#it cant be worse than feeling horrible for not creating

[mitamicah]

I guess I could only live so long on the high from the concerts before falling down a negative spiral again - I hate it

[esosage]

I need a stobotnik fic where robotniks called to HR for "fraternizing" with his assistant. Because naturally, robotnik would be confused about it, because he and stone arnt dateing. But then HR come at him with an itemised list of all the freak shit he's done with stone, and i mean ALL of it. So while he does proves he and stone arnt fraternizing, haveing everything him and stone have done laid out like that, he cant help but wonder if he and stone ARE dateing. Or at least have feeling for one another.

Initially he dissmises the thought, blocking it out due to being a stubborn basterd who's terrified of the thought of being able to care for another person in the first placre. But then it starts to keep him up at night. Then he begins to notice the patterns when going throughout his day with stone. How much he relies on the other, how close they are.

Everything that he did mindlessly before: pinning stone to walls, sticking his fingers into stones mouth, putting a tracker watch on stone, how much he touches stone compared to other people, the innate trust he puts in stone every time he drinks one of his coffee's, he now notices it ALL. His brain takeing note of it, and graphing it all with horrible accuracy. And of course robotnik hates it, and tries to go back to the way things were before, but, he cant. He cant stop noticing it now that its been brought to his attention, and its eating him up alive.

So he begins to avoid stone in a vain attempt to stop whatevers going on with him. He doesnt pin stone up to walls anymore, he doesnt call stone in for late night at the lab anymore, he doesnt jab him in the gut anymore, hell he doesnt call stone in for latte's anymore. But to his horror, it makes whatevers happening to him worse. Every soft touch, every adoreing look, it makes him squirm. It makes his gut flutter with a feeling he isnt framilar with and terrifies him.

So he doubles down, going out of his way to push stone away, to get his agent to leave him so that whatever this feeling is will leave him aswell. And yet stone stays, refuses to go until robotnik says resolutely that robotnik says he doesnt want him anymore. And when robotnik does, stone leaves.

And thats what robotniks enemies had been waiting for. Because of him pushing away stone, it creates an opening for anyone who wants to get their hands on him. And so they take it. They shut down his badniks, tie him up, and hull him off to god knows where.

And robotnik begins to genuinlly regret pushing stone away. Of course, he had already regreted it the moment stone had left the lab, the moment he called for stone only for his assistant to never come, but now he's going to die alone and thats more painfull than anything else. Sure, he was content to die alone before, but its hard to have a taste of heaven and want to go back.

Thankfully for him though, he isnt going to die alone, as stone comes back to save him. And seeing stone do so warms something in robotniks cold heart. Because it confirm to him that stone really does care for him, that he likes him enough to put his life on the line for robotnik, and even if ivo has a hard time saying it outloud, that means the world to him.

Additionally, it also makes him unable to deny that stone cares about him. Like sure, stone had shown it before, but ivo was to enwrapped in his own self hatred to notice, too scared to admit that maybe he can be loves, and what that sentiment might imply about his life leading up to now, to ever do anything but dissmiss it. But now he cant dissmiss it, he cant ignore it, he is forced to admit that stone cares about him and that he cares about stone back. And that he hurt the only person who cares about him.. the only person who gave enough of a shit about him to actually look for him when he went missing. The only person who, despite not needing to anymore, went to save him not because he wanted his inteligence or his stature, but because he wanted him... because he wants and cares for ivo. And so its safe to say robotnik starts to feel very guilty about how he treated stone, if he hadnt before.

Oh and he also begins to let himself admit that he may have a slight attraction to stone, because god, watching his scyophant bash his enemies skulls open before carrying him out bridal style does something to him.

What?! He may be a geuise, but he's still a, ugh, PERSON at the end of the day. So as much as he hates to admit it, he has his own weaknesses. And one of them just so happens to be stone manhandling him around while soaked in their enemies blood.

Anyhow, i'd imagine when stone drops robotnik off at the lab and goes to leave again, is when ivo gives him an apology. Of course, its not a good one since this is probobly the firsr apology he's ever given out ever, but the fact that he's giving one out at all is what matters to stone. And so they make up, and stone stays. (Maybe even kiss, not sure. Ivo already had to admit that he cares about someone, and that someone is capable about careing about him, which is already big for him. He might not be ready for the kissing step yet.)

Not sure if they would date after that, but ivo would deffinetly be a lot more open to concider that he might have feelings for stone. So cue a million "how to know if i am in love" google searches, and quizes. Maybe in a fit of desperation he even vaugly asks walters after announceing his un-kidnapping to the old man too, since walters is like, the only person ivo kinda knows enough to feel comfortable asking that. He would still try to make it vauge enough that walters wouldnt suspect that its about himself, or that he might have feelings twards stone.. but, lets be honest, walters reads this man like a book, he knows exactly whats going on.

After a bit of robotnik figureing himself out, i'd imagine him and stone would start dateing. Of course, robotnik would have a time figureing out how to confess. Probobly cycling through and scrapping MANY ideas before he lands on one he's comfortable with. But even then he's still akward as hell trying to go through with it. Talking about emotioms isnt his strong suit, so neither is confessing, thankfully though, atone was thinking of confessing at the same time so ivos burden is lightened. He still cant say "i love you" yet, though he manages to get the message across regardless.

After that, theyre relationship would progress slowly, after all big changes are scary to ivo, aswell as emotional intamacy, but they manage. Getting their way through with light hand holding, gentle touches, and maybe even a forehead kiss or two if theyre lucky.

So yeah, thats all i have, feel free to pitch in any ideas if you want to though.

Also, sorry this is so long, i meant to make this breif but the ideas kept flowing as i wrote lol.

[psychicbergara]

what really hurt me was how many people said “it’s unfair theyre making us pay for something we never wanted!” that stupid “all we wanted was you” post went around as if the commenter was in the right, but like. Fuck man. I can’t imagine the feeling of putting your heart and soul into something, putting all this effort in, only for the people who for years had been telling you they loved it to turn around and say all that work was something they never wanted in the first place. That it means nothing to them, and that you’re a piece of shit for assuming some people did.

Like I understand some people can’t afford it, but The amount of people outright saying that their work and passion was worse than worthless, and that they’re idiots for assuming their fans liked their work, made me feel horrible and I’m not even the one creating it.

god literally. like you said it perfectly.

i cant even know how much it hurts to hear that their hard work is utterly worthless to many people. and this isnt even remotely comparable, but i love editing videos. it’s what i like to do as a hobby and i love posting them for people to enjoy. but sometimes it hurts when i dont get the traction or reactions i want. thankfully, i havent gotten anything negative. so i’m just imagining how painful it must be to hear that their creative work, something they enjoy putting effort in and want to improve in, doesn’t mean anything to the community they entrusted their work with.

like do people even realize how they sound? it’s crazy

[ayupimqueen]

My sleepy rant about my fallout ocs i did instead of studying

Warning this is long af but I’m an idiot who likes uploading random stuff nobody reads

Time for a small rant about my ocs their stories and my love for the fallout universe everyone, I cant keep the thoughts on my head so yeah sorry

I think the reason I’ve started to grow so fond of fallout lately is because I find a lot more hope in it than in my life now.

