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sbdskate · 2 years ago

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Laws of Attraction (Part 3) - DR x lawyer!fem!reader

Summary: McLaren is in breach of contract, dr3 hires a lawyer to deal with the aftermath. Tropes ensue. Slow burn. Enemies(kind of) -> Friends/colleagues -> Lovers

Pairing: lawyer!fem!reader x Daniel Ricciardo

Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, sexual themes, NSFW for a hot sec

Word Count: 2,604

A/N: It’s been a while! I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, work/life took over. Thank you everyone who read Parts 1 and 2, and thank you for your patience. I realize there is likely going to be a part 4, and given the ~significant~ break I apologize for the cliff hanger. Friendly reminder that this is still new to me, so I appreciate any and all feedback both positive and constructive. Enjoy!

You were thankful for the two-week break, again hoping the distance would subdue your growing crush. Much to your dismay, you had inceptioned yourself. The seed of physical attraction developed into more despite every attempt to nip it in the bud. To make matters worse, he texted you twice a day every day while you were away: one work related and one miscellaneous – a cute dog he saw cross the street, a yummy meal he had, a song he thought you might like, other general statements of opinion. Eventually the latter turned into plans for the U.S. grand prix. You didn’t quite understand his fascination with the whole cowboy americana aesthetic, perhaps because you grew up in the states so you were disillusioned to it. But it made him happy which you found endearing. He had asked for your input when he was undecided on which boots to get, and excitedly texted you pictures of an American flag bomber jacket and ostentatious belt buckles. You shot him with a few pleasant but short responses, whatever sparks joy or love that journey for you. Two days before press day though, you received a message that made you question your entire career path.

DR: Can I bring a horse to press day? You blinked a few times at your phone.

Y/N: To clarify, you want me to research FiA rules to see if you can bring a horse to the paddock and I will get paid for that time?

DR: Yes [insert horse emoji]

You swore this would be your last celebrity client. You couldn’t believe you went to law school for this.

Y/N: Yes, you can bring a horse. It just needs a badge pass like any other guest which you would need to submit 24 hrs in advance.

DR: What if you don’t know the horse’s name?

Y/N: Press day is in two days and you don’t actually have a horse?

This was by far the strangest client interaction you had ever had. First you were in disbelief from the initial question, and now here you were less than an hour later incredulous that your client didn’t actually have a horse lined up for his arrival to the circuit in forty-eight hours. Oh how the turn tables.

DR: Well I just thought of the idea, so no.

Y/N: It’s a horse, Daniel. I’m pretty sure you can just make up a name, it’s not like it’s going to perjure itself.

So when you got there for press day in your pink suit, prepared for meetings with other teams to discuss reserve seats, it took everything in your power to keep a straight face as Daniel strode in on Horsey McHorseface, with handler and country singer in tow. As a human being with a soul, it was objectively hilarious and you loved that he gave zero fucks, understanding that this very well may be his farewell tour. As his attorney though, you wished he had gone something for a little more subtle. He tipped his cowboy hat and winked as he passed you. You crossed your arms and rolled your eyes, but your body was on fire. The whole stunt was absurdly corny, it shouldn’t have done anything for you and yet you were undeniably turned on.

You went about your respective days, yours’ filled with back-to-back team meetings. You should have been laser focused, but you struggled to maintain your composure as you fought off visions of Daniel’s mustache adorned face between your legs. You reconnected at the end of the day so the two of you could debrief to discuss your findings. You kept your eyes on your notes in the hopes that avoiding his gaze would keep fantasies of you riding him like a show pony at bay. Flashbacks of the gentle roll of his hips on the horse threatened your demeanor, but you pushed through. Thankful to have made it through the exchange with your dignity mostly intact, you made your way towards the door when you thought the meeting had ended. However, you realized Daniel wasn’t moving.

You waited in the doorway, turning to face him. “Are you coming?”

He paused. “I actually wanted to ask you something.”

You closed the door again, thinking he had more questions about Red Bull or Mercedes. “You can ask me anything. What’s up?”

He took a deep breath. “…Do you want to come to the race on Sunday?”

You chuckled, assuming he was simply nervous about the race. “You know I come to all your races, it’s good facetime with the other teams.” You gave him a reassuring smile. Could you sense nerves?

“I know! Which is great. But I meant… as a guest. I thought maybe you could leave the work at home for a day. Consider it a thank you for all your hard work.”

“Oh.” Your breath caught in your throat. Your mind went through every worst case scenario, trying to think of an out. You drew a blank.

“Oh what the heck. Twist my arm, I suppose I could swing it.” You did your best to suppress your eagerness, despite feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. He grinned, but not before your phone rang. “Ah shoot it’s Joe. I gotta go, but I’ll see you Sunday!”

You passed Lando on your way out who suggestively wriggled his eyebrows at you, seeing both you and Daniel with dumb smiles plastered on your faces. You jokingly flipped him off as you continued your conversation with your boss.

You decided to leave the suits at home since you technically weren’t in client meetings. The Texas heat was oppressive – you wanted to be comfortable but not scandalous. You didn’t think the denim short/cowboy boot combo would be appropriate, and it really wasn’t your thing anyways. Instead you settled on a flowy yellow midi sundress. You stared at your work tote longer than you should have. Rarely did you go anywhere without it, you were paid handsomely in part because you were available 24/7. Throwing caution to the wind, you grabbed a small crossbody bag instead.

You made your way over to Daniel when you arrived at the paddock. He looked concerned as his eyes traveled over the crowds.

“Everything ok?”

“Oh, I was just looking for my lawyer, not sure if you’ve seen her. She’s about yay-tall, wearing a stuffy suit.”

You wrinkled your nose at his jab at your casual outfit, you lightly shoved him. “Very funny. I know it’s shocking but I do own and wear other clothes when I’m not working.”

“I wasn’t aware you didn’t work,” he jested.

“If we’re being technical about it…I can still get emails on my phone.”

In the midst of a comfortable chuckle, his hand found its way to the small of your back as he walked you to where you would be watching the race. You felt electricity course through you at the soft touch. You debated on whether to remove it, but decided it was an innocent enough gesture.

You both stopped when you got to Lando and his girlfriend. Realizing who you would be enjoying the day with, the optics of all of this began to dawn on you. It was too late to back out now.

“Well, this is where I leave you. You two behave yourselves.”

“No promises!” Luisinha called after the boys. You gave Daniel a small smile and wave as they walked away, your confidence shrinking. Luisinha, a literal model, was even more stunning in person. Internalized insecurities you thought you moved past long ago made themselves comfortable in your mind. You were proud of the person you had grown into, inside and out. You were all about women supporting women and you knew you shouldn’t compare yourself to her, nor did you have any reason to. All the same, you felt small and insignificant next to her. It also made you realize even if you were not his lawyer, there was no way in a million years you had a shot with The Daniel Riccardo, charming world renown Formula 1 driver who had his choice of any woman on the planet.

It was a humbling realization, which ultimately boded well for you. In setting your delusions aside, you resolved to have a lovely day of racing with hopefully a new friend and nothing more. You felt a calm rush over you and relished in the freedom that came without the weight of expectations.

You turned to Luisinha with a warm grin. “Hi, I’m y/n.”

Unfortunately, the good company did not translate to a good race. You were happy for Lando who placed a strong 6th, but with all the hype leading up to it, Daniel had only finished 16th. You heart broke for him as you waited by while he gave his post race interviews, his signature smile notably absent. He excused himself after the last interview, and you silently followed him. When you caught up, you found him sitting on the floor in quiet corridor, his back against the wall and his head in his hands. Saying nothing, you sat down next to him. The two of you remained like that for a while, a quiet understanding silently exchanged.

Eventually you check the time. The beginning of the weekend had held the promise of potential, with big plans to hit the town to match. But in a death by a thousand cuts, today’s race delt a final blow to the driver’s confidence. You were sure at this point a party of any kind was the last thing Daniel wanted. You cautiously broke the silence.

“I’m sorry about the race. We don’t have to do anything you’re not up for.”

He briefly hesitated, but weakly smiled for the first time since that morning. “Are you joking? I’m not passing up a chance to go out in my favorite city. I can rally, promise.”

You gave him a knowing glance, understanding he was putting on a brave face. What for, you couldn’t tell.

“Well, you have six hours left of work-free y/n. I’m at your disposal.”

“What happens in six hours?”

“I turn into a pumpkin,” you quipped. You bumped shoulders and smiled. With that, he stood up first and offered his hand to pull you to your feet. Without letting go, he started walking.

“Excuse me, where are we going?”

He chimed back with a line you had heard before: “I know a place.”

You ended up in a dive bar with some of the other drivers and their significant others. It was the first time you had met a lot of the others aside from Lando. Perhaps it was because they weren’t your clients, but you found yourself somewhat starstruck. It’s not that you hadn’t seen them around the paddock, but it felt like the first time you were truly brushing elbows with them. You were sure Lewis couldn’t have such flawless skin up close, nor could Carlos’ hair be so voluptuous, yet there they were in the flesh right next to you. You needed a drink to loosen up, and the McLaren crew had had a rough day. Coming in hot, you ordered a round of pickle back shots.

Luisinha was equally fascinated and disgusted. “What is this again? And why are there two? And why is one… green?”

“First you do the shot of whiskey, and then you chase it with a shot of pickle juice. The pickle juice neutralizes the burn from the whiskey and it has electrolytes so it’s kind of healthy!” She hesitantly sniffed the pickle juice and grimaced. You laughed, “Don’t ask questions, just drink. You’ll love it!”

A few more shots and beers later, your inhibitions had dissipated and you were dancing sloppily with Luisinha, feeling the base from the live band through the soles of your shoes. Work, for the first time in months, was the furthest thing from your mind. As you twirled and jumped and sang off key to your heart’s content, you failed to notice the familiar presence of your client approaching.

“Is it ok if I join? I come bearing gifts,” Daniel asked as he shimmied his way into your circle, handing out another round of beers. You can’t help the ear-to-ear smile that makes its way to your face.

“Come dance with us!” you shout over the sound of the bar. Luisinha raises an eyebrow. You both got along swimmingly during the race, and in that time you had clearly conveyed to her that you were Daniel’s lawyer and nothing more. “I’d get on that if I were you,” she teased at the time. You had laughed it off and dismissed it immediately. But seeing the two of you now with your rosy cheeks and lazy smiles, she was fully invested in stirring the pot.

The night’s debauchery continued, Luisinha secretly observing your exchanges. So when Lando tried talking to Daniel about race things, she not-so-discreetly intercepted.

“Honey, why don’t we go grab some more drinks?” Lando, clearly confused, was not picking up what she was putting down.

“What? But I just got us another rou-“

“Pleeeaaase, I’m so thirsty I need some water!” At this point she simply grabbed his wrist and dragged him away, but not before throwing a wink in your direction.

In your drunken stupor, you weren’t exactly picking up what she was putting down either. All you knew was that you were having a blast. So you decided to keep dancing with Daniel, ignorant to the fact that the crowd had begun to thin. It started with the two of you attempting and failing miserably at line dancing. Which led to you trying to teach him square dancing that you learned in the fifth grade. You lost track of how many times you stepped on each other’s feet and between fits of laughter, you didn’t realize how your hands were comfortably intertwined or the distance between your bodies decreasing.

He spun you away and back in. As you twirled into him a final time, your chests crashed into each other and your hand landed on his shoulder while his found its way to your waist. It was only in that moment with your faces inches apart that you became suddenly aware of your proximity. Feeling his breath tickle your face, you felt like your heart was going to beat its way out of your chest. Your gaze lowers to his plump lips then back to his eyes, counting the freckles. Your laughter slowed, unsure of what was so funny a minute ago.

You broke eye contact to look at the hand resting on his shoulder. What happened next felt like an eternity, but likely only lasted a few seconds. In one moment, you were relishing the feeling of his strong muscles under your touch and the warmth emanating from him, taking note of the rise and fall of your chests in unison, your pulse extending to the furthest reaches of your fingertips. Then, in a quick turn for the worst, your eyes fell to your wrist. According to your watch, you should’ve turned into a pumpkin two hours ago. The haze of the day and the bar and the alcohol lifted, reality quickly setting back in. In a sobering moment, you met his eyes again desperately trying to telecommunicate what you couldn’t put into words. Was he aware of the delicate bubble you two had created for yourselves? Did he realize how fragile it was? Did he know it just burst?

You stepped away from him. “I’m sorry,” was all you could muster before you turned and left.

#daniel ricciardo #dr3 #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo x reader #danny ric #f1 x reader #dr3 x reader #f1 x oc #f1 #reader x dr3 #reader x f1 #slow burn #lawyered #formula one fanfiction #laws of attraction

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sourpatchys · 10 months ago

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Tea Prompts, Tomura Shigaraki

You can find the original prompt post here!

Let me know if there are any other characters you’d like to see any of these prompts for! This was really fun!

Warning: some adult themes are thrown in here! This isn’t a NSFW piece but I did include some references to sexual activity, please read with caution if that’s not your cup of tea <3 (most of these are completely SFW)

A/n: these were written with a F!Reader in mind, most of them can be read either way! Though occasionally she/her pronouns are used<3

Masterlist Guidelines

Lemon Tea; What are Mornings like with them?

Tomura isn’t much of a sleeper— so mornings together tend to be rare and far between— but when he actually manages to sleep a full eight hours, the mornings you have together are very peaceful.

