#and the cruelty both to the person and the ones who love them

[mastermatoyas]

Isekai/Isekai Adjacent Recommendations Post - Female Protagonist Version

So since a few people are sharing their own isekai recommendations, I figured I'd make a post of my own. Most of these are Korean manhwa, most of them lean more towards romance fantasy than action, and all of them have female protagonists.

The reason for this is that, after noping out of Mushoku Tensei like half an episode in, I now refuse to read/watch any isekai with a male protagonist unless it is recommended to me by like three people that I actually trust.

Anyway, recommendations!

All Time Favourite: Ascendance of a Bookworm

Summary: after dying in an earthquake, a book-loving young woman finds herself reborn in the body of Myne, a sickly peasant girl in a world where books are luxury items reserved mostly for the nobility. Horrified by her circumstances, she resolves to make her own books... and everything snowballs from there.

Why I like it: The worldbuilding in this story is absolutely fantastic. The protagonist is an extremely fun character, and plays really well off the supporting cast. The series is called "Ascendance" of a Bookworm because, in the process of trying to bring books to the masses, Myne brings massive changes to both her own life and the world around her.

Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's heartbreakingly sad. Sometimes you get lovingly detailed descriptions of printing presses, medieval economics, and soup.

A lot of these recommendations are romance-focused, but Ascendance of a Bookworm contains very little romance (arguably none for the protagonist, depending on how you interpret Myne's relationship with a certain character). Because of that, this is the one I would most recommend to people who are not interested in romance.

There is a manga for this one (and an anime), but it isn't finished. The light novel, however, is finished and has a complete official translation. Unlike a lot of light novels, the prose is actually pretty good, too! I would highly recommend the light novel if you're looking to get into this series.

Possible Second Favourite: Concubine Walkthrough

Summary: High school student Yona gets quite literally sucked into the world of the VR game Concubine Walkthrough. Now stuck in the body of the villainess, she has to beat the game and escape this virtual world in time to take her college entrance exams.

Why I like it: The premise seems fairly cliche at first, but unlike a lot of romance fantasy isekai that stay strictly within the realm of fantasy, Concubine Walkthrough is actually science fiction. It's also a tale of palace intrigue, the cruelty of the modern (well, near-future) world, and - yes - it is a love story.

It's hard to fully explain why Concubine Walkthrough is so good without spoiling it, so I won't say any more than that. Just that this is a journey worth undertaking.

Other Recommendations, in no particular order except maybe alphabetical

How to Win my Husband Over:

The protagonist wakes up in the body of Rudbeckia de Borgia, a novel villainess destined to die at the hands of her husband, Iske van Omerta. In order to survive, she begins a campaign to suck up to those around her and convince them that she is not a threat.

Rudbeckia ("Ruby") is a complex and troubled protagonist - a heart-rendingly realistic portrait of a woman who has never felt truly safe in her life. This story comes with massive content warnings for family violence, eating disorders, and self-harm/suicide. Some people find Ruby to be a really frustrating character, since her inability to trust others causes a lot of conflict in the story. I personally really like her, because her inability to trust others causes a lot of conflict in the story.

I'll Save this Damned Family:

The protagonist wakes up in the body of Tara Elias, who is - you guessed it, a minor villainess whose entire family is doomed to face execution. In order to save her entire household, despite the fact that most of them suck as human beings, Tara must use her wits to enter the arena of fantasy politics, throwing her support behind the illegitimate Prince Kyle. (Yes, for some reason most of the people in this one have normal-ass modern names).

The political intrigue in this one is incredibly complex. Tara is incredibly clever, but she doesn't always succeed - she is often outmanouevred, which adds a real sense of tension and urgency.

There's kind of a sideplot early on about Tara losing weight, which some people might find inherently distasteful. However, she goes about it in a normal and realistic way, and the story makes it clear that her worth as a human being isn't tied to her weight, which is actually kind of a big deal for a Korean manhwa.

Mother's Contract Marriage:

Lyrica is a normal eight-year old girl. No, really, she's completely normal - she has no memories of any past life, nor has she gone back in time after facing any sort of grisly fate.

Her mother, on the other hand, suddenly changes one day. Formerly a neglectful drunk living in the slums, she finesses her way into the imperial ball and secures a contract marriage to the Emperor, catapulting Lyrica into the glamorous life of a princess overnight.

Of course, as the audience, we figure out pretty quickly that Lyrica's mother has gone back in time, and is using her knowledge of the future to save both of them from a terrible fate. The story isn't actually about that, though - it's about Lyrica charming everyone around her, finding out about her own magical powers, and unknowingly fighting back against the darker side of the nobility.

The art style is absolutely gorgeous, and really sells the fact that this entire story is being filtered through the perspective of an actual child.

Not-Sew-Wicked Stepmom:

Children's fashion designer Lily Lee wakes up in the body of Abigail, the evil stepmother from Snow White. She resolves to shower her eleven-year-old stepdaughter, Princess Blanche, with affection, and to browbeat her distant and cold-hearted husband into doing the same.

This one is extremely sweet and heartwarming, while also dealing with some seriously heavy topics including body image and pretty much every kind of child abuse. Both Abigail and her husband, King Sabrian, are fundamentally good people dealing with some extremely difficult circumstances. Blanche is a sweet kid who has been forced to become mature beyond her years, and who wants nothing more than a loving family.

The Crimson Lady:

Karen Heyer woke up as the heroine of a romance novel. Since then, she has lived through the same year one hundred times. No matter what she does, she is destined to die a painful death at the end of each year - no sooner, and no later.

Having been hollowed out into a broken husk of a person, she resolves to become a serial killer, hoping that death - rather than love - might bring an end to the cycle.

This one seems to be getting close to its conclusion, and every chapter is a massive goddamn cliffhanger. It's one of those stories where every time a mystery is solved, it just brings up more questions, and I WANT TO KNOW UGH.

The Fantasie of a Stepmother:

Shuri was brought into the Neuschwanstein family as a child herself, raised by the ailing Marquess for the sole purpose of protecting his four children after his death. Despite being despised by her four step-children, Shuri nevertheless managed to shield them from harm, and looks forward to finally having a chance to live her own life after the marriage of her eldest step-child.

Instead, however, Shuri wakes up seven years in the past, right after the death of her husband. She must now relive her entire experience of raising the Neuschwanstein children - but is this an opportunity to repair her bond with them?

(Note: yes, Shuri was a child when she was married to Marquess Neuschwanstein. That marriage was not, uh, consummated. I would not call her husband a good man, for a number of reasons, but CSA isn't an element of this story. Important to note because that could obviously be a deal-breaker for a lot of people.)

This is one of the most popular romance fantasy manhwa around, and with good reason. The art is beautiful, the story is intricate, and the characters are vibrant and likeable. Also, the original web novel was written by the same author as How to Win my Husband Over.

The Glamorous Life of a Fake Mistress:

This one isn't super popular from what I can tell, but I'm recommending it because it's actually one of my favourites.

