#anyway they're so in love it hurts

[beanghostprincess]

sanji struggling to say "i love you" to usopp because he's still getting used to being in love with a man, but when he's finally ready to say it (he thinks that he is) he keeps postponing it because he has this idealistic concept of telling usopp that he loves him in a perfect, romantic way, and it never seems to be romantic enough.

he's stressed. usopp doesn't seem to mind that he can't say it yet, but sanji hates himself for making him wait. he keeps forcing himself to say it, but whenever it's the perfect time... he just can't do it.

the first time he says "i love you" to usopp ends up being in the kitchen. he's cooking multiple things at once and usopp is there with him like he usually is, telling sanji stories while he works on the food. sanji is just too lovestruck and focused on usopp that he forgets to take the food out of the oven. usopp is the one to do it, saving the food before it gets ruined.

sanji's too relieved to think his next words through: "oh, shit- thank you, thank you! i love you so much! i don't know what i would've done without you!" usopp doesn't respond. he just stares at sanji with wide open eyes and a silly smile slowly appearing on his face. "what?"

"you just told me that you loved me!"

"NO I DIDN'T! DID I? OH SHIT I DID." sanji starts panicking, of course, leaving the food on the counter to grab usopp by the shoulders. "you didn't hear anything."

"but i did!" usopp tries to be a tease about it, but he's just too happy. "you love me! not take backs!"

"i take it back, though!" before usopp can take what he says seriously, sanji groans. "i wanted it to be special, goddamnit. can't you just forget it?"

usopp holds sanji's hands carefully, intertwining their fingers together. "i can't forget it but... there will be more times for you tell me. again and again if- if you want to, of course, i'm not-"

"again and again." sanji can't help but get excited at the new possibilities. "i'll tell you again and again."

"i do think this was pretty romantic, though."

"if you consider my food almost getting burned to be romantic you won't be allowed in my kitchen ever again."

[tsukk1]

[senfrogs band au] boyfriend guitar lessons 💋🎶

[makiswirl]

can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

[wardensantoineandevka]

one of my favorite parts of speculating ahead of the Veilguard is the number of people talking themselves around and around in the loop of "Illario is extremely suspicious and the most obvious choice for who betrayed Lucanis → However, Illario seems like he genuinely cares for Lucanis and seemed sincerely distraught in The Wake → I know in my heart it must be Illario: there is no one else with means and motive → If Illario did it, I understand why given how Caterina has treated him and them, and he has arguably earned a bit of a villain era → The situation is ultimately caused by Caterina and Crow politics and, again, Caterina → I don't want it to be Illario because I want he and Lucanis to have a good relationship given all they've suffered together → However, there is already an existing bitterness between them because of the succession question and in Illario generally because he's seen as lesser → Illario is the most obvious choice"

[jojo-schmo]

The 24 Character Strengths are awesome references when writing characters!!

I've found this website to be extremely helpful and cool while fleshing out my characters' personalities and motivations.

Even if I only have basic personality traits for a character, exploring strengths that I feel fits them and reading their descriptions is fantastic for inspiration!! It really helps narrow down the basic ideals I imagine a character would believe in, and then I can get more specific from there. It's a great guide to springboard off of!

Each strength is sorted into one of six virtues. Starting with a broad virtue, for example "justice," and honing that down into the strengths of "fairness," "leadership," or "teamwork" makes writing them really fun!

Here's an example of the "fairness" strength description! Lots of detail and tangible qualities describing it!

Of course there are infinite ways to interpret a character strength, just like in real life. And people aren't always black and white and follow a strength 100% of the time. But it's been extremely helpful to see specific traits being described in so much detail, and imagining different scenarios that a character would react in. It's like I can understand them a bit more and think a little like them, especially if their trait isn't one of my personal strengths. :3

But I also recommend taking the actual personality test for yourself! I took it years ago and it was really cool to put a name to some of my strengths and see how detailed this descriptions were. And when my friends and I shared our results, I felt like we understood each other just a little more. :)

Just thought I'd share this reference that's been helping me lately :D

[somegrumpynerd]

How absolutely wild must it have been for Nightmare to have like, minimum-to-no contact with mortals for hundreds of years and then the first two he has any regular close interactions with are Killer and Dust.

Like he must have a book in his castle somewhere of all the observations he kept like he was studying a new species

[many-gay-magpies]

god what really gets me about dead boy detectives and what i think i love so much about the show and the relationships in it is that like. the romantic and sexual relationships aren't portrayed as being more unique or important than the platonic relationships. they're all just RELATIONSHIPS.

charles and crystal's attraction to each other and eventual hookup isn't this big end-all be-all relationship that shatter charles and edwin's friendship and draws charles' attention away from edwin; it's just a THING that happens. they're just two people that care about each other and happen to also be attracted to each other, and a hook-up happens, then they decide that neither of them are in the right place for it and it's nothing awful. crystal kisses charles, but it isn't some big spectacle of her declaring her love for him; it's just her saying goodbye and that she cares about him, like her hugs with niko and jenny and her handshake with edwin.

edwin realizes he loves charles romantically and tells him, and charles says he doesn't really love edwin romantically BACK, but it's okay, because they still love each other so much in so many other ways that this one tiny difference could never change them—and it doesn't!! they're still just as close, still care for each other just as much, still SHOW that care for each other just as much. their relationship didn't completely end because edwin loved charles in a way charles couldn't reciprocate, but at the same time it isn't "solved" by edwin getting over it, because there's nothing TO solve. it's just another type of love, added to everything that already exists between them. and they have LITERALLY FOREVER to figure out what it means.

