pretend-i-don-t-exist

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

burnt out rn going to write smth self-indulgent

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

AU where SJ is a horror movie director and actor. All the movies he makes aren't overly gore filled and they focus on psychological horror (and have an all female cast with very few exceptions because of course). However, all the movies he acts in have him get brutally murdered (it's in his contract).

SY is a horror movie nerd and got hooked on SJ through his acting. He loved the monsters and the creative deaths. The interviews he watched of SJ, he's enamored (in a TOTALLY PLATONIC AND PARASOCIAL WAY) with the way SJ says he's usually the one writing his own death scenes. That led him to find SJ's movies and he was even more hooked.

But SY is also an actor, but he plays love interests in cheesy romance dramas (he did it originally to beat his sister in a bet but it's not a bit anymore). He's charming and sweet with all his co-actors and even amassed his own irl harem. He wishes he could act in horror movies, but he's too well known as the kind pretty boy from the romance genre. And people will most certainly riot if his characters die, so :(

And as cheesy and sappy SY thinks his roles are, SJ is absolutely enamored as well. His guilty pleasure is watching cheesy romance dramas. He loves them in secret and wishes saintly men like SY's characters existed in real life.

Anyway, during an interview with SY, he's asked what genre he likes, and he tells them that he's actually fond of horror. They ask what type of horror and he immediately starts gushing about SJ. About his acting, his genius, his writing, his directing skills, etc. He tells the interviewer that his dream is to either work with or under SJ, but he laments that he always gets rejected for horror roles.

In the distance you here all the woman SY has enchanted wail in unison as they realize they don't have a chance because he likes men.

SJ obviously sees this and doesn't know what to do with the obvious praise. He panics as SY says he wants to work with/under him, and is struck with inspiration (he had writer's block for a long time). And he writes a script with a kind man that gets everyone to love him with a few words that is actually a siren that secretly consumes his admirers (or something IDK I'm uncreative. it doesn't matter it just has to be a monster role that is obviously made for SY)

He refines the script and starts casting. SY hears SJ is looking for roles openly, which is rare because SJ usually has closed castings. So he hurries over and auditions for the main villain, and he gets the role (to no one's surprise).

When they start the filming process, SY has basically enchanted the whole crew and they all agree that SY was the best option. And then one of the scenes where SY reveals himself as evil, and everyone had something awake in them.

The entire time SY is hoping he's doing well so SJ will like him. And in SJ's corner, he's fighting demons to stay professional. Everyone is fighting their battles while SY keeps looking at SJ after each shoot to see if he's doing a good job. But SJ keeps leaving, so obviously he's not. So he tries even harder (causing so much emotional distress in everyone that wants him desperately)

When everything wraps up, SY asks if SJ would be interested in dinner so he can pick his brain. SJ hesitates thinking SY was going to reveal that he too was two-faced like his character. But no, SY genuinely asks him so many questions and looked stary eyed when he answered. SY didn't try anything and they left with SY walking SJ to his car before going to his.

SJ drives home conflicted because apparently a prince charming does exist and he casted him as a murderer in his show/movie. And SY is happy because he thinks he did so well in getting his favorite actor/director to finally like him.

The movie/show releases and everyone also has a violent awakening and want SY in more villain roles.

SY is happy because he can finally be in horror movies. SJ is actively making scripts to just invite SY to act in them (the most productive he's been in a while). SY is over the moon when he gets an invite to act in another of SJ's scripts and puts his all in his characters. He ends up shining so much that even if he was a side character, he'd be a fan favorite.

And eventually he and SJ get invited to play in a movie. SY is excited to act with SJ (he didn't read the script before accepting the role), and SJ is so conflicted because not only does the movie have a kiss scene between their characters but SY kills him. It's like evil, toxic yaoi or something.

SY finally reads his damn script and is having a whole sexuality crisis, but he shuts up because he doesn't want to lose this opportunity (and he doesn't want to offend SJ, who is openly and maliciously gay). The director (Airplane) is doing this for the love of the game and fan service, so he makes them redo scenes over and over again until he liked a shoot.

