#anyway this wasnt so much a good time as it was... i have to know if they get away with this.
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was talking to my brother the other day after i rewatched dark phoenix and he was like 'why is everyone so mean to charles in this movie?? were they always this mean to him ?? is it cause he's bald now- he lost his pretty privilege??' and i fear i havent recovered
#xmen#xmen movies#dark phoenix#charles xavier#professor x#snap chats#LIKE HE'S RIGHT 1000% I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO SAY IT VLERKVJAKLJ#ANOTHER banger of a quote from my brother chat i screamed when he said that#adopting that into my belief system i fear#like really thinking on it they really did only start being especially rude after apocalypse im crying#dont quote me on that i have to rewatch apocalypse but as far as im aware. yeah 😭😭#and its SUCH a travesty cause i love how mcavoy looked in DP SO much he looks so good bald#like please if we were going to wrap up this era of xmen films why did we have to rerun DP#can we try again. please. i need him bald one more time in a movie i dont have to argue with myself i like#see DP wasnt the worst thing ever. probably. like scott got to do things again ..... and kurt .......#and the paris proposal. never forget that.#ALSO THE FUCKIN. 'no one cares charles' BIT ???? 97 ref'd that directly i know they did and i cheered#listen if they can ref the 'black leather suits' from the xmen movies i can believe they called back to that too <- delusional#anyway when james said thats the meanest thing erik could say/do to charles .... he was cooking ....#'thats the type of thing your wife/husband says' he was so right .... we know james never misses with the cherik takes tho#ok bye i have obligations that i need to complete so i can draw my favorite cue ball
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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Inquisitor!Brea is one of my favorite angsty AUs cause I can just SEE how the drama would unfold, especially being one of the universes where Kepler actually lives 0u0 certainly that has nothing to do with her speech bubble!
(Taglist + alternate hairstyle under the cut)
Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus
@changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @cherry-bomb-ships @rosieaurora @rejaytionships @sunflawyer @in-true-blue-love
@tropicalgothships @little-miss-selfships @hotrodharts @cupiidzbow @frozenhi-chews @limey-self-inserts @candyheartedchy
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#self insert community#self ship community#star wars#star wars the clone wars#star wars inquisitor#inquisitor oc#🌟 brea callisto 🌟#🪐 kepler quinn 🪐#i know hes not actually in this art but cmon AS IF IT WASNT OBVIOUS#i have SUCH A GOOD SCENARIO IN MY HEAD THAT HURTS SO MUCH 😭😭😭#i would make a comic and ive been good lately but im not THAT good#i need a little rest. especially since ive been kinda depressed lately :/#am i indulging in the angstiest of my aus bevause of that?? maybe#idk it just feels good when the ache is for story purposes#anyways YEAH in this au kepler escapes order 66 and brea DOESNT but she also doesnt die...#and yes rex is ALSO around for this au#thats a whole other can of worms that i wanna talk about too!!#imperial rex 0u0 but hes a spy!!#rex gets to be fulcrum this time hehe
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the internet was cut off and i ran out of data so i asked my brother if i can connect to his hotspot and downloaded dol on my phone,,,,,,,,,
#were in the process of moving !!!!!!!!!! new apartment has wifi !!!!!!!!! but more importantly were not homeless !!!!!!!!!!!!!😭😭#my time completely cut off from everyone was very much like the pic LMAOAOA#dol was the only offline game i could think of that wasnt some dumbass puzzle game or something#i even play this shit in public cause i literally have nothing to do without internet except maybe look at my gallery for the 400th time#i turn off the combat animations tho so its just all text when im outside 😭like im brave but not THAT brave#but anyway its safe to say that im getting back into it again 🧍♀️#last time i played dol was before the pregnancy update and like knowing u can get pregnant now is scary#like what if im not prepared to take care of a fictional child#will i be a good mother?????????? i dont want to traumatize the kid and subject them to the horrors of the town like????????#im still like kind of early in + i still have yet to explore the other stuff i never did during my last playthrough so im pretty excited#also somehow course of temptation was still running in the browser i have opened on my chrome so yk..............#played a bit of that as well.........................#its so funny how every npc has names its insane and i love the phone thingy too#ok thats all i think#frambling...?
