#awkward dating

[gojoest]

nanami kento tries so hard not to fuck you on your first date, it makes him feel like a terrible man. he’s not like this, usually. you just frustrate every single cell in him, sexually — he can’t believe this is happening to him, honestly.

it’s a pain, he acts cold and distant — he’s simply trying to hide his boner half of the time. he zones out while you speak — your lips are distracting, he can’t hear a single word you speak. he can only think of the many ways your lips would shape and shift when you moan and whimper his name the deeper he sinks his cock in you. also, can you fit all of him down your throat? oh, can you—

fuck…

his cock gets hard under the table, forcing a sense of panic in him while he ponders whether he’s visibly leaked and stained his slacks or not. terrified to look down, because he knows. he’s so fucked.

he needs to wait a bit before you leave the restaurant, to cool off a bit, calm down. but it only gets worse from there.

he drives you back home, but doesn’t leave the car to walk you to your doorstep. his cock is hard again, aching so bad it limits his movements. besides if he steps out and stands tall before you — you will see, this time you definitely will. he’s embarrassed. and on top of that, he feels like an ass, the lowest of the lowest, for treating you so poorly.

the entire car ride was torturous to him, courtesy of your scent so close to him in the passenger seat, along with the way you tucked your hands between your thighs every now and then — perhaps the awkward silence got you nervous. he wondered all the way to your house how you smelled and tasted, down there.

you think the whole date was a disaster, and that he’ll never call you again but little did you know, the first thing he did when he went back home was jerk off — not once, not twice, but three fucking times, thinking about you. furiously.

later, he texts you. you blink a few times in utter disbelief.

dinner tomorrow? i’ll cook

dinner — at his place, that is. he’ll change the bedsheets in the morning with freshly washed ones, because this time — he’ll fuck you.

[mspi]

Not cool

It's sad that I got into a fraction of this argument with a hot creative man who I only wished was my boyfriend. Think my ex fiance wished it too. Yep, my ex was a fan of his. Talk about awkward.

-- dnagirl

08.11.2023

[zephyrchama]

“This isn’t what I had in mind.” You hesitated to even stand on the rocky shore.

“Whaat? C’mon! Humans love swimming!” Mammon was not going to give up after driving you all the way out here. He tugged on your wrist, hoping you would follow. “Try it!”

“I’m good. I think I’ll stay here. Mammon, go have fun and I’ll watch.” You didn’t even want to sit down. It was enough to stand in place and watch the lake.

“What’s a matter with it, huh?”

“It’s too hot,” Satan stated matter-of-factly.

“Butt out! Nobody asked you.” Mammon kicked a cloud of gravel and stones towards his smart alecky brother, who just shrugged. “Why’d you even tag along anyway?”

A vein above Satan's eye twitched. “You came into my room, interrupted us, and dragged them away. Of course I was going to follow.”

Mammon dismissed Satan with a wave of his hand and shifted his focus back to you. “So the temperature, that's really it? Don’ worry, you’ll get used to it in no time!”

“It is too hot, yeah. I’ll die,” you responded.

“Quit bein’ dramatic.”

“Mammon. I’ll die.”

The lake was gorgeous, with views like you had never seen before. Truly breathtaking scenery that you never dreamed of witnessing in person. Shame that it was a lake of magma.

“Just dip your toes in. Do somethin’ fun.”

The message clearly wasn’t getting through. You exchanged glances with a sympathetic Satan while Mammon took charge, splashing into the lake with exaggerated fervor. “Woo! Yeah, this is it! You two, get over here!”

Satan took a few steps forward and let the slow-moving waves ooze over his toes.

You were content to stand your ground. Heat seeped through the bottom of your shoes. While things were shallow at the shore, this volcano was pretty tall and you were all rather close to its peak. The magma in this crater must go down deep.

“How is your swimsuit okay?” you suddenly called out over the bubbling gases.

Mammon managed to hear you from some distance away. He stopped splashing around and began floating on his back. “Whaddya mean?”

You gestured at his shorts. “Wouldn’t those burn up?”

Mammon gazed at the clouds and let the lava push him back towards shore.

Satan was able to provide a satisfactory explanation. “They’re imbued with our magic. If we took them off and threw them in, the residual magic would first burn up over several minutes and then the fabric would catch fire. Want to see?”

You considered it. This science experiment sounded better than swimming in a billion-degree sea, but then somebody would be lacking pants for the drive back home. “That’s okay.”

[phlondsbian]

love that the question is not “did dan actually run philslion” but it’s “are dan and phil both lying to us or did dan never tell phil that he ran philslion”

[sleeplessflow]

why not?

[hiirenvirnas]

Fitmc character development has been truly incredible 👌

[gazspookiebear]

Mmm, thinking about Ghost going on a date with reader after not having been in a proper relationship in years

He was never one for hookups, and he could never keep long-term relationships. Most lasted about a month at most before he backed out.

