#and i was like yes? not really sure what package to be expecting and its my ORIGINAL FUCKING ORDER

[anotherpapercut]

bro what the fuck are they doing with my package

[iceunhie]

— out of this world (and into another) : genshin impact

premise: you could've sworn the transmigration curse didn't have an effect on you... so what exactly are you doing here?! (alternatively, you tumble straight into your favorite video game; and you're kinda fucked)

...or, a genshin manhwa otome game inspired au.

act i: scaramouche, alhaitham, wriothesley.

↳ act ii: lyney, neuvilette, kazuha, kaeya. (next)

warnings. fem!reader but can be imagined as genderless if u'd like hehe, a shit ton of manhwa tropes in one, this is a hot mess aka not proofread all that much, half clunky half decent writing

a/n: as promised via the poll heh,, while i do plan to make this an actual au, im not that sure ^^; just the tip of the iceberg here tho!!

MAIN MASTERLIST | AU MASTERLIST (coming soon)

YOU — unsuspecting civilian turnt transmigrator

you've always been too attached to fictional characters for your own good.

yes, even the ones that are remarkably irredeemable (the power of a backstory is very formidable) and complex (complexity is a virtue!)

villains have always been destined to die, be cursed, or destined to curse others. it was heartbreaking, really. you've wished for a chance to rewrite their fates for them to find even a sliver of happiness, even when the fate of their plot says otherwise.

which is why when you find yourself awake into the game of your dreams, “Teyvat's Seven Stars”, like any lover of cliche novel and manhwa tropes, this is the time you think that maybe life wasn't so shitty on you.

....there's only one tiny, teensy, itty bitty problem here, actually.

you're not the protagonist. you're not even one of the protagonist's faithful friends and underlings that light protagonist's road to conquering the world and its men (and as of the 4.0 update, it's women); no, you're none of those.

you're a no name extra, and not to mention, a character involved with the game's main villain characters who are coincidentally the love interests of the game's black route!

[ unlock transmigration package: ultimate transmigrator's route ( ????? MODE ) ]

[ no ] [ yes ]

( 国崩 ) SCARAMOUCHE — the tyrant

“as of today, you will be engaged to crown prince kunikuzushi, who is her grace the shogun's rightful heir to the throne.”

when given approval to stare at your so-called soon to be husband, you expect the worst, mostly. the multitudes of character dialogue you've played through detailing his rather discourteous personality (which basically meant he was a huge asshole) don't exactly paint a pretty picture.

however...

who was this tender hearted looking scaramouche that ‘obliterated armies in the blink of an eye?’ the t in tyrant stands for tyrannical, not timid!

eyes like lighting framed by the longest eyelashes you've ever seen and an unfairly pretty face, comparable to a fair lotus. after fawning over his otherworldly countenance, a sinking realization of dread pools in your stomach.

oh, you are so screwed.

essentially tied to the indigo-haired ticking time bomb of a future tyrant due to the strong standing of your family for a period of until the main story starts, you're destined to never get crown prince scaramouche's affection, being his fiancée who scaramouche is arranged to for political means only.

not to mention, you're in an even more deadly position; of all the characters you switched souls with, it's the one that essentially dies by their own fiancé's hand because they were horrible to him! what atrocious luck!

frantic, you wrack up about three ways to survive.

plan a) win over the shogun's favor by being an appropriate partner unlike the original flavor of this body, who resorted to bullying the innocent prince and unknowingly digging their own grave or b) be a guiding friend to scaramouche as he learns the ways of the world and c) make sure you don't end up giving the protagonist a bad ending via his twisted personality.

weighing all these options, you decide to do all three in hopes to cement a life instead of a deathflag. prevention is better than the cure (aka: the protagonist) after all!

(you may also just want to spend time with your favorite character. having a time limit and a sign that says ‘i'll die in the future!’ should at least warrant you extra time to show some affection to scaramouche, at least.)

so, you do what anyone in your position would do: give affection! lots of it.

admittedly, it wasn't all flowers and rainbows. scaramouche—ahem, kunikuzushi—was very shy and reserved indeed, with his mother ei even worse off! (besides, who trains and studies all day and has to stop crying every time they were injured?! that was just too much!)

it was rather hard at first, the frigid atmosphere of the usually silent Tenshukaku Palace almost impossible to permeate. but with your amazing charm (read: deathflag radar) and social skills, you manage to let the members of the Royal family open up to you.

speaking words of praise in ei's cooking (a very difficult feat to accomplish), spending afternoons with your fiancé and teaching him ‘how to be a shoujo worthy male lead, name-version’ (very confusing to explain), and the cherry on top, driving away that vile teacher of his—the Doctor—once word got out that he'd been taking advantage of scaramouche as a political puppet king in the future. trauma enabler destroyed! look at your immeasurable powers!

(“you're not a failure.” clasping kunikuzushi's hands in yours as he reels back from you. damn that doctor.

his tears shot a wave of heartache through you. you can't bear to see your favorite in such suffering. “whatever happens in the future, i won't abandon you.

no matter what, i'll always be on your side, okay?”

kunikuzushi looks at you with something in his eyes—something like adoration. “do you promise that?”

“yeah.” you say without hesitation, the glow of the sunlight hitting your face so dazzlingly that kunikuzushi's eyes widen that his mouth hangs agape in awe. “i promise, kuni.”)

to your greatest delight, your efforts worked in your favor.

ei now spends time with her son, and though it's almost always just a tad bit awkward, you and the guuji yae miko get the two to strike up conversation, and overtime, kunikuzushi becomes more open to you.

(“[name], what kind of man is your type?”

“huh? well...” you think for a while. this was a great opportunity to say it, right? that life changing protagonist quote!

“to me, the only person i'll ever like the most is you, kunikuzushi.”

“do you really, really mean that?” and oh, he looks so cute—flustered and red from your words. worth it.

“yup! now, i made some shimi chazuke, try some—”)

(admittedly, lots of favoritism is involved.)

—and while you reap the fruits of your hard work, you spend warm, sunlit afternoons with ei at tea, even learning about other nations from scaramouche's aunt nahida and even befriended a few of his future affiliates—childe (though for some reason, kunikuzushi always pulls you away from him whenever he spots the two of you together), signora (she tolerates you, you think) and etcetera.

(“then, if i do well, can you kiss me on the cheek, [name]?”

you agree, much to his delight. scaramouche avoids the gaze of a certain pink haired fox eyeing him questionably. unbeknownst to you, he glares at the woman's scrutiny.)

unprecedented things unrelated to the plot happen too; like how your family, which basically only saw you as a political bargaining chip and an unwanted child they could get rid of easily—no longer sent you any demeaning letters demanding money once scaramouche found out....

(“they've been leeching off of you for how long?” so scary... is this was kunikuzushi is like when he's worried?)

(“...kunikuzushi, how long will you keep up that weak-hearted facade of yours? if they find out how.... dishonest you are....”

“i don't need the reminders of a foxy old hag that doesn't know her place. this is fine as it is.”)

(you don't need to know.)

but, you're nothing compared to the inevitable flow of the plot. inazuma is wracked with war, and it just so happened that you'd been unceremoniously kidnapped by a certain resistance leader's trusted general, used as a hostage bargain for approximately the majority of your life. in the worst moments in your dreary cell, there's only one thought in your mind.

....kunikuzushi's face, devastated when he tries to reach for you, before slipping away from him like sand— face morphing into an unbridled state of rage that's too natural, too familiar. when did he learn to make a face like that?

(they say the kingdom was wracked with thunderstorms all night that day.)

afterwards, fate doesn't make it kind for you.

years go by in the blink of an eye, with your capture fervently forgotten in the midst of the growing animosity of the two conflicting forces.

although you did hear that yae sent out a search party for you while at the resistance's base, the shogun's forces never reached you.

eventually, you got released secretly by sympathy of kokomi, the leader of the resistance, who felt pity for you getting caught in the crossfire. letting you go under the condition that you'd likely never meet any of the precious characters you've gotten to know and change was a heavy price to pay, but you didn't have any choice.

indeed, no matter how much you tried to divert the plot, your duty as an extra has ended, and you were even lucky to even be alive. you could only hope that your fiancé—ex-fiancé—took note of your lessons well, bidding farewell to inazuma as you hop on the boat to mondsdat.

by now, you at least hoped that scaramouche and the protagonist met, his true chance at happiness starting now that you were basically dead.

(even if your heart felt like breaking into a million pieces.)

....is what you thought would happen, but why is it that after three years from your supposed capture, inazuma was still at war?

“that crazy prince... he's still working to find his former fiancée... and he's razing almost every village apart looking for them!”

“—didn't the shogunate say that whoever finds her would receive almost 3 million mora?”

“the entire lot of them are lunatics, i tell you. all because of a missing person, too!”

what's more, why was it still going because of you?!

( 艾尔海森 ) AL-HAITHAM: the information guild master

to be fair, normal people don't really run into one of their favorite characters often after transmigrating.

but to be fair, again, you certainly didn't think you'd actually be in your favorite video game franchise caged in bed with essentially one of its main love interests.

eyes wide and unceremoniously looking—definitely not ogling— at the toned body that's currently enveloping you in its arms, the soft tuft of ashy gray hair caressing the crook of your neck, murmuring incoherent mumbles of—is that another language?

???????

you blink, looking down at the bare body currently embracing you. oh. oh.

you're an extra.

you're just an extra, but why are you in bed, currently being served breakfast by the most gorgeous man you've ever laid your eyes on, with a pretty view of the rainforests' canopy?

“you should lie down. if i recall, sufficient sleep is required in order for the human body to perform its basic bodily functions. although our partnership is temporary, to let you fall to harm is a situation i'd like to avoid as much as possible.”

“....what?”

“...?”

the guild master, al-haitham, is a character in Teyvat's Seven Stars that is heavily debated on whether he's technically a villain or not. in the game, he's the right hand of sumeru's leader, nahida, working as the overseer of the AKASHA, a guild that gathers information to the nation's leader. he's a pretty shady character—always working behind the scenes and very unfalteringly blunt—and a ‘villain’ for crown prince scaramouche's route, helping the protagonist escape his clutches.

he's often the subject of comedic ire, his banters with a certain broke architect always the highlight of any bonafide al-haitham fan.

“we're expected to work together by lord kusanali's decree in the duration of investigating the hivemind project the lord suspects the baron siraj is partaking in.”

right, that one scene in the game where al-haitham needed to go undercover to infiltrate a coup de etat staged by one of the factions against nahida... right... what.

you were that extra! the one that fell in love with him and pined for his affection!

(“well, i get that part, but does sleeping together really have to play a part in this...?”

al-haitham gives you a mere quirk of the lip, tilting his head. “we do have to play the part of a married couple in dire straights, do we not? this cover is more efficient.

...besides, i don't have anything to complain about. you're certainly better company than kaveh.” )

in truth, al-haitham wasn't bad company. far from it. aside from the internal giggling and fangirling (you) and the incredible stack of books (alhaitham) that you have to see more than the grey haired man on a daily basis, the two of you work out a rapport that stems from memories of the body you transmigrated in.

he's nice to be around, surprisingly considerate when he wants to be—he tells you about the books he always reads....

