#i feel so extremely edged

[cryptile]

There is literally NOTHING in the world that could have prepared me for the ammount of emotional turmoil HNOC live would cause me. IT ENDED. RIGHT BEFORE HANGED MAN RUSTS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. TEARS IN MY EYES. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

I WILL BE THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS. I. JESUS, MAN. JESUS. COME OB. OH MY GOD. GOD. CHRIST.

[hopeswriting]

was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.

and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.

because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"

and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.

and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.

and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.

so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.

and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?

and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

[minalots]

MORE WOLFWOODS?!!!!?!?!!?????

[below-my-s0ul]

GUYS !! I SEWED MY FIRST BUTTONHOLE JUST NOW!!!

I'm ridiculously proud of myself. I don't have a sewing machine, so i do all my sewing by hand. I actually went to my parents' house to try to do buttonholes on my mother's machine, but she's never done that before, and we couldn't figure it out, so she let me borrow some silk thread (the generally recommended thread for buttonholes cause it's quite strong) and i did pretty good on my first try.

Tomorrow, I'll go to the local shop and find black silk thread cause my current project is in black, and then i can work on that all day tomorrow, and maybe even finish it!

[starakex]

Watching SEGA go from "we will not acknowledge any Sonic games released between 2005 to 2010 and especially not the one with the hedgehog holding a gun" to "Happy Year of Shadow you funky little misfits" is not the character arc I was expecting but it is certainly welcome lmao

Thought I'd show off the sick jacket I made for my Shadow cosplay last year since no photos have survived of the event whoops

[stardustedknuckles]

When I was in Oklahoma there were these pokemon go players, blue team, and they would drive out to the park behind my house and take over all the gyms. Which.... Whatever. But if you knocked their pokemon out, these grown ass men (I never saw more than two despite there being six pokemon in each gym) would get in their big trucks and show up a full ten minutes later to kick you out again. It was about a ten minute walk to the park, dark and often cold so like. As a recent yellow team member to join my sister, there was nothing I could do. They actually camped out in their truck behind a fence out of sight once and spent an hour kicking people out but not taking the gym over. Bunch of kids getting real bummed out and we all thought each other was responsible, but we ended up talking and realized none of us was doing it. I saw the truck parked on the way home, idling around the corner.

It wasn't a lack of coins. They were just dicks and it legitimately made me mad. They also had a guy on red team who would come around and knock their stuff out for them so they could refresh their coin gathering. Complete bullshit.

Context for tonight, when I'm in bed and the yellow gym I can hit from my apartment starts going nuts. There's this one guy who comes by every night and takes over this gym and two more. I kicked him out tonight. He came back. War ensued, and since I was a little high I could feel myself fixating on this but was unable to stop. I could feel the stress coming back of not being allowed to get coins, that frustration. I'm not repeating that experience and I'm not quitting over this, so what can I do? Only one thing.

Anyway after nearly two hours of bullshit (I took breaks) it was very satisfying to grab the team medallion, swap to blue team, and put a magikarp named midfinger up next to their 4k tanks. Petty, yes. But I started out blue team anyway and I HATE the way the yellow team guy looks so I had already been considering it for the past week every time I had to look at him. Really, this was just a nudge.

Now we hope he and his buddy don't swap teams too. It would admittedly be very funny. (important context: you can only swap teams once a year)

[kingtankgirl]

about half of my apartment is packed up and in a week im going to be living in a new state for the first time in my life. kind of surreal n scary but extremely exciting. this has been in the works for like 8 months now so its incredible to finally be at the precipice of such an awesome life change

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Speaking of my last reblog, sometimes I still think about how I was once publically dragged through the mud unprompted for daring to tag that I thought the Citadel was less than stellar, and then, after pointing out that this universe's economy was interconnected and that the Citadel benefited from a lot of good publicity while hiding its deeply corrupted innards to "justify myself", I received back a wild collection of ad hominems and name-calling accusing me to want to be sad on purpose, not understand how money worked, and also of "projecting my feelings about Brazil" on the franchise (it was during the elections where Bolsonaro won), which was inherently inappropriate to do apparently.

And a bunch of people unfollowed me over that! :D

So yeah hard to me not to think the fandom has kind of a bias towards one given so-called "neutral" perspective, even if I feel like it has overall gotten a little better (as in: I now see posts like the one I just reblogged).

[thedreadvampy]

I tried listening to Olivia Rodrigo and I'm sure this is really good for its target audience of Teen Girls Going Through A Breakup but has she actually ever put out a song that isn't about a guy cheating, breaking up with her and moving on to someone else?

like babe he's not coming back it's been 2 years you gotta find something else in your life

[aurosoul]

officially at the Big Anxiety stage of career success. wondering when this stops being as bad 😔

[sysig]

Size difference.png (Patreon)

[usercelestial]

okay this means nothing to anyone but every time i see an anti bucktommy girlie have a horrible take i have to take a step back and realize how genuinely small they feel. like imagine throwing a fit, drawing pictures of a person as a lizard, creating blogs and posts about how much you want to kill him all over a fictional relationship that may not even last the entire duration of a show about firefighters. like permanently altering relationships and rejecting friendships over things like this. like they have such a cesspit inside themselves, they are deeply unhappy with being online in these spaces, they are tormenting themselves over something that doesn't matter and i remember how much i can't let myself fall into that like oh my god please never let me be that kind of person

[unnonexistence]

idk if there's anything in stories i get more petty about than poorly-written "main character shows up to a new place and meets everyone" character introduction scenes

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

having a lot of allie X and similar in my hoard of songs that inevitably end up going in my playlists for abusive ship dynamics is wild, because then you get haunting high-voiced trauma pop but it's just like, scranky scooby doo villains. anyway pericky blast

[soupdreamer]

absolutely love how the ART gatsby marketing team is essentially doing the exact opposite of what the broadway/paper mill gatsby has been doing

[pepprs]

my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared