuated by a jolt of his hips into the sheets, making your stomach flip. Both of you knew where this was going
“Haitham, you’ve been stressed ya?” You whispered lowly, pressing your lips to his ear. his voice was practically singing, moans and soft whimpers grew louder as you tormented his weak spots. Alhaitham knew he could probably break his hands away to stop you, but did he really want that?
he let out a particularly loud sound when you licked the outside of his ear, hips stuttered into the sheets under you. It was easy to tell that some certain fabrics were definitely strained in some places. he panted and whined into the pillow his head rested on, his lips parted ever so slightly. grey brows scrunched together every move you made with your tongue along his ear.
"it’s- so much- other side...mmm~ please..."
Who were you to deny that lust filled plea? Turning haitham’s face, his eyes were wild. They were hungry, begging, having one goal in mind. gently, you brushed grey strands away, accidentally grazing across his ear. a muffled whimper came from his throat and you came back down.
his face tilted up and lewd whimpers erupted from his mouth, pleas to let him feel you while you kissed his ears, desperate hips driving into the sheets. Large hands shifted around in your grip, making it hard to stay in one place over him.
oh it felt good for you too. your legs straddled his lower back that occasionally rose and fell with his hips, causing some friction between the fabric of your thighs and center. Whenever you yourself made a noise, the sound would vibrate to his skin, making him go crazy, so much so that al haitham couldn't take it any longer. he needed to touch you like you had him, make you the one under him.
the handsome man broke his hands away and flipped onto his back. after grabbing your lower waist, he sat up with heavy breaths. his mouth latched on to your neck, his tongue worked relentlessly over a spot he knew was sensitive, toned arms moving to firmly wrap around your figure.
"cmon now~ you wanted to help me relieve stress…please let me…it’ll feel good for you too” that dominant manner of his returned pretty quickly, but who was complaining.
"but-i wanted to make this about you, you've been so tired..." you retorted. It was true, but you also just didn't want to stop teasing him with his weakness just yet. while he was kissing your neck, your fingers came to caress his face, thumbs brushing over his ears. Those rough hands dragged down your clothes, eager to get them off after what you had done to him.
"alright then...touch my body. bare hands on bare flesh? i need you please won't you touch me more?" lustful eyes hazily looked up at you, little smile spreading on his face when you nodded. before he laid back down, alhaitham removed his skintight black top and threw it to the side, not caring for where it landed despite his usually organized system of things. he then laid down with his chest and stomach wide open to you, his muscular arms up and underneath the pillow he rested his head on. Your hips now rested right above his hard on, and those eyes swirled with a consuming want, green gleaming from his embedded jewel.
your hands ran from his prominent collarbone to the v line by his hips, earning soft groans that vibrated through his steadily rising lungs. the soft padding on his chest was warm, you couldn't help but play with it. He laughed once, still finding your attraction to his chest as curious as the first time you saw him without a shirt, although you were staring long before.
while you leaned in to kiss his sensitive ears, your hands continued to roam up and down his sculpted form. for a while you stayed, making him lose himself, until you wanted more. Fingers worked down his body hastily, starting to play with the lining of his pants.
"Yeah come on-hah…" haitham’s voice sounded just as eager as you were, adjusting his hips for you to pull the fabric down enough. Slowly you set him free from the tight constraints, watching as his weeping cock throbbed when you pulled everything down. Your eyes stayed on his, catching his lips part when your fingers danced over his skin. Wrapping your fingers around the base, you gave an experimental squeeze. He jolted immediately, brows furrowing in pleasure.
“…you get so sensitive when you’re pent up huh haitham baby?” You gave another drag up his length, feeling the bit of precum at his tip drip onto your fingers. Thumb came up to his tip lightly, swirling around the swollen head. Haitham grunted lowly at that, watching you like a predator. Settling back in between his thighs, you watched his glistening chest rise, giving a long stroke as his lungs raised, noticing the hitch in his breath.
Bringing up a hand, you licked the ends of your fingers, bringing them back down to start working him. You made a mental note to do this more often, watching him fall apart in your hands. Steadily you worked his cock, letting his hips give you a pace that he wanted you to stroke him with. Weeping tip continuously gave beads of pre that helped you to lube your hands, creating a soft wet sound every time your hands went up and down him. His groaning whimpers filled the silence with it, bed creaking softly in the background as well.
