#and realistically by the time i have my shit together enough to think about a qt tank ill prolly be trained in the fish room by then
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 4 months ago
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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lesbiansanemi · 7 months ago
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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao
#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now#because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now#and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day#we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off#but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up#and this is also something that happens multiple times a day#like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god#but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach#'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit#and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good#his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before#also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career#opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc#and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now#i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma#and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own#it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down#about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life#and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done#and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this#that has been made PAINFULLY clear#ugh this is so fucking horrendous#what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person#who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life#like explain it to me jfc
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cosmogyros · 1 day ago
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Auditory processing issues suck SO HARD. I just spent about 1.5 hours watching the first half hour of a movie on YouTube, because I had so much trouble understanding the dialogue that I kept constantly having to go back and listen again and again and again, look up a transcript of the full film (the transcript contained mistakes, so it wasn't much help), compare and contrast various subtitle files available online, even cup my hands around my ears, etc. Just to figure out what the characters were saying to each other.
And it's not just literally understanding what words they say to each other, oh no. That's only the first step. The next step is figuring out what those characters MEAN when they say certain words. Like when a dude says "You know, I see, like, if we can get successful, it's, like, L-L, man… limos and Learjets," I feel like I'm having a stroke. I have to hit pause and sit there for a sec and ask myself a bunch of questions and do some research online.
Why did he say L-L? Why did he randomly say the initials of the two things he wants? Also, why does he specifically say 'Learjet'? When people dream of having a private jet, don't they normally say 'private jet'? I'd never heard the word Learjet before, so I had to go look it up to try to get more context, but that didn't really help. Is this a music biz reference I don't know? Is this a Canadian reference I don't know? If this happened once or twice during a movie, it would be no problem, but when I'm stopping and going back literally every two minutes, it takes for-fucking-ever to get through the film and my brain is So! Fucking! Exhausted!
I had to stop at about the half-hour mark. I felt like I was about to cry from frustration, so I quit for the night. I'll return to it in a day or two, when I've got a bit more mental energy, and try to work my way through the rest. If I can get through half an hour of film time per day (in an hour or so, however long it takes to get through that much), I can finish the movie in three days of watching. (And this is a movie I really, really WANT to see. I wouldn't waste a moment of my time struggling through it if I didn't care this much about it.)
Anyway. Sometimes when people say they "don't watch movies much", it doesn't necessarily mean they're being elitist snobs or whatever. Sometimes it's just so fucking challenging and exhausting to watch a movie that it leaves me feeling angry at my own body for being a dysfunctional piece of crap. I don't know if this counts as a "disability" and I'm not claiming that label because I don't want to step on any toes, but I have to admit that the mere prospect of watching a film often fills me with dread because it can be so intensely difficult for me (unless I just mentally check out and give up on understanding it completely, which is what I typically do when I'm watching with other people).
#please don't be harsh to me about this y'all :( i just needed to vent#i feel stupid enough already for being so incredibly fucking bad at something as simple as WATCHING A MOVIE#i don't get it? is this an autism thing? or is it an auditory-processing issue only?#tbf it's a mockumentary (hard core logo) and as i said to a friend tonight: that might be part of the problem#i think actors in mockumentaries often don't have an actual script and tend to improvise a lot of their dialogue#which is great for creating really realistic and convincing dialogue#but also often means that sentences trail off or make no sense; words are pronounced weirdly; enunciation is shit; etc.#the actors in this movie are really good in the sense that they're very realistic and it comes across basically like a real documentary#so props to them for that. but jfc. is it just me being shitty at understanding people talking?#or is it that these people do not fucking know how to project and enunciate and open their goddamn mouths when they talk?#and place emphasis in the right place in sentences? AND PRONOUNCE WORDS CORRECTLY FFS???#no i'm not being fair. and i know that. it's not fair of me to blame the actors/characters for my own difficulty understanding them.#but god this is hard for me. kind of ironic that i've studied so many foreign languages and can understand about 10 languages more or less#but i'm almost brought to tears by the challenge of trying to understand what native english speakers are saying in a normal film#there's another line where the transcript says 'as long as we can keep the fuckin' mentals fuckin' together'#but i swear he does not actually say 'mentals'. i listened to that bit so many times!!!#i even sent the link to a friend who confirmed that it didn't sound like 'mentals' to him either. more like 'mantoros' but that's not a wor#anyway i eventually just gave up on that one. i'm done for the night. i need to sleep#might delete this tmrw bc it feels stupid to get this down over literally just trying to watch a movie :( but i had to let off some steam#if anyone has a CORRECT transcript of this movie anywhere (you'll know it's correct if it does NOT include the word 'ryder') pls let me kno#that would help a lot with my future attempts at finishing it. but now i'm going to bed
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toytulini · 1 month ago
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Last Night:
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This morning:
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they just love to look so fucked up and rotting. I guess. for fun?
#toy pic post#undescribed#90gal#corycats#corydoras#corydora catfish#the duality of corydora?#i promise perspective is making that size difference look even worse than it actually is. the big cory IS a bit closer to the camera.#also when i fucking woke up that one on the outside looking so so so bad was in the exact same spot and if it was still there after therapy#i was gonna maybe poke it. probably feed first since i want to feed them today but. yea#it stayed there all night and then now its. acting normal. swimming about. being social with its friend#THAT SAID i do notice that chunk of tail missing. luckily i only think its that one. the other has a healthy tail....but fucked up dorsal#BUT the fucked up dorsal might be my nemo attempter. cos whichever one did that did fuck up the dorsal a bit?#anyway. theres 5 large bronze/green ones in there and 2 of these guys so im hoping the aggression balances?#and that one in the pic is the Largest of all of them. i think thats the only green one?#but idk. hopefully i can get my shit in order and get a qt tank and then maybe i can add like ? 4 more lil white guys and then maybe theyll#be less bullyable. harder to single out?#i still think this tank is the better option rn considering that i started with 6 in the 40gal and now i have only 2#and never found any corpses. only. very very fat kuhli loaches and an extremely fat clown pleco#i want to add loaches to that tank eventually but i fear ill be growing them out in a qt tank cos otherwise they might get eaten#my loaches are so so fat rn and im worried i wont find any big enough to homd their own for sale#but i should also maybe be able to get some in at work now easier? so theres that#and realistically by the time i have my shit together enough to think about a qt tank ill prolly be trained in the fish room by then
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wombywoo · 7 months ago
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do you have any ghostsoap favorite fics, perhaps?
boy do I....
I should preface this by saying that I'm pretty...particular with what types of fics I enjoy reading (I only like certain character interpretations/tropes/writing styles, etc) so bear with me...
These are all mostly canon-compliant, non-AUs, ones that I regard highly~
Seasons--by StinglessWasp: This is pretty much my go-to fic rec for anyone into CoD and ghostsoap in general. It showcases everything I love about these characters, in a setting that feels as authentic to the games as possible, while also exploring the depth and sincerity hidden under the surface. So well-written and paced--the dialogue and military references all contribute to that 'feels like a mission out of the game' experience. Plus, I just love this interpretation of our boys--the humor, the inner struggles, the intimacy--Wasp 100% *gets* these characters and it's a joy to read <3
Except You, You Can Stay--by Iravaid: While this one isn't *technically* ghostsoap until the last chapter, in my opinion, it's required reading for anyone who gives a shit about Simon Riley. This is *the* character study--an intimate dissection of Ghost's past that seems so realistic and grounded, you forget how ludicrous those comics really are. Ira takes such care in treating these heavy topics with delicacy and effectiveness. Each chapter has you going 'oh wow, this is even better than the last', but as a whole--it's a stunning, fleshed-out glimpse into Simon as the character he was always meant to be. And the final chapter which eases you into his relationship with Johnny is so authentic and sweet, it just makes perfect sense that they should be together, and that this poor poor man deserves some goddamn love <3
bleeding in the house of god--by revolvermonkcelot: This is a really great 'missing scene' fic, a perfect opportunity to explore the in-between moments that the game so carelessly chooses to gloss over. I can't praise Monk's writing enough--it's slick and crisp and very tasty; the imagery just jumps off the page and you can practically feel the sweat. Plus, the dialogue exchanges between our two boys are so well-timed and in-character--love all the slang and British references~ This whole fic reads like an addition to their mission flirting, and I'm all for it! You can truly tell this author has such deep understanding and experience with this franchise (winkwinkwink, this is a joke) Read it--it's good!
The Dead are all Living--by Kabbal: This fic blew me away when I first read it. It's such a unique take on the retirement trope, I just adore this interpretation of Simon as an aging recluse while he builds his home. I tend to lean towards more subtle, grounded characterizations of Mr Riley, and this really fits the bill. All of these glimpses and fragments into his post-military life contribute to an overarching love story; the scenes with Johnny are so poignant, it's like you're pining alongside them both. I love how not-perfect they are; flawed and difficult and real. There are some moments and lines that just....struck something in me so deeply. I'm sure I'll still be thinking about it for a long long time <3
Portrait of Taction--by a_platypus: Another Simon-centric fic that I absolutely love. The character voice in this is off the charts, I can hear him so vividly in all of his inner dialogue and stunted attempts at conversation. Simon is so endearingly dense in this fic, you're just waiting for him to finally get his act together, but the clumsy, oblivious steps he takes in his relationship with Soap are truly a treat to read. I love this version of Johnny too--confident and considerate, but still hopelessly crushing on his superior. It's comedic, well-written, and the paragraphs describing Soap's journal give some of the best insights into his character I've seen <3
come on, haunt me--by flyby2: This was a really good long fic that I took my time savoring. What could have been a typical 'on leave' fic instead took time to develop a unique spin on the backstories as well as throwing our boys into some wholesome encounters. Both Soap and Ghost felt very true to character, and I appreciate the exploration of PTSD and the subsequent struggles that come along with...all that. There was a really nice balance in having their romance spread across the chapters, and I can promise a very sweet, happy conclusion <3
in the mess of it all--by flowersferns: A lovely one-shot that exhibits some of my favorite aspects of these two characters. I'm a sucker for 'one of them is hurt, the other is freaking out, they are both idiots in love, etc'. There are some really great dialogue and character moments in this, plus the overall prose hits hard. Love this take on their romance--the mutual trust, the familiarity of their bond. And just the general theme of impermanence--the inevitability of what this relationship means for them--two soldiers, willing and ready to sacrifice their lives at a moment's notice, still clinging to each other because...god...that's all they have---big fan of this :'D <3
Lapsus--by Lisbetadair: Another really great one-shot and 'missing scene' fic. The authenticity in the writing is spot-on--it's like you can feel Soap's pain right off the bat. I love how smoothly the banter flows between the two, and the attention to detail and references all help lend to that 'hardened military man' exterior. Ghost smelling like flowers because of a face wipe is such a delightful addition, plus the scene where Soap is, ah, donald-ducking it in just a t-shirt with his jewels out is such a funny mental image, I still think of it fondly from time to time. It's funny, it's surprisingly cute, it's very in-character. Stick around for some awkward but adorable cuddles <3
I'm sure I have more to recommend, but these are the ones I can personally endorse for now~
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moonchild9350 · 29 days ago
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A Little Sugar Goes a Long Way
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Summary: you’re in need of some sugar and go to see if your neighbor Hyunjin can lend you some.
Pairing: Hyunjin x fab reader
Genre: strangers to lovers au, smut-18+MDNI
Word Count: 3.6k
Warnings: teasing, filthy kissing, oral sex ( m and f receiving), masturbation, nipple play, pussy slapping, cum swallowing, cum tasting, cum swapping, unprotected sex (don’t), squirting, creampie
Notes: a little break from my spooktober fics. I just can’t get enough of hyunjin. spooktober will resume tomorrow!
If you enjoyed, please consider a like, comment, reblog as it keeps me motivated!
Please do not copy, translate, modify, use, or repost this work elsewhere without my permission. ©moonchild9350 (2024)
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“Flour, butter, baking powder, milk, salt, canola oil, sugar…”
You frantically looked through your cabinets, looking for the white sack that was needed to complete your recipe. You searched everywhere, but couldn’t find any, panic slowly setting in.
“Shit,” you muttered under your breath, slamming the last cabinet shut.
You were in the process of baking a cake for your friend’s birthday party tomorrow and you were missing the star ingredient. You really didn’t feel like going to the store, having to battle the crowd shopping for their own needs, being shoved this way and that as you tried to get to the aisle you needed.
You crossed your arms and tapped your foot, thinking how you could obtain the sugar. You could have it dropped to your house, but that could take longer than necessary, and plus the delivery fee was bound to be more than the cost of the sugar itself, not to mention having to tip the driver.
You were lost in thought, the idea of going to the store becoming more realistic with each passing second. Right as you decided on your decision, you remembered your neighbor Hyunjin. He recently moved in, but usually keeps to himself, with you only seeing each other in passing when you’re both on your way to work.
You could see if he had some sugar, just enough for your recipe. Making your way to your door, you slid into some shoes and grabbed your keys, leaving to go next door. It was a nice day, the sun shining, no clouds in sight. You made your way down the sidewalk and over to Hyunjin’s house, walking up the steps to his door.
Taking a breath, you rapped your knuckles on the door three times and quickly dropped your hand to wait. A minute passed and then two, with no one answering the door. You were about to turn around to return home, assuming he was out when the door swung open, a disheveled Hyunjin on the other side.
“Oh, hi,” you said, turning to face Hyunjin as you took him in. He was wearing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt splattered with different colors, and his hair up in a ponytail. You forgot how easy he was on the eyes.
He looked at you for a moment, his eyes wide as he tried to place where he knew you from. It was starting to get a little awkward until there was recognition in the brown orbs, a smile gracing his face, his dimples appearing.
“Y/n!” He exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “What are you doing here?”
