#autistic post-processing

[vizthedatum]

Having written the last post about partnership, I have come to realize that my most recent ex-partner wasn’t treating me like a partner, according to my standards. I don’t think we were very compatible, and their lack of emotional regulation and high level of masking early on in the relationship when we were essentially dating… and they didn’t know they were in love with me (and only admitting it when they asked to be partners?)? I should have ended the romantic and sexual parts of the relationship right then and there.

I don’t think they thought I was partnering with them either.

—

I feel a lot better being out of that relationship even if there were many things I liked. Many things.

But they worked themselves into my life with empty charm that I fell for. I thought they wanted to learn my values and share theirs. I thought they could support me and let me support them.

I genuinely had feelings for them but I was really hurt by them and they just kept lashing out and invalidating me (and being ignorant of how and why). A lot of their behavior was emotionally threatening to me, and I deserve a lot better.

[xitsensunmoon]

My first ever comic con! And first cosplay too. Of course it's gonna be my boy :] Ramblings about the process are under the cut(Let me know if?? You would want me to elaborate with process images for any of the steps?)

The costume took me forever to make, as I've never done any machine sewing, sculpting, fabric dying or spray painting before but learning all of these was so fucking fun!! I never realised just how many different skills go into making a cosplay but it was so worth it!!!

Almost all of the clothes(except the hat) were purchased first as bases, but all of the detailing was added by me. All of the fabric used was originally just scraps that I was given for free so I needed to learn how to dye and dye all of the stars, they were originally white.

The sewing machine was its own beast that brought me tons of frustration from the lack of skill and knowledge (it was devastating to find out that 95% of fuck ups were my fault and not the machine's lmao). But as a result, a hat sewn from scratch, all of the fur trims, embroidery on the corset, stars and the collar(which is very hard to see on the pictures unfortunately) was all added manually. The stars and the stripes(on the back of the cape) were attached using heat-and-bond adhesive (I WISH I knew about such thing just when I started working on this. It would save me so much time and nerves.)

Then I found out about polymorph(mouldable plastic) and it has become the next thing I wanted to learn, to sculpt the claws and the fangs(yes, they're handmade jfksjs). The claws I then primed and painted in trillion coats because I wasn't satisfied with the colour of the spray paint. The fangs I moulded to my own teeth and then stained with tea to match the colour of my teeth :)c

As for makeup, I used Mehron Paradise water activated paints. At first I wanted to try to save money and bought myself Snazaroo instead, which unfortunately turned out to be a waste. Snazaroo didn't hold on my face for longer than 2 hours, cracking and peeling awfully. Mehron on the other hand survived 11 hours of me smiling, talking, emoting and such and didn't even crease at the smile lines(I'm actually shocked about that). It obviously works like any other makeup which means your skin texture and wrinkles won't go anywhere but Mehron's elasticity pleasantly surprised me. It did obviously smear from sweat and saliva(if you're eating and licking your lips) but if you don't touch the skin it just dries again, self setting. But if it's dry it's fully smear-proof. Highly recommend!

And last but not least, I've decided against painting my hands as it was very risky that I will stain everything I touch at the smallest hint of sweat. So instead I got myself gloves-tights(? Not sure how they're called but it's made from the same fabric as tights) and painted them with normal acrylic paint(did you know you could dye fabric with acrylic paint? I personally didn't), then heat set with an iron and voilà, they're reusable, my hands are not stained after an exhausting day and I don't stain everything I touch. It worked wonderfully which honestly was a surprise as I was really sceptical that acrylic paint will somehow stay in place.

I think this whole thing took me minimum of 6 months with big-big breaks for my school and life in general. But I'm really proud! This project taught me so many new skills and I couldn't have been happier about learning new knowledge, even if it sucked to fail in the meantime.

Everyone at the con was really nice and gave me a large confidence boost even tho it was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. Taking photos with other people was really awkward/new for me as I hate cameras so I really had no idea how to pose/behave in front of one. But that's okay I think. This whole experience definitely made me want to do this again, so I think that will come with experience. Thank you for reading this far, hope you enjoyed this little summary :)

[basilpaste]

"not all autistics are low-empathy!!!! some are really high-empathy!!!!!" okay cool good great. but are you like... normal about autistics who are low-empathy, though? because people with low empathy exist and are normal people. are you normal about them?

[clown-around-and-find-out]

is this a safe space for me to admit that i absolutely hate the term "neurospicy." is it just me or do other neurodivergents agree

[hole34]

tbh normalise liking baby toys and genuinely not having or needing a deeper reason to.

maybe this COULD be explained by some aspect of my autism and sensory processing disorder but god damn it it doesn't NEED to be. I just fucking love this shit, unironically and purely wholesomely, and if you do too, more power to you bestie.

[andresmounts2]

I'm so sorry that I asked you to repeat a question & answered it halfway through you repeating it.

It will happen again.

[autisticdreamdrop]

You're gonna have sensory and processing issues. You're gonna be over / understimuated. You're going to have meltdowns and shutdowns. You're gonna need breaks. You're gonna deal with autistic burnout. You're gonna have verbal loss / shutdowns. And that's okay. And if you don't deal with all, or some of all of these, that's okay too. Autism is a spectrum after all.