You focused on his tip a minute in, watching his eyes scrunch shut, stuttering over an inhale. “God I needed this…needed you to help me de-stress…I thought about you doing this, but fuck~ didn’t think I’d get so addicted to it. Keep going come on a little faster~”
Speeding up accordingly, you let him buck into your hands. One hand worked his base in a sort of twist motion as the other swiped over his swollen head. His cock wasn’t so big that your hands had so much room to work, but archons he had girth, and you loved when it slid in and out of you the most. This might be close though, seeing how much you affect him.
You could tell he was getting close by his breathing, chest rising as his head tilted up to the ceiling, eyes still trained down at your diligently working hands. “Are you close haitham? Want to cum?”
You got repeated “mhmm”’s in whined response, making you speed up on him, feeling the muscles in his inner thighs against you tense. Leaning close, you bit the shell of his ear, and that was the final act. His hands gripped the pillow under his head as a sinful groan escaped him. His cock spit out rope after rope of pent up release, coating his toned stomach and your hands, reaching as high as his chest.
The shock of orgasm rippled through him, and it took a good few seconds for him to catch his breath. Bringing his hands out from underneath, they shot out to you. Rough hands grabbed your thighs and squeezed, head turning to capture your lips that were against his ear. The sloppy kiss consumed both of you, tongues swirling all over and in each other's mouths. Alhaitham tilted his head to fit with yours more, his tongue moving over the underside of your teeth and more.
calloused hands hastily glided under the shirt you wore and played with the landscape of your back, which made you groan into his mouth. he happily took it all in as his tongue ravaged your mouth. one hand was taken from under your shirt and put on the back of your head to push you into his lips more. the other hand moved a bit lower to your waist, bringing your hips to press you down onto him with passion.
Breaking apart, he sat up with you, smirk played on his god-like features. That look was deadly, and meant that you were far from done helping him. slowly, he put pressure between his still hard cock and your wet core. his hips rocked into you while he watched your face.
"Oh…i was tired before, but now you've got me so riled up haven't you? how am i supposed to sleep with all this energy? you'll help me get tired again right?"
those sheets were well messed up when you two continued into the afternoon. you had worked his energy up, so now he had to expend it. it was a mess of lust and passion and neither of you could push away the feelings. no one would interrupt. it was just you two in the creaking bed long into the dusk hours.
Guys bye-
#x reader#fanfic#fanfiction#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin#genshin impact smut#genshin impact x reader#genshin smut#genshin spicy#alhaitham smut#alhaitham genshin#al haitham#alhaitham#alhaitham x reader#al haitam x reader#x reader smut#smut poll#smut#genshin imagines#genshin fanfic#spicy fanfic
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anyway photographer!shen yuan bc i got to take pretty pics of gorgeous landscapes earlier and now im considering to shift to an art major
sy likes taking pictures of his siblings and parents. it isn't for any deep reason like recording their most cherished memories to look back on in the future; he just likes taking pictures. his parents got him an expensive camera meant for professional photography with accompanying lessons, and sy absolutely loved it.
he didn't do much outside of photographing his family and friends and whatever caught his eye— he wasn't planning on using it as a side hustle or starting a business or anything. he did, however, create a social media account to share his best works. it did not have a large following or anything; it was just a space for sy to share the things he's passionate about.
sy did make sure that it was very, very far away from his peerless cucumber account, bc he's not going to bring his literary criticisms and analyses of objectively trashy novels to his carefully curated, beautiful artwork.
he is content with that, until his meimei begs him to help her friend with a photoshoot. an up and coming model, apparently, whose photographers dipped from the face of the earth and back-up photographers unavailable due to sickness. his meimei suggested him, bc sy is a professional photographer, just unemployed.
sy has spoiled his sister as much as he could. naturally, he accepts.
the model— going by the name of liu su mian hua— thanks him when he arrived at the set. it's a photoshoot with historical and wuxia elements, so miss liu is wearing a hanfu from her sponsor with a sword and a fan as props. sy's nerdiness and inspiration kicks in and he takes the pictures with gusto, focused on taking the most perfect picture he can.
