#as we say in aus: too hard
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tiredneutron · 10 months ago
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I’m so stoked, I Finally got my grubby little hands on the Hades Triptych set!!
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Got them on the wall and they look dope af, the colours and art came out So Well and I could not be happier with them
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arolegos · 1 month ago
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piss on titans
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neoymm · 3 months ago
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while billy himself turn into cap, he is a magical girl and/or without his sister Mary and his best friend Freddy (or brother idfk)
but the whole kids in the shazamily (6) is power rangers (/super sentai my beloved), they are so colour-coded that i think they fit more in power rangers/super sentai
but since mary is also red, imma a lil’ switch in colour and make her costume white (sorry mary :()
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temporary name for them
Marvel Red! (the captain as always)
Marvel White! (wise legendary type)
Marvel Blue! (the cool type)
Marvel Grey! (the tech type)
Marvel Green! (the nice type)
Marvel Purple! (comic relief type or the feminine type — idk man purple is usually the tech one but eugene got the tech one)
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spoopdeedoop · 9 months ago
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starlight strings au; on one hand its so funny if they were all named numbers, on the other hand it would be So Incredibly Funny if they were ALL named John Smith, legally. Including thirteen. we've got at least 6 John Smiths at this residence.
maybe thats why they go by numbers. they are counting the john smiths that live there.
this is the funniest fucking thing ever
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ratatatastic · 1 month ago
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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bitchslapblastoids · 4 days ago
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something i feel like rpf fandoms can lose sight of is that fic doesn’t have to mirror real canon or even your own headcanons; fic doesn’t have to depict something that the people your characters are based on would realistically do; writing something in fic doesn’t mean it’s how you think it would happen if those humans were in x scenario, and it doesn’t even have to match your irl feelings about those irl people; fic can just be fiction and fun and silly and imaginative, playing in a sandbox with some beloved source material. your characters can be characters who, while based on your faves, are not shackled to the laws of reality. your author’s voice and writerly sensibilities don’t have to match your opinions and preferences as a fan. you can just explore and create! you don’t have to ‘get it right.’ you’re creating ‘it,’ not trying to divine some truth out of the knowns and unknowns. and honestly, if a writer can write something that would be canonically totally implausible and it still comes across as believable within their fic universe, then that’s the sign of a great writer!
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crehador · 3 months ago
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the current state of the one with the clones is me whispering to clone!ichiro you have got to fuck him faster than this and him hissing back i am fucking trying?? because this 4p clone sex pwp is now
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and there's still. there's still no fucking p.
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camellcat · 1 year ago
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thinking about angel!Liam just absolutely fucking decking demon!Theo
Liam is, at first, completely horrified, right? like, oh, dear heavens, he just punched someone! that's not very holy of him! ...but also, Theo is a demon... surely he's just... acting within his angelic duties... to thwart demon wiles... yeah...?
and Theo cannot decide whether to laugh his ass off because he just got an angel to punch someone or start panicking that maybe he's pushed Liam too far and he'll be discoperated or smth. which ofc he won't be bc Liam (as much as he loath to admit it) does not hate Theo, but they are not at the stage in which Theo is certain of that!!
but once Theo gets him back it (dreadfully, in Liam's opinion, and cruelly giddily in Theo's) becomes a Thing.
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i3utterflyeffect · 4 months ago
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My only question for the amnesia!Alan au is if Alan is currently a stick figure and has amnesia then who’s paying the WiFi/electricity bill?!
don't worry about it. its magic 👍
in all seriousness since this is all in good fun i don't put pressure on myself to fill in the gaps. usually doesn't get anything done and just stresses me out. if it gets fixed it gets fixed! if it doesn't it doesn't
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softquietsteadylove · 8 months ago
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Proposal AU
Thena takes care of a very exhausted Gil!
Something sweet and soft 🤭
Gil groaned, trying to turn his face away from the light.
"It's almost over."
He blinked, finding his nose buried in a head of blonde brighter than sunshine. He could have just nestled in further, which was damn tempting of course. But he groaned, adjusting in the...hammock?
"You know, you're actually quite lucky," Thena continued in a whisper. Her fingers ran through his hair. "Had I not joined you here, I'm sure your mother or sisters would have no trouble awakening you for what is actually our own party. But with me in here as well, everyone thinks we're too wrapped up in pre-marital snuggling to bother you."
"You're doing an awful lot of talking for someone determined to let me sleep."
She gave his cheek a poke. "I know very well you're awake. You stopped snoring."
"I do not snore," he grumbled, moving his head so she could pull away and look at him. He pouted.
