#and like. continue taking better care of myself in general so these issues don’t get any worse and i don’t do any more damage

[seventh-district]

CW: mention of death and health issues (but it’s in a relatively positive light, for once!)

[yokiidokii]

How would the gang react to a reader who constantly says sorry ? like for every stupid thing at the end of a sentence due to being Bullied majority of their life . So now I their adulthood it’s just kinda automatic “oop I’m sorry” even when it’s not necessary

My smile is immeasurable- I do this so often you have no idea. I have absolutely been worried about not knowing if I was gonna do the request just right. This is not one of those times. I did have a surprising amount of trouble with it though? Despite it being something I myself do constantly lmao, ah well I hope I did it justice!

Also hi! I was in college so this is so very late and I’m so sorry about that <3 My prof mentally threw me around like a rag doll and I came out with my brain fried.

Warnings: I don't think any? Maybe some general allusions to anxiety just because of the prompt itself? Andre mentions weed but uh- nothing else! Relatively safe<3

Reagan

I feel like she understands, I could see her thinking of it more in a like, a logical sense? Not like she doesn’t understand the more emotional side of it- she’s got her own issues. But in the like “Oh, usually when people do this it means they are scared of what people think and don’t like conflict. I’ll keep that in mind.”

She gets it, and I want to be absolutely clear- I cannot see her being one of those people saying “It’s fine.” Because like, for her it doesn’t feel like it ever really is? But she will be the person to help you feel like, it’s okay that you said it but know that you do not have to. You didn’t do anything wrong.

If you want to tell her the reason why you do this, apologizing and explaining she will feel for you. I mean we’ve seen her school experience, we had one friend and a buncha kids who were way older than you and treated her like shit. Also her father, very much her father.

She won't ever press you or act like you aren't trying harder to get better but she'll make sure in her own way that you know it's all gonna be okay one day.

One day you won't have to think about the past and everything will be okay <3

-

Andre

Andre may or may not have told you about his experiences with his family and how they really affected him.

You have probably also- at least once maybe seen him without drugs and how that can make him.

Long story short he is in no position to judge even if he for some reason wanted to.

Would offer you some weed

He means well and will not pressure you if you say no, though he will totally ask “Are you suuuureee?” because he cannot stress enough the wonders of medical marijuana

Whether or not you take it is up to you, but he will absolutely let you chill either in his office if you're at work or at his house- would come to your house to make sure your comfy if you need it<3

He is a loving man with lots of his own experience in this kind of regard and he will help you no matter what!

He is more than the drug guy though please literally let him be known for more than that he deserves it so any tips he's used to help himself out he will give to you.

A very caring man with his own issues and lots of advice and love to give if you'll have it~

-

Brett

Oh honey, this man? This man understands.

Brett will apologize after you do because both of you think that is is somehow both of your faults.

Though he will undoubtedly let you know in every way he possibly can that it is not your fault in any way and that he loves you.

He would absolutely mention therapy- it helps him! It might help you?

He would absolutely be holding your hand anyway and if you do apologize while it happens, he’ll squeeze it in his own and shoot you a quick “No need to be!” before continuing the conversation. He doesn’t wanna spend the whole time acknowledging it just in case putting too much attention on it in the open would embarrass you or make you feel worse.

But he will be there for you, and he will be listing off things that he’s learned to help him when he can’t stop doing it either.

-

Myc

I can see Myc start by just being a little bit sarcastic. Like he isn’t entirely sure why you do it just yet, but he doesn’t want you to be saying it and thinking that you did something wrong.

He gives those like “Oh yeah? You’re sorry?” and you know that if he had actual eyes, he would be giving you a look of ‘You really wanna do this rn?’.

And he will probably continue to do so even after he knows why.

He isn’t going to treat you differently per se, at least- he acts like he isn’t going to…

But you feel the tentacle that was already wormed around your waist squeeze just a little tighter before you end your sentence to remind you that you didn’t do anything, and you don’t need to apologize. 

I mean he gets it, he got bullied. He ended with a different outcome for himself, but he still understands. It sucks, and even if you don’t want to think about it or you don’t want to constantly feel like life is repeating itself over and over again but sometimes it’s just going to feel that way even if it isn’t.

Though Myc will be there to help you understand and work through all the woes of getting to inside your own head.

-

Gigi

She would raise her brow at it at first.

Hit you with that “Honey you didn’t do anything wrong.” and make sure you know that it’s all okay.

Is teaching you how she ignores her haters constantly, if you say anything about it not being on the same level and you start apologizing again, she is going to lovingly slap you in the face with her words (She would not lay a hand on you ever-)

Comparing yourself gets a “tsk tsk” from her and a long list of all the parts about you she thinks are beyond stellar.

Gigi would be very honest -like the most honest maybe- about whether or not you actually have anything to be sorry about. 

If you do, she’ll accept your apology but try to figure out a way to do it in a way that won’t encourage you to do it when you don’t actually have to.

And when you don’t, she places a hand on her hip and gives you a look, eyebrow raised just lightly in a ‘really?’ sorry of fashion.

She’s not questioning it; she knows it happened. But she’s asking if you really wanna do it, you know that she will no doubt spend her time talking your ear off about not doing this again.

She does it with the upmost amount of love I promise- but like,,

Do you dare question her? I wouldn't

-

Glenn

Okay. I don’t want to say Glenn doesn’t get it at first, but out of all of the people in the gang it feels right to say he might take the longest to adjust and learn how to handle it.

But just because he might not get it at first doesn’t mean he’s rude!!

It’s more of a “What? Why are you saying you're sorry? You didn’t do anything?” Kinda confused-

He’s a confused ol man, forgive him.

Though, he would understand the bullying thing like 100%

He’s no stranger to rude comments or being talked to as if he has no feelings, typical bully behavior even if he wouldn’t talk about it or call them bullies, just,,, assholes?

That and the feelings that come from thinking about those comments is something he understands, and something that he can try and a headspace he will gladly try to help you out of.

[veronicaphoenix]

Chapter tags & trigger warnings: swearing, talks about physical abuse, physical fight, implied depression, alcohol intake. | Word count: 3.1k | Cross posted on AO3 | Series masterpost. ✧.*

General trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction and violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised.

 “You’re no better than me, Noah!”  “I don’t give a shit. You touch her, you answer to me!”

Author's note: I'm so so sorry for taking ages to update this fic. I'm back to working on it now, and I plan on completing the missing chapters for this part during this month ^^ This is the baby of my fics and the first one I wrote with Noah, so it's very special and personal, and I can't wait to fully dive into it again and continue the story from Zutto. Thank you to each of you that are still following and keep supporting this story, it means a lot to me 🤍 (I don't even know if I had a taglist for part 2, but if you want to be tagged, please just let me know and I'll create a taglist for the upcoming missing chapters ^^).

“Oh, crap,” I heard Lia mutter from the kitchen. 

            I made my way from the studio and leaned out through the doorframe into the open kitchen. Lia stood by the island, still in her pajamas, her arms raised at shoulder level as she surveyed the scene before her. The scent of that morning’s breakfast still lingered in the air as she cautiously stepped back from the puddle of liquid on the floor.  

            “What happened?” I asked.

                She turned to face me, revealing a knocked-over bottle of juice and a sizable mess on the floor. Her clothes were stained, clinging to her skin. 

            “I’m sorry,” she apologized, taking a few more cautious steps away from the messed-up area before reaching the kitchen rag beside the sink. 

            I approached her, careful not to tread on the spilled juice, and took the rag from her hands.  

            “It’s alright. I’ll handle it. You go get changed.”

            Lia looked at me with a touch of helplessness, her shoulders slumping. 

            Five minutes later, her voice called out my name from the bedroom. I found her locked in the bathroom, the scent of her toiletries and perfume wafting out. When I entered the bedroom, she peered out from the bathroom door.

            “What is it now?” I asked. 

            “I need something to wear,” she said. “These pajamas need to get washed. Can I borrow one of your…?”

            Before she could finish, I had already nodded and made my way to the drawer. I pulled out the first t-shirt I found and handed it to her through the open bathroom door. She thanked me with a small smile before closing the door. 

            When she appeared in the hallway a few minutes later, with her hair gathered in a messy bun with two stray locks escaping from it and wearing white socks and my oversized t-shirt that fell down to her knees, I couldn’t resist eyeing her up and down. I couldn’t stop myself that time, and I could not stop myself later, when she’d reach for a cereal box placed too high in the kitchen cabinets and the hem of the t-shirt would ride up, revealing another slice of her thighs, nor when she’d walk and the fabric swayed, teasingly revealing more. The sight was too tempting.

            I’d seen her in less clothing before, at the pool, at the beach. Hell, she’d even changed outfits in front of me once clad only in her underwear. Yet, there was something different about seeing her in my clothes. I knew the details—her hidden nipple piercing, the scar on her waist. Yes, she had also worn my t-shirt many other times, even when we lived together in the past. But this time it felt singular. With us being home alone (Jolly off at a friend’s house), there was an inherent intimacy in having Lia here like this. She was my responsibility. I had to look after her. And I couldn’t help but think that this was what I had been doing all my life and what I wanted to keep doing. 

            “I’m a mess,” she muttered, looking defeated.  

            “You’re not,” I reassured her with a half-smile, wiping my hands on the rag.

            With a sigh and a rub of her hand across her forehead, she hesitated a moment before speaking. 

            “Do you think you could take me to Mitch’s house?” 

            The question caught me off guard, making me look down at her with a frown between my brows. 

            “To retrieve the rest of my things”, she clarified. “I want to get it done. He should be at work now, and I still have a spare key.”

            “I’ll go,” I offered.  

            “No,” she insisted firmly, shaking her head. “I’m not letting you go alone.”

            “You said he’s at work.”

            “He should be, but I don’t want to take chances.”

            “And I don’t want to take chances with you,” I asserted, trying to make her see my concern. Her features softened at my words.

            “I’m not taking chances with you, either” she replied, giving me that determined girl’s look that said that she wouldn’t change her mind, no matter how hard I might try. 

            This time, I was the one who sighed. I nodded and told her to get ready; we would leave in the next twenty minutes. 

If Lia had seemed confident and determined when suggesting that we go to Mitch's house to pick up her things, that attitude faded and her confidence waned as we neared the residential area. I noticed her shrinking back in her seat, fingers fidgeting in her lap. 

            While I wouldn’t have minded going alone and spare her the discomfort, I also didn’t want to overstep boundaries with her. Plus, after a little bit of thought, perhaps this final visit could help her find closure, putting an end to that chapter of her life… 

            Mitch was a fucking bastard, and I didn't think my desire to beat him up would lessen any time soon. At least it was satisfying to arrive at his block and find his trashed car. The boys had done a pretty good job. Lia, however, said nothing, her eyes fixed on the vehicle, her mouth slightly agape. 

            After a few moments, she blinked and shook her head, stepping out of my car and gesturing for me to follow. 

            We stood in front of Mitch’s apartment door. Lia attempted to insert the key into the lock, but her hands were trembling. I took hold of her wrist, relieving her of the keys to open the door myself.        Before entering, I squeezed her shoulder and reminded her that if she felt overwhelmed at any point, she could wait in the car, or we could leave immediately.

            I felt a swell of pride witnessing how Lia composed herself, focusing on the task at hand. 

            The house appeared even worse than when I had pulled Lia out from that toxic environment. Dirty dishes were piling up high in the sink, empty beer bottles were strewn about, cupboards were left open, and dirty laundry was scattered around. The apartment exuded a musty odor, and my heart ached at the thought of Lia having spent so many days under such conditions.  

            Lia had brought a couple of suitcases with her, and I had retrieved and folded two empty cardboard boxes I had found in the garage from the last merchandising order. We filled them with what was left of her clothes. Lia didn’t say, but I sensed that she had been afraid she would find that Mitch had burned her clothes or done something like that. Luckily, Lia’s clothes that had been left there were still in place. She gathered up her things and even a couple of mugs that belonged to her that she found at the bottom of one of the cupboards in the kitchen. 

            I excused myself briefly to take the heavy boxes to the car. 

            When I returned, I was greeted by the sound of cups shattering. I rushed to the kitchen to find Lia smashing everything in sight, her face contorted in anger.  

            “Hey, hey. That’s enough,” I intervened, first attempting to quell her destructive frenzy by restraining her hands, then encircling her waist to guide her away from the chaos she made of the kitchen. Tears welled in her eyes as I managed to pause her rampage, standing together amidst the wreckage. “Lia, enough. Let’s go. There’s no need to cause any more damage. The apartment is already a mess,” I urged, my voice firm yet gentle. “You won’t get anything from doing this.”

