#basically ik it wont happen
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still holding out for a pied piper but I also know "music" and "can control you" are already taken by will
#basically ik it wont happen#text#cybird#ikevil jp#ikemen villains jp#im also not willing to give up will for it#if u have a pied piper oc please talk about them in the comments or reblogs
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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Rage.
#yapping#been marinating on everything thats ever happened to me and bro.#also struggling w like. yes im deeply forever mentally ill but man it feels like my core of my wants are reasonable#but because they get presented as unreasonable ALL of my wants and needs get treated as unreasonable#like yeah ik its unreasonable to expect people to constantly be reaching out first to give me attention and ask me 1 million questions#about myself but like... it isn't unreasonable that i want to feel like people are interested in me back... or even that i just want#to be asked basic information like how i am . but it feels like because its often presented under the larger one#im not getting either of them taken seriously#idk. practing constantly talking about something to hope i get over it when i know i wont. im not wired like that at all.
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sry for never using paragraph breaks in my posts. Theyre putting me down tomorrow if that makes you feel any better
#I FORGETTT and my shit is so stream of conscious it like. nwver makes sense for there to be a paragraph break thats why i talk in tags bc it#splits them flr me As you can see just there.#and like see there i could end it and it makes sense but i feel like a paragraph break there would be crazy....#also all of my sentences are insane runon sentences and im rly rly ryl rly sry abt that its how my mind goes and Once again they are puttin#me down tomorrow If that brings you any comfort .#i just feel bad bc ik theyre prolly annoying to read#apologies. i will ask them to put me down painful style in repentance or something.#disclaimer Dw im not dying tomorrow probably who knows accidents occur all the time i could die at any moment#I wont though bc ik how it ends. but we cant get Into that rn why am i so weird all of a sudden im so sorry .#but yes. i just know sometimes i say somethjng and ppl get anlittle worried but im fineee i cant even do anything while i live here anyways.#and if i did anything itd be a horrible example for the other ones so im not rly allowed to . Or i will go directly to hell. basically. So#im fine and nothing is happening GOODNIGHT i need to stop fucking talking always talk talk talk. gn
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SPEEDY SUMMERS, rafe cameron | 02
social media & irl au <pt.1 pt.2 pt.3>
pairing rafe cameron x f1driver!reader summary after spending years all over the world racing in the world's greatest motorsports championship; you find yourself needing a break from the tiring world of formula one, so after the 2024 season, you return to your hometown for the offseason.
authors note hello againn! part two is here !! if anyone wants ill make a taglist so if u do lmk and ill add u! not much more to say here rn but i hope u like it!
POGUES + YN
Y/N
where yall at gang
im over here looking clueless as frick
KIE BABY 💗
OF COURSE these dumbasses lost u
JAYJ 😈🔥
WE DIDNT LOSE HER
just temporarily misplaced
Y/N
omg this liar.. kie baby u believe me right 🥺🥺
KIE BABY 💗
yes always baby 😖💗
JOHNNY BOY
alright bucko pack it up
fr though yn what do you see
Y/N
uh uhhhmmmm i see a drug deal happening ??
yeah a drug deal for sure
i should cop some for myself actually
CLEOO 🫡
girl be more specific
or atleast describe something useful 😭😭
JOHNNY BOY
and do not aqquire drugs u will get kicked out of f1
POPE !!
bro only cares bc u fund his cost of living
Y/N
well one guy got dark hair and he wearing a wife beater
the other has a buzz and lowk he fine
SARAH
GIRL
my brother and barry 😭😭😭
JAYJ 😈🔥
ik u did not just call him fine
Y/N
which one did i call fine barry or her brother
JOHNNY BOY nicknamed Y/N “HORRIBLE TRAITOR”
HORRIBLE TRAITOR
alright asshole square up RN 👊👊
JOHNNY BOY
OK PULL UP RN. U WONT I DARE U.
SARAH
anyways
it was my brother u called fine
HORRIBLE TRAITOR
OH HECK NO… THE HATER…????
bye yall im boutta beat up sarahs brother
JAYJ 😈🔥
pls do we hate bro
POPE !!
pls DONT he will kill us
never listen to jj bc what
CLEOO 🫡
loud retweet
KIE BABY 💗
wait guys
enemies to lovers 🥺😍 awwwhhgt my baby sarah we gotta set them up
HORRIBLE TRAITOR
kiara the minute i find u….