He isn’t a morning person by any means. He’s groggy, grumpy and completely nonverbal for the first hour or more. With you he can loosen up a bit, sliding his cold hands and feet into your general space, switching fingers every few minutes just to make sure they’re all warming up properly.

Some mornings he’ll wrap you in a bear hug that your absolutely positive could crack a few ribs— though you love it all the same.

This is the time you two have just to yourselves— no league, no missions, no plans for world domination— just two people laying in bed waiting for the sun to fully rise.

—

Peppermint tea; What do they get excited about?

A pretty obvious answer would be video games, but in all honesty, Tomura loves to talk.

To speak and be heard, to engage in conversation and bounce ideas back and forth— that’s what really gets him going. He loves to plot, to scheme and gossip about anything and everything.

Outwardly it’ll be nearly impossible to tell, he really isn’t the kind of guy who would let anyone know something this personal (so vulnerable), though everyone notices the spark in his eyes when he really gets going on a topic he’s passionate about.

If you were to ask follow up questions, to engage yourself fully in his monologues and spiels, it’s just like giving a kid a candy bar.

And if you were to get angry for him?? To enrage yourself over anything he may say, to become furious at the same situation or person he hates so much— it’s almost enough to fully break his cover.

It’s one thing for him to be elated over the prospect of another person feeling his rage, but it’s another entirely if he starts to feel yours. Stupid highschool bully stories, that one girl in band class that broke your flute— it doesn’t matter— he’ll start eating it up as if he hasn’t had a meal in years.

—

Chamomile tea; What is their sleep schedule like? Does it change around their s/o?

To put it bluntly, Tomura doesn’t have a sleep schedule— he sleeps when his body gives out.

Even before his memories had re-emerged, blotchy nightmares plagued him. Every morning he’d wake up sick to his stomach, the itch under his skin growing by the millisecond. So— he learned to adapt.

2-3 hour power naps kept the nightmares at bay and gave him enough stamina for whatever was to come. His lack of sleep was a large driving force in his erratic behavior early on, grumpy and irritable.

With you though, he finds the nightmares to be less oppressive. He still doesn’t sleep enough, but he finds that taking a couple days out of the week to rest fully isn’t so bad.

If he has a nightmare, the cycle will break back to its bare bones and it’ll take awhile to resurface. As long as you’re patient and as long as he’s willing, he’ll be back to sleeping properly.

Though as a whole, it could take years before he’s ready to sleep regularly again.

—

Earl grey tea; How did they court their s/o?

He didn’t. He isn’t a romantic— he honestly hated you when he started to feel more than just average companionship towards you.

Not a single bushel of roses were bought, no dates were had— hell— you didn’t even know you were together until about a month in when he got pissed at you for getting injured!

“If you ever do that again we’re breaking up.”

Any confusion would only piss him off more— giving you the silent treatment for a few days before he’d finally cave in with some very dead and very wilted wild flowers in hand.

“What is this??”

“Shut the fuck up and take them.”

He honestly just decides that you’re the one he wants— it doesn’t really matter to him how you feel about it.

—

Milk tea; What are their kisses like?

At first, Tomura’s kisses are gentle, childlike and timid— like he isn’t sure what exactly he’s supposed to be doing.

Then— they become untamed— sloppy and harsh. He bites and slobbers, prods and maims, anything to get as close to you as possible.

He won’t kiss you unless you’re completely alone, far away from any prying eyes and peaked interests. He’s not going to show that part of himself to anyone but you.

Teeth and tongue, cracked lips that— if chapped enough— can cut into your own. Kissing is a frenzy, very rarely will you ever get a soft peck or a loving press of his lips onto yours.

—

Coffee; Do they get jealous easily? How do they show it?

Absolutely. Tomura— even as a rising symbol of fear— is extremely self conscious.

He’d never let you leave— as stated above— he didn’t even really give you a choice when it came to being together in the first place.

But even so, the insecurity of you looking away from him, finding someone better or more handsome— it makes his blood run cold.

If there’s someone who touches you and lingers a little too long, if there’s someone you smile at a little too brightly, he’s not above taking their life. Of course it always starts with a threat, either to them or to you.

He wants you to tell him you’ll never leave, he wants you to crumble and cry and tell him everything is exactly as it should be. He is not a kind man, and in times like these it becomes ever apparent that he never will be.

Tomura protects what’s his, and even with free will, you belong to him whether you like it or not.

—

Rosehip tea; How romantic are they? How do they show affection?

Tomura isn’t romantic. At least not in the traditional sense. You can tell he cares by the look in his eyes or his apprehensive nature towards your roll in whatever the league may be doing next.

He keeps you away from danger, even though he, himself, is the biggest danger to you.

If you were to ask for something— anything— he would get it for you. He’s very straight forward, and he wants the people he cares about to able to do, and have whatever they want.

His love language is physical touch, and even though he keeps all the affection he has for you behind closed doors— as soon as those doors are closed, he’s all over you.

Running his hands up and down your stomach, gripping at the squish on your thighs, shoving his head into the crook of your neck, palming your breasts just to remember the feel of them.

He treats you like a fragile porcelain doll.

—

Black tea; What do they look for in a person?

Honestly he wasn’t looking. The concept of romance was completely uninteresting to him— he didn’t want anyone and he didn’t need anyone— he was completely fine on his own.

Though, he wouldn’t date a fellow villain— at least not one notable enough to be a threat. Tomura doesn’t do well with competition, he loathes the thought of racing to the top, he just wants to be there.

Finding a person who he can corrupt, who he can make his own— is something he’d enjoy greatly. That’s not to say he couldn’t fall for a league member, but it wouldn’t be someone worth his time— at least not in the beginning.

He wants a person he can talk to, touch, and unload upon. Someone who will remain consistent and stick by his side no matter what the cost may be.

Although romance isn’t his forte, and finding someone to love wasn’t something he had ever envisioned, he wants someone he can be with for life.

—

Pomegranate tea; At what point did they know they loved their s/o?

Truth be told Tomura was wrapped around your finger from the moment he decided he wanted you— though it didn’t fully kick in until a few months into your relationship.

You were in a fight— it was over something stupid that any other couple could’ve resolved within the day— looking back neither of you could even remember what it was about.

He was pissed, stomping around, seething and destroying anything he could get his hands on. He wanted to yell at you, to scream in your face and make sure you know this was your fault. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Gradually, as the days passed and he became less and less bothered by whatever the two of you had disagreed on— he realized he wasn’t itchy.

He still had those rising tingles under his skin and he still had to rub away his discomfort from day to day life— but this argument, the infuriating way you had made him feel— it did nothing to his sensitive skin.

Slowly it became apparent that he hadn’t needed to dig into his skin at all. He was angry, he was upset and borderline furious with you— but he was comfortable.

For the first time in his life he was able to feel negativity without the pull of fire ants under his skin. That’s when he realized for sure— that he was absolutely, without a doubt, in love with you.

—

Matcha tea; How and when do they propose to their s/o?

The villain life has no room for any sort of eloping or marriage— so he doesn’t ever really propose.

Sooner or later you just start to feel like a married couple.

You bicker and fight, you sleep together and sneak away to have alone time. The love he has for you starts seeping out more, he becomes a new version of himself just for you.

Then, once the Paranormal Liberation Front is active, Re-Destro asks about your partnership. It’s a simple question, curious and wide eyed.

“Who is this girl to you?”

It makes sense given the environment— you were not nominated as a lieutenant, though you stood by Tomura’s side like a shadow, waiting and watching— clearly in the ranks but with no flashy title to show for it.

And then, as if it were as simple as breathing, Tomura calls you his wife. Telling anyone who was around that he was the King, and by default you were the Queen.

—

Chai Tea; How do they spice up their relationship?

All in all, Tomura is a pretty boring guy. He drinks straight black coffee, plays video games and broods in silence 90% of the time.

Though, when it comes to you, he does try to make an effort. He’ll try out the games you like or your hobbies, and he’ll introduce you to his own in return.

He’ll teach you how to play chess, and that will inevitably turn into tradition. Once a week (if time will allow) you’ll sit down together, play a few games and just talk.

In the underworld, romance never will be easy to manage, and even though you make his days a little brighter, you’ll never be his top priority. World destruction won’t happen on its own, and nothing in his life will override his goals.

But these special little moments between the two of you are by far the best part of anything he’s ever going to accomplish.

—

Hibiscus tea; What’s their favorite place to take their s/o?

The bedroom. As stated, Tomura isn’t a very outgoing person— he won’t take you out on dates or walks in the park.

But he will sit with you in a dark room, watch movies and eat junk. (Bonus points if there’s a blow job thrown in)

His favorite place to be with you, is when you’re alone and secluded. He wants to touch you freely, to run his lips down your throat and hold you close to his chest.

He wants to grab you, to hold and be held. To feel the warmth of your body completely engulfing his own.

Truly, his favorite place to be, is wherever you’ll allow.

—

Green tea; How do they comfort their s/o?

He really doesn’t. Tomura has absolutely no idea how to deal with you when you’re upset.

If you’re angry he’ll get angry with you! He’ll wind you up and let you take it all out on whatever you so please. (as long as it isn’t him)

Expect absolutely nothing in regard to his comforting abilities. He might take you to the side and ask you what’s wrong, he may even give you an awkward hug! But that’s really all he’ll be able to do.

If you ask for space he’ll give it to you, if you ask for cuddles he’ll do his best! But overall, you’re the one who has to call the shots, and depending on what’s going on, he may just leave you to deal with it yourself. Because as stated above— regardless of how wonderful you are— you are not his top priority.

—

Russian caravan tea; How experienced are they with relationships?

NOT AT ALL. You are his first (and final) attempt at love. You’re going to get all of his fuck ups, all of his learning curves and all of his shitty disposition.

He has no idea what he’s doing, and even years down the line he still won’t fully understand. Caring for another person isn’t the most insane thing in the world— he cares for the league and it works out fine!

But loving someone?? It’s just too overwhelming at times. Taking your needs into consideration without being asked, figuring out what you enjoy and how he can add that into his already insane schedule— it’s maddening.

You’re his first everything, and you’re just going to have to be okay with that— because you’re stuck with him whether you like it or not!

—

English breakfast tea; Would they want a family?

Tomura wasn’t even looking for love when he found it— let alone a family.

I really doubt he ever thinks about it at all, he’s never been someone who cared much about what the future would bring.

That isn’t to say if you wanted a family he wouldn’t cave. He wants the people he cares about to have and do whatever they want— if for you that means starting a family with him— he’s not opposed to it.

It wouldn’t be cut and dry though, and if you never pipe up with the interest he isn’t going to either.

If you do bring it up, he’d ask a lot of follow up questions. Such as,

“Why?”

“What’s the point?”

He really wouldn’t know what to do if that situation occurred, but he wouldn’t say no— he may just need to think on it for a while.

If you were to become pregnant, be it a broken condom or failed birth control— he wouldn’t ask you to terminate. You belong to him— yes— but part of being in his grasp is being able to live your life any way you want. Aside from hero work or leaving him there aren’t many restrictions.

If push comes to shove he’d enjoy having a little family of his own! Seeing himself mixed with you in a smaller, separate, body— creating something after destroying so much. It would be one of the steepest learning curves he’s ever experienced, and he wouldn’t be the most present father in the early days of vomit and diapers— but he’d be there all the same.

—

Rooibos tea; What’s their favorite thing to do with their s/o?

Cuddling. He loves to touch and be touched. He doesn’t care if you play games with him, he doesn’t care if you kill and destroy— all he cares about is the fact that you’re there with him.

He loves when you run your fingers through his tangled hair, slowly separating any knots you find. He loves the feel of his hands rubbing against your soft skin. He craves your presence and he craved the feel of you.

It’s not always sexual— but those times when he can claim you, to mark you inside and out, he truly feels like he’s the most powerful man in the world.

He’s terrified of feeling vulnerable, so he pushes you away any chance he gets, refusing to do anything with you if there’s even a chance of someone else seeing. (And sometimes that person is you)

#tomura x y/n #tomura x you #tomura shigiraki x reader #tomura headcanons #tomura x reader #tomura imagine #tomura shiragaki #tomura shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki headcanons #shigaraki headcanon #shigaraki imagine #my hero academia shigaraki #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #bnha shigaraki

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sicksucculentz · 7 months ago

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Regretavator headcanons: Bive

Don't look at me like that, I love this character

There are moments when she truly is scary to other people. Sometimes her fits of angry deranged delusional ranting can reach this fevered rampage that quickly becomes scary. She's never hurt anyone during these but there's been sometimes when folks have just left or pressed against the wall in a bit of fear. It's highly unlikely she would hurt someone but it's still scary. She's only lost her shit in the elevator about 4 different times and Split was present for one of them. It didn't phase her because she knows Bive. The only thing Bive has ever done to her is hug her a little too tight out of stress.

She smells. Holy shit she smells! she smells of just general BO and unwashed hair if not musty.

She doesn't sleep often and when she does it's only for about 3 or 4 or so hours. It's typically 3 or so times a week from about 4am to 6am or 7am when her body reaches her limit. Sadly due to her frequent sleep deprivation she hears things. They are just little things like a radio somewhere crackling and muffled speaking from a radio, something lightly skittering around in the walls, A soft quiet continuing beeping noise like an alarm clock she doesn't own, and pages from a book flipping and shuffling.

