#and what about pain management
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I desperately need fics of post s2 jayvik or even an au with s2 jayce and s1 viktor where we explore the change in dynamic after jayce suffers his own leg injury in the anomaly. Im sure people have already seen all the parallels and analyses of jayce and viktor’s injuries, but it’s just a concept really special to me,,,,there’s nothing more beautiful than connecting with someone experiencing a similar struggle—it’s just so much stronger because of your ability to truly empathize with the other. And obviously that’s ignoring allll of jayvik’s history. I just think there’s so much potential there to expand on the possibilities of their relationship.
#aloonaram thots#arcane#jayvik#jayvik fanfic#jayce talis#viktor arcane#like i wish i was skilled enough as a writer to write it myself#like viktor showing jayce how to properly use a crutch so he doesnt shove it up his armpit#or jayvik fixing each others braces#and how viktor might react to jayces confidence in his disability#bc i dont think jayce would be insecure#and in turn how does that effect viktors own self image?#and what about pain management#i would looove to see them both caring for each other or even viktor teaching jayce the ideal way to care for his injury#also jumping back to the confident jayce#i truly think that if viktor saw jaycr walking confidently in a public space with his crutch and brace#viktor would feel more confident like i just know he’d be breathless at the way jayce carries himself without fear of judgment#but also conflict for conflict’s sake—what if viktor instead felt a form of jealousy? jealous that jayce was able to be more confident#how would that effect their relationship yk?#just…sm stuff i cant#im not disabled in the way jayce and viktor are but i do have disabilities so this stuff really hits home
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i dropped this project in december, but here's an unfinished world is mine video i was working on :,-)
#sam and max#my art#i knooow i know i don't post about snm that much anymore#it's not even my current interest#i'm just proud of what i managed to finish and wanna show it off#please do tell me your thoughts this was very painful to work on (in the time i was still working on it)
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I was crying from pain at the emergency room and the nurses were bitching about me not dying so they couldn’t help right away even if I kept passing out and had been there for a long time, this sweet old Russian lady who was also admitted since earlier stood up and walked next to me and kept comforting me and asking how I was holding up, she kept checking in on me and being so sweet and going around asking if everyone was doing ok or just distracting family members of patients with nice conversations. She called out the doctors and nurses for not caring, she sat next to me and kept making sure I was ok and then gave me her phone number when she got discharged so I’d follow up with her. Honestly my day coulda been hell today but this one lady made it so bearable it’s not going to be remembered as a bad horrible traumatizing time, I got to meet an actual angel and I’m so happy about it.
#pix habla#kindness really goes a long way guys#I’m in my bed crying about this lady#I didn’t know her but that didn’t matter to her#I hope she’s always healthy and blessed#she also xD managed to get the nurses to give her a turkey sandwich after making her wait for so many hours what a legend#I’m not shit talking about medical staff btw I know it’s a hard job#but it got ridiculous the moment my dad got desperate because I was passing out and throwing up foam#and the nurse scolded him and scolded me while I cried about being in pain even though I kept apologizing#the emergency room guard also gave me shit for being on the floor trying not to pass out#like idk the lack of humanity was just 🧍♂️ so much worse than usual#but then I met this lady and she kept me company and kept me distracted from it all#she even got some of the nurses to be nicer and in a better mood somehow#I know it’s not an easy job ;; but compassion and kindness they go a long way#and that’s so important#Alissa you’re my cat scan Twinsie for life#tw hospital#I was high on morphine telling my friends about her and telling her they thought she was so sweet and she was so happy about it#augh#she blew me a kiss when she left too 😭#guys I swear … I met an angel#like#what else could she have been#(๑′̥̥̥▵‵̥̥̥ ૂ๑) ok ill shut up now im just really emotional about her forever
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gee i wonder if the issue could be at all related to the fact that the current treatment plan for his chronic pain consists solely of FUCKING IBUPROFEN
#i get that they're trying to make the point that house's pain flares with emotional distress#which is true! he does have psychological problems that need to be addressed!#but also. also. in addition.#there's this other little tiny minor factor worth mentioning which is#there is muscle. MISSING. from house's THIGH#ibuprofen and hobbies are not a suitable treatment plan for this condition#i'm not very knowledgeable about chronic pain but there have to be more options than this or vicodin#yes house has addiction issues#but what's happening here is not about that!!#he literally needs MEDICAL TREATMENT and he's being denied it!#house staying clean from the specific drug he was addicted to AND being on a proper pain management plan#are not mutually fucking exclusive#house md#house season 6#house 6x2#i need a tag for#house's chronic pain#house pain management#op
