#and now i just feel. tired and empty | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

xgoldenlatiasx · 5 months ago

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i genuinely can't understand how people can see all the shit going on and be like "damn. well still vote blue no matter who!"

like. I haven't seen pictures of dead children and hundreds of body bags, gone through several severe mental health spirals back to back throughout the course of the year (none of which is even a fraction as bad as the people actually living it btw), just for YOU to tell me I have to suck it up and vote for the guy who "ermmm is genocide-ing a little less harder than the other one would"

#i had a longer rant about this but i deleted it cause it wasn't coherent and basically just hysteric sobbing #and now i just feel. tired and empty #im not getting into an argument about this btw #literally just fuck off and get away from me if you carry this kind of hopeless bullshit mindset #because i can't take it #rant #vent #delete later #“erm its a trolley problem” fuck off what is wrong with you #like do you hear yourself?

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bixels · 5 months ago

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I'm not getting into The Giving Tree discourse...

#personal #delete later #idk i just saw a post of the “alternate ending” comic on my dash and everyone praising it as an improvement and “fixing” the original #which i kinda resent #while tulli and i was taking my nephew to a book store we walked around the kids section and found the giving tree and we read through it #and i was so stricken by how profoundly sad it is. it's not a happy story #in the end both versions tell the exact same lesson. but one flat out tells you and the other makes you sit with a pit in your stomach #and work to find the answer #i dunno it's kids literature but kids literature is important. i don't wanna discredit anyone's bad memories with the book but also i think #sometimes it's ok to make kids a bit sad and upset with fiction.#tweet that goes “what if romeo and juliet didn't kill themselves and explained to the audience that family feuds are bad”#idk you can't seriously read the original book as an adult and say it's glorifying self-martyrdom #when the final drawing of the book is of an old tired man sitting on arotting stump with his hat fallen to the ground #again i don't wanna invalidate people's feelings if they enjoy the alt version i think it's really nice too. but the original has its #purpose too. imagine if at the end of the lorax they show that the boy did it and replanted the world happy ending #wait they did that in the movie shit #i dunno i just love somber children's literature. tulli and i are talking about moomin right now and how the series ends with the moomin #family just leaving. and nobody gets to say goodbye to them. their friends have to find ways to live with the emptiness they've left behin

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0yorixu · 9 months ago

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Desert duo I love them so much urhhhfhf

I should be sleeping right now for my trip that I have to wake up at 5 for but drawing urges told me to draw desert duo and sleep on the ride instead

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skunkes · 6 months ago

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mentioned before I havent felt any tangible significant benefit from meds yet which is fine bc it takes a while to kick in but one small good thing i have noticed so far is even when I get little sleep I feel less tired when I wake up

I don't feel completely incapacitated and in need of being in bed all day, fighting off the urge to nap, to recharge.

I also 1. actually get "Sleepy" now... instead of just feeling very hollowly "Tired" and like i Should be going to bed to try to sleep even though I don't feel like it, because it's about time to be doing that I guess, leading to tossing and turning for 3 hrs before finally succumbing to sleep.

and 2. I actually doze off. Instead of forcing self to try and initiate sleep...this has only ever happened during my rare Naps where im so tired that sleep puts me down by force. Never in actual night time sleep setting... im like dropping my phone and struggling to stay awake sometimes now. At night!!!

None of this is in any of the results I've seen for the medication so i dont even care if its some weird placebo somehow 😭 im jst glad its happening

#talkys #a week before i started taking it i had one day where i just never felt ''sleepy'' despite taking 2 melatonin #and feeling very Tired so i just didnt fall asleep. and then when night came again I still went to bed at 5 am and struggled to fall asleep #now we get to 3 am and my body is like ok start wrapping it up im sleepy i want to go to bed i want to go to bed #last nite i didnt fall asleep until 6 am but that was because I forced self to stay awake for comms + got engrossed in phone #time and also the dogs kept howling outside. i woke up at 12pm and did I feel tired? yeah #does the tiredness feel like extreme pain behind my eyes and a hollow aching empty head that keeps me from moving? it does not...!#its like in the very back of my mind...its present but not demanding all my time #in college i would go thru a daydream to fall asleep and i wouldnt even make it to the end before i dozed off #that hasnt worked in years and now its working again

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vehemourn · 3 months ago

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i just wanna know. what does anyone want artists to do. im really just curious. Like if u steal all of our work and chase us out of all of the jobs and crush every single one of us until we either die or quit. Whats the end goal. artists provided their work for free for 2 decades and built their lives in digital spaces. And in a few years the landscape is changing drastically away from that :/. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of artists being disrespected. And yet its not going to Stop. Our spaces are still snuck into and scraped, our work is still stolen, and we still have people that are just outright fucking nasty to us just bc u draw a furry animal or are queer. what is anyone supposed to do. our communities were destroyed. our spaces were destroyed. so many artists are Gone and scattered to the winds. What is anyone Doing.