Sally, a common dancer, was taken in as the mistress of Duke Casis Estaban, who desperately wants to divorce his wife, Elysee. Although Sally falls in love with Casis, he remains cold and professional towards her, treating her as a mistress in name only. Elysee torments Sally behind the Duke's back, eventually torturing her and killing her.

After finding herself sent back in time, Sally initially attempts to avoid getting involved with Duke Esteban. However, after realising that this would simply transfer her fate to another person, she makes a deal with Casis - she will be his fake mistress and help him secure his divorce. With the knowledge she gained in her first life, both of the future and of noble etiquette, Sally sets out to achieve her goal.

Along the way, she gives a lot of very modern advice to noblewomen about sex, relationships, and self-esteem. I honestly just like this one because it's a breath of fresh air - Sally is a genuinely kind person, and I think it's easier to root for her in a way because she is a real underdog, as a commoner in a world of nobles and a mistress in a world of "respectable" women. Also, we love a girls' girl.

Villains are Destined to Die:

Probably the most popular isekai romance fantasy out there at the moment. The protagonist wakes up in the body of Penelope Eckhart, who is both the villainess of an otome game and the protagonist of that game's hard mode. The protagonist never actually managed to beat the game, having instead witnessed Penelope's constant deaths at every wrong turn.

Terrified of her fate, and deeply resentful of everyone within the game world, Penelope resolves to survive and beat the game.

In a pattern you may have identified, I like this one because of its protagonist. Penelope is cold, paranoid, and views the people around her as game NPCs. She tries to manipulate others without developing any attachments to them, focusing solely on her own survival. She isn't an inherently cruel person, but caring for others is a luxury she cannot afford.

[petalkitshadow]

Talking About: Appledusk

So, Appledusk is a character who my interpretation of probably gets questioned the most by readers. Which is understandable! He's not really an antagonist in MV; or, at least, the reader is supposed to understand in MV that while Mapleshade views him antagonistically, the narration is biased into her favor due to the story being from her POV. But the role he takes on in PkS is quite actually antagonistic to Petalpaw and her struggles.... so I thought it would be interesting to dive into it and explain my thoughts behind why I wrote him the way I did!

So - I want to start out by saying that Appledusk is a fictional character. It doesn't bother me if you like Appledusk, or view him differently than I do. I just happen to dislike him, which I think is pretty clear from how he fits into Petalkit's Shadow, lol. But even if I dislike him, I still wanted him to play an interesting role and serve his purpose, which involves making him as frustrating as possible!

When coming up with ideas for how characters will be in PkS, I often don't have much to go on. Mapleshade is really the only character from the cast who has a ton of focus in the canon books. Appledusk is one of those characters who falls a bit in a middle ground. He has enough going for him in MV that you can get a basic idea for how he is, but you still gotta do a lot of legwork on figuring out deeper aspects of his character. for PkS, I look at the characters' actions and go, "what kind of person would do this?" and then write the kind of person who I think would do that, basically.

Appledusk, he struck me as being very focused on self preservation. When he's with Mapleshade in private, he has no problem being loving to her and the kits. But the moment he might face repercussions - repercussions Mapleshade is already facing, he becomes detached and cold. What stuck out to me is how Mapleshade kept thinking that Appledusk never asked the kits' names. Now, Mapleshade as a narrator is biased. But she's right - Appledusk never asks what the names of his children are. He gives no outward signs of grief when faced with their death, and he makes no attempt to speak privately with Mapleshade after the kits drown. Of course, anger is a very valid form of grief, as we all know from Petalpaw. but Appledusk then going on to throw Mapleshade under the bus, and not show her a shred of sympathy even though he is currently suffering from the exact same prejudice that cost Mapleshade everything, speaks to me a lot about his values. When faced with his supposed loved one at her lowest, with nothing left to lose, his reaction is to distance himself from her as much as possible in the hopes that he will be punished less. It's cowardly, it's infuriating, and makes him seem so, so cruel to me.

And then, there's Reedshine. Reedshine in canon irks me a lot, in a meta sense. She's been hurt in similar ways as Mapleshade. Appledusk cheated on her too! But she immediately forgives him, and shows no conflict about Appledusk's actions. She's given no room to grieve or to hurt, she has to immediately come to Appledusk's defense. Reedshine and Mapleshade were both made to bear pain that Appledusk had no interesting in helping them shoulder.

To me, it really felt like Appledusk took the women in his life for granted. Why else would he have an affair, and not confess to it until literal, physical, damning evidence was put on display for everyone to see? Did he consider his own feelings, his own wants and desires, to be more important than that of Mapleshade, or Reedshine's? Mapleshade, with her penchant for cold-blooded murder, is definitely a worse person than Appledusk. But Appledusk's cruelty, I think it gets more under my skin because it feels real. How many serial killers do you know? probably none. But how many indifferent men who think women are just too emotional do you know? how many half-rate, self-absorbed fathers do you know? probably a small selection, at least.

So, when coming up with the basics for PkS, I imagined in the wake of this fiasco, Appledusk would be most focused on his own image, like he seems to be in canon. He wants to go back to being an esteemed, respected warrior. What's the best way to do that? Is it to step up, and be there for his traumatized daughter, offer her guidance and try to to fill the void left by losing her other parent?

No, of course not. Because to Appledusk, his daughter is a constant reminder of the mistakes he's made. He doesn't want to reckon with those mistakes, and he doesn't want to consider that he did something wrong.

In a way... he is a lot like his daughter. (Petalpaw would kill me if she could read me typing this, lol). They both are set in their ways, and very, very stubborn.

So, tl;dr... Appledusk in PkS is an extrapolation based on what I interpret from his character. But he's a character with so little to go on I think there are many ways to interpret him. This is just my thought process about him!

[queernarchy]

biggest lesson learned this week is how much of a nightmare and an inevitability it must be to be defined by a horrific ending to your life

[grimm-the-tiger]

My FL main went through some really weird, organic development over the...oh god, I think it's been five years since I started playing now.

So my main is named Skadi Larkin. They are a little bastard. They started out extremely 2D; I named them after my favorite Norse goddess and the protagonist of the book I was reading at the time. I originally wanted to make them female like both of their namesakes, but the second I saw the third-gender option, I thought it was too good to pass up. This is where they got their primary base characterization as a mad scientist who wanted to Cause Problems.

Then I started the Nemesis ambition and forgot which option I'd chosen for who I was trying to avenge, so they lost both their lover and their older brother under tragic circumstances (only the lover was killed by Nemesis's antagonist, though).

Then I got an Exceptional Friendship and had to give my tragic backstory in order to gain entry to the House of Chimes. Skadi pulled said tragic backstory (orphaned in a hansom accident) more or less out of their ass, but it did establish that their parents are dead.

Somewhere down the line, I realized that technically Skadi is a linguist, since the Correspondence is a language, and I made that their profession on the Surface as well.