the relationships between edwin & niko, crystal & niko, and crystal & edwin aren't given any less weight for being solely platonic, just as charles & crystal's relationship and edwin's feelings for charles aren't given (that much) MORE weight for being romantic. crystal and charles' conflict in the closet is about EDWIN, about how they're BOTH his friend and BOTH want to get him back; it has very little to do with the feelings between THEM, romantic or otherwise. similarly, the weight of charles' and edwin's relationship isn't diminished in the LEAST by charles not reciprocating the romantic side of his feelings (or SAYING he doesn't reciprocate, at least—we can all argue about the legitimacy of that in the notes).

i'm sure there are more examples than this, as well as probably some examples that CONTRADICT this, but like... by and large, it feels like dead boy detectives is a show where all the relationships are given equal weight regardless of platonic, sexual, romantic, or familial status, and as someone on both the asexual and aromantic spectrums who has struggled time and time again with shows casting out the importance of all other relationships in favor of prioritizing romance, that is INCREDIBLY refreshing to see.

[sysig]

So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)

[tei-to-tei]

December 14 - Spare Time

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | ...

[djevelbl]

GUESS WHO I'M DRAWING NOOOOWWWWW~!!!!

[stormxpadme]

Anyone's sent today's Wolverine issue to Brevoort yet? You know since he keeps on yapping how the throuple is lacking evidence especially in recent issues LOL. This is exactly what the starving throuple fans deserved. It's not EVERYTHING of course, because this is still Marvel, but you can read it however you like and they didn't just retcon it from orbit as was at some point rumored. These panels make me mighty emotional, and now I'm ready to write ALL the throuple and scogan things for pride month :D.

[whatwooshkai]

URM checks notes NUMBER NINETEEN

"Oh." Chase stops walking, doorwings springing to attention. "I didn't realize we'd gone this far."

Blades turns around as soon as he realizes Chase has stopped, and jogs back over to meet him. "Wassup?" he asks around the silica wafers he's crunching on.

Chase frowns and takes a step away so he doesn't get any crumbs on him. "Don't talk while you're eating," he reflexively chastises, before gazing back up at the building he'd stopped in front of. "I just... I used to live here."

"Here?" Blades swallows and narrows his optics incredulously at the industrial building. It's not much of a home, gray and imposing with very few windows, but then again, the buildings like this scattered through the city were all he knew up until recently.

It's as home as he'll ever get, he supposes. But home is a place you're supposed to be able to return to, right?

"Well, that makes two of us," Blades says nonchalantly. "We didn't have any windows, though."

Chase turns to face him very slowly. Blades is usually so tight-lipped about his past, they all know next to nothing about his life before the academy. But he's opening up... because Chase is?

Oh, yes, that makes sense. Heatwave likes to do this too, right? Trading secrets. Tell me about you, and I'll tell you about me.

Chase can play this game.

"This was the last one," he continues softly, doorwings dropping a little, reflexively measuring the air currents around them. "Where I failed my final exams. I grew up in several facilities just like this around Iacon."

"Oh." Blades has one hand hovering, like he wants to touch Chase but isn't sure if he should. "How'd you fail?"

Blades isn't playing the game correctly. He's pushing further before he's giving back. Chase looks up at the building again, and suddenly feels a deep and oppressive longing for his batch.

But they're not in this building. They've moved on to a precinct by now, and likely have their own apartment or apartments. They're living their lives now. They're not here.

"I did well on my written exams," Chase says, mostly to distract himself. "But I kept failing my practical exams."

"How?"

Blades isn't playing right. This isn't fair, Chase is giving far too much and Blades is giving too little.

Chase stares at the building a little more, and feels an odd emotion swirling in his tanks. He's... angry?

He's angry. At this stupid building, at Ultra Magnus, at the enforcers, at Blades for asking questions.

"They said I was too strict on the law," Chase murmurs. His wings snap out when Blades steps closer, and thankfully he gets the message and keeps his distance.

"Well, I mean, I guess that's a little fair," Blades says, and Chase's finials pin back. "You have to make the punishment fit the crime. If something's unusually harsh-"

"No one should get away with any crime," Chase growls. "I agree, there is nuance to situation, but you have to penalize mechs." His wings ruffle.

Being angry is uncomfortable. It simmers under his plating and demands all his attention. He squeezes his hands into fists. "Including those in the administration. They kept asking questions, about what if it affected our jobs, or the way society works, or if it endangered those in power would it even be worth it?" Chase squeezes his optics shut, letting out a harsh vent and hoping the crawling feeling of needing to do something leaves with the air. "I was upset with the curriculum, so I tried to uncover the source."

"Oh." Blades' tone has turned dark, his field curious, and also frustrated. But he's doing something odd with it, as if trying to communicate that the anger is not focused on Chase. It isn't quite clear, but he appreciates it regardless. "Is that why they failed you?"

"No." Chase looks back up at the building. "They gave me one more chance after finding me looking into... them. But I was never allowed to be alone after that. But, my final exam..."

Chase shutters his optics again. Backtalking is not an enforcer trait! the voice of one of his instructors screams in his audials. You're nothing but an insolent little brat who thinks you're better than the rest of us-

"Chase?"

Chase vents harshly and shoves the memories away. Talking about it is good, right? Besides, it's all over.

They can't touch him now.

"I'm okay." Chase turns back to Blades. "They simulated someone breaking into the building and attacking us without telling us what was happening." He vents harshly again. "I thought he was going to kill my batchmates. He had taken a few down, and a vibroknife to one's neck, and it was just me pointing my gun at him.