(who even reads ‘20 Tongues Language Memorization Guidebook: A Basic Overview of Vocabulary and Terms’ for enjoyment?

the content makes your head run in circles because of how complicated it is; but who wouldn't like to listen to an extremely attractive man overexplain to you with a calm and pretty voice?)

...is generous enough to provide meals and cook dinners that have you crying tears of gratitude because you know how awful yours compares (it was either too bland or too seasoned; al-haitham is surprisingly picky when he wants to be)

(you assigned al-haitham the title of “absolute s-tier husband material”— his capabilities are out of this world!)

by chance, you once gave al-haitham a little tidbit of information that proved to be valuable later in the investigation—courtesy of your avid game knowledge—when you two had been lost to the psychological illusion magic cast by siraj when you two finally broke in his estate.

(“whatever happens, if siraj messes with your mind, just make sure to think of me instead of anything else.” al-haitham lets his hand find yours.

“you once asked me if i trusted you, [name].”

“....” you're treated to one of al-haitham's rare smiles, one that warms you up from within. “i do. so don't let yourself get hurt.”)

however, your temporary partner had faltered for once, flinching when siraj took the form of his old grandmother who'd passed to exploit al-haitham's mind, hesitating and frozen in place while siraj inched ever closer to finding out his weakness.

and you couldn't stand it, the character you cared for—the al-haitham that always had a plan, always knew how to stay calm, had looked so unsure and hopeless.

(“wake up, al-haitham!”

with you cradling his face, al-haitham stares back at the only constant in the memories of his grief, eyes meeting yours. “you don't have to do it all alone. i'm right here, aren't i? believe in me.”)

your (fake) husband snaps back to reality, finally allowing enough time to apprehend siraj and put a stop to his malicious project.

(“thank you.” al-haitham tells you solemnly. it hits you that this may be the last time you may ever see him. “i'm grateful that you brought me back to y— to my senses.”

there's a sincerity in your voice that rings from your heart. “anytime, al-haitham.”)

you thought that was the end of it.

defeating siraj meant you two no longer had to associate with each other, but somehow, to your great surprise, al-haitham doesn't stick to the plot at all. you were sure you didn't interfere with the game, though?

for some reason, al-haitham doesn't erase himself from your life, unlike the original route's flow.

in fact, he's become... easy to run into, a constant in your otherwise mundane life. he takes you out to lambad's tavern for an occasional drink, says he's lending you his headphones when you find yourself overwhelmed by the city (you were never good with noises) and even helps you out as you vent your problems to him.

(the day after, said problem conveniently disappears. how strange....)

and most of all, allowing you to enter his personal space... leaving kaveh's jaw dropping when he accuses al-haitham of having a lover.

“you're always going who knows where with them! what else is there to figure out?”

“...we are merely friends.”

“a friend that you let into your personal library? do they know that you still keep the ‘fake’ ring in a box inside the closet?” kaveh laughs. “nice try, al-haitham.”

(after all, kaveh could never unsee the way al-haitham's eyes softened at the feeling of the head on his shoulder lean onto him, with you no doubt asleep. he even took his headphones off! kaveh has never seen him actually take them off in order to keep the person who's sleeping on his shoulder as undisturbed as possible.

in fact, kaveh doesn't think he's ever seen al-haitham be this touchy or considerate with anyone this much before.

.....and most importantly, kaveh would never forget the way al-haitham, a man who found no merit in politeness and preferred bluntness, a man who preferred solitude rather than company—deliberately getting close to someone—pressing a fleeting kiss on the crown of your head.

kaveh blinks. it seems even the throes of love can reach even the most unconquerable of peaks....)

( 莱欧斯利 ) WRIOTHESLEY — the monster duke of the north

“—i need you to gather information on duke wriothesley. serve him undercover as one of the prisoners of the fortress.”

the duke of meropide—a man swamped with terrible rumors. they say he was exiled from the nation due to murdering his entire family. they say he possessed a face worthy of the title of a beast— grotesque, littered in scars. they say that any who end up in his estate, the iron prison of the north, meropide, never saw the light of day again.

(“only criminals of the worst kind are fated to be sentenced there. nobody returns, so we've stopped questioning it...” )

so to say you're not fearing for your life that bad right now is a massive understatement.

“now, mind telling me how you were able to sneak into the most impenetrable prison in all the land, miss prisoner?”

how did it end up like this?

so you wake up and find yourself in jail. lovely.

seriously, of all the places you can transmigrate into, why did it have to be fontaine?! Teyvat's Seven Stars chapter 4's main starting point, the nation of justice is littered with dark themes and high difficulty capture targets.

.... such is the case with the man in front of you. unlike what the rumors of him say, duke wriothesley paints a rugged yet dashing picture of a nobleman, even if he was —if you recall— one of the hardest capture targets to conquer in the game.

a villain character who you played once during one game route, acting as the driving force during one of the love events of one of the protagonist's other love interest, lyney. duke wriothesley almost assassinates lyney's younger brother, freminent, leading lyney to rally up a certain group to bring the nobleman down.... a typical side character villain, who's existence was added as late as 3 patches away from lyney's.

(even inazuma would be better than this! at least the tyrant route could be avoided, and let's not mention the easy sumeru route as well...)

“well, miss prisoner, cat got your tongue?”

in summary: fortunately for you, the body you transmigrated is in the position to spy on the current affairs of the fortress of meropide, with courtesy and with permission of one of Fontaine's leaders, neuvillette. unfortunately for you, it seems our dear monsieur wasn't able to inform wriothesley beforehand, leading to the current situation.

aka, you're pressed dangerously close to wriothesley's chest, with a knife at his throat and his hands pinning you against the wall, noses almost touching. you're not sure if this is even the kind of tension that two people who are trying to kill each other are supposed to have...

(“i'm an ally!” you sputter out. wriothesley raises an eyebrow at you. “monsieur neuvillette sent me.”

“how am i supposed to trust you after i saw you slinking around here, knife at my throat?” he replies, eyes narrowing. “i know that i'm labelled as a beast, but i don't really know what came over that pretty little head of yours when trying to sneak into my chambers.”

what does he take you for?! “...are you accusing me of something indecent?!”

“just saying — i've met lots of prisoners with your excuse, my lady.”

“i'm prepared to use this knife, you know.”

“hah.” wriothesley grins. “how aggressive. more aggressive than most. do you want me that bad?”

“stop twisting my words!”)

in any case, you hate wriothesley. you know he's one of the characters in Teyvat's Seven Stars and is a villain for one of the easy love interest routes in the game, but his personality is... a real piece of work.

you'd rather the protective and kind kazuha, or even the charming and elusive lyney! why did it have to be him?

not only did he not believe you, he even told you to prove your authenticity! you're just glad that his assistant sigewinne had been there to vouch for you — you're not sure if you'd even be on your two feet right now if she didn't.

so now you're stuck constantly on your feet, running to and fro — helping the dark-haired man record new prisoners, establishing trading routes to the main city of Fontaine, and treating other prisoners of the fortress with sigewinne.

your biggest surprise by far, though, is just how... different the duke is from the rumors. his scars were merely battle scars of honor (to which sigewinne rolls her eyes, “your grace, please stop trying to look cool”) he got from various succession fights, not scars to show how he was cursed to turn into a beast. he has a love for tea, but always seems to have a cup of your favorite blend with him when you feel tired after a long day of working (laboring) for him and the estate.

(“your daily report of new convicts, your grace.”

“-this is the tea you like, your grace. i've prepared it in advance.”

“you're very adamant on proving yourself. aren't you sick of such tasks by now, miss prisoner?”

“no.” wriothesley's expression screams 'why not?' on it. “ it's because of my own misjudgement of you.”

“...elaborate.”

“i may have had unnecessary prejudices on your conduct thus far. but you're... not like what the rumors paint you out to be.” you say sincerely. “you're more amazing and incredible than anyone else. i truly do admire you.”

wriothesley's expression; you couldn't decipher it. “i see.”)

he's battered, but caring. sigewinne makes you watch (in horror) as she doodles cartoonish looking characters on his face when he's asleep — wriothesley never fusses, only an exasperated sigh to his assistant. he's harsh with his tasks and duties, but is the first to rush you into sigewinne's infirmary to tend to you after you pass out from overwork.

(“don't worry, [name]. the duke may not look it, but he's very gentle!” sigewinne giggles. humoring the little girl who was the first to show you actual decency in this place, you try to nod. sigewinne doesn't seem convinced.

“i'm serious! after all, compared to other people who've snuck into the fortress, you're the first he's treated this way.” she says cheerily.

“what does that mean?” you can't help but scoff at that. “so he just works someone to the bone from the get go?” you shudder. damn production zone...

sigewinne blinks. “ oh no, not like that. it's just that he's never been so lenient before. in fact, when you fainted, he even gave me the order to prioritize treating you over anything else.”)

well, this wasn't exactly what you thought you would be doing when you transmigrated into your favorite game, but you suppose you can take it.

besides, you'd miss a certain duke otherwise. life truly is full of strange twists....

a/n: thank you for making it this far! if anyone asks why wriothesley's was short, listen, this was completely impulsive and i was out of inspiration LOL, but i do hope you enjoy! look forward to new parts though hehe :3

@ ICEUNHIE: do not repost translate or plagiarize my works.

[selineram3421]

*new version of Alastor takes over the Internet* Hehe.

Cursed Cat Headcanons

Curse Cat Alastor & Human Reader

Warnings ⚠

⚠ mentions of death, "normal" cat stuff ⚠

You find a strange looking cat at the shelter.

The red creature was separated from the other cats and behind a heavy duty glass with multiple scratch marks.

"Can I interact with this one?", you asked.

"I don't think we are allowed to let that one out...", the worker says. "We're not even sure if its a cat."

You were also not sure as the little creature had antlers.

"Might have been dead this morning.", they mumbled but you caught it.

"Uh...ok.", you say, feeling a little put off how calmly the employee said that. "I'll take them."

And that's how you got a cat.

Once having the necessary items and a cat tower order placed, you bring the red cat home.

It sounds a bit angry. Growling, hissing, scratching and biting the inside of the cat carrier.

Maybe they didn't like small spaces..

Their first day was...something.

You ended up having to fix or toss out a lot of furniture.

They seemed to like sitting on top of your bookshelf. Often watching as you cleaned around the room or when you slept.

Kinda creepy. And you swore you saw their eyes glow once.

But other than the strange shadows and weird noises, you didn't have problems. In fact, they took care of the spiders and other pesky bugs that managed to get into your home.

Eventually, you tried to call them by names from a list that you made but they mostly ignored you whenever you tried.

It wasn't until you were watching Hazbin Hotel that the red cat perked up.

"I'm Alastor!", your favorite character introduced himself.

The red creature then hopped onto your coffee table and stared at you, effectively grabbing your attention.

"What is it?", you asked before noticing your T.V. glitch and loop.

"I'm Alastor!", it said again. "¡'m Al@$tør!", it started to distort. "Ĭ̢̜͝'m̬̟̑͗ Á̘͉̉l͈̯̾̀á̘͉̉s͚͈̭̦̈́̈̄͒t͙́ó͎̥͡ṙ̻!", the audio was getting worse and worse as it repeated. "ł'₥ ₳Ⱡ₳₴₮ØⱤ."

