#and woke up then just went to my finals.
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god thinking abt duck and yg thinking abt my fav duo i love them so much i love them i love them i love them
#LIKE YES IVE BEEN LISTENING TO MY FRIENDSHIP PLAYLIST FOR THEM ALL DAY OK WHAT OF IT HUH#yall ever think abt how duck answers YG when he says “dad..” in the family ep. btw. hes DELUSIONAL AOUUUUFGGHHRAGGHHGG#i have a whole animatic of these two that. no joke. i woke up at 3 am and scribbled out in a flurry bc i HAD to draw it out or i would die#like i was so obsessed with them i woke up in the dead of night to make a chickenscratch friendship animatic of them then passed back out#and woke up then just went to my finals.#like i had finals. and i just woke up in a frenzy. to draw them.#I LOVE THEM SO SO SO SO MUCH#SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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kinda crazy that i've been having like a three day long anxiety attack about going to school tomorrow
#im fucking terrified hope this helps#someone save me not even hot to go can help at this point#I'll just hyperfixate all night long and hope the anxiety goes away bc there's no fucking way I'm gonna be able to sleep#anticipation is a fucking bitch#i swear to god I woke up six (6) times last night in cold sweats and remembered about school#finally decided to stop trying to go back to sleep at like 7 am and instead obsessively went through all of my bus schedules and shit#yay stress is so fun#personal
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wtf my son is dead
#wtf 😭😭#<says girl who has said multiple times that he would be okay with kenji coming back to die just so that the fandom would talk abt him more#tbf i dont think any of these deaths are permanent#also i havent read a translated version of the ch. i was just looking at the pictures of the raws w/out context#anyway lucy and kyouka are back !!!!#yayyy !!!!#“junichiro also died” i literally do not care#okay i do but not that much#im sorry i know he's an interesting and kinda underrated character but im not gonna help him become properly rated#most i care abt is whether junichiro had a drop item#i dont remember well rn but i think teruko had her uniform and kunikida had his notebook of ideals#did junichiro drop anything??#that we can see??#those two having drop items that are important to them is part of why i think theyll come back (other than this being bsd)#(and we also probably arent actually killing half the cast in one swing)#i didnt see kenji drop smthn either but im not super focused on him for this#i think it might just be we didnt see either of their item drops#but if it was just junichiro who didnt drop anything...#idk#i just rlly like the theory that he's an illusion naomi made#but since idk if kenji dropped anything this isnt any sort of evidence anyway#anyway kenji went out cool and i love him and im happy he's back in view of the fandom !!#“____ will live” ppl are strange to me bcos why do you treat it as you being insane for saying that when they literally will#if kenji is actually permanently dead im gonna look back at this in horror#but he isnt anyway#not in a denial way. that's not denial that's just the truth and ppl who think it's denial have been reading a different bsd than i have#anyway. yay❤️#my boy finally woke up !!#!!!#bsd kenji
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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meet my mc's:
name: beatrice
li: laurie beaumont
story: royal affairs by @hpowellsmith
#ahhh so excited to finally edit her#just finished royal affairs#girlie went from not knowing shit about politics to turning woke 😍🎀#love that for her!!#also joined the athletics team JUST to impress her crush even though she HATES sports and ended up loving it 🧚♀️#funny how that works out#anyways as always when i try a new editing style it looks wonky at times#but i'm getting better anyways!!!#royal affairs#ra: beatrice#*my edits#*meet my mcs#creme de la creme#<- seeing katherine mentioned in the book was surreal#clown.txt
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#personal#dont mind me just having a first-word pity party#my plan for studying in starbucks all day is ruined#partly bc i woke up three hours later than i’d planned#and then when i finally get myself there there were no parking spaces available at all and i’m always weirdly anxious abt using other#lots for other restaurants#so i went through the drive thru and came home where i really really don’t want to work#that was the whole point of leaving#could have gone to the library but its so loud and busy and they don’t allow food or drink#and i still haven’t gotten anything done#a complete waste of time#if you see me on here today know i’m procrastinating on writing tonight’s discussion board and reading four chapters of statistics homework
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Song of the Day: February 23
“Inkpot Gods” by The Amazing Devil
#song of the day#'if I don't make it back from where I've gone / just know I loved you all along'#I'm setting up my queue for a more proper recommendation tomorrow but I've been rereading 'shoulder the sky' by Night_Fury#the whole series draws from various Amazing Devil lines for titles and such#'back then I was dauntless' is my favorite reworking of the Melidaan arc I've ever seen absolutely anywhere#and the title is a line from my favorite Amazing Devil song 'The Calling' but 'Inkpot Gods' is used to stunning effect in-story#and the beautiful refrain from the end of the song is playing in my head now as I keep going into the series#today was a deeply unpleasant day: the inevitable finally happened and Duncan cut himself doing his mudlarking#we'd been trying to schedule a preventative tetanus shot but several times we've gone in for the properly scheduled shot#and found out that they didn't actually have one in stock. unspeakably frustrating#and today we ran out of time for a preventative one. I woke up#(actually I woke up for work as he was going out for his walk but I got a migraine halfway through my morning meeting--no good--#and took the rest of the day off--turns out to have been a very good thing--and went back to sleep. so I woke up the second time)#to Duncan coming back from his walk with a sliced finger and the grody plastic-and-tin swan that had done the slicing#(picture of said swan under the cut because why not. it does look neat. can't see the sharp edge in the pic though it's underneath)#and so then we called the pharmacy and got the same automated 'of course you can have a tetanus shot' as ever so we made an appointment#and we got there and they did actually have a shot in stock this time! except that they weren't able to administer it#because now he's post-exposure that's a different shot and they aren't allowed. so we had to go to the urgent care instead#all told we spent about four hours out of the house on this mission but Duncan did get his shot and some bonus antibiotic goo for the cut#and it was worth it but also bleeeeeeegh it was miserable. which is where my recommendations do come in#when I tell y'all that I spent today reading Night_Fury's fics and also looking at valiants' CoD art and it saved me#whooo I mean it. being simultaneously stressed + bored is the nightmare state for me and instead I had wonderful things in my phone
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when i get proper sleep….i will be a changed man i promise
#istg insomnia always kills me when i finally have time to sleep#like explain how i went to bed at 1 last night woke up at noon today n somehow only got five hours of sleep. not consecutive#someday i’ll find a cure for this…..for now it’s just work or art or doom scroll till it my eyes give up ig#also i’m so sorry i feel like i keep ranting here lol. i’ll be less insufferable from now on sorryyyyy#to everyone who sent in reqs btw thank you very much!!!!!#i’m getting thru them verrryyyy slowly lol since some irl things have been discouraging me from actually chilling out…i’ll share them soon!