            “I don’t care. I want to wreck his life like he wrecked mine,” she retorted with a fierce tone. 

            “Lia,” I gently cupped her chin, waiting until her tear-filled gaze met mine. “He’s lost you. He can’t get any more miserable than that. His life is already in shambles.”

            A few sobs threatened to escape her. She reminded me of a small child in need of a hug and safety, things that her own mother had neglected her from. 

            “Why do you always have the right things to say?” she whispered, her voice strained with emotion.

            I shrugged, offering a faint smile. “Maybe it’s some sort of autopilot mode that kicks in when I see my best friend hurting.”

            With that, she let her head fall against my chest. After a few moments, her breathing steadied, and she released her grip on my hoodie, stepping back.

            “I'll check if there’s anything left in the bathroom. Then, we can go,” she declared, sniffing and wiping her face with her hands. 

            I nodded, watching her retreat before turning my attention to the task of loading the suitcases into the trunk of my car, leaving the door of the house ajar behind me. As I arranged the boxes and bags like pieces of a puzzle, the morning sunlight bathed the quiet street, where a few cars passed by and pedestrians enjoyed leisurely walks, unaware of the what we were going through.

            I decided to tidy up the car’s interior while I waited for her, clearing dust off the seats and ensuring there was no overlooked clutter. Lost in my task, I didn’t expect the sudden piercing scream that echoed from inside the apartment, followed by Lia screaming my name. Within a second, I bolted back inside. 

            Lia was trapped at the far end of the hallway, overshadowed by a figure much larger than herself, leaving her with nowhere to go. 

            Even before his voice reached my ears, I knew it was him. I’d recognize that bastard anywhere now. My muscles tensed at the sight. 

            “You thought I wouldn’t catch you sneaking back in?” he was saying to Lia. “Lucky for you, I decided to take a few days off because my damn car is fucking trashed! I step out for twenty mintues to grab some beer, and look who waltzes back into the house!” Mitch’s voice filled the hallway with venom.

            “Get away from her, now,” I grunted through gritted teeth. 

            Mitch turned to face me, his expression showing no surprise, but his eyes widened as Lia took the opportunity to slip past him towards me. Mitch made a clumsy grab for her, but I was faster and swiftly moved to shield Lia behind me.  

            “Well, well, if it isn’t Prince Charming,” Mitch sneered, his face contorted with malice. “Not surprised to see you here, considering you couldn’t leave the bitch’s mind for a second during our entire relationship.”

            “Watch your mouth, I warn you,” I replied, my finger pointing towards him.  “God knows I’m dying to break your face for what you did to her.”

            “Yeah. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she deserved what she got?”

            “Don’t you even dare,” I muttered, raising a finger. My breathing was becoming ragged, and Lia’s hand clutching at the back of my hoodie wasn’t helping. She was nearly pressed against me, and I could feel her own heartbeat against my back. 

            “What? You really didn’t?” Mitch questioned, raising his chin. “Of course everything she got, she got it because of you! Because you were always somewhere in that little head of hers! Wasn’t he, Lia? I’m sure you even thought of him while I fucked y—!”

            I charged towards him, a surge of raw emotion flooding my senses, an amalgamation of anger, fear, and protectiveness that suddenly threatened to consume me. Lia’s tear-streaked face loomed large in my mind, her pain igniting a fire within me, driving me forward with a fervor I had never known. When I launched myself at Mitch, I did so by grabbing his shirt. propelling us forcefully towards the wall. 

            “You son of a bitch,” he shouted.  

            “You’re a despicable piece of trash,” I spat back. 

            “You’re no better than me, Noah!”

            “I don’t give a shit. You touch her, you answer to me!”

            And it was about time that he fucking answered.  

            The words dripped with a venomous promise as I launched myself at him again. Every fiber of my being screamed with the need to protect Lia and to give this piece of shit what he deserved. Mitch’s fist collided with my face, splitting my lip and sending a jolt of pain searing through my body. But in that moment, the pain took a backseat to an overwhelming need to unleash all my pent-up rage. I hit him back. The surge of ferocity was foreign to me, but I had no intention to contain it.  

            “She’s nothing more than a fragile little thing, always needing her dear best friend Noah. But you couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else having her, either. Could you, Noah?!” Mitch’s loud voice reverberated with malice.  

            “Shut up!” I shouted back. 

            “No! I want to know. Have you fucked her yet?!”

            With a primal roar, I lunged at Mitch, my fists flying in a flurry of punches aimed at his face. The force of our collision sent us crashing to the ground, the impact jarring my already split lip, while Mitch’s bruises and cuts began to ooze blood.

            Every blow I landed carried the weight of months of pent-up frustration and fear, fueled by the knowledge that Mitch had been terrorizing Lia for far too long and that he didn’t seem to stop. His abuse had not only left Lia bruised and broken; it had shattered her spirit. 

            But it was Lia’s own rage that fueled and ended the fight. With every blow exchanged, I could sense her anger boiling over as she screamed at Mitch to stop hitting me while we rolled on the floor. With one last scream, Lia launched herself at Mitch, driving her foot into his chest and then delivering a forceful kick to his side, causing him to clutch his stomach. When he stood up and staggered backwards into the hallway, expecting Lia to retreat, she advanced with determined steps, and with a swift strike to his knee, she brought him crashing to the ground again. 

            “Don’t you ever touch Noah again,” she seethed.  

            Mitch lay sprawled on the floor, bloodied, and defeated. She spit on the floor next to him, cementing her resolve to end that right there right then.   

            “You’re doomed, Lia. Hate me all you want,” he said, checking his nose with a hand and checking the blood dripping from one of the nostrils. 

            “I don’t hate you,” Lia stated. “You don’t even deserve that from me.”

            “Whatever. You’ll be miserable for the rest of your life,” he said, clutching his stomach as blood dripped from his face onto his t-shirt. His left eyebrow began to swell. My knuckles hurt from the hitting, but fuck him. “Now, get out of my fucking house!”

            Lia threw the house key at him before returning to my side, seeking reassurance in my eyes. She wrapped an arm around my waist and together we made our way toward the door, stepping out into the sunlight, holding onto each other. 

            Back home, the adrenaline of the fight still pulsed through my veins as if refusing to let go. Lia moved with a sense of urgency, her movements almost automatic as she hurried to gather a first aid kit from the bathroom and tend to the split on my lip. I watched her, feeling a mixture of gratitude and frustration swirling within me. Gratitude because she was fine; she wasn’t hurt. Frustration because I still couldn’t erase the past, no matter how hard I had hit Mitch. 

            His words still echoed in my head, accusing every bruise on Lia’s skin as my fault. Maybe he was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have demanded her company so insistently or failed to accept her relationship to another man like the fucking I adult I was. 

            But I didn’t. 

            And now I had a split lip and a best friend grappling with the aftermath of an abusive relationship. 

            For a moment, rage threatened to boil over, and when Lia insisted on cleaning the wound for the third time after my dismissals, I snapped sharply at her. My voice came out as a harsh scream, causing her to flinch. Instantly regretting my outburst, I reached out to her.

            “I’m sorry…” I sighed. “I’m just… I should’ve done more.”

            “No,” she cut me off. “You shouldn’t have.”

            “Yes, I should’ve—!”

            “None of it was your fault. It doesn’t matter what he said.”

            We locked eyes and stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t even have to say it; Lia knew exactly what had been on my mind. 

            As I reached for her hand, gently stroking the back of it with my thumb, I asked her if she was hurt. She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt. 

            Sitting on the sofa, I lifted my head towards her, silently offering myself to her care.

            Lia raised my head with her fingers, and with her other hand, she clutched a piece of cotton damped with alcohol. Regardless of the stinging sensation, Lia’s touch was tender and delicate when she disinfected the cut. Despite the violence that had erupted just a while ago, she was able to be so sweet to me. As she cleaned the wound, silent tears began to fall from her eyes, and my heart ached at the sight of her pain materializing.

            I reached out to pull her into a hug, but Lia pulled away, refusing my comfort. Instead, she headed straight to the kitchen, discarding the blood-stained cotton in the bin and then opening the fridge, from where she retrieved a beer with trembling hands. I watched her, my heart heavy with concern, as she took a long swig from the can.

            “Lia,” I called out, but she didn’t respond. “Lia,” I pressed. “Come here, please.”

            Reluctantly, she came back and took a seat next to me, can still in her hands. I didn’t take it from her, but I made my disapproval clear.

            “You know that’s not the solution.”

            “I’m aware,” she replied, pretending to show that she didn’t care. 

            “Have you thought about what we talked? Going back to therapy? You haven’t called her, your therapist, have you?” 

            “Not yet,” she admitted with defeat, her head low, her eyes away from me. 

            “Why don’t you give it a try? You can always stop it if it doesn’t help or if you don’t feel comfortable. You can always talk to me, but I’m afraid I won’t be enough.” 

            At those words, she lifted her head to meet my gaze, her eyes telling me that I was wrong about myself. But successfully, she agreed to give therapy a chance and call for an appointment. 

            She lay her head on my shoulder. 

            I sighed softly, knowing that healing would take time, that the scars left behind by Mitch’s abuse ran deep. But in that moment, all I could do was hold Lia close, offering her the safety provided by my company. 

[canonizzyhours]

I wish we could, as a fandom, be more normal about how we treat people with character opinions that don’t line up with ours. I wish we could be better about walking away when we’re angry, acknowledging when our issues are getting the best of us, and recognizing that the people saying stupid shit are probably going through things too.

Let me elaborate with a story that’s too personal to relate off anon.

I hate Izzy. Have done since I watched season 1 back in 2022. I had an abusive father and my “friend” in college was abusive/sexually coercive, and even though I love the show, Izzy triggers the shit out of me because he’s reading from the same script as them. Season 2 was even worse when it looked like the show forgot how he behaved in season 1/his dehumanization of Ed/his continued lying. He was taken in by a crew that he never apologized to or tried to be good to, and it was SO similar to the way people in my life managed to make themselves blameless in the eyes of our communities. Even worse, it was like Izzy fans were coming out of the woodwork to gush over him and complain about how awful and abusive ED was!

I knew I couldn’t interact with people who thought Izzy was a faultless victim of Ed’s abuse without losing my mind or being a dick, so I didn’t. I still don’t. I block and ignore because that’s the best way for me to protect myself AND it’s the best way to avoid being the worst to Izzy fans. I bitch about Izzy to people who agree with me but I don’t go after the Canyon.

When I see absolutely shit takes that go on about Izzy being selfless and Good, Actually or blame all of the toxicity between Izzy and Ed on Ed alone, it’s tempting to make generalizations. It’s tempting to post baity responses along the lines of, “Anyone who thinks that Izzy’s not abusive lost the plot. I’m worried about them and the people around them. If they can’t tell that Izzy’s abusive, then they’re probably abusive themselves or AT LEAST trapped in an abusive situation.”

I don’t do that. I don’t know those people or their trauma. Maybe Ed reminds them of their abusers and they’re either not self-aware enough to realize that or just don’t care about how that could impact their view of the characters. Whatever their damage is, I’m only going to make the situation worse if I reply. Even if I reply in a tactful, thoughtful way, what’s the point in having a conversation? Odds are, we’re only going to end up ruining each other’s days.

I’m not perfect, but I’m trying. I wish we could all try to be more thoughtful about how we interact with and talk about the other people in this fandom. Maybe there’d be less hostility if we kept to our corners, avoided personal attacks, got in touch with the parts of ourselves that are still hurt, and recognized the potential hurt in others.

We should definitely keep talking shit about bad character interpretations though! That’s fun and sexy of us, I think.

#342.

[pommunist]

I don't wanna say this under my own name because I'm friends with too many Quackity fans, but god, everything about his actions just makes me think that what he cares about is just avoiding legal trouble and protecting his own public image

And maybe also about his friends to be fair

(I mean to his credit, I don't think he cares about money either)

He says he's doing all this for the viewers, but I guess that doesn't include the viewers who care about the French streamers or the French characters

And I don't see any hint of him genuinely caring about the workers. This is not how you treat someone you care about. He keeps implying that he can't talk to anyone because of "leaks" but what the fuck could be so bad about the "leaks" that it justifies this kind of disrespect? Why is this secrecy more important than the needs of the workers?

