#and they told me their full order
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I'm dying
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#there was one time i was working the register at starbucks#i asked them what they wanted#and they told me their full order#it was like 5 items#they were very prepared#but i just stared at them blankly#like for a whole minute#And they were like “are you okay”#and I said “sorry i woke up like 30 minutes ago”#and they were just like 🤨🤨🤨 its 5:30 pm? you're about to close?#lena speaks
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hey this isn’t aimed at anyone in particular but I’m saying it for the record here: if I tell you no, please stop messaging me about fundraisers and mutual aid.
I get enough messages that it’s impossible for me to keep up without devoting at least half an hour each day, when I’m not even on tumblr that long most days. Me having a boundary about this isn’t a moral failing, it’s a lifeboat for me on my own blog.
In my personal life I’m already advocating and donating literally as much as I can spare. This is not me not caring, it’s just me not willing to interact with that on the one place I go online to not interact with irl news and world events for the most part.
I cannot be upset all the time. I cannot be upset everywhere. I cannot use all my emotional and mental energy fielding my own upset from ongoing events. My options are to hold boundaries about this or stop coming online at all.
I’m all for sharing information and signal boosting to reasonable extents, but the scale of it this year is so large and so enduring that it is literally not possible to for me to participate on every account I have. I’ve previously shared links to Gaza eSIM donations and a major hub of verified Go Fund Mes here and elsewhere online. We, the online humans, know how to look those things up ourselves by now. There are many, many people choosing to do advocacy work, and right now, I can’t be one of them.
If you’re extremely upset when I tell you I can’t share/donate right now about a Gaza family or personal fundraiser you ask me to share here, just unfollow and block me. That’s what those buttons are for. Protect your own emotions and energy and get me off your feed instead of staying upset and continuing to engage with online people or content that upsets you.
Please don’t send repeated angry messages based on manufactured purity politics and moral outrage into my messages and inbox when I exercise the right to run my own blog.
#and on that note#I also think some people need to sit down and ask themselves#if their old end times anxieties and fears and preparations and word spreading#haven’t filtered straight into a new non religious end of society and end of modern world order anxiety that they’re pushing on other peopl#even if it is the end times#you cannot change that by beating your own anxieties into other people’s heads#people can care MORE when they are GIVEN ROOM TO BREATHE#first rule of sustainable activism is you can’t do it constantly and you can’t push it on people constantly#you have to pace it and you have have have have HAVE to play long games#short term activism burns you out and if it leads to full despair from burnout it can get you killed via depression#it’s not a joke#there’s a reason your elders have books and community lore about healthy activism even in times of crisis#they lived it. they learned from it. learn from them.#spend your time doing things that can make real impacts.#do little things online but unless you’re an actual information hub you shouldn’t be posting constantly about it#people won’t even want to follow you anymore eventually because that’s not why they followed you#and then you have no audience for your important message anyway.#I know this. I learned it myself on other accounts.#please. stop. harassing me.#how is harassing me going to make me MORE willing to change my mind and post? just because you demanded it?#I am an autonomous person#this is my ONE curated space on the website#you have a multitude of tags and other users#don’t waste energy on a person who already told you no. let’s call that activism rule number two#spend your energy where it’s not likely to be wasted#you’re needed for a long haul#act like it 😭#and stop spamming me 😭#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?
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whenever ppl try to come up with some version of 'romance and love isn't forbidden by the jedi, on this one novel-'
i'm just...