Split has been able to get her to sleep for longer hours in the past. Her secrete is to convince Bive to take a couple of strong CBD drops. It really helps settle her down, quiet her mind, and help her get to sleep sense in a normal state Bive's mind is constantly racing. It's pretty normal for Bive to completely pass out on the sofa with Split while watching murder mystery shows or game shows. Split often checks on Bive every hour or so because Bive doesn't move in her sleep. Her breathing is shallow and she already smells like a dead body as is.

Bive is in love with Split, Bive will often do what Split says with such little convincing. Split knows this and she loves Bive to but they are not in a relationship. Bive herself doesn't really understand WHY they need to label their closeness with a relationship and Split is just the type of 'go with the flow' type of gal, she's just happy to be around Bive.

Bive eats 2 meals with small snacks in between. She lives in constant stress so her stomach is always in knots or aches. Her appetite is almost gone at this point so she gets a little food in here and there when the hunger starts to make her dizzy and her head hurt. This doesn't mean she's small and skinny ether. I see this design with a lot of artists and I completely agree with it, she's husky. Tall, thicker, and bulky, an appearance much like that of a bear and she knows her own strength and size.

She does have some small abilities that she doesn't tell anyone about. She WANTS it to remain hidden so she can just pull something from her metaphorical back pocket. She does have retractable claws much like a cat and these claws are quite sharp. She's amazingly strong! and can get aggressive enough to rip a car door off a car with enough pulling and twisting. She has a very mild hypnotic ability, it's pretty weak though. Her moulth has the ability to open up wide like packman. There are chromatophore cells all along the inside of her mouth. These cells all have different timings for when they change colors. It appears as if there are thick stripes of rapidly color changing sections inside her mouth. There are all number if colors of the rainbow that flash from color to color. This has an odd weak hypnotic effect that can result in dissociation at most. It causes the person to freeze up and just stare, trapping them in place until someone shakes them or she stops flashing those cells. She can do this at will so it isn't constantly going any time her mouth opens, she has to choose to do this. She almost never uses this ability but she has had to do it once before in front of Pest. Pest tried to get her to do it to folks in the elevator so he could steal from them for like a month. She refused of course and even got frustrated enough to swat at Pest to get him to go away. Didn't hurt of course, just a physical way to get her point across. She does have a pretty nasty bite and that bite can become infected pretty fast. Human bites also tend to become infected pretty easily and it's the same for her even if she may not be human. Her sense of smell is amazing, much like a bear she can sniff things out from pretty darn far away. She does also hide small pocket knives or letter openers in her trench coat just in case. She doesn't have a lot but she'll use what ever works to survive. She's also a dirty fighter. This just means she's an unfair opponent. She goes for the face, neck, liver shots, groin shots, hair pulling, sand or dirt in the eyes, and even uses over wealming tactics. She just keeps swinging and swinging not giving her opponent a chance to recover. She can break someone's arms or ribs if she wanted to just by over the knee snapping or pushing them to the ground and throwing all her weight on top.

All her fur on her body raises when she's in the presence of Unpleasant. She just puffs up and stares Unpleasant down. If she can she wont even get on the elevator if she sees Unpleasant on that elevator. Unpleasant doesn't scare her she just hates them.

She has tiny little ears that are hidden in her mess of hair. They are pretty gosh darn small and resemble a bit like an elf's ear. They can move up and down, side to side, around, whatever. Her eyes are also very small. She has tiny beady little eyes and she can't see jack squat without her glasses. Everything is super super blurry without her glasses to the point she couldn't even navigate her own apartment without her glasses.

Her teeth reach pretty far back in her mouth and she even has all her wisdom teeth. Her jaw can handle keeping them and she only has some issues stemming from them about 3 times a year or so.

She's bigger than Split but of course and again Split is not scared of her because she's never ever hurt Split and she never ever would, she even tried to make herself seem smaller and weaker when interacting with Split. Split likes watching her stand at her full height, she likes watching Bive break things or fight.

Bive is an omnivore while Split is more of a herbivore. Bive does love fruit and funny enough bananas are her favorite fruit! she also loves loves loves sautéed zucchini and soft chicken. She's not much of a fan of heavy meats like beef or pork, ham or bacon is too salty for her. Unrelated but she finds fish has too many little bones and the fish taste just doesn't appeal to her regardless of what kind of fish she's eating. She does enjoy crab, lobster, and shrimp. She has the ability to just crack open the shells with her teeth and has a lot of fun doing it. Clams and muscles are gross to her, just slimey and bleugh. Squid and octopus is fine, lost of fun to chew on.

She sleeps in a small closet. It's completely by choice but there is a cot in a closet in a closet in her bedroom(converted to an office). She sleeps with her back to the wall and facing the closed closed door. The clothes hanging inside the closet also help conceal her and make her feel a little more safe/hidden.

She does have perpetually itchy spots like her back, head, under chin, and tummy. It might be because she has dandruff in those spots making those spots itchy. Of course the itchy spot on her tummy has never been itched by anyone but herself and Split.

#regretevator #regretevator bive #regretevator headcanon #bive headcanons #regretavator split #there's more coming I just hit my word limit

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skzhocomments · 8 months ago

Text

Mafia Book #2 - PART II - The Withered Rose - Chapter 3 - Pure Morning

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

General masterlist

PART I - The Black Iris

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Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 2 | Chapter 4

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PART II - The Withered Rose

Chapter 3 - Pure Morning

chapter word count: ~6.2k words

~almost 4 years ago~

~Emilia’s POV~

“You will go out and dig a grave for me… and if he ever asks…” I force the words out of my throat, but speaking about this is hard, and it hurts, and I want nothing more than to run back to Chris once Felix wakes up, and let him apologise and forgive him for everything, but how can I do that?

I can’t.

I can’t do that.

I have to be strong and leave.

I don’t want to leave.

But I can’t stay here anymore.

Will Felix even wake up?

It doesn't matter.

I have to leave.

I look at Jeongin way too pleadingly for my linking. I was never one to plead for anything, but ever since Hyo stabbed me, it feels like all I’ve done was pleading.

For Chris to listen to me.

For Jeongin to dig me a grave.

For everyone else to believe me because they trust me, not because Felix confirms my side of the story.

Actually, everyone else doesn’t even matter. I just wanted Chris to believe me… That would’ve been enough.

But he didn’t.

“… I understand. And I promise you that I will do just as you asked me.” Jeongin looks back at me with focused determination in his sharp eyes, that now have a burning in them I haven’t noticed before.

“Thank you, Innie. Truly. You’re the only one I can still trust.”

“Emi… how about this? We’ll wait for a few more days until you are a bit better, you lost so much blood… and after that, let’s leave this shithole behind, together. Let’s run far away for good.” He says with resolution and grabs my face, “I’ll make you forget all about him.”, then presses his lips against mine.

I let him kiss me.

Why not?

He’s gonna be heartbroken enough anyway once I leave.

Let this be… the last time we see each other, Innie.

“Where should we go once you feel better, hm?” He smiles and caresses my cheek, and it’s all so unfair to me and especially to him.

Why couldn’t it be you, Innie?

Why does my heart ache so bad after the man who trampled over it like it was nothing?

“I don’t know. Somewhere far, far away from here.”

“That goes without saying.” He chuckles and grabs my left hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’ve already brought some money. Not much, since I feel Minho’s eyes are still on me, but I’ll keep bringing some more little by little for the next week and then we can make some fake passports. I know a guy.”

“Great.” I smile and squeeze his hand back in return.

“I don’t know if I can come every day, but I’ll try. If you’re hungry, you can call the front desk anytime. The owner is an old friend of mine.”

So, you’re having your eyes on me?

“Got it.”

“You probably won’t have a 5-course meal at this shitty motel but hey, it’s better than nothing.”

“It’s fine, Innie, really. I’ll be okay even if you’re not here.” I smile assuringly, but it only makes Jeongin frown harder.

“Be careful when you stand up. The stitches might split apart if you’re not careful enough. If that happens, make sure you put on a clean bandage and call reception immediately to tell my friend to reach out to me, okay?”

“Yes, Innie. Don’t worry. I’ve been hurt before.”

“I just… please just take it easy, Emilia. I don’t want anything to happen to you. God knows you’ve been through enough already.” As he says this, he moves his hands back on my cheeks and grazes them with his thumbs again. “Your complexion looks pretty good.”

“Thanks to you.” I chuckle.

“I wish I could stay here longer…”

“The others will get suspicious if you’re away for too long, won’t they?”

“Mhm. Probably.”

“Thank you for everything, Jeongin.” I say sincerely. When I told him so many months ago that he can repay the favour when the time comes, I hoped the time would never come.

And yet, it did, and he saved my life, and I don’t know if I should be grateful or upset about it. I don’t feel like wanting to be alive right now, but no matter what I’ve been through, my urge to live has always been strong. It’s always been like a survival instinct. Like that last bit of pointless struggle that fights with your will to die when you hang yourself or keep your head underwater for long enough to let your lungs fill with liquid.

Your brain knows you want to die, but your instincts just don’t let you. You still struggle and wiggle your hands desperately. How laughable this is. I am the same way.

He just nods and stands up, making his way towards the door.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?”

I nod back with a smile, and I hate myself for lying to him, but I don’t want to be selfish and take advantage just to use him. He deserves way better than that. Way more than someone who can’t love him back the way he wants.

Jeongin doesn’t say goodbye, and I don’t say it either. This fits us, parting our ways unexpectedly, just as we met in that mansion so many years ago.

After he leaves, I make sure to call reception and request some food. If I want to get out of here without anyone knowing, I need to make it obvious enough that I’m not planning on going anywhere, so as soon as the dude brings me food (consisting of a sad looking sandwich that I barely manage to swallow), I start chit-chatting with him.

I complain about how badly my abdomen hurts, he tells me how much of a hassle it was when Jeongin brought me covered in blood a few days ago. I tell him I can barely get out of bed, and he sympathises.

The bread is dry and the ham in it has a weird flavour.

We continue talking while I eat the sandwich and then I hand him back the plate. It’s chipped around the margins, and I think that says a lot about the man in front of me as well, but I don’t dwell on it. I am happy enough to have completed my achievement, which consisted in making this dude believe I am unable to get up without struggling.

He wouldn’t be wrong; he just doesn’t know that I’m persistent enough to push myself no matter how much it hurts.

I thank the man for the food and let him know that I’m planning to go to sleep and rest some more until tomorrow, and he wishes me a speedy recovery.

All according to plan.

A few hours later, I reluctantly get out of bed and the pain in my lower stomach is so bad, I feel like I might pass out.

Jeongin left some painkillers on the table, so I grab a fistful and drown myself in them, hoping it would at least make this pain a bit more bearable. I grab a piece of paper from the little notebook in the room and scribble down a pointless apology to Jeongin with my red lipstick. When the note is written, I put the lipstick in my pocket, next to the picture of San I took from my old home and next to the golden greenhouse key I should’ve returned to Hyunjin after finishing the mission.

It's horrible, really, how I hold onto these items of my past life. It suddenly occurs to me that besides the golden key, there’s nothing else from the moments with Stray Kids I can put in my pocket; no pictures to help me reminisce about the good times with them. The only thing I have is heartbreak and a painful wound, proof only of aching memories.

The wind gushing outside is quite strong, I notice, as I open the window to observe my surroundings. Thankfully I’m on the ground floor and it’s easy enough to jump out, carrying the small bag of cash Jeongin left. I’m pleasantly surprised to find a gun and some bullets inside as well, so I take it out and place it steadily in my pocket, and walk away from the motel, praying that no one saw me.

Fuck, this place really is in the middle of nowhere.

I want to curse out loud, but I keep silent and make my way towards the road as quietly as I can. It’s hard to walk, and I fear my stitches have torn from the small jump, but still, I push forward and just focus on putting one leg in front of the other.

Yes, that’s it. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot.

No cars come.

Right foot. Left foot. Right foot.

There’s a faint light ahead.

Left foot. Right foot. Left foot.

Is that a car?

I raise my hand in the air and signal that I want to hitchhike, and thankfully, the car stops. A woman rolls down her window and looks at me, concern in her eyes.

She seems innocent.

“Oh my God, are you okay? Why are you here?”

“Hello! God, I’m so happy someone stopped!” I put on my best act and start sobbing. “I had no idea what to do! I had a fight with my boyfriend and he dropped me here! I don’t even know where I am! I’ve been walking for hours!”

“No way! In the middle of the night?!”

“Yes! That prick!”

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it!” She exclaims. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I’m going back to my parents, fuck that bastard!”

“Yeah, girl! That’s the attitude! Where do they live?”

I vaguely tell her a city’s name that must be hundreds of kilometres away, and she urges me to come in her car. She doesn’t seem to pay any mind to my bag, and I’m glad she doesn’t ask what’s in it.

Oh, you know, just a million dollars. I think how the conversation would play out, but refrain from laughing at the absurdity.

She also tells me where she’s headed, and apologises that she can’t drop me off that far away, but we’ll definitely find a bus stop or train station in the next city over, ‘that’s like, just two-three hours ahead’, as per her words.

I sit in the back, carefully watching the woman’s every move. She is talkative and naïve, but I no longer trust anyone and am not sure if her intentions are pure or if she will try and rob me the first chance she gets, so I keep my hand in my pocket, on my gun, and hang onto the bag to dear life.

It’s all I’ve got.

About two hours later, the woman stops the car at a gas station. I’m still quite far from where I want to go, but thank her anyway for getting me as close as she could.

She insists she could still drop me off directly at a bus stop, but I’m just thankful I didn’t have to use the gun, so I simply shake my head and tell her that I’ve got it.

