#and she will want to see what im buying
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lowkey want to buy a style sticker but i’d have to track it religiously to apprehend it before my dad finds it 😭😭
notable finds that are making me feral:
#also i don’t have a card usually i use my moms and give her the cash for it#and she will want to see what im buying#omg last year i decorated all my school notebooks with this pack of etsy spiderman stickers i bought#what if i decorated my apush notebook with stankyle#HAHAHAHAHAH#ok now i kinda want to#UGHHH#theyre so CUTE and so SILLY i need them#not sure if im ready to be obliterated by all my friends tho#sp style
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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damn i kinda need my own rook tbh..
#i restarted lmfao….. oops…#tbh ive had a hard time buying into rook like as a character#like what are they doing here who are they why are they leading this team#initially i was playing a mourn watch mage and it just wasn’t working for me I couldn’t buy into why she was there#so i restarted as a warden and its making more sense now#like… there’s blight. this rook is already in some trouble with the wardens for disobeying orders before…#and they are still fighting blight in the game so there’s a reason they’re here#and them butting heads with the first warden that’s just a regular occurrence for a warden rook anyway#so now this makes more sense to me#also… i want him… he is cute..#idk who he will romance im playing him kinda aggressive rn so maybe emmrich to balance out with some sweetness#or just do insane 4 insane with lucanis#we’ll see…#da4
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dispencer talk
#txt#my art#tf2#femfotress#<- idk how to tag this fuuuuck#tf2 spy#tf2 engineer#<- bagged and tagged#okay. now onto my blabbering.#ransom on everyone who sees this: ten notes orrrrr uhhhh im uh...#buying 400 keys and going in debt#I SPENT WAYYY TO LONG ON THIS#ok this is cool byt something is missing...#i kept going and going and going and#now we have this#last minute change i made engie's mouth open instead of closed bc she looked too awkward lol#uh. i know this is a dogshit spot on swiftwater its ok you dont have to tell me#lets say their team moved forward by a lot and theres no nest by that wall#i just NEEDED this to be swiftwater. there was no other map i had in mind that was what i wanted#also yes i made that screenshot myself heart#and i didnt search up that one fem spy design for reference but made shit up. yeehaw#OKAY ENOUGH HIT THE SLAY BUTTON#EDIT I FORGOT TO TAG THIS AS ->#engiespy#FUUUUUUUUCK
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job applications: this is entry level! anyone can apply!
job applications: ...as long as you've done at least six months of highly specific work, or have this exact degree, or if you kissed a chicken during the last moon of 2012-
#im back in the trenches bois its Not Looking Great#gonna apply to this stupid thing anyway but#it looks like stockin grocery store shelves is the way im gonna go#unless i get Very lucky or manage to bullshit my way into this job#college isn't necessary but Man a lot of places want you to attend. no <3#but noooo instead i have to like. work. till i die. and never make enough money to live comfortably. sigh#sometimes i think to myself 'i should make video essays on youtube and see if that goes anywhere'#and sometimes i think 'i should scribble up things that people would buy and make a shop'#and sometimes i think 'what if i killed someone with a stick. would that be fucked up or what'#absolutely unprompted#AGHHHHHHHH THE BOXES WE AS HUMANITY HAVE LOCKED OURSELVES INTO IM GONNA LOSE IT#i was born to be a handsome decoration / weird little artist for eccentric wealthy people#i was meant to drape myself across a beautiful philanthropist woman's lap and doodle lil animals for her#while she rambles and feeds me grapes#yk. if i did make a shop i could have an extra section for small crochet things#coasters. small hand warmers. tiny shapes. simple cat toys. that sorta thing. quick and easy stuff#i could make them w/ specific colors so that they're subtle fandom themed#i literally have a coaster in damian's robin colors... a black/red SB square...#hm. thinking#oh shit i gotta work on that new commission sheet#OH NO. I FORGOR SOMETHING I SHOULD NOT HAVE FORGOR. I HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY#excuse me everyone i have something to finish
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at first i was thinking about oscars work with madam springs being in a secondary location from her bookstore but i think a cute idea would be putting the springs storefront in the same building as the bookshops...side by side store neighbors or something...