“Sorry to bother you, but I um…ran out of sugar and I’m baking a cake and…” you paused for a moment and rocked back and forth on your heels. Why were you nervous?
Taking a breath you continued, “And I was wondering if I could use some sugar?”
“Oh? Of course! Come in, I’ll get you some.”
You followed Hyunjin, stepping over the threshold into his home. As you followed Hyunjin to the kitchen, your eyes wandered from room to room, taking in the simplicity of it all. It was surprisingly clean, not what you expected of him.
Once in the kitchen, you stopped by the counter and watched as he opened a cabinet, pulling out the white sac containing the ingredient you needed.
“How much do you need?” Hyunjin inquired.
“One and a half cups please,” you replied.
Hyunjin hummed and grabbed a small bag to place the sugar in. You watched as he delicately opened the bag, his fingers curling around the edge of the rim, pulling it open. Your mind couldn’t help but wander, thinking of how those fingers would feel trailing down your body, touching you where you were throbbing in between your legs.
You watched as he gripped the bag and tipped it over, measuring out the amount you needed. His veins were prominent, his muscles flexed and bulging. You shook your head, ashamed of your staring, he’s your neighbor after all.
While he finished up, you could hear the faint sound of music drifting through the house. You listened closely, familiarity dawning on you at the tune.
“Is that The Paper Kites?” You asked, a smile forming on your face.
Hyunjin looked up from his task with a look of surprise. “You know them?” He asked smiling.
“Mmhmm,” you responded, “I love them.”
Hyunjin closed the bag of sugar and set it aside, then handed you the little baggy he prepared for you.
“Not many people know them,” he said, “I was listening to them while I paint.”
“I didn’t know you painted.” You looked at the man in front of you with curiosity. You found yourself wanting to know more about him. He smiled and then looked down, pushing a strand of hair out of his face.
“I do,” he said, “would you like to see what I’m working on?”
“Absolutely,” you said with a smile. You set your bag of sugar down before following Hyunjin further into his house. The music became a little louder, the folk tune permeating the air the closer you got to where he paints.
Hyunjin gestured you inside a room, bowing slightly as you passed. You giggled at his chivalry, fascinated with this strange man.
Once inside, you stopped, taking in the room. It had the feel of organized chaos, sketch books and canvases littering the corners. Some canvases were blank, not yet graced with a story while others were covered in intricate, abstract designs.
In front of a large window, Hyunjin had set up shop. An easel with a large canvas perched on top sat in front of a large window, the view consisting of the expanse of trees. A little stool was present, where he created his stories little by little.
“Come, come,” Hyunjin said, breaking you out of your thoughts.
You followed him over to the canvas and gasped in awe at the picture in front of you. The picture was breathtaking, the swirls of colors blending in to create a beautiful scene. The people were drawn to embrace, the outlines of their bodies fading into the stormy background.
“It’s still a work in progress, but…yeah,” Hyunjin said.
He watched your face as you looked over his painting, your eyes roaming over each figure, each detail, analyzing his work with thoughtful eyes. You were beautiful in that moment, the sun’s rays trying to peak through the curtains he had over the window, illuminating your face and causing it to glow.
His eyes drifted to your lips, as you lightly bit them in contemplation, the flesh blanching briefly before blood flow returned, causing your lips to take a rosey tint once more.
“It’s beautiful,” you whispered, not wanting to disturb the calm atmosphere, your eyes searching out his.
“Thank you,” Hyunjin replied, rocking back and forth on his feet.
You both stood there in silence, neither one of you knowing what to say, the music continuing to play in the background, soft and sweet.
It doesn’t begin right away, the feeling of want. It starts softly, gently, with the beating of your heart, slowly increasing to where it feels like it will jump out of your chest. The feeling moves lower until it reaches your core, a pulsing ache in this serene moment.
There’s a shift in the air, a change. What once was calm and friendly, turns into something charged and electric, almost as if the feelings between you two are now palpable, drifting through, lightly touching and caressing your skin.
Hyunjin is nervous, never having had a beautiful girl in his home, yet alone in his most sacred space. He stands there watching, waiting, as the tension grows, the feeling growing into something large, taking over his body. He feels his cock twitch within the confines of his sweats as he watches you breathe in and out, your breasts heaving with each breath.
He’s unsure of what to say, but wonders what you will do if he leans in and presses his lips to yours, feels the softness against his own. He finds himself drifting closer to you, one step at a time, his eyes never leaving yours. He’s never felt this desire before, not with any of the few encounters he’s had. He’s nervous and scared, hoping this doesn’t backfire on him, hoping you’ll accept him.
You watch as Hyunjin walks toward you, that look in his eyes as if he’s hunting his prey, yet also with a hint of fear. He’s probably nervous of what you will do if he reaches out, touches you, caresses you. He need not worry, as you begin to move toward him, meeting him half way.
Your dripping, your arousal leaking into your panties, the wetness soaking the material through. You watch as he looks at your lips and then your eyes as if he’s seeking permission.
With a slight nod of your head, he lightly grasps your face and leans down, his breath shaky until his lips meet yours. It’s just flesh against flesh at first, both of you savoring the feel of each other, the softness of your lips pressed together.
But then it changes, as Hyunjin moves his lips against yours, softly, gently, as he pulls you closer. It goes on for a few moments more before turning more hungry, more needy as the kiss becomes more heated.
He nips your bottom lip causing you to sigh, his tongue sliding in against yours at the newfound opportunity. The kiss continues to grow more passionate, more desperate as you both take each other in, needing to be closer to each other in this moment.
You pull away out of breath, Hyunjin chasing after your lips, a whine escaping with the motion. You grin and lick your lips, before pushing him backwards, slowly, one step after the other, until his legs hit his stool, causing him to collapse onto the seat.
He stares at you with wide eyes, his chest rising and falling, watch as you sink to your knees. He can’t believe his luck, not thinking his day would take this turn.
You run your hands over his thighs, rubbing them through his pants, inching higher and higher with each repetition, getting closer to the bulge that’s forming, slowly filling out his sweats. You see a wet spot forming, causing you to smile.
You continue your assault, before reaching his covered cock, placing your hand over the hard appendage. You listen to him gasp, his eyes hooded as he gazes at you. He’s hard, unbelievably so beneath your hand. You give his cock a squeeze and shift closer so you can place your hands within the confines of his waistband.
You pull his sweats down, Hyunjin helping you by lifting his hips so you can rid him of the accursed item. You noticed he wasn’t wearing boxers, his cock slapping his belly once his sweats were out of the way.
You smirked at the information, “you naughty boy,” you cooed, as you tossed his pants away.
Hyunjin gulped at your teasing. He was turned on, as you touched him, teased him, your fingertips dancing on his skin. You touch him everywhere but where he wants it most, his pelvis becoming sticky with each passing moment as his pre-cum steadily leaks from the tip. His cock twitches whenever you move, hoping in anticipation that you’ll touch him there or even better wrap your pretty lips around his cock.
You can tell he’s at his wits end, wanting you to touch him. He’s being good for you, you notice as he sits still, clenching and unclenching his fists. You decide maybe it’s time to reward him, soothe the ache you know he’s feeling.
You clench your thighs together before leaning down to press a kiss to his tip, as Hyunjin moans above you. You press kiss after kiss on the tip, the shaft, all the way back up before taking the head between your lips. You began to suckle, your tongue darting out every now and then to press against his slit.
Hyunjin is a mess, as you take him in, the feeling of your wet, hot mouth on his cock better than anything of his wildest dreams. He, however, grips your hair and lets out the loudest moan as your mouth descends further, taking him to the hilt, his cock kissing the back of his throat.
He takes a deep breath, and then another one, willing to calm himself down and not blow his load too soon. He gazes down at you, the beautiful sight of your mouth on his cock, the spit that’s dribbling out, helping with the slide.
He’s in love with the sounds you make, the little moans that you let out, the vibration causing his cock to twitch. He’s close, embarrassingly so.
You can tell Hyunjin is close as he grips your hair harder, pushes your head down more forcefully, as you take him in again and again. Your pussy quivers in need with each twitch of his cock, your mind wandering, needing him in you.
You grasp his thighs and continue to blow him, never slowing down. It’s a messy, sloppy affair, as your spit dribbles down his shaft and into the pubic hair around his cock. You moan as he presses your head down one more time and he cums with a loud groan, rope after rope of hot cum hitting the back of your throat, flooding your mouth with the salty fluid.
After a moment, Hyunjin releases your head and you sit up, your mouth full of cum. You look him in the eyes before you swallow, Hyunjin letting out a whimper as you do so.
He watches you as he comes down from his high, watches as you stand up and back away towards the little couch he keeps in his studio. He watches as you raise the shirt over your head, a black lacy bra on display. He watches as you unclasp the bra, your pillowy tits popping out, nipples hardened and prominent. He watches as you slid your leggings and panties down your legs, a string of your arousal dripping from your soaking pussy and onto your ruined panties.
Hyunjin unconsciously licks his lips, wanting to attach them to your soaked lips in front of his view. He nearly topples over as you sit down and lean back, spreading your legs wide, your pussy on display. He nearly chokes when you spread your lips, a ‘shlick’ echoing throughout the room from your wetness.
You’re wet, unbelievably so, and you know Hyunjin loves it. You watch him as you reach your fingers down, the digits landing on your pussy. You dip them into your heat, gathering up your arousal before bringing them to your clit. You swirl them around the bud, sighs leaving your lips as you apply a little more pressure. You continue to pleasure yourself until Hyunjin jumps up, tosses his shirt off, and all but practically runs to you, dropping to his knees as he whines.
He pulls you to the edge of the couch as buries his face in your pussy, causing you to squeal at the sudden intrusion. He darts his tongue out to lick a stripe from your entrance to your clit, before sucking the bud between his plush lips. He takes you in with no mercy, grasps you tighter, harder as he eats you out like a man starved.
Your hands fly to his hair, grasping the strands as he sticks his tongue into your wet heat, fucking your walls with the muscle. You cry out as he massages you, pushing him further into your sopping pussy as his nose brushes against your clit, the stimulation causing shivers to run down your spine.
You feel on fire, warmth expanding and spreading throughout your body, your toes curling, as he makes out with your delicate flower. Your moans increase in intensity, your voice rings out as you let go, releasing your arousal all over Hyunjin’s face. He steadily drinks you in, lapping up every drop as it gushing from your core.
Hyunjin groans as he tastes you, as he becomes obsessed with how you spill on his tongue. He doesn’t let up, not for a moment, even when you squirm and mewl in overstimulation. He revels in how you grip his hair, how the pain shoots through him with each tug, the sensation traveling to his cock, causing it to harden even further.
He finally pulls away, his face smothered in your arousal, the fluid glistening on his lips, his chin, his nose. He swipes his tongue over his bottom lip, savoring the taste of you as he watches you, watches your tits rise and fall with each breath, the look of infatuation on your face. He doesn’t wipe the rest of his face, no, he wants you to taste yourself on him, so you can savor the taste just as he did.
You watch as Hyunjin stands, and strokes his cock, wet sounds permeating the air with each pass. He shuffles closer to you, cock in hand as he gazes at your pussy, watching as it clenches over nothing, your cream oozing out, down your ass and onto his couch below.
He pulls his eyes away and looks into yours before asking “can I?”
You smile at him and beckon him forward, holding your legs open in invitation. He steps forward and taps your pussy with his cock, causing you both to moan at the sound, how wet you are for him, this man you’ve just met.
You sigh as he runs his cock through your folds before his tip catches at your entrance. He slowly pushes his cock in, your walls accommodating to the stretch. Inch by inch he pushes, until his cock is sheathed fully within you, snug within your walls. He stills and looks down at you, his eyes full of lust. You both breathe in tandem until you signal for him to move.
Hyunjin feels at home, sheathed between your warmth, as if his cock was made to be buried within your walls. He takes a deep breath and with your ok slides his cock out until the tip is almost out before sliding back in. He thrusts again and again before speeding up, the feeling of ecstasy spreading throughout his body.
You both are a mess as you both moan and clutch onto each other more, trying to get as close as possible as he thrusts his cock within you. You play with his ponytail, your fingers running through the strands as Hyunjin buries his face in your neck, letting out a whine.
He’s desperate for your pussy, his mind a jumbled mess as you suck him in over and over. He’s desperate in the sound it makes, talking back to him with each glide. He sits up so he can look, watch his cock stretch your walls and what he’s met with almost makes him blow his load.
His cock is coated in white, coated in your arousal. He’s in a trance as he watches his pelvis meet yours, your cream coating the hair donning his pelvis, the ‘shlick’ sound it makes as he withdraws. He’s in disbelief as your little hole stretches around his cock, his ego soaring that you take him so well.
He snaps out of his trance when he watches you reach down, your fingers playing with your clit, smearing your arousal around. He watches as you mewl, your other hand coming up to play with your tits, pinching, grasping, massaging the flesh.
He feels his cock swell with each passing moment, feels it twitch each time you clench down on him. He looks into your eyes and mutters the words that leads to both of your undoings.
“Cum with me princess.”
You squirt all over his cock, your release covering his cock, coating your thighs and drips down your ass. You moan out as Hyunjin stills, his cock twitching within, his cum painting your walls white. He fills you, thrusting a few more times for good measure before withdrawing his cock.
You watch as he kneels down once more and licks up both of your release, making sure not to leave a drop before standing up and connecting your lips with his. He pushes his cum mixed with your slick onto your tongue, as he groans deeply.
Hyunjin pulls back and stares at you, “go ahead and swallow princess,” he coos.
You do as you’re told, the mixture of salty with a bit of sweet sliding down your throat. You open your mouth afterwards, Hyunjin smiling.
“Wait here,” he mutters before grabbing his sweats and pulling them on.
You watch as he leaves the room. You didn’t have to wait long, as he comes back with a towel to clean you up. He’s soft and gentle, ensuring to clean every sticky drop up before helping you sit up.
