lesbianherald

[lesbianherald]

Do you feel pressured for future fics to be as sucessful as coming home since it gained a fan following you probably didn’t think would be possible? (I’ll read anything you write this is just a general question I’ve always wondered about any kind of artist online when they produce something that unexpectedly blows up)

you know i check in with myself about this often but I've found I've kind of let that pressure go a bit ? because it's fic, so as long as I'm writing something that I'm excited about that gets people excited too then that's all I can hope for.

Numbers are such a curse, and something people tend to focus on wayyy to much obviously. I definitely still fall victim to them sometimes. I try not to look at coming home's views and kudos because I don't have the best self esteem in terms of my work and sometimes I feel like a caveman trying to comprehend an iPad when I look at them DFSLKJDFH. as exhilarating and flattering as it is, and even as grateful as I am, i often feel very undeserving and strange about them.

something that helps is coming home came out at such a specific time right pre, post, and during season 2 which will mean its 'numbers' will be inherently far more inflated than something i'd post in the months following no matter if it's 'better'

i think that helps and is a little bit freeing. because I don't feel that pressure because in terms of numbers I will not top it and that's honestly okay.

i'm trying to measure 'success,' especially in terms of fanfic, as how much joy and emotion I felt writing the thing, and how much it means to others - not necessarily how many others - just - others.

but i'd be lying if I said i didn't think about it sometimes.

[lesbianherald]

I love that the first chapter of Coming Home But Not To You has a note saying you posted it at night because you’re scared of Arcane fans. Now it’s like one of the most popular JayVik fanfics out there.

okay but listen i am still scared of arcane fans

[lesbianherald]

I wasn’t going to read Here at the End of All Things at first because I knew it would destroy me. (I love Viktor a normal amount!!!) But no surprise, I couldn’t resist. I love your writing so much I’d read your grocery list if you let me.

Let me just say that you. broke. my. heart. You do these characters such justice each time. I had a pit in my stomach the whole time I was reading it. Mage Viktor makes me indescribably sad. Viktor is such a tragic character in general (and so dear to me). As much as I loved the ending for Jayce and Viktor as a pair, the show really didn’t do his character justice in a lot of ways and he’s unfortunately not the only one. It’s such a shame. Anyway my point is that reading this healed something in me. Thank you for paying this sort of attention and care to the characters!!

I would usually have something much more intelligent to say but I am still recovering from this hole your writing put in my chest (what are we, cosmic soulmates?) and I can’t muster it.

The distant au where they were married is going to stick with me for a long time. Viktor getting to see this proof that it doesn’t always have to be like this— that there are entire lifetimes where he and Jayce get it right— where they kiss as naturally as they breathe, get married on the beach, and fix toys around the holidays just because they can— and then having to walk away???? Because this beautiful life is not for him???? Literal tears streaming down my face rn btw.

Sending much love and appreciation your way. You nailed it!

before i even get into all the rest you are so right about arcane absolutely not doing viktor's character justice I could write a dissertation on it lmfao.

thank you so so much omg. It's crazy because I actually really don't read angst/tragedy fics myself? But I just love Viktor and I find the concept of the story of old Mage viktor taken out of the weirdness of the season 2 writing so deeply poignant and tragic and almost mythic.

the distant AU was so fun to write. it was so fun writing all of these little AUs within this fic through the perspective of such a unique witness. another reason I had an absolute blast writing it despite feeling emotionally very weird the whole time LMAO. I'm so glad it worked for you and you understood what I was trying to do with that.

i'm so touched these are such kind words I'm so glad you enjoyed. Ahhh!

[lesbianherald]

Since my appearance of asking to bookbind CHBNTY. I figured I would send this little realization on how THICK this project actually is. I swear, we see numbers on AO3 and don’t really realize HOW MUCH we did read.

The cover page has been through hell and back, anywho! This is before it’s been pressed and I need a bigger framed book spine 😭.

first of all its so touching that people want this and make this into a project for themselves

secondly no WAYYYY I WROTE ALL THAT WHAT THE FUCK HAAKHAKJHSDFKLJHF ?!?!?!