Glancing at your cat, you noticed it was grinning like the oh so famous cheshire cat.

"Uh..Alastor?", you said.

As soon as you called them the name, the episode continued to play regularly and your cat had its normal happy demeanor.

"Ok...", you paused the show and went to the kitchen for snacks. "I might have picked up a cursed cat."

After that, Alastor actually seemed to like you. No longer hissing or scratching you when you tried to pet them and sought you out for some cuddles.

Hehehehe..

You had to take him to the vet for a check up and well.. It turned out exactly how you expected it to. Also, you found out they were a he.

He was number one..of the worsts cats in the vet hospital's care. They had to order new gloves meant for hawks.

After that, you got him a little bow to match the character Alastor and he seemed to really enjoy it. Of course, the red cat was quite fluffy and only the bow part was visible.

The cat tower finally arrived and you set it up. It was mostly black, coming with a feather toy as well.

"Done!", you stepped back and smiled at the finished cat tower.

Of course, like any cat, Alastor was not amused. Sitting in the packaging box comfortably.

"You know what? I'm not even mad. I used to sit in boxes as a kid.", you said and cleaned up the bubble wrap.

Things were turning out pretty well. That is until your neighbor got a weird looking pet. Now you knew Alastor was strange but he looked like a cat. Whatever the neighbor has was something else.

It was black with blue and some red. Flat looking face and a strange tail.

Maybe it was an exotic animal?

You weren't sure but Alastor hated, HATED, them.

And you made sure not to walk your little furball when the other pet was out. Making that mistake once. Once being enough.

I bestow upon ye cat Alastor!

~Seline, the person.

Taglist@

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ML II for Alastor🎙️

[pressureplus]

Can you please do Parental Headcannons i've seen romantic ones all over the intermet and they're well written but i crave Parental Seb headcannons i see him more as a father figure☹️

Of course! We here at PressurePlus believe in loving Sebastian Your Way™️, and not everyone’s feelings on the fish are romantic/sexual!

♡Parental Sebastian Solace Headcannons♡

Warnings: Sebastian acts like your dad

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

He wasn’t always standing over your shoulder and fussing over you

He actually didn’t like you at all at first, much like every other expendable

Found you annoying, irritating, and then slowly you started to grow on him

It started with coming in heavily injured and buying a medkit off of him, practically begging to just sit down in the corner of his room for a while

Then asking if you could nap in here since it was the only safe place to do so

Which turned into sitting quietly nearby in his shop in hopes you could just relax for a moment

Suddenly he went from barely tolerating to kind of…worrying over you

Your injuries were nothing to scoff at, and you really did seem genuine whenever you said you just wanted to take a nap here for a while

And suddenly he was worried you weren’t eating enough, having definitely lost weight since the last time he saw you

Sure he never says anything about it

Heaven forbid he be genuine or emotional

Starts giving you food with whatever items you buy, and sometimes he uses the excuse that he just has a ton of extra stuff that’s supposedly about to go bad

This is a lie, check the packaging of some of the snacks and you’ll realize they’re just fine

Makes up some bullshit about trying something new out for his shop if you ask (never gives anyone else food)

Starts to grow softer as the days drag on, enough so that if you do something he’s particularly proud of? He ruffles your hair.

Some of that instinct to protect things smaller than him just happens to encompass you. Is he awful, manipulative, and outright fucking mean? Yes. But he has decided you are acceptable

Therefore he practically follows you around in the vents from time to time

Has probably fought off Pandemonium for you once or twice and you have no idea it even happened

Has handed you a radio to talk with him. He’ll even do special drop offs for you, but ONLY if you have the exact number of data on hand

Don’t abuse this, he will take the radio away. He’s TRUSTING you to be good

“Yeah yeah, I saw what you did. Very cool. I know Pinkie has been bothering you a lot, but I told you it’s not too bad. I was right, wasn’t I? Have a cookie.”

He says it likes he’s insulting you but he genuinely hands you one of those prepackaged cookies

His tone control is good, which means you will almost never hear softness or worry unless you are at the BRINK of death

One day, you’ll manage to get out of here. He doesn’t usually have faith in expendables but he’s got a lot of faith in you. Is he particularly excited that you’re going to get the crystal? No. But a part of him wants you to get out of here

When you get there, and you radio in that you’re standing in front of the crystal he’ll respond with immediate irritation

“What do you want me to say? You’re at the crystal. Don’t just stand there looking dumb, fucking grab it. Thats what you wanted, right?”

You’ll have expected his usual attitude, his snippy tone. What you won’t expect is him breaking the radio silence as you reach in to put the crystal into its container

“I’m proud of you, don’t fuck it up.”

[kosmicdream]

Hello. After drawing webcomics for 10 years and making about 10,000 pages of comics, here are some things i have learned/observed in that experience..

1) making comics does not get easier.. Not really

Making comics is a tedious and slow process and with so many different facets of the experience to learn - you’ll never run out of stuff to learn or weaknesses to work on. I’m not saying this to discourage but to just give the frank reality that it really takes a lifetime to understand. Be patient with yourself and try to set healthy expectations. 

2) Read your own comics after making them.

I don’t know if this is as important to other people as it is to me, but I do think that sometimes its easy to not re-read your own work and just go from your own memory of it, or maybe you’re tired of looking at it because of all the flaws. I don’t personally get sucked into the “rewrite/remake” cycle that I know is common with comics, as I sort of just accept things as they are, but re-reading my work does help me see where I have come from and where I need to go to next. I personally don’t like to lose sight of that, and I think re-reading helps ground me in the planning process of my work and gives me a better perspective on all aspects.

3) A lot of comic advice should be taken with a grain of salt, because its the person talking to themselves. (including this)

I see a lot of advice that never would have worked for me, or just simply wasn’t something I was ever going to follow. “Dont start with your big epic long stories”! Is a common one. I don’t think that’s bad advice exactly, but how many young artists are going to listen, especially if they’ve never told a story in the first place? Yes, the advice to start small and build yourself up with experience sounds great, I’m sure people do it, but if you’re an artist you’re probably not gonna be that responsible. And for me, when i tried to do this with eggshells, my house burnt down and i kinda gave up comics for a while because i lost a lot of work. 

Writing short stories is still something I struggle with, its just not easy for me. I have gotten better at it but i don’t think that makes me less of a comic artist because I haven’t gotten good at that particular format, or that I jump around on my projects. Is it more impressive to have more completed work under your belt, sure. But I also think that.. Idk.. what is the advice actually saying, because with that one it sort of feels (often times) as a warning that you’re setting yourself up for failure/embarrassment by attempting a comic like that. I don’t know how to tell you this, but comics are gonna be embarrassing no matter what you do and there’s no guarantee you’ll be more successful/not experience failure by avoiding your passions. Something to think about anyway. 

4) Don’t draw every leaf. Unless you really want to.

I’m the kind of comic artist that kind of doesn’t care about the art as much as the whole package of the comic. When i see a very impressively drawn panel/page, with laborious detail that is well drawn and maybe even colored ect.. That usually is kind of, I guess, a turn off for me as part of the reading experience. The thing is, when i encounter that, it usually signals to me that someone has poor planning skills for comics. It says to me that comic is probably not going to see its end or that artist is overworking themselves in an unnecessary way, that ends up concerning me about how they’re doing. Because i know how hard it is to draw comics. When an artist phones things in a bit, or has a limit on how much they work on a page, its a relief for me to see! because I understand they have healthier boundaries and expectations, and the art itself usually is less stiff too. This is all an overgeneralization, but I think with a lot of webcomic artists we are usually drawing a comic for the first time ever, so it makes sense we want to do our best and try as hard as possible - that just usually isn’t the smartest plan to put all the stock in the visual department. This also kinda frustrates me to see because most comics (professional or not) will also (generally) not reel the art in ever or make a more simple style. Generally I see it always trying to outdo itself, which leads to burn out. I personally only work about 1hr on each page i draw, that hasn’t changed in the 10 years I have been drawing comics, but i used to spend hundreds of hours drawing detailed lineart for eggshells and it didn’t even read well and i’d be disappointed with the results, feeling more lost with my goals than ever. PLEASe.. Just draw worse, its usually better looking in the end too. (because you wont have the experience to judge visual clarity until you’ve been drawing comics for a while imo..)

5) Don’t draw ahead, draw those inbetweenies.

“Inbetweenies” are the pages for the “boring” ones. They are also usually the most common KIND of page. Its the pages that are necessary, but “inbetween” the action. The impact moments in a scene, ect. You gotta draw them. They’re always gonna be there. They’re the pages where maybe, the character is walking somewhere, thinking, ect. The after impact from an action.. There’s a million examples, but hopefully you’ll understand what I mean when I say they’re both necessary pages/panels, sometimes so mundane/redundant, but also required for telling the story.. As a comic is a sequence of images. This is why, the previous advice is also important IMO- because if you really want to “draw every leaf” - maybe you should save that energy and effort for those impact moments that you want to impress the reader with.. And not for the inbetweenies, which are the foundational support, but also not the most important moments. If you conserve your energy a bit, the contrast OF that effort will also pop more. I personally find it funny when I put more effort into a page and end up tricking my readers into thinking I got better at drawing, when really i just have been able to draw better and only save it for moments like this instead of always.

Also, when I say don’t draw ahead.. I mean I draw each page at a time before going to the next one. I have no idea if this is an unusual practice or not, and I know a lot of people will draw their chapters/episodes/whatever in sections like sketch/ink/color/ect.. But I personally draw and finish page by page, unless its the thumb/sketch stage. Even then, i don’t go ahead much. I think that you can control flow/pacing better by doing chapters all at once of course, I see that as a benefit. But i also think that makes things very overwhelming and can also result in a lack of flexibility if something isn’t working. No matter HOW much planning you do- comics are always going to have an aspect of IMPROVISATION with the result you get in the end. There are way too many factors in play to be in complete control of all of them and always know the result of the reading experience. SO for me, this technique is easier and has been something that continues to get me to working effectively. Plus, rumiko takahashi said that’s what she does. And i think she has some of the best visual flow/compositions in comics. So that’s what I do.

I could write more personal advice or rules that i follow..but I think those are the ones I find are the most important to me anyway. Of course, comics are a strange medium and not everything that works for me will work for you. That’s all for now.. Bye bye…! 

Oh by the way, my comics are here: feastforaking.com nastyreddogs.com https://kosmic.itch.io/ Support me on patreon! https://www.patreon.com/kosmic

[deadhands69]

*❆ White Elephant: Jututsu Kaisen ❆*

What happens when you select their white elephant gift? *This is absolute crack and in no way did I put any consideration into where in time it occurs/what side you’re on/why all of these people/curses somehow got along well enough for a holiday gathering together. **yes, i’m very aware of how out of context the header image is

Gojo: This one is wrapped… interestingly. It doesn’t look bad by any means, the shiny white paper is just folded in a way that feels like it should defy physics. Upon opening, a small strange object falls out. You’ve never seen anything quite like it and its presence weighs heavily on you. You’re about 90% sure that thing is cursed beyond reason and there’s absolutely no way you’re bringing it home with you.

Did he just forget and pick up the first thing he saw on his desk? Absolutely.