he and miss liu are both happy by the end of the shoot. sy doesn't think that it would happen again, but it does. apparently, miss liu appreciated how he focused on the shoot itself rather than making passes at her. since sy is... well, an unemployed twenty-something year old with pretty much nothing to do, he accepts whenever miss liu requests him as the photographer.
he meets her brother three photoshoots later, who is as beautiful as she is. he seems mistrusting of sy at first, before slowly warming up. sy offers to take pictures of them both (they look so beautiful! so gorgeous! flawless!) and smiles so much at the results. the siblings are photogenic, and easily understands his instructions. truly the best subjects sy can hope for!
(lmy teases lqg when he gay panics bc he wants to ask out the pretty photographer. she's also taking down notes for her latest fanfiction.)
#svsss#shen yuan#liu qingge#liushen#liu mingyan#photographer sy au#tbf sy prob saved lqg in hs or smth#like as a passing stranger but lqg never forgot it#better if lqg was like ??? sj??? bc he and sj are in the ssme year#but like that's more lore the tags cant handle
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conversations i’ve had with my mom this week about top surgery that will make my brain melt if i try too hard to make sense of them:
i was talking to her about how i might have to extend my medical leave because i probably won’t be ready to work at 4 weeks. she told me she didn’t expect my recovery to take this long. this is the same woman who, before i got top surgery, told me horror stories about someone she knew who had complications for months after having a mastectomy. was she just making shit up? was she lecturing me about things she was actively still in denial about? i can’t even begin to guess.
i mentioned to her that i’ve been posting about my experiences with recovery and she seemed…offended? by the idea that i was talking about it publicly. i shouldn’t be surprised because she’s the one who once told me the online trans community is “cult-like” and that she thought i was only getting top surgery because the trans people in my computer convinced me. the thing is, she’s also constantly asking me how my recovery timeline compares to other people so i…don’t know how she expects me to get that information if she also thinks talking to people about my recovery is bad.
she was asking me about how my incisions are healing and she told me to describe how they look to her…but “not anything that’ll make me cry”. do i know what she meant by that? nope! i can only assume the right move was to not describe anything too in-depth, even if it meant not including important details because they might upset her. priorities, am i right?
she asked me if, having been through the worst of recovery and knowing what it’s like, i would still make the same choice to get top surgery. obviously i said i would. she then proceeded to keep saying things like “really? are you sure? even after all this? you know you don’t have to say that, right?” as if it was completely impossible to believe i don’t regret this. why did she ask if she didn’t really want to hear the answer? god only knows.
we found out how much my insurance paid for the part of my surgery costs that were covered and it turns out they paid way more than any of the estimates i was given. my mom kept saying “that’s a lot of money you know�� over and over again, as if i didn’t know that an amount of money high enough to buy a small house is a lot. i think she was trying to make some kind of point. what point? idk man.
0/10 totally incomprehensible interactions. i don’t even know what to make of them. i think now that the surgery is done and she can’t fight it anymore, she’s gone from being overtly ridiculous about it to just bringing the absolute weirdest vibes to every conversation about it.
#i hope y’all are enjoying the random updates on my moms bullshit#bc im sure this is FAR from the end of it#top surgery adventures#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia#trans men#transmascs#top surgery
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Hi! Sorry for notification spamming you but wanted to tell you that your TROD tags made me lol, I LOVE your art so much and I’m interested in your AU too. Anyway, love your blog!
P.S. maybe I missed it but you said somewhere that your Narinder was pretty messed up for a few years post revival. Could you give some more details on that? Did he try to hurt them? Who had to take care of him, the lamb? What’s been the downstream effects? Basically, how is this cat still messed up lol.
dont be! everytime i get a notification i go yuppiee!!! im glad you enjoy my art :DD
okay okay its prime yap time under the cut oof i love my fucked up cat sm
Lambert, mainly, took care of him! They made sure that every comfort he needed was provided and were worried out of their mind the entire time. Their disciples helped watch over Narinder when he was unconscious, just so he wouldn't bolt the moment he awoke, and Witness Allocer stitched some of his wound and prepared a special painkiller blend for him. (in my au the high priests, aka the mini bosses, and the witnesses were very close to the bishops! Allocer made the same painkillers for Shamura as well.)
