#and why I need to learn to drive
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And I shan’t be having the expensive stuff I was going to order. I’m ordering the whore pasta and fucking off to the bottle-o to take a nice tempranillo or malbec back to my resort unit and have a long chat with mum. Got earplugs for the (my home town) derros that checked in yesterday too so I can attempt sleeping again.
#this is why I don’t go on holiday#and why I need to learn to drive#so I can stay in a secret tiny home in the woods alone and unbothered#take my mini food processor along for pasta sauces#and the dog
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Honestly I think a lot of people who have never made a gif for tumblr don't get that it does actually take time and effort, its not just rip it from a video and post it- you have to download the video, in my case I have a video player installed that grabs continuous caps, figure out what parts you need, you have to open those in photoshop or gimp, depending on where you got photoshop you might be paying for it every month and then on top of that is actually sizing, cropping, colouring, sharpening, adding text, etc. etc. like it is something that takes time and effort for which the only real reward is creating something that makes you happy and hopefully people reblog it with a nice or funny tag, so maybe keep that in mind the next time you think gif makers are being mean or unfair for being upset about reposts. It is its own little artform that is fairly unique to this website, and that's a big aspect of why I have always loved tumblr, if all the gifmakers stopped posting things would be a lot more boring around here.
#like its well known reposting art or fic is rude so idk why gifs are free game#and why people are always so ~its just a gif~ okay well if its *just* a gif then you go and make one to that quality#oh wait you cant bc it actually does take time and practice#ive been at this for years and i still dont know all the tips and tricks#also the reason i mention all the software needed is bc like. you have to find install learn and it takes up space on the drive#so just reblog stuff and appreciate people that make fun content
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is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?
#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#asking autistics#i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times#or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people#get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because#i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason#autism stuff
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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pitched battle inside my brain between the part of me that's desperately shaking myself by the shoulders going "YOU HAVE GOT TO ACTUALLY LIVE THE KIND OF LIFE YOU IMAGINE INSTEAD OF JUST SITTING AROUND IMAGINING IT UNTIL YOU DIE!!" and the part of me that's clutching my face going "is this allowed? is this allowed?? is this allowed???"
#trying to plan a solo cicada pilgrimage and getting brainworms about it yeehaw#'making a lot of plans and never actually doing things in real life' has been a problem for literally as long as I can remember#but I also feel like I've developed a learned helplessness over the last several years that's gotten worse as I've gotten older??#me age twenty: I think I'm gonna take myself to chicago next week because I feel like going to the zoo#me age thirty: am I allowed to go camping alone. am I allowed to do a solo road trip. I need a grownup#to be extremely clear I am very much allowed and this is not justin's fault and I don't know where it comes from#like I'll run things by him lowkey seeking 'permission' that I don't even need and he'll be like 'yeah that sounds good to me'#and then I STILL won't do the thing because like. my brain keeps insisting there needs to be a grownup in charge?? HELLO I'M GROWNUP#anyway I'm doing cicada trip solo BECAUSE-- the drive is so long I want to do five days because two of them will just be driving#and he can't get that much time off work right now#AND because I literally only want to Be Camping and Looking At Bugs but he'd get bored of a week of that he likes Activities#me this morning getting insecure and weird: what are your thoughts... on cicada voyage....#him after at first not even understanding the question: I'm SO excited for you?? you deserve to get to go absolutely feral???#I do.... ;n; 💕 why am I so scared to be a person.......#about me#cicada quest
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crashes ur board meeting n drags u out by the collar but its fine bc youre the one always saying shit like "im looking for people i can use" ok lol. get used idiot
#just tracing like. the sequence of events that had to take place in order for this to come to pass#1. natori and his shiki are skulking around homura stalking ban. possibly it's just his shiki and natori is elsewhere.#either way 2. natsume shows up and natori learns about it either bc he witnesses it or a shiki comes to tell him#3. natori gets in his little richard scarry apple car (this is my mental image for some reason) & fucking. BOOKS IT to the matoba compound#4. goes inside. presumably matoba lackeys try to stop him bc their boss is in an important meeting but somehow he gets past them#(possibilities here are v fun to think about. maybe natori does this all the time and they're used to it. maybe he's never done it before#but they're all on orders to let natori in if he ever shows up. maybe natori convinces them he's supposed to be IN the meeting#which is great because it sounds like some important clan thing so what is he in the clan now??)