#I am NOT taking those meds again tomorrow.
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running-in-the-dark · 7 months ago
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I was pretty proud of myself for getting through this day so well (first time one of our cats had to have surgery), BUT it's 4am and it's really hitting me now 🙃
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phagodyke · 8 months ago
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮‍💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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seventh-district · 2 years ago
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CW: mention of death and health issues (but it’s in a relatively positive light, for once!)
#cw death mention#cw health issues#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#i finally got all the results back and I’M GONNA LIVE BITCHES I’M GONNA BE FIIIIIIINE!!!#it’s not as bad as i feared!!! i do gotta take some meds for a bit but that should be it!#and like. continue taking better care of myself in general so these issues don’t get any worse and i don’t do any more damage#good fucking god i can finally relax#hoooooooly shit this has been so stressful#but on the bright side having such a health scare really kind-of forced me to reevaluate some things that i’d been avoiding and ignoring#even though i didn’t quite have to look death in the face i *did* have to sit with him and have a long talk about life#and about what’s truly important. and what’s not. and what i’ve done so far with the time i’ve been given. and what i haven’t done with it.#it’s an important thing that i think everyone has to do at least once if not several times. lest we take the gift of being alive for granted#because yeah life fucking sucks a lot of the time but at least for me… i don’t want it to be over yet. i never have and probably never will#not because i’m scared of what happens after but because i don’t want this life to be over yet#there’s still *so* many things i want to do and accomplish and experience before i’m done with this life#you know?#it’s so easy to trick ourselves into a false sense of security in being complacent because ‘oh i’ll get to it someday’#we always think we’ll do the things we want to do at some ideal time in the future that we just assume we will still be alive for#but no one is guaranteed anything. not even tomorrow. and at least for me it’s very important to remember that#as much as i want to live to be 100 years old that is not a given. it’s a hope and a goal but it’s not guaranteed whatsoever#i can’t live like i’ve got all the time in the world to get my shit together and go be the person i want to be and live the life i want to#live. i have to work my ass off every day or i’ll never get any of those things done in time#anyways. enough philosophizing at 9AM on a Monday. actually it’s 10AM now wow where does the time go#methinks i’ll change this blog’s header image back to the Not Dead Still Alive banner. because i think it’s awfully fitting & very on brand#don’t know why i ever changed it in the first place honestly#also if anyone reads this i am once again aggressively reminding u to get up and go pee if u need to and go drink a tall glass of water#even if u don’t feel like u need it go do it anyways please your body will thank you#also. today’s suggested listening is ‘If We Were Vampires’ by Jason Isbell and ‘Live Like You Were Dying’ by Tim McGraw
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drsbutmakeitspicy · 6 months ago
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Maybe on the "Am I a human chair?" AU
PART I - PART II - PART III
Carlos Sr. Found out about their relationship in a funny way
(I'm sorry for grammar mistakes, and also I didn't write the dialog between Carlos and Cenamor in spanish cause as much as I can understand everything I'm horrible at writing and speaking Spanish (it always turn into a weird portunhol by accident 🤭🫣) so imagine that whole last scene is in spanish please.)
Also, quick reminder, this is more of a brain vomit than a real structured fic
Carlos calls Oscar on video, asking how he is doing after the DNF
"Amorcito, how are you feeling? What did the doctors say?"
"I'm high as fuck, got cracked ribs and a concussion" Oscar is blinking slowly and Carlos finds it adorable.
"I just finished media, the team meeting was rescheduled for tomorrow, I'll see you soon Amor."
"Kim said I can't shower alone so hurry up."
"Tell Kim I 100% agree with him."
Oscar can see him moving around grabbing some stuff from his driver's room to bring back to his hotel room.
"He's not here right now" Carlos stops.
"He left you alone?"
" 'm not alone" Oscar is giggling and messing with his own hair with his free hand.
"You're so high baby, it's funny. Who is with you then?" He watches Oscar's phone be grabbed, as it turns Carlos feels his blood run cold.
"He needs to sleep now." Carlos Sainz Cenamor, his father, who Carlos completely forgot he gave a spare key of his hotel room a day before.
"Uh, yea. I'll finish getting my stuff and uh yea bye."
His dad will be pissed at him for hanging up like that.
Oh god.
Things are not as bad as he imagined, Oscar as his Dad are talking about racing, the McLaren driver is lying down on the bed with a towel put on his eyes, wearing Carlos Ferrari Jacket.
His dad is sitting on the sofa, he looks at him, amused to see the lack of color on his son's face.
"He refuses to sleep, says he wants to see you first. Is it a McLaren requirement to be stubborn?"
"Papa Yo-" He whispers in an apologetic tone
"Eres mi hijo, no creas que eso cambia mi amor por ti." - Cenamor says as he gets up and pat his son's back. - "He is here now Oscar, you can finally sleep, no?"
They hear Oscar make an agreeing sound, his right arm out of the bed, hand grabbing the air, calling Carlos over.
Cenamor tells him he will wait outside, something about having calls to make. Carlos sits down by Oscar's side as the door clicks.
"How are you feeling Cariño?"
"I want a kiss. My lips aren’t bruised, the doctor didn't say anything about kissing."
“I'll give you one and you will rest okay? When you wake up again to take your meds I'll help you shower."
Carlos says against Oscar's lips before closing the gap between them. It's slow but sweet, Oscar's hand goes to his hair and as Carlos breaks their kiss the other pulls him back in, whispering "One more."
After three kisses Oscar is out like a light.
—-
Talking with his father goes well, he is not disappointed in him, he doesn't understand how they got involved, with the amount of times they fought in and out of track but doesn't ask.
"I knew one day you would end up with a McLaren driver, I just guessed the wrong one."
"Papa!"
“Reyes and I adopted Lando since your McLaren days because of that y'know? We both were sure one day you would come over with him and tell us."
"I never had romantic feelings for Lando! And it may not look like it but he is straight, Papa."
"Hmm, I'll have to call your mom back, we thought you broke up with Lando last year, we thought he didn't spend new years with us because of that."
“When? Wait, when did you give mom a call??"
"I left you and Oscar alone so I could call her. She asked if now you will stop with those PR relationships contracts. You know she hates those. She said she read early today some good things about your boy."
His face is all warm and red, he feels like a teenager, embarrassed about having a crush, but also he feels glad to have such a wonderful family by his side.
His dad's phone rings, Reyes’ picture shows up.
"Here, talk to her, she wants to see when we all could have dinner together so she could meet Oscar”
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transbianmuffin · 2 months ago
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Guests pt. 4
cw: trauma, ptsd, transphobia, slurs, deadnaming ******** "[DEADNAME]!" "Y-yes Sir!" "I didn't see you at the morning drill." "I wasn't feeling very good, sir." "Oh, not feeling good? The little 'miss' wasn't feeling very good. Do I need to remember you what we are doing here?" "N-no sir." "Tell me [deadname], what are we doing here?" "...kill the weeds..." "I didn't hear you! SCREAM!" "I don't want to scream, sir." "IF I SAY SCREAM YOU SCREAM, YOU FAGGOT!" "..." "Very well, then I guess you can be without your meds for a day or so. A week, maybe." "No, please, not again. I need those." "Then you'll do WHAT I say, WHEN I say it and HOW I say it. ARE. WE. CLEAR?" "Yes." "YES WHAT?" "Yes, sir." "WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?" "WE KILL THE WEEDS SIR!" "Very good, princess. You are dismissed and if I hear you crying again on you way out I'm gonna fucking kill you."