SARAH
rest in peace kiara carrera
cause of death: shipped rafe and y/n
shutting off her phone, y/n looked around, trying to make out where her friends told her to look for. she saw a little dirt path and figured she may as well follow it and hope it led her to the beach where the others were. making her way down the path, she saw a convenience store and decided it was a good idea to pick up some drinks for the other pogues.
entering the store, y/n was immediately hit with a refreshing cool breeze. she looked around for the fridges for a minute or two and found them at the back of the store. she picked out some basic drinks and gently placed them into the green plastic basket she picked up when she first entered the store.
as she made her way to the checkout counter, y/n felt a pair of eyes watching her. she turned around to see what was a young girl, around twelve or thirteen, with dark hair and glasses. she was just looking at her. staring, even. awkwardly, y/n gave her a smile and turned away when the girl called out to her.
“um excuse me? i’m sorry to bother but i’m a big fan, would you mind if we took a photo together?” the young girl spoke.
turning back around, y/n replied. “yeah of course, kid. what’s your name?”
“wheezie!” the girl replied after she took a couple selfies with the formula one driver.
“oh you’re sarah’s sister! well then, i’ll see you around, wheezie. thanks for your support!” she told the girl and then walked away to the cashier’s counter.
after paying for the drinks she bought, y/n finally found the beach everyone was at. she walked down to the spot where cleo and sarah were sitting and offered them a drink from the bag.
“girl you just saved my life, this heat killing me” cleo thanked her as she took out a bottle from inside the shopping bag.
“by the way, sarah, i saw your sister at a convenience store. shes adorable, asked me for a photo and said she was a big fan” she explained her encounter to the blonde girl sitting across from her.
“dude you don’t get it shes such a fangirl, like she and rafe always fight whenever theres a race happening. every time it’s you and the other guy rafe supports they go crazy” sarah told her as pope came back from what seemed like a large circle of people yelling at eachother.
pope explained to the girls as he walked them over to the group how topper’s girlfriend, ruthie, ran over a turtle hatch and killed some of the baby turtles. y/n watched as kiara yelled at ruthie and topper, while a bunch of other kooks stood in the back. she recognized one as the same guy from the drug deal she saw earlier, rafe, was it? sarah’s brother. he didn’t seem too pleased with the situation, she could tell by the fact that he distanced himself so far away and didn’t attempt to aid topper in the argument. eventually, the situation died down after jj yelled at the kooks to stay away from them.
“yall got some truly interesting people down here, huh?” y/n spoke, trying to diffuse the tension.
“yeah, swear almost all those damn kooks smoke shit for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” her brother responded.
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liked by kiaracarrera, rafecameron, pierregasly, and 340k others
ynroutledge missing f1 and those turtles :/
tagged: kiaracarrera, sarahcameron, jbroutledge
comments…
user1 caption??? what does it mean??
>kiaracarrera a hoe named ruthie ran over a turtle hatch 😞
user2 day 15 without f1 i am slowly turning into the dutch flag
>maxverstappen1 i agree with this statement 👍👍
>>ynroutledge double thumbs up wow he really agrees
jjmaybank those kooks dude..
comment liked by creator!
rafecameron missing f1 is crazy when you drive for rb. next year is mercedes’ year.
>ynroutledge boy why are you in my comments
>>landonorris always “mercedes this” and “redbull that” WHAT ABOUT MCLAREN
>>>ynroutledge …
>>>>rafecameron …
danielricciardo its okay you can stay there and mourn the turtles ❤️ i will keep your seat warm for the season
>ynroutledge please do not warm my seat in any way ??? 😭😭
RAFECAMERON sent you a message.
#divierses#f1#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x fem!reader#written by vie#formula 1#obx#outer banks
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Doodles for the finale and some things that I picture will be BIG points in S2 of this rewrite!!!
A lot of the post-finale stuff is written w the drawings BUT I do wanna say that the hotel isn't getting rebuilt in just one 4 minute song
It's gonna be something that's gonna be in the slow process of rebuilding over the course of season 2, serving not only of a physical representation of how the whole idea of the Hazbin Hotel is basically starting over from scratch due to what happened in the finale (tarnished reputation bc of Adam's death, redemption being possible, etc)
AND it will also be another force in the season why characters STILL won't take our gang seriously DESPITE THE FACT THAT CHARLIE AND VAGGIE'S THEORY WAS RIGHT, the hotel is nothing but scaffolding and garbage by the time season 2 takes place, who's gonna believe THAT PLACE is the holy grail for redemption?