"They were shouting at me to kill him." Chase blindly reaches out and Blades grabs his hand, squeezing it tight. "I tried to shoot his knee, incapacitate him so he could face justice. But... the gun was empty. They gave me an empty gun. And they were not happy with me."

Cohort above all else! the voice screams in his helm. You should NEVER risk your cohort for justice. If they threaten a life, take theirs.

But-

But NOTHING. This was your last chance. When push comes to shove, you've proven you're WEAK.

The enforcers do not tolerate weakness.

"Oh." Blades says. "And now you're here."

"I don't understand," Chase growls. "What I did was perfectly acceptable, even in regards to the curriculum-"

"Oh, Chase," Blades says, soft and almost mournful. Chase falls silent. "I think they just wanted you to follow orders."

"Oh."

Why can't you just follow orders?

"I don't want to keep talking about this," Chase says suddenly, pulling away from Blades.

"Yeah, of course," Blades says softly. "Let's go back."

"Right."

They've just started walking when an achingly familiar voice reaches Chase's audials. "Chase! Chase, is that you?"

Blades' optics narrow. "Is he one of your-"

"No. Just a friend." Chase takes a deep vent, steels his field into a neutral state, and turns to face the approaching mech.

Smokescreen scoops Chase up into a hug that's just a little too tight. "How're you doing, buddy?" he asks, cupping Chase's face. "Oh man, it's been too long! I heard you got shifted to the Rescue Bots, but man, I didn't think they'd put you through the works like this. I mean, the optics are cool, but they aren't, well, you."

"It is nice to see you too, Smokescreen," Chase murmurs, fluttering his wings to return the greeting Smokescreen's are flapping. "How have you been?"

"I've been doing great!" Smokescreen's wings flutters excitedly, and he moves his hands from Chase's face to his shoulders. "Your batch is doing good too, they're great kids." His face pulls into a frown. "I know the policies and you can't talk to them. But I thought you might like to know."

"Yes, that is... nice to hear." Chase's frame might be overheating.

"Oh, but who's this?" Smokescreen asks, gesturing to Blades with a wing.

"Blades," Blades introduces himself. He doesn't offer a hand, and has begun crunching on his silica wafers again. "A friend."

"Oh, that reminds me!" Smokescreen lets go of Chase and starts tapping on his comm. "Prowl's a few blocks over, I gotta tell him you're here! He'd love to see you!"

Chase's tanks drop to his pedes. "That really isn't necessary-"

"He's on his way." Smokescreen tucks his comm away and turns back to Chase with another grin. "But you're making friends! I'm real proud of you, kiddo," he admonishes, petting between his finials.

Blades is watching the two of them, tensed, like he's ready to fight at a moment's notice. Not for the first time, Chase wonders if he carries weapons.

Tires squeal as an enforcer rounds the corner, before transforming with a bounce and landing right in front of them. Prowl's face doesn't match his driving, nor his field, flitting with carefully contained excitement. "Chase," he says, with a soft and professional smile, "it's good to see you."

"It is good to see you too," Chase says, accepting and clasping Prowl's outstretched hands.

Prowl's gaze drifts behind Chase, and his optics widen a modicum. He's shocked. "Oh," he says. "Hello."

Blades field is tucked tight to his frame, but his rotors are flared in a clear show of hostility. Both Smokescreen and Prowl's wings drop into a position of do-not-worry-I-am-not-a-threat.

"Do you know him?" Chase asks Blades, now almost worrying about potential weapons on Blades' frame.

Blades doesn't answer. "We have met," Prowl says vaguely. "I am glad to see you are doing well."

Blades' rotors hike up higher. .:We should go. Now:.

.:Only if you tell me why:. Chase challenges. It's only fair, he thinks.

"We should probably go," Smokescreen says, but whether it's for a legitimate reason or he can sense the tension in the air is unclear. "We can't be seen slacking off."

He pushes past Prowl to rub his chevron to the crest of Chase's helm. "Keep out of trouble, alright? And don't be a stranger! They never said you couldn't talk to us."

"Of course," Chase says, letting Prowl rub his chevron against him next. He's pinged twice not a moment later.

Blades tugs insistently at a wing, which Chase flicks out of his grip. He turns to face him, wings flaring up in anger. "Why-"

"Alright, stay safe!" With another quick hug from Smokescreen, the two enforcers speed off together.

"Ugh, finally," Blades growls. "Let's go."

"I don't understand what your problem is," Chase says, flicking his wing to try and get rid of the phantom sensation of a hand on it. "And do not touch my wings ever again."

"Noted," Blades says. "Sorry. I didn't mean- I just wanted to get out of there."

"Why?"

"Because... they let one of them practice questioning with me," Blades says softly. "Regarding my brothers' murders. I'm sure he's nice, but..."

Chase patiently waits for Blades to continue, but he trails off into silence.

It's nothing compared to what Chase told him, but it's something. Brothers, interrogations, murder?

Chase doesn't like not knowing. But Blades likes not telling. So here they are, at a standstill.

"Okay," Chase says softly. He reaches for Blades' hand, and the helicopter takes it.

They walk home in silence.

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

Okay I've been meaning to respond to a post but Tumblr won't let me reblog it for whatever reason, but I feel like my response has enough context on its own that I can make it it's own post.

So this is in response to multiple posts I've seen people make about Wilson telling House that he wishes he had been an asshole like him, House responds that he would still have cancer, and Wilson says, "Yeah but at least I'd feel like I deserved it!"

