#authentic friends

[fairycosmos]

I NEED AUTHENTIC HUMAN CONNECTION OR I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC

[b4kuch1n]

study of this masterwork

[bitchslapblastoids]

Underappreciated element of their dynamic: Phil loves riling Dan up so much. Just look at the number of times he looks in Dan’s direction just waiting for the reaction that Dan never gives him. and then look at how smiley he is at the end when he finally gets the tiniest reaction out of Dan

Also i need you all to know that the $1 I spent on pj’s patreon to watch the mind uncut was well worth it and I think about the fulll video all the time. Dw, this is the only snippet I’ll post from it.

[jojo-schmo]

The 24 Character Strengths are awesome references when writing characters!!

I've found this website to be extremely helpful and cool while fleshing out my characters' personalities and motivations.

Even if I only have basic personality traits for a character, exploring strengths that I feel fits them and reading their descriptions is fantastic for inspiration!! It really helps narrow down the basic ideals I imagine a character would believe in, and then I can get more specific from there. It's a great guide to springboard off of!

Each strength is sorted into one of six virtues. Starting with a broad virtue, for example "justice," and honing that down into the strengths of "fairness," "leadership," or "teamwork" makes writing them really fun!

Here's an example of the "fairness" strength description! Lots of detail and tangible qualities describing it!

Of course there are infinite ways to interpret a character strength, just like in real life. And people aren't always black and white and follow a strength 100% of the time. But it's been extremely helpful to see specific traits being described in so much detail, and imagining different scenarios that a character would react in. It's like I can understand them a bit more and think a little like them, especially if their trait isn't one of my personal strengths. :3

But I also recommend taking the actual personality test for yourself! I took it years ago and it was really cool to put a name to some of my strengths and see how detailed this descriptions were. And when my friends and I shared our results, I felt like we understood each other just a little more. :)

Just thought I'd share this reference that's been helping me lately :D

[erabu-san]

What kind of Introvert is Kinich do you think?

The introvert that is shy of People or "eww people?" 🤔

HMMM I don't believe he is shy, but it doesn't mean he dislikes people

It is kind of canon that he felt sometime alone, because he had no friends 😭 i think it is more "huh. People can't deal with me. Welp... that's how it is" his straightforwardness, rational thought and impassive face clearly doesn't help him. He talks only when he thinks it is necessary ??

[sorrelpaws]

>be me >make a friend >hang out with him >he gets hurts due to hanging out with me >mfw my only friend might die because of me

[hajihiko]

Tiny doodle before I gotta run off. Mob boss watching the pride parade

[authenticfashionstatements]

Stacks On Deck

[whensomethingelsecries]

learning some important skills in renpy this evening

[csuitebitches]

On Being Socially Accepted / Well Liked

Human beings are sociable animals. No matter the degree of sociability, there’s a part of us that wants to be loved, nurtured and accepted by those around us.

I didn’t want to make a guide of how one should be likeable, because if you think a little - from all the people you like, do you like them for the same reason? Not necessarily. You may like one friend for their humour; another for being a solid person thick and thin; a third for their extroverted personality… we’re all different and should be!

Now, you may have certain qualities that you want in all your relationships, regardless of the person. For instance, I’m very adamant about transparency and loyalty. Loyalty to me doesn’t mean standing up for me even if I’m wrong - it means caring for me enough to tell me I’m wrong. However, these qualities wouldn’t make you likeable per se - they would make you accepted within a social circle.

So how does one become likeable?

1. Ease up on the doormat culture

You’ll notice that most of the people you like are capable of having an independent opinion and thought. People pleasers may come across as inauthentic and dicey, especially the ones who change their opinion to agree with the majority. So start cutting out the people pleasing behaviour.

2. Have hobbies

You’ll generally gravitate more towards someone who seems to have their life together as opposed to someone who doesn’t. I’m always keen to talk to someone who does something a little different in their free time. I remember talking to a physicist who also wrote poetry - I was very intrigued by his work, and I invited him to my NYE party along with his girlfriend.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with not having your life together as long as you’re at least trying to make it better. Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. It’s also a better way to expand your circle- not all your friends will enjoy pottery or tennis, for instance.