And there's some ramblings about this rewrite and what im considering moving forward!!! Just about my thoughts for season 2!! Feel free to read, or not!
I'm still on the fence with how I wanna go about season 2. On one hand, Im really curious to see how the writers decided to have the next season play out in canon and I'd totally be willing to implement any ideas that I liked just like I did with what I have so far!!!!
But on the other hand..... I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS........ So many plotlines for the story and the characters that I WANNA DO!!!!!! I WANT LILITH TO BE THE ONE WHO ALASTOR MADE THE DEAL WITH, I WANT ALASTOR AND CHARLIE TO FIGHT, I WANT LUTE AND VAGGIE TO FAC EACH OTHER AGAIN I WANT EMILY AND CHARLIE TO BE ON AWFUL FOOTING I WANT SO MANY MANY MANY THINGS MAN!!!!!
I have a lot of ideas and theories that I wanna do in this that I KNOW will get disproven when the actual show gets its next season and Im scared of this turning into something else entirely.
I mean, Im not scared of it being something different, Im just worried that people wont wanna read it if it strays too far away from the source material. Ik a lot of people (myself ESPECIALLYYYY) get turned off when it comes to super convoluted aus that has so much story and shit and is so far away from canon, too much to follow -> ppl don't care (like i get it, I AM THE SAME WAY OK........)
But does this stuff make any sense??? idkkk
I have a couple posts worth of doodles that I'll be uploading w in these days so look forward to that!
And I definitely have some ideas that I'll be sharing about this rewrite's version of S2 so.... I guess if people like what I have planned for it, I'll keep going? IDK!!!!!!
Thanks for reading this jumbled mess!
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel rewrite#charlie morningstar#vaggie hazbin hotel#angel dust hazbin hotel#husk hazbin hotel#niffty hazbin hotel#alastor hazbin hotel#chaggie#huskerdust#my art#hazbin motel
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forgot to finish the run bc i thought abt my girls isadora and lucia My good friends.
ok im gonna finish the hades run i started b4 Emergency Omg its almost .9pm shower. n thennnn i will prep all my stuff 4 tmrw since im stopping by da POST OFFICE !!! everyone was very excited
#i think maybe isadora and lucia exist bc i was rly into the parent trap when i was a kid and they r sort of parent trap. i think its also#why i like orphan blacj Aside fromhelena being my number one and favorite in the world.#i just love a two girls finding eachother and becoming sisters after spending a life apart What can i say. and isadora and lucia r soo that#they dont rlyyy parent trap edgar and peg due to. well. i havent decided yet if edgar and peg get back together..#im for a fact peg does nottt leave her wife name still pending im working on it ok. so itd have to be edgar as her sidepiece basically#<- not cheating on her wife tho. and of course she is still legally married to edgar due to her gay marriage wont be legalized until after#shes dead nature..#sadd. lije ik she dies bc she just like Gets old yk. but im still like :( not my hot friend peg. not my gilf of ever#itd be sad even if she wasnt hot Obviously but in my head shes rly rly rly hot so its extra sad bc im like naurrr dont have an aneurysm#youre so sexy ahaha. but anyways#thats like ages after everything actually happens in my mind. so pay it no mind..
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I dont plan to get back into HH, but here are some things that have triggered me and that ik sure alot of people can agree on:
1. I feel like Charlie's idea of redemption can be seen through alot of perspectives. HOWEVER- what she specifically wants is to redeem EVERY soul. Now there's a reason to why hell exists, it's made for people who have done terrible things in their life, which is why they get banished to Hell in the first place. We may not know when a soul is actually pure enough to get redeemed- BUT we do know what you would have to be to end up in Hell. Murderers, RÆpists, Cannibals, Paedophiles- just all of those in the horrible category most definitely DON'T deserve a second chance. And even if they somehow did get redeemed, how would the victims in Heaven feel? Heaven is the place where they're supposed to feel safe- So how the hell do you expect to put them in the same place together without any conflicts? If you truly want to get the right people into Heaven, then you should background check every single Sinner throughly.