********
"Little one?" "Mhhhh..." "You were twitching in your sleep, I've also read some weird values in your implant. How are you feeling, my beloved?" "I- I think I had a bad dream...or maybe memories. The bad thoughts. The guests?"
"The guests left, my beautiful floret. You fell asleep on my lap." "Did I do good?" "You were so cute, you did perfectly. You are my sweet pet and I am so proud of you." "I feel sad..." "Hush, hush, no sadness. I am here for you. I'll protect you. Now this will help you sleep. Tomorrow we will take care of the bad thoughts." "It felt so real, they were treating me like, like aaaaaa~~" "They aren't here, sweetie. No one can hurt you here. Think of me, my floret. Close your eyes and just think of me." "I~ luuf yuu~" "I love you too, my beautiful floret."
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bullet-prooflove · 3 months ago
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Can you do?:
24.You knew my past and begged me to try to love again, because it'd end different this time
With Dean Archer please
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Tagging: @kmc1989 @mandy426 @mysticcandymiracle @sweetdaytimedreams @cosmic-psychickitty
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The first time Dean tells you he loves you, you break things off.
You do it because this whirlwind romance is too good to be true.
Dean is the first man you’ve dated since you caught your ex-husband fucking your best friend in the ass on a sheepskin rug, and you still hear Justin’s voice ringing in your head, telling you it was all your fault.
You weren’t pretty enough, adventurous enough. You’re too unstable.
You think a man like Archer will put up with you Isobel? Justin had asked you when he’d found out about you and Dean through the Chicago Med grapevine. Have you even told him the truth about those scars?
No you haven’t and the moment you do…
Yea, Dean Archer is going to run as far away from you as possible.
So you leave him first. You leave him standing in the doorway of his apartment looking like someone has slapped him right across the face.
It’s a couple of days later that there’s a knock on your door. You’ve just come back from a run, your hair is pulled back into a ponytail and you’re wearing a Frankie Says Relax tank top over black running leggings.
You don’t expect it to be Dean, you don’t expect to see the softness in his eyes as he leans against the doorframe and asks to come in. It turns out Justin couldn’t keep his mouth shut, he just had to tell Dean how much of a bullet he’d dodged.
“So now you know everything.” You say quietly as you sit on the sofa with your palms pressed together between your thighs. “You know how damaged I am and I-”
“Isobel…” Dean interrupts you, his hand slipping into yours, clasping it tightly. “You aren’t damaged, you aren’t broken, you’re just a person who went through some really messed up stuff, stuff that would knock anyone down. The important thing is you got back up and you keep getting back up. I’m proud of you for that, I’m in awe of your strength, your perseverance. Take it from me it’s not an easy thing to do.”
He tells you about his PTSD then, about the nights he would wake up in a cold sweat, the flashbacks he’d have, the sensation of dread that would creep through his bones. It had been bad a few years ago, so bad he’d started seeing Doctor Charles. He’s better now, but sometimes it rears it’s head and those are the days he feels like he’s damaged, that maybe he’s a little broken.
“But you’re not.” You tell him urgently, your fingertips brushing over his grizzled features. “I promise you, you’re not.”
“And neither are you.” He reminds you, his hand clasping yours to his cheek, his lips brushing over your palm. “Isobel, what we have it’s real, it’s special and I don’t think we should let Justin sabotage that just because he can’t stand to see you happy.”
It dawns on you then the vindictiveness of your ex-husband. Justin has always known what buttons to press to keep you cowed, to bully you, to hurt you and this is just another way of him doing that, of making you feel like you don’t deserve good things.
When you look into Dean’s eyes, you know that you do. You know that you deserve his love, his passion, his heart and that’s why you kiss him, why you undress him, why you make love to him on the couch, his hands running through your hair as you say his name.
“So…” He says in the aftermath, his fingers combing lightly through your hair. The two of you are tangled up in one another, the blanket from the back of the couch draped over your bare hips. “We’re telling Justin to go fuck himself tomorrow right?”
“Yes Dean.” You whisper as you nuzzle in closer. “We most certainly are.”
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moonlightspencie · 2 years ago
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6 with dean winchester, oh pls🥹
OUCH just thinking about it. he is so baby, this is a hurt-comfort fluff fest
send me a number and a character!
6. “be gentle, please.”
pairing: dean winchester x reader
warnings: non-descriptive owies on sam and dean
To say you were annoyed was an understatement.
Dean just had to push your buttons until you burst on him last night. Knowing that you had a thing for him. It was one thing to mess with you years ago, but now?
There was no way he didn’t know.
And he had the nerve to call you in on the hunt that you had wanted to opt out of. You stayed behind for a reason, but he just had to call. Now, you were stomping up the steps to some creaky old house, chasing after who-knows-what. Probably a demon. But since when couldn’t those two boys handle a demon by themselves?
You pushed open the front door, creeping through the house. Eventually you made it to some grand living room, scanning over the area. Then, you saw Dean.
Memories of a fight were the last thing to occupy your mind when you saw him crumpled in on himself against the wall.
“Dean,” you called out, entering the room.
He was still out cold when you reached him, a hand immediately going to the side of his face.
“Dean?” you said, this time your voice softer.
He groaned, slowly coming to. You watched carefully as he finally opened his eyes, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was you in the room with him.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Shouldn’t have gone in alone.”
“No, no, don’t apologize,” you said softly, still stroking his face.
Sam burst through a moment later, calling for Dean. You looked up as he finally got into the room.
“What happened?” you questioned.
Sam sighed. “I killed it.”
He helped you get Dean into the car, and eventually into the motel room they were staying at. Sam had one nasty cut, but he assured you he could take care of it himself no matter how much you offered a helping hand. He walked into the bathroom to fix himself up, leaving you with Dean.
You looked at him as he sat on the bed with his head in his hands. You moved around the room, getting him some water and your migraine meds, figuring that it would probably work better than expired ibuprofen. You sat next to him on the bed, handing the items over.
“This should help a little, but you’re definitely concussed,” you said, keeping your voice quiet. “Sam and I are gonna have to keep an eye on you until tomorrow.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I know. Thanks for coming.”
“Of course. Though, I didn’t really do much,” you replied with a light laugh.
“This is plenty,” he said, finally looking at you.
You winced, seeing the cut above his eyebrow. It was bruised, and at least needed to be cleaned. You instructed him to wait, grabbing some of your first aid supplies and meeting him back on the mattress.
“This’ll probably sting,” you said, wiping at the cut with a wipe.
He winced, trying to pull away.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said.
“I want to. I care about you, and you could use someone to do that right about now.”
He sighed. “I could do it myself.”
“You shouldn’t have to. Especially not with a concussion. Let me take care of you.”
He looked at you, eyes shining in the low light. You swallowed, stopping your motions for a moment.
