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romchat · 10 months ago

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Visual Analysis of the Slow Burn: My Journey to You, Story of Kunning Palace

How do you film a slow-burn romance?

One of the challenges of filming slow-burn romances is that creators have to figure out how to slowly build tension and intimacy between two characters without testing the audience's patience. We have to feel a couple’s chemistry and growing feelings for one another even if it takes a long time for them to get together.

And here's where cinematography and visual parallelism can be a helpful tool. Visual parallelism is when we link two or more characters, events, storylines, etc. through a shared image. When we see repeated imagery, our brains connect those moments and give them more meaning than if we had looked at them in isolation. Because of this, visual parallelism can help complicate our understanding of characters and the world around them without having to spell out those nuances in the script.

In slow-burn romances, visual parallelism can be used to:

Connect characters who, on the surface, appear incompatible or unattracted to one another;

Signal major moments of change in a show's romantic storyline;

Compare and contrast a new relationship with a character’s past relationships;

And much more!

I think two dramas that use this technique in interesting ways are My Journey to You and Story of Kunning Palace.

My Journey to You

Before we jump into that scene, let’s talk about some of the visual techniques My Journey to You (MJTY) uses to establish the enemies-to-lovers relationship of its secondary couple, Gong Shangjue and Shangguan Qian.

Something I immediately noticed about MJTY is that the show loves using certain camera angles and blocking patterns (or how actors are positioned in relation to one another) to define characters’ personalities and their relationships. This repeated imagery is an example of visual parallelism, and in the case of Shangjue and Qian, the show then uses breaks in that parallelism to communicate the subtle changes in their relationship over time. Through this technique, we see their growing feelings for each other even if we don’t hear the characters express those feelings with words.

For example, at the beginning of the show, Shangjue is usually shot from a low angle while Qian is usually shot from a high angle, and the repetition of that camera language reflects the characters' constant game of cat and mouse.

In cinematography, low-angle and high-angle shots are often paired to visually enhance the power imbalance between characters. Low-angle shots make the subject look more powerful and threatening while high-angle shots make the subject look weaker and more vulnerable.

Qian, who is an assassin, has infiltrated Shangjue’s clan, and he is immediately suspicious of her identity and allegiances. He is cold and intimidating towards her, and she does everything in her power not to get caught. But because she is particularly good at reading and manipulating him, Shangjue soon finds himself intrigued by her. He might be filmed looming over her like he has more power in the situation, but her weakness is an act. We know this because we can see how Qian isn’t filmed with such high angles when interacting with characters who know her true identity and nature like Yun Weishan or Gong Yuanzhi. She is pretending to be subservient and delicate to seduce Shangjue specifically.

Side Note: One of my FAVORITE moments in MJTY is Shangjue and Qian’s “do you still think I’m gentle?” scene in Episode 12. Not only is the writing and acting electric, but the camera’s subtle shift in angles pinpoints the moment Shangjue begins to feel sexually attracted to Qian. When she gently blows on his fingers, the camera quickly pans to an eye-level shot and we see Shangjue clench his jaw. After that, the camera uses less extreme angles to film his conversation with her—his moment of desire and her strategic thinking equalized their power imbalance.

Which brings us to the famous bath scene in Episode 17.

Whenever they share a scene, Shangjue is usually positioned at a higher level and facing forward in a thronal position while Qian is at his side, looking up at him obsequiously. The lack of visual alignment in their actor blocking represents how the characters can’t be completely vulnerable or honest with each other while the dominant/submissive pose plays up the sexual tension of their interactions.

So we know that the bath scene represents a critical turning point in their relationship because of the break in parallelism:

Not only are they sitting at the same level while facing each other, the camera is set at a much more neutral over-the-shoulder and eye-level angle. Over-the-shoulder and eye-level shots are often used to bring intimacy to a scene and that camera language reinforces the actors’ relaxed physical acting and flirtatious dialogue. The two characters are sharing a moment of honest pleasure and have temporarily let their guards down, which is why Qian decides to take the opportunity to share her true intentions for wanting to marry into his family. It’s probably the most truthful and revealing conversation she has had with Shangjue up until this point and creates complications for each others' plans.

One of the lingering questions many MJTY viewers have about Shangjue and Qian’s relationship is whether or not Qian developed real feelings for him in the end. While the script could have done a better job of developing her character’s arc at the textual level, I think the show’s thoughtful use of visual parallelism gives us the answer.

Not only does their final scene together subvert the camera language and actor blocking we talked about, but it also parallels an earlier scene where we can be reasonably sure of Qian’s honesty: the torture scene. And it’s the juxtaposition of what is shown versus what is said that gives us what I’d consider a satisfyingly bittersweet conclusion to their love story.

Story of Kunning Palace

Unlike MJTY, which uses visual parallelism to show changes in the secondary couple’s relationship, Story of Kunning Palace (SOKP) uses this technique to represent the undeniable compatibility of its main couple, Jiang Xuening and Xie Wei.

Given the popularity of the show's second and third male leads, many viewers have expressed confusion as to if and when Xie Wei truly emerges as the rightful male lead. Even as a slow-burn romance, SOKP is slow slow.

And yet when we take a step back and look at the show’s visual storytelling, particularly its use of symbolism and parallelism, we not only see why these two characters complement each other but how they find healing in their (admittedly messy and toxic) love. At its core, SOKP is a story about two traumatized and self-loathing people finding "the one" who still sees them as worthy despite all their flaws. Ning-er and Xie Wei are like two jagged pieces of a broken mirror reflecting one another’s sins and virtues, and the show constantly reminds us of that deep connection with how it juxtaposes the two characters on screen. (Just look at that split screen above--they literally complete each other.)

We see this connection from the moment Ning-er and Xie Wei are introduced in Episode 1:

The composition and camera movement directly mirror each other.

When we see parallelism in the portrayal of two characters, we should stop and think about the similarities and differences between them. Both Ning-er and Xie Wei share the trauma of having grown up alienated from their birth families, and the pain of what they experienced drives their ruthless desire for revenge and power. During the show’s first timeline, Ning-er violates her innate sense of goodness while Xie Wei hides his true self.

Side Note: SOKP also reminds us of this connection with its consistent use of a fire motif. Throughout the show, we often see Ning-er and Xie Wei surrounded by candles, furnaces, fires, etc., and this symbolism comes to a head in Episode 34 when Xie Wei desperately argues that they belong together because they've both been forged by the fire of their upbringing.

And yet at the same time, as noted by several characters, they are both incredibly loyal people, sacrificing themselves to change the fate of the people they care for.

Both Ning-er and Xie Wei overlook these redeeming qualities about themselves, but they “see” them in the other, which the show demonstrates through the visual parallelism of their gazes.

In Episode 14, Ning-er asks Xie Wei:

Jiang Xuening: Between my past self and present self, who do you think is better? Xie Wei: Be it the past or the present, it is all you. You're the one and only Miss Ning'er. Besides, the present exists because of the past. Just face it as is. But if we have to make it clear, I think if the present Ning'er knows what she wants, she will be well. And she'll be even better in the future.

In a previous analysis of Episode 14, I've noted how "Ning-er's character arc isn't just about becoming a better person but also about recognizing that she has always had goodness in her and that goodness makes her life worth just as much as someone like Zhang Zhe....Despite being brash and cunning, Ning-er is also tenacious, brave, and even kind (all of which Xie Wei recognized when they first met years ago). She is an 'unrefined jade', someone who can choose a more righteous path than the one she started on. And he sees her. He truly sees her."

So across the show's multiple timelines, the camera will linger on Xie Wei's tender gaze toward Ning-er. In this case, the parallelism of such a distinctive shot communicates something that Ning-er doesn't realize: Xie Wei sees and loves sides of her that she is unable to accept about herself.

She eventually starts seeing him too.

During the first timeline, Ning-er sees Xie Wei as a threat and warily engages him only out of desperation. But despite her fear, Ning-er also recognizes his true qualities enough that by the second timeline, she implicitly trusts him to help her carry out her own goals. She unlearns her assumptions about him and pushes him to find meaning in life beyond his self-destructive need for revenge.

So it's fitting then that during their private wedding, Ning-er and Xie Wei are shown gazing at each other, fully aware of and accepting of their true natures:

Jiang Xuening: “I’ve seen your light and your darkness, your vulnerability, and your madness. I know everything about you that is known or unknown to others. I might even say that I know you better than you do.”

They've fully entrusted themselves with one another.

#my journey to you #云之羽 #story of kunning palace #宁安如梦 #cdrama #meta #cinematography #zhang ling he #bai lu #cheng lei #lu yuxiao

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ryker-writes · 1 year ago

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Alrighty I’ll give a bit of a description of myself.

I like to say that I’ve been drawing since I was 2 years old since from what my parents have told me, that’s when I started drawing on the walls. I enjoy making up my own characters and stories. I save all my old art, even if it’s a bit cringey to me to look back at. I enjoy looking at people’s art, seeing all the different styles is so cool!

I adore cats, they’re my favorite animal and that’s most likely because I grew up with them. I understand cats, I’m rather clueless when it comes to dogs though. I like learning about animals and I find biology interesting. I like to even make up my own fictional species.

I can’t seem to think of anything else really, but I am a bit distracted at the moment and sharing more personally dark? stuff like depression doesn’t seem entirely appropriate.

oooooooo that's all super cool!

Ryker's flower garden event

I would give you...

A fir!

While it's not a flower, other plants also have meanings in the language of flowers! A fir tree means time. I chose this for you because of how you've been drawing for so long, and how you save all of your old art. You stand the test of time and you value older things that you made! Time is a treasure and it's great to keep older things even if they may seem cringe to us now.

A poppy!

While poppies are one of the flowers that changes the meaning depending on color, I'm talking about poppies in general. One of the meanings for poppies is imagination! Poppies serve as a symbol to use our imaginations and make life more wonderful. I chose a poppy for you because of your love for art since you were young. Art requires a lot of imagination to make something wonderful! It also takes a lot of imagination to create entirely new species of creatures!

An acorn!

Yes, I'm talking about the nut. It's not a flower or anything, but even giving nuts can have their own meanings! Acorns are the Nordic symbol of life! I chose this for you because of your interest in animals and biology! Even creating new life like new species is impressive! You have a connection to life, and the acorn can be a good symbol for that!

A hydrangea!

It doesn't have much to do with your description of yourself, but this flower means thank you for understanding! I chose this because I wanted to thank you for how much you've supported me and my works! It really means a lot to me whenever I see you like or comment on my works and all of your interactions and support with Jaxon has helped keep me writing for him! So truly, thank you!

And finally,

A ivy!

Ivy means friendship! This one is kinda obvious why I put it here, but you're a mutual so you're a new friend of mine! I consider you a friend, and this ivy is here to represent that!

Thank you for sending in your ask for the event! I know most of these plants aren't really exciting, but I still hope you like them!

#rykers flower garden event #rykers friends :D

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tammyblackday · 3 months ago

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It's personal.

One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven't yet read it, I suggest you do. It's a quick read, but it takes time to process everything being said and a lifetime to practice the principles. One of those is, "Don't take anything personally," which is easier said than done because so often how others choose to treat us feels personal. And, sometimes, it is. Recently, I've had several people block me off their social media. It took me years of healing and learning how to better regulate my emotions to not take this type of rejection personally. Then, I found out that it was very personal. This is where I get intellectually and emotionally stumped and discombobulated (my favorite word btw).

I believe we each have a right to determine who is in our lives, including family. I also believe our family is essential in our lives, providing us opportunities to learn, grow, heal, and connect. Family helps us better understand ourselves and teaches us how to manage conflict and express joy and love.

Life can lose purpose and joy without family. We eventually learn that friends and acquaintances, regardless of the years between you, will often move on once you change, grow, heal, or move, but even if you go no-contact... your family is still your family. Frequently, they grieve a never-ending grief that goes away the instant contact is restored. The friends we keep for a lifetime often become "family" to us because the bond with family stands the test of time.

I get it. There are family members many of us would rather not be related to or know. For years, actually decades, I avoided my dad like the plague. I held him in contempt for a past that could not change. I listened to the stories others told me, and I believed them because those stories reinforced my disdain for him.

Then, after my mom died, I realized I'd been treating strangers on the street, drug-addicted and often criminally insane people, better than I was treating my own family. I held more compassion for their struggles and trials. I immediately felt ashamed of myself for never taking the time to sort out the "truth" of the past.

For the eight years following her death, I called my dad every Sunday. He didn't always answer, but I called nonetheless. I did this until a few years ago after he'd met his now-wife. I adore her. I stopped calling so frequently because my life was in turmoil, and each time I called, he spent most of the call talking to her and ignoring me. I often felt I had walked into a conversation I wasn't supposed to hear.

However, over the past twelve years, I learned so much about who my dad had become and started caring less about who he was. He and I spent much time talking, healing, growing, and forgiving. We became family again. Anytime others wanted to speak ill of him, I either defended him by saying, "That's not the relationship I have with him," or I would tell them I didn't want to hear anything negative about my dad.

I love my dad. I love our relationship, even though sometimes he behaves in those "old ways." According to The Four Agreements, how he treats me is not personal, good or bad. Still, sometimes, it's personal. Either way, he's my family. I'm so grateful.

SOURCE: https://www.reddit.com/r/QuotesPorn/comments/7g2dj2/sometimes_you_will_never_know_the_value_of_a/#lightbox

#chasingyes #greenstarmotivation #shineon #tammyblackday #healing #Family #thefouragreements #forgiveness #faith #miracles

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umbravirtus · 12 years ago

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Hello and Welcome! I’m Alex (he/him), a 30+ writer who’s been on the RP scene since 2013. English isn’t my first language, so you might see the occasional typo or a sprinkle of Spanish in my posts. I also use AI tools for grammar and syntax, so if that’s not your thing, I completely understand if you decide not to follow.

A study in: The pursuit of redemption through pain and sacrifice, the complexity of loyalty and betrayal, the struggle between destiny and free will, grappling with past mistakes and the fight for self-worth, embracing one's true identity despite external expectations, love's power to heal and destroy, the battle between vulnerability and strength, moral ambiguity in the face of survival, the strength found in unexpected places, the journey to redefine one's own story, navigating the space between power and humility, and learning to love oneself while navigating relationships with others.

Current Muses I enjoy exploring complex characters who walk the line between redemption and rebellion. Here’s my current roster:

Hans Westergaard (Frozen): The disgraced prince navigating a path toward redemption.

Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer): The smooth-talking fallen angel with charm and mischief.

Scanlan Shorthalt (The Legend of Vox Machina): Bard, charmer, and unexpected hero. TBA.

Like what you see? feel free to contact me or up my interest tracker

Cherished Newer Connections: @boombambaby | @botanikos | @doublejango

Rules, Thread Tracker, About me, etc. under the cut.

About me

Proudly Mexican, Trans, AuDHD, and LPA. Living outside the U.S. I’m here strictly for RP and positive vibes—no politics, drama, just good times. I won’t tolerate any anon hate, negativity, or toxicity—this is a safe space where I’m here to have fun and create stories with like-minded people. If that’s your vibe, we’ll get along great!

RP Preferences I love small, spontaneous interactions to test out character chemistry. If things click, I’m game for longer, more involved threads.

Dash Shenanigans & Crack: Encouraged! Bring on the banter and ridiculousness.

Content Warnings Dark themes may appear and will be tagged as tw [trigger]. This blog is DDDNE—if it’s tagged, it’s there for a reason.

Contact & Private RP Sinblog and Discord are available upon request after a bit of OOC bonding.

Affiliates & Longtime Connections

Over the years, I’ve developed strong bonds with certain writers and their unique interpretations of muses. When I reference a character here, I’m usually referring to a very specific version—like Fulltimeforestcryptid’s Elsa, Sovereignofarendelle’s Anna, Tetramonti’s Prince Eric and Princess Ariel, and Helreignn’s Hel.

I love making new connections and I'm always open to more, but you’ll likely see these longstanding partners pop up more often simply because of our shared history and the depth of our collaboration. The interaction between our muses has changed how I write my muses and I want to honor that special place. They're also my friends OOC and most have been for years

Thread & Following Management I cap my active threads at 50 to keep things fun and manageable. If a thread hasn’t seen a reply in a month, I may archive it, or untrack if interests shift. This isn’t personal—everyone has their own pace and priorities. If you’re on hiatus or want to replot or revive something, just let me know!

To help me plan, a heads-up on availability is always appreciated. I soft-block mutuals I haven’t interacted with for a while just to keep my dash fresh. If we’ve drifted but you’d like to reconnect, you’re welcome anytime!

Current Stats

Active Threads: 37

Inbox: 2

Archived: 9

Free Spaces: 4

Updated: Nov-15, 24

Rules

Please like this post to confirm you’ve read it.

I enjoy mature and dark content; this blog is DDDNE.

Mun and muses are of age. MINORS DNI

Mun ≠ Muse, Don't god-mod, Don't Meta-game. Etc.

I've got no triggers and I tag everything as tw trigger

I avoid pregnancy or children-based roleplay (exceptions for @fulltimeforestcryptid, @sovereignofarendelle, @helreginn)

I ship chemistry. We can plot but if the chemistry isn't there, sorry.

Each interaction exists in a unique verse unless all parties agree otherwise. Special partners will be referenced in my muses’ story arcs. I've had partners in the past insert muses on verses without consent so this is an automatic hard block for me.

#✎ Fuera de Personaje (Ooc)

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eclairfromleclerc · 3 years ago

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Hello everyone, this is the second part of the "All's Fair" fic. It actually took me a long time to write but the result is a connecting chapter between what happened in part 1 and what is about to happen next. Please note that English is not my native language so there are probably some mistakes. I hope that you will enjoy this "setting the scene part". Your comments are always appreciated. Stay tuned for more xx.

All's Fair (Chapter 2)

Part 1

The rest of the Barcelona testing went by pretty much the same way as the first day. The car met the expectations of the simulation allowing you to be more chilled than at the beginning of the testing. Spain was the same as you remember it to be since the last time you visited, even though you didn't have much of a chance to be a tourist with all of your duties consuming most of your time. On your ride to the airport you tried to get your last view of Spain until later this season, when you would race in Barcelona. Running casually late you get in your family jet where Christian is sitting, waiting for you.

" You know you'll have to stop being late at some point right ?" He tells you strictly

"Yes I will, I was just trying to get a glimpse of Barcelona before we go back to Oxford. Anyways, are you okay?" You answer

"Yes I am good, but now we have work to do. We have to read all those papers and articles about our performance till we arrive in the UK, so I am counting on you to help me".

"Okay, give me those." You say as you reach for the engineering articles, since you loved the field.