#star wars#jedi order#jedi critical#sorry no that makes no sense with what's presented through most of the canon#'but it was in this one novel' then that novel it's trying to retcon it or to twist the in-between lines because it doesnt make sense#the belief that the jedi only forbid romance if it's possesive or stops someone from caring about others it's a lovely pink-tinted view#but it doesn't work with canon and the only thing that it accomplishes is attempting to to give anakin a different narrative#which is 'anakin was actually just too stupid too understand what the jedi's teaching meant'#and yes you can make an argument that anakin didn't understand all of the jedi teachings but not in the way this idea proposes#it's actually ridiculous#'anakin why you kept this secret didn't you know romance it's actually allowed by the jedi? we all have our crushes and partners lol'#'you silly the only thing we forbid it's becoming toxic and possesive'#headcanoing or making aus or fics with the jedi as this#big happy hippie family full of pacifists that try to destroy the pillars of traditional conservative nuclear families in pro of free love#it's fine like go ahead headcanon that and make aus of that but when someone comes to try to argue that no it's in fact very canon#it's just...what like come on#EVEN OBIWAN the picture perfect child for most jedi fans said he would've had to leave the order to be with satine aka IT IS FORBIDDEN#i'm going insane or what they told a 9 y/o that missing his mom was path to the dark side but no no they're FINE with romance#how could we miss Yoda's three romantic partners and Mace's being a swinger and also Shaak's polycule Anakin you're just stupid#(he is stupid but not like this lfmao)#fandom stuff#ranting#AND TO BE CLEAR no this isn't an argument about traditional nuclear conservative families or some bullshit being needed#this is me saying the jedi in canon are pretty fairly conservative as it is sorry but they're basically the knight templars with powers#and orientalism in the form of buddhism as a white american man (GL) understood it (badly)
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I'm having to make microvideos for work right now and I'm feeling very knife emoji about it 🔪
social media analytics revealing that 90% of people don't watch more than 10 seconds of video does NOT mean that we need to flood the internet with <10sec clips
it means that we're all chronically over & understimulated due to the fact that advertisements are inescapable!!! and that our focus is a resource that's constantly being drained by increasingly aggressive marketing campaigns!!!!
BUT. you have to make microvideos otherwise the algorithm drops you and literally no one sees what you make. maim kill destroy etc 🔪🔪🔪🔪
#incessant meowing#being a boomer about social media is my toxic trait#all analytics ever told me was that 90-99% of people ignore me and my work#and that left me with a choice#either make gaming social media a full time job in order to “grow my accounts”#or just keep making art and whoever sees it sees it and those people are the ones who matter#the latter worked well for me as an indie artist but alas#i am back in the video trenches now
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anybody else have a food they're allergic to but still eat anyway
#not DEATH deathly but like. allergic#im allergic to shrimp and guac but i still eat it ..#my throat will get itchy and swell and breathing feels more closed#wherever the food touches also swells in bumps but usually only wherever the food makes contact#but yall. it's so good#the food not the swelling lol i have to sip on water while i eat to help gauge the significance of the throat swelling#i can usually eat up to 2 or 3 big shrimps until i hit my ok.. one more and this will hurt me lots#ill probably still be able to breathe but like it'll be an even bigger struggle than it is now#i think im also allergic to this common italian herb thingy anise? but thats fine bcs i dont like it anyways#but grilled SEASONED shrimp is my weakness. i LOVE SHRIMP!!! add some buffalo sauce and my my my..#idk tho my friends hate when i eat shrimp and will moderate my moderation#'ted ure a medical man. u should be against this' i hungry#idk maybe i dhould cold cut endulging in my allergies now b4 it becomes a lifestyle#i remember when i was younger my boss order me chinese food for doing a Lot of open2closes#and i ordered shrimp and lo mein(iLOVEEEE LO MEINN!!! when i was lil i would get PLATEFULS of JUST lo mein)#(id remove the veggies bcs they got in the way of my noodles)#(but now im older and the texture is too much sameness so i get even amount of lo mein and some sorta meat for Balance)#and i ate like a bit then put the rest in the cooler and he was like 'ure not hungry?' and i told him im allergic#and his eyes got real big and he was shouted my full name like a worried parent#i mean i explained my eat 2 then wait for the swelling to die down and eat 2 more till the inability to breathe gets annoying#but he was still anxious and watching me like a hawk#so#maybe.. i shouldnt do this anymore#does anyone else do this if they have the ability to?#perhaps i am dancing with the devil here#the devil wears privilege
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If there was some sort of overstimulation beam I actually would use it. I think some people would benefit from knowing what it's like to be overstimulated. Maybe for like. 10 hours. And then they get to go home and have their family laugh at them and call them dramatic and fussy because they're a little stompy and want some time alone to cry after being on edge for 10 hours. And maybe they'll think "holy shit THAT'S what that person was going through???"