SY locks in and tries not to think much of it. Then SJ tells him they have to practice the kiss scene because it has to look authentic (Airplane is a tyrant and demands it to be sloppy and crazy and REAL), and suddenly SY is thinking WAY too much about it. They try, SJ tells him he kisses stiff, and that he figured all his romantic main lead roles would make him a better kisser.

SY doesn't know how to say that he uses stage kisses instead of actually kissing his co-actor because he always felt uncomfortable with it, so he settles on saying something accidentally suave. Probably something like "It's different to kiss someone you admire so much".

SJ takes at least 15 points of psychic damage and tells him that they better practice for him to get used to it (excuse to kiss SY).

Then the day of the scene comes and like... I can't think of anything to end this with. Idk they get caught in the moment and have weird sex on set or something and Airplane calls it genius and takes the movie to production.

This optional if you want to write this au. I just don't have a way to end this post :3

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

Tough

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

water prison but it's sy from post-wedding with lbh thrown back to this point in time and he's just so done with the system and everything and starts embodying his true form: a gen z internet troll who regularly makes people cry

idk where im going with this i just want gen z sy staring into opm's eyes and ripping his soul apart (verbally)

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

also currently on vacation and it's sweltering hot and i live ON A MOUNTAIN isn't it supposed to be cold here

trying to find a good weekly time slot to update the weekends are just not working anymore

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

nukani ch 16 just gutted me alive

why is there heartbreaking angst in my bl porn this is not what i signed up for

anyway huey is 1000000/10 mwah

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

drawing <----- me -----> writing i have no idea what to do chat do i draw or write

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

Mushroom Shen is the best Shen because he loosens up and you really get to see what an idiotic madman he is

In the short time he's a mushroom man he:

Saves some cultivators

Nearly introduces himself as Shen Qingqiu and then instead of using his actual name calls himself his dumb dick joke internet handle

Beats up a bunch of demon

Internally debates running a business with them

Gets distracted thinking about demon names being nonsense

Imagines Luo Binghe being called Big Dick Haver

Laughs himself silly and then slaps his own face

All without saying anything outloud to the demons he beat up

Asks them if they have seen anyone uncommonly sexy (meaning Luo Binghe) and then sends them on their way

Runs into Sha Hualing

Trims her nails because he remembers her tearing up Binghe's back during sex and disapproves

Rescues Liu Qingge's little sister and personal disciple from Sha Hualing

Chastises Yang Yixuan for being straight

Realises Luo Binghe is coming and hoofs it away meeting up with Liu Mingyan and Yang Yixuan again to have a meal

Listens to gossip about himself so much he forgets to be watching out for Sha Hualing

Gets very angry that people think Luo Binghe would rape him when OBVIOUSLY if Luo Binghe came on to him he'd put out because it's Luo Binghe

Leaves Liu Qingge's people and immediately gets captured again but with Luo Binghe this time

Sees Luo Binghe have emotions about the fact he looks a lot like Shen Qingqiu so cuts some cloth off of Sha Hualing's clothes and makes himself a shitty mask

Gets caught in one of Binghe's dreams and immediately blows his cover but doesn't realise and has a crisis over Binghe being gay and for him specifically

Realises that Liu Qingge is fighting Luo Binghe and even though he knows this has been happening for five years he abandons escape and goes to help Liu Qingge and ends up playing hot potato with his own corpse and lets Liu Qingge take it

Sees Luo Binghe looking sad and only doesn't say "hey it's okay I'm your Shizun" because he gets kidnapped by snake boy

Has another dream with Luo Binghe and is like "well I guess doing gay stuff is fine if it's with Luo Binghe" despite his sexuality crisis because Luo Binghe is being pathetic

Demands whores from Snake boy

Listens to the prostitutes sing a song about him fucking his disciple even as he plans his escape from Snake boy

Leaves snake boy and walks straight into Luo Binghe's trap because he literally cannot walk away from Luo Binghe effectively

Finds out Luo Binghe was acting Pathetic on purpose in the dream to trick him

Punishes Luo Binghe by telling him to go away

Gets mad when he does as asked

Wrestle/flirts when he does show up to show he's still mad but also skinship

Dies again

He's at maximum bullshit at Mushroom Boy

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

It starts small. Luo Binghe hides all his demonic features, which — Shen Qingqiu didn’t even think he was hiding, until he wakes up earlier than usual one day and sees Luo Binghe enter the house all red-eyed and claw-handed. Before any excitement can build up, though, Binghe blinks, startles and the features are gone.