I mean Fallout 3 is a really personal game to me because of some family issues that happened (and are still going on) when I first played the game (we’ll come back to this in a bit).

And now watching the world fcking rot before my eyes and not being able to do anything because despite what people think the reality is that a single person can’t change the world unless the people with money say so

And now when I play this games I just like to feel that maybe I still have a future despite what happens, because now I feel that it’s too late to save the world.

And I see the stories of the characters I created for this world, and how I’ve given each one of them a part of my life.

And then i noticed a pattern of you say.

All of my character (except for one), despite of what happens, have a happy ending related to something I want or that has happened to me:

Lets start with the odd one out: hope who just dies at the end.

Hope is probably my saddest character EVER (she’s suffered even more than my Minecraft oc and I used to think that was impossible) her dad leaves her, she is exiled from the vault, gets hated on by everyone, has the worst luck ever and feels alone always, then thers a bit of a break when she gets a friend but then she finds his dad and everything goes downhill to the point that even tho she has people with her she just feels alone.

I wont go deep on her story because i want to write it.

I’ll just say that from a certain point she knows she is going to d ie somehow, her friends try to stop it but she still dies, and for worse she dies because she wasn’t important to the brotherhood. She gave everything to everyone and people took advantage of her.

Her name is close to my deadname, and I based bits of her story and personality from how I felt at the time when I first played the game and even her looks are based off of me irl but in a “preattier” way that I used to want. So I guess she is a way of showing the shittier part of my life and how it’s kind of the part of me that I want to get rid off.

Then we have the other side of the coin: Reina

They started as an self insert oc that escalated into a bigger character that made me actually develop the other ocs

They are the contrary to Hope, mostly because they are based of my personality, issues and objectives that I have now. Also their looks are closer to both the persona I use online and what I wished I looked irl now. Their name is also just my chosen name but in Spanish and I chose a cool last name lmao. And she is from center Mexico because fuck yeah it’s my country lmao

Reina also has many issues, as their backstory is the exaggerated version of my mommy issues, but instead of a regular mom- genderless offspring thing i go trough Its a Evil selfish ahole rich mom vs rebel “daughter” who is neglected and abused. But the thing I like to focus on while thinking of their story, and the thing that is closer to my actual life, is her search for love.

They were raised by neglecting parents that litterary saw them as a “economic opportunity”, marring them to a narcissistic guy and shattering al their dreams.

Then they forget all of that thanks to the power of the script and amnesia trope and they get to meet Hancock, who ends up loving them and have character growth and all that jazz. (I’m writing the fic I swear I just don’t get to concentrate)

In the end Reina gets to be happy, as they represent the me I am today, while Hope dies as she is one of my most horrible moments. Both being an exaggerated version of what I lived because I’m a sucker for angst and hurt/confort stories.

Then is the sexy af middle ground i call Rose Garza.

She is a bit of a miscellaneous character, i made her from the north of Mexico because I lived there as a child and her design was just me creating a character based on some of the things I consider attractive and her personality is like the silly part of me.

The sad part of her strory isn’t based of something that happened to me or similar but something that works more for her character.

The one issue I gave her based on me is that she wants to have friends but she is either abandoned forgotten or legged out.

She also has the thing of finding a loved one but in a different people only like her for her looks way, but that doesn’t happen to me so yeah.

She is the silly one of the group I guess.

I can’t rant on Venus and Mars yet because I haven’t finished the first two games and I don’t even have the final name for my fallout 74 oc( they are totally hailing mothman tho lmao)

So yeah that my rant, im sleep deprived so sorry you all have to deal withe the parasites in my head lmao

[s8tanicpanik]

the modern destruction of gothic cinema #1

personally i think theres nothing worse than some cheap ass modern adaptation of already great movies. i mean look at me, ive come back to tumblr JUST to complain because im so sick of this.

So lets talk about the new wednesday addams. and stay with me - we will go over some points..... (and i dont care that it has been two years-my hate has no timeline)

wednesday

since the 40s comic the addams family was created, there were various films and tv series made and in my opinion the best actress that played wednesday was christina ricci, i mean she just had the perfect facial expressions to make her one little miserable child and i bought it

and hear me out i was excited to hear that there would be a new version, completely focusing on wednesday i mean ive been watching all the media that was ever created of the addams family since i was a child so my expectations were high.

originally wednesday is this emotionally reserved, morbid child that loves the macabre so i fail to understand why they made her some modern 2024 angsty teen?

like i look at her and i see smn that consumed the addams family lore and then decided to change their whole personality and looks just based on the media they consumed, its just playing dress up at this point, "goth" girl meets bootleg monster high.

i mean PLEASE im begging you why cant i have ONE character that doesnt give me the try hard vibes à la: im not like other girls - non-chalant - my lore is too miserable for you to understand - youre not as deep as me. absolutely horrible..

i want some proper weird girl that gets actually misunderstood with quirks and dislikes! am i asking for too much?!

also enough with the kubrik stare.

like you cant just have the kubrik stare throughout the full show in order to make u look more manic i mean, christina ricci always looked either bored, displeased or annoyed and thats what i was expecting, it felt real. who actually f*cking walks around with the kubrik stare? no one.

and (spoiler alert) what the f*ck is up with the visions? where did they come from? after years and years of this character existing - without some supernatural powers- they thought wednesday needed the sight? this is so absurd. and even if she misteriously got these powers, do you really think she wouldnt be able to master them?

storyline

i mean what kind of garbage is that? it feels like a childrens show with teenage drama? was the target audience 10 year olds???? i mean COME ON. the whole thing was a disney-esque storyline with some sprinkles of edgyness. the whole thing was incoherent and dont even get me started on the fillers...

and please - what is this horrible cgi monster it is the goofiest thing ive ever seen

morticia and gomez

yes the show revolves around wednesday but i cant talk about the addams family without mentioning the iconic lovers morticia and gomez....and THE COMPLETE LACK OF CHEMISTRY THEY HAD

and again was the budget nonexistent or why did they do my girl morticia so dirty for the love of god smn give her proper MAKEUP

it just so incredibly disappointing to see that essence of the addams family is just gone, they were supposed to be a dark weird family with their backwards reality and all we got now is a wish version of it

this was a opportunity to make smth great and now its nothing more than a kids show with a tragic teen drama so thank you netflix for another miserarble show. supporting the complete and utter destruction of originality and creativity.