#idk i just#today was really really rough ON TOP OF the whole being overstimulated for 10 hours#like. I get paid minimum wage and I fell into a dumpster today because I was told I'd be written up if I didn't push the trash down#and there was a live rat in the dumpster already#and then I stuttered when I was talking to a customer and he made fun of me for it#full on mock imitation while his friends laughed#and then he LIED to my manager when she asked what happened trying to get me in trouble#all because he didn't like the fact that i couldn't apply a sale to his stuff because he didn't spend enough#sir the register is a computer it's not something i can override#and then i slipped outside on break and my back tightened up#and I haven't eaten in 24 hours#and my family is laughing at me and making fun of the fact that i haven't finished college yet#and also the fact that I can't afford to pay for my classes#because i work a shitty job that doesn't pay me enough#not to mention my coworkers can be so fucking. idle#i told some of them to shut up earlier because I couldn't hear my other coworker yelling out the orders#of course the speaker at max volume didn't help#I can only tune out so much#okay im done#vent post
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just wrapped the first christmas present of the year ❤️
#for my friend who hates presents of course 😂#its the stupid teddy bear onesie he has magically instantly putgrown BOTH the previous times i got him one it fit him for like a week 😤#so i got it in the next two sizes up and that's that!!!!#babies grow so fast wtf never buy clothes as a present for a baby that's all i can say#but i can't accept defeat so here we go#his mom will appreciate it even tho she doesn't like getting presents tho lol#and its insane to give christmas presents before thanksgiving but for all i know this baby is gonna outgrow them both by then#i literally bought the size 9-12 months like last month#i ordered it immediately after his mom told me she THOUGHT HE WOULD BE IN THAT SIZE SOON#and it was already too toght on him when it arrived a week later 😭#so now i got size 12-18 and size 18-24 this baby's gonna be cozy this winter or else!!!#i cannot afford this btw#the original onesie was pretty cheap it was o. sale for like $17 but then i bought it twice#and the size maxed out at 9-12 months#so i had to upgrade to a toddler one and it was $22 and i got two of them again plus shipping#and i only make 14 dollars an hour and i'm lucky to work even two days a week at my new job lol#im putting off getting a second job until after i cover a coworkers maternity keave in feb tho bc then i def would be full time#for at least 6 weeks#and its possible she might decide not to come back or another aide would leave by then#so i might have an opportunity to be full time by then ir at least close to that#anyway#no money november fr 😔#just realized my tags are confusing my friend is the mom not the baby 😂#she's the one who gates receiving gifts bc she feels awkward lol#but she's broke af and can't afford clothes for her baby let alone cute ones and she loved the onesie when she fot it at her baby shower#but then the baby came a week and a half late#he was supposed to be a march baby he was born in april#and all of a sudden it was too warm for the onesie and he inly got to wear it once#so i was like ok i will get another one in the fall/winter then#but alas
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bro what the fuck are they doing with my package
#fun story#i ordered 3 things from hot topic. they shipped but never arrived so a couple weeks later i messaged them abt it#and went back and forth with them for a while bc their customer service agents cant read apparently#before being told i had to call bc one of the things i ordered went out of stock and i was replacing it w smth more expensive#so i call and im on the phone for like a fucking hour missing the 15 minute window i have to eat between jobs#and being on the phone at work for a while lmao#i finally get it done and the guy fucking forgets my apartment number in the shipping address. it's in the billing address tho??#so i email them AGAIN and im like yo your man forgot my apartment number. they cancel that order and place another#the effect this has is that the $14 payment for the more expensive item is cancelled as well. bc again they don't read#so im like sick i will effectively get these $60 pants for $15 (im very good at sales and also manipulating customer service)#but apparently when they replaced the order they put ny apartment number not in the address‚ but as part of my name?????#so i think its fucking up usps. but it came in 2 packages and 1 has arrived so i still have hope. but thats not the end#yesterday guess who fuckin calls me. its hot topic. my original order arrived to the fuckin store in my local mall#and theyre like i think we fucked up bc we just found this package but it says you picked up your order already. do u want it#and i was like yes? not really sure what package to be expecting and its my ORIGINAL FUCKING ORDER#so once this package arrives i will have gotten 2 of the same shirt‚ 2 kiki sign things‚ a sweater‚ and a pair of pants for $40#and i figure i can return one of the shirts and one of the signs that i have duplicates of for store credit of their full price#so anyway yeah. thats been the past 3 weeks for me.
