#if you’re in pain all the time constantly and forever SOMETHING IS WRONG | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluesidez · 3 months ago

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Gym Rat Miguel Part 15

content warning: more angst, mentions of food, mentions of underage drinking and recreational drug use, some suggestive convos but nothing too crazy

word count: 6.4k (@slushycoookie thee wife, thee beta 🩵)

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“Does it show anything different?”

“Will you give me a second?”

GymRat!Miguel who was currently sitting at his desk, bouncing his leg while he waited for Tempest to tell him something good.

“It’s honestly looking like the same thing from last night. And the week before. And the week before that,” she deadpans through the phone.

Miguel turned and pressed his lips to his palm.

His call list was a constant cycle between his friends back home and Gabriel, but mostly Tempest, who has taken the role of checking for any updates from you online.

So far, all he’s gotten out of this was pain. You’ve completely removed anything that involved him from your pages. No anniversary pics, no highlights, no emojis in your bio to refer to him. From how Tempest put it, this was a huge deal.

“Look,” Miguel slumped as he geared himself up to listen to the same speech she’d been repeating. “I know you don’t want to hear this- don’t make that face! - but I think it’s time to give up or try something new.”

“It’s been forever.”

“If your definition of forever is a little over two weeks, then sure!”

“I just thought that,” he paused, mulling over the words in his head.

“That she would bend at your will? You’re cute, but not that cute.”

“No, that’s not- Temp,” Miguel whined. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

She snorted, “Uh huh. Which is why we’re stalking her page like weirdos.”

“If the roles were flipped, I would be doing the same for you. I have done the same for you.”

“Touché.”

Miguel remembered Tempest spiraling over girls she thought was the one, the two of them huddled up over the phone watching as they all moved onto the next.

He sat beside her and reminded himself never to get this way. He perked up like a flower soaking up the sun every time there was an inch of hope, which truly rivaled how Tempest acted.

“I was just thinking that today would be different. Maybe she would think about me today.”

The thought sits in the air, Tempest’s face shifting to one of sad understanding.

“Not trying to feed your delusions, but maybe she hasn’t stopped thinking about you.”

Miguel looked at the screen, a tiny bit optimistic.

“But in all fairness, I wouldn’t want anyone on my page who I thought committed one of the most cruel offenses. I would want to forget everything. You have to see this from her side too.”

Tempest was right, a common state when it came to their friendship. It didn’t stop that ugly rust of selfishness that crowded his heart.

He feels like he’s crying out for you, and you don’t care. A year of being together meant nothing to you.

Saying that out loud was insane, though. It didn’t align with how hurt you looked.

So, he’s been internally fighting the feeling, going from understanding to upset and back again.

“Have you talked to Xina at all?”

“She’s only keeping our conversations about school. And acting like nothing happened.”

“She’s probably embarrassed,” Tempest said. “She got caught this time and doesn’t know what to do.”

“Apologizing could be a start.”

“And that requires admitting she was wrong in the first place, so if you get that, let me know so I can mark the day. I’ll even make a t-shirt.”

The sigh that left Miguel was strong enough to irritate Tempest’s speakers.

He wanted to talk to her about the situation again, but it was like talking with a brick wall. It reminded him of when he snapped at her for constantly hitting him when they were younger. Looking back, they were just kids, and she probably didn’t mean anything by it. The red tint and angry pout on her face as she slid him her chocolate milk as an apology stuck with him.

“Why do you want an apology anyway? Or, why do you expect one?”

Miguel wasn’t sure himself. Xina was his childhood best friend, someone with whom he spent a lot of time and shared secrets. There were sweet memories and joyful moments.

It sucks to see her act so different.

“I think,” Miguel paused, looking off through his dorm window. “I think that-”

“Oh my god, she just posted.”

Miguel almost dropped his phone while he switched back to the messages app.

“What is it? What is it?”

“It is,” she dragged out her i’s. The sound of Tempest screenshotting and tapping away at her phone was like rapid fire. “An event, I think?”

“What event? You aren’t sending the pictures fast enough.”

“I already pressed send! Not my fault I don’t have high-speed internet.”

“Tell your cousin to stop fucking hogging it.”

“Shut up and watch the screen.”

His eyes dart across the screen as he waits for the screenshare to load.

Your account comes up, still intact. Miguel takes in everything like he did back when he first met you.

There were new posts about the sculptures you made in class and food from a new café. There’s also a glimpse of you smiling, and he feels like he’s ready to erupt.

Tempest refreshed your page again.

“This is so against girl code.”

“You haven’t even talked with her before.”

“How would you know?”

“Temp.”

“Right, sorry.”

She taps your story, and a flyer comes up.

“A Halloween-themed festival night?” Miguel says as the story disappears.

“Sounds fun!”

“I’m going to go. Put the story back up again.”

Tempest side-eyed him as best as she could, “Uh, maybe let’s not.”

“Why can’t I? I’m a member of the student body.”

“Do you usually go to these things?”

“No,” Miguel slowed his words. “But I could now? Maybe she won’t even be there.”

“And if she is? Wouldn’t it seem like you’re stalking her?”

He thinks about the many times he’s lingered around the art building, walked by your favorite spot on campus, and stared at corners of the library that you loved to see if you would be there.

“No?”

“Doubtful.”

“I just need to see her in person.”

GymRat!Miguel who doesn’t stop thinking about whether or not you’ll be at the festival.

If he doesn’t see you, he’ll be disappointed, but the panic clawing at his throat won’t shift to his mind.

If he does see you, he’ll be like a fish out of water. Floundering, lost, and begging his lungs to gain its necessities.

He just hopes that going is the right decision.

GymRat!Miguel who goes to his robotics club meetup the next day.

There’s no competition coming up, but the department wanted to revise a moving metal skeleton for Halloween weekend.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks, Margo. I feel like it, too.”

She pulled his cheek out and made baby noises out of sympathy before Miguel swatted them away.

“Still no luck with your ex? Or is that joint giving you trouble?” she snickered at his sloppy attempt at connecting moving parts.

“Uh, no and yes.”

Aaron peeked up from his station and looked over like a beaver.

“I-it’s not because of what I said, right?”

Margo made a line with her mouth as if to say 'get a load of this guy'.

“No, Aaron,” Miguel mumbled.

“Yeah, Aaron, stop being nosy and get back to work,” Margo joked.

He snapped his welder’s mask back down like a dork and returned to sawing something, sparks flying past him.

Margo looks down at Miguel’s work.

“Well, I hope you can get her back soon because you need to work on your anatomy. Those bones don’t go together at all.”

He looks to a femur and a humerus connected with the sheer will of his clouded mind.

He missed when you attached sticky notes to his body for practice. The prize for getting the different parts of his body correct being kisses. You would laugh at his mistake but give a peck on the lips anyway. His arms were one of your favorite places to put your star-shaped stickers on, too.

“I didn’t mean for you to get even sadder,” Margo snapped him out of the memory.

“It’s fine. My fault.”

Margo shifted her weight as she started to take apart his mistake, “It’ll get better, Miguel. I’m sure of it.”

GymRat!Miguel who sits across from Tyler at one of the uppity restaurants in town. The lights are dim, as if the people eating here are all hiding from something.

“How’s school?” Tyler asked, clothes still managing to glow despite the one warm lamp above the table. He thanks the waitress for refilling his water glass. “Made any new friends? Connections?”

The age-old awkward feeling of trying to concisely describe his growing adult life was at the top of his mind.

“It’s going well,” was always the easiest answer. Simple and open-ended.

Of course, Tyler took this as a sign to delve further.

“Your mother told me you’re taking up game programming this semester. Do you like the feel of that class?”

An ice cube floated to the top of Miguel’s glass.

“I was enjoying it at first, now I’m sort of ready for it to end.”

Tyler cleared his throat, hand covering the frown on his face.

“Ah, well, some people just like the end result, I suppose,” he refolds a napkin, the reflection from his watch panning across the tablecloth. “What about your girlfriend? How is she? Perhaps, you have some new pieces of her’s to show me. My colleagues love the one in the entryway.”

The waiter placed a filet mignon in front of Miguel and bluefin tuna across from him. Tyler moved to tuck the same napkin into his crisp button down.

“I’m not sure.”

Tyler pauses as a slice of fish dangles from his fork.

Miguel is still cutting into the meat unnecessarily, knife scrapping against the plate.

“Son, this cut of meat is like butter,” Tyler said, taking the knife from him and putting it back on its napkin.

A twitch at the corner of his lips almost aligned with Tyler’s. The man racked his brain for the memories of his first son coming home with a similar expression.

He chewed and swallowed his fish stacked with cucumbers and cilantro.

“As you know, I am not the best when it comes to relationships. Nancy and I have had quite the uphill battle. However, I believe I am well-versed in the field of compromise. Should I reach out to her for you?”

It was a long shot, and by the growing shadows on his son’s face, Tyler suspected that his suggestion was a poor one.

“What will that do? Other than show her that I can’t handle my own problems.”

“Surely, you two can work it out. She was lovely, truly,” Tyler frets, afraid he’s made Miguel even more upset.

He just starts to eat, mind elsewhere.

Tyler wondered if he should have ordered some wine.

“When you found out Nancy cheated on you, what did you do?”

Lemon juice from his dish hit his throat right as he swallowed, a hand banging on his chest as he coughed.

“I, uh,” two gulps of water were taken from the glass Miguel handed him. “Well. The fruit of that labor is in front of me.”

“Obviously,” Miguel’s shoulders dropped and Tyler grimaced again. Curse his silly statements. “I meant, how did you feel? What were your initial thoughts?”

“I remember being angry. Here laid the mother of my only child with a much younger and, honestly, less fortunate man. I thought I was foolish to think that my genuine love or money could keep someone.”

Miguel pushed around an asparagus on his plate, “So there was a betrayal. A pain you couldn’t describe.”

“Exactly. For me, that came afterwards. I’m a prideful man. If one thing does not satisfy me, I simply find something that does.”

“And that thing just happened to be my mother?”

“Ah, if you put it like that, it’s far too harsh,” Tyler fixes a cuff. “Your mother provided me a place of warmth, solitude, and love for a short time. It’s something I’ll never forget. I regret the hurt Nancy and I inflicted on each other, but I don’t regret you.”

Tyler watches and waits for a response. His son shifts in his seat and rolls his neck, eyes never leaving his plate.

“Has she,” Tyler tilts his head, “hurt you this way?”

“No, but I broke her trust.”

“You cheated?”

“Never. But we have a lot to work on.”

Tyler might order some bourbon tonight to drink in place of his son and the mopey demeanor.

“I’m all ears whenever you need me. But if there is as much love between you two as I saw earlier this year, then you’re sure to gain in back. That doesn’t go away.”

Miguel takes a deep breath and Tyler believes that some of the shadows on his face disappear.

The meal continued, and the people around them continued their quiet chatter.

“Could you do me a favor?” Miguel asks as they both clean their plates.

Tyler lights up, “Anything.”

“Don’t tell my mom about this?”

Tyler thinks back to the unpleasant things Conchata had to say about her son’s girlfriend and quietly agrees that it’s for the best of she’s out of the loop.

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

GymRat!Miguel who walks up to the festival wearing one of the shirts you gave him for his birthday.

It was an impulsive decision because now that he’s here, he’s wondering if seeing it on him will upset you.

The festival is partially outside and inside, a mix of games, concessions, and small rides for students to enjoy.

He walked under the pumpkin and bat-shaped balloons, and fake smoke from a cauldron moved past him.

It smelled like sour candy apples, and marshmallows. Booths were all around the campus grass. He walked past them slowly, not interested but searching for something.