The wound hurts.

Perhaps it would’ve been easier to steal her car or threaten her to drive further away, or even accept her offer of dropping me off in the city instead of on the outskirts, but I can’t risk the police finding out about any of this, so I just smile politely, thank her again, and start walking.

Ugh.

This is so hard.

Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot.

I’m able to find a bus stop quite easily, which I take until the train station, where I buy a ticket to the only city I can go to, the only place far enough from all this mafia bullshit, where I know somebody who might just help me after a bit of convincing.

I arrive about 7 hours later and hop off the train. The first light of dawn is breaking as I keep going and going and going.

Right foot. Left foot.

The pain is back stronger than ever, as well as a numbing fever, and each time I place my hand on my lower stomach, it hurts worse.

Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot

I’m cold.

Fuck.

Is this blood?

Am I bleeding?

I put my hand on my bandage again and it feels wet, but it’s still too dark out to see anything.

After some more walking, I reach a forest and walk clumsily in it, over the fallen branches. Leaves are crunching under my weight, and it’s getting harder and harder to see, even if the dawn is breaking.

Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot.

Please be here.

Please still be here.

Please.

I walk, and walk, and walk, and I feel sick, and just when I think I can’t walk anymore, I finally see it: a small, familiar wooden cottage with its porch light lit up.

I go up the stairs and knock on the door, and after a few knocks, someone answers.

“Shade?” He asks unimpressed.

“Wooyoung. You have no idea how glad I am to see you.” I say, truly relieved. I’ve been betting everything on him being here, and he is.

Thank heavens he’s here.

“I thought you were dead.” He replies, his brows furrowed.

“Yeah, well, I’m not. Surprise!” I counter weakly. He doesn't seem happy to see me.

“And to think I celebrated for nothing. What the fuck are you doing here?” He hisses.

“I know you probably don’t want to see me, but-”

“Probably?” He scoffs. “Definitely. Leave.”

“Wooyung, please-”

“I said leave. I never want to see you again, you bitch.” He curses.

“I’m bleeding. I need your help. Please.”

Here I am, pleading again.

“You’re better off dead. You can die for all I care. That’s what you deserve after abandoning San in that building. Fucking-” He spits out, and with that, he shuts the door in my face.

Defeated, I simply sit down on the porch. I can’t move anymore. It hurts too badly, and I ran out of pills a few many kilometres ago.

It’s almost morning now, and the light filters beautifully through the trees, sun rays piercing through the branches devoid of leaves in this cold end of winter.

At least it’s beautiful.

“You would’ve liked this.” I whisper weakly, taking out San’s picture out of my pocket. We look so happy in it, it’s sick and twisted that he is no more, and I’m dying on his best friend’s porch. “Wooyoung is right to hate me, but… I also wanted you to live. If only you told me where you were at that time… we could’ve lived together somewhere, or who knows… die together, at least.”

Tears prick my eyes as all the remaining energy I had leaves my body.

It hurts…

All of a sudden, Wooyoung opens the door forcefully and steps towards me in anger.

“You pathetic bitch. Look at you hugging that picture. Are you planning to die here? Be an even bigger inconvenience to me? Do you know how hard it is to dig a grave? And you might stain my porch with your dirty blood.”

I chuckle. This is so like him.

“Come inside.”

“I can’t… stand up… anymore…”

“Lazy.” He rolls his eyes and bends down, helping me up.

His house is warm, the vague smell of fire lingering in the air.

“There you go.” He says with a sigh, helping me in a chair. “Let me just put something on the sofa, I don’t want you to get it dirty. Blood is hard to get rid of.”

“You know it.” I wink.

“Keep a hand on your abdomen. What the fuck happened to you?”

“I got stabbed, then someone stitched it, but I jumped from a window, and I think it’s all ripped now.”

“You’re pretty dumb.” He chuckles then comes back to me to put me on the sofa. I lay down and raise my blood-stained blouse, and Wooyoung examines the wound.

“No, not dumb, just cautious. Someone’s out to get me.”

“Poor stitches… they look pretty. Whoever did them knows what they’re doing.” He observes carefully.

“Yeah. Shit-” I hiss in pain when he starts applying disinfectant.

“Don’t be such a pussy, you’ve had worse.”

“Not my fault it hurts like hell- fucking-” I curse again when the needle pierces my skin. The burning is so bad, I feel like passing out.

“Stop whining.”

“Give me something for the pain, anything!”

“Oh my God, Shade, fucking calm down. Did you take anything?”

“Yeah, about a bottle of painkillers. Not sure what it was, but it did the trick.”

“A bottle?! Hell no, I’m not giving you anything else, you addict.”

“Then distract me somehow, you know better, you’re the doctor- FUCK”

“Oh hell, are you seriously crying? That’s a new one!”

“It really hurts, asshole!”

“Maybe I should’ve let you die after all. Less of a hassle than dealing with your screaming.” He rolls his eyes. “So, who’s out to get you?”

“Stray Kids.” I say, and he stops and looks at me.

“Seriously?!”

“No, I’m just messing with you.”

“Oh, okay, that’s good-”

“I’m not. It’s true. Their boss is my ex-lover, and he wants to kill me because he thinks I shot one of the other members.”

“Shade! Why the fuck did you come here, then? You know I barely got away after San died! Now you’re coming here to bring me trouble?!”

“No, fuck, I’m going to leave, I promise. I came here because you’re the only doctor I know, and I was dying. No one will even know I’m here! They hopefully think I’m dead!”

“What is it with you and pretending to die? I thought Stray Kids killed you years ago when Boss gave you that mission.”

“They offered me a deal – joining hands with them to kill our Boss and then freedom.”

“Look how much freedom you have-” He chuckles. “- running away. Did Boss die?”

“I don’t even know for sure… I think so. But wait, you left so long ago, how did you know I was dead?”

“I keep in touch with some of the others sometimes…”

“You Ateez people have always been risk takers.” I say, and Wooyoung chuckles.

“They’re my brothers after all. The ones that are left.”

“If Boss really died, you could reunite and-”

“No.” He shakes his head. “All of them have already left and are scattered all throughout the world. No one wants to come back.”

“Really? Wow. That’s…”

“I’m the only one left here. I wanted to leave too, but I quite enjoy the cabin life.”

“You cottage core whore.” I say, and he bursts out laughing.

“There, you’re all done. For the next few days, you have to eat a lot of meat and vegetables. Bye!”

“Bye? Hell no, I’m staying here. Take care of me.”

“You’re not staying here. What if Stray Kids finds us?! They’re gonna kill both of us.”

“I told you, they won’t find us! And even if they somehow would, they’d only kill me. They never go for innocent people.”

“Yeah, because I’m sooooo innocent. What a joke.” He laughs drily.

“You are, look at your princess face.”

“Shade, I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too. Nurse me back to health and then I’ll be gone and we’re never going to see each other again, okay?”

I ask, but he doesn’t say anything in return.

“Please.” I insist.

“… fine. But only until you’re better. Then you walk out that door, and we’re done.”

“Promise.”

Days with Wooyoung are really tranquil. Despite his apprehension regarding Stray Kids and the aversion he had towards me in the beginning, he is now quite friendly. We spend a lot of time chatting, and he is mostly curious about my time with SKZ.

I answer all of his questions, because there’s no point in hiding anything anymore. Not from Wooyoung, one of the only two people I still trust in the world.

Unfortunately, I had to leave the other one thousands of kilometres behind because he is in love with me. Such is life.

Wooyoung takes good care of me. He feeds me and checks on the wound as often as he needs to, and the day when he needs to remove the stitches approaches quickly.

“So, where do you plan to go next?” He asks as he clips each thread.

“Hmm, I don’t know. Do you know anyone who makes fake passports?”

“Yeah, she lives a couple of cities over. How much money do you have?”

“Enough, probably. I’ll manage. Don’t know how to smuggle it to another country, though.”

“The girl also makes credit cards and statements to make it look genuine. Damn Shade, I fed you too well the past few weeks, haven’t I?”

“Why?”

“Your stomach got a bit rounder. You owe me some money for giving you all this food.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I roll my eyes at him. “So, when will you take me to the passport girl?”

“She’s usually only working on Sundays, so we could go see her a week from now, and the passport and card should take about… a few weeks? A month, maybe?”

“Old face!” The girl grins behind the desk. “And a new bird. Welcome, welcome, how may I help you on this beautiful day?” She asks cheerfully, and I can’t help but glance out the window, to the merciless rain.

“Hi Dahyun. We need passports and some cards.”

“Straight to the point, as usual! Come on Wooyoung, we’ve been friends for a long time. Who’s she, by the way?”

“She is Shade.” I intervene, a bit annoyed that she didn’t address me directly.

“Shade? Hmm… where did I hear this name?” She contemplates for a second. “Were you in Scarlet Rose?”

“Yup.”

“I swear I heard you died. Oh, well, you’re as dead as I am, I guess.” She shrugs and laughs loudly. I smile back.

“Anyway, Dahyun. How much will it take for you to make us some passports and credit cards?”

“Hmm… I’m actually swamped with work, believe it or not, so I think… the earliest would be in about two months from now.”

“Two months?!” Wooyoung’s mouth almost falls to the floor. “You used to do them in less than two weeks, what happened?”

“One of my men got caught and it really slowed down the process.” She sighs. “Say, don’t you two wanna come work for me?”

“No way.” Wooyoung shakes his head and Dahyun starts laughing.

“I thought so. Then, two months? Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that works.”

“For both of you?”

“Yes. And don’t forget about the cards.” Wooyoung replies and I instantly turn my head to look at him. He avoids my gaze.

“That’s gonna be 50k. 25k up front, 25k at delivery. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Why do you need a fake passport and a card?” I raise my brow questioningly, but Wooyoung just shrugs.

“Better be prepared just in case. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to visit my friends from time to time.”

“That’s true. But two months? Ugh, I guess we’re stuck together for a bit longer.”

“Lucky me.” Wooyoung chuckles.

“Do we have some lemons or something at home?”

“Haven’t gone to the store yet, but there might still be one or two left. Why?”

“I don’t know, I feel really nauseous all of a sudden.”

“You might be car sick.”

“You think?”

“Dahyun’s office is quite far away.”

“Even so, I’ve never been car sick before.”

“Who knows, maybe you didn’t sleep well or ate something bad.”

The nausea continued for the next couple of days, reaching its peak with frequent vomiting. It got to a point where it was so bad, even the smell of food cooked by Wooyoung made me rush to the bathroom and empty my bowels.

“I don’t get it.” I whine from the sofa loudly. “Why am I so sick? Are you poisoning me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I would’ve given you a high enough dose to kill you since day one if that was the case.”

“True.” I lay my head down on one of the cushions and try to distract my mind from the queasiness.

“Any chance you might be pregnant?” Wooyoung asks, and I feel the whole world stop.

“Don’t even joke about that.” I reply after a few too many seconds of silence.

“I’m not joking… but the symptoms match up…” He says quietly, and I stand up.

“No way. No.” I shake my head. “I’ve been on birth control for as long as I can remember.”

“What birth control? Pills?”

“Yeah.”

“You said it yourself; you’ve been really stressed the past few weeks before your last mission… what if you… missed a day, or a few?”

“N-no.” I shake my head unsure. Wooyoung is right, it was a stressful time with days full of training and plans and nights full of Chris, and we’ve never used condoms, but-

“When did you last have your period?”

Huh?

I tried to think about it, but I couldn’t remember. I just shake my head.

“I’m going shopping tomorrow, so I’ll grab a few tests, just to check. If it’s not that, I’m taking you for some bloodwork to see what the heck is wrong with you.”

“Mhm. Okay. That sounds good.”

I wait impatiently for the day to be over, and I barely get any sleep during the night. When morning finally comes, I anxiously watch Wooyoung grab his coat and drive away in his truck, and I fidget the whole time he’s gone.

What if I’m really pregnant?

Should I get an abortion?

Do I keep it?

Fuck, I won’t be a good mom. I can’t… I can’t be a mom.

I keep fidgeting nervously, trying to pierce my memories back together. Did I really miss taking the pills?

I might have.

I barely remember the few days before the mission.

The anxiety bubbling in my stomach makes me more nauseous, and I find myself hunched against the toilet three times before Wooyoung comes back.

As soon as I hear his truck driving next to the house, my eyes stay stuck on the front door. It feels like he’s moving excruciatingly slow.

“Yo, I’m back.” He waves as he watches me.

“What took you so long?” I snap at him, and he sighs.

“Sorry, there was a bit of traffic…”

“No… I just… fuck.” I keep looking down at my feet and try to summon more words. “Did you get the- uhm, how was your shopping trip?” I ask and force out a smile, which is nearly impossible. I don’t want to show how anxious I am, but I must be trembling, because Wooyoung soon comes and places his hands on top of mine in a comforting manner.

“Yes, I got you a couple of tests. Calm down and go take one.”

I yank my hands back and rummage through the shopping bags on the floor to find the box containing the holy grail, and I run straight to the toilet.

The few minutes until I’m supposed to look at the test pass agonisingly slowly, and I even throw up again from anxiety. Again.

When I finally look at the test, I want to gauge my eyes out.

Two red lines are staring back at me.

How?

How did this happen?

I throw the test away in the bin and I hug myself.

Certainly, I’ve seen it wrong.

Yes. It was just a line, and I’ve been so anxious I’ve seen two.

I get up and open the trash can, grabbing the test. Looking at it again, it’s quite obvious that I’ve read it right the first time around.