THERES NO WAY DKLJFHSKLF

[lesbianherald]

Used the holidays to finally finish color vomiting all over this page, hopefully the brainworms will cease now

[lesbianherald]

post coital science

[lesbianherald]

ugh. whatever. i deleted that post. i don't want to dwell on one negative when there's so much positive that I am genuinely so touched by. i don't think most people would ever need to be reminded of this - but will say it anyways - pls just remember I am a human being and not a chapter-churning machine and all writers, fic writers and otherwise, (honestly artists in general) should be allowed to explore what they would like to, even if its not to your taste or expectations <3

[lesbianherald]

bee I love the new fic!!!! I was very frustrated with S2 canon because I didn’t think we got enough explanation for viktor’s motivations, and how he’d agree to partner with ambessa of all people that easily. So I loved your interpretation, and your takes on how much of his mind was lost to the arcane, and how much of his real self still remained. So tasty!!

oh my gosh thank you so so much! I was also frustrated and it was very fun trying to explore within the confines of the very little they provided!

granted, i didn't tap into ambessa because I thought it was honestly offensively out of character and unfixable. like full stop I was disgusted they did that without what seems like any sort of thoughts to viktor's entire character leading up to that point. i really don't think they considered the weight of a lot of character decisions. - I feel the same way about this as Vi seemingly having no problem gassing zaun.

Anyways so sorry for the soapbox thank you for the read <3

[lesbianherald]

when i got to the no caps breakdown and realized the only two words you were capitalizing I had a breakdown myself. amazing work !

the sigh of relief i just let out I swore the first comment I was gonna get on that was like errrrm I noticed some typos DKLFJHDSLFKJD

thank you !!!

[lesbianherald]

THAT LAST PART ?!?!

STOP STOP HE'S (me) ALREADY DEAD!!!!

[lesbianherald]

Bee.... that last paragraph was like getting stabbed 57 times after your fic repeatedly shot me

awwwww..... i'm blushingg.....

[lesbianherald]

you guys wanna read something weird and depressing and nothing like Coming Home? surprise ! ❤️ me n my mental illness are back at it again !

[lesbianherald]

Listened to the line live at game awards on loop and read coming home and it’s Christmas Eve and my family were next to me and it was honestly a bit harrowing

LMAOOOOO

i posted this on twitter but i have airbuds and it eviscerated me for listening to it like 25 times in one day I'm right there with you

[lesbianherald]

queen do you know coming home is the first fic in a threat of fics re-tweeted by bbno$

I ASSUME YOU MEAN THREAD AND YES IM AWARE OP IS MY FRIEND JESS

[lesbianherald]

i wanna befriend you so bad :') as an offering: this was viktor in his yassfication womb after jayce said his "partner died in this room" aka signed the divorce papers https://x.com/ali_sivi/status/1871349934378913929

IM LAUGHING SO HARD DSKLFJSHDLKFJSDHF

thank you :') inbox/dms are always open though sometimes I am baaadd at responding but its getting easier now

[lesbianherald]

hi so i just read until the most recent chapter of coming home (but not to you) and i am. in awe? in love? feeling a lot of things right now. i can’t even begin to describe how your writing makes me feel and the chronology of it all and the depth of the characters personalities and how everything connects to each other. genuinely i’m admiring your art and feel awfully inspired and filled with a lot of happy feelings. the story is so real and practical and just makes so much sense for a modern type au that my chest is literally heaving i’m feeling a lot of emotions about this.

i enjoyed reading every single word and when i saw that you had tumblr i just had to come and express my appreciation because i’m genuinely so grateful to have consumed such a deeply meaningful work. there’s like a hole in me now.

(i hope this isn’t too burdensome of a confession, i’m just very touched after reading it and it may be my sleep-deprived self yapping away because i stayed up all night to finish reading lol)

anyways i hope you’re having an amazing day <3

this is not burdensome at all. this genuinely made me tear up. I'm so sorry it got buried in my messages. the idea that this fic could mean something to people really is such an inspiring force and has really helped my in my personal life ride out some health issues.

i appreciate it a ton <3

[lesbianherald]

changed my url to lesbianherald to match my twitter but now I have to go back..... and change the URL on every chapter I posted AHHHHH