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I cannot believe she was laughing at me because I was crying. Why am I still friends with her if she treats me like this. Protecting her. It’s been going on for so long I feel like this is like the last straw. I don’t know. I hope I don’t forget this because I tend to feel better later and just brush it off and continue to be friends.. I hope I can keep letting her know that her behavior has lasting effects. I’m tired of this
#one time she told me I’m worthless and should die because I came home with her Wendy’s order slightly wrong#and then she threatened suicide again 😭#I don’t know who raised her to be this way. it wasn’t me or my parents. I think it’s her friend group. pretty sure it’s full of incels and#‘I don’t owe you anything’ kind of freaks#she will scream in my face but when I cry or yell back she tells me I’m verbally abusing her. I don’t do name calling I don’t overly#insult her.#but I forgot. of COURSE. I should have known that she’s the one being abused by everyone else. that argument really holds up. sure.#sorry I am still seething from it 😭
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in my current/first bg3 playthrough, due to a series of unfortunate choices and events, everyone at last light inn became shadowcursed undead and had to be killed. including dammon. which means there’s nothing I can do to fix karlach’s engine (at least as far as I am aware). and if I think about this fact too hard I WILL cry. my girl karlach deserves the whole world!! and I can’t give her the one thing she asked for? to say I am devastated is an understatement
#and I could’ve reloaded but I mostly prefer to just let the story play out#in the spirit of dnd#and this happened bc I am an idiot and my entire party didn’t have ANY weapons equipped at the start of combat#when the guy came to kidnap isobel 💀#and in my defense I knew there was no way I could win this fight bc I’d need at least a full round of wasted turns#if not 2 in order to re-equip everyone’s shit#but my best friend ASSURED me it would be fine#turns out she and her brother just didn’t know you’re NOT supposed to let isobel get kidnapped lmfao#like she thought it was an un-winnable and isobel would get kidnapped no matter what#hence why she told me not to worry about not having weapons bc in her mind it didn’t make a difference either way 💀#we share one braincell and we both used it to massacre the last safe haven in a deeply cursed land haha… oops?#anyway it’s been like 2 months since this happened and I’m still not over it#karlach clearly deserves so much better than me 💀#bg3#bg3 spoilers#ked rambles
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My favorite conspiracy theory right now is that Kylie and Kendall Jenner are dating Timothée Chalamet and Bad Bunny, respectively, to get into this year’s Met Gala…
Do I know how the Met Gala works? Hell no. Can this be debunked easily? Probably. Is it too ridiculous to be true? Absolutely… But would it be hilarious if after the event both or one of these couples fall apart?? You bet !!!
#met gala#met gala 2023#I read this on twitter I while ago and it made so much sense to me I immediately block any common sense that told me early is stupid#I just feel like it would make for a very good episode of keeping up with the kardashians u know? kris Jenner showing a selection of#possible dates to this too in order to secure and invitation this year and them being force to choose#someone put on the tin hat on this one with me pls#this tags are full of typos… but let’s imagine they are not!
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How to find a job that doesn't make me despair to live
#I LOVE the library but i've been part time for two years and i am not making enough to support myself lmao#i am very fortunate to have a lot of savings but i live alone in an apartment i signed for when i had two jobs and now that my income is#cut in half things are rough#and i have interviewed a dozen times or more for a promotion to full time and they aren't budging#and then yesterday one of the managers was micromanaging me and my shitty coworker was mocking my menial tasks lol#bc he is info staff and i am just lowly circulation so i have to keep my head down and shelve the books i guess?? even tho he doesn't do#jack shit and gets paid double what i do and is full time#like i got scolded and told to stop preparing for my presentation that is tonight bc i should have been making sure the books were in the#right order on the shelves lmao#meanwhile this guy has been booking vacation flights all morning#and even if i get full time and even though i work at a comparatively VERY well paying library#im still not going to make much#i have a degree in journalism and communications that im not using bc that shit made me feel dead inside#and i wanted to do something that mattered#but the things that mattered are not paying my bills or buying me a new winter coat or allowing me to do things like get a haircut or buy#clothes that i like or go out with friends or start new hobbies#and im just like is it worth it??? is this worth it???#like im not desolate or anything but i deny myself things every day bc im fine now#but i dont know how much longer i have to make the money stretch#and im tired#i just wanted to do something real that helped people#every day i get to work around books and talk about books and help people access social services#i helped a kid with homework and an elderly lady access job resources and showed a kid his favorite book series that he got so excited#about that he yelled all in the same day and it was fantastic#it mattered#but#is it worth it???#this was the dream i worked so hard for and now im looking at all that hope and effort like. this didn't save you either#idk yall its rough out here#me
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Rip to the woman who came to Wendy's, trying to order a single large chocolate frosty, only to be traumatized by me screaming very angrily
"You are full of lies"
As soon as she pulled up to order.
