#This person believes they got better just because they write longer chapter and longer paragraph

[set-wingedwarrior]

I know it happens often to see writers during a long fic to complain at some point about the first chapters because they got better in the meantime and they look bad to them now.

But this is the first time where I saw this happened when the writing actually got worse

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Day 15: 🐍 Eclipsed 🐍

A letter arrives in the mail. It is plain, unassuming—just as any letter would be. Normal paper, normal handwriting. Normal, normal, normal... Save for the flourish in the final few paragraphs and the signature. You doubt you would be able to distinguish it in a pile of papers if you just went by most of the body of the lettet. Perhaps that was the intention of the sender, though: to be unassuming, and to strike when one least expects it.

A small bottle has come with the letter. There appears to be a mixture of powders and dried herbs inside of it. It smells wonderful—vaguely like your favorite food, though when you show off the contents to Grim, he tells you it smells like tuna instead. The label on the bottle reads “Special Seasoning by Jamil V”.

***Spoilers for chapters 4 and 5!***

Ramshackle Prefect,

Kalim insisted that I join him in sending you a letter of gratitude. He hovered over my shoulder for quite some time, begging me to proofread his own letter for him or asking me what I planned to write in mine. Honestly... that boy causes me so much trouble. In the end, I was able to wave him off and properly gather my thoughts.

Regarding the “winter break incident”... I do not regret my actions one bit. Condemn me if you wish, call me evil—but never say that I was not chasing my aspirations.

You have no idea what it is like to be me. Do you realize the disparity between myself and Kalim? He is the golden boy—the sun. And I—the moon, perpetually eclipsed and drowning in darkness.

I am forever fated to operate as a servant from the shadows, for the sake of a boy that barely understands how ignorant he really is. He can only smile so carefreely because he is unaware of how the other half lives. How we fight and claw and struggle to survive, to cater to those at the top.

It would be a different matter entirely if I had willingly signed up for this lifestyle. But I did not. From the moment I was born, my destiny had already been decided. It is one that will forever be tied to Kalim’s. I am bound by my bloodline, and its history.

I desire so much more than that.

Would you tell a broken winged bird he is not meant to return to the skies? A finless fish he should perish on land because the water will not welcome him? A venomous snake he should not bite because the world tells him it is wrong? No. They will do as any animal would—when backed into a corner, they will strike back.

I was tired of playing second fiddle to Kalim, tired of seeing him be praised for doing the absolute bare minimum, while I worked to the bone doing his duties. Holding myself back from excelling so that he, by comparison, would look better. I was always limiting myself. Stopping short of shining too brightly. Reaching for the stars that I could not see, right as they slipped out of my grasp.

I began to resent him—Kalim, and everything that he represented. I wanted to seize all that he had for myself. It was only fair. I had put in all the effort for him, so it only made sense for me to claim the titles and the credit as well. Because I want to shine, too. I want to be acknowledged, recognized, praised.

Selfish? Perhaps. I have never claimed to be a good person. It is only fools like Kalim that will continously insist that I am, or that I have the potential to be. Even worse are the people like Azul, who only approach me with shady intentions in mind. The sparkle I seek is not tied to teaming up with others. It is only within myself that I can grow and improve the strength of my skills.

This is who I am: Jamil Viper, unabashedly so.

In a way, I suppose I am almost thankful for the “winter break incident”. Though I was not successful with my plot, I was finally able to show my “true self”, the “me” I was repressing for Kalim’s sake. I can be myself, at long last, and excel at whatever endeavors I please. The cruel, conniving “me”... Of course it scared everyone.

... Kalim, that idiot. Even after all of that, he believed in me and talked the rest of Scarabia into giving me another chance. He had always been good at smoothing things over—perhaps a trait inherited from his father. “Why?” I asked him. “Why did you do it? For someone like me?” And Kalim’s only reply was... “Because I like you, Jamil!”

It is a simple answer, as to be expected of him. No matter how many times I told him I didn’t want his pity, he continued to brush it off. He said if I didn’t want to be friends, we could be rivals instead. “You don’t need to hold back anymore. Take me on with everything you’ve got!”, so he said.

Being “myself”. Having “more”. The sun finally left, and the moon’s light was no longer overshadowed. At last, my wish has come true—although not in the way I expected it to. So, for that... I thank you.

At VDC, I could dance and sing my heart out—I could shine the brightest I ever could. I surpassed Kalim, just as I had always wanted, garnered the praise I had long sought out. Me, Jamil Viper. They were cheering for me.

Ramshackle Prefect, consider my help at VDC as payback for your “help” during winter break. I had the foresight to clear out the audience and staff members before Vil-senpai’s Overblot, and I even came to rescue you on the magic carpet. With that, my debt is repaid—and I am free to act as I please.

Well... Perhaps that is not entirely true. It is not so easy to cast off the shackles of servitude the Viper family wears. I will continue to serve at Kalim’s side. It is not because I enjoy his mediocrity or his idiocy. This is simply a decision I have made of my own will, as I have deemed it to be the least troublesome for myself.

I will see where things go from here, and alter my plans accordingly. One day, I hope to break free entirely, so that I may finally grasp those diamonds awaiting in the sky. For now... I am content being “me” and coexisting with Kalim, just as the sun and moon do.

Best regards,

🐍 Jamil Viper 🐍

Scarabia Vice-Dorm Leader

Basketball Club Member

Second Year NRC Student

[sevensided]

how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

[vg-sanctuary]

Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling

Moonsprout Games - Switch, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, PC - 2019

I don't like the core gameplay of 99% of all RPGs, but the ones I do like have been some of my favorite games I've ever played. case in point, Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling, a modern interpretation of the classic Paper Mario formula and an ideal example of indie developers adding to the legacy of a cult classic. its main feature is turn-based combat with action commands, like old Paper Mario or the Mario & Luigi series, and strategy in its intentional design and small health and damage numbers that goes way beyond "spam damage and heal every third turn, use mana items as needed". (in case you want to be 100% blind for your playthrough, past the Keep Reading link are some very minor spoilers: an item a specific cook can make after a side quest, some basic enemies, environments that are about halfway through the game, and the names of some medals.)

“wow, vg-sanctuary posting about a game that's not even two years old at time of writing? and it's an RPG? are you not a retro/legacy blog anymore? who are you and what have you done with the writer?” I still am a retro/legacy blog, mostly, just this time I thought I'd share something that its developers still get money from, and whose developers aren't mega corporations. and I just beat it, enjoyed it, and really felt like writing about it because it still doesn't have the popularity it deserves even after that puppet guy on YouTube talked about it. not that this post is going to reach any significant number of people, but still. I'll write about some more indie games sometime in the future. (and indeed I am writing about another RPG and you better believe it has a lot to talk about.)

anyway, Bug Fables starts with a brash little bee called Vi and a polite and honorable beetle named Kabbu wandering into an explorer's guild and not having a partner to join the guild with. they reluctantly decide they're going to fight together because companionship is a requirement for this guild, foiling off each other and sometimes off their third friend Leif, a blue moth they find in a cave, for the whole game. every character has a distinct personality and all the party members get some valuable character development through a side quest, which I really liked, but I'm no connoisseur of RPG stories. while I'm on story, people that come here looking for a well-made world will get what they want from the many optional lore books hidden around the world.

the plot becomes more complex and compelling as the game continues, though it generally lets gameplay take the spotlight. which is great, because the gameplay is also mostly great. about a third of it is doing puzzles on the overworld using the abilities of each character to move forward a la the Mario & Luigi series. they generally make use of whatever your newest overworld ability is, and some areas early on have inaccessible things you have to come back to, sort of like a Metroidvania except it isn't required to do this for progression. some puzzles take longer they could because they involve using Kabbu's horn to repeatedly fling an ice block many times over a distance. it's never egregious, but it could have been faster if the guy would use his arms. this is a minor caveat and not a majority of the game.

a lot of people probably don't know how the combat for this or Paper Mario works, and it's really important to Bug Fables, so I'll explain that here. it's turn based, which is typical, but basic attacks and skills need you to time a button press to do as much damage as possible. you can also time a button press when an enemy attacks to take less damage. Paper Mario and Bug Fables also both have medals instead of other equipment that give characters higher max HP or a new skill, for example. you have limited medal points and stronger medals require more points.

this is going to sound like a lot, but any RPG's combat will sound like a lot if you try to detail it in a single paragraph. the game introduces these things slower than I am here. in Bug Fables specifically, the character standing in the front of the group does one extra damage but is more likely to be attacked, and you can pass turns from one character to another in exchange for that character dealing one less damage (which is a lot because basic attacks only deal two damage by default). certain enemies can only be hit by certain attacks; some enemies fly, so Kabbu can't hit them until Vi knocks them down with her beemerang. not a typo, beemerang. and many of Bug Fables' status effects have upsides -- being paralyzed reduces damage taken everything by one, poison has many medals that make it a good thing, and being asleep heals the sleeping character every turn. there are others that are straight up bad things, though, and usually don't come until later. all of this adds up to even small encounters having strategic depth, which is great, and if you don't feel like small encounters you can just avoid them. skills that would typically be relegated to one character, like healing and support skills all going to one, are instead split between party members to make decisions more difficult in a good way. there's also a lovely medal that instantly kills any enemy the game deems too easy for you, sort of like in Earthbound.

I figure I spent more time doing housekeeping like cooking (simple A+B=C or A-becomes-B crafting), buying items, and arranging medals in Bug Fables than in any other RPG, which is because it was designed that way. by the way, cooking recipes start hidden, but a foodie at each restaurant will share some strong ones for free, which is a big help early on. anyone who's played The World Ends with You (i.e. me) will be spoiled by its excellent quality of life: no consumable items and you instantly heal to full after every encounter. it makes items seem like a ridiculous formality that RPGs only still have because they've had them for years, but in Bug Fables any item that isn't simple healing -- a lot of them aren't simple healing -- has great strategic use, and the exact way you spend your medal points can determine whether you win or lose any fight, especially bosses. for example, one character having one extra damage for two turns when they typically only do two is pretty important, especially when they use an attack that does multiple hits, and having it in item form saves valuable medal points and skill points. part of that time was kind of a waste, though, because I generally had one set of medals I use for multiple enemies and one I use for single enemies like bosses. being able to save loadouts would have helped a lot. I would like to compliment Bug Fables on allowing you to restart any boss with different medals without having to repeat cutscenes, and commend it for letting you do-over your level up bonuses late in the game when it starts to matter.

it's not like spending a lot of time on strategizing before fights is strictly mandatory. I was mostly playing on hard mode where enemies have more health and more difficult attacks, and mostly with a medal called Hard Hits that makes all enemies deal one extra damage in exchange for extra money after each fight. it can be less difficult if you'd like, but it's never mindless; even if you're doing a strategy that manages 20 or 30 damage (again, a lot in this game) in a single turn, it takes effort to choose your medals to do so much damage and actually play the strategy out in combat. the combat strategy is the best part of Bug Fables, and it makes each fight almost like a puzzle. I've typed some form of "strategy" six times so far, which is fair because it's the best part of Bug Fables. don't let it put you off, though, it's RPG combat strategy, not chess-like or RTS or something, so if you've enjoyed any other turn-based RPG it should be easy to get used to.

it's also worth mentioning the ample side content. each chapter of the game unlocks a handful of side quests, some about trading, some about combat, and almost as many bonus bosses as main bosses. you're allowed to fight them fairly early on, and a few become available after the final boss that are actually a bit harder than it in classic Paper Mario fashion. basically, if you like Bug Fables, there's a lot of it to play. there's even a trading card minigame because of course there is. it's fairly fleshed out, too, and unlike the one in Chocobo Tales the animations between turns don't take six years. the reward for the whole card side quest isn't something that's important for combat, so you can skip it if you don't like it; I didn't especially like it so I think that was a great decision on the developers' part.

rewards for some of the other side content, though, are so good it's kind of a wonder they can be completely skipped. it doesn't make the game harder to not have those skills or medals, but they are some of the best in the game and undeniably really useful. they make great side quest rewards in that sense, but it's important to know for the people that usually wouldn't do side content. I don't know if that's a common kind of player, but just in case. (this game's 100% achievement has been earned by a sky-high 5.9% of players on Steam. usually it's more like 2% or less. the point is none of the extra content is overly obtuse.)

I will complain about the forced stealth sections though. and be astounded that they fixed the main issue with them in the last stealth section. these are minor caveats and take well under an hour total unless you're really, really, really bad at sneaking, but they bothered me when I got to them. I mean, I understand why they're in the game, I understand why Zelda has them, but I didn't really like them. the main issue for all but the last stealth section is that there's no vision cone or other indication that "if you stand here they will see you" or even an opportunity to recover from mistakes which are incredibly important for playable stealth. the last stealth section does have a vision cone and does have an opportunity to recover from mistakes, which is a great step up. I would like to use even more italics to remind you that these sections total less than an hour of gameplay. Zelda: Breath of the Wild's forced-ish stealth was much worse than this.