[credulouscanidae]

every day i live in a passive limbo, waiting for the moment i suddenly feel better and can confront my anxiety, paranoia, and loneliness.

i feel like i have been shattered, and left in pieces with no glue to be put back together.

every day my existentialism and history of being gaslit dominates my brain and i can never make sense of my thoughts and feelings. i am constantly second-guessing myself, and implanting intentions that weren't previously there. i feel like i am required to have constant self-awareness, and to not have so means that i am Obviously Insane and Unsalvagable.

people on the outside would think im just a very holistic thinking person. which is true, and can be a good thing. but honestly? it's detrimental to how i perceive myself. i cannot unabashedly live in the moment of anything. i am, by default, viewing myself from a third person perspective in a hyper critical way. i feel afraid to fall into any category of people or labels, because to claim anything about myself is felt to either be a lie, a mockery of people who are "really" that thing, or it's attention seeking (which of course is the worst thing you could ever do right?)

even claiming to be existential causes a fear and anxiety that i am being pretentious or not self aware that it's a very human experience. my detachment from the world, my trauma, my existentialism, none of it is important or matters because others experience it too.

i cannot begin to describe what gaslighting does to the brain.

what it's done to me.

i dont even wanna claim ive become very isolated because others also experience it. id say the lockdowns from 2020-2021 triggered this, but i think more and more and realise that i wouldve done this when my mum died, or even earlier had i not had a confident person with friends take me under their wing.

i feel my whole life has come into question. i feel like my old home, my old life, my friends and pet and loved ones, dont exist anymore. i feel like im a dead person, looking back on their life and realising who i really was. all the mistakes and inconsiderate behaviours i ever done. it just fuels the fire of the gaslit brain.

everything i ever do or feel is a contradiction. i dont matter to others, but i also have more of an impact on others than i realise. the impact i have matters more than what im ever feeling, and for me to not be self aware of that clearly demonstrates how selfish and horrible i truly am.

maybe it's why people think im such a giving, non-judgemental, and sweet person. im not. im angry. im subjugated. im frightened. like a deer in the headlights, i have no choice. im easygoing and agreeable because i am scared of disagreeing or giving my thoughts through normal debate. because doing so in the past has caused assumptions about me, or intentions skewed or created. my words did not matter, but also they did.

i dont know how to just. start talking to people again. i have been given advice from people who have dealt with isolation but. i know the secret is to challenge yourself and do things even when you dont feel ready, because youll never feel ready, but how? i have lost so much. i dont have the support i need to do something so brave. because i am a coward who avoids and runs away. thats probably manipulative for me to do anyway. ive dug myself into a hole i cant climb out of. ive literally made it worse for myself for no reason. and now i cant even face the consequences of my own inaction.

but why would i wish for people to be there for me when i cant even be there for them? i know i would be there for them, in a heartbeat, but i cannot right now. thats selfish and manipulative to say i guess but. it's not fair that others dont get considered as a result of me not considering myself. mental illness makes you selfish. it makes you not a good friend.

i want to be a real friend.

dont wanna break when i bend.

.....

i have a therapist im gonna be seeing every 2 weeks. if this doesnt work out, then idk what i'll do. i have settled for the most part, and when life feels good, when my roots are grounding and growing in england, it feels good. i dont have many friends here, but i am happy with my partner and his friends, but it feels like i have so many loose ends and a life i have left behind that i cant face. and i am guilty when i experience happiness, let alone share it. because that doesnt align with my narrative that im suffering. which i am, but, i am also trying to survive and live in the life i currently have.

i guess that's what happens to the gaslit brain.

but i have to believe things will get better.

because if i don't

then what?

[theendofuno]

okay….haii tl;dr: i want to throw myself from a reactor nuclear and besides loving this page dearly keeping it daily isnt helping me with these kinda of thought so ill start a god-knows-who-long hiatus

now *puts a music box version of meltdown by iroha for dramatic purposes* *cleans throat* pretending im talking to an audience its easier for me okay dont judge me :(

i dont know how to write texts but ill try my best to explain everything without going into too much annoying stuff but the text may have a few suicide mentions here and there

okay

i created this page in a very dark period of my life that never went away, it actually worsened everyday. it was supposed just to be fun and games, "oh this character didnt got released this month, maybe drawing him everyday for a month until he gets here will be very funny!!!" *stares at 2 years*

as you can see, i didnt had ANY prepare to keep going for the long we did, but this is 100% not a complain

i really love this page, i really do love everyone i've met, i love having this project with my best friend, but i cant and wont lie: it made me VERY worse than i already was. it made me feel good, it made me feel loved, it made me feel human again, and at the same time it absolutely killed me

having to keep this consistence everyday, having to do good drawings, not allowing myself to do what it was better for my own health just because i didnt wanted to disappoint people with silly drawings when the first week was all cool drawings full colored with a bunch of details, references and etc

i really lost my count of how many times i had a terrible breakdown or even an attempt and my first thought was just "yeah that sucked. anyway i have to work so people will have some art tomorrow!"

and to be honest i dont think starting this page with my friend was…..that of a good idea. i know youre here just for their art. you dont need to lie i know theyre better than i am and you would prefer to see their art everyday other than mine. dont worry the feeling its mutual

but well theyre a slow artist and i wont be the one forcing them to draw everyday, i am the one that can do it and thats what i did for 300 days until now!

but that was something that kinda broke my feelings also cuz im very harsh on myself and keeping comparing their drawings to mine, not only the quality but also the different attention it all got (and sometimes it was almost a 20 likes difference so..sucks to be me ig) isnt doing good for my little damaged brain. its 100% not their fault tho and im not saying it is KJGDKFDK but if im going to be honest then i will

i dont know how to keep going the text tbh,, so,, my point is that im havent felt well since i started the page, and i love it with my whole heart, and these feelings have nothing to do with uno, grand chase itself, or the community (maybe a 2% fault go for annoying people from twitter /hj), im just being a little egoistic and doing this for myself or otherwise i can go completely insane and well. psych wards dont look funny :(

i really feel nasty, an HORRIBLE human being, absolute egoistic trash by abandoning the page, i feel SO FUCKING BAD for not drawing my son, by not updating here everyday and allowing people to see the silly stuff i do, but i guess i got to my breaking point where i just cant keep ignoring my suicide attempts by drawing and keeping my mouth shut (really, my last attempt was so scary i didnt fully recovered from)

yeahhhhhhh

i guess that was it

i pinky-promise i'll try my best to keep drawing and posting everytime i can, but it wont be daily, and it may not be weekly also, but i didnt gave up and i WONT gave up, this page is my absolute pride and joy and i cant just let it go away for a bad mental day. i still love and forever will love uno and drawing him, and i'll be forever happy for everyone i've met and helped me even without they knowing, just by liking or commenting on my stuff

i hope you guys can forgive me for abandoning stuff right now and i hope y'all dont forget me. i wont be mad if you forget me. i'll just be a little sad. maybe cry a little *stares at you like that ( ◕_◕)* but dont worry. its okay.