2. Adam- We all love love him and hate him, but there is one person to blame for when it comes to his Character: Vivziepop. I feel like she used the "Annoying Villain who doesn't care about anything that the protagonist has to say and is just downright badly written" trope way to often. He could've had so much potential to be a good written Character that would actually explain to Charlie why sinners just can't be redeemed. It just felt unnecessary to only let him be a douchebag, sing his song (which was banger don't get me wrong-) and shorten their time by 6 months for the next extermination to cause Charlie another COMPLETELY unnecessary problem. And all that for NO reason, "Yeah, but that's because he's a douch-" And that's exactly my point, why waste your time and effort on a basic ahh character if he's going to be a just an ordinary douche anyway? The first Season would've been so much more interesting if we actually had a logical explanation to why others are against of Charlie's idea. But no, instead all we get is "ahahaha, Sinners are stupid. They deserve Hell." Also why the Hell did Adam shorten the time for the extermination by 6 months?? It felt so unnecessary, They probably felt like the first Season would've been boring without any Action- and I'm pretty sure they could've made a different Scene that was also Epic without it not making sense.
2. ADAM AGAIN- I don't want this to be just about Adam, but since he is dead (BY FUCKING NIFFTY I HATE HER) and maybe wont come back- since we don't know if he'll get respawned..what kind of punishment will Lucifer specifically receive? To clarify things, Lucifer had disobeyed the rules of Heaven and Hell, he helped his daughter and her friends kill off half of the exorcists and even threatened them to retreat. And the worst part of all of this is that he would've killed Adam if Charlie hadn't stopped him. Even though Adam was killed by NIFFTY, I'm pretty sure the blame would be put on Lucifer instead of some Sinner. So what will happen if they try to communicate with Heaven again? They literally killed the first human of mankind created by God himself. Honestly at that point it would be a pretty huge deal and Charlie's redemption idea wouldn't even be looked into.
2. Emily and Charlie- I hate how none of the Characters genuinely understand the ACTUAL purpose of the extermination. It's to prevent Hell from gaining to much power, that's why they need to make sure to kill off half of the population. It was never about the redemption of Sinners, so Charlie shouldn't even think about canceling off the extermination. I also get why Emily is mad at Sera for lying to her, but the fact that she immediately joined Charlie's side without even thinking trough the entire thing is just downright dumb.
3. I feel like there's more to talk about, I just don't know what.
#hazbin hotel#adam hazbin hotel#lucifer hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#charlie hazbin hotel#extermination#vivziepop
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its a vague one but ik u always eat with the vague ones... hc for pony getting hyperfocused on something??? (probably writing smth or a book this NERDDD)
omg thank u for having faith in me here im always scared ill fuck up the vague ones and IM SORRY I GOT TO THIS A LIL LATE, i was a lil sleepy bastard last night💔💔 BUT YKNOW WHAT ill make this a generalized thing cause i feel like this happens quite a bit for him that i cant just pin point this to ONE thing if u know what i mean
•fixations for pony r def a roller coaster because chances r it comes from like 3 things, stress (for the future or whatever else), trauma, or its just out of genuine enjoyment from something (ND king here)
•id say how ppl react to how fixation would def push him into to same sphere of him not rlly taking care of himself to some degree, however getting there r two different things and its all based on if its academic or not
•if its academic, everyone is basically pushing him to do better, and he feels WAY more stressed out, it gets to a point where thats genuinely all he can think about and he feels like hes justified in not taking care of himself, cause its for “something good”, he always needs to b reminded or forced into taking care of himself at this point
•so hes more stressed out, but doesnt FEEL that way, he feels like hes just “working hard” and those r the consequences of it
•if its something thats NOT academic, ppl tease him for it and so hes more inclined to hide it and wont fully commit himself to it, so while hes less stressed, he FEELS like hes more stressed bc hes going back to what he SHOULD n doing for his future
•either that or hes worried about if the fixation makes him more or less tuff, he cares desperately for how ppl perceive him
•ALSO, maybe this is y pony was so annoyed w darry for making him flip flop between “doing school work vs letting loose” other than the obvious reason of it like just being confusing for him as for what to prioritize/do, it also just made pony even more stressed because his emotions kept changing over it, he wouldnt consistently feel one thing and that was an outside factor that just rlly fucked him up
•PERSONALLY, i do think he hyperfixated on fire and writing his essay and on fire for a good long while, hes also hes fixated on a few movies before but i feel like hes a pretty picky movie guy so it doesnt happen a lot
•i think the only person who would ever realize that ponys gettin rlly into something is soda bc sodas had/has the same issue, only thing is ppl write sodas off as him just being quirky and pony as being like a “go getter”
•while writing his essay, instead of like writing in small burst, he would write for a good long amount of time, like in huge burst, spend maybe even a few hours without realizing bc it was like 10mins in his eyes
•with books, he doesnt rlly get into like that, like yea he likes books but i dont think its exactly common for that to happen, at least w like story books
•w non fiction factual books, bc its the 60s he does rely on those quite a bit for his other fixations to get the info he wants, u can find a couple books in his collection relating to his interest at the time
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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ugh i hate when i feel on the verge of a panic attack
imma rant for a sec soz, u dont have to read the whole thing
...