Itadori: You selected this one because you can tell someone put so much love into wrapping it. Sure, it looks a little sloppy with the twisted ribbon and fold marks on the cute snowman printed paper, but A+ for effort. When you open it, you find a silly coffee mug filled with random odds and ends. A cute keychain. Human Earthworm action figure. And an assortment of stickers. Overall, a pretty thoughtful gift.

Todo: With the nice reusable gift bag, this one caught your eye. Worst case, you still get a cool bag. Once you open it, you peel back the layers of protective paper to find - a framed photo of Nobuko Takada. What else did you expect? 

Maki steals it from you three turns later.

Geto: The wrapping is immaculate. Crisply folded dark blue paper. Symmetrical gold bow on top. 10/10. It’s perfect. Of course, you had to choose this one. Peeling back the paper and digging into the box, a small glowing ball rolls out. In what he thought would be the funniest inside joke ever (coming from someone who doesn’t joke often), Geto left the curse you had all fought together for you to keep in a nice little orb. How sweet. There’s also a religious pamphlet and invitation to his cult’s gatherings. 

Jogo: The messy wrapping leaves something to be desired, but this one has a presence. When you peel back the green paper, you discover…one of sukuna’s fingers.

This does not feel like it should fit within the $25 spending limit, but whatever.

Nanami: This envelope almost went unnoticed until you saw it poking out from behind another gift. When you open it, you find a gift card for $25. Low effort but certainly useful.

Yuta: A small silver box with a cute blue bow. When you open it, you find a beautiful locket. That's from Yuta. Inside is a photo of Yuta. That's from Rika.

Maki: Green paper with a big red ribbon. This gift looks exactly like someone mimicked the most stereotypical Christmas wrapping they could manage (she did.) It’s hefty for its size. When you open it, you find a large bottle of Pinesol, a scrubbing brush, and some gloves with a note that ‘some of you need to pull your weight  more around here.’

Megumi: The wrapping is nice. Simple. Minimalistic. A red paper so dark it's nearly black. When you open the box, you find an assortment of new pens, pencils, lighters, and a phone charger. He wanted to introduce a surplus to the group in the hopes that now everyone will stop stealing his. (If you can’t tell, the Zenin clan isn’t so big on Christmas.)

Nobara: The gift bag is cute. A nice bow, shiny star covered paper. Great choice. When you pull out the tissue paper and look inside, you find a hammer. Also, a holiday scented candle - gotta cover all the bases.

Panda: Crinkled snowflake print wrapping paper and a few bits of fur in the tape holding it together, but overall something really draws you to this gift. When you open it, you know immediately it’s from Panda. One of those packaged gag gifts you’ll be able to use or re-gift next year for a laugh.

Choso: This is the largest box. It's wrapped up in candy cane patterned paper with big holes stabbed through the top and sides. "Don't shake it!" he screams from across the room when you pick it up. Ripping through the already mangled paper and opening the cratered box, you find a tiny stray kitten with a cute red bow tied around its neck in place of a collar. Awwweee.

Inumaki: This one is larger than most and surprisingly well wrapped in cute santa hat Pikachu paper. When you open it, you find the absolute weirdest garden gnome you’ve ever seen. It’s wonky, in an endearing/funny way. You genuinely wonder where it came from.

How tf did he wrap it so well with only o-[SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER]

Mahito: A transfigured human. It’s not wrapped or anything. He didn’t really understand the game.

Shoko: A cute gold box with a red ribbon tied around it. It feels lightweight but you’re sure there’s something good in there. When you untie it and peel off the paper, you find a pack of cigarettes and a scribbled note that says ‘happy holidays.’

Toji: A crumpled paper bag with the top rolled over. It’s the only one left and you’re feeling adventurous. Opening it, you find a roll of toilet paper (which you return to the bathroom from which it went missing.)

***Sukuna declined to participate. He says his mere presence is a gift to all of you mortals and you’ll be lucky if he graces you with that.

In the end:

The toilet paper has been returned and Gojo confiscated the transfigured human and finger. Well, he tried to. Sukuna's mouth appeared on Yuji's hand and ate both while they were being passed across the room.

This leaves us with:

Gojo's creepy cursed object (he swears it's safe)

Yuji's cute mug/Human Earthworm nicknacks

Todo's framed idol photo (Maki is glaring daggers at you for even considering it)

Geto's curse orb and religious materials (Gojo stole this one to take it out of rotation so they might be off-limits too)

Nanami's $25 Applebees gift card

A locket with Yuta's photo glued inside

Maki's cleaning supplies

Megumi's box of frequently borrowed items (each of which have now been transformed by Mahito to look like small people)

Nobara's hammer. And candle.

Panda's gag gift (Toge is trying to hide this and not make eye contact in the hopes that you will forget it exists)

Choso's kitten that everyone is keeping away from Mahito (Megumi already named it so good luck prying it out of his hands)

Toge's quirky gnome

Shoko's cigarettes (minus the two Nanami already smoked after stealing a lighter before Mahito could transfigure it)

You have one more steal left, what are you going home with?

m.list

[aidulusion]

TRAIN RIDE

pairing : draco malfoy x fem!reader

word count : 676

summary : its your first train ride to hogwarts, and you just happened to share a compartment with a popular slytherin.

proofread? : yes.

creds to cafekitsune for the dividers!

You had been recently transferred because of your father’s new job in the ministry, it was your first day at Hogwarts and you were already in your 4th year.

There was din and chatter around the magnificent Hogwarts express which shined brightly in the daylight, uncountable young witches and wizards trying to make their way into the train.

You waited for the crowd to die down a bit before entering yourself, but you didn’t expect all the compartments to be full. After a while of wandering around, you finally found a not exactly empty compartment. There was a boy with pale blonde—almost white hair. Wearing formal clothing, and a ring on his index finger which had elegant diamonds attached on it. He was sitting beside the window, too focused on the lush green hills of Scotland to notice you.

Being the nice person you are, decided not to bother him and quietly sat down on the other side of the compartment.

It took him a moment to notice your presence in the compartment, and even longer to actually say something. 

“Haven’t seen you before.” He finally scoffed, causing you to look up and stop fidgeting with your hands. The way he spoke was not the nicest, but you decided to give him a half-hearted smile.

It took you a moment to figure out what to say, but you gained enough courage to actually start a conversation with him.

“I’m new here.. My father recently got a well paying job in the ministry. And you might be..?”

“Draco, Draco Malfoy.”

“Nice to meet you, Draco. I’m (Y/N) (L/N).”

All he did was mutter out a small ‘nice to meet you too.’ before going silent again, but you decided that you were not going to make this uninteresting for yourself. 

The conversation you started went on for a good while, but awkward silence filled the room once again. Both of you were staring out the window, admiring the scenery of a beautiful sunset, you were starting to wonder how long the train ride would go on due to the fact that this was your first time on Hogwarts express. Slumber almost took over you, but you heard the blonde’s melodic yet irritating voice. “And, make sure not to fall asleep, a dementor might get you.”

He warned you, a mischievous intention behind his eyes. Those words completely freaked you out, you quickly straightened up your body and looked at him with a concerned expression. “THERE ARE DEMENTORS HERE!?” You almost yelled loud enough for the other compartments to hear, and the boy couldn’t help but snicker.

It took him a while to actually calm you down, making you realise that he was just messing around with you. It surprised him how a 4th year student could be so scared of a silly little joke, “perhaps she had been homeschooled”, he thought to himself.

“I doubt you’ll even survive at Hogwarts without any friends at this point.” 

Draco peeped, tilting his head slightly in sarcasm. You were taken aback by this statement and suddenly remembered that there won’t be a welcoming package for you in that place. A realisation of being all alone ruined your mood to the fullest, causing you to look down to your thighs again, but you heard the boy speak again:

“And, I’d like to volunteer, to be your first.. Friend.” He let the words out of his mouth quite hesitantly, it seemed as if he was saying something completely out of his character, the words almost seemed genuine coming out of him.

“Don’t get me wrong, but.. You really don’t seem like a guy who’d volunteer to be someone’s friend.” You confessed, causing the boy to let out a groan and for you to start laughing. 

You had heard people bad-mouth Slytherins when you were looking for a compartment, and this boy had just made you have second thoughts. Slytherins weren’t that bad. You’d be just as happy if you found yourself in Slytherin, and have Draco Malfoy as your first friend.

hope this made you feel a tad better.

@cryinginthemoonpool , @klynni <3

[genericpuff]

I've watched both (this is a hazbin hotel ask btw) but tend to keep my eyes closed to merch sales (and such forth) unless it can pierce my five degrees of separation

also gotta admit that I've been not keeping up with HB since... honestly the since the season end. yeah I'm behind.

What do you mean they're waiting for what's functionally pamphlets? It's taking MONTHS for a pamphlet?

That's funny in the bad way 😭

yeah so from MY UNDERSTANDING (i.e. correct me if I'm wrong) the playbill was part of some exclusive package deal where buyers would receive some keychains, trading cards, and a playbill which was supposedly going to be filled with exclusive interviews/quotes/background information/etc. about the show's production. That playbill was exclusive to the pre-orders, meaning if you didn't pre-order this merch package, presumably you could still purchase the merch package on its own (or possibly its parts separately on the merch site like the keychains n junk) but the playbill would ONLY be sent to those who pre-ordered.

The pre-orders started around a year or so ago, but then roughly 9 months ago when the bundles started to show up, people reported that the playbill - literally the centerpiece of the marketing - was missing.

Since then, the playbills still haven't arrived, but customers have gotten TWO separate emails written from the "characters" of Hazbin Hotel updating them on the situation. Yes, you read that right, the emails meant to update people on the part of their pre-order package that was still missing - a package that cost them $76 and again, the playbill was exclusive to - were written in-character like a roleplay post in a message board forum.

And for some reason, the A24 staff decided that Husk would be the best character to deliver the bad news, a character who is, like many characters in Hazbin, just an asshole.

It's wild that this even got approved as an official email from the A24 team because let's face it - if you had spent $76 with the good faith expectation that you were gonna get everything you were promised in return for that $76 is this really the response you'd want to get? I'm not exactly sure when this email was sent out but according to some of the people reporting on it via Twitter, it was around the end of January (so the end of the month that folks were expecting it to roll in). Not a great way to tell people that the product they're waiting on - and didn't expect to be missing in the first place - was delayed.

Months later, a second email rolled out, and A24 sort of learned their lesson, not by actually addressing their customers as human beings, but this time as Charlie, who is at least not a complete dickhead.

It still doesn't really answer any questions though because it's putting the responsibility on fictional characters to explain what's going on. So of course everything is masked behind the "teehee, Alastor did a naughty and Niffty got stuck in the printing press machine!" roleplaying talk which literally does not actually tell anyone what's really going on, just gives them a vague impression based on what they chose to make a fictional character say.

Sure, it's nicer than Husk, but it's still disingenuous and frankly just cringe esp when this is concerning the interests of paying customers.

I don't know if this is Vivzie's doing or someone else on the A24 team, but it really feels like they're trying to operate the same way HH would have operated back when it was just a Youtube series... but it's not a small-time Youtube production anymore, it's a full on Amazon show with hired employees and a customer base that expects the thing they paid for to actually show up. So at best this is just really immature mishandling of a situation that should be taken at least relatively seriously.