"No, no, take this first. It's all the TP statements about the car performances. I had my PR manager get all of them together. I want you to just check on them and just see how diplomatic and strategic all of them are" he says as he starts reading the articles in front of him. You reach for the papers in front of you and start reading.

"Zak Brown: 'We are really happy to see the car where we wanted it to be, we are hoping that we will be able to fight for podiums and wins during the season. The state of Ferrari, Mercedes and Red Bull is looking good however, it is a shared secret that their car performance does not match their actual one. We are all waiting to see how it really plays out in the first race of the season but we are optimistic.'" you go through other statements from the other teams, until you reach Mercedes. "We are not completely happy with our results concerning the performance of the car and we will try to sort this out until the Bahrain testing and then the season opener in Melbourne. The regulation change resulted in a much different car and we are trying to understand how each and every car operates, to get our best results possible." Toto's statement does not end there since the interviewer asked "what about your opponents? Christian Horner said that you were almost surely sandbagging and you are much quicker in reality. He also joked telling us that he will give you a hard time during the season."

Toto's answer made you roll your eyes. This guy was really annoying. " Our opponents are not our main interest right now, but I guess Christian has plenty of time and is happy with their result since they might be the ones sandbagging. I got to keep up with those guys. They are two now have you seen? Two Horners, this paddock is going to have a hard time." Yeah he definitely has to catch up because you are really going to give him a hard time. That idiot. You keep reading all the team statements and you order a gin tonic to relax a bit and then you see a notification from your iMessage

Max Emilian Verstappen 🦁 22:35

'Just arrived in Monaco. Home sweet home'

'Where r u?'

Me 22:37

'I am on the plane Max, going back to Oxford. Glad to see you're home buddy' you send him a photo of the Team Principals statements and your gin next to it

Max Emilian Verstappen 🦁 22:38

'Ooh having fun I see'

'Also did you read Toto's statement? He literally said there's two Horners so I guess you are already blacklisted?'

Me 22:39

'Oh Maxy, I read it, the guy is soooo annoying and I also don't care if he blacklisted me because I have already done the same.'

Max Emilian Verstappen 🦁 22:39

'Fierce girlboss, we love to see it to be honest'

You continue reading all of the statements and you take another look at the lap times when your father's voice interrupts your flow.

"Did you read Toto's statement?"

"Yes I did. He is scared he won't be able to handle us" you laugh

"Adrian says they are probably hiding a lot of lap time and pace, that they will be showing in Melbourne"

"I know dad, but I also know that our car is quick as well. Max said he can extract more and I trust him. We are going to do well."

"Well you are not wrong. Both Adrian and GP seemed really happy with the performance and don't forget, we are the ones hiding the pace as well."He says taking a breath

"Now you seem more relaxed. We will see how this goes" you tell him.

"You are right. Now let's just chill out for the rest of the flight. We will see them at home."

You leave the papers in front of you and put them in your bag. You spend the rest of your flight on your socials chatting with your best friends about your day. Later you arrive in England.

In the next two weeks you would come and go from your home to the factory and back again doing all sorts of the required work, looking at car data and minor improvements you made for the next set of testing sessions in Bahrain. Your work tasks consumed much of your time so you barely realized that you have to leave for Bahrain tomorrow. Many days in your work you would think about what Toto said about you and your dad, and how everyone would need extra energy to keep you chilled and you felt somewhat annoyed but determined to give him the hardest time possible.

Waking up early in the morning you take a shower to start your day and you get ready for your trip to Bahrain, placing your suitcase and bags in the trunk of your Aston Martin. You drive yourself to the airport where Max is waiting for you with his jet, to catch the flight to the country where you will be testing for the rest of the week.

"Hey Maxy" you say when you see your bestfriend

"Hi girl, how's it going?"

“I'm good Max thank you. How about you?”

“Now that we are able to leave, I am much more relaxed. I am really looking forward to the testing because GP told me they changed some things that were wrong on the car and it should feel much more comfortable.”

“Adrian and dad are very positive too, let’s see what we got”

You and Max have great fun in the flight discussing your testing plans until you hear your phone vibrating. It is another email from Liberty Media, the F1 management, about the press conferences later during testing. On the very top of the list you read

“ Team Representatives press conferences (Day 1)”

Group 1

Jost Capito

Franz Tost

Mattia Binotto

Group 2

Red Bull Racing Representative

Toto Wolff

Zak Brown

Group 3

Gunther Steiner

Fred Vasseur

Marcin Budkowski

Otmar Szafnauer

As soon as you see the “Red Bull Racing Representative” on the list you hope that your father will take over for the press conference. You look at your friend and show him the list.

“Seems like you got yourself a problem Miss Horner.” Max laughs

“I am really hoping that dad will take this over, i really can’t deal with the guy for those 3 days” you say

“Oh trust me you will have to do it eventually.” he says

“I don’t even want to think about it, let’s dive back to the schedule for the next days”

“Your wish is my command” he jokes

You concentrate on your testing programme and suddenly you hear another ping from your phone

Christian “Dad” Horner 20:35

“Press conference duties for tomorrow. Good luck with the Wolff.”

You groan as you realize what awaits you tomorrow.

#f1 #formula 1 #toto wolff #toto wolff x reader #toto wolff fanfic #toto wolff imagine #enemies to lovers #horner family #red bull management

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prof-peach · 3 years ago

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if fans wanted to include peach in stuff they write, would that be okay? and how would they write peach's personality? aside from "FIGHT ME" anyway, i think that much is a given lol. i only really write the anime characters 'cause that's what i know, but it sounds like it'd be kinda fun to try making a version of ash that fits into this blog's universe! nerf'd Obviously, but i think she'd probably appreciate how hands-on he gets when training his pokemon!

Ok, I get a lot of these messages, and I often hear folks wanting to throw peach into their stories and comics and writings, and I will always simply ask that if it’s published online publicly, to be linked to it so I can snoop and enjoy the content too. If someone asks about her in your work, let them know about the blog I guess? But literally I love that people take this stuff, these characters and stories, and make new stuff with it. No ones making money off my work here? So where’s the issue? Go for it buddy, knock yourself out, I’m all for it.

For you, and all the others out there who want to add peach, and other characters to your world building, I will give you a detailed rundown of the main lot, and how they behave, what they do, how they function. You can use that, use bits, or use none of it, I do not mind at all. If you’re creating something, you’re in control, not me.

So, peach doesn’t actually fight people as much as you’d think. She’s very aware most cannot and do not want to do that, and so she likes to keep to herself with regards to that aspect of her life, she doesn’t ask to spar with people, or even bring it up at all, but people ask her all the time, even if they clearly would lose or become hurt should she miscalculate during the fight. She looks at people like they usually create problems, and often has a somewhat reserved nature to other humans. You have to work quite hard to get anything more than formalities out of her. She will dead-pan handle people with blunt and very to-the-point statements, aid whenever possible, but very quickly get back to handling the Pokemon she so carefully tends. Her focus is clear, she’s all about hard work, her very small select family, and the Pokemon.

Her brutal, loud and brash personality only comes out with friends, family, difficult humans, OR any Pokemon. She will joke and laugh and play with Pokemon, but clam up around humans, maintaining tight body language and generally will be a little cold by regular standards. She does however have some weaknesses in this emotionless shield she puts up. When peach was young she was always angry, which swung so fast to sadness, back and forth. Her teenage years it just got worse and worse, it was crippling at points. She is to this day, full of fire and rage, even sadness, but now she has learnt to control it, to use it. When she sees that in others, it’s familiar, and she is pushed to drop the front, and be very real with the person. Underdogs I suppose, people who get bad reps, but deserve the same as everyone else. She can’t ignore it.

Once you start to pry open her personality, you’ll find she’s a lot more laid back and fun than originally appeared, you just have to work hard to find that side of her. She will meme reference, can’t dance to save her life, loves her coffee, and can be caught in quiet contemplation while gardening. This hobby is her calmest, and often is why she can stay so level headed when her quiet rage boils up again. Without time outside she will become grouchy, a little snippy, and lethargic. Will not go in the ocean for any reason other than life or death, is fine with ponds and rivers, or water at wading height. Likes the rain.

With regards to her training others, they usually have to tolerate her somewhat strict nature. She is a little....unforgiving, holds a grudge if you make a lot of mistakes, and has no tolerance for ignorance in the age of information that we all live in. In previous posts I’ve mentioned she’s only recently selected two students, after many years of testing kids who want to learn from her. Hundred tried out, only two have ever been approved. How she teaches is very fast paced, be prepared to get some scrapes and bruises, she will test your physical and emotional tolerances with intense tasks, carefully watching students like a hawk. Bad posture in your stance? She’ll be the first to tell you to sort it out. Not hearing your Pokemon partner? Right, now you spend the day without using words trying to communicate, let’s see how you like not being listened to.

This is a woman who has spent her life saying very little, and watching everything, she watches Pokemon and can see an issue from a mile off, and in battles, her observations are why she can react fast, and chose effective strategy to avoid damage and achieve results. Don’t let her body fool you, her strongest asset is analysing, watching, planning. Those skills have over the years transferred to people too. As a student, mistakes don’t go unnoticed with this professor.

Her methods are harsh but fair, and should you prove yourself, she will protect you with her life.

Because of her disinterest in kids and lots of noise, she does pass the training of students on to the other staff members whenever possible. Grey takes on the lions share of battle lessons, he is far calmer, more open and friendly, with patience for people, and an empathy that peach sometimes struggles to have. When you go through a lot of harsh training, and difficult events, it’s hard to change how you feel or think, with peach, well, she’s been through it. Most do not come out the other end in one piece, but she did, and it made her strong. You may think I mean strong like buff and big, and yeah sure she is, but I mean it mentally more than anything. Peach will not quit. She has learnt to destroy the boundaries that stop people getting hurt, gone is the fear that freezes you in your tracks, that feeling that you’ll pass out if you go one more step. She’s learnt to ignore it.

This means she’s a little forgetful at how it is to be normal, to be vulnerable and soft and squishy like students so usually are.

She has her issues, but for the most part, visitors get a laugh, a smile, a calm assertive confidence, and facts. She will indulge those who have genuine interest, or show a connection with nature, an understanding of the balance that needs to be struck for everyone to live well together.

Despite her many flaws, she’s fiercely protective, and will go above and beyond to defend the island, it’s staff, the Pokemon and the visitors. Injustice is her biggest gripe, along with littering, and she doesn’t stand by quietly if something happens that seems unfair.

You will not see her without Valka, her vulpix, close by. That Pokemon doesn’t like to be touched by strangers, at all, and will run the second someone comes at her with that intent. Peach will scold you for pushing yourself onto her, should you persistently try to get close to pet Val. They are in sync, if peach is sad, Val is sad, if Val is stressed, peach is stressed, and so on. They are inherently connected, it’s just been that long, the psychic bridge between them has been built, and reinforced over the years.

The only other Pokemon who follows her so endlessly is Booker, a teddiursa who’s pretty rough looking. He quietly trots behind, grouchy and stoic, they fight closely together a lot. He lost his mom a long time ago to poachers, and peach took him in, and changed her whole life for him. Not many people know, but Booker was the reason she left the rangers, changed career, and got so strong. Will tolerate people petting him but isn’t keen at all, grumbles a lot and tries to move away.

You may also need to know about the others, for the sake of writing, she here a few more bits that may be important to you, or others wanting to do this.

Grey is very tall, very burly, composed, tells bad dad jokes, is a bit of a goof if allowed to be. If he sees a pun, he’ll say it. Can’t help himself. Very nice guy to work with, good at keeping people calm and grounded. Pokemon are drawn to him like a moth to a flame, he gives off warm energy, and has inhuman amounts of patience. If you wrong his family however, he will snap back.

He grew up in the city, loves to swim and hike and cycle, can snowboard, is really sporty. A total brain box with held items, and boosting stats. He will explore many paths, to make sure visitors and students get the information they need, in a way that can be remembered and retained for later. Is a huge guy, but will get on the floor to play with a tiny Pokemon. Treats big “meaner” looking species like babies, very good with all pokemon.

His free time is spent either tinkering, swimming, or trimming his bonsai trees. This guy stares at screens a lot, so appreciates time away from them. Peach built him his own little greenhouse for his trees and tools, which he keeps clean and loves dearly.

His methods as a teacher are built around fun and games, he makes hard work easier to do by distracting trainers from the difficult bits, and focusing in on something more interesting or compelling.

His most commonly seen Pokemon would be a houndoom, Saxon, old battle veteran, retired now to herding and being a good boy. Very gentle, loves a pet.

Pari, now a fully fledged nurse, often oversees the labs front desk and pokecentre features, such as healing pokemon, and informing trainers who come to visit. Her skills with eggs and hatchlings is high, she’s great with younger Pokemon, and hands out good advice to trainers a lot. She’s not a fighter, never was, but can find any file, any study, any book, and any refrence you may need. A true bookworm, loves her romance novels, chat shows and upbeat celebrity gossip mags. Will cry at a lot of stuff, be it sad or happy.

She’s got a seriously upbeat personality, but if caught off guard or shocked, she gets a little flustered. Too much chaos will overwhelm her, but usually she’s on top of things. The years spent on the island have made her better at maintaining composure in emergencies. With lots of siblings, she’s very competent with others, and has a good ability to disarm cagey people with her jolly nature. Because of this, she can sometimes gain information from trainers that some of the more harsh professors may not have access to. Charming is a word for it.

Her partners are an eevee, and a happiny. They are quite sweet and well adjusted, the eevee gets a bit bouncy if you get it too excited.

#if you dont want to use the refs #im really cool with it #just enjoy yourself buddy #pokemon #prof.peach #peach talks #prof.grey #pari #dotaku island #dotaku staff #PLEASE #just ask me if you dont know something #or feel i missed something in what i wrote

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rainbowsky · 2 years ago

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Hello! I've recently been diagnosed with autism, and I was hoping you could answer a few questions about your own experience with autism.

1. Do you struggle with knowing that you will never be "normal"? Do you ever wish you weren't autistic?

On the other hand, are there aspects of autism that you absolutely love?

2. How do you (or do you at all) tell people that you are autistic? Do you feel that their perception of you changes after you've told them?

3. Do you have any tips on how to read other people, and conversely, how to make it easier for them to read you?

4. Do you struggle with sensory hypersensitivity and if so, how do you deal with it? Is it ok to ask people to accommodate your needs?

5. My primary care doctor has doubted the validity of my diagnosis. Is it common in the medical field that health care professionals don't believe someone when they say they have autism?

Thanks a lot!

Hi Anon, I'm not sure how helpful I can be to you, but I will give it my best effort! 💛

Disclaimer: Every autistic person is different, and their experiences and needs are going to be different. Autism is called a 'spectrum' for a reason. Contrary to what you might have learned, there is no 'typical' autistic person or even 'typical' autistic traits. So please understand that my responses here are going to be based on my experience of autism. If they don't resonate with you that's totally to be expected. Everyone is different.

I am also only speaking for myself here. Nothing I say is any attempt to speak on behalf of other autistic people.

First of all, congratulations on the diagnosis. It can be incredibly difficult for autistic adults to get a diagnosis. The testing is extensive and generally runs in the thousands of dollars. A lot of psychologists will discourage adults from bothering to pursue testing because there are very few programs and services for autistic adults, and access to such programs is seen as the primary value of having a formal diagnosis.

Of course, that is not the only value of having a diagnosis. There are a lot of other positive things that can come out of having a diagnosis, including

Having a sense of certainty about our situation, knowing we're not 'imagining things' and things really are different for us

Being able to ensure we have proper accommodations at our workplace or school

Having a language and framework through which to discuss our differences with neurotypical people in order to help them understand us

Having the sort of 'proof' that a lot of people feel they need from us in order to accept our differences as legitimate

Feeling empowered to ensure our needs are met, and to take our place within the autism community

In fact, I would go so far as to say that not having a diagnosis can bring a lot of anxiety to autistic people. Autistic adults usually know that there is something different about them, and they have often pursued some of the free tests available and spoken with other autistic people and are well aware that they are autistic.

However, people who do not have a formal diagnosis will often feel shame or insecurity when they try to talk about their experience and connect within the autism community. They often struggle to get their needs recognized and struggle to be understood by others. Too often they are mocked and even personally attacked for daring to claim they are autistic.

There is a huge sense of relief that comes from having one's self-concept understood and confirmed. That autistic people are so often deprived of a diagnosis is one of the many outrages in how autism is handled in our society.

Imagine a large percentage of people of any other significant group being told not to worry about being diagnosed. What a shocking deprivation of care.

1] Do you struggle with knowing that you will never be "normal"? Do you ever wish you weren't autistic? On the other hand, are there aspects of autism that you absolutely love?

No, I never wish I wasn't autistic. Quite the contrary. I am grateful to be the way I am. I often feel neurotypical people spend an inordinate amount of time propping up each other's insecurities and being burdened by interpersonal subtext, and I can't imagine living like that.

I've also often been grateful for the unique perspective I have, which enables me to stay focused and keep track of the thread of what's important, and I'm often able to bring perspectives and angles to topics that other people find surprising and useful. This has been helpful in work situations of course, but also in day-to-day life.

Of course I have had some moments of grief when I look back over my life and see how unnecessarily difficult it has been at times due to the differences I've lived with, without accommodation. But that grief isn't for who I am or how I am, it's for a world that is focused only around the very privileged few.

In those moments I'm not sad because I'm autistic, I'm sad because I'm autistic in a world where the traits of autism that I displayed were misunderstood, disdained, maligned and disregarded. Where every classroom, every social situation, every public space, every workplace, etc. was built around assumptions that didn't take anything about me or people like me into account.

2] How do you (or do you at all) tell people that you are autistic? Do you feel that their perception of you changes after you've told them?

It depends on the situation. If I feel there is a good reason for them to know, I will always tell them. 'Good reasons' for me generally fall into one of a few categories:

They are someone I'm invested in knowing for a while (as opposed to a random person I meet and might never see again).

They are someone who has power or influence in my life in some way (employer, health care professional, agency representative, etc.).

They are someone I feel I can connect with around autism, or there is an opportunity to bring awareness in some way.

I tell the first group because I feel it's important that people who are going to be interacting with me over the long term know in advance that I'm not necessarily going to be like other people they know. It is not in either of our best interests to go into a relationship with them expecting me to think and behave like a neurotypical person.

I tell the second group because there are usually implications for how my involvement with them or their organization will be managed.

The third group are people like my readers (although they would fall into the first group for me as well), or other autistic people I see online. Even if I don't have a direct relationship with them, there are benefits to sharing that part of myself, even through the course of a brief one-time conversation.

I find that people's perception of me almost always changes for the better. And by 'better' I don't mean they think I'm cooler or more interesting or something, rather, I mean they seem to see my humanity more and become more compassionate, curious and authentic with me.