Around this time, I started working on character designs for my fan comic. I got really into messing around with skin tone, and somewhere along the line thought it would be fun to draw Skadi (who was originally white) with darker skin, and it stuck.

Then I abruptly realized I was taking a lot of options that increased my Melancholy, and almost all of them were based on the Surface. So now Skadi has a longing for the Surface.

I left the game for a few years, but somewhere during this stretch of time, and I don't know how this happened, but I decided Skadi was now Native American; specifically, Metis. I changed their design to incorporate a sash woven in a style characteristic of the Metis, which also added a bit of color to their design (which was mostly black or grey at this point).

During this time, I started incorporating Skadi into my fan comic. This would eventually lead me to actually flesh out their backstory in greater detail. When I started playing the game again, I also created my first alt by total accident (long story), and I decided to weave her backstory with Skadi's.

So Skadi is in the interesting position of being an Indigenous person who is what we'd probably consider Two-Spirit today but they'd just call "Bollocks to that gender crap". They never belonged on the Surface, since the Metis are in a bit of a liminal space compared to other tribes due to their interesting background (the Metis are the descendants of French settlers and Indigenous inhabitants, mostly Cree), and Skadi exists in a liminal space within that liminal space due to only being half-Metis and raised primarily in white culture, although they still maintained a connection to it through their late mother. They also never belonged because no one else on the Surface outside of the communities they already felt isolated from would ever accept them for their gender. London gave them a chance to express one of those, but not both, and despite knowing that the Surface hates them just for existing, they still long to return.

[unhonestlymirror]

Gojo Satoru is an awesome person, and people clearly don't value him enough

[agoddamnrayofsunshine]

I’m sure someone has talked about this before but one thing I absolutely love about tbosas is how Snow’s descent into villainy is never once presented as something that was inevitable

So many villain origin stories portray this idea of a person who tries incredibly hard to be a good person, who takes every opportunity to be kind and to better themselves, but are ultimately doomed to fail by the narrative. Their environment and their circumstances make it impossible for them to be a good person, and while this is effective from a storytelling point of view it’s not exactly accurate to real life

In real life there is always a point where a bad person makes the decision to do something bad, they make the decision to prioritise themselves, their own power, money or desires over someone else. That’s how real life dictators are made, they are presented with every opportunity to be good, and they purposefully choose to not take it

This makes Snow’s storyline so effective because he is given so many opportunities to do the right thing and yet, at every single turn, he chooses to serve himself instead, exactly like how real dictators are made

Snow, unlike most people we see in the capitol, is in a unique position where he could genuinely have the chance to understand and relate to the people from the districts. He, unlike his classmates, is poor and spends most nights going hungry, he witnessed firsthand the cruelty of the capitol when Clemensia was bitten by the snakes for nothing more than lying about doing her homework, when his sister was forced to sell herself on the streets in order to feed the both of them

Throughout his book, the three people he is closest to are Tigris (who dislikes the hunger games, is a rebel, and a victim of the capitol forced to turn to prostitution), Sejanus (who is originally from district 2, dislikes the capitol and knows he will never be accepted there, and also a rebel) and Lucy Gray (who is a victim of the hunger games, from district 12, and is also treated horribly by the capitol). These are all people who gave him an opportunity to realise the cruelty of the system he was in, a chance to directly confront his prejudices and see that people from the districts are just the same as him, and yet he still refuses to take the chance to change

He is given every opportunity, he’s sent away from the capitol to be a peacekeeper in the districts, he forms personal connections with people from the districts, he helps Sejanus perform funeral rites, and yet at every moral crossroads he comes to he makes the wrong decision. He didn’t have to become a villain, and yet he made the choice to do so anyway, despite every chance he was given

I think it’s a really effective portrayal of Snow as a character, and it’s a very effective villain origin story for the type of villain that Snow is. It never once excuses him from his actions because it highlights just how accountable he was for his actions

[kyseya]

Yandere beast

This inspired by Beauty & the Beast.

————————————————

Yandere prince who has everything one could desire. He is royalty after all. There is nothing he cannot have and he is used to it being that way; the king and queen had spoilt him to no end.

Yandere prince who is mean and selfish. He treats everyone at the palace like dirt. He doesn’t even seem to carry much respect for his own parents. No, they’re used to give into his whims. The servants are all laughed at by him, he does not care when he sees the tears running down their faces at the cruel comments. His biggest talent may just be wickedness.

Yandere prince who does have one person he actually likes: you. You are the one exception. As the child of a servant, you too, were subjected to his bullying in the beginning. The people always had one of two reactions to him, either they stayed down and wept, or they started fuming. Both options were equally funny to the spoiled prince. However you surprised him, because you did neither. Whenever he was mean to you, you took it in silence before asking about his day. This bewildered him to no end. Why would you ask such things? It didn’t make sense. The more he bullied you though, the more intrigued he became. You were always kind, no matter the person; even to him. It was after that he decided he loved that about you.

Yandere prince who opened the door to a stranger. It was a heavy storm that night. If anyone were to be caught in it they would surely not survive. The stranger asked for shelter, and as payment the prince would receive a single rose. This made him scoff. The audacity some had. He turned them away as fast as they had come. Unfortunately for him this was no ordinary human. The stranger revealed themselves to be a magician. They told him they saw no love in his heart and therefore he should be punished for his cruelty.

That night his life changed for ever; now he was a monster. He sprouted fur all over his body, his nose grew into a long snout and a tail with spikes protruded from his lower back.

Yandere beast who has lost all his beauty. He was nothing other than hideous. Such a creature should surely be hidden out of sight. Not only did he lose his appearance that night, he also lost his status. The king and queen were horrified at his new form. This turn of event was not what they prepared for. Disgusted with him they sent him to a dreary little castle on the country side where no one would ever lay eyes on him.

Filled with despair he wallowed in shame; for his appearance and his situation. The only thing that could break the curse was if he learned to love someone and earn their love in return. Clearly, his parents did not believe the curse could be lifted, which was the reason they sent him away. They couldn’t have him at court anymore after all. Perhaps they were also glad to be rid of him once and for all.

Yandere beast who was all alone in his castle. He was left without servant or any gold. He was not used to a life without luxury. He thought he’d be alone forever and waste into nothingness, but he was surprised by you once more. You had come to the castle and chose to work there. When you’d told the king and queen of your decision they could not fathom why you would do such a thing when you were under no obligation to do it. You knew how horrible the prince was to all your colleagues, but you saw that underneath all that pride was an insecure young boy who wanted attention. It was not an excuse for his behaviour though. Still, your kindhearted nature made you want to help him.

Yandere beast who is elated with your presence. Now that he has company he is not as pessimistic. He always had a soft spot for you but now the fondness has turned into a full blown obsession. He loves you so much! When no one else was there for him and his life got turned into shamble, you stood by his side- willingly too! You weren’t frightened by his hideous form, no, you held his hand and stroked his snout without a care in the world. You were clearly the one to break the curse!