i'll be trying my best to get back posting daily at least around day 330, but dont put high hopes. please. dont expect much. bigs chances i'll be just dropping a stick man with a heart ahoge saying haiiiii and go back to posting silly ugly art

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: derealization/dissociation, suicide

mostly venting, but also looking for advice

the past few months have been really hard for me. i realized my favorite person was abusive and toxic and lost him and all but one of our friends, then got very suddenly got into a relationship with my remaining friend. while i was in that relationship for two months, my mental health kind of crashed really horribly and i had a lot of episodes of derealization and suicidal thoughts. i guess that was too much for my partner to handle though, because we broke up and she called me toxic for only reaching out to her when i was in crisis. which, idk what to think about that really, because i kinda get where she was coming from but she was also the only person i had.

and now i have no one but my brother, but its different with him because we dont really get vulnerable around each other and im older than him so i feel like i cant break down around him.

ive felt so incredibly lonely. i have no friends and im haunted by the feeling that its all my fault. that i ruined it and lost all my friends because im selfish. i feel so guilty.

along with that, ive been not really feeling like myself and hating who i am. i want to be a different person. i want to start over. i want to start over so badly and not even to just fix what i fucked up i just want to have a completely different life.

and i know its really bad and fucked up but i wish there was more wrong with me. i wish something bad would happen to me. i want a reason to give up and scream and sob. sometimes i even wish my dissociation was worse so at least i could escape or live in my own head or wherever the fuck just so i dont have to live my stupid life.

and i know its even worse but i think most of all i want something wrong with me so people will help me and give me the attention i want. and i know im selfish but i just want someone to be able to take care of me. i dont want to work anymore im already so tired. i just want to do nothing all day i want to lay down i want to sleep.

Hi anon,

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult time you've been going through. It sounds like you've experienced multiple losses and have been struggling with your mental health, feelings of loneliness, and a desire for a fresh start.

It's understandable that you feel lonely after losing your favorite person and friends. It's important to remember that relationships can be complicated, and sometimes people may not have the capacity to support us in the way we need. It's not necessarily your fault that these relationships didn't work out, and it doesn't make you a bad person. Loneliness can be incredibly challenging, but there are steps you can take to help build new connections and find support.

When it comes to wanting to be a different person or have a different life, it's natural to feel that way during difficult times. However, it's important to remember that personal growth and change can happen without completely starting over. Exploring new interests, setting small achievable goals, and focusing on self-care can all contribute to a sense of renewal and positive change.

It's also important to address the thoughts you mentioned about wishing something bad would happen to you or wanting attention from others. These thoughts can be a sign that you're in need of some additional support and care. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you explore your emotions, process your experiences, and develop healthy coping strategies.

Please know that you're not alone, and there are people who care about your well-being. While it may feel tough right now, with time, support, and self-care, it's possible to find healing, create meaningful connections, and discover new possibilities in life. Remember to take things one step at a time and be gentle with yourself.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[cyanlastride]

its easy to get distracted when youre trying to be ON all the time.

passive, nonpersonal language.

because im scared that saying it makes it true

i cant bring myself to say it.

find a different truth.

i dont want to be ON all the time.

im scared of turning OFF.

because turning back ON is...

im scared of saying things because it makes them true.

i can do so much. i just have to believe myself capable. i have the skills. i simply need the willpower.

and saying "i cant do something" saps that willpower. it becomes impossible if i believe it to be.

isnt that just the most narcissistic thing youve heard?

would this even make sense to an outside reader?

surely someones done this. surely people do this, all the time. why have i never seen it? have i seen it? do i just not remember?

does believing i have memory issues make my memory worse?

am i just not trying?

to what extent am i responsible for the problems i have? are they self-created? are they self-solvable? does one imply the other? no, probably not.

i can curse myself and lack the tools to undo it.

isnt that fucking terrifying?

what responsibility!

what honour!

if i ignore my problems then at least i die slowly. if i observe them, i may be able to repair them, but i may create new ones.

what a boring way to live. you one to die slowly? thats your lot? no, no, youd rather die a hundred horrible deaths than one mediocre one.

so what is this then?

i want to go slower. im allowed. i want to slow down and cry. and live. i want to have time to feel scared. i want to doubt. i want to falter. i dont want to fail, but i want there to be risk. i want it to mean something.

i want someone to hold me. i want someone to grab me when i start to fall.

i live in service of a god that does not exist.

zealot.

[p1nit-art]

Im gonna be quite sad in the following post so feel free to completely skip and ignore this

Cw: sui mentions

I miss her so much, she feels like the closest thing i will have ever found to someone perfect on this planet and i miss her. She means so much to me even still after leaving me and i dont understand why she is so significant to me when i am hurt so much

My mental state has been in the worst its been in a long time and i will go from feeling fine to wanting to end it all in a matter of mere minutes. I feel so so hurt and i dont understand how to fix this pain and that makes the wound hurt more, the only reason i havent ended it all is because of a deluded thought that maybe shed change her mind and take me back, but even if she did it wouldnt be the same, and i know it wouldnt.

And yet for some stupid reason i cant understand i still want it, but thats not what i truly want, i want what i had, i want what is gone and what is no more. But i cant have that, no matter what i do, no matter how angry i get no matter how hard i fight no matter how desperately i claw for it back, i can never get it back. Even if i did get it back it wouldnt be right and it would not be the same

It feels as if i am trapped in an inky darkness that gets darker and darker through my own action and inaction, it feels like the lights have faded and it has grown silent and the only thing somewhat guiding me out is the thought of the sound of a flame, but thats all it is, a thought. There is no direction to it so i wander in this darkness i have created looking aimlessly for a way out and cant find any

The thoughts of ending it all come quite often to me and i hate them but cant stop them.

I try to distract myself from these thoughts.

It never works.

I try to rationalise these thoughts.

And it never works.

I try to come to terms with it and handle my emotions

And. It. Never. Works.

I go from feeling terrible in one moment to great in another, my mind feels like a shattered mess with a blond man attempting to reconstruct it and it is difficult for myself to truly understand what is causing so much hurt to me because i know it is impossible for all this hurt to come from just this break up. But for some reason, i cant tell what it is.