“What?” you questioned.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cause a fight yesterday.”
You sighed. “I know you didn’t. I just— It’s hard when you tease me like that. You know all the ways to get me… frustrated.”
He smirked. “I know. I’m sorry. I know I’m annoying sometimes, I just really—”
“You’re not annoying. You just… push my buttons”
“It’s hard not to when you’re always fake flirting with me,” he stated as you started cleaning him up again. “It’s hard on a guy.”
You laughed humorlessly. Fake. As if he didn’t know.
“We both know that’s not fake, Winchester.”
“Be gentle, please,” he said quietly, just above a whisper.
You pulled your hand away.
“Am I hurting you?” you asked, looking between him and the cut.
He took your wrist, moving your hand away as he shook his head.
“No. With me. Be gentle,” he said.
“I don’t understand.”
He sighed. “I have had a thing for you forever. Please don’t mess with me saying you’re actually flirting. That’s not fair.”
You softened immediately. “What?”
“I know we joke and get under each others skin, but I’m just asking that you don’t actually screw with my heart.”
“Dean, that’s not…” you trailed, furrowing your brow. “I’m not lying. I thought you knew?”
“Knew what?” he asked, looking at you in confusion.
“You don’t remember? Last year I told you I had a thing for you.”
“No, you didn’t,” he said cautiously.
“I did. We were at the bunker in the kitchen, throwing back shots, and I told you. You just kind of laughed and then Cas came in so we stopped talking,” you explained. “I thought we’d talk about it the next day, but you acted like it never happened.”
“Uh, yeah, probably because I was blacked out. I would’ve remembered that, I promise you.”
You sighed, dropping your head. “Shit.”
“You mean it?” he asked after a beat.
You nodded, not saying anything. He grabbed your hand, taking the wipe from it and tossing it onto the night stand before holding it in his own.
“Dude, I have practically been head-over-heels for you forever.”
You laughed, looking at him. “Dude?”
“I don’t know, I’m concussed, just—” he let out a breath, then smiled. “You’re one of my best friends. Have been for a while, and I wouldn’t mind changing that.”
You smiled again. “Only if you promise me one thing.”
“Anything.”
“We talk about it when you’re not concussed. I don’t want a repeat of last time.”
He smiled brightly. “Deal.”
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boxheadpaint · 14 days ago
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oh god when did i diary post last. Well as good a time as any
another year older today, though birthday festivities are actually taking place yesterday and tomorrow due to conflicting schedules and hannukah party stuff. spending this last week of DEMBER watching found footage / mockumentary horror and doing my best not to worry as much as usual to varying levels of success. still need to get refill on blood pressure meds because sleep is annoying again thanks.
joycon controller journey where in the end i grab those ergonomic ones which they only had the pokemon print ones in stock but theyre very nice. they make my switch wide and intimidating and it doesnt hurt to use which im not sure why i ever got used to that for normal joycons? I can take a few guesses though namely being yay videogames and being good at ignoring pain until its gone for a bit.
waiting back for exciting surgery news though knowing state health that wont be for a while! in the mean time just gonna look at fish and have a beautiful time. didnt actually super celebrate christmas this year, stayed home with partner. did have a gift from my mom (MICHEAL FATCAT VOLUME 2 LETS FUCKING GO. And a book on color combinations) for it and another for my birthday (immensely sexy natural illustration book) which was very nice and makes me happy. since she moved to mexico our schedules dont line up as well from timezones but the few calls we have had are nice. she got a puppy that made me cry over video from the smallness.
at this point i miss digital art enough that i am willin to brave the overheating and bluescreening of my surface again but maybe instead i could set up some stand made of welded paperclips or something so it can sit up and breathe again. Mom gave me her old one but its windows 11, then theres the yogas that doug has where one doesnt work with my pen and says ACTIVATE WINDOWS in the corner because it was probably some sensitive work thing while the other yoga has like. a mystery charger we have yet to find. we will likely try to downgrade moms from the windows 11 shit as best we can but god im not confident in it.
Every month i think i need to stop worrying about what people will think of my art, that their interpretations dont matter and i am doing what makes me happy and what keeps me interested. i also manage to forget this every month around the same time. i miss drawing very very quickly to make stupid funny pictures for people, its a lot better at conveying how i feel and think than trying to pull from my limited vocabulary. written words are basically just another kind of picture that are funny and dont make any sense in any order you say them and will never get across what you are trying to say.
okami HD was 5 dollars on the switch. its been a lot of fun to play through it again after all this time- when i was a kid i thought after orochi i beat the game and that whatever else was going on was a weirdly long postgame. i stopped at the VERY near end of act 2 because of the fucking blockhead warrior guy was impossible for me. i was trying to get footage of the weakpoints on a flipphone with my family behind me like mission control. now that im an adult man with reading comprehension and a smaller screen with a built in screencapture function im sure i will get just as mad as i did back then.
12/28/2024, I keep accidentally not hydrating enough day-to-day and i still need a shower. gonna go fuckin water mode
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honeygrahambitch · 1 year ago
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Back to my "Hannibal and Bedelia were colleagues in med school in Paris" headcanons.
If we follow the Hannibal Rising narrative line, there's a period where Hannibal injects himself with sodium thiopental to recall what has happened to his sister and basically to bring back some suppressed memories.
I think that wasn't a glorious academic time for him. And I really don't think he had friends other than Bedelia who was his "frienemy" because of the constant competition and casual ust and mind you, their egos were enormous even as students.
So basically she is the only one who notices the change. He looks tired. He looks consumed. He seems faraway during most of the lectures. And this change annoys her cause the only person who qualified as her "competition" was suddenly lacking.
It's not that his grades dropped. At least not enough for anyone to notice. Other than her.
So one night she storms into the library. She knows he is the only one who would be there past midnight on a Saturday. He ia hunched over a book and doesn't even lift his head when he hears her.
She slams a sheet of paper right on the pages of his book interrupting his focus.
"Your calculations were wrong." It's all she says.
Hannibal blinks a few times, taking in the sight of her. He realizes that it's probably raining since her blonde hair and coat are wet. But that's not the reason why she seems to be fuming.
"Is that so?" He asks, a bit bored.
"Yes."
"I will do them again by tomorrow." He says and moves away the paper so he can continue his reading.
She rolls her eyes annoyed, not moving an inch. "You will do them now."
"Excuse me?" He asks, lifting his glance.
"You heard me."
He wouldn't mind it usually, banter was something very common for the two of them but tonight it feels like something else.
"It looks like you are not here because of the calculations."
"I obviously am." She says and crosses her arms over her chest. She doesn't like that he is starting to read into it.
"Are you telling me that you walked through rain all the way to the university, at midnight only to tell me to fix the numbers?"
"It was midnight a long time ago, Hannibal."
"Even more so. Why are you here? I am trying to read."
"What are you reading?" She asks and before he can move his glance back to his book, she takes it away from him. "Tell me, what have you been reading?" She knows that he had probably been dissociating the whole time until she stormed in. He looked clueless but hid it well enough with his usual poker face.
"Something which was more worthy of my attention than this conversation we are having right now. Will you give me the book?"
"Not until you tell me what is actually going on with you." She says firmly.