There are so many people saying that Wilson had absolutely no reason for saying that, that they can't understand why he would say it, that it didn't need to be in there, and how dare he say that to House after House helped him so much after his cancer diagnosis.

There was a reason behind it, just because it's not a happy reason, doesn't mean it's not an understandable one. I think the way Wilson sees it at first is that House has spent his entire life pushing people away and hurting them so that he doesn't get hurt in return. House has abused and ruined every relationship he's had. House constantly hurts people, and yet, he gets to live. Wilson, on the other hand, has practically dedicated his life to helping and taking care of others. He's maintained this nice guy mask his entire life, and yet Wilson, who has lived what others would call a good life, who has been what others would consider a good man, is the one that gets cancer and is going to die.

Wilson feels like he wasted his life being a "good man" instead of just doing and saying whatever the fuck he wanted like House. Wilson is jealous of House. Wilson is laying there on the couch in insufferable pain with death looming over him, and here's Gregory House, asshole extraordinaire, who's alive and well (as well as he usually is). That has to really fucking hurt.

This idea that "omg how could Wilson do that?? He said that for no reason!!" Is just not true. Wilson said it because he's was in excruciating pain and terrified and just found out he was going to die in a couple of months. Wilson was scared, and he was lashing out, which is a very human reaction. House does it all the time, Wilson is not special in the way he reacts to pain. The entire series is full of House berating people and hurting them and saying awful things, and pushing them away. He does that to Wilson multiple times. And Wilson forgave him every single time. And so when Wilson is in pain and lashing out, House knows not to take his personally, and that's why he basically immediately forgave him.

House and Wilson know each other well enough that they can see behind the harsh words, and understand each others intent. Ideally, Wilson would not have said that, and he should have apologized, but that was not a crazy horrific reaction. It's true, House has done a lot for Wilson during their relationship, especially after his cancer diagnosis, but Wilson has also sacrificed for House. After the infarction, House lashed out and pushed away and abused everybody until they all cracked under it and left. Everybody except Wilson. Wilson put up with the constant humiliation, degradation, pain, and abuse from House.

Wilson put House before everything in his life, including his marriage. Later, Wilson refuses to vote to get rid of House, and therefore loses his spot on the board, and the job that he loved and put so much of his life into. All to protect House. Wilson lies multiple times to the police to protect House, risking his freedom if they found out. Wilson and House constantly sacrifice for each other, it's just what they do. Neither one of them is "better" or "worse", they just are.

If they switched roles, and House was the one with cancer, House would definitely lash out as Wilson, no doubt about it. And Wilson would forgive him. Wilson has such a realistic reaction. It doesn't matter how many times you see people diagnosed with cancer and think that it's not personal, that cancer doesn't have an agenda, nothing can prepare you for when it happens to you or somebody you love, and a lot of the time, it feels incredibly personal.

How we react to dying and sickness is not always rational, and anger is a stage of grief. This is Wilson trying to grapple with his death, and that doesn't always look pretty. Sure, it was a fucked up thing to say and House didn't deserve it, but Wilson wasn't just insulting him for the fun of it. He had a very realistic, understandable reason behind it.

Not going to lie, I see people all the time talking about this scene in particular, with such a surface level approach to it. They act mad or confused, and talk about how they have no idea how someone could possibly hurt their favourite characters. So yeah, Wilson saying it was a shitty thing to do, but there is no way it was the worst thing anybody said, and he had very obvious, complex reasons for it.

I honestly love this scene, and I think it gives so much insight into Wilson's character. Wilson finally lashes out and exposes his grief in such a raw, mean way is lowkey a pivotal moment for him because he's finally letting himself be the "bad guy." And yeah, they weren't forced to put this in the show. It's literally fiction. They don't have to put anything in. But it fits so well. So yeah, just because he has complex reasoning for why he said what he said, that doesn't mean the reasoning doesn't exist.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 19 thoughts

last night’s episode had me singing. clapping my hands together and rejoicing. doing a little twirl, even. so i wonder where we will go from here? 

if i may be so bold as to venture a guess: i would say a two parter leaving on a cliff hanger that is resolved by the movie? 

hmm. i would be happy to be wrong, but we shall see.

post episode thoughts: i think i need to ponder this one for a few months and get back to you. there were things i liked, and other things that frustrated me, which i ended up spending quite a bit of time analyzing. still, i do not mean to be a total hater; my heart was melting at the hospital scene!!!

anyway, back to me from yesterday!

let's read the episode description... mulder is taken hostage?!?! oh, is scully going to go berserk? i am willing to see this. HOWEVER, i would prefer if my boy was left unharmed. maybe the captor will be polite. his poor finger probably still hurts!!!

but, a mulder kidnapping arc is good for me, because i believe being a damsel in distress ought to be a gender neutral role. so let’s see what we have going on

(and the episode is called folie a deux… shoutout to the best fall out boy album)

what if your job was to type into a blocky white computer and call people all day? this could be you, but it is the case for this man, named gary.

he is talking to an uninterested man about siding, and then auto calling someone else. i know these callers well. they plague my job.

an insect is here too, but we don’t have to worry about that. surely the sound design team did not put that in there purposefully for me to notice /s

gary is nervous as he makes another call and hears more insects. i don’t like this. wait, have i seen things about this episode before….?

BUG GUY???? 

gary is shaking with fear. WHAT IS HERE? the bug guy?!?! 

