also this wack thing is happening that is very significant
i have Parts, right, and theyre very distinct. i started being aware of them when i was like 8, except i thought they were ghosts at first lol. at 14/15 they told me their names. it's been a very long time, and i've had a lot, a LOT, of communication with them over the years. they've grown and evolved as i have, and my relationship with them, and their relationships with each other, have evolved.
there's one named Jenny. i've been mean to her since i first discovered her. for one thing, she named herself Jenny. what a boring name, i said!!! but she wants to be a boring girl. she's 14. she's purple. she's skinny with long, straight hair. my teachers when i was little got me to sit with the big groups of girls, and she saw how they looked at me, and she wanted them to accept her. she wanted her mum to pay as much attention to her as she did to her normal, normal students.
she obsesses. she keeps me up all night, she talks constantly, she goes in loops. she spends her life constantly aware of how people might see her, and it's safer to assume the worst. guys, i HATE her, i always have.
but last week i finally paid attention to her. i've done this with all the others - even the angry, mean ones. jenny isn't mean, she's just terrified. i cleared some space, and i asked her, what do you like?
she froze. she had never, ever wondered that before. only what other people like, and how she can become that. it took a few days of her thinking about it to answer, and in that time she was oddly quiet for the first time.. ever..
she said, very hesitantly, i'm not sure.. i like clothes. i like matching colours. i like drawing figures. i like tidying up and organising my things.
girl... where have you been lmao, we HATE organising things. have you considered that you could be incredibly useful to us? that you can help and be important without obsessing, that that's not the only way to be a part of me?
she's been thinking about this for days. she's been thinking about changing her name to Violet, after the girl in a series of unfortunate events. she's been wondering if she could turn her energy to keeping my body and surroundings clean, and practicing simple drawings. she's not sure she's Violet yet, it might take years to grow into. she still keeps me up, obsessing. but i'm not mean to her anymore. i listen. i say, hey, we don't do that anymore. do you want to lay next to me instead? we can be quiet together.
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So I just saw a post by a random personal blog that said “don’t follow me if we never even had a conversation before” and?????? Not to be rude but literally what the fuck??????????
I’ve had people (non-pornbots) try to strike conversation out of nowhere in my DMs recently, and now I’m wondering if they were doing that because they wanted to follow me and thought they needed to interact first. I feel compelled to say, just in case, that it’s totally okay to follow this blog (or my side blog, for that matter) even if we’ve never talked before.
Also, I’m legit confused. Is this how follow culture works right now? It was worded like it’s common sense but is that really a thing?
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You gotta read and watch some old books and films that aren’t 100% modern politically correct. I’m not saying you should agree with everything in them but you need to learn where genres came from to understand what those genres are doing today and where media deconstructing old tropes is coming from.
Also, more often than you might think, they’re not actually promoting bigotry so much as “didn’t consider all the implications of something” or just used words that were polite then but considered offensive now.
Kill the censor in your head.
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Every time I advocate for voting people are like "no you shouldn't vote! Read this literature, it'll totally change the way you view voting!" And every single time it's the same fucking "you shouldn't vote because both parties are exactly the same so it won't make a difference who wins" bullshit wrapped up in some fancy language
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its so scary to put yourself out there but a SINGLE message saying "hi i loved what you made it touched me in some way" makes it all worth it 10000%
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as an aroace person with limited sexual experience, no interest in watching porn, and poor sex ed as a teen, there IS something simultaneously funny and vaguely tragic about being 28 adult years old and realising how extremely tiny your frame of reference is for genitalia and deciding you should expand this to better understand bodies (yours and others). and then you're just there like "okay so what the fuck do I even google right now, anyway"
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