And really, out of all the things to delay... the playbills? Really? For anyone who's not familiar with what a playbill is, it's literally just a booklet. Professional, "Playbill" branded playbills that you see in legitimate theatre productions are (if I recall correctly) anywhere from 30-60 pages, but a lot of those pages are often dedicated to ad space of other productions and companies, with maybe only 10-15 pages dedicated to the actual production. People love collecting them though because you typically only receive them when you go to see a play itself, so it can be a great souvenir from limited run productions.

It's kinda like comic collecting for theatre-goers, they can serve as memorabilia or as "proof" that you were there to attend a specific show. Though playbills don't tend to accrue as much value as much as comics can, they can still have a lot of sentimental value.

Hazbin Hotel isn't a play though. It's a streaming show available on Amazon Prime that anyone can watch anywhere in the world. It doesn't exactly have the need for something like a playbill, because the exclusivity is simply tied to how much extra money you're willing to give them for the pre-order, not to any sort of unique in-person experience of going to the theatre and watching the show live with your own eyes.

Granted, Hazbin Hotel does obviously take heavy inspiration from theatre culture as it is itself a musical, so I can understand the novelty and appeal of creating a unique playbill for it. I just don't really understand why that's the item that got delayed when a booklet containing exclusive info should be one of the easiest things to make, especially when it comes to production costs (printing a bunch of playbills shouldn't be anywhere near as expensive as producing keychains and trading cards).

But there was an update on reddit about this a couple weeks ago and it seemingly contradicts what A24 - sorry, 'Charlie', sigh - said months ago that they were working hard on specifically printing and packaging the playbill orders-

FINALLY the HH fandom gets a real human being from A24 responding, but they're saying that the designs are still being worked on??? So this means they haven't even started printing the things yet?? So that's an entirely DIFFERENT issue that hasn't been addressed up until this point.

So yeah, again, I don't have any stakes in this and it's definitely not something that I'm like, putting a lot of emotional investment into, but it has still been fascinating to check in on every now and then. Big condolences to the HH fans who paid $76+ for this package and are still waiting for the MAIN CENTERPIECE to show up - if you're one of those fans and are now reading this, you're probably gonna be waiting a little while longer because apparently they haven't even designed them yet 💀😆

[psychicbarbarianinfluencer]

How would you rank every main villain in the movies from favourite to least favourite?

So all of these guys

And before anyone says anything Yes Gristle and Crimp do count as they served as antagonists with a fair share of screen time for the majority of a movie each so they deffo count as main villains.

My ranking would go

Chef. because I loved how sadistic and bitter she acted and how manipulative she could be it made her a very fun villain plus in terms of what was implied her past list of crimes are nightmare fuel ( like the cook book she wrote about trolls )

Barb. even tho I complained about her before I do love her personality wise I just find her forgiveness very forced and unearned in the story.

Gristle. he's a lovable idiot for sure but his heart is in the right place and I feel the first movie did a good job of keeping him in a position where he was technically a villain for most of the movie But there was enough decent sides to him shown that his redemption at the end didn't feel forced or unearned in my opinion unlike barbs, plus him and Bridget are cute af.

Velvet and veneer. I lumped these two together since I see them as a packaged deal lol neither of them would be much if they were a solo villain but together they make a very fun duo.

Crimp. I don't really care for her to be honest personality wise I find her to be self pitying but not really the sort of character I can actually feel any pity for since she's just a villainous henchmen Who goes along with her bosses evil plan and then expects sympathy when they are slightly mean to her like girl you didn't extend the same sympathy to Floyd And he didn't actually have a choice in being around Velvet and veneer unlike you, to be honest her forgiveness at the end is another case where I think its forced and unearned as she deserved punishment. And honestly I don't see why the movie thinks she should be seen as sympathetic? when it seems like she went along with floyd's kidnapping and torture just because she didn't wanna have to find a new job which honestly makes her a pretty crappy person.

Creek. I actually don't hate his character but I don't love him either and I do find him to be the most poorly written out of all of the main villains as he basically feels like he bounces back and fourth between being two different characters As he has the motivations and set up of a sympathetic reluctant villain who would normally feel remorse and undergo a redemption by the end of the film but he has the personality of a sadistic henchmen whose only motivation is that he enjoys hurting people So it just feels like the writing was all over the place for him to be honest.

[kfkr1ze]

[002-A04] Howdy! Teachers!

Summary — ✈︎ Kaede explains the situation about the Ward Mayors to the members of the Community Revitalization Club, but the reaction he got wasn't what he expected...

Characters— ✈︎ Akuta, Kiroku, Muneuji, Nanaki, Ushio, Sakujiro

Location: Hama Asunaro High School Community Revitalization Club Room

Ushio: Sensei. I have a little suggestionー

Can’t we just get started without him?

He might’ve already gone home or something, and we don’t have much free time ourselves.

And if we stay here after the school’s dismissal time, our private lives will get cut short too.

I can just tell Isotake if I see him again, so can’t we just get started already?

Sakujiro: Hmm. I suppose we have no choice…

Then, we’ll have to greet Isotake-kun properly at a later date.

Kaede-san, if you please.

Kaede: O-Okay!

Once again, I’m Kaede, the Chief at HAMA Tours. It’s a tourism agency under HAMA Ward 18.

Our job is to provide comprehensive directions for tourism in HAMA, as well as deliver never before seen package tours.

Currently, we are looking for people to become Ward Mayors and work alongside us in this project.

Nanaki: Ward… Mayors…

Muneuji: (If I recall, that is a special position only granted towards special tourism wards.)

Kiroku: (I know what… he’s talking about, but… what does any of this… have to do with us……?)

Kaede: The Ward Mayor of HAMA 0, who is also the president of HAMA Tours, has the authority to appoint the position of Ward Mayor to people.

At the same time, he’s also acquaintances with the principal at Hama Asunaro High School. I was then introduced to everyone of the Community Revitalization Club as candidates for the new Ward Mayors.

All 4: !

Kaede: (Isn’t that right… Kafka!)

Ushio: … Isn’t HAMA on the decline as a special tourism ward right now, though? I saw it on the news.

Kaede: Uu…! Yes, that’s correct…

Kaede: (Even though HAMA used to be a really popular tourist destination, it’s currently “on the decline”… so much so that even high schoolers are talking about it)

(Along with Kafka, and everyone in the Morning Squad, I swore that I’d rebuild the current HAMA, so I absolutely cannot back down!)

Kaede: It’s true that if we don’t attract 20 million people this year, HAMA will lose its status as a special tourism ward. But, that’s whyーー

HAMA tours were formed and why we started working to bring tourists back in earnest!

In fact, the tour we just did with the Morning Squad was a huge success!

We want to bring HAMA back to where it used to be… No, it’s more than that. We want to create a better HAMA! A tourist city that’s full of dreams, full of a variety of people…!

That’s why, I beg of you!

Will you join me as “comrades” to bring HAMA to an even better place!?

All 4: ……

Sakujiro: ……

Muneuji: …I basically got the gist what you were saying.

Ushio: I sure as hell didn’t. What’d you mean by “candidates”?

Kaede: Uumm…

(That’s just what Kafka’s message said…)

Ushio: How’s the examination carried out?

Kaede: Ah, that’s… The details for that have been decided, but I haven’t been informed of them yet.

Ushio: Oh really? You said that you’re the Chief of HAMA Tours, didn’t you? Do you even have a clue about what you're leading?

Kaede: ……

It’s just as you’re saying.

Ushio: I mean, I’m not really complaining or anything, y’know? But, if you’re planning to present a project, shouldn’t you be fully prepared for things like this?

Maybe you’re thinking that you can be a little lenient with your work because you're just dealing with high school kids?

Kaede: T-That’s not…!

Ushio: Isn’t it? You’re just all talk in the end aren’t you?

At the end of the day, you still don’t know any of the finer details right? So of courseーー

Nanaki: Sigh…  It’s like the whole “What month, what day, which day, of what hour, what minute, and what second.” What are you, an elementary school student?

Ushio: Hah?

Nanaki: What I’m saying is, I’m glad you seem to be enjoying your little questioning game.

Ushio: HAH!?

Kaede: (Nanamegi-kun… Are you on my side, maybe?)

For today, I’m truly sorry for not being fully prepared! I’ll make sure to bring a proper proposal next time, soーー

Nanaki: Sorry, but I’m not interested.

Kaede: Eh!? Wait, hold on!

Muneuji: I apologize.

I’m also not interested in becoming “comrades” with an adult who is 10 years older[1] than me.

Kaede: Ehh…!

Kiroku: …………

Kaede: Kinugawa-kun…!

Ushio: Aww. Everyone’s boycotting.

I almost feel bad for the poor outside club instructor-san.

But I’m also leaving.

If you want to “bring HAMA to a better place”, why not start with considering people who are actually interested in that sorta thing?

Kaede: Hold onーー

???: DAHHHー! SORRY SORRY! I’m SUUUPER late! Has it started yet? It hasn’t, right!? I did it! I’m right on time!

Kaede: (Huh? That kid looks familiar…)

Kaede: ( … Ah! That time at the landmark…!)

Akuta: But still, I dashed all the way here so, I’m ～ SOOO ～ tired !!

I should get taken care of～! and soothed, too～!

Kaede: (I remember! It’s the kid from that time!)

Akuta: You should be fine! Soothe me.

Ushio: Hey, stop it, don’t touch me! Don’t act all familiar with me, dumbass.

Don’t expect me to “soothe” you after you barged in here all late…!

There are plenty of pet robots in the world who can do that for you!

Akuta: Ohhh～～! That’s such a creative response…!

That’s just like you, Ushio! You’re always so prickly and sarcastic, but you actually have the mindset of an artist y’knooww～～!

I should write that in the “responses to Akuta” memo!

Ushio: Ha!? W-What are you saying, suddenly…

Muneuji: What are you acting all shy for, Uu-chan? Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed?

Ushio: I didn’t do anything though?! And I’m not embarrassed!!

Kaede: (Woah, the atmosphere is completely different… Maybe that kid is the key person in this group?)

Hey, that boy from that one time!

Akuta: Eh? Oh!! You’re that cameraman guy who helped me out that one time!

Kaede: Thank you for helping me find that person back then! 

Actually, this and that happened, and now I’m looking for candidates for the Ward Mayors.

Akuta: Hmhm.

Kaede: Will you join me together to bring HAMA to a better place!?

Akuta: Eh, no way.

Kaede: W. WHY!?

Akuta: Sorry! I may look pretty carefree, but I have a pretty busy life! I have a lotta things I wanna do～

Nanaki: Are we leaving? Even though you just barely came here on time.

Akuta: About that〜 There’s just times where it’s important to make it on time. That’s all! Everyone, let’s go let’s go〜

Kaede: …………

Sakujiro: So, what was your opinion on that response?

Kaede: …… I can feel something there.

Sakujiro: Is that so? Then, what will be your next move?

Kaede: Of course, I’m going to push back even harder!

(Oh, this is getting super interesting…!)

Previous — ✈︎ Masterlist — ✈︎ Next

Muneuji does actually say "an adult who is 10 years older than me", but based on the whole older than Kafka (20) and younger than Yukikaze (25) thing, I've seen people guess that Momiji is around 21-22 and Kaede is around 22-23 ! So he wouldn't actually be 10 years older than Muneuji, but you can tell that Muneuji wasn't being trying to be literal in what he was saying.