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It is interesting how much math comes into even the most basic of like. Making things. Making almost anything. And often not numbers necessarily but proportions and geometry. I think all the time about how castles were built with geometry at the heart of it. And I use the same kind of proportional math to make socks fit. And none of my pieces are ever knit with a prime number of stitches--because you use factors to make neat colorwork and ribbing and different stitches. Idk ! I remember constantly thinking 'how the hell is THIS gonna come in useful ?' But it always does. Math is at the heart of everything, and knowing how to apply it is a tool of critical importance to Thinking Up A Shape And Making It.
#it turns out it is not covid vaccine making me highly fucked up but rather this new med which is fun#um#one of thise 'high but wow. in such a bad way' kinda experience atm#almost fell down the stairs#tripped while just standing#and its like. ok so the thing is i go to pain management to manage my pain right ? makes sense#and then all they have to offer is shit that fucks me up more. the muscle relaxant that seems to have permanently#loosened all my joints so they are WAY WORSE NOW#stupid ssris that make me fall constantly and fuck with my brain#i literally just need a painkiller that works. that is all. we know what was effective from surgery#but they of course will never prescribe opiods. oh the horror. imagine.#i could scream#anyway. uh thinking about the interconnectedness of math in all things is much more fun than screaming#knitting
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I JUST FOUND OUT I CAN BIKE WITHOUT* PAIN!!!!! I JUST FOUND OUT I CAN BIKE WITHOUT PAIN!!!!!!! I NOW HAVE TWO PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES I CAN DO WITHOUT PAIN!!!!!!! I CAN BIKE WHEN IM NOT FIGURE SKATING!!!!!!! IM GENUINELY SOBBING RIGHT NOW THIS IS SUCH A MASSIVE THING FOR ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
* = check tags for explanation
#My chronic pain has been getting so much worse lately#Dislcoations are also happening more often#And as someone who used to be insanely athletic I’ve been grieving so heavily for who I used to be and what I used to be capable of#I used to be able to run a marathon easily and now *walking* is painful#I use a cane most days now#My literal only freedom is while figure skating#And to discover there’s another thing I can do? I feel like I’m getting a piece of myself back even while my health is getting worse#This feels so euphoric#But knowing I be active by skating? It’s been my life line. And now I can bike!#And I just don’t know what to say#Also for clarification I can bike now but it’s still painful to a degree: Figure skating is not painful for me#But biking still has a level of pain but so far it’s not like ‘I’m completely unable to do this’ pain instead it’s like#‘Wow yeah this is painful but everything is and this is a pain I can manage to deal with because I’m being active and that makes me happy’#ykwim?#Oh and new symptoms of paralysis. I’ll make a post about that too. My luck is awesome /s#Chronic illness#Fibromyalgia#hEDS#Cane user#dynamic disability#Disabled#Chronic pain#Disability#Chronically ill
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one thing that keeps me up at night about twp is the very real possibility that the shadowhunters might stop being shadowhunters in the last book
#the last shadowhunter is a CRAZYYYY last book title#crazy crazy work#i think it could go two ways#they either lose the magic in their blood that makes them shadowhunters and lets them use runes etc#after demons are forever banished from their dimension or smth#or they manage to seal their dimension for good so demons won’t come in and they’ll still be shadowhunters#but there won’t be any need for shadowhunters since. yk. no more demons#either option is diabolical for the current generation of shadowhunters#they’ve all sacrificed so much to keep the world safe so if they stop being shadowhunters then what was the point of any of it#all the people they've lost all the pain and suffering they've endured...what was the point!!!!#and think of people like jace who had nothing growing up except being warriors and they defined themselves by that for a long time#i could go on forever about this#twp#tsc#the last shadowhunter
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ohh zs faerie au... changeling sanji who later discovers he's a gancanagh (a faerie commonly described as having a silver tongue and can charm flowers into blooming at night. a sweet-talker who can convince anyone of anything—even kill another for them, if so bid.) he hides this with foul language and exaggerated, embarrassing acts after an Incident at the baratie where he accidentally charmed a poor woman so greatly she froze to death in the cold waiting for him outside the restaurant doors in the dead of winter.