3. On emotional/ trauma dumping

The worst people to guide you in life, my father always told me, are your friends. Blind leading the blind.

Your friends may have a good heart but not necessarily good advice. Keep the trauma dumping to a minimal unless your friend is okay with you sharing more. Bear in mind that even as a listener, when you hear someone’s traumatic experiences, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed.

Never share your private experiences, current situations, drama, problems, gossip with acquaintances or friends who you’re not particularly close to. Trust me, it can be tempting to engage in catty behaviour but there’s a good chance it’ll bite you in the ass.

4. Figure out your strengths

I know what I bring to the table when it comes to friendship - gentle honesty, alternative solutions and perspectives to issues and I’m always a planner.

One of my friends is a blunt critic and I always speak to her when I know I need a reality check about life.

Another friend is very non judgemental, she’s the one I open up to about the weird things I think of.

A third friend is my party friend, who is 100% the life of the party and I love his energy.

We can’t share the same relationship with everyone. Understand your strengths and hone them.

5. Likeable people don’t care about being likeable

Become detached from this idea of “I want to be liked.” Rather than that, I feel the statement “I want relationships who accept me for who I am” make more sense. As you grow older, you’ll realise that this teenager definition of popularity is nothing but inauthentic bullshit. You deserve friends who care for you and cheer you on.

The idea of “I want to be liked/ popular” also low-key reeks of desperate behaviour. It shows that you don’t really care about your thoughts or opinions as long as you’re accepted and you’re ready to modify your opinions to fit in. That’s the worst way to making friends because you literally can’t be yourself.

6. Yes, looks do matter

Looks do matter to a degree. I don’t mean that in a sense of physical features - I mean it from a sense of grooming.

I’ve noticed that people will be taken more seriously if you look a certain way. That doesn’t mean you have to buy stuff until your money runs out - it just means being at a healthy weight, dressing well, practicing personal hygiene.

7. Observational skills

Whenever I’m at an event and I notice someone feeling left out, I go and talk to them.

I remember being in the shoes long ago and feeling uncomfortable going to places. So when I see someone in the same position, I try to be the person I wanted at that point of time.

It’s important to have keen observation skills but what’s even more important is dealing with it subtly. I remember a girl at a party wearing a dress with the price tag still attached to the neckline at the back. I casually went over, put a hand on her back, discreetly whispered that her tag was out, should I put it back in? She said yes, and I put the the tag inside her dress without people around us noticing me. Discretion is a must in life. Don’t shout your good deeds- do them, don’t get flattered by compliments when people tell you that you were nice, and just play it off like it’s not a big deal.

8. Being impolite

I read a study that polite people are harder to connect with. Overly polite people can be seen as boring and that you need more energy to talk to them because the conversation only revolves around a few “polite” topics (studies, career, life in general, how nice the establishment is, the weather, common friends… surface conversation). I’m not saying don’t be considerate - I’m saying don’t be overly polite. Don’t be over accommodating to other people. You can disagree with things respectfully. You can share a different perspective or crack a joke.

9. What are you like?

Are you better one on one or in groups?

I’m a much better person one on one. I resonate with people better when we have a conversation - when it’s a group, it’s just the usual hi-hellos.

You may prefer groups, if one on one conversations seem too vulnerable.

How do you figure this trait out? Ask yourself a simple question : if you had a meet a new person, would you rather meet them alone at a cafe or at a party with your friends?

Figuring this out is important because it gives you a sense of the relationships you value and how you can take them forward.

10. A balanced ratio of talking and listening

Try to listen more than you can talk. This advice is useless if you’re talking to an introvert. With most introverts I’ve noticed that they WILL talk to you - as long as they don’t have to make the first move. Once you set the ball rolling, they’re happy to talk.

So you have to understand how and when to switch being an active listener and speaker.

A simple generalised guide:

When dealing with extroverts: ask basic/ generic/ yes or no questions, give opposing opinions (most extroverts are generally up for a challenge) and listen more in the beginning, switch to talking more later.

When dealing with introverts: again, ask questions but you can make them more subjective than objective, less generic and definitely no yes/no questions. Talk more in the beginning and then listen more later, to make them comfortable.