I don't know where else to put it, so I'll add here that the soundtrack is great and the graphics are perfectly Gamecube-y and the sprites capture the cuteness of Paper Mario really well, even though they're, you know, bugs. each environment is distinct and themed well, and each one’s music matches well. I really wish I knew how to talk about music because there are a lot of different songs in this game that work well for what they go with. boss music sounds intense and boss-y and appropriate for each boss you're fighting, the not-music hits just right, and everything else feels good. some songs use Nintendo 64 MIDI instruments, which I loved. and the bee boss music has a synth that sounds like bees buzzing.

anyone that likes RPGs -- and even some people that don't -- will probably enjoy the story and strategy that make up the excellent Bug Fables. it goes beyond being a homage to Paper Mario and becomes its own thing entirely, though its roots are obvious from the art style. not that this takes away from it -- Paper Mario is a great legacy, and this manages to be even better. for all its little bad things there are a dozen great ones. I admit I haven't played the classic Paper Mario games, but this made me want more -- I guess I'll have to go back while I hope for Moonsprout Games to continue forward.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Advice to Fanfiction Writers who Feel Guilty about Abandoning Stories

This is one of my greatest struggles in writing fanfiction and to date I have two stories that have been inactive for at least a year, and many that have never been published because I feared I would abandon them.

In this post: 

We debate the values of finishing a work before you share it online versus sharing it when you’re only a few chapters in and working from there.

What to do if you feel overwhelmed with the size of a project.

What to do it you’re losing traction and fear you’ll never finish your story.

We discuss ways to abandon stories with closure.

And some positive reminders, because

Before I start, let me say this: You are never required to finish a story. You have a right to publish as much or as little of the story as you like, and if you abandon the fic without another word, that is absolutely fine. That is your right. You never need a “real or valid reason” to abandon a story. 

Your worthiness as a writer is not determined by how many stories you write, publish and finish. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

Okay, onwards...

Should you finish your story before you begin sharing it online?

It sometimes seems ideal to finish the story before you publish. There are benefits to it:

The obvious benefit is that if you decide to abandon the story, then nobody knows it exists and nobody is waiting for a new chapter, so there’s no guilt or no random comments reminding you to finish that abandoned story.

Additional benefits come in being able to edit previous chapters before they were published when problems like the following appear:

-If you find you accidentally made a plot hole in previous chapters that you can’t solve in later chapters, you can go back and edit before you publish that chapter and have it become your story’s canon forever.

-If there’s something in the world building (like in an AU) that you wish you could change, that doesn’t fit the mechanics/physics of what you want to do. Example, in a soulmate, magic, or superpower AU, you might put limitations or a lack of limitations that you regret having and wish you could change because plot needs it to work differently.

-If you regret a character’s backstory for whatever reason (it’s too angsty, or too simplistic, or doesn’t account for how good they are at a certain skill such as fighting, or their character development in future chapters needs it to change) you can change the backstory before your readers get to know them.

-If you took character or plot development in one direction and decided as the story evolved to take it in a different direction, you have the option to rewrite a few chapters or to continue on and smooth it out in editing.

The benefit is that you can edit the problems out before readers ever see them.

The downside to waiting until completion to publish a story is that there’s a lack of feedback to remind you that you’re doing a good job, and therefore a lack of motivation to continue the story because you’re the only one who cares and you know in theory how it ends. You can just tell yourself the story in your head and let it go, but the downside is that it disappears when you no longer thinks of it. 

The thing is, writers need feedback. Even the most independent and confident writers need support from their readers.

You’re not a terrible person for wanting people to read your story and give you positive feedback before you actually finish the story.

You’re not a terrible person for wanting validation before the story is complete.

You are a human being who needs love and support from people who appreciate your work.

Don’t feel bad about that.

Should you publish a story before completion?

If you feel that’s best, then yes. If your story is relatively short but you don’t know where to take it, publishing it and having readers give you advice or ideas on where to take it might be the ideal. If you’re halfway there but you’re losing motivation, then publishing then might be a good idea, because the positive feedback and appreciation will keep you motivated to write.

A good way to get feedback and appreciation without publishing your work too soon is to find a beta reader or to have a friend read your story. If you want feedback on problems in your story to fix and edit, then you want a beta reader. They will tell you when your story is great and where they’re less interested in, which will give you a place to start improving. 

What to do if you feel overwhelmed by the size of your project:

I’ll break it down into a few steps:

Step One: Word Vomit. This is extremely helpful when beginning a new project, but it may also be useful if you’re stuck on one section of your story and need to reorganize. Open up a word document, open a notebook and put all your ideas onto a page. Scene ideas, bits of dialogue, world building concepts, backstories, anything you think you’d put into your story.

Even if you’re twelve chapters in, taking a moment to do this may help in creating a new idea.

Step Two: Organize your word vomit and outline the story

Step Three: Write

If you’re still overwhelmed with the size of the story but you have a decent amount of progress on it:

Step Four: take all your favorite parts about the story and examine them closely. Pick your favorite scenes and characters and try to rework what you’ve got into something smaller.

Step Five: Narrow down your story to something more concise. You can throw out extra sub plots that you’re not feeling strongly about. You can choose to do time skips during periods of time in the fic where not much interesting is happening and it can be summarized into a paragraph. 

Because this is fanfiction, there’s already a huge chunk of canon for you to fall back on that your readers will understand without you needing to explain too much. If the story you’re working on falls back on canon plot a lot, it’s possible to gloss over canon scenes or major canon events that weren’t heavily changed in your fic. This is especially true in universe alteration stories and fix it fics where the stories still follow most of the canon plotline but with a few details changed. 

Abandoning Stories with Closure

Quick reminder: You are not required to finish a story, nor give it a conclusion. Whatever your reason for not continuing the story, it is valid. You come before your story.

Onwards...

There’s the classic method, which is leaving a note to readers that this story is abandoned. 

Following that, you can choose to leave the fic as is, which is a perfectly good option. It allows you the chance to come back one day and finish it when your mental health is better, when your writing skills are stronger, when your life has more free time, when there’s new canon material to work with, when you have new inspiration.

I think the above option is best, but if it doesn’t sit right with you, the next options are possible.

You can choose to make one final chapter where you try to wrap up as many loose ties as reasonably possible. Realistically you can’t finish everything, but hopefully you and your reader will be able to leave your story with some emotional closure. If you can, end your last chapter on a higher note.

If writing that is not possible, you could leave an outline of what you think might have happened next. It will allow your readers to see what the end conclusion would have been and get closure.

You can allow someone to finish the fic on their own, give them the rights to be the new author. Some readers might even approach you to volunteer to continue the story.

I’m going to restate what I said before, because I think it’s something we all need to remember. Writers are plagued with self doubt, self criticism, and impostor syndrome (i.e. thinking you’re not a “real writer” because you’re not “good enough” which is B.S.) and I think we all need to remember that there’s nothing wrong with us.

We’re allowed to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to leave projects abandoned. That doesn’t make us bad writers, it makes us real.

You are never required to finish a story. You have a right to publish as much or as little of the story as you like, and if you abandon the fic without another word, that is absolutely fine. That is your right. You never need a “real or valid reason” to abandon a story.

Your worthiness as a writer is not determined by how many stories you write, publish and finish. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

I, the author of this post, am proud of each and every one of you for just being here, just existing. You’re real writers whether you think so or not. Your writing is amazing and good and it will always be improving. I believe in you, as both a person and a writer. I know you can do it.

[Note: I began this guide in May of 2019, and now it’s February of 2020, so talk about abandoning a project and eventually coming back to it. I think this is the oldest post in my drafts folder of the blog. Jeez. But it’s done, finally written and edited and now I can publish it.]

[kedreeva]

Do you have any advice on how to write faster? Though I do struggle with perfectionism and am working on letting stuff be mediocre on the first pass (done is better than perfect, etc), I'm more talking about the speed with which I can generate words in the first place. It takes me a long time to come up with what I want out of a sentence/paragraph, and even longer to actually put it into words. I've dismissed it before as a personal brain thing, but I'd appreciate your thoughts in case it's not!

I don’t have any advice you’re going to like, honestly.

Because the thing about writing is that it’s just a skill. You do it faster and easier by virtue of doing it more. Except that it’s a skill that you can’t practice somewhat mindlessly to develop muscle memory like you can with sports, and it’s not something you can pull up references for when you get stuck like you can with art. You just have to, like... do it. Over and over and over and over and over. And then do it some more after that. That’s how you learn writing patterns for yourself. That’s how you learn to recognize what you need to do in order to accomplish X without thinking about it for as long.

The other thing is something you’re somewhat already working on but I want to... like... I dunno how to say this but I see it repeated so very often in writers. It’s not just that people get hung up on things being perfect the first time (which they can’t be perfect the first time, and you’re doing AMAZING working on letting go of that). People get hung up on... like.... Every Story Must Matter.

I don’t... know where this came from, or why I never... I dunno, why it was never something I believed or saw, until I started interacting with more writers. I’ve seen so many people with this idea that every piece of writing must be something publishable. I don’t even mean Real Life Bookshelf publishable, even just publishable in some “finished” way on AO3. But oh man, I can tell you, as soon as you let go of that idea, you get better.

When I was in the TW fandom, I used to do askbox prompts. Just... you know, I’d take little prompts and USUALLY limit myself to 300-500ish words, and I’d slam out 2-3 in a night. The writing wasn’t great. It often had spelling mistakes. I never reread them before slapping them up on tumblr. They were just gifts (or attacks, like the Chimera fic was but Annabeth deserved that for what she SAID to me). But importantly, they were practice. And not just, like... I don’t mean that they were “writing an amount of words” practice. The prompts I took were “give me a pairing and 3 words” and then I had to figure out how to fit those things together and tell a story in under 500 words with no editing, 2-3 times a night. That helped me develop my ability to figure out how to put down what I wanted to say, and quickly (in both the time and the space meaning).

The thing is, I never intended for those to be anything polished. They were the equivalent of an artist doing sketches. Some of them were better than others. Some of them were just awful. I had no intention of putting them anywhere useful (I did, eventually, collect them into a chaptered fic on AO3 just before the Tumblr Purge, as a precaution). Most of them got 10-15 notes. Literally it was just a tool and a way to interact nicely with fandom for a while. They were writing doodles.

But that, too, boils down to “doing it over and over and over again.”

And finish things. I cannot stress this enough. I know people with a thousand WIPs and nothing really finished. The problem with that is... you don’t learn how to finish a thing. Which means you’re missing out on how to develop a complete story; because the ending SHOULD have some kind of relation to the beginning, even if it’s just “this is how things have changed/remained the same since the beginning” or something. Without writing the ending, you don’t get to see the whole picture, and that makes it hard to build. Finishing things teaches you which building blocks you’re holding while you’re writing in the beginning, and that’s a REALLY important tool for writing quicker. Without finishing things to learn how whole stories written by you look, you’re putting together a puzzle with no picture on the box.

Which is just “do it over and over and over again- completely.”

There’s a story about a ceramics class that I feel like I try to tell people all the time to express that sometimes it really is just quantity over quality. There was a post going around that pointed out that like less than 1% of Picasso’s works are considered masterpieces. I wrote around 200 of those ficlets I was talking about, and only ever turned a couple of them into worthwhile stories; maybe like 3 or 4.

So just... i dunno. You’re struggling with perfectionism so I don’t know how much this advice will help at all, but just let yourself be bad sometimes. Let stuff not matter as an end goal, not just a “first pass” sort of deal. Sketch some words sometime, doodle something silly in words and toss it. Make lots of small things just to see what shapes they make or what you can do with them.

Artists don’t polish every line they put down. Neither should you, that’s exhausting.

[luna-tormenta]

Lúthiena & The Fam Book Review: Urban Faery Magick by Tara Sanchez

This is my first witchy book review, please bare with me. It may not be the best review but, I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, as well as some of my spirit family's opinions on it! Hope you all enjoy it! Thanks for reading💀🌙🌻

Lúthiena's Review

This book challenges the reader to "stretch their understanding of the world around them" (pg 7), and after reading, I believe it truly lived up to these words. Urban Faery Magick is dedicated to techniques, experiences, encounters, and everything in-between of working with and learning about the Fae in modern times!

