#and wayne of course

[theshireisburningg]

thinking about eddie sitting down in his room to learn the master of puppets solo and…

He listens to the tape the whole drive to and from school, laughing at Max’s reaction which is half impressed and half disturbed, as he cranks the volume to show her his favorite songs. By the end she’s fighting a smile as Eddie sings along horribly, cackling at himself as he makes up the words he hasn’t learned yet.

Max goes home and Eddie enters the trailer to find Wayne stirring a pot on the stove, a cigarette hanging out the corner of his lips. Eddie tries to steal it from him as a greeting and laughs as Wayne swats him away, because dammit if he’s not going to at least try to get Eddie to break the habit while he’s still young.

They sit at the table and eat, a baseball game playing quietly in the background. Wayne tells Eddie about the cool vintage car he saw at the mechanic shop that day, describing it in detail, down to the paint coloring and the engine power. Eddie pointedly avoids talking about school, because he tries his best not to bring that shit home, but he does recount a funny story Dustin had told him back to Wayne, who just rolls his eyes at how ridiculous Eddie's friend group is.

Eddie scarfs down the food, and makes three offhand comments about the new Metallica album before Wayne gives in and tells him to go play. Eddie stands with a ‘thanks for dinner!’ and slams out the front door with a bit too much enthusiasm, running across the yard in his mismatched socks to get to his van and extract the tape that he only has one cherished copy of.

He finally gets it playing in his room, fast forwards through the first song, mentally apologizing to the metal gods for skipping an unskippable album, but he has things to do. He greets his guitar like he always does, takes it off the wall while whispering a confident ‘we got this’ into the neck (He wouldn’t admit that he talks to his guitar but he definitely does. It's a team effort, Eddie and her).

He plays and rewinds, plays and rewinds. He picks up the bigger chunks faster than most would because he’s played his whole life and has already dedicated hours to learning the technical bits of Metallica guitar solos. Some parts still get him and have him cursing loud enough that Wayne yells out a half-hearted ‘watch it!’ in response.

He plays for hours, doesn't keep track of the time but eventually he gets it, plays the entire solo with no mistakes. He pauses to catch his breath, smiling to himself. Because he did it, he does what the masters do, what his idols do. At that moment it doesn't matter to him that he’s not "school smart", forgets anyone that has even made him feel less than because of it. It doesn't matter because that's just one small thing, and he’s talented and creative and has something about himself to be proud of. He doesn't see Wayne who stands in the doorway watching fondly, but if the smile on his face and the slight shine in his eyes is any indication he’s proud of Eddie too, knows he's destined for greatness.

[bruciemilf]

Need a the Waynes Lived AU where Martha’s a vampire. She snuck in a Wayne Gala for a potential late night snack, but Thomas thought she was a socialite.

“So, what do you do?”

“I drain people of their life sources.”

“Oh, you’re a CEO too?”

She can’t drink Thomas’ blood because he smokes too much, the baggy eyes indicate long nights spent on his feet during surgery, which means it’ll taste bitter, and she saw him drown 10 whiskey shots in one go.

It’s a taste thing, nothing against him.

He is, how ever, very handsome, and she decided she’ll be his house cat for the time being. Fast forward two years later and they have a vampire cherub of a baby named Bruce.

Babies usually don’t come out with fangs and tiny bat wings, so, yeah. His wife’s a vampire. Cool.

“How come I’ve never seen your wife outside during the daytime, Tom??”

“How come I’ve never seen you mind your own fucking business?”

[ditzybat]

tim: i’m a seventeen year old CEO of course i do drugs sometimes

bruce: tim i cannot describe how disappointed—

alfred: very hypocritical of you, master bruce. considering at 17 you and that harvey dent were running lines at that boarding school when you thought i wouldn’t find out

bruce: … carry on then…

[littlefankingdom]

Dick who climbed on anything as a child. Even in public, especially in public. The moment Bruce looks away, he is climbing something to get as high as possible. The first times, it gave Bruce an heart attack. Now, it's just a headache.

People pass by and ask if they should call the firefighters, and Bruce tiredly tell them "He is fine, he can get down on his own.", like people with cats.

Imagine, you're walking out of some building, only to see a 10 years old standing on top of a lamppost, having a discussion with his dad guardian at the bottom.

"Dick, get down."