The turnout was nice for a night when he figured people would be out partying. There were a lot of students walking in and out.

A game caught his eye as he neared the entrance to the student center. It’s a Shoot Out booth with the ducks replaced with black cats and the gun switched to tiny ghost bean bags to match the theme. There’s a giant white bunny with an X for lips, a blue dress, and a bow on its ear.

It’s so you that he couldn’t resist.

The student volunteer told him he had three chances this round to knock out twenty cats for the bunny.

“Everyone’s been gunning for it, but this game is pretty hard!”

Miguel nodded in understanding.

If he focused enough, the bunny could be his.

On his first try, he knocked out thirteen cats, much to the volunteer’s surprise.

“Woah! You’re pretty good! Did you wanna grab anything from this tier?”

There was student association merch and a shirt with the college logo.

Miguel rolled his sleeves up, “No, I’m going to try for the plushie again.”

The second time, he knocked down the last cat with just a few seconds left on the timer.

The girl running the booth smiled with her eyebrows nearly merging to the top of her head in shock.

“I-I guess that means you win the bunny!”

She handed it to him with a lull of awe.

He muttered a quiet thanks and turned towards the doors with fake spiderwebs dangling off them.

There was music, a sign to go to a haunted hallway, and even more tables with food.

He wonders if you would have gotten scared walking through scary attractions with him. You would probably hold his hand as tight as he’s holding the belly of this rabbit.

Scanning the room, he doesn’t catch a glimpse of you anywhere.

Looking down at the little white face in his hands, he started to think he wasted the hour or so he’d been here.

Walking to the table of free cookies, he took a frosted Frankenstein in his hand and bit a bolt off.

He felt like a lost kid as he floated from table to table to stall.

Maybe he should give up. You were probably promoting this event for Jess.

GymRat!Miguel who was finishing off his fifth mummy-in-a-blanket when he saw you leaving the haunted hallway.

The first thing he noticed is the long, blue cardigan falling off your shoulders. The end of it is trailing after you as you run out.

There’s a grin on your face and an air in your steps, something he missed seeing.

The next thing he noticed was that you weren’t wearing your necklace anymore.

Then a hand pulled it up on your shoulders and slid back down your arm.

A guy is standing next to you and laughing as if you’ll give him money for doing so.

He’s tall. He looks like he could be built, too.

It’s like a slap in the face, worse than when you pushed him away.

Looking down, Miguel saw your hand in his, clinging tight. You smile at the guy and reach up to get something out of his hair.

Miguel thinks that there was nothing wrong with his hair. There was nothing to smile about either.

The guy’s hands touch you in places where Miguel has embraced. His fingers were covering the same neck he’d put his head in. His thumbs ran over the apples of your cheeks, the same ones that used to crowd his lips.

You lean into the guy’s chest and say something that he can’t hear.

His stomach makes an angry lurch and he feels that orange being shift to a green one. It’s clawing at him, pulling at his mind.

This wasn’t how today was supposed to end. You weren’t supposed to cling to some random guy. You weren’t supposed to be with someone else.

Miguel turns when he leans down towards you, chest burning. What he didn’t see was not true to him. What he didn’t know was not reality.

GymRat!Miguel stormed out of the building, and images of you happy with someone else faded onto the inside of his eyelids.

The material of his sweater was scratching against his skin as he made his way back to the festival entrance.

Everything was too much. The people were too loud, the lamps were too bright, and the music playing over the speakers sucked.

His nose started to twitch and he wondered why did festival food have so much damn sugar.

Someone nearly hits the ground as he pushes past them, a confused noise hitting the air, but he doesn’t feel inclined to stop.

GymRat!Miguel who almost breaks free from what feels like a harmful joke when Xina spots him.

“Hey!” She ran over to him, leaves crunching against her boots. She’s wearing the varsity jacket he bought her years ago. “Leaving already?”

“Yeah, I,” he stopped when he thought he heard your laugh somewhere deep in the festival. “I’m not feeling too good. Think I’m gonna go back to my dorm.”

“Oh, do you have a fever? The weather did drop out of nowhere,” her hand lifted, fingers twitching like she wanted to see for herself.

She hesitates, scared he’ll blow away.

When her fingers press into his neck, he just wants to cry. It felt like when she caught him crying under the trees on the playground or when he’d show up at his grandma’s house with a chubby face full of tears.

He covers her hand for a second, just one, then pushes it away.

If he talks about it, he’ll break into pieces.

“Here,” he shoved the bunny into her hands. The dress is wrinkled, and the bow is a bit lopsided.

Xina’s eyes grow as sees it. The smile on her lips is familiar, “Thank you. I love it.”

Her mouth opens as if she wants to say more, but Miguel starts first.

“Glad you like it. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, ok. Get back safe, Hare-Hare.”

He heads towards his building empty-handed.

GymRat!Miguel who is in denial.

He’s moved past his brain making up you being at the Halloween festival and was now choosing to believe that it was a friend.

The tiny Gabriel on his shoulder was telling him that you had moved on. You had a new boyfriend, so he needed to move on as well—or stop moping about you.

He was choosing to ignore him for now.

It’s been another week since he saw you. Thanksgiving was on its way and he hasn’t been focused in a single class.

At a time when he really needed Tempest to update him, she told him to step back and recenter himself. Something about him not being level-headed.

He didn’t care.

The point of no return was truly here as he stood in front of the elevator in the art building.

A bag of food was sweating in his palm, and the two drinks were seeping into his hoodie, but he would regret it forever if he didn’t try talking to you again before the semester was over.

He’s doing something he told himself he wouldn’t do, but he couldn’t help that he still knew your schedule by heart. Taking a chance on you sticking around for studio hours was all that he had.

GymRat!Miguel who got to the right floor and was happy to see a student leaving the room.

The lights in the hallway were still on and music came from down the hall.

Miguel walked down, peering in every door, leaving once he couldn’t see you or when the people inside gave him weird looks.

GymRat!Miguel who walks into the last studio in the hallway with quiet steps.

Your canvas is almost bigger than you, the top of it covering you as you moved your brush across it.

You had headphones on, star molds stuck on the sides of them.

Miguel sat the food down on the table, moving like a stealthy agent.

Your sleeves were rolled up to your elbows, yet paint was still on them despite your efforts. You looked tired, but god, you were still overwhelmingly gorgeous to him.

He stepped closer. Slowly, step by step, coming into your peripheral.

“Why are you here?”

Miguel paused mid-walk, face like a puppy who got caught.

He should have thought this through more.

“I wanted to see you,” he holds his hands before him. It’s not making him any smaller, but it brings a slight comfort. “Brought some food.”

“’M not hungry.”

An apology is his first instinct, but the sound of your stomach growling speaks for him.

You refuse to look at him, face warm.

“It’s your favorite. Come eat, please.”

Taking off your headphones, you sighed.

“Fine.”

GymRat!Miguel who has to pinch himself to stop staring at you.

You weren’t just tired, you were exhausted. Your eyes drooped as you bit into your fries, and your movements were sluggish.

You didn’t ask for his extra sauce like you usually did. You didn’t even try to steal his fries.

“How have you been?” he asks instead of digging himself further into the sad hole of his heart.

Your eyes flick at him over your glasses and back to your food.

“Really, Miguel?”

“Y-yes? I’m always wondering how you are.”

“Then you should know how I’ve been already, then.”

Miguel faltered.

“You’re not very subtle, you know? I could see you pacing back and forth around campus.”

“Oh,” he slurped his drink nervously.

“And I saw you at the festival, too.”

He almost punctured the styrofoam in his hand.

“So, you’ve been fine is what you’re telling me. I’m gla-” he choked on the words. “I see you’ve…met someone.”

“He was just a friend. You could have said ‘hi’ then, if you really wanted to speak with me.”

“Didn’t look like a friend,” left Miguel’s mouth before he could stop it.

You hummed, eyebrows raised, and a click sound from your teeth. “Oh, but now do you see how that feels?” You started to untie your apron.

“I didn’t mean for that to come out in that way. I came here to just talk.”

“About what? How you didn’t actually cheat on me? How you didn’t mean for any of this to happen? How you’re sorry you got caught?”

He bit his tongue.

That was almost what he wanted to say.

“About us,” he said as you rolled your eyes. “I still love you, and it’s killing me not to be with you. This is as plain and simple as I can say it. I’ll say it over and over and over again until you hear me.”

“Miguel,” your voice puffed out, weary and broken, “you cheated on me with your best friend and now you’re here trying to spin this and pull me back. I-I have dignity. As much as I want to pretend like what’s been happening this semester is meaningless, I can’t.”

“And I’m telling you that I would never do that you. Not in a million years, not in this lifetime, would I ever purposely hurt you in that way. Baby, please. Listen to me!”

“I see the way you are with her,” your words fall after his. “I remember the texts. There is something there. I don’t know if I can compete with that and I’m not trying to. So, if you want to be with her, then do that, but leave me out of it.”

Miguel is quick to grab your hands as you try to turn away, “Fine. There is something there.”

You try to yank yourself from him again, the pain from October 13th filling you again, but his hands are faster this time.

“There’s a girl who used to threaten to beat me up if I didn’t defend myself against bullies. There’s a girl who used to trade collectible cards with me in secret because her parents didn’t allow her to obsess over junk, and the girls at school thought it was lame. There’s a trust built long over a decade that has been broken. I do care about her, as I would do with any friend, but you have to understand that I care about you, too.”

“Then why didn’t you show that?” you whispered, tears leaving your eyes. “It felt humiliating, Miguel. That night, I felt disgusting. Like you were just throwing me away. I kept thinking that you lied to me about everything, that you were indulging in something that you never really wanted.”

Miguel reached to hold your face, thumbs sliding your tears away, heart breaking.

“Lo siento, amor. Hm?” he wanted to take your pain away and place it onto himself if it meant that you didn’t talk like this. “It’s not true. What we have created is not some trial run. I love you so deeply, that I was going insane. Knowing that you thought otherwise is painful to hear. The buildup to that night is a misunderstanding. You have to know that.”

You take a breath, “How could I know?”

Miguel stared at your face and thought the same.

He’s been yelling trust, trust, trust and when he thinks back to your few interactions with Xina, it clicks that you truly had no foundation to trust.

“If I had just been better, you would have known.”

Like you said, Xina had walked all over him.

“So what now?” you asked, and pull your sweater over your fingers.

Miguel blinked, “I was hoping to start over? Restart?”

“I can’t,” you said immediately and Miguel tensed. “You entering my life has given me far more ups than downs, but when those downs come, they can be brutal.”

“So, you don’t want me to be your boyfriend, again?”

You shake your head and he felt like it was his turn to cry.

“I want action. Show me that something like this won’t happen again. We can sit here and tell each other promises until we’re blue in the face, but what do those promises mean if one person or thing can ruin it.”

“I’ll do that. I’ll do anything.”

You brush his hair back and wrap his arms around your waist to settle in this feeling. Your thumbs traveled from his hairline to curves of his ears down to his jaw. They rub circles into his skin, slow and rhythmic.

“Have you talked with Xina? Has she confessed to what you’re telling me she has done?”

He shakes his head softly, afraid to break the scene.

You laugh, small and quiet, then unwrap his arms from around you. You go back to your canvas and start to scrape at the glass of the taboret. Miguel was so in a trance, that almost didn’t notice the switch.

“I’m going to talk with her,” Miguel stated across the room.

You wave a hand in the air, unmoved.

He followed you as you go to the mineral spirits bucket to soak your brushes.

“Baby-“

“As far as I’m concerned, you shouldn’t talk to me until whatever you two have going on is fixed. Don’t know who 'baby' is.”