Nobody's asking him to reveal his biggest secrets to the workers, everyone is just asking for him to TALK to them at least, and hearing them out

He also says he can't talk because he doesn't want to make false promises, then just say that! Again, nobody asked him to promise them a job in the future, we just want him to be honest and respectful! Just tell them directly that you don't know yet and listen to their thoughts on the situation! Ask them how you can alleviate the inconvenience if it's within your means! Just talk to them like they're fellow adults who are capable of having a reasonable conversation! Because they are!

The union mentioned that some of the workers had basically been told by management that they should be grateful to be allowed to work for Quackity Studios and ngl, I wonder if this is not only the view of higher management but of Quackity himself too. That's the question I keep asking myself and not daring to say out loud: does he see the lower level workers as just fans who should be happy they were even allowed to participate at all?

- 🐧

First I never mind anonymous asks so no problem dont worry !

Second I tbh don’t want to assume what Q true intentions really are because heavy speculation isn’t productive and can lead to more stress in general. However I think that we can agree that he isn’t doing it all for the money, given that we’ve always known QSMP was never and problably even supposed to be a profitable thing (just the hosting and translation costs alone point to this).

That said, I do agree that everything that has been done up to this point and since Lea started to reveal things seems to be more damage control and trying to avoid legal issues than actually trying to be fair to the workers. This isn’t even speculation if you consider the sudden firing of Twitter admins and the silent towards all the other admins.

Obviously, when you’re a company or an individual you wanna avoid a lawsuit at all cost. It is a logical business move, morally I don’t agree with that mindset ofc, and I also feel like it’s a misunderstanding of the intentions of most of the admins.

I don’t know any of them personally but none of them, so far, have publicly said they wanted to take the legal route or even sue Qstudios. In fact, most if not all of them have expressed their love of the project and wished for it to continue with better working conditions. Some admins also said they didn’t care about getting paid, that volunteer work was fine if they had done it without the stress and pressure. Side note if it ever comes out that some admins want to take the legal route to make their rights be recognised and be compensated then my full support to them.

As if he is doing all this for preserving his image (i say IF) then what a terrible job he’s doing. I hope I’m making very clear that QSMP and Q’s image with french speakers fans (and non fans, and other French Ccs) is in literal ruins.

Also I feel like there was a genuine wish to add different cultures, I’m talking specifically about the French and BRs here, but an underestimating of the work it takes to actually merge people from different backgrounds and that it goes beyond just putting CCs from all over the world on minecraft with a translator. The fact that there was no FR, PT or KR speaking upper admin at all in the team baffles me to this day.

Worst thing is that we probably only know like a fraction of the overwork, miscommunication and intimidation that went on behind the scenes. Heart aches for all of those who went through it. All the love to them ♥️

[elliescardcollection]

I try not to let myself get too worked up over anger directed towards Abby or The Last of Us franchise in general. But since the show did so well and season two is coming, it simply cannot be avoided and I just have to rant for a moment; one of the most irritating arguments about The Last of Us Part II (imo) has to be “Joel just shot Abby’s dad, but she tortured Joel in front of Ellie… so Abby is bad” or “Abby just found her dads body, Ellie watched Joel die.”

Now, I’m one of the biggest Abby apologist out there and even I’m willing to admit, what Abby did to Joel is objectively worse. BUT the people who use this to justify Ellie and villainize Abby, drive me insane. We, as an audience, have all that information and we can make that assessment. However, Ellie and Abby do NOT know ANYTHING about each other. I genuinely don’t think she even fully realized Joel’s importance to Ellie. She let Ellie and Tommy live, which she knew could create issues in the future, but she chose not to kill/punish two ‘innocent’ people for what Joel did. KILLING HER FATHER. Abby is driven by vengeance and in the cruel world of the last of us, this is ‘justice’. it’s a theme through both the games and the tv show.

Abby found Joel and tortured him because she felt justified in making her fathers killer feel her pain. Ellie followed Abby and co. all the way back to Seattle and killed everyone who meant anything to Abby because she felt justified to make Joel’s killer feel the same pain. It’s not about who was more wrong.

The Last of Us Part II changed me in ways I cannot explain. The first time I played the game, I was so on board with Ellie. I felt so justified in killing Abby no matter the cost… and when she started torturing Nora in the same way they did with joel, I encouraged her. I remember thinking ‘It’s fictional, it’s a video game, it’s justice in this world and nora deserves it.’ It wasn’t until the end of Abby’s day two when Owen hits Abby with “maybe we stopped looking for the light” and shortly after it cuts to a dream. Not a nightmare like she had been having throughout the game, but a dream. Walking down that same dark hallway, but this time a bright, white light shining through the door to the operating room where she had found her dads body, only this time he was alive, smiling back at her. It clicked in my head, this was a real person to her. It wasn’t just some faceless npc, It was her father. He was her light. And joel took him from her. It FORCED me to look past my own bias and challenge my own beliefs and world views. It made me a better, more understanding and more empathetic person.

Ellie killed all of her friends and half of Seattle for the same reason that Abby killed Joel. And by the end Ellie still didn’t even know why Joel was killed to begin with. When she and Abby meet at the theater, she offers herself up to save Tommy. Saying, “I know why you killed Joel. He did what he did to save me. There is no cure because of me, I’m the one you want!” But Abby didn’t care about the cure, she cared about the people she loved and she JUST found Owen, who was arguably the most impactful (Seattle) death for Abby. The person closest to her, the person who held her when she lost her father, was killed by the people she chose to spare. And so the cycle of violence continues.

People are inherently selfish. We are narrowed minded creature who don’t often look outside of our own perspective. When Abby killed Joel, she was so focused on retribution, that the thought of her taking someone else’s light didn’t even cross her mind. Which is why the ending is so impactful to me. Ellie recognized it. She realized that if she killed Abby, she was taking something away from Lev. The same thing Joel did to Abby and the same thing Abby did to Ellie. Ellie ended the cycle.

TLDR: Ellie and Abby know nothing about each other and are viewing the events of the games exclusively from their own egocentric view. BOTH of them did awful things but BOTH were ‘justified’ in their actions, regardless of who was more at fault.

[uselessheretic]

sorry if this is out of left field, but i’ve been thinking abt it for a while…i would consider myself a passive izzy enjoyer and i am not at all an “izzy loved the toe cutting” person, /however/, I feel like you (the general you, not you specifically) can’t deny that he was happy about it after the fact? like the next day the “blackbeard is himself again” line he is definitely jazzed abt that and part of the demonstration that blackbeard is himself is the toe mutilation

also i’ve been wanting to ask more active izzy lovers/supporters, again i enjoy the man and am interested to see where his story goes but i will never ever forgive him for what he did to ed when he was trying to heal, is that something izzy stans don’t think about? don’t care about? take it as a given that everyone agrees was fucked up it so it just never gets brought up? sorry i’m not trying to put you in any specific group if you don’t want to be or assume where you stand but i enjoy reading your meta so was interested if you had any thoughts about it

i feel like a lot of it is up to interpretation! there's not generally one opinion held on things, and i've seen different ways people have read those scenes.

i know that i've seen quite a few people challenge the idea that izzy is "happy" when he does his "blackbeard is himself again" but it's really just how you read it. when you look at how he smiles there, it feels kinda? off?? forced. honestly, i don't think he's actually glad about it, but i also don't think izzy is aware that he's not. i feel like a lot of his emotions ep10 is very mixed up and muddy where he's largely acting from an emotional place while not even knowing what that place is. whether he's actually glad in the moment is something you can read multiple ways imo, but i do feel like even if read as "he's happy this happened" most izzy people would still be like "but that's not gonna last." what izzy thinks he wants isn't in line with what he actually wants, and i expect that to come to a head in s2 as izzy's forced to address the actual root of his issues surrounding ed.

as for the being cruel to ed when ed's sad, again, i just think that's up to the fan. one place izzy stans defs differ is that the majority of them don't view whatever ed was doing as healing. i think it's a mixed bag personally, where ed's first reaction to heartbreak of doing things like reaching out to lucius is good! but it's not perfect where he really comes off like the drunk girl crying in the bathroom when singing his song to the crew. it's definitely better than the fucking kraken though lol but even with ed's song you can see how his interpretation of lucius' "let go and be born again" goes a bit over his head and straight back into suicide ideation. the talent show and the crew's agreement towards it feels kinda like damage control, and another continuation of ed being avoidant to his actual issues. he never actually mentions stede during this time and the first time his name comes up is with izzy who's being an absolute cunt, but it evokes a strong reaction from ed. i don't think ed would be happy if anybody mentioned stede.

in general though, i feel like it is kinda taken as a given that izzy's actions were fucked up, but that it's not on the same level as the way people in fandom talk about it. izzy was being purposefully cruel. he was trying to hurt ed. there can be some reasoning behind it, about whether ed's behavior is threatening their lives or that izzy's acting out from feeling abandoned yadda yadda yadda, but it doesn't excuse it anymore so than it excuses ed's actions in retaliation.

the show is about imperfect people where characters like stede and ed in another show would be straight up villains. stede's literally a deadbeat dad who abandoned his family. if this story was from alma's pov we'd want him dead. ed made fang kill his dog! that on its own is almost always considered an irredeemable offense that automatically excludes a character from redemption, but it doesn't in ofmd. izzy's actions are bad, but they're no worse than stede or ed's. i feel like fans just take it as another continuation of how fucked up ed and izzy's relationship is where you can see the way that they escalate throughout the season dragging each other down deeper.

there's no need to justify it or defend it because why would there be? he fucked up and was a dick. for a lot of izzy stans, that doesn't exclude him from sympathy though. it's just adding flavor to the everything bagel of their cringefail marriage.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, an INTP here. Lately I have encountered a situation which I couldn’t determine whether it is Ne indulgence and I lose track of my introverted functions or if there are other issues behind the surface. I think it would be better to receive some comment on it and I wish you could help.

I have been concentrating myself on academic results more than I used to, I think it is partly out of the urge to strive for a better future, another part of it is that I feel like I cannot fall behind my classmates as I don’t want to seem incompetent to the people around me. This idea grew stronger after my mother claimed that I would end up being a useless member of society because I didn’t have a “proper” attitude towards my academic results. I could be taking her words too seriously but I keep thinking I should prove her wrong. When there’s a task I could mimic an unhealthy ENTJ unconsciously and temporarily. I become hasty, impatient, judgemental, I overlook details so I can get thing done within the least possible amount of time, shut away the monologue I always have in my mind to focus on what I’m doing, disregard others’ opinion because I think my idea is the best. I read theories that a person could act like their shadow when they are stressful, it seems like what I experienced.

At the same time, I spent a lot of energy on socialising with my classmates. I enjoy it at some point, they are interesting people and I think I should pay more attention to them, but when I got time to reflect alone afterwards, I feel fatigued by all the social interactions. After I returned home, all that I am left with is tiredness and I don’t want to speak with anyone anymore, every single sound I hear could frustrate me even if they are simply words of care. I feel a need for rest, but when I do rest I binge watch repetitive Mary Sue stories that pop up on my social media feeds. I know they do not convey deeper meanings, but I am becoming addicted to these meaningless stories that do not require any true thoughts to process and I could shut down my mind.

I believed I maintained a good work-life balance, and this is a good way of life I should continue, but now as I took advice from my friend and spend time on long novels I could truly enter a flow state within, I think I actually overemphasised on external validation and failed to see what I really needed. Returning to the original question, it seemed like I was escaping reality with unhealthy Ne that keeps me wasting time on unproductive things, exploiting my energy to seek out ‘new’ information that are actually repetitive and superficial, forcing myself to open up Fe even when I actually wanted space for myself; but I am not entirely sure about my statement. Thanks for your time and effort, any insights that could be drawn from it are appreciated.

-----------------------

Generally speaking, if you believe you're experiencing Fe grip in part because of misusing Ne, then you ought to develop Ne and learn to use it more appropriately, consult the Type Dev Guide.

It seems you are always being pulled around by things outside you, such as your mother, your friends, or those mary sue stories. What does that mean? Perhaps it means you have little substance and you use those things as a poor substitute. You are like a leaf being blown around by the wind, with no control over where you go.

The remedy to being driven only by extrinsic factors is to nurture intrinsic motivation. Who are you really? What do you really want out of life? What are your values? What do you stand for? What do you have to offer? What about you matters? What greater aspirations or ideals do you commit yourself to? If you can't answer any of these questions, it means you haven't gotten very far in development and, as a result, don't have any meaningful direction or purpose in life. When you have no real identity as a person, how can you be anything but an easy victim of circumstance?