#oscar: im off to work! (goes next door)#i think i like the idea of old woman madam springs putting her little input on their lives all the time#plus next-door healing station seems convenient rpg-wise#even better if madam springs and/or oscar own the whole building so theyre like mochis landlord#mochi: rent isnt a big deal because i can just magic up some money#madam springs: i take qoms payment only#mochi: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO??? (shaking lime)#mochi: (sobbing) were gonna be homeless...#lime: will you relax for like 2 seconds please#little known mochi fact: shes always loaded with cash (normal human currency) but is constantly strapped for qoms (magic currency)#she cant help buying the cute little magic trinkets and potions every time she sees them#mochi wanting to cry every time she cant buy herself a cute little magic treat and instead has to put it toward rent#this is why lime doing m-34th jobs is such a benefit#because they pay him generously in money and any qoms he gets from commissions he gets to keep#not lime hoarding qoms the entire timeskip period so he could buy mochi things she actually wants when he sees her agian
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JUST started a good Durge playthrough and I'm dying over my absolute little guy bard Tinfoil.
#bg3#bg3 tav#baldurs gate 3#(Im a tag rambler so theres a lot here-) he's got voice six and because of that I'm opting he's incredibly INCREDIBLY young#like- probably 9? Dragonborn reach 10 year old human size at 3 for them so. yeah-#human-body wise he's about 17? but he's still got so little thoughts in his head. Which is canon as well at least#not gonna romance ANYONE as Tinfoil but we're gonna all be besties.#still deciding if he'll slurp tadpoles. he gives into peer preassure very easily and is very easily bossed around.#so it depends at the moment in the cutscene i guess.#he's the group kid. i think shadowheart would mother him a lot and he looks up to Karlach A SHITTON. 'She's so cool...'#'why is the group kid the leader?'#everyone shrugs but they see Tinfoil curl up around a small pile of gold and gems as he sleeps and they can't say no to what he wants to do#Lae'zel thinks he's 'extremely weak skinned. and needs all the help a pathetic youngling like him can get'#she says; helping said pathetic kid up off the nautaloid ship floor after he ran ahead to try and get to the controls; listening to her#like a good lil guy#'Tinfoil; darling; you know we can always get *more* gold if you give up some of these precious little rubies and opals. Your hoard#will look *much* more impressive that way.'#-Astarion; trying to convince a now-teary-eyed tinfoil to give up his hoard so the party can buy health potions#'its not...its not impressive?' he starts crying and Shadowheart has to comfort him#I KNOW he's gonna go murder mode and stuff. but everyone at camp thinks it's just dragonborn instincts kicking in#so they just like chain him to a tree for the night.#its funny i think#'NO! BAD TINFOIL! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE BIRDS!'#'Raughguguhguguh. Tinfoil *NEEDS* sauce...'#he is on a leash constantly because he is enamoured with the beauty of the world and runs off- but also to not kill and maim constantly.
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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spoilers for dungeon meshi chapters 37-38
something about these two pages is so...... the way kabru is trying to brutally kill falin while simultaneously restricting her movement in such an elegant(?) way.... the delicate precision in the way he stabs her... the raw emotion on their faces: the determination, shock, fear.... i think i hauve covid
#dungeon meshi#L.txt#kabuposting#i would buy this volume for these two pages alone they are so gorgeous and gross and intimate(?) i want to throw up#im so excited to see this animated i might actually pass out seeing it on the screen#trigger please do your thing... for me#falin and her feathers being white/light colored potentially playing off of associations with angels/divinity or maybe even representing#transparency re: her motives whereas kabru is shown wearing dark colors/black. his motives are unclear and mysterious unlike falin's#more typical earnestness - even in this state where she isn't 'truly herself' she is shown being careful and gentle#very intentionally not trying to associate the dark color w 'evil' or whatever i think its more relating to the 'darkness' aka the mystery#of what lies in the dark of the dungeon which could allude to kabru's more secretive and reserved nature as well as his true goals ?#HDHLDHKSKHDKGD I THINK I HAUVE COVID 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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Unfortunately for everyone involved, Brent doesn't understand the concept of being bought a joke, like, why would someone SPEND MONEY on a joke? Since Karen's his friend and bought him a shirt, he's like. Legally obligated to wear it at least once... ? Probably?