You walk to the sink and turn the water on. Miguel was right behind you and grabbing the dish soap before you can.

“And I will talk to her,” Miguel sayid. You reach for the soap and he holds it out of your reach, petulant. “Baby.”

You give him an irritated look and pinch his neck. He makes a hurt noise and gives you the jug.

“Action. Miguel.”

GymRat!Miguel who waited until you’ve packed everything up.

He didn’t mean for this to turn into him teasing you, but he couldn’t help it. He was getting his fill while he still could.

“At least let me walk you back to your dorm,” Miguel sayid, picking up the wet paper towels you’ve been throwing at him.

“No, thanks. I have a date. I don’t need you changing up my energy.”

Miguel’s smile dropped.

“You do?”

“His name starts with an R, ends with an E. He’s super sweet. Sturdy.”

Reese? Reggie? Raye? Ronnie?

“I see,” Miguel’s heart plummets. “Your friend wasn’t just that.”

“Mm-hm. We’re still testing the waters, but I don’t think he’ll disappoint me.”

Miguel didn’t know what to say. He was nothing but bold, though.

“Who’s to say that…guy won’t hurt you?”

Who’s to say that he would treat you better than Miguel?

You pull the straps of your back over your shoulders and Miguel wants to hold it for you.

A snicker leaves you, “Because he’s made of plastic and is designed of pleasure.”

“Oh.”

“Bye. Enjoy your Thanksgiving.”

Miguel stood and watched you go, wondering if this was progress.

GymRat!Miguel whose bedroom was filled with the chatter of his friends once more.

Friendsgiving was always fun.

GymRat!Miguel who thinks that Lyla is a terrible teammate.

“You’ve got be doing this on purpose,” Miguel groaned as Lyla’s Yoshi pumps the pedal incorrectly.

“I don’t know what you’s talking about!” Her giggles float across the room as saw Miguel get more and more frustrated.

Winston and Tempest were laser-focused, their Monty Mole and Peach following a stead 1-2 rhythm to get their cart across the track.

“Lyla!” Miguel yells as her Yoshi stumbles back. “You’re selling me. You want me to lose.”

The mini-game ends with Tempest and Winston high-fiving each other and Miguel yelling at Bowser to pick his head up.

GymRat!Miguel who laughed as he watched Winston reenact his band director, nearly breaking his neck.

“I’ve never seen a bald man somersault on grass until that day.”

GymRat!Miguel who, full off of food and peach cobbler that Tempest made, stared at the bag of gummies that she placed in the middle of their huddle.

“We can just try this tonight. We’re safe with each other,” Tempest whispered.

“You guys are horrible role models,” Miguel said.

“I don’t know. That blue one is speaking to me. It reminds me of Scooby Doo,” Winston mumbled.

Lyla motioned across one, “Maybe we can cut it in half.”

“That defeats the purpose though. These barely have anything in them,” Tempest complained.

“Says you,” Miguel quipped. “You just called me about a cherry bong the other night.”

“Ok, but wasn’t it cute?”

GymRat!Miguel who nearly jumped out his skin when his door slams open.

Everyone except him shoves their gummy in their mouth with lightening speed. Miguel just holds his awkwardly as he turns to see him mom standing in the doorway.

“Yeah, ma?” he says. He chose to ignore Winston who is over exaggerating, lips smacking.

“Mijo! I have a surprise for you guys!”

GymRat!Miguel who sat awkwardly on his rug, running his wrapped gummy in his palm.

Lyla was practically in Tempest’s lap, tapping at her phone. Tempest is looking around their circle expectantly.

Winston started tapping a fast beat on his arm.

Miguel is looking everywhere except in front of him where Xina was sitting with her chin tucked into her knees.

“It’s good to see you again,” Winston said, forever the peacemaker.

Xina relaxed a bit, “You guys, too. I’ve missed this.”

Miguel saw Tempest softening up a bit at Xina’s words.

“When is stuff gonna hit?” Lyla barks out to which Tempest elbows her.

Xina cleared her throat, “Actually can we talk, Miguel?”

“Yeah, shoot.”

Xina looked around them, “Alone?”

GymRat!Miguel who was standing across from Xina in the office-turned-bedroom that his parents barely used.

“Did my mom invite you?” Miguel asked.

“Actually, Tempest did.”

Miguel raises his eyebrows and nods. He didn’t expect that but he’s not mad at it.

Xina was antsy, arms hiding themselves in the sleeves folded across her body. Miguel stayed quiet.

“So, things between us haven’t been exactly smooth sailing lately.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Miguel looked down at the shark slippers you bought him last year.

“And I have some things that I want to explain to you.”

Miguel raised his eyes expectantly. Xina was mirroring his posture, but her face looked uncomfortable, conflicted.

Her eyes flicker over his before she covered her face and huffs, “这太难了.” (This is so hard.)

“What’s hard?” Miguel asks, pulling together the few times Xina taught him anything. He sat down, hoping it would relax her more.

Her hands drop as she blinks at the ceiling, “Everything. When it comes to you, everything just gets overwhelming.”

“As in?”

She looked at him in disbelief, “As in I’m doing silly shit, again.”

A pause in her words comes as they hear laughter from down the hall.

“Last year was so surreal. I did everything right. My mailbox was full of acceptance letters. My mom finally genuinely smiled at me for the first time in what felt like years. I moved so far away from my parents that I felt like that string that kept me attached to them had broken. I had fun. I went to my first party and got so drunk that when I woke up, I was on the porch of a frat. I made friends who could relate to me more than anyone else. I made acquaintances who could have never gotten into that school without their parents painting the campus with money. Still, I worked my ass off and got kicked out because one of them hid drugs under my seat.”

Miguel’s breath hitched, but Xina continued.

“It was my word against kids whose parents could have the school shut down within minutes. My dad was so angry at me that he pretended like I wasn’t in his home. And my mom just,” her leg started to bounce. “She helped me pack up some things and sent me to go live with my aunt for the summer. It wasn’t until she dropped me off at the airport that whispered to me that she loved me. That she was proud of me. That it was ok to make mistakes.”

“I cried like a baby for half of the flight. And it wasn’t until I got to customs that I realized that I should have called you. You always knew what to tell me no matter what the situation was and I just disappeared. Everything came back tenfold and I missed you so much. So when I saw you again, it was like I fell back into my old habits. I thought ‘I’m finally going to do it!’ but would chicken out and relieve that stress. I was kind of hoping that my tipsy self would have more confidence.”

“Because a drunk tongue speaks a sober mind?” Miguel hummed.

Xina finally laughed, “Are you 40 or something? Yeah. Exactly.”

Miguel blinked and looked up at her, “So tell me what your sober mind wants to say, Xina.”

Xina’s eyes lowered, “That I. I feel like I lose myself when I’m around you. It’s why I acted the way I did. It’s why I overstepped.”

His heart picked up as he registered her words.

“I like you so much, Miguel. More than I can bear. More than I’d like to admit. More than a friend.”

dividers by: @adornedwithlight 🩵

a/n: Please don't be mad at me. 😵‍💫 Also please watch your tone in the comments. 🤠 Be very mindful, very demure.

The taglist is full, so if you would like to be informed of future updates, check my blog occasionally (💀) or subscribe to the story on AO3!

taglist: @ghost-lantern @miguelhugger2099 @emelie-s-h @lake-lili

@obsessed-with-miguels-ass @scaleniusrm @superiorspiderass @lexluvswriting

@flordelalunas @froggygal @vmpz8sauceee @famouscattale @nixinluv02

@jada-of-arcadia @spideykid22 @what-the-jams @julia4today @tojishugetiddies

@samjinxx @sleeklyalisha @the-pan-liquid @prongs-lover @kikaaauu

@urlocallocachica @wanderlustingcastaway @peachey-pie @ch3rry-bl1ss @girl-of-multi-fandoms

@love-kha1 @manlikemilesmyguy @sillysillygoofygoose @monticellohoe @kodzuminx

@lauraolar14 @bruhhvv @m4dyy @farrowroyale @cl3stevu

@ohara-whore @muneca-lemon-steppa @alexa4040 @amelialysm @snails-doodles22

@questionable-behaviour @babygotl01292003 @calig0sto @tatatida @haveclayeveryday

@corpsenightmarebride @earth2fae @maiyart @feegrh32 @darkstarlight82

@ladysimp @sonicbutbutter @relatednative @slowlyshycomputer @nuetralcolorsenthusiast

@maxlinpetersen @beyondstarlight @Madeofstar-dust @leoeloo @just-simpins-blog

@poisamm @thequeenreaders @tinybirdhidedout @aly29a2001 @mimi-sanisanidiot

@snakelore @pigeonmama @darkstalight82 @prettygirleli @koikohib

@jayskookies @xo-zeze @planetxella @thedevax @stressed-cherry

#love lab drabbles 💊#GymRat!Miguel 💪🏾#miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel x reader #miguel o’hara #x chubby reader #x plus size reader #miguel o’hara x plus size reader #miguel o’hara x chubby reader #miguel o'hara x fem!reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara x plussize!reader #miguel o'hara x chubby!reader #x fem reader

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signanothername · 7 months ago

Note

Why do you like Killer?

*Cracks knuckles* get ready

I don’t like Killer, I fucking LOVE HIM

He’s my number 1 fave au sans and has been for a very long time

Now to be clear, I’m talking about canon Killer here, i have mixed feelings about some fanon interpretations, some are good and i genuinely love them, others not so much

That being said, let’s actually talk about why i love my beautiful amazing wonderful son <3333

(All art used in this post is by Killer’s creator: Rahafwabas)

The very first hook for me is his very concept, the mere idea of a sans basically agreeing to go on a killing spree after so many genocide runs is just *chef’s kiss*

Killer knew it was wrong, he knew he shouldn’t, yet he did

Killer doomed himself by his choice, he could’ve stayed as “sans” but he chose to accept Chara’s offer, yet his choice came to be after he saw no point in refusing anymore (important addition and a correction here)

The canon comics had Killer saying that he’s the way he is cause he gave up, he said “you won, you’re the reason I’m like this”, he’s been on so many genocide runs that he felt a little part of him die each run, only to give up and go on said killing spree

It’s interesting how the player is a big part of Killer’s story, cause whether Chara was involved or not, the player is the root cause of his suffering

But what i love the most is that regardless of his backstory or reasons, Killer’s actions led to their inevitable consequences, and it forever changed him

The biggest change? His very soul, it went from a normal monster soul to his signature target soul, infused with Determination, something that supposedly hurts monsters, it’s almost like his soul was infected with it, and you can see how it physically affects him with the black liquid that constantly comes out his eyes, nose and mouth, and even at times, that sludge is too much that he chokes on it

And the amusing yet tragic parallel? Killer aimed to “feel something new” by his genocide runs, only to end up not feeling anything at all, at least at his default stage 2

Which brings me to the concept of his soul’s stages

I love Killer’s stages so so much, it’s such a beautiful unique and wonderful concept

Killer’s individual stages are sooooo intriguing to me, it shows Killer in a different light each time depending on which stage he’s in, stage 1 is the closest he is to being “sans”, the closest to he used to be, he can feel emotions and is generally back to his more lazy bones attitude, as well as his ability to actually show sympathy, and feel the pain he’s always in, but what’s interesting is that regardless of the fact he’s the closest to his old self in this stage, it’s still so clear that Killer isn’t really “sans” anymore, that no matter what, he truly had changed in a way that can never be reversed, a point of no return, even when Color saves him, cause his new habits? His fears? His pain? His trauma? They can never be taken away, Killer has to live with the scars of what he experienced