If you want to take more control over life and have a better sense of direction, then start by committing yourself to more meaningful activities, especially activities that would allow you to make the best use of the gifts you've been granted. Yes, there is a difference between "rest" and "escape". You speak as though you have no control over those repetitive activities, but you made the choice to do them, and you're now starting to realize that the "reward" is actually harmful to you. You could choose better activities instead. To realize more of your potential and grow as a person often involves giving up immediate gratification for a greater goal and making tough decisions about how best to spend your time.

[self-loving-vampire]

From a game balance perspective I do understand why so many games try to limit how many augmentations players can get by dangling the “Cybernetics Eat Your Soul” trope over them and taking away their humanity points (and, in Shadowrun, also their magical ability). This “humanity” metric is often directly tied to empathy, which certainly has... Implications.

Here’s one page of the Cyberpunk TTRPG manual.

Like... Why does it even work like this?

Let’s assume that getting fancy prosthetics and body modifications somehow removed your empathy. Kind of strange to tie your morality and decency to how many body-altering surgeries you have had (trans and disabled people are just doing it wrong apparently) but let’s just roll with it.

1- Why is empathy treated as a defining human fundamental anyway when there’s humans in real life who were either born without it or who lost it at some point for a variety of reasons? 

It just seems like another manifestation of the idea that abnormal empathy makes people somehow subhuman.

I may not be very attached to humanity myself (for entirely different reasons) but this still seems like a very bad place to draw a boundary between humans and non-humans.

2- A lack of empathy is not the same as a general lack of emotions. People with below-average empathy can be just as emotional as anyone else, the difference is that they just don’t also feel other people’s emotions.

3- Most importantly, low empathy by itself doesn’t translate to “I’m going to go on an irrational and self-destructive murder rampage for no reason.” 

This is really just the new “Without religion people will just go on random murder sprees.” 

I don’t even know how to explain to people that low empathy is not the same as the sadistic, pointless violence people just assume of the trait without ever actually thinking about it. 

A lack of affective empathy is not the same as malice or hatred either. All it means is a reduction or lack of the usual emotional flow from other people towards you. It doesn’t even necessarily mean you don’t value other people or don’t care about them, just that their emotions don’t become your own and may be difficult to understand/relate to.

This really just feels like the usual mental illness stereotypes but with added bio-essentialism.

I strongly prefer the approach of Eclipse Phase, which is a science fiction game with a more distinctly transhumanist bent. It is also not perfect but in that game altering and customizing your body however you wish is just normal, as is uploading yourself to exist without a body or downloading yourself into an entirely separate body.

The worst thing that happens if you do something as drastic as literally switching to a whole new body is that it takes time to get used to the differences, particularly if the new body is dramatically different from the previous one, and experience some mental stress from the loss of continuity of self.

In other words, problems that are actually understandable and interesting. 

You had to download into an undesirable body that doesn’t suit you at all because it was the only thing available at the place you had to transmit your mind to? Congratulations on the body dysmorphia, it’s stressful but you probably won’t just go on a homicidal rampage.

In fact, I find the setting of this game extremely useful when explaining transness to people in real life.

It also deals with issues relating to identity and what the self even is much better than cyberpunk fiction typically does. Your character is not their body, they are the information contained within. As a result, it is even possible for them to exist without any body at all.

The average person in this setting has a set of standard bio-augmentations (such as the ability to live on 3-4 hours of sleep and immunity to all normal diseases, including cancer) plus cranial computers and medical sensors. This doesn’t turn anyone evil and there is no humanity stat.

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

Compromises

(This chapter, despite being shorter than some I’ve written before, was incredibly difficult. I struggle to remember dialogue between two characters, and I’m over here just chucking in characters to conversation like it’s Smash. No vore in this, mostly just talking, ranting, etc. with character interactions.)

Word Count: 6339

Unlike Mammon, Solomon wasn’t worried that I was going to slip and end up down the sink drain, so it took no convincing for me to be left to my own devices once I was placed on my bathroom counter. I could hear him and Belphie talk past the ajar door, but I couldn’t discern anything more than Belphie’s disgruntled tone. I didn’t really care anyways.

I spent a minute angrily muttering to myself while I tried to figure out how I was going to get in and out of the sink, deciding to just push my hairbrush so that the handle clattered to the bottom of it, creating a slope I could use to get back out to the counter.

“Kat? Are you okay,” Solomon called out from the bedroom.

“Yeah,” I shouted back, caught off guard by his shout. I guess it’d make sense for him to ask about any sudden noises given that I could probably trip off the counter if I was being risky near the edge. “Just moving stuff around!”

“Alright, just let me know if you need anything and give a shout when you’re done.”

“Can do!” I made sure that the hairbrush wouldn’t shift under my weight. And, once I was satisfied with it, I turned on the warm water to a pressure that wouldn’t have me battered under the stream of water. I spent several minutes using my citrus handsoap to scrub saliva off myself and my clothes, even though I had a fresh outfit on the counter. I didn’t really want to be touching drooly clothes in general.

During my pseudo-shower, I stewed in irritation and anger. I was a tad pissed off right now.

I felt a bit better by the end of it, sighing in relief as I turned off the water and got dressed in the clean, dry spare outfits that Lucifer had gotten me for my shrunken state. They didn’t fit exactly, but it was better than only wearing one change of clothes for who-knows how long. Slightly less stressed, I ran a hand through my hair to help it dry and called out, “I’m done, Solomon!”

“Coming.” Solomon’s voice preceded the sorcerer walking into the bathroom, his eyes taking a second to properly land on my spot on the bathroom counter. Walking up to the sink, he said, “I keep expecting you to be bigger.”

“Mm, sorry to disappoint,” I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. “Apparently my flavor doesn't though. Is the bastard still here?”

“Belphie? Yeah, he’s been sitting on your bed while we waited for you to finish,” Solomon began to lower his hand to the edge of the counter, frowning when I flinched slightly. After a pause, he continued, flipping his hand over to offer his palm for me to climb into. “Do you want him out of your room?”

“Not yet,” I forced myself to climb into his hand, trying to ignore how hyperaware I was of his fingers. Sitting down so that I wouldn’t be struggling for balance, I began to feel the heat of anger bubble up again. “I want to give him a piece of my mind real quick.”

“Fair enough.” Solomon walked back to my main room, flicking off the bathroom light behind him as he closed the door. Like he’d said, Belphie was still sitting on my bed, arms crossed over his chest as we approached. He already looked like he’d gotten some kind of talking to from Solomon if his drooped ears were any indication. Surprisingly, the demon was the one that spoke first.

“Sorry, Kat,” Belphie said quietly, reluctantly. The kind of apology given when your parent tells you to apologize for something stupid that you don’t want to apologize for. “I shouldn’t have eaten you…”

I blinked a bit in surprise. Honestly, this was more than I was expecting given his track record of stubbornness issues. That didn’t temper my ire though.

“‘You shouldn’t have eaten me’?...” I repeated quietly, almost in disbelief, a million thoughts racing through my head. Narrowing my eyes, my ears flattening and the fur on my tail bristling was the only indication before I shouted angrily, “You knew you shouldn’t have eaten me! That’s the whole fucking problem! You were in full control of yourself and you willfully ate me!”

“You were fine! I used the stupid protection spell,” Belphie retorted, looking far more uncomfortable than under any yelling from Lucifer that I’d seen.

I felt Solomon’s hand twitch beneath me as I stiffened at the demon’s response, now understanding the phrase ‘seeing red’.

“STUPID?!” I leapt to my feet, ignoring the surprised noise from Solomon as I did so. Feeling like I wanted to throw something, I stomped an angry circle on the sorcerer’s palm, exclaiming, “Pinche pendejo cabrón!”

Whirling back around to face Belphie after a second of pissed off pacing, I pointed towards him. “If anything’s stupid right now, it’s you! Without that ‘stupid’ protection spell, I could have been injured or died! Or did you already forget the fact that I came out of Beel yesterday with my skin inflamed? If it wasn’t for Solomon’s protection charm, I would have had proper burns, and I wasn’t even inside of him for an hour!

“Not only did you eat me of your own volition, ignoring my concerns about it several times with blatant disregard,” I raised two fingers as I began to count his bullshit, quickly reaching a full hand. “You probably almost bit me by talking with me in your cheek, rolled over to lay on me once I was inside, and fell asleep! Did you know that I wasn’t going to crushed by that? Your entire fucking body weight on top of me? Or did you not think about it? Were you just cool with the possibility of me being hurt or killed? Again.”

Belphie’s ears were flat against his head at this point and his gaze averted. The demon opened his mouth, but I interrupted him before he could try to respond or justify himself.

“KSST!” I hissed through my teeth angrily, the sound a mix between mimicking a spray bottle and a hiss, snapping my fingers once along with the noise. A habit of cat ownership to catch a naughty feline’s attention. “I don’t want to hear it! The amount of selfish nerve you’ve shown today doesn’t deserve an explanation! You’re fucking lucky that nothing bad happened, and that Solomon was supposed to show up today to take a look at the protection charm. Now, give Solomon my phone.”

Belphie hesitated a moment before reaching for my device that he’d tossed earlier on the bed, holding it out to Solomon who leaned over for a second to grab it with his free hand.

Not taking my eyes off of Belphie, I crossed my arms over my chest and straightened. “Solomon, call Lucifer.”

“You know he won’t go easy on him,” Solomon said, aware of the complicated relationship between the two after the whole trapping Belphie in the attic situation when I first got here.

“Good,” I snarled, earning me the sight of Belphie’s ears flattening further.

There was a tense few seconds of silence as Solomon presumably called Lucifer, both of them knowing that I never called Lucifer unless I was truly pissed off. There was the sound of ringing from my phone behind me before it stopped.

“Kat? Is something wrong?” Lucifer asked in concern. “You usually text if you need something.”

I gestured for Solomon to bring the phone closer to me without taking my glare off the demon on my bed, seeing the side of my phone in my peripherals after a moment. Narrowing my eyes at Belphie, I asked, “Do you happen to know where Belphegor is right now?”

There was a second of silence. My tone made it obvious that this was a rhetorical question and I knew exactly where the demon in question was, something Lucifer picked up on very quickly. And wasn’t happy about.

“I’ll be right there,” Lucifer growled in a way that would have a shudder running down my spine if I wasn’t angry.

A click as he hung up and I mentally counted down from five.

“BELPHEGOR.” Lucifer’s voice rang out in my room as the Avatar of Pride appeared in a puff of black smoke in my room, more curling around his shoulders as he restrained from his demon form. He seemed to do a double-take when seeing the sorcerer holding me though, anger turning into surprise and confusion. “Solomon?”

“Lucifer,” Solomon greeted the demon chipperly.

“Look, I’ll explain Solomon later,” I spoke up before anyone else could. Lucifers gaze turned to me immediately, concern falling to relief as he glanced me over. And confusion, confusion that I was happy to dissipate by clarifying the situation. Gesturing to Belphie on my bed, I said, “Someone decided that it’d be oh so very funny to skip classes for the day and eat me.”

Lucifer’s expression quickly darkened, glancing between all three of us as he briefly thought over the situation, turning to face the youngest demon. With barely restrained anger, he asked, “Belphegor? Is that true?”

He didn’t doubt me based on his tone. He just wanted an admission from Belphie. Who, to his credit, didn’t even try lying to Lucifer’s face.

“Yeah, I ate them- OW OW OW!” Belphie yelped as Lucifer quickly closed the distance between them and grabbed his earlobe.

“MY OFFICE. NOW,” Lucifer said firmly, now in full demon mode. The mix of horns and wings with his tail and ears was an odd sight, but it didn’t make him any less dangerous as he began to yank Belphie out of my room by his fox ears.

“You don’t have to grab my ear!”

The sound of Belphie’s protests and Lucifer’s angry hissing faded as Lucifer dragged the other demon down the hall.

I sighed once everything was silent, shoulder slumping tiredly as I pinched the bridge of my nose, my other hand lowering to rest on my hip. I could feel my tail continue to flick back and forth but I couldn’t be bothered trying to stop it.

“Are you okay?” Solomon’s question caught my attention, an ear tilting towards him before I turned around to face him.

“No, Solomon, I’m not,” I replied. Taking a deep breath to try and keep my emotions in check as I came off the adrenaline high from yelling at Belphie. “It’s been a rough week. If you’re able to take a look at the bracelet, I can tell you all about it.”