(loud cheering as the intro plays)

short intro….. i clock thee once again

skinner time!!! my heart rejoices at this. why does he have multiple globes in his office? and some books and what looks like trophies under his bill clinton portrait. i wonder if he plays around with them. 

agents mulder and scully are here!!!

uh oh… are they in trouble?!?!

they need to go to chicago to conduct a threat assessment. mulder wants to know why them. “because i prefer you did” <- ohhh yeah, give him the “i told you so” reasoning, skinner 🔥🔥

BAHAHA mulder picks up that the manifesto has “bizarre undertones” right away, which i think is a great way of describing something. and it speaks of a monster stalking employees!! augh. i hope the monster at least allows the workers their legally required breaks. 

(scully looks frustrated)

(mulder nods) "monsters. i’m your boy" <- LMAOOOOO STOPPPPPP WHY IS HE LIKE THIS I’M CRYINGGGG

he’s angry!!! he thinks skinner is mad at him 

“have i finally reached that magic point in my career where every time somebody sees bigfoot or the virgin mary on a tortilla, i get called out of my basement ward to offer my special insight on the matter?” <- oh. oh. i’m laughing, but i do feel a little bad. yeah buddy. that is kind of how you make a living. said with kindness though.

(i know he wants to genuinely know the Truth and find the answers and save his loved ones and learn the mystical secrets of the universe, and that there is angst in this genuine belief being misconstrued as the bigfoot guy, but you can see why such a mistake could get made when he is. you know. the way he is)

“you’re saying i a lot. i heard we” <- YEAHHH SCULLY! GET HIM!!!!!

(augh. and this plot once again fell victim to too much mulder saying i and not enough mulder saying we. probably my biggest complaint with this whole show)

she doesn’t think this case will be a waste of their time, but he says it won’t waste hers, because he will just go by himself! and he’s all pouty as he stalks off, leaving her looking confused. come on, monster boy. stop being emo.

oh, you know the episode is gonna hit when it says written by vince gilligan. i think? he’s the shippy guy, right? i normally don’t pay attention to these things, but people in the comments point out the writers, and he is spoken of positively 

(i googled his name to make sure i was spelling it right, and it turns out he also wrote breaking bad and better call saul. wow! that is a man with some serious credentials!)

so mulder takes off to chicago all by himself to listen to the taped manifesto at the vinyl shop call ceneter. it was sent to the local radio station with the instructions to play it over and over 24 hours a day. the subtitles allow me to know that this is the voice of gary, warning of an evil monster who hides in the light. mulder looks very very bored. 

the boss guy says he’s conducting his own internal investigation, which leads me to believe that he is the bug beast.

not even TWO STEPS OUT THE DOORWAY of that guy’s office and he’s calling scully LMAOOOOO I AM CRYINGGGGG... they cannot be separated or disaster ensues!!! 

he wants her to check on the phrase “hiding in the light”. OH she swivels around at their desk :,) her at the desk makes me so happy!

he recognizes it from an old file!!! “which one? there’s hundreds” “i’m not sure, but i appreciate it” <- AWWW poor scully has to go through 8 million x files looking for a phrase… deep scully sigh as she resigns herself to the glamorous field of archival work. at least he said he appreciated her hard work.

gary sees mulder here and is watching him…. and gary sees his coworkers being called in to talk with the manager. he tells nancy not to go in there!!! “gary, i love you buddy, but you’re really, really weird” damn nancy, get him again lmao

and gary sees the boss go bug mode!! and hears her screaming!! he’s crying while the other manager guy tells him to dial and smile!!

bro is having a complete breakdown… nancy returns to her desk looking like a zombie????? at least to gary. to the camera, she looks pretty normal. things are unclear, narrative-wise.

pretty mulder is listening to the manifesto and taking notes; he has this sort of loopy handwriting i really like. it's a little messy. and he’s written down and then crossed out "obsessive compulsive disorder". “formality of phrasing: desire for authority - to be taken seriously” YEAHHH GO MONSTER BOY GO🔥DO THAT PSYCHOANALYSIS YOU LOVE SO MUCH

meanwhile, gary is gathering ammunition and loading a gun!!!! oh my god????

scully calls!!! she found the phrase and who said it and when and where!!! again, you really cannot out-research her. back in 1992 in florida, a deacon was worried about evil in his church and then showed up and shot people. oh god. and he said “the afflicted ones won’t bleed” hey that’s horrific 

“scully, at the risk of you telling me i told you so, i think it’s time for you to get down here and help me” “i told you so”, she says, smiling <3 

AUGHHHH i need to scream into my hands for a moment

okay. i'm better now. that was just so damn cute.

mulder shows up the next day at the vinyl office place, but it’s empty!!! nancy says to get down… gary points a gun at him!!!! 

scully is pulling in to the parking lot while swarms of police and helicopters are everywhere…. scully introduces herself as agent mulder’s partner. the local FBI team doesn't have any updates on what is going on inside!!!!! 

they want to call him and she says NO. it could put him in danger. this other dude is being condescending to her and she again says NO. we need to find another way. so take that.

oh my god??? inside, gary is making some guy tie everyone up and kneel with their hands behind their heads?? he says the boss is who they should be afraid of and to shut up and stop crying. gary. bro. this is not a good look.

and he says he’s not talking to the people who aren’t human, referring to the first three people the boss took in his office…

mulder is coming in to save the day!!! he asks very calmly why they should be afraid of mr. pincus, claiming that he is here to apply for a job. i can only hope that i could be as calm as him in a hostage situation.

gary says that mr. pincus is a monster who will harvest their souls and turn them into zombies. okay. like in a corporate way or a literal way?

mulder’s slowly moving to grab his gun when gary looks away….

he says everyone needs to hold their breath, and as the local FBI team tries to break in, gary fires at the ceiling!!! maybe he’ll use up all his ammo???? and then mulder can attack???

WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO SCULLY WHEN SHE SAYS NOT TO CALL HIM???? Y’ALL ARE PISSING ME OFF!!!!

so of course his phone goes off when these fools call him, gary sees mulder’s gun, and they lose their ONE SHOT OF SAFETY, and gary slaps mulder across the face and SHOOTS AT SOME GUY WHO DARED TO MOVE OH MY GODDDD YOU BITCHES WHO DON’T LISTEN TO SCULLY ALL ARE GOING TO HELL!!!!!!!!

and gary finds mulder's FBI badge…. he picks up the phone and says he shot a zombie, but didn’t kill him. because he was already dead.

he says he will start killing actual people if they don’t get him on the TV!!!

scully says PUT HIM ON THE TV!!! WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE!!!

can they maybe film him and pretend to get it on the TV, and just get it on the local channel so it only broadcasts to the office TV or something????

gary. bro. i’m scared.

mulder tries to remind gary that the guy he killed was a man, but gary says it was a zombie. and that the boss wants to turn them all into drones.

mr. pincus asks a great question: if he is the monster, what does he need all of these people for?? he says to just wait until they put him on the TV.

when they call mulder's cell again, gary answers the phone with “dial and smile” ohhh…. this is truly a man who has had enough of his job

so they’re sending the camera people in…. and scully sees that gary is holding mulder at gunpoint!!!

ohh, they *are* doing a closed circuit broadcast, so gary sees himself on the office TV and no one else will be subjected to him!!! yeah, shoutout to technology.

the cameraman pretends some wires are twisted, which allows the FBI team to see that the wall is clear…. and mulder is forced to lay down…. and now gary’s addressing “the people”

mr. pincus is being held at gunpoint…. and mulder gets in the way… gary’s screaming and screaming at mulder to get him out of the way, but he won’t do it… and scully is WATCHING ALL OF THIS THROUGH THE CAMERA FEED… WHICH IS SO CRAZY

he hears the buzzing again…. and the lights are out…

does mulder see the bug man too?? or is it all in gary’s mind????

the FBI team enters and someone shoots gary. mulder is splattered with blood, but he is looking at mr. pincus suspiciously…… 

GARY WHISPERS “now you know” to him as he lay dying…

HOLY HELL?????????????

what. hey guys! what’s up? what is going on here.

poor pensive mulder is looking off at mr. pincus. “you look exhausted”, says scully, which he instantly denies. and oh, he’s going to talk to him. 

mr. pincus thanks him for saving his life. but mulder is in questioning mode. so mr. pincus had been, at some point, at the other plant where the incident went down a few years earlier, and had been to florida, where the x file case that scully had dug up in the files earlier was. bug guy… real??

scully is very confused. “what’s going on?” she asks softly, and he says he doesn’t know. ohhhh :( he sounded so lost :(

back to washington dc, where mulder is drawing lines on maps. with his poor busted lip and his poor busted finger. someone get him an ice pack

scully is shocked to see him! “mulder, why didn’t you take the day off?” he looks CRAZY and tells her to close the door. 

oh, what must be going through her mind right now…?

he found the phrase “hiding in the light” or variations of it in 5 other x files, but the variations he lists seem pretty different to me. all the other cases were people who said evil was right in front of them but no one else could see it. which seems like a pretty typical x file trope. i'm not sure if he's onto anything here.

she asks what we are all thinking: have you slept? he disregards this and keeps going. 

all of the cases with the phrase variations date back ten years, and that is how long pincus has worked for the vinyl company… hmm…

bro is still in his bloody shirt while trying to convince scully that perhaps a human bug creature could hypnotize its prey into not being visible. please get this man some clean clothes. it is not good to sit around covered in the blood of both yourself and others.

scully does not want to play along with gary's delusions or give them any credit. good for her!

“he was mentally ill. this monster was-was a sick fantasy, a product of his dementia”

(angry mulder nods) “i saw it, too.” (surprised scully face) “does that make me disturbed? demented? does that make me sick, too?” 

ohhhh, there is panic in scully, i am sure, but she is good at not showing it. 

(deep sigh) “no. no, this kind of thing is not uncommon. you… you went through a terrible ordeal, and sometimes people in close associations, under tense conditions, uh, the delusions of one can be passed onto the other” <- ohhhh scully… she is trying so hard to be kind and scientific and to support how he feels without fueling any harmful beliefs. it's a very careful dance.

he is furious though, insisting it’s not a delusion ("it's not folie a deux", he insists in the most american sounding way possible), and i can’t help but think about how his insistence on the existence of bug man fits in with his earlier disgust at being seen as the monster boy. well. you can see how these things happen when we wind up in this sort of situation.

he wants to prove that the people gary pointed out as not human really were turned into zombies somehow… maybe they can give them a checkup under the guise of “damn, y’all just went through some wild stuff”, but all i can think about is getting that man a fresh shirt and a nice long shower. can we give them a check up when you’re clean? please? thank you. bloodborne pathogens are scary.

scully refuses to autopsy the body- saying she won’t feed into the delusions- and he says he’ll prove it without her and storms off. 

she must be so worried about him...... he's clearly not himself

oh shoot… he goes to gary’s place and finds the same map tracking pincus that he had made!!! and then mulder sees a zombified nancy outside!!! he’s running off, but the guy he's with doesn’t see anyone!!!!

now she’s driving off with pincus… where are they going???

scully is here to talk to skinner. he wants to know: why is mulder being weird? 