Okay so obviously his wrists and ankles were pretty fucked up from being chained for a thousand years and he's got a lot of internal damage as well bc some of the chains went through him (og Stychu hc that I adopted bc it's so good). Also just general wounds from the final fight and the unfathomable pain of shrinking down from his godly form.
Upon being spared, he did attack them in a post battle adrenaline and hate fueled delirium, right on the indoctrination stone and not only broke his arm (bc he put too much weight on it), but probably gave himself a heavy concussions by slamming his head on said stone seconds after the break happened lmao. After waking up in,,, just a Haze of agony he tried to get up and run away bc he was scared that the lamb would just keep him existing in this special Purgatory and shattered his opposite calf so there's that as well. Unlucky tbh
He bleeds like,,, constantly. All of the time, for literal years on end. From his eyes mostly, but also nose and ears and he throws up ichor a lot in the beginning as well bc his body is adjusting rapidly to being smaller and there's just No Space for the ichor to go, other than out. He’s constantly exhausted and spends a lot of time sleeping, and is very frail physically, if snapping two bones by simply putting weight on them didn't make it obvious enough lol
All and all not a great shape to be in, but! His wounds aren't actually what caused him to be bedridden for so long. It was the fact that he no longer saw himself as a god while still being one and suffering injuries befitting of one!
His body/the Red Crown isn't healing him as much as it’s literally regenerating parts of itself while he suffers everything that comes with that, alongside being out of the Veil/Gateway for the first time in forever and emotionally dealing with the deaths of his acolytes and the supposed betrayal of the one he allowed himself to trust after his family. In fact, Narinder barely heals at all for a while bc he was just mentally stopping the process. And also unconscious for a lot of it.
The other big reason is that god hearts are a great power source, but his heart has been in Lambert's chest since Silk Cradle. So he is Struggling ™ but he’d actually rather die than take his heart back he’s a simp like that smh
After he inevitably breaks and he and Lambert finally talk, he gradually starts seeing himself as a person again and his healing process gets easier. He still has chronic pain for his joints but eventually everything else heals alright :3
On a side note, his siblings bleed excessively and are disoriented for the first couple of days but are ultimately fine within the week. They are kind of horrified to learn that their brother is STILL struggling with the side effects of his imprisonment
#god this was a lot of words#i love yapping 😔#i think even if he won he would've been fucked up from the chains at least#but with the true extent of his godhood it would've taken him maybe a day to get everything in order#honestly i think he suffers most mentally bc nari Knows and Accepts pain but it needs to have a vissible end to it yk#like getting absolutelly wrecked in a fight. but knowing that once its over u can rest#but bc hes genuenly out of his mind from pain/medication he doesnt see that end and it makes him absolutely hopeless for a while#doesnt help that lamb stays w him only when hes out and the resulting loneliness is. Not Good.#op has let me free of my cage and i got way to far away from it /pos#dont have anyone irl to talk abt this so. ill take any chance i can#im writing abt his fist couple of years btw! not sure when ill post it but its nearing 20k yuppie#ask#cotl#cotl narinder#main cotl verse#<- placeholder name till i figure out a real one
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Bernard definitely "knows a guy"
idk what situation he would need a guy for, but i feel like it wouldn't really matter. His life is just such a collection of weird situations, and he always just happens to know a guy because of it
Did he meet them through some weird online conspiracy boards? Did he meet them through the cult? Did he just extrovert really close to the sun and get away with it? Has this exact situation just happened so many times that he just knows the person he needs at this point? Honestly, he doesn't even know anymore
You know what he DOES know? A guy
#bernard dowd#dude hes been in so many situations id be so surprised if he didnt “know a guy” at LEAST once#i feel like it would happen enough times that the bats would start getting a little suspicious that hes more than just a civilian#like its that weird stage where theyre not sure if he knows their identities yet and if he does and hes NOT a civilian that complicates#things a little bit#but no. his life is just Like That#hes the least normal civilian in existence but at the end of the day hes literally just a guy#i feel like most of them would come from the cult?? bc most of their victims were teenagers right? or at least taken in as teens#depressed high schoolers know how to do some wild shit#so most of his guys are just ex cultists like him that he kept in touch with or smth#i think they should do more with the cult actually#bc we dont actually know all that much do we?#we know the initiations and about the chaos monsters and like where they operated and stuff#but like. thats about it?#i wanna know about the other cultists. i wanna about what exactly went down there. i wanna know how theyd naturally recruit people#i wanna know how bernard actually ended up joining. i wanna know what exactly was up with the chaos monsters#like. do we actually know any of this stuff? ive seen some stuff in like fanfics but is any of that canon? how much do we actually know?#bc as far as i know ive got no fucking clue. but is this information that we have? if someone knows pls tell me im so curious
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For as much as I love Doom, I think we can all agree that modern Doom's writing is a bit of a dumpster fire of questionable choices and TAG especially so. So,
I'm gonna play Dark Ages when it comes out, and probably even enjoy it, too, but boy, do I have next to no faith that they're not gonna somehow totally screw over the story they themselves already established...