im just so stressed rn, with school, family, friends and ive got like two auditions i need to prepare for and tbh i just feel anxious for no reason, i feel like im getting 'bad' again, like were i was just in my room and doing the same thing everyday and my brain hated that, and i just felt numb, like i dont think im depressed or anything like idk, i feel like i should explain what happened to originally make me feel like this, i wont go into full detail ect, but yeh
basically i was friends with this girl (we met at performing arts classes) and she i guess never rlly treated me amazing and was always slightly werid for example (not saying this is weird but from the way she is irl and they way she sounded seemed strange) so last year i was facetiming her and i was like "oh btw ive got a bf now", and she kinda seemed a bit Awkard, like her smile faded and she was just kinda like "oh thats great for u" a bit numbly (i should probs mention she isnt straight and for all ik she is bi) and then instantly changes the subject to "oh btw i was thinking of asking out-" and yeh we talked about it, anyway i spoke to my mum how i thought it was a bit weird and my mum said "oh hahaha maybe she has a crush on u" and im (pretty sure im) straight so like i didnt know how to react, anyway fast forward she started to act rlly weird and yeh, like kinda being a bit dramatic about stuff, anyway one week, this was in October, i didnt rlly text her because i was rlly busy, i was hanging out with my school friends and stuff, and i wanna say she could of text me and i would of responded, maybe not right away but i would of told her i was a bit busy if she had asked, but no, one of our friends told us she was upset that i hadnt been texting her and that i should, yk so i did, and she didnt respond, then she left our performing arts gc (with our friends in it from there) so i asked her why and two days later she responded saying she felt she didnt fit it, and at this point i was kinda sick of this drama so i was by choice not gonna text her for a few days and take care of myself, then one day while at school she send me a fucking video (like a capcut edit) basically calling me and my friends from theatre bad friends, and saying i need to send it to them, anyway i didnt and we told the woman that owns our company, and btw my mum knew the whole time, from when she started acting strange, and my mum was saying to the woman that owned the company, that she will call the poice if needed and if it has been sent out and posted (the video had my face in it), then she text me calling my mum stupid and calling me stupid so i blocked her, and after that i told her we are not friends and to leave me alone, then in December i repeated we are not friends but im not sitting here being pissed anymore so like forget about the shit and move on BUT WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, anyway this bs has been dragged on for like 5-6 months and she fucking keeps harassing me to the point ive had to block her on all platforms. anyway yeh :)
#ive left details out#because i aint a bitch#also soz ik i sound dramatic rn#but its a boundry for me#whether it was done to me or a friend i wouldnt be friends with the person that did it#lil add the girl she was dating#relationship but she said hell no and dumped them
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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crying ugh i love these characters so much and i hate the world so much except i dont and i just wish i could have what these characters had and be in a place that isnt like this one
im gonna cry ugh i dont know why i care so much, theyre not even real. but, like, in my head, they are, yknow? as in, they exist in the space i built for rhem as i read the series and learned about them and their world
fun fact, they were the first two characters whose books (each is the continuation of the story from a different third-person-limited perspective) had their names in the title. black hardcover w green embellishments for moonwatcher, a nightwing. white hardcover w blue for winter, an icewing. books six and seven, respectively. all the symbolism was there before you even open the goddamn books. yin and yang. AND YET.
and also they had two different histories and their tribes had a stale feud for thousands of years bc of some asshole jerkface. moon knew nothing about it bc she was raised in the rainforest practically by herself bc her mom had to sneak away from the shitty volcanic island the nightwings lived on to hide from the historic nightmare jerkface. winter knew all about it (or he THOUGHT he did bc he only knew the icewing side) bc he grew up surrounded by heirarchy and laws and rules and structure. moon didn’t grow up with the resentment at all, which allowed her a chance to see the truth.
she had to be self-sufficient. he had structure to lean on, even if it made him narrow-minded and nearly hard-hearted. he had to break through that, and she learned how to have patience. i feel like moon herself is sorely underdeveloped but i take the hints i can get and i feel that she learned how to forgive him by understanding who he was through his thoughts and, after skyfire, remembering that he was different inside than out and was still struggling.