Firstly, I would like to say, the title of this book should be "Modern Faery Magick" or "Faery Magick of Today", because it has a TON of information on working with the Fair Folk. Not just working with them in an "Urban" sense. Yes I know it says "Connecting to the Fae in the Modern World" underneath the title, but I just think it should have been named differently🤔🤷‍♀️

The first portion of this book, is all about techniques of meditation, protection, and how to build up necessary skills for communicating and working with the Fae. Such as working with your imagination to build up your Sight, practicing Pareidolia (the ability to see faces and shapes in objects), and dowsing for Fae activity. There are a bunch of techniques, that I will describe in a later paragraph! It also contains information on the Courts, names, and folklore surrounding these amazing spirits. Tara does an amazing, in-depth job with writing about the Fae, especially when in the case of working with them.

Chapter 3 contains detailed descriptions of basic techniques to aid the reader in their exploration of Faeries. It covers breathing techniques, rhythmic breathing and walking, and a meditation called "The Silence Between" (pg 42).

This involves listening to your heart beat and feeling your pulse to meditate (your heartbeat and pulse don't line up and there's a small pause between each.) While using this technique, it allows you to enter into the Otherworld through the slight pause, it's a neutral ground between our realm and theirs, it's "the silence between" both worlds.

Next in line comes a cleansing/grounding technique, called the Verdant Breath, which uses the aid of an Ivy plant spirit. In chapter 4, Tara uses this breathing technique to go a little further and work with this spirit to protect yourself. I really enjoyed learning the different techniques throughout this chapter, it was really cool to see new components I've never learned before. I have tried the Verdant Breath and have seen a difference in my ability to meditate. Next, I will be trying the Silence Between.

Teachings in chapters 3 and 4 are there to help you build up skills for further exercises and meditations that are placed throughout the entire book. Tara also uses these chapters to explain why it is important to build up your abilities before interacting with the Fae, and why it's highly recommended to protect yourself. Amongst these pages are different charms and amulets to use, as well.

Next we further our understanding of the Fae through chapters 5-7, and look into further techniques used in folklore and history. I really like Tara's use of history and folktales because she touches on bits and pieces of EVERYTHING, and knows when to stay in her lane.

The second half of Urban Faery Magick is my favorite. Tara introduces an elemental system known as Wu Xing, because not all Faeries "fit neatly into the boxes" of the five elemental system we know as witches, and I highly agree with her! (Pg 101) In ways this system is alike the five elemental system we know and frequently use, but is a bit different. I highly recommend looking into Wu Xing a bit further after reading Tara's book.

Leaving out Spirit of the western elemental system, Tara combines the Wu Xing elements with the 4 elements of our normal system, to create more categories for identifying and labeling species of Fae. I have included a quote of page #104 for a better understanding of how Tara classifies and combines the elements.

"Note: ...The manner in which my system combines the Eastern and Western systems follows a very similar process, with each of the Eastern elements combing to make aspects of the Western (or vice versa), as can be seen in the table below.

[Picture ID: Columns of the Eastern and Western elementals systems. Across the top are five boxes containing the words Wood, Fire, Metal, Water and Earth, each box contains a element. On the left side of the graph contains four boxes, from top to bottom, with the words Earth, Air, Fire and Water. The different element columns are combined. Top to bottom, under the "Wood" category, we have "Earth of Wood, Air of Wood, Fire of Wood, Water of Wood". To the right of "Wood", under the "Fire" category there is "Earth of Fire, Air of Fire, Fire of Fire, Water of Fire". To the right of "Fire" is "Metal". This category starts with "Earth of Metal" then "Air of Metal, Fire of Metal, Water of Metal". Next in line is "Water". Underneath we have "Earth of Water, Air of Water, Fire of Water, Water of Water". The last category is "Earth". Underneath is "Earth of Earth, Air of Earth, Fire of Earth, Water of Earth". END ID]

This was also my first ID description. Please let me know if I need to make any changes to it! Thank you!

Therefore a being who is traditionally considered a water elemental may well actually be earth of water. Or, as with one of the entities I have worked with, fire of water. Another being may be air of metal rather than entirely air. Yet another, earth of wood, and so on.

...For each element, we will follow a case study for a particular Fae, getting to know them within environments where you may have not have thought to find them." (Page 104)

The case studies are a mix of Tara's personal experiences as well as experiences of mutuals of hers, and range across a few generations.

Each element has its own chapter, and contains a lot of information about each element. Tara does "modern sightings" for the elements, as well as two case studies. There are paragraphs dedicated to aligning yourself with each element, which I wish were a little bit longer. She also gives lovely guided meditations to visit and learn about each element's realm. At the end of each element chapter, Tara concludes with "Finding Other Fae" which includes names of Fae species to be on the lookout for!

The only bad thing I'd have to say about this book is the paragraph on giving thanks to Faeries. It states not to directly say "thank you" or acknowledge them for helping you. I, and I state again, I believe in giving thanks to my Faerie friends. Plus, Tara kind of contradicts herself by dedicating a paragraph to "not thanking the Fae" then tells you, in a later chapter, to "thank the Fae you work with". But, I digress.

I'm super grateful to have come across this book! I highly recommend it to anyone who works with the Fae, as well as beginners, because like Tara says in the beginning, everyone can learn at least one new thing! I give this book 5 out of 5 stars!⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Spirit Family's Reviews:

Dawn, the Selkie:

"I really enjoyed the classification of the elemental systems combined. It adds a deeper perspective and understanding of Fae for humans to learn about us. This allows them to form a better viewpoint on our aspects as Faeries."

L, a Lunar Moth Faerie:

"I enjoyed the element system like Dawn, but got a bit confused on how to categorize Fae, like myself, who have planetary aspects. I wonder if Lúthiena will write to the author for me!! Other than that I agree the info gives aspiring AND experienced Fae workers a ton of info to starting and maintaining relationships with spirits of our kind. I also believe it is in our nature to urbanize and I like Tara's view on it. She should write another book!!"

Ly, High Lord Fae of the Night Court:

"The information provided in Urban Faery Magick is simply put and highly informative. As a High Fae Lord, it is my duty to join together with different types of Faeries, meaning I have met quite a few species. Tara adds great descriptions to each element she provides, and elegantly designed ways the reader can interact with each element. This is a must-read for anyone wishing to add a little magic to their lives, or is wanting to find a path into our world."

Tar, High Lord Fae of the Summer Court:

"Continuing off my friend's review, I would wish to add that Tara magnificently wrote Urban Faery Magick. You can clearly see the dedication she has towards working with Faeries throughout the pages. She must have a higher purpose of working with the Fae. I especially enjoy knowing she is teaching others about things like the Thorn Gates, since a lot of portals have been destroyed. Hopefully, thanks to Tara's book, they may gain the respect they once had."

Bo, a Boggart:

"Let's just say I did NOT like the stuff said towards boggarts. We are not house faeries gone wild. Yes, sometimes we have slightly irritating tendencies. But we always mean well to you humans. Other than that the book was great."

Hank, an Eyeball Demon:

"Even though I am no where near a classification of Fae, I have had many encounters with them over my many years. Tara has an interesting take on the modernization of the Fae species that is very true and real. I agree the titled works, Urban Faery Magick, should be on every spirit worker's shelf."

Dara, a Toddler Fae*:

"I really liked the story of Rumpleskillson. (Rumpelstiltskin). It was like so cool he could turn that stuff to gold. Maybe I can do that someday. Also, there's like so many stories of us in that book! El Cadejo was another cool one! If you like stories about us you should read that book"

*For those who are not aware, Dara is an experimental hybrid Faery. He was rescued from a Spirit Hoarder who enjoyed experimenting on faeries.

Ra, a Rose Demon:

"I didn't enjoy being called a plant diva, no matter how true the statement is.

The Earth class was slightly misunderstood as we are still here, thriving ever beautifully on. Some of us just choose to hide in your plants more carefully.

Like Hank said, I don't technically fall under the Faery thing either, but I am a plant spirit and Tara mostly depicted us perfectly. I mean she did write some pretty neat stuff." **brushes hair off shoulder**

Aaron, a Hellhound:

"This was a very knowledge filled book."

LA, a Dandelion Angel:

"Firstly, we're not ALL plant divas. We just really like things to go certain ways. Other than being called a diva, the pages of Urban Faery Magick contained useful information for Fae workers. I especially liked reading the Cairn exercise and how it instructed to build it at home, NOT in nature. I also agree Tara should create another magical read like this."

We hope you enjoyed our reviews!

For more information on Urban Faery Magick please visit:

Search "Urban Faery Magick" on Amazon

Www.TaraSanchez.com

[melforbes]

seaglass blue annotations

hello! i just posted the last chapter and thought i’d put together some ~fun context~ for that fic. it got way way more attention than i ever expected and for something i feel i didn’t put that much effort into i think i did in the end put a lot of effort into it so i might as well talk about it and answer some potential questions.

my favorite book of all time is the sunlit night by rebecca dinerstein (yes, that one) and something i find really compelling about that book is how sparing the prose is, forcing the reader to fill in certain gaps, and i think having to fill in those gaps makes the book a really acquired taste with which either you love it or hate it and there’s not really an in-between

i also really adore how in that book the natural world backdrop comes to life, something i find really challenging to write. recently i even read into thin air, the book about the 1996 mount everest disaster, and even though the writing was superb, i still had to google what the hillary step was because i couldn’t picture it on my own. i don’t know how people write nature because to me it feels damn near impossible, but this sparing approach really worked, so i thought i might try it out. i tend to be longwinded (gestures vaguely at this post) and wanted to have certain parts of this be a lot smaller and more contained without negating impact. whether or not i made it work is anyone’s guess. definitely not my normal style, so to speak

based on the comments i’ve received i think this might be everyone’s favorite part. in my mind age of consent by new order was playing in the background. in pretty much every fic i have a scene like this one and all of them are based on the poem first base gold by rh*annon mcg*vin from her book branches (censored because she has a tumblr and i don’t want her seeing this haha)

i absolutely can’t do the poem justice by describing what it’s about, but the simplest, most basic interpretation of the poem is that there is no better place to kiss than right here, right now, because of the past. i really like that imagery and tend to use it a lot. she as a writer has been a big inspiration for me and if you’ve read my fic true minds i should add that the nonfiction inspiration for that was directly as a result of one of her youtube videos. i particularly love how the last paragraph (stanza? im not a poet) is one big run-on sentence that’s jovial and tongue-in-cheek and colloquial and straightforward. it feels triumphant in a quiet way to me and i love how it’s done. obviously my attempts at something similar are nowhere near as insightful, but still, the most basic image of this is that there is no better place to kiss, and that’s how i felt about the two of them finding pudding in the supermarket

this part is autobiographical; while writing this last year, i went through six months of intravenous drug treatment, a month and a half of which involved long days of doctor visits on every weekday. when you’re on stuff like that for a long time you end up with a central line for better access (potential plot hole in all of this: scully never had one) but for a month and a half i got poked almost every day and strangely enough it got harder over time. the first couple you never feel, but a week or two later you start flinching, and if the needle goes in the same vein each time, it hurts the more it gets prodded. i reached a point toward the end of the in-office visits in which i would bleed a lot every time i got poked, and i can’t watch anything like that happen to me so i was looking away each time, and when i felt that the nurse was done, i would look back over, and sometimes i would be looking down at a pool of blood that i hadn’t expected to see. it’s weird, you don’t actually feel yourself bleeding, i would’ve expected a hot bloody feeling but instead it felt like nothing. and when i say a pool i mean that it would drip down beneath my elbow, stain the sheet they’d put underneath, and i wouldn’t get all of it off until i showered. i didn’t necessarily find it scary, but it was surreal and kind of pulled me out of normalizing the experience i was having. for a very long time needing iv drugs was my greatest fear and i was surrounded by that then and fine, and then, there was blood all over my arm, and like, haha, this is actually not fine. you’d think something else would’ve been scarier, but it wasn’t. and now looking back at this paragraph i wish i’d edited it differently but hey that’s life