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I HATEEEEE DYSPEXIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#so im driving some little dude to his appointment i left like super early incase n it turns out i was given an address to a fking House ?!?!#obviously he doesnt know the address cus hes just some lil dude so im like ringing up his guardians and#the one that actually goes to the hairstylist cant answer obs cus i had to take his son cus hes busy duh#BUT THAT MEANS IM JUST DRIVING AROUND SOME PLACE IDK TRYING TO FIND PLACES THAT LOOK LIKE HAIR#& when i find one im like uh does this barber sound familiar cus im not taking him to some random one#andlike omg and the entire time im playing music real loud trying not to cuss out in front of this little kid#like IM ALREADY SHIT WITH NAVIGATION. & THEN U GIVE ME THE WRONG ADDRESS AND IT'S RAINING#and he wants to go get an icecream afterwards n im sitting at the barber chatting it up#but i am like actually on the verge of a breakdown cus i made him late bcs i cant just figure shit out#like#it's just so fking frustrating like it makes me feel like a failed adult or smthing like#i AM GOOD. I AM GOOD AT DRIVING#once i know a place im good but if im lost it's like my brain is panicking too much#i have to look at the road and signs and places#like i turned at a green light and completely forhot it wasnt an arrow like i just saw green and went#like i couldve killed this little kidlike#IM GOING FUCKING CRAZY#and i dont want anyone to feel bad or like have to be extra cautious when they need me to drive or smthing#like im alrdy very frustrated with my stupid limitations like in general so like failure kinda just heightens it like#iURGHHH I HATE BEING IMPERFECT I CANT FKING STAND IT IDC IF THATS NARCISSISTIC N PRIDEFULNIDCC#it's better than being EMBARRASSED i HATE BEINGNEMBRASSING AGRGHHHHHH#anyways it's fking raining and it's dark . idek where im gonna take this kid bro like hes hungry#imma go on google YIPPEE#my best friend. google maps who i cant tell distances on so i either turn too soon or too late or rlly fking quick#Ii LOVE MY LIFEEE
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not to reblog that one jo post but i am special hihi
#also you cant have deep friendships without being hurt sometimes#bc you are still connecting to other people(not yourself)and you will care for each other and need each other differently at times#bc you still live different lives and those thing then affect you differently#and you just won't meet each others needs all of the time#and its that feeling of love and hurt but as long as that hurt isnt like caused on purpose#or on sheer lack of care for you as a person#i dont know#my best friendships were the ones that made me feel all the range of my emotions#and i never regret coming back to them#and that is also why i never regretted (okay lies there was this one time but still mostly) cutting them off if i felt the need#and i dont think they ever regretted coming back to me when i wasnt the perfect friend#(which btw i hate ya novels so much for this bc id see friendships and always be jealous of how good friends some people were#and how they always knew to say the right thing and how i would want to be that kind of friend even tho those were written planned people)#but anyways i was gloating this is my gloating post lol#0 notes to me#this is so silly also pls dont take my friendship experience too seriously like i am not a looking up to person haha
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there's something very satisfying about finishing a book in one day. this morning i knew nothing about you and now ive lived this whole thing with you. idk. it's interesting.