#doom#doom the dark ages#im a very serious person taking this very seriously i swear#personally my biggest fear is that theyre gonna forget that the whole reason dg does what he does is#to protect people. man cares abt civilians. would and literally has gone through hell to try to keep em safe.#scared theyre gonna lean too far into him being the big bad angry murder machine and hurt people just bc he can#they do establish in eternal's codexes that he was. Not Okay when he first got to argent dnur#mentally unstable and unable to tell the sentinels apart from demons iirc#so if they have a bit near the beginning where he accidentally hurts someone just bc hes like. hallucinating or something#that would be acceptable and even narratively consistent#but if he does anything more aggressive toward a civilian than like. the phobos base cutscene in eternal.#i will be So Upset.#anyway preemptive friendly reminder that you can criticize thing you like. its ok to point out somethings flaws even while youre enjoying i#and this is like 98% just meant to be goofy.#......gee i sure hope i don't end up going 'told you so' later once the game comes out......
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i hate mfers that keep mischaracterizing river just because his storyline got fucked over, which fucked over his romance too.
especially people complaining that he's flirty even when you're taken, but that's an issue with literally ALL the romances.
#'he's creepy and pushy!!!' girl i had to deal with panam putting her legs on my v and flirting with him even though he's gay#yet i dont see anybody complain about her#like both romances flirt with you in their romance starting missions bc theyre letting you romance them both if you want#im not sure if its just all talk about river originally being in takemuras place but you can tell stuff got cut or rewritten a LOT#both him and kerry kind of feel like they lack content in comparison to female romances#which is probably bc they feel too far removed from the main story#ive seen people getting so upset that river looked up a recipe for the dinner mission but i thought it was SO cute#like his romance is soooo cute :((#the main complaint i have aside from him not having enough missions between his nephew storyline and the romance-#-is that there's not enough differences between his lines with fem v vs male v#like on my first playthrough i tried to kiss him on the damn watertower bc i thought he was flirting with me TvT#his personality has nothing to do with the fact that they didnt put enough missions in his storyline#or the fact that ALL THE ROMANCES continue to flirt with you even if youre taken#kwyoz.txt#kwyoz.rambles#cyberpunk rambles#i dont wanna throw this in main tags#so im sorry if it ends up in them anyways lmfao#im just so annoyed how anytime people talk good about river theres people coming in strictly to shit talk him#like bruhhh#anyways imo i think river shouldve been a bi romance and they shouldve had a different straight woman romance#i would say takemura shouldve been the straight woman romance instead but then id be depressed that i cant romance him as a man#anyways#enough rambling
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caught up finallyyyy. that shit was FIRE