AND WHY DID HE GET HER SCHEDULED TO DO AN AUTOPSY AFTER SHE SAID NO???? skinner KNOWS something is up and asks if there’s something she wants to tell him. she says “no, sir” and walks away, leaving him behind, confused

okay. so i feel like plotwise, i’m going to be annoyed if mulder is right, because he is acting really wild, and i get that it’s an intense situation, but you need to respect your partner. and listen to her and not make her do things that she refused to do. if he is behaving like he is having a break in his sanity, and scully is treating him with the care that this sort of situation affords, but then it turns out he was the only one clever enough to see the truth for the billionth time, making scully the scorned skeptic... well, it gets old after 5 seasons.

and we know that while he is often right about things, he is also incredibly prone to believing, and this can take him to self-destructive lengths, such as letting a guy put k in your brain until scully has to throw herself on him like a weighted blanket so he doesn't end things permanently. so. i don’t always trust his judgement.

but maybe she’s thinking, if i just autopsy the damn guy, we can get this over with.

all that being said: skinner’s confused face is so funny, lmao

scully does not want to do an autopsy. she’s outsourced it to someone else! i appreciate her sticking to her guns.

she’s trying to call mulder, but the guy doing the autopsy says it looks like the shooting victim has been dead for 2-3 days… and she says no, he died yesterday. HMM. weird. you can see the realization on her face…. something weird is going on here. but is it as strange as mulder claims?

pincus is going… somewhere. well, you better believe mulder is tailing him. hard for a guy that tall to be stealthy. 

he moves the picnic table to look into the window of this house, and he sees the bug guys!!! then he breaks in, seeing an eyeless woman and a bug guy crawling behind him!!! breaking and entering... not a good look

the CGI is killing me lmao. bro is leaning out the window. LMAO WHAT THE HELL I’M HOWLING LOOK AT THE BUG GUY SCURRYING AWAY BAHAHAAAAAAAAAA 

we need to appreciate this for a moment. crazed mulder breaking into some rando's house and shooting at the human-sized bug.

bug guy jumps off of the roof!!!

skinner is listening to the woman whose house he broke into testify… she says she felt a presence creeping towards her… and then this madman was in her house (pan to mulder) uh oh!!! one of many times mulder could have been fired, tbh!!!

she says he was screaming about monsters more than gary!! and then she leaves saying he shouldn’t carry a gun!!!

oh, mulder... what are we going to do with you?

pincus stays behind… oh, skinner is going to go nuclear on mulder if he opens his mouth to call him a monster one more time… poor skinner…….. pincus says he still considers mulder a hero for helping with the hostage situation, which is why he wants to handle this privately

LMAOOOO WAIT MULDER YELLED MORE AND NOW SKINNER IS SCREAMING AT HIM AND MULDER SEES PINCUS TURN INTO BUG MAN RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!!!!!!! HOLD ONNNN IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY BUT IT LOOKS SO SILLY I CANNOT HELP BUT LAUGH

skinner has to pin him down after he pulls out his gun!!!! oh my god!! he is gonna get fired for real!!!

(funny how often skinner and mulder come to physical blows. i just think it's neat)

mulder is in the hospital in chicago, and scully slips her hand into his (stop. i’ll cry. hey i’ll cry) and he says “five years together, scully. you must have seen this coming” <- HEY IS HE GETTING FIRED FOR REAL?? or just announcing the formal loss of his sanity?!

she says they more or less found what they thought they would find in the body… it looked more decomposed than it ought to have… but that really isn't unusual

oh, look how pained she looks as she listens to him try and explain the monster. he says pincus bit the lady whose house he broke into's neck. now is this a bug or a vampire? i guess those two categories have some commonality

she says the case is closed, and she only has hope he can see past this delusion AUGHHHH

i am imagining being scully in this situation and how much it would hurt to see your bestie and partner like this.......

“you have to be willing to see” “i wish it were that simple” “scully, you have to believe me. nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will” OUGHHHHHHHHH

:( :( :( monster boy......

“you’re my… one in five billion” OHHH. HE SAID THE THING. THE BLOGS QUOTE HIM SAYING THE THING ALL THE TIME. AND HE SAID IT!!! AND MY HEART DID A FLIP.

look at her looking at him……

that feeling when your bestie is out of his mind, begging you to believe in the bug men, and he says you're his soul mate.......... yeah.

back to autopsy land. this other dude is very confused as to why she wants to flip him over. AUGH. bites! bug bites!

she is shaving the dead body's head. which is not something i ever thought you had to do, but here we are. she shaves that dead body like a pro. and AUGH. more bites. 

poor mulder is being restrained and shot up with stuff :( our pathetic man is suffering…….. 

he hears insects!!! did they bite him too???

NOOO!!! he sees the insect!! he’s screaming for the nurse!!!

he sounds absolutely wild as he tries to convince her there’s something at the window, and for her to let him go. oh, she opens the window…. is there something on her neck……. it looked like... juice?? gag.

he hears more insects…. i think it’s coming in his room?? it’s climbing on the wall?? 

OH SHIT!! the nurse is not letting scully in!!! and she sees her as a zombie, too???

SCULLY PARANORMAL MOMENT?!?!