"Pardon? You are the one who started harassing me."
"I am harassing you because something's wrong with you."
"If you ever become a psychiatrist, Bedelia, please don't apply the same tactics on your patients."
"Don't change the subject. You are not my patient, you are my fr-" she stops and corrects herself quickly "colleague."
He tries his best not to smile.
"And you are the only one here who has enough brains to almost surpass me. And I need the competition. And you need it too, that's our unspoken deal."
Hannibal doesn't bother to correct her about the use of the word "almost" and instead nods, so she can keep going.
"However lately, you haven't been yourself. You are not present. You are not even trying. You don't even know what you have been reading. And your grades are brilliant to everyone but it's those tiny decimals that make the difference. And it's too many decimals between my grades and yours."
Hannibal is slightly amused by this whole discourse. Bedelia was a nerd just as much as he was.
"Have you been obsessing over my grades? More than the usual, I mean."
"Hush, don't change the subject. What is happening with you?"
Hannibal sighs and debates on what to answer. He obviously cannot disclose what he has been doing but at the same time she is the only person in the world who has noticed a change, so maybe, hiding was pointless.
"I remembered something."
"What?"
"I remembered something from a long time ago. Something that I have suppressed up until now." He says. "I won't get into it but it might have hit me harder than expected."
She wants to keep scolding him. She wants to keep interrogating him. But she can't. For the first time tbat night she notices his dark bags in the dim light of the lamp. He looks exhausted. He is still charming, but the usual mischief in his eyes is faded.
She knows vague details about his life in Lithuania but she knows enough to tell that it might be related to that.
Neither of them says anything for a few minutes. She puts his book back on the table.
"The fact that you didn't even bother to lie about it tells me enough."
He nods.
"I wanted to bully you more tonight. But you ruined the mood."
Their shy laughter echoes into the empty library.
"I will leave you to your reading." She says as she is ready to turn and leave.
"I could use some company. You know, I need the competition."
She stays.
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projectbluearcadia · 7 months ago
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I Am / We Are A Simp / s.
Lucifer: Annnnelie. Anneliiiieee. Anneeeeelllliiiiiee.
Lucifer sits up from bed and playfully boops Annelie's cheek with a cute smile, not knowing she's awake. She lightly grabs his finger, opening her eyes. A faint blush settles on his cheeks.
Annelie: Mm... Yes, honey? What has the anti-morning demon up so early?
Lucifer: It's 11 A.M.
Annelie: ...it is?
Lucifer: Mhm. How do you feel?
Annelie: ...sore, but I could ask you the same question.
Lucifer: Also sore.
Lucifer ruffles Annelie's hair and kisses her cheek.
Lucifer: You can't walk, can you?
Annelie: You're a little bi-
Annelie puts some of her weight on the floor and immediately returns her feet to bed.
Lucifer: You were saying?
Annelie: ...I forgot what happens when you have an hour to kill instead of 15 minutes; shut up.
Lucifer chuckles.
Lucifer: You won't survive what I have planned for Tuesday.
Annelie: What, are you going to tie me to your bed so I can't run away while you do unspeakable things to me?
Lucifer: ...
Annelie: I can take whatever you dish out, and you know it.
Lucifer smirks as he crawls on top of Annelie.
Lucifer: Oh, can you now? Because I'm really annoyed that I didn't get to see you so wasted that you'd beg for me in the most humiliating way possible.
Annelie: Is that a threat? How about you beg instead?
Annelie hooks her legs around his waist and flips him over. He smirks as if this were according to plan.
Lucifer: I'll let you do that tomorrow.
Lucifer hugs Annelie to his body, trapping her in his arms. She squirms, futilely.
Lucifer: You promised me a pick-me-up I could watch for trips away from home if we got married.
You remember that?!?!
Lucifer: I'm cashing in on that promise.
Annelie: W-Wait a sec...
Lucifer: We're using my D.D.D. since it has better resolution.
Lucifer grins.
Lucifer: And you're still sensitive from last night, now aren't you? That works out perfectly...
Annelie: I, uh, um....
Annelie blushes.
Annelie: I-If you get one, then I get one too!
Lucifer: Aw, is my cute little succubus getting shy? Do you just want to watch my muscles flex, or do you want to see the look on my face when I cu-
Annelie covers his mouth while he simpers.
Annelie: Okay, first of all, yes to all of those, and second of all please shut up because Simeon just knocked on the door.
Simeon: I don't really want to disturb, but Barbatos wants to know if he's making food for you, or if you're planning on leaving at the time you planned to leave.
Annelie and Lucifer look at each other.
Lucifer: You can tell Barbatos that we're leaving later than planned, and that yes, I will have breakfast. Please bring it here, because my wife will be handicapped by the time I'm done.
Simeon coughs as Annelie blushes.
Simeon: ...got it. I'll make sure whomever brings it knocks and leaves it outside.
Lucifer: Thank you. Now, as for you...
Annelie: ...do your worst.
Lucifer: Oh, I will.
[ timeskip ]
Annelie: So... are you going to tell me where we're going yet?
Lucifer: My, my, can't you be patient?
Annelie: You owe me after putting me in a car.
Lucifer: ...what?
Annelie: I get carsick.
Lucifer pauses for a long moment.
Lucifer: And here I thought I knew everything about you. Why didn't you tell me?
Annelie: ...because my dumbass thought that just because I was a succubus, I wouldn't get nauseous anymore.
Lucifer: I'll pull over at the next drugstore.
Annelie: No, you don't have to do that; I'm fine...
Lucifer: No, I'm pulling over.
The couple sit in silence as Lucifer slows his turns, trying to make sure not to jerk the car.
Is he mad at me again?
Lucifer: I thought I already told you to speak up more when you're uncomfortable. You're supposed to talk to me.
Yeah, he's mad at me again.
Annelie: ...I just didn't think it was a big deal... I've been dealing with motion sickness since primary school. After I stopped throwing up, it's just been an inconvenience that I take meds for on longer trips.
Lucifer sighs, even as he pulls into a car park. As he does so, Annelie is able to squint at the sign. Barbatos unquestioningly also parks while Simeon looks around, confused and looking somewhat ill himself.
Katakana? Ma... shi... mo... to? Or, no, I think that's "tsu."... Wait, this little shit brought me to fucking Japan for our honeymoon?!
Lucifer: I'll be right back. Behave yourself.
Lucifer points at Annelie, and she swats at his finger, making him laugh softly.
Annelie: I'm not a child.
Lucifer: Learn to talk to me then.
Lucifer sticks his tongue out cutely before turning and heading into the drugstore. Annelie smiles to herself, shaking her head.
Dorky idiot.
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lastoneout · 4 months ago
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My blood clot pain has reached a weird point where it's kinda better as long as I don't use my hand for literally anything at all, but when it does flare it's straight up AGONY like a solid 7-8 on the pain scale and unfortunately it seems like this pain is no longer responding well to my current 5mg oxycodone, and like the last ER doctor I saw *tried* to prescribe me 7.5mg ones 'cuz she legit said 5mg probably wouldn't cut it, but my insurance straight up would not cover it and the cost without was $500(and that's with the best coupon I could find) and the ER doctor didn't have the time to put a prior auth through and just gave me the 5mg stuff(and I had to pay out of pocket for those too bcs my insurance would only cover a week's supply but they were at least only $40) so I guess my options are
1) go insane playing it as safe as possible not using my hand for anything and only taking the meds when I absolutely cannot stand the pain and pray I can hold out until I see my endovascular surgeon on friday
OR 2) go back to the ER and see if they can do the prior auth and pray my insurance will cover more than a weeks supply and also that the ER doesn't interpret this as drug seeking behavior and turn me down
I think what I am gonna do is again play it as safe as I can and try to only use the meds once a day if I can help it, and in the meantime call my insurance and see if they can give me a list if meds they do cover(tbh it's weird for oxy to cost this much, a similar supply for my dog was like $5 and I did talk to someone who works for my insurance the other day for a different reason and she also seemed shocked it wasn't covered and was so expensive) and hope that I can last until my follow up with my endovascular surgeon and double extra hope I'm either recovered a lot more by then or if I'm not that he'll have a plan to help resolve it faster or at least be willing to prescribe me one of the covered meds and do whatever prior auth is needed. Plus that way if the pain does get unbearable before then the list will help the ER give me something that will help better(if they are cool and don't assume this is drug seeking behavior).
This whole thing genuinely sucks so fucking bad, I'm in agony rn debating if I should take another pill before bed and risk building up even more of a resistance or try to thought it out to save my meds for if it somehow gets worse than this. I'm so fucking tired too I've avoiding my usual insomnia edibles AND my remaining ambien in case they react badly with the oxy and kill me in my sleep or something and that plus the agony mean's I'm not sleeping well and the agony is thus harder to deal with and my pressure headaches get worse cuz not sleeping us a major trigger and the cycle just spirals worse and worse, and I can't do anything fun in bed cuz I'd usually play video games and those require two hands and AOUHDGJKL I fucking HATE this!!!
Ima just try to tough it out and sleep and see where I'm at tomorrow and make that call regardless. Hopefully this doesn't drive me too insane and I can maybe sit at my desk, getting out of bed would do me some good atm. I need to feel normal for just one fucking day.
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bomberqueen17 · 7 months ago
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realizations
this is just me having medical realizations and again wishing I had someone to help me coordinate my medical care. I hear rumors some people use primary care physicians for this but mine doesn't do that kind of thing, so I'm writing things out here instead.
physical therapy:
shit got so busy last week that i fell off the wagon for the first time. I've only ever missed a single day of the thrice-weekly physical therapy exercises since I was first prescribed them in January; on two occasions I think I've wound up doing them only twice in a week. But last Tuesday, I woke up and did a few of them and then ran out of time, and then worked three twelve-hour days in a row, and a fourth day I worked six hours and then drove four more. And then I was visiting friends and had horrible menstrual cramps. So I just didn't climb back onto the wagon.
I haven't had bad sciatic nerve pain at any point during any of that. Sure, toward the end of the long days on my feet I was taking any opportunity to sit, and I was doing some of the pt stretches, and it's not that the sciatic nerve didn't hurt at all. But it didn't keep me up. And I now am back to a normal level of physical activity, and I slept in a bad position last night and am experiencing no consequences today.
I'll go back to them-- need to figure out today if I have an appointment tomorrow or Thursday first-- and I'm sure not saying the exercises caused the sciatic nerve pain-- but it sure is a fucking data point isn't it.
ADHD meds:
I have managed to take two doses of Ritalin about four times in the last two weeks. It used to be that I would at least really notice the first dose, but I've been faithful enough with it that at this point my body doesn't seem to react to it at all. I can't tell whether I've taken it, most days, and that means I don't notice it wearing off and I don't think to take the second one. I know it shouldn't work like that but it definitely doesn't. There have been days I've forgotten both doses, though, and there's no real difference in those days. And that time I tried to sew those bike shorts was one of my most obvious two-dose days.
I don't need help focusing my attention, which seems to be what the stimulants do. My manifestation of ADHD is not distraction. I have always been able to focus on a task. What I cannot do is initiate a task, change a task, or perform a sequence of tasks that depend on one another, beyond a very simple list structure. Last night I had to entirely admit defeat because coordinating a sequence of tasks was beyond me. It was an embarrassingly simple sequence of tasks: I had to drop my car off for service, and get dinner, and the hardest part was that I had to coordinate a person accompanying me in a second vehicle so I could get a ride home. And there was a time constraint, and I could not do any of it because I could not initiate the task of looking up which takeout restaurants were nearby. "Solve one thing at a time," Dude said, and proceeded to help me, but I said "i can't solve one thing at a time, because if I solve one thing I will not then be able to initiate the solving of the second thing, and then the second problem will derail the rest of my night."
On my own I would not have been able to feed myself dinner, I think. I would have had to abandon that very simple task as unsolvable. I simply could not hold two things in my mind long enough to consider it. It was absolutely stupid.
Relatedly I was trying to figure out how to calculate the sale price of an item, and it was 60% off the listed price, and I know to get 60% of something you multiply it by .6, so I was trying to do that and then subtract the number I got from the original number, and I tried it literally nine times without being able to remember the .6 result long enough to then type it back into the calculator. Yes, I know you can just times it by .4 instead now, and I also know that at any moment I could have gotten up and gotten a piece of paper, or gotten a second calculator, or taken a screenshot, but all of those solutions were so cumbersome and involved me abandoning my initial task that I could not figure out how to use them. I finally asked someone else and they told me the answer and also how to use the times .4 method, which I had considered but wasn't confident enough in.
All of this is related, I think, to me having basically no working memory. I cannot hold a thing in my mind while I contemplate a second thing. And I don't know if any ADHD medication would ever help with that. That is the root of almost all of my problems: I know, from long experience, that I have to continually maintain the single thing I am focused on in my mind, and if I try to think of any second thing, I either can't, or if I succeed, will lose the first thing irrevocably. So i can't use most of the problem-solving skills I know fine well how to use. I can't get fucking anything done. (I give amazing advice, always have, because I've spent a ton of time figuring out how to solve problems and then discovering that I can't actually use any of those methods successfully.) And, I can pretty conclusively state after these several months of experimentation: ADHD stimulant meds have zero effect on this problem.
I don't know if any meds have any effect on this problem. It may well be that there is nothing to be done for my condition, medication-wise. I guess I'm glad I was able to try medication, since it is such a miracle for so many people. I guess I'm just sad it wasn't a miracle for me. But it hasn't addressed any of my problems so I don't see a point in continuing it.
Possibly what I need is some other kind of therapy, some kind of like behavioral therapy or life coaching or something, I don't know. It would help me enormously, I think, to have a lifestyle with a predictable routine and very little dislocation, but that's not possible for me with my current job and life situation. And I don't know how to discover what kind of therapies even exist, and I know the psych provider I've been seeing will not be able to recommend anything in the three minutes we get per meeting. So I might just be out of options, now. But I guess I'm glad at least I tried.
I really wish I had some kind of doctor overseeing all of my medical care I could consult about this, but I don't, I only have the individual specialists. So I'm on my own and I'm just trying to work around my severe memory problems by writing things out, I guess.