i’d never really understood the purpose of religion as a self-driven part of life until i took anatomy in college. i was raised catholic and though culturally i understand having a religion and being raised with one, i’ve never really reached for religion when i wanted answers, and i haven’t personally understood why that’s someone’s first option. and i know there’s been plenty of commentary on the hypocrisy of dana scully as a catholic who believes in science, yada yada yada, i think everyone has read all of that by now. but what struck me while learning anatomy is that there is a kind of neuron we don’t know the function of. there are four kinds of neurons, and one of them is still a mystery to us. and then, there’s all of these different parts of human bodies that exist in a certain perfect way, but why do they exist like that? to support life, yes, but why is it that we can make comparisons? why were irises not the same color? and we name valves of the heart after religious figures. we are so hell-bent on meaning that something literal will never be enough. and all of that made me think that dana scully has god to fill in what science won’t answer, at least not yet. and there’s definitely a bigger conversation about science as denial of indigenous cultures that i am nowhere near qualified to start. after taking those classes, i think i would be more shocked if she wasn’t religious. you can ignore pretty much all of the paragraph above but it was important to me that at some point in this fic she willingly conceded that she didn’t know what would happen and that she didn’t have answers. with illness, there is no logic, there’s no thinking your way out of it, and i think that would plague her for a long time. to me, she only would accept her death when she could say she had no idea what would happen, she has no answers, there’s nothing filling in her gaps anymore, and she’s comfortable with that. and i put all of that in a paragraph about my thoughts on god because it made sense to me. there are times that just feel like you’re in a movie and there’s no one else you can say caused them. it’s not enough to build belief on but it’s enough to bring a certain kind of wonder. also one time my parents insisted on watching stripes because it was so funny and when watching it none of us found it funny at all and my parents grimaced and were like what were we on that made that good back in the day so that’s in here now haha

and now, the biggest question: does she die at the end? when i came up with the idea for this fic, i knew the beginning and ending but not the middle, and i posted this as a smaller project (ie: chapters below 3,000 words) while illness made my bigger projects harder to work on and essentially flew by the seat of my pants the whole time. i wrote the last line a long long time ago and have always seen the ending as written as the concrete ending. when i started writing this, i never intended for there to be a definitive answer to whether or not she dies. i like premature endings (the ending of girls burn brighter comes to mind) and i think that this works better without saying whether or not she lives. and i also have a hard time with giving a definitive answer because this fic very much is about death and having her die would, of course, be traumatic, but showing her living instead i think ruins any takeaways people could have. i’ve never had cancer but as a chronically ill person i think i can speak to how you never actually win with illness; the best you can do is tie, and sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you “lose” anyway, you lose spectacularly, and all of your effort was for nothing. i wholeheartedly believe that humans can’t emotionally or logically process natural disasters or illness, hence why much of the talk about illness in this is from mulder’s perspective as he experiences her terminal illness secondhand; that way, he doesn’t need to (but still likely will) find logic or reason or meaning for death from a terminal illness, so his discoveries and his coping mechanisms aren’t as urgently needed. had i written a chapter that describes how she lives, i think that the discussion of death in this would be voided altogether. and i also don’t believe the ending would be much different whether she lives or dies; there’s still the need for death acceptance and talking about dying, whether or not she lives, and none of the story in this fic would have happened had the characters known she would live. the whole point is not knowing.

for a little while i toyed with writing an unofficial sequel of sorts in which i spelled out what i think happens after the ending, but after realizing that that would end up being longer than the original fic and would also have some massive plot holes, i decided against it. i do have my own version and i don’t want to share that version because i never really intended for my version to be some kind of genuine sequel in which every question gets answered and everything is wrapped up and happy ever after and whatnot. it was just where my brain wandered in the same way it wanders when i watch an open-ended movie. all of that to say, if you think she lives, then she lives. if you think she dies, then she dies. it’s your decision. i’d much rather you choose than me. i never marked this as “major character” death on ao3 because, well, she doesn’t die in this fic. whether or not she dies after the fic ends, that’s for you to decide. 

thank you for taking the time to read my writing. i never expected this to blow up (it blew up for me at least, for a while it was my most popular fic ever, with i think thousands more hits than anything else i’d written) and the response has been mind-boggling and wonderful. i don’t respond to comments often because it makes me feel like a pompous jerk (”thank you for enjoying this! i, too, enjoy this thing i have written! oh ho ho!” is how it sounds to me in my head, whereas when other writers respond to comments to me it just looks like thanks man have a good day, feel free to call me a weenie) but i’ve appreciated all of them very much. THANK YOU! i hope your new year is a Whole Lot Less Shit than 2020. i don’t plan on writing more msr because i don’t really have any ideas for them. thank you for making my last time special <3

[goatsandgangsters]

do you have any writing tips pls 🥺🥺

Ohhh big question! I’m flattered that you want my writing thoughts, anon!

So. Are we talking about tips on getting through writer’s block/sitting down and actually writing? The mechanics of writing itself, the individual sentences and word choices? Developing a plot? Characters or dialogue? Drafting and revising? If there’s a specific part of the process that’s angsting you, let me know, I’m happy to say more on that. For now I’ll try and touch on as much as broadly as I can.

Writing is a process, a craft, a practice. A joy and a trial. The act of hitting some keys with your fingers but also making something out of nothing. Which is to say—it comes with practice, it can be frustrating, it can be rewarding, and however you’re feeling about writing, you’re not the only one.

Inspiration/actually sitting down to write:

I find that writing is like exercise. Yes, in the sense that it takes practice to build up those muscles, but MORE IMPORTANTLY writing, like exercise, makes me groan and go “but that’s haaaaard I don’t wanna doooooo it, what if I just siiiit here insteaaaad.” And then I grudgingly get started. And I start to get into the rhythm. And then “oh goddammit. This DOES feel good.” I’ve still never experienced a runner’s high, but I have experienced “no I don’t wanna write. well I guess I’ll write. oh hey I’m writing. oH HEY!! I’M WRITING!!!” Sometimes you just need to push yourself through to start.

That said, sometimes you don’t need to push yourself to start. Sometimes it’s better to let something sit. It’s okay to pivot to another project if you’ve stalled out on one. I saw a post once that called this “crop rotation” and I think that’s true. Sometimes the challenge is getting started, but even when you can’t get started, the time away can be valuable, because it allows you to return with fresh ideas and fresh ideas.

I love using Fighter’s Block for when I can’t get started. It curbs my perfectionist tendency to write the same first sentence over and over again by forcing me to write consistently and quickly without refreshing tumblr between every sentence. Once I’ve got a paragraph, I’ve got enough of a rhythm going to keep writing on my own. You can use it for longer stretches of time, but I find a couple rounds of 200 word count goals is enough to get me through the inertia of getting started.

Read a lot:

Reading makes you a better writer. You will absorb aspects of the craft in the process—sentence structure, rhythm, plot beats.

Then think about what you read. Think about what works. Think about what doesn’t. Notice sentences that you love—not by meaning but by sound. Think about how the story is told, how the plot elements come together, how the themes operate, how the narrative is structured. Did the flashbacks works or were they superfluous? Did you love the metaphors and descriptive language, or did it feel vague and unhelpful? What parts grabbed you, what parts didn’t?

Being able to identify what does and doesn’t work in someone else’s writing will help you apply it to your own. It will also help you craft your own voice and style.

Use writing tips as a challenge, not a rule:

We’ve all seen those “writing rules” like don’t use adverbs, don’t say feels or thinks, don’t say said. Never listen to writing “rules”; instead, see them as a writing “challenge.” You don’t need to jettison every single adverb or permanently strike certain words from your writing. Sometimes, an adverb is the best word. And sometimes it isn’t.

These tips are useful, but not as hard-and-fast rules that must be obeyed every time under every circumstance. Instead, use them as tools to challenge you to think about your writing in new ways, to see if there’s a better way to say something (and maybe there is and maybe there isn’t), and to bring a freshness to the process.

I actually do really like to challenge myself to minimize feels and thinks. “He feels sick to his stomach” will pretty much always be less powerful than “His stomach lurches.” But sometimes feels and thinks work better, either because I need quick exposition or because it specifically emphasizes a thought or a feeling as perception. Again, it’s not about rules. It’s about challenging your habits to breathe new life into your writing. 

Revising tools:

if you’re a tactile person and you own a printer (which I am but I don’t), I like to print out a draft and sit on the floor with a pen and a highlighter and highlight anything that sounds clunky or that doesn’t quite fit. Then I massage those specific sentences, looking for other ways to say them, and narrow in on those parts rather than trying to edit everything overall.

The hemingway app method (as long as you know you’re allowed to disagree with it) can be good to catch certain things. Sometimes I use it and think “yeah that sentences IS too long and awkward, I should rephrase it” and sometimes I think “nah, that sentence is long but it’s controlled and it works.” Sometimes it’s useful in pointing out that I used the word just way too many times; sometimes I’ll keep my adverbs thanks.

Retyping the entire thing in another word document is another revising trick. So is reading the entire think out loud to yourself (your actual ear will catch awkward rhythms or typos that your inner voice glossed over).

(Note: I don’t do all of these all the time. I revise with whichever method I happen to be feeling at the moment)

Character interactions:

Overly expository character interactions are probably my #1 writing pet peeve. People don’t say what they mean. They don’t calmly and carefully and eloquently articulate exactly what they feel. If your characters are conversing in well-practiced monologues where they’re able to objectively analyze and express their exact feelings, it’s not believable. It’s also not fun for the reader, because Explanations of Emotions are being used as a stand-in for actual emotions.

Example: You don’t have a breakdown because you’re stressed about losing your job and you had a fight with your sister and you’re also the protagonist who has to save the entire world. You have a breakdown because you can’t find your fucking pen. It was here a moment ago, you know it was, you put it THERE because that’s where you PUT things but now it’s gone and the pen is gone and you can’t even find the fucking pen so how are you going to save the world and everything is going to SHIT because you can’t FIND your goddamn pEN.

Your character is probably not even an expert on their own feelings, let alone able to objectively explain them to someone else. There are things we can’t make ourselves say out loud. We deflect. We put all the big feelings into small things. We squeeze someone’s hand and say come on, let’s make dinner because you can’t say everything is going to be okay I promise you and I love you so much and one day you’ll see that it’ll all work out.

What are your characters saying with their body? What are they saying with what’s left unsaid? And when are they saying something Else that’s really about Them? (“You did what you had to do,” character A assures character B, because character A’s own guilt weighs on them. They’ll never say this out loud. They don’t even need to specifically think “just like my own guilt, which weighs on me.” We know it by what they say, about other people and about other things, because these are the times when you’re really talking about yourself)

Also, the size of the emotion displayed does not translate into the size of the emotional impact on the reader. A big sweeping declaration of I love you shouldn’t be used as a stand-in for real chemistry or a moment of love that is specific to those characters. An absolute sobbing breakdown isn’t inherently more tragic for its size. You don’t need torture porn to evoke angst. Emotions are a lot more subtle than that. Using a caricature of emotion in the extreme often cheapens the emotion for the reader, rather than enhancing it. 

Other assorted tips:

Write notes! Sit up at 3 AM and write down a snippet of dialogue in a note on your phone! Jot down the plot idea for later! Note the phrase you heard someone say that sounds like it would be a good title.

If you can’t figure out how to end your story or your section or your chapter, it might be because it’s already over and the story has finished telling itself. If the beginning doesn’t feel right, if it feels slow and clunky, it might be because your starting place is too early. If the character interaction feels wrong or the scene isn’t going right or you can’t make that line of dialogue work, the problem is probably about 5 or 10 lines up where you took a wrong turn.

An em dash—like the one I used here—separates out a part of the sentence that couldn’t be a sentence on its own. Semicolons join two independent sentences together; this is an example.

The dialogue tag is part of the sentence. Correct: “I love dogs,” he said. or “I love dogs.” Incorrect: “I love dogs.” he said. or “I love dogs,” He said.

That’s everything that comes to mind immediately. If there’s another part of the process that you want me to focus on, let me know! I’m happy to go more in-depth on specifics! 

[champion-of-thedas]

The Negative Arc of Ennio Salieri

After this past chapter of Eating Alone, I’ve thought a lot about Don Salieri and how I’m interpreting and writing him. Just a warning but this is going to be a loooong post. I actually rewrote it because I thought it was too long, and it still is lol.

I’ll start with a quick explanation of the negative arc for those not into lit analysis. Feel free to ignore this paragraph if you’re already familiar. The negative arc tells the story of a character that ends the story in a worse place than where they started. I would argue that many Mafia stories have these (Vito Scaletta being the foremost one that comes to mind). There are three kinds of basic negative character arcs: the Disillusionment arc (I’d argue this one for Vito), the Fall arc, and the Corruption arc. I feel the Salieri goes through the fall arc, which goes as follows: character believes lie, character clings to lie, rejects new truth, believes stronger or worse lie.

Let’s talk about the truth and the lie of this tale. The lie that Salieri believes is that he is better than Morello, which he has three reasons for. Those qualifiers that he sets up for being ‘better than Morello’ are being a competent business man, a father to his men, and a pillar of the community. We, of course, know he is exactly like Morello when the chips come down to it, but this is the lie Ennio convinces himself with (and does so for others as well). There is a slow decline over the chapters where his humanity hinges on two touchstones: Frank Coletti and Marcu Morello. These events are what challenge the lie.