[delcakoo]

i’m sure most ppl expected this so i’m not gonna make a big deal out of it but!! yes i am going on hiatus for an unspecified amount of time.

it’s honestly quite simple, i’ve just been losing interest in most aspects of kpop aside from the music, which makes writing for it a lot harder than before. i also dealt with a lot of burn out for months and still forced myself to write which only made it worse. lastly, i’m an executive of two clubs at my school this year on top of all my classes, so finding time to write would be even worse than it was before :’) !

YEAh that’s kinda it! for now my works will stay up, moots can dm me for my disc/spotify!! even if we’ve barely spoken pspsps i wanna stalk ur music cmere 🤲 a special shout out to my emoji anons too, you’re all amazing people ilysm, especially those that have been stuck with me for so long <3 (u know who u are!!)

i’ll try and check in here every so often to chat, esp if a new comeback for enha/txt happens!! love u guys and stay safe <3 you may send an ask if u have any questions!

extra stuff i wanna say to moots below! (it’s all word vomits i’m sorry)

RAVEN. MY WIFEY. my BELOVED blr wont let me tag u but you already know i adore u sm playing roblox with u is so fun even if that one banana game was kinda ass!! 💖 thank u for being so so sweet when putting up with me all the time and raising our fav corgi daughter with sm love <3 i hope u get more confidence in ur writing because your fics are always so creative and well written, and in yourself too bc a certain mf thats name starts with J and ends with N is MISSING OUT. 🙄🙄 ok im still gna be annoying u all the time so. bye ig….. smooches

@seongclb katto u deserve an award for putting up with me in dms ilysm 😞 watching the promised neverland together brought me so much joy and i still have a ss of you calling gilda a tractor ok i love u!!!! i would read your fics all day any day u are so talented and ur photography skills are amazing, i hope we get to keep in touch WE SHOULD FIND ANOTHER SHOW TO WATCH TGTHER !!!!! i need to fix your lack of anime knowledge ‼️ PLS KEEP WRITING AS WELL ENHABLR NEEDS U!!!!

@soov reirei my gf i aspire to be as confident and funny as you, you’re literal sunshine and always make my day better even with just one interaction <3 thank u for being so welcoming my first days in walmart enha and raising sushiwon with me!! as well as entertaining me by dying in genshin every 3 seconds <3 (WE NEED TO PLAY AGAIN) oh and KEEP WRITING BB. i will rise from THE DEAD WHEN IT COMES OUT OK U CAN DO THIS ML!!

@haknom kangaroo karaoke keys we may have had only a few convos but they were all so fun like PLAYING BRAWL STARS WAS HILARIOUS we ate the house down in duo showdown idc. and beta reading ur fics was such a treat esp while watching u plan new smaus every other day 🫶 also your music taste is MUWAH gimme some more recs pspsps !!! KEEP WRITING OKKK?!

@kynrki kimmy kimmy kim one of my first ever moots <3 your writing is always such a joy to read and your energy is amazing, thank you for giving me a chance when i was too shy to ask anyone else to be moots LMAO 🫶 plsplss keep writing you’re so gifted and deserve the whole world LOVEE UU

@bitehee cavvy my big sibling :((( i love u sm kshsdknd its been a while but i really hope everything has been well since you moved and you’re still being as cool as ever <3 im gonna replay a pokemon game in ur honor perhaps mystery dungeon 👁️ ? anyway i look up to u and think u are so cool, one of my fav hee stans ever ever!!! remember u have my disc if u ever wanna chat 🫂 !!!

@sunoksunny sunny <3 my other gf. i remember our first vc u had this goofy pfp i cant remember what it was but like u are so easy to talk to and funny?! and PRETTY??? your fits are always stunning and your singing is beautiful ugh the whole package fr… and. we need. to play. genshin!!! I REDOWNLOADED IT FOR U OK WE WILL DISCUSS THIS SOON!! ILY

@slytherinshua ZANNY. u are so easy to talk to we match each others energy so perfectly?!? I HOPE U AND TUALHA CONTINUE BEING THE COOLEST EVER and ur writing is top tier so pls keep going‼️ thank u for being so sweet to me as another one of my very first moots i appreciate u sm <3333

@flwrshee riri !!! we haven’t even been moots for long but i had to add u in here because u need to know that ILYSM. you’re like an adorable energetic little sister that always makes me smile T-T thank you for taking time out of your day to reblog my fics with so much sweet feedback and i wish u the absolute best always!! if u ever need anything pls dm me on disc i would love to chat with u more, and make sure to keep writing bc u have SO much talent!!!!

@wonieleles sia SIA i genuinely miss talking to u sm i NEED to come back to walmart enha :(( we don’t talk much besides our little interactions in the server but each time you make me smile. you’re so so smart and admirable, i hope you keep up the hard work bc i know you’ll go so far and HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE!! you’re so beautiful okay ily 😞🫶

@sultrybaby kel 😭😭😭💖💖 you’ve literally been a day one THANK YOU for always checking in on me even during your ridiculous NONSTOP EXAMS. 💀 another one of my big siblings on here fr you are such a real one and i care for u sm!!! i hope everything has been well for u?! pls feel free to message me for anything okay <3 I LOVE U SM thank u for sticking with me all this time 🫂🫂

i have so many moots so i can’t write smthn for everyone but i love u all okay <3 AGAIN if u wanna keep in touch thru spotify or discord dm me muwah

[arileartist]

Hi 👋 👋 can I Request Asahi Rin, Ikuya and Hiyori as your senior. I freaking LOVE YOUR writing ✍ 😍. If its not too much

Oh gosh I've been busy in uni for such a long time!

Order for One steaming plate of fluff!!

Just for my cuties~<3

Rin as your Senior:

•Strict. He won't be very chatty with you but he's ready to help you wherever necessary.

•He's not very talkative, but you can tell that he cares. He's kind enough for you to be comfortable around him and feel safe, which he likes to boast about.

•With him comes a free package of having Yamazaki dad- I mean, Sousuke around so you essentially get two expert opinions.

•He'll not show you his emotional side. He believes in a the more traditional rules of senior junior relationship, however he himself finds that erasing those lines will be better after a certain point.

•Mom behaviour. After taking care of Gou, he has developed a sense of nurture. He will tell you to clean up. He will take away your phone. He will scold you for dating the wrong guys. He. Will. Get. Pissed. If. You. Don't. Do. Well. In. English. Although you'll find him giving you chocolates if you do well and will surprise you with random gifts, even if they include goofy ones like animal plushies or funky tees.

•You'll not catch him EVER wasting time. This boy likes to get his success. He lives on it. He'll read books on success, write diaries, do anything BUT waste time. He'll try to push it on those around him as well.

•There's a distance you'll need to cross before he starts being friendly with you. He's not mean, but he's not very easygoing and friendly either. Take the right steps and you might have a very motherly senior~

Hiyori as your senior:

•Brutally honest. The first time you met this guy was probably when he was judging you and you overheard him. He didn't seem too fazed about it either. It's not that he is being mean, he literally doesn't know how to speak with consideration. He only cares about his friends.

•If you do manage to get on his good side, don't expect him to pay much attention to you. Hiyori is the kind of guy who really doesn't care unless he thinks you're important to HIM.

•Yes he'll care about you and he'll give you advice wherever you want him to, but he is not going to go out of his way to ensure you're doing well. He's a sweet talker for sure, but you'd know that his words have little weight behind them.

•You'll definitely get a few glances from Ikuya, who just feels sorry for you if he ever knows that you like Hiyori.

•Hey, but on the plus side, he can definitely cheer you up with food. He's also going to be protective. You'll be receiving mixed signals. This is a true beige flag. On one hand, he'll not give you much importance in the team, however if anyone dares to look down on you in front of him, he's not staying silent either. He'll step up and give a sizzling zap of his spicy words. That's not before he tells you that you need to stand up for yourself though.

•You'll also not see him alone much. He's always going to be with Ikuya. The times you do catch him alone, he's not going to be talkative or conversational. Probably also dry on texts.

•He can't show gestures of affection so you'd get a smiley “Congratulations” and more affirmations from him. Don't expect anything more though.

•In the pool, he'll surely teach you what you need to know, but won't bother asking first. You'll need to tell him that you want to get help specifically from him. That too he'll probably reply with “why me? There are better suited people in the team aren't there~ please go and ask them, if they are busy, then maybe I'll consider it”

Yeah I don't think Hiyori would be a senior you should look up to…

Asahi as your senior:

•Dream senior of anyone tbh. He's hot, he's handsome, and he's blithe. No, it's giving Bokuto but with more brain cells. You can easily rely on him for anything you want and he'll do it for you. Happily. He doesn't care about the senior junior standards set up by the society. If something makes you happy, he'll do it. He's also dense enough to not realise that things he does might be taken in a romantic way.

•He's going to be the guy to take you out with his friends and party together. You will encounter a lot of joyous adventures with this guy. However, if you're someone who's into reading books and staying in, maybe Asahi isn't the senior you'd hangout much with. Just for you though, he's going to be texting you too~ he knows that different people need different forms of persuasion. He'll skiddadle into your texts smoothly with one of his dad joke pick-up lines.

•He WILL defend you if he sees you encountering difficulties with your mates. If anyone tries to pass off a snarky comment, he will call them out. No holds barred.

•He'll also scold you if he catches you doing something harmful. If you tell him you're going through a tough time, he'll do everything he can to support you. He may not understand you, but he will try his best to give you the confidence to face your problems head on. He'll also end up making you laugh while at it.

•He's definitely popular with your classmates and they're gonna be soooo jealous when they find out he's friends with you. You don't even have to call him “senior”.

•You can ring him up anytime and he'll answer. No matter how, no matter where. If he knows something is troubling you, he'll definitely stay up and listen, although you'll have to tell him that you're just trying to find a place to let out your thoughts. He will try to provide solutions because of the way he wants to make everyone comfortable and content.

•Please don't rely on him for educational advice though. I doubt the guy is a straight A’s student.

•You really can't get much better than this. 10/10 senior.

Ikuya as your senior:

•Quiet. In the starting, you didn't even know who he was. You just knew some “Kirishima Kun” because of the cheer squad constantly chanting his name whenever swim came up.

•When you first met him, you immediately notice the guy's standout personality. He doesn't Converse much, doesn't come out much, but mostly, whenever you try to talk to him, he's very dry.

•He WILL take time to warm up to you, but you'll see it little by little. He will try to observe you silently first, and then if you keep talking to him, he'll gradually talk to you normally. Even though his “normal” is still going to be very less.

•You would often ask Hiyori about it, but he shrugs it off saying that's just how Ikuya is.

•If you tried to take advice from him, he'll definitely give you his experience. If you express your problems, he'll pat your head and give you a reassuring look. You won't get much reactions out of him, but you can certainly tell that he cares.

•After all, Ikuya himself doesn't want anyone who's younger to him to feel the way he felt when he was thrown into his lowest.

•You'll find occasional snacks and drinks next to your bag. It's his way of telling you that you're doing well. He may not say it to your face, but he's not afraid to text you. Text is where he talks with you the most. He will send you occasional reels, but Ikuya is also the type of guy who respects the traditional “keep distance between juniors and seniors” rule. He'd be the ideal introverted senior.