Fast forward to now, he's been invited out by you. He figures it'll be like most other dates, a quick dinner at a noisy restaurant before he gets overwhelmed and leaves.

To his surprise, it isn't. You kept his comfort in mind and suggested a walk by the bay instead.

When he walks beside you in silence, you don't seem to take offense. In fact, you don't seem to mind at all. You fill in his silence with easy conversation, keeping it focused on you and not trying to pry into his personal life.

You don't hesitate when he responds with one word answers, instead taking the opportunity to discuss an interest of your own. By the time it's long past dark out, you offer to take him home, apologizing for not acknowledging the time sooner. He didn't want to stop listening to your voice

When he declines your offer, you smile. You tell him to stay safe, to rest well, and to text you when he gets home.

At his apartment, he can't stop thinking about you. About how polite and kind you were. About how you actually cared about his feelings, how you weren't off put by him.

He glances at his phone.

You receive a text at 1 in the morning. A simple 'Back safe.'

[enilious]

Ford: “I’m curious, if you can shapeshift,can you also turn into a human?”

Bill: “oh you doubt me, sixer? I can be anything you imagine! Watch and learn!”

[kabukiaku]

terzo sure does love his ghouls!

[toujoursrab]

Prompt: Miss (@into-the-jeggyverse) | Pairing: Jegulus | Word Count: 476

“I miss Regulus.” James whined, turning from his back to lay on his side so he could face Sirius. His best friend was laying next to him, staring up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. It was almost embarrassing, but the constellation Leo glowed particularly bright in comparison to the rest.

“Prongs, dating my brother is one thing, hearing you whine about him all summer is another.”   

James let out a sigh. “I hear you whine about Moony all the time, even when he’s in the same room. I haven’t spoken to Regulus since the train, it’s been three weeks.” They couldn’t even send letters, but James had been writing them anyway with the thought he could give them to Regulus once they were back at Hogwarts. Regulus liked reading, so James had taken to writing him notes and letters that he snuck into his robes or bag during term. He wasn’t allowed to send owls to Grimmauld Place, so they were currently in a no contact situation. “Do you think he misses me?”

“Oh yeah, knowing my brother he’s going mad without you.”  Sirius paused, twisting his lips. “Although descending into madness isn’t strange for a Black, it’s quite common. I blame the inbre—” he was cut off by a loud, quick series of knocks at James’s bedroom window.

James and Sirius shared a curious glance. “Expecting anyone?” The younger asked rhetorically before rolling out of bed, grabbing his wand and waving it to turn on the light as he went to the window. James pulled back the curtains, hazel eyes widening. “Regulus?” he immediately opened the window, helping the sixteen year old climb into his room from the outside. “How did you—this is the second floor…”

“I’m aware, James. I climbed—”

“Most people use the door.” Sirius commented, not letting his own surprise show at the sight of his brother as he sat up on the bed. His eyes darkened, gaze intense as he eyed Regulus’ body for any sight of physical injury, only relaxing when he came to the conclusion there were none.

James was doing the same, his hands roaming the sides of Regulus’ torso, still in disbelief that he was actually here in his room. “Are you alright, Reg? Did something happen?”

“No—nothing happened. I’m—I’m fine. I just… you know.” Regulus grabbed for James’ hands to hold them into his. “I missed you.” He didn’t say anything more before he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss against James’ lips which the Gryffindor happily returned.

“No! No! No! NO! NOOOOO! Rule number six of dating my brother clearly states ‘no kissing in front of Sirius’!” Sirius grabbed the pillow that was beneath his head, throwing it right at their grinning faces. “You both have to put a galleon in the jar now!”

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[verstappentime]

my coworker, who is turning 50, said the best thing to me today..... he was talking about how he remembers when lewis was the first driver to really be a "celebrity" and get in on the fashion trends, celeb girlfriends, met gala, etc etc. and i'm thinking he's gonna say something uncool abt the young drivers or something but then he goes "and i'm just so glad that this new generation of drivers are all..... really weird." and he is so right. they are so weird and it rocks

[aurorangen]

I was inspired by this picture and ended up building a bistro

[amphibianaday]

day 1421

[audible301]

There’s a world where Zelda and Mary Ann became friends freshman year.

Theres a world where these two quiet, awkward, nerdy teenage girls with RAGE found each other in a class for traditional barbarians and bonded over their not fitting in.

There’s a world where Mary Ann becomes an ally to the bad kids after Zelda gets kidnapped.

There’s a world where even after Zelda joins the seven she and Mary Ann train together because they just get each other.

There’s a world where they help each other with that instead of both being mentored by Porter.

You cannot look at me for a second and tell me Porter is able to pretend to know how to connect with either of them but goddamn do their strengths and weaknesses compliment each other.

[spikeyphil]

ah yes my favorite youtubers, phil and ted, as featured in episode 11 of the supermegashow podcast