Let’s look at how the lie is established and how he is presented in the first part (referring to the five groups of four chapters between the diner book ends). He wants to help out Tommy by giving him a loan and tell Morello that he can’t hurt the regular people in Little Italy, projecting a certain ideology to Tommy and the rest of the trio gathered. After Tommy and Paulie burn down the parking lot, Salieri talks about how Morello’s anger will burn out his brain (words implying that he’s like a child). Then, Salieri gives his rules for the neighborhood: no swearing (a very parent like guideline), no drugs (pillar of the community), and be careful with the police (trying to show caution instead of aggression; also gives the impression of ‘local, mom and pop’ compared to big shot Morello).  Next chapter he has Paulie and Sam show Tommy the ropes and gives explicit instructions not to be rough with anybody, although he probably was well aware that would happen anyway. Plausible deniability and showing how he “cares” for his community. Because we, the player, have very little evidence to contradict this notion, we are not aware of the lie that Salieri believes, but we do get to see the conviction with which he believes it.

The lie gets fleshed out with fair play. He is still concerned with his lie considering his conundrum with how to treat the other driver (Morello didn’t have the same concern and faced no consequences so either he has friends at the track too or that was never actually a problem), and he mentions how a lot of people in the neighborhood come to him for financial advice. The fact that he does this is meant to illustrate both his competency as a business man and the fact that the community trusts him. We skip ahead at to Better Get Used To It, and he is full of apparently righteous fury at the treatment of Sarah. He talks about how she is a daughter to him (father) and how people won’t protected by them and they’ll lose business, but if you stick around a minute you hear his rant about the hotel and how he feels like certain things are falling apart. Here and when they find out about Ghilotti in the next chapter, Salieri is furious, but it comes from his business sense. He is still concerned about the health of his organization, but it does foreshadow Salieri’s temper and ruthlessness when things don’t go his way. His behavior, especially when it comes to the hotel, indicates that he can be vengeful when the chips are down. Ultimately, this is still reinforcing the lie, but it allows us to see the cracks in it.

Here is when things start to get juicy and where Salieri chooses to cling to the truth. At the very beginning of part three, we get a long conversation with Frank. This is a meaty conversation, especially for the insight it gives into Salieri. Up until now, this kind of behavior has only been hinted at, never confirmed. We start off the next chapter with Frank mentioning that Salieri has been going over the books with him AGAIN. It’s a throwaway but becomes important later as it hints that Frank isn’t the person that botched that chapter’s job. His calm demeanor during the conversation is him still staying calm and business like but reflective. It is the opposite of the way someone would be expected to behave when they find out they’ve been betrayed. His contemplative nature and reflection on the dog, then calling his child self stupid, is him clinging to the truth. He’s saying, “I’m not that person anymore. I’ve grown.” Considering how Salieri (and even Tommy during the conversation with Norman) portray Morello as childish during conversations, establishing his maturity is important to Salieri. Tommy’s conversation with Frank has him talking about he is tired of waiting for Salieri to kill him, telling the player that if Salieri’s most trusted feels this way. The rest of part 3 is largely him continuing businesslike behavior (introducing Tommy to the safe cracker and the whole thing with Paulie and the whiskey deal), which is him trying to return to normal, like the whole thing with Frank never happened.

Then, the third intermezzo happens. So, a huge aspect of negative arcs is the fact that the character will have the opportunity to see the truth on multiple occasions and cling to their lie until the turning point occurs (which is different depending on the type of arc). Intermezzo 3 actually shows hints of it when we hear a very important line from Tommy: “And Salieri, he finally start talkin’ about gettin’ outta Morello’s shadow. Maybe buyin’ our own cops, our own politicians.” Salieri at this point, is continuing to act on the idea that he is better than Morello, but he’s moving himself to the point where he’ll be forced to see the truth. I won’t go further with this too much, but part four is just riddled with Salieri clinging to this idea that he’s better than Morello as time and time again things go wrong or they go right. His opportunities to see the truth come in the form of the violence he or his men inflict (in particular the occasion with Carlo) and the sheer amount of destruction that he orders. Note that the sheer violence of the war is staggering, and it starts because Salieri makes arguably a reckless move by putting a judge on the take without checking (at least checking well) if this person is on Morello’s take. Whether or not this would have happened with Frank, we wouldn’t know, but Salieri’s ambition starts one thing. Salieri might still not see the truth, but, if they couldn’t before, the player can. The biggest piece of foreshadowing in this part is the last line. “See you on the other side Marcu.”

The seeing the truth and rejecting it happens off screen. I’ve talked about what I think the turning point for Salieri and Tommy’s relationship is, and I feel like the rejection of the truth comes when Salieri finds out about Frank. In great contrast to all conceived previous behavior, Salieri has Frank and his entire family killed. During the first conversation with Frank, Salieri only specifies something should happen to Frank (and this is in contrast to the original game where he wanted to provide for the Collettis after Frank’s death). He has a moment where he could show mercy, leave Frank alone or just leave his family alone, and this is a direct hit to his lie, that he is better than Morello. At this point... Who does he have to be better than with Morello gone? He doesn’t have a person to compare himself to that makes him question his anger and he directs his wrath from there. Frank is a traitor, Morello is dead, Tommy is a traitor, Paulie is useless, and Sam is a soldier. He has no equal and no protégé. His lie is no longer that he is better than Morello. His new, worse like is that he is better than everyone, and this time it is not morally. He is in charge. Tommy talks about how Salieri acted like they “owned the whole damn town”, but it was really that he owned it. He didn’t have to bother with putting on airs after this. This is why the three stipulations dissolve. After election campaign, he loses some of the father to his men by deliberately leaving out information about the job and not worrying about the health of “his boys”. He’s bringing dope into the community, not worrying about his position as a pillar of it. The business sense stays only because it is his business that makes him better than other people. Even then, that goes a little bit out of the window when vengeance (because Sam never got information that Tommy and Paulie weren’t planning on cutting them in after the fact, either Sam or Salieri assumed) became more important and he decided to get rid of some of his most successful soldiers. We still see the truth in the end, that Ennio Salieri is exactly like Morello, but he was ultimately blind to it.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.8.3 “Javert Satisfied”

I know this is technically a “good thing” since otherwise Valjean’s testimony would be for nought, but everyone except the prosecuting attorney agrees that Valjean is the real Valjean. I guess some part of me would expect for everyone to still think that Madeleine had gone crazy, or to somehow still be affected by the respect and veneration for Madeleine as mayor. But that’s not the case, and pretty much everyone believes that Madeleine really is Valjean.

Quick note that the lawyers also try to pull in all sorts of nitpicky bullshit to try and get Champmathieu indicted anyway, which courts still do today.

“This sentence, containing a great many ‘of’s, is the prosecuting attorney’s, written by his own hand, on the minutes of his report to the attorney general.” Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like the comment on all the “of’s” goes hand in hand with the earlier critique of the provincial language of the courts.

“...although the judge was a kind man and quite intelligent, he was at the same time a strong, almost zealous royalist, and had been shocked when the mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer, in speaking of the landing at Cannes, had said “the Emperor” instead of “Buonaparte.” A supposedly impartial person whose impartiality is a requirement for him to do his job well, actually be affected by his personal opinions and biases. I mean, that hasn’t changed in 150 years, that’s for sure. *cough Amy Coney Barrett cough* But it’s such a tiny little thing. Would the order of arrest be granted so quickly if the judge hadn’t caught that little honorific slip-up? It’s also just an example of the kind of knife-edge that things like someone’s life sits upon when in the hands of the courts. This is probably not the first case where a tiny, unrelated detail like that weighted the balance between life and death or freedom and prison for someone in this court.

Okay I don’t know anything about couriers and letter-sending and doing things quickly. If this is an official letter sent by courier, would that be one person riding horseback, without a carriage? Surely that would be faster than a horse pulling a vehicle? Especially since the deliberation went on for a little while after Valjean left the courthouse, and then the judge went in with the prosecutor, and then the letter was written and sent, but it got to Javert in M-sur-M soon enough that Valjean only had time to send his letter to Lafitte and briefly see Fantine. I’m just trying to figure out the timing of all of this.

“The buckle of his leather collar, instead of being at the back of his neck, was under his left ear. This denoted extraordinary agitation...For his collar buckle to be awry, he must have just had one of those shocks that could be called inner earthquakes.” I know the descriptions of Javert a few paragraphs later as being overjoyed means that this “agitation” is most likely shocked excitement, but I don’t know, something about this description is so weird to me. It’s the “inner earthquake” line, I think. That feels a lot more “negative” than excitement. Javert’s entire world has been shaken by this information. Perhaps it’s because this is so big. Really, it gets treated with such flippancy within the narrative, but a respected, well-known, charitable member of society in a mayoral position ends up being a wanted convict, and Javert was not only right about it, but right about it twice. That’s big for Javert himself, but it’s also big in general because it’s probably the first time Javert has ever uncovered something like this and been right about it and then told he was wrong and then proven right again. Plus the fact that he was hiding his convict identity the whole time while being a high-ranking, well-loved, leader of the community. Like, a “criminal” government official isn’t just corrupt in the usual way, he was fully a convict the whole time with a hidden identity and everything. It must be mind-blowing for him. And it’s interesting, Valjean is the only one who’s able to deliver multiple earthquake-status blows to Javert’s world throughout the book. (Valvert shippers, I’m starting to understand your perspective a lot more in this read-through than my last two.)

“...Javert turned the knob, pushed the door open as gently as a nurse or a police spy...” What an odd comparison to make. Nurse or police spy? Those are two incredibly disparate professions with totally disparate morals. Nurse implies a calm gentleness, a gentleness that is maybe nurturing or healing or at least positive in some sense. Police spy implies a much more cautious gentleness, one whose purpose is sneaky and definitely not positive towards those behind the door. How is Javert both a nurse and a spy? Unless he’s Harold Shipman, I’m not sure what to make of the connection to the nursing profession.

“Properly speaking, he did not enter. He remained standing in the half-open doorway, his hat on his head, his left hand in his overcoat, which was buttoned to his chin. In the bend of his elbow could be seen the leaden head of his enormous cane, which disappeared behind him.” Okay So this paragraph in context with the chapters before and after it are really interesting. He doesn’t enter the room at first, just stands in the doorway. He only enters the room after both Fantine and Valjean have noticed him. I’m sure there’s a good horror movie example out there, but it’s like he’s not allowed to enter until he’s noticed. Like he’s not allowed to exist for others until they see him. Does that even make sense?

“There is no human feeling that can ever be so appalling as joy. It was the face of the devil who has just regained his victim.” Man, I like the Hapgood translation of that second sentence so much better: “It was the visage of a demon who has just found his damned soul.” Like, it’s not Javert who has singularly persecuted Valjean (I mean it is, but not really), Valjean isn’t Javert’s victim. Valjean is persecuted by society, Javert is just there to collect someone already marked. He’s not the only one doing the marking. So I like the symbolism of a demon collecting a damned soul.

“Javert’s satisfaction radiated from his commanding attitude. The deformity of triumph spread across his narrow forehead. It was the full quotient of horror that only a gratified face can display.” I love this chapter for its bizarre contrast of ugliness and grandeur. Everything Javert does in this chapter is this gross, twisted version of divine justice. His joy, which should be a beautiful and pure emotion, is perverted by its circumstance. And the description of how scary a satisfied face can be is so good because it’s so viscerally descriptive. You see that exact face on every video of a cop being a racist, condescending, sanctimonious, power-hungry cunt to people on the street. That face of “I’m better than you and I have power over you and there’s nothing you can do about it so ha ha I win.” It’s more evil than antagonists who know they’re evil because Javert fully thinks that his actions and thoughts are right. And Hugo points it out here. Triumph and glee for the wrong reasons doesn’t make a person beautiful, it deforms them.

I actually love the description of how joyful Javert is because it’s clear that this is personal for him. When he arrested Fantine and sat down at his desk to write out her sentence as a one man judge-jury-executioner, he wasn’t gleeful like this. He wasn’t sad about it, he just was. He was doing a duty and Hugo even says that he was very thoughtful about it and spent time cataloguing what he saw in order to decide what to do. This isn’t the same type of detached judgement and condemnation. This is fully personal glee at being able to be vindicated.

“At that moment Javert was in heaven. Without a clear notion of his own feelings, yet with a confused intuition of his need and his success, he, Javert, personified justice, light, and truth, in their celestial function as destroyers of evil. He was surrounded and supported by infinite depths of authority, reason, precedent, legal conscience, the vengeance of the law, all the stars in the firmament; he protected order, he hurled forth the thunder of the law, he avenged society, he lent aid to the absolute; he stood erect in a halo of glory; there was in his victory a trace of defiance and combat; standing haughty and resplendent, he displayed in full glory the superhuman beastiality of a ferocious archangel; the fearful shadow of the deed he was accomplishing, making visible in his clenched fist the uncertain flashes of the social sword; happy and indignant, he had gnashed his heel on crime, vice, rebellion, perdition, and hell, he was radiant, exterminating, smiling; there was an incontestable grandeur in this monstrous St. Michael.”