#not art #more than anything else its just Venting #i genuinely. want to die So Bad because of this shit dude.#like i built my whole entire life in digital spaces because there was Nothing for me outside of them #and now theres nothing Inside of them either #and i feel so fucking empty #my friends are hurting or Gone #my peers are Gone #the spaces only get Worse #my peers are being Stolen From over and over #the infighting is its OWN thing and i COULD tolerate that when it was Most of what i was dealing with #but now its . from the outside too #now theres outfighting and infighting! and i cant . theres just no space for me #theres no space for anyone! they were all fucking crushed #and its So Difficult to feel like theres ANY POINT to building your work online anymore #why should i keep fucking posting??? feed an art bot and an algorithm??? my friends arent going to see it #the people i like arent going to see it #whats the fucking point.#vent #vent post #-_- sorry #cw sui ideation #im So SO tired man :( im so Fucking Sad too #i never get any less sad looking around my spaces anymore :(#we had th and artfight and even those are fucking. a part of scraping now. and it is truly the final straw for me?#like you came into OUR spaces #OURS. for ARTISTS. and ARTISTS ALONE...#and you STOLE our work :(#that we put out FOR FREE ANYWAYS.#. :(

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princess-hope-selfships · 21 days ago

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ooc: so on top of all the bad news for usamericans i'm also like... lonely af and just kind of feeling. unhappy?

so like today just really sucks and idk. i might be here i might not but idk if i can muster the energy for rp as my f/os or selfship at all

#hope be like [blogs loudly]#ooc: just crying a lot and feeling so empty inside and i'm so lonely and tired #ooc: i spend almost all my days completely alone and i'm just #ooc: idk. might need my selfships all to myself right now idk idkidk idk i'm crying not to spiral pfft okay i gotta go before i do

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mitamicah · 8 months ago

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I guess I could only live so long on the high from the concerts before falling down a negative spiral again - I hate it

#just starring into empty space a prisoner of my own head and imposter syndrome #feeling so mentally exhausted at like not even 9 o clock #i want to freaking create but i am afraid to get started again almost #what am i afraid of?#it cant be worse than feeling horrible for not creating #and not giving enough #(yes i know you say i do give but it is hard to convince myself that it is true)#i am tired of this #i want to go back to be over the moon for an upcoming concert #or so overwhelmed with joy that there is no mental barriers or things that are inappropriate #micahs thoughts #maybe now i have said my peace i can finally get my stupid arse to move #why am i like this #(same question as yesterday but for another reason)

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sovamurka · 2 days ago

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bad news, I think I developed a serious case of ED, that may have been provoked by my meds

#I don't feel hunger. at all. it scares me. and when I try to eat something my body revolts EVEN IF THAT'S LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE FOOD.#I almost cried from shame today when my plate was full of food and I couldn't eat even 1/4 of it #I don't throw up. I used to feel nauseous for at least 2 weeks but... now I don't feel anything. literally anything.#the only way I know that my body needs food is when I feel something burning a little in my stomach.#I hate this. I can only drink water and tea without feeling like an empty neurotic shell.#I want this to end so badly. I want to enjoy eating food again. I hope I'll make it out this time.#I'm so tired of being on the verge of death for the last two years.#I almost died from pneumonia this year. I still have a damaged lung. and epilepsy on top of that. I don't want to die. I DON'T WANT TO DIE.#sorry. it's just... I'm so tired. I'm so. so tired.

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softshuji · 1 year ago

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eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh

#i just find it like so unfair yknow #im the only one who works in myhouse and full time #but i come home and the house isnt clean and i tidy up and sort everything out and tidy the kitchen anf living room after dinner and put #my sister to bed and yk if there was no one else to do these things id understand but #i have 5 brothers all of whom are adults and they dont lift a finger #its not as if any of them work bec they dont and neither does my dad #and im so so so exhausted yk? bec not everything is my job or responsibility #and i keep blaming other things for me getting sick but yknow what maybe i just dont rest enough #and the other day i was upset bec i'd had a tough day at work and i felt unwell and i cleaned up everything after dinner and my brother #said i didnt have a right to be upset bec i “chose” this. like as if i chose to work full time nd do all the chores for a family of 9 #and it just really upsets me bec no one sees an issue with it and im so mad at my mom at rhe same time #constant therapy sessions w her bec shes mad at my dad and wants someone to vent at and then he does the same abt her and my brothers #and im so tired yknow just sososos tired bec she'll complain abt how they dont do anything but then she wont ensure they do either #its just empty complaints whereas she thrust responsibility on me when i was 9 and yet my brothers are 18+ - all but one that is and they #cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything.#like yes i know my dad is a failure of a husband and a father i expected that i'll never be a good enough daughter for him and that the onl #thing he has to say about me is that im bringing shame on our family despite everything ive done but come on #im just tired and upset #its hard not to see yourself as a robot or machine when theres little room to be anything else.#and even on a day like today when i dont feel well it never stops and i just keep doing #im sad i want a hug from my gangster bf #oh god i am sorry pls do not perceive me for this #and yk what #thats why i cant stand when people are nice to me bec all i can think of is #i havent done anything to deserve this? i should have to give something in return #or if not #theres something this person must want because why else would they be nice to me when i havent done anything for them #i cannot fathom the concept that someone just wants me because its me #its literally just not possible why would anyone fo that for me