"You snore a little," she broke it to him gently at least, poking his lip back into place. "But I'll forgive you because you're so exhausted."
He yawned completely reflexively, but he at least pressed it into the shoulder of her cardigan. "How long?"
"A couple of hours."
That scared him. He jolted, not that it did much in their hanging basket arrangement. "No."
Thena nodded, though, confirming the statement that had sent fear shooting through him. "Just over two hours, assuming I found you relatively close to when you fell asleep."
"Thena, no," he groaned again, attempting to drown himself in the fabric suspending them off the ground. "No, no, no--my mom worked her ass off for this party, I can't have been asleep for that long."
"Sh," Thena hushed him from those soft lips again. She was being awfully tender with him. "I told her that I was the one who lulled you into sleep. If anyone is to blame, it's me."
He whimpered, though. "I'm a bad son."
"On the contrary," she had the nerve to laugh at him when he was upset. "You are the son who cooked every morsel of food at this party. If you happened to spend most of it in a hammock with your own fiance, I can't imagine she would have anything to say about it."
Well, she had a point. He did cook all of the food. And Ajak was always telling him to try and relax - with Thena - more. He sighed again, unfolding his arms from around himself and resting one over the curve of Thena's waist. "Guess I can't argue with that."
"You haven't missed much," she informed him. "Ajak announced how pleased she was for us."
Gil snorted, pulling Thena closer to him as a breeze rocked the hammock faintly. "That wasn't what she said when I first told her. Nearly took my ear off demanding to know why I hadn't said anything until now."
"You have a lovely family, Gil."
He opened his eyes again to look at the woman in the hammock with him. Some of their relatives had arrived early for this party. They were distant, some more family friends than anything. But it was certainly an escalation to their little lie. They were having to do couple-y things more often. A 'love you' here, a 'missed you' there. A brush of his hand over her shoulder--that kind of thing. He smiled, "are you actually in here avoiding them?"
Thena didn't deny it, which was basically a confirmation. She slid her hands up his chest and nestled her head closer again, approaching a position to tuck it under his chin. "Your mother knows a staggering number of people."
Gil chuckled, tucking her against him so she wouldn't have to close the gap herself. She happily accepted his invitation, practically settling into him like a cat in a sunbeam. "Sorry I left you to handle them all yourself."
"I gave up rather quickly," she lamented. "Said I had to find you to ask you something for the wedding. It worked to help me avoid anyone for nigh on half an hour."
"We're both bad hosts."
"Indeed," Thena agreed, not seeming all that upset about it. She sighed, her hot breath hitting his throat. "I'll apologise to your mother later."
"I'm pretty sure you can do no wrong in her eyes," he assured her. He had just had a pretty solid nap, but it was way too comfortable to continue lying there with Thena to even think about trying to roll out of the swaying hammock. "You'll be her first daughter-in-law. To her only son, no less. An eldest son I'm pretty sure she was getting worried wouldn't be settling down at all."
"Hm."
"Hey," he called to her before she could slide down that slippery slope of regret. He rubbed small circles in her back, "don't worry about it."
She didn't say anything else, but one of her hands slipped around his side and to his back, clutching a fistful of his shirt. She pressed her face into his shoulder.
He sighed, ready to settle into sleep again, feeling the familiar position of Thena cuddled up to him. He was nearly there when he heard a grating voice getting closer and closer.
"Yoohoo!--lovebirds?"
Gil kept his eyes closed, not in the mood for his showboat cousin who probably wanted to make some dramatic speech about them or drag him up in front of everyone.
"Gil, mom's lookin' for you!"
Thena stirred but he cradled the back of her head with his hand and held the small of her back. "It's a trap."
She puffed out some air at his joke before whispering, "diabolical."
"Very," he whispered back, eyes still closed.
"Here they-oh!"
Gil resisted the urge to tell his brother - in every way that mattered - to fuck off and not wake his fiance. He held Thena firmly, determined to appear asleep.
"It's so sweet!"
"Let them rest, you two--Makkari, put the stick down!"
His youngest sister was no doubt about to poke him in the face with it. His sweet and elegant mother had raised a bunch of animals.
He only cracked his eyes open when he heard them padding away, complaining why he got to skip out on the party duties, like entertaining guests and cleaning up as things started coming to a close.
"We can't sleep in here all night, you know."
"Why not?" he grinned, immediately pulled back into the little world that was the high sides of the hammock bending around his weight. "It's comfy."