Sure enough, it displays two red lines, which means…

“Shade, are you okay in there?” Wooyoung knocks on the door, making me jolt. “Did you take the test?”

I stand up and open the door, and as soon as he sees me, Wooyoung’s expression falls. He shakes his head.

“Really?” he whispers, and I burst out crying.

I haven’t cried since the night Chris slapped me, so the moment I feel the first tears in the corners of my eyes, I can’t stop them from falling anymore.

Wooyoung hugs me tightly and I’m grateful he’s not his usual self that would mock me for getting in this situation. He shows me a compassionate side I haven’t seen since San was alive, and that makes me cry even more.

“Shh, it’s gonna be alright.”

“How? How is it going to be alright, hm?! Not only have I been running away from him, now I have to hide a baby as well?!”

“You’re strong.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re strong. Look at you, surviving two cold-blooded mafia bosses that have been hunting you down for years. You can do anything.”

I just hug him tighter and try not to think for a little while. When I’m done crying, I go to sleep, and when I wake up, Wooyoung and I talk about something else.

Time passes, and we don’t mention the pregnancy at all, besides the times when Wooyoung takes me to the doctor to get checked up. With every passing day, I get more and more used to the idea of having a baby. I even get excited when it starts kicking, and Wooyoung shares my excitement.

Eventually, two months go by and Wooyoung leaves to pick up the passports and cards from Dahyun. I choose not to go with him, as I’m still experiencing some morning sickness. I just watch TV and pet my belly, which seems to grow bigger and bigger with every week.

I’m feeling happy and safe, but as always, the tranquillity has to be interrupted by something.

It always goes like this. Whenever I allow myself to feel relaxed, something happens. I always make the mistake of getting used to the calm before the storm, and the thunder always takes me by surprise when it inevitably comes.

The thunder this time was brought by Wooyoung running into the house quickly, as if stressed out.

“Hey, you’re back?” I ask, concerned.

“Yes. We need to pack. Now.”

“What?” I look at him with confusion. “Why?”

“They’re here for you, fuck.” He says while rummaging through a closet and pulling out big bags.

“Who?”

“I don’t know, Shade! Possibly Stray Kids! Dahyun told me someone’s asked for you because he fucking saw you on a security camera going into her office. Fuck!”

“How… how could this be?!”

“Right?! The fucker must’ve looked through HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of hours of footage to find you there!”

“Did Dahyun tell him anything…?”

“No, but she’s been threatened by that dude, so she’s making arrangements to leave as we speak. We need to go.”

“Where would we even go?”

“Somewhere… as far away as possible. Fucking hell. Where do we go?”

“… Italy?! They have a lot of remote towns… But wait… we?” I ask, and he pauses.

I watch as he opens and closes his mouth a few times, but as no words come out, I decide to speak again.

“Are you coming with me?”

“… yes.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. But… why? I thought you wanted to get rid of me.” I whisper, and he quickly glances at me, and then at my stomach.

“It’s not you… don’t get me wrong, I don’t give two shits about you, but… The baby.”

“The baby?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay.” I nod. “Let’s pack.”

~Present day~

“So, someone found you there… but who?” Minho asks deep in thought.

“I don’t know. We assumed it was Stray Kids. I thought you guys found out that Jeongin lied and that you came for me. Fuck, I’ve even lived my life fearing the day you’d come for my head.” I say and Minho pauses temporarily.

“No one except Jeongin knew you were alive. Was it him?” He tilts his head and I shrug.

“I don’t know… maybe. But why… why would he try to find me?”

“Maybe he’s still in love with you. Love makes you do crazy things.”

“But if Chris were to find out… what would he even do?” I ask, almost in a whisper, and then instantly regret it. I shouldn’t be thinking about Chris again.

“I don’t even know …”

“Anyway, Wooyoung and I both moved to Italy and that’s how I ended up here.”

“Fucking hell…” Minho replies.

“I hope you understand why I can’t come back with you, Minho. I’m sorry.”

“No, Emilia, I’m the one who’s sorry. I know you probably hate Chris. Hell, you probably hate me, and everyone else, but-”

“Yes, you’re right. I fucking loathe all of you.”

“Some tea?” Wooyoung comes into the room with another tray full of teacups.

“What, are you some sort of fucking housewife?” I mock, and he gives me a look.

“You and that rotten mouth of yours. What if Ivy hears you?”

“Iris, you’re awake!” Minho suddenly sits up from his chair and runs up to his wife. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine… my head hurts a bit… what happened?”

“Emilia hit you.” He sighs.

“Sorry ‘bout that!” I chuckle slightly and raise my teacup in the air.

“Wait, Emilia, as in-”

“Chan’s lover.” Minho clarifies, and I cringe.

“Am I that popular? Nice to meet you, Minho’s wife.”

“I have a name.” The woman stands up and comes to me, handing her hand out for a shake. “Iris.”

“Emilia, but oh well, you know that already.”

“I do. So, this is where you were hiding.”

What?

I feel everything around me freeze, and I look at Minho, whose gaze dropped as well.

“What do you mean?” I ask quietly.

“I mean – I was really wondering where you were, after I found out that the pretty grave Jeongin dug for you is empty.”

“Iris… what are you talking about?” Minho asks, as if hoping he heard his wife wrong. “Did you… know about this?”

“I found out when we left for Italy and was planning to tell you about this as soon as our honeymoon was over-”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck the honeymoon, this is the type of shit you should be telling me about immediately.”

“Did Jeongin tell you?” I stand up as well and ask in a whisper. “Does… does Chris also know?”

My words are suffocating me. Faced with the prospect that Chris could actually know about me being alive makes me as anxious as I was when I first heard Minho’s voice earlier.

Fuck.

I’m scared.

“No. He’s kept your secret, no matter how much it fucked him up.”

“Don’t you dare judge me for it. It was a life and death decision for me, and you would’ve done the same thing given the circumstances. Chris can’t know about this. He can’t. I can’t see him. I don’t want to-”

“Emilia, calm down.” Wooyoung puts his hands on my shoulders, making me sit back down, and I try to breathe in for a second.

It’s hard.

It’s hard to breathe, and the room is spinning.

“How the fuck can I be calm, Wooyoung?! If Chan finds out-”

“He’ll come for you.” Iris cuts me off, and I look at her surprised.

What did she just say?

How much… does she know?

“No. He can’t. Minho, please-”

“I’m sorry, Emilia, but ever since you died, Chris has been a fucking mess…” Minho starts. “You’re the only one who can make him be… his old self.”

“Fuck that. Fuck Chris. Fuck YOU!”

“You have to come back with us.”

“No. Not in a million years. I will never come back.”

“You have his child.” Iris insists. It’s hard to contain my laugh when she’s being so cynical.

“So what? Does he deserve a chance at parenting? Ivy baby, look, this is your daddy. He almost killed mommy and he stepped on her heart repeatedly, but that’s okay, because he feels bad about it!”

“I’m sorry, but it’s just the way it will be.”

“Fuck your fake-ass compassion.” I laugh again, and when I look at Minho, I notice that he’s pointing his gun at me again. “Are you seriously threatening me right now? After ruining everything? I can’t believe you two.”

“I don’t want to threaten you. We were the ones who were wrong. But if you don’t come back willingly… You leave me no choice.”

“So, shoot me, then! Fucking shoot me and end this already, Minho! I’m not coming with you!”

“No… I won’t take you with us if you don’t want it, Emilia. I’m just saying that… if you won’t come, we’re gonna stay here just like this while Iris goes to the other room and grabs your daughter. She’s gonna take her to Chris and explain everything, and that’s it.”

He wants to take Ivy away from me?

No…

This can’t be happening.

“You wouldn’t.” I shake my head.

“Try me.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you!” I shout and feel myself on the verge of crying. Why did I invite him into my house in the first place? I should’ve told Wooyoung to poison him somehow. I should’ve run away again.

“So, will you come with us?” Minho asks again.

“Wooyoung… what in the world…”

“I think we have to go with them, unfortunately…”

“But…”

“You don’t want to? Would you let them take Ivy?” Wooyoung whispers.

“Fuck, no. Ivy is my baby. She’s mine. Minho, come on. You can’t do this. You seriously can’t.”

I watch as Minho’s face contorts; he looks like he’s in pain, and I get the sense that this isn’t easy for him either. Still, I can’t accept it. I don’t want Ivy to meet Chris.

I don’t want to meet Chris.

I’m not ready.

“I’m not ready.” I let out, and Minho closes his eyes again.

“I’m sorry.”

I tense up and curse over and over again. Wooyoung tries to touch my shoulder and I smack his hand away, and I get an overwhelming sense to scream and shout and curse the world.

I ran away for so long, only to have my wrists tied by the same ropes of the past.

No matter how far I tried to run, no matter what I did to hide, and even without specifically wanting to, someone from Stray Kids found me.

It wasn’t Jeongin. If it were, I might’ve been able to reason with him.

Hell, if it were anyone else besides Minho, I might’ve just been able to get away.

But it’s not.

It’s Minho, who is as ruthless, if not more, than Chris. Who would never leave me alone and forget he’s ever met me here. Who’s seen my daughter, Chan’s child, and would never ignore the fact that I ran away with his boss’ baby.

Faced with all this information, I know there is no choice but to swallow the lump in my throat and go with him. It’s the only way to ensure I can protect Ivy on this path we’re forced to take.

Chapter 2 | Chapter 4

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vulpisnocturna · 1 year ago

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Writing tips: How to describe depression with body language

WARNING: may be triggering to some; not meant to diagnose, only as a tip for writing characters suffering with mental health issues

Depression is usually different for everyone, but there are several symptoms that can be expanded upon and explored. Everyone is familiar with the concept of depression, but there’s a lot of physical responses that are visible and can also help in show-don’t-tell writing.

1. Depressed mood: pretty self-explanatory. Downcast eyes, unfocused gaze, downturned lips, sluggish movements, slow or slurred speech

2. Anhedonia (loss of interest in pleasurable activities): your character may be wandering, turning down offers, wanting to do something relating to a hobby but being unable to start or concentrate, other people may notice lack of passion, listless eyes, numbness

3. Loss of appetite/Weight loss or gain: playing with food, not having the energy to cook meals, eating the same thing over and over again, skipping meals, forgetting to eat until stomach is rumbling, eating to fill metaphorical emptiness, eating out of boredom, snacking instead of cooking meals, visible changes in weight and/or strength

4. Insomnia/Hypersomnia: struggling to fall asleep, turning and turning in bed without finding a comfortable position, waking up several times at night and struggling to fall back asleep, depression naps (usually lasting several hours), being sluggish, bags and shadows under eyes, taut, sallow skin

5. Psychomotor retardation/agitation: slow speech and movements, very little movement, delayed answers and physical responses; OR bouncing legs, wringing hands, nail biting, quick replies, nervousness

6. Fatigue: breathlessness, tiredness, weak legs and muscles

7. Diminished concentration: can be shown through character’s hobby (blank page for a writer, rereading the same paragraph over and over again, unsatisfactory work etc.), muffled sounds in conversations, lessons/lectures/work, easily avoidable mistakes slipping past character’s eyes

8. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt: recurring deprecating/horrible comments about skills/appearance/behaviour etc.,

7. Recurrent thoughts of death/ideation: not going to get into it, pretty self-explanatory.

General behaviours:

Again, this changes from person to person. As a generalised theme, people suffering from depression have a hard time with daily tasks. Brushing teeth, showering, food shopping, cleaning, tidying up, chores etc.

Also, don’t say a character feels depressed. Depression often feels like apathy, boredom, frustration, and sometimes, very intense anguish and hopelessness. Imagine the range of human emotions as a line. Depression is a line parallel to that but much lower, more muffled. It feels like a bubble that muffles feelings and the world around someone. It feels like trudging through mud to complete the simplest tasks. You may slow down the pacing to help the reader see just how long and exhausting every little action is, place a lot of inactivity inbetween actions, staring at walls etc.

A character with depression may also have very low libido, with difficulty orgasming, not wanting sex but desiring intimacy, mind wandering during sex etc.

Meds and healing

Medication can take up to 6 weeks to start to show results. Side effects in those 6 weeks range from nausea to dizziness, fatigue, migraines, and most of all, a feeling of constant apathy. Emotions are either not felt or being felt much less. That includes hopelessness as much as joy, excitement, sadness etc.

After those 5-6 weeks, character may notice the range of their emotions is widening. They feel more, more often. They may cry at a touching scene in a film, laugh or suddenly feel hopeful or happy or excited about a small thing. It’s fleeting, but human emotions actually last very little time. Don’t jump into happiness. For many depressed people, healing looks more like feeling different emotions more frequently, having slightly more energy, having inspiration for a painting, a story, a walk in nature. Healing looks very subtle, it’s a continuous process.

#i have a psych degree #doesn’t mean i know all about it #because everyone’s different #writing #writing tips #writers on tumblr #creative writing #writing body language #body language #psychology #mental health writing #writing depression #show don't tell #fanfiction writer

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mysteriouslyjellyfish · 2 years ago

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life is about to get very busy again. in the hopes of not, yknow, falling apart, I’ve been compiling ways to keep myself somewhat sane and organized. I wanted to share some of them here in case they’re at all useful for someone, AND I would love for people to reblog and add their own methods!