Stage 2 is who he’d become, he can’t feel anything at this stage, emotions nonexistent, and his nonchalant behavior towards himself and others is most apparent here, a parallel I like to think of is that Killer’s inability to feel anything at all is almost like prolonged sensory deprivation, when you’re deprived of sensory input/ simulation for long periods, your brain needs compensate, and so it does its job, Killer’s soul prevents him from feeling so he resorts to other methods (usually very self destructive) to compensate for his lack of emotional capacity

I also really really love how that especially during stage 2, Killer isn’t trustworthy, cause in stage 1 you can actually trust him to an extent, in stage 2 Killer’s actions, behaviors and mindset are completely unpredictable, but not because he’s random, cause he’s actually extremely calculated, yet regardless, his carelessness when it comes to his own life and other people’s lives is dialed to an 11 here, so he could either choose to kill/attack or simply stay and listen

we even get an actual in depth look at how Killer’s mind works in one of the canon comics, in which Killer contemplates whether to attack Dream or not as he listens to his own stages in his head, one of which tells him to Kill Dream, while the other tells Killer to talk to Dream first

How Killer comes to a final decision on whether he attacks or not is something I believe his calculated mind makes depending on the situation and the pros/cons of what act he chooses, Killer is pretty smart, he knows when to let his trigger happy self out and when to settle down

Stage 3 or the “crazy stage” is the stage in which he’d attack anyone in his way whether friend or foe, we unfortunately don’t have much canon info regarding this stage, but that ain’t gonna stop me from analyzing the shit outta it (and talk about how i perceive it)

I like to think of this stage as the combination between stage 1 and 2, yet it’s almost like his soul can’t truly decide on which stage to settle on and by extension founding stage 3 as a separate stage by itself, Killer becomes extremely unstable at this stage, his soul moves rapidly and it’s obvious he’s in pain cause of it, whether that pain is just emotional or both physical and emotional isn’t really clear, yet i’d like to believe it’s both, and i feel like Killer’s capacity to attack anyone at this stage is related to that pain, and something I really love to believe is that Killer can’t calm down enough to settle back to stage 1 or 2 unless he either wears himself out by fighting someone, or he’s left alone to his own demons long enough to pull himself together, if he were to be forcefully restrained during this stage, it would only serve to make it worse and prolong the time he stays that way (cough something i may or may not have made a quick comic about but never shared as always vjvjvjj)

Not to mention, one of the canonical responses Killer gives when asked if he’s ok at stage 3 seems to make Killer alternate between answers he wants to give between saying he’s “fine” and “i don’t know” which makes sense, Killer isn’t stable at all, it’s almost like his stage 1 self and stage 2 self are fighting over who gets to talk (stage 2 seems more dominant)

Yet the fact Killer is able to answer and comprehend his surroundings enough at this stage is very intriguing to me, cause it shows how much Killer is able to handle/endure (which is A LOT cause damn) and not only that, but it also gives us a very clear difference between this stage and stage 4

As for stage 4?? Woooh boi, it’s the stage I like to call “plunging into darkness”

We also don’t have much canon info about this stage, but one of the things i find interesting is the fact Killer deliberately keeps it a secret from everyone, when he tells Color about his stages, he only tells him up to stage 3, never bringing up stage 4, only for Chara to sneer at Killer that he shouldn’t keep it from his new BFF

It’s obvious Killer himself is very uncomfortable with the subject of stage 4, it’s apparent that it’s a stage that he rarely gets to, but it still bothers him enough to not want to even mention it, which makes sense, cause the comic we had of stage 4 shows that Killer gets to that stage when he’s reminded of all the murders he committed, and unsurprisingly, when he’s reminded of his brother, as what triggered this stage is actually a memory of Papyrus telling Sans to “see a puzzle”, only to be followed by memories of screams of anger, fear, and hatred of those he killed immediately afterwards, stage 4 is heavily related to his trauma

Not to mention it’s clear that when Killer gets to stage 4 he blacks out, he’s completely unaware of anything he does during this stage, and is only left to deal with the aftermath when he gets back to his senses, the fact it’s also a stage that seems to be “getting worse” is something that Killer definitely seems to hate

It sometimes makes me think whether Killer had gotten into trouble cause he killed someone Nightmare wanted alive while at this stage, cause with how he keeps it a secret, I’d assume Nightmare would be unaware of it for a while (comic idea perhaps >:) )

But y’know what’s better than talking about the stages?? Talking about Killer’s personality, behaviors and trauma

Killer can’t distinguish between what’s real or not, and it’s obvious he sometimes sees the world in the third person, as in he’s not completely there at times, not to mention the amount of voices he hears in his head, from his stages talking to him to hallucinations of Chara, Frisk and Papyrus, and oooh boi does he hate these hallucinations, the past obviously haunts Killer and it’s something he tries running away from constantly, yet he can never truly run from it when it follows him everywhere

Killer has a smile on his face most the time, but his attitude changes especially when Chara is mentioned, or when he’s reminded of his past in any way, he literally avoids food that reminds of his past life as “sans”, he freezes up at certain phrases such as “best friend” (something i also made a comic about that i never shared chchhchc)

He just absolutely hates to be reminded of the person he used to be, of all the things he used to have, cause in truth? They were all taken away from him by his own hands, only to be then forced to work under Nightmare, who only ensures that he never finds peace of mind

And the sad part? Killer let’s all those things hurt him, he lets Nightmare have his way with him, he lets Chara torment him, cause he thinks he deserves it, and most importantly, he deluded himself into believing that this is what he wants because it’s what everyone else wants, because it’s what the player wants

Killer even sometimes tries to force himself not to feel anything, cause come on, since when does he feel anything at all?

Killer, to put it bluntly, hates himself, and he thinks that his suffering is the Karma of what he’s done, and even at one point, he was going to erase himself out of existence cause he believed that’s what he deserved, as in Killer thought of himself as unworthy when it comes to Papyrus, that his brother doesn’t need him, that his brother is better off without him, hell he even tells Color that he needs to kill him if he ever reaches stage 3, it’s an obvious “ i want someone to put me outta my misery” attitude

Killer feels hopeless, and so he lets himself suffer thinking he can’t ever find peace or hope again

Yet the interesting part? You’d never know that Killer hates himself unless you’re a being of emotions (Nightmare and Dream) or someone who’s perceptive enough to notice Killer’s self-loathing like Color, that’s how good of an actor Killer can be, you’d think he’s a cold emotionaless killer but the truth only shines to those who actually can see through his act

Killer just has that amazing character depth and his story is genuinely so unique and beautiful, cause you in his story you can find details of other details within the details vhvhvjvj

All that? Mixed with really adorable little things like his love for cats, his silly attitude, his nonchalance with Nightmare, his capacity to be social with whoever, and his friendship with color? That is why I love Killer Anon <33333

#this got long so i put it under read more cause i have some mercy #Anyway Rahafwabas deserves best character writer award fr <3333 #anothers ask #ano saves asks #killer #killer sans

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d1xonss · 1 year ago

Text

About Masterlist:

~ Currently I am only writing for the character Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead. But I’m likely to write for others later on down the road.

~ Genres very from fluff to angst

~ My main focus right now is the story I’m writing called Desert Rose which, as of now, is still incomplete.

~ New updates will (hopefully) be weekly.

~ I never have any good ideas for oneshots so I’ll be taking any requests people send me!

~ Most oneshots will be mainly female readers unless requested otherwise.

~ Feel free to request things regarding my series as well, oneshots, headcanons, etc. I’m always open to new ideas.

Fluff ~ 🧸

Angst ~ 🖤

Suggestive ~ 👀

Smut ~ 💋

Series!!<3

~ Desert Rose (ongoing) 🧸💋🖤👀

Series Masterlist Seasons 1-5

Series Masterlist Seasons 6-11 (coming soon)

Headcanons ~ Part 1 Part 2

Mini Oneshots!!<3

~ The Olive Theory 🧸

Summary : You tell Daryl about an old theory you had heard a long time ago, claiming it proved you two were a perfect match.

Oneshots!!<3

~ Enchanting 🧸

Summary : After Daryl meets you at a dreaded get together in Alexandria, his mind is constantly flooded with the thoughts of you. When months go by and he still hasn’t made a move, someone gives him just the nudge he needs.

~ Potions 🧸

Summary : One night when you’re in the middle of your skincare routine, your boyfriend Daryl suddenly becomes intrigued.

~ Chicken Soup for the Soul 🧸

Summary : When Daryl returns home from a longer run, you notice quickly he had come down with something. It takes a little convincing, but eventually, he allows you to take care of him.

~ Don’t Go 🖤

Summary : After returning from a run, Daryl quickly finds out that you had been severely injured while he was gone. The sight of you was heartbreaking, but the thought of losing you forever was even more painful.

~ Older 👀

Summary : When confessing your feelings for Daryl after keeping them bottled up inside for so long, he ultimately rejects you. But you somehow find a way to make him regret it.

~ Older | Part 2 💋

Summary : Things only grow more tense between you and Daryl as you meet for dinner to “discuss” what’s been happening between the two of you.

~ Sunshine 🧸

Summary : Daryl has always been somewhat of a serious man, taking everything going wrong around him to heart as he stewed over them constantly. But lucky for him, you’re always around to cheer him up.

~ A Friend 🧸

Summary : Working and dealing with the walkers outside the fences one day had grown to be too much as you desperately needed to get away from the noise. When you found something else to occupy your time, you slowly realize how boring it became. But luckily, Daryl’s able to keep you company.

~ Bedtime Stories 🧸

Summary : You and Daryl stumble into a library after being chased by a herd of walkers, forcing the two of you to stay hidden in the building for a long while. Though amongst the chaos, a sweet moment seems to unfold between the two of you.

~ Pretty When I Cry 🖤🧸

Summary : From the very start you had been struggling to have a decent relationship with the Dixon brothers. Trying your best to show your kindness since they arrived. But one day Daryl seems to snap after an incident, sending you spiraling in a flurry of emotions. However, he manages to venture back and pick up the pieces he’s broken.

~ Forever 🖤🧸

Summary : For months now, Daryl has found himself going down a deep rabbit hole of the thoughts in which he cannot escape. His insecurities about his age and your relationship is all he’s able to ponder over. But in the end, you make a promise to stick around forever.

~ Sticks and Stones 🧸

Summary : After arriving in the brand new community, you quickly find it’s not exactly what it chalked up to be. An incident occurs, causing you to snap. But Daryl just so happens to be at the right place at the right time.

~ Cigarettes After Sex 🖤💋

Summary : Knowing Daryl for so many years, it was still unclear what was going on between the two of you. Having to get past the fear in order to finally see what you had been missing out on all along.

~ Soap and Bubbles 🧸

Summary : When first arriving to Alexandria, you noticed that Daryl is having trouble adjusting. So, you find a way to help him relax.

~ Fuck it, I love you 🖤💋

Summary : You and Daryl had always been close since the start. But when things grow a little complicated after the Commonwealth, a wedge is created between the two of you. Though when two of your people suddenly go missing, it brings the two of you together once more after being apart for so long. But the question remains; is it enough to save your relationship?

~ Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder 🧸

Summary : When your insecurities start to get the better of you, Daryl manages to come in at the right time to give you the reassurance you need. Wanting to show you how he sees you through his own eyes.

~ Practice Makes Perfect 💋

Summary : When Daryl opens up about his lack of experience with relationships and…other things, he finds your reaction is definitely not what he expected.

