#also somehow course of temptation was still running in the browser i have opened on my chrome so yk..............

[fraternum-momentum]

the internet was cut off and i ran out of data so i asked my brother if i can connect to his hotspot and downloaded dol on my phone,,,,,,,,,

[largebeeffriedrice]

Choose Your Deity Carefully - Chapter 2

Also on AO3 if that floats your goat more. 

Chapter 2: Terms and Conditions

There's a 90's country song that goes something like, '...before I know it Saturdays gone, but it's Sunday now and you can bet that I'm alright.'

Indeed, the Sunday following my run in with Loki was quite uneventful. Which was marvelous for me.

I'd stayed in my apartment and nothing bad happened to me. My cable didn't cut out, all the neighbors were surprisingly quiet, and someone even ordered a pizza that I got because somehow the driver had the wrong address but also somehow had an extra pizza.

That last one I was very suspicious about and wondered if my potential new deity had anything to do with it. If he had then I was pretty prepared to accept becoming a worshipper. My only problem was that I was still a skeptic and wanted proof that this act was tied to him.

Especially since he didn't seem like the type to do good will favors or at least not without some fanfare. Even if it was just to convince me to convert.

But by Monday, I was back to dragging my feet and attempting to not cry at every misfortune that befell me.

The bakery I went to every Monday was closed due to a handful of health code violations, my bus drove right by my stop, and the sole to one of my flats suddenly started tearing away. Forcing me to walk to work with my stomach growling and my foot aching from the continuous slap of my sole smacking into my heel with every step.

I tried to reason that this is just stuff that happens to people.

Especially stuff that happens to me. But it was just getting more and more unusual how much happened in one day. Even one week. Hell, I'd go so far as to even say a month!

But I'd be damned if it didn't make me more tempted to take up Loki's offer.

The temptation rose when Megan from accounting visited me on the third floor to ask me again how to spell my name and, "Oh, weird. I'm not even showing you on the payroll now."

It reached its climax when I went to go take my lunch and found that someone had eaten all of my food before putting my empty lunch sack back into the fridge with a note that said, 'Should have put your name on it.'

My full name was still visible on the wrinkled up bag.

After lunch, I had returned to my desk and started researching what I could about Loki and then, once I'd learned some mythology, started looking up what kind of offerings Norse Gods accepted.

I'd opened a couple different tabs from some sketchy looking websites but had to admit they seemed pretty detailed. Though some of the stuff went over my head--- was I supposed to actually find real dragon blood or just the incense?--- I felt confident that it would be easy to keep the trickster pleased with small tokens of worship. Who doesn't like alcohol and burying coins in exchange for good luck?

I was about to Google and see if there were particular prayers or something required of me when my computer screen suddenly went black.

I tapped, banged, and pleaded with the screen to come back on. I even unplugged and replugged in the tower to try and get the piece of shit working. But, inevitably, I had to accept defeat and call someone from IT to come look at it.

It was while I was waiting that everything fully cemented into my mind. Full acceptance of Loki's deal washed over me, as I realized that I was going to have to explain to some tech guy why I was looking up Norse mythology when I was supposed to actually be working.

~~

Later that night, I set to work making a sort of altar spot for him in my living room. All of the blogs I'd seen had dedicated the color green to him so I went with it. I'd bought green candles, incenses, a tiny planting pot for whatever coins I found around the apartment, and a pretty fake plant.

The plant was really more for me but it seemed to fit on the crate I bought for all my worshipping needs so I left it there.

The faint aroma of burning meat started flooding my apartment as I lit the candle and incenses and carefully placed them away from the plastic leaves of my plastic hydrangea.

That was another thing I had ended up learning. Not from my computer but from the IT person sent to fix the damn thing. After she had tried to explain to me what was wrong with the computer, thankfully not a virus, she had then chatted me up on the content still sitting guiltily in my browser.

Apparently, she was a major history buff and had been more than pleased to tell me about how people would go so far as to burn meat as a form of sacrifice to the old gods. Something about how it symbolized their level of devotion since they were willing to give up valuable food to keep the deities happy.

