pretend-i-don-t-exist

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

sy trying to create a pidw au would be so funny

i feel like he'd actually commit to it to spite airplane. at first, it garnered attention bc it was from the peerless cucumber, notorious critic and biggest pidw hater, so ofc they're all curious how pidw would look like in his eyes. it was surprisingly (well not really, considering the tens of paragraphs peerless cucumber wrote during his rants, all of which have immaculate grammar and spelling— bc ofc he can't let anyone find something to nitpick on his review so they're forced to see the point!) well-written and definitely more plot-focused.

majority of the readers disappeared after the first few chapters, mainly because of the lack of smutty scenes, but those that do remain are very engaged. one of them is airplane's burner account, when he needs to separate himself from his airplane persona. he's really, really curious as to what his hater is doing to his work.

he... he actually likes it. it's not really the novel he envisioned when he was first working on pidw, nor does it contain all the elements of his original draft, but it was good. he likes it a lot better than what pidw turned out to be.

airplane spent so much time contemplating and considering before finally saying fuck it, and dms peerless cucumber to see if he can work as a co-author with him and they can rewrite pidw together. he even sends parts of the original draft (what was left of it, anyway) as incentive!

it takes a long week before even peerless cucumber replies, and by then he has written a novella detailing how much better the original draft was and him screaming very informally at why airplane had to cast it aside.

lol i need money bro im broke af and porn sells, airplane answers.

it takes another week before peerless cucumber finally answers. then live with me, his message reads. no rent. i'll pay for whatever food you want. and whatever bills you have. just write a good fucking novel, i swear to god.

airplane thinks it's a joke, until he receives the address. an actual penthouse. in the richest streets of guangzhou. there is also a request to meet up (seeing as they don't actually know each other, and sy's brothers are very intent on not getting him murdered in his sleep) and airplane, after much, much thinking, accepts.

airplane does not really know what to feel when he finally meets and talks to shen yuan— pampered third son of a very wealthy family, with two protective older brothers and an even more protective little sister— and sy is just. well. he's exactly airplane's type. the beautiful, ice prince who apparently has only shown this much emotion around airplane. sy's meimei had told him cheerfully and then threatened to gut him if he so much as steps a foot out of line. airplane is starting to feel like he's just met a mafia family.

shen yuan's family aside, airplane is actually living his best life. he no longer has to worry about money. he lives in a luxurious (gods he has never seen such a large bedroom before wtf) penthouse without needing to pay rent (!!!) and utilities (!!!) and even food (!!!). he can write as much as he wants. this must be what artists felt like when they're taken care of noble families in exchange for their art.

he does... well. he and peerless cucumber are friends now. they work on the rewrite together. airplane keeps finding out many things, like how shen yuan likes his tea with a lot of honey, dislikes milk chocolate, and prefers drawing over writing. he also runs hot during the night, when he sleeps.

how does airplane know that? well. bros gotta do what bros gotta do. it's a good thing they both like to cuddle.

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

art trade with @ace-shenanigans !!!

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

i feel like i am being Perceived. i have not come to a decision whether i like that or not. statistics obtained by analyzing previous experiences indicate that this can either go wonderfully well or horribly wrong. help me

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

"shen yuan transmigrates into one of binghes wives instead of shen qingqiu" au where shen yuan is, actually, completely fine with this arrangement. like ok yeah the boobs were a bit of an adjustment, but getting to experience a xianxia fantasy world? getting to be extraordinarily beautiful all the time with zero effort? access to the biggest library in the world, just across the courtyard? being able to see his favourite characters in 3D?

three months pass and he's not even a little bored.

the "gilded cage" thing doesnt bother him either, because number one NEET and introvert shen yuan is very used to confining himself to a single space voluntarily. said space was also 100 times smaller than a palace, and he wasnt coughing every moment now!

case and point: shen yuan is having a lovely time as a wife before meeting binghe.

and then he meets binghe. and he looks cool, and handsome, and strong, blablabla, but he also looks... rough.

and, well, that's his binghe alright!? not in a weird wife way, but in a totally heterosexual "you're my favourite fictional character" way. sure, he's read every book in the palace about binghe by now, but that's not creepy! it's just what he's used to! sue him if he sees his favourite character suffering and kind of wants to help out...

