#asexual dysphoria

[theaceoftales]

Ace of the Week #2: Kim

Aces have to deal with a certain level of dysphoria in a world dominated by allosexual narratives and expectations. The equivalency of love and sex is something that many aces just do not understand. And when your body serves you biological reminders of the expectation to reproduce... and society perpetuates this connection between periods, puberty, and sex... it feels rather like being ganged up on by the world (more on this later).

Read the comic here! https://www.webtoons.com/en/slice-of-life/boo-its-sex/list?title_no=1413

[hardheaded-municipalist]

[agender + cis guy] dysphoria (bigender, I suppose)

I just see fields of different amounts of shit when I look at the gender landscape.

Libido

Hard to tell if this is an asexual-dysphoria thing or an agender-dysphoria thing. I enjoy reading books or playing video games at night. This gets in the way and it just makes me feel extremely frustrated. There is no proper NEED that my body is making me fulfill... It just reminds me that I have to do bullshit upkeep that makes me uncomfortable. I really do not care for masturbation. I would go at least several weeks without doing it ideally. It just feels like I get a higher dose than I want.

Solution: Progestorone.

Reproductive functions

Hard to tell if this is an asexual-dysphoria thing, a child-free thing, or an agender-dysphoria thing. I really fuckin hate that my body has entered itself into the reproduction game of human society. I have genetic conditions that I'd like a person to never inherit. People have described "sex is beautiful because it's how we create" and I just want to get away from that quote as far as I possibly can.

Solution: Vasectomy.

Facial hair

I don't mind facial hair, tbh. It's just very annoying to have to shave/scissor-cut to maintain a very annoying amount of hair. If I had permanent light stubble, I'd prefer it.

Solution: Laser therapy.

Gendered name

The given name is {male}. I just want to forget that gender is a meaningful divide in the world I live in...

Solution: New gender-neutral name.

Preference for mixed-gender friendship groups

I prefer having friendship groups that are mixed-gender, so that gender isn't a common feature, because I inevitably do not quite relate to that stuff.

Solution: Make more mixed-gender friendship groups.

Role reversal

I do feel cis... in this way: dipping toes into gender norms only to transgress against them... Despite the fact that I am hetero, I feel straight culture reinforces gender norms. I hate it so fucking much.

Solution: Ace role reversal romance, when???

Crossdressing

I do feel cis... in this way: dipping toes into gender norms only to transgress against them... Despite the fact that I am cis... if I were in a relationship with someone else, proper crossdressing (not just androgyny) would be fun. [Only to dip toes for me... They can do what they want.]

Solution: Ace role reversal romance, when???

Androgynous clothing

I prefer clothing that is androgynous/gender-neutral/genderless. I just want to forget that gender is a meaningful divide in the world I live in...

Solution: more androgynous clothing

Pronouns

I want to forget gendered pronouns exist. I would prefer there was only one set of pronouns, so I don't have to ponder this question. I guess I'm used to [he] at the moment. I think with certain people I know well, I'll eventually prefer [they]. These agender thoughts are pretty private to me, and I don't currently have such a preference.

Solution: Keep an eye on this, yet to be determined. TLDR = TBA.

Genitals

Penis is good for peeing. Point and shoot. Nice and simple. Thoughts about not having a penis are kind of... terrifying. I'd carry a "female urination device" around with me in a backpack if I had to.

Solution: Keep things as they are.

Breasts

Seem to be more trouble than they're worth. Having to remember to wash more clothing seems like a pain.

Solution: Keep things as they are.

Softer skin, smoother hair, other HRT effects

Neutral. I don't care about this stuff.

Solution: Keep things as they are.

Shoulder hair

I don't know if this is an agender thing or a me thing. What The Fuck is shoulder hair????? two small patches on the skin above the shoulder [specifically the skin above the acromion]. One patch for each shoulder.

Solution: Hair removal cream. Waxing. Laser therapy.