#ninjago spoilers#im loving the overarching plot even if some of the moment to moment stuff is losing me#in particular the dialogue felt rlly clunky to me a lot of the time w characters justttt. expositing at every chance#but i rlly like sora and arins arcs so far. really really good#arin is maybeeeee leaning a little too Evilllllll for my tastes BUT i do think it makes sense at least#finalllyyyy a good fucking corruption arc#found the kinda... prodigy sora on the stage at the end alone very powerful#it nice to see them growing at different rates and the conflict it might cause#still not sure what wfs deal is yet but i did rlly like her relationship w roby. super cute. they matched each others freak#i miss jayyyyy still but nice that its being built up to#hopefully it pays off nicely bc the 2 secs of it we got to see was... umm. not the bestttt#altho interesting to see now that jays been shattered.#also i assume it just went back to the administration? seemed that ras was done w it#i wonder if jay wld be able to find anything out abt itself if thats the case.....?#i mean youd assume it tried already. butttt u cld say maybe it was under the agency as jay gordon which wld have come up w nothing#UM ANYWAY i do rlly like where the story is going it feels rlly cool and different to have everything developing over time like this#compared to the more contained seasons from before#also just saying. if i was lloyd id straight up kill myself#rlly funny imagining llpyd getting back to the monastery and sighing and replacing kais photo w arins#yes yes. very good. zane saying cringe made my jaw drop#actually ill say i do hate how they r writing zane. but thats been an issue for forever now so wtfeverrrr
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ok im done compiling it's 81 black swan pieces to go thru. 18 of which are consensual bedroom content (source: trust me bro) over the course of almost 10 years. see you on the other side of editing hell
#probably not the final number bc im gonna splice content here n there and some things are a lil ???#like i have no idea where the actual eligray meetcute is i will have to go dig it up when it becomes relevant#also might get rid of the act structure i currently have but i rly like the divide btwn#early immortality discoveries vs fun and crimes vs the end (faye) but we'll see we'll see#pretty sure i'll get sidetracked by a different project like a week from now but let's see how far we get :3#elia txts
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sugar water by flower face
#yellowjackets#jackieshauna#this is the 4th installment of 'making edits to every song from the album 'shark in your water' to jackieshauna'#guys weve come so far im so proud#only like. Idk 6 more songs to go? not sure but I WILL do it.#anyways so I dont fully like this one. like I think it's good its an alright edit#but doesnt live up to my standards. but Idk what i couldve done to make it better just yet soo#mostly i dont like the ending (the song is like 3mins with an amazing solo but I didnt have any ideas for that)#but I am very proud of the like fast parts#notably 'he likes to keep me half way out' and 'he's got a sharp twist no he's wicked in the heart etc'#REALLY proud of yk girls like me weve got a slow pulse. TRUTH#lol I always use that for anything that has to do with sleeping/cold ive come to realize#just like the bridge is synonym for dreaming Idk why#mine art tag#omg also love the float up to the sky part#the beginning not though which sucks bc the beginning is definitionally (?) the first thing ppl see.#BEAR WITH ME IT GETS GOOD#anyways this was the firdt song in which i had like any problems with the lyrics. curious#still loved making it#i have SO many ideas but I cant rlly make two edits at the same time like I hab to finish one and then I can start the other ones#soo youre gonna get them but probably after the shark in you water thing is donee#stay tuned gamers#mitos incredible life#jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water
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Arthur c clarke is rly convinced birth control is the sign of modernity and progression huh?