You grin as he helps you get dressed before he sits on the ground, placing his head in your lap.
You smile down at your neighbor, cradling his face. His eyes say it all, will he see you again, will he get to feel you again. You reassure him with a look of your own, not wanting to disturb the silence of the moment.
You’re glad you didn’t go to the store to get the ingredient you needed, happy you decided to trust your neighbor to have it in his home. After all, a little sugar can go a long way.
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Taglist: @jehhskz @jeonginsleftcheek @simpforleeknaur @armystay89 @palindrome969 @slut4hee @ivydoesit23 @amarecerasus @kaysungshine @fun-fanfics @baby-stay92 @velvetmoonlght
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itneverendshere · 1 month ago
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Bartender reader :) reader and Rafe get in a fight and it’s a big one (while they are living together) and reader needs some space and decides to sleep on the couch/guest bedroom but Rafe completely forgets about the fight once he realizes what she’s doing and puts his foot down “you can be mad but you’re still sleeping in this bed” kinda deal?
i feel like their fights never last bc they can't be away from each other that long and bc they're just too disgustingly in love🙂‍↔️ thank you for the request!🤎
i would never do you wrong- r.c
pairing: rafe x pogue!reader (bartender!reader universe) warnings: a little angst at first, but happy ending obviously.
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You were sitting on the edge of the bed, your hands gripping your phone a little too tight. The conversation you had been having for the past hour felt like running headfirst into a brick wall—no, arguing with a brick wall.
“I don’t see why this is such a big deal,” Rafe groaned, like a toddler, running a hand through his messy hair. “You’ve been working nonstop. You deserve a break.”
“A break?” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. “Baby, I just got promoted. I can’t take time off like that.”
“You’re acting like this job will disappear if you take a week off. I’ve already planned the trip, I’ve already talked to Ward. You don’t even have to worry about money—”
“That’s not the point!” You cut him off, standing now, your body vibrating with frustration. “You don’t get it! This promotion means everything to me. I worked my ass off for it. And now you’re telling me to throw that away for a vacation?
“I’m not telling you to throw anything away, baby. God, you make it sound like I’m asking you to quit.” Rafe crossed his arms, his brow furrowed, and looked at you like you were the unreasonable one, like you'd just insulted him. “It’s just one week. We can afford to relax.”
“Yeah and what about the wedding? If we’re gonna pay for it, we gotta save up.”
He let out an incredulous laugh, his head shaking like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You do remember I’m rich, right?”
You blinked, stunned. “Seriously? That’s your solution? Just throw money at it?”
He sighed, rubbing his temples. “That’s not what I meant. I can pay for the wedding,” he interrupted, stopping in his tracks. “You’re forgetting I have more than enough money to take care of both of us.”
You closed your eyes for a second, breathing deeply. “I don’t want you to pay for it all.” You were pacing now, “It sounds like you think we can just forget about budgeting and responsibilities because you’ve got a trust fund.”
Rafe threw his hands up, exasperated. “I’m just saying we can afford to take some time for ourselves. You don’t need to stress over every little thing.”
You stopped in your tracks, turning sharply to face him. “I’m not ‘stressing over every little thing,’ Rafe. I’m being realistic. We have a wedding to plan. We’ve got bills. I’ve got my career to think about. And no, I don’t want your dad’s money involved in any of that.”
“We have an entire year to save up,” He stared at you, a steely glint in his eyes. “So what? You’re just gonna run yourself into the ground? Burn out completely?” 
Your jaw clenched as you swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m doing what I need to do. I’ve always done that.”
“And I’ve always been here to help you. But it’s like you don’t even want it.”
“That’s not what this is about,” you argued, stepping closer to him now. “I don’t want to be dependent on that money. I don’t want us to start our marriage with me feeling like I’m just along for the ride.”
Rafe’s face hardened, his lips pressing into a thin, flat line. “So what? You think I’m trying to make you feel small? Like you can’t handle your shit?”
“No. I just want to build something with you. With you, Rafe, not because of Ward’s money.”
He looked away as he pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, the muscle moving under his skin as he swallowed whatever hot-headed thing you knew he felt like saying. Then, with a frustrated exhale, he said, “It’s not like I wanted to rely on him either. But I’m trying to make things easier for us.”
“And I appreciate that, I do.” You sighed, taking a breath. “But this promotion... it’s my chance to prove myself. I want to know that I earned everything we have. Not that it came from someone else’s checkbook.”
Rafe’s eyes moved to yours, and you could see the tension still there. He slowly let out a long breath. The air hissed softly between his teeth as his chest fell, shoulders sagging “You’re so fucking stubborn.”
“I learned from the best,” you shot back, crossing your arms.
He let out a bitter chuckle, it didn’t hold any joy. “I’m not trying to control everything. I just want to make sure we have time for us before everything else gets in the way.”
You nodded, “I know. But you can’t just expect me to drop everything and go on vacation because you’ve already decided it.”
“I thought you’d want to spend time with me,” he argued, “I’m trying to make time for us, and you’re treating it like it’s a problem.”
You sighed for what it felt like the millionth time that night, rubbing your temples. “It’s not that, baby. I want to be with you. You know that. But I can’t ignore everything else that’s going on.”
He was silent for a moment, his eyes scanning your face like he was trying to find the right thing to say. Finally, he muttered, “Fine. If you don’t want to take the time off, then don’t.”
You blinked at him, taken aback. “That’s not what I meant.”
“You’re making it seem like I’m asking for something ridiculous.”
You scoffed, frustration taking over again.
“Because to me, it is ridiculous! You don’t get it. You don’t have to think about whether you can afford to take time off, but I do. You’ve never had to think about that stuff.”
His face tightened, jaw clenching as he stared at you like he was trying to stay calm. “And that’s why I’m telling you, you don’t have to worry about it. I’ve got us covered. You’re acting like I’m trying to sabotage your career.”
“You’re not listening to me! This promotion isn’t just a paycheck, it’s everything I’ve worked for. I’ve spent years proving I’m good enough, and now you’re asking me to step back like it’s no big deal.”
Rafe crossed his arms, his posture stiff, defensive. “I’m asking for one week. One. Fucking. Week. You act like the world’s gonna end if you take some time for yourself.”
“Because for me, it doesn’t stop! You don’t understand what it’s like—”
He cut you off again, you hated when he did it. “Don’t. Don’t stand there and tell me I don’t understand. You think I don’t get what it’s like to have shit on the line? I’ve been under pressure my whole life.”
You flinched at his words, your eyes narrowing. “This is different. I’ve always had to make sure I could take care of myself.”
His laugh was bitter, almost sarcastic. “Is that what you think this is? You’re my fiancé.”
You frowned, feeling the hurt in his words, but you couldn’t let it go. “I just don’t want to feel like I’m in your shadow, like I’m always gonna be ‘Rafe’s wife’ instead of my own person.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” He ran a hand through his hair, pacing now. “It’s not like that. You know it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” you snapped, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “Because every time we talk about this, you make it sound like money is the solution to everything. Like we can just throw cash at our problems and they’ll disappear.”
He stopped pacing, turning to face you, his expression darkening. “Because it fucking helps, okay?”
You pinched your eyes closed, “I’m just trying to make sure I don’t lose myself in all of this.”
He let out a harsh breath, his shoulders tense. “Lose yourself? You think I’m trying to take that from you?”
“No,” you whispered, wiping at your eyes. “But it feels like you don’t get why this is so important to me.”
“Are you serious right now?” he cut you off. “You know what, do whatever you want. I’ll just cancel the trip.”
“Rafe—”
“Forget it,” he said, already turning away, heading for the door. “Goodnight.”
He didn't even slam the door.
You sat down on the bed, your head in your hands, trying to calm down. You glance at your phone, thinking about texting him, apologizing maybe. But you weren’t ready for that yet. You needed space. You needed to breathe. You needed to get out of your own head, even just for a little while. You couldn’t stand being in the same room after that argument.
Without thinking much more about it, you grabbed your pillow and the spare blanket from the closet, making your way toward the living bedroom. The couch in there wasn’t as comfortable or as big, but it would give you the distance you needed for the time being. You were pulling back the covers when you heard your bedroom door creak open. You didn’t have to turn around to know it was him. 
He couldn't stay away longer than five minutes.
“Really?” His voice was low, almost disbelieving. “You’re gonna sleep in here?”
You stayed facing the bed, not turning to look at him. “I can’t do this right now.”
There was a pause, and then you heard him step closer. “No. That’s not how we’re doing this.”
You frowned, glancing back at him over your shoulder. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you can be pissed at me. You can need space, fine. But you’re not sleeping in here.” His voice was firm, and when you finally turned to look at him, his blue eyes were locked on yours, unwavering.
“Rafe—”
“I’m serious, baby." He moved closer, gently pulling the blanket from your hands. “You’re mad. I get it. But you’re still sleeping in our bed.”
You shook your head, trying to push the blanket back toward him. “I just—”
“No.” His voice softened, but he was still insistent. “I’m not letting you run away from me. We’ll deal with it. But we’re not doing this. You’re not sleeping alone.”
You looked at him and saw the same tiredness, the same frustration, in his face. He held your gaze for a moment longer before reaching out, and taking your hand in his.
“Come on. You belong in our bed.”
There was no fight left in you as you let him pull you back down the hall, back into the warmth of your shared space. As you settled beside him, Rafe reached over, his hand finding yours under the blankets, he traced small, absent patterns on the back of your hand, like you weren’t fighting just ten minutes ago.
He sighed, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I already know you’re capable of handling anything.”
“It’s not about proving it to you,” you admitted, “It’s about proving it to myself. I need to know that no matter what happens—good or bad—I’ve earned it. That I deserve it.”
Rafe was quiet for a couple seconds, his eyes stuck on the ceiling. Then, his grip on your hand tightened slightly,  “I hate this,” he muttered finally.
You turned your head to look at him, “Hate what?”
“This.” He gestured between the two of you with his free hand. “Fighting like this. Making you feel like I’m pulling you in two different directions. Like you have to choose.”
You blinked, caught off guard. “You’re not making me choose. I just, I want to build something for myself.”
He let out a sharp breath, shaking his head.
“You think I don’t get that? You think I’m just some spoiled asshole who’s never had to work for anything?” He rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow to look at you more directly. “But I do get it. That’s why I’m trying so hard to be what you need me to be.”
Your heart twisted at the look on his face. He reached up, brushing a stray lock of hair away from your face.
“Every time I look at you,” he murmured, his gaze softening, “I see everything you’ve done to get here. Everything you’ve pushed through. And it kills me, because I feel like I’ve just been dead weight. You spent months holding me together when I was falling apart. I could barely get out of bed some days baby, and you were there, making sure I was eating, making sure I was taking my meds, making sure I didn’t—I know how much you gave up for me.”
“Baby, stop,” you mumbled, the hurt in your chest almost unbearable. It hadn't been easy, but you didn't regret a single thing, wouldn't change anything. You'd do it all over again if you had to.
“No.” His voice was firm, “I hate that I put you through that. That I made you carry all that weight when you should’ve been focusing on yourself, your career. Hell, I wasn’t even there for you when you got promoted, because I was too busy trying to keep my shit together. And now I want to make up for that.”
You reached up, cupping his cheek, feeling the way his jaw unclenched under your touch. “You don’t have to make up for anything. You were going through something, and I wanted to be there for you.”
“I know you did,” he said softly, “But that’s why I’m doing this. I’m trying to be the guy you deserve—the guy who makes things easier for you, who makes you feel like you can breathe again.” He shook his head, teasing just a little, “But every time I try, it feels like I’m just reminding you of all the ways I’ve let you down.”
You blinked back the sudden tears. “You haven’t let me down. I need to find a balance. Between us and—” You gestured vaguely around you, trying to explain everything you were feeling. “And everything else.”
“I get that,” he murmured, leaning in closer until his forehead rested against yours. “But I also need you to let me in. Let me help you. Not because I want to throw money at it, but because I love you, and I want to see you happy. Not burnt out and exhausted.”
His voice broke a little on the last word, and you felt your initial stubbornness crumbling. “I know,” You squeezed your eyes shut, “I know. I just don’t want to lose everything I’ve been working for. I don’t want to get so wrapped up in us that I forget who I am outside of this.”
Rafe let out a shaky breath, his fingers brushing along your jaw.
“You’re not going to lose yourself, okay? Not with me. You’re always going to be you. Even when you’re stressed and stubborn and driving me up the wall.” His lips quirked in a small, sad smile. “I’ll still be here. I just want to have a little time with you before life pulls us in a million directions again.”
You leaned into him, pressing your face against his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of him. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close, his chin resting on top of your head. It wasn’t that you didn’t want his help. You just needed to do this one thing for youself. You moved closer to him, resting your head against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered earnestly, “I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t want to spend time with you. I do. It’s just hard to balance everything.”
You didn’t want to fight anymore. You wanted to figure it out. You wanted to compromise, because that's what you two always did.
“I’ll take the time off,” You felt him move beside you, his eyes on you now, curious but cautious. “But… I need a little time. Can we plan the trip for a couple of months from now? Once things settle down with work?”
He pulled back just enough to look down at you, his eyes searching your face. “You’d do that?”
You nodded, lifting your head. “I know I’ve been all over the place about this, but I get that we need time together. I just can’t drop everything right now. But in two months, I’ll be ready. We can go wherever you want.”
A slow smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He shifted onto his side, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “You mean it?”
“I mean it,” you said, smiling back at him. “We’ll go. No work emails, no distractions. Just us.”
He let out a breath he’d been holding, his fingers tracing along your jaw. “Two months, huh?”
You looked up at him, rolling your eyes lightly. “Yes, two months. And I’m going to hold that ‘no work emails’ rule, for you too.”