I have multiple things to say about this passage so I think I’m going to break it all down into different paragraphs because there’s A Lot of different things in my brain.

First of all this is an echo--this time righteous and vindicated--of Javert’s feelings from 1.5.13. Madeleine lets Fantine go and Javert has this thought: “Or, in view of the enormities he had witnessed over the last two hours, was he saying to himself that he had to resort to extreme measures, that the lesser had to make itself greater, for the detective to turn into a magistrates, the policeman become a judge, and that in this shocking turnabout, order, law, morality, government, society itself, were personified in him, Javert?” In 1.5.13, Madeleine’s authority overruled him, protected Fantine and humiliated Javert. In 1.5.13, he is forced to accept defeat. Now, he has all of the authority, all of law and reason and justice behind him because Madeleine no longer has that same power. Javert is again the personification of justice, law, society itself, but there is not Divine Authority to stand up for Valjean as there was for Fantine. Javert is vindicated here for his earlier humiliation, with all levels authority backing him up this time.

“Without a clear notion of his own feelings, yet with a confused intuition of his need and his success, he, Javert, personified justice, light, and truth, in their celestial function as destroyers of evil.” Okay hold on wait. In 1.5.13, Javert has a moment of nearly breaking the fourth wall, nearly deciding that he needs to become a Symbol in order to restore the balance of authority and justice that he feels Madeleine has knocked askew. He is very much aware of his potential to personify Law and Justice etc. But here Hugo says that he does all of this with “confused intuition” and without a clear idea of how he feels. Interesting that when he is conscious of being able to become a symbol, he is prevented from doing so, but when he actually becomes a symbol, he’s unaware of it. Also, here’s another moment of Javert clearly Feeling Something but not fully understanding it, again a thing that only Valjean seems to provoke in him. (Oop more Valvert fodder.)

I don’t really know what to make of the superiority complex that Hugo describes here. Obviously Javert thinks that he is righteous and that he is doing a Great And Grand thing and that he is avenging society by ridding it of the scourge of the evil deceiver convict Jean Valjean. But the way Javert’s righteousness is describes feels like almost more of a “nanny-nanny-boo-boo” feeling. Is your righteousness truly righteous if you’re feeling personal satisfaction and personal superiority about it?

Javert is literally the Angel Of Death here! I know in my last post I talked about Javert as the grim reaper entering the room. His comparison to St Michael confirms this. Michael is a seraph, which are winged celestial beings with a fiery passion for doing God's good work (which is interesting to me considering how much Valjean’s symbolism is associated with fire). In Roman Catholicism Michael is the Angel Of Death who descends and gives the person the chance to redeem themselves before dying. He is also the one who will weigh people’s merits on Judgement Day. Except! Javert is Michael without mercy or patience! He judges without allowing a chance for redemption. We saw this in 1.5.13 when he sat down and wrote out Fantine’s sentence while she simultaneously explained her situation and begged for mercy. We see it now. Javert as St Michael is “monstrous,” he is the St Michael that defeated Satan, not the healing protector Michael. We even have the sword imagery. Michael used the sword to best Satan in battle; except this time the sword is “social” and to Javert at this moment, Valjean is the personification of Crime-As-Satan.

(Side note: something I love about Javert is that he as a human being isn’t really portrayed as an avidly religious person, at least not in the ways that Valjean or the bishop are portrayed as religious people. But his symbolism sure is religious. I think that’s one of the drastic differences between book Javert and stage Javert. Stage Javert is portrayed as a religious person but his symbolism is more human.)

“Probity, sincerity, candor, conviction, the idea of duty, are things that, when in error, can turn hideous, but--even though hideous--remain great: their majesty, peculiar to the human conscience, persists in horror. They are virtues with a single vice--error.” Hugo’s thought about duty done in error is so interesting. He says something similar when talking about Problem of the monastery: “To mistake a grave error for a duty has a grandeur of its own.” For Hugo, the fact of having such strong conviction alone is a grand thing. Having conviction, having a sense of duty is always a good thing--the error is not in the sense of duty itself but in what that allegiance might be to. The virtues of duty or honesty or conviction are by themselves inherently good, but they can be misused and misinterpreted and made wrong.

(Side note: This is actually a really interesting thought re: Grantaire! Hugo holds not just having beliefs but having faith in and conviction about your beliefs in such high regard. Which makes Grantaire, who is conviction-less and faithless, in the midst of all these people who are so loyal and committed to their beliefs and ideals, not a mild contrast but a massive one.)

“Without suspecting it, Javert, in his dreadful happiness, was pitiful, like every ignorant man in triumph. Nothing could be more poignant and terrible than this face, which revealed what might be called the evil of good.” God I love this line. “The evil of good” is a concept that really, really, really needs to be common usage. I feel like this line specifically really needs some in depth analysis but also I don’t really know what to say about it except that it’s just so true. Regarding Javert being “pitiful” in his happiness, this kind of reminds me of Mme Victurnien? Both think they’re doing a “good thing” and their deeds ruin lives; their triumph and feelings of righteousness are pitiful for this reason. Again, it’s the equivalent of a “ha ha I win” bully moment, but with much worse consequences. Man, I feel like this chunk needs more analysis than this but I don’t know what to give it.

[stellarcat52]

Timeless blue chapter 5

My mind stops functioning halfway though the last few paragraphs. So lady of the lake episode, there were many ways this could have played out that would have been much better probably. (Douxie getting Excalibur alongside them, one of my plans had him learn magic alongside Claire and succeed. Another had him encounter Nari, won’t explain more) so if you don’t enjoy the way this episode went and you want to read one of the other possible scenarios I might write them. Still, hope you enjoy.

Hisirdoux had gotten Krel before getting the others, Krel was feeling somewhat better after what Hisirdoux believed was a night of rest. The prince had honestly been awake all night, something had been bugging him. He had been adding notes to the alchemy book until sunrise, trying not to focus on the strange feeling in his chest.

The group saw no difference in him, fatigue didn’t show, he didn’t bring it up, in fact he didn’t really talk to anyone but Hisirdoux. Douxie found this quite confusing while overhearing their whispers because Krel insisted on referring to both of them as Douxie.

Krel had to be asked personally to join them. Douxie almost asked Archie to steal the alchemy book that Krel was trying to use as an excuse to stay behind.

“Listen,” Krel stooped his grumbling, following behind Douxie on their way through the castle. “I... remember bits of what happened last night, with my past self and you. You’re not alone, and-“ Douxie fades off as Steve’s ramblings of monster trophies gets clearer.

The way there, and after setting up a campfire and such, Krel was mostly reading and marking down things still. Not even Merlin would be able to pry his focus away from it at this point.

“Do you really think Merlin’s plan will work?” Claire and Douxie were talking, on the opposite side of the small ship.

Douxie fumbled a bit with the time map. “We’ve run out of options, and my choices haven’t exactly been working recently.” Krel tensed nearby. “We cannot make any more mistakes. We’ll just have to trust Merlin this time.”

Claire sighs, “I just hope Jim made it out okay.”

Douxie responds with something that makes Steve laugh as they get closer to the cave entrance, and Krel was ready to hit himself. Douxie had apologized, Hisirdoux had helped him, and he was still blaming Douxie for bringing them to the past. Not because Douxie fought with him, not because Hisirdoux had originally bothered him, but because he was stuck in an unfamiliar place and time, and he blamed Douxie despite it not being the apprentice’s fault.

They had entered, while Merlin was speaking to Claire about shadow magic, Krel and Archie had very similar reactions to hearing what Steve’s swimsuit was.

“Blegh. Why does Aja like you?” Keel muttered, the first words he had spoken out loud during the trip itself.

Steve puffed or his chest. “I’m her blond oaf in shining armor. What’s not to like?”

“I could name a few.” Claire adds, rolling her eyes, but smiling.

“We’ve arrived.” Merlin announced.

Claire gasped in wonder. “The lady of the lake is real? I thought she was just a myth!”

“Oh, no. The lady of te lake is very much real.” Douxie pauses. “Though, only Merlin’s allowed to meet with her. Well... ‘Till now.”

“Because her power is beyond your comprehension.” Archie jumped up and flew around the cave. “It is from her waters I originally helped Arthur retrieve Excalibur.”

The group steps up to see a set of faced doors. Krel hangs back a little as Merlin takes the sword, and announces that he is to go inside alone. Krel zones out, some pressure fills the air. Similar to tension, but more physical.

“I won’t just sit here without making things right!” Douxie knocks Krel out of his daze as Merlin opens the doors.

A blue hand lightly grabs the wizard’s shoulder. “Douxie.” Their eyes meet without anger or uncomfortable tension for the first time in a while. “Maybe this isn’t your place to fix things. Merlin knows what he’s doing, I’m sure it will be fine.”

Douxie pauses, and turns back to the doors well after they’ve closed. “Merlin’s magic is uncrackable, we won’t be able to get in now.” His tone isn’t accusing, not blaming Krel for holding him back, but just informing the others.

“Well,” Archie flies over and perched on Douxie’s other shoulder as Krel’s hand drops. “At least we won’t have to see Steve’s birthday suit.”

Douxie smiles and pets his familiar before the words “Too late” leave Steve’s lips. Archie extends a wing in front of Douxie’s eyes and covers his own. Krel decides not to turn around for a while, so he’s left facing Douxie, who eventually does look out from under Archie’s wing.

“Does this mean you don’t hate me?” Douxie still wasn’t looking up, probably due to the fact they didn’t know Steve was no longer in his birthday suit, but also because he didn’t want to meet Krel’s eyes again.

“I-“ Krel inhales. “I should be the one to apologize. I was mad at you for something that you didn’t cause.”

“Oh.” Douxie glances up, but obviously doesn’t like what he sees behind Krel, which is Claire covering her eyes and quietly threatening Steve for good reason. “So.. we’re good now?” He extends a hand, which is met with a handshake.

“Yes.”

They stand in silence for another few seconds before moving. Claire was now glaring at Steve, but his visual was no longer mentally scarring.

They set up a camp, starting a fire with help from Archie and wondering how long it would take for Merlin to get Excalibur fixed.

Krel found it amusing that Steve was attempting to talk the doors open. Merlin had used magic, the only one there with a chance of opening the doors was Douxie. The doors commentary ruined the entertainment by causing Steve to open up about his stress.

“Well he needs a therapist.” Krel commented.

Douxie and Claire start talking about shadow magic, it’s danger, and how they could use it to get inside. Krel was reading over his notes, and using the blank pages to theorize about that strange presence or pressure.

He clicks back into the conversations as Douxie convinces Claire to try, not hiding the laughter the comment on not being a good student brought.

He watched Douxie walk Claire through the steps, the portal appearing, Claire disappearing, and through it all that strange pressure grew.

They got their way in, after Claire, Steve and Archie had entered, Douxie looked back at Krel to bring him too. “Krel? C’mon, you alright?” Of course, te akiridion had no physically symptoms of that massive pressure causing his core itself to feel as if it was a black hole.

“A headache,” he lied, “maybe I should stay out here and guard the entrance.”

“Alright.” Douxie turns back to the portal, closing. “Be safe. And don’t run off without us!”

“I can’t even drive you goober! Go save the past.” Krel faked a smile as Douxie disappeared.

The pressure lifted the moment the portal closed, sucked into the void alongside his friends. The sand met him as gravity seemed to take its toll, the fire crackled quietly as he stares at the cave ceiling, relieved of the strange presence. His core no longer felt in danger, but that meant the others might be.

——

The others were dealing with the “lady” of the lake fairly well. Douxie had retrieved Excalibur, freed the “Lady”, and headed out, to find a very frustrated Krel.

“So much for the headache, your highness.” Douxie grinned as he matched pace with the akiridion. “Though you wouldn’t have wanted to join us anyway. The lady of the lake is this huge tentacle sea monster.”

Keel chuckled, “I would not call that a lady on this planet. Maybe on one I have not visited, but not here.”

“Yeah, how many planets have you visited?” They stood next to each other, talking while in their own little world. Throughout the trip ignoring Claire, practicing making portals, and Steve’s wonderstruck protectiveness over his “monster trophy”.

Archie took perch on the edge of the boat instead of Douxie’s shoulder, he liked seeing his wizard happy, and did not want Krel showing interest in dragons just yet.

Part four Edit!!

[mandrs-writes]

My Writing Advice

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer. I vividly remember writing stories about my dog way back when I was seven years old. And when I was eleven I was bold enough to think I could write my own novel and sent drafts to my older cousin for editing. Writing was my life, my escape, my passion. And it still is. But I haven’t always had a good relationship with it.