IRL I am actually very Lan Wangji-ish in a lot of ways, in that I often come across as a serious, detached, intense person. People have frequently told me that I am 'intimidating' (which is just crazy to me because on the inside I am nothing like that at all).

I think people who see me that way are responding to my affect (in the psychology definition of the word, ' the facial expressions, gestures, postures, vocal intonations, etc., that typically accompany an emotion') - which tends to be pretty calm and almost expressionless even during times of distress - and to my overall apparent confidence/directness, which comes from my matter-of-fact approach to situations.

I don't feel burdened by the need to maintain some sort of veneer of propriety by pretending a situation isn't what it is, or act out of some misguided need to protect rude people from the perception that they are being rude (which is oddly what most NT people do). Not that I run roughshod over other people's feelings, but I also am not willing to behave in ways that seem fake, insecure and dishonest to me, no matter how much pressure I come under to do so.

Most NT people are judgmental toward me when I cross those kinds of invisible barriers they live within, and they assume I'm brash or intentionally rude.

When I tell people I am autistic, suddenly the things about me that seem unusual or unapproachable begin to make sense to them, and they tend to warm up to me a lot more. Everyone becomes more accepting and accommodating toward me, almost without exception. They also seem to feel a lot less intimidated by me because they understand me better.

And often that change can be pretty dramatic. For example, my sister used to find a certain aspect of my personality unbearable. I can be like 'a dog with a bone' (in her words) about certain things. I just get fixated and won't let go. For a long time it used to be a source of conflict between us because she felt that I was just being belligerent and stubborn, but now when I get that way she is infinitely more patient and even has strategies for guiding us past the fixation.

Of course, it's not all sunshine and roses and immediate understanding and acceptance. There are some things that NT people just don't seem to understand, and they keep responding the same way again and again, expecting a different result.

For example, I tend to hyperfocus quite a bit and have an incredibly difficult time switching focus when I am absorbed in something. It is a sort of tunnel vision experience, where the rest of the world simply doesn't exist. I'll have only a very limited awareness of what's happening around me. People could be standing right next to me and banging pots and pans and I wouldn't be distracted.

Still, knowing this about me usually doesn't change people's behavior. They will still come up to me and tell me something and then later get angry when I say I have no memory of them speaking to me. They'll think I have been 'ignoring them' or 'tuning them out', as though it's intentional on my part.

I think people just really have a hard time getting their head around the idea that my mind cannot take in whatever it is they are saying and doing. And I think there also is a human tendency toward blame that makes people want to point fingers and be angry.

But overall, at least when it comes to interpersonal relationships (the health care world I'll get to in a bit), disclosing my autism almost always dramatically improves my relationships with people.

Which, when you think about it, is a bit sad in a way. We should all strive to be patient, inquisitive and compassionate toward each other, regardless of what type of person we are. It shouldn't take some external label to make people suddenly capable of those interpersonal connections.

It’s also really beautiful, too, that people are willing to be more compassionate. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or dismissive of that. I just wish that it was a more typical way of being with those around us.

3] Do you have any tips on how to read other people, and conversely, how to make it easier for them to read you?

Hahahahaa nooooo. 😅

I guess my best tip would be not to try. Or at least, not to try too hard. Embrace the fact that you're not fluent in social subtext and just live your life as YOU.

(I really don't think NT people are consciously aware of just how much of their human interactions are entirely subtext.)

My best advice is to make it clear to people that they have to use their words. They cannot assume you're picking up some 'hint' they're trying to give you.

A huge part of NT interactions for me feels like being pressured to try to read people's minds, make big assumptions about their insecurities and sensitivities and rephrase everything I say based on those assumptions. I can't possibly do that. I don't have any of that information, and any time I try to guess, I'm wrong and it only makes matters a lot worse. When I make a mistake in that process, people feel like I'm revealing all these judgments I have about them, when in reality I'm just trying to speak a language I don't understand.

So, Anon, I feel like that is a game to be consciously avoided. Rather than trying to 'fit in' or 'mask' or find and parse subtext, focus on asking questions and trying to draw out the literal message from the other person.

And when it comes to being understood yourself, take responsibility for communicating openly and honestly - with the big caution to learn and understand as much as you can about how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. It's important for everyone, but I think autistic people in particular can benefit from it.

Also, beware the unexpected. I've heard it said that autistic people 'need to know what to expect', and I think that's an excellent insight.

It's something that resonates with me a lot (obviously within reason). I often get very disoriented when something unexpected happens; when something is just sprung upon me that I didn't anticipate. Someone showing up at my door without calling first, for example, or someone cancelling plans, or showing up at a gathering of a few close friends and finding there are a bunch of strangers there. I can be fine around strangers, but I need to know in advance.

I think this can be a valuable insight to apply to social interactions. Expect the unexpected to throw you off, and take some time to reorient yourself before responding.

For example, a lot of autistic people accidentally over-share because they get drawn into conversations that pull things out of them, where big questions are thrown at them unexpectedly and they don't have time to think about how better to respond.

My advice is to do some conscious self-reflection on what you want other people to know about you and what you want to keep private, and stick to that script as strictly as possible. If you find yourself being thrown off or disoriented or surprised by something you're being asked, take a conscious pause before responding. If you don't find your sea legs in the situation, shelve the question until after you've had some time for reflection, and preferably sleep on it.

And be wary of those who don't take no for an answer. This is advice for everyone, really, but when you try to set a boundary in a conversation and the other person keeps poking at it, trying to see if you'll 'go there' anyway, take some big steps back. I've learned this the hard way so many times.

Another huge piece of advice: be aware of the ways in which your autism might make you more vulnerable to being taken advantage of. This is a huge one for me. I have a tendency to see people I like as 'nice', and it's sooo naive. 😅 (This is a vulnerability I often have with asks from antis here - I assume people are acting in good faith and often they aren’t.)

The big problem is, I like almost everyone! And the more I interact with people, the more I find things to like about them. And because I can't read their subtext or their expressions very well, I don't pick up on danger signs. People close to me IRL often feel like they need to keep an eye on me to make sure I'm not blundering into situations with people who will take advantage of me or hurt me.

I am terrible, absolutely terrible at predicting/seeing through people's motivations. My partner has been shocked in the past when he's seen people being transparently opportunistic and exploitative toward me, and I've been totally oblivious to it and thought they were my friends.

So, one way I try to get better at dealing with that is by paying attention to how people behave and try not to be quite so influenced by my feelings. I also regularly seek feedback and insight from people who I truly know I can trust - the people who have stuck by me through thick and thin. Don't be afraid to enlist trusted people as guides and translators!

I also sometimes have to cut people out who I don't feel capable of interacting with safely. When I've had enough negative interactions with a person or when I come away from interactions feeling disoriented and uncertain of 'what just happened' and I don't feel safe to go back in and sort it out, I will just set that connection aside for my own well-being.

That can sometimes lead to people painting me in a really negative light or misunderstanding my motives, but that's a price I'm willing to pay. After all, I'm just trying to maintain my own equilibrium and safety. Never be afraid to do what you need to do to ensure your safety and well-being.

But by far my biggest advice in dealing with interpersonal situations is: always go into minefield social situations with NT people first letting them know you're autistic (or at least discussing/outlining your different communication styles). Even if they already know about this, remind them. 😅

When there are emotionally charged situations, people often get caught up in the moment and they forget who they are talking to. I find that most of the difficult situations I end up in with people could simply have been avoided by remembering our differences in communication styles before going into it.

It is true that there are some downsides to our social differences, but there are also upsides. As much as my forthright nature can annoy some people, for example, other people are grateful to know they can trust me to tell it like it is.

It can be helpful to look for those 'upsides' and wear them proudly as a reminder that you're not a bad person, you're not a burden, you're not a weirdo.

Like I said, no two autistic people are alike, so YMMV with a lot of this. The more self-reflection you do the more you will learn about your own particular needs. When you do, communicate those needs to the people you feel ought to know.

4] Do you struggle with sensory hypersensitivity and if so, how do you deal with it?

Yes, I do. I deal with it by getting to know myself and putting that knowledge into action, and also by being more mindful overall. Being conscious of how I feel moment-to-moment helps me stave off the worst situations.

I can sometimes get away with letting this slide in my day-to-day life, but out in the world I need to make a conscious decision to be mindful, because

I'm much more likely to run into problems out in the world than at home where I've built a nest of comfort/accommodations.

The consequences of having a problem out in the world are potentially much worse.

Many problems can be solved or at least mitigated by simply knowing ourselves and listening to our bodies. Our bodies will tell us when something is off, but we are often so 'in our heads' (or on our phones) as a culture that we lose touch with our bodies.

Anxiety starts up as a spark in our bodies. We feel that. The signals may vary, but a few things you might want to watch for:

Tension in the muscles, especially in the neck and shoulders.

An urge to hold your breath or to take faster, shorter breaths.

Fluttery or nervous feeling in the stomach.

Clenching the teeth and jaw.

A building up of nervous, jittery energy.

A sudden shift in emotions or mood - from happy to angry, from tired to sad, etc.

An urge to fight, flight or freeze in some way.

Shifts in the body or in the emotions/mood are often the first sign we get that we're not feeling safe, or that we are beginning to feel overwhelmed. It's important to listen to those changes and ask ourselves what we need in that moment. This can be true for everyone, not just autistic people.

Mindfulness is a huge thing that has helped me. I've studied Zen Buddhism (Thich Nhat Hanh is a good place to start if you're interested - I’ll add a little reading list to the end of this post), which has helped me a lot. You might find other ways to get grounded and stay focused and present as well. Yoga is also very helpful, as is any physical exercise, really. Being in nature is another one.

Another thing that helps is to make sure that when you're in 'risk' situations (public places, social events, a busy workplace, etc.) someone you trust knows that you're autistic and know how best to help you in the event of a meltdown. Knowing how you typically react and a few simple things anyone can do to help can be a good safeguard.

This is also true for other things such as PTSD & panic attacks, mental health issues, some physical or cognitive issues, etc.

When I have a meltdown I can freeze and go nonverbal, which has really freaked people out in the past. When there's no one around who knows how to help me, that has at times led to people being incredibly cruel. People can be horrible when they're presented with something they don't understand, or something that startles or frightens them.

I often joke that my partner is 'my support animal', but in a lot of ways, it's true. Having someone I can trust to have my back in any situation makes it possible for me to do a lot more things than I might otherwise be able to do.

So it's valuable to have people around who are prepared to look out for you and watch your back. Sometimes they will even notice those signals when we're ignoring them, or check in with us to see if we're doing OK when we forget to do that ourselves.

I guess my entire point here is, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

But if something happens and you get overwhelmed, also don't beat yourself up for it. Understand that it's not your fault, not any more than it would be a NT person's fault for tripping over a curb that's improperly marked.

Is it ok to ask people to accommodate your needs?

I'm giving this one extra emphasis because it's so incredibly important, and this goes for everyone, not just neurodivergent or autistic people, and this goes for all your needs, not just the ones that are associated with a perceived 'disability':

It is always OK to ask people to accommodate your needs, and in fact it's also generally very important to.

Everyone has needs. And almost no one is ever going to tell you this in your entire life, but your needs matter.

People rarely sense what your needs are, nor are they generally able to anticipate them, so it is up to you to make sure that you communicate your needs and work with the people around you to get both your needs and their needs met.

Never leave this unspoken. Learn to be open about it.

And it doesn't need to be some heavy conversation all the time, either. It can be a simple, casual comment such as, "Would you mind closing the blinds or switching places with me?" or "Could you please text me if you're going to be late?" or "I need you to stop speaking to me in that tone of voice please."

Resist the urge to justify your needs. Your needs are your needs, and are valid right out of the box. Why they are your needs is no one's business unless you really want them to know. Explaining your needs should never feel like 'giving them credibility in other people's eyes'. They are valid simply because they are your needs.

For an excellent framework for dealing with needs - and for dealing with communication in general - I highly, highly, highly recommend Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. He is one of my absolute greatest heroes.

5] My primary care doctor has doubted the validity of my diagnosis. Is it common in the medical field that health care professionals don't believe someone when they say they have autism?

Young Grasshopper... 🥺

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but this is incredibly common - even typical - and is likely something you're going to encounter repeatedly throughout your life. Unfortunately most people in the healthcare industry do not have any proper training about what autism is or what autistic people are like.

I think that we often expect healthcare professionals to be aware of and understand what is a fairly common - or at least fairly high profile - segment of society, but the reality is, professionals train in their professions only, and have only a very layman understanding of these issues. A primary care physician is by nature a generalist who probably hasn't taken any special training or done any special reading on what autism is.

And even a lot of people in psychology and other professions that directly interact with autistic people, and who have done some reading or some training around autism, are misinformed. I'm not going to go into a huge amount of detail here, but I urge you and anyone else who is interested to read the book Neurotribes by Steve Silberman.

It is a comprehensive history of our understanding of autism, and it is a shocking eye opener. The people who are responsible for the current widespread misunderstanding of what autism is and how autistic people present and act, they are just a bunch of hucksters and charlatans who had no formal training in psychology and whose knowledge came from a bunch of conjecture and incorrect assumptions.

It was these fools who came up with the notion that autism is only a very narrow condition that always presents with certain very narrow traits that are readily visible to anyone at a casual glance. What became known as 'low functioning autism' for a long time. And so-called 'high-functioning autism' was known as Asperger's syndrome (which is just disgusting because Asperger was heavily involved with Nazi eugenics programs - part of why you'll never hear me say I have Asperger's).

Those who were doing legitimate evidence-based research understood autism via more of a spectrum model (which is currently in use today by autism specialists), but that research was essentially suppressed and held back for half a century while those who didn't have any clue what they were doing took over with their incorrect ideas. Most autistic people were not getting diagnosed and those who were getting diagnosed were being treated poorly and inadequately. And, of course, mothers were being blamed for causing autism in their children, because misogyny.

I found reading Neurotribes really helped me a lot to understand why things are the way they are. It helped me realize my own misconceptions about autism. It helped me to realize just how widespread all of these incorrect ideas are, which helped me to better navigate the healthcare system.

Before I was diagnosed I had the typical really narrow understanding of what autism is. I remember I even said at one point, "Either I am not autistic, or else I have a very incorrect understanding of what autism is."

It turned out that the latter was true. I had no proper understanding of what autism is.

One of my favorite insights related to all of this is the mental health advocacy idea that 'low functioning' is a label used to deny intelligence and agency, and 'high functioning' is a label used to deny support and care. SO TRUE.

This has been my experience throughout my life. Because I present as a calm, capable, intelligent person, I am often denied access to supports and services I need. And the same is true socially with my friends and family. Because I don't tend to show a lot of emotion people won't believe I'm upset, or won't realize how upset I am, and will think I don't need their support.

And this happens a lot with neurotypical people in general. Because I am articulate and am able to express myself pretty clearly and openly, neurotypical people simply won't believe me that - for example - I can't read their subtext, or I don't understand social cues, or I don't understand why they felt insulted by something I said.

It is really common for autistic people to deal with those kinds of barriers and misconceptions/assumptions.

Meanwhile people who appear to be someone's idea of 'low functioning' will be denied the right to make their own decisions, live on their own, etc. And I feel like all of this started back when those charlatans were creating their erroneous framework for understanding what autism is.

There are a lot of other misconceptions that also are debunked in the book Neurotribes. For example, the notion that autism is increasingly over-diagnosed. In fact, it is under-diagnosed. The rise in the number of autistic people is not because there are more autistic people being born, or because people are being over-diagnosed, it is because the statistics have not yet caught up with the actual number of autistic people in the population. Once they reflect the true number of autistic people, they will level off.

A similar thing has happened with left handedness. 100 years ago only 3% of the population was left-handed, while now it is at 11%. That isn't because there are more left-handed people being born, it is because fewer left-handed people are being forced to try to become right-handed.

I wish I had reliable strategies to suggest for how to deal with medical professionals who are ignorant about autism, but I really don't. This is a problem I'm struggling with in my own life and I don't feel like I have any simple answers at the moment. All I can say is, when you know to anticipate that ignorance it becomes a little bit easier to stomach. It also helps to be your own fierce advocate when possible.

I am fortunate in that I have a good psychologist who is an autism expert who has been an amazing support to me. Even still, a GP who has no special training in dealing with autism will have the audacity to think they know more about it than somebody who has dedicated her entire life to studying autism and working closely with autistic people.

This is just the kind of world we live in, unfortunately.

There is a bit of a silver lining that I can share here, and that is that I have had people in those sorts of healthcare relationships with me start out as being incredibly dismissive about my autism, who have (due to my self-advocacy) better informed themselves and are now quite supportive.

So if you feel capable of asserting yourself and being an advocate for yourself, I recommend it. That will probably come a bit easier for you once you've read Neurotribes and have a good understanding of how and why people in healthcare became so badly misinformed.

A diagnosis can take some adjusting to, but I think that it's important to remember that you're the same person you were before you had a diagnosis, it's just that now you have another tool for understanding yourself and helping others to understand you.

All the things you've been doing up to now to survive are still just as valid as they've always been. It always pays to review and revise your approaches, but you have probably developed a lot of skills over the years to help you cope.

I wish you all the best on your journey, and I hope that some of this has been helpful to you. If you or anyone else ever wants to talk about these things (or anything else for that matter) please feel free to contact me.

Thich Nhat Hanh reading list (my favorites):

Peace is Every Step

The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching

The Sun my Heart

You might also find my fandom survival guide useful.

#personal #autism is my botox #ask

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mypoisonedvine · 4 years ago

Text

Love, Theoretically | Sebastian Stan x reader (Chapter 5)

(chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3) (chapter 4)

series summary: having lost your husband, sister, and best friend all to the same extramarital affair, you ran away to a secluded villa in the Hungarian countryside to write and get a little time away from the life you’d left behind. you were only looking for peace and perhaps some inspiration for your novel, but instead you found an unlikely connection with the immigrant repairman– even though the two of you don’t speak the same language.

word count: nearly 2.5k

warnings: vague description of a wet dream, some sensual implied stuff (??),

moodboard and inspiration credit to @evnscvll

In all your life, you’d never had a wet dream. Not even in high school when so many of your peers were coping with puberty and budding sexuality in similar ways— not even when you’d wanted to have one about David Kapoor, the cutest guy in senior year who didn’t even know you existed but that you were somehow convinced was going to fall madly in love with you one day.

It never did work out for you two, but you’d finally managed to have a wet dream. This one, though, was about Sebastian.

In your dream he had cornered you in the kitchen, kissing you deeply before tossing you onto the table and— well, the rest doesn’t bear repeating. It was all very ‘discount bin romance novel’ wasn’t it? The exotic, rugged farm boy roughly taking the formerly-prudish businesswoman in the middle of the house, too deep in the throes of passion to care if someone walking by saw them.