zeff still sees him as his son, and he'll be damned if anyone says otherwise. even when sanji hides in the shadows and within himself, zeff whacks him upside the head and reminds him that no matter what—this is his home. he is family. that'll never change. of course, this is said with a lot of grumbling and cursing and shoving, but the message gets through well enough.
income zoro — a phooka (a faerie known for both its trouble-making personality and the way it can change shape) long lost from his home in the woods nearby. he'd taken to the shadows more often than not: slinking by as a stray cat or scampering away as a fox. there'd been a pull even since the moon started filling to its peak with the steady thrum of an oncoming revel. it's strong. it's a challenge. and that has always been the one thing zoro can't back down from.
only for it to come in the form of a cook behind a restaurant, glamour running rampant over him like a false skin.
obviously they get on like wildfire. they fight. they ruin the place around them. where zoro lacks in speed, sanji has in numbers, and where sanji lacks in brute strength, zoro makes up for it easily. they're equally matched, and it's—fun. they're both grinning by the end of it, bloody and split-lipped, and it might be the moon and it might be the revel, but something clicks and zoro is suddenly, inexplicably, asking sanji to meet the head of his court—the one who'll be high king.
and sanji, for those same inexplicable reasons, says yes.
(little do either of them know sanji's one of a few heirs to a court himself, and of a court vying for the throne. that four-leafed clovers can peel away even the strongest of glamour if there's enough. that one night dancing underneath a hill of oak and yew until they are both cackling with glee and flush with food and wine will feel like a promise of eternity.)
#bam special interest time. when faeries love possessively and sometimes instantaneously. hoogiguh boy#zosan#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#op#in my minds eye sanji's unglamoured form is very fox-esque. he's sly. he's a sweet-talker. he also yaps and is a pain in the ass#trying to think of the others AGGH#nami's an elemental nymph‚ robin a baobhan sith‚ usopp a satyr‚ franky is some guy that managed to win robin over‚ brook is brook#i think chopper is the friendliest kelpie you'll ever meet#i scratch what i said about nami she is a harpy through and through#jinbe a merrow imo... i almost said nixie before i realized nixies are freshwater specific and merrows are more saltwater#🤔#franky as the only human makes me laugh but i think it fits him
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feeling very grateful for the cute barista today who clearly clocked a) my fontaines d.c. tote, and b) the fact i was stuck on a spectacularly bad date, and proceeded to play me an entire playlist of fontaines d.c. and sneak me extra vegan marshmallows with my hot chocolate
#an absolute GEM 💗#we need more people in the world like this#they restored my faith in humanity 🙏#unlike my date#who was… well. i’ve been on worse ones i guess#but he monologued at me for a two and a half hours#and on the rare times i actually managed to get a word in edge ways or voice an opinion#he just twisted it round to suit what he’d been saying#it REALLY annoyed me#the entire thing annoyed me actually#i am so sick and tired of going on dates with straight white men who feel the need to explain everything to you#as if you’re not a person with a mind and experiences of your own#also wtf is the point on going on a date with someone when you aren’t remotely interested in getting to know them???#the man asked me maybe two questions total the entire afternoon#i could write his entire fucking biography#also at the end he said how cool and mysterious i was#and i’m like ????#i’m only mysterious because you’d prefer me to be that than an actual person who you could have had a proper conversation with#*breathes out slowly*#phew okay i was angrier about this than i thought lol#the older i get the less tolerance i have for shit like this 🫠#anyway yeah sorry#vent over 😅#i’m just so annoyed because i have SUCH limited energy atm with my pain and fatigue etc and i just wasted it on him ffs#but then again#the cute barista and the fontaines d.c. and the marshmallows were most definitely not a waste of my energy#they totally saved my day honestly 🙏#fontaines d.c.#lulu posts
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heating pads aren't enough. i need a foreman grill facedown on my abdomen