He chuckled, his lips curving into a genuine smile this time. “I figured.”
You swat at his chest lightly. “I’m serious. I want this trip to be for us. I need it to be something that we’re both looking forward to—not just you dragging me away because you think I’m overworking.”
“I know. I promise when we do go, it’ll be perfect. Wherever you want. No distractions.”
“Good,” you whispered, resting your head back on his shoulder. You listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. This was the peace after the storm, the moment when everything felt like it was falling into place again.
Rafe’s hand gently traced patterns on your arm, and he pressed a soft kiss to your head, “I’m proud of you. For everything. The promotion, the way you’ve been handling all of this. I’m proud to call you mine.”
Your heart squeezed at his words, and you tilted your head up to meet his gaze. “Thank you, baby,” you murmured. “That means more to me than you know.”
He smiled, “Just don’t ever think you have to choose between me and your dreams, okay? I want you to have it all. I want us to have it all.”
You nodded, the last of your resistance melting away. “I know. And I want us to have it all, too. Together.”
His arms tightened around you, pulling you closer, “Good,” he murmured, his breath warm against your hair. “’Cause I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
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gayraeofsun · 2 months ago
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i just really want to scream about this movie into the void because it was so well done, and i doubt anyone will really see this but i don't really have anyone i could have a deep discussion about this with.
trigger warning and spoiler warning ahead for the movie blink twice. content ahead discusses themes around sa, including r*pe, drugging, manipulation, and general physical/verbal abuse.
i don't keep up with any previews or recent movie releases much anymore, so i was going into this movie almost completely blind like i do with most new movies anymore. i had seen one preview, but it was apparently plain and simple enough for me to mostly forget about it. the irony in that will be made known a bit later on.
the movie automatically opens with a screen that displays a trigger warning, which is something that i had been seeing for the first time in any kind of visual media. normally these things are already listed by the ratings, but as a sa survivor who had no idea what this movie was going to be, it was a good thing to see so i could brace myself for what was to come. do i think this is necessary for any and every movie of this kind? no, it feels a little redundant (again, these things are typically included in the ratings). and, well, asking me to not watch if it would upset me is kind of a no deal, since i paid for a ticket and popcorn to see this on the big screen.
we're immediately introduced to our two main characters, two best friends, and it's hard to not immediately fall for their relationship with each other. so playful and silly and ridiculous, you can immediately tell they adore each other's company in their shitty job living in their shitty apartment, and you can tell that they're written by a woman who loves these characters and wants to portray them as relatable people. the interactions between the whole cast of girls, i think, was just outstandingly done. they felt realistic, not constantly shitting on each other and fighting for the attention of the men (though some jealousy of that fashion is still portrayed). they were all there enjoying the island and they ended up bonding together wonderfully. they were funny without being over-the-top rude or nasty or promiscuous, as is portrayed commonly in female characters in popular media. i can't and won't stop gushing over how much these characters felt just like real life girls that i was hanging out with.
this movie was really great at putting a pit in your stomach and slowly making it grow. of course, the trigger warning at the beginning spoils what's to come, so for me the pit was there from the start. any sensible person who's been socialized to be a woman will know, you don't ever just run away with some random ass group of men you don't know to the middle of nowhere with no cell service. but the little things that make the main character, frida, stop and question are so subtle, and so easily dismissed to start with. the used lip gloss in the drawer, the available clothes despite being an "unexpected" guest, the weird cleaning staff. but they increasingly get more odd. the island is full of venomous snakes and they all have to be killed on sight. something about these flirty interactions isn't quite right anymore, and he's talking about repressed memories. what day even is it? why am i always waking up with dirt under my nails?
who even knows or cares though, since we're all high and/or drunk 24/7. welcome to paradise!
it builds and builds until it begins to unravel, slowly and then all at once as the girls come to the realization of what happens to them every night when they get unbelievably high after dinner. the bond between the first two to piece it together was outstanding, and i love that there wasn't a cheap "find the phones and call authorities" plan. they worked out why that wouldn't work at all, because who would they believe? the "hysterical bitches" making claims without any kind of solid evidence, or the rich white man who's now a reformed soul and probably good friends with some of the cops?
the ending is not a happy one, in my eyes, though i believe it was probably supposed to be portrayed as one? two girls live and three girls die by the end. the ringmaster (ceo) of the whole thing ends up accidentally taking his own forgetfulness juice and suddenly doesn't understand what's going on and why all his friends are dead or have been otherwise brutalized. he knocks over lit candles and then trips and knocks himself out in his stupor, and the island burns down, the photographic evidence (that was later discovered) and all. i thought it was just going to end there and we would be left with the ambiguous ending, and that's never satisfying and feels very overdone anymore.
but instead, we're given a scene where our main character is now the ceo of the company, and legally married to the man who lured her away and horrifically abused her. twice. i interpreted this as her getting her own form of justice/revenge. i doubt she gives him half the treatment he gave her, but now she controls him and everything he owns and knew, and gets every bit of respect she wants. he killed her best friend and two other girls after overpowering the lot of them every single night. in a perfect world, he'd get tried and punished for his crimes legally. but all the evidence of it ever happening burned to the ground. so this is what she does to cope. in the final scene, she seems very satisfied, more than pleased to make her new husband's old crew squirm. she becomes the thing that destroyed her and so many others (but yk, most likely without the rapist cult).
one character i very suddenly grew interested in was the scrawniest boy in the group. he flies perfectly under the radar and doesn't appear in many of scenes that portray the gruesome sa. the one where he's in clear view, he appears to be another victim, trying to flee from one of the bigger men and receiving a black eye, which he would have no memory of getting the next morning. he's told by one of the girls that he smells nice, most likely referencing the perfume that was making them forget everything. it seemed very clear that he was in a victim role here as well, likely also being sa-ed. but he's never seen bound and gagged with the girls.
his final scene gets interesting when the ceo berates him for doing nothing to help the girls the entire time (yeah, the same ceo millionaire who's been basically orchestrating this whole sick fucking show in his perfect little getaway island). how he thinks there's a special place in hell for people who sit and do nothing in the face of evil. there are two very different ways to interpret this. 1) he wasn't actually getting drugged and abused with the girls, and was there as someone who didn't actively participate in abusing the girls, but also didn't do anything to try to stop it either. this could be blatant commentary on the two types of evil; while "not all men" r*pe and abuse people, not enough men will speak out against it or try to run to the victim's defense. or 2) the ceo was casting blame onto someone who was genuinely confused as to what was happening (which seems to ring true in both scenarios), and someone who was also a victim and stuck in a completely helpless situation. both could hold some level of truth, but ultimately i read him as the latter, thinking he was meant to represent the less common male victim. he gets killed by one of the girls, who wasn't specifically targeting him but also wasn't taking any chances, and that's the last we see of him. in my eyes he could either be read as the kind of evil that merely observes and therefore was rightfully murdered, or he could represent his male victims often get forgotten about or less acknowledged, which could speak as to why he was killed off so quickly never to be discussed again.
and i've gotta say, one thing i really appreciate about the scenes depicting r*pe is that it put a lot of the focus on the r*pists and not their victims. they were careful to not show any nudity or any shots of the women getting r*ped, but still showed them getting forced down when they tried to flee. i have not personally seen any other graphic scenes of this nature in other movies, but from what i hear a lot of it can get rather pornographic, and i feel like that's incredibly distasteful when you're trying to depict something that's absolutely vile. this movie does a great job of getting the absolute terror of the moment across without compromising any of the actresses by posing them seductively or showing off their bodies, and same goes for the men (if you don't count a couple of them being shirtless).
the writing is so wonderful, and the little clues as to what's happening beneath the surface are so good and plentiful. this is a movie that i don't think i'd ever be able to sit through again, but the sense of dread that continued to grow and grow will surely stick with me. it was very darkly funny in many places, which did great to break up some of the tension. for anyone who was able to stomach it, i would highly recommend watching through it once you're able. i think it was outstandingly well done and handled certain things as well as it could without watering any of it down.
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weast-of-eden · 8 months ago
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I've been thinking about how I could contribute to the ACD/Granada Sherlock Holmes fandom for a while, seeing as I'm neither an artist, a writer, or anything actually useful lol. But then I realized something I myself always treasure are curated fic recs, which I could actually do! I've read probably like 25% of all the h/w ACD and Granada fics on ao3, so I compiled a short list for anyone who is just starting out with the fandom. Without further ado, may I present
Eden’s Top Picks for Beginning ACD/Granada Fics:
(edit: i made a second list here!!)
The Adventure of the Doctor's Heart by mistyzeo 12k | Rated E Summary: Holmes has observed much of Watson's habits and tastes over time, which is why it surprises him when his friend objects strangely to a folk song sung at the conclusion of a case. Disturbed by the Doctor's unexpected display of emotion, Holmes becomes determined to lift his spirits by any means necessary, with mixed results. Notes: obviously if you're going to read canonverse h/w, you are going to read mistyzeo. this one is just so good and angsty and features music (!!). it's got some steaminess but it also has wooing. basically it has everything you ever need. this is my odyssey, my iliad, my hamlet, etc.
Cameo by what_alchemy 8k | Rated M | For Archive Users Only Summary: Holmes and Watson become embroiled in a case Scotland Yard refuses to acknowledge. A soulmate AU. Notes: i honestly skipped over this fic for a while, since i'm not the biggest fan of soulmate aus. do not make the same mistake i did, because this shit HITS. this fic has hit after hit: soulmate-mark based case for our main duo, angst, hiatus feels, MORE ANGST, and ofc a happy ending. ugh. read this fic if you enjoy being happy.
A Tide That Does Not Turn by tweedisgood 3k | Rated T Summary: Holmes is a very bad patient with a devoted doctor who adores him. Watson wishes it was safe to speak up, but his friend is a tide that does not turn. Notes: do NOT read this if you don't like angst... ok now i'm sensing a pattern. anyways this is the first hurt/no comfort fic i read for this tag and i literally have cried more than enough tears over it. poor, poor watson :( iconic author though, read everything they write!
The Adventure of the Glad Outlaw by radondoran 7k | Rated T Summary: While Sherlock Holmes solves the mystery of a student's disappearance, Dr. Watson is more puzzled by the changing dynamic between his flatmate and himself. Notes: cute pastiche! a nice little mystery and a nice little get-together. ahhhhhh.... this fic is like cotton candy to me, so sweet and fluffy. defo recommend
Hands by MinorObsessions (draculard) 1.4k | Rated T Summary: Naturally, there are some things Watson thinks about Holmes that don't make it into the books. Notes: i'm also in the star trek fandom, so if you know anything about that then you know that hands are kind of A Thing in both circles and ergo i now Have A Thing about hands. so this is a nice little ode to holmes' hands, featuring some doctoring by watson AND a nice reverse appraisal at the end. it's so sweet :)
Conductor of Light by ColebaltBlue  1.4k | Rated T Summary: A Victorian stiff upper lip won't prevent you from falling in love, but it might prevent you from realizing it. Notes: they finally get their shit together! honestly i would recommend this fic to anyone just starting out with h/w fics in any medium. the characterization and dialogue is A1, and their argument is really realistic to me, idk. also features the iconic HOUN quote for its title so props to that!
A (Mis)fortunate Man by sans_patronymic 1.5k | Rated T Summary: December, 1880. Watson writes a note which may be his last. December, 1899. Watson writes back. Notes: READ THE TAGS BEFORE READING. this was a gut-wrenching read but god i cried at the end for watson. don't worry, this one has a happy ending. ugh now i wish there was a second chapter where watson lets holmes read the letters. to sum up: oof, my heart
The Second Smartest Man in London by FairSinner 73k | Rated E Summary: Dr John Watson returns from Afghanistan to Victorian London, wounded, traumatised and alone. When he meets Sherlock Holmes, his life begins to seem worth living again. But Holmes is a man who despises sentiment and Watson cannot seem to expunge it from his heart. Notes: congrats, you've made it to the end!! so now i must confess that it's been a loooong time since i've read this fic, but the private note i left on my bookmark was just "holy shit", so i'm sure it's a banger. i'm also sure it has angst because i love angst and i love bookmarking angst so i can read it again and again and suffer infinitely. enjoy :)
anyways, now that i've put these all here i realized how much i enjoy angst and hurt/no comfort fics. if any of you guys have a favorite fic you want to link or want to plug your own writing, feel free to!
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thementalshawty · 6 months ago
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PAC Your Vibe As A Couple!
Hey guys welcome back! I’m back with another quick PAC! This reading can be about anyone, FS, Current partner, even crushes, today we’re going to get a quick idea of how you two will vibe together! Remember this is a GENERAL reading so please take what resonates and let the rest roll off to another thank you! Choose a pic and let’s get those vibes!
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🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷
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Pile 1
This vibe is kinda slow paced, not even kinda it’s exactly the that way. You guys don’t rush shit, you slowly build and work on making your connection better, I feel that when you guys first start to talk and get to know each other one or both of you guys will be talking to other people and that will cause some insecurity and stress but that’s why I’m seeing you guys take it slow, I’m not sensing anything negative. You guys are very cautious with one another and who you let know about your connection, you don’t want just anyone in your business. Very practical and logical you guys talk and look at shit from a realistic approach, one of you actually may have your head in the clouds and the other may be more planted, very much opposites attract energy as your vibe tbh. There are flaws and some shadow points that I’m seeing will be uncovered and triggered in this connection but again you guys don’t rush anything, I even feel if you’re mad at each other you don’t speak or say anything without thinking about it first, this isn’t an impulsive connection, you guys are so cautious especially when it comes to your emotions both of you, working on building your finances as well, I also feel like the confession took a minute to come too, even to the point where it was a stagnant what are we period. The only thing I’m picking up that nigh be a red flag is that either one or both of you may avoid confrontation or is slow to confront issues within the relationship or even address it’s a issue, they may like to just move forward from things but I’m seeing again very slow progress. This seems like a crush too, a slow build up, friends to lovers, but I’m getting that this is a crush. Also I’m seeing one or both of you likes to get in your head and that’s another thing that can cause some issues and problems but the vibe of you two is slow and steady wins the race for sure! Don’t rush into anything in this connection cos it’ll break apart also it’ll make you lose your mind! stay woke folks! I also am getting that there’s leftover pain from a heartbreak that either you or them are stuck in so again that’s the cautiousness and the slow movement just reiterating itself.
💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽
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Pile 2
This couple is so cute 🥰! You guys do so much for each other, I’m getting the vibe that one feels really responsible for the other and they take on all the burdens of their counterpart, now that’s not the cute part in my opinion I think that it’s admirable the love that’s shared between the two of you. You just want to take the pain away from each other. I feel like either one or both of you grew up in poverty or without much so you are workaholics, afraid of failure afraid of going broke, but it makes you have victim mentality, scarcity of resources or money terrifies you or them so they just don’t stop and it can lead to burnouts, it can be you two barely talk or see each other, it’s very hard to find the time. I feel like you guys want to help each other take the weight off each other by putting it on yourself. What I do see as a red flag is the scarcity thinking, because it can lead to you or them or both of you feeling like you’re not enough for this connection no matter what soooooooooooooo watch out for that. This pile is make that song by Evanescence come to me. Give unto me. You two will take each other’s suffering away or you want too, this is the I’ll die for you pile. Very deep, very solid, very intense but again with the scarce mentality and that workaholic spirit the relationship can lead to an early ending. Very sacrificial vibes. Ride or die vibes. I will die for you vibes, you two will do anything for each other, even giving each other the clothes off your back. It’s making me think of a IG reel I saw a while back when she says you ever love a 🥷🏼 so much you give him your whole check? That’s the vibes! You will put yourself in the whole for them or vice versa it can even be both but this love here is very intense and it needs to have balance, you two don’t need to kill yourselves to save each other and that will be a lesson that you two will teach each other if you’re willing to listen and do the work.
👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑
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Pile 3
Okay okay okay! So here I’m seeing a very nurturing vibe off the top, but it’s again giving me opposite attract vibes like p1 except this here happens to do with emotion. One here is more emotionally open and available than the other. I’m seeing that one of you has more money and success than the other so I’m seeing one of you spoiling the other materially. Also emotionally. This connection is making that song by destiny’s child come to me, cater 2 u. One def worships the Fucc out the other fashoo, I’m hearing the ground you walk on, they would kiss it. I’m seeing that someone here was hurt so their heart is on ice but this relationship makes them fucking melt like butter and they can’t control it or understand it even so as much as they love it they will push it away out of fear or misunderstanding cos you know that saying we all hate what we don’t understand or what we don’t get. One of you guys is a little bratty, I’m seeing temper tantrums but they’re not toxic they’re actually kind of cute Atleast your person will think so or you’ll think that about them. This vibe is all about one or both of you wanting to create stability and happiness together. You two want this to work and go the distance, be careful of idolization of each other I mean it’s okay too but when those flaws come out it can sour the image in your mind of the person you put so high on a pedestal cos I’m seeing that you two definitely will. Just working on understanding each other’s feelings and emotions and giving each other the nurturing space and understanding to fully understand yourselves and your emotions this connection is actually the best pile!
🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢
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Pile 4
Okay alrighty! So this pile I feel the vibe is a bit cold here. Not very romantic, not very loving, I’m seeing that not cos there’s no emotion there, but there’s a lot of trauma with one of you and feeling like you’re worthy of love. There’s a mental connection here tho, very strong one. You two are very critical but communicative I think out of all the piles this one has the best communication! This may be a fling to lovers pile where you two know where you stand in the beginning not really wanting a relationship because it’s not worth your energy or time at that point. I’m seeing that you two have deep conversations about life and other deep topics. Very mercurial relationship, I feel like words of affirmations is the love language here. This connection wants a connection but it’s about feeling worthy I’m feeling overall, I think that there’s some deep hurt here but logically messing around with each other seems like the best thing for you two and I know this seems robotic and cold and unfeeling but I’m seeing that it actually works out better that way, I’m hearing warm up to each other so I feel you two will and start to feel more and more worthy and confident that this connection is the long lasting one. I’m getting this is a FS pile for some of you! This relationship is the big one, you’re worthy of love get out of your head and into your heart you did manifest this beautiful relationship so enjoy it because I feel self sabotogery happening. Pushing each other away or shutting down giving the cold shoulder, ghosting, silent treatment I’m seeing those kinds of bullshit movements and that’s the trauma, commuinicate like you both do so well and you’ll be able to slowly overcome this pain together and enjoy this beautiful relationship, cos the vibe is wholesome and family oriented you two may start a family together. It’s that deep this connection is a long term one but only if you want it to be truthfully.
Thank you guys for tuning in again to the madness! I love you and thank you for keeping up with my crazy ass!
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thicc-ray-of-sunshine · 7 months ago
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Of course he had to be there, why wouldn't he? The very object of your frustration right in the very spot you came to cool off. You'd recognize that stupid busted up stetson anywhere. He was lounging back, long legs posted up on the table in front of him while his chair was tipped back. Part of you itched to swipe your foot under it and knock his chair down, taking the smug grin he was giving you with it. You turned back to the bar with a huff and ordered two fingers of whiskey from James. Typically you were a nuka cola and rum kinda girl but tonight you were here to get drunk and needed something with some bite to it, especially since you knew there was no way you were going to avoid Cooper.
Realistically you didn't really have anything to be mad about, it was the wasteland after all so of course nobodys gonna be upfront or honest so you really shouldn't have been surprised when he jilted you and skipped town with three quarters of your radaway. He at least had the decency to leave you some caps but overall your profits took a hit because of the whole debacle. Well that and your pride. But that wasn't really what you were mad about, no not at all, you were upset because you wanted him, pure and simple. It was all encompassing and ate at you every time you even thought about his weathered face and dangerous demeanor. Sure he was mean but you always liked it when men had some bite, it was more of a snark anyway.
James offering you your drink pulled you out of yourself. You took your whiskey in hand and knocked it back, willing your face to not scrunch up at the harsh feeling it left in your throat. Speaking of keeping cool, you were having an increasingly hard time ignoring the stare Cooper was burning into the back of your head. Taking a deep breath and sliding your caps onto the countertop you slowly turned in your seat. As suspected he was just staring at you, his body relaxed and languid in his chair, drink held loosely in our and and a smoke in the other while his eyes pinned you with a stare that made you feel like you were on fire. You watched him as he clicked his teeth together and tilted his head to the side, motioning you over. Again you felt anger welling up underneath your skin at his smug attitude, yet that wasn't the only thing that was itching at you.
It didn't help that he downright grinned when you stood up and wandered over to him. You chose to stand in front of him, a little to the left of his legs but enough to be directly in his line of sight, hands crossed over your chest, displaying your displeasure.
"Aw it ain't gotta be like that sweetheart. It ain't like I did nothing untoward."
He said playfully as he leaned forward and set his glass on the table.
"Yeah nothing but stealing my shit. Totally normal friendly behavior."
You retorted, cocking your hip, knocking against his crossed legs at the thigh.
"You still owe me for that by the way. Not too pleased to have been robbed, especially after giving you some of my supplies on the house."
His eyes followed the line of your body down to where your hip touched him, giving you a brazen up and down that had you barely suppressing a shiver.
He took a long drag from his cigarette before he spoke again, eyes never leaving yours.
"You and I both know that ain't what this is 'bout darlin. You're mad because I left you high and dry."
You didn't know what to say, the way he said it was so matter-o-factly, like he was making fun of you. Yet the look on his face was damn near salacious. You felt naked, uncomfortable and unbearably angry that he had the absolute gall to even say something like that. Before you could even think about raising your hand to slap him you felt pressure on the small of your back your whole body suddenly tipping forward. Just as quick as you fell, you were hauled up into Coopers lap. Some part of your brain registered that he had kicked you but the rest of it was focused on the sudden close proximity and the gloved hand that had made its way to your hip. You watched him through your lashes as he worked his cigarette in his mouth before he exhaled, leaving you in a haze that burned your nostrils.
"So how 'bout we cut the shit and you let me show you what you've been missing out on?"
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nathanbatemanfucker · 10 months ago
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In Plain Sight, Ch 5: To Atomize
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summary: nathan leaves his house to tell you he loves you.
pairing: nathan bateman x f!reader
contents: 18+/NSFW/MINORS DNI, enemies to lovers (sorta), boss/employee dynamics, mentions of sick/dying parent, pining, dom/sub dynamics, mid love confessions, oral (m + f receiving), p in v sex, creampie, squirting, NATHAN’S SO IN LOVE AND SIMPY AND FREE
wc: 6,138
an: we've sadly reached the end of the main story. thank you thank you for all the support on this fic. a girl watches ex machina once and suddenly is writing 20+k for an asshole simp. i do plan to write the extras fairly quickly (the next month or so) and they'll vary in length. i hope y'all stick around for more of them.
in plain sight masterlist | family dinner | tiana | TIONB | planted | little hamlet
You and Nathan are doing work out on the couch, your legs thrown over his. It’s all very domestic, something the both of you could get used to. 
He doesn’t look up when he asks, “That date out— do you still want it?”
“I do but honestly, I don’t think it’s realistic. You like being out here, Emma and Phillipa shouldn’t be at home by themselves for so long— not to mention my mom.”
“You don’t talk about your mom,” He observes, his eyes rising from his laptop to look at you. 
You continue your work as you talk, “There’s too much to talk about. And nothing at all.”
“And the vagueness returns,” There’s more bite in his voice than he wants there to be, but he can’t help it.
You notice immediately— going rigid like stone before you fix him with an empty gaze. “She’s dying. She can’t work. She sleeps most days. In the mornings before I come here, I read to her and when I get home I tell her I love her and kiss her goodnight. Is that specific enough for you, Mr. Bateman?”
Nathan just looks at you, his eyes for once, void of any emotion to tell you how he’s feeling. Nathan 3 months ago would have stormed away, or said something snarky. But, he just keeps looking at you. The silence makes you uncomfortable and your words replay in your mind over and over, guilt building each time. Your mother’s a tender subject, but Nathan is…more than anyone has ever been to you despite not making that clear to him. You open your mouth to apologize but he shushes, closing his laptop and then yours before he pulls you into his lap and holds you close. 
He kisses at your temple, your forehead, your cheek, “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
It shouldn’t catch you off guard, his affection and tenderness but it does. You melt into him even as your walls go up inside. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not, honey. It’s not. Can you tell me what—“
“Cancer. Off and on since I was in high school.”
“You’ve been taking care of your sisters off and on since they were born?”
You shrug. It was true. In the moment, when you and your mother had made those decisions together— your father wishing and washing his way in and out of your lives whenever he felt like— they hadn’t seemed like a big deal. But, Nathan’s tone can’t help but make you realize how much you’d missed out on because of your duty to your family.
“Shit, honey.”
“It’s alright, Nathan,” You breathe. It’s not, it’s never been okay, but you’ve been telling yourself that for as long as you can remember. 
“It’s not. You’re a good fucking woman. You and your family deserve better.”
“They do deserve better. My sisters don’t have a time remembering her like I do. Before she got sick. That’s fucked up isn’t it?” 
“Yeah, baby, it is.” His hold on your tightens, a hand smoothing up and down your back. “Let me take you out for one night.”
“Nathan, I just said—“
He takes your jaw into his hands, intentional yet gentle with his grip as he guides you to look at him. Those big brown eyes are warm but firm. “We’ll do it in the city. I’ll pick you up from your apartment, you’ll be a phone call away. I’ll bring you home first thing in the morning. C’mon baby, you deserve a break. Let me give it to you.”
You agree to Nathan’s advances, like you always do these days. This date takes a lot of coordinating— but somehow it all turned out in your favor. Nathan jokes that it’s because of his god-like will. You’re just happy to take the breather when it’s presented to you. Emma gets invited to her first sleepover, Phillipa’s school is having a lock in. Somehow, Nathan had convinced you to accept him paying for one day of round the clock care for your mother so her usual nurse, Celia, could have a day off too.
You’re realizing that maybe you’re just as gone for him as he is for you. That you believe what he’s said about the depths of his feelings for you and maybe, you’re ready to take the next step and allow yourself to feel them openly for him too. How quickly the tide turns. How quickly Nathan had put in the effort to show how badly he wanted this— you. 3 months ago you could say with sincere surety that you did not like Nathan Bateman. And now…well you were sure you couldn’t deny loving him. 
He tells you to dress formally— it lands you in your favorite black dress, the one that always gives you a boost of confidence and makes you feel good. You’re going to need if your racing thoughts about how your feelings have deepened are any indicator for how the evening will go. And maybe, once or twice, you’ve imagined Nathan peeling you out of it when your fingers slipped beneath your waistband late at night.
When you open the door, Nathan’s in a crisp white button down and slacks, a suit jacket draped over his shoulders— your knees nearly give out. So do his.
“Fuck me,” He breathes.
“My neighbors can hear you,” You remind him breathlessly, your face hot as his eyes slowly trace your figure. 
“They should be lucky we’re not staying here or they’d hear a hell of a lot more. Fuck. You look incredible, baby.”
“My eyes are up here.”
“I’ve seen enough of those.”
“Nathan.”
“Can you fucking blame me? You walk out here in this tight little dress, one I imagine will stay on until after dinner, which is a fucking sin if you ask me. I’m giving commotion for the dress honey, it is what it is. Come here,” He reaches for you, snaking his arm around your waist so he can kiss you thoroughly. When he breaks the kiss he whispers, “Hi.”