You didn’t find it all that sexy by the time you woke up; moreso just humorous. That’s preposterous, you thought to yourself, nobody’s ever gonna love me like that.

It was something your husband had said to you once. You couldn’t even remember what the context was anymore, but clearly it had had an impact on you to be repeating it internally now. Just last week, Mrs. Alberti had gotten on your case for speaking poorly of yourself. Clearly, the things you said about yourself to others were nothing against what you said about yourself to yourself.

Your papers had only taken a day to dry, but the ink was pretty severely smudged. Knowing your publisher wouldn’t accept them in a manuscript, you resolved to retyping the most damaged ones— a good mindless task to do while you pondered your next steps plot-wise. You’d seen Sebastian less for the past week, and it was no accident; you’d been avoiding him because you were trying to nip this in the bud before it got any worse. Your divorce isn’t final yet, you need to heal. This is fantasy, not reality. You barely know each other. Your divorce isn’t final. Your divorce. Isn’t. Final.

That was the mantra you found yourself repeating as you retyped the waterlogged sheets; so much for the plot-pondering plan, eh?

You heard someone coming up the stairs, and you knew it was him because the steps were coming too quickly to be Mrs. Alberti. “Come in,” you instructed before he’d even knocked.

“Bună ziua,” he greeted as he opened the door, leaning inside. “Am pregătit cina, ai vrea să mănânci?”

“Hm?” you asked as you turned around in your chair, adjusting your reading glasses. However, his question became more obvious through context when you saw he had oven mitts and an apron on, and was holding a wooden spoon. “Oh, um, I’ll be down for dinner in a minute. Soon.” You held up a few fingers, hoping he would successfully interpret them into minutes.

“Arăți bine în ochelarii aceia,” he motioned, pointing towards you.

“I’m sorry… what?” you asked, not sure at all what he could be talking about.

“Ochelari. Sunt drăguți,” he re-emphasized, but it was useless as you gave him another confused look. He sighed, straightening up a bit as he began a new method: “Îmi plac,” he said, pointing to himself and then giving a thumbs up, “ochelarii tăi,” he pointed to you, and then made circles with his fingers and brought them up to his eyes.

You laughed a little, but you were pretty sure you got what he meant. “You like my glasses?” you clarified, reaching up to wiggle them on your face a bit.

“Da,” he grinned. “Pari inteligent.”

“Thank you,” you nodded, and he nodded back as he shut the door and his footsteps faded back into the kitchen.

Once a few more pages had been redone, you gave your hair a quick combing before heading down for dinner with Sebastian. It smelled a little strange by the time you went downstairs, but when you swung open the door to the kitchen, you were instantly hit with a wave of acidic air, forcing you to wince and cough. Even that didn’t help much, and you forced your eyes shut as they stung.

“Jesus Christ,” you yelped, “the fuck are you cooking? Tear gas?!”

“Oțetul te irită?” he asked, not sounding as concerned as you would’ve hoped considering your obvious pain. It was like you could taste it in the air, and it wasn’t until you managed to open your burning eyes again that you realized what it was: vinegar, in a huge jug right next to the pot he was boiling it in.

“You’re boiling vinegar?” you realized incredulously. “God, Europeans are fucking weird.”

He just looked back at you with bewildered bemusement.

“In America,” you tried to explain, “we don’t eat vinegar. We clean our floors with it.” You pointed to the jug and made a motion meant to indicate scrubbing a surface, and he laughed a little.

“Americanii sunt prea sensibili,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, turning back to the stove to stir his pot of disinfectant which he apparently planned to serve you as a meal. “Am avut ciorbă de oțet de când eram copil.”

You’d typically considered yourself an adventurous eater— even with vinegar-pickled things, like kim chi which you’d learned to acquire a taste for— but this one put you to the test. Considering the smell alone had singed your sinuses, you were nervous what would become of your innocent tastebuds. But after he served the soup (a dark orange color, so apparently it wasn’t just the boiled vinegar) into a bowl for you and another for himself, you found the taste of it oddly pleasant when you sipped it gently from your hesitant little spoon.

“Vezi, nu e așa de rău,” he smiled gently as he watched you fail to recoil in disgust from the flavor.

“Just like ma used to make, huh?” you chuckled as he ate the soup with incredible speed, even going as far as to lift the bowl to his lips and drink the last few sips that way.

Eating dinner in silence with him was unexpectedly comfortable. “You wanna know something funny?” you found yourself mumbling aloud. “I enjoy talking to you more than anyone I ever did back home, and you can’t even understand me.”

His smile softened as he stared back at you, apparently sensing the change in your tone as you spoke.

“See, right there, that’s it: you’re listening to me. You know it’s useless, you know you won’t be able to tell what I’m talking about, but you’re listening anyways. Over two billion English speakers on the planet and none of them have listened to me like you do.”

Then you heard yourself, and it was so heart-breaking that you had no choice but to laugh. It was just a chuckle at first, but then you couldn’t stop it, even when you realized how confused Sebastian would be. Everything is funnier when you know you shouldn’t laugh, and soon you could barely breathe as tears warmed your eyes from the force of it.

“I’m sorry,” you tried to spit out between your fits of laughter, but it was barely comprehensible anyways. Sebastian began to laugh with you, if hesitantly and with a hint of confusion.

“De ce râdem?” he asked gently.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, calming down a bit, “I’m sorry I just… I was just imagining what my husband would say, if he knew I was here…” you trailed off as you laughed again, starting over. “If he knew I was here, falling for someone I’ve never even spoken with.” You shook your head, resting your face in your hands as you chuckled lightly. “Oh, he’d hate this. He’d tell me I was out of my mind.”

With a slow sigh, your laughter subsided as you wiped the wetness from your eyes.

“He’d be right, but… I don’t really care,” you decided. “He’s not here. If he wanted to find me, he would. And maybe it’s because he’d hate this that I’m having so much goddamn fun doing it.”

When you looked at Sebastian again, his face was serious, yet anything but stern. Suddenly, you weren’t thinking about your husband anymore. Of course you logically understood how odd this all was, how impossible it was for you to be slowly finding yourself in love with someone like him, but it felt right, and true, and real. It made no sense, and yet it made perfect sense in every way that mattered.

“I’ll help you clean,” you offered as you stood up, realizing you’d gotten lost in your train of thought and probably stared at him for a bit too long. He stood up with you, helping you gather the used dishes and letting you wash them in the sink while he put the remaining soup in the refrigerator as leftovers for another time. “I’ll cook for you tomorrow,” you promised, “something real bland, like the English cook.”

“Sper că nu intenționați să gătiți pentru mine cândva, nu suport mâncarea occidentală,” he mumbled as he continued to wipe down the countertop with a damp towel.

With the kitchen clean, you knew you should get back to writing your book, but you were compelled instead to read somebody else’s— so, as you slipped onto the couch with one of a few of your favorites that you’d brought with you, Sebastian summoned the same copy of Dracula you’d seen him reading a few times and took the loveseat. Not much else happened after that, save for you shivering from a draft and him tossing a throw blanket on you.

“Ce carte citești?” he asked you eventually, breaking the silence. When you looked up, he was pointing at your book. “Book?”

“Right,” you laughed, “I taught you that. My book, uh, it’s good.” You closed it, leaving your finger inside to mark your place as you showed him the front cover. “On the Road? Ever heard of it?”

He just cocked his head to the side.

“Jack Kerouac?” you continued. “It’s about going on a long journey in search of… freedom.”

“Acesta este cel despre zombi?” he asked.

“Sure,” you nodded, wishing more than ever that you could know what he was saying. He smiled and got back to his own reading. Indulging yourself for a moment, you watched his face as it fell into a neutral expression while he read, his eyes trailing along the page as he continued to read. You didn’t realize it, but when you returned to reading your own book, he got his chance to look at you.

A long day of writing meant you had more than earned an evening to relax by the fire; late summer became early fall, and early fall turned into the need for a fireplace so much faster than you’d anticipated. The days were temperate, sure, but as the sun began to sink lower, so did the warmth. You started your evening with a hot shower, though you didn’t let yourself get too greedy with the limited supply of hot water, knowing Sebastian relied on the same supply for his own baths. When you finished, you dressed yourself in a fluffy lavender robe, feeling especially pampered when you put on a little moisturizer before heading downstairs to cozy up with the fire. You were already getting chilly, the heat from the shower fading as your wet hair and bare feet cooled you quickly. Therefore, it was more of a scurry to the fireplace, which you hadn’t expected Sebastian to be tending or you wouldn’t have come down in a robe. He’d seen you in less (namely, his shirt and nothing else, which was horrifically embarrassing) but something about this felt more intimate, like all your defenses had been washed away in the shower, too. Didn’t help that he was shirtless, again. Wasn’t he cold in this weather?! Must be all that muscle keeping him warm.

“Bună seara,” he greeted.

“Good evening,” you returned. Stepping closer, you rubbed your hands together as you felt the hot air radiate towards you. “It’s nice,” you sighed contentedly.

He smiled back at you, moving the logs slightly with the iron poker. Sparks jumped and fell off as he shifted them, joining the ashes below— you’d always thought fire was so beautiful, even if it was dangerous, and you took in a long breath through your nose to smell the tinge of smokiness in the air.

“Te încălzești?” he asked quietly as he set the poker aside and stood beside you. You wrapped your arms around yourself, rubbing through the fabric of the robe to try to warm up a little faster. Seeing you shiver, he reached out and rubbed your arms for you, which made you tense up slightly before relaxing and breathing out. “Mai bine?”

You nodded a little, your gaze drifting slightly.

“Warm?” he asked, making your eyes jump back up to his. You swallowed dryly as he looked back at you.

“Warm,” you repeated, “yeah. Good job… when’d you learn that?”

He didn’t answer, watching your hands as they reached out for his arms, finally making delicate contact with his tanned skin before drifting up to his biceps, his shoulders, and finally his chest. He put his own hands on top of yours and held them there, looking back at you as your heart started to beat rapidly and with no signs of slowing down. “Warm,” he repeated, only slightly above a whisper.

“Oh yeah,” you agreed hoarsely, “very, very warm…”

He smiled a little; it wasn’t mischievous, it wasn’t conniving or predatory or malicious. It was subtle but gentle in a way you had absolutely no plan to save yourself from, no protection, no armor, no neutral territory. There was only heat, so strong that your toes weren’t cold anymore and you didn’t even remember that your hair was still damp. Not only did you let his heat consume you, but you didn’t even think to stop it, to swallow your desire down, to run away and say goodnight and hide in bed from the icky scary feelings. No, you looked right back at him and let those eyes pierce right through you, that cold blue changed entirely with the warm firelight reflecting in them.

“Do you want to come to my room?” you asked slowly. The words were useless, but a glance back to the stairs that led to your door and back at him asked the same question with much more efficacy.

He nodded, and you stepped backwards as he followed you: across the house, up the stairs, and to your room. You opened the door. He shut it behind you.

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan rpf #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n

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scribblingfangirl · 4 years ago

Text

WITH LOVE, THE GOSTS | Julie and The Phantoms - Part Three

.•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•.

Author’s Note: I decided that this fic trilogy occurs a year after the season one final, making Julie and Y/N almost (or already) 17. Also… this part turned out waaay longer than expected. Which is why there is going to be a fourth part because I have one last idea but didn’t want to rush to write it. And to think this all started because of a rushed (haha) 1k Oneshot. I should really start to write more spontaneously, it seems like good things come out of it. Anyway, Enjoy! :D

word count: ~ 3.9k

summary: Even after meeting the boys they still aren’t tired of helping you out and they each have their own little ways to do it.

warnings: // (english is not my first language, not beta-read)

| PART ONE | PART TWO |

.•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•.

Knowing that ghosts existed was an absurd feeling (even though you had always believed or hoped that there was more out there than just this world, especially with all those planets that had been discovered by NASA), but knowing that there were three certain ghosts that liked you enough to kindly haunt you, well… that was just plain unimaginable somehow. Yet, still less anxiety awakening than you expected.

After Julie let you meet the guys for the first time you thought you were prepared to accept that you would not be able to talk to them unless they played something (after all, you had Flynn to groan about that), but the occasional giggle from Julie and her glances into nothing still sent chills down your spine.

So you started to always look around very suspiciously whenever you were over at her house and make obscene hand movements just to be sure that the boys would move before you walked somewhere or sat down (which just earned chuckles from Flynn and annoyed sighs from Julie - “Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they can’t see you. They know where you are, so please stop, or else my dad will call your parents and send you to Dr Turner as well.” The boys found it hilarious and liked to imitate you whenever they came too close to you.)

The boys also still kept doing little things for you, just not so in secret anymore (though… Reggie was never one for subtlety). Whenever you seemed to have had a bad day (or whenever they just wanted to make you smile) you knew you could count on them having something prepared for you.

You soon discovered that anything related to food (which sometimes were extremely odd and bizarre combinations) was Luke’s doing (except for pizza and meatballs, according to Julie that was always Reggie). And you knew it was Alex whenever it was something more calm and soothing, yet sometimes a little bit clumsy. And whenever it was blatantly obvious and/or slightly weird (in a good way!) it was Reggie.

Well, no. Not always in a good way. One time you came back from school and your whole room was filled with glitter and butterflies and a small note with a little ‘Sorry!’ on it was pinned to your desk - cleaning that had been a pain in the a-. But you couldn’t be angry at Reggie, even though you weren’t quite sure what his ultimate goal would have been.

Speaking of REGGIE...

All those helpful little deeds and nice gestures were always done within the limits of your house (mostly room) or Julie’s house and the studio, which is why you almost let out a loud yelp when suddenly during a math test your pen started to move on his own, filling out the empty space (because yes, you hadn’t been doing very much other than staring helplessly at the paper in front of you). Quickly you grabbed the pen as well (loosely and while trying to ignore the fact that you were practically holding hands with one of the guys) so that nobody would see a floating pen as you did a few weeks ago at Christmas.

From the corners of your eyes, you saw Julie slightly move her head towards you, as if she was listening to you - or rather someone right beside or behind you. ‘Of course. I can’t see them, so the only way to help me is by physically grabbing the pen, but Julie can hear and see them, so they (whoever this is - because let’s be honest, none of the guys really looks like a math genius) only have to tell her the corrects solutions and how to get there. My money’s on Alex.’

You were kind of shocked, and weirdly proud when Julie came up to you after class and said: “Reggie’s not so questionable after all, huh?” (Though… you should’ve guessed it, you did say subtlety wasn’t Reggie’s strong suit.) So you just giggled and shook your head while leaving some of your books in your locker (alongside the fact that Reggie was probably almost (if not!) hugging you from behind - you shuddered at that thought, it’s not like you were already awkward around living boys your age, no need to add ghosts to that list!)

A week later you and Julie entered the studio with blank faces and hanging shoulders. Julie threw a weak little wave towards the piano and sighed while you threw the blankets and snacks you were holding carelessly on the ground and let yourself fall face-first onto the couch, not being able to hide your smile anymore.

“We got our math exams back… yes the one Reggie helped us with.”

You couldn’t see what Julie was doing, but you heard her gasp and whisper “No! Reggie…” after a while. Then she was standing beside you, nudging your shoulder and willing you to sit up, but you didn’t bulge, needing a few more seconds to wipe the smile off your face again.

Faking to disgruntledly accept defeat as Julie’s nudges got stronger (the couch was really comfortable, you totally understood Luke now) you sat up and looked at Julie. “Who’s going to tell them?” you said with a heavy voice and felt how the couch dipped beside you. Raising your eyebrows you quickly glanced to the side (obviously not seeing anybody or anything) and looked back at Julie questioningly.

She nodded, telling you that it was indeed Reggie and gave you the okay to drop the bomb.

You sighed as you turned back around, facing the wall on the other side of the studio and hoped that Reggie would ignore the fact that you were probably talking to his ear or something. “So Reggie… the help you gave us on the math final? Well…,” you couldn’t keep your face straight any longer and jumped onto the couch, “WE ACED IT! I WOULD HUG YOU IF YOU WEREN’T MADE OUT OF CUTE AIR!” (Okay… maybe there was a little bit too much serotonin involved.)

Julie added smiling, “And I’m happy to announce that due to my good grades my father allowed Julie and The Phantoms to play at the upcoming Summer Music Festival!”

A guitar riff filled the studio, followed by a short drum intro and with a ‘puff!’ the boys appeared in front of you, beaming and glowing at the news. Reggie even threw a wink at you when you smiled back and said: “Thank you!”

Don't look down 'Cause we're still rising Up right now And even if we hit the ground We'll still fly Keep dreaming like we'll live forever But live it like it's now or never!

This allowed LUKE…

The music festival was an experience you would never forget. You were very happy Ray managed to persuade your parents to let you accompany Julie (sadly Flynn had no such luck). Not only did you turn 17 and the boys made sure to have the whole crowd sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you (as soon as you were back home you would add an extra point to your to-do: ‘find out how to kill ghosts a second time’), but the boys rocked the stage and Julie stood up taller and shined brighter than ever before.

Gone (yet not forgotten) were the painful shocks and the fear of never performing again and the serenity of the guys was visible.

It was the last night of the music festival when Julie got the phone call from her father. He would come by to get her the next morning and they would drive directly to visit other family members and spend the rest of the summer holidays there.

Of course, Julie was excited to see her cousins and aunts and uncles again, but she also felt bad to leave you to drive back alone (you had come with your car jam-packed with all the necessary equipment you needed and that wasn’t provided by the festival).

“Don’t worry! It’s only a four-hour drive! I’ve got good music, podcasts and audiobooks to keep me company and back home Flynn will be waiting. It sadly looks like I’m going to survive without you.”

Early the next morning Julie and some newfound fans of Julie and The Phantoms helped you load the equipment into your car and you said goodbye to Julie. Expecting the boys to just directly puff back to Los Feliz you didn’t waste any time and entered your car, connected your phone with the stereo and started to blast your favourite Broadway musicals.

You must’ve been on the road for half an hour when suddenly the playlist stopped and ‘Wake Up’ started to play.

So wake that spirit, spirit!

Confused you scrunched up your nose and touched the touch screen displaying the music system, trying to change it back to your playlist. But instead, the music changed yet again.

(Don't stop me now) 'Cause I'm having a good time (Don't stop me now) Yes, I'm havin' a good time I don't want to stop at all

“What the hell?” you muttered, staring at your stereo for a quick second before focusing back on the road, “Why you always going crazy on me dude?”

Once again the music switched.

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too?

It took you a hot minute to understand what was going on and then you couldn’t stop laughing.

Don't laugh at me, don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you said mockingly, looking at the empty passenger seat, guessing that that’s where your invisible friend was sitting. “Your pain? I’m not the one who is able to puff wherever and whenever their heart desires and who sneaks up on innocent people.”