“Sure, let me put you down first,” he nodded, taking a step towards the bed before I stopped him.

“Oh, we can use the table,” I suggested, gesturing to the table I doubled as a desk. “That way you don’t have to sit on the floor or whatever while looking at it.”

“Good point,” Solomon said in approval, turning to walk to the table. He lowered his hand for me to hop off of, and when I did he gestured in the air, summoning something akin to jeweler’s glasses with several magnifying lenses on the side. Putting them on, he instructed, “Alright, take a seat and hold out your arm.”

I did as told and Solomon leaned forward. Using an index finger to help prop up my wrist, he flicked down a couple of the magnifying lenses to get a better look at it. This was claustrophobic in a whole new way, but I pushed the feeling aside.

“Alright,” the sorcerer produced a pair of precision tweezers, the kind that ended in an L-shape. He began to tap the metal of my bracelet gently and turn it on my wrist while continuing, “So, what happened? I don’t think I’ve seen you that angry, not for a while at least, and you mentioned Mammon and Beel earlier.”

“Yes. Yes, I did,” I rubbed my face tiredly with my free hand for a moment, absentmindedly watching him twist my bracelet to look it over as I explained. “Mammon decided it’d be a great idea to try and prank you guys for turning the brothers into half-animals, even though it wasn’t on purpose. He told me his plan, showed me the vial, and we got into a scuffle that ended up with the vial breaking and spilling on me. Since it was supposed to affect humans and angels, I got turned into this.”

I spent the next half hour filling Solomon in on the last few days, from Lucifer, Mammon and I not telling the others about Mammon losing his instincts and eating me to the ball being dropped yesterday when Beel also ate me. And, starting to talk about today, I began to feel it reignite my anger.

“And then, as I start trying to tell him how dangerous it is, he fucking brushes off all of my concerns,” I exclaim angrily, hands gesturing at my outburst. “Like, the sheer fucking audacity to just tell me to calm down!”

“If you keep moving your wrist, I’m never going to be able to find the issue,” Solomon gently scolded, glancing from my wrist to me. It almost looked comical with the magnifying glasses making his eye look bigger.

“Right, sorry,” I sighed, reigning in my emotions and placing my wrist back on his index finger. Realizing I’d just sort of vented about the last few days, I said, “Thanks again for coming… Sorry you got caught up in all this and got stuck listening to me rant.”

“It’s fine. I just wish you or Lucifer had told me about this sooner. I would have tried to take into account your new size,” Solomon said, resuming his work on the bracelet. “I’m glad I came when I did though, because you might have ended up inside of Belphie all day otherwise.”

“Yeah, I’d rather not think about the alternatives,” I huffed and closed my eyes tiredly for a few seconds, exhausted at the thought. My ears twitched a second before I realized I could hear distant footsteps getting closer past the wall, opening my eyes and looking towards the door right before it opened and Lucifer walked in. A bit nervous now that my anger was gone for the time-being and I hadn’t told him about Solomon before this, I hesitantly greeted, “Hey, Lucifer.”

“Kat, Solomon,” the demon nodded to the sorcerer as the man glanced up for a moment. Lucifer walked up to the table and hovered behind Solomon’s shoulder to watch.

“I was just updating Solomon about the last few days,” I informed him, expecting him to berate me for not letting him know about Solomon’s visit. But, he didn’t. Whether it was because I obviously called the other human to take a look at the bracelet or because I’d just been eaten again, I wasn’t sure.

“Are you alright,” Lucifer ignored my statement in favor of asking about my wellbeing, brow furrowing a bit in concern.

“I’m fine,” I huffed and nodded, not missing the brief glance Solomon threw my way. “I feel better after yelling at Belphie. I just need time to process it, that’s all.”

I already felt a bit embarrassed about ranting to Solomon today, I didn’t really feel like more heart to hearts right now. Not to mention, I was starting to feel really fucking hurt by Belphie’s actions without the distraction of being pissed off. I definitely felt a lot more betrayed than with Mammon or Beel since they didn’t do it on purpose. But, trying to shake off the unpleasant feeling, I asked, “Where’s Belphie?”

“In my office,” Lucifer’s expression darkened at the mention of the other demon. “Where he’ll remain until the others get home from classes. I’m sure they’ll all have something to say about his rash and dangerous behavior. Has there been any progress on your charm?”

“You’d have to ask Solomon,” I nodded toward the other human, who hummed for a second at being mentioned.

“What about me?” Solomon asked, still twisting my bracelet carefully around my wrist.

“Lucifer wants to know if there’s been any progress.”

“Ah.” The sorcerer blinked a bit as he pulled his attention from my wrist. Retracting his index finger and tweezers, he reached up and pushed the jeweler's glasses from his eyes to rest in his hair. “Unfortunately, no, not really. The charms I had used were intricate, and Kat’s current size is making it difficult to get a good look at any of them.”

“So, you don’t know why I can’t take it off,” I asked, fiddling with the clasp a bit absentmindedly despite knowing it wouldn’t do anything.

“Or why the protections don’t work fully?” Lucifer added, crossing his arms over his chest with a displeased frown.

“Well, I have an idea of what caused both of those,” Solomon shifted in his seat to look at Lucifer a bit more, trying to face both the demon and I from his chair. Crossing an arm over his chest, he held a hand to his chin thoughtfully and continued, “I wasn’t expecting the bracelet to reach such a small size, so I took no precautions against the spells compressing. And, with how quickly it’s meant to resize in case Kat decides for some reason to only put it on in emergencies, the rapid compression likely fractured a few spells.”

“You can fracture spells,” I blinked in surprise. I knew you could outright break them, or weaken, but fracture was new.

“Yes,” the sorcerer nodded. “The spells are still there, they retain their original potency if I’m sensing them right, but because the pieces are cracked and fractured, the protection isn’t complete.”

“Can you fix them,” Lucifer’s frown deepened, gesturing towards me with a black gloved hand. “Given the events of this week so far, I worry for Kat’s safety without a permanent charm on them.”

Solomon leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Not right now. Not at its current size. I need to unclasp it or break it free to let it return to normal size so I can fix it and recharm it. In the meantime, I suggest Kat stays at Purgatory Hall until they can be returned to normal.”

“Unacceptable,” Lucifer immediately replied, shaking his head as a frustrated growl left his throat and sent a shiver down my spine. “With Mammon’s tomfoolery, returning them to normal will take even longer than it’s been for us. Besides, I don’t want to drag anyone else into this nonsense.”

“It might be best to at least tell the others and Diavolo,” I suggested, gaining the attention of both men. Lucifer already looked like he was about to disagree, but I added, “They’re not going to believe I’m sick much longer, and if they do then they’ll think it’s something life-threatening. They’ll probably try to break into the manor if it comes to that for a surprise visit, and it’ll be less of a shock if we tell them compared to if they just come across me being tiny.”

“They’re not wrong. I’ve had to prevent SImeon and Luke from coming over to check on them because I didn’t want to make whatever sickness it was worse before I found out they weren’t sick,” Solomon confirmed with a nod. “I’m sure everyone will be relieved, even if they’re not happy about being lied to.”

There was a period of silence as Lucifer narrowed his eyes, eventually sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ll inform Diavolo that I need to speak with him and the angels urgently then. I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to let us use the council room to be discreet.”

Frowning in confusion, I asked, “Why not just tell them to meet here?”

“If I suggest meeting here, at least one of them is going to try and sneak in a quick visit before seeing me.”

“Point taken,” I replied, starting to realize how brash my entire friend group could be. “Can I see them afterwards though?”

Lucifer's expression became conflicted, obviously wanting to decline. But, before he could answer, Solomon spoke up.

“You know, Lucifer, keeping Kat isolated from everyone isn’t going to help in the long run. You said it yourself, we don’t know how long it’ll take until any of you are back to normal. It’s not fair to Kat to not let them see anyone,” Solomon said, glancing back at me.

I definitely appreciated the backup. Lucifer wasn’t exactly the demon I spoke up against the most, and being small with rodent instincts didn’t help.

“I suppose you’re right,” the demon huffed, concern etched all over his face still. Looking at me, he stated, “I can’t deny you visitation from Lord Diavolo, SImeon, and Luke once I’ve informed them of the situation. I’d like them to not stick around too long, however. Mostly because I think it’ll be overwhelming for you to have multiple of us towering in your room.”

Nodding in agreement, I said, "Probably. But, it'll be nice to see them after days holed up in here. As much as I like the break, I feel like I'll get stir-crazy by the end of the week."

"I'm sure they'll be glad to see you as well, and more than a little relieved… Perhaps a bit worried in a different sense, as well." Lucifer looked like he wasn’t looking forward to informing the others and I could only imagine the potential questions they’d bombard him with.

“I don’t just mean Diavolo, Barbatos, and the angels,” Solomon interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest while Lucifer and I both gave him looks of surprise. Raising an eyebrow, the human added, “The other brothers and Kat should also still be able to coexist and hang out with each other when they want.”

“Solomon, I’ve been eaten three separate occasions, and it’s not even the end of the week,” I held up three fingers to emphasize my point. As much as I loved the brothers, being around most of them right now felt dangerous.

“True. I can’t really deny that fact. But, when the brothers first turned into their more animal selves, they also wanted to eat you at the start, right,” Solomon asked, glancing between Lucifer and I as though to see if either of us would deny that. Which, we couldn’t. I’d spent most of that afternoon trying to avoid being bitten. Mostly by the ever-hungry Beel.

“Yeaaaah?” I hesitantly replied, narrowing my eyes skeptically.

“Where are you going with this, Solomon,” Lucifer also seemed unhappy with the potential implications from Solomon's question, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Where I’m going with this is that you and the rest of the demon brothers managed to restrain your instincts after a few hours, and it probably got easier as time went on,” the sorcerer said, gesturing to me. “It seems like Kat being affected by the vial reset some of that progress given their new size, but keeping them away from the others like this just means that none of you are getting used to the returned strength of your instincts again.

“Short of keeping them locked away for who knows how long, which we’ve agreed isn’t the best course of action, trying to get the brothers used to being around Kat again is the best way to diminish some of the danger.”

My face was pulled into a grimace at Solomon’s suggestion, ears flattened nervously as I struggled to even think of what to say to that. I couldn’t really think of how to disagree with anything other than my own feelings of apprehension and betrayal, eventually breaking the couple seconds of tense silence, “Solomon… I know you think you have my best interests in mind, but-.”

“I agree,” Lucifer interrupted me, catching me off guard with his agreement.

“Wha- Lucifer?!” I exclaimed, looking at the demon. He looked none too happy with siding with Solomon, seeming like he downright despised it as he blinked in surprise at my shout.

Letting out a heavy sigh that sounded like a borderline growl, the Avatar of Pride reluctantly repeated, “I agree. Unfortunately. If we keep you away from my brothers, not only will they never strengthen their control of their instincts, but it’ll regress their restraint and discipline without you around. It increases the chance of incidents sharply when one of them inevitably tries to visit and check up on you.”

“I-eh-gah,” I struggled to think of a good response, becoming more frustrated before eventually groaning and burying my face in my hands for a second. Looking back up at the demon, I said, “Fiiiine. But not fucking today. I think I’ve had enough potential for ‘incidents’ to last me a month.”

“Don’t worry,” Lucifer chuckled bitterly. “You won’t have to worry about it today or even tomorrow, but we will have to figure out how to reintegrate you with the household again. Especially since I doubt you want to remain marooned on your comforter.”

When I didn’t muster up any arguments, he turned and walked to my bedroom door, leaving and adding over his shoulder, “I’ll inform Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, and Luke about the urgent meeting and head to the council room.”

“Have fun,” Solomon said in amusement as Lucifer left before turning in his chair to address me again. “I’m sure you and the brothers will be able to return to some semblance of normalcy.”

“We’ll see,” I replied, leaning back on my palms with a sigh. “If they keep eating me, I find that hard to believe. I was kind of enjoying the slower pace of everything, but then Beel ate me yesterday and Belphie today. I got two days of reprieve since being small and three days of havoc.”

“All the more reason to move ahead with slowly reintegrating you with the rest of the manor,” he reached his hand down towards me, holding his index finger for me to put my wrist back on.

“Ugh, I guess you and Lucifer are right… Still not happy about it right now,” I huffed, sitting up and extending my wrist to place back onto the tip of his finger as he leaned forward, flicking the jeweler’s glasses back down over his eyes and touching the metal on my wrist with the tweezers again. It was still a weird look.