When I turned thirteen, I struggled severely with undiagnosed depression and anxiety. High school was terrible for me. All that passion I felt for writing? Gone. It wasn’t until I was older, that I was diagnosed with depression and began taking antidepressants. At the time, I was attending college to become a nurse, which was literally just a crapshoot because I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life. Finally though, I came to the realization again that English, or writing, was more my passion. So I changed majors.

I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in English literature with a focus in creative writing. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wow! You probably wrote a lot during college!” Wrong. While I did write a lot of thesis papers, did a short stint in poetry, I think I wrote one short story for my fiction workshop. But other than that? Nothing. I don’t know when it happened, but I developed a severe fear of writing.

What is a fear of writing, you ask? Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is, I would write something and get literal anxiety over it because I hated it that much. I would agonize over every little detail until I was ripping my hair out. I despised my writing, something I used to be so passionate about, it was now something that caused me great distress.

Why am I sharing this with you? Well, as some of you know, I am now a very active fanfic writer for ereri. I update roughly two fics a week and sometimes I sprinkle a one shot in there if I’m feeling sassy. So how did someone like me, someone who used to agonize over my writing, go from hating every detail of it, to sometimes pumping out roughly 10k words a week and actually enjoy my writing?

While I am no expert on writing, I want to share my advice, regardless. I’ve come into contact with so many great writers who I know struggle with similar things that I once did, and sometimes still do (I’m far from perfect). Here are some tips I have when it comes to writing. I hope it helps:

Get in the right headspace. Clear your area of any and all distractions. Lock yourself out of social media, turn off your phone, kick your significant other out of the house— whatever that looks like for you, just create the perfect space for you to create. Any distractions could easily pull you out of your creative mindset and ruin your flow. I personally always work in my living room, away from my desktop because I just know I’ll play video games if I try to write in my office. I find the perfect playlist for the scene I’m writing (I seriously have so many playlists for writing. If you don’t have Spotify premium for playlist making, I seriously suggest you get it), sometimes put a Pinterest aesthetic board up in the background, and just get to it. My fiancé knows when I’m writing not to bother me and he stays in the other room. Make sure you establish clear boundaries with your housemates when you’re writing. Interruptions can sometimes not be pretty. 

Once you’re in the right headspace, JUST WRITE! Seriously, I know it sounds like a no brainer, but it’s a lot easier said than done. Whatever is in your head, just write it out. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, silly or irrelevant. Just write it. Writing and editing are two very different beasts, and when you’re in writing mode you need to focus ONLY on writing. Again, I know this sounds very obvious, but I know from experience that this is much harder than it sounds. My best suggestion is to find a writing partner to do sprints with. Set a timer for 20 minutes and see how much you can write in that time frame. When you’re writing with a friend, it becomes a challenge to see who can write the most in that 20 minute time. You’d be surprised what you can do in that short amount of time. And what you write might actually be amazing! I know I’ve surprised myself on more than one occasion writing like this.

Keep editing and writing separate. I mentioned this earlier but it’s so important that you do this. Our brains work differently when we edit and write. When we write, we put our heads into a creative mindset where we are inspired to create and expand on new ideas. However, when we edit, our brain slips into an analytical mindset which is great for critiquing and finding errors but TERRIBLE for creation! That’s why you MUST keep these two things separate. Believe me, I know this is hard to do. I used to be SO SO SO bad at this. I would write a paragraph, go back and read it, edit it, and rip it apart. My confidence would be shot, and I wouldn’t be able to write anything else for that session. Eventually, I forced myself out of this bad habit with lots and lots of practice (again, writing sprints are AMAZING for this!). You might think that what you’re writing isn’t any good and you might be itching to go back and read it and fix it. But I assure it, it’s probably A LOT better than you think it is. Leave it alone. Let it sit. And when you’ve finished writing your chapter, let it sit even longer. Don’t touch it for another 12 hours. I’m serious. When you have a fresh pair of eyes and your brain is in the analytical mindset, THAT’S when you should be editing. 

Always carry something with you to write your ideas down. Whether it’s your phone or notebook and pen, always be ready to write down an idea! Sometimes a juicy idea or thought will come to you at an unexpected time like in the shower, while you’re driving, or while you’re trying to fall asleep. That idea WANTS to be written down! Whenever I’m laying in bed, thinking about my stories, I’ll grab my phone and write down a line or phrase or idea that pops into my head. It might not make sense, but my brain is trying to get it out on paper so that’s exactly what I do. I might not use it, but at least it’s there if it does end up being good!

Find a friend/beta reader to read your stuff. And I’m not just saying this for editing purposes. No, I’m saying this for confidence purposes. I’ve always struggled with self-doubt. Like I said before, I struggle severely with depression and anxiety, and sometimes I get into really bad slumps with my writing where I think I’m the worst writer there ever was. My imposter syndrome flares up and I wonder what the hell I’m even doing with myself. Luckily, I have a friend and beta reader who refuses to let me falter when times are hard. And maybe we don’t beta read each other’s works in a traditional sense (I don’t really know how a normal beta reader behaves, to be honest). What I do know is, my friend will leave interactive comments throughout my whole chapter, commenting on what she likes, what she thinks works really well or what could be better. Having her interact with my chapter and tell me what is good and what isn’t, significantly boosts my confidence and makes me feel loads better about my writing. Honestly, if it wasn’t for her, I probably would’ve given up on writing by now. But it’s reassuring knowing my number one fan is always rooting for me on the sidelines. Get yourself a fan that roots for you, too.

There’s no such thing as too many ideas. I always hear people say ‘I have too many ideas. I don’t know what to do with them’. I know what you can do with them… WRITE THEM DOWN, SILLY. If you have inspiration for an idea, WRITE IT. I know you might feel like you have too many projects and that might stress you out. And if you are stressed by the amount of wips you have then maybe you should set some aside. But if you feel a great amount of inspiration for a new idea when you already have another idea in the works, write it anyway. Whatever you do, do not squander that inspiration! That idea wants to be written. Even if you don’t think you’ll do anything with it, it’s great practice and if the inspiration is there, it should be relatively easy to get the idea out on paper. I’ve written multiple chapter fics before because I had so much inspiration for the idea and then never posted them. I was so overcome with inspiration that I just NEEDED to write them. So I did. Maybe I’ll go back to them and finish them one day when the inspiration strikes me. And if I don’t, that’s okay. It’s good practice to listen to your inspiration and use it as it comes. Stifling your inspiration will only hurt you in the long run.

That’s pretty much all the advice I’ve got. This might be a little rambly and I’m sorry for that. I literally was just thinking about this last night and wanted to get my thoughts out so that I could maybe help some people that are in similar situations that I once was a year ago. If you want to write, but you don’t think you can, just do it anyway. Writing takes practice. It’s not something you can master on the first go. It took me almost a year to find my writing voice and I’m still developing it as I go. Don’t get discouraged. If this is something you want, you can do it! Just write!

[aobawilliams]

First Line Tag Game!!

I was tagged by @idontonlytalkaboutdcmk

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

I’ll try to go from more recent to older (date of the creation of the doc will be written in MM/YYYY format), but this might not correspond to the time the sentence was actually written. (I might have missed some stuff but, oh well, whatever.)

1- (04/2021) Aizawa meets Izuku AU (MHA, OS in progress)

It was luck that brought Shouta here.

2- (03/2021) Vigilante Yagi AU (MHA, in-progress, either a long-fic or a serie of OS)

All Might has been a hero longer than he has ever been Yagi Toshinori.

3- (02/2021) Dad For All AU (MHA, various blurb on tumblr so far, most likely a longfic)

Izuku was trying really hard not to panic. One second he was fighting a villain with a still unknown quirk, the next he found himself __ years in the past, according to the news report currently going on TV.

4- (02/2021) Midoriya Inko’s Guide To Good Parenthood (MHA, in progress, probably a serie of OS?)

Midoriya Inko isn’t anything special. She's 30 going on 52, has a really bad case of anxiety, can and will cry for any reasons, and has gotten so many grey hair from her son's shenanigans its a wonder she still has green hair.

5- (12/2020) The Kids Will Be Alright (DCMK, spin-off of Sharpen Your Knives)

Ran was running. Fast, fast, faster, not fast enough. She put all her strength in her legs, went as fast as she could.

6- (11/2020) Before the coffee gets cold - The Sisters (DCMK, OS published on AO3)

It was probably foolish of her to come back to this place. But, on the off chance that the rumours were true, she wanted to give it a chance.

7- (11/2020) Sharpen Your Knives (DCMK, in-progress longfic, won’t be published for a long while)

Shinichi has no idea how things could have gone so wrong, so quickly.

8- (08/2020) The Time Travel Road Trip Case (DCMK, spin-off of Who The F- Is This) (technically not the first lines, but it’s the first part I’ve written)

Shinichi(Conan) felt someone lift him up from the back, he turned his face as he came level with their chest, one look at their face and…

Well, guess he found KID.

9- (06/2020) Who The F- Is This (DCMK, longfic in progress, the first chapters are on AO3)

Shinichi’s head was throbbing. He felt like someone was playing drums with his head. What has happened?

10- (06/2020) Harrinichi Kupotter (DCMK & Harry Potter x-over, longfic in progress)

Shinichi doesn't really believe in superior beings, gods or the supernatural. So far everything in his life could be explained by science and very human tricks.

11- (03/2019) Naobuza & Raphtaku AU (The Rising of the Shield Hero & Naruto x-over, an old baby I keep coming back to)

If you were to ask anyone to tell you about Naofumi Iwatani, those who remember him would tell you that he’s a weird kid. There’s something otherwordly about him, as if he was evolving in a totally different universe from them.

12- (01/2019) The self-indulgent FMA TT au (FMA, an old project that I should go back to, someday)

Somehow, sometimes, Ed felt like there was some being out there, out for him.

13- (01/2019) Nanadaime time travel AU (Naruto, will most likely be an OS, one day I will finish it enough to post it on AO3)

It was a late night In the Hokage office, one of many. As was usual by now, the Hokage was filling paperwork at his desk, his right-hand-man filling his own number of files at his side.

14- (11/2018) Baby Ed saving the world with hugs and punches (FMA, an old project that I will go back to)

On a warm night during the summer of 2005, as the sun left it’s place for the shining stars, Edward Elric went to sleep for the last time besides his lovely wife, in the house he has rebuilt with his own two hands.

15- (06/2018) The roadtrip 03Ed never knew he needed (FMA03/CoS & Fantastic Beasts and where to find them x-over, a serie of OS)

He wasnt sure what brought him back here.

Maybe he just wanted to make sure Envy was dead, one monster less in this world. Or maybe he just wanted to make sure there was no way between both world (no way to go home.)

16- (04/2018) Badass Women Roleswap AU (FMA, I still sometime go back to it, will most likely be a serie of OS)

Ed didn’t have many memories of his father. He could remember a tall man, who always looked sad. A giant who always had trouble when it came to holding him and his brother. A figure always working in his study. A person who always looked sad when teaching them alchemy.

17- (03/2018) FMA TT fic I wasnt planning to expend (FMA, old project, I will get back to it.) (it is, also, the first fanfic idea I got when I got back into writing fics)

Nothing happened as it should have been. No matter everything they’ve done to try and stop him, the dwarf in the flask still managed to bypass it all and, in some way, reach his goal.

And that’s pretty much it for any written stuff I got (anything else is too old)

Bonus: A la recherche du canard (Looking for the duck) - it’s an old assignment I had for french class, where we had to pick an article and write a short story based on it. (When I say old, I mean it’s from 2012 - it’s a good way to see how far I’ve come). It’s honestly really bad but I did have a lot of fun back then. (This is a translated from french version btw) (yes I stole names from Hetalia I was always terrible at finding names for characters)

The sun shined upon the sleeping man face, who opened his bright blue eyes. He got up suddenly, throwing his blanket on the ground. Today would be the day where he, Alfred F. Jones, Yorkville police officer, would accomplish his mission: keeping an eye on the annual fair set-up.

So, observations: You can very clearly see me go through various fandom phases it’s funny. Also my naming skills for the AUs got slightly better (but not that much.) I do tend to drop a name (usually the person from whom the POV is) in those first sentences. The first paragraph tend to get shorter with time (which might simply be because I realised I tend to lose focus when it gets too long.) I also never start on dialogue, generally I go for the POV’s thought uh.

I do quite like the ones for the Vigilante Yagi AU and the Midoriya Inko’s guide, The Kids Will Be Alright too. Badass Women I like it but also am not 100% happy with it.

This mostly made me want to share even more about these stories to y’all.