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manasurge · 5 months ago

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bleh

#blabbering #rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold #i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me #basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it #which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl #(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin #might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out #and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no #No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon #(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options #watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)

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doerot · 3 months ago

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Remember when I said my roommate was really cool and chill. Well that lasted a week

#actually a little pissed now 🙄#there's been many little things but just now she locked me out of our fucking room and had her headphones on so loud #that she couldn't hear me banging on the door #and the only reason I got in was bc she had to go to the bathroom like I literally went outside to try and talk to her #through the open window and she still didn't respond #and when she came back from the bathroom (don't even get me started on that bc I KNOW she's the one who #keeps leaving an empty toilet paper roll Twice) she just went. “Oh” and walked away #then returned with her headphones back on and didn't even look at me like I am trying so hard to be civil but I feel like #it has to be intentional at this point right like you don't just lock someone out accidentally while you are still in the room #sstfu.txt #whatever I am tired as shit it's almost midnight and I couldn't even get dinner bc my meal swipe is still broken

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nightmare8-420 · 1 month ago

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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.

#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family #(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything #like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but #even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore #oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck #UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough #but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while #maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from #whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions #i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep #which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues #i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not #getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.

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anxiously-going · 20 hours ago

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#screaming into the void #im fine just frustrated and sad #i was finishing my huntokar necklace and it literally fell apart in my hands #ive tried talking about new writing projects for another blog and was met with zero interest #ive tried talking about projects in different places and just end up feeling like im half way into a story and no one is listening #it hurts and im tired of trying #i feel like i never grew out of the little kid phase where no one actually cares about my odd interests #i feel like the crying little kid everyone is ignoring because 'theyre just doing it for attention'#i feel like maybe i just don't exist and maybe that's why no one seems to care about the things try to share #i know it's not as bad as it seems im just incredibly discouraged right now #ive created beautiful things and almost no one in my life cares or is safe to talk to and share with #trying to share things online is often met with silence #its getting harder and harder to believe that my dad was wrong about my art and writing not having value #that he was wrong that my passions and the things i love arent worthless or meaningless #it makes me feel like i should just give up on making things #it seems doubtful any of it would be missed anyway #i know its dramatic to say and i know im magnifying a few rough patches right now i know im being emotional and overdramatic #but my chest hurts and it really does feel like nothing ive ever done matters like nothing i will ever create will ever matter #my thoughts and creative writing and art are all meaningless because no one seems to car #im sitting in an empty room full of people trying to be heard and no one knows im there

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kitteecassee · 27 days ago

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♡.♡⁠

#casseesmeows #tw mentions of suicide #tw mentions of self harm #i work at my in rl job a lot more often now #im very tired #sometimes i cant even recognize myself #i used to love this holiday #but now i feel empty #im not super sad or anything #i just feel like im devoid of emotion???#fantasizing about driving my car into a pole a little too often #not desperate to end it all #just want to?#idk

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 1 year ago

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i like how lighthearted im saying that as if it isn't something that fucks with me constantly lol

#me when i cant think so i cant contribute anything meaningful to what im doing or whatever #i just #i know its 9pm rn so like obviously but im so tired. constantly.#i feel so empty like someone poked a hole in my head and squeezed all of me out like a juicebox #and like i wish i could think and have ideas and just say anything mildly interesting or even correct #but all i can do is just point at shit and hope someone else picks it up for me #and like god i know being a teenager just sucks and this too shall pass #but does it have to fucking go on so long #swearing cw #cw vent #aethers rants #personal posts and stuff idk #sorry im normal now i probably just need some sleep

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slumbering-shadows · 1 month ago

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thinking hard about that post about what symptoms aren't actually normal for periods and I almost certainly have pmdd. However. I am already ON antidepressants and birth control, which are like.. the only treatments im able to find aside from like cbt. So i guess i just have to deal with it lmfao

#like yeah i get HARD hard suicidal and depressed right before my period which should be easier to deal with since i always know when it is #due to the birth control #but it always blindsides me #and i can tell that my husband is starting to get really tired of it #on the other hand. therapy is so fucking expensive so i think im just fucked #its actually almost feels like its worse now that i am on antidepressants but im pretty sure thats because before i started these meds #that empty pit of despair was my baseline for normal so i didn't notice a change lmao #idk maybe a higher dose of bc might help but thats dangerous for me because my endo is already stage 4. sigh

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