“Understandable, given the week. Now, as for your bracelet we’ve got two options. I can spend however long it takes to meticulously try and figure out the spells as the bracelet is now. Or, I can carefully cut as close to the clasp as possible to take it off and let it resize,” Solomon said, glancing at me. “Of course, that requires damaging the bracelet, so I’ll leave the decision up to you.”

“Well, I don’t wanna make you work on this more than you have to, so I’m fine with cutting it,” I said, though I was a bit sad to know that the cool dragon bracelet would be damaged, even if it was for my well being.

The sorcerer chuckled, withdrawing the tweezers. With a flick of his wrist, they were replaced by a pair of small wirecutters and he began to lower them towards the bracelet. I stiffened given that they were sharp and each blade was a lot larger than my hand. “Don’t be too bummed about it, I’ll fix it once it’s back to normal size.”

With a clean, careful snip the wirecutter bit through the metal of the bracelet, causing it to fall from my wrist to Solomon’s fingertip. He pulled his finger away and pinched the tiny piece of metal between his forefinger and thumb, dissipating the wirecutters and pushing his jeweler’s glasses up.

“How long will it take to go back to normal size,” I asked, watching him carefully place the metal on the table away from both of us.

“Well, at least a couple hours, but I might have to tweak the spells on the bracelet about that so it resizes within an hour,” Solomon replied, leaning back. “I’d taken the protection spells more into account than the sizing and clasp because of how many troublesome situations you tend to end up in.”

“Oof, that’s a while. I appreciate you hanging around though. While we’re waiting, maybe you could update me on what’s been going on with you and the angels at R.A.D,” I suggested.

He nodded, and didn’t hesitate to spend the next hour or so recounting how Simeon and Luke had been so incredibly concerned about finding out I was ‘sick’ that he had to keep Luke from marching into the House of Lamentation to bake me some Get Well treats immediately while Simeon had wanted to come over to see if he could do anything. I’m glad Solomon had kept them reined in.

As Solomon and I talked, I definitely began to feel a lot better and less stressed, finding that it certainly seemed a lot easier to make me anxious. I became so relaxed, in fact, that I completely forgot about Lucifer’s meeting until I felt my ear twitch and realized I could hear the sound of distant footsteps rapidly approaching.

“KAT!” my bedroom door flung open, causing me to reel back in alarm and freeze as Luke burst into the room, followed almost immediately after by Simeon.

“Luke, if you keep shouting, you’re going to scare them,” the older angel chastised, though it was obvious he was also feeling a bit frazzled.

“Too late,” Solomon spoke up in amusement as I reached up to place a hand on my chest and tried to calm my racing heart from the surprise. He gave a small wave to further get the angel duo’s attention, both Luke and Simeon blinking at the sight of the sorcerer. Of course, given my proximity to him on the table, both angels also saw me.

Once Luke’s eyes fell onto me on the table, he gasped and practically rushed over, the quick movement causing me to stiffen on instinct. “Kat! Oh my goodness! Lucifer told us that you were small, but I wasn’t expecting this!”

“Solomon? I wasn’t expecting you here,” Simeon walked further into my room to stand beside the man in question, something I barely registered over Luke’s fussing.

“I can’t believe Mammon did this to you, I don’t even know where he found a version of the syrup that affects humans! Of all the brothers, I’ve always said he’s the worst, and this proves it!” The younger angel exclaimed, adamant that Mammon had done this on purpose apparently.

As Luke continued an almost angry tirade, I tried to catch his attention, finding myself overwhelmed by his voice and rather large motions. “Luke, it wasn’t really on pu-.”

“-of all the irresponsible things to be expected, I never would have thought this would happen,” Luke huffed, too caught up in his frustration to realize I was trying to interrupt him. I didn’t think I could bring myself to push past the sensory overload to do much more than endure his angry shouting, ears pressed back as though it would help enough. “At this size, you’re in even more danger around the demons! Beel could even snatch you up, or-or-!”

“Luke, you’re stressing Kat out a bit much, don’t you think?” Simeon asked, drawing both the other angel's attention and mine. Giving me a small apologetic smile, he added, “He’s just been concerned about you since Lucifer told us what happened. Ran out of the council room before I could stop him, so I had to come after him to try and make sure he didn’t overwhelm you too much.”

“W-Well, I appreciate the concern,” I said nervously, trying to give a polite smile back. “Though, uh, what did Lucifer tell you?”

“That Mammon got ahold of some substance that mimicked the syrup that turned the brothers into animals and have been shrunk for the last five days, which is why you haven’t been at the academy,” Simeon replied, seemingly a bit surprised at my question, frowning a bit. “Why?”

“Oh, gosh, Kat, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize!” Luke practically burst out his apology, still a bit too loud and causing me to wince. “Are you okay?! I’m not too loud, am I?”

“I could hear you from the entryway, so I’d say you’re a lot louder than you need to be,” Lucifer’s voice cut in from my doorway.

With everyone looking towards the voice, I could see Lucifer walk in and stand by the door a second before Lord Diavolo and Barbatos entered together. Of course, their attention was drawn to the table since the two angels and Solomon were right there and I felt a similar overwhelming feeling to the first house meeting when I was presented to the other brothers about my condition.

“My, it’s almost like a party in here,” Diavolo said in amusement.

“D-Diavolo! Barbatos! Howdy… What’s up,” I greeted, attempting to be casual like I wasn’t surrounded by six towering figures in my room.

“Mammon shrinking you, apparently,” the demon lord replied, walking up to the table to stand beside Simeon and making the room feel a bit more cramped despite my small stature. With a frown, he crossed his arms over his chest and sighed in exasperation. “I wish we could have been informed earlier, but I already gave Lucifer an earful on the way over here. I had to remind him that no matter how busy I am, I’m always willing to make time for you or the brothers, especially in unique circumstances like this.”

“Alas, I told the Lord that reminding Lucifer of that was like reminding a brick wall to fly,” Barbatos chimed in light-heartedly, ever the shadow to Diavolo.

“Some matters don’t require the attention of the Prince of the Devildom,” Lucifer sighed from where he stood by the door to observe, ears lowering in slight annoyance.

“Regardless, I’m pleased to find out that you weren’t sick and have been unharmed despite the odd circumstances,” Diavolo smiled warmly, even as his eyes glanced me over. “You are smaller than I was expecting, but I suppose it’s hard to picture just how small a person can get.”

“Luke practically said the same thing when he ran in,” Solomon chuckled, leaning over to check the progress of the bracelet. It was a lot larger than before, about twice my height in length. Not its original size, but better than the microscopic size it had been before.

Luke almost flushed with embarrassment, saying, “I was concerned! The statement slipped out of my mouth before I could think. What are you messing with anyways?”

“A protection charm for Kat,” Solomon replied, picking up the bracelet and slipping it into his pocket. “Lucifer asked me to make one given the circumstances, and I couldn’t say no. Unfortunately, it has a few kinks to work out for the time being, so I have to take it back to fix it.”

“That’ll definitely come in handy whenever the next adventure comes along,” Simeon said playfully and looked at Lucifer. “Once you’re all back to normal, it’s only a matter of time until the next hijinks.”

“Well, you’re not wrong about that,” I sighed tiredly, though I felt like the next situation wouldn’t exactly wait until after I was back to my regular size. “Has there been any luck on getting the antidote for the brothers?”

“No!” Luke exclaimed angrily, earning him a small touch on his shoulder from Simeon to remind him to keep it down. Huffing, he added, “Even Micheal’s having a difficult time finding the stuff. He said it might be another week…”

“That doesn’t even bring into account Kat’s situation,” Diavolo added thoughtfully, bringing a hand to his chin as he mulled things over. “I’ll have to ask Mammon where he even got the original vial. If we can get ahold of one, we should hopefully be able to reverse the effects. That may also take some time though.”

“Yes, well these matters can wait for a different time,” Lucifer interrupted, approaching the table and putting his hands on his hips. “I believe that’s been enough visiting for one day. I’m sure Kat’s overwhelmed by all of us in the room.”

“That’s right. You also have new instincts now, don’t you,” Simeon asked, looking at me with a bit more concern while Luke gave a disappointed “Awwww” in the background. “Those haven’t been difficult, have they?”

“Well, I’m not a carnivore, so it’s not like I wanna eat anyone,” I answered, skirting around the fact that interacting with all of them has been the second most tiring thing today.

“Alright, enough questions,” Lucifer reiterated, extending his arms to start shepherding everyone out of the room, causing Solomon to stand up from his seat. “There’ll be plenty of time for them to be answered.”

Everyone, including Diavolo, relented and let themselves be instructed out of the room, each shouting back their own farewell and telling me to let any one them know if I need anything. Of course, I chuckled and said that I would, giving them farewell waves.

“I’ll be back in a little bit, okay Kat?” Lucifer asked once he reached the door, everyone outside.

“No problem,” I replied. “I’ll be here.”

The demon was quiet for a second before nodding and leaving, closing my door behind him. And once everyone became muffled by my door, the sounds slowly fading to the background, I let out a loud groan and flopped backwards to lay on the hard wood surface of the table. I didn’t even know what time it was, but the other brothers weren’t here yet, otherwise Lucifer would say that he was going to talk to them. Which means it wasn’t even the end of classes.

I sighed, wondering how the brothers, other than Lucifer, would react to Belphie’s behavior. |< || < || >

[crystalelemental]

“books-are-my-life-stuff: I haven't even read Alola VA part 2! But it's hard to bring myself to read it. Hoenn VA gave Zinnia an important role and established her dynamic with Steven post Delta Episode, so that's at least good. Unova I think is still kinda cool too for focusing on Hugh and N's friendship. But I agree, I feel like Johto VA is the last objectively good VA story-wise. The rest of the VAs are either good to okay to "don't care", at least for me.

Unova was the last VA that I read immediately after release, starting from Kalos I just don't care. Maybe because of my general indifference towards the region, but even when I do read it, it doesn't do much to make me like it. I'll give Alola VA a credit for making Hau got his moments and approval from his grandpa, but other than that...yeah, I'm finding difficulties in bringing myself to read it.”

I think in my case, the issue is the later we go, the most the antagonists skew to lost potential rather than good or bad.  Like, Maxie and Archie I can look at and just go, these two are morons, do not take anything seriously.  Cyrus and Ghetsis I can look at and go these were really cool I hope they keep that up.  And they can, because they just continue to do what they’ve been doing, kinda.  Cyrus is toned down and Ghetsis basically defanged once everyone knows his deal, but they’re still something.  But as soon as you hit Lysandre, it’s suddenly man, I hope they do something different.  But they can’t.  They’re constrained by what the series is going to push.  And for Lusamine, that’s extremely devastating, because USUM Lusamine does not do it for me in her current iteration where they refuse to let her be interesting as a former antagonist.  So I can even say I know what I truly expected here, because what would’ve satisfied me was impossible, and it’s kinda the same for Rose, who I cannot image being adjusted to actually matter and have an interesting view.  So I’m kinda just over the VA and ready for the next thing, which hopefully will happen shortly after fourth anniversary.  Galar should be set for August just before. 

“I did say that Alola characters are great as a group, but not great individually, and this problem really shows, especially now that only some of them got alts and are separated from their group that they usually hang out with, they have to do something individually, and it...doesn't do much. I tried, but I can't. At least Hau is still great because he's one of the rivals, but the trial captains aren't.”

Yeah, I can’t even say they did anything as a group in the main games that hooked me, so seeing them here on their own hasn’t exactly been that exciting.  Like, at one point, I did kinda like Acerola as like the weird ghost girl.  And I find myself actively losing interest in her when she’s not like...playing off Nanu.  She’s a lot more bland without that dynamic.

“I doubt this will change even after I read part 2 of Alola VA, but my VA rankings so far: Johto > Kanto >> Unova > Hoenn >> Kalos > Sinnoh >> Alola.  I'm not holding out hope for Galar. Better keep my expectation on the ground or I'll be disappointed.”