#5. interrupts matoba's meeting like 'i need you' and matoba's like 'bye everyone whatever this is is more important'#6. they get in natori's comical apple car (again the apple car is not canon don't worry about it)#& natori drives like a bat out of hell back to homura. (SOURCE: matoba is so scarred he refuses natori's offer for a ride later)#i wonder what they talk about on the way there? because they don't talk about why natori is stalking ban until much later#so they must be busy talking about something else. but what??#that or they're both too distracted by all the near-death experiences from natori's crazed driving lol#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#homura cats arc#horrible exorcists#my posts#sidenote i feel like that page at the end where both matoba and sensei refuse natori's offers of a ride is really funny because#sensei's reason is that it will take too long. but sensei did you know natori drives like a speed demon? think it thru...#also like. how long did it take him to decide to involve matoba? was that his backup plan all along?#also it's pretty lucky that he found matoba at all considering he could be anywhere...the matoba have like 15 houses...#he has matoba's schedule memorized lol#natori sparkling to the assorted clan members in the meeting: sorry ladies and gentlemen i just need to borrow this~#*throws matoba over his shoulder and fireman-carries him to the parking lot*
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#also I just went searching for whatever the fuck people were complaining about c&r about#and THAT is what people are mad about?#they and a bunch of the other content creators have been reading Matty into EVERYTHING since TTPD lmao#it’s why I’ve mostly stopped engaging with them all#it’s not hard to just not click on them or ignore them lol#not to police the policing#but Jesus Christ this fandom eats its own it seems#I love being an outsider sometimes tbh#y’all need to learn to just ignore shit you don’t agree with when it’s such low stakes like this#(not directing this at you besties I mean the general y’all of social media lmao)#cause eventually getting into fandom wars over these nothing burgers just drives everyone away#also Twitter is the root of all evil pass it on
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I think driving school could try being a little more interesting tbh. Hiring a clown or something to teach theory lessons idk. Make an effort break a leg guys
#why is everything so BORING#My GOD#it's simple but no fun which means my brain is like HAHA. NOPE#it also doesn't help that I'm trying a new adhd med which turned out to be weaker than my previous meds#and I have to wait until the end of the month to get my regular meds now#which........ by then I'll already have finished all my driving theory classes............#ig I'll just have to go over the stuff we learn in class again on my own whenever I have some spare time#which SUCKS. but anyway#I'll do what I can and try my best etc I just need to sigh and bang my head against the wall a little bit#sleep.txt#I tried taking more notes today while the teacher was talking which helped a little#I think I just need to find ways to keep my brain awake and interested#which is a challenge but. well. at least writing words and scribbling lines helps
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sabito = dirtbike redneck. you cant convince me otherwise
#fratboy sabito posting#sabito#kny sabito#idk#was suddenly hit w the realization that i think him being a countryboy/redneck kinda crazy is *hot*#[head in hands knees on the floor folded in despair]#i know im southern but this wasnt supposed to happen. it wasnt supposed to be this way. what the fuck man.#sabito & giyuu keep makin me Into shit!! what the fuck!!#i wanna draw him doing wheelies and flips off dirt ramps. doughnuts. taking off his helmet n having dumb lil marks from it.#trying and failing to convince giyuu to drive a dirtbike & instead him getting on a 4wheeler#sab & makomo bullying him for being scared of dirtbikes but not the literal Twice As Big 4wheeler#idk. sabito just seems like a biker in general to me. dirtbikes just got the most 'will do bat shit insane stuff for funsies' vibe to em#all of them are a bit crazy but dirtbikes are Scary crazy. bmx bike tricks but it has a fucking MOTOR why are you doing 20ft leaps and flip#off cliffs what the fuck.#i can see sabito being a little deranged when he gets excited. normal when hes chill but as soon as he sees somethn fun all#sense goes out the window. he needs to be child harnessed to keep him from throwing himself off a wall like 'i could totally make that jump#on one hand giyuu gets life experiences and exposure to making new friends- on the other he has to stop sabito from being#the equivalent of a human lemming trying to throw itself into the hands of death at every waking moment#sabito in turn keeps giyuu from being too boring or being a scardy cat abt things. he also learns the art of 'quiet time' and 'how to Chill#honorable mention of my vague raspy voice sabito hc#kinda slight but v obvious when he raises his voice or yells#i think the sabito brainrot is actually overtaking the giyuu brainrot now. oh no#hes fictional²!! none of this shit [motions to my blog] is canon to him#thasa whole 'nother bitch!! i declare this brainrot Unfounded#wont stop me tho. 'm havin fun
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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sorry for the rant i am reaching a breaking point 👍 (cis person asked me why i dont "just change my name" and seemed baffled when i said i live with my parents. what's not clicking girl draw your own conclusions here.)