Shen Qingqiu didn’t ask, but he started watching his husband more closely. And he began noticing things:

• Luo Binghe is never rude to other Peak Lords, at least not in front of Shen Qingqiu.

• He never complains, at least not about what’s really bothering him.

• He gets anxious when he doesn’t have time to cook or clean for Shen Qingqiu

• He barely talks about anything related to his Emperor duties, if he attends to them at all

• With his every word and action he tries to be good for Shen Qingqiu

At this point, Shen Qingqiu stops keeping track. He knows what’s going on.

Luo Binghe thinks Shen Qingqiu’s love for him is conditional and he needs to work hard every day not to lose it.

The thought of it sends cold shivers down Shen Qingqiu’s spine. He misses his self-assured, impudent white lotus. He can’t let it stand.

So, he does the following:

“Binghe doesn’t need to cook today.” He says, motioning for Ming Fang to come closer. “We’ll get the food from the kitchens.”

“But Shizun!” Luo Binghe pouts. “That food isn’t good enough. This one can do better.”

“Of course Binghe can.” Shen Qingqiu says, fighting the blush. “My husband is most talented. Today, though, this master wants an extra hour with him, even if it means worse food.”

And:

“Emperor Luo must be missed in the Demon Realm.” Shen Qingqiu notes, ignoring the way Luo Binghe freezes midway through the room. “Maybe we should visit?”

There’s a moment of silence. Then, Luo Binghe says, voice carefully neutral:

“It’s not pleasant in there, shizun. This one wouldn’t want to expose his husband to such a cruel, dangerous environment.”

“Luckily,” Shen Qingqiu notes. “This one married the most dangerous creature in the world. He is sure he’d feel pretty safe.”

“Shizun.” Luo Binghe whines, hunching his shoulders and trying to appear as small, as non-threatening as possible.

“Is my Demonic Emperor of a husband so unsure in his abilities?”

Luo Binghe stands straighter, eyes gaining a glint of determination. Shen Qingqiu hides a smug smile behind his fan.

And also:

“Binghe looks annoyed.” Shen Qingqiu says, as they walk back home after the Peak Lords meeting.

He doesn’t, his pretty face a pleasant mask. But Shen Qingqiu knows his husband, and he knows his martial siblings aren’t his favorite people.

“This one is fine, shizun.”

“Hmm.” Shen Qingqiu says. “Doesn’t Binghe think other Peak Lords were acting a bit… self-important?”

“They do try to take too much of shizun’s precious time.” Luo Binghe answers carefully.

“Thank you, Binghe, yes. This one has no idea why they think this master would prefer their company to his husband’s.”

Luo Binghe gasps softly. Shen Qingqiu smiles. If he continues just like this, he’s sure soon enough he’ll get his Binghe to act as spoiled as he did back in his discipline-hood, if not worse.

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

au in which shen yuan got transmigrated as a kid, a few years before binghe's on the peak, and shen jiu sees this little guy who looks exactly like him, sharing a name with him, digging a hole desperate to get in- and is filled with incandescent rage.

just like with binghe, for shen jiu seeing a parallel of himself at his weakest makes him furious. he wants to smoosh this creature like a bug. he resolves to do the mature thing and ignore it and hope it will die of starvation when it fails to get into a sect; but then the worst imaginable thing happens.

Yue qingyuan tries to save it. Unacceptable. Yue qingyuan abandoned him as a child, and is now trying to rescue this creature? What's so special about Shen Yuan that he's earned the rescue Shen Jiu never received himself? What's so good about it? Shen Jiu can already tell that Yue Qingyuan will spoil it rotten on his peak, give him exactly the life of safety and support that Shen Jiu always secretly wanted and never got. So he claims the beast first.