I think for me, it’s probably Johto, Kanto, Kalos, Unova, Sinnoh, Hoenn, Alola.  Kalos ranks high because they let Lysandre ice those dudes.  Unova is fine but doesn’t really captivate me, and had what I consider the worst spread of new alts.  Sinnoh outranks Hoenn and Alola for me, because Hoenn and Alola were the most nothing events.  Borderline nothing was accomplished.  I’ll put Hoenn above Alola because it had some stuff with Zinnia and Steven’s dynamic, and because of how bad Alola was, but I think the real issue is I specifically should not be putting Kanto anywhere near the top.  But so long as Giovanni is the focus for the whole region, it gets to be good, because the story is focused.  It knows what it’s doing and it gets it done, because there’s nothing extraneous they’re trying to tie in, like other non-Kanto characters.  And that really sucks, because it’s just self-fulfilling prophecy at that point.  Oh, everyone likes Giovanni so much now?  Probably because he’s the only antagonist you let goddamned do anything.  If literally anyone else actually got spotlight to be the villain, he’d lose, because Giovanni is inherently boring an uninteresting, being just some mob boss guy interested in power and money compared to the absolute lunatics in the rest of the teams.

[megumiifushiiguro]

here goes my hateful review for the 1st chapter of It Ends With Us

You may be asking yourself why did I wrote that in a big cutesy pink font. The answer is: I have no idea. But anyways-

This whole thing starts with “I was thinking of suicide.” Understandable. But for a 23yo woman named Lily Blossom Bloom? Ma’am- this girl literally thinks about the whole process of suicide (like falling off of a building, if the person regrets it a few meters before death etc. etc.)

Then it continues with the style of writing I was using when I was 9 (I’m sorry if I’m just talking shit about this, but DON’T GET ME WRONG, IT’S REALLY LIKE THAT) and LBB is complaining about her roommate who loves to hear herself sing. Nothing special.

To this part I could totally stand this book. UNTIL this creepy doctor guy named Ryle Kincaid walks in. He just… waltzes in and randomly starts abusing an innocent chair, like dude wtf- I see red flag anger issues, girl you better run.

But no. Our Lily just stares and Ryle doesn’t even notice. So she starts describing the material of that chair which I can’t translate to english and can’t even pronounce right.

The guy smokes. He pulls out a joint and smokes. Okay. Lily thinks he’s so friCKIN MYSTERIOUS (🥵🥵🥵) and a maSCULINE VERSION OF MONA LISA (😳🥵😰)

Anyway

He notices her and immediately starts acting manipulative and obsessive like our dear and beloved Dean Forester, who irritates me so much I’d like to abuse an innocent chair myself

Lily thinks that Ryle is cute. I won’t deny. He looks cute.

BUT LET’S SKIP TO THE GOOD PART

They start talking, he asks her about her secrets and experiences and life in general which is kinda sorta creepy, but WAIT

He says that he wants to fuck her, I- and she says she’s not really into one night stands, so he starts kissing her on the neck and her collarbone and boobs (which she says it’s okay) BUT GIRL, HE TAKES A PHOTO

HE TAKES A PHOTO

And she acts pretty passive about it, like she doesn’t mind and that bothers me tbh. Like if a guy took a photo of me in a ✨spicy way✨ without my consent, then dude, if I ever see you on the street, you’re done, DONE

And then he leaves and that’s the end of the chapter.

The characters are pretty shallow in my opinion, because they seriously look like they were written by a 13yo girl on wattpad in a story about mafia fuckboy and a mary sue bby girl, who just wants to get laid

I also hate the way Lily’s passive and not very strong like she says. Her character has SO MUCH potential and I can see crystal clear where CoHo was going with her, but just didn’t handle it very well

And that’s just very dissapointing for me, because no one likes strong, well-handled, deep female lead characters than me AND I’M SORRY I’M RAMBLING BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY-

hasdfgf the pink cutesy font is cute bestie dw

oh ok the story started really dark don't ya think..? and lmao what is that name💀 who tf names their child 'lily blossom bloom'😭

got it :') it is the cringey wattpad writng style that looks like it has been written by a 10 year old right? read a lot of those *shudders* (also pls pls complain ALL U WANT i am here to listen to every single one of ur complaints👀) and ok? why is she complaining abt her roommate singing lol😭

oh OH i have heard abt this ryle guy he ain't good?? and ok him abusing a fucking chair?? 🚩x 100 if u ask me

WHY IS SHE DESCRIBING THE MATERIAL OF THE CHAIR HELP😭😭 and oMg a mAn wHo sMoKeS u sAy?? sO hOt oMg🥵🥵🥵 sO mYsTeRioUs🥵🥵🥵

oh no he is like dean?? i already hate him so fucking much now— also what EXACTLY did ryle do??

also who cares if he's cute? if he's anything like dean forester i loathe him automatically

WHAT WHO ASKS THAT💀 DUDE THAT IS SO FUCKING CREEPY WTF—

just when i though it couldn't get any worse i read the next paragraph of this ask—he says WHAT now??? WHO TF SAYS THAT?? AND WHEN LILY LITERALLY SAID SHE'S NOT INTO ONE NIGHT STANDS WHY DOES HE CONTINUE KISSING HER??? DUDE WTF?? *flashbacks to when jess continues kissing rory after she said 'no' like 3 times already*

HE TAKES A PHOTO OF WHAT??? I AM SO CREEPED OUT RN—

why did she let him take that pic anyway—she should've punched him in the face or smth not just let him take that photo what is happening??? also same if u took my pic like that babe ur getting killed by me🔪

ok WHAT he just....leaves??? i have so many questions rn—

oh OH so its those kinda story oh no

and yes yes yess bestie i get what ur trying to say!! and BESTIE RAMBLE ALL YOU WANT!!!

[axelars]

It’s kinda annoying because my (actual) diagnoses came during this “fad” of being traumatized and neurodivergent. So I feel like I annoy everyone when I talk about mine and that they don’t believe me/think I’m just looking for excuses/attention.

This is my story. Human names have been changed.

I am diagnosed Bipolar 2, ADHD, and Autistic.

I went my whole life undiagnosed of what was actually the reasons behind every single struggle I had, and there were, and continue to be ALOT. I talk about it so much because it’s a relief to understand myself now and to validate my experiences and start to heal and move forward. Since as long as I can remember, I felt out of place. Always a step behind everyone else and like I didn’t really belong anywhere. I was painfully shy. Speaking to people terrified me. I had frequent meltdowns and sensory issues that were brushed off as temper tantrums and being sensitive.

But I had friends. I had large friend groups I was a “part” of. I participated in team sports and dance. I maintained okay grades in school. I didn’t scream or meltdown in public. I didn’t stim or avoid eye contact (lol yes I did but had already learned to force it and my stims have always been low key). I didn’t have any “learning disabilities”.

Now I know the reason behind this is autism but it didn’t look the same as what everything knew it as, and girls especially learn to mask very fast and at a young age. And I did have learning disabilities. Auditory processing disorder is one. I mean I guess autism and adhd are learning disorders in themselves, but I don’t like calling them that. We just connect things differently and therefore learn, understand, and do things differently. But we’ve been told our whole lives we’re doing it wrong. We’re doing life wrong. But it becomes our normal so we think everyone feels like this.

Fast forward to high school. I’ve turned dark. My parents went through a really messy and toxic and abusive divorce when I was around 12. I’m 13/14 and I’m starting drinking, and smoke weed. This progresses to drinking heavily and often, and taking various pills. I’m diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder at 15. Medicated and things get better. I finish high school (still partying alot), go to University and do alright and kinda just party my way through it. I got off my meds cause I’m cured! Around 25 or so I start having panic attacks. I can’t leave my house. I go back on meds but as always am still apathetic about life. Panic attacks dissipate and I learn how to manage them when they do happen. Things are pretty good. I get my degree in geology, meet my then partner, John, get my masters degree and then a job. We have 2 dogs, one we got together and one I had previously, and 2 cats. It’s good for a bit and then I get bored and stop caring.

And then Covid hits. All routine and structure and societal need to socialize disappears. At first it was awesome. I could sleep in and working from home was nice. But then I got bored and started caring less and less about my work. I couldn’t focus, keep track of time or even days gone by, was experiencing executive dysfunction, sensory issues got worse, and much more. I now know this is ADHD and Autistic burnout.

I’m diagnosed with ADHD and do a bunch of medication trials. Nothing works. It makes me more apathetic and I don’t give a single fuck about anything at all. Even the one thing that brings me joy which is dog training. I realize my childhood was really abusive and traumatizing and I’d been normalizing it. So I start trying to heal from that.

My partner at the time was the only thing keeping me afloat (love you John) but it also took a huge toll on our relationship. We moved to the Yukon. I switched to a new company. I became even more depressed and move back to Alberta without him. I take all of the animals (2 cats and 2 dogs) because he’s on shift work. He gets super depressed without his Emma (dog) and finds a way to not be on shift work anymore so he can take care of her. So I send her back to him because they really did have the best bond, and she was born to be a wilderness dog. But this was heartbreaking for me. I get involved in an extremely emotionally abusive and manipulating and as I later find out, dangerous situationship. I’d known him for over a decade so I could trust him right? Dead fucking wrong but we will get into that later. John is still my best friend. I get a border collie puppy and she’s amazing. He gets involved in a relationship (also abusive) and cuts off communication with me. I finally get diagnosed bipolar 2 and and medicated for it. I learn my first manic episode was at age 19 when I decided to go to New Zealand for 2 months out of nowhere. I hate travelling. I barely remember the experience and I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs.

John gets himself out and we are best friends again. I couldn’t do life at this point without him.

Things are starting to make sense and get easier. I’m able to regulate my emotions better. I get myself out of that abusive situationship. I completely change careers and leave geology and the security along with it (it’s the best decision I’ve ever made). This change brings new meaning and purpose and joy to my life, but it also ends a years long friendship and my dog training community and support system.

Then my soul dog, Ernie, and the reason I’m a dog trainer gets bone cancer and dies. I reconnect with my previous friends from the training community (silver linings?).

My mom gets cancer which has spread and needs chemo. She’s starting her third set of treatments this week. The doctors are optimistic but she never tells us the whole truth about scary things. I’m scared but trying to be positive.

Then I find out the real truth about my situation-ship. Him and his friend have allegations of sexually assaulting women together. At least one his friend was charged for but they got dropped when she could no longer afford it. Our justice system sucks. Like how is that fucking possible. I learn of other attempted assaults or close call and just overall inappropriate disgusting behaviour. I learn of the other women. I speak to them and even befriend one. I learn he told us all the same stories that “he’s never shared with anyone before”, cooks the same meals, makes the same jokes, literally all the same things. This guy has zero conscience or personality and genuinely believes he is a good guy. He would always talk about what a good guy he is 🙄. Well he had me fooled and a trail of traumatized women before me. I learn he sent all of us at the same time pictures of his 2 year old niece. I’m disgusted by this because what human uses their toddler niece to gain trust from women. He’s despicable so I tell his sister in law.

Anyways I put that behind me and meet a really nice guy, Tyler. We have awesome chemistry and we get each other. But he’s in the dark place and can’t be what I need. I understand this because I’ve been there several times but it still really sucks. I’ve had a really hard time moving on.

Fuckface is back on the dating apps going by a different name. He’s so vile 🤮

My training business is picking up and I’m genuinely starting to be kinda happy. I can at least get more daily things done but it’s still a disaster. Still having a hard time missing Tyler but managing. Before bipolar meds I would have spiralled into my pit of despair.

A new dog comes into my life. She is an Olde English Bulldogge just like Ernie was and I sincerely believe he sent her to me. The week before I met her as a training client for a rescue I train with, I’d been feeling his presence a lot. I’m about to adopt her and I started a part time job at a canine physiotherapy clinic doing hydrotherapy. I love it. I get to see my best friend after 5 years and meet her little daughter.