- cleaning: I clean on three set days a week. each has very general instructions, like “clean kitchen.” I don’t specify “wipe counters, empty toaster crumbs...” and instead just do what needs to be done. floor’s pretty clean? great. won’t worry about it. fridge is kind of grimy? great. I’ll wipe it down. same for the other rooms. this way I don’t get overwhelmed by a list of tasks, and everything stays relatively clean.

- food planning: deciding what to cook is a lot of work, so I made a list of recipe categories to rotate through. like, “pasta dish, ‘bowl’ meal, sheet pan meal, big salad...” Thus, part of the decision-making is done but it’s more flexible than a list of recipes, which makes it possible to use the unplannable food I get from dumpstering + foodshare + foraging. I also have a list for breakfasts and go-to snacks to pick from when grocery list-making.

- cooking: ideally I make two big recipes each weekend. one is lunches for the week and the other is dinners. prepping ingredients on the weekends then cooking during the week doesn’t work for me. also, when I have money to grocery shop more freely I’ll buy myself one or two frozen/microwave meals each week as a lil non-cooking treat.

- “prioritize, multitask, lower your standards” a motto for really hectic times. (1) prioritize what absolutely needs to happen today, know which things you can put off til tomorrow. (2) not real multitasking (bad for my brain) but like, do dishes while clothes are in the wash. reply to emails while veggies are roasting. (3) it may not be the cleanest that pan’s ever been, but you won’t get peace from scrubbing it thoroughly if it means you go to bed with 5 things still on your to-do list.

- to-do lists: I have three lists on my phone. one is called To Do, and it’s stuff that needs to happen in the next, like, few weeks. another is called Today. each day I move a few things from To Do to Today and hopefully they get done. the third is stuff I’d like to do but isn’t actually essential (re-organize the closet, finish cracking black walnuts, embroider other fanny pack, research family history...). things only move from this list to Today if I have a whole bunch of free time.

- sometimes cull projects. in the busy part of the year a lot of things on the third list just won’t happen and seeing that long list stresses me out. so I delete the ones that I’m not as excited about. if anything, it makes the others more likely to happen.

- laundry happens on the same day every week. maybe the next day if I’m truly exhausted. in less crazy times I can wait til I run out of clean undies or the hamper fills up or whatever, but when I’m this busy it just has to happen once a week with no deliberating involved.

- I don’t have a dishwasher. if I don’t wash something right after using it the next line of defense is the 24 hour rule. if that fails and the counter fills up with dirty dishes but I’m exhausted, my trick is to wash the three biggest things in there and call it good. the next time I look at the pile it’ll seem much more doable.

#long post #busy times #time management #meal planning #life hacks #reblog with your additions!!

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survey--s · 2 years ago

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520.

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? It depends - on work days I get up when my alarm goes off, but at weekends I can easily lie there for 2-3 hours drinking coffee and messing about on my phone lol.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? My mum and yes, I suppose so. She’s the only person I ever really video call though.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? We get takeaway every week or so on average, but we don’t tend to go for meals much anymore as prices have skyrocketed recently.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? It depends on my mood. Sometimes I love a relaxing meal out with friends/family but other days it’s nice to just have food delivered lol.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? Starbucks in general, but we don’t have one near here so our local coffee place by the beach is really good. It’s expensive though.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? Silent at night, loud during the day or I’d never hear it at work.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Archie earlier - we can’t break the habit of him barking for his meals and sometimes I wish he would just shut the hell up lol. I know it’s just excitement but he can be SO loud ha.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? Uh, about five months ago.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? A new dog-walking bag, some more candles for my wax burner and a replacement body spray as my current one is about to run out.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Friday - I walked my dog with a clients’ two dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? My wedding and engagement rings, as well as all my piercing jewellery - seven earrings and a nose stud.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Nope.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? Yeah, a few times. Only the free ones though.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? Reba McIntyre and yeah, I like the vast majority of her songs.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? Pepsi Max.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I don’t remember, I’m not really a big cook as it feels like a lot of effort for not a huge amount of reward.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? Ha no. We have three black cats and they’re the best - black or ginger cats are my favourites. I love them.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? I love blue cheese - it’s one of my favourites.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? Normally I go once a year.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? Uh, I was about 11 when we first got home internet - it was dial up and it was so, so painfully slow.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? Yeah, for sure.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? I bought the Lord of the Rings extended edition DVD’s off eBay a couple of months ago. They were a bargain too.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? Yeah, legs, pits and bits - generally everyday but less in winter sometimes.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? Autumn - the changing colours, the frosty mornings and the cosy outfits.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I can’t remember.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Not personally, but my parents house was broken into once and the car stolen off their drive, as well as my mum’s handbag and her wallet. They found the car crashed into a wall after tracking the contactless payments made from the cards - the people involved were arrested and I think jailed.

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? I can’t remember.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? Yeah, I’ve seen all of them but I don’t think any of them were particularly great to be honest. I saw Peter Pan and Wendy on Friday and it was just a bit meh. Maleficent is probably the best and The Lion King is the worst.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? I’m working tomorrow - I have a cat visit first thing, then three dog walks, then another cat visit in the evening. Otherwise I have no plans, just chilling at home I suppose.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? I mean, we own a working breed (beagle) but he’s a show-strain and incredibly lazy. We didn’t walk him yesterday and all he did was sleep. I don’t think the home environment matters as much as how much exercise and stimulation you can give them. As long as dogs get enough exercise I don’t think they care whether they live in a flat or a mansion lol.

#survey #surveys #survey blog

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helpformylove · 4 months ago

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I'm worried my girlfriend is being abused.

Hi, i've made a new blog for this post as I don't want to share too much personal information.

for a bit of backstory, this post is about my gf, 14mtf, not me, as you can see by the title. she's not allowed to use social media and i'm concerned for her well being. some details may be inaccurate or vague but this is just from what i know.

at the surface she has pretty basic strict parents. can't close her bedroom door, cant use social media or download too many things on her phone, phone is heavily monitored, etc.

first issue i'll talk about mainly revolves around their impacts on her mental health. first off, as i stated before, she's trans. also bi. they're homo- and transphobic trumpies. not off to a great start. she has a younger sister who's 9 and the favorite child. her sis asks for something? no doubt she'll get it. she asks for smth? 50/50. favoritism is bad in general but it's just too much. hard to describe but it's wayy too obvious to say the least. it seems like they hate her. they yell a lot too. the slightest mistake will result in a harsh scolding, even if it's just something like forgetting to do the dishes. horrible for a kids mental health.

now, the physical stuff. the thing that has recently made me so concerned that i decided to make this post. for starters, my gf has not been taken to the dentist in years. she said she probably has a cavity and it hurts. not good. next, the food she's given. breakfast and lunch are always "find something" and during school, she buys lunch from there. for dinner, it seems to be the same thing or fast food most of the time. rarely eating out somewhere good or homemade food. meals usually include cereal, little bites muffins, bagel bites, pizza rolls, or snacks. not nutritious at all. now we'll talk about frequency and amounts of food. they tell her to stop eating so much. she is very skinny, not quite underweight though, has a bmi of 17.6. i feel like telling someone who's already built like a skeleton and trying to eat a healthy amount to stop eating isn't the best course of action?? especially when it's already obvious how much you eat fast food (gfs words, not mine). she's also yelled at whenever she complains about hunger or tries to go against this. last week my gfs parents didn't order groceries for days. she said she was struggling to find food in the house for about 3 days. when she finally got groceries, the only food she had to eat was white cheddar popcorn. not good in the long run. today, there were people coming to install lights in the cabinets. she wasn't allowed to go downstairs or eat while they were there, meaning she didn't get food for the whole day until around 2 pm. similar is said for when the family's cleaning lady comes by every other week, not allowed to get in her way. before she ate today, she said she was starting to shake, couldn't stand for long, could hardly move herself, was in pain, and barely had any energy.

there is obviously an issue here and i'm not sure how to deal with it. i don't want her to deal with this until she's able to move out but i don't know what would be the best course of action. i'm worried about her. If you don't have advice, the least you could do is reblog.

i don't want to seem so desperate but i really am. it feels like things keep getting worse for her and i don't want it to get too bad.

thank you so much for your time. if any more information is needed for a solution please tell me and i will ask my girlfriend about it. thank you again.

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becomingabettermehopefully · 5 months ago

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I’m starting the 75 Soft Challenge today! (7/3/2024)

I intended on starting yesterday but I didn’t drink nearly enough water. Oh well.

I’m starting this challenge because it consists of habits that I really want to incorporate into my daily routine but I’ve had trouble making progress in doing any of them consistently. I’m a pretty competitive person, and although this isn’t a competition by any means, I believe that viewing this as a “challenge” will push me to want to complete it more than I would normally.

1. Eat Well

I’ve never been good at dieting. To be completely honest, I don’t have the best willpower. But I’ve come to terms with this and instead of limiting myself or setting strict limits to what I can and cannot eat, I’ve tried to expand my horizons and find new foods/recipes that may be good replacements for when I’m craving something that probably isn’t the best for me. I typically follow Intuitive Eating (not following diet fads, honoring my hunger/listening to hunger cues, respecting my fullness) and during my 75 Soft Challenge, I intend to continue with this. However, I do want to focus on eating clean in general.

Action: I want to meal prep healthy lunches/dinners for myself each week and avoid sugar & sweets as much as possible.

2. Complete at least 45 minutes of exercise daily with one rest day per week.

I find it ironic that I work at a gym and spend most of my time there but very rarely work out.

I will be gentle with myself with this one. I like my body and wanting to incorporate exercise into my life more is more about how it makes me feel than how I look. Of course, I would love to be able to lose a few pounds, gain some muscle, and tone my body as well. I’m not out of shape persay but right now I’m not fit either. I have zero core strength and feel almost completely lost at the gym. The machines confuse me, the people intimidate me, and technique eludes me. These are major things I’d like to work on.

Action: Wake up early and use the gym at my mom’s apartment and learn how to use the machines. Take a weekly Zumba class the gym I work at. Go on more walks!

3. Drink alcohol only on special occasions.

I do not think that I will personally struggle with this one because I don’t drink alcohol very often, anyway. I’m a social drinker and I have a very strict rule that I will not drink alone; alcoholism runs in my family and I don’t have concerns that I’ll become addicted but I’d rather stay on the safe side, plus, I don’t see a point in drinking alone anyway.

Action: During social events when I typically would drink, I want to avoid alcohol and instead drink more water. If I feel as though the environment of social event will make me feel pressured to drink, I want to feel comfortable with turning down the invitation.

4. Drink 3 liters of water every day.

I’m predicting that this is going to be the most challenging one for me. I never drink enough water throughout the day so I think I will definitely benefit from attempting to hydrate more.

Action: Drink - of my water cup every day. Replace other drinks with water (allowing myself a cup of coffee in the morning and “social sips” aka going out for boba with friends, coffee date, etc).

5. Read 10 pages of anything per day.

I used to love reading, it was my favorite hobby and losing myself in stories was so comforting to me. I don’t like that I’ve strayed so far from that. The biggest reason I haven’t been reading lately is that I have trouble getting started; once I sit down and open a book, I’m good to go. I could read for hours. But, I struggle with setting aside time for myself to do that. I’ve been telling myself that there’s so many more productive things I can do with my time than read. I’d like to disconnect myself from this way of thinking.

Action: Dedicate time in my day to read; the best times that would work with my daily schedule is either on my lunch break at work or right before I go to sleep at night.

6. Take a progress picture every week.

Things I’m Adding:

1. Daily Journalling

Journalling has always been so helpful to me. Reflecting on the things that have been happening recently and just getting my thoughts onto paper is therapeutic and I’d like to incorporate it back into my daily routine. I’m adding this to my 75 Soft because I think it will greatly improve my mental wellness.

Action: Write in my journal everyday; it could be about anything. What happened that day, to-do lists, song lyrics I’m drawn to, poetry, etc. No length requirement.

2. Take my medications routinely & track consistency

I’ve always had an issue with consistently taking my medications. I am an extremely forgetful person so a lot of the time, I won’t even realize I forgot to take them until I start feeling the effects of withdrawal. Obviously this is not healthy and I really would like to ingrain taking my medicine into my regular routine.

The Health app on my phone gives me reminders to take my meds in the morning and makes it easy to track whether I did or didn’t everyday. Even on days when I forget, I want to be able to record that and track my progress in working toward being more consistent with it.

Action: I want to take my medication in the morning with breakfast, then record which medications I took in my Health app. I want to have a pill case packed in my work bag in case I forgot to take them before leaving my house. And I want to have an alarm set around lunchtime to remind me to take them if I haven’t already that day. I will not shame myself on days when I forget, but simply track my progress through the app.

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clockworksteel · 11 months ago

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End of the year evaluation/new goals

Well, it's the end of the year again. Honestly, it's been a rough one. There was work stress associated with being trained on a software framework that was new to me (React) in a language I've done little in (Javascript), there was a Return to Office policy at work, and my housemate's health issues resulted in a number of emergency trips, some of which required either pickup or dropoff at 1 AM. Much vacation time was burned either recovering or actually making trips to doctors and the ER. Plus there were all the things that I already mentioned happened in January like needing to maintain my water heater and get a warranty repair done on a recliner.

Still, despite the quality of the year, some progress was made on some things. Looking at last year's post on goals there were 5 things I mentioned, although one was just "Skincare?". To briefly summarize, the others were:

Continue considering gender

Learn to cook

Add physical therapy exercises to my exercise

Improve my Youtube audio

In terms of gender stuff, this the year I first tried on a dress (no image in that post, and also I now own two), and also the year I started getting permanent hair removal done (although electrolysis is a slow process and in 4 months of sessions we're still just on the lower part of the neck). I've also had a number of dreams in which I'm transfem which is interesting. They seem to come in bursts. I had 3 in the first two weeks of this month, actually. I haven't made as much progress as I'd like, but this certainly wasn't neglected, despite never feeling like I reclaimed the spirit of possibility like I had near the end of 2022.