In five years, when Lou Binghe arrives on the peak and is begrudingly accepted as Ning Yingying's newest shidi, Shen Jiu barely pays him any mind. He already has a little beast that he despises and takes out his frustrations on. Binghe's similarities to himself (And his perceived blessings that young Shen Jiu never got) pale in comparison to Shen Yuan's, and thus go entirely unnoticed.

Shen Yuan feels- complex, about it, because truthfully he's been holding out hope for Binghe to save him. If not in a protagonist's manner, then in the age-old method of a bully choosing a new target. instead...nothing changes.

Binghe doesn't interfere. He's a scared child who's just secure the better future he promised his mother he'd aim for before she died. He's got steady access to food and shelter, and he doesn't want to risk that. Shen Yuan can't blame him. But ah, as the years pass.... Binghe starts to rise in the peak. Without Jiu targeting him, his natural talents allow him many successes. More important, his skill at manipulation develops at a younger age- he knows how to win over his peers, how to appeal to the peak lord. He quickly becomes head disciple, respected and somewhat trusted.

He still doesn't save Shen Yuan. It's not that he joins in bullying him; that would be too OOC! Even Yuan would protest if something like that occurred! But he turns a blind eye to it all. When the other disciples steal his food, Binghe doesn't ensure he gets to eat. When the other disciples run him out to the woodshed, Binghe never demands they give him back his bed. He doesn't even bring Shen Yuan a blanket. To Binghe, it's like Shen Yuan doesn't exist at all. It's the only way Binghe can feel secure that it won't be him in such a position if he speaks up.

It's hard for Shen Yuan to not get a little resentful. Not just because- because of all his hopes he'd pinned, maybe, on the protagonist he'd admired so much saving him. Not just because it feels like he's taken on Binghe's suffering for him and an unwitting Binghe is ungrateful. (he knows this is a foolish thing to think, but it's how he feels regardless.) Not even just because Binghe is *head disciple* and that makes it literally his job to fix this sort of thing. But specifically, because if Binghe was the one suffering, there's a guarantee that at the end of this it would end. He'd get out from under Shen Qinqqiu's thumb and he'd go on to get his revenge and become a powerful and respected cultivator, and have lots of wives and lots of money and lots of food and a safe place to sleep... Shen Yuan is background fodder. He'll never amount to anything.

But he doesn't hate Binghe. He could never! He knows, deep down, that Binghe's just scared and he's adapted to survive this way and besides, Binghe is still really really cool. Shen Yuan likes getting to see how cool Binghe is up close, with his growth so unhampered. Binghe is amazing at fight, so clever in classes, an excellent musician already, a detective as clever as sherlock holmes on missions, a warrior without equal on monsterhunts. When he gets to see Binghe in action, as opposed to Binghe on the peak failing to save him- he can forgive anything, really.

Eventually Shen Yuan decides he's got to get out. He'll do the conference, try really hard, and see if he can transfer to another sect. Probably not, because his skills are awful; but even so he'll leave and become a rogue cultivator. It'll be hard, and he might starve, but anything is better than staying on the peak forever.

He assumed that Binghe, with all this unhindered skills-leveling, wouldn't get caught as a half-demon. Or that if he was, perhaps his relationship was close enough with the peak lord that it would spare him his fate from the novel. Instead- instead he sees exactly how it plays out. Binghe's control slips at the edge of the abyss, and the truth is revealed to the small group of disciples he was protecting (including shen yuan, for once!) and to a furious Shen Qingqiu.

The Peak Lord forced his head disciple to the edge of the cliff and goes to stab him through the heart.

Shen Yuan does something he'll regret, entirely on instinct: He tries to interfere. He tries to call out and save him. isn't this your respected head disciple? isn't binghe only here because he was trying to protect the disciples in his care?

It's pointless. Binghe still falls into the abyss. But it leaves shen yuan behind- already hated, already mistrusted, and now he's just defended a demonic spy who'd been hidden in their sect. His chances of living to see Binghe claw his way back out of the abyss are extremely low- at best, he'll see it through the bars of a cell at the water prison.