cue shen yuan reforming the palace structure (with the help of ning yingying, who just adores him by this point. this sweet little thing who receives none of her a-luo's attention but so obviously loves him.) to make binghe's life easier. stupid small inventions that make life so convenient but that no one in this world could even think of (luo binghe is baffled at the xianxia-equivalent of a hairdryer that appears in his bathroom one day.)

it's only when a wife plot hits that luo binghe finally, formally meets shen yuan. bro wakes up from a near death experience and bam: the heavenly demon emperor is at his bedside.

but binghe's only there out of necessity and once shen yuan has waken up and shown to be in good health, he leaves. but as he leaves, he offhandedly mentions a detail - a clan - and it jolts shen yuan's memory, and he sits up from the sick bed and exclaims out of the blue, "don't trade with that clan!"

(when the clan ends up betraying binghe, and simultaneously, binghe is informed of the genius inventor who's been going around making the castle feel warmer...)

shen yuan gets his first night-visit from luo binghe. it is framed as a "reward for my wife's dutiful efforts." they make it about five minutes before shen yuan looks so uncomfortable that binghe leaves before a single kiss transpires.

cue normal bingqiu misunderstanding shenanigans. shen yuan showering binghe with all the love he doesnt know he has, and binghe eager to reciprocate this love in the only way he knows how, only to get totally shot down each time. "if you dont want me to kiss you, why are you taking care of me!??" shen yuan sees no problem with this.

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

feeling the Negative feelings rn. it's a never ending cycle. tine to bust out my #1 coping mechanism: avoidance

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

Shen Yuan transmigrating but he doesn't know where he is— all he knows is that he has a bookshop in the middle of nowhere, and gets visits from magical creatures that gift him curious things in exchange for knowledge.

Cue a visit from a tall, powerful, and handsome cultivator who goes by the name Yue Qi, begging for any kind of knowledge to cure his precious person's grave illness. Shen Yuan, being a bleeding heart, accepts a contract that ensures that he will do his best to cure this person's affliction and he will not harm them intentionally by any means and that Yue Qi will not turn against him should he fail. There is also something about payment.

Shen Yuan realizes too late that they're going to Cang Qiong, and Yue Qi is in fact Yue Qingyuan, and his precious person is... Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Yuan does manage to heal Shen Qingqiu— what kind of illness is that, there's so much pain and agony and hurt everywhere— and tries to leave before he can get involved with the plot. Except. Except Shen Qingqiu is horribly guarded against him, but he is reaching out, not from genuine trust but because there is a contract explicitly disallowing Shen Yuan to hurt Shen Qingqiu, and Shen Qingqiu knows that he is far too vulnerable to be left without a guard.

Shen Yuan, feeling like he's being nudged by the universe to adopt a feral cat that is a lot more closer to a dangerous, lurking earth-beast than an actual cat, crumbles.

He is now stuck in a QiJiuYuan sandwich. He can't get out, with Yue Qingyuan begging him to stay because Shen Qingqiu isn't well yet and he's apparently only allowing Shen Yuan close, and with Shen Qingqiu metaphorically digging his claws into Shen Yuan, snarling aggressively, but Shen Yuan is a bit too in tune with emotions and thoughts to know that Shen Qingqiu is quietly begging him not to leave like everyone does.

Also, why does everyone keep calling him a fae? He's not.

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

i never thought about nyy as sy's meimei... omg it's all making sense now!!!! imagine the aus!!! sy matchmaking lbh with nyy and nyy trying to direct his attention that no, lbh likes him, san-ge please use your braincells i know they're there

also!!! sj with nyy as his little sister... braiding her hair into elaborate styles so she can feel like a princess... buying her ice cream as a treat when she gets a good grade... hiring a teacher for self-defense so she can protect herself... sj's favorite sibling <3 nyy is going to be so spoiled with two protective brothers (one a bit more deadly than the other)

imagine the angst too when sy transmigrates and just !!! bc nyy reminds him so much of his meimei... not even the massive amounts of denial and repression can't stop him from seeing the similarities... missing his family more knowing that he's grieving for someone alive, but someone he can never see again...