It feels almost as if my head is splitting one half feeling better each day shoving off the bad feelings to the other.

And the other half feeling exponentially worse starving itself from the good feelings.

I feel almost as if i do not understand who i myself am as a person or more so what i want to BE as a person, and because of this any change i go to make to myself i just never do, i despise the way i look, the weight i gain, the stubble that starts to grow. But i do nothing about it because i lack any motivation.

Any time i go to do ANYTHING, i lack the motivation

I go to play a game, i cant be bothered to play anymore after it loads

I go to work on college work, i lose interest even after my sketches

I go to kill myself, and i just cant be bothered to do it properly so i am not stopped

I feel so so terrible for so many reasons and i cant comprehend them all and it feels like a weight bearing down on me every second of every minute of every hour of every day and it chips and chips and chips away at me

This shitty little vent of mine has started off as me crying over a break up but as i have written more and more i have realised that there is more to how i am feeling than just this breakup, all it has done is topple dominos and set the horrible bits of my brain into motion

[ignorethisblogplz]

I wish I didn’t have to exist. Not in the way of hating my mother for having me, it isn’t her fault I feel the way I feel. Existence is just tiring, I feel exhausted all the time. No matter if im happy or upset, im just so tired of being here, and the only other option is suicide. But my issue isn’t wanting to die, it’s with being alive. Life itself is a constant question of “Is [this] worth [this]?”and it has always been this way for me. Is cleaning my room worth doing, just to avoid argument? Is getting out of bed worth it, just to get through another day? Is life worth living, just to struggle through every second?

I cant even question if I want to die, because my answer is ever changing. Sometimes I just want to hurt, and to be upset and angry about it all. I feel like im stuck in some horrible situation with no solution. Sometimes I make myself hurt to take the edge off, sometimes I do it without reason.

The other answer is that I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to experience consciousness. It’s the expression of wanting to sleep forever, or to isolate and rot all day.

Another answer could be that I want to die to hurt others, just for interacting with me. This shows up the least, but occasionally I just want to die to be mourned. Maybe to take someone else with me, whether I love them or not.

The worst part of living is knowing I don’t have it that bad. I don’t have another mouth to feed, im not impoverished, im not sick. Im safe and fed and I can enjoy things. I haven’t experienced a real tragedy in my life, the worst thing to happen to me hardly affects me anymore. It could be so much worse, and yet I cant bring myself to enjoy living. I can hardly bring myself to want anything other than small distractions. I don’t want a future, I don’t want a home, I don’t want a family, I don’t want to create. I can’t even shake off simple things, everything that upsets me just eats away at me endlessly. Self awareness is the only real curse I have, I know most of my problems are self made, and I either don’t know how to solve them, or I don’t have the discipline to solve them myself.

There comes the issue of “If destruction of yourself meant destruction of others, would you?” and the flip-side of “If destruction of others meant destruction of yourself, would you?”

And the answer is that I don’t know. Im not sure I hate myself, and I certainly don’t hate everyone. I don’t think everyone deserves to die, I frequently find myself sympathetic to anyone I consider “followers”. Even if it’s a group of awful people, I can find sympathy for the lowest tiers.

But I would really like to cease to exist, I just would hate to live through the aftermath of the attempt, or live beyond death. I wish I could make others cease to exist, before they have to experience life at all. Once they are living, it is up to them what they want, but I wish someone would have saved me from existence.

Sometimes I get stuck in my head, frequently so. I think people are out to get me, and sometimes they are. Sometimes im correct. I can be logical and recognize that my own mother probably won’t want me dead, but sometimes I can’t help but think that the people I center my life around won’t end up hating me for some reason or another, or that they don’t already. Im almost certain that most people who see me without meeting me are either apathetic or negative towards me.

This feeling even reflects into straight apathy towards most things. The strongest example of this in my opinion is how lax my boundaries could be in some situations. Cheating? If you don’t leave me or give me a disease, sure. Hurting me? Just don’t rack up the bills. Breaking things? Id rather you not but if i really love you it’s okay. I know these are things I shouldn’t let people get away with, but I just can’t bring myself to waste the energy to care. Im constantly in a beaten down state, I could agree to pretty much anything as long as I don’t have to put in extra effort.

It’s only made worse by being transgender, I just can’t be bothered to pass sometimes. Anytime I feel like someone sees me as a man, it just feels fake and performative. The most relaxed I ever feel is when im alone, no mirrors, and with some distraction to drown out my thoughts. I can forget I am alive, I can forget I have a body. I can feel like there is nothing outside of my room, like im just a phantasm haunting the place. But being a ghost isn’t what I would want, that still requires existence, even post mortem.

[goremet-chef]

DREADFUL so dreadful but the only step is to just reach forward. like all i need to do is pick up my pen but i cant. wish i could tho

art will always be my passion, even if it bothers me sometimes. its all ive ever been good at, fantastic outlet for creativity and emotional buildup but i just. sometimes i cant move and i dont know why and its literally inches away from me but i can hardly move forward yknow? im fine physically, but mentally its like this huge step that seems so intimidating

i feel like i live off of outcomes and when the outcome isnt certain my brain goes haywire and holds me in place until the outcome can settle. but? this outcome IS the same. its so easy, ive done it before. reach and grab, draw what yr dying to draw

im drowning myself in lethal company things im so excited and im . all my minecraft ocs and my sotf ocs like i have so much i need to make and just.. no will to do it. but i want to! want to more than anything. id feel better if i did, which is true i would feel better. when it builds up inside you its OVERWHELMING like insanely so. i can get it out and free myself if i just DO it but theres always this barrier between what i want and what i actually do yknow? very lame

yknow art is my passion even if it hurts me sometimes it makes me very happy and i like to create, everyone likes to create. i like to see what i can do, like to bring all these buzzing thoughts to reality. can hardly hold onto them long enough to do that but i try at least. sometimes i feel really really unreliable and i dont know why?

i dont do commissions anymore, i pretty much ONLY draw for myself. who are you disappointing? who do you THINK yr disappointing? no one even remembers all the times you say "im drawing this 😼", YOU dont even remember all the times you say that. theres no pressure, you can do it whenever you want, it doesnt make you worse or anything. art is for you, you'll get to it when you can

yes :] i think i probably will. im just trying to make myself feel better honestly its something that eats at me and i dont know why?

its like some HORRIBLE combination of impostor syndrome and bpd fears like "oh no im not good enough!!! i need to provide i need to create for others to consume to prove im worthy" and then when i DO create, when too many people like it its.. i feel like ive conned them, surely i didnt make something that good, i must have faked it somehow and the attention is undeserved