Yandere beast who does everything to make you fall for him and love him just as much as he loves you. Are you hungry? Good, because his transformation made him a great hunter! Are you in the mood for deer or rabbits? This monstrous prince can offer you a lot more than any normal prince or commoner human. No one can protect you as well as he can; his strength and sharp senses is the one upside to the curse. When the two of you marry, he’ll get back his title and whisk you away to a new castle. This one will be filled with the luxuries he bathed in before, and you’ll be forced to swim in them too whether you want to or not.

Could you ever love this beast?

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

With his romance with Lavellan, Solas learned a horrific truth—that him simply as a humble man was enough to be lovable. He had been plied out of the Fade by Mythal because of her need for him, and out of devotion, he became something more and dreadful for himself, for her. And she never reciprocated that devotion with the same intensity. He spent millennia fighting for her as a thing he detested—a man of war and death, a being whose mortal body imbued him with innate qualities and emotions that would further twist his Wisdom nature. He was producing the very poisons that would normally corrupt a spirit by virtue of [Being a Person]. The external influences now harbored inside him.

But Lavellan showed him. That being you are, the one that wished to ponder and reminisce of spirits, who valued liberty and freedom and knowledge and the wry observation? That was enough. That was always enough. But he can’t accept it, because millennia of being Fen Harel, being devoted to Mythal and her cause.. to sunder it from himself would feel like a magnificent loss. He has been that for so long, is there anything yet truly left of the Wisdom spirit that once was?

Not only that, but given corporeality, Solas is compelled by the operant [If I can, I must]. He CAN do something about the Veil, so he will. If he doesn’t, then he is forsaking the memory of he destroyed with his choice. He is forsaking his own principles. To do nothing in the face of injustice and cruelty is a sin he cannot bear.

He comes to the Inquisition as a “humble apostate”, both as disguise and because in his de-powered state he is of little greater use (if he had greater power I’m certain he would have nudged the Inquisition toward their goals). This is a costume he is wearing, or so he tells himself. He exists to advise, to suggest, to subtly direct toward more peaceful and humanitarian and spirit-friendly directives. He operates as his former [Wisdom] spirit state.

And Lavellan grows to love it, to appreciate it. She grows to appreciate [Solas as Wisdom]. That part of him, the part of him that he has put aside for thousands upon thousands of years, though his nature craves to return to it. Without his ability to be Fen’Harel, it is pretty much all he has. And oh, this mayfly mortal born of a “forsaken ignorant people”, she is drawn to him, seeing him as a [man], seeing him at his (comparatively) weakest, most ineffectual state and finding it pleasing. Desirable. [Enough].

Enough. He is enough as Solas, simply Solas. But if it is enough for Lavellan, why was it not enough for Mythal? No, no, there was a reason. There was a war. War requires more of people. It requires limits to be broken and terrible mantles to be donned.

But Lavellan is fighting an existential war against Corypheus. And she does not demand more of him. She values what little he is able to provide—guidance, insight, his magic. It is [Enough].

We Solavellans have dissected and discussed at length about the nature of the relationship being one built on deceit, the moral and ethical quandary of love cultivated under a false identity. Veilguard has confirmed the existential struggle and quiet agony that Solas experienced by transitioning into [Being]. While Lavellan should of course had been informed of his ‘true identity’ before falling in love with him, an argument could still be made that Fen’Harel is not his true identity but a long-worn mask that he wishes he could ditch. The man Lavellan fell in love with is who he should be, who he wants to be. Far more underpowered than he’s comfortable with, sure, but the personality for certain. Just a person giving advice, discussing at length about topics he enioys, exploring memories and ruminating over them, smirking over small verbal sleights of hand and sly tricks, engaging in philosophical debates. All of that is already there, that is who he is in peacetime. The man has known war and conflict for so long that he has mentally split Solas and Fen’Harel as two people, because he needed to, but they are the same. Solas who wields the martial prowess of Fen’Harel. Fen’Harel who possesses the wry levity and artistic sentimentality of Solas. SOLAS YOU ARE BOTH AND MORE THAN THESE TWO HALVES.

[gracerings]

still stuck on louis staying with armand after the trial to get back at lestat. this is louis 101 and I’m COMPELLED. he punishes lestat by withholding his affection and giving it to someone else like he always did when he wanted him to suffer. he KNOWS lestat loves him endlessly and has deep insecurities about not being loved, he knows he is lestat’s weakness and he uses it to punish him for his role in the trial. and lestat knows armand’s true role in the trial and still he lets it happen, he lets louis be with armand, something that ultimately entraps louis in a metaphorical (and literal) prison for 70+ year. and it’s so good because NO ONE has the ability to hurt us like the people we love most. and that’s why I think the discussion about who deserved what that’s been going on is ultimately pointless. it doesn’t really matter in this case if lestat deserved louis’ cruelty or if lestat should have told louis the truth immediately, because the point is that they’re only capable of inflicting such deep wounds to each other because they are incapable of letting go of each other. their obsessive love tangled up with hate and resentment and lust and memories both fond and painful and the daughter they shared and whom they both failed, the blood that binds them, the century of carrying each other always, their synced-up heartbeats, the fact that lestat is the only person left alive who knew louis as a human. there’s too much history, too much intensity, too much emotion for them to be anything but what they are, a black hole that swallows everything around them, a hurricane they’ve both been swept up in, an endless loop of toxic obsession and infinite devotion that is both draining and addictive. and that’s why it’s the tragic gothic romance to end all others.

[rafesangelita]

hey sweetie, can i request please [🍪] chocolate chip cookie with rafe cameron and based on the song " hard times" by ethel cain. you know how much i like her (both of you are so talented). you're free with the plot, you can make it angst, fluff, smut, whatever you want with a soft or a dark!rafe. as you please. tysm for considerate it and also congrats on your 5k. so proud of you. and take your time !! so excited <3

₊˚⊹ᰔ 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬

pairing: dark!dealer!rafe x pogue!sweetheart!reader

summary: ❝i’m tired of you still tied to me, it’s just the way that you are. i’m tired of you, too tired to leave.❞ — the never ending cycle of rafe causing you pain and making you feel better.

warnings: a lot of angst, barry being the mediator, crying, shouting, description of unprotected sex, emotional abuse (?)

word count: 0.5k

a/n: i won’t lie, i hadn’t really given ethel cain a chance but when i was reading the lyrics to base this fic off of- MY HEART. i related to this song so much, it shocked me how i never gave it a try. thank you for participating and sending in this request :( i love you so much!! @nemesyaaa

you were everything rafe wasn’t. sweet, gentle, nurturing, patient. surely you two couldn’t work, right? instead of your differences driving you two apart, it drew you closer like the pieces of a puzzle. you filled his voids while he filled yours. maybe you were too young, but you couldn’t recognize that love, this love, could be bad. you clung onto the remnants of rafe that was good, to you it overshadowed everything else. the rage, the cruelty, the possessiveness, the pain. it was who he was, and you were okay with that.