#text#WHILE I'M ON THE TOPIC#'why cant you drive' ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I WAS HEAVILY DISCOURAGED FROM LEARNING TO DRIVE TIL I WAS 18#ASIDE FROM THE COST OF DRIVERS ED#ASIDE FROM GETTING A CAR#ASIDE FROM HAVING SOMEONE TO BE THERE WHILE I GET MY HOURS IN OR WHATEVER#LOOK ME IN THE EYES. HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO GET TO DRIVERS ED????? HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO GET THERE????#I LIVE IN MAINE. WE HAVE NO PUBLIC TRANSPORT. ONE TIME I SPENT $90 UBERING TO CLASS#HOW. DO YOU WANT ME TO GET TO DRIVERS ED. ANSWER QUICK#'just do it online' 'you dont need drivers ed now that ur over 18' I CANNOT PASS ONLINE CLASSES. DO YOU WANT ME TO GO ON THE ROAD LIKE THIS#DO YOU REALLY. you want me to get behind the wheel of a car and freeball it????? because im 21?????? your funeral man#kidding . it's OUR funeral NO ONE is coming out of 'driving freeball' alive#neg
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Me trying to explain to my dad that being non verbal is not a choice
#hes like I've never seen you non verbal this long :/#meanwhile I'm trying to explain the various reasons why#when im non verbal i tend to isolate so i can calm down and recover faster (and it's annoying trying to communicate so i avoid ppl)#on top of that i usually shut down when i go non verbal#rn im still around people and working so I'm non verbal for longer#and its not exactly helpful when he's telling me shit like “you need to learn how to cope better because this won't fly in the real world”#I KNOW!!!!! I know and I am trying#he says this like i don't know and im not trying. it drives me nuts#hes usually pretty good about this sort of thing but at the end of the day he doesn't really Get It#vent post#non verbal
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is it a new tactic for ubers to complain to you about your own ride for tips bc it's happened to me more than once and I just saw a tiktok abt it ?????
#like i think gig workers should be paid fairly and not rely on tips but why are you getting mad at me.#while im in the car........hello?#i need to learn to drive dude
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"too pale for the automated system" is objectively a pretty funny problem to have when trying to get your passport renewed tbh
#me#the robot: this photo doesn't follow the rules because it's too difficult to tell you apart from the background >:/#me: I'M JUST REALLY PALE I PROMISE YOU CAN TELL THERE'S A PERSON IN THIS PHOTO IF A HUMAN BEING USES THEIR EYES#also I'm getting my passport renewed so that I can get my provisional drivers licence and learn to drive#'why do you need a passport for that?' I hear you ask? BECAUSE I NEED PHOTO ID. TO GET. THE THING MOST COMMONLY USED AS PHOTO ID.#(can you tell that I think this is stupid)#(I have to HAVE A PASSPORT to LEARN TO DRIVE. that's just not RIGHT)
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it's so funny when I rewatch a show but with a new/different/additional crush. like I'm rewatching the librarians with my partner right now and it just feels soo different lol
#anyway. Jenkins 😍#on a completely unrelated note...#I need to learn more about pocket squares and ties.#because it's already driving me insane when they don't go together on night court but it's much worse on the librarians where I can actually#like. see stuff lol#I don't mean 'oh no the colour isn't an exact match'. more like 'these patterns and/or colours look fucking bad together'#but maybe there's like. reasons for that. rules that my silly little brain isn't smart enough to figure out#because all I'm basing that on is. my eyes and my opinion lol#anyway he's so baby. 🥰 and I definitely like him better now. very very huggable.#he takes that suit jacket off and I'm like 🥵#man I feel so weird about this :') but I must talk about it anyway or I will never get over that :)#like it just feels like. ohh this is weird I'm not supposed to think he's hot because he's old 😬 but he just. is 🤷#anyway touching his ears would fix me man it totally would#*with my mouth also. but whatever it's cool I'm not thinking about that#no haha why would I be thinking about it that :)#or when he sits on that table sometimes and I totally don't think about how I absolutely need to sit in his lap :)#haha noo I'm not thinking about fucking him at all who even brought that up#anyway i am very tired & have already taken my sleep meds so I am extra stupid rn :) and the dumb thoughts just keep coming out
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I know it happens often to see writers during a long fic to complain at some point about the first chapters because they got better in the meantime and they look bad to them now.
But this is the first time where I saw this happened when the writing actually got worse
#Like this fic is enraging me#Because it started okay#Simple writing that generally worked despite some awkward moments from time#And evolved into this word vomit where everything is just stated (litterally zero show and all tell) multiple times!#Like it builds zero emotions it just tells me#Conversations made less and les sense going on#I saw zero bonding between the main characters despite being together basically in every scene#It drives me insane#This person believes they got better just because they write longer chapter and longer paragraph#But they tell me litterally nothing#Or so little in proportion to the amount of words#This isn't to bashing on the writer of course#Which is why I am consciously saying nothing about the actual content of the story here#But Jesus christ#Not only i feel like the whole plot that I had interest in was ruined#But also all the potential of the writer themselves#I saw at first someone who just needed to learn some more but was doing generally fine#And instead of improvement i am seeing them getting worse and worse#If they truly believe this is better then they're beyond salvation#I am so sad for all that wasted potential#Rant#Sort of#Ignore me i just needed to express these thoughts and feelings somewhere#I don't want to upset anyone#Maybe I should just delete this post
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