OH, SHE BURSTS INTO HIS ROOM AS HE’S SCREAMING, AND SHOOTS THE BUG MAN!!!!

she’s looking at the window like wtf… am i going to have to pay to get that fixed…? and also was that really a bug man...? a lot of important questions are being communicated despite the lack of works

while he’s still fighting his restraints…

cut to a baffled skinner. “agent scully, i have to say, i’m at a bit of a loss here” LMAOOOO me too girl

“do i infer correctly from this that you believe there’s some… merit to agent mulder’s claims?”

(god, i typed "clams" at first. i wish there was merit to his clams)

this is shocking, but not unheard of. listen! scully just wants answers, okay? and sometimes they lie in the category of science yet to be explained.

(long scully pause) “i believe that agent mulder is mentally sound and fit for duty. aside from that belief, i can only present to you the few hard facts that i've been able to gather” <- queen of giving a measured response in a purple suit 

oh shoot!! there was a toxin in the spine of the shooting victim!! and pincus is gone without a trace, with 6 other key witnesses!! including the nurse!!!

skinner wants to know what the intruder looks like… she deflects that it was dark. that is all we hear her say, even though i wouldhave loved to know how that conversation ended.

scully and mulder reunite as they enter an elevator. “what did you tell him?”, he asks her. “the truth… as well as i understand it” “which is?” (long scully pause) “folie a deux… a madness shared by two”

hey. why does it sound like she knows french when she said that? because i know that mulder took french, but he said it as american as possible. however, she took german and said that pretty darn well. 

blushing a little.

AUGH, and a new company for WINDOWS has insect noises going on at the call center!!!

and so, the monsters continue to spread, ready at any moment to end humanity; a typical ending to an episode.

well. what did i think of this one?

hmm. i’m not sure. i was hoping mulder was going off the deep end rather than him being the most specialist boy of all who can once again see what the rest of the world cannot. he’s right too often, and we end up in the same situation where scully refuses to listen to his theories on account of the fact that he sounds crazy, and then he lowkey bullies her into doing what he asks rather than always considering her input, and then he ends up being right.

someone once got mad on one of my posts and said scully hates mulder (lmao. can you imagine?) because she never believes him even though he tends to be right. and buddy, i cannot really accept that as valid criticism, even beyond the whole point of the show being that yeah, they don't see eye to eye on supernatural matters. that is the most watsonian explanation to an incredibly clear doylist pattern, which is that mulder is the most special boy of all in this show and he knows all of the things and everyone else is a mere fool. this pattern annoys me greatly.

i just think it's funny (said with sarcasm) that someone would take the watsonian, in-universe explanation that hates on the woman character rather than acknowledge the fact that the writers clearly had a bias between the two. lmao.

and yeah. there are elements of both. scully is both purposefully written as stubborn in the face of his outlandish theories due to her loyalty to science as an element of her character, AND purposefully written as the one who naively refuses to believe mulder as some sort of audience proxy, because augh, that woman, she just won't believe our most special gifted genius agent mulder!

you can see how those two things work together, but one is clearly the result of the other. character decisions come from writers who often have their own biases and agendas rather than out of some mysterious creative ether from which a character emerges fully formed.

and poor skinner, trying to deal with mulder's often violent impulses. 

i think it’s very interesting that scully believes herself and him to be victims of a shared madness. it’s the most logical belief for her to have, but it also places this kind of… like, concerning element to them being together. is everything they have experienced a shared madness? or just this after the trauma of him being held hostage? how can you trust your memory? how can you trust what you see? 

i also think it’s very interesting how she refuses to feed his delusions at all when he proposed the idea. she would not do the autopsy. and from his psych training standpoint, i imagine that he knew she would say that, but was still hoping against hope because he was so out of his right mindset. she stuck to what she believed would help him recover, which is really admirable and doctor-y of her.

god, her slipping her hand into his as he’s in the hospital…

see, this is the problem with this show. it’s got me philosophizing on the meaning of the bug men. first of all, if they’re the ones in charge of call centers, i’m not really that surprised. corporate work turns you into a zombie; you don’t have time for passions or pursuits of your own, you just work for the shareholder. i get that interpretation. 

but other than that, what are we to think of the bug men? are we to call into question the things that we see? are we to believe the manifestos and ramblings of people like gary? 

i’m going to probably just assume it was a sort of “wouldn’t it be fucked up if…” situation the writers concocted. yeah it *would* be fucked up if there were bug guys in the call center taking over america through ceaseless barrages of advertising. you've got me there, vince.

my feelings on mulder’s behavior are complicated. maybe it was a shared madness between them *and* there were some shady bug things going on. him sitting there still the day after the hostage situation, having gotten no sleep, still in his bloody shirt, drawing lines on the map… i mean, he did not seem well, even for a guy famed for his bouts of obsessive focus. 

i am going to think on this one for a bit. perhaps a more coherent train of thought will arise. but for now, i have written a treatise on the nature of this show's frustrating parts while also highlighting the parts that made me giggle. like "i told you so" and scully's good french and mulder's terrible french and holding hands and undying love <3

[moeblob]

Ladd: but why would you kill me when I'm willing to kill for you?? Lass: omg you can't just say you'd kill someone, Ladd. that's murder and it's frowned upon.

(and then Ladd does kill for her but it's fine and part of the job)

[natjennie]

I love the physical comedy of pat sometimes like. completely disregarding the arrow in his neck. but when he grips the hem of his shorts and hikes them up, that little shuffle he does to look at cap when alison says they're camping, when he takes his glasses off to look at something or pushes them up. the hand motions. the bloopers from "do whatever you want, just don't mark her face" and "all the food should be the same color as my shirt. and shorts and socks." his mannerisms are so perfect.