#was it the best book I've ever read? no. am i a little bit thinking of all the ways it could have been better? maybe#did my jaw drop at the end? sure did!#if it was a movie i would for sure watch it. though i wouldn't say enough happens for it to be a movie#i keep wanting to talk about books but idk. mostly im just here for a good time. and im not ashamed of that but also. idk.#anyway this wasnt so much a good time as it was... i have to know if they get away with this.#would anyone be interested in me talking about books? i dont have anyone irl to talk about them with#my sister occasionally but shes usually so busy she doesn't have time to read#which i totally get#and my childhood best friend doesnt keep in touch like that. so she's out.#and then i have no other friends irl sooooo#this has gone off on a tangent#book was fine#ks talks#ks has a book tag
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sooo glad we live in the universe where twdgs4 was rewritten to be about saving the school instead of the original lis2-esque on the road each-episode-is-a-new-location plot. really dodged a bullet there
dont know if it was due to the cuts and collapsing work environment (no budget for all the assets needed) or what but the school plot is just like the perfect setting for her to end her story. and we really almost got a plot about her.... just trying to make it back to her original house? oof
#my biggest problem with lis2 is that being on the road made a lot of your choices essentially meaningless#like wheres the threat of consequence when you know youll be gone by the next episode anyway?#the kids were originally gonna kick them out permanently.......Nightmare Scenario#the plot of her trying to get back 'home' is so silly honestly like its Just nostalgia/fan bait. convince me otherwise you cant#it makes no sense....she lived right outside a major city... that place is Not safe anymore#it wasnt even safe when she left it 8 years ago girl why would you go back#her finding a place to MAKE a new home and having to fight for it? with a community of her peers who love and respect her? so much better#shes a community leader now :) of a bunch of kids living secretly in the woods just trying to make a safe home for themselves#in a hostile world that wants them dead#love that for her#shes been managing adults since she was 11 and even before that tried to be a voice of reason. at 8 years old. community leader makes sense#s4 is just so narratively sound to me for clems character that i cant believe there was ever any other direction they wanted to go in#every time im thinking about how good s4 is i remember what it almost was......... and i am so grateful we got what we did#not only do we live in the universe where s4 is about the school but we Also live in the universe where s4 was un-cancelled :) yay#shit makes me so happy man. i remember clem is living happily at ericsons and my day is Immediately improved#these little fictional bitches in my head giving me free serotonin on command#it speaks#twdg
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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tell us about ancient spanish?
Yeah!
so. In the beginning of my comic (I'm assuming you havent read it, if you have I'm sorry) the main character is getting established as sort of a "master bullshitter" and very lucky. He's not stupid, the reason he's alive is because he reads situations quickly and lies very well... and at this point my editor had been repeatedly treating him with this sort of bumbling idiot trope, so I was already a bit frustrated.
He's caught as a stowaway on a pirate ship, and is bullshitting a treasure hunt so the pirates keep him alive long enough that he could escape. So, he makes a fake treasure map in Spanish, hoping that the pirates won't know any... because if they can just kill him and take the map, they will. And one of them knows Spanish!
So, the joke I put in to resolve the situation (which I kept) was "but can you READ Spanish?" where he's banking on the pirate's illiteracy, and he lucks out because she can't read.
but my editor wanted him to say "but do you know... ancient spanish?" which makes no sense and isnt funny LMAO to me.
There were a lot of instances like this, but this is the one I remember the most because my editor like. argued with me on putting ancient spanish in there... It was a back and forth for a good bit.
#like. they can see the map. in his hands.#if she knows spanish and can read it. she will know he is lying#and they will kill him#it doesnt resolve the situation#and its also not funny. like. what the hell does ancient spanish even mean. its nothing.#like I would have much rather resolved the situation by no one knowing spanish.#cause that requires him to stay alive to read the map. which was his goal. this whole time...#so her joke wasnt funny. makes no sense like. historically. AND doesnt even address the situation.#like a good edit understands the intent of the situation.#she gave a lot of what I like to call 'lateral edits' where they dont fundamentally change a scene at all#but they dont really make anything better. like it's not getting worse but its not helping anything either?#but then she had some edits that made things worse...#so I would do some of the lateral ones to sort of appease her and then she wouldnt notice that I didnt do the ones that made thing worse#but this was in the very beginning so I was combatting all the things I didnt want to do. instead of just not doing them#I'm not even getting edits anymore at this point in my career LOL#my second editor was amazing. she was sometimes slow to understand the point of a scene but she offered some really amazing edits#my current editor does literally nothing#she has not given me one note. like literally not even one. she sort of offhandedly said “enjoying reading it!” like ok... great...#and then my first editor. well. ancient spanist LOL#there were a few things I said I fundamentally refuse to do and she kept. asking. me. to do them#one time I had to argue with her that I wouldnt make a joke making fun of hairy men??? like I like hairy men what the hell???#ANYWAYS. yeah. thats ancient spanish#tried to be short but all my jokes are like extremely contextual so its hard to get enough context for them to make sense
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What do you think Mine’s reaction to Masato / Aoki be like?
tbh they'd probably be. amicable. at the very least.