"I would hardly call this lumbar support," she argued, although he was pretty sure she wasn't that far from dozing off herself. "And what if it rains?"
"We're in the trees, it's fine," he laughed. They weren't exactly in the depths of the wooded area surrounding the house, but they were away from everything else enough that they weren't the easiest to find in here.
"Gil," she scolded, but made no attempt to get up, or even separate herself from him.
"Mom wouldn't let that happen," he reassured, although it made her go quiet again. "Fine, just a few more minutes."
"Five, not a second more."
"Deal," he smiled. She sounded like she did when they were at work. It felt so far away, they'd been here so long. Not that they didn't deserve the break. And Thena had even more paid time off than he did. He was pretty sure she never took a day off.
Unless she was sick. In which case he would rush home from work and cook up his most healing chicken soup and noodles for her.
Thena didn't stir as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. If anything, she nestled closer to him, "five minutes."
"Five minutes," he repeated, moving his lips down her cheek, closer to her lips. He didn't close the distance quite yet, but Thena didn't pull herself away either. And he didn't need the next five minutes to make his decision.
It was chaste, just the barest brushing of lips against lips. It was like a peck. Thena didn't make any sudden moves or any sounds at all. Only she could lie perfectly still and straight postured in a hammock. "Was that your attempt at bartering?"
He grinned, their heads still too close to really see each other, breath mixing and lips twitching to meet again. "Depends if it worked."
"No."
"Fine," he conceded, moving his hands to her cheeks. He gave her another little peck before she tucked herself into the crook of his neck again. This was just another couple-y thing to add to the list, apparently. Not that he minded.
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felsicveins · 2 years ago
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New Patreon post!! We kissin
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spotsupstuff · 1 year ago
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I feel so bad for zephyr, what are some of her happiest memories? Would it be first meeting the members of her local group? I assume they would be built after her, was she excited about them being built or was she not informed at all?
she wouldn't be very... Present. most likely hadn't managed to be there for every Iterator when they first came online. she is very removed from most of her group because she's unable to stick in the chats for too long with all the damage and her endless attempts to conserve herself as much as possible, so her interactions with others outside of the Anemoi (and this one guy called Orion's Pathway) are extremely limited
Boreas, though, ever the life-saver, updates her on any new Iterator projects being build, how are the already existing ones doing- see she is kind of hard to cheer up and as a rule she never really laughs, but oh hearing about successes of others always manages to make her happy. that has been a thing for her since day one!
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so Boreas would make a list of the Eo group's achievements with Euros and Orion's help and he'd read them out for her during their routine calls. those calls are probably one of her happiest memories, since she got so much serotonin and motivation out of hearing about her family (n also just in general- their start might've been rocky but Zeph n B really really love each other [platonically ofc])
they might not Know her, only be aware that their senior is called Abet Zephyr and her appearances are strangely rare, but she loves them all. if she hadn't, it wouldn't be called Mission Self-preservation. it'd be way more revenge focused. her number one priority is the safety of her family even if she doesn't know them personally. she puts them above her anger, physical and emotional trauma cuz she just fuckin loves them that much
her other happy memories include some stuff with Sparrows! after Zephyr allows her opinion about the Ancients develop, she finds herself glad whenever Sparrows would show up to do some more repairs and spend some time with the old humidifier. jgklsdmclk just like with a grandma, Sparrows would show her some stuff on her phone/Mechanic's watch and Zeph would be confused about it but she gets to spend the time with someone she likes so it's okay
along with Euros on a call the three of them would sing folk songs from Sparrows' home with Boreas usually listening in, very rarely joining in
Zephyr wasn't given overseers until Sparrows showed up for the first time, too, so when she synced with the eyes and took a peak outside for the first time in her life, that was... that stuck with her as a strong memory, too. can't exactly say it was a Happy memory, but only cuz there was so much happening in her emotionally in that moment that simplifying it to a singular one wouldn't really represent it right
here's her lighting up while Boreas tells her about positive recent events of the group
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her antennas are broken- that's why they are always down like that- but Dammit she is Happy we Gotta wiggle 'em at least a wee bit
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daddyplasmius · 2 years ago
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okay, so, I've collected a bunch of DP fandom stuff that I remember off the top of my head, specifically in chronological order & colour coded here in this post (fics/comics, tumblr posts, important imo) for no reason other than I saw a post asking for Phandom history & it triggered my biggest, most long-running hyperfixation & now I'm curious if anyone else remembers stuff.
this link is going to be the permanent version I will be updating, but I'm posting what I currently have (gonna go through my old laptop later for more) just to let people know. you can also find the link on my blog, but only on desktop. It isn't colour coded there, sorry.