So I think things are kinda progressively getting better with each setback. But frick can I just be done with everything needing to be a lesson?? I’ve got my PhD at this point.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

H, J, N, T?

lol hey just remembered that i had these from dec 19th lol i think i was just so mentally unwell at the time that i couldn't actually process the fact that i had asks and was capable of answering them even tho i literally reblogged the ask game lol anyways was going through my drafts and saw this and i'm MUCH better now so i went through and found the game and imma do it now <3

h - what is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tw shows, movies, books, anime, western animation, etc.)?

answered that one here <3

j - name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over tumblr. (you don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that tumblr made you aware of.)

also answered that one here lol <3

n - name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

ooooo i'll do atla for you <3 hmmmmmmm okay. 1. more gaang-centric content - like... ones that aren't about any character in particular, but more about all of them as a family. like, rather than a focus character or ship, it's just... it's them and it's platonic and it's just them being silly <3 2. more zuko kicking things <3 look. he likes kicking things in canon. let him kick. dude's got strong leg muscles, he is angry sometimes, let him kick his anger out! break some stuff!!! i think zuko kicking is the most underrated thing about him 3. more of toph (in general-) and her parents. i have SO many hcs about what toph's life was like after the war ended - specifically about her relationship with her family (also katara hates toph's family btw she told me personally). like... the atla fandom LOVES angst but we (myself included) don't explore toph's trauma and familial issues enough. her parents fricking SUCK. wait imma talk about this more in t-

t - do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

also answered this one here BUT i am MORE than happy to give another answer <3 okay so to continue about toph- after the war, she realized oh my gosh i could have/almost died and was like. i want to at least make an EFFORT to reconcile with my parents. so, she takes some time and goes back home and... they're made at her. or maybe... no, they aren't even mad. they just don't care. you know that one scene in the dragon prince where claudia says "dad, soren could've died" and viren goes "THAT DOESN'T MATTER"? yeah. that's kind of what i'm getting. and toph tries so hard to repair her family but they're just so broken. her dad tries capitalizing the fact that toph helped end the war and uses it as a flex to increase his own status (not a proud dad talking about his daughter). her mom just pretends toph didn't fight in the war and basically tries gaslighting her into thinking she didn't. her dad sees a way to make money and her mom just doesn't want to deal with the crap her dad is doing or her daughter's earth bending and. and toph just has to deal with and accept the fact that her family doesn't care that she almost died and that they'll never genuinely love her or be proud of her. but... katara comes to visit and when she leaves, she takes toph with her and helps remind her that those two idiots aren't her Real family. her real family is waiting for them at the south pole.

[peemil]

i saw a post earlier today about how the meaning of “ship” in fandom has shifted over time, from previously meaning “this is a dynamic i am interested in exploring in fanon�� to becoming “this is a relationship i need to become canon.” (readmore because i don’t really want this post to gain traction, just want to see what my friends/mutuals/followers think about this since i’m open to hearing different perspectives on this)

part of me wonders if the shift in question is partially responsible for a huge portion of modern fandom d*sc*urse, because we have two generations of fans using the same word very differently: one meaning that it’s your “one true pairing” and need to get the creators of the work to canonize it and show their support for it, and another not necessarily meaning you believe in it or support it or even like it, but are intrigued by what other people have to say about it.

i generally think there’s some romantic or sexual dynamics between that are... kind of weird for you to be overly explored, like if you’re writing smut of underage characters from bluey please please please stay away from me. but there is a difference between saying, “i think it would be interesting to see what other people have to say about this” and treating relationships between fictional characters as like, some sort of fanatical religion, that by being interested in it you see no issue with any aspect of it, that you are genuinely attracted to all aspects of it, and that you need other people to “convert” to your ship and support it too (and what better way of getting people to do that than the creators making it canon).

like, let’s take krisnix for example. i don’t want them to be endgame. that relationship would be toxic and disgusting and miserable (and miles is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE) and i don’t want to see phoenix living with the man who ruined him for the rest of his life. but i think saying they never had sex even once during the 7 year gap is also... just factually incorrect lol. i think the idea of hating someone so much you have to have sex about it, like fucking bonobos, is worth exploring in fiction, i think the idea of them fucking to get “closer” to each other to get more intel is so spy movie, and also i’m Very Fucking Nosy and want to know if it was completely impersonal, treated like a business deal, and done only under the harsh fluorescent lighting of an office bathroom (which is kind of a fetish in itself), or did they have their own idiosyncrasies and sexual quirks that were employed consistently and intentionally? and these aren’t questions i really have the answer to, so i look to other people’s interpretations to see what they have to say.

again, there’s no interest here in the two as a romantic couple. there’s no desire to see anything happening here long term. but i’m an adult, they’re both adults, and adults do stupid things sometimes for kind of crummy reasons. and saying that matter-of-factly is very different from saying, “ah, yes, this is a good thing that should continue for the rest of eternity, because i believe this is fundamentally good.”

on the other hand, you have s*f*kuras (censored because i don’t want them finding this), some of whom are just like “i see a lot of myself in cl*ud and i think seph*r*th is hot and i want to fuck him.” i don’t really have the energy to unpack that/don’t care enough to form an opinion on that because i have like, actual responsibilities in real life. i’m also not gonna sit here and pretend s*ph*roth isn’t hot.

 there is an obvious canonical power disparity between s*ph*roth and cl*ud that makes me... generally uninterested in, if not outright opposed to, the pairing. but i’ve seen people shift that dynamic in new ways, and create differences in perceived power that (or, at least, weren’t initially, before basically backtracking on that and making shit gross again) aren’t necessarily bad: perhaps cl*ud is a newbie in a leather club, and s*ph*roth is a long-time member who shows him the ropes (no pun intended). there are going to be newbies in leather clubs, and there are going to be longtime members, and they are going to have sex—this is a difference in experience that could actually be healthy, because a veteran who knows what they’re doing, who knows the safety rules, who knows how to be responsible, is better than some middling member who maybe doesn’t have everything down potentially mistreating the new guy.

but the thing is, the majority of stuff i’ve seen between the two (because i am, in fact, a hater and a hate-reader, and a pretty salty person overall) is... not that. it gets weirdly defensive about how their canon power difference isn’t actually all that bad (it is), how cl*ud is a consenting adult and can do whatever he wants (he wasn’t when they first met), how other ships can be equally as toxic (if we’re aiming for canon-compliance, they really can’t), how everyone else is just interpreting their relationship wrong and oh my god why can’t everyone just fucking agree with the author for once (because—and hear me out—the author’s entire premise is wrong). there are a few s*f*kura fics wherein z*ck realizes, “hey, this is kind of weird, actually, maybe we should get you out.” and he’s right lol but it always turns into this weird thing where like, z*ck becomes the actual manipulator for playing the “he’s x amount of years older than you” or whatever other card because he wanted cl*ud all to himself, and blah blah blah. like are we for fucking real. and it just feels like such a dig at z*kkuras, of all things, like why are you getting so defensive about this. if it’s “just fiction,” as you say, then why is someone disagreeing with you and saying “i don’t want to read that kind of story” such a threat.

and that’s where i have a problem, is when the “ship and let ship” crowd, of all people, gets so moralistic about it. like if you really were just playing with a dynamic and treating characters like moldable putty, and not treating it as “i’m right, i’m right, i’m right and this is Good and everyone else should Like It and Support Me” it’s kind of hard for me to believe you don’t actually support the things you’re portraying in your work and seek out in others. if you don’t actually support the things you’re portraying, why are you treating an unhealthy ship like it has to be endgame and you will destroy anyone who gets in your way. like... dude. do you hear yourself right now

i guess part of me wonders, if people see shipping d*sc*urse and are members of the former category could potentially mistakenly be aligning themselves with the latter category, because they don’t realize the word “ship” as a verb has shifted in meaning. do people see folks in the first category and lump them in with the latter because they’re young and that’s the only context they’re used to seeing the word used in. are people aligning and misaligning themselves in this debate all because we’re using two very different definitions of the word that lies at the center of this d*sc*urse.

[blahandwhatever]

Medical News Today

Long-Term Care

My prime preoccupation for the past month or so has been my health and, specifically, once again, my supplements and chemical balance. Once again, I got some of the weird feelings and symptoms I had for a while earlier this year, before experimenting with my calcium, magnesium, and iron and concluding I should keep taking all of them; once again, these were my prime suspects. But this time, I was extra-heavy on numbness and tingling and coordination issues. And I scoured the internet anew, overwhelmed by possibilities and underwhelmed by the extremely limited, incomplete information on every website, thinking I should someday make a big spreadsheet of all the possible symptoms of every possible nutrient deficiency or excess. Of course, there’s also always the possibility that I actually have A Disease, but I have to get the more likely basics covered before I consider that.

And I experimented, and I felt various types of bad, and I felt various types of better. This time, some of my worst-feeling days were the ones when I took magnesium - generally a safe supplement, and one I don’t take huge doses of, but it is probably the thing I’ve been supplementing the longest (since the Age of Anxiety) and also something I probably get enough of from my diet; it’s possible that, no longer living in anxious times, I no longer need the extra dose (there was, however, one time it helped when I got agitated. maybe its use should be as-needed). Some of my best-feeling days were ones when I took none of the three suspects - but then, there were random ones that differed. Another suspect I considered was my zinc and copper supplement, and zinc in particular, as I also took separate zinc gummies sometimes. The results on that one were pretty inconclusive, but I erred on the side of caution, reduced its frequency, and skipped the gummies altogether. I also upped my B12, as I’d somewhat neglected that one lately, and considered the additional possibility of too much vitamin D but thus far have done no experimenting on it (bit inconvenient, as it’s part of my fish oil supplement, and also I think the main negative effects of excess vitamin D are due to resulting excess calcium absorption, so a) might as well focus on testing calcium directly and b) I’m honestly skeptical I’d have too much calcium even with the supplements because, given what I tend to get from my diet, it just doesn’t add up. ALSO I’ve paid close attention to how I’ve felt before and after taking different supplements each day and never felt a difference after the fish oil/vitamin D supplement).

Overall, I’ve come to feel and look and function better over time, for the most part, with a lot of ups and downs and no firm conclusions yet. It’s always a good idea to be cautious and conservative with supplementation. However, I still feel I benefit from some of my supplements, and some, I’m trying to figure out whether I should eliminate completely or just reduce. Currently, I’m feeling the most negative about the iron. I’ve mostly been skipping it and felt markedly worse the last couple of times I took it. The last time I took it, I had cold hands and orthostatic hypotension. It helped with those but made me feel worse overall. Questions continue to arise.

Urgent Care

A few days ago, I scratched myself by the neck with a long, jagged nail. Just barely - I thought nothing of it. Sometimes I’ll scratch myself when my nails get too long. Things got a little red, but I figured it’d go away soon.

The next day, the redness spread wider. Weird. A little concerning. But I trusted my body to do its thing. Took my zinc & copper supplement and felt better after a somewhat lethargic day.

By today, there were long streaks up my neck and down my chest. Bad. Very bad. The internet urged me to see a doctor ASAP.

And so I spent half this day trying to figure out, and go about, the best way to get treated. I searched around for high-rated urgent care clinics, explored their services and prices. I drove up to one in Northbrook, but it was about to close, and I didn’t go. Found the next best thing, open later, in Mount Prospect. Made an appointment, came back home, charged my dying phone, squeezed in a few quick tasks, and drove to the clinic.

I was a bit nervous - it had been almost a decade since I had seen a doctor. Wondered if they’d find me a mess just like the dentist did.

But it went pretty quickly and painlessly. My blood pressure was high, but they didn’t comment on it - maybe it was normal under the circumstances. No concerns about my lungs or heart. I got prescribed an antibiotic and told to use Neosporin.

By this point, it was 8 PM, and all the nearby pharmacies were closed. I found an open one in Palatine - at the Walgreens with the same address as my local one, where once upon a time GPS had brought me by mistake. So I drove way up there from Mount Prospect, and I dropped off my prescription, and it wouldn’t be ready for an hour and a half, so there wasn’t much to do but go home and come back.

And finally, by 10 PM, I had it all wrapped up, and I took my scary bright-red antibiotic, cringing at the thought of wiping out my microbiome, but oh well - it happens to the best of us.

Honestly kinda disappointed in my immune system for not having handled this better. I’ve had so many worse scratches and sores over the years that didn’t develop any issues. This was really such an odd one. Did I have some particularly bad bacteria on my hands, or was I particularly weak. Did reducing my zinc and vitamin C (which I only really take together with iron) supplements weaken my immunity? Today I took a zinc gummy and felt better after that one too. I’m thinking that isn’t something I need to limit supplementing.

But I also didn’t do anything about the scratch to begin with - again, because it seemed negligible. So, lesson learned there - I probably should have been alarmed by the redness much sooner. I bet some prompt disinfection could have stopped this in its tracks. Kinda mad I don’t get to see the alternate universe where one of my trusty gentle natural solutions - manuka honey, tamanu oil, coconut oil - prevents this whole thing. I’ve literally not had to use anything else to prevent skin infections in like 7+ years. I mean, I do keep rubbing alcohol, and sometimes antibiotic ointment, in stock in case any of those ever fail to work, but that has never happened.

Thankfully, this urgent healthcare need didn’t devastate my poor, uninsured ass (I sure wish I’d known the massive difference between ERs and urgent care clinics when I was younger). And the antibiotic somehow only cost me… $5? Rare win for the US healthcare system.