#snap chats#like they have similar values its just that mine's more openly depressed about his belief system and doesn't take pride in it like aoki#i talked about this before omg thats so funny... but yeah no aoki's more proud of 'how the world is'. prob cause he's 'on top' of it#mine begrudges the fact he needs material goods to be useful to people#meanwhile aoki's happy to exploit others if it means he advances. for the most part anyway#he only really starts to show some regret when confronted by ichi. and get the shit kicked out of him for twenty minutes#wait i was rewatching the cutscene and started to throw up cause i got reminded of me in high school again aoki you're 42 stop this#Back On Track Though. mine and aoki had similar pursuits: attain power to be loved thats the core of it in simple terms#they went about it differently ofc: for mine money was power and for aoki popularity was power. Both Very True TBH but anyway#mine realized that even with money his person wasnt valued#and aoki realized that even with recognition people didn't value his character. sins the arakawas. fcukin dummy#i mean aokis a jackass so no wonder but thats not the point of this. fuckfest of tags#they wouldnt be friends. aoki's incapable of friendship and mine would probably quickly recognize aoki as being power hungry#i think mine's been in enough business meetings And Knows Enough About Politics to recognize Professional Fakerism when he sees it#actually do you think mine'd be swindled by any 'kindness' aoki expressed like when kanda left him and he thought he just went to get help.#that shit was wack LMAO BUT REGARDLESS idk i have to go to class soon so im not gonna spend too much time thinking of this#if they needed to they'd just use each other for whatever purpose they needed the other for. idk why mine would need aoki tho#TLDR mine probably wouldnt think too differently of aoki compared to any other power-hungry freak#we can revisit this topic when. im not learning about JP history vjERJALKJ
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(person who was writing figaro & akira things) lots to think about in regards to akira w/ the (ex)northern wizards especially. lennox' white day event with the dishes inspired by your life and akira saying oz is something like a fluffy pancake perhaps (or whatever it was), & akiras actions toward oz in general (being very stubborn&honest when he's being silly about arthur, saying they wont summon another wizard if he turns murr to stone, etc) & their relationship (oz who can't use magic at night without akira, oz who's willing to listen to the sage's requests (even if thats transforming into a cat,,,,), oz who tells them not to forget their name, oz opening up about arthurs prophecy.....lots&lots of things). because akira knows about oz' past & has seen his strength (second anni.....), because the oz they know isn't the worlds strongest wizard oz but their friend oz,,,,,,,,,likeeee mithras similar too. knowing how strong he is, knowing he has killed in the past, but getting along with him so so well as well.
there's that part in early pt2 too where they speak about the sacrificium with him & 'doesnt it bother you to accept something from the twins' because it essentially puts akira within their circle of power? influence? protection? like how the twins protect their current village....but akira doesnt feel that way because they compare it to living within a country (even if thats also the part where they remark again that its tiring to deal with people sometimes). and i feel it ties in similarly.......?! figaro & snow & white are spoken of negatively a lot in the 'being kind' situations by the other northern wizards, but akira just doesnt have that pov/experience,,,,not to say they can ignore everything theyve done (figaros spot story help,,,,,,,,,,?????) but its. gestures widely. kindness in a person, kindness in someone's actions, being kind and being cruel, what's the goal, where did you grow up, the complexity of peoples thoughts and actions and being, etcetc....... lots to say in regards to figaro in general who initially shared he wanted to make the sage fall in love with him so he could manipulate their actions into world peace but also offered to listen to their worries (+ his tanabata event + card in general of his actions & surprise).