“why are you cryin’? i told you about that shit already!” you jumped when rafe slammed his fist down on the table, his knuckles already split and bruised. “you’re shouting at me, what do you expect?” you cried more, your pink nails glittering under the light of barry’s dingy trailer. barry cleared his throat awkwardly, flashing you an apologetic look as you rushed to wipe your eyes. rafe ignored your sniffles while he sorted out his product. “do you really ‘gotta make her cry bruh?” barry took a seat after you left the kitchen.

rafe was quiet for a moment, eyes trailing up to look at your curled up form on the worn out couch. he saw the shake in your shoulders, the ruffles of your long skirt disheveled from laying on the thin fabric. you didn’t ask to be here. you didn’t ask for any of this. rafe’s jaw clenched as he handed the scale over to barry. “weight this out, i’ll be right back.” he grumbled, walking over to you. rafe was terrible at comforting people, let alone you who just happened to be the most sensitive person in the world. “hey..” his voice was low as he squatted down.

you took a breath, moving your hair away from your face as rafe turned you around. your skin was flushed, your cheeks hot while your lips swelled from biting on them so hard. “you look pretty.” he wiped a stray tear from your cheek before pressing a kiss to your temple. “you scare me sometimes.” you rasped, tracing his jaw as he picked you up, scooping you in his arms as your head rested on his chest. rafe walked you two down the dark hallway, and entered a bedroom where he laid you down.

you knew what was coming, your hand finding rafe’s as he hiked your skirt up around your hips. rafe knew you wanted intimacy, unfortunately this was the only way he knew how to give it to you. with every thrust of his hips bringing you closer and closer to that peak, you watched his expression morph into one of confliction. like he was sorry for doing this, but also on the edge of pure euphoria himself. you came with a cry of his name, your fingers wrapping around his digits while you felt him empty himself inside of you.

in those few minutes of post orgasm bliss, he held onto you and kissed you like you were the only thing that existed. it was pure heaven. and like always, just when you think you can stay like this forever, he gets up and leaves you naked and vulnerable. “me and barry got some stuff to do. we’ll be back later.” he stroked your cheek before shutting the door. there, in the pitch black darkness, you listened as the engines of rafe and his business partner’s dirt bikes roared to life, the sound fading away as he left you again.

[drenched-in-sunlight]

I think to make sense of how Marika feels about her Omen twins, you need to follow a string of:

1/ how bad is Marika’s PTSD?

2/ how bad are people in the Lands Between in general feel about the Hornsent? The Hornsent is very much leading a whole empire that is hunting down anyone they deem inferior, even their own brethren. the fanbase tend to forget that people of Land of Shadow and Lands Between have every reason to already feel grievance towards the Hornsent royalty, even without Marika’s influence.

They were the Golden Order before Golder Order was even a thing (and they want that, btw, the Greatsword of Damnation skill description very much pointed out that the Hornsent royalty wanted to build their own Golden Order under the banner of the Spiraltree, they are just pissed as hell Marika wrenched that divinity from them and made it under the Erdtree instead).

And Marika, even as a God, was still just one person, with an ailing son at the beginning. If she wanted to consolidate power, she had to unite other people under a common cause. And I do think she promised them a world abundance of healing blessing and no death, and no one will suffer under the Hornsent anymore (sounds awfully familiar, isn't it. except that Marika was always gunning for revenge as well). Omens being shunned that badly can’t be just because of Golden Order propaganda, it’s also because people in fact did suffer under the Hornsent and still remember it too.

3/ Messmer, who is fanatical to the point of even though he admits the Tarnished has Marika’s sanction, he will still hunt them down because he considers them lightless / unworthy, who was very much around when the Omen twins were born, why did he do nothing about it?

I’m pretty sure he has no qualm about killing babies, he doesn’t gaf about his siblings chasing something doomed to fail, he very much goes extra miles to torture any Hornsent on his way. So who protected the twins from him? Who hid them from him?

1 + 2 + 3 = you have a Marika who still very much suffered PTSD from what her people went through, she thought she had escaped, she thought she had managed to build a world where everyone was free from Hornsent’s cruelty and always bathed in gentle ray of healing - something the minor erdtree in her village could never do, because there was no one there to heal. But now she gave birth to … Omens?

It’s a sign that whatever the Hornsent once did to her, it’s left a taint forever inside her (yes i very much believed she was under the Hornsent capture before she managed to run away, either via the Mimic Veil or other means). That she never really escaped that cold dark gaol. And for all of his belief in her sanctity, I think Messmer knew that too, that it’s a wound he could never heal, and now all he could do was to make sure she wouldn’t be tainted further.

And after distress, came fear. Fear for the Omen twins, even though she should hate them, she still loved them, she couldn’t help it. She carried them for months and had loved them all that time. That wouldn’t stop even when they triggered all of her trauma at once.

I think it should be noted that in the DLC there is an item that is the same as Omen Bairn item in the base game, which points out that Omen (or in their case, Hornsent) babies with overgrown horns meet a frightfully early demise. Morgott and Mogh both have overgrown horns. But they are alive! They are ! Very much alive! And grow into adulthood!

Who healed them? Who kept them alive? Who else but the woman who used to make several blessing flasks for her cursed firstborn, whose innate power is healing, right?

Before the Omen twins, Omen babies had their horns excised, causing them to perish, but once there are ones born into royal linage, exile is on the table? and again, they have overgrown horns, and still live to adulthood. if they were left to rot in prison, they would have already died.

Marika built a world with a promise that the cruel shadow the Hornsent cast would never befall there, but now… she gave birth for two of them. Her position as a God Queen was of no use if her people clamored for the twins’ death, her duty to them will always outweigh her personal feelings. But she sure as hell would not let her sons die, either.

They weren't exiled to faraway land, they were kept under the capital, presumably so Marika could visit and heal them if their horns caused them pain, the shackles were made so they wouldn't wander up above and ran into civilians that pretty much would call on the Omenkillers to go after them. it was a cruel existence, yes, but it's all she could do for them. she tried her best out of love.

That is why Godfrey never held it against her, even when it's apparent he loves Morgott (as he cradles his son's body gently in the boss cutscene). Godfrey knew she had done everything she could.

All of that above answers this 4th question: why Morgott was accepted as Lord of Leyndell, even went so far as having command over a whole army of the Night's Cavalry?

In the time of unrest, Omens were welcomed in the army, but they were distrusted, even their weapons have an enchantment on it so it could be taken back if they tried something funny.

But Morgott was trusted to command a whole army and held the walls of Leyndell for that long?

The only way I could rationalize that is after she was forced to separate from Messmer, Marika brought both Morgott and Mohg back to live with other demigods. A big part of the Erdtree's power force was in Messmer's hand, now that he was not there anymore, I imagine people would become more accepting of letting Omens join their rank. And because Messmer was not there, the twins would actually not have to deal with him. In a twisted way, when Marika lost her beloved firstborn, she gained the other two back.