[the-threads-of-fate]

I never really considered the any asexual related discomfort as dsyphoria, but I guess it is.

I don't think I get asexual dysphoria from my own body, but I certainly get it from people assuming and treating me as allosexual, I guess asexual social dysphoria? I'm not exactly subtle about being Ace, at all, even less so after someone assumes and treats me like I'm allosexual.

Gender identity can affect ace/aro identity and vice versa. If you feel like one plays a role in what labels you use with the other, it very likely does.

[thebisexualwreckoning]

PSA!!!!!

This is for the people who didn't know they were gay or bi or pan or ace or aro in their childhood.

This is for the people who had crushes which could be deemed straight and then came out as gay later in their lives.

This is for the trans or genderqueer or fluid or nonbinary people who did not experience dysphoria in their agab.

This one is for the people who don't want to take T or E or have gender-affirming surgery but are still trans.

This one is for the sex-positive or sex-neutral aces who are told that they aren't ace because they aren't disgusted by sex.

This one is for anyone who has been told, "You just need to find the right girl/guy!"

This one is for all the queer people who have been told that they cannot be queer because of their religion, race, ethnicity, etc.

This one is for all the queer people who were told that they weren't queer just because they didn't fit into somebody else's idea of what being queer is like.

Nobody can tell you how to be queer. The only one who gets to decide that is YOU. Queer people do not need to bend themselves over backwards to make others comfortable.

We have always been here and we will continue to be here, and everyone else will just have to learn to accept that.

[mattgrayyes]

Representation’s important, esp during times like now where people are marginalised and turned into scapegoats regularly.

So here’s some stuff that, while none of your business, I’ll share in case it helps anyone feeling alone:

I’m non-binary & have gender dysphoria.

I’m prob demisexual & polyamorous.

I’ve got ADHD, ASD, & a history of depression, and panic/anxiety disorder.

I take anti depressants monitored by a psychiatrist, and see a therapist regularly.

Long COVID gave me Chronic Fatigue which I’ve had for two years now.

Being “person off the internet” I’m usually careful not to talk about personal stuff. I’m in the odd position where people have a parasocial relationship with me, and are interested in me and my life.

I enjoy sharing my work, humour, and things I��ve made online. But that doesn’t entitle anyone to know anything about my personal life.

I’ve seen other creators have their life and relationships discussed, and I don’t want that.

I’m sharing personal info despite this, in case it helps someone.

[allthegaynamesaretaken]

Gender exploration is important! There's no such thing as being "trans enough!" Your transness is valid! And representation really matters! For so many years, despite knowing I was trans, I was uncomfortable identifying as such due to lack of positive trans role models. I also felt guilty for coming out as different things after learning more and more about myself, but gender and sexuality are fluid and complicated.

[vroomvroomwee]

The moment you realise that repulsion/aversion to sex/romance isn't primarily because of being an indignant, fed up aspec, but because of gender dysphoria it's OVER

[cosmicredcadet]

People who identify as Aspec because of trauma are still Aspec. People who identify as Aspec because of Dysphoria are still Aspec People who realized later on they weren't Aspec where are any less Aspec when they were identifying as it. The point is that at some point they related to and felt understood under an Aspec identity and that's all you need to be Aspec. If it changes later on then that's just how it is, it doesn't make them a faker or poser. It makes them a human being who is constantly growing and understanding more about themselves. We should be supporting these people not treating them as the enemy. If they change their minds then that's okay!

So many of us Aspec people used to think we were allo before realizing we weren't so why are we attacking others for having the same experience just with different identities?

[anxietyfrappuccino]

i would love life so much more if everything hadn't been sexualized

[transonlyspace]

a lot of people might disagree but literally everything is a spectrum. from gender and sexuality to chairs.