Anyway! Tagging @whoever wants to do it! I’m not sure whom I follow has already done it/been tagged or not, uuuuhhh, maybe @artistfingers ? If you’re a writer and wants to do it then go for it and tag me I guess.

[charmspoint]

3,5, 14, 17 for the fic ask game?

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

Not anything that I'm writing right now, no, but that's mostly cuz I usually get more inspired by art or music. When I read other peoples fics, especially when its fics i like, I usually don't feel the need to write anything similar cuz like...I already got what I wanted. And with fics that arent what I wanted and I think can be done better I usually dont stick around long enough to forge an idea around them ghvghvh I have very limited time for fics so im p picky about what I read.

While writing this I remembered one fic that DID inspire me cuz it hard really great atmosphere and magic feel to it and even though I didn't have a concrete idea I wanted to write something with a similar feeling so I went to look for it but it seems it got deleted and I can't remember who the writer was FUCK

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

I genuinely leave really fast if I see descriptors used too much to identify people like u know 'the tall man' or 'the ravenette', like I can stand a one or two during a chapter but when people open with it and just keep em coming I'm very quick to leave, it's just something that breaks my immersion a whole lot.

There's also like something I can't quite describe like general writing quality. You can usually tell when a person isn't quite there yet because their writing is too clumsy or they linger on weird things or something. But then there are fics that are obviously written by someone who just started, like they are a lil awkward and clumsy but they have the IT factor. To throw in a lil rec that was Bagatelle No.25 in A minor for me. You can tell the writer is new and not really sure how to go about some things but WOW did they manage to capture me in the second half like it hasn't updated in a good while but I still hope it will because I'm very eager to see this writer develop. I think they have a lot of potential.

Also like something that won't bring me out like first chapter but does in longer fics is when things just take...so fucking long. Like I've read fics that take paragraphs to describe outfits and meals and I can't I just can't. That might be fun for some but it's just boring to me hvhvh ;;;; Some fics just feel very dragged out, like something an author could have said in less words is stretched out into more to meet a word count, you can really feel when a scene just drags on and I will usually drop fics that don't show improvement with that even if i initially enjoyed them cuz, like i said, my time is limited and I don't fancy spending it on being bored. I believe in giving a scene a time it needs and cutting out what doesn't work or slows down the pacing. That's why my chapters tend to vary by length from like 4-10k :I HVGGHVGH I don't want to stretch them out for the sake of stretching them out and I don't want to constrain them to a set word count either.

But as I said I'm this strict only cuz I don't have much time so being mega picky is the only way I read fics rn.

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?

Ah, I answered this in the last one kinda, but no not really. I just kinda go with the flow of the fic and see how it turns out. Sometimes its 2k sometimes its....30k...

Chaptered fics are a lil different, I usually write the first chapter free range and then feel the need to have every following chapter be AT LEAST that length. But as I said, what's important is quality over quantity so I'm not afraid to cut out stuff that just doesn't work, even if it makes me go bellow that count. The most important thing for me is that the chapter works, that it reads easy, that it doesn't feel like a drag or like footnotes. The wordcount is in service of that not the other way around.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

JHJKHBJ >.< a lot. I def refresh my page a lot of times, especially if I wrote something I'm p proud of. I'm always really excited to hear what people have to say and if they liked it. I wouldn't be posting my work if I didn't want people to interact with it. But also I'm always nervous about making dumb spelling mistakes right after I post :) I fuckin found a few after rereading my fics like months later it's embarrassing

writing asks

[taeken-my-heart]

Moirai chapter 9 (JK’s pov)

Summary: On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Soulmates au/ Enemies to lovers au. Angst, fluff, bickering, romance, eventual smut.

Word Count: 1950

Notes: Next chapter will be back to the readers perspective. This was to give some insight into Jungkook’s thoughts about when he got his own soulmate tattoo and how he felt about it.

NEXT CHAPTER COMING VERY SOON!

****

The night was cold, Jungkook’s breath fogging as he huffed, zipping up his jacket. Walking down the porch of his house, he made his way towards Ella’s place, hands stuffed in his pockets with a frown.

Her bedroom was around the side of the house, so he unlatched the gate, grabbing some pebbles and stepping through, closing the door behind him. It was 10 minutes to 11 so her light was still on. Twisting one of the pebbles in his hand, he sent it soaring towards her window. His fingers ached from the cold but he waited patiently.

The curtains fluttered slightly before a gap in the center appeared and Ella looked down, brow wrinkling as she went to unlatch her window and pull it open. “What are you doing?” She whispered and it was so endearing he couldn’t help but smile.

“Can we talk for a minute?” He called back, careful to keep his voice low.

“You could have texted, you know. Not that I’m opposed to the Romeo and Juliet balcony stuff,” she teased, leaning against her window, “but it’s absolutely freezing right now!”

“Meet me on your porch?”

Ella nodded, closing the window and locking it before disappearing behind the curtain and Jungkook made his way back out to the front, dropping the few pebbles he had left over back into the grass.

He only had to wait a moment longer before Ella made her way out onto the porch, body wrapped warm in a coat that was absurdly large and made her look like a marshmallow. He grinned, patting the spot beside him on the porch swing and she came to sit beside him, shivering despite her protection.

“What’s going on?” She asked softly, turning to look at him and he almost lost his composure. Her cheeks were squished upwards from the collar of her coat and she looked like the Pillsbury doughboy. Jungkook sighed, leaning back against the swing and rocking it slightly with his feet.

The movement made a sharp breeze whip against his cheeks and he stopped quickly. It was too cold for that.

“Rachel and I broke up.” He murmured, staring out into the sky. Over the tops of the houses he could just make out the stars. The street lamps hummed lowly, their light blurring the luster of the moon.

“I’m so sorry!” Ella whispered.

“’s ok.” He sighed, shrugging. “Honestly, it should have happened months ago. She was pretty mad, though.”

“What did she say?”

He shrugged again, dragging his fingernail across the wood of the bench. “Lots of stuff. Mostly things about me, about how I’m selfish and stupid and I don’t deserve to be popular. Whatever. She also insulted my skills in bed, but I never heard her complaining before.” He huffed, rolling his eyes. “Honestly, the worst of it wasn’t even about me. I get it, she felt angry so she wanted to make me hurt, but then she went after my parents. Talked about how I must have gotten my stupidity from my dad since he doesn’t even know how to learn English well.”

Jungkook grit his teeth together angrily. He’d been so mad he’d wanted to hit something. His dad was his idol, he’d moved from Korea as a young man and learned English after getting here. Jungkook’s mom was a big part of the reason he was even able to learn as quickly as he did because they started dating and she would help him practice, take time out of her day to explain grammar and sentence structure to him.

He’d worked so hard and the fact that Rachel was insulting his intelligence made Jungkook’s blood boil. She could attack his character all she wanted for all he cared, but his family had nothing to do with them.

“She’s stupid!” Ella fumed, cheeks puffed up with fury and Jungkook smiled. “How childish, to go after your dad. Your dad is amazing! It’s not easy to learn a second language, I bet she doesn’t even know one so who’s really the idiot, huh?”

“She accused me of cheating too. Like I would ever.” He scoffed, “She’s pushy and a bully, but I’m loyal; I’d never cheat.”

“What kind of evidence does she even have to back that up?” Ella asked, flabbergasted.

“Well, she’s seen us hanging out a lot recently and just kind of assumed. I hope you never felt like I was being inappropriate.” He said, turning to face her suddenly, “You’re one of my best friends, I’d hate to lose you.”

“Don’t worry, Jungkook.” Ella smiled, “I never felt like you were being inappropriate. You’re my friend and I respect you and I’ve always felt like that was mutual.”

“I do respect you.” Jungkook nodded, reaching out his hand to grab her own. “You mean a lot to me. You’re a really cool girl, Ella. You’re smart and nice and so pretty; some guy out there is really lucky to have you as his soulmate.”

Ella smiled, chin dipping into the edges of her coat. “Thanks, Jungkook.”

He sighed, breath fogging the air again as she stared back out at the street, Ella’s fingers still locked in his own. He stood, pulling her up with him and walked her towards her door. “I should go now.” He murmured, looking down at her and she nodded.

He’s not sure why, but suddenly he was leaning forward and kissing her cheek. Her skin was cold from the evenings touch and he loosened his grip on her hand, letting her go. “Thanks for listening to me.” He murmured.

She nodded, shy, before heading back into the house with a mumbled goodnight and locking the door behind her. Jungkook trudged back across the front lawn towards his house, grass crunching beneath his shoes.

The house was dark when he got back inside; his parents probably asleep by now. After hanging his coat in the closet and kicking off his shoes, he made his way quietly back up the stairs. There was less than an hour until midnight and he’d officially get his soulmate tattoo.

For the first time ever, he thought of the implications of that moment. It was inconvenient timing, now that he was a little interested in Ella. He doubted she was his soulmate which made everything that much more complicated. The idea of being faced with a name of person he was meant to be with made him question everything.

He wasn’t sure if he was actually ready for it, now that it was almost here. A lifetime of responsibility to someone else he didn’t know and he wasn’t even 18 yet. He knew he shouldn’t worry, he likely had years before he’d even meet her, but the pressure began to mount.

He pulled his shirt off, depositing it by the side of his bed and stripping down to his boxers before making his way to brush his teeth in the bathroom. There was some excitement, underneath the fear. He’d been waiting for this moment for years and now it was finally here; he’d finally know the name of his soulmate. He wondered what she was like, whether she was nice, funny, smart, he wondered what she looked like.

After finishing in the bathroom and pulling on a pair of sweats, he sat down at his computer desk, swishing the mouse to bring it back to life. He still had a few paragraphs to write for an essay before he could get into bed. This would also give him the chance to see the name before sleeping.

At 11:50 his wrist began to tingle and his heart raced. It was starting. He looked down at his wrist but the skin there was still unblemished. Rubbing absentmindedly into the ache, he resumed his writing. One paragraph left and he could save and shut down his computer.

As the minutes ticked by, the tattoo stung more, etching its way into his skin and he frowned, biting down on the tip of his tongue. The tattoo was starting to come to life on his skin, he could see the dark ink faintly and he sighed, ruffling his hair and rubbing at his eyes.

Maybe it would be better if he just waited until midnight to look. He was stressed and too distracted to write. He saved his paper, shutting off his computer and shuffling towards the window to allow the moon to reflect down on him.

He’d need the light anyway. At midnight exactly, just as the burning was starting to fade away, he took a deep breath and brought his wrist up into the light.

Y/F/N

He blinked down at the name, as though he were seeing it incorrectly. There was no way; no possible way that you were his soulmate. You hated him. Well not anymore, but he had no doubt you would now once you found out. What about Ella? You’d encouraged him to pursue her and now he had and she was invested too.

He felt sick, slumping down against the seat of his window. You’d never accept him, you’d even flat out told him you weren’t interested in him. How were you supposed to fall in love with him now? It would have been hard enough as it was without Ella in the picture, but now…well now what?

He would have never pursued Ella had he known but it was too late for that now. He thought he’d have so much more time to sort out his life and what he wanted from it before coming face to face with destiny, but now it was staring him in the face and he was unprepared.

He’d never felt the pull! Though thinking about it, he wouldn’t have remembered it since they knew each other from the time they were babies. His head spun, chest clenching in fear. There was no way; no way he could make her love him, convince her that he was worth it despite the fact he’d openly expressed interest in her sister.

Her sister! He wanted to die from shame and embarrassment, but how could he have known? Ella was nice and funny and they had interesting conversations. She didn’t judge him for stupid things that everyone else did, it was only natural that an attraction would build.

What was he supposed to do now? Was he just meant to go to school now and show you his wrist, force you to love him? Force himself to love you. No, none of it made sense. The universe put people together that were the most compatible. What had gone wrong? Why would the universe do this? Why wouldn’t it intervene when it saw him being stupid and mean for all those years? Why wouldn’t it do anything when it saw him with Ella?

He felt like his head was going to explode and he launched himself at his bed, burying his face in his pillow and screaming. How could things have gone so wrong? Stomach churning, he laid back, vision blurring as he stared up the ceiling. How was he supposed to act when he saw you at school? Was he supposed to apologize? Grovel? Just when he’d thought the two of you could maybe be friends…this would ruin everything.  

His cheeks were wet with tears and he rubbed at them angrily. He wasn’t going to let this little hiccup mess things up; for now, he’d just pretend like nothing happened and when you got your tattoo, maybe the two of you could figure it out together. It was probably a terrible idea… but it’s the only one he had. You wouldn’t want him anyway. It was better this way.

****

Chapter 8

Chapter 10

Copyright © 2018  by taeken-my-heart (Nora.) All rights reserved.