Currently I am just going to have to accept that there's literally no way I'm going to be able to figure out how to get to Rochester and back this week, so I'm going to give up on retrieving my critical personal electronics and just wait until I head back to the farm to get them on my way through. Which sucks and I am sad about but I just don't know how to coordinate the logistics and incorporate that into my life, so I'm going to stop worrying about it. This is how I get through things: I just let almost everything go, and live with whatever I can pick up in the aftermath. C'est la vie!
Oh huh you can't add more tags onto posts once you've stopped adding them huh. Fascinating choice, Tumblr.
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phagodyke · 8 months ago
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been checking off all the stuff I've gotten everything of in elden ring so far (nothing crazy just cookbooks, crystal tears, deathroot, paintings/artists spirit, dragon hearts and the tools like crafting pots etc and I've done all npc questlines I can in this run + gotten all the bell bearings that carry over to ng+ 👍) and I was looking at the lists for great gloveworts + ancient dragon stones and I have most of them already so I was feeling pretty good.. and then I counted how many distinct weapons I have so far (166) and searched up how many are in the game..... WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAN 308????
#i feel like ive wielded every kind of weapon ever imagined. how are there TWICE AS MANY AS THAT!!!!!!#a lot of them will probably take some grinding to get... weighing up how committed i am to getting them all#well i probably will. but i WONT be grinding enough playthroughs to upgrade them all to max im not that insane#but ill upgrade them *almost* to max.... theres no limit on regular smithing/somber stones cuz u can just buy them#but theres only 13 ancient dragon and 8 somber ancient dragon stones so u literallt have to beat the ENTIRE game again if u want more#and the max ill get is what. 39 and 24 bc im only planning on doing 3 runs (one for each ending)#and im NOT getting duplicates of everything so i can duel wield them all im a two handed wield guy so i only ever use one at a time#+50% extra damage for every hit r u kidding me im not abandoning that... there are some fights ive used a shield for so i can parry tho#anyway. at least i have a decent amt of the talismans... i think im gonna go for all the rest of those next#and then stonesword keys + locations + ill unlock every site of grace on the map so i have full freedom to get everything else#well all the ones i can at least.. if i missed any in leyndell capital theyre probably inaccessible now bc I burned it down LOL#just so much shit in this game it keeps blowing my mind fr#anyway i reaaaally need to sleep im so tired.. dont wanna go to work tomorrow aoughghh#itll be fine tho i just have one thing all day 👍 and ill feel motivated bc my meds will be working by the time i get there#its kind of nice in a way bc i refuse to think abt my work outside of work hours. shooting that thought down immediately#like when i get the bus im just thinking abt getting the bus. and when im there i have my checklist and if i focus on that it goes by#esp w meds. and then i go home and it doesnt exist for the rest of the day bc i have no sense of past of future <3#sometimes its kind of nice having a very Present mind like the here and now is all there is. its why im so good at mindfulness shit#i would make a great buddhist ANYWAYYYYYY GOODNIGJT!!!!#.diaries
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calcitedraws · 2 months ago
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FENS DIARY
Tw: Mentions of death, suicide, depression, brief mentions of sexuality and Fen being generally sort of creepy and trying to rationionalize it.
Around 2,300 words
This was supposed to be a few entries and I got too invested lol and I use y/n because I'm old school. Also when Fen says 'Im not a girl' that isn't indicating a bio or gender identity I was just including the fact that they're nonbinary.
November 17th
I haven't written in a while, eh? After… what happened I sort of shut down for a while. Even now I want to shut down, but my dad always said I should face things head on. Ok, as my therapist used to say: if I don't know how to word something I should just say it as plainly as I can to get started.
I'm in pain.
I can't sleep I can't eat and I can't fucking breathe. The only person making sure I have a moderately healthy sleep/wake cycle is Dandelion, and even then he doesn't seem to mind if I sleep on the couch all day as long as he's fed.
I'm packing to head down to the funeral and I came by my journal. I don't even know why I'm doing this. This is fucking stupid.
I'm scared of seeing them. I haven't seen my mom or siblings in… 5 odd years? I never even came out to them. I'll have to explain so much that I'm just not in the goddamn mood to. I don't even think they want to see me. Dad told me that once they figured out the whole situation that they didn't take it well.
Dandelion keeps curling up in my suitcase. If he behaved better in crates, I'd bring my little man with. But he chews on the bars and yowls, so I'm leaving him at one of those pet boarding places.
November 19th
I don't want to go tomorrow. I'm sitting here at this shitty hotel desk that's sticky in this shitty hotel room that smells like booze and mothballs. There's a weird mark on the carpet and I can't decide if it's old blood or a shit stain. Either way it's suspiciously big. The people in the other room keep having really loud and bad sounding sex, all the damn time. Like, literally, their headboard is apparently against the same spot as mine, because the thumping keeps me awake. I tried to move my bed and found another stain that I'm convinced is blood. I put the bed back and slept on the tiny couch in the room. I'm pretty sure there's bedbugs on every fabric surface.
OH MY GOD THOSE TWO ASSHATS ARE HAVING SEX AGAIN!!! WHY ARE THEY BLASTING THAT ONE SONG FROM SHREK 2 I HATE THIS HOTEL
November 20
I'm just sitting here. At this sticky desk again. I don't think I can do this. It's 3:30 AM and I can't go back to sleep. Waiting for my sleeping meds to kick in.
My therapist always said that the best time to journal about something is when it's the hardest to think about.
I wish I had someone. I like to think soulmates exist. Maybe Dad was right and that's all horse shit. Maybe I should just throw myself into oncoming traffic instead of going to his funeral.
I've been paying more attention to cars recently. Funny how many look like my dad's.
I think the meds are kicking in? No clue, maybe I'm just too angry to think.
—---------------
It's 8:10 AM and I need to leave in 20 minutes.
I've decided to go, because I owe it to him. I think I'd hate myself more if I didn't go.
What do I even do if I see my mom again? Is she even my mom? Am I allowed to wave if she spots me? Will she even recognize me. I can recognize her. I've been cyber talking her Facebook. Her husband and her just got back from a weekend trip to the Bahamas.
I haven't dared look for my siblings. I miss Sherry.
Had to take a minute to reign myself in.
I'm glad my aunt (my dad's sister) took care of the funeral prep. Shes nice. Haven't talked to her in a half a decade, I should send a nice letter after the funeral.
The thought of coming back to that house alone is killing me. No more face times. No more random phone calls. No more sending him pictures of weird stuff Dandelion did.
I need to head out soon. My hair is greasy. My eyes hurt. I look like shit. But I have to go.
I forgot to charge my phone last night but there should be enough juice in it to get me there and back. Don't know where I'm headed since I've never been here. My dad said I wouldn't like where he lived because it's crowded. Maybe I can just throw myself into oncoming traffic after.
—----------------
I think I met an angel.
I got lost after the funeral and my phone died. I started crying in the middle of the side walk like some fucking weirdo when I spotted them.
They were so cute, in their cozy sweater and jeans. They asked what was wrong and I said I was lost and that my phone died.