~ Something New 💋

Summary : In a fit of heated passion, you accidentally reveal a secret kink you had always wanted to try. But surprisingly, Daryl isn’t put off by the idea

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blobpsycho · 1 year ago

Text

This gif perfectly encapsulates what I love about Tome. All girls have been this gif. Like remember having undiagnosed mental issues and your family makes you go on an outing that should be fun but you’re just pissed off constantly because youre a 14 year old girl? Tome gets it.

Like YOU’RE GOING SOMEWHERE TO DO SOMETHING THAT SPECIFICALLY PERTAINS TO YOUR INTERESTS. But youre a 14 year old girl and nobody will ever take you seriously and you’ve just got this pit of hopelessness in your stomach despite the fact that nothing is technically wrong

so even though youre on an outing planned for you you can’t shake the feeling that everyone is just making fun of you for being so upset over seemingly nothing. These are your friends and family, you deep down they wouldnt do that, but why else would they go out of their way?

They certainly wouldn’t do it for you, right? I mean nothing’s even technically wrong. You’re just being a crybaby and they all must think youre just being a dramatic teenage girl. And you are and you know that you are so why can’t you just get over it and be normal?

And when you finally can’t take the pain that’s screaming in your chest because everything feels wrong wrong and everything is going wrong and everything is wrong wrong wrong you can’t help but cry. And you’re embarrassed and you’re furious and you’re supposed to be mature and you’re supposed to not care but you cry.

Crying feels worse than the growing internal discomfort did because now everyone is looking at you. They’re staring in uncomfortable suprise at what you’re sure is the most unsuprising sight in the world - a 14 year old girl crying. You want to go home but you can’t. You’re 14. You can’t do anything on your own.

You react to the terrifying ordeal of being reacted to the only way you know how - with anger. You monologue through hot tears and sobs and snot how you didn’t even wanna be here and how you just *know* everyone is just doing this to make fun of you and how they should just go on ahead and leave you wherever you are (you know this can’t happen. They wouldn’t leave a 14 year old girl somewhere unfamiliar on her own) and something in you hopes that they’ll yell back, that they’ll treat you like you’re irrational and make you feel justified in your anger.

…But that doesn’t happen. The silence persists but you realize that it’s more contemplative than judgemental. They’re not afraid of you, though you think they should be. Rather than letting them say something sentimental about caring and being concerned or any sappy bullshit that will only serve to make you cry more, you wipe your face on your sleeve continue on your journey.

The day gets better. After everyone gathers that no, you don’t wanna talk about it, it almost feels like nothing happened to begin with- besides the slight exhaustion you feel every time you blink and the intense stress sweat you choose to blame on anything else.

By the time you get home, the day is mentally logged as a good day. You decide - albeit tentatively - that maybe you’re going to be ok. Maybe you won’t be a 14 year old girl forever.

You go to bed and have the best sleep you’ve had in months.

#mp100 #tome kurata #ramblings #free to rb #though I’m sure nobody will LOL this is not anything #i didnt even mean to write all that #tome just brings out everything in me #like i see her and its like looking at me when i was in middle school #sorry if this is stupid i am not a writer #i genuinely hate writing so I’m suprised this exists #everything about here makes my heart ache with familiarity and love #mob psycho 100 #tome mob psycho #something about being 14 #being a 14 year old audhd unpopular girl who has yet to find out shes a lesbian is something tome could do in her sleep #and i salute her for that bc i also did that once #idgaf about the military they have nothing on being a 14 year old girl

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avocado-writing · 1 year ago

Note

Hiii <3 I'm the anon that tumblr ate out- I mean I'm the anon that got their request eaten by tumblr. I'm going to send it again but please don't feel like you have to write it at all!

Basically it was just:

Crowley x wife!reader where human reader nearly dies during the London Blitz so Crowley miracles her into living forever as a type of vampire (he's a demon idk). So now Aziraphale, Reader, and Crowley are friends (possibly more by the time we get to the bookshop)

notes: HEY I AM SO SORRY I MADE THIS SO FUCKING ANGSTY. please forgive me. it just felt like the perfect setup for a bite of sadness.

pairing: crowley x f!reader

rating: T

notes: mentions of death

“You shouldn’t do this.”

Crowley knows. He knows that Aziraphale is not wrong for a number of reasons: his head office will notice, it’s against the rules, he’ll get in dreadful dreadful trouble. Demons aren’t meant to meddle in the mortality of humans. But then again demons aren’t meant to marry humans either, and he did that anyway too.

It’s your tenth anniversary today. He can picture the wedding like a photograph in his memory: your white dress, your red lips, the huge smile you wore all day like it was stuck to your face. Impossible for you to get rid of.

He braved the pain of a church to marry you in it, then swept you off to bed to take his mind off his burning feet.

Ten years. Ten happy years. Ten years of your gorgeous, gorgeous smile. He knew it wouldn’t be forever, but he thought that he’d at least have longer to work out what he was going to do when the time came. But there was no way you could have predicted where the bomb would land, the explosion it would cause, the shrapnel that would end up shredding your stomach.

He told you to leave London and you refused to. You refused to leave him.

Now blood soaks through your clothes onto his. You’re lifeless in his arms. Covered in brickdust and mortar. Smile gone.

In that moment he realises that he can’t continue existing without it.

“Crowley…”

“Shut it,” he snaps, far more fiercely than he should, and he’ll apologise to Aziraphale for it later… but for now, he does something very reckless indeed.

He summons the miracle from hell. It’s a big one, to snatch a soul out of the aether as it tries to slip away, but he’s a very powerful demon. He grabs the hazy edges of your spirit with his hand and slams it back into your body. There’s a surge of energy as the two parts of you reconnect, and in a shaky spasm you twitch horribly back to life.

“There she is. There’s my girl,” he whispers, cupping your face. As you work out how to breathe again Aziraphale watches in silence. There is nothing for him to say.

He manages to get away with it. Hell isn’t known for its incredible paper trail after all, and it’s pretty easy for him to mislay the documents that prove he ever did such a huge miracle at all. You’re alive again and there are no repercussions.

From head office, anyway.

Aziraphale eventually comes to accept the decision, and the two of you actually end up quite good friends. In fact Crowley feels quite ganged up on sometimes. You’re constantly at the bookshop helping shoo away customers and hunting down good deals for old tomes on ebay. You’ve learned to grow with the times.

But still.

There are times where you seem… distant. He’ll catch you staring out a window, seemingly a million miles away from your body. You don’t blink as much as you should since he brought you back. You don’t breathe as hard either, your chest only raising and falling about once a minute. There’s something not the same.

He cannot bring himself to admit that you came back wrong.

Every time Crowley will come over and give you a gentle kiss, bringing you out of your stupor. You’ll shake your head and return to the moment.

“You alright, sweetheart?” he’ll ask.

“Oh, yes. Of course I am,” you’ll reply, and you’ll smile.

But your smile is never quite right.

taglist: @angiestopit@dazed-soul@foolishprincipalitee@smile-eywa@staygoldsquatchling02@underratedboogeyman@specter-soltare@cool-ontherun-world@emilynissangtr@willbedecided@cool-iguana@this--is--music @ilyatan @lxsm2@clarina04@wtfhasmy-lifecometo@mrgatotortuga@wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @kimqueenofhell@chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t@am-i-obsessed---maybe

#request #crowley x reader #david tennant x reader

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claiestve · 10 months ago

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𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ꨄ Xanthus

˜”* ❝𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣'❞

⎯⎯ ୨ ୧ ⎯⎯

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ: ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ.

⎯୨⎯ " " ⎯୧⎯

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

It’s okay, breathe. It’s for the better. It is for the better, right? Right?

“By agreeing to this, you are agreeing to give up the memories of this person. Do you wish to proceed?”

If all of the pain just went away, that’d be amazing. Maybe this is what you need—the last step.

“Ahem,” You cleared your throat, “Yes, I wish to proceed.” This was good. This means no more sleepless nights. No more being terrified like that day.

After the battle, you couldn’t remain with Xanthus. He became unhealthily obsessive and toxic. You knew it wasn’t intentional but fuck did it hurt. You saw through it, he was terrified of something happening to you. He was much more jumpy than before. He’d flinch at loud noises. You found it strange that out of his four hundred-something years, he wouldn’t be so affected by this. However, you’re his love and the thought of losing you forever affected him terribly.

When the two of you addressed it, you concluded that you’d have to love from a distance. Seeing him like that broke you and he was hurting seeing you constantly nervous to live your life. Although he’d want you for eternity, whatever you want or need, he’ll make sure you get. So it was final.

However, that didn’t stop you from thinking about it. Even with your new place in the city that never sleeps, you couldn’t get him off your mind. It got worse when you’d go to sleep. All you could think about was the battle and the crazy look in Xanthus’ eyes when he was fighting for your life. You told him you’d never be scared of him but you couldn’t help but be scared. It was all too much.

One day, you went to your last resort. You knew it was an option the whole time but didn’t want to go to it. However, at this rate, you had to. You had to have your memory of Xanthus and that world erased. You were hesitant at first but you knew this was right.

Right?

“Is this too tight?” The woman asked as she put the weird contraption on your head. It was glowy and you looked like some sort of alien. It was a bit tight but nothing that would bother you.

“No, it’s just fine.”

“Alright, just lay back. You brought many sentiments so this might take a while. If you need us to stop, let us know.”

That left you nervous. Why would you need them to stop? What could happen?

You closed your eyes with an open mind. Nothing was happening yet. It just felt like you were laying back and resting. That’s where it starts though. Your brain started to throb.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“I bought something for you. I had planned to give it to you another day but there’s no time like the present.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“I saw this bracelet and thought of you.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You peeked your eyes open to see that same bracelet being removed from your wrist. You wanted to snatch it back but no matter how hard you tried, your body couldn’t move. All you could do was lay back and close your eyes.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“You showed me what I had missed.”

“Really?”

“Mhm, the list is endless. Um, a willingness to fight the innocence of love, the warmth of sentiment, the necessity of respite, purpose of living.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You thought back to the apartment you two were sitting in. Whose was it again? The name wasn’t quite clicking anymore. At all, actually. Your memories started to become a blur and soon enough, you felt it. Your throat getting tighter, your breath shortening, your body shaking.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Something’s… wrong.”

“What? What is it?”

“I don’t know… I just have a feeling.”

“For yourself?”

“No.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You gasped, suddenly your lungs opened back up and your throat loosened. Your gaze quickly turns back and forth as you try to get a hold of someone to help you.

“What’s wrong?” A woman approaches you while reaching for your hand.

You look into her eyes waiting for your voice to vocalize your pain but you can’t. All you could do was break down and cry as you thought about… what were you thinking about again? You couldn’t tell why you were panicking so much or what you were crying about anymore. It was all completely dismissed from your mind.

“This is good!” The woman expresses to her team in the back as they laid you back down on the chair. She hands you a bracelet and waits for a reaction.

“Are you giving this to me? What is this?”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

this is so heavily inspired by eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and also we can't be friends mv (I'm sorry) sooo yeahhhh AHHAHAHHA

also yall im SORRY THIS WAS SO PROCRASTINATED IM GONNA UGH

#zsakuva #asmr #sakuverse #xanthus

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captain-yeet · 2 years ago

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How to be Human (Felix x Fem!Reader Oneshot)

Summary: Peace couldn’t always be for forever. The love of your life has been hurt, after he had constantly worried for your safety being in jeopardy. What happens when a man as strong and formidable as a mountain becomes human?

CW: None, hurt/comfort vibes, angst.

Vampires and humans in relationships weren't rare, but uncommon enough that if such a thing were to happen, certain precautions were to be taken.

He'd always worried about me. I'm "small and fragile compared to him", after all. I'd always tell him, "Honey, I'm surrounded by vampires, one of them being you. It's gonna be fine."