It made sense after she explained it and I even agreed to talk to her more about it over lunch one day; partially because I wanted to know more and partially as a way to thank her for her willingness not to tell anyone that I hadn't been working.

Of course, I didn't really have money to go out and buy meat specifically for this so I had to accept the burning crisp death of a roast I'd planned to make for dinner that night. Maybe I'd ask for a favor that involved Megan from accounting since I felt like this was somewhat her fault.

But as the meat burned, the candles flickered, and the incense tickled my nose, I realized nothing was happening. I'd completely forgot to finish looking up what else I was supposed to do to actually summon Loki back to me. I should have asked the IT woman.

So, I did the only thing I had some knowledge of and kneeled beside the homemade shrine and bowed my head to pray.

"Loki. I don't even know what I'm supposed to say in a prayer. But I'd like to discuss the deal you offered me. Umm. Very interested. Thank you."

That was good. Right?

Still, nothing happened.

I stayed kneeling next to the altar for a few more moments before finally deciding to go check on the meat. The way my luck had been running I was risking sending my apartment up in a fiery blaze from my antics.

I rounded the corner into the kitchen and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight. My prayer had been answered.

Loki sat crossed legged on the island, staring worriedly at my oven, and mindlessly rubbing at his chin.

It is still not clear if he just happened to notice me standing there or if I had maybe made a gaspy noise, but his eyes suddenly flicked my way and he finally said, "Mortal, you know that you have a perfectly ruined piece of roast in here, right?"

'Yeah, it's a sacrifice or something for you."

The arched eyebrow look again, "How mundane and wasteful. We could have had that for dinner."

The annoyance that surged through my body helped me move into action and I stomped further into my kitchen to turn the oven off and 'save' the roast from it's burning coffin.

"Well, it's not like you told me how I was supposed to call upon you or anything."

He didn't respond as he continued eyeing the roast. Even as it sat burnt and black on the stovetop. I'd never been great at reading people but it almost seemed like he had a hungry gleam in his eyes.

It was enough of a glint that I decided to risk it and ask, "I can fix something to eat if that's really what you want?"

He licked his lips, slowly, before answering, "No. I don't have time for that now. We need to talk about you doing a better job as my acolyte."

How long had he been in here staring at the charred hunk of meat? I tried to think about how long I had been in the living room preparing but honestly couldn't remember.

"I haven't actually agreed to it yet."

"But you want to. I already know," his hands rolled around one another, causing a flash of green light to abrupt in the empty space between them. The light blindly filled the whole kitchen and then quickly faded to reveal a rolled up scroll.

As his right hand grabbed at the floating parchment paper, his shockingly green eyes finally looked away from the roast and pinned me with a fiendish smile.

Loki held the paper out to me and softly spoke, "This is the terms and conditions."

Hesitantly, I reached out and gingerly took the scroll from him. A thought flitted through my mind and briefly, I paused and wondered if I was technically accepting the offer just by taking the paper.

But curiosity was my worst enemy and I clutched the paper a little tighter and fully pulled it from his hand.

His mirthful expression only grew as he watched me unravel the scroll and scrupulously read over it.

"Wait. I thought I was the one asking you for favors?"

"I said that there would be times I would require acts from you. Those are just the ones that I know about ahead of time."

"You want me to help you gain how many new followers?! You are the same guy who attacked New York aren't you?"

This only earned me a quick scowl before the God of Mischief recovered and replied, "Yes, but look at the benefits."

"Literally the benefits of me helping you get that many worshippers are that you don't kill me. I could always refuse to not accept this deal and not die. Right?" I didn't wait for him to answer as something popped into my brain, "Why do you even need this?

What are you really getting out of 'helping' me?"

Loki tsked me and shook his head disdainfully as if I was stepping out of line by asking such a question. I gave him another second or two before it became obvious that he had no intention of clarifying anything.

I wish this had rattled me more than it did at that moment. But sadly I just accepted his silence and had gone back to reading over the terms and conditions. Letting myself get swept up into the whirlwind chaos of the God of Mischief.

"So, you don't have an actual church?"

"Ew, no."

"Where are people supposed to go to pray to you then?"