As far as cooking, we actually did Hello Fresh for the full duration of a discout code, with me being the primary thing-doer once a week. I certainly relied a lot on my housemate's expertise even though the days were theoretically "mine", but I feel like even just practicing some knife skills was valuable for cooking confidence. Plus I cooked chicken without poisoning anyone. There are currently plans for me to continue cooking on Saturdays (as in actually cooking at least one thing: I also handle the Friday and Sunday meals but it's all frozen stuff). Since my housemate is on a lower sodium diet (probably good for me too), actually cooking things sort of has to be a habit for at least some of the days.

Regarding exercise, this is probably the one area I got worse. I am at least making sure to do some of my old physical therapy exercises just enough that it feels like my shoulder isn't getting worse, but the entire rest of my exercise routine dropped off. It's been an exhausting year, and the way the electrolysis appointments routinely wipe out a few hours every Saturday isn't helping with finding time for things.

On the subject of my Youtube videos' audio I didn't do much, but it wasn't that much of a problem. I think my volume levels between the game sound and the microphone sound have been generally better balanced this year than in the past. That's pretty much all I wanted.

For skincare… well, I do more than last year, but don't have much of a routine. An area that could be improved but honestly I just don't think I care that much and this will not be a goal for next year.

Besides the goals I wrote out last year, some other accomplishments of varying sizes: -Actually got my heating system inspected like I should have been doing routinely -Fixed the slow-draining issue in the shower drain -Got back into Challenge Enthusiasts and earned a little over 200 challenge points, putting me not only in the C ranking but well on my way to B -Beat New Game Plus 100 in Rogue Legacy 2 as well as earned a gold trophy in its True Rogue mode

For next year, let's call these the goals:

Have some sort of exercise habit again, ideally with at least one cardio day and at least one physical therapy stuff day

Take care of at least one longstanding thing in the house: the porch needs painted, the attic could use some blinds to keep the sun out in the summer (probably more effective than insulating, and I already bought the blinds), and the back door could use a new auto-closer (again, already bought)

Clear the stacks of papers from my desk without simply increasing the amount of papers in my room (that is, things should be filed in the cabinet or disposed of)

Make some more progress on gender stuff, like try a couple more new things or at least spend some time seriously considering things

Earn at least 100 more Challenge Enthusiasts points

Finish Factorio and at least one other game that I haven't played in over 4 months

A longer numbered list than last year but two of them are "play video games" goals. It's more like both this list and last year's had a length of 4.

At any rate, hopefully we all have better luck next year.

#clockwork-gender #clockworkGoals

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thebusylilbee · 1 year ago

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I can give some tips for Paris !

If you're into art and cultural exhibitions :

Musée d'Orsay is a must-see no matter what, it's my favorite museum,

the Louvre ? but that's not a short term investment, if you go there you're there for the entire day and more if you want to see the whole thing

check what's going on in : Le Grand Palais, le Centre Pompidou, la Fondation Louis Vuitton, there are often interesting exhibitions (but not always, in which case it's not really worth going unless you're really into modern and contemporary art and want to check the permanent display of the Centre Pompidou)

If you want beautiful architectures :

obviously check the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de triomphe I imagine you've thought about it already

l'Eglise Saint-Eustache was recently restored and is soooo beautiful ESPECIALLY with the late morning sun hitting the stained glass just right !!! it's my favorite church !

la basilique du sacré-coeur in Montmartre is pretty nice as well

as someone said in the notes the Sainte-Chapelle is stunning,

the center in general is just a nice place to hang out, there's something architecturally pleasing every 2 minutes frankly

If you want to eat nice food :

the colombian restaurant Mi Ranchito Paisa is exquisite,

there's also the italian restaurant Al Solito Posto that's delicious,

If you want to chill and walk in some nature :

le domaine national de Saint-Cloud a little outside Paris, it's huge and very beautiful,

inside Paris there's also le parc de Bercy,

and le parc des buttes-chaumont

And many many other stuff, frankly depending on your personal interests this list could be very different there's just so many otions.

Tips :

BOOK EVERYTHING YOU CAN ! I used to live in Paris and you were much more free to show up with no tickets and get in places back then, when I went back for a few days last month it was pretty much impossible to do that again. You need to legit prepare every single visit/meal/exhibition you're planning to have and book them as much as possible.

if you're staying short term check unlimited travel options, there are some for 1 week or even just 3 days. much better than taking public transportation tickets each time

if you're staying for more than just a couple of days I'd suggest taking the bus in priority when the travel time allows it, you can waste a lot of precious time in shitty subways otherwise seeing nothing interesting... at least buses allow you to still see the city

and also just keep looking for what's available bc as I said there are many many options depending on what you're interested in

Hey, French side of Tumblr, do you have any suggestions on what to see in Paris and Bordeaux? Or tips in general for visiting there?

(Also- is there an easy way to communicate "I've been studying French for 7 years but this is my first time being in an immersive environment with native speakers, and my auditory processing is kind of bad even in English, so please be patient with me"?)

#paris #im probably going to back at some point in january for a short time so this is a reminder for me too lol #bee tries to talk

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trainingforfandom · 2 years ago

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Inosuke Hashibira

Now to write the training regimen of Kiyo, Sumi and Naho. They’re underrated AF.

Writing this boy’s workout was HELL. It’s just as chaotic as he is. It fits with his hyperactivity in all honesty.

This workout is INSANE, there are just TOO MANY EXERCISES I tried to balance it out, but point blank: This might be one to skip.

Inosuke is probably a lot smarter than most would credit him with. He survived in the woods as a child, developed his own breathing style and learned how to talk pretty much without interference. His training is a bit of a mystery, however he is extremely flexible. He likely didn’t incorporate too many conventional exercises until much later. His strength might come from lifting heavy objects in the woods and repeated motions to perhaps build shelters or chase down food for himself, he likely retained and increased his ‘childlike’ flexibility by holding odd positions and generally just ‘having fun’. Perhaps he imitated the boars for their fighting and movement patterns as this also could have made him so strong. He is also quite agile on his feet with a complex fighting style that basically uses saws as a weapon and flips/flexibility as evasive maneuvers. Generally his training might be a bit more sporadic and incidental, it would ‘add up’ over the week but on any given day he’s probably training less than Tanjiro and Zenitsu.

This workout is probably the hardest for me to write and pin down as I have the least experience with this style of training.

Diet: For his early life it was probably unluxurious foraged food, any berries or roots that wouldn’t have him shitting to death. Whatever boars eat… Insects? Small Animals? When he encountered humans they probably fed him a little better, vegetables, fruits, rice, and other Japanese mountainous produce. He seemed to like ‘baked mochi’. When he joined up with the others he developed tastes for fatty fried foods and ate more/higher calories than the others. His natural hyperactivity likely lets him burn this all off. For you, I’d say eat relatively clean in a few large meals, as far from training time as possible. Inosuke’s diet is a reminder for you to treat yourself every so often.

Recovery: I don’t know if I really want to recommend more stretching for this routine. I’d say CHOOSE EITHER NOT BOTH a warm bath or cold bath (some cultures/fitness practitioners recommend temperature shock on the body, it doesn’t sit well with me. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH). Get plenty of sleep. Tendons and joints take more time to adapt and strengthen than muscles so take more days off, and a deload every 6 weeks is recommended.

Workout: Full Body 7x a Week. Don’t do this, most people shouldn’t. If you want to try it, workout every other day, or 3 days for Week A and 4 days for Week B.

Day 1 Gymnastics/Flexibility and Cardio: Basic Drills for Strength and ROM

* Times are simple suggestions, do each until you feel loose and limber, not IN PAIN (Do not be afraid to regress/advance the exercises). It looks like a lot of exercises but it won’t take a lot of time.

800 m Jog

3 x 30 sec Pike

3 x 30 sec Pancake

3 x 15 sec Split Progression

3 x 15 sec Full Bridge

4 x 30 sec Hollow Hold

4 x 30 sec Shoulder Stand

3 x 10 sec L - Sit

3 x 10 sec Crow Pose

3 x 8 Toes to Bar

3 x 15 Scapula Pull Ups/ Scapula Swing

800 m Jog

Day 2 Weighted Exercise: Sandbag (30% of bodyweight, Inosuke is 63 kg/130 lb so he’d use 18 - 20 kg/40-45 lb) Workout Circuit Style.

5 Rounds No Rest:

10 Deadlift

10 Cleans

10 Press

10 Front Squat

***** REST

5 Rounds No Rest:

10 Weighted Pushups

20 m Farmers Walk

20 m Weighted Bear Crawl

8 (Cheat if needed) Bicep Curl

Day 3 Combat: Hand to hand + Swordwork

This is a real treat! My Kendo Club actually gave a home workout because we had a COVID scare, so we’ll use that for these sections. Feel free to book a class or follow a few videos for a 1 hr total. This workout is a lot easier than something Inosuke would do.

Warmup: 50 jumping jacks > Stretch

Circuit: Repeat the following circuit 8 times! 1:00 minute rest --> Repeat

10 Squats

10 Lunges (5 each side!)

10 Wall assisted calf raises (Lean forward against a wall)

10 Left Katate Men suburi (1 arm men strikes) with full water bottle as weight

30 Arm circles

20 Jumping Jacks

Day 4 Weighted Exercise: Conventional Workout

3 x 16 Split Squat with Dumbbell (8 per side)

15, 10, 8, 6, 6 Deadlift

15, 10, 8, 6, 6 Pendlay Row

20, 15, 10, 10, 8 Narrow Bench Press

20, 15, 15, 12, 10 Dumbbell Shoulder Press

-----

* Lighter weights

3 x 20 Cable Face Pulls

3 x 20 Cable Lat Delt Raise (10 per side)

3 x 10 Cable Crossover

3 x 20 Cable Leg Kickback (10 per side)

3 x 10 Cable Curl

Day 5 Gymnastics/Flexibility and Cardio: Flips/Dynamic Moves

DO NOT ATTEMPT WITHOUT A SPOTTER OR OUTSIDE OF A CONTROLLED CLASS ENVIRONMENT. I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY INJURY OR DEATH. SKIP AND REPLACE WITH DAY 7 IF NEEDED.

But anyway, here are some helpful videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3UJZqXTN_U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V69jZQn5bYo (Pigmie is pretty good for flips overall)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv8gZxvLYU4 (I don’t understand his language, but it's a fairly clear video, he puts tons of helpful links in his description and, I’m sure others can understand him)

Day 6 Combat: Hand to hand + Swordwork

Warmup: 50 jumping jacks > Stretch

Circuit: Repeat the following circuit 8 times! 1:00 minute rest --> Repeat

10 Squats

10 Lunges (5 each side!)

10 Wall assisted calf raises (Lean forward against a wall)

10 Left Katate Men suburi (1 arm men strikes) with full water bottle as weight

30 Arm circles

20 Jumping Jacks

Day 7 Gymnastics/Flexibility and Cardio: Basic Calisthenics for Strength

3 x 8 Archer Pull Ups (4 per side)

3 x 8 Dips

3 x 10 Ring Rows

(5 minutes of work with rest included) Back Lever Progression/Lightly Weighted Shoulder Dislocates

3 x 8 Pike/Handstand Pushup Progression

3 x 10 Ring Chest Flye

3 x 8 Hanging Core Twists Progression

3 x 20 Weighted Sit Up/Crunch

3 x 10 Pseudo Planche Pushups

8 x 100 m Sprints

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #workout #fitness #health #lifestyle #inosuke hashiriba #kamaboko squad #flexibility #fandom #anime workout

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revenge-of-the-shit · 4 years ago

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Writing Chinese characters set within Western worlds

If you don’t want to read it on tumblr, go check this out on medium or go follow me on instagram at @annessarose_writes!

Alright. You know what. I’ve seen plenty of stereotypes in fiction (and in social media) that are so incredibly pervasive I’ve seen many Chinese people within the western world internalize it themselves. So here’s a rough guide on writing Chinese characters in an English-speaking Western setting, written by me, a Chinese Canadian woman.

If you’re here to say something racist fuck off. Otherwise, welcome! This is not a comprehensive guide by any means. This is merely a brief overview based on my own experiences. My experience (as someone in North America) will differ from someone living in, say, Europe or South America. I’m not representative of every Chinese person because everyone’s experience is unique. So here were are.

1. Our names

Chinese names are usually written as follows: [family name] [name]. Let’s take a Canadian historical figure as an example: 黃寬先. In Chinese, it’s pronounced “Wong Foon Sien.” On Canadian documents — which are written [First name] [Last name], he’d be called “Foon Sien Wong.” He went by “Foon Sien” for most of his life. That’s his full “first name.” Nobody would call him Foon because that’s just half of his name (unless given permission). It’d be like meeting a stranger called Alex and calling them “Al” right off the bat. Sure, they could go by Al, but you don’t know that.

For those of us living in the Western world, some of us have both a Chinese name and an English name. In these cases, our Chinese name becomes our middle name in English (e.g. a character could be called John Heen-Gwong Lee).