I hadn't given much thought to the concept of someone hurting him.

I loved our shared room. It was cozy; Felix was a little bit plain when it came to décor save for some mounted weapons on the wall from his human days circa two thousand-something years ago.

Granted I was no grand interior designer myself. My contributions have been posted plants and one stylized painting of a cat meme done in the same style as Starry Night. Felix grudgingly let me hang that.

It was home. Our home.

I hope he comes home soon. Its supposed to be today. He'd been sent out on a job to look into some weird humans who'd supposedly been spreading the word about vampires in Italy, some odd 20 miles from Volterra.

Sunlight slowly creeped into the room through the curtain, engulfing the room in a gentle golden glow.

A knock brought me out of my calm reverie. Reluctantly, I rolled off the bed and trudged over to the door. Demetri stood there, white as a ghost. There was a faraway look in his eyes that immediately sparked alarm bells in my mind. “Dem, what’s wrong? Where’s Felix?”

Demetri swallowed. “He - I need to tell you something, dear. You’re not going to like this.”

My heart sped up. “Is he - no no, please tell me isn’t dea-”

Demetri grabbed me by the shoulders, his gaze intense. “No. Calm yourself. He is alive, but badly hurt. He wanted me to come talk to you to prepare you for the condition he’s in.”

“What kind of condition?” I whispered, my mind going to the worst possible scenarios. Did he get burned? A burn was what I considered the worst. His beautiful face that always gave me the biggest smile whenever his eyes met mine.

Wordlessly Demetri held his hand for me to take. “I’ll take you to him now. I can explain on the way.”

My darling mate - my partner, my boyfriend, husband, soulmate - had been attacked by a gifted vampire that temporarily took away his immortality. I watched him writhe uncomfortably in a room some guards had set up as a temporary sick bay for him. Demetri and two others in the room who’s faces I didn’t recognize shared lost glances as the once strong vampire moaned and groaned in pain. They swiftly excused themselves, leaving me and Demetri alone with Felix.

“Felix?” I cried out, moving past Demetri and to Felix’s side. I cupped my hand against his cheek; he was so clammy... Seeing his skin flush with color was so jarring, after being accustomed to his pale skin.

His eyes fluttered, squeezing shut momentarily before brown eyes met mine. Brown. Not red. The familiar vermillion gone and replaced with a woodsy brown. I couldn’t help the sob that left my lips and I pressed my forehead against his.

“Cara mia, you don’t need to see me like this,” he rasped. A sickly stench reached my nose and I recognized it was vomit. He’d been vomiting.

“Well I’m here,” I retorted, softly, pulling back to give him an empathetic look. “Have you eaten? Had water?”

Felix’s brows scrunched. “Uh, water yes,” he replied slowly. “No food.”

He looked past me toward his best friend, the two sharing a long silent exchange.

The cogs were spinning in my head faster than I could keep up with. But I got the jist of the look. Turning my head to Demetri as well, I quietly asked him, “When was the last time he ate?”

Demetri opened and closed his mouth. He couldn’t meet my eyes, instead choosing to continue looking at Felix. “...We hadn’t thought of it, I’m so sorry.”

I loved Demetri. He had been an absolute sweetheart since I began living in Italy with Felix. I considered him a brother. A dear friend. Whenever Felix was away he’d be right there to keep me company, all I had to do was ask when he wasn’t busy. The fury the coursed through my veins at the immortal’s foolishness burned hot in my blood.

“He’s been turned human and you didn’t think he’d need to be fed? How long has he been like this?”

“Y/N,” Felix croaked. I shushed him gently, stroking his face.

“How long?” I asked again, my voice cracking.

A short, five second silence filled the room.

“Three days,” Demetri said so softly I almost didn’t catch it.

“Three days?” I growled.

That’s it. Absolutely not. I rose to my feet, my hands gliding down Felix’s sweaty arms. “I’m taking him. I will care for him. How could you guys not have thought that maybe after, what, a millennia of immortality he wouldn’t need some kind of nourishment other than water?”

“Two millennia,” Felix added, “I’m two thousand years old, baby girl.”

“Darling I love you so much but please, let me handle this.”

I had to think. We had a kitchen in the castle, which had a considerate amount of dust plastered all over the countertops. No fridge. No modern or semi-modern-ish oven to work with. To be fair, only myself and the receptionists were the only humans in the castle that lived for longer than an hour long tour. And the receptionist had lunch breaks. Me, on the other hand, I’d either get lunch or go to the little apartment Felix had purchased for us in the city.

He wanted us to have privacy to get to know each other, when the bond was first realized.