Some of your nerves dissipate at his clear attraction to you, his sweetness. You smile against his mouth, bumping his nose with your own. “Hi. You look so handsome.”
“Thank you,” He murmurs, a smug grin spreading across his face. 
“Patience and good manners, you’re a changed man yet.”
“Does that mean if I ask to feel you up in the limo, you’ll say yes?”
“My neighbors, Nathan,” You remind him sternly, though you’re still smiling. 
“Stuffy old fucks probably need a good show.”
“Walk.”
The limo ride to the nearby docks is 40  minutes with the traffic — and he helps you out like a gentleman, guiding you to a moderately sized boat. It’s impressive, all cream and blues, the 
“Nathan, why is there a helicopter next to this boat?”
“In case you need to get home,” He says simply, if that explanation is enough. 
“In case— we got here by limo.”
“You’re a phone call and a 10 minute helicopter ride away from your family.”
How were you gonna make it through dinner without dragging him to the ground so you could ruck up your dress and fuck him? He was saying all of this, doing all of this so nonchalantly, like it isn’t the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you.
He leans in, mouth and beard tickling your cheek as his whispers teasingly, “This is usually where people say thank you.”
You lean away, giggling a little. Your tone is suggestive, “What if I’m saving my thank you until after dinner?”
“Finally gonna show me some of those methods? It’s been driving me fucking nuts, honey.”
“Depends on how good you are.”
Nathan bites back a moan. This is all so fucking surreal. Being out of his home, being with you. Learning more and more about you, seeing you. Being yours and you being his. It’s more than he could’ve hoped for. He thought he would’ve fucked up by now— and he has, but you held a selfless amount of patience in your heart. He finds himself feeling…grateful? It’s an unfamiliar feeling, one he pushes away from a young age. 
“Don’t be filthy before dinner,” He murmurs lowly.
“You‘ve been eyeing my tits since you picked me up,” You challenge. 
“I’ve been appreciating them, there’s a difference. You ever been on a boat before?”
You eye the boat thoughtfully, “My mom used to take me on the ferry. Does that count?”
Nathan hums. He hasn’t ushered you onto the boat just yet, the two of you standing out on the docks in the salty breeze. It’s nice, being out in the fresh air like this, the water dark as the sun finishes dipping below the horizon. He’d anticipated much more anxiety given his hermit tendencies but it was just you and him and the few staff he’d hired to manage the boat. 
“Do you want to name it?” He blurts out all of a sudden.
“Name what?”
“The boat,” He nods towards the ship. 
You frown, confused. “You haven’t named the boat?”
“I bought it last week.”
“Nathan, did you buy this boat to take me out on a date?”
“Yes I did,” He says with no shame. 
All of that will be an adjustment, the blasé way that he spends money— especially when he spends it on you. You know that he has a fuck ton of it but still; you’ve never lived a life of luxury. 
“Do all employees get this sign-on bonus?” You tease.
“Hush, cheeky girl. Name the boat.”
You grow thoughtful, and that thoughtfulness quickly melts into a melancholic, wistful feeling. You think about your mom. How she’s been swayed back and forth by the tide of life, doing her best to float above it all. It would be nice wouldn’t it, to name something after the woman you love most?
“Boats are named after strong women. So I think…Tiana,” You murmur, voice full of emotion. You clear your throat quickly, hoping he doesn’t notice. 
But Nathan’s obsessed with you— and now that you’ve let him in, he can sense every push and pull. He maneuvers you so that your back is flush with his front. “I like it. Tiana…is that your mother?”
You don’t trust your voice. You simply hum, nodding a little bit as you press back against him. 
He squeezes you tighter, “It’s perfect, baby. Absolutely fucking perfect.
He cups your jaw with one hand, guiding your gaze to his. He’s never seen you nonverbal like this before, never seen sadness in your eyes like this. It makes his chest ache. He guides your mouth to his, kissing you with gentle reverence you never would’ve guessed he was capable of until recently.
Nathan just holds you, letting you melt against him in silence for an undetermined amount of time. His worry grows. “Do you want to call the nurse before we sit down for dinner? Emma? Phillipa?”
Finally, you speak. “No. No, it’s alright. I spend the entire day away from all of them when I’m working for you— I can do this.”
“Just say the word, okay, sweetheart?”
You lean in to give him a soft peck of appreciation, “Yes, I will. Thank you, Nathan.”
Dinner is much more elaborate than it had to be— but this is Nathan you’re talking about, a man with practically the entire world at his fingertips. Of course a 10 course meal makes sense to him. Not that you’re complaining about a personal sized crawl through Italy; breads and antipasto, pastas of all sorts, wines that are perfectly paired, and to end your favorite dessert from the first time the two of you shared a meal together. Despite his underestimating himself and his chaste manner, you think that Nathan is good at romance. He’s great at romance. By the time you’re finishing the last bite, you’re warm and full, a little buzzed and most importantly— needy for him. 
Your entire body is craving his. You’ve denied your desires and his for long enough. You need him, you feel like you might go insane with lust— with love, if you don’t have him. 
“Are we sleeping here?” 
“There’s a suite downstairs, or there’s a hotel nearby I reserved. It’s your call.”
“Here…here is good. Will you take me to bed?” You ask, nonchalantly. 
Nathan chokes on the wine he’s sipping, setting it down to looking at you more intently. “Take you to bed,” He repeats.
“Yes, Nathan, take me to bed,” You practically purr at him this time, voice low and smoky.
Nathan has had  lots of sex in his life, never been flustered or taken aback by anyone. He’s accepted that all of his past experiences go out the window when it comes to you, but he doesn’t expect such a strong reaction out of himself when faced with the opportunity to finally ravish you. He feels like if he stood up right now, his legs would give out like jello. 
The way you’re looking at him— he’s sure no one has ever looked at him like this in his entire life. Carnal and hungry, like when you kissed him breathless in the forest, but more intense. It’s almost overwhelming. He’s never been consumed before, and that’s exactly how you’re looking at him. Like you’re going to swallow him whole. His cock twitches and he takes a deep breath.
“Come here,” He says softly, pushing away from the table and holding his hand out for you.
You stand, moving closer to him but don’t take his hand. “If I touch you…if we start here, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
Nathan feels winded. He squeezes his eyes shut, and nods. “Fuck, honey, alright. Follow me.”
Nathan guides you through the dining room and down a hall, not even bothering to mention what doors the two of you pass. His heart is pounding in his chest— he’s ready for this, been ready for so long and he wants this to mean something. He had been ready to wait as long as you needed in order for this moment to be everything it can be. 
The suite he takes you to is larger than you anticipated it to be, but you can’t bring yourself to care. As soon as Nathan shuts the door behind you, you practically launch yourself at him, your hands starting at where his shirt is tucked into his pants. You ruck it up, leaning forward to kiss him.
“Whoa, mmm,” He hums into your mouth. His hands finally fall to cup your ass, kneading and squeezing the way he’s wanted to for hours now. “You been this desperate the whole time?”
“Have you?” You counter as you press him against the door, grinding your hips against his. You can feel him through the fabric of his trousers, and it makes your mouth water. 
“Fuck, baby, lemme get you on the bed at least,” He breathes when he feels the way your hips rut.
You pull away, looking at him with bright but hazy eyes— like he’s just come up with some revolutionary idea. “The bed, right. Come here.”
You start to walk backwards, guiding him with you by his shirt. Once the back of your thighs hit the bed, you switch positions with him, encouraging him to sit down so that you can straddle him. Nathan feels weightless— this is like his dream come true. Just a couple months ago he was jerking himself off imagining a sight like this, and now he was living it. 
Looking up at you, he feels warm. Fuzzy. Like he’s in the safest place he’ll ever be in. With his limited data and hope, trust— things he’s never had with anyone— he knows that he is. This is all he’ll ever need. You’re all he’ll ever need. He loves you so much it hurts. 
“Baby,” He sighs, guiding your mouth down to his. Where your mouth is hurried and insistent, his is lazy and indulgent. He wants to savor every moment.
“Hmm,” You hum grinding down against his clothed cock in a move that makes both of you moan. 
“I fucking love you.”
You lean away, eyes wide with alarm. Part of you, most of you, thought that to be true. Well— whatever he was capable of feeling that was close to love. He’s proved himself to you. All of his intentions, his actions, his words— no matter how haphazard he’s been in communicating them— have been pure. While just a few months ago you were sure Nathan could love no one but himself, you’re sure now that he’s being completely honest. It sends you further into your frenzy. He loves you. 
Nathan Bateman fucking loves you. 
You’re quiet for so long that he feels antsy. There’s no regret, no anger in his heart like he thought there could be when first pursuing you. But he is starting to feel small, like a nuisance like his parents made him feel all those years ago. 
“Really?” You ask breathlessly, unsure if it’s from his declaration or your body’s response to being pressed against him like this. 
He scoffs, squeezing your hips, “Really? You think I fucking—“
“Okay, alright, I love you too.”
“Really?”
You fix him with narrowed eyes. Of course you get scolded but he gets to do the exact same thing as you. It’s very Nathan. It makes you love him more. 
“Nathan.”
“My really is fucking justified, I’m some asshole, you’re…you’re the moon. The sun. The sky. I’m not good at this poetic shit but I mean it.”
“You’re the sweetest, most thoughtful, insightful and just— kind. I know what you’re thinking, I know that something or someone’s taught you not to think that you’re kind and worthy but you are. Even if you’re an asshole and a clown, you are. And I love you.”
“We’re fucking corny and sickly sweet and so cliche. I could vomit,” He says, his grin wide and genuine. 
You nuzzle into him, laughing softly at the tickle of his beard, “You would study it, see if it quantified any of your love for me.”
“So you think I’m disgusting,” He murmurs, using his grip on you to rock your hips down against his cock. 
The pressure is sweet, and you shiver even as you try to get your voice even. “Am I wrong?”
He laughs a little, eyes fluttering when you help him rock you down even further, “No.”
You reach up to remove his glasses, bending to set them on the side of the bed— you didn’t want to break them, now with how you were about to ravish him. “Kiss me, Nathan.”
Usually, he needs to be told things once, twice, and again but this request Nathan obeys immediately. His hands start to travel up your body, fingers sliding under the fabric of your dress to expose inch after inch of your precious skin. His eyes are closed as he bares you to him, pulling down the cups of your bra so your breasts spill out, but he can feel how beautiful you are under his fingertips. Smooth and soft, fitting perfectly in his grasp.  Every touch, every kiss is electric. His hands skate up your stomach, cupping your breasts before he takes your nipples between his fingers, rolling them gently.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, you feel so good. So good,” He mumbles into your mouth, his fingers still working, eager to hear the soft little sound you made.
You melt into him, nodding frantically as you continue to sip from his mouth. “You too.”
Nathan breaks away from your mouth, biting and kissing his way down your neck, sucking a faint mark into your skin. More. He wants more of you, and you more of him. He kisses a trail between your breasts before leaning in, suckling one of your nipples into his mouth. You taste so fucking good. Like honey and cocoa, so delicious. Not for the first time, Nathan thinks about how much he wants to consume you. Or be consumed. He can’t choose, his head is spinning and he’s getting more frantic, shaking beneath you as he sucks and nips at you. 
You can feel yourself getting lost in him, but this isn’t what you’ve thought about all these months. He feels incredible, his mouth is warm, his hands sure. The pleasure that’s blooming all over your body is one you'll never give up. But, no, for all these months, you’ve thought about turning him into a whining, shivering mess. You’ve thought about making him cum over and over until he can think of nothing but you. 
You lean away, cupping your face in your hands,  “Wait— please, let me touch you. I get off all the time, but I haven’t touched a man in so long. I wanna see you.”
“Honey—“
Your hands fall, gripping his shirt and ripping at it. Buttons scatter as you work him out of the shirt, leaning in to coax his mouth open for you once more.  “Let me make you cum. Please, I need it.”
“That’s what you want?” He asks skeptically.
“Yeah, and you’d give me anything, wouldn't you? You ask, tilting your head at him expectantly.
“I’d give you anything,” He confirms.
You slid out of his lap, reaching behind to unclasp your bra and discard it. It leaves you in nothing but black lace panties. “Then take your pants off.”
All Nathan can do for several moments is stare at you, his mouth agape, ready to drool. He could believe he’s died and gone to heaven, except he doesn’t believe such a place exists. And if he did, he would not end up in a place where he would be so privileged to be met with the sight of you. You're an angel in the most sinful way.
“Nathan,” You coo when he doesn’t move, a soft grin on your face.
“Sorry,” He mumbles, a soft blush rising in his cheeks. 
It’s adorable, it makes the heat in your lower belly burn brighter. You can feel yourself getting wetter for him by the second. “I thought about you like this so much.”
“Could've fooled me,” He heaves, trying to seem less affected than he is. That boat sailed the moment you asked him to take you to bed. 
You laugh softly at his words, dropping to your knees and resting your hands on his broad thighs.  “Don’t be snarky, baby, just let me make us feel good. You want that don’t you?”
Nathan shivers, even as your warm, honeyed voice glides across his skin. God he knew you’d be like this, knew he’d bend to your will so easily but to hear it and feel it. “I do,” He sighs, allowing you to guide him to sit down on the edge of the bed.
Your eyes are dark with hunger, and you lick your lips a little as you look up at him. “God, your cock’s so fucking pretty. Can I put my mouth on you?”
“You can do whatever you want to me,” He whispers earnestly.
You aren’t gentle or patient or thoughtful about letting him adjust. You take Nathan’s cock completely, so deep that he feels like he’s starting to enter your stomach. It takes everything in him to keep his hips down, a will that crumbles when you swallow, your throat tightening around him. The sound you make is a cross between a gag and a satisfied hum. You pull off without missing a beat, spitting on the tip of his cock and lifting a hand to grip and pump him.