They actually lead me back to the hotel! Apparently they live here in the city too but near the outskirts. I never got their name, I'm such a fucking idiot.
I've always felt like there's been a wall between me and other people. But with them… I didn't feel that. I felt I had known them all my life.
Shit, here I am rambling about someone I just met after going to my dad's funeral.
It was awkward. Like, painfully awkward. No one approached me. My dad's funeral was closed casket, which all things considered, makes sense. But I felt like if I opened that casket it'd be empty. It was a weird feeling.
I didn't know any of his friends and only Sherry showed up to the funeral. I don't know why but that somehow made everything worse. Sherry couldn't even look at me. I didn't stick around long afterwards. She looks so different from when I last saw her (why did she go blonde?) but I recognized her instantly.
I'm packing up to head home. I technically don't need to go until tomorrow but the longer I stay here the more I feel the need to itch the back of my throat with a shotgun. At least at home I can cry into Dandelions fluffy belly.
January 8th
—------------------
Guess who's forced me out of rotting in my bed? My boss threatening to fire me if I don't log on and do my job!
A fair point, but fuck him anyway.
I said I'd log on today and he seemed satisfied.
So here I am instead, procrastinating. I can't keep my eyes open for very long. I mean, I logged on and have been reading meeting notes. That's progress.
Dandelion has been very accommodating with allowing me to randomly pick him up and cry loudly into his fur.
Oh! I found a new cat! Her name is Queenie and she's a little black cat. I found her right outside the hotel I was staying at before the funeral. I thought she had that lethal cat bloat I had heard about, but she was just really pregnant! Like, ready to pop pregnant. She gave birth on Christmas and now I have a small army of tiny black and orange kittens! I woke up to 6 of them on Christmas morning. They're all so small and cute and they won't stop meowing very very loudly. I got Queenie spayed as quickly as I could afterwards.
Queenie warmed up to my quickly despite being a stray. I named her that because she's a little diva. The amount of times I had to separate her and Dandelion from fighting over mutually favorited spots is well, embarrassing since these are two adults. But now? Queenie just lays on top of Dandelion and he seems to enjoy it.
Why am I jealous of two cats?
January 15th
—----------------
Oh my God I found them. The person who saved me and lead me back to the hotel, I found them!
Ok, so, I'm a penetration tester, which means I hack into systems. It's boring so I never talk about it. But, the job we were handed made us pen test a random hospital and I found them! They went in for a checkup recently and I found their data while spelunking! I took a picture of their government ID before I could stop myself.
I can't believe I found them! I clicked on a random name because I liked the way it looked and it leads me right to them! I know it's them, because the ID card looks like them and says they live near where they said they did.
I've been looking at our star signs. I also found their social media and they're so chatty! I think they just think their friends are watching because they post sporadically. I scrolled through everything I could find during my lunch break.
Oh my God I sound insane. This is insane and totally illegal. I need to step back and calm down.
January 25th
—----------
I tried!! Couldn't step back couldn't calm down. I've been cyber talking a stranger for like, a week now.
But I've come to a revelation: I'm very greasy. I haven't showered in… no clue to be honest. I only realized because I accidentally leaned against the sliding glass door and my head left a strong imprint on the glass.
I haven't changed my bedsheets in a while either. Or vacuumed, or cleaned the kitchen, or swept the patio. So instead of any of that I have spent the entire afternoon paralyzed on the couch in sustained fear. Dandelion has joined me.
February 4th
—----------------
I finally got fed up of being greasy and took an actual shower instead of sitting under the water staring at the floor and disassociating for like, half an hour. The sheer amount of dead skin I scrubbed off is embarrassing.
*Y/n* (the name of my angel) talked about spring cleaning early online. They even have the link to their favorite songs to listen to while cleaning. I recognize some of the songs but most of them are new to me. Maybe if I listen to the playlist it'll make me want to clean?
Update: It did. Managed to clean the kitchen and living room before getting tired. Maybe I should start working out again…?
Feb 14th
—-------------
Y/n is single! (Very good information to know)
When I clean I just put y/n’s play list on and I'm suddenly full of energy.
I think it eases the loneliness. I miss my dad.
Feb 20th
—--------------
I've discovered something about myself that I can't unlearn. I think I have a praise kink?? I was watching my favorite show with Dandelion and one of the characters that kind of looks y/n said ‘good girl' to the main character and. I got so horny I had to pause the show and sit in silence. I'm not even a girl. What the fuck just happened? I think the cats know because they've been staring at me judgementally all afternoon.
March 1st
—-------------
Lasagna is my enemy.
April 29th
—------------
It was my dad's birthday yesterday. He would've been 46 today.
I sort of shut down for the entire month, again. House is a fucking mess. Only think I can manage is taking care of the cats, who don't seem to mind the mess.
I just wish I had someone. The house is pretty quiet. Sometimes I put the TV on to avoid how quiet it is. I miss talking to my dad, about literally anything. The weather, what my cats were up to, about my dad's new girlfriend of the week, literally anything. I miss how funny he was. I remember when I was in secondary school how him and I would watch TV every Friday night and eat Mac n cheese from the box.
May 1st
—--------------
I think I'm in love with y/n?? Is that a thing you can do? I had a dream we went on a date to a coffee shop and then we went home and made dinner and I kept making them laugh and smile and when I woke up I just burst out sobbing. I literally couldn't calm down for who knows how long.
But I want something like that! I want it so badly! I want to make them dinner while they talk with me! I want to cozy up to them on the couch while watching a movie! I want to hear them breathe next to me at night!
So I might've done something maybe unethical. I located their IP Address. Which isn't bad since I already know their physical address and their safe with me and it's not like it's illegal to find it!
May 10th
—------
So I did something stupid. I did something really fucking stupid I hacked into their email. All it took was a phishing scheme and bam, I was in. And Lord knows how everything is connected to emails nowadays. I'm a criminal now. I've been reading their emails for like, three hours. I mean… the government can like totally see your emails so it's not that big of a deal?? Right???
Oh my God I'm a criminal now!
But I'm learning so much!
May 18th
—-----
The time has come. Queenies kittens have all found new homes, I can't have all these cats in the house. But I kept my favorite kitten; Cali, the little calico. Short of Hotel California, My dad's favorite song.
Cali is a menace against society. He's chewn through wires, eaten pillows, and I've had to take him to the vet twice for eating batteries. I don't think another family can handle him.
I like to think he gets this from Dandelion, who despite being well over ten years old still chews on wooden furniture.
June 19th
—-------
I've been trying to find a way to say this that doesn't sound bad. But like, I literally can't? So I'll just say it.
I broke into y/n’s phone.
I'm not doing anything bad! I just want to see what they're up to! I won't use this to hurt them so it isn't bad, is it?
I've been watching them play candy crush for 45 minutes. They're bad at candy crush but something about that is so cute! I've downloaded candy crush. Maybe I can play the same levels at the same time as them…?
I've also been eating meals with them. They watch stuff on their phone as they eat and I've started eating at a regular schedule again. But their diet sucks so much?? Why the fuck are they eating gas station sushi so often? I'm scared they'll get worms!!
July 1st
—----------
What if my cats tell me neighbor I got high???