Silence.

“For what it’s worth. I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not like you choose this life, you deserved better than this. But I’m really glad I was able to get to know you. I’m really thankful for the light and happiness you brought back into Julie’s life.”

Don't you worry 'bout a thing

But I'm still learnin' to

using technology

You laughed. “Impressive skills nevertheless. Knowing three fitting songs and then changing them at the right time? Let me guess, Luke? Because I don’t think all of you three would fit into my tiny car full of musical equipment.”

At first, there was no music yet again, but then the slow melody of a (for you) well-known song flooded your car. It was the one Trevor Wilson song you never understood until you met the boys, the one song that was so totally different to his usual rock sound (except for the refrains, which, as you later would find out, were parts of the original lyrics Luke wrote for his version of the song).

I sing to remember the stories that used to be But I don’t write to create what could have been And as I scream words into the darkness around me They come out like a dying whisper

The kindest thing to do is to silence them and let them die To unleash my heartfelt sorrow into the sky And diminish the will to fight That pulses like fire and screams with pain through my veins

But life’s not always beautiful, it’s rare So I’mma chase it, watch you make it

Don’t need to introduce himself You will want to know his name Pushing your foundations down He is here to stay

Don’t call him a breeze when he’s a hurricane Don’t call him a tremble when he’s an earthquake Don’t call him an inconvenience Please just say his name

Leaving lyrics in my hands That I swallow like pills Like hurtful words, they rip and claw And press painfully against my chest

But no matter how painful they are I will soak them up, thinking of our hopes and wishes And as each word pushes a new pulse through my veins I keep staring out on the grave of our shared space of mind

Life’s not always beautiful, but it’s rare So I’mma chase it, watch you make it

Don’t need to introduce himself You will want to know his name Pushing your foundations down He is here to stay

Don’t call him a spark when he’s a lightning bolt Don’t call him a flicker when he’s a raging flame Don’t you dare to underestimate him Please just say his name

But even when the word flood finally comes to an end Fidgeting hands remind me of music never played

I owe him my voice I owe him my sound

So I give him this time I give him this space To sing it out loud To let him declare And let me be proud

What’s his name? (His name is Luke!) What’s his name? (His name is Luke!) What’s his name? (His name is Luke!)

How long do we say his name? (Until we explode!)

My name is Luke! (Tell your friends!)

Tears were rolling down your cheeks, the song now more emotional than ever before. You couldn’t imagine how this song must affect Luke. Thinking that his bandmate abandoned him (which honestly… he kind of did, only mentioning him in one song, not giving any money to their parents and so on) up until he heard the song for the first time.

“Luke…”

Forget about it Let's forget about it

The ensuing silence wasn’t awkward. You hummed along to the music Luke selected, sometimes it were old classics (probably his favourites), other times it seemed to be random newer hits he probably never heard before mixed with some songs from your favourite playlists.

It was nearing midday and your stomach made itself known. As if on cue a road sign hinted at a diner just up ahead. Setting the blinker you pulled into the parking lot a few moments later.

“I hope you don’t mind. I know home’s only like an hour away, but...” you began to trail off, not knowing where to look at and your stomach finished your sentence. And before you were able to grab the door handle it sprung wide open.

“Uh, what a gentleman. Thank you very much.”

The meal was over in a flash and once more you realised how much the boys actually knew about you without having actually interacted with you (perks of seeing other people without being seen themselves?).

It’s like Luke could read your wishes just from your facial expressions. Whenever you needed salt or pepper they were right there. Whenever something was too salty or had too much pepper on your drink was being pushed closer to your side. And when you accidentally spilt something and needed more napkins they magically appeared.

When you then spotted a cute little guitar keychain that reminded you of Luke that was being sold as a souvenir at the check-out it was suddenly safely tucked into your back pocket (though that was really really risky, and while you did not condone it you couldn’t really stop a ghost).

Back in your car, you didn’t even bother to turn on the stereo, knowing that Luke would take over as soon as your hands were on the steering wheel again.

However, a glance to your right presented you with a map of your surroundings, a big x hastily drawn over the Silverwood Lake in San Bernardino, which was basically just around the corner.

“You want to go swimming? We- I just ate! And my bathing suit is somewhere under that mountain of equipment on the backseat.”

Let's just get naked, just for a laugh Let's just get naked It's a trip and a half

You laughed at that, rolling your eyes and shaking your head, before stowing the map away and turning on the car. “I guess catching Reggie in the shower isn’t enough anymore?”

Hey!

“You started making it weird buddy.”

It had started to rain when you finally pulled up in your driveway, but you couldn’t be bothered to rush inside, enjoying the feeling of the cooling wetness on your skin.

“Look at that,” you said to nobody in particular, not knowing if Luke was still around or if he puffed back to the garage, “I didn’t even need to go swimming after all.”

He was. Sitting in the passenger seat, face on his arms while he leaned on the open car window, he watched you dance in the rain with a smile on his face. He was glad he decided to stick around and keep you company on that road trip. You gave him the courage to listen to My Name Is Luke for the first time (and getting to see you smile while showing off his impressive music knowledge was a bonus too). Because without knowing, you were doing little deeds for the boys too.

And made ALEX…

Whoever wrote that “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain”-quote totally forgot to mention how dangerous small summer storms can be.

Well sure, it might have been your fault for staying out for too long and deciding to let the sun that came out a little bit later dry you instead of changing into fresh and dry clothes, but whatever happened happened and you got sick. (It’s not like you had anything better to do during the last few days of your summer holidays, right?)

Flynn had been a great friend and hung out almost daily at your house, playing board games, watching movies or tv or even just discussing upcoming Julie and The Phantoms possibilities with you. But your dearest little helper had been Alex.

The blond drummer had turned into the tall brother you never had but always wanted (focus on tall because the age thing with ghosts is seriously confusing) even if he was invisible to you 100% of the time. You had the same interests and were able to bond without actually having to say any words, little gestures and reciprocations on your side were more than enough.

Julie had come up with an easy solution and had bought you some of those sound buzzers (like the ones that dogs and cats use to communicate with their owners) and recorded some simple words and phrases the boys liked to use on them. Now the boys just had to press them to be able to communicate with you without having to use pen and paper or Julie herself (sure your parents were a little bit weary and confused, but you said it was for a longer school research project and that shut them up).

Now, feeling way better than during the last few days, but still very tired, you were sitting in your bed, not really focused on the tv show (or was it a movie?) that was playing on your computer. You had been contemplating and mentally preparing yourself to get something to eat and to drink for the past 15 minutes, but the thoughts alone were exhausting and binding you to the bed. Just then a tray with a water bottle, meds and a fruit bowl floated into your room.

Suddenly wide awake and full of energy you clumsily jumped out of your bed and grabbed the tray, throwing a quick glance out of the door to see if your parents were around and slammed the door shut, wincing at the loud sound and hoping that Alex had walked out of the way (not that it would have hurt him, but you know - rude).

“Rude.”

See? He thought the same. (Julie had to specifically add this word for Alex.)

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. But I would like not to get murdered or have Sam and Dean Winchester on my back because my parents think I’m possessed and need to be exorcised.”

“Me.”

“You what?”

“Me.”

“Alex… I need more context.”

“I do. Me.”

You just blinked blankly at the sound buzzers, trying to piece together what Alex was trying to say.

“Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. M-”

“THAT’S ENOUGH Y/N! WHATEVER THAT SCHOOL PROJECT IS, TELL IT I HEARD IT AND I DON’T CARE WHAT IT WANTS!” you heard your father's scream come muffled through the door.

The audience laughter from sitcoms filled your room and you groaned, grabbing a pillow and smashing it against your face.

Faintly you heard the telltale sound of a pen scribbling something on paper and when you peeked from behind the pillow a note was floating in the air in front of you. “You mean exorcise ME! You would be the one surviving!”

“What? Oh my god… yeah okay, YOU get exorcised… same thing. Both aren’t allowed to happen. Forgive my fever brain.”

“No.”

“Fork you, Alex.”

“No.”

“I have Carlos on speed-dial, I’m sure he already came up with other methods to get rid of ghosts other than the salt thing. He already told me that he’s sorry and that he thinks I might get haunted by you too with the amount of time I spend at their house.”

“No. Food.”

Confused at that topic change it took you a few seconds to answer. “What?” Looking around your gaze landed on the tray that you had deposited on your desk. “Oh right! Boy, I completely forgot how thirsty and hungry I am. Did I say thank you? Fang u!” you mumbled with your mouth full of fruit.

“No. Food.”

You swallowed down your food and took a big gulp of water. “Yes Alex, thank you. I am eating. You see? Here I am, here’s the food. The food is here and now whoops - ifs gan!”

You could basically feel the annoyance radiating from the ghost and weren’t really shocked when the pen started to scribble something down again.

“No! Argh!” He really wrote Argh… that dork really wrote Argh! “You can be worse than Reggie sometimes, but you do it on purpose and I’m just sorry for Reggie. A) Carlos thinks he got rid of us by making a french dip and B) You’re awfully lively for a supposedly sick person. I might need to use the buzzers more and see what other reactions I can provoke from your parents.”

Crumbling the note in your hands you thought ‘Challenge accepted’. “You know what? I think I’mma go back on Reggie’s offer and actually let him introduce me to Wilbur. He might know some stuff I could use to blackmail you. And you’re right! I feel much better, just very tired, but that’s nothing a little bit of fresh air can’t fix! Toodles!”

You left your room, leaving a flabbergasted ghost behind who had lost his snapback with the number of times he had been combing through his hair with his hands. And while angrily pressing a pink buzzer, the buzzer wasn't the only thing that screamed “WILLIAM!” after the girl. (That was another important sound Alex wanted to have recorded.)

.•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•.

Taglist: @sunsetcurvej @ifilwtmfc

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp x reader #julie and the phantoms x reader #luke patterson x reader #reggie peters x reader #alex mercer x reader #jatp imagine #julie and the phantoms imagine #jatp fanfiction #julie and the phantoms fanfiction #jatp one shot #jatp oneshot #julie and the phantoms oneshot #julie and the phantoms one shot #my writing #viascribbles

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gb-patch · 4 years ago

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Ask Answers: March 30th, 2021- Part 1

We’ve been really focused on getting the Step 3 DLC done and keeping up with asks kind of got away from me, aha. Thank you for waiting for a reply! We’re still definitely behind, but here’s a good chunk of responses!

I love Our Life so much but if the release of the step 3 dlc is in April, please don't "release" it on April 1, my poor heart can't take that prank 😭

Don’t worry! I’m horrible at pranks, haha. When we do post something specifically for April Fool’s it’s always to pretend it’s a joke when in reality it’s something we’re actually planning to do. But we don’t have anything like that arranged for this year. Any posts on April 1st will just be like normal.

Omigod, can you end the game in love with Cove but not in a relationship? My character stayed calm at the restaurant and Cove slept over at her home and I think I may have missed it. I'm delirious if I did, may never stop laughing. The children are idiots

Haha, yes, it is possible to be in love and still not get into an actual relationship. There’s no forced ending where the two are made to confess their feelings and accept, it’s all optional/avoidable.

How can you see the new main character cut-in images? I'm not trying to be rude, but, all of my playthroughs, but I haven't seen them yet. (I know you can go through an entire game without seeing them, but I have went through multiple games.)

It’s a bit of a spoiler to say here, but you can check out the guide we posted on Steam HERE!

Is it possible to win first place in the library quiz with Lizzy (Step 1 DLC)

Yep, it is! Someone made a guide for the answers HERE (it’s also on Steam). We probably shouldn’t have required a perfect score to win a children quiz, but oh well, haha.

Hello!

In the future (in step 4) can you marry Cove even if you are friends? I would love to have a platonic wedding with him!

I’m afraid not. As much as he cares for the MC when they’re besties, Cove would only really want an official marriage if it’s based on romance.

Hello! I bumped into Our Life randomly last month, and it is one of the best coincidences I have ever laid on. I love how the choices and little details in the story changes throughout the game, and I'm excited to keep supporting you! I'm absolutely in love with Cove and would like to ask what keeps him to be especially interested in the MC? Other than how you can choose what fondness level you have with him, what ultimately leads him to be in sync with us? Sorry if it's a little much & thank u!

Cove likes the MC because, regardless of the different personality traits you can give the MC, they meet him on his level, listen to him, understand him (even if you’re indifferent and not really close the MC still gets where he’s coming from), and if you’re fond/crush/love than you’re there for him. He finds the MC someone he can respect, trust, and, if they’re close, feel safe with. I’m glad you enjoyed the game!

hi there! for xoxo droplets i see the that female pronouns are used in the description, in the actual game can you change the pronouns or are they stuck as female? i'm aware the game is free, but i have a bad habit of buying dlc's before playing the game so it would be helpful to know before i spend money on it. if anything i'll save that money for more our life dlcs when they come out :D

XOXO Droplets does have a set MC. It’s the story of a specific person rather than a game about making your own story. All of our games prior to Our Life were about exploring MCs that were fully fleshed out people in their own right, so you can’t get the OL experience from what we did before. But we do plan to do more custom-style MCs going forward from here!

For the our life nsfw dlc, will you have to be in the patron to have it or will there be another way for people who really support the game but can't pay to get it?

I’m afraid not. We might put it up for sale somewhere other than Patreon someday (though never on Steam or Itch) since we know not everyone can use that site, but it will still cost money on any other hosting page we use. It’s unfortunately not a piece of content we can give away for free.

Hello! I finally got to play Xoxo Blood Droplets and it mentioned about a DLC coming out soon. Is it already out or are you still planning it?

We are still planning to finish it when we can, we just had to put it on hold because 2020 was a tough year and we needed to put all our focus on Our Life. There’s some of the extra DLC stories available for beta testing on the Patreon.

Is there a link to the soundtrack for Xoxo Blood Droplets? I really like the music in this game!

That’s not available yet, but we’ll probably put it up for sale once the rest of the stories are done.

Would there be any chance for XOXO Droplets OSTs to be released in the future? (Please take my money-)

We might! There are some things we wanna do and fix before we really start advertising XOXO Droplets things again, but hopefully it all comes together.

Why does Cove dislike Shiloh so much despite all of Shiloh's efforts to get along? I can understand his dislike for Lizzie, but why Shiloh?

They met under bad terms (with an arranged play date he had no choice in), Shiloh’s sort of pushy himself when it comes to trying to get along, and Cove thinks he’s just kind of unusual in how he interacts/reacts with people. They don’t click, basically.

Is there a way to have your character be a tsundere? And have Cove toughened up a bit due to that? Sorry if the is a stupid question! ^^;

Maybe? The options in the game aren’t based on those types of personality tropes and I don’t know them well enough to say if you can accurately find a way to make it work with the available options. But it’s not a stupid question, I’m sure plenty of other people have considered something similar c:

do voiced names work only with their exact spelling? cause my mc is called Sophia and one of the voiced names is Soffia so i was wondering but if only works like that it's fine (sorry if i made any mistakes, english isn't my first language)

“Voice” and “text” are separate! You can pick the “voice” you want and then type in whatever “text” you prefer. And your English is really good.

Will OL:NF be based on a season/break like the first game? Or some other type of setting?

Our Life: Now & Forever takes place over the full course of Autumn. So, the start of school and then into the fall holiday season type of time period.

Will we ever see a jealous cove😭😭 please im begging u-

Only in small ways, really. Sadly, I’m just not someone who enjoys jealousy in stories and therefore I don’t know how to implement it in a way that feels enjoyable. Maybe I’ll figure out a angle I can work with in future projects.

Do you have any plans with Our Life once step 4 has been released along with step 3's DLCs?

After the Step 3 DLCs and Step 4 we’ll be releasing the Cove wedding DLC, the Derek romance DLC, and then the Baxter romance DLC. The project will likely be considered fully complete at that point.

Hello, I just needed to first of all sat how amazed I was when I discovered this game. I thought I would be disappointed by the lack of love interests, but you worked so hard to make sure Cove is the Best Boy for so many different people!! It really has been my comfort game for a while now, and I think all the different choices you allow make it the best romance game I’ve played in my life. The only problem is now my expectations for love are Cove level, and no one can live up to that. You’ve put so much consideration to make this game super inclusive and I think it’s amazing. If I can ask, for the exclusive NSFW Patreon dlc, will it only be available for the month it comes out? Or could I become a patron months later and still be able to download it. I just don’t have a job right now otherwise I would LOVE to subscribe to your Patreon and definitely will once I have the money again!! Thank you so so much for making such a lovely game that’s brought me so much joy.

Hiya! I'm so sorry for sounding like a complete degenerate for asking, but will the nsfw moment on patreon still be available even if i'm not a patron of the month it comes out? (e.g. i didnt pay/join the necessary tier before the moment is released) Thank you for your hard work on OL, I really connected with Cove in a way I never anticipated.

Thank you very much for such kind words! The Patreon DLC will be up for download on the Patreon indefinitely once it’s done. Just like the normal DLCs, you can pay to get it whenever you like but it won’t be up for sale until it’s finished. So take all the time you need.

Sorry to bother you guys, but there was an earlier ask detailing the OL LI's love languages and I was just wondering- Would that be for them personally, as in what they do, or the love language they enjoy receiving the most? Because I know for some people it's different for both on giving and receiving and was a bit confused, haha. Sorry for the trouble, your games are really nice!

For Cove and Derek it’s what they like to receive and what they give. For Baxter, it’s what he likes to get. What he gives is tailored to his partner. He’s flexible that way~ And it’s no trouble.

asking (and also fanning... fanboying? fangirling? fanpersoning? screw it- from a distance) anonymously because my confidence is nonexistent.

will you be doing a kickstarter for our life: now and forever? i know it's probably been asked and mentioned before, but will you be doing a kickstarter akin to the one done for our life: beginnings and always? if so, will you be doing similar tier rewards? (if you guys do so, i will [politely] throw my money at you).

now, to the fan.. personing? FAN. uhm. to the part where this anonymous agender idiot will begin to act as the fan they are.

THE GAME IS SO. SO NICE. IT'S CUSTOMIZABLE. I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT PART. AAAAA I ALSO ENJOY THAT YOU GAVE US THE OPTION TO JUST STAY BEST FRIENDS OR SOMETHING A8DBAIHEW- AND YOU INCLUDED AROS AND ACES IN THAT SEXUALITY CHOOSING PART- aaaAAA AND YOU MADE ELIZABETH FILIPINO- THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR CREATING SUCH AN INCLUSIVE GAME!!!

to summarize; will you be doing a kickstarter? and thank you for creating such a nice game. i, and likely the majority if not all of those who have played the game, am thankful.