[rjalker]

fanface for your free ableist blocklist. Claims that "less than 1% of disabled people you see on the internet are really disabled, the rest are all faking it". Gets mad when you point out that this is just blatant ableism.

[autism-affirmations]

its SO COOL not being able to drive

[cryptile]

There is literally NOTHING in the world that could have prepared me for the ammount of emotional turmoil HNOC live would cause me. IT ENDED. RIGHT BEFORE HANGED MAN RUSTS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. TEARS IN MY EYES. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

I WILL BE THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS. I. JESUS, MAN. JESUS. COME OB. OH MY GOD. GOD. CHRIST.

[brain-n-body-in-disarray]

I'm fed up.

I've seen another of these posts where they say "high functioning" ND and autists have it "good", or whatever.

Being "high functioning" doesn't make it less of a struggle. Just a different kind of struggle.

I'm "supposed" to be better at life if my symptoms are "lesser", if I'm abled to mask so well, right?

Wrong.

I'm just in an eternal loop of burn-out and anxiety.

By being categorised "high functioning", by being unseen, I fell through the cracks. That means I didn't get any help, I was on my own. I'm expected to be a successful, self-reliant adult and I'm clearly not. I'm a mess.

I'm invisible. That's no cool super-power, believe me.

People just asks me "what's wrong with you?" but expects me to be like them. "High functioning" is bullshit. That's not a grocery lists of symptoms you have to check. That's not a badge to earn. You can never speak a word and use AAC full time and not being able to "take the joke" and fake your way in this allistic world, and still being a functioning adult that isn't breaking down every two minutes. Which one is "high functioning", tell me?

It depends of your definition of "functioning", I guess.

There's no high or low, just different experiences.

And just because you can do something doesn't mean you don't need help with it. Because being able to do something doesn't mean you can't suffer from it. It doesn't mean you want to have to battle and cry and bleed to do it.

I'm just so tired of this "high functioning" bullshit.

Find another word, people.

*

*

I'll add, a bit more calmly, that what I think is wrong with this is the criterias people uses to decide if it's low or high functioning.

It's based on the symptoms and traits neuroatypicals finds jarring (and thus make the diagnosis criterias) instead on looking on negative effects the disorder have on us, beside, you know, the things that make us stand out.

I know autists that are "obviously autistic", that get accommodations, and I see them thrive. In the meanwhile, I see autists that are categorised as "high functioning" that are chronically depressed because they got to a point where they can't cope anymore. Masking and living unseen and unhelped in the allistic world is exhausting and traumatic.

I'm not saying "low functioning" ND have it good. Certainly not so. There's horrific things done to so many of them because allistic people want to "cure" them and make them "normal". So, no, they don't have it good.

What I'm trying to say is, different experiences make different results, but you can't say one is worse than the other.

That's what anger me with these posts I've seen. That people erases my struggles because of some misconceptions about my life and how I experience it.

I just want a peaceful community linked by our similarities, where we can learn from our differences, instead of fighting over petty things like stuffs like this. What's the point of a feud?

[blue--ingenue]

Autistic!Scorpius Headcanons [Part 4]

Albus asked his Aunt Hermione to charm a pair of muggle noise-canceling headphones for Scorpius. They can still function in the presence of magic without going haywire. Draco was initially afraid that students would tease Scorpius for wearing them, but most students are just genuinely curious (or envious). Muggle students envy the fact that he has working technology within the castle, while others have never seen a pair of headphones before and are fascinated. Most of the students have started being kind to Albus and Scorpius after the events with the time-turner, but there are still a handful of students who are just as cruel as they were before.

Dining in the Great Hall can be a sensory nightmare. Things he hates about it (an incomplete list): sometimes-unbearable brightness from hundreds of floating candles, being jostled and shoved on the crowded tables, the roar of a hundred different conversations happening simultaneously, all the different tastes and smells of the different dishes.

The tables are sometimes sticky from the previous meal’s mess (sticky maple syrup from breakfast, crumbs from the lunchtime sandwich platter). He’d never dream of blaming the house elves for missing a spot, but he doesn’t enjoy the unexpected sensations. 

The food just appears on the table, so most of the time he can’t anticipate what they’ll be serving. A few of the same desserts are served every night, without fail (treacle tart, jammy biscuits), so if nothing feels appetizing he’ll just snack on sweets. 

Albus’ concern peeks once Scorpius has had jammy biscuits and tea for dinner for the fourth night in a row. He chats with the kitchen elves the very next day, and they’re glad to help. Scorpius is always kind to the house elves - even going so far as to hold entire conversations with them when he spots them about the castle. Now, every night, there’s a plate of his safe foods along with fruits and vegetables they know he loves.

Speaking of safe foods, some of these include dino nuggets (we all saw this one coming), garlic bread, Chocolate Frogs, Pepper Imps, pasta with alfredo, grapes, and apples with peanut butter. For some foods the taste alone makes him happy (alfredo, garlic bread). For others it’s the texture (popping or peeling the grapes, the way the peanut butter contrasts with the crispness of the apples). And the rest are an experience (the fun of having smoke pour from his ears after swallowing a Pepper Imp, watching a Chocolate Frog hop about and excitedly adding the witch/wizard card to his collection, arranging his nuggets in order of his favorite dinosaurs before munching on them.)