Even though they weren't officially recognized as her child, but more as warriors serving in Leyndell army, Morgott proved himself with his tactical mind and combat prowess (while Mogh used the resources brought by his new position to secretly started funding his blood cult, and this is how I think he met Miquella and all the stuffs in that part of the lore happened. Like you can't convince me he built that whole palace and had all that fancy clothes without money or resources taken from somewhere else).

Then Godwyn died, and Morgott witnessed everything thereafter. and the rest of the story, we knew how it played out.

So yeah, that's my take on the timeline and story of the Omen twins. I know it doesn't have a strong official description backup as my theory on Messmer, but I feel like this makes sense with all of my other interpretation, and if you agree with those, they are what actually back up this one.

If I draw Morgott in the future, it'll also be based on this premise.

[theonevoice]

Have a gold star...

I swear, I started this as a wholesome innocent comment on how when Crowley has to think of a prize, after 6000+ years, his sweet head still goes to stars as the ultimate symbol of something beautiful and cherished.

But then I was struck by something: sarcasm.

Both times, when he tells someone to "have a gold star," he doesn't say it with a tone of affectionate irony, like the cool-but-sweet uncle with a rough personality but a soft heart. He says it with a tone of bitter sarcasm, of painful disenchantment.

Because it's not a prize that he is offering; it's a sop, a cruel joke-gift, something that will get you excited at first just because you have a stupid, naive, innocent soul, and you will later realize that it means nothing to the one who assigned it to you, and that they are ready to take it away whenever they want, while the rest of the world laughs at your ridiculous gullibility.

Because this is what stars were for him.

They were his beloved, exciting creation. The star-factory nebula was his cherished task, assigned to him by God, and he believed that it was meant to be a thing of beauty and splendor, and hold value in the grand scheme of the universe... only to discover, immediately after he created it, that it was never intended to have any value at all. It meant nothing to God. It wasn't even planned to last enough to fullfill its purpose. It was a joke, a cruel prank. 

The stars were God's bad pun of giving angel!Crowley something to do, and love, and have hope and expectations for, and then taking it away. Revealing that it was just a shiny piece of gold cardstock that only a simpleton could consider valuable. Of course he can only say "have a gold star" as a dry snarky sarcastic comment on someone who thinks they have achieved something meaningful when it's actually nothing. Be it the Them defeating the Four Horsemen. Be it Muriel being noticed by the Metatron.

Great, sure, have a gold star, be all excited and squealing with happiness, it will turn into ashes before you even know it.

I am not sure that Crowley's snake eyes were ever intended to signal that he cannot see the stars because snakes have bad vision (even ignoring the zoological fact that they are sensitive to UV light though, so they should still see astronomical objects, in the book it says that demons must be able to see at night, and that's why Crowley doesn't need to turn on the lights on the Bentley), but for sure the Fall and Heaven's cruelty has ruined the stars for him, in a way.

Now, in his mind, they are the ultimate symbol of delusion, of naivety, of foolishly investing your love and passion and hopes in something, of stupidly ignoring that the things you cherish will be ruined or taken away from you or leave you on their own accord.

That's also why Aziraphale's "nothing lasts forever" cuts him so deep. That's why his "no... no, I dont' suppose it does" sounds so much like a truth that he is remembering instead of one that he has jsut discovered.

Here you go, you did it again, you thought you had something significant and instead it was just like your stars, you should have known that whenever you find something beautiful it's just a matter of time before you lose it, you shouldn't get too attached.

In s1e6 he says it to the Them, in s2e6 he says it to Muriel. I do hope that in s3e6 he will get the chance to say it again, but this time it will be honest and out of joy, because whatever is going to happen will make him able again to believe that you can be happy, and can hold onto the good things that you love. You can have all the gold stars, for real. They don't always have to disappear and leave you in pain. They can stay with you.

[teapetal44]

TW: ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE

“He wants to air this dirty laundry to the world does he…? Dabi, you fiend…you’ve been waiting for this moment…when they couldn’t prevent mass destruction…and faith in heroes is wavering.” - chapter 292

I truly, wholeheartedly, believe that MHA as a story upholds the myth of the perfect victim. I do not want to discuss if Horikoshi did that on purpose, or subconsciously because of inner bias – I find no meaning in doing so. For me the execution of an idea, in the grand scheme of the narrative, holds more value than the intention of the author. I’ve also had my fair share of people infantilizing Asian authors in the anime community for their poor writing decisions for one lifetime. It’s patronizing to both the author and the people reading it. Whether or not Horikoshi intended for his themes of abuse to paint the picture they did does not matter, because that’s how it reads as.

MHA puts victims of abuse in narrow boxes and softly dictates what’s an acceptable reaction to said abuse. Victims are continuously walking a tightrope between being deserving of compassion and sympathy and being unredeemable monsters who are too far gone and are only good for martyrdom after being put down.  

Eri fits the clean cut depiction of abuse victims that media usually gears towards. She is untouched by the cruelty around her - she preserves her innocence and kindness. She isn't assertive, but rather meek and passive. She doesn't fight back with force. And when offered help, she is receptive to it. That is not to say that Eri's depiction doesn't have a place in fiction, or that her portrayal can't be representative of the experiences of some - as we all deal with trauma and the inhumanity people throw at us differently. We see the same thing in the portrayal of Fuyumi, who shares many of the qualities discussed above. The same thing applies to her - i personally love the idea of all the siblings having different reaction to their childhood trauma and abuse. It shows that victims are not some type of monolith.

But the narrative treats the "forgiving" or "receptive to help/support" victims of abuse with more grace and with much more kindness. if you are willing to forgive, or the very least be quietly tolerant, the story grants you a happy ending. Forgiveness isn't a bad thing, it is an individual choice - but an abuse victim shouldn't have to do it for them to have a happy ending.

In a vacuum Eri and Fuyumi's character arcs and depictions of abuse are good but it becomes a problem when that's the only experience and type of victim we ever hold in high value or recognize as valid and deserving of compassion. Which the story reinforces.

Touya and Tenko's backstories aren't pretty nor comfortable or easy to sit through. Their responses to abuse aren't either. Reactive abuse is very much real.

[tales-of-wocdes]

Tales of Wocdes: The Silver Protector

A WIP Twine game! The demo is now available (demo updated 27.10.2024, ~103 500 words with code inside text and different branches):

Also about 11 k words of bonus content published as a part of the demo 13.12.2024. See this post.

Tales of Wocdes: The Silver Protector is a high fantasy interactive fiction made in Twine. During the story, your protagonist will change from a helpless child to a Silver Protector, an elite warrior and protector. In time, you may wield powerful magic, or be a master of the blade.  

The game is in early development. All content is subject to change.

There is also now a kofi page.

Premise

Wocdes is a world full of magic, monsters, and secrets. No beings in this world embody all three better than the Ancients,  godlike in power and unbeatable in battle. Incredibly wise and compassionate. Incredibly terrible and cruel. Immortal and glorious. Petty and vengeful. Or so the stories go. 