when they were together, he was trying to be better and learn and he was kinder and softer even though he struggled to always be like that, and she was so patient with him.
heartbroken enraged screaming ensues, really.
like the rey and ben situation at the end of tros.
having him die in the end undermines everything the skywalker legacy stood for and all the development he had and it still breaks my heart bc he proved people can make bad, horrible choices and can survive abuse and break through it and change and be better and be loved. and then he DIED instead of getting his happy ending, which practically is what happened to winter bc the author basically said fuck you go live in the mountains doing work for peace and studying scavengers (which i know is his passion, but….) and your friends will hardly visit or write and they wont tell you the truth about how they defeated the bad guy WITHOUT ANY OF YOUR HELP EVEN THOUGH YOURE MORE THAN CAPABLE and they wont trust you and youll be alone forever.
my list of pairings and characters that i’m unreasonably heartbroken over:
ben and rey, winter and moon, catra and adora, draco and harry, zuko and katara.
catradora got together, ik, but their story still breaks my heart no matter how much hope it also gives me.
anyway, there’s no way for me to end this bc i dont even know what im feeling. it’s been years but winterwatcher’s fate still tears me up inside with the way it dashed my dreams of seeing a character like winter learn to let himself be loved.
i want to learn to let myself be loved, but i dont know how.
these characters are my attempts at finding myself out in the world and seeing if it’s possible. i dont attach my self-worth to them, but it hurts to see them fail to find romantic love where i saw it. idk
— a quick journal entry i wrote in my notes app years ago, as an emotional 16 year old with identity issues and way too much alone time on my hands
#wings of fire#wof#winterwatcher#winterwatcher wof#moonwatcher#moon wof#moon#star wars#reylo#catradora#queer#journal#journal entry#romance#thoughts
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Hey fellas guess what FUCKING REQUESTS ARE OPEN BIETCH!
yeah I'm doing requests even though I don't have NEARLY enough popularity to get ANYTHING out of this! First off, da rulez: - No nsfw besides very mild gore - You MUST specify if you want color and/or shading or else I will not add any unless I feel it is necessary or will make the drawing funnier - Aus and shit are acceptable unless they are GROSS or MID - You can make a request through asks but I would prefer if you pm me or reply to dis posd - NO BACKGROUNDS BITCH, I cant do that shit ;^; BUT I WILL ADD PROPS BUT YOU MUST SPECIFY WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE - I will draw ship art just don't make it too gross - Ocs are allowed and yes I will also draw ship art of them if you so please - Max of 3-4 chars - If you want things like phobias or cards or fruit or whatever the fuck you must specify what kind it should be or else I will decide for you (just like with props and color or shading)
- You may only have one request drawn for you and then you can't make one again
SIDE NOTES! - Even though I post mostly do pizza tower I will also draw BOOM! Buster, The Amazing Digital Circus, Monkey Wrench, Undertale Yellow, and Billie Bust Up and Garfield and Friends bcuz those are some of my other hyperfixations (and my own ocs cough cough) - If I determine your request outlandish or too difficult for me cuz im a beginner guy I will allow one more chance to make another request - If I don't know what you're asking I will not fulfill your request but I will also give you another chance I will understand Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, Object Shows, and Great God Grove though along with very basic games like Mario and Sonic but please know I might not want to fulfill the request if you choose one of these options - Please don't bring up offensive stuff or serious situations that are happening irl or are not really socially acceptable cuz I will not fulfill your request and you WONT get another chance - I have school work to do so it may take a few days for you to get your request done, plz no rush - Keep it simple for the love of god das it ik I wont get many requests but idc : )
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おはよう みなさん! welcom back to the blog ppls
i figured i should do a life update once more since its been a good while.
firstly,
i think i wanna try speaking more japanese, im learning it with my school rn and ik that i understand and can speak quite a bit. its just i forget vocab so easily :,) maybe ill start tryna speak/test more in my blog posts :>
game segment *woosh woosh super cool transition*
i bought the $30 season pass for strinova hehe. i went level like 85-87 and then bought it and gave me and extra 25 to complete the battle pass :> idk if im gonna go ahead and do that again, it all depnds what in the pass and if i feel that ill be able to finish it :,)
i also pulled THE HERTA in hsr :> (my last post) but i speant all my stellar jades on her which is soooo sad. i was planning to get jade for her if i got herta early... but i didnt :( i think ill try to farm for jades and to see if i can pull jade :> i reeeeeeally wanna build a herta team hehe. i also still havent built sunday yet... or rappa for that matter. i think one day ill have to sit down and js do allll my grinding lol
also, i havent acc rll touched zzz since i completed the event but ive been feeling and itch to log again so maybe ill do that. im saving to get the vtuber girls and they supposedly are supposed to come out in march SO I REEEEALLY gotta be saving HARD.