#tw period#tmi but I'm soooo pissed off because I've been trying to get a doctor to listen to me about the possibility of endo and they won't.#it's always 'well there's ways to manage pain that don't include checking for endo' and. yes. but they're not working.#and I'd like to be checked for things like endometriosis that might have other implications for me BEFORE it's doing untreated damage.#like sorry. maybe i don't want to just constantly toss birth control at it before i even know what we're tossing it at.#and it's fine if afterwards we agree that BC is the best treatment. that was part of the plan regardless but my point stands.#I'm not anti-BC. at all. to be clear lol but I want to know WHY I'm bedbound and lowkey hemorrhaging. if that's not too much to ask.#they're always like 'it requires a surgical procedure' okay? it's my body? incise me up scotty???#I also don't trust this current administration and I want to figure out my problem here and to know my options while I have them. jfc
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Managers
#lobcorp#lobotomy corporation#limbus company#x lobcorp#dante lcb#digital#something about how the gameplay mechanics in each game end up reflecting the respective management styles#in lobcorp you can rewind to the mem.repo. as many times as you like#so you often end up ruthless about even the lives of your favorite agents when you're trying to do missions or cores especially.#the canon battle strategy in limbus is to just throw the sinners at a problem and keep reviving them until they figure out what works#but dante has to share their pain every time and doesn't want to risk any sort of permanent deaths because they care about the sinners.#different approaches to the idea of sacrificing others i guess is the main difference
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rewatched the first two nu!who episodes with a friend and gyaaarfh just imagining this old old being that's been traumatised by a genocide and is out of step with who they used to be and deeply lonely and so ready to die to save people, but also has become so dissociated from individual connection and therefore has just forgotten how to be and is presumably just down to sacrifice themself and let it end finally, and then rose tyler smiles at them and they're like "ah yes I do in fact have hope and whimsy and love still in my body, thought I'd never get any of that back, turns out I care about living and stuff"
the power that is rose tyler smiling
#doctor who#dw#rose tyler#that's what she manages to do within two episodes#and the doctor naturally is like 'well i dont need to think about my underlying issues ever again because i have this person'#'what are those sirens so far away? couldn't be danger signals...'#martha alas is like the inverse of that coin#because she gets all the pain and weight put upon her#also so so important that end of the world is that second episode#rose is overwhelmed and sad and the doctor looks at her and is like 'i wish for you not to be these things and i see these things in myself#but then she takes the doctor for chips
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Kinda gets me when people age them down in AUs and stuff because to me those characters wouldn't be half as interesting if Chilchuck, Senshi and Mithrun were the tallman equivalent of in their twenties
#just something about having a lot of history you know#like. chills is divorced or thereabouts. senshi spent like 30 years living in dungeon wilderness. mithrun knows kabru's mom#none of this would be possible if they were 20-somethings#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#somewhat i guess#like. yeah kabru and laios and falin (and marci for an elf) are really young BUT have a lot of life exp#but like. the fact that so much happened to them while they are so young is TRAUMA. its BAD#meanwhile chilchuck had like. a pretty average life for a halffoot his age. maybe even successful from a professional standpoint#senshi didnt have an average life but had the time to accumulate an amount of knowledge no 20something could have#and of course mithruns whole life story is like. slowed down because hes an elf#but even then i think its really important to show that it might take several years to start recuperating from a traumatic event#like its what makes his character such an interesting commentary on disability and depression#when you're 25 bouncing back is easier. when you're 40? 50? showing that theres hope#even when you've lost your whole youth to your pain... thats a whole other thing#sorry i started writing serious commentary in the tags#chills#captain mithrun#senshi#even in senshis character up to a point. he spent more years out of society than in it#and YET! even he manages to find a place. somewhat#like. they are all here to show that life goes on even after horrible or simply sad shit happens to you#they are survivors!!!! thats important