SHIT LIKE THAT honest to god all my mento illnesses come together and hold hands like some really fucked up version of the power rangers. all of them collide in the WORST ways possible its. what is bro doing in there !!!! seriously its actually comically tragic but i live in spite this, i probably always will live in spite of it. sometimes im like wow lets let everything wash over and give up, this hell isnt worth it. but isnt it? back and forth black and white, world is ending world is beautiful type shit. when it feels over i just try to remember all that stuff that and it forces me to remember that there is no giving up on this, wouldnt give it up for the world. its mine and ill keep it

as i was saying tho, i feel so much happier drawing when i try to keep it out of mind. like yes, of course i love the attention. who doesnt? but i used to be INCREDIBLY numbers driven for like. hefty chunk of my art history. like little 11 yr old me breaking coppa on dA had so much fun just drawing hot garbage and sharing it and it never got like any likes but i didnt even CARE i just. to be able to create and share is the best part of all

i wish i was like him again. im not that boy, not anymore, but i remember him and i keep him close. all that cringe bullshit and i was having so much fun

ill give myself some credit yknow. im an adult, money is a necessity in this world. art becomes more of a chore and something i feel pressured on because logically its the only thing i can DO right to make a quick buck like. its the one thing i know i can do. but having my passion turn into something like that? dreadful

sometimes you cant avoid it, i just have to do my best to look past it and recognize that beneath all that shit. theres something in me that needs to draw, the same thing that forces me to carry sketchbooks and pencils with me wherever i go, even if i never use them. just this lingering presence that screams at me and tells me that i will create. i will! i will create

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

magnus culmination of bad decision making came when he watching alec grinding against some dude in a club (i cant crack anymore)

Part I

Part II

Part IV

The second he steps inside the club, he is surrounded by a dozen of bodies around him—touching and grinding from every direction.

There’s not a single part of his body that isn’t being touched by someone right now and Magnus from a year ago would’ve thrives under this, but this Magnus, this version of him abso-fucking-lately hates it.

On any other day, Magnus loves being appreciated and gazed by the world but not right now. Not since that night.

Not since Alec Lightwood.

Because there’s only one person Magnus wants to be touched and appreciated and loved by.

But he knows he’s been fucking up constantly for reasons which are beyond his own understanding, so in order to feel even a minuscule percentage better, he comes to the club that Catarina has been asking him to.

So he’s here.

Magnus tries to lose himself in the music, the debauchery, pushes his heart inside a box and wants to let his body feel something when his eyes land onto something and he freezes.

His eyes widen as he notices the scene in the middle of the club.

It sets fire inside his chest and a pain so insurmountable that it shakes his core.

Magnus powers through his pain and sadness but this is something unexpected because never in his years he’s ever thought that he’d ever have to witness Alec with someone else.

And it’s not just Alec standing or holding hands with someone, albeit he knows that watching Alec hold hands with someone is going to hurt more but this is excruciatingly horrible too.

Watching Alec’s arms wrapped around someone else, his head tilted sideways as the green-haired seelie kisses his neck, hand wounded in Alec’s unruly hair.

Magnus blinks a few times to check if he’s really witnessing this or if it’s his messed up brain conjuring something so evil but when he opens his eyes, Alec is still there, his hand inside the back of the seelie’s shirt.

Alec throws his head back and chuckles, but Magnus knows that it’s not his real laugh.

He’s seen when Alec laughs and making Alec Lightwood laugh feels better than whatever shadowhunters imagine must feel in the presence of Raziel.

Raziel’s powers have got nothing on Alec Lightwood’s smile.

So he knows it’s not a real laugh but that doesn’t matter when someone else has got their hands inside Alec’s pants because suddenly everything hurts so fucking much—and Magnus can’t do anything about it.

Anything logical that is.

He knows about Alec’s string of one night stands but the shadowhunter has never been cruel and throwing that in his face, has always find men that Magnus doesn’t know, at places that Magnus doesn’t go to. He has never tried to intentionally hurt Magnus.

Which makes what he’s going to do next worse.

Magnus snaps his fingers and within the span of five seconds, the seelie starts sweating profusely, his entire body itching and he witnesses and feels a sense of relief.

And so much self loathing for his actions.

It takes another thirty seconds before the Seelie separates himself from Alec and creates sone distance. The green haired man says something that Magnus can’t quite put but then the man starts walking towards the bar.

“Hello,” Magnus says warmly as he hovers over the guy behind the counter.

The man frowns before turning and then his eyes widen. “You’re Magnus Bane?”

“I am.”

“Is there something you want?”

Magnus’s smile widens, “Yes. I would like you to leave the club right this second. And never see that man again.”

The seelie turns and realises he’s talking about Alec and then gets a defiant look.

“Why?”

He knows it won’t be easy. Seelies are a tough crowd.

But this one seems young and inexperienced so Magnus snaps his finger and they’re almost dark blue.

His voice is chilled and deep with the next words. “Because I said so. You would do well with not refusing the Son of Asmodeus,” and the words leave an ugly taste in his mouth.

The seelie blinks before a wicked smile is on his face.

“So that’s the shadowhunter.”

“The shadowhunter?”

“The shadowhunter. The one who has Magnus Bane on his knees,” he adds. “I get it. He would have me on my knees in another five minutes too.”

The words sends a spike of anger and his magic turn almost black and he rages, “Leave.”

The Seelie puts up his hand in mock surrender.

“I will leave. I just need to say goodbye to him once. Or do you want me to leave him without a word?”

Magnus wants to say yes but he can’t be this cruel to Alec, doesn’t want him to feel more used and terrible lets the man walk back to Alec and watches their conversation from afar.

He sees confusion on his place before understanding dawns and Alec nods.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Magnus turns to find Catarina with a disappointed face.

He sighs and looks down. “I know.”

“Will you stop with this idiocy?”

I wish I could.

“He will find out someday, Magnus. And there would be no damage control after that.”

Cat berates him for another few minutes and then Magnus hears a glass break behind him, he turned to see what it was but there seems to be no one in particular except a hundred unfamiliar body and he frowns.

“What?”

“Nothing. I thought there was someone.”

[rottedsoulx]

Sponge MK shenanigans I was thinking about.

1. an addition to the theory.

The monster trees in that one episode were never explained. Or at least remain unexplained at the time of writing. Sooooo crack idea that MK was sponging it up in the calabash. He accidentally brought some of those illusions to life via his stress. Heeheehoohoo.

b) TRUE SHENANIGANS (which maybe turned into a mini fic as I was writing it whoops)

At the beginning of their journey, they’re taking inventory of everything they were able to escape with. Monkey King kind of glosses over MK, already having witnessed LBD take his powers. Mei’s got her dragon blade, Pigsy’s got an assortment of kitchenwares, Sandy is... Sandy, and Tang’s got his nerd books. He can make do with that. While he’s lost in thought, MK gets impatient and just... “MONKEY KING, LOOK!” before he turns into a bird, flies for a moment and returns back.