The food he hates the most is fish. I headcanon that this is why he says “Fish doesn’t agree with me. Never has, never will” before drinking the polyjuice potion as the trio sneak into the Ministry. The taste, the consistency, the smell, and the fact that there’s always a chance of encountering a surprise fish bone (or two) in every bite render it nightmare food.

He ends up taking food back to the dorms or eating outside (or in Hagrid’s hut) with Albus. The charmed headphones cancel out the din of the Great Hall, but that also means he can’t hear Albus. So they’ll wrap up their meals and head to wherever’s comfortable. 

He has a purple plush stegosaurus named Hector (after his childhood imaginary friend). Astoria and Draco bought it for him the first time they visited the Natural History Museum in muggle London.

He has a charmed tote bag with an Undetectable Extension Charm to hold all of his books. The constellation print is bewitched to show the constellation Scorpius as it appears at the time. It was a back-to-Hogwarts gift from Draco.

He has a pair of  reading glasses that filter out blue light to help with his sensory issues and migraines. He’s shy about wearing them, but Albus loses his mind every time he slips them on. (He secretly feels guilty for hoping that Scorpius will get a headache so that he’ll have to put on the glasses.)

When he’s feeling particularly nonverbal, he’ll communicate through physical contact. Casually bumping his head against Albus’ shoulder during long lectures. Fiddling with Albus’ hoodie sleeve if he needs to stim. Occasionally, simply picking up Albus’ hand and biting it (gently!) while they’re studying.

[dreamdropsystem]

needing captions to enjoy media (sensory processing)

[autie-hobbit]

I was watching a video yesterday, and in it was a clip where a guy was like, "The other day, I made a video making fun of picky eaters, and I got a bunch of comments going "But I'm Autistic". Well, obviously you're exempt, I wasn't talking about you."

Okay, so, who were you talking about? Who isn't exempt? What is your criteria for an acceptable and an unacceptable picky eater, and why? How do you know that the person you are making fun of isn't Autistic? Or doesn't have some other medical condition that causes food restrictions?

The short answer is that you don't. You don't know. You have absolutely no way of knowing. That person you deemed acceptable to make fun of for being a picky eater because they refuse to eat vegetables is very likely Autistic.

"Well, if they’re being entitled-" So it's actually entitled people you don't like, and not picky eaters? Also, I have seen so many picky eaters get called entitled despite not acting as such, simply for being picky in the first place, so I don't even really trust this assessment.

Literally, the amount of times I've seen people accusing picky eaters of being entitled for bring their own food to like a dinner or something is too many to count. Like, they literally accommodated themselves! What more do you want?!

Most people that are extreme picky eaters, are not picky by choice. And I'd say that most of those people are picky due to medical conditions like ARFID or other sensory issues. There is no "acceptable" picky eater to make fun of. Ever.

Unless you are the one directly caring for, and feeding said picky eater, it literally does not affect you. Leave picky eaters alone.

[dragonflavoredcake]

Making Uniforms More Sensory-Friendly

For my fellow sewing people who are constantly at war with the Bad Textures but have to wear uniforms (for work, school, etc.)

Undershirts! Just by putting on a tank top you can successfully protect 85% of your torso from a terrible overshirt. If you wear anything supportive around your chest this'll also smooth out your front, which looks good in a uniform (if the shirt isn't completely opaque, try to pick one close to your skin tone). If you have something like a polo shirt with a collar, you can wear a cotton T-shirt underneath, which will eliminate any armpit seam issues, especially if you can wear it inside-out. Speaking of armpit seams . . .

Underarm liners. These are circles or half-circles, about 5 in [13 cm] in diameter and made from a thin, soft cotton outer layer (you can use T-shirt fabric) and 1–2 optional thicker inner layers (if you want more sweat absorption). Here's a 22-second overview of their historical use. If you attach them with a prick stitch they're basically invisible when you're wearing it; it's more obvious when it's lying flat or on a hanger. While they're meant to protect your shirts from sweat stains, they are WONDERFUL at covering seams that might irritate your skin, especially in a high-friction area like an armpit

Slips. If you have to wear a skirt, wear a slip and/or a pair of non-bulky shorts/capris/pants/etc about 2 in [5 cm] shorter than your skirt, which will give you enough coverage that the skirt won't touch your skin but not so much that it's visible. Skirt slips work better for this because they move with the skirt; if they bunch up and get staticky just clip a safety pin to the fabric. Slip pants are also a thing if you wear pants, but I've never personally tried them so I can't say much. Leggings tucked into socks work just as well in the winter. Speaking of which—

Layers! Works best if you live in a colder climate. My wintertime "thermal suit" is an undershirt tucked into a pair of leggings tucked into some comfy knit socks. Throw whatever else you need on top, it won't touch your skin! (But do be aware that you may need to wear roomier shoes or loosen the laces on your normal shoes if you wear more than one pair of socks.)