Because Figaro's a kind person—regardless of what Snow and White said, regardless of what Mithra and Owen said, but not regardless of Bradley. Everyone he known turned to stone and shackled as an example; see, there's good wizards who will help you defeat the bad wizards. For the sake of wizards and for the sake of humans Bradley had to lose the people he held dear. Akira could not disregard that.
do u get what im getting at <-speaking about things that arent deep at all
#stardust speaking !#EATS MY HAT#think theres lots to say about in regards to faust too but with how he views himself vs how akira(others) views him#dude who was willing to make a child curse him so he wouldnt attempt to curse the moon#mhyk characterization all got me like. ggGGGgggGggGgGg#idk if i ever said this but i enjoy mhyks pacing soooo much cuz it always feels like the focus is always on characters & feelings#so the way they pace things just end up being in ways i love so much#anyway the constant 'the younger wizards treat oz very different' is always so funny#oz& riquet is one of my favorite dynamics of all time#i miss second anni i miss neros parts in it i need to reread it next yr sometime#sidenote but gran falls into this a lot too considering who they know#and considering raziel being O_O at them forgiving her so fast for attempting to have them killed#while vyrns all 'if i had a rupie for each person on this crew who tried to kill us...' KJBJADKBJADBJKDBJK#forgot what i was gonna mention in regards to finding out more about the day bradley was caught. BUT the image of mithra standing in#that snowstorm watching is something i still obsess over#its so good...#the northern wizards part with vincent in general is just so incredibly good#isnt it bradley who goes 'and if i wasnt caught wizards like mitile mightve been hurt' or similar to mithra#akira asking lennox about his feeling toward oz too since oz abandoning his world domination affected things a lot#<-rly funny figaro joined for that and then went to arrest bradley many many years later#i need to get to the pt2 part where oz & figaro talks about love and figaros whole 'am i wrong..?' cuz dude that scene haunts me#so much to say about everyone in this little game
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2005 European Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(my personal post-race highlights)
+ bonus Mark Webber
#THIS RACE OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAA LETS GOOOOOO#its kinda funny tho bcs only the first lap and the last 2 laps were very exciting#the 2nd to last lap was actually insane(poor kimi but I jumped out of my chair for nando!!)#his smile in that last gif aaahhhhhhh he deserves it!! 4th win!!!#while in the middle of this race I was scared I wouldnt have much gif content cause it wasnt shaping up to be very interesting#BUT NO!! SO MANY GOOD POST-RACE MOMENTS!!!!!#(so many that it was rly hard to get down to 12. I like having 10 exact but I couldn't resist! The camerawork for nando was rly good)#(Mark is so interesting to me bcs he actually has a good amnt of camera time but its usually bcs he crashed out so im conflicted)#(he crashed out on the first lap and i was like 'oh...ok..bye mark :(' AND THEN THEY SHOWED HIM!)#but ah races like this make me wanna continue into 2006 bcs im so endeared by/hype for nando!#fernando alonso#mark webber#f1#formula 1#fa14#2005 european gp#we do a little bit of f1#(2005: 7/19 races watched)#(also just so you know I usually start another race while working on my post and I always manage to get halfway thru it aghhhhhhh)#(anyways pretty happy with this one!! Lots of good content im quite pleased!!)