So while he suffers over the idea of wearing it and not wanting to wear it at work he eventually would wear it and Karen would suffer the fact she needs to actually not try to joke too much in a teasing way if it's gonna be Treated Seriously. Right suffering from being gay because oh, Brent looks nice in color. (Chris would find out about it at work that he missed Brent in color and just stares at Karen because she is an absolute menace how did she manage that.)
#oops i fell in love#it all started when i said i imagined brent getting his hair messed up by one of his cousins and right seeing it#and atticus is like DOESNT HE LOOK SO MUCH SEXIER LIKE THIS and brent agonizing bc he doesnt want to hear that from his cousin#and then right is like well im too gay for this conversation because yeah kind of on the cousins side#and atticus beaming and then the person i was telling said shed like to see him less formal#with like a short sleeved button up or just a jacket rather than a suit coat#and im like brent would turn to dust if you put him in short sleeves haha but a jacket would be nice! and doable! probably for him!#and then i realized WAIT KAREN WOULD ABSOLUTELY BUY A HAWAIIN SHIRT AS A JOKE FOR HIM#and he would not realize it was a joke and he has to please his friends or else they will be disappointed so he HAS to wear it#like he legally has to wear this shirt at some point but he would wear a suit coat over it but#it was a gift from karen :c he has to wear it :c :c she would be heartbroken for the gift to go to waste#and then everyone (karen and right in this situation) would be like oh no he looks miserable but also v good#for what it is worth there are many times where right points out to brent that the only reason paul talks to him sometimes is#because hes just really gay and paul is suffering a dude crush so clearly in the dumbass's brain the gay guy is the only solution#then points out I DONT EVEN TOUCH PEOPLE EVER WHY IS HE FUCKING LIKE THIS#and brent is like truly a mystery im sure it has nothing to do with his trust in you#but anyway#one day im gonna draw brent in that shirt and it will be miserable for him but hell do it for karen
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I'm being so serious rn if I ever talk about doing another fringe festival run in the next like 3 years at least send me to fucking therapy. It is a cry for help. This is bad for me.
#im over halfway at least. but fucking christ.#ive barely seen anyone i care about for weeks. im hardly sleeping. im in knee braces and im still in pain.#13 hours a day of people yelling at me. the busiest ive ever seen public transport. eating the most random sporadic shit.#no hobbies. very few friends or family. crying twice a day. i still havent been paid. binding!! binding 7am til midnight!!!! daily!!!!!#my whole body hurts im physically mentally emotionally exhausted im desperately lonely im not doing the things that make me feel fulfilled#when my loved ones are free im either working or passed out in pain and exhaustion#the boss is enabling all sorts of bullshit yet again#im not able to be a person anyone i care about deserves to know#and that makes me not want to know me either#that is at least when i have enough fractions of a spoon left to feel anything at all except upset or numb#i NEED this all to be over#my next free day is my sisters 21st birthday next month my fucking baby sister is turning 21 and i dont know what to get her#i dont have a brain im not being!! a person worth knowing!!!!#my gran fucking fell the other day she's hurt ive not visited her in ages bc of work and finance i want to see my wee gran i want#to buy her ice cream and tell her i love her#i had to clean up an old guy who smashed his face on the pavement today and im just putting That trauma off til at least mid September#my BEST FRIEND gets MARRIED next week#and i can barely think about it because im on empty#im on below empty#they deserve so much better from me#im out. im not doing this again. not like this.