He childishly turned up his nose and crossed his arms, "Praying is terrible and I want no part of it. It's dull, unimaginative, and normal."

"How am I suppose to truly worship you then? How am I supposed to communicate with you when I can't find you?"

These were the right questions and his jade eyes fixed on me with a flare of excitement.

With a quick and loud snap of his fingers, a second scroll appeared in his left hand. He pointed at me with the rolled up paper and hissed, "Once you sign and agree to that paper, I will gladly hand over this list of everything you'll need to know for proper offerings and all the works. Plus, I'll go over how to send word to me."

My eyes narrowed and kept glancing back and forth between Loki's smug, long face and the scroll resting loosely in his hand.

Again, past me should have followed her gut on how shaken she'd felt at having heard that the actual required acts were being kept on a different paper for AFTER she sold her soul.

But whatever. I'm still here. For now.

"Are you actually going to kill me if I don't succeed with your side mission?"

'No. Too messy. I'm already in enough trouble. But I can make your life very miserable."

That obviously didn't sound promising but the allure of having a year of better luck somehow won out in my mind. If my death was messy then no way he would actually really commit to tormenting me forever. Right?

"Also, I don't have to have sex with you, right? If that's on that paper in your hands then I refuse."

An exasperated huff, "No. That's not on the paper."

"Okay then, God of Mischief and Chaos," I paused when he held a finger up as if to correct me, but he scrunched his nose up instead and motioned for me to continue, "Get me a pen and I'll agree to a year of being your lackey."

"Wonderful," another snap of his fingers and a pen apparated into my right hand, "this is going to be so much fun."

As I signed the document in my hand I noticed that a symbol had appeared in the section marked off for Loki to sign. It didn't surprise me that he'd use magic instead of his own hand but I couldn't make out what it was supposed to be.

"What is that symbol for?"

"It's my corresponding rune."

"Oh."

And just like that the ink of the paper glimmer and glowed in a golden aura before I had to slightly shake my head and blink rapidly. It looked as if there were double words on the paper and I couldn't figure out why my brain was hallucinating that.

Except my mind wasn't.

The doubled ink suddenly pulled itself together at the bottom of the paper and then slowly bled and trickled its way towards my left hand. I gasped and roughly started shaking my hand, trying to get it to let go of the scroll.

But my fingers held tight against my will and the wild shaking did nothing to deter the ink from continuing its path now towards the inside of my wrist. Once it had all gathered there the ink started to sizzle against my flesh and then evaporated completely by the time I could even release a pained howl.

Where the ink had just been there was now a seared version of "Loki's rune" resting on my pink and inflamed skin.

"What the hell!? I didn't agree to be branded!"

The God of Mischief laughed hardily at my indignation and even slapped his hand on his knee a few times.

The merriment ended just as suddenly as it had begun and in its place, an exhausted expression took over Loki's face. It was as if he'd aged a couple sleepless years in an instant. Dark circles rested below his eyes and some frown lines were a little more visible next to his mouth.

With a tired sigh, he held out the other scroll and murmured, "Hold on to both of those papers. They are going to be your best tools for the next year."

I'm not even sure what had happened to the pen--- and I never gave it any thought until just now--- but I reached out my right hand and tugged the paper quickly from him. Not wanting anymore more trickery tonight.

He simply arched another brow in amusement and then blinked out of existence.

Leaving me standing alone in my kitchen with a burnt roast and two old ass looking scrolls.

"Okay. So. That all happened," I muttered while making my way back towards the shrine in the living room, "Though I don't know what I'm going to do about work since I'm not allowed to have a tattoo."

With my own weary sigh, I blew out all the still burning candles and snuffed out what was left of the incense. Then I rolled the contract up and placed it neatly next to my new fake plant.

I'd intended to just leave the new scroll rolled up with the contract, and look at it tomorrow, but something tickled at that back of my head and wouldn't let up until I started to unfurl the parchment.

Sure enough, my hands began shaking and one of my eyes started to twitch rapidly.

"THIS PAPER IS BLANK, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

I had failed to consider that Loki was not just the God of Mischief. Not just the God of Chaos.

But most importantly... he was the God of Lies.