July 2nd
—----------
So um, I tried edibles for the first time yesterday. You'll never guess how it went.
Anyways, high me decided that cleaning the entire house was their sole mission. Thank you, high me.
July 19th
—---------
I finally gathered the courage to go into my old room.
I only had the attic room because everyone had their own rooms and I was sick of sharing with Sherry. So, my dad fixed up the attic and gave that room to me for my 10th birthday. When everyone left, I took over Sherry's old room. Mom only left the mattress and headboard, so it didn't feel like Sherry's anymore. All that's left is the thumbtacks from her old posters.
Anyway, my old room is just how I left it. Dusty, but the same. I even found Howie, my old plushie! I took all of Howie's stuffing out and it's in the wash right now, but they still have the old lavender satchet I put in them. I don't know what to replace it with, to be honest.
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izayoichan · 10 months ago
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The future of this blog, kinda part two? (sorry for the wall of text.. again!) It's been a lot of trying to find the love for sims again for me, trying to find the fun. But I have come to the conclusion, that right now, it just is not. I have not uppdated, opened, touched the for anything but taking a couple of screenshots because I comissioned poses so I wanted to use them, or I just felt (stupidly I guess) that I had to so this blog had sims content. That is what this blog is to me, its linked with sims, the story I started creating with them, and friends that also love sims. But like mentioned, for me the fun of sims is gone. (Thank you EA, for constantly making sims worse and worse and boring to the point where it's for me just not worth spending energy on). So I will from tomorrow let what I have left of the story that's already written post twice a day until it's done. I will at the same time share all the last sims screenshots I have lying around that I have kept to myself because spoilers and me having the need to be a little secrety, and when that is all posted and ended, I will make a post with a new blog, a new start for me to find my fun again. I don't want to delete what is here, because I am actually proud of it, that I managed to share and write a story for the first time. So instead I am making a new blog, where I will post random screenshots, random things I find, reblog more stuff that I find pretty and so on. I am working on going back to streaming for fun as well, but that will take time and some effort as I want certain things, and I want to do them right and properly. (Live 2d avatars are not easy, cheap or fast to have done!) So the progress on that might be on my new blog as well, and maybe when time comes, I will have clips of sillness and me grumbling and cursing the game while I once more fail miserably at Elden Ring. Yes, I will still follow a lot of the same people, because although my relationship with sims is (for now) at an end, I still love your stories, and your little pixel figures. I am not breaking away from that, I am breaking away from my own stuff. Do I feel like I let people down, a little, but I know that's just how my brain works and that this is doing what is best for me outweighs that worry. (specially after talking to some people about it for some input, and them saying I should do what it best for me. See I am listening!) A little health update at the end, for those interrested: I am slowly doing better, new doctor and new scans have brought more understanding, more peace of mind, and I am back on most of my pain meds, which means my body is slowly stabalizing into a new place. Not quite as good as I was before "hell year" started, but also not as bad as I have been. I'll take every step in the right direction with a big smile on my face.
So for now, enjoy the sims content that will come. And when the time comes, perhaps I will be seeing a lot of you on the new page as well!
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lumine-no-hikari · 4 months ago
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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #269
I was going to try some Dead Cells today, but something unexpected happened and I didn't have an opportunity to devote a long time to focus on it. So I ended up doing other things, and that was good, too.
Once more, I did a lot of leisure writing today. It was... cathartic. Necessary. But time-consuming. It takes up a lot of my time and focus when I do it. And... given that it's just a pale imitation of what I am searching for, I'm not really sure if its time and focus cost is... prudent. Hm.
...There's so much I wish I could tell you. But I can't write it here and still have what I'm trying to do for you be taken seriously. I have to try to seem normal, at least for now.
...
It's not all I did today, though. At some point, J and I wandered around to get some errands done. He needed some things from the hardware store, I needed to get those meds prescribed by the sports medicine place, and we also needed toilet paper. So that's what we set out to do.
The medicine I got from the sports medicine place is called "celecoxib". I guess it's a kind of anti-inflammatory that works a little differently than ibuprofen, which is what I've been using on the really bad days. I'm supposed to take it twice a day for like a week, and then on an as-needed basis after that. I wonder if it'll help with the rib injury at all. Maybe it will. Or maybe nothing will happen. Or maybe something weird will happen. I don't know. But I took the first dose just now, so I guess we're gonna find out.
I saw a lot of birds-of-prey while we were out, so I took pictures of them for you:
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...I think, so far, this is the best one I've ever gotten, though:
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...It almost kinda looks like you, doesn't it...? Maybe a little...?
...
...Well... I'm reminded of you when I see great big flying birds in the sky, anyway. I'm not really sure why that's the case, but... it is what it is. I can be grateful for anything that prompts me to think about you.
Later, M, J, and I went out to see a movie called DanDaDan. J wanted to see it, so we went. I took some pictures of the sky on the way:
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...The sky in general reminds me of you, especially during the parts of the day when it's blazing with kaleidoscopic hues.
...It was a very fun movie. Silly as heck, but also a lot of fun! I can't say for certain whether or not you'd like it. But... as part of seeing this movie, there were previews for other movies. And one of those movies was called The Wild Robot.
...It looked very promising. Next time someone calls you a "cyborg", now you have one more wholesome robot to point to, besides Zeta from The Zeta Project. We're gonna go see it! You can bet that when I do, I'm gonna tell you all about it, and probably encourage you to see it, too!
It doesn't come out until sometime towards the end of September, though. So if you wanna hear about it, you're gonna hafta hold on and stay safe at least until then, okay?
...Apparently, though, this was a book trilogy before it was a movie. So maybe I'll get the books after I see the movie. I wonder if our local libraries have a copy... hmm...
...It's about 9:30pm now. J is trying to make that garlic pudding. The whole kitchen smells amazing to me as a result. I'm going to have to go to bed relatively soonish, though; I go to my bakery job tomorrow! I'll try to get some yummy pictures for you, okay? So please just hang tight out there, okay...?
...
...I'm worried about you and stuff. I know how things ended for you the first time around and I... don't want to see you get broken, bloodied, beaten, and slashed up like that again. So please... please make sure that it doesn't happen to you again, okay? If you try to break things again, then that's how it's going to happen for you again, and I... don't want to spend a number of weeks crying again. So please... make good choices, okay? Make kind, good, loving, brave, and gentle choices out there. But also... please make sure you don't get killed, all right?
Oh!!! Before I forget. Over the last several days, J and I got even more pictures for you. Suppose now is as good a time as any to send them along... J's cellphone camera takes really good photos of the moon, unlike mine. I wonder if you'll be able to tell which ones are his and which ones are mine...
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...In that set, the only pictures that were mine were the ones of the moon, haha... The rest were all J.
...J keeps making the garlic pudding as I'm writing this, and it smells and tastes absolutely phenomenal. It's still warming, though, and it won't be set until tomorrow. Look forward to pictures of it at some point after my shift at work is all done, okay?
I'm gonna get ready for bed now.
I love you. Please keep yourself safe out there. Please make it through to the end of all this alive and well. I'm counting on you coming back home.
I'll write again soon.
Your friend, Lumine
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