-------

au discussed with @slurmdog :)

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

Omega Shen Qingqiu who is fed up with all the courtship gifts he receives. It's okay, it's entertaining, but at this point in his life he is quite tired. His Binghe has fallen (been pushed and stabbed haha oops) into the Endless Abyss, and he is really fed up with courtship gifts and having to answer civilized letters rejecting them.

So, just to spite him, Shang Qinghua sends him a courtship gift. Just to make fun of him. It's a silly little thing, literally. A flower with two long light blue petals pressed with with the description below "Hatsune Miku Flower".

Shen Qingqiu keeps it.

Okay, so if he rejects the courtship, he's supposed to return the gifts and send a rejection letter. But damn! He knows Shang Qinghua did it as a fucking joke to get on his nerves. So, he keeps the damn flower and doesn't waste his time sending the rejection letter.

Shang Qinghua comes over for tea after that, and they stay up later than would be appropriate discussing some fandom shit. In reality, time passes and it is late at night when Shen Qingqiu kicks Shang Qinghua out of his house.

A few days later, Shang Qinghua sends another gift. The truth is that, at that moment, BOTH of them have forgotten the nonsense of courtship gifts and all that. But Shang Qinghua had gone down to the village, had seen some ugly and ridiculously colorful fans, and decided that it would make a great ironic gift for his friend. So he buy them, wrap them with the most delicate care, and send them off.

And then, a few days later, he sends a very ridiculous collection of novels he found directly to his chaotic reader friend. He does so, of course, knowing that he would not be able to carry those books on his return, taking advantage of the parcel service to lighten his trip.

So when he gets to Cang Qiong, he's suddenly being looked at horribly by the other Alphas and he's just—hey, he didn't do anything wrong!!!

Shen Qingqiu enjoys his books, uses his colorful fans exclusively to hit Shang Qinghua, and only once regrettably uses one for a whole day until he realizes it and just hits Shang Qinghua swung his fan very hard, horrified.

Shang Qinghua keeps coming to drink tea, gossip and complain almost every afternoon. He often stays up late at night. At one point, Liu Qingge just stops with Shen Qingqiu to say:

"You shouldn't be with an Alpha who is courting you without a chaperone."

And Shen Qingqiu is just: "???? What Alpha is courting me?"

When Shang Qinghua arrives a while later with some sweet buns for tea, Liu Qingge rolls his eyes and runs away.

And the entire sect believes that they are in a fairly advanced phase of their courtship. Of course, it is a very serious matter; they meet all the standards of taking it as seriously as they should. Gifts, meals, providing for him; even Shen Qingqiu looks happier, using the gifts Shang Qinghua gives him to show how he accepts his courtship, eating his snacks in public, composing new songs for him.

(Shen Qingqiu doesn't compose a shit. He plays pop songs that Shang Qinghua misses on the guqin and enjoy some music he thought he would never hear again.)

When the courtship has already lasted more than half a year, everyone is restless. Although it is true that some courtships are long... The truth is that in half a year, they should already be preparing a wedding! A small ceremony at least! But neither of them seems to talk about weddings, or ceremonies, or trousseaus, or preparations, and they are all NERVOUS.

Could it be that the two peak lords are holding such a private ceremony that not even their pack of peak lords will be invited? That was rude!

Once again, Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua still have no idea what the hell is going on with them. Why do all peak lords behave so strangely? Why do they keep insisting that they go see a fortune teller? What the hell are they talking about???

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

sudden stroke of inspiration for beloved emperor HOLY SHIT IS THIS A SIGN TO RETURN TO SVSSS????

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

not to spread negativity or anything but the more i read anything on soc med (ai, ao3 limiting comments, harrassment over liking characters/ships, etc.) the more i feel like fic writing is just no longer worth it lmao

but eh i shall persevere for my blorbos

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

like father, like son 🏹🦉

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

HOW DID I JUST SEE THIS POST THIS IS SO FUNNY I HAD TO DRAW IT (all designs here belong to @gigizetz)

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

athena realises odysseus had never seen his son in song 38

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

*sighs*

*adds another folder named Hades to my ever growing list of fandom folders*

*starts a new WIP*

Good job I guess for getting out of my rot because of a new obsession?