[arielthedaydreamer]

I'm still questioning if I'm ace but the image of teenage me trying to figure out my sexuality by looking at pictures of girls and viciously inspecting for any feeling of arousal and trying to force myself to wonder if I would ever have sex with them when my heart really just wanted to go "Cool goth!" is... uhm... some evidence

[i-see-ur-sins]

long ass rant about my strange lgbt phobic parents

god my parents are so confusing bc they are Devoted Baptist Christians and deeply lgbt+ phobic, just like, not in the ways you’d expect

ex: my parents are actually ok with people being gay. they just think that being straight is somehow Better and that you can’t be gay in a nonsexual way. so, i can’t be gay till i’m married i guess (they are against premarital sex but not gay marriage) (they dont think gay marriage is Real marriage though theyre just fine with it being legal) (they would still be very against me being gay married)

the gays ick out my mom because she was in multiple *very* close friendships with lesbians and didn’t realise that the other women thought they were dating her until she did then broke those relationships off. she also can’t understand how you can be gay but not sexually, like i genuinely think she doesn’t understand what romantic attraction is. and the gays ick out my dad because he was bullied for being a ‘sissy’ as a kid and has very unhealthy views about masculinity and gender norms and every time he acknowledges a handsome male actor he has to follow it up with ‘but not in a gay way because liking men is for women and im not one of those >:(’

and my parents are transphobic differently? like my mom is transphobic because she thinks that the Sex wouldn’t work if you’re trans (somehow) and im genuinely convinced she thinks breasts are sex organs. she’s against me being trans mostly because ‘nobody’s gonna want you like that’

and my dad is transphobic because he’s so deeply insecure in his masculinity that he’s struggling with the fact that nowadays you can wear a dress and be a man and that’s Ok. he thinks that you need to pass in a very traditional sense (ex if you’re a trans dude, to be valid in his eyes you have to be into sports or athletic or smth)

and they both think i was Transed because of the Wokes at School

anyhow long rant aside life is flipping me the bird and im so tired hdjfhhsjdjfks like i think if their lives were Ever So Slightly Different they would have the complete opposite views of lgbt issues and that makes me so so mad

[library-fae]

am i actually asexual or am i just afraid of intimacy and also have gender dysphoria and also don't understand my own feelings

(spoiler alert its all of them)

[unh0lyhum4n]

Btw finding sex/romance repulsive is a very personal thing. It’s not always about religious guilt or being a “prude”.

as personal example, I find it to be one of the most uncomfortably invasive things/ boring ways to spend my time I can think of and I’ve thought that since I gained consciousness. I was not SA’d or 🍇’d. I hate talking about it, seeing it EVERYWHERE, it being seen as a #1 priority to be a person,etc. I TRIED romance. Every time I knew I was lying to myself to be normal and make someone else feel better about themselves.

is it bc I’m aroace? Obviously. Is it bc I’m autistic? Shit probably. All I’m saying is I’ve never gotten my heart broken over a slobbering meat sack waste of carbon and let it absolutely ruin me. I’ve never wasted my time on this shitty spinning rock whining over losing virginity or having a first kiss, getting married/ having kids and it being my defining personality trait.

What I am NOT saying is that I hate people for doing what they want with their own lives and bodies. I do not give a singular roaches coochie hair about other people and their decisions. But the SECOND you judge me for being a buzzkill or boring or having no life or whatever you have to say about my decisions, I genuinely hope that you choke and I WILL be pissing on your grave.

But on the other hand I am in love with and would fuck garlic bread if I could

[aspec-vents]

Referencing the post about how much your aceness is related to your body-dysphoria

"You have body-dysphoria and you're ace, wether they're connected or not doesn’t matter. For the foreseeable future you're gonna be living with both of them. If someday your dysphoria lessens and you findout you're not as ace as you originally felt then whatever. It doesn't mean that you were wrong or lied, you still felt that way at the time and that'll never change"

My friend told me this and it helped and stuck with me so I wanted to share

This is really good advice! Your identity does not have to be static, it grows and changes with you