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haikyu's dumpster batte is only going to be around 1 hour and 24 minutes, oh it's genuinely bokuakaover
#knowing that we're likely not going to get an ova too is painful <//3#m sorry to go off on a bit of a tangent#but I can't help but feel bitter that an actually good series with coherence and amazing characters just gets treated like this#and series like jjk and demon slayer get to have such good adaptations?#I don't hate both series btw as I watch them myself but even I have more criticisms in their story and charas compared to hq#jjk at this rate is being carried by satosugu shippers and popularity the story honestly is slowly losing substance :'DD#and it's disappointing such a series manages to get to have a consistent adaptation vs a good and inspiring story#which is why I can't help but feel <//3 whenever ppl rant about the jjk animation cause it's better than the hq treatment TvT#don't get me started on demon slayer I have mixed feelings about that series as well but I love it for what it's worth xD#and if people say the hq fandom is being bitter or biased isn't it justifiable?#a consistent and amazing narrative gets butchered me thinks people have a right to feel the way they do#naturally the fandom is not downplaying the efforts of the animators and voice actors but we also have a right to feel the way we do#we feel the way we do out of genuine love for a series that inspired and helped us so much#it's just so unfair TvT#m terribly sorry again for ranting and dropping negativity but I feel really disheartened about this news#and not simply cause ofc we won't get the bokuaka match#but also because my favorite series doesn't deserve this#eli rambles#bokuaka#haikyu#haikyuu#haikyu!!#hq
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i might have to start manifesting/shifting to a reality where this diagnosis process hurries up because now i just really want these doctors to stop taking their fucking time and let me know what's up.
#reality shifting#shifting#manifesting#loablr#loassumption#manifestation#guys idk what to tag i'm very new to the whole manifestation thing#desired reality#shiftblr#reality shift#shifting blog#like guys c'mon please it's been a while since you updated me with anything#i need you to diagnose me so i can get help and accommodations for stuff#like i'm fairly certain i know what it is and my friend who has quite a few things says he has a pretty good idea#but unless a medical professional tells me i can't really do much about it#guys i just want a name for the issues#i hate being in pain ALL THE TIME#i also somehow managed to sprain my ankle by walking normally the other day???
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Pro tip if you have light sensitive migranes:
Ware eyeliner, I'm serious, ware dark colored eyeliner or some other dark color arround your eyes. I go with a fairly heavy look, applied liberally with wings that could take off, or some other extra details for fun. It reduces the glare from the sun, and ive found it makes the sun bother me less when I have an ocular migrane.
It dosnt do a whole lot, and if you don't already ware eyeliner it might be too much effort for the effect, but I started waring eyliner more often recently and I have noticed a difference. It might be becuase I'm the most insanly light sensitive person I've ever met so even a SMALL reduction in glare makes a big difference but it's worth a shot.
#just to be clear i dont ware makup often#when i DO ware makup i tend to do it for the artistic expression so its almost always over the top and drmatic#i do that maybe once or twice a month#what im talking about here is JUST eyeliner#its heavy eyliner but i havnt done ANY other makup#i dont do concealer or foundation on princaple and i havent bothered with anything else so yeah just eyeliner#id imagen dark eye shadow would make this effect even grater but thats so much effort lol#migrane#migranes#chronic pain#headaces#i hope this manages to help someone#light sensitivity#oh and if anyone else has tips for light sensitivity id love to hear them
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