“Mmm, shit, that’s really…that’s really fucking—“ Nathan babbles incoherently, words cutting off. 
You start in on him again, your head bobbing up and down as you take him over and over again. The noises he’s making have you squeezing your thighs together. Soft and breathy and so so sweet. You peer up at him wanting to see how he looks. The flush in his cheeks is deeper and redder, his eyes somehow sharp and hazy all at once. Seeing him so vulnerable, gooey and nearing the peak of pleasure you don’t stop, sucking harder, allowing the tip of his cock to go deeper.
One of his hands falls to your shoulders, gripping it gently, “Wait— wait— fuck, hold on baby, just,”
Carefully, you pull off of him, wiping at the trail of spit that connects your mouth to his cock. You look up at him with those sweet little eyes, like you haven’t nearly sucked what little of a soul lies within him. “Hmm?”
“Wanna cum inside you, please.”
“This is you cumming inside me,” You challenge, kissing at the head of his cock.
“Inside your pussy,” He gasps, the vein that trails down the center of his forehead on display as he fights to stay still—as he holds back.
You rest your head on his thigh, looking up at him like he’s hung the moon. The sight alone almost makes him cum. 
“Say, please,” You whisper.
“Please, sweetheart.”
“You’re so good, do you know that?” You ask him softly, reaching up to cup his face. 
“Good?” He asks with a furrowed brow. The word directed at himself feels clumsy in his mouth. 
“Good,” You repeat as confirmation. “So good that you’re gonna lay back against those pillows without another word aren’t you?”
Processing your words, he simply nods, helping you to your feet before he scoots back, propped up against the pillows, looking so devilishly handsome. If you stared at him long enough, you’re sure you could cum from just this sight. But why torture yourself like that, when you’re this close to having him buried inside you? Body humming with anticipation you crawl up the bed, straddling him once more. 
“Do you want to feel how wet I am?” 
“Yes,” He answers quickly before tacking on, “please.” 
That sentence alone shows just how much Nathan Bateman is a changed man. Please without being promoted? Atop apologies and vulnerability and love confessions. 
You hold your panties to the side for him, “Go on then. Touch me, baby.”
Nathan’s eyes track to where your pussy runs along his cock, burning hot. He reaches for you, letting his fingers sweat through your folds, causing both of you to moan. You’re so fucking wet, dripping, glistening in the warm lamplight. 
“For me?” He asks, voice and hands trembling as he finds your clit, pressing his thumb against it.
“For you. Because you’re so fucking good for me. Good to me.”
Every fucking word out of your mouth pulls his closer to his release. He needs to be inside you, he can feel the clock ticking. “Can I fuck you now, honey? Please, I need to feel you.”
“Who knew Nathan Bateman would beg?”
“On my knees for the rest of my fucking life, baby.”
You can picture it, except in your dreams, Nathan’s beard is shining with your slick. Your breath catches, and you grow too needy to continue teasing him. It takes you just a few seconds to line him up with your entrance, giving neither of you time to adjust as you sink down on him completely. His back arches, huffing a heavy, labored breath. He’s sweating, he can feel it, his skin slick underneath your fingertips as your pussy grips him so deliciously tight. You’re dripping down his cock already.
“Fuck, honey—,” He laughs, squeezing at your hip, nearly pushing you off to hold on. “Fuck me, you couldn’t have— warned a guy?”
“Sorry,” You breathe, grinning down at him, “needed to fuck you.”
Nathan’s eyes roll as you rock your hips, completely breathless, “Shit—your pussy’s so fucking tight. So hot, you been saving this all for me?”
You bend, your nose resting against his as you gaze into him, “Savor it— don’t think. Don’t control. Just enjoy it, Nathan. Be with me. Give in to me. Say yes.”
“Yes,” He slurs, drawn out and drunk on you. 
You guide his hands to either side of his head, holding them down by his wrists as you start to move, your pussy taking his cock the way your throat had with even more ease. The two of you fit together so perfectly, your cunt swallowing his entire length over and over, pleasure mounting higher and higher inside you. Nathan’s winning the fight against his body now. He’s happy to submit to you, it feels so good, so perfectly sweet, like he was made to be underneath you like this. But his body screams for release, to roll you over and fuck you hard until you squeeze his cock so tight there’s no choice in his cumming.  
“Wanna cum…wanna cum in your pussy,” He whines, his hips lazily rocking up to meet yours. 
“You will baby, I’ll let you fill me up,” You assure him, slowing the rhythm of your hips, teasing yourself and him for a moment as you close your eyes and let yourself really feel every single inch of him.
Nathan’s lips are parted slightly, pink and flushed, soft gasps leaving him as your hips grind down against his. You remove one of your hands from his wrists, leaning back so you have room to run your thumb over the swell of his bottom lip.
“You okay, baby?”
“Yeah,” He says, his words syrupy, “feels good. So good.”
“Let me in there,” You murmur, tapping two of your  fingers against his lips, and he opens wide immediately. You purposefully clench your cunt around him, a small reward for his obedience and he groans, his back arching as pleasure burns in his veins. 
“I’m gonna soak your cock,” You tell him matter of factly.
Nathan’s eyes go wide, his chest rising fast as his lungs beg for air. No matter what he does its not enough. He’s drowning in you, there’s nothing he can do about it. There’s nothing he really wants to do about it. “Soak my—“
“Nice and wet, all over you. Gonna make us messier,” You whisper, like the sound of his cock gliding in and out of you isn’t already obscene. “You want that don’t you, Nathan?”
He doesn’t have words, just soft, needy sounds. Pleading round eyes. Shallow, noisy breaths. It’s all the answer you need.
“I know, baby. I know. Cum whenever you need to, I’ll make it,” The gentle tone of your voice doesn’t match the devious look in your eyes. 
You know exactly what you’re doing. You know his cock aches with the need to release, know he’s fighting this because he never wants this to end. Know that he’s never been this deep in subspace in his life, that he’ll obey any command you give him.
You shift up on your knees, until you’re taking nothing but the tip, and then rock back, taking him as deep as you can. Bending to your will, Nathan cums with a sound that can only be described as sweet agony. 
As he fills you up, your hips slip into a grind, pressing and pressing the tip of his cock against the sensitive spot inside you. You can feel it coming now, you know just how to twist your hips, just how long to rub at your clit to make it happen. Your thighs grow tight, your cunt clenching as it starts to milk him for everything he’s got. You gush around him, the sound so wet and filthy that Nathan thinks he might cum again. Your slick is everywhere; your thighs, your stomach and all over Nathan, his lower belly glistening with you. He looks down and groans again, need rising sharply in his chest. He wants to taste you. 
“Let me taste you, please. Drown me,” He begs, one of his hands shakily reaching for where the two of you connect.
Your hands fall to the pillows on either side of his head, propping you up from where you’d since collapsed onto him. “Nathan, baby, you’re tired—“
But, Nathan is desperate— as desperate as you were when you asked him to take you to bed, you can hear it in his voice as he pleads, “Sit on my face. Please, please, please, baby. Fucking, please. Let me eat your pussy.”
Your lost to him and his begging. With the little strength you have left, you shuffle up, getting you thighs on either side of his head, gently lowering yourself down through the burn of your muscles. Nathan has another idea, weakly reaching for you and effectively smothering himself in your pussy. Its messy, the sounds of his mouth as he licks and sucks at your clit like a starved man. Like you two hadn’t just stuffed yourselves full at dinner. 
“Nathan,” You mumble, trying to steady yourself by leaning against the headboard. His beard tickles against your thighs, but makes the work of his mouth even better, brushing each and every bit of your sensitive pussy.
Despite your plea, Nathan is insatiable, pulling you down by his grip on your ass. He’s gasping and whining into your cunt, like it's all too much and too little at the same time. He can hardly breathe with how firmly he’s got you pressed against his face, though he wouldn’t change his position for the world. He would happily die here if it was what you wanted.
He can feel your thighs shaking against the sides of his head and knows that you’re close to cumming. Doubling his efforts, Nathan switches from running his tongue through your folds to focusing solely on your clit, circling and circling in a maddening technique. When you fall apart on his tongue, he presses his tongue inside of you, eager to drink up every single drop of your sweet honey. 
He feels like he’s cumming again, his cock jerking behind you though there’s nothing for him to release. He feels like he’s been split right open, all of his tender, vulnerable spots on display.
It takes several minutes for Nathan to come back to himself once you shift off of his face, laying your body against his. He’s gasping for air with tightly shut eyes, his entire body shaking. You run a hand up and down his chest, cooing soft praises as you try to soothe him. 
He stares at the ceiling, steadying his breaths. “Jesus fucking Christ, baby. You’re the filthiest person I’ve ever met.”
You tilt your chin to look up at him, admiring the shine of his beard that’s completely covered in you. A mark that he’s yours. “Thank you.”
The grin on your face— you’re trying to fucking kill him. How many times has he thought since he’s started this endeavor of winning your heart and why is it not over now that he has? Your grin is smug, full of fire, the fire he’s wanted from the moment he laid his eyes on you. He loves you so fucking much. If this is what he gets, he’ll be better for the rest of his life. He’ll move to the city, do the house in the crowded suburbs with the picket fence, get married. Have kids, and attend the most boring PTA meetings that plan bake sales. Bake sales where he’d have to make cookies— real cookies, not the ones with coconut sugar and almond flour, and low sugar chocolate. If it was what you wanted he’d do it all. Any of it at the drop of a hat.
“What are you thinking about?” You trace small shapes on his chest, enjoying the post-coital cuddle. 
“You.”
“What about me?”
“That you’re everything,” He says easily. It’s nice— the reservations, the anxiety that he had about all of this has faded in the shadows. 
With you, Nathan gets to be completely honest, knowing that he’s safe. None of what his parents said was true. He’s not unlovable. He’s not selfish. He isn’t just a fuck up that can never amount to anyone’s expectations. Despite his mistakes, he’s allowed to be loved. 
“Remember when I was just your employee?” You ask teasingly, snuggling further into him.
“Fuck, I was an idiot for months. Best thing I’ve ever had, dangling in front of me in plain sight.”
“Not Bluebook?”
“No.”
“Or buying that property?”
“No.”
“The money?”
“No.”
“Your freedom?”
He snorts, “My freedom?”
“You said I could do whatever I wanted to you,” You remind him. 
“And I fucking meant it.”
“It doesn’t sound very…freeing. Very Nathan,” You muse softly. 
Nathan’s quiet for a long time— so long that you grow nervous, afraid that you’ve said the wrong thing. Just as you’re about to sit up to apologize, he wraps his arms around you, dropping a kiss on your forehead, “This, sweetheart, is the freest I’ve ever been in my life.” 
Fin
nathan taglist: @missdictatorme, @hon3yboy, @runa-falls, @campingwiththecharmings, @toracainz, @steven-grants-world, @clemdango04, @jdbxws, @crispysublimecupcake, @sub-aro, @faretheeoscar, @cupidysm, @whentheskyispinkandabitblue, @nova-ivy541, @sparkypantelones, @veritable-trash, @mangoslushcrush, @thhriller @tenderhornynihilist, @queerponcho
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shadowserenity28 · 1 year ago
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Obey Me boys as dads
I won’t be doing Luke for obvious reasons and I won’t do Raphael and Mephistopheles either because I don’t really know them. Anyways, here are my headcanons on what the Obey Me boys would realistically be like as dads. No sugarcoating, no idealism, no fangirling, though other headcanons I have about them will come into play. I will theorize about what they would be like as dads based on their personality and relationships to each other. So without further ado, let’s begin:
warning: slight spoilers for Simeon
Lucifer
With Lucifer, it is pretty easy to imagine what he would be like as a father given he acts like a father towards his brothers. And in all honesty, he is downright abusive. His go-to method of punishment is hanging his brothers from the ceiling or threatening them to do horrible things to them like feeding them to Cerberus. Not to mention that, given he is the Avatar of Pride, he can’t admit he’s wrong. 
If he had a child, Lucifer would treat them no different than his brothers, given he basically raised them, too. I do believe he would be able to teach his child well, but not without giving it mental health issues. He would give physical affection such as cuddles and kisses, and I do believe he would love his child like he loves his brothers. However, the child wouldn’t actually feel loved because he’s always being so harsh on it. 
Mammon
Mammon would be a decent dad, though he would definitely teach the child how to steal. Given he is the punching bag of the family and gets the most shit from Lucifer, he would do everything in his power to protect his child from that treatment. I do think he would spoil his child with gifts and spend time with it by playing with them. He would also teach him all kinds of gambling games and take them to casinos once they’re old enough.
However, Mammon would be oblivious to obvious dangers for a child and underestimate a child’s stupidity. He’s the type to let the kid run over the kitchen counter and not think of the possibility it might fall, but he would also learn whenever his behavior was pointed out because he really wants to keep his child safe.  
Leviathan
Leviathan would raise his child to be an otaku. He will teach it all about the Tale of the Seven Lords and all his favorite anime. He would be more of a buddy dad, not really good at teaching him life lessons because he can barely get his own shit together. If his child displays any interests he doesn’t share, he would find it difficult to engage in their hobby. He would probably self-loathe, thinking his child doesn’t love him or that he’s a terrible father.
Generally, he would constantly question his abilities as a father and spends many nights crying that he’s not good enough. But his child would genuinely feel loved, they might think their father is wimpy, but would never think of him as a bad father.
Satan
Satan would really struggle not lashing out at his child every five seconds. He’s the type of dad to get irritated whenever the kid asks for his help. He did not prepare for having to give his child 99% of his attention and gets frustrated that he can’t do the things that calm him down, like reading and petting cats. That causes him to lash out at his child more than necessary, which in turn makes the child fear their own father.
However, I can imagine that he becomes a better dad over time and bonds with his child by reading to them and taking them out to cat cafés. Still, he’s the Avatar of Wrath, and those anger issues don’t just go away.