thank you sm this is going to be stuck in my head from now on

(i hope you don't mind me adding to this) (i am an unsocialized lurking creature)

if sy's brothers in the modern world are actually yqy and sj i will riot. bc sy has been subjected to their "divorced but never married" and "i will kill for you but i will not tell you that i love you" shtick that he will create spotify playlists for them, lovingly labeled as follows:

- "er-ge when da-ge fucks up again" with the sassiest breakup songs ever. sy def plays it in the car when qijiu has their monthly cold shoulder fights (yqy is tearing up). possibly includes good 4 u, abcdefu, ain't shit

- "da-ge internally" feat. the saddest and most lovesick songs ever. i feel like devil's backbone def fits. can't think much bc i am in class rn

sy and his meimei plays "bad idea right?" every now and then bc they're getting tired of qijiu's shit

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

if sy's brothers in the modern world are actually yqy and sj i will riot. bc sy has been subjected to their "divorced but never married" and "i will kill for you but i will not tell you that i love you" shtick that he will create spotify playlists for them, lovingly labeled as follows:

- "er-ge when da-ge fucks up again" with the sassiest breakup songs ever. sy def plays it in the car when qijiu has their monthly cold shoulder fights (yqy is tearing up). possibly includes good 4 u, abcdefu, ain't shit

- "da-ge internally" feat. the saddest and most lovesick songs ever. i feel like devil's backbone def fits. can't think much bc i am in class rn

sy and his meimei plays "bad idea right?" every now and then bc they're getting tired of qijiu's shit

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

SVSSS AU Cosplay Edition

we all agree Luo Binghe is Airplane's self insert and Mobei Jun and Shen Yuan are strikingly similar. this we know. but please consider a cumplane situation where SY walks in on Airplane trying on a LBH cosplay a fan sent him and just gently having a stroke over it while Airplane is nothing but a goddamn shit about it

SY just deflecting to flustered rage seeing Airplane in demonic regalia. furiously typing away on his phone to find a wig he can add to the look because "its bad enough you're a hack author!!! you can't ALSO be a trash cosplayer!!" but mostly it's because he sees the vision™ (and has done his meimei's hair enough that he knows he can style the wig perfectly) and he cannot let anything but the rage show

too bad for him Airplane can sense blood in the water and just DELIGHTS in teasing SY over this. at first he was just trying it on because free things and now, oh now he sees his own vision and it's tormenting his best bro boyfriend over this forever

Airplaine pushing into his Yaun-er's space and crowding him up against a wall, watching the blush just bloom across SY's cheeks like wildfire

Airplane dropping his voice just a little bit, pulling out the first LBH pick up line he can think of

SY: Shut up shut up shut up A: Yaun-er doesn't want to play with Binghe? Maybe he should dress up too ;)

(Airplane definitely teases him about being his Little Palace Mistress just because of the sugar baby joking he makes near constantly re. SY's wealth and patronage)

SY does not stand a chance lbfh. he DEFINITELY does not stand a chance after he does Airplane's wig and makeup (thank you meimei)

flash to months later, because SY is nothing if not a vengeful little shit, where he has commissioned the full MBJ regalia, fusses entirely about the amount of titty the man canonically exposes because of a certain hack author, but puts on the PERFECT cold prince face when Airplane comes home and who's laughing NOW Airplane huh?? huh??

(it's still Airplane after he gets his jaw off the floor and ravages his favorite ice prince dressed as his favorite character

A, much much later: MBJ is not this twinky tho SY: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!)

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

Transmigrators and their original bodies 🔄

(+ cumplane bonus!)

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

i found the draft of the thing that started the beloved emperor thing. oh god. time to write now it's a sign it's a sign

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

on a qijiuyuan streak so far um hm so consider the flavor of sy fully believing that he's just a substitute for who yqy really loves (sj) and doing his best to fulfill the role

maybe it's a courtship for political purposes and so sy is aware that there wouldn't be any genuine romance here, but he is hoping for at least friendship??? he does want to save yqy bc his original ending in pidw is just too tragic... and also full of plot holes and plot armor.

though it gets obvious real quick that yqy is head over heels in love with sqq. nothing sy says or does will dissuade yqy from loving the scum villain. the thing is, it is also obvious to sy that sqq abhors yqy, except that it's less of a disdainful kind of hate and more like hurt? sy is so confused. he's cursing airplane out every time he gets stuck with both peak lords during a tea session.