"Make me."

"Get down or you're grounded."

[fantastic-nonsense]

the funniest parallel between Tim and Damian that no one ever talks about is how they're both the epitome of "I know a guy" because they keep managing to pick up random friends wherever they go

[princeoxca]

game night pt. 2: the return of tim

[frownyalfred]

Reading Pennywaynes as canon is SO funny because there’s no way to plot it out other than Martha dragging Alfred home, presenting him (in full, mild British fluster) to Thomas, and letting her darling husband know that she’d found a butler for them to fuck together.

He’s an excellent cook, he’s killed an indeterminate amount of people somewhere overseas, and she thinks he’d be lovely to have around for the baby.

[qweenofurheart]

i can imagine that a phase of tim’s ceo life involved being a sort of corporate vigilante

[nytephox]

Oooooo the fandoms this could work on seem endless. 🤣

[ghost-bxrd]

Stuck on the thought that Bruce tried to be a father for Dick, but Dick didn’t want one. He wanted an equal, someone to fight crime with. And consequently, Bruce drove him away with his overbearing nature.

And then Jason came to him, and of course Bruce had to do better this time. He didn’t want to lose another child Robin. Only he realized too late that Jason didn’t just want to be Batman’s partner, he wanted to be Bruce’s son.

((And with Tim he was too scared to even try))

Kay thanks s’cuse me while I go cry in a corner goddammit

[barefeet-only]

I really like the idea that Danny has like a 6th sense for Crazy Billionaires TM. Like he’s so used to Vlad and all his shenanigans that he can clock crazy from a mile away.

Cue Bruce Wayne talking with Danny and giving him his classic disarming Brucie Wayne smile and Danny just immediately narrows his eyes like “I know what you are”

Better yet it’s Batman who comes up to him and Danny is like *sniff sniff* “yeah you got money, I automatically don’t trust you on principle”

[everwalldigan]

Bruce is the type of person who crosses his arms, shakes his head in disappointment and goes: “In my TWENTY FIVE YEARS OF VIGILANTISM I have NEVER seen such astoundingly horrible behaviour” and then go on a two hour lecture

[littlefankingdom]

Bruce died(?) again

Jason: Well, it's my turn.

Dick: What are you talking about?

Jason: Everytime Bruce is gone, one of you starts to act just like him, pushing everyone away, acting as only you can be right, and fighting anyone that gets in your way. Dick did it, Tim did it, even Cass kind of did it. So, this time, I will do it.

Tim: Isn't that how you act all the time?

Jason: Whoa, fuck you. You are so banned from historical drama movie nights.

[laroserie]

i love the idea of joining the batfam by dating bruce, but can you imagine how awkward it must be ?

like you are dating bruce, you most probably know he is batman (he couldn't date seriously someone and never tell them) which is like a huge thing, you probably knew each others for at least 5 years and dated for at least 2 before you even step foot in his house and even then ! you still have never meet any of his adopted kids, he always has a way of avoiding The meeting.

of course - you know who his kids are, bruce is ... literally the it guy of gotham, you very much know the names and faces of his family - but that's it (now if you know their vigilantes identities is different story)

the question is, are they aware of your existence ? (of course alfred is aware; that out of the question, he followed to development of yours and bruce relationship from a to z)

going more for a no, not at the start, bruce has this clumsy dumb bilionaire personality but he probably could not like for you to receive media attention because he doesn't wish for your privacy to be intruded upon because you are dating (now there may have been one instance where the paparazzi took a picture of you and him together, but they could only see you from the back, or your face wasn't visible for whatever reason). they probably learnt about your existence very late into your relationship with bruce, and it's surely by accident, like, one of them see a message from you to bruce (and it's something probably something very cheesy) when he left it somewhere by inadvertence. and depending on who see that, they either fully open bruce's phone (sorry but they all know his phone password, bruce isn't aware of that tho) and read your conversation or they find some others way to have access to his messages with you (that isn't so blatant).