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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there’s a sort of clawing desperation that rips you up from the insides when you’re trying to be an adult and have your own life but then the very same people who are telling you to do just that continue to treat and berate you like a child and refuse to see you as a person with adult concerns and needs and you are left trying to juggle these two selves that they want to exist as one but only if both halves are agreeable to them and follow orders but they also throw it in your face that’s you need to make your “own decisions” and i want to throw up :)
#mj.chatter#personal#like yeah id love to travel and see my family but i just took time off in the summer and my mom insisted on coming to see me instead#of me going home and it was fun and nice but now she wants me to take MORE time off in september to go see everyone#and like i don’t think she understands i need to work? and i want to try to work on my second career more in the fall as well?? and taking#an entire week off isn’t something that’s like great for me to do#and like it should be okay with work but at the same time management has been so awful lately that i don’t know#and when i tried to express that she got upset with me#and said that it’s all on me now#but she very clearly wants me to do what she wants me to do#and she keeps telling me that i should be excited she’s offering to buy a ticket for me#but really i just feel sick#like i wish i could be just excited but she has turned this into the most stressful situation possible#and wants me to be the good kid and just say okay#but whenever i push back it’s suddenly all my fault cause im the adult and need to get my shit together
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Ok so these designs are cute as hell, the Internet is just mean
I have too many thoughts about a game I still need to watch
#goodbye volcano high#i dont have the money to buy it but god i need to watch a playthrough when i have time it's so interesting to me#like; the theme of 'yeah we're going die but that doesn't mean we can enjoy what time we have left' sounds amazing to me love that#its so funny i was actually watching a review of it that was basically 'this game sucks and here's why'#and then it just started listing off shit like- 'the characters designs are pastel they're nonbinary you die no matter what'#and then my neurons just went off and went '👁️👁️ oh! sounds amazing i want to see more'#fuck yeah pastel nonbinary dinosaurs lets go#well i think its just fang thats nonbinary and then two other trans characters#i saw a cutscene! and it was about the experiences of being an apart of a family as sec-gen immigrant and trans-#and i thought that was cool as hell dont recall ever seeing that in any of thr arts ive seen before (but there's lots of art out there!)#heard it got some glitches tho (havent looked in depth of what those glitches are) hopefully it got patched out#also im so fucking pissed i saw the gator game before i saw this 😮💨 (context; apparently made by people who made a fangame where they#the mc of this game a datable side character and they only have a happy ending if they detransition? which fucking yikes😬)#i saw people say 'oh but they did it empathetically' like how the fuck is taking a canon nb character and making them only happy through#detransitioning empathetic that sounds super fucking shitty and gross#i think a character that detransitions can be done and would be interesting to see- but this just reeks of people being transphobic for real#oh also purple dino has a slug or worm or something apparently! seems cute! just a lil thing#apparently its a rhythm game; listened to some of the songs and it sounded good! sadly i suck at rhythm games#but apparently failing doesn't affect the story? kinda wish it would but honestly better for me lol-#pink one and fang end up dating i believe- from what i saw pink is like- soft spoken artist? dunno if accurate but she's cute#all the characters are cute just look at them!!! awesome#also they have to just continue school like normal before they die and honestly thats so real#also saw people dislike the fact you dont see the characters actual die or the meteor#which is ??? dunno i just think some things are better left implied than shown-#anyways man i keep trying to find neat stuff about the game and all i see is people bitchin about it or praising the shit fan on instead 😔#man if i had two nickles for a time i grew to become obsessed with a media only for loads of people to hate id have two nickles#first nickle is kat elliot she's such a cool character Internet wasn't ready for her#also yes i saw obsessed i can just tell this is something ill go bonkers for#i mean god look how much text is in my tags for this already! and i still need to see the game in it's fullness!#im sure there's other cool shit
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a non issue thats an issue for me. Why can't I find black/brown people in aesthetic post. Its always white people and it kinda annoys me
#I want hands of color in stim gif sets!!#reminds me of being a kid and anytime my mom would buy angel decorations (she loves angel decor) she'd always ask if they had black angels#(they usually never did)#Is it so wrong to want to see people like you in your interest#it bugs me when im trying to be an aesthetic blog and for every 1 (one) black person in a beautiful scenic picture#theres 40 gajillion white people#I just want to enjoy black mermaids and angels please god show me what I need to search 😭😭😭
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