Not that you know the stories. Why would you? You are a child kidnapped for unknown purposes.  You barely know anything about yourself. Your life is one of pain and suffering at the hands of people you do not know. 

In a moment of desperation, a plea leaves your lips. Or perhaps it is only in your mind. Unexpectedly something hears you and will never ignore a broken child alone in the dark asking for help. You are saved but you are permanently scarred by your experiences. Given into the care of the newly created Orphanage of Firgrat, here is where your journey truly begins. How will you cope with your past and current reality?  Can you survive the cruel world of Wocdes, the weight of your trauma? Can you help others survive?  Can you grow up, make friends, learn to love, and become a real person again?

What to look forward to

In this game, you will (eventually) be able to:

Customize your character, from their appearance and gender (male, female, non-binary) to their abilities and personality.

Admittedly, your characters emotional development has taken a bit of a hit due to recent events, leaving them a bit confused in general about... everything. 

You can add elements of fantasy races to your character's appearance, such as a tail, wings, pointy ears and many more.

Discover why you were kidnapped, eventually.

Protect those you feel deserve it, become stronger for yourself or to protect others.

Grow up alongside other orphans and kids from the city, journey through childhood at the orphanage and the surrounding city, to adulthood with responsibilities. 

Develop your relationships with your fellow orphans and other companions, maybe even get into a romance. 

Speaking of romance, the author aims to offer an option to be completely and utterly dense about romance, like completely oblivious to the degree people worry about you. Or maybe you will be a smoother operator.

Go on adventures and missions, both innocent and not, in an original fantasy world full of magic, wonder and cruelty.

Characters

Primary

The twins Atru (m) and Azha (f): The original inhabitants of the orphanage and the only children already there when you arrive. Both twins have short blond hair and green eyes. Atru is a seemingly silent emotionless boy who clings to his sister Azha. Azha is a little girl shaped ray of sunshine and well-meaning mischief. And chatter!

More characters will be filled out later.

Secondary

Havard (m): The head custodian of the Orphanage. A father figure to all the children. His duty is to guide the children, and it is a duty he takes very seriously.

Lexia (f): The Silver Protector in charge of you. Young, excitable and strong. One of the first to be chosen for the new elite order called the Silver Protectors.

Alessa (f): The custodian in charge of the twins. A sweet young somewhat shy woman who the twins adore, both in their own ways. 

Sandor (m): The Silver Protector in charge of the twins. A good-natured and somewhat shy young man often trailing after the twins with a fond look. 

The Ancients

RAFO (Read And Find Out). You might meet some. 

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction! Any potential resemblance of appearances, names, or personalities of characters with people in real life, living or dead, is coincidental.

This story is meant for adults. The game contains depictions of violence, blood, gore, sexually suggestive content, black humor, explicit language etc. A more complete list can be found in game. Like everything else, this list is subject to change. 

The game contains dealing with traumatic events. The author is not a qualified medical professional, and the in game responses to trauma are not in any way encouraged.  If you are uncomfortable with what you are reading, please refrain from continuing until you feel better. Or drop the story entirely. None of this is worth your health.

[where-the-stars-collide]

An analysis of Emperors Geta & Caracalla from “Gladiator II”

(*SPOILERS AHEAD!!*)

Hands down they were two of the most interesting characters from this movie and they deserved more screentime but thanks to the complete script and the actors' incredible performances we can gather a lot about their personality as individuals and dynamic as brothers.

Emperor Geta

The released script has confirmed that Geta was the first to be born and we had already kinda guessed it because of the way he behaved and how other characters used to address him for important matters.

He also had a more calculating and observant nature in comparison to his brother and he was certainly calmer. Nevertheless he was power hungry, slightly unhinged, hedonistic, selfish, naive, short-sighted and uncaring and blind about his people needs. The interesting thing is that he seemed genuinely hurt by Acacius' and Lucilla's betrayal which means that he genuinely wanted their respect and loyalty.

In the script there is a deleted scene where Geta and Caracalla asked from Lucilla to adopt them as her sons, which was a common practice back then to strengthen the bloodline. The Emperors knew that they had no right to the throne, so they made this offer to Lucilla, a daughter of a well-respected Caesar. It was a clear political move, especially from Geta's part (for Caracalla it's also something else which I will get into later).

Geta was a person that despite his cruelty he craved loyalty, admiration and respect. He wanted to be loved by his people but he didn't understand that he also had to take care of them. By mercilessly continuing his conquests he had deprived the people of food. Still he tried to gain that respect by controlling Lucilla just like he said in the script “He who controls the lady of Rome controls the people”.

When the riots began after Acacius' death, Geta seemed to have reached a point of desperation and was even seen hiding his face on a curtain and crying.

His relationship with his brother was both complex and immensely interesting. In a deleted scene they can be seen bickering and arguing and it is explicitly said that they were like this every day. But there was also love from both ends and Geta seemed to genuinely worry about his brother's health. When they were children Geta used his own body as a shield to protect Caracalla from their father's blows which clearly suggests that they had an abusive childhood and ever since then he had always protected him. It's also most certain that he didn't want Caracalla's health problems to become known in the empire and when Acacius' betrayal was revealed Geta was the one that calmed Caracalla's outburst which can also mean that this wasn't his first time restraining him. It was also interesting that when Geta lashed out at Caracalla and threw wine at his brother's face he seemed to be regretful after the anger slowly left him.

All those arguments that happened every day never made Geta love his brother less and even voiced his great concern for him to Macrinus about how he gets worse every day. Caracalla could be even slowly dying from his various diseases and Geta felt helpless.

When Caracalla attacked him the script said that Geta wasn't entirely surprised because he had experienced these kind of moods before. Therefore it's not improbable for Caracalla to have physically attacked Geta in the past. Even at that moment the latter seemed to reach his brother and almost made him change his mind but Macrinus showed up and ended everything.

Geta was really having a huge burden on his shoulders: His responsibilities as a ruler which he proved unable to fulfill and his role as a big brother who had to protect and care for his little brother. A role which he also failed because he underestimated Caracalla's insecurities and put his trust on the wrong person.

Emperor Caracalla

Caracalla was the one that had completely lost his sanity thanks to his various illnesses. The script has confirmed that he suffered from syphilis and lead poisoning and that's a lethal combination. And yes, both diseases can affect the brain:

Caracalla was shown to be impulsive, unpredictable, short-tempered, bloodthirsty and was neither clever nor perceptive as shown when he displayed joy at Lucius for killing his champion after loudly refusing the Emperors' mercy (an outrageous act at the time) and his inability to understand Macrinus' schemes and lies.

He was naive and behaved in a childlike manner which was unbecoming of an Emperor. He was also very hedonistic and seemed more absorbed into enjoying the pleasures and luxuries of his position (sex, food, drink etc.). He, furthermore, appeared to be even more promiscuous than his brother having both male and female concubines around him. In a deleted scene he was seen going with his brother and their concubines to their bedrooms which means they fucked in the same room and shared their concubines. Caracalla invited even Macrinus to their bed to show them his “might”. Even Geta was like "bro chill".