they for sure, do an 'emergency' meeting about it (dick and damian were the two that really wanted to do one, the rest probably don't care that much at that time, they probably think you are just the fling of the month for bruce - well usually the fling of the month is not that ... cheesy with him ? in their messages, and the conversations aren't usually that long ... nor do they go back that much. but whatever ! they do suddenly notice that it's been a while, since, well the last fling of the month of bruce but, it must just be a coincidence) which end up with them keeping tabs on you, just in case

now, you meeting them could happen in two way

either they are the one to meet you first - they don't want to wait for bruce to formally introduce you to them - or them to you. the one that 'lead' this is for sure damian, he is determinate to find out your intention with his father (and fight you), dick will lie and say he is just there to make sure everything go 'well' but he is just genuinely very curious about you and the fact that you are dating bruce - this can go for most of them, tho cass and tim are probably the one that are the most reticent to meeting you ? but nevertheless, they still are here, because they for sure won't let damian and dick have all the 'fun'. now jason, is probably also coming for the shit and giggle.

or you meeting them could happen because of bruce - deciding that it's finally time you meet his kids, so he invite all of them to dinner telling them he was someone he wants them to meet, and telling you explicitly that he wants you to meet his family (and the people that are part of his family but aren't family family) - of course, he could talk about it with you first, he could never force you into that. the meet - dinner, probably do not go in the way bruce hoped for it to go (but truth be told, he wasn't expecting it to go the way he wished it did). it's not awful, nothing bad happen. it's just awkward. one of them (probably jason) let slip that they already knew about you - damian make it very clear that he doesn't accept you (and dick has to try to diffuse the situation and tell you that damian is just joking - damian is not joking and he gives a death glare to dick), tim probably do not say anything of half of the dinner before asking you a weird question about something he should have no information about (like what's up with one of your weird habit / quirk), cass is just silent - she assess you for the entirety of the dinner (she conclude by the end of it that you quite a nice person and that she likes you quite a bit), duke is very kind and is very polite with you (he is a bit apprehensive and isn't sure why he is there but he figures it's because bruce wanted to have at least one regular person treating you normally - dick is too ... enthusiastic for that role)

at the end of said dinner, when bruce is driving you home, it's probably the most silent ride home you have ever experienced. until you burst out laughing - the dinner was probably the funniest shit you experienced. it felt like it came straight out of a shitty tv show with 14 seasons. sure it was very much awkward but still funny ! you reassure bruce that it was fine, though you could have liked a warning.

and ... you can add a yandere twist on it, and i love yandere so ... . some of them (tim and cass and probably dick) could start developing yandere tendencies when they learn of your existence ( and keep 'tab on you' aka stalks you and learn everything they can about you ), the others (damian and jason + eventually steph and duke even though they are probably some of waaay lesser yandere-y yandere) could start becoming like that after they finally meet you in person. damian could be the one to take the most or less time to become attach on you, it depend, but he could go thru a big phase of 'i refuse for you to replace talia, my mother, therefor i will despite your entire existence' but if you try to get closer to him, this phase will end very soon and his barrier melt away, if you want to let him take his time to accept you, the result will be the same but damian will try to make up for the time he hated you.

and of course, yandere bruce could be so happy for you to like / get to know and get closer to his family, and that's one more way he can tie you to him !

[nookisms]

The Riddler: Riddle me thi- Is that a fcking kid.

Dick Grayson, a non-native English speaker: What does fcking mean?

The Riddler: Fck- I mean sht- I mean it's a grown up word, ask your dad about it

[A Few Years Later]

The Riddler: Riddle me th- Is that another fcking kid

Jason Todd, raised in Crime Alley his entire life: Who the hll you calling a fcking kid? I'll beat your *ss motherfcker, you and me right now.

The Riddler: Wow you are. Something.

[A Few Years After That]

The Riddler: Riddle me- Where the fck are you getting these children?

Tim Drake, raised in high society but also not raised at all: That's a naughty word sir.

The Riddler: At least you're polite

[A Few More Years Later]

The Riddler: Riddle m- WHY THE FCK DOES THIS ONE HAVE A SWORD!?

Damian Wayne, above silly things like Vulgar Language: I Was Expecting A Battle Of Wits, But You Appear To Be Unarmed.

The Riddler: WHY DOES HE TALK LIKE THAT???

[fantastic-nonsense]

got a message out of the blue about that 'why Batman doesn't kill' explanation I left on someone else's post like two years ago but it was just "wait is Alfred dead????" and I sort of forgot that most of tumblr Batfam fandom doesn't actually read comics and so largely has no idea that Bane killed Alfred back in 2019 and he's stayed dead since