Aw, thanks <3! I’m so happy it was such a nice experience for you. We are planning on having a Kickstarter for Our Life: Now & Forever. It’ll have similar rewards to the Our Life: O&A Kickstarter, but some changes will have to be made. Like, we’ll definitely need to increase the rate for getting a voiced name. Originally it was $3USD, which was super low for how much work it really took to add in a customized piece of voice acting, aha. Live and learn.

So sorry if you've already answered this, I looked but I couldn't find anything. Is the 18+ DLC coming out alongside the Step 3 DLC, or do they have different development timelines entirely? I'm so excited for all the DLC coming out in the future, and even though the release dates aren't out, I'm already counting down the days. :)

They have different development times and will come out separately. Despite taking place in the same Step period, they’re disconnected pieces of content and making progress on one doesn’t mean the other is closer to being finished. The normal Step 3 DLC is releasing first. It’s great to hear you’re looking forward to them!

Hey!! I'm absolutely LOVING Our Life! I have been pondering on one question though, what's Cove's ethnicity, if there is a set one? Or is it something we can Headcanon?

hi hi! i wanted to say first of all that i absolutely adore our life. it's one of my favourite games of 2020, and i think it was just the perfect dose of positivity we all needed, even if you didn't intend to release it during such a hectic year lol! secondly, i wanted to say: if it's alright to ask, what ethnicity is cove? :-0 and what about his parents? i was just curious about it ^^)/ thank you!!

Cove’s mom, Kyra, is white. But his dad’s, Cliff’s, race doesn’t come up and players are able to headcanon it. So Cove is half white and half whatever you prefer Cliff to be!

hello! there was a post on the patreon where you can run your fingers down cove's chest in errands - how do you get that scene? ♥

That was an old mistake on my part- you can only get that scene in the Ending rather Errands. You have to leave the big family dinner at the restaurant to go into the car, be dating Cove for a while, have Cove come see you there, and then mention using your hands when Cove makes a joke about hands.

in baxter’s dlc, is there any point where you can tell him about the previous renters of the condo?

You can talk to him about that in the normal Step 3 DLC!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you for all the interest in our games everybody :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever #ask #ourlifeba #ourlifenf #gb patch #gb patch games #long post

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justanotherblonde23 · 4 years ago

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I Want You - A Din Djarin Story

Author’s Note: Hey there, internet friends. So I had an ask from my friend @hdlynnslibrary that I can’ find to save my life. Luckily, I wrote it down! “Hi Kat! My darling! I must admit to feeling #horny okay? Soooo what about a prompt for my fav space man Din? Like maybe with an #inexperienced reader?” Oh Heather, my love, ask and you shall receive! What started out as a little somethin became 14 pages, double spaced, 12 point Times New Roman font. So my darling, I hope you enjoy this Din x reader fic, it was made with LOTS of love <3

Warnings: SMUT, there is definately sexy times going on over here, all aboard the horny train, leaving the station as we speak. Choo-fuckin-choo! Also, language because I am me and since I was born and raised in Boston and I have been swearing like a goddamn sailor since, well, ever lol. Oh, and there’s a slight breeding kink, just an FYI. I’m sorry, it just all came out and I couldn’t help it and Din Djarin wants his clan to expand, okay?

Thank you to all who read, like, comment, reblog, etc. It warms my heart that you all are enjoying my work. Please let me know what you think of this one :-)

You had been traveling with Din on the Razor Crest for the past year or so. He found you on Arvala-7, working alongside Kuiil. You were good with your hands, fast with a blaster, and most importantly, you connected with the Child. From the second that kid saw you, he decided that you were his. He was the largest reason that you were here right now. How anyone could resist those big eyes, his floppy ears, and that cute baby smile. He turned your heart to putty.

Your days were spent mostly on the Crest, keeping an eye on the little one and tending to the ship the best you could. The baby required a fair bit of effort, but you didn’t mind; he had become like your own child without you even realizing it.

Somewhere along the way, you had become closer with the Mandalorian that you traveled with. Clipped sentences became more extended conversations as you gently urged him out of his shell. Soon, he became curious about you, asking all sorts of unimportant questions, ranging from where you grew up to what your favorite color was. Dinners alone with the kid turned into Mando joining you, lifting his helmet ever so slightly so that he could take a sip of the broth you made or a bite of the ration pack you heated up. Every time he did this, you made sure to keep your eyes on your plate, never wanting to disrespect his Creed in any way.

As the months progressed, your feelings for one stoic Mandalorian grew. You caught yourself lingering in the cockpit more when after you put the little one down at night. You also caught yourself staring on more than one occasion, and you knew for a fact that Mando saw you, too. How could you not stare at that imposing figure that you shared a home with? The duality of the man was awe-inspiring, to be sure. He was a fearsome warrior, and you had witnessed his prowess first hand many a time. He brought bounties in nonstop, always jetting off to the next one before the last quarry had been frozen away in carbonite for a day. And then there was the gentleness that he had with the baby. You could tell that this was his first time taking care of another person by himself. Sometimes he was a bit rough around the edges, but he did try his best. He was learning how to be the best parent he could for the kid, and watching that play out warmed your heart.

Often times, when he took the kid up to the cockpit so that you could use the refresher and wash the day away, you could hear him up there talking to the kid gently. Sometimes he speaks in Basic; other times, he speaks in what you assume is Mando’a. Every once in a while, you hear him sing the baby a lullaby on those restless nights where nothing seems to calm that sweet baby down. The first time you heard him sing softly to the kid, you knew that you loved him.

You never felt right acting on your feelings; you didn’t know how he thought about you. Also, you were terrified of making a fool of yourself. Truth be told, you have never been in a man’s bed before. The life of a refugee of the Empire didn’t leave much time for amorous encounters. By the time you found Kuiil, all you wanted was to keep your head down and do your work. If you happened to meet someone along the way, fantastic, but you had more pressing matters to attend to, like surviving in the desert.

That all changed one night when you least expected it. Mando had taken the kid to soothe him and put him to sleep, so you took the opportunity to use the fresher. You had been working hard that day, repairing areas of the Crest that needed maintenance while juggling an inquisitive little one. You took your time, relishing the way that the water felt against your bare skin, the warmth seeping into your muscles and soothing your bones. You wouldn’t tell anyone, but you viewed water as a gift from the Maker itself. For the first time in your life, you didn’t have to scrounge and save every last drop. You’d never had the luxury of using actual water the bathe daily; you’d never been in the financial position to have such a thing. For the Galaxy working class, a sonic was the best you could hope for most of the time. It cleansed the body of dirt and grime just fine, but it wasn’t pleasant like water was.

In all honesty, your idea of a luxuriously long shower was well under ten minutes, but it was a dream come true for you. After you were clean and smelling of the fresh soap that you used, it was time for you to get out. You grabbed the small towel, drying your body, and then reached for your clothes. Your hands floundered around a bit until you realized that you had inadvertently forgotten to bring a new pair of clothes or your sleep shirt in with you. You had been in too much of a rush to hand off the baby and get just a few moments to yourself.

You groaned at your flightiness. Kriff, that only left you with two options: you could either put your dirty clothes back on, or you could try to make your way back to your sleeping quarters wrapped in this tiny ass towel. Neither option particularly appealed to you, but your desire for cleanliness finally won out.

You gathered up your belongings and quietly opened the refresher door, careful not to be too loud. It usually took a bit of time to calm the baby down enough for him to go to sleep, and you didn’t want to interrupt that process. The lights in the hold were dimmed, leaving you with the ability only to see a few steps in front of you.

Unfortunately, your quest to be stealthy was in vain. You had forgotten that you had moved a particular toolbox during your work project this morning. Said toolbox ended up being placed right where you could smack your little toe on it. You yelped in pain, dropping everything in your arms in favor of hopping up and down on one foot and clutching the other in your hands. This caused the towel to also fall to the ground, leaving you bare. A noise drew your attention up, and your eyes met a helmet, staring right back. Mando was standing right in front of you, apparently drawn by the noise.

You dropped your foot, standing up straight, eyes wide in shock. You didn’t move; you barely breathed. Your mind was short-circuiting, and you didn’t even have the sense to pick up your towel off the ground. Your body was overflowing with embarrassment, horror, and- was that arousal? Stars, you were standing here, completely bare, across from the Mandalorian who has every inch of himself covered.

Ever so slowly, he reached down and grabbed the towel you had dropped, carefully wrapping it back around you. His hand accidentally brushed your breast, causing you to suck in a breath of surprise. He murmured his apologies, beginning to withdraw his hands, but you were faster. You reached out, stilling his retreating hands and placing them back on your body. You wanted this, you wanted him, and you wanted to make sure that he knew it.

He tilted his helmet curiously, waiting for you to give him a prompt. He took in your labored breathing, your increased heart rate, the way you bit your lip. Your eyes met his visor, and he could barely even see your eye color because your pupils were so blown with lust and desire. He groaned a deep, low sound in his chest at your obvious reaction to his presence.

“What do you want, sweet girl?” he ground out, trying to keep himself in check.

You moved your hands, gently cradling his helmet where his cheeks would be, breathing in his scent swirling so close to you. You could smell the blaster residue, the leather, the metal of his beskar, the soap you both used in the shower, and that smell that was uniquely his. You’d never get tired of it, not in this life or the next.

“I want you,” was your reply. “Touch me, Mando, please.”

“Din,” came his reply, almost in a whisper, as if it was something sacred.

You frowned, your nose scrunched up in confusion. You studied this helmet, eyes searching for answers.

“My name, it’s Din. Din Djarin.”

Your mouth dropped open in shock, eyes wide with confusion. You knew the sacredness of a name in this Galaxy. Stars, you hadn’t even told him your own name for a solid three months. The only reason he had found out was because he overheard you talking to the kid one day. A name was even more sacred to a Mandalorian. It was precious, something to be guarded with the utmost care. You’d never even wagered that he’d give it to you, ever.

“You can use it, but with just me and the kid around. No one else gets to know it, no one but you.”

You nodded, understanding just how much it had taken for him to tell you. His name was a gift, something that you would keep close and cherish.

“Din,” you spoke the Mandalorian’s name for the first time, testing it on your tongue, relishing the taste of it in your mouth. It was a good name, a solid name, a name fitting for the warrior before you. “Din Djarin, a beautiful name.”

Hearing his name in your mouth set Din’s soul on fire. The way you spoke it, the way you had considered it and acknowledged the importance of what he had just given you, it made him want to hear it again and again. He wanted to listen to you moan his name in ecstasy, begging him for more, begging him for pleasure. He wanted to hear you yell it, mutter it, say it in everyday conversation. He wanted to hear his name drip from your lips for the rest of his life.

That night was the first time he took you and gave you pleasure. You had come on his tongue and fingers three times before you were strung out and exhausted. You fell asleep in his bunk wrapped tightly in his arms. That was two months ago.

You still had yet to take him fully, to allow him to be inside of you. You had admitted that you were nervous, that you had no experience to work off of. Din had been nothing but patient and kind, never pressuring you into anything that you weren’t comfortable with. He had told you that, “We have all the time in the world, sweet girl. There’s no need to rush.” You believed him wholeheartedly, but in the past weeks, you had found yourself wanting more. Sure, you were still frightened, you didn’t know what you were doing, but that burn and ache inside of you kept getting more intense as the days went by. You know that Din would take care of you.

It’s been a rough day, and that’s an understatement. You helped with the bounty this time because the information you were given indicated that this quarry was heavily guarded. Mando couldn’t say no to an extra blaster covering his ass. Thankfully, this mission was on Tatooine, meaning that you could leave the little one with Peli. Maker knows that woman loves your little green bean; how could she not? Green bean loves her right back and seems to be particularly fond of the pit droids. You think it has something to do with the fact that he can bonk their noses to make them spring to life, but you can’t be sure.

Unfortunately, it turns out that this asshole was much more protected than you had been led to believe. You would have some choice words for Greef Karga to pass along to whoever had commissioned this kriffing bounty. You both had more or less emerged unscathed, but there would most certainly be bruises covering you two from head to toe.

Once the bounty was frozen away in carbonite, you could breathe a little better. He wouldn’t be giving you any trouble now. When Peli saw that state you were in, she insisted that she keep the little one for the night, which was a relief. As much as you loved that sweet little boy, you needed a breather. Hopefully, you’d be able to spend some much needed time with just you and your Mandalorian.

You found yourself on Din’s lap with a blindfold covering your eyes so he could kiss you. You would rather not see anything at all and have his lips on yours than have your sight with his helmet on. You both were in your underclothes, your legs straddling him.

That’s when the kisses began. There was something about kissing Din Djarin that was otherworldly. The way he poured all his love and care into a kiss never ceases to blow you away. He always started so gently, building you up and setting you on fire. How could anything be that good, that pleasurable? He licked into your mouth, moaning at your taste. Your Mandalorian loved to kiss you. He nipped at your bottom lip, causing you to gasp, pleasure shooting straight down to your core.

He moved his kisses to your jaw and down the column of your neck, leaving bruising in his wake. Din whispered in your ear, telling you how beautiful you were, how good you tasted, how you were just for him. The thought that you were his, that this fearsome warrior had opened himself up enough to let you in, it urged you forward.

You began to rock back and forth on his thigh, chasing that feeling of bliss. He stopped you for a moment, helping you wiggle out of your panties, before urging you to start once more. This felt even better, your slick dripping out onto his thigh, helping you create beautiful friction. By the sounds he was making, Din was enjoying it, too. The feeling of his muscles hard beneath you, your clit rubbing deliciously against him, was heavenly. You could feel the sparks in your tummy, the clench of your cunt around nothing; you were so close.

Din urged you on, his hands at your hips, moving you. He muttered about how gorgeous you were as you took your pleasure on his thigh, how he wanted to see you cum on him, how he wanted to taste your sweet pussy after you came. His words were what finally did you in, the dam bursting and your orgasm hitting you full force. Your hips began to stutter, but your Mandalorian kept you moving, riding the waves of pleasure, extending your bliss. Finally, your whines led him to stop; you were far too sensitive to continue. You panted, trying to catch your breath.

As you sat there, your head on Din’s shoulder, centering yourself once more, you realized what exactly was pressing against your thigh. You could feel his rock hard, dripping cock, just within reach. The thought of it made your pussy clench and your mouth water. You wanted Din Djarin, all of him, in every way possible. You wanted to feel him inside of you, wrecking you and making you see stars.

“Din,” you murmured, “I want you.”

He nuzzled his nose into your hair, breathing you in. “You have me, Mesh’la, any way you want me.”

You sat up straight on his lap, facing him. If you didn’t have a blindfold on, you’re sure you’d be looking him directly in the eye. “No, I want you. I want you inside of me; I want your cock, Din.”

Your Mandalorian groaned at your admission. There was nothing he wanted more. He took in the earnest expression on your face, looking for any sign of hesitance or anxiety. He never wanted you to feel pressured into doing anything that you didn’t want to do. He didn’t want you to feel as if you needed to do something to please him. He wanted you to explore sex at your own pace, never another’s.

“Cyare, are you sure? There is no rush for us. My satisfaction comes from the fact that I can satisfy you and that you trust me enough to allow me to be the first to touch you in this way. There is no timetable besides your wants, needs, and desires, mesh’la. I don’t want you to pressure yourself.”

You smiled at his words, his voice so soft and sweet for you. He was always so considerate, never rushing you or telling you that you were going too slowly. The kindness and care this great warrior continuously showed you reminded you of this complicated man’s duality. You felt safe with him, and you wanted all of him.

“Din, baby, no, I don’t feel pressured. I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now. I want to feel you inside of me; I want you to make love to me, please.”

He cradled your face in his palms for a moment, his thumbs gliding over your cheeks. Then, he kissed you. It wasn’t a gentle kiss; it was full of passion, sinking you deeper into arousal. He kissed you like you were the only thing in the world that he loved, and maybe he did. Perhaps you and the kid were his whole heart. His tongue expertly explored your mouth, causing you to mewl and moan. He knew just what would get you going.

He pulled away, sucking in precious oxygen as you did the same. Carefully, he turned the both of you around and laid you down on his cot. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the galaxy, not by a long shot. It was designed more for efficiency than comfort. The thing was, though, you didn’t care. It was Din’s, and he was willing to share it with you. You could feel him hovering over you, his breath warm against your face.

“Let me taste you, sweet girl. Let me get you ready to take my cock.”

You gasped, feeling his cock rock back and forth, covering himself in your slick. You were at a loss for words, so many sensations happening all at once. All you could manage was a nod, and a whimpered, “Please, Din.”

Your Mandalorian kissed his way down your body, leaving behind bite marks and bruises where he wanted to cause heightened sensations. Before he even made it to your pussy, you were already painfully wet for him. You could feel his breath ghosting over the place where you wanted him the most. You lifted your hips in an attempt to spur him on, but all it got you was a muscular arm forcing your hips back down to the cot.

“Patience, cyar’ika, I want you to feel every ounce of pleasure that I can wring out of you. Enjoy the moment, feel the suspense, don’t simply rush to the finish line, little one.”

You yelped as you felt him bite into the juncture of your hip and thigh, sucking in hard to leave a mark. He soothed the skin with his tongue, so close to where you needed him, but not close enough. He repeated the process on the other side, marking you in a place only the two of you would ever see, like a secret that you both would share.

Unexpectedly, his tongue licked a broad stripe from the bottom of your slit to your clit. You sighed; that was the feeling you so desperately wanted. He lapped at your cunt like a man starved, and you were the best thing on the menu. He knew how to work you into a frenzy, and quickly, he played your body like an instrument that he had been practicing on for a lifetime. You quaked and shook as your second orgasm of the night took hold, bursting and pulling you ever forward into the bliss you so desperately craved.

Even after you had ridden out your orgasm, Din didn’t stop. He worked you over, inserting one finger and then another inside of you, hitting that one spot inside you that made you see stars over and over. His mouth never stopped, his tongue lazily drawing loose circles around your clit, never slowing down, but keeping a steady pace. Your hips fought to lift off the cot, simultaneously fighting and chasing that feeling of ecstasy. When he scissored his fingers inside of you and twisted his wrist just so, you lost it once more. A scream that sounded something like his name tore out of your throat as the stars exploded behind your eyes.

You felt like you were floating in space, freely and without a care in the world. You reached a new height of pleasure that you’d never even imagined before. You could touch the sky and would never ever come down. You thought every encounter with your Mandalorian was pure rapture, but this was beyond anything you had ever felt before. You were panting, gasping for the oxygen your body so desperately needed, and you felt better than you ever had before. As your head left the clouds, you realized you had a dopey smile on your face, and your lover was covering you with kisses everywhere he could reach.

Vaguely, you heard his whispers in the dark. You were so good for me, mesh’la. You looked so beautiful cumming on my fingers and tongue. You taste divine, starshine. Those words went straight to your heart and to your pussy, flooding you with more arousal than you had ever thought possible. A deep kiss on your lips finally brought you back to the present, the warm body on top of you centering your mind.