I found his relationship with Lucilla interesting. Apparently he appeared to have a special interest for her:

Lucilla could know this since she tried to reason with him not to kill Acacius and when she was ready to be thrown into the arena herself, he was hesitant to do it and even asked Macrinus if this was necessary (If you ask me he was ready to hit that milf)

But that doesn't mean that he also didn't feel jealousy and anger for the love that the Roman people had for her. In his own words “We give them everything. What has she given them?”. Poor Caracalla didn't understand that his unpopularity came from the way his father took the throne while Lucilla was the daughter of a beloved Caesar. He certainly wasn't the brightest in the room since he failed to comprehend that his disinterest for the people made him unpopular thanks to his famous movie line “They can eat war!”.

His monkey, Dondus, was his comfort animal. He loved and cared for it. It was his companion and friend. It brought him joy and in return he spoiled it with food, clothes and even the seat of the First Consul. He was highly protective of it and, in a deleted scene, he even shouted at Geta for the latter's treatment of it.

But his relationship with his brother was the most engaging one. Apparently Caracalla was having delusions about Geta. He claimed that he tried to kill him by asphyxiating him in the womb with the umbilicus (something that is probably unlikely since it's impossible to remember something like this) and that he always lies to him. It's more possible that the diseases had heavily affected his brain and made him forget or alter things. The script even calls it "dementia" which is something really sad to have at such a young age.

Caracalla felt inferior to his brother and he never had anything that was completely his. He suffered from insecurities and when he presented himself as Emperor to the Senate he said: “Now I am the only one. I was the true us, and he was the false me. We were always "we", all our lives, but now I am only I, me, alone”. (Which is a badass line and we got robbed but that's a talk for another day)

When he cut his brother's hand and smiled I believe he did as if to say "look he bleeds" and probably because he felt relief in finally hurting him the way his brother "hurt" him all that time. But in the end he couldn't do it. He couldn't kill his brother and showed not only hesitation but also got teary-eyed by Geta's words. If Macrinus wasn't there to help, Geta would be able to reason with him.

But it's kind of peculiar how he claimed that “My hand held the blade, but my Father's hand guided mine. I was the puppet, dancing on his string” (rip to another amazing quote) even though their father was abusive. We can only blame this to his insanity.

Sadly, Caracalla seemed to worsen mentally after his brother's death as the script also said.

He couldn't even remember what he had done.

And something else which also points to his insecurity is the throne which he picked to sit on the final game:

In his final moments he felt the same way Geta did: helpless and afraid.

Died alone on his brother's throne.

(special shoutout to Joseph Quinn and Fred Hechinger. They were given so little screentime and yet they delivered thanks to their incredible work 🛐)

[pandorem]

Genuinely find it fascinating from a writing perspective that Edwin’s propensity for playing trauma olympics is a well established trait of his that plays so interestingly into his relationships with Crystal and Charles and Simon especially, and how it works in his character arc and how it both plays into and CONTRASTS his incredible capacity for forgiveness. How it’s a flaw that makes so much sense with how much he’s suffered that it’s hard not to be sympathetic towards it or even agree with him sometimes, but that it IS a flaw and comes up at times that are less fair as well. Im not sure I have a real point to this yet, it’s just something I want to chew on for a while.

for one: Edwin’s tendency to put his trauma as worse than others’ (no matter how literally correct he might be) is set up directly to parallel Crystal’s own self centered tendencies and her character arc. They BOTH have a tendency to not consider other people’s feelings and pain until someone points out to them that they are being dismissive. They are mirrors of each other and I love them so much. I also wanted to push back a bit on some things I’ve seen about how Edwin’s reaction to her yelling at him in episode one was completely justified (“what she’s been through? I spent 70 years in hell!”) because of how their traumas interact and how she let David in the first time that feel too dismissive of Crystal’s trauma. Yes, their trauma’s with demons interact in ways that it makes PERFECT SENSE that Edwin reacted the way he did, and I even sympathize with him, but something being sympathetic does not mean it’s justified. Taking away the metaphor of the Demonic nature of it all, Crystal was just cornered and threatened by her abusive ex boyfriend who has succeeded in isolating her from her entire social circle/any safety net she might have had before the boys. And uh. We don’t say about people getting out of abusive relationships that it’s justified that people were mad at them for getting into the relationship willingly. So.

Also. While Edwin’s measuring of their traumas is more sympathetic in the first episode, the moment in a later episode where Edwin (nearly lightheartedly) dismisses Crystal’s nightmare about her abusive demon ex because “the living know nothing about true nightmares” is less so, and I think is there to confirm that this is a genuine, deliberately written character flaw that he needs to grow out of, just like Crystal needs to grow.

And that brings us to Simon. The character who Edwin is THE MOST justified to be angry at, to blame and to compare their punishments. When he rages that Simon damned him to decades of being ripped apart while Simon sits quietly crying in a room, getting paper cuts from tearing pages out of books, it’s honestly difficult not to agree with him, to not feel that same righteous indignation. But then despair lays it out for him: he was about to gloat over another’s torture. And even without yet knowing more about Simon, Edwin is horrified by the idea. I think it says so much about Edwin’s GOODNESS that the time this character flaw of his feels the most justified and right is also the time he works through and past it to empathize with the pain of the real person on the other side of that. It is after he comes back, needing Simon to know that he didn’t mean to gloat, that he is then able to see Simon as a real person, as someone he shares pain with, the pain of being closeted and terrified in the 1910s. Simon was a kid, same as Edwin, who was terrified of his own nature and let that fear and humiliation lead him to cruelty that ended in consequences that he never intended. And it says so, so much about Edwin’s goodness that once he is able to see past his own pain and empathize with someone else’s, he feels for and maybe even forgives the one person that he would be most justified in NOT forgiving. That connecting with him is literally what saved Simon’s soul in the end.

(It’s also worth noting- Simon thinks that Edwin is “another trick” when he first sees him. He says that “the headmaster will be angry”. In keeping with the theme that we shouldn’t compare traumas or decide that we know what other people are going through, it seems clear to me that what we saw- sitting alone and getting paper cuts- was NOT the entirety of Simon’s hell.)

And then there’s Charles. Now. Edwin has a lot of 1910s sensibilities that make him connecting the dots on what Charles went through a bit difficult for him. But Edwin never, ever suggests that his trauma is less or isn’t worth getting upset about. Because it’s Charles, and Charles deserves no amount of pain ever, in the world. I don’t think it would ever occur to Edwin if I’m honest. Of course it’s because he loves him and Charles is his favourite person in the universe, but also I wonder at the fact that their very first meeting, so soon after Edwin had escaped hell, was one of complete empathy and compassion. Maybe seeing the bullies made him see himself in Charles but it sort of circles the point I think I’m making- Edwin’s very real flaws contrast against and thus highlight his INCREDIBLE kindness and goodness.