also miku in fortnite. i legit downloaded fortnite JUST for miku and am acc lowk thinking abt buying her skin lol. only problem is that both of skins is like 4.6K vbucks and if I were to buy it id need to spend 50$ and i cant rlly afford to do that rn :(
ive also gotten like 10-ish hours into persona 5 :> the point to when your exploring the second castle. :D im reeeeally enjoying the game so far AND I CANT WAIT FOR FUTABA.
game segament done *super cool silly woop woop transition*
this next two weeks i have aaaaall my finals so iv been studying super hard. this friday i have my grade 12 math final exam and omggg im have been studying HARRD. I AM LOCKED IN FRFR. i rlly hope i do well so i atleast wont have to redo the exam when i do the course again :>
also eggrolls (the g u y, refer to past posts lol), COMPLETELY turned away from me when i went to see a friends that has lunch on the same floor w/ him. theres a whole group of ppl there and he eat w/ those ppl since his gf is there. And, my friend wasn't there so i was tryna ask someone ik we she was, and i looked to eggrolls for a minute (HE COMPLETLY avoided me btw) and HIS GF answered saying my friend isnt eating there anymore (or today idk what she said). but either way i found it kinda funny. idk if i mentioned this but i ended up never following him back on his public account, i js thought he didnt deserve it :) also there was a day we were doing some activity in class and he tried asking me for answers, i js pretended i didnt hear him and didnt move (there was also a group around his desk/behind me so it was plausable i didnt hear him) and i feel kinda proud of myself for not budging.
also there was a day during winter break i saw people from my old school when i was out with wifey 2. they were two guys who bullied me and were just assholes to me back in 8th grade. they just made fun of me for watching stuf like gacha and anime (listen i was in a phase back then) and also for wanting to dress more alternativly. acc, everyone in my class would say i was weird cause i wanted to dress differently and less basic (if i may say). that day i was wearing like a SCRUMPTIOUS fit. and after we saw them, i felt so proud of myself for being able to prove them wrong. like it felt so satisfying showing the ppl who put me down for being myself and prove that i executed it SO WELL.
anyways, i believe thats it for now :) i think another life update will have to come after exam unfortuanelty :(\
side note... if anyone actually sees this and reads this its kinda just a public journal :3 i feel i should be documenting more things that happen to me so this is my way of doing so. either way id still appreciate some interaction... i like seein ppl listen to what i havce to say :3
here is a yummy song for chu since you read allllll that :3
youtube
#blog#girlblogging#im just a girl#silly#thoughts#meow#random thoughts#rant#honkai star rail#hsr#zzz#zenless zone zero#strinova#hatsune miku#miku#vocaloid miku#fortnite#japanese#the herta#herta hsr#herta#herta honkai star rail#hikikomori rock#music#music video#song of the day#favorite songs#persona 5#persona 5 royal#Youtube
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my whb progress 2
as of apr 7, 2024
since whb's half anni has passed, i thought i'd do a progress check to reflect on how much has happened btwn now and this post
general info
lvl: 47
status: 🤨 mostly f2p
i say mostly cause i just recently broke the f2p status and bought bp for ppyong
i refuse to buy packs and in the future i'll prob be very selective over who i pick for bp (aka i wont buy every bp), so for the most part i'll just be having the f2p experience
when i started: launch (10/03 my timezone)
ver: erolabs
team setup
i finally have levi now lmao
sometimes i'll switch out one of the levis for attacker satan but this is what i use generally
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everyone's lvls and artifacts
skill lvls (normal atk-ult-passive)
attacker mammon: 1-3-1
selfie mammon: 4-5-4
selfie satan: 4-4-1
selfie beel: 4-4-4
bloodshed levi: 3-3-1
selfie levi: 3-3-1
secret club
i only work on completing mammon's unholy board
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stuck on needing attacker mammon's sig atm :'))
materials
too lazy to screenshot it all but im basically broke on pies, tears, pretzels (tbf i dont play the minigame whatsoever), red keys, yellow keys, and seals
everything else im either ok in supply or overflowing w it
overall thoughts / reflection
this section is for me to look back on in the future when i do progress posts. i'll break down this section into multiple parts similar to my prev post for consistency
STORY
honestly, its interesting in concept. since sadly only 1 chapter has released btwn now and my last post so thoughts havent really drastically changed