#i remember he pointed it out in childhoods end too#i also find the “and all the worlds major religions supported it and thought it was cool ^_^” thing very funny#sorry to say mr clarke but uhhhh#anyway guess whos finally reading 2001#i rly like his prose and the way he sets up his stories; its interesting#iirc he did a similar thing in childhoods end where it had a prologue section that was set way before the events of the book#i wonder if 2001 is gonna have the same massive time jumps ce had <-has not watched the movie either#im going into this blind👍#and then i can be all pretentious about how i read the book first (JOKING)#also apparently space odyssey is a series? but to my knowledge theres only the one movie#i will say#that beginning section is interesting when u read childhoods end first#bc the setup there is SO similar#but im pretty sure its not actually gonna go in that direction? despite setting that idea up harder than ce did#tbh not fully sure what to make of it with what i do know abt 2001#like. i was expecting this to be very different from childhoods end but so far its got a very similar feeling#so im wondering what the shift will be between aliens and ai#2001 liveblogging
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anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶♂️
#theres a guy at work whos incredibly annoying for it but tbh hes bad at his job in general anyway n everyones annoyed at him all the time#so at least i get some solidarity from my other coworkers (who are generally rly accommodating of my deafness)#i dunno how he hasnt got the memo ive explained im deaf so he needs to face me n make sure he has my attention n enunciate multiple times#but nope still not getting thru to him! so half the time if he starts mumbling i just pointedly ignore him until he either speaks more#clearly or goes away lmao#and same with a friend of a friend im sure hes a nice guy and everyone else seems to like him n hes in our main discord server so i cant#avoid him as easily and ive been so tolerant of it but hes worn thru my patience entirely and idc abt trying to be nice anymore#if he comes on call and starts mumbling and sidelining me from the conversation i just put him on mute im not dealing with that anymore#i dont fucking care if its petty and rude to do that. im tired of trying to understand him and dealing with how left out he makes me feel#i hope he picks up on the hostility n feels unwanted so maybe then he'll understand what its like for me and fix his behaviour 👍#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!#he also has a lot of other annoying behaviour which is fine but this is my limit its so disrespectful and outside of my control#make space for my disability or go away forever#not sure if we could even be friends if he did change now bc hes soured my impression of him so much by this point.#sad! well theres other guys#im glad everyone ive met at climbing so far has been pretty good abt it. really not that hard to do!#anyway rant over lol. at least the guy at work is only on a temp contract so only have to deal w him for a few more months#unfortunately since the rest of that group is friends w this other guy he'll prolly be around longer. but oh well lmao#just crossing my fingers he'll drift away n never open discord again so ill never have to deal w his shitty crackly mic mumbling#or maybe he'll stop fucking calling from whatever wind tunnel hes in and properly join in on our movie nights instead!!!!!#it is sad bc i think he has similar music taste to me. there are def some things we have in common that could form a basis for friendship#but hes gone n ruined it innit#aaaanyway oops started complaining again... the bitch grind never ends#im gonna shower n go back to elden ringing it.... fare thee well#.diaries
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back from the barbie movie and I certainly have Thoughts on what the movie was doing but overall I do think it's worth seeing! it's fun
#☢️.txt#spoilers in tags!#i think what they did with ken is actually really fascinating and while i do get why the movie doesnt focus on his motivations#or the fantasy politics of barbieland#i AM personally interested in them#like his frustration is coming from a legitimate place and the movie does acknowledge that both barbie (margot) and the barbies overall were#Not In The Right and its not the actual solution to the issue of feminism#in the same way that the movie acknowledged that barbie didnt solve feminism and in many cases ended up playing into#the very ideas that prevent women from pursuing the jobs barbie is often shown in#im sure ppl will critique the movie for not going far enough but like. i dont think their point was to make a massive statement?#so much as it was to make a campy blockbuster that gently acknowledges the ways people can so often feel left out#its not the feminist piece of a generation so much as it is a love letter to barbie that acknowledges how shes#an inherently flawed consumerist brand. but one thats deeply cherished by generations and has left a massive pink stamp on our culture#(its probably worth noting that i have generally positive memories of barbie)#(despite being a weird fat kid i never personally felt alienated by barbie and my memories are extremely fond)#(i didnt like baby dolls bc. i never have liked kids but barbie was a fantasy in sparkly dresses)#(she was married to my dinosaur toys. ive always known what im about yes)#my favorite barbies were swan lake a halloween witch barbie and a halloween ghost barbie#(also idk is this an autistic thing for me to only learn most young girls compared their bodies to barbie at like 14?)#(like it just never dawned on me to compare my looks to a toy tbqh. i was more upset by the actual lack of clothing in my size)