So I stormed out of the room shouting a command to Demetri to get him some water but not to let Felix drink all of it at once. If it had been days since he ate, he needed food immediately. There was a little sandwich place nearby that I love and adore. A simple footlong should sate him... hopefully.

~~~

“Here, have this.”

I set the footlong onto Felix’s lap. I didn’t want to upset his stomach with anything too over the top. A simple ham and provolone sub with lettuce, tomato, mayo and honey mustard. Granted I just ordered what I normally get. But regardless, the sandwich would be perfect for his weakened state.

Demetri was openly staring at Felix, watching his every move. Felix looked at the sandwich, then to me, then to Demetri and repeated the cycle, his face turning a shade darker.

If he wasn’t starved like a dog, I’d be gushing over him blushing in embarrassment.

“Dem stop with the staring,” I scolded him.

He cleared his throat, averting his eyes to the wall in front of him.

Gingerly, Felix picked up the sandwich, eyeing it like it was a small gross creature in his grasp. So much hesitation came with the first bite. While I sat with him I watched him attempt to chew. He had the idea of chewing down - the manners of keeping his mouth closed. He’d seen me eat. He knows how chewing works in theory.

In practice?

It was like watching a five year old try to be polite at the dinner table at a family gig.

After three bites he pushed the sandwich away, wrapping it back up and placing it on an end table next to the bed. I wanted to take away the sadness in him. He slouched in defeat, wrapping his arms around his stomach.

I reached out to wipe away some mayo at the corner of his mouth, giving him a reassuring smile. “It’ll take a bit until you feel a little better,” I informed him.

Felix pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his chin there. “Any word on the location of the one that did this to me?” He asked Demetri. I tried not to let it show he chose to ignore me. Not eating for thousands of years and suddenly needing to had to be a shock to his system...

But still, the way he couldn’t look me in the eyes...

“I’ll be setting out soon with the twins to retrieve them. I know their location. They will be brought to justice,” he hissed, reaching out to clap Felix on the shoulder, albeit a bit too rough, the now human executioner grunting at Demetri’s hard handed reassurance.

“Demetri’s got this, honey,” I added, sharing a worried look with the tracker who had become like a brother to me. “He knows I’ll find a way to kick his ass if he doesn’t.”

Demetri chuckled. Felix didn’t.

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Loud growling from Felix’s stomach interrupted the flow of conversation.

Shaking his head, Demetri gently squeezed my shoulder with words of comfort before he bid farewell to us, leaving the two of us alone.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” I stood up and grabbed his discarded clothes that covered a nearby chair, setting them on the bed in front of him.

Felix slowly grabbed his shirt, taking pause. “If I don’t become immortal again...”

I sat next to him on the bed, replacing the shirt in his hands with my hands. “You will.”

“But if I don’t.” he snarled, finally meeting my eyes. Tears brimmed in them threatening to spill over. “If, I don’t, I can’t protect you properly. I’m so, so sorry I failed you this way Y/N.”

Now it was my turn to be confused. “Failed me?” I repeated. “How? By becoming human for a little while? This isn’t your fault!”

“By becoming weak! I promised you the day we confessed our love for each other that I would take care of you. You’re in my world now, embroiled in all the vampire nonsense and the politics, and the danger that comes with it. I need to be my strongest to make sure you’re always well protected and now that I’m mortal I cannot protect you from my kind.”

“I don’t expect you to bear that weight alone!” I let go to cup his face in my hands, our eyes locked on each others. “We belong to each other, that means both of us protects the other, not just you taking care of me!” I reminded him.

That silenced him for a moment. “So, you don’t feel let down at all by me?”

This was what he was worrying about?

I responded by pressing my lips to his softly, putting as much passion and “I love you so much” energy behind it that I hoped he’d understand what I was trying to convey with my actions. “Not one bit, I breathed against his lips.

Strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. I melted into his hold, throwing my arms around his neck, enjoying the sensation of his arms around me. Human or vampire I don’t think I’d ever get tired of his touch.

Time became obsolete. I don’t know how long we stayed like that for. The sun had dimmed in brightness by the time we pulled away from each other. “Let’s go home, you can eat the rest of that when we get back and I’ll show you some good things about behind human. I plan on taking full advantage of this situation.”

Felix chuckled, wiping the tears from his face and looking at me with so much adoration I was thankful he couldn’t hear my heart falter under his intense, loving gaze. “Say less. Unless it involves the two of us in bed and me making you scream my name over and over again, then please tell me more.”

I threw his coat at his face with a giggle. “Felix!” I gasped, giving him a scolding look. The bastard knew what that kind of talk did to me. A small fire flickered to life that only he could douse.

Despite everything he smirked, knowing exactly what was going on in my mind and body. “You said we should take advantage of the situation. Now I can fuck you without wanting to drink your blood and you expect my train of thought to not go there when you say things like that?”

Oh I hated him and loved him fiercely. “Get dressed. I was talking about like, eating chocolate and things like that. Sleeping, for gods sake!”

“There’ll be sleeping to come after you do, don’t worry darling.”

“Get dressed. Now.”

He put his shirt on and threw the covers off his body, swinging his legs out of the bed. Shaking his head he shimmied into his clothes. “Yes ma’am, what you say goes.”

We walked out of Volterra hand in hand back to our little piece of paradise we call home. I had full faith Demetri will find a way to reverse what’s been done. But for now, it’s time to take advantage and show my previously-a-vampire mate the fun parts of being human.

#if yall want part 2 let me know #felix x reader #felix volturi #felix volturi x reader #volturi #volturi x reader #my fics #twilight saga #twilight

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luveline · 5 months ago

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hi jade! i think your concerns about the way people are treating you are completely valid!! you are allowed to speak up and say actually people aren’t being that nice to me and it isn’t victim mentality, the people we’re surrounded by have serious effects on us as humans because we’re social creatures and have always depended on one another so when the people around us make us feel bad and like there’s something wrong with us your brain convinces you that there must be!!! but there isn’t, you’re just not with the right people! but don’t worry they’ll come; you have to trust the universe she will always provide for you.

i think life’s stressful at the minute, i’m feeling it too! the job market in the UK is so so difficult and being unemployed is a real kick in the teeth, being at the age where all your friends are off dating but you’re not and you’re not even sure you want to is really isolating because you know your friends don’t want to see you as much because there’s someone else for them now, they get to go home to someone and you don’t, i’ve been following you for a while because i like your work but also because you make me feel less alone, a lot of the problems you face i also face, you post complaints and worry they’re annoying but i read them and know the world isn’t as small or as dark as my room, that i’m not completely alone even in my isolation- and i want you to know that the way people treat you isn’t fair! you deserve the kindness and joy you put out, you deserve it ten fold! you’ll get it one day i promise, i think continuing in an environment that’s hard for you is a very brave thing to do, yoy just have to remember it’s not forever 🫶🏻

I think I’m like, always looking at myself through someone else’s eyes, if that makes sense?

So instead of being able to just say people haven’t been that good to me lately, I read it in someone else’s head and think oh look Jade’s on another ego trip she thinks she deserves more than she has because she’s delusional but honestly, right now, I think so many people have disappointed me, not like they’ve hurt me or that a persons job is to be perfect, and not that we should expect people to be perfect and never disappoint us because I really don’t think that and don’t think we should expect people to read our minds and always be their perfect selves, but oh my god! Oh my god I am so tired of people acting like there’s nothing wrong with me when I am constantly telling people I am not okay. Obvi this doesn’t apply to everyone in my life because some people of course don’t even know how I feel and that’s my choice because like I’m vaguely private as a person (you wouldn’t think so on luveline.tumblr) so I’m not saying every person in my life is letting me down, but a surprising selection of friends and family have really hurt me lately. It’s so complicated! I hope you’re getting a sense of what I’m saying cos I am not doing a good job. I sent a friend a message recently about how I’d felt like hurting myself (they’ve told me in the past it’s okay to bring up btw I promise I’m not just randomly saying such heavy things to friends) and they didn’t acknowledge it, and I know we can’t expect people to be at our beck and call or to always have the capacity for our hurts and pains, but I felt so ashamed of myself for opening up and just wished they’d said hey I don’t have the space for that right now, or anything. Maybe that’s silly. I don’t hold it against them because that’s a big thing to tell someone, but I really can’t help feeling hurt that it was ignored. I don’t want to be that person who imposed on friends and doesn’t seem to realise what a burden they are, but I also just don’t know what to do with myself now, because i can’t keep writing the same thing in my diary every day. my head hurts allll the time and I’m barely eating and some days I spend the whole day in bed, and I know that that’s making me bitter, I know that when you get super depressed we can start to hate everything, but I really can’t help thinking that I’m being let down for real

I don’t want you to think that I’m ungrateful for the people in my life though I’m blessed to have a family and to live in a home with no shouting, I’m lucky to have friends who go out and people who want me to be safe and happy, I just feel so lonely lately. Usually I’m pretty good at getting over it, but I can’t kick this. I know exactly what’s hurting me and I’m too afraid to say what it is in case people think I’m childish, or selfish, or ridiculous 😭

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time like you said everything is so hard, but I’m glad you don’t feel so alone, at least my mindless deluge of thoughts (and idiocy) can have a positive! Thank you for listening to me lovely

#jade's asks #ily

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lis4ux · 3 months ago

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Hey I’m not sure if I’ve ever interacted with you directly on tumblr before but I just wanted to let you know that you’ve been and you still are A MASSIVE part in the Jiara community🤍

Regarding what you said about writing for Jiara and fearing that people wouldn’t be interested anymore I can say with confidence that if there’s someone how can bring that excitement back, it’s you 🫶🏻

I’ve been reading Jiara fics for years (and yours are some of my favorite that I go back to constantly for comfort) and in the past year I’ve also started writing myself for our beloved ship. Sadly I have to admit that right in this moment I am one of those people that has lost the motivation regarding Jiara, both as a writer and as a reader, but one thing that I hope is that this feeling isn’t permanent but only temporary while we navigate through this pain.

I think I can speak for a lot of us in this situation (or maybe not and I’m wrong lol) when I say that the fact we’re not motivated at the moment is something we wish to get past because we love Jiara, we love their story and we love our community and we hope to keep it alive!

In the past 3 days I’ve tried going to Ao3 to get distracted and find comfort in the fans stories, but everytime I tried to I just couldn’t and I have to say that probably a lot of it is because almost every new upload is about JJ’s death and Kiara’s grieving so it’s a costant pain in the chest, but I just wanted to tell you that what I’ve been thinking in these days is “I’m waiting for Enemies with benefits next chapter”, I am waiting for that chapter because I’m 100% positive that it could be what can make me get past the canon hurt and back at living Jiara like we always have. I’ve been thinking of the update of your fics as a way to hold on to them, as a motivation to find back my way to them ‘cause despite everything I don’t want to let go of them and I don’t think any of us do 😭

You have always had an incredible and unique talent in our fandom, creating alternative universes for them in which they could live so many different lives and I think right now it’s what the Jiara fandom needs, to find an escape in those stories and infinite other possibilities for them and you’ve always been amazing with that. I’m the first one who admits the lack of motivation at the moment both as a writer and a reader, but I think the fandom could never lose interest in your stories and actually probably needs them, you have always offered us an escape🤍

Of course please don’t take this as if I’m trying to tell you “go write” AT ALL ‘cause I’m the first one at the moment who needs time, I just want to tell you to keep going with what you feel it’s right and you want to do and not worry about if we’d still be interested, ‘cause we are and your story are forever gonna be and will be part of what makes this ship special to many!!

I think you could be a great part for us to find back that love and excitement towards their stories, seeing them live in the alternative worlds you’ve built for them is something that has always been special but that right now is even more precious in our fandom…we lost them in OBX, but at least they live their love in that house in Malibu🥹

Don’t worry about us losing interest in your stories, I think we need them more than ever to find a refuge from this ugly canon and could help the fandom to reconnect with them🤍🤍🤍

Sending you lots of love 🫶🏻

This is so encouraging 🥹

I do understand what you’re talking about with going to ao3 and it being nothing but pain. That may be the writers way of grieving, and I completely understand it. I can’t do sad art work of them right now or read anything not happy. I just fell in love with the joy of jiara, I can’t go to pain. Only good vibes and ending from me🥰

I also understand taking a break from it. It really is a tragedy what they did and i doubt I’ll forgive anyone apart of it.

I do know there is one writer who is rewriting the ending to where he lives. Once that’s posted I will be diving into it to rewrite my head cannon. I’ll post the link here when she’s done. I think it’ll be cathartic and a healing fic for us all.

It means a lot that you have found comfort in my fics the way I found comfort in so many others. The connection of this fandom is what I love the most about writing. I met my best friend through this ship and writing and I can never turn my back on it for that alone. I love writing and writing jiara specifically.

Thank you so much for talking with me and encouraging me to keep writing. I will continue 🖤

#jiara #jiara fanfic #jj maybank #kiara carrera #jj x kiara #alternate universe #jiara obx #jiara outer banks #jiaraedit #best friends to lovers #jiara forever #fuck cannon #fuck season four

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idontmindifuforgetme · 2 years ago

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hi! do you have any advice on how to deal with a friendship that’s slowly fading away? i don’t know what exactly happened that caused it and i can’t confront it because she hasn’t made any effort to nurture our bond and is rather ok with things being this way so i doubt she cares. still, she was one of my closest friends and i don’t really know how to grieve right now

it happens. that’s just the nature of life—things are constantly ebbing and flowing, in a never-ending state of change. one day you’re really close w someone, and then you randomly wake up the next morning and feel a little differently. there’s nothing inherently wrong w that. the sooner you come to terms with the fact that we’re constantly going through phrases, the easier you’ll accept that people’s dispositions towards you inevitably shift. this is not to say that you should be okay w erratic behavior—consistency breeds security—but more so that no one is immune to change. that could have very well happened w your friend. and that’s completely okay.

if someone is drifting out of your life, you’re doing a disservice to yourself by expending energy thinking of ways to lock them down. why would you want to lock someone down, when they don’t want to be in your proximity? bc of the nostalgia factor? that’s the same thing as being in love with potential, even if at some point the person lived up to it. it no longer exists. you want to focus on what the relationship is actually giving you in the present day. from the sounds of it, all it’s adding to your life atm is stress.

do the rational thinking. accept that maybe your friendship is nearing its end, and really, really allow yourself to feel the pain that accompanies that. vomit it into writing. cry about it. never resort to suppressing. remind yourself that no love given is ever love wasted—there’s no such thing as “i wasted my time on this person.” this person still provided sweet memories, and learning experiences, and that’s invaluable whether or not they’re still in your life.

ask yourself what you’re saying about you by holding on so tightly to a person who doesn’t want to be held on to at all. are you saying this is what you deserve? that your time isn’t worthy of people who want to be your friends? our time is literally our most valuable currency. by spending so much as a precious second on this person, you’re blocking other blessings from being in your life. we’re not here forever. for all we know, the life we’re given is the only life we’ll ever have, so honor that by letting go of things that no longer elevate it in any way.