when he does unlock qijiu's tragic backstory, he goes ??? wtf is this tragedy airplane, why didn't you put this in pidw it would've been so much better!!! more thought-provoking!!! also everything makes so much more sense now. and so he sets out to right the misunderstandings and miscommunication (he does like yqy and sqq, even as the scum villain, deserves an explanation and/or closure)

on sj's side he's fucking pissed that this pale impostor of him is going around taking advantage of the guilt yqy feels over him. he spitefully brings down sy's reputation, bc he's possessive over his qi-ge even though yqy isn't his qi-ge anymore... and he can tell that yqy is not really in love with the impostor, anyway.

yqy is just going !!! bc on one hand he feels delighted that sj does still feel something for him, even if it's just possessiveness from the past... and also sy is genuinely kind and good and yqy has longed for such warmth before, but it always feels wrong when he thinks of everything he's done and failed to do... if it were any other time, he may have grown to love sy, but it's not meant to be.

fuckers think they're playing 4d chess with each other (well, shen yuan's part is more like uh poker but yeah) but like. they're so stupid i love them so much i can't wait to write more chaotic trashfire aus of them save me

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

qijiuyuan but with sy and sj swapping bodies

it's going to be so horrible at first but it could go well after a while

sj is ofc the qing jing peak lord. sy is a qing jing teacher. they do not get along well

so now envision: sy who accidentally improves sj's reputation bc he's sy and utterly shite at acting like he does not care and also bc he will feel horribly guilty if he has to insult someone and just switches it to a compliment mid-sentence. everyone is so confused and tries to check sqq for possession. it shows that sqq is fine maybe a bit high on a cultivation breakthrough but he's gonna be fine

and: sj who desperately wanted to ruin sy's reputation by acting like a bitch but he's very weirded out by how everyone acts so nice and friendly to sy. he tries to act kind. this will go wrong, he thinks. every time he tries to choose good, to act kind, it just leads to his detriment. except. his kindness gets rewarded bc people like sy and they don't think the worst of him... and sj hates it bc it's unfair but he also can't just give it up

where does yqy fall in this? he's vibing in the bg fully aware that sy and sj swapped bodies and is covering up for them and enjoying sj's tentative kindness in sy's body and also liking the way the other peak lords appreciate sj more during meeting... then feeling horribly guilty for taking advantage of sj's predicament and sy himself... then it all comes crashing down

anyway this all ends with qijiuyuan swapping bodies every now and then to fuck with cang qiong as a whole

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

sy as yang yixuan au thoughts

yyx, on his third day of being hounded by the hallmasters to approve their budget requests, stress-planning for the iac, suffering with the peak lords'... everything:

bai zhan's junior disciples, blowing something up:

yyx:

yyx: you know what, that's fair.

lqg: so, yang yixuan, the hallmasters told me that you've set the peak on fire?

yyx, lying through his teeth: the junior disciples wanted food. i was going to teach then how to roast chicken and duck

lqg: is this your way of telling me not to leave for the night hunt scheduled the day before a peak lord meeting

yyx, lighting up a torch: i have no idea what you mean, shizun

yyx, to sqh after a peak lord meeting he's forced to sub in for lqg: why did you have to give them 0 communication skills. this is horrible

sqh: listen, it was for the plot—

yyx: i'm going to throw you off this mountain

sqh: that's completely uncalled for???

sqq, observing: hm.

sqq: make sure to hone that vindictiveness well. here

yyx, holding a set of assassination weapons: shen-shibo???

sqq: your arson skills leave much to be desired. you are horrible at lying. don't look away or overfocus on your target when you speak. be better.

yyx: ???????

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

oop i probably should set a pfp soon

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

Imagine shen yuan feverish/drunk/pollened or in some way not in the right state of mind, comparing his Bingmei to the og Bingge and getting mad over it like

Shen Yuan: you'll have hundreds of children with all those women, but you've never even once tried to impregnate me!!

Luo Binghe, extremely horny but also very confused: WHAT WOMEN?? WHAT CHILDREN??!??

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

going on a trip let's see if smth inspires me