“Are you ready for my cock, sweet girl? Do you still want to feel me inside of you? I promise I’ll go slow.”

You nodded in response, your words failing you.

“I need to hear you say it, cyare. I need to hear you tell me that you want this, that you’re sure.”

Your head lolled a bit as you processed his words, still feeling slightly hazy.

“Din Djarin, I want you inside of me. Please, please, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything before.”

He chuckled at your pleas, a smile pressed into the crook of your neck.

“I’ll be most delighted to give you what you want, sweet girl. Whatever you want, it’s yours. Are you ready for me?”

You breathed out a yes as you felt him coat himself in your slick, making sure he could ease into you. You knew he was quite large. You had curiously wondered aloud one day if all men were built like that. Even though his size intimidated you, you wanted everything he could give you. The excitement fizzled in your belly; you were getting wetter by the second.

Ever so slowly, your Mandalorian lined himself up with you and began to press in. You gasped at the feeling of just the head of his cock inside of you, the blunt tip spearing into you. He paused before he began to move again. Slowly, inch by inch, he pressed himself into you, stopping ever so often to make sure that you had time to adjust to him. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as the girls in your hometown had made it seem. Maybe they hadn’t been with the proper lovers, or perhaps the boys they were sleeping with were just inexperienced and too young. All you knew was that there was a pinch of pain, yes, but the pleasure outweighed any discomfort you may have felt.

You could feel every delicious inch of him inside you, splitting you open and filling you up like nothing ever had before. You could feel every ridge and vein as he inched his way into you. You couldn’t even put a name to this feeling, but you wanted more. Eventually, he was fully seated inside of you; your hips flush against his own. You felt so full, stuffed to the brim, and Maker, you loved it. He waited for a minute or two, allowing you to adjust to him and have a chance to take in all these new sensations. You had thought his fingers were terrific, but they were nothing compared to the feel of his cock deep inside of you.

He kissed you. It was all teeth, tongue, and lips, and stars; it was perfect. He devoured your mouth, taking what was his. You couldn’t help the little sounds that sprung up from your throat when he did that. He answered you with guttural groans of his own. You could feel the way those sounds made his chest rumble; you could feel it in your chest pressed against him.

He grabbed your leg, propping it up on his hip, and he began to move. He never went too fast for you or too hard, keeping a steady pace that kept you comfortable but still dragged you forward to a fourth orgasm. You didn’t even know you had it in you until Din used two of his fingers to assault your clit, encouraging that bundle of nerves to give you one more burst of pleasure. The combination of his cock deep inside you and his fingers on your clit was enough to send you toppling over the edge once more. This orgasm was more intense than the others, blazing white-hot through your veins and setting your soul on fire. If you thought you had been screaming before, you were mistaken. You writhed and squirmed under your lover, your pleasure causing your body to shake like a leaf. You sobbed his name over and over, tears spilling out of your eyes from sheer ecstasy.

Your Mandalorian groaned deeply at the feel of your pussy clamping down on him like a vice. You were so tight, to begin with, and your orgasm grabbed him and shoved him into his orgasm. As he emptied himself deep within you, he couldn’t help but mumble praises. “Oh Mesh’la, you’re so tight for me, so beautiful laid bare just for me. You’re such a good girl, a sweet girl, my girl. I’ll give you whatever you want, baby. Adventure, new experiences, my love- fuck if you want it, I’ll give you warriors, children of our own.”

You both laid there for a while afterward, basking in the glow of post-sex haze. You carded your fingers through his curls, gently scratching his scalp as he pressed sweet kisses into your skin. He was still inside you; neither of you could bear the thought of being parted just yet. You could stay like this forever, caught in this in-between time, not yet floating back into reality.

“I would like that,” you murmured, never stopping your movements in his hair.

“Like what, cyare?”

“For you to give me warriors of our own, Din.”

You could feel him twitch inside you, clearly interested. His head shot up, studying yours closely, looking for any falsehood or hesitance in your blindfolded face.

“You mean it?” He breathed out.

You grinned, feeling around for his face. You traced his sharp jawline, the proud cure of his nose, the pout of his plump lips. This was the face of the man you loved, the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Wherever he was in the Galaxy, that was home.

“Yes, my love, I mean it. We have our little green bean, and eventually, he’s going to need some friends to play with. We wouldn’t want him to be lonely. And besides, there’s no one I’d rather raise warriors with than you.”

You heard a faint sniffle before his lips were on yours once more. You had a family, but there was always room to add more to this clan of three.

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pearl-blue-musings · 4 years ago

Note

Could I have a steak, medium, with mashed potatoes?

First diner request!! (This is for bakugo and I’ll be using his given hero name in this)

Pairing: proHero!Bakugo Katsuki x proHerofem!reader and they were roommates

Characters are over the age of 21

Warnings: i’m still bad at writing smut i’m sorry language, some angst, oral(male and female receiving), spanking, penetration, degradation

NSFW so please if you’re not 18+ DO NOT INTERACT

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The air around them was thick as they finished the paperwork for their latest mission. You had been working with Dynamight for a couple of years now and had grown close to the explosive hero. So close that the two of you now live together, Bakugo grumbling about it being cheaper than the both of you living alone. So this evening routine was normal whenever the two of you were involved in an intense mission such as this.

However, things were slightly amiss.

He didn’t offhandedly congratulate you on not dying “you damn extra”.

Hell, he didn’t even yell at you for almost hitting him with your quirk, which has happened no one’s perfect.

But this time? Silence, pure and uncomfortable silence. So needless to say the ride back to your shared apartment was too quiet.

You didn’t say anything when you let yourselves into the building. He didn’t say anything when he unlocked the door and let the two of you in. It wasn’t until the door slammed shut behind him that he finally raised his voice.

“What the fuck was that?”

You had already walked into your room and began shedding your hero uniform. “I’m sorry?” You yell out from your room, halfway into your chill sweatpants and struggling to put on a comfy t-shirt. “What are you talking about Katsu?”

“Don’t play stupid with me dumbass, what the fuck was that?” He does his best to ignore the fact that you’re wearing one of his old t-shirts but he cant help the heat he feels seeing you like that. As if you didn’t do something utterly stupid an hour ago.

Your eyebrows furrow at his question, barely understanding what the blond is implying. “I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about! Please enlighten me, Bakugo.”

“Tch, don’t call me that.”

“I’ll call you whatever the hell I want if you’re gonna keep yelling at me for no damn reason!”

He pushes past you and enters your shared kitchen, already changed from being at the agency earlier and begins to prepare a meal. The anger hasn’t dissipated but he’s hoping to keep the conversation going by making one of your favorites. Bakugo is angry, yeah, but also incredibly attracted to his own roommate which makes him even angrier. He knows your eyes are on him, but he’s staying firm so then you can see how stupidly you were acting.

“Bakugo!”

“You could have died out there dumbass!” He roughly turns off the stove, his want to make you food ruined. Your jaw drops slightly as you think back to what happened. Your thoughts run wild in your brain as you’re trying to figure out what he’s talking about. You almost die every day and this is the one time he’s concerned about it. Suddenly a light bulb goes off in your head and everything clicks.

You softly murmur, “you mean when I saved you?”

“Yes, (Y/n)! That.”

You hadn’t heard him that angry, especially at you. You remember Mina telling you that you’re the only woman he lets close so he’s never really mad at you. Maybe all of that has changed. Did Bakugo catch on to your harbored feelings or...?

“You mean me saving you from the villain severely injuring you? God, Bakugo, we put our lives on the line everyday and this is what has you riled up? Me, saving and protecting the number 3 hero from imminent death at the hands of some low level villain? Who am I, some low ranked hero to the world as opposed to you? I weighed my options!” Your voice raised after each sentence and your breathing became shallower, causing your chest to rise and lower very pointedly.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Bakugo, but he’s currently too upset to act on it.

But he does match your energy. “I was perfectly fine handling that hit on my own and you know that.”

“Without my quirk you would’ve been in the hospital.”

“And you’d be dead! Did you ever think that there are others that need you alive? Fuck!”

Finally his thoughts and feelings had come to light. You were taken aback at his questions, still trying to figure out what this really means for you. You try to speak up, “the world needs Dynamight. Not me.”

“I need you.”

Your eyes widen at the words you’re not sure he said. But he did say what he said right?

You stutter over your words, “I, uh, what?”

Bakugo rakes a hand through his hair and huffs out, “Fuck it, c’mere.”

He pulls you in by the waist, his hands fitting there perfectly and softly kisses your lips. At first you’re shocked but give into your own feelings, kissing him back as your hands wrap around his neck. Bakugo takes that to kiss you deeper, his tongue licking at your bottom lip making you moan.

You two pull apart, a trail of saliva connecting your lips as your breathing is labored. Your lust filled eyes meet his which are also filled with lust and one other emotion you don’t want to believe is there, but secretly hope it is.

“This isn’t how I wanted to tell you.”

“That you love me, right Katsu?”

“Shut up, dumbass.”

He silences your giggles by kissing you again, this time more intense and lifts you onto the counter. His hands move from your waist to under your shirt. When his hands reach the soft skin of your breasts you let out a moan that went straight his nether regions. Fuck, he wants to hear those sounds from you all the time. He tests the waters further by pinching and playing with your pert right nipple and kneading your other mound.

Breathy moans escape as you break the kiss to hide your own sounds. Bakugo meets your lidded eyes,”sweetheart don’t hold back on me. I wanna hear it all,” he emphasizes the last word by pinching your nipples harder making you scrunch your eyes closed. A curse leaves your lips as his ministrations on your breasts don’t let up.

“Fuck baby, when was the last time your body was properly taken care of? You’re so sensitive,” he growls into your ear, nipping and sucking at it in a teasing way. He pulls away to face you as your eyes flutter open at the lack of touch. You give him a questioning look to which he responds. “Stop me now if you don’t want this.”

Your breathing is ragged as Bakugo patiently and impatiently waits for your answer. You push him lightly away from your body in order to give you space to take off your shirt and toss it to the ground, your chest on full display to the blond.

“I want this more than you know,” your words low and dripping, motioning him to come closer.

Without hesitation Bakugo sweeps in and wraps his arms around your body. Naturally your legs find purchase around his waist and he lifts you off of the counter. You feel his hard on right up against your stomach, riling you up further. Was this all it took to make this man want you?

His lips find haven on your neck, biting and sucking like he’s tasting you for the first time. “As much as I want to take you right here, let’s move it to my room, yeah?”

That knowing smirk he gives you goes straight to your core, making your panties wetter. That didn’t go unnoticed as he whispers out a fuck and rushes to his room.

The feel of a lush duvet on your back alerts you that you’re now in his room and on his bed. His warm hands continue to trail and rake up your torso and over your breasts as you two make out. Bakugo backs up and off you only to trail kisses down the center of your body. He kisses in the valley of your breasts, leaving the area cool as his lips leave it for your belly. You try to cover up, a sense of insecurity overcoming you. The blond swiftly moves your arms away and kisses every dip and roll your tummy has to offer, sinking lower to where skin meets the fabric of your sweatpants. You feel his fingers on the hem as he eyes you for approval. You nod and in seconds your sweatpants are thrown across the room.

A clear wet stain at your core can be seen on your underwear, which isn’t cute but can’t change that now. Bakugo can already smell the arousal on you, “you this wet for me already? I haven’t even touched your pussy yet.” You moan at his words and try to rub your thighs together for friction. He smirks at what you’re trying to do and firmly places his hands on your thighs, almost threatening to leave imprints.

“Tell me what you want princess.” You can feel his breath against the growing wetness of your cunt.

“Katsu, fuck. It’s embarrassing.”

He inches his hands closer to your clenching hole but never gets close enough. “It wasn’t embarrassing when you stripped for me in the kitchen yeah? You being a brat, slut.” He slaps your inner thigh making you gasp out. A sinister smile comes to his face at your reaction. “You’re such a slut, making such lewd noises so easily for me and I haven’t even done anything.” His fingers then glaze over your clothed pussy making you whimper. “Tell me.” he slaps your thigh again, “what you want.”

Your breathing is shallow with want as a wanton moan escapes your lips. “Fuck Katsu, I want- hah- I want your mouth.”

“Where?”

“Don’t make me say it - ah shit!”

The blond playfully bit right outside the lining of your underwear, knowing damn well where you actually want it. “Tell me.”

“Fuck! I want your mouth on my pussy, please!” You all but scream out the sexual statement.

You hear him chuckle and feel him shrug your underwear off, your hips rising to make the action go by faster. “That’s all I wanted, brat.”

You had always dreamt and played with yourself to the thought of Bakugo eating you out but it never amounted to the real thing. His lips wrapped around yours as he sucked and pushed his tongue inside your walls. For sure, the two of you are going to get a noise complaint but you’re too in the throws of ecstasy to care. His lips and tongue work in tandem to bring about the utmost pleasure to you. When his tongue and lips find your clit, he has to put pressure on your hips to keep them steady.

Your out of control breathing and whining turn him on more than would be possible. He growls and grunts into your heat, enjoying your taste and smell too much. He can feel his dick getting hard and leaking onto the mattress beneath him. He starts grinding into it to alleviate some of the building pressure. But it’s not as much pressure that’s building in your core; he can feel it.

“Oh fuck, Katsu I’m gonna cum. Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Katsuki continues to thrust his tongue in and out of you and suck on your clitoris as your ride out your first orgasm. Once your heartbeat slows to a normal pace, hair sticking out in all directions and sweaty you look down at him. He’s wiping away at his chin and sucking whatever was left off his fingers.

Did you...?

“Damn, sweetcheeks. You must’ve been holding back. That was fucking hot.”

“Shut up, it’s, hah, it’s not my fault my other partners couldn’t satisfy me.”

He crawls up to you and kisses you, making you taste your saltiness on his lips. “Well then we gotta make up for lost time, yeah?”

You scoff at him and notice his walls are low. Taking the initiative, you overpower him and place him on his back, straddling him.

“Heh, just what the hell do you think you’re doing, brat?”

You peck his lips and remove his shirt, “Returning the favor, what’s it look like?” Your hands deftly move down his toned torso, leaving fleeting kisses until you meet the line of his boxers, seeing his dick straining against the material. You do your best to keep in the drool leaking out of your mouth when you remove his boxers.

Bakugo gets a, rightfully earned, ego boost seeing your reaction to his penis. “Heh, take a picture it’ll last longer.”

You honestly debate it but just bite your lip at his sarcasm. His tip is already leaking pre-cum and you lick your lips at the sight. You bend down on your knees to get comfortable and then surprise him with a long slow lick from the base to tip. His hand immediately takes purchase in your hair, admiring the texture as he hisses out curses. You swirl your tongue all around the tip, making sure to dip into the little slit at the top.

That got a growl out of him.

“You fucking brat, you think you’re in control huh?”

You nod by sinking your mouth lower on his dick and quickly coming up with a pop, an evil grin on your face. Taking the challenge, Bakugo places not supporting hand on the back of your head, forcing you closer to his aching member.

“Suck.”

You comply, with a little help, and begin to suck him hard and deep. Your cheeks hollow out the more ragged his breathing gets and add in more tongue. Curses fly free from his mouth as his eyes roll back in pleasure. He tries his best to keep his hips on the bed but the way you’re blowing him, he may just have to face fuck you. What turns him on more is the obvious bulge of his dick in your throat that almost makes him cum on the spot.

You’re more than willing to drink up his cum but he stops you before he gets too lost in the feeling. “Baby, I wanna cum in you so bad but not like this.” He lets you remove yourself from his throbbing dick as he pulls you in for a sloppy kiss. For some reason, tasting himself on your lips is something he can get used to. He flips you over to your back, eyes meeting in a mixture of love and lust. You truly see what he’s been feeling all this time and vice versa. His words from earlier ring in your ears and you calmly place a hand on his cheek.

“Katsu, I’m sorry for scaring you.”

Ruby eyes roll as he leans down to kiss you. “Dumbass, I know you’ll be sorry by letting me fill you up with my seed. You’re on the pill right?”

“Strange how you remember that and my favorite food.”

“Don’t ruin the moment.” He pauses as he sees the lazy grin on your face. He could get used to this. He’s still hovering over you, dick ready and throbbing as he teases your entrance. “Fuck, I love how wet you are for me. You get this wet for every other guy?” He continues to toy with your opening, making you whimper and squirm underneath him. “Answer me, slut.”

“N-no. Only you, Katsu- Ah!”

Happy with your answer, he thrusts into your awaiting pussy, breathing shallow at how warm and soft you feel around his penis. “Fuck, so wet and so tight. This pussy is for me right? Yeah it is, brat. Tell me.”

With each word he pumps in and out of you at a speed you never thought would be possible. Your senses are overwhelmed by him. The sight of him fucking you and losing control over you, the sound of skin meeting skin and the squelches from your cunt. The smell of sex in the air, the feel of his dick hitting you in all the right places, and the taste of each of your essences on your lips and tongue. This was paradise. “Yes, hah, it’s all for you!”

Bakugo slows his pace to pull you up for a messy kiss. He then flips you over onto your knees. A wanton moan leaves your throat as his member reaches deeper into you. Seeing you from this angle, he wants to engrave this view in his memory. The way your ass looks up against his skin, he can’t help but harshly smack a cheek. You yell out in pleasure, clamping down more onto him.

“Fuck baby girl, you like when I spank you huh?” He spanks your other cheek and got the same result of pussy clenching on him.

“Yes,” you pant out, “fuck daddy I love it! Spank me more!”

You’re not even sure what you’re saying anymore, pleasure and ecstasy flowing through you. He spanks you more, making the both of you closer to release. His hands leave your ass, one onto your waist and the other reaching for your clit rubbing it vigorously.

“You gonna cum you slutty brat, huh? Gonna cum all over daddy’s cock yeah?”

He pumps into you harder, rubs you harder. “Yes, fuck Katsu I’m gonna cum.”

Bakugo abruptly stops, pulling out slightly to change positions. He sees the confusion on your face as you see you’re about to ride him. But there’s something else in his gaze.

“That’s not,” he humps into suddenly and you cry out, “my fucking name is it?”

His movements almost feel faster this time that you’re on top. Your breasts bounce and jiggle in his face and he wants to fondle them earnestly. His hips gyrate faster and faster, chasing the sweet sense of relief he knows he’ll find. Bakugo wanted to keep fucking you from behind, but he wanted to see your fucked out face as you came again. His hand again begins to rub at your clit, bringing you closer and also clenching on his dick harder.

“Fuck baby girl. Are you ready to cum with me, huh? Tell me you’re ready.”