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tried putting on my radiator for the first time this winter (we've had snow this week.... its focking cold) but it trips the fusebox for the entire flat lmfao. I'm fuuuucked 😐
#all the other radiators work fine its just mine :'(((#and bc its thw weekend they wont come out to fix it until monday at least so thats great#its fine i havent needed it on this week so far and i have layers and a hot water bottle so ill be fine but i did cry abt it a bit#but not so much abt the radiator just a lot on my mind.. i couldnt pick up my prescription after work either bc the secretary left half an#hour early and the very kind nurse who had a look for it anyway couldnt find it and i cant get there any earlier next week bc of work#i know itll be fine ive already sent an email to ask if they can send it to my local pharmacy instead ill get my meds before they run out#but still i cried a bit walking home from the clinic 😢 just been a long week even if not a bad one. and i miss my friend whos moving#he'll be on the plane now.... man. its a bit selfish but im also sad abt it bc he always noticed how i was feeling when i was at the gym#like if i was privately dealing w some shit or just wasnt quite myself he could tell n would find a moment to gently ask or just be there#without probing abt it like man hes so reassuring and kind and has such a big heart. before he left he asked me to look out for some of#the quieter ones in our group and make sure they feel included and someones listening to them when he wont be around to anymore#😢💔💔💔💔 and i know i didnt know him long enough to become proper good friends with him but it meant a lot that he looked out for me#like all i really want in this world is to feel seen n safe esp when im having a hard time. and none of my closer friends really do that#and thats okay like its not their fault and they just express their way of caring differently but sometimes i feel so lonely ah....#and also my period is due and im kind of scared of how painful itll be bc the last few have been so bad snd i find loneliness a lot harder#when im in a lot of pain and anyway this is all probably just the pre period hormones making me so tearful so it doesnt matter#its ok made a big bowl of rice so im going to eat that wrapped up cosy in bed with a movie i think. and then sleep#.diaries
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really wish my mum would hurry up and get me a doctors appointment
#ramblings#just spent a solid half an hour with 'killyourselfkillyourselfkillyourself' in my head because i fucked up my maths draft#i would just like to clarify i would never . just really shitty thoughts i promise i would not ever follow through i dont really want to di#anyway its not even unfixable it was just more feedback than i expected and my draft wasnt the best in the class#i feel so fucking full of myself but god i cant handle this#fucking hell i wish everyone would stop expecting so much from me#every time i freak out my friends ar elike its fine mate youre gonna be top of the grade again WHAT IF IM NOT#I CANT FUCKING HANDLE IT IF IM NOT I HAVE NOTHING ELSE GOING FOR ME#IM LTIERALLY FUCKING USELESS#im not funny or good looking my art is mediocre as shit im irritating#academics is the only thing i have going for me#fuuuuuuuuuuck#i cant do this shit for another year#im gneuiely worried im gonna give myself physical problems when it comes around to external exams#whether that be idk fucking heart problems or injuring myself on purpose who the fuck knows#self harm tw#suicide tw#vent
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sometimes..so.etimes they change something even after the premiere. sp you appear and watch an entirely new and prolonged monologue. and it's like. FUCK YEAH.
#me showing up at the theatre: be normal be normal be normal be normal be no#me realising they added some things and it adds a lot of characerisation: BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL!!!!!#(misson failed but at least i was Quiet lmao)#the fun thing about seeing this several times tho is that by now ive stopped trying to figure out the plot#bc i Know the plot by now and i can speak along to a decent portion of lines#so now i focus not on what they mean but what exactly they say in any moment#i notice all the small irrelevant lines that still add so much to the characters voices and dynamics#its sooooo fun#and sometimes its also just really funny#'hell do good' 'didnt you just talk to him? the fuck he will. that man cant even pretend to have any self control'#i mean she was RIGHT#my man is out here being such a miserable little fuck being dramatic about his problems#if he could get a grip on himself for like five minutes everyone could have lived! idiot <3#AND THE OTHER GUY#if you had just KEPT AWAY instead of Walking Up To Your Murderer and distracred them for like. a few minutes longer IT WOULD ZAVE WORKED#like yeah youd still be dead BUT THAT WAS THE POINT WASNT IT#LIKE THIS YOU JUST DIED FOE NOTHING#YOUE BUDDY DIES TOO BC YOU GOT YOURSELF MURDERED TOO SOON. idiot#ill be honest. if they had kissed (and if youd seen rhe way they LOOK at each other) things might have actually gone well#im convinced of this#i have Textual Evidence#anyway. i should read the og play and find out if its the play or just the actors#like do the characters actually constantly refer to each other as 'my [name/title]' or did the theatre make it even gayer themselves#ik the actors are doing it on purpose anyway. that is Not coincidence#a biscuit's rambles
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