ch5 imo wasnt really a full on hades chapter. yes, it takes place in hades and yes we get some intro abt hades, but i think this was supposed to act more like a bridge to tartaros, which is prob why we didnt have any h scenes w any hades chars aside from levi. ofc we'll get back to it being hades-focused eventually, but the story for a while is most likely gonna pivot to tartaros bc of that big lore drop abt mammon at the end
i assume we'll prob be introduced to the cherubs in tartaros bc of selaphiel txting us near the end + it being mentioned at the end that theres a hub of angels in the lab, and hopefully part 2 of mammon's h scene. it was strange at first for mammon to only have 1 h scene, compared to satan or levi that had 2, but w him implying theres probably gonna be a part 2 in his h scene + we'll most likely see him again in ch6 (or however many chapters tartaros will be played out), we'll prob experience part 2 in his home country. tbh that prob just me inhaling MASSIVE hopium since mammon isnt rlly that popular but i can dream ok-
i hope us being in tartaros doesnt last for just 1 chapter. you cant condense the experiments tartaros went through to create a clone of mammon only for them to fail + bring up the fact that the seed is prob also in tartaros in just 1 chapter. well— technically you can, but not at the pace chapters are at atm. chapters have roughly 15 parts of story on the main branch, and imo that much info abt tartaros cant be condensed into 1 chapter unless if they make the story bits like WAY longer than what they normally do
GAMEPLAY
tl;dr as an endgame player, its too easy 💀
working on the spreadsheet ever since the games 1st month of release and now just recently testing multiple team comps, the "meta" is so monkos HSHFJDJ
this game is INSANELY dependent on you having more than 1 dps/tank light card. light is also just an unstoppable element and i wish the game was balanced a bit more to let other elements shine
enemies are now way too easy to defeat. ik i prob shouldnt be complaining abt this but pls im a pgr and neural cloud player at heart I NEED SOME CHALLENGE
ch3 and ch4 were prob the most tedious and awful chapters, but at least they actually made me think when it comes to battles. now i just place down chars and let it play in the bg while i go do smth else. ofc this may just be bc i have a team that im comfortable w using everywhere, but id like to see at least a bit more "challenge" outside of holy coin portal
also, for weekly achievements, lvling artifacts is not a great requirement
i only pull when theres a new s rank or when mammon is moved to standard, so its very, VERY rare compared to avg users. having the artifact req is essentially forcing me to pull during those gaps just so i could fulfill a weekly req which sucks. i also dont need to lvl anymore artifacts in general for my team comp. lvl 15 is the bare minimum i need to get through all content w ease, anything after that is just a small boost tbh
on the note of daily/weekly requirements, there needs to be more of them
i mean in a sense of theres still gonna be 9 daily achievements, but you get more options on HOW you get to the 9 daily achievement req. most gachas that ive played always have more options than necessary to fulfill the overall requirement to get all rewards, so having this strict number w strict reqs is rlly not that great tbh
RESOURCES
thoughts from last time still havent rlly changed. pies and candies especially are still rng dependent which sucks, and now there gonna revamp pancakes while also keeping the old pancakes ???? theres way too many currencies (w some even having very little to no use) atp which can and will get overwhelming for new players
GACHA
i hate solomon seals. you can tell that red keys were supposed to be the main gacha currency if you ever look at old packs, but smth happened along the way and now we have seals
pity is also way too high for what we're earning atm. based off of f2p earnings, every week we get roughly 1 pull of red keys, maybe 2 pulls of yellow keys (red and yellow keys are more dependent on the key boxes which again, dependent on rng), and 1 pull of solomon seals. this doesnt include the stuff earned outside of dailies/weeklies, and i think there should be more ways to earn said currency through dailies/weeklies and not be so dependent on either paying or pulling chars
speaking of pity, i wish we had pity for both of the standard banners
i also wish theyd separate char and artifacts into their own banners. that way, if someone has a char but needs their sig, they can just pull in the artifact-only banner and try to get said sig
tl;dr in general i wish everything wasnt so strict and rng dependent, also wish numbers made sense like why do we get at least 5 red keys a week when 1 pull is 3, JUST GIVE ME 6 KEYS ATP
so yeah thats all for now lmao. im pretty sure i have a lot more to say abt this game but my minds at a blank atm, so ig thatll be saved for the next progress post which will be around 1st anni
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