[cicerfics]

Hi! I just wanted to say thanks for all of your posts - especially right now - and the messages of hope you put with them. I'm having a hard time with accepting the election results and what it means, so it's nice to see the encouragement and the reminder that we will get through it all. 🙂

Big, big hugs to you. I don't want to seem like I'm being glib about any of this: it's a really hard and scary time and I understand the tendency to panic. My stomach was in knots all last night, to the point I felt like I was going to throw up! I literally emptied out a trash can to put by my bed, just in case my stomach couldn't cope with the stress!

It's A Lot to cope with. Especially after the insanity and stress we've all experienced since the start of the pandemic. We're all exhausted and sad and burned out. Believe me, I know.

But I do believe that we can and will get through this. Obviously, none of us wanted to be called upon to live through this type of Major Historical Event. But we will not be the first set of people (nor the last) to face this kind of thing in their lifetime.

Famines and natural disasters happen. Unpleasant and malicious political regimes rise and fall. Plagues sweep through the land. It's part of how the world works. Nothing is ever perfect. We have always inhabited a flawed world and a flawed society.

But humans are, broadly speaking, really good at surviving things and a sense of community is our superpower. We can (and will) take care of each other. Humans can be awful, but we can also be so very wonderful.

And when I manage to persuade myself to step outside my bubble of human-centric concerns, I'm blown away by the sheer beauty and wonder of the world we get to live in. Even though it's flawed and imperfect, it's so lovely. It's downright magical sometimes.

I was opening a pomegranate the other day and just marveling at the seeds. How beautiful it is! And how lucky I am to get to be here, eating these sweet juicy seeds! How lucky I am to toss a small handful of seeds to the birds in my backyard, and watch them gobble down their food before fluttering up into the trees!

How lucky I am to send a photo of my pomegranate seeds to friends, and receive in return a picture of their dog, or their garden, or their new throw pillows! How lucky I was last night, in the midst of all my anxiety, to get to go outside as see a really spectacular sunset and share it with my loved ones!

We have a beautiful world full of beautiful creatures. We have so many fellow humans who see this beauty and want to protect it and share it with one another. We must not lose sight of that. Things are still good, and we will continue to take care of each other in the days ahead. 💖

[elderwisp]

◁ || ▷ now playing

Gabriel: Find anything good? 

Theo: Nah, a lot of the newer stuff is kinda blegh. 

Gabriel: We could always look at those cool picture books with birds. I like those. 

Theo: Of course you would like the picture books.

Gabriel: No shame. 

Theo: He likes to drink milk with his bedtime stories.

Gabriel: Oh so you got jokes?

Theo: Plenty. Hilarious ones too. 

Gabriel: [ snickers ] Maybe you should be a comedian. 

Theo: If dancing doesn’t work out, I just might.

Gabriel: I mean, hypothetically, what would happen if things didn’t work out?

Theo: Oh I’d simply be devastated. No, things have to work out.

Gabriel: I mean, you always got family to fall back on, no?

Theo: Well, that would be my last option.

Gabriel: Huh.

-

Gabriel: You cool with your family, Theo?

Theo: Hm? Oh yeah. Everything’s normal.

Gabriel: Normal’s such a unique concept because what’s normal to me, might be the complete opposite for you. 

Theo: I dunno. A lot of concepts don’t make sense, you know? 

Gabriel: So it’s better to not ask questions.

Theo: You might not like the answer.

Gabriel: Try me.

Theo: I- [ sighs ] Things were fine, then they weren’t. It always starts that way. My parents are close-minded folk and they couldn’t stand the idea that their kid didn’t want to conform. I’m good now.

Gabriel: I see. 

Theo: Things need to work out for me here, Gabriel.

Gabriel: So let’s make sure of it, yeah?

Theo: Deal.

[mothlingmeg]

I existed long before i met you. I lived before I knew you. I loved things before we ever spoke for the first time. Your perception of me is small and incomplete. I do not owe it to you to change myself or stay in one place forever. I will take up space.

[beccawise7]

Intimacy.

Connection.

Soul Touches...

Rare.

Real.

Beautiful.

~beccawise7 💜🖤