Monkey King is floored for a moment. “She... She had that one. So how... What else can you still do?”

MK struggles for a bit, attempting to use his golden vision, duplication, he can’t grow or shrink, but weirdly enough his other transformations are working. His fire fist is downgraded into nothing but a few sparks shooting from his palms. Which was better than nothing.

Wukong scratches his head. “... that’s it, huh?”

His shoulders sag, and MK feels powerless. He suddenly jerks. “H-hold on there’s one more but... It’s been a while.”

Monkey King is very confused???? Because as far as he was aware that was all he’d taught the kid, or was aware that the kid knew??? So he nods for MK to try whatever he was gonna try.

MK inhales. Take the power. And destroy. It takes surprisingly little effort, but soon purplish wisps of energy grow around his hands. Monkey King seems alarmed, but he continues anyway. The energy builds and solidifies in his hands. A weapon, a spiked staff seemingly made from Shadow.

Nervously, he explains. “I uh... kind of figured this one out on my own when... Macaque.”

Wordlessly Monkey King walks closer and carefully takes the weapon into his own hands. He just witnessed his own kid create it, yet the way it looks and feels could only be replicated by one person. His eyes search MK’s, a blank yet scrutinizing stare. After a moment, the Monkey King relaxes, apparently finding whatever he had been searching for. “How are you using his power?”

MK simply shrugs. “I thought... it was normal? Isn’t all magic the same?”

Sun Wukong let out an offended scoff, slowly crouching down and placing his head in his hands. “We can work with this. Last resort, I see which of Macaque’s tricks I can teach you.”

(notes: yes Monkey King was making sure that MK was MK and not somehow Macaque taking his place. And yes I wanna see MK goin feral using Macaque’s powers. Or at least struggling with controlling them because Macaque is so unhinged how does he live like this.)

Three: One more thing

MK learning that he might be able to make shadow clones and immediately consulting Mei to help him. She thinks it’s a horrible idea but figures it can’t be worse than the first time MK made clones. She was wrong

Mei: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING???

MK: I WAS JUST TRYING IT OUT IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO FLIP OUT LIKE THIS-

Mei: (sword is ready) GET RID OF IT-

MK: IM TRYING I THINK MY PANIC IS JUST MAKING IT STRONGER.

Mei: THEN CALM DOWN-

MK: I CANT CALM DOWN MY SHADOW DEMON IS TRYING TO KILL ME AND MY BEST FRIEND IS YELLING AT ME-

[bananonbinary]

Holy shit there's a secret "genocide" alternate ending. It sounds super fake but it's NOT. https://youtu.be/lz_1uVYDhBA

okay so a friend already showed me a google doc about that route and it is WILD, but i hadnt seen the video. here's all my thoughts in a long reaction post:

umm?????? i was JUST speculating about who the angel could be, is it NOELLE? why is she the only one that can geno, why can't the player geno through just kris??? what does it MEAN to be able to be the angel? @ericvilas and i were talking about how this felt like noelle, susie, and berdly were the main characters, and we were just kinda...Also There, is there some sort of property that "main characters" have? the power to fundamentally change the state of the world from "zany adventure" to "fucked up horror", that we needed noelle to take advantage of? is that why we needed chara in undertale?

is "the angel" more than just a prophecy, but some sort of...RPG Game Role, that the genocidal player covets? why couldn't we fill that role in chapter one? why noelle and not susie? is it because ralsei wouldn't let us? or is noelle, daughter of the mayor, a secret Boss Monster? and the Angel has to be a human soul and a boss monster soul, like asriel and chara were?

why does NOELLE level up, but kris, the one who's soul we're in control of, doesn't?

.......

what if that's not kris' soul at all. what if we can't control them very well, and there's no Determination, because it's not a real human soul we're bonded to, just a crude facsimile created by gaster?

the similarities between being frozen solid and being turned into a statue as like, the only other thing we know of that "kills" a darkner is...i dont know what it means but its something.

wondering again if things *actually* happen when they're offscreen. did those things just happen because the player forced it through sheer force of will? Determination, if you will? and there wasn't any game mechanic to allow it, so reality itself just faded to a version where it was done?

oh, this video doesn't go all the way to the end, so i found another video that does.

DNAJSKFLNSADJKFNJKDSAL TOBY PLEASE I KNOW HES A SPAMBOT BUT YOU CANT PUT FUCKING "PIPIS" IN YOUR BAD ENDING HORROR VERSION OF THE STORY

i don't understand why us going geno lets a spambot take over. like, what about going on a murder spree that he was unrelated to gave him power?? it made sense in undertale for mettaton, undyne, and sans to become super powerful to fight us, but this is just like...Some Guy. he has nothing to do with anything.

HEY WHY THE HELL DOES THE SOUL TURN YELLOW???? is this echoing undertale's route because of multiverse shenanigans (ie, "time remembers what it used to look like" or some shit), when alphys gave us that power? because there is NO reason for us to have it here. there's no way the player would even know how to USE that mechanic without having first played undertale.

this feels like we somehow...modded the deltarune by doing geno. like it reskinned the mettaton ex fight, but like, thematically. like rather than reusing assets, it reused *concepts* from undertale and mixed them all up. but i don't know what that MEANS.

hey. hey. h e y. what does this mean dont fucking throw the undertale neutral ending at me what is HAPPENING. (also notice tho that "kris" is in the third person here. not "you." no idea what that means either)

again, it's like someone scrambled a lot of themes and disparate elements from undertale, but they make NO SENSE in this formation! it's like...a youtube poop of undertale. which is guess is appropriate for a spambot, but what am i supposed to DO with this toby????

?????????????????

oh god okay, so KRIS wanted their friends to save them from this fucking NIGHTMARE, but WE wanted noelle to come finish the job. i think that pretty firmly indicates it is indeed the PLAYER, and not KRIS who is evil here. god, poor kris. poor noelle. i am VERY suspicious now of whether closing the fountains is a good idea or not.

okay i already knew berdly fucking died at the end of this run, so this isn't a shock, but it IS startling to see an actual corpse. not turned to dust, not a statue, not frozen in place, actually just a dead body. that....i also don't know what that means.

god it feels so much worse actually to have destroyed the integrity of the game and then it just....keeps going. no one even knows the horrible things you did.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

okay so i think we're getting to a point that the Player is a genuine character, not literally us anymore. like, they have an agenda? they know somehow that noelle is important, even though we, the literal player didn't? it feels like this Entity may represent us in-fiction (like the mspa reader started out in homestuck), but in undertale the geno route was clearly like, "the version of us that dicked around just to see All The Content." this feels different. pre-meditated. they have a SPECIFIC plan, that somehow requires noelle, and jevil probably. hm. it feels like the player knows where the genocide route is going, and is doing it intentionally, even though we the audience obviously have no idea what will happen in chapters 3-5.