•You can always find him peacefully floating in the pool or relaxing. He's always open to listen, however, don't talk to him too much or he might not like it. He values his own space and although doesn't mind being around people who show interest in him, he runs out of social battery pretty quickly.

•He'll give you the neatest notes. You'll be surprised as to how hygienic and well kept he is. Though good luck trying to convince him to lend you any of his stuff.

[lelianasbong]

YES OKAY I listened to Father Figure by George Michael over and over and over again while writing this. But @hiriaeth..... your post crawled into my brain matter!! accessed only the horniest and most Sopping Wet Sad parts!! and this happened oops.

nsfw wyllstarion fic with feelings beneath the cut :)

He's floating, now. It's not their first time, nor their fifth. Weeks after soft confessions full of hard truths, the indisputable realities of their lives made more and less complicated by their unexpected camaraderie, it is comfortable. It is familiar.

It is novel still.

"Eager," Astarion hisses into the fabric of Wyll's trousers, above the pulse-point in his thigh. Only it's more of a whisper, equal parts hunger and reverence for what lies beneath.

Beneath his haphazardly discarded clothing there is the solid weight of a rod within him - smooth stone, phallic and flared at the base, enchanted with warming runes that tingle pleasantly on contact. And there is a lot of contact. Lines of nascent fire run parallel on either side of the device, pulled further into his clenching heat by the harried, desperate movements of his hips as Astarion sits astride him, casual as can be. His lover strokes his own cock, grinding slowly, unhurried as he bears witness to Wyll's pleasure.

He feels. He feels.

"One little stone cock and you're this undone?" he tuts, one hand idly palming his balls now. "Your other lovers haven't been doing their job." He looks... not displeased - at least not with Wyll - and removes his hands from their work, crossing his arms over his pale chest. His brow is furrowed in consternation.

Wyll laughs, exalted in surrender and so turned on he wants to... wants to do something. Chew through his own flesh maybe, or Astarion's. "What other lovers?" he manages at last, panting through his pleasure and aching for- Astarion huffs out an answering laugh before he can complete the thought, breath soft on his skin.

Wyll's been asked to stay still - asked, only, it wasn't a request. Not really. There's a tilt in his lover's unusually sharp smile, a playful gleam in his eye. "You'll want to heed me," he says, promising nothing. His words are flint but his face is honey-sweet, like Wyll knew he'd be. Hoped he'd be, his soul whispers, and for once in his life he was rewarded for his faith.

Isn't that how it's always been between them?

Astarion merely stares into Wyll's good eye, placid as a lake. Wyll wonders if he's satisfied with what he sees there, but before he can ask the other man is grinding his hips into his own again, victorious as Wyll stutters on words he wasn't going to say.

The weight of expectations and the song of yearning deep within his heart, the hot blood throbbing in his cock, his composure warring against the perilous realization that he wants. That he needs. He cries out as his unfettered ego breaks against the rocky shores of the unknown.

Deft fingers are unbuckling his belt, drawing his trousers down and out of the way. Revealing the mess in his smallclothes - oil and precum and the thick unforgiving stone of that damnable disembodied cock, hours in him now, hours.

Astarion's tongue is a fine instrument. Not least for all its charm or its propensity towards vexatiousness. He knows what to do with it, how to drive Wyll to madness, surely he knows-

His lips - a little cold, a little dry, but soft as satin and sure as the sun make their way from Wyll's chest down to the waistline of his undergarments. Damp as they are with slick and arousal and sweat, they leave little to the imagination. Astarion licks a horizontal line above them - a demarcation of intent - before nuzzling his face into the fabric covering Wyll's package and he cannot hope to contain the throaty noise that escapes his mouth, hips juttering forward, betraying his excitement wholesale if his moaning hadn't already given him away. The stone cock within him shifts sweetly in response to his movements and he chokes on the sensation.

Astarion looks half mad, half affectionate. His normally well-coiffed hair is a mess, owing to their earlier activities more than these before them but his sole focus is on Wyll now. He pets Wyll's face, tenderly. Smiles meanly and sing-songs,

"Young, dumb, and full of cu-"

Wyll groans, half ecstasy and half exasperation at Astarion's insistence on being completely insufferable at every inopportune moment.

"Do not finish that sentence," he grinds out. His teeth are clenched and it's hard to focus on chastising him. It is rather difficult to speak in general when his attention's so divided between the cock in his arse and the one on display before him.

"Or what?" Astarion scoffs, reaching down between Wyll's legs, stopping momentarily to gently roll his balls in his hand before drifting lower still, until he's fingering the base of the stone phallus. Those clever fingers circle his twitching, swollen hole and Wyll tries to remember what words are. His body is too hot. He wonders if this is what Karlach feels like all the time - vitality and scorched earth bound impossibly to one's own living form.

Astarion continues, words blithe, seemingly disaffected. "You are young, and dumb..." He pushes the phallus in, alternating between shallow, quick thrusts and slow and deep, and Wyll gasps like he expects that magical stone cock to come up through his throat. His want is beading at the tip of his cock, fluid pearlescent in the fading light. "And full of come, my sweet," he whispers, torturous tongue applying delicate kitten-licks to the head of his cock which drive him mad but aren't enough.

His horns - 'not the only one,' he had teased some nights ago, the absolute cad - slam against the pillow behind him as his hips cant up, up into that sweet cool mouth only to be overwhelmed by the presence of implacable stone pressing hot and hard into his prostate. It's sweet, it's so sweet and he wants to scream. He twists desperately, Astarion's weight upon him a cornerstone of comfort amidst the ache, and the moan that escapes him is gutteral and involuntary.

It's torturous and too good.

And for a moment, he can't help the fear that washes over him. Not of his lover, of course, nor their current activities, but of his devilish patron Mizora. Of the last time he had attempted... not this, but an approximation of this, with an almost-lover who was many years removed from Wyll's present. Still. The joy Mizora had taken in denying him the respite, this most fundamental of intimacies. It ached then and the threat of it aches now.

Astarion - perhaps via their tadpole, or perhaps Wyll's feelings are more naked on his face than he'd initially thought - takes Wyll's chin in his fine-fingered hands and says, "If she wants to watch, I'll give her a show." No coyness in his voice - well, none more than usual - but... defiant. Protective. It rises in Wyll's heart like an echo, a mirror he didn't know he had - there's a hot swelling in his chest and behind his eyes that has little to do with his throbbing cock. It's been so long since someone cared what he wanted.

Since someone had looked after him.

"See, Mizora?" Astarion's lips, his eyes, his flesh say in tandem. There is mirth and fury in his voice. "There's no room for you here." Bony fingers dig indelicately, indulgently into the sharpest part of Wyll's hips, centering him. Steady. He stares into Wyll's sending stone eye as if he expects her to be staring back. But there is only Wyll, his eyelashes fluttering delicately under the scrutiny.

He's a <good boy> one of them thinks, and between the hot flush of arousal that takes him then and the tadpole-fueled psionic power they're imbued with he cannot tell if it's Astarion or himself that thinks it. That feels it. It makes him cry out regardless.

Astarion, who surely must've heard it - or thought it - only smiles wider and grinds his bare arse against Wyll's leaking cock once more, the pressure of his body weight pushing the warm, pulsating stone phallus deeper still into Wyll, and he cries out, feeling wrecked- feeling-

Faster, he's moving. Wyll can only hold on, torn between wanting to grind down into the fullness or up into Astarion, who is reaching back down and pushing his thumb into Wyll's perineum, staring at Wyll through his lashes, his sweaty brow - their minds brush as their bodies brush, and he hears-feels 'My good, sweet boy' and all at once he is launched off the precipice of pleasure and to his completion.

When he comes to his senses, gasping for air still, heart hammering inside his chest - never one to linger in his own afterglow, as attentive in bed as he is on the battlefield - it's to find Astarion furiously stroking himself, head thrown back as he chases his own climax. Wyll surges up to- help, perhaps. Encourage, at least. But Astarion puts one hand to his chest and shoves him back down, gently but insistently. In seconds Wyll's chest - old scars, new ridges, all parts him - is striped with his lover's spend, evidence of his satisfaction.

They are still for long moments. Astarion rests his head against Wyll's chest - and Wyll knows him well enough to know he's enjoying the thundering of his heart beneath his ribcage, the sound of blood coursing through his overheated body - before groaning and wearily trying to flip them over. This time, he lets Wyll help.

The enchanted stone cock slips out of him with a wet noise that he can't bring himself to be embarrassed about. The whole of him is exposed, laid plain here in this quiet place. His body moves like molasses and feels just as sticky as he rolls over and nuzzles into Astarion's too-cold chest, offsetting some of the unbearable heat.

Astarion holds him as he cards careful, knowing fingers through Wyll's hair, over his horns, tracing the transmogrified points of his ears with a kind of intention that's kind and intentional.

They lay together in the fading light, and it is more than enough.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey, Sex Witch! This one's uhhh probably different than your usual fare BUT here goes. I'm pretty close to middle-aged, monogamous (m/f), and having some trouble with like. positions. Because we're both like ow my knees and ow my hips and yes this is the one position that seems to work but now we're BORED. Which has led to all sorts of anxiety issues around initiating and having sex at all. Do you know of any resources to help a couple of old farts out?

hi anon,

this is actually soooo normal for what I do here! a lot of Sex Witch Advice(TM) boils down to "okay, so try something different then," and that's exactly what we're going to do today!

right off the bat if knees are an issue: hey. have we tried some padding. you could buy, like, this 95 dollar sex pillow from goop if you really wanted to

but you could also just, like, fold up your own blanket or strategically place your own pillows to do exactly the same thing! padding in general can be a huge help; just prop em up wherever you need them to support the parts of your body that need support and go to town.

or, hey, just buy some knee pads and/or knee braces. this may just be the roller skater in me talking, but knee pads are so sexy. having sex that requires its own gear is soooo sexy, and knee pads are no exception!

this is lingerie. to me.

also, pro tip for you and anyone reading this: this also 100% applies to things like wrist or elbow braces! any supportive devices! whatever you need to support your body and keep it comfy during sex, just do that!

aside from just padding things out, let's talk about sex that requires less hip movement. y'all have, presumably, fingers and mouths and a variety of exciting erogenous zones, all of which can be combined in fun and exciting ways.

there is also a wide, WIDE world of sex toys out there to explore together. hips too achey to thrust much anymore? that's fine; just buy a thrusting vibrator and get each other off that way, babe. I've heard particularly great things about Hot Octopuss, a company that found unexpected popularity with elderly customers who enjoyed how accessible many of their toys were for bodies that aren't quite as flexible as they used to be, but obviously anything that tickles your fancy is fair game.

(just, you know. check the packaging to make sure it's body-safe. no jelly dildos, so help me god.)

it sounds like the problem absolutely isn't you and your partner not wanting to bone. in a strange way I consider it a great sign that you've gotten bored, because it tells me that you and your partner like variety and expect to have fun when you have sex together!

to me, that means you're in a fine position to get back in the swing of things by doing a little experimenting together. approach sex like a game, playing together find out what works. try things like the list of positions offered in this article, seeing what works for you, what doesn't, and what just feels silly. when something doesn't work for you, that isn't a failure - just a learning experience, and a great opportunity to laugh together.

listen, you guys are in a super cool part of life where the gift of your lived experience is starting to make itself known and require different accommodations. learning how to do that now is GREAT, because (if everything goes right) you're just going to keep getting older, and your body will continue to change! how great to get to learn what intimacy will look like as you spend more of your lives together!