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I WANNA BE HAPPT IM READY TO WALK INTO MY ROOM WITHOUT LOOKING FOR YOU GO IP TO THE TOP OF MY BUILDINF AND REMEMBER MY DOG WHEN I SEE THE FULL MOON
#really sad tonight#i miss justice and iris and king#something is hitting me really hard about not having a dog rn#i think it’s that this weekend we’re visiting our parent org and the last i was there was to drop off king#and also im planning on starting to clear his stuff out of my room#i haven’t been able to bring myself to do it yet#and i know all three of my pups are doing awesome#but one of them any of them should still me with me rn#also i’m stressed that the president of the puppy raising club will fuck me over for getting an 8 week old this summer#bc i’m living in a student apartment so dog stuff goes through the student accessibility services#and we’re not sure if they will ok an 8 week old but i don’t think they actually need to know the age of the dog#so we can simply not tell them that it’s a baby bc i doubt it’ll cause any big issues#and i have to pay a pet fee anyway for my apartment so like#but i’m concerned her rule following will somehow fuck it over for me#even tho she’s graduating before i’d even be getting the dog#and if she fucks it over and i have to wait even longer for a dog i’m gonna end up in a shit place mentally#bc rn im just taking time to recover from the hard time i’ve hard raising so far#but by this summer i think i’ll be ready and start hitting a point where not having a dog will be worse mentally than having one#anyway rant over#but yeah this bit of the song is hitting#bc yeah i walk into my room and see the dog kennel#and king should be in it#but he’s not bc he flunked out#and i just am constantly thinking about him or justice or iris#i just feel like shit rn#i also ate too many cadbury mini eggs so my stomach hurts#i think i’m mostly past the point of blaming myself for my dogs’ issues tho so#that’s progress
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okay. so. I have just about 6k words written. so i want some opinions.
I could just reach a stopping point and post this on its own as a part of a multichapter series (which would likely be only two chapters?) to keep it from getting too long.
or i could finish it, and post the entire thing in one
#im probably gonna suck it up and finish the whole thing#but im curious#ud get half now and half later#or u could get the whole thing#bc im nooot sure how long it'll take to finish this#and i feel like ive already gone thru a ton of things i had planned and im still pretty far from the end i have in mind#tzu rambles
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I always get so angry but then I play video games and I'm no longer so angry
This is a problem when it comes to wanting to leave my shit ass job
#speculation nation#i was absolutely ranting with my coworker about this shit#if either of us leave we're both going. straight up.#boss was threatening to fire them and im like. if he does? im quitting on the fucking spot.#i dont have a job lined up yet but im gonna start seriously looking#and if it comes down to it i dont think itll take too long for me to find Something. not with my qualifications.#might not be the best paying job right away but so long as i have Something & it doesnt make me utterly miserable#itd still be better than this fucking shithole.#i used to love this place but everything has soured because of him.#ive toughed it out for Far too fucking long. and ive finally reached the end of my Fucking Rope.#8 years total of my life ive given to this store. but no more.#it's not a matter of 'if'. it's a matter of 'when'.#and once we leave at least 2 of the other seasoned employees will be leaving.#4 out of 6 of the fully trained drink makers. gone.#and the other 2 are leaving at the end of this semester Anyways.#so what are ya gonna do Boss Man? if our labor has really been that worthless to you then surely this will be no big deal!#right? right? right? from how youve treated us it's clear! it's clear you take us for granted and dont give a shit about us as people.#so youre gonna get a rude fucking awakening Very soon. have fun cleaning up the wreckage of your mockery of our lives.#anyways hi yeah shit's about to blow up at work and im jumping ship as soon as i can make it work#i also got caught in freezing rain and had to walk home (took an hour of walking when itd usually take 25 mins!) bc i Could Not Bike#may or may not have to go into work tomorrow and if i do i may just take a hammer to those fucking windows [joke][this is a joke]#its gonna ice all night and i voiced these legitimate concerns for my safety and got told#'well we'll follow what the city standards are' or whatever the fuck. and got told to take the bus.#WELL COME ON SHITSTAIN I STILL HAVE TO WALK TO THE BUS STOP NOW DONT I??????#plus i just dont like the idea of going out rn at all. it's so dangerous. im for serious Everything is ice.#even on a salted road my bike still slid out from under me. i Had to walk it home#walking very very carefully with very ginger steps. lord help me on any inclines bc gravity was pushing me Down.#it was awful. one of the worst commutes of my life. and this fucker has the audacity to tell me to just Take The Bus?#hes getting on my last Fucking nerves. oh yeah and him completely dismissing my coworker's concerns about passive aggression#ran out of tags (lmfao) so ill stop ranting here. but just. i am so Fucking done with him.
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