Asmodeus
Surprisingly, Asmodeus would be a great dad. I imagine him being very fond of children. He loves their innocence and wants to protect it at all costs. While he is called narcissistic by the game itself, he isn’t actually narcissistic. He’s vain and openly loves himself, but that’s not the same as being a narcissist. Asmodeus is capable of loving others, such as his brothers, Solomon and MC.
Asmodeus would shower his children with affection and will never miss a chance to tell them how much he loves them with hugs and kisses. Also he would definitely have the most children because… lust. I don’t think he would play favorites, he would try to treat them all equally. He would not accept self-loathing, he wouldn’t want any of his children to suffer any kind of depression or body dysmorphia as he’s been through that himself. He would strictly keep his sin away from them, though once they reach the age he would be the best out of all the brothers to have the birds and the bees talk.
Beelzebub
Beel would also be a wonderful dad. He would definitely make sure his child is well-fed and exercise with them as soon as they can. He would constantly look out for his child, his biggest fear being something happening to it. He would definitely have some war flashbacks, thinking about how he failed to protect Lillith and desperately wants to make sure he doesn’t repeat his mistake.
Beel would also make sure to attend every game or school event his child has. He wouldn’t even let his gluttony control him enough to miss that.
Belphegor
Honestly, I think Belphie would lowkey not want any children. To him they’re a hassle and too much work for the Avatar of Sloth. If he did end up having a child, he wouldn’t be doing any of the hard work. No changing diapers or feeding them, and gosh someone get them to shut up so he can sleep. He’ll probably get earmuffs so he doesn’t have to listen to the screaming.
Belphie would spend time with his child when he’s in the mood, mostly teaching it mischief to annoy Lucifer. He would also come to enjoy napping with the child once he realizes they sleep well when he’s with them.
Diavolo
Diavolo is the chaotic, but often absent dad given he’s the future king of the Devildom. He wouldn’t have much time for his child because of his duties, so the child would mostly grow up with nannies. However, whenever Diavolo has time, he will use it to give his child the best time possible. He would take it to all kinds of amusement parks, fun fairs and other events and give them all the toys they want as a way to make up for his lack of presence.
Diavolo would also be pretty irresponsible, like Mammon he would underestimate the dangers certain activities pose for a child. but unlike Mammon, he wouldn’t learn from his mistakes, thinking it’s fine as long as nothing happens. And even if something happens, he would be like “Welp, better be careful next time” instead of not letting a next time happen.
Barbatos
Barbatos would be an emotionally distanced dad. He would not be absent, in fact he would carry his child around everywhere because he believes nobody could look out better for his child than himself. Given he’s a timelord, he would also want to monitor them in case they inherited his power, so that they don’t tear apart time and space.
Given his stoic personality, he wouldn’t be good with showing his emotions and showing how much he loves his child. However, he shows them by baking with them, letting him help with his chores and teaching them. His punishments are harsh, but not as over the top as Lucifer’s and he would never even threaten to hurt his child. 
Simeon
Simeon is basically a dad to Luke already, though I don’t think either of them think of it that way. Unsurprisingly, he’s the religious dad, and there’s a chance he unintentionally gives his child the same religious trauma he suffers from himself. He’s a good but strict teacher, seeing how he lets Luke find answers to certain questions, which I believe is a good approach to teach independence and problem solving skills. He’s the type who helps his child through emotional turmoil through rational solutions, trying to teach them the “proper” way he himself has strayed from, and he paid the price.
Simeon was demoted from a seraph to an archangel for defending the brothers during the Great Celestial War, and later to a human for stealing the Ring of Light. He believes he has strayed from the right path and wants to set things right by making sure the same doesn’t happen to his child, but in the process of doing that he unintentionally gives them religious trauma, which might cause them to fall from grace even harder than himself.
Solomon
Don’t give this man a child. The child would probably die of food poisoning before it can walk.
If you'd like to see this for twisted wonderland or enstars, let me know.
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toytulini · 1 month ago
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Last Night:
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This morning:
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they just love to look so fucked up and rotting. I guess. for fun?
#toy pic post#undescribed#90gal#corycats#corydoras#corydora catfish#the duality of corydora?#i promise perspective is making that size difference look even worse than it actually is. the big cory IS a bit closer to the camera.#also when i fucking woke up that one on the outside looking so so so bad was in the exact same spot and if it was still there after therapy#i was gonna maybe poke it. probably feed first since i want to feed them today but. yea#it stayed there all night and then now its. acting normal. swimming about. being social with its friend#THAT SAID i do notice that chunk of tail missing. luckily i only think its that one. the other has a healthy tail....but fucked up dorsal#BUT the fucked up dorsal might be my nemo attempter. cos whichever one did that did fuck up the dorsal a bit?#anyway. theres 5 large bronze/green ones in there and 2 of these guys so im hoping the aggression balances?#and that one in the pic is the Largest of all of them. i think thats the only green one?#but idk. hopefully i can get my shit in order and get a qt tank and then maybe i can add like ? 4 more lil white guys and then maybe theyll#be less bullyable. harder to single out?#i still think this tank is the better option rn considering that i started with 6 in the 40gal and now i have only 2#and never found any corpses. only. very very fat kuhli loaches and an extremely fat clown pleco#i want to add loaches to that tank eventually but i fear ill be growing them out in a qt tank cos otherwise they might get eaten#my loaches are so so fat rn and im worried i wont find any big enough to homd their own for sale#but i should also maybe be able to get some in at work now easier? so theres that#and realistically by the time i have my shit together enough to think about a qt tank ill prolly be trained in the fish room by then
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yannaryartside · 3 months ago
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Carmy doesn’t wanna be with Claire despite his trauma, but because of it
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So, I was working in a meta about the roles of Chef David, Claire and Sydney in Carmy’s character arc. But I think there is something that can be a point of its own, let’s see if I can explain myself correctly.
I have read opinions about how once Carmy work things out with Donna (that recent la times interview had Calo mentioning how they mirrored Claire shots after Donna’s shot) and many people came to that conclusion of how Carmy wanting to be with Claire is sabotaged by his trauma.
And that is a valid take and it could be what it is, but I don’t think it makes sense. No if you let abuse be a realistic player in the equation. Let me explain.
Abuse breaks your perception of yourself and the world, and sometimes you are gonna choose a partner based on that perception. Falling in love /having crushes is something that comes from our subconscious and can be deeply conditioned.
Carmy had a mother that ignored/neglected/abused him while constantly comparing him to his brother. Then he got a head chef that humiliated him, got him so scared that was physically sick and mentally damaged. All of this is self hatred fuel. He once thought he was abused because he wasn’t good enough. (This is what you wanted, to be the best) to the point he subconsciously thinks is okay to continue the cycle of abuse as long as he gets the star. (Btw he didn’t wanted it for Syd as a gift, he wanted it to prove her and his former chef that he could succeed on his own terms, the star was his revenge).
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Let’s talk Claire. He had this crush in this girl that was nice to everyone, even him with how “defective” he felt. Then miraculously this girl said that even from then she had a crush on him. She is easy and doesn’t have a problem with any of his very serious mental health issues and immaturity. He feels good enough with Claire not because he is bettering himself from an honest place (like with Sydney at times) but because Claire doesn’t ask for even basic human accountability. This is enabling to someone with a healthy mindset. But for Carmy, it is heaven, and in s3 he thinks he lost that.
I think this is the reason we don’t know shit about Claire (her hobbies, the story of her family, dreams or aspirations) because the only thing that matters to the story (Carmy’s story) is the comfort and amusement she provides. Addicts choose different drugs based on what they want (feel happy, forget, adrenaline) and Claire is the perfect drug to each one of Carmy’s core wounds.
She represents the social approval he didn’t have growing up (Michael and his family wanted them together, she is from the cool group of kids he wanted to hang out with, and Claire even acted as vehicle to Carmy feeling part of that hight school experience in the frat party)
Carmy doesn’t have to guess her humor because she puts an effort (I think) on being amenable all the time. She has all easy similes while Donna has faces of disgust and anger)
She has this perpetual need to be around and take care of broken people (her drunk friends, her patients, the stupid Faks) while never criticizing them or asking them to change (it is cool that Michael set things on fire, she hooks the Faks with her friends, she tells carmy to never apologize)
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There is an extra dark side to all of this, because this relationship is not only very superficial but very relying on both of them playing the role of the “broken boyfriend” and the “saint girlfriend” but that is a topic for its own meta.
Now, some examples based on personal experience to bring more context to this point. Trigger warnings:descriptions of physical and philosophical abuse.
My mother was engaged once with a man that was physically abusive, then she left him and married my dad, a man that respected her for her brain and never hurt her with his hands, but was manipulative and psychologically abusive. For years she accepted this “lesser” (in her words) type of abuse and described their relationship as “the best she ever had” because that is the broken perspection she has still. If you are hungry, you learn to eat garbage.
When you hate yourself, you may accept anything that tells you nothing is wrong with you, or tells you how “fix” you. That’s how cults get you, that’s how others abusers get you, surgeries, scams, you are a pigeon that will collaborate in being taken advantage of and you will be thankful for it. This is not victim blaming, abusers know the characteristics of a person that is not gonna fight back, the one that keeps believing they deserve the abuse. That’s why is so difficult to break of this cycles. The show decided to use the toxicity of the industry to show how an abusive person (Carmen) is gonna jump from abuse to abuse of he still believes he deserve it. All 3 berzatto siblings have self hate integrated to different extremes. Mickey hated himself till the point of drug addiction and suicide. Nat does it so she believes is her responsibility that everyone is all right even if it cost her greatly.
I want to bring this last point home:
Our traumas protect us sometimes, if ever questioning the believes that formed after them.
If Carmy ever confronts Donna, he will realize he was never defective, that bettering himself is something he is worth for, and then could choose a partner, based on a true understanding of himself and being able to find real compatibility, not just momentary relive for his pain and a distortion of acceptance. He doesn’t need to keep believing he is broken.
Anyhow, thank you for reading.
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inthedreamatorium1 · 4 months ago
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Trying to decide what episode is my favorite is my Sophie's choice.
Episode 1 you have these two sweet and kind individuals who undergo a transformation and think they're now hot shit when in reality, they're still massive losers. Hashtag they tried.
Episode 2 we have so much flirting! On the promenade! At the market! At Bridgerton House! At the Full Moon Ball! The ton really are blind because how does no one see it. And then the kiss. THE KISS. *swoon*
Episode 3 we have yearning. All of the yearning. Colin not knowing what to do with himself because he can't stop yearning. He yearns when he's awake. He yearns when he's asleep. And when he's not yearning, he's saving Penelope from the world's slowest ballon and looks so sexy doing it. Everything that happens at the Innovations Ball is incredible. Colin fully leaning into what he's feeling, not denying that he loves Pen, trying (and failing) to be subtle about it with his mom, marching up to Pen to tell her how he feels but losing all train of thought because he looked at Pen's lips. And then the ending when he's watching Pen and LD dance? It's heartbreaking because we've all been there.
Episode 4 we have chaotic and brave Colin. A Colin who recalls a small moment where he thinks Pen might might have feelings for him too and makes the brave decision to try. Who has no idea that Pen feels the same way. Who knows he's risking their friendship but still needs to try. Who literally walks up to Pen and LD when they're dancing, interrupts them, and pleads with Pen not to marry him. Who literally runs after Pen's carriage, despite not knowing if she rejected LD's proposal or not. Who gets on his knees in front of her and confesses that he would literally die without her. Who just balls to the wall goes for it and kisses her and gives her her first sexual experience all while being respectful and checking boundaries and not at all thinking about his own pleasure because giving her pleasure is enough. Who adjusts her dress and hair when they arrive home and jumps out of the carriage already thinking they're going to be married. For God's sake, Penelope Featherington. Are you going to marry me or now? CHAOTIC COLIN FTW
Episode 5 has Colin standing up to Portia. It has Colin telling Pen he loves her. It has Colin expressing his desire for Pen and making her feel beautiful and powerful and confident. It has one of the most realistic love scenes EVER. It has the intensity of their engagement party with Pen's secret hanging over it. The first time I watched this episode, I was GAGGED.
Episode 6 has in love Polin. The engagement ring! The flirting across the church! Pen telling Colin that she's always loved him! Them dancing in the church! Pen allowing herself to enjoy the engagement and being swept up into the planning. Their dance at the Mondrich ball. AND COLIN FINDING OUT PEN IS LADY WHISTLEDOWN.
Episode 7 basically shows us in every way possible how much Colin is in love with Penelope. Despite being hurt and confused and angry, he loves her with everything he is. There is no Colin without Penelope. He worships her completely and that's what makes his distance so heartbreaking. Because he WANTS her so badly. But he refuses himself because he doesn't want to bring that anger and confusion and hurt into their marital bed. He won't give himself to her because it's not fair to either of them. Again, Colin is brave and honestly the best man ever. You never once not feel how much he loves her throughout this entire episode. Also the wedding dance? *dies*
Episode 8 is beautiful in that it allows Colin and Pen to come together as equals. Colin respecting Pen to let her take care of this herself. Pen giving space and agency to Colin's feelings, never once begging or promising him anything. They show up side-by-side, supporting one another completely, with no stipulations. They demonstrate how hard marriage is but when you love each other, you make the effort to make it work. And oh, did they. Colin's love speech to Pen left me in tears because who wouldn't want to be told how brilliant and brave they are? And who wouldn't want to be told that the light and energy you bring to the world is inspiring? If my only purpose in life is to love a woman as great as you, then I'll be a very fulfilled man indeed. Colin Bridgerton, you really have set the bar high for all men.
So yeah. I can't pick what my favorite episode is. Colin and Penelope's story is breathtakingly beautiful and every episode is so perfect.
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