You keep bouncing up and down, feeling the largest orgasm of your life coming to fall over you. Your tongue lolls out and tears edge at your eyes. “Yes! Daddy fuck I wanna cum.”

“Then cum baby. Cum for me.”

“Ah, hah, Katsu, Katsuki! Hah, fuck fuck fuck, oh my god.”

Underneath you, Bakugo continues to fuck you through his own orgasm, muttering and growling under his breath; volume increasing the more of his seed that spurts out into you. You fall on top of him, sweat and other bodily fluids mix together as he limply holds you in his arms. Once your breath has calmed down, you slowly remove yourself from on top of him and fall again into the mattress.

“Fuck, princess. How was that?”

You turn to meet him and want to hide yourself, but what’s the point? He saw a side of you and brought out something in you you thought he would never see. “That was, goddamn, worth waiting for?”

He chuckles and kisses your forehead. “Stay here.” He commands you as he heads to the bathroom. He comes back with a warm towel and two glasses of water. He kindly helps you clean up and gives you a glass to drink. You didn’t realize how dehydrated you were until you had downed the whole glass. Bakugo laughs at you as he drinks his water and wipes himself as well.

“You know I love you, right?”

All you could do was nod as sleep was the only thing on your mind currently. However your stomach had other ideas.

“We never ate dinner did we,” you ask and chuckle at the realization.

Bakugo, still as naked as you are, brings you into his body and cuddles you close. “I was gonna make you your favorite dish but we can order takeout if you like.

“And besides, I already got a full meal.”

“Katsu!”

The diner is open

#answered #the diner #cupcake rogue #my writing #i did the thing #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou x y/n #bnha smut #mha smut #bakugo smut #bakugou x you #bakugo katsuki x reader

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originalwinnercheesecake · 3 years ago

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First Impressions and predictions based on the coven Leaders

After a full first season their fame adorning the banners and walls, who they are being hailed, yet they themselves being kept in the shadows we now get first looks (and throughout 2a will meet) the emperors top dogs: The coven leaders. I will not lie as a group... these guys dissappoint me. Making the majority of them very human in appearance for me is a big no. Compare this group to the many colorful and fantastical creatures that are shown teaching at hexside and the hexside teachers are far more creative, unique, and fun. Maybe the artists decided to make the coven leaders look more like normal people so the audience would have an easier time understanding their expressions and body language. Maybe the more humanoid whitches are a higher class and have a easier time climbing higher than the more beast and demon like residence.? We will have to wait and see.

Seperate this group into individuals (like how we will hopefully meet them) and most of them become far more interesting, So below lets take a look at each coven leader individually, where the artists may have taken inspriation, and what What kind of characters they could maybe turn out to be.

The Beast keeping coven Leader: One of the only two that are not humanoids. What type of animal is he? At first I was sure he was a hedgehog, but maybe he could also be like a chipmunk or a squirrel. I get the feeling he might be partially inspired by Sonic from Sega. I was really into Sonic back in middle school. I liked the cartoons and read through the archie’s old comic series. But I kinda out grew him since then. I know from helping to take care of kids though that he is still popular with the younger generation. That’s kinda how I thin the Beast Keeping Coven leader will be: less interesting for older viewers, but a real fun charcter for kids.

The Healing coven leader: Now this guy looks like fun villain all around. Is some kind of witch docotor? a Dark Priest? The size the purple Grin, he looks like the phantom boss from those horror films where you get trapped in nightmares. Tell me he has scary theme song music and talks in a very high pitched voice. I’ve heard some people wonder if he could be Selena (oracle girl from hexside)’s dad. I don’t thinks so, the macaroni crescent shape n his head looks more like a fancy cowl than part of his actual head. Also him having a daughter in Luz’s class could be used as a reason for him to change sides, I want this guy to stay as a villian/antagonist. We all know that with this size group some will stay with the emperor and some will defect to Luz’s side (possibility a couple will die, we haven’t seen yet just how dark Dana is willing to go). Personally my view with redemption arcs and if a character “deserves them” is it depends on what it will do for the story/character afterwards? IF redeeming them opens more doors for the characters and directions the story can take, do it. IF it closes doors leave them as they are. I absolutely hate when clever and well written bad guys get “redeemed” in to boring, plot useless, weebs. The only reason I could see having this guy change sides is for him to “cure” Eda and Lilith’s curse, and I would much rather see the two of them gain control over their forms than be “cured” of them.

The Illusion coven leader: Another fun looking antagonist. My third favorite of these nine. If the healer guy is horror movie based. This guy is Disney based all around. Looks like one of those Vegas suave showmen styled character. Love it. I guarantee you he does not actually look that young or slicked back, but is using illusion magic to make himself more pretty. Not sure if he will stay with the emperor or not. Illusion is Gus’s track and I could see Dana having the leaders of Luz’s friends tracks be the ones to stand by them. If so I am fine with that (in the case of the abomination leader I will beg for it). Gaining the respect of someone as high up as a coven leader could be really great for Gus’s character. Just as long as I get plenty of laughs from Gus and this guy both along the way.

The Potion coven leader: My second favorite and in my opinion the most creative idea of the whole bunch. A mosquito that works in potions! Does he suck them up with his nose and carry them in.. whatever it is mosquitos store blood in. Also he looks angry. Like everyone else is either amused or board. This guy is fed up and ready to do something about it. Not sure if it is the Emperor, the other leaders, or the owl gang he is mad at, but it should be a worthwhile show down.

The Abomination coven leader: Yes this is my favorite design. Yes it is because he is such a beautiful man. Would never have expected someone who creates mucks (the pokemon) with legs would be so fine. Its more than that though. He looks the most kind. Their is no malice or guise in his smile and his green eyes are bright and relaxed. I wondered what the purpose of the Abomination track was and why it had “more opportunity” all last season. Well slight spoilers if you haven’t seen episode 2x02 it is the industrialist field. When you learn about Industrialization usually the idea is that it is done to help the human race reach its full potential, and it is up to each individual to decide what to do with that potential. Whether you call that the passion of a creative mind or the carelessness of a fool would also be up to you. But I really don’t want this guy to be all bad. If for no other reason that more spoilers for episode 2 * with the interest/caution the emperor is showing the blights I expect this guy to show up to their house, probably meet Amity, and we really do not need another not so nice adult in her life. She has had enough.

The Oracle coven leader: What is this? He’s got nails/caws at the ends of dread thingys like Kikimore, so is this her father? Does he have anything to do with her being in the Emporor’s coven? But this is my least favorite. Like what was the inspiration behind this guy? With so many legendary oracles in mythology and we get this guy who mostly looks saggy, washed out, tierd, and just Blah. Hope thier is more to him, but here is one who I am not holding my breath for an episode on.

The Plant coven leader: based on her banner I was expecting something like the Swamp Giant from ALTA. Instead they went in the direction of a very traditional witch desgine: An old women with a wrinkled face and really messy hair, who probably lives alone in the woods, with maybe the exception of a cat, and dances around a fire at night. Okay. She is definitely going to become an ally of the owl gang. This is the only female of the group,and it is neither in Dana’s message nor would it be popular with her target audience to make a villain or even an antagonist out of a women who managed to climb the later into a male dominated success level. I am actually looking forward to seeing her, because it will probably be in a Willow based episode, and after 2x02 (which I personally feel should not have been a luminaty episode but rather a Willow and Amity one finishing up their reconciliation arc), Willow deserves an episode with potential centered around her. An episode where she goes against the Plant track Leader would be that. This witches Grin isn’t exactly friendly, but its more mischievous than wicked. She gives off vibes as one of those people who like to test the mains, and if you pass her tests than you earn her respect. I have no doubt Willow could win at her little games, and doing so would be a huge boost the confidence she has spent the show building.

The Construction coven leader: Oh joy here’s the other one I am unimpressed with. Unlike with the Oracle guy I know where they got his design. To everyone saying that we first saw him at the convention, your not backing far enough up. If you have ever seen any cartoon ever where the main character wanders past or onto a construction sight you have seen this man. Every trio of workers sitting on a iron frame eating from a lunchbox. Every pig that makes a catcall at a disgusted women. Every exhausted worker who watches as your slapstick mains chase each other past at quitting time... they all looked EXACTLY like this guy. This is really the character leading the track Dana herself has said she would pick to join? They could have done a Golem made of brick an stone that resembles a palace. They could have done some kind of humanoid ant with super strength. They could have done a wizard with shapes and mathematics on his robe who carried a scroll everywhere that he compulsively scribbled blueprints onto. But instead we get Mr. Generic here.

The Bard coven Leader: This is R, Eda’s old friend from her hexside days. Did I save R for last because of this connection? Partially. I am also unsure what R’s pronouns are. To me R looks physically male. I have seen other posters use “she” when posting about R. One person posted that Dana had confirmed R uses “they” and if so awesome, I would really like to see that tweet. What ever R’s pronouns though their appearance in the show will be tied with Eda, er past, and what she had to give up in order to live free. I look forward to this new insight onto her character

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nct-oli · 4 years ago

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I understand Phupha. I really do. And I desperately want to ramble about his motivations through this story, so read on if you want to go through the journey of Phupha’s character depth with me!

(Note: I haven’t opened the tags or anything yet since watching the episode because I genuinely wanted to get all of my own thoughts written out before I bring in influences from other people, so if someone made a post like this already, I apologize and I promise I didn’t see it!!)

Let’s look at Phupha’s decisions and thought processes right now. He received an order from Tian’s dad to protect Tian in the village. When he received that order, he had never met Tian. Of course he wasn’t going to say no, and of course he was going to assume that Tian was a rich kid with poor intentions coming to the village. How many rich kids before Torfun had come to the village and abandoned ship when things got tough? Plus Phupha cares about the kids; he probably hated seeing these teachers enter and exit their lives so often. Not to mention, it probably would have made Phupha’s life easier to not have to take on this extra duty of caring for Tian.

But then Tian showed up, and things changed so quickly. Sure, maybe Phupha helped him extra at the very beginning out of duty, but in doing so, he got to know him even more quickly. And through that, feelings developed so fast. Let’s look at Tian bathing, for example. Phupha knew Tian had a bathhouse at his home, and yet, he took him to the waterfall. Why? Was that not wasting his own time? He so easily could have said, “You need a bath? Behind the house.” And yet, he took him to the waterfall anyways, for no real reason. Perhaps it was to test him, but more than anything, I think he was just trying to tease him and spend time with him. And when he slept at his house, sure, maybe it could have just been to protect him out of duty, but asking Tian what he had for dinner just because he wanted to talk to him was never in the order given by Tian’s dad. That was solely because he enjoyed Tian’s company.

We all know that Phupha’s care for Tian was never just out of duty. It may have started that way, but it so quickly progressed past that. Which is why Tian finding out his father was involved must have been so devastating. It completely contradicted what he was so certain was true. I mean, hell, drunk Phupha even confessed to Tian. He knew Phupha’s feelings were not out of duty, but he was still lied to (which is a whole rant on its own).

I’ve been thinking a lot too about Phupha’s love language. From what I can see, his top love language is acts of service, and more specifically, through his protection. Phupha loves the village. He loves the forest. And he loves Tian. When Tian started to understand Phupha’s love language, I think he recognized that as being Phupha’s expression of love toward him. And because Phupha protected him so strongly, Tian read that as Phupha’s love for him being so fierce (which it absolutely was, of course).

As their relationship blossomed, Tian continuously thanked Phupha for protecting him. And on surface level, yes, he was genuinely thanking him for keeping him alive and safe in the village. But digging deeper, he was thanking him for loving him, because he recognized Phupha’s expression of love is told through his dedication to keeping the people he loves and the forest safe. So when Tian was sitting by Phupha’s bedside begging him to wake up and continue protecting him, it wasn’t just him wanting Phupha to keep him safe. He was literally begging him to wake up and continue loving him.

Hence why, when the bandaid was ripped off and he found out his father had ordered Phupha to protect Tian, he started questioning where the line was between duty and love. And then Phupha wouldn’t admit to Tian that what Tian perceived as acts of love and not duty were exactly that, acts of love, that he hadn’t been imagining it. Not only that but when the emotions got high, Phupha lied to him, saying it was never personal and that it was all for just his job, breaking Tian’s heart.

Do I agree with the way he handled it? No. I think the saying harsh words to make Tian hate him rather than communicating properly was absolutely the wrong way to go. But do I understand it? Yes.

Before going any further into that though, let’s talk about Phupha’s reasoning for siding with Tian’s father over Tian. First of all, the obvious is that Tian’s father is a well-respected authority figure, who also easily has the connections to ruin Phupha’s career (not that he necessarily would but he could if he wanted to). As much as we all want Phupha to disregard Tian’s father’s orders, we all know he’s in a tough spot. He doesn’t just love Tian; he also loves the village and the forest, and he dedicated his life to protecting them. He has to weigh that into his decision too.

But beyond that, Phupha has so much respect for his late father. A lot of the lessons he did not understand when his father was alive were lessons he came to understand as he carried on his father’s missions. He said earlier in the show that he did not understand his father’s dedication to the forest until he dedicated his own life to it. He recognized the wisdom his father tried to pass on to him that he was hesitant to accept.

And so to have Tian’s father telling Phupha that Tian has a good life back in Bangkok, of course he’s going to project some of his respect for his own father onto Tian and Tian’s father, failing to recognize that the two situations aren’t the same. In addition to that, he probably does have a feeling of “if my father was still alive...” And knowing Tian’s father is there wanting to take care of Tian and see his life progress, of course he’s going to respect that. That’s why Phupha even told Tian he shouldn’t think less of his father.

Plus we’ve seen how watching Phupha’s mother grieve affected him personally. When Tian’s father mentioned how his mother hadn’t seen her son, and knowing how she almost lost Tian, I’m sure there was also some guilt for wanting to keep Tian to himself when he watched his own mother grieve. Of course, Tian hadn’t passed away like Phupha’s father, but the feeling of loss is similar enough.

I also assume there are some cultural differences regarding family dynamics and respect that I cannot speak to given I am not Thai.

So from that perspective, of course he started to believe that Tian’s father knew best. He didn’t know how miserable Tian was in Bangkok; he didn’t get to see the way Tian’s frown turned to a smile or how suddenly bright his world became when he came to the village. He never saw any of that.

And if we move on past Phupha’s family history, we all know Phupha is fearful of vulnerability. He’s closed himself off his entire life, it seems, from love. And by the time he hit 30, he probably accepted that would be his life: protecting the forest and returning to an empty bed. Opening himself up to Tian was not easy for him, and now when he finally allowed himself to dream of a less lonely life, it’s been threatened. And to avoid being hurt any further, he’s choosing to throw it away himself. It gives him the false perception that this was his own choice, not someone else’s. I’d even go as far as to say him losing his father is an example of a time when he had pain thrown at him that was not his own choice, and there’s probably some trauma from that that he still has to work through. Then he similarly lost Torfun and has had to work through that pain as well. Is it healthy to push his own happiness away at the first sign of trouble? Absolutely not. Plus it hurts Tian. But does it make sense given everything we know about him? Absolutely yes.

(Side note: Tian did the same thing before the surgery. He was wreckless because it gave him a sense of power regarding his own fate when it felt like his pain was being controlled by someone or something else.)

So now here we are, episode 9, Phupha is trying to do the right thing. Of course this story is showing us Tian’s perspective mostly, and so we empathize with Tian more. But I think it’s really important to acknowledge how Phupha is a character with so much depth, who will make mistakes just as Tian did and who deserves to receive the same forgiveness and consideration we give Tian.

When we look at Phupha, we know his intentions are good. He genuinely loves Tian, and especially throughout the events of this episode, he finally started to see how the guilt Tian felt about Torfun was eating him alive, how he was trying to live his life to make up for the life she had lost rather than for the life he had been given. And because he loves Tian so much, he wanted better for him.

That’s why he made him promise to value himself and to live his life for himself from now on. Of course, we all know there’s a disconnect between what he wants for Tian and the options he’s presenting Tian to pick from.

But just like Tian had a bandaid ripped off, Phupha did too. Tian thought Phupha’s intentions were purely out of love and started questioning why he made the decisions he did. Phupha thought Tian’s love for the village and even for him were straight from his own heart, and then when he found out Tian was purposely living his life as Torfun did, he didn’t know what to make of his intentions anymore. Of course, just as Tian was never wrong about Phupha acting out of love when he was protecting him, Phupha was never wrong about Tian acting out of love when interacting with the children and the rest of the villagers.

Yet he doesn’t know that. In his mind, Tian was always living someone else’s life. In his mind, Tian’s life must have been back in Bangkok because suddenly it didn’t seem like it was here. Suddenly the life he was living here in Pha Pun Dao was Torfun’s. And then when Tian starts insisting he’ll stay if Phupha tells him his feelings, of course he’s going to suddenly feel like it would be selfish to do so. Like I said, now he believes Tian’s life really is back in Bangkok. And he has Tian’s father telling him that too.

And we know he always believed that to some extent, given his response to the rangers when they wanted Tian to extend his stay. He told them he had college to finish and a bright future ahead of him. He hadn’t believed his future would be in the village and certainly not with him. It was when he allowed himself to be more vulnerable that he gave in and asked Tian to stay. But now with everything that happened since then, no wonder he felt selfish not wanting Tian to leave.

Acts of service. Phupha showing his love through protection. This right here is Phupha trying to protect Tian once again. This is Phupha trying one last time to show Tian his love language. Even if he’s hurting Tian in the process.

All of this is to say, is Phupha in the wrong right now? Yes. Of course. I’m going to write a separate post about Tian and how I believe this story will end, but we can clearly see how Phupha is contradicting himself right now. He wants Tian to choose himself and live his life for no one else, and yet he isn’t giving Tian the option to stay in the village for himself. He immediately threw away the idea that that was even a possibility, and it’s hurting both him and Tian.

But Tian has been in the wrong many times before, despite having a heart of gold and good intentions. And that’s where Phupha is too. He wants to do the right thing, but his own guilt and fear are keeping him from even seeing the true right thing.

Like I said, I’m going to write an entirely separate post about how I believe this story will end and why I think the ending will be beautiful. But I’m not worried. I think this is a test of not only Tian and Phupha’s relationship but also the two of them as individuals. I genuinely really love Phupha as a character, and I respect the way he tries so hard. He’s allowed to be wrong too sometimes.

#phutian #phupha x tian #a tale of thousand stars #atots #1000 stars #this was a LOT oops #I just think Phupha has SO MUCH DEPTH that people overlook because he’s Tian’s love interest #I think being angry at him for his decisions right now is very justified #but I also think it doesn’t do him justice to act as though they are not in character #I think he’s a beautiful character and I am so grateful to see him grow too #I ADDED A 'KEEP READING' BECAUSE I'M ON DESKTOP NOW

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