For some people who immigrated to the Western world but were born in China, their legal name would be their Chinese name. Some choose to keep that name. Some choose an English name as their “preferred” name but keep their Chinese name on legal documents. It varies.

2. Parents & Stereotypes

There’s two stereotypes which are so pervasive I see it being used over and over in jokes even within Chinese (and, to a larger extent, asian) communities:

The [abusive] tiger mom and the meek/absent dad

Both parents are unreasonably strict/abusive and they suck

I have yet to see any fiction stories with Chinese parents where they’re depicted as kind/loving/supportive/understanding (if you have recommendations — please do send them my way). Not all Chinese parents are tiger parents. Chinese parents — like all parents — are human. Good god. YES, they’re human! YES, they have flaws! YES, they are influenced by the culture they grew up in!

That isn’t to say there aren’t parents like those tropes. There are. I know this because I grew up in a predominantly Chinese community where I had many a friend’s parent who was like this. Parents who compare their kids to the best kid in class. Parents who force kids into private lessons and competitions that the kid despises because the parents think it’s for the best. Parents who have literally called their kid a disappointment because they didn’t get 100%.

But please, also consider: there’s parents who support their child’s goals and who listen. Not all parents force their kid into the stereotypical trifecta of lawyer/doctor/engineer — I know of a good number who support their child in choosing the path they want. There’s parents who make mistakes and learn and try their best to support their child. So please, for the love of god, if you write a Chinese character, don’t reduce their parents to stereotypes.

3. Language & Learning

When I first read The Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan, I was so excited to see a Chinese Canadian character in Frank Zhang. Finally, there was someone like me. Finally, there was representation in well-known western media.

While I do appreciate that RR added in Frank Zhang, it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t really know how to write a Chinese Canadian character. One of the most glaring examples: in The Son of Neptune, Frank reveals he can’t really read Chinese. In like, the next book (I think — it’s been a while since I read it), Frank is suddenly able to read Chinese because he “learned” it in two week’s time.

Nope. Nuh-uh. Learning Chinese is a pain, let me tell you. There’s thousands of different characters and it is something you need to devote a lot of time to learning (especially if you’re progressed past the best childhood years for learning a language). So if you’re writing about a Chinese character living in the western world, here’s what you need to know:

A character who was born and raised in the western world does not necessarily know how to read/write in Chinese.

If they were raised by their own family, the character would very likely know how to speak their own dialect. They’d be able to understand the language used in movies/TV and they sound like a native speaker, but they may not know how to use language outside of certain contexts (the term for this is heritage speaker).

They probably went to Chinese school. They probably hated it. Chinese school is usually universally hated and does not teach you jack shit other than a hatred for the place and a vague memory of learning how to read the language without actually retaining knowledge of what you learned.

Most of my friends who know how to read/write in Chinese learned from tutors, parents, or were born in China.

There’s two main types of written Chinese: Traditional (used by Cantonese speakers) and Simplified (used by Mandarin speakers).

There are MANY other dialects (which I don’t know much about). The most common ones are Mandarin (usually spoken by people from the mainland), then Cantonese (usually spoken by people from Hong Kong).

4. Fitting into the community

Usually, the story is one of two things: they’re the only Asian kid in the entire school, or they grew up in a predominantly East Asian community. Things to consider for both of these when you’re writing:

Growing up the only Asian kid

They’re “that Asian kid.” They’re different. They walk into a class and feel weird and out of place.

They bring food from home (usually ethnic cuisine) to school. Other classmates stare at it, make fun of it, demand what that strange food is.

“Where are you from?” “Here.” “No, like, where are you really from?”

“Your name is funny.”

People literally never getting the character’s name right.

And that horrible, horrible feeling: wishing that they were white so they could avoid all of this.

Growing up in a predominantly East Asian community

It’s not uncommon for Chinese cuisine to mix with other east Asian cuisines. For special occasions (or just for a casual night out), your character could very well go out to get some sushi, or go for some KBBQ, or get some Vietnamese noodles.

Screaming “AIYAA” at/with their friends unironically if they’re annoyed (I’ve done this a lot with Cantonese friends. Less so with Mandarin friends).

Slipping into Chinese for like, two words, during a mostly-English conversation to talk about food or some other topic that can’t be adequately conveyed in English.

Reading books by white authors and learning about white history and growing up thinking white names, white books, and white history is the norm and standard even though the community is surrounded by East Asian people.

When the character leaves this community, there’s a brief culture shock when they realize how sheltered they’ve been.

Things in common for both of these:

The character has grown up on ethnic cuisine. Yes, Chinese people do eat rice with many of our meals. Yes, boba (bubble) tea is extremely popular. No, rice isn’t the only thing we eat. No, not all Chinese people love boba (though as a Chinese person I admit this sounds sacrilegious to say…)

The character likely grew up watching film/TVthat originates from East Asia. It’s not uncommon to watch Studio Ghibli films. It’s not uncommon to watch Japanese or Korean shows with canto/mando dub (examples: Ultraman, Kamen Rider). If you want to see a classic Chinese film from Hong Kong that’s fucking hilarious, watch Kung Fu Hustle.

The character has felt or been told that they’re “too westernized to be Chinese, but too Chinese to fit into the western world.” They’re torn between the two.

5. General portrayal

It’s quite simple, really. We’re human. We’re regular people. We have regular hobbies like all people do. We’re good at some subjects and bad at others. We have likes and dislikes like all people do. So here’s a list of stereotypes you can avoid.

STEREOTYPES TO AVOID BECAUSE WE’RE REGULAR HUMANS AND WE DON’T FIT INTO A SINGLE COOKIE CUTTER SHAPE, DAMMIT.

The character is a maths whiz and perfect at all things STEM.

The character is a straight-A+ gifted/IB/AP student.

The character is the next coming of Mozart and is amazing at piano/violin.

The character’s free time is spent only studying.

The character is insanely good at martial arts.

The character is either meek and submissive or an explosive, dangerous force.

I’m not going to mention the other stereotypes. You know, those ones. The really obvious ones that make fun of and demonize (sometimes through multiple untruths) how we look and how we live our lives. You should know.

Of course, there are people who fit into one or more of these. That’s not the point. The point is: molding all Chinese characters to these stereotypes (which white media tends to do) is harmful and reductionist. We’re more than stereotypes.

—

6. Conclusion

We need more diversity in portrayal of Chinese characters. Reducing us into one-dimensional caricatures has done nothing but harm us — look at what’s happening now. This guide is by no means comprehensive, but I hope it has helped you by providing a quick overview.

If you want to accurately portray Chinese characters, do your research. Read Chinese fiction. Watch Chinese films/TV. Initiate a conversation with the community. Portray us accurately. Quit turning us into caricatures.

#non sw #writing #writing reference #reference #writing bipoc characters #Chinese representation #asian representation #asian characters #chinese characters #stop asian hate #chinese diaspora #chinese american #chinese canadian #writing guide #abuse tw #racism tw #long post #annessarose writes

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boldlyvoid · 3 years ago

Text

Intro and masterlist

✨about me ✨

this is a mature blog, I trust all minors to be responsible and avoid everything marked NSFW!

NSFW sideblog: @pervstash-spencer

Hi! my name is emily, I'm 23 she/they

Capricorn, bisexual, non-binary, autistic, and I have fibromyalgia ✌🏻 overall just a fun time y'know.

ao3

i love: supernatural, star trek, marvel movies, criminal minds, this is us and grey's anatomy !!

Accepting requests for Spencer Reid x Reader fics currently

all my tags are listed below if you want to see other posts about said fics, also here is my Spotify for the fics <3

Dad!spencer Masterlist

First times Masterlist**

all links to my fics below the cut!

Updated: July 28th, 2021

** for smut

~~ for angst

Spencer Reid x Reader fics

Hypothetically**~ Ao3 | Tumblr -- 27 chapters, complete. 89k

reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

touch me**~ Ao3 | Tumblr 5.8k

Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.

amethyst you so much P1 Ao3 | Tumblr 6.4k

Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

of quartz i will P2** Ao3 | Tumblr 6K

after 2 years of dating, Spencer decides it's finally time to get Y/N something to match her Amethyst bracelet.

Amoreena**~ Ao3 | Tumblr Completed 83k

Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Seven* Tumblr WIP

Summary: Spencer’s been married to Y/N for 7 years now, they have 7 children together and each one is going through something different. Spencer’s always wanted to be the best dad, now he gets to figure out how to be.

the guy at the rock show Ao3 | Tumblr 5.6K

Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

journey to Camelot** Ao3 | Tumblr 3.8K

When Penelope introduces Spencer to online games, he expects to be spending his nights alone. Yet, somehow every time he comes back from a bad case, he logs on to chat with the ever so lovely user FairlyGwen and getting a lot more than just a helpful tip from her.

Exploration** Ao3 | Tumblr 4.7K

request: season1/2 spencer walking in on reader while she's watching porn in their shared hotel room

Expedition** Tumblr 1.2K

Summary: there's a first time for everything... including joining the mile high club with your boyfriend on the work jet.

10 Days Ao3 | Tumblr 1.4K

it's spencer's first father's day and he's extremely emotional about the little love of his life that he's only just met. he spends the day with his baby, Edwin, and his wife, crying and happy about how wonderful new little lives are.

ain't it fun?** Ao3 | Tumblr Masterlist 11K

reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

I'm not kidding!** Tumblr 6K

Spencer keeps getting little notes from a secret admirer, they're nice and sweet at first as they tease him with their crush until she's sending him notes about all the dirty things she wants to do to him

Perfect Timing** Tumblr 1K

spencer and reader have been spending the last month together in the same hotel room during a pretty brutal case. tension has been rising and she's completely in love with him.

what happens when they both think the other won't be back for a while and they want to shower?

Redamancy** Tumblr 5.4K

the co-op librarian at the FBI Academy has been secretly crushing on the smartest agent in the Bureau, TA, Doctor Spencer Reid, and he's been crushing on her too.

Being Neighbourly** Tumblr 1.9K

Request: reader is Spencers neighbour and she can hear him masturbating every night that he's home how do you have her deal with that?

Professional Hair Dresser (Ph.D)** Tumblr 6.4K

summary: after Spencer's knee injury, he starts visiting a salon every week to get his hair washed

36 Questions to Fall in Love Tumblr 8K

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

New Romantics** Tumblr 23k

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Million Dollar Man** | Tumblr WIP 5k so far

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Sugar, Honey, Ice Tea** | Y/N version | 1-4, 5-9, Epilogue 25.6k

Summary: Fix-it-fic: Dr. Y/L/N and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Prison, Prison Violence, Assault, Blood, Depression, Murder, Self-Hatred, Hurt Spencer Reid, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Drug Addiction, References to Drugs, Drug Use, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romantic Tension, Forbidden Love, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Requited Love, Falling In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, past abusive relationship, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault

Spencer x Ethan

Ruin it.** Tumblr 5.4K

Summary: Spencer never had sleepovers as a kid, so now that he's an adult he's always sleeping over at Ethan's house, ad he'll take any excuse to crawl into bed beside him.

Warnings: mutual pining, love concessions, blowjobs, handjobs, anal sex (both top and bottom spencer in this), childhood friends to lovers

400 Celebration fics

Reid Me Tumblr 2.5K

Spencer has noticed a beautiful woman at a spirituality booth at the farmers market every Saturday for almost a whole year now. he finally asks her to give him a reading.

mystery of love Tumblr 700

Spencer surprises his wife with a trip to Italy.

Spy Kids Tumblr 900

Spencer and Y/N's kids think that they are secretly spies and request a mission story before bed.

a father's greatest weakness Tumblr 1K

Princess Y/N is betrothed to the Viking king in an effort by her father to keep the peace between their countries, he doesn't expect her to join in the fight to free Scottland.

Luke x Reader

Best Dad Ever 2.8K

Request: angst with a happy ending, reader and luke have been divorced for a few years but have a child, she tries and tries to fall out of love with him but he's around so often that she can't

Spencer x OC

Sugar Honey Ice Tea** Ao3 | WIP 9/10 chapters complete 25.6K

Fix-it-fic: Dr. Beth Pattinson and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It Ao3 | Tumblr WIP 6K+

Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

Criminal Minds x Mindhunter AU

Spencer x OC Peggy Carr

Franklin x Reader

Voulez-Vouz** | 3.2k

Summary: in a small town, everyone knows each other… or at least they think they do.

Warnings: porn with plot, smut, Dom reader, Sub!Perv!franklin, making out, teasing, face sitting, oral (female and male), hand jobs, overstimulation, prostate message, multiple orgasms, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, let me know if I forgot anything.

Chip x Reader

forever is the sweetest con** | 6.2K

Summary: Reader’s dad is a carpenter; sometimes he takes on apprentices and sometimes, if they’re lucky, they get his daughter’s number at the end of their training. Chip Taylor, however, hits the jackpot when her father invites him over for one of her homecooked meals.

Warnings: reader’s mom passed away, mentions of parental death, strangers to lovers, random acts of kindness, mutual pining, falling in love, steamy make-outs, oral sex (male and female receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, sub!chip, food mentions, praise, love confessions.

Raymond x Reader

Alone Together ** | 2.4K

Summary: Raymond moves into a haunted house and ends up sleeping with the ghost who lives there... only he doesn't know that when you fuck a ghost you also become one.

Warnings: details of suicide and murder, blowjobs, pegging, bottom!raymond, top!reader, becoming a ghost, major character death.

Star Trek Masterlist

Star Wars fix it fic

Supernatural masterlist

thanks for all the love, as always,

-Emily <3

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