#goblin speaks#work shenanigans#Wendy's#for context: our the dude in front of her had a trailer thing#and whenever someone pulls up it makes a sound to alert us#and the trailer made that sound but i didnt see it.#so i tried to take whatever order i thought was there had#my coworker gently told me no one was there but I was already having a rough day#so I angrily yeld you are full of lies at it#and through my anger i didn’t hear it beep again that someone had pulled up till my coworker told me#apparently the woman just went *oh* in a scared voice#i didnt hear it but my coworkers did.
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What if... some god, entity, or other kind of malevolent force tried to beckon Roxy to the "dark side" but she responds to them as if she were trolling spam callers, or scam artists?
#*‵ ･ 𝐨𝐨𝐜 ⏤ no thoughts‚ head full of shoegazey metal ･ ′#lol i remembered when i trolled a scam artist into thinking they called pizza hut#and i was acting like i was getting frustrated over them not giving me their order#and i brought on the fake tears and told them that i was barely able to get by on minimum wage#and eventually they got uncomfortable and hung up#good times
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✨please stop playing the pain Olympics it doesn’t do you or anyone else any good✨
I don't know who needs to hear this but:
-"it only hurts a little" is still pain
-"I can ignore it" is still pain
-"I can cope with/manage it" is still pain
-"it's bearable" is still pain
-"I can push through it" is still pain
-"it doesn't hurt that much" is still pain
-"it doesn't stop me from doing x" is still pain
You don't need to be in agonizing pain to be in pain.
#disabled#chronic pain#disability#chronic illness#spoonie#seriously you don’t need to be in more pain than everyone else in order to be valid#you don’t need to invalidate other people pain to validate yours either#(had that one happen to me via abusive ex 🤪)#other people invalidating your pain are losers and you shouldn’t listen to them#you’re not too young or too healthy#if you’re in pain all the time constantly and forever SOMETHING IS WRONG#the normal amount of pain is no pain#apparently#sounds fake but okay#what do MEAN normal people can lay down or sit or stand without crippling pain in a few hours???#seriously tho stop downplaying your own experiences because there’s too many people willing and going to do that for you no charge#and people who will do it and then charge you absurd amounts of money for diagnosing you with crazy disease#yes I’m talking about doctors#they’re the 1 perpetrators of this bullshit#my first rheumatologist gave me the modern version of a hysteria diagnosis and told me to eat ibuprofen about it and get out#wouldn’t even do any more testing for the symptoms that can’t be addressed by a fibromyalgia diagnosis#and insisted I have gout#I do not in fact have gout#he’s just full of shit that he must like the company whilst having his head so far up his own ass
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A little to the left situation of the 'never trust your brain after 9pm' post where instead of cut and dry catastrophizing, after 2:30 am I start making extremely accurate self psychoanalysis specifically about the most depressing aspects of my life
#hee hee hoo hoo im going to paint some new pins with gouache today :)#my brain: even if all our stressors and problems were solved tomorrow - even if magically we transitioned and all was well-#the lasting consequences of 7 straight years of being actively suicidal are something that will never leave and even if we have somehow#dodged developing even more severe mental illnesses than what we're officially diagnosed with ( though we do display such symptoms already)#even the simplest interactions with people are something we'd have to relearn from scratch trying to ignore how we spent the first twenty+#years of this life viewing all interactions as if an alien piloting a suit rather than a person#and the last 7 while also emotionally degrading to the degree that we've felt like the worst version of ourselves for years which#undoubtedly will be very difficult to come back from even in the most ideal recovery circumstances#in a way our parents saying that transitioning wont magically solve all our problems has become a self fulfilling prophecy#since the near decade long wait has conjured up MORE severe issues that will most definitely be chronic#there's feeling lost because you didnt expect to be here five years ago#and then there's our situation of being told to set up things for an ambiguous long term life while STILL not being able to picture tomorro#in order to potentially get access to the lifesaving care that would let us PICTURE that tomorrow. and who's to say that when that day come#all that damn setup goes to waste? what if a clear view for the first time ever motivates a full change in direction?#even the light in the tunnel- that ambiguous 'good future' carries massive uncertainty and fear now that wasnt there before#all these factors compile and weigh heavier and heavier and create a vicious cycle of suicidality and depression#ESPECIALLY when sat analyzing it all like this which happens nearly every night and anyway#that's probably part of why Elluin has become a load bearing wall of trauma projection these past few months#though tbh the whole inevitability of his death and/or assimilation into a timeloop hivemind thing is not exactly helping us with that#Me- still holding a brush: ...dude#tw sui ideation#river rambles
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