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help i just yelled "spanakopita!" in my dream and almost everyone around me yelled it back that was so funny. the context was only slightly related to vbros as it was on a weird school trip at that point, next to the island? it made sense in the dream but yeah. basically half of the students and most of the strangers yelled it in waves. and the thing is that i dont even like it much im one of those fans that dont find spanakopita and brick frog that funny (maybe only ironically)
#the bad thing is that its almost 11am i just slept in but that made me have these weirdass dreams#trust me this was just a finale to a sled of fever dreams#were talking dead bodies city wide electric glitches and having to swim to the island and apologizing to the mayan gods for bumping into#their bridge..?#yeah#also i went on tumblr to post it in my dream but woke up so im posting it irl#changing the start of my post to start with help like it did in the dream
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4:17 AM. Fuck it we ball
#tales from diana#i went to bed before 9 o'clock and woke up at 3:03 am#naturally. that's a lil more than 6 hours of sleep#which is about how much my body is used to getting on a work night#i never sleep really heavily on a work night bc my body anticipates waking up soon#i frequently roll over to check the time and go back to sleep#but after 3:03 am it's just been over for me#im gonna be fuckin tirrrrrreddddddd at 2:10 when the final bell rings#that's future diana's problem
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well. today was harrowing.
#a short timeline (cw for emetephobia)#woke up. went to cvs to get my new meds. took said new meds.#went to work. ate breakfast although I was already feeling a little nauseous#just thought I was hungry bc I didn’t eat enough last night#nope. was counting copepods. realized I was gonna puke.#puked in the public restrooms of the biology building.#gross.#felt better. worked some more. ate a small lunch bc I was still a lil nauseous.#got dizzy. thought ‘damnit here we go again’#did not puke. instead: felt dizzy and faint.#this is familiar to me. i have passed out before.#I get to the ground with my water bottle in hand. knees to chest. deep breaths.#this is lasting a lot longer than it usually does.#coworker realizes I’m pale as hell sweating on the floor#other coworker has more first aid training. sits by my side and helps me out of my flannel bc I am Sweating Profusely.#vision finally starts to clear.#now I am in terrible stomach pain.#double over and try not to cry.#once i can stand again: coworker helps me to bathroom.#in there for A While.#I lived bitch.#still shaky. coworker drives me home.#Bathroom.#I am NOT taking those meds again tomorrow.#this has been: sef’s fucking medical history post or whatever#Jesus.
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men will simply experience sleep in such strange and confusing intervals that the term "schedule" has ceased to apply to them (i'm men)
#the other night i finally went to bed at 9pm on account of heat exhaustion#but ended up waking up at 4am anyway#so i decided to stay up and take care of car prep things and maybe power through the day#i passed out for a nap at 10am and woke up at 10pm skdjfhgjkl#and am now still awake because i need to drop off my car for repairs and then make food hopefully#or maybe i'll just drop things off and sleep . . . . .#wake up around 5 or 6 and make food then . . . .#that is probably a better idea honestly ksjdfhgklsd#and then work on sending emails and making thumbnails and doing stuff with friends w#h o o
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y'know i was not expecting to be this productive (or awake) this afternoon
#look i woke up at 2 AM to work on my costume history project#and i did basically get it done in time which was really great and class went fine but after that i was expecting to just power down#but somehow in the time since class I've managed to draw 13 boards of storyboard for the project i've been putting off starting all semeste#wild#i guess being free of final projects is enough of a boost to negate all the exhaustion or something#anyways i'm having a great day rn
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#personal#well. my blood sugar just went too low at 12am. this has never happened before.#usually i'm somewhere from 250-400 rn (i was at 71 and dropping. i was at 242 an hour earlier.) what the HECK happened#guess i'm about to play a fun game of am i gonna survive the night???#i woke up too low this morning too and stayed pretty low (for me) most of the day and i also don't know why#maybe my body finally decided to let the insulin work (after over 2 years) but this is. uh. a little too well and it came out of nowhere#if i end up in the hospital on the day i'm supposed to get both new star trek and new 911 i'm gonna be Upset
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i've slept for 11 hours, that was the longest i slept recently and i'm in a good mood to study and write chapters, if hsr and reverse don't distract me you're getting an update tonight 🫡
#amgf is yapping. . .#i went home at like 8pm had dinner and slept like a dog#i just woke up ong it's so amazing#i still have an online class but i think i can write a little chapter before it starts#i haven't slept this long in a while and i'm finally getting my rest in writing 🥹#i'm excited okay bye hehehhee 😊
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