please share more if you got anything else cuz I'm 100% sure I'm missing a lot of stuff & am too interested now. the biggest reason a lot of stuff isn't here is that I simply can't find it. second biggest reason is i forgor. things not included here aren't "unimportant," this is just the first stuff that comes to mind.
putting it under a cut 'cause it got kinda long
Mars by JadeRabbyt (2005)
Checkmate by pearl84 (2006)
Conversations of a Ghost Gabber by Cordria (2006)
The Foley Maneuver by bluemoonalto (2007)
One Thousand Years by Nylah (2008)
Lab Rat by AnneriaWings (2009)
Lost by Cordria (2010?) [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
Phantom of Truth by Haiju (2011)
Ghost Deaths (2012)
Through Coals and Rain by Kakawot (2012)
Shadow of a Doubt by Haiju (2013)
Pink Pants (2013?)
Wes (2014) [original] [1] [2] [3] [4]
this "I'm Inevitable" gif (2014)
Space AU (2014)
Treading Water by The Full Catastrophe (2014)
Danny, you dead IDIOT!! comic (2014)
wash away the darkest days by anthrop (2014)
Reverse Trio (2014)
Inverse Trio (2014-2016) ALT
Halfas are "feral children" (2015)
Burn the Streets, Burn the Cars by anthrop (2015)
It's Not Gay if He's Dead by phantomrose96 (2015)
You Smell Like Death by starfleetrambo (2015)
Ghost Bird AU by @rest-in-peachs (2016?)
Things I Can(not) Do In Amity Park by RedHeadsRock1010 (2016)
KEtTLE by Cordria (2016)
Deeper, Darker by Silvermoonphantom (2016)
Danny Phantom Punches Butch Hartman In The Face by MistressVintage (2017)
Dannypocalypse (2017)
Ghost Train (2017?)
Ghost Physics by jayrockin (2017)
Ghost Infographics (2018)
The Taxonomy of Ghost Cores: An Observational Study (2018) Communicating with Ghosts Professionally: A Study (2018)
Species in Danny Phantom (2018?)
Diddles Piddles by diddly-darn-ghost (2018)
Broken Ectoplasm by ghostanimal (2019)
Ghost of Heroes by Enigmaris & ScarletNightFury (2019-2020)
do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die) by blueh (2020)
Undercover Phantom by artistfingers (2021)
Corruption is a Two Way Street by datawyrms (2021)
Things That Bleed by artistfingers, kkachis, & Perfectly_Inconspicuous (2022)
10,000 works on AO3 (2022)
Ghost Speak:
Danny's handwriting (2015?)
Cordria (2015)
Fiver-Rivers [1] [2] [3] (2019)
Rubber Chicken Sounds (2019)
#Danny Phantom#Phandom History Archive#do you even understand how hard it was to find the original Wes post????????#i spent like 2 hours on that alone#Wes Weston why are you so hard to find#just realizing that a lot of shit happened in 2014#like. 2014/2015 ish#i joined somewhere between 2014 & 2016 so i guess i literally came here right at the peak of phandom activity#the height of tumblr's paranormal activity. you might say#i think i'm just biased though#should i put my own fics on here. Phantom is pretty important to me being my first DP fic#& also the thing that got me back into writing#it's not very good but by god if i dont love it. & anyways i put Bird AU on here lol i think i can put Phantom up at some point. as a treat#also if any links are broken tell me cuz i'm not checking them again. it's 4am#reminder: gotta find those Bird AU fics i read & put em here. there ARE actual Bird AU fics. i know there are. i did not hallucinate that#it just might be the hardest thing on earth to do since that was years ago & i have no idea what they were called#anyway gonna add a fuckton of fics & (hopefully) tumblr posts when i go through my old laptop. i got everything bookmarked on there#like. so many fics. i had them organized too based on what kind of fic it was. but they all have stupid names cuz i was like 15#me: i should do my stencil art today. just to be a bit productive & also maybe make money#my brain: what if you organized Danny Phantom fandom posts into a big archive for people to look at? for free. until 4am.#me: you know what that sounds so much better let's do that
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sorikkung · 9 months ago
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so if i did nsfw art of hongjoong. hypothetically. would anyone be interested in seeing it,
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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pussymasterdooku · 2 years ago
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1. i believe that i should be allowed to make empty posts. the box should not say “Add something, if you’d like.” if i have NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER!
2. this was going to be a tags only sort of post but then i got distracted by that. anyway!
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