adjust your expectations, mourn the death of the friendship, set the intention, and let it go. letting go does not mean the friendship was never a thing, or doesn’t matter to you—just that you recognize that it has run its course, and that you’re making space for something better for this chapter of your life. and given we’re in the presence of 8 billion people on this planet, something better will no doubt come around eventually.

#good luck friend #i know friendship fallouts hurt like a bitch #ask

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coolcattime · 3 months ago

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god reversal au:

ia mia and dia would suck at working together. having to overcome personal grievances is going to take forever, especially if they’re all pranking each other. ianite champion of balance is definitely not siding with either of her brothers. r.i.p gods of fortune neither of you are getting saved in a timely manner.

Oh oh oh, you are so right about this.

Ia, Mia, and Dia are so well practised at pushing each other’s buttons and the moment gods and pranks start getting involved, they are almost immediately at each other’s throats.

It isn’t quite them constantly killing each other, but they are definitely at the point of considering it.

Oh and you’re definitely right about Ianite not siding with either of her brothers. She is way too fed up with the two of them to play peacekeeper and she absolutely is not helping either one of them when she falls victim to way too many of their idiotic ideas.

There is a moment where both Mianite and Dianite assume she’s going to team up with Mianite (and in turn Tucker). Namely when Tom ‘confesses’ to killing Redbeard and imprisoning Capsize. Since it really seems like teaming up with Mia against Dia to bring down the evil Tom and help restore balance would be the logical plan. But she looks at Mianite with his wooden sword and decides she’s better off on her own.

And Capsize and Redbeard are absolutely not being helped in a timely manner. The main influence for them working towards the goal at all is Sonja basically pointing them in the right direction (though she can’t directly say anything, because goddess of secrets). And (later) the pressing need to do something because the bad luck plague starts rapidly getting worse as time moves on.

(details under the read more - I got ready into the two events that Sonja nudged into happening)

Them all finding out about Capsize and Red is actually due to uncharacteristic working together. Sonja had dropped a hint of there being a treasure in the far reaches of the end so the three were saying they were competing to find it first. But in reality, they were just having some fun exploring together for once.

They think they’re getting pretty close when they reach an end city that looks quite unique - with symbols of balance that don’t look like Jordan’s and pirate flags. So clearly whatever rare treasure Sonja was alluding to is here.

While exploring, Ianite starts to get an odd headache and swears that she can hear someone calling to her, though the city is definitely abandoned.

The treasure (my head has no ideas what it actually is rn) is in a small temple. Ianite finds it first, with Dia and Mia hot on her heels. She grabs the treasure, then immediately hears a woman’s and a man’s pained screams and the three of them get blasted with the vague visions of Capsize’s imprisonment and Redbeard’s death.

Regardless of their disagreements at that point, they agree to truce for the rest of the day to figure out who the hell they just got visions of and learn of the lost deities of fortune from scripture and other more general books around the city.

The sky cage starts when tensions are already a lot higher.

Tom has confessed a number of weeks ago now but it’s also become obvious that he’s just saying this to cause chaos and he has started quite legitimately accusing Jordan and Tucker. So Dia has been actively fighting with his siblings on the daily.

Mia has been actively fighting Dia, not because Tucker wants him too (though he definitely does). He simply thinks that supporting murder and wrongful imprisonment is too far even for his brother and is fed up with him acting like an evil villain.

Ianite is trying to figure out leads by herself, mostly because she’s starting to have dreams of a woman calling out to her from somewhere far beyond her reach. But her brothers aren’t helping, and neither is Jordan. If anything Jordan is actively hindering by getting her to spy on one of her brothers or even one of the other gods whenever she's actually making progress on a lead.

But all of the messiness comes to a head when all three of the siblings are actively arguing, and their gods appear with an unnatural storm brewing above them. And it feels like war between the gods might actually be breaking out.

Then, suddenly, Sonja appears and attempts to talk them all out of it. Reminding them that their friends need their help and if they go to war whoever imprisoned Capsize will just use her power of fortune to win and she’ll never be free.

Tucker suggests that Sonja doesn’t want them to fight because she worked with Tom to imprison Capsize, an idea which Jordan proceeds to jump on. Sonja gets a dark look that none of the champions have ever seen on her. A dark energy comes off her and blasts the three other gods. She speaks with an impossible number of voices, saying that if they're going to blame her rather than even consider working together, she'll steal the secrets out of them to help her friends that way.

Suddenly tosses books at the three champions. She says that now they each have the location of Capsize’s prison.

Ia, Mia, and Dia start racing. Like literally, they have no idea which god has done this or frankly have any idea what their siblings would do if they reached the cage first. So they need to get to the prison first.

Ianite doesn’t know what miracle gets her there minutes ahead of her brothers. She can see a cage in the sky and she just builds up to it with adrenaline keeping her going. But the cage is empty.

“If you find this, know I am alive. I will appear when I am needed, but there is someone I must find. - Capsize.”

Ianite, lost in confusion and hearing her brothers starting to build their way up, touches the bars that had been imprisoning the goddess. And immediately collapses as she’s given a full force flash of Capsize’s memories of her brother’s death - a memory that happened after she was already imprisoned.

All Ia can say to her brothers when she wakes up is a quiet mutter that they got the order of events wrong as she can feel the effects of having a heart removed and the shattering of someone who her very being is connected with reverberate through her body in a terrible ghostly way.

And while I would like to say that gets them working together - I think we all know it doesn’t. But for the briefest amount of time, Capsize is free and she's getting her own damn help.

#thank you for the ask!#licantropa #ask #mianite #mianite mortal deity swap #captain capsize #lady ianite #lord dianite #lord mianite #jordan captainsparklez #sonja firefoxx #tucker iijeriichoii #tom syndicate

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foliosriot · 1 year ago

Text

I CAN BE YOUR STARS, I CAN BE YOUR MOON TONIGHT

austin archey x reader

SUMMARY!!

you break down completely, but austin is there to help.

WARNINGS!!

self-worth issues. depictions of anxiety and depression. description of anxiety attack turned emotional breakdown. heavy angst and feels. austin being the most understanding bf to ever exist. comfort and cuddles in the end.

AUTHOR’S NOTE!!

inspiration taken from CRY by BOYS LIKE GIRLS, which i highly recommend listening to while reading this <3

masterlist

“You’re sure it’s okay that I called?”

“Yes, baby, it’s okay. I promise.”

Austin's voice is soft through the phone speaker. It was just past midnight and you could hear the exhaustion in the way he spoke. You’d been hesitant to call him in the first place, but you had needed someone to talk to and you knew your boyfriend would pick up.

“Even though you have other stuff to be worrying about?” you press. Your eyes keep anxiously darting to the television screen that has been playing a random nature documentary on low volume. “I don’t want to keep you from whatever those may be. Especially because tour is coming up and I know you like your sleep and—“

“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” Austin gently interrupts you. “You’re much more important than sleep.”

That makes your heart clench tightly inside your chest. It’s almost painful, with the way you know you aren’t worth Austin losing sleep over. He shouldn’t have to sacrifice a well-deserved rest because you couldn’t control your anxiety or overall emotions. You aren’t quite sure why you even called him in the first place.

You squeeze your eyes shut. Tears are gathering quickly and your head is spinning as you fight to swallow them. But they burn — god, they fucking burn like hell. With stars dancing across your vision you let them fall.

Everything hurts. Your entire body is numb and your mind is shrouded in black and the very veins treading beneath your skin feel like frigid acid. There are too many sensations and feelings but also not enough.

But that’s your problem: you feel so much you end up feeling nothing. You wish you could dispose of the shit pent up inside of you, let it all go and then maybe feel something for once. Maybe you could start feeling like yourself again and get back to that person you used to be.

The person you used to be was so happy, go-lucky, excited for anything. Now, it’s a goddamn miracle if you make it out of bed at all. Your clothes aren’t fitting right anymore. The bags under your eyes are worse every time you catch your reflection in the mirror. Something went wrong somewhere along the line. You just aren’t quite sure when or where.

You want to be okay; you want to be okay so fucking badly. You are so numb to the world. This numbness is sickening and wretched and it has you constantly shaking in anger.

Why are you like this?

Were you always meant to be like this?

Is this how you’ll be forever?

Questions spiral through your head. Nothing feels quite real or substantial at the moment, and you’re beginning to slip into the void that resides at the center of your very being.

Self-destruction is such a pretty little thing.

You aren’t sure how long you’re stuck in your head for. Although, you do know you’re crying and it is getting ugly fast. Hiccups spasm from your ribcage and you are sobbing as the seconds pass. Your hands are shaking. The shadows are creeping in and you can’t get away in time.

You think you’re screaming at this point. Your sobs are violent and each one hurts worse than the last. And there’s a little part of you that wishes for the pain to consume you entirely. Let the pain eat you alive until there isn’t a scrap of you left.

You think you hear something, a sound that is forcefully shoving you out of your own mind for a few moments. After an unsteady, sharp intake of breath, you look around in order to decipher from whence the sound came. It wasn’t the documentary, because you can see that it had come to an end a few minutes ago. So what was it?

Honestly, you don’t care. Another sob wracks your body and you’re crying even harder than before.

Then pounding footsteps come from the entryway of your home. It startles you, and you flinch at the sight of a dark figure entering your periphery.

You shrink away, feebly scrambling out of the figure’s reach. But you’ve just backed yourself into the corner of the couch and you can’t get away from the intruder.

Then there’s hands around your wrists and you’re sobbing and you can feel your heart breaking—

“Baby. Hey, it’s okay, it’s me.”

Your sobs instantly die in your throat. You stop thrashing and pulling against the hands restraining you. Slowly, you blink open your eyes, your eyelashes sticky with tears, and see Austin in front of you. There’s an anguished look on his face as he stares at you and he’s breathing heavily. You think you see a glimmer of tears in his eyes.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay,” Austin says softly once you’ve made eye contact. His thumbs drag soothingly along the insides of your wrists. “It’s just me. I’ve got you.”

Austin’s delicate tone sends you reeling. It takes a few moments of silence before you’re careening forward into his arms, your body trembling with the effort of crying.

And Austin is right there to catch you. One of his arms wraps around your middle and the other rests at your shoulders, his hand slipping into your hair. He lets you sit on his lap from where he’s kneeling on the living room floor and holds you close. He begins rocking back and forth as you continue bawling into his shoulder.

After a few minutes of nothing but sobbing you finally run out of tears. Your eyes burn and your head is pounding. You hesitantly lean back, slowly removing yourself from where you had been resting against Austin.

But he keeps his arms around you. He remains holding onto you with a fierce grip.

“What happened, sweetheart?” he asked softly. You could feel his fingers beginning to card through your hair, and you bask in the slight stinging of your scalp from the strands being gently tugged rhythmically.

Your eyes slip closed as you let Austin run his fingers through your hair. You clutch onto the fabric of his shirt with trembling hands, wishing this is all just a bad dream.

You hear Austin whisper your name, and you blink open your eyes. There’s a worried crease between his eyebrows as he stares at you. The hand he has wrapped around your waist has slipped under your shirt and is stroking at your skin, a series of soothing circles pressing in to your hipbone. A nauseating wave of exhaustion suddenly hits you.

“I…” A soft, pitiful sigh slips your lips. “I don’t know,” you admit with a rasp. “I don’t know anymore.”

Austin leans in to press a featherlight kiss to your cheek, and when he pulls back you see he has a small smile on his face.

“That’s okay. You don’t need to know right now,” he assures you. “But you need to promise me you’ll tell me when you know. I can only do so much if you don’t tell me.”

“I promise,” you whisper with a small nod.

“Thank you, baby. Now, let’s get you into bed.”

Austin has you stand from his lap so he can also get to his feet. When you’re both upright, he takes a moment to lightly plant his hands on either side of your face. He touches you with such love and care, his fingers soft on your tear stained skin. You nearly start crying again.

“Come on,” he says as he reaches for one of your hands. “Let’s go to sleep.”

You shuffle alongside Austin as he guides you to your bedroom, and it seems he’s letting you take your time. He certainly doesn’t want to rush you after the obvious breakdown he just witnessed. His hand is warm against yours. You instinctively tighten your grip on his fingers as you reach your bedroom, and you feel the comforting squeeze he does back.

Austin pulls you to a stop at your bedside. He pushes back any stray hairs away from your face with a soft smile pulling at his lips.

Without a word, he leans down and tosses aside the bedsheets to make room for you. You watch as he fluffs the pillows and arranges them in just the way you like. There’s a tight burn in your throat as you continue following the movements of your boyfriend getting your bed ready so you can get some sleep.

Then he’s got a gentle hand on your lower back and helping you under the covers. You think you hear him humming as he’s getting you comfortable and situated.

Once you’re all snug in your bed, Austin crouches down at the edge of the mattress, his arms propped up against the side. His eyes are soft and filled with love as he watches you carefully.

“You gonna be okay for tonight?” he asks you in a quiet tone.

You want to scream at him. You want to scream at the top of your lungs telling him you will never be okay, and tonight is no exception of that fact. You’ll never be okay and that is one of the most awful realizations that has ever plagued your existence.

But you nod anyways, hoping he doesn’t notice the tears gathering once more.

Austin smiles at you again. You feel your heart lurch.

“I’ll let you be then,” he tells you. He reaches forward with one of his hands and cradles the side of your face that isn’t pressed into your pillows. “Goodnight, baby. I love you.”

“Love you.”

It’s a moment of impulsivity when Austin goes to retract his hand and walk out of your bedroom when you’re freeing your arm from your blankets. You grab at his wrist, your fingers clasped around the tattooed joint with a ferocity that forces him to stop.

Austin’s looking down at you with a look of pure, unadulterated worry and confusion on his face. You can practically see the alarms going off in his head, blaring loudly as he waits for you to do or say something.

“Can—“ A sob is desperately clawing at your throat, begging to be let out. “Can you stay? Please?”

The worry that had been blatantly apparent suddenly vanishes from Austin’s face. You see him deflate a fraction with relief flooding his eyes.

“Of course,” he says.

You slowly uncurl your fingers from his wrist. He bends down to take off his shoes before he’s sliding under the blankets next to you. And once he’s laid down and comfortable at your side, you inch closer to Austin until he’s wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his chest.

With your head buried in his neck and his arms securely coiled around your frame, you finally manage to get rid some of the tension that had been enveloping your bones. Everything feels a bit lighter.

You had always anticipated the possibility of your body and soul eventually giving out completely. That the ghost that inhabits your fragile skeleton would leave once and for all, leaving you cold and lifeless. The phantom trapped deep within is always wailing in anguish with the wanton promise of never making it through the night.

The next morning, you wake up to Austin still sleeping and the bright rays of the morning sun shining in through your bedroom window. And there’s a part of you that thinks you could get used to this.

thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed! likes and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

AUTHOR’S NOTE!!

peep the asking alexandria reference. and this is also totally not alex projecting or venting or anything okok like that would be absolutely absurd!! (alex is lying btw)

♱ foliosriot 2023

#austin archey #austin archey fic #austin archey fanfic #austin archey fanfiction #lorna shore #lorna shore fanfiction #lorna shore fanfic #lorna shore fic #𖤐 #𖤐: writing

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