[frozenjokes]

Something A Touch Ominous

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“I’m home,” Impulse closed the door behind himself as he walked inside, letting the many bags he carried slide off his shoulders and clatter softly against the hard floor. Well, every bag except one. Its contents were fragile, yes, but the care he took had far more to do with its value. Impulse’s stomach twisted, a mix of nerves and guilt. He shouldn’t have this.

“Heya Dippledop,” Skizz waved from the couch. Impulse was excited to see a bright alertness in his eyes even despite the fact that he still sounded horrible. “I’m starting to miss you man, coming home late all the time like this,” Skizz swooned, and Impulse laughed, struggling to even roll his eyes.

“Is forty-five minutes after closing late now? What, you counting the minutes?”

“Well with Scar helping you out, I’d expect faster transition time,” Skizz teased Scar’s name, earning a real eye roll this time.

“That was one time, and honestly, he was more of a hindrance than anything. The only reason I got home faster was because I was scrambling to keep him from breaking our wares. That guy is a complete disaster.”

“Did you see him today?”

Impulse hesitated for a moment, holding his package close, “No, I didn’t.” Skizz cocked his head in a light skepticism that Impulse tried to ignore. He wasn’t lying, not really. He really hadn’t seen Scar today.

Skizz was never the type of person to entertain an awkward silence. “I swear, if you two go off and elope, I’m gonna be pissed. I could care less if he’s twenty years younger than you, I better be invited to the damn wed-” Skizz yelped as Impulse grabbed his face, pushing him back into the couch before plopping down beside him.

“Running away with someone after knowing them for two weeks? Sounds more like something you would do. Actually, ‘sounds’ implies that you haven’t done it before.”

“Hey!” Skizz pushed back, “That was one time and it was true love! Sometimes you just know, yeah?” Impulse was too relieved at how lively Skizz was acting to bite back. After a rough couple of days, seeing Skizz so animated was a blessing. Skizz’s eyes followed the bag as Impulse set it on their small coffee table, but didn’t speak as Impulse brought his hand to Skizz’s forehead. Impulse was grateful he didn’t ask, though he clearly wanted to. Impulse wasn’t ready yet.

“Fever’s gone down, but I think you’ve still got one.”

“Oh really? Compared to yesterday, it’s like I’m a new man! I’m hoping to come in with you tomorrow if this keeps up, I’m itching to get out.”

Impulse managed to squash down his first instinct to respond with a resounding No, but just barely, which left him sputtering for words, “I- I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he managed to wheeze, “You should recover fully before-“

“Before meeting Scar?”

“No.”

“Yes?”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Are you sure?”

Impulse let out a miserable sigh before conceding, head in hands, “Listen, it’s not that I don’t want the two of you meeting, only that I.. I want to know what Scar wants first. Right now, I have no idea! I don’t know if he’s just being nice, or if he’s just naive, or if he’s dangerous or-“

“Or courting you?”

“He is not courting me. He has absolutely no reason to be courting me.”

“What’s with the gift then?” Skizz pointed to the bag on the coffee table, and Impulse cringed away.

“I didn’t ask for that. I didn’t- I didn’t give him any indication we needed it- or anything! Actually, I don’t even know if it was Scar, to be honest, he didn’t give it to me himself, he just-“ Impulse rambled, only cutting himself off with a yelp as Skizz lunged forward, snatching the package before Impulse could grab it away.

“Enough, enough, if there’s a ring in here I’m gonna..” Skizz trailed off as he ripped through the paper padding, his face falling, “Dude.”

“I know.”

“You need to give this back. How does he even- you didn’t tell him I was sick, did you?”

“I’m not giving it back. No way. And no, I told you, I didn’t tell him anything. He doesn’t even know you exist! When he’s around he spends the entire day talking about himself anyway, he never even asked about my home life. He probably just assumed I have kids like you’re always saying.” Impulse snatched the bag back, readjusting the brown paper around the bottle of medicine. For fever, for pain relief- anything. It was expensive too; there was no price tag, but Impulse had never seen bottles like this in this town’s markets.

“Dude, he’s courting you!” Skizz’s exclamation cut through Impulse’s thoughts. “ Oh I’m coming in tomorrow, I’m gonna give him a real piece of my mind!”

Impulse put his head back in his hands. “Please don’t.”

“I’ll say ‘Scar! Welcome to the family, buddy. You are IN. Congratulations, we have been bought, but I’m a package deal, hear me?’”

“He is not courting me, he is just weird. That, or he wants to rob us of everything we own. I still haven’t figured it out,” Impulse sat up, rubbing his temples. He sideyed the medicine on the coffee table, but quickly looked away. Skizz caught his eye and lowered his tone, something more serious.

“To be honest, I don’t really see why this should mean I can’t meet him. I get it, I know something’s up. Weird guy, bad vibes.”

“Not bad necessarily-“

“Sure, right, but you’re also acting odd. Listen, I’m sure this dude is a total clown, but I’d like to see it for myself so I know what we’re getting into. We, Impulse. You don’t have to deal with this by yourself.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it? Talk to me, please.”

Impulse paused for a long time, struggling to figure that out for himself. Skizz was sickeningly patient, just like he always was.

“I don’t want him to know he was right.”

“What?”

“I don’t want Scar to know he was right. About you. About someone being sick. This whole gift thing has been freaking me out, man, I don’t know. I don’t like it.”

“Well,” Skizz paused, eyes narrowed in thought, “I don’t know if that,” he gestured, “was really Scar ‘knowing’ anything. To me it comes off as more of a display of wealth than anything. Listen, I’m just as cautious as you are about this whole fiasco, I just don’t know if this particular instance goes that deep.”

Impulse didn’t respond. He wasn’t quite sure what to say; it’s not like he had any proof. He just knew that Scar knew something . Something he shouldn’t. Impulse closed his eyes. Maybe he had mentioned Skizz before. Maybe he’d even alluded to his illness. Their shop was called ‘Imp and Skizz’ after all, it couldn’t have been too much of a jump to guess .

“Hey,” Skizz broke through, putting a calloused hand on Impulse’s forearm, “How’s this? You go in tomorrow, by yourself. I’ll stay home, work the forge a bit, rest, and the next day when I’m sounding better, we go in together. How’s that?” When Impulse was quiet, Skizz continued, “Y’can’t keep me cooped up here forever. If I don’t get to talk to some new people I might just keel over. I’m dying’ here.”

Impulse lightly shook his head, “No, I don’t want to do that. That’s good. That sounds good Skizz, thank you.”

“You bet! And if you need me to, I’ll tell Scar straight he needs to back off. We’ll be just fine without some hustler hanging around making my buddies uncomfortable, yeah?”

“It’s fine, Skizz, really. If he goes too far, I’ll make sure he knows it. I will. I like Scar, I do, he’s just a bit odd sometimes. If he’s around tomorrow, I’ll talk to him.”

“I’m serious! I’ll kick his ass!”

“Please do not do that.”

“I’ll fold him!”

“I believe you! Dude, I don’t think Scar could fend anyone off to save his life! He’s got a bit of muscle, yeah, but I don’t think he’s ever been in a real fight his whole life, much less with a sword. He really is all talk, I know that much,” Impulse laughed, and Skizz joined in, continuing his stream of vague threats until they were so absurd, both men were left wheezing.

Sitting here, unable to catch his breath with Skizz; there was no other way Impulse would rather spend the rest of his life. He didn’t know what Scar wanted or what he was planning, but for now, it didn’t seem to matter too much. For now, everything was alright.

[jackfrombaskinrobbins]

sam wilson x teen!reader headcanons

type of writing: headcanons / scenario

word count: 634

request: yes / no

original request: omg hi!! i absolutely adore your writing 💕 would you be open to doing some headcanons for sam wilson and a teen!reader? have a wonderful day, love <;33

dynamic: sam wilson x teen!reader

characters: sam wilson, reader

a/n: heh inspiration struck so two in one day it is 😈😈 i LOVED writing this request omg. i'm totally obsessed w/ sam wilson so i was sooo happy this was requested!! ty anon :D

taglist: @nutellani @thecloudedmind

(fill out this form to be on my taglist!)

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sam gives such older brother vibes to me

like no matter how old u are he’ll always treat you like a little sibling

well he and bucky both

at this point they’re a package deal

a lot of ur time is spent settling their argument

“hey, y/n. who pulls off this hat the best?”

“y/n!!! pancakes or waffles??”

“y/n tell bucky he’s wrong.”

theres a lot of that LMAO

anyways i feel like he would make u do stuff with him

like fun little adventures

y’all learned to crochet together

and u were pretty good ngl

but poor sam kept missing stiches

you made little frogs and his looked not rly like a frog

but u loved it anyway ofc

the two of you usually do grocery runs together

that’s like high time for ur gossip 😏

i mean guys this is sam wilson

he def knows a LOT of stuff

but he’s really engaged with like ur school & home life

he always makes sure ur ok

he is totally the type to text and call regularly

he would go to ur parent teacher conferences if u needed him to

and then he’d tell u all his thoughts about the teacher after 😭 

he’s rly perceptive with emotions

i mean he was a therapist like what do u expect

but whenever he senses ur down he’ll do something really nice

and like cook u something

bc sam can COOK

like COOK

and he’ll try to make you laugh

which always works because he’s actually hilarious

speaking of he’s so funny on missions too

he’s always talking on the earpieces and like he’ll just say the funniest stuff

and he swears like a sailor JUST SAYING 🤪

he’s so the type to swear in front of you all the time but then the moment u swear he’s like “what did you say 🤨🤨”

also he always is asking u fashion advice

“ok y/n. blue shirt red pants? or red shirt blue pants?”

“sam do you really want to look like one fish two fish red fish blue fish”

“yeah i guess you’re right 😞”

he always acts sad and then the moment you feel bad he’s like “GOTCHA 😜”

also whenever he’s away he’ll send you a ton of pictures

a lot of them are selfies of him and bucky and steve 

and they’re so funny

like he’s not trying to be funny but he literally is like a facebook minion meme mom

oh also no offense to him but he’s an AWFUL driver 😭 

like he goes way too fast and his music is so loud

but he lets u choose it so u don’t mind 🤩

it’s always kind of fun going in the car with him

you always text natasha a picture of u with him in the driver’s seat in the background and you say “if i die u know why”

and she just goes “have fun”

lol

you and him go on runs together

and that’s rly fun

well ok ik running is hard

but as a runner its sooo much more fun suffering through it with someone else 🥳

whenever u run u do that like shareplay thing on spotify

and he always judges ur music like 😑

ok mr “i listen to the same album for like five months in a row”

oh he is so the type to take u on like one on one lunches and stuff

i think that’s smth the avengers would do with their younger members to make sure they’re alright

and he always does it with u bc ur best friends ofc ‼️

y’all are so petty to each other

but u do really think the world of him

and he thinks the world of you too 🫶

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