[antiloreolympus]

7 Anti LO Asks

1. Do you know what really gets my blood boiling about this comic? Persephone and Demeter's relationship.

In the myths, Demeter and Persephone loved each other more than anything. Their reunion is so important - it marked the coming of spring and growth. A whole cult was dedicated to this for crying out loud. Yes, the myths were far from perfect, but the Persephone and Demeter myth showed the strength of a loving mother-daughter relationship with Demeter searching endlessly to find her child that was ripped away and had her innocence forcibly taken.

Now, RS is not the only author to make Demeter this over-bearing mother type in order to put more positivity onto the Hades-Persephone relationship. However, RS takes this trend to a whole new level - to the point where I would even consider it misogyny.

How is it, she takes this beautiful mother-daughter relationship and makes it out to be an abusive and controlling one, and then takes the Hades-Persephone relationship from a forceful one to a loving, perfect relationship with no problems? How is it ok to ruin one relationship to elevate another?

I understand that many versions of the myth try to downplay Hades' actions, and even make it so Persephone actually falls in love with him and there is no rape. But it doesn't change that this relationship was problematic, and meant to represent the loss of innocence.

Then fans have the gall to claim this comic is feminist and then claim on top of that that Demeter and Persephone's relationship was the same in the myth? These fans clearly don't know the myths, and neither does RS.

Making Hades a good person is fine. Changing it up a bit to make Persephone's loss of innocence something else is also fine. But ruining Demeter and Persephone's relationship? Especially when Persephone has to spend half the year with her? So horrible. 

2. im sorry, but rachel cant introduce KRONOS coming back and then dropping it for several episodes to focus on a stake-less trail and persephone not knowing what lingerie to seduce hades in. like thats too much of an earth shaking development and huge stake plot point to just ignore for months to focus instead on something as minor as hxp's relationship, which only points out a huge flaw: why is hxp's relationship so minor in this? isnt the whole point supposed to be about them?

3. I think LO completely dropped the ball over Hades’ characterization. 

From the first ep I thought ok, this is good, we have some bones to see he’s not that lucky in love and is just tired and lonely, and while ignoring the creepy actions towards Persephone, I thought ok, Artemis hates him, Hestia hates, even Ares hates him, maybe once Persephone finally sees the underworld and probably gets to know him it’ll be a clever twist and they’ll be proven wrong. The underworld will turn out to be fair and just, the citizens will love Hades, he’ll be revealed to be a good leader and king and not like his brothers, it’ll be like everyone saying Hades of myth isn’t actually that bad, and it’ll help reinforce why this sweet and bubbly Persephone wants him, she sees the real him, not the mean rumors and assumptions, this is perfect.

And then it just didn’t happen. The exact opposite happened, actually.

We’re shown the LO underworld is cruel and unjust, where the poor dead are forced into slavery and Hades created a harsh class divide with him and him only on top, the citizens hate him, the underworld gods don’t trust him and openly seem ok if he’s taken out of power, he’s not a good leader and king and doesn’t even want the job yet keeps it for his own ego and grip of power m, and on top of it all he is just like his brothers, if not worse. He loves to get violent over any little slight against him, he hoards wealth and resources to enrich himself while his citizens starve and struggle to survive, he’s corrupt, he controls all the media and laws to bend to his will, sleeps with his brothers wife for centuries behind his back while claiming to be holier than thou, he has sex with his secretaries who are made dependent on him for any way to survive, and now he lusts after his barely legal intern who is also now dependent on him for her way to survive, and that’s only what I remember off the top of my head.

LO perfectly set up to prove Hades isn’t the devil or the false pop culture assumption that he’s evil and to show some actual facts from myth, and yet Rachel only ended up reinforcing exactly that and even making him even worse with her made up ideas, all while thinking having Persephone ignore or excuse it somehow makes it not bad or even a good thing. It’s honestly kind of impressive just how bad of writing that actually is. 

4. Chapter 172 is not that interesting. It’s setup had me excited to see Hephaestus and Hera and learning more about echo, but it’s cut so short. Because again the story can’t leave HXP out for 2 seconds.

I can also see why Zeus is gonna go insane. 

5. i agree w/ other anon. LO should have pulled a PJO or a BoZ and just made up OCs and have them interact with the gods than whatever Rachel thinks shes doing, which is lying she's being accurate and faithful while completely changing all of it, removing what is needed, and adding what isnt so that it lines up with no actual myth besides like, various 50 shades fanfic she read in 2015 and some popular tumblr text posts.

6 . the animation studio behind blood of zeus literally can only draw one face for the men and one face for the women and they were still able to make the gods all look distinct and hot while LO can't even bother to use more than 6 colors and can only have the women look as tiny as possible with the biggest boobs while the men are all just lego men.

7. ////FP SPOILERS////

Okay so like I stopped reading LO way back before season 1 ended, and a majority of my knowledge of the series comes from what I read here on your blog which is enough for me lol and I decided to read the latest 5 chapters just to see what's up (on zahard. I refuse to give the actual series any views)

And I just. Could not take the whole scene with Daphne running from Apollo seriously? The anatomy and art inconsistency was so distracting that i genuinely could not find it serious. Even when Thanatos discovers her hibernated body I couldn't take it seriously because of how she looked?

And when Hades had that call (??? Was it a call? Or his inner dialogue? I couldn't really tell ngl) with Zeus and said he's causing Persephone unnecessary distress, and that she didn't pose any threat. B!tch??? She killed a ton of mortals??? She has no control over her powers???? She's literally a fugitive for the aforementioned things??? She apparently woke Kronos up? (Idk if anyone knows about that, again my knowledge only spans to whatever I read here) Hello????

And I have a lot to say about the chapters starting the trial but I'll only mention one thing; Hades saying "I don't think blindly supporting my little brother would be doing him any favours (as a ruler)" had me cackling. This is coming from a guy blindly supporting a girl he's literally only known for a few weeks, who's like what, only recently turned 20? Sit tf down Hades you're not cool, you creepy ass overgrown smurf.

Overall I still hate this series lmao. Regarding art though I feel like I wouldn't be so miffed about the anatomy much if the character designs were consistent and the story was compelling. They literally change hairstyles and body types frame by frame, and it's distracting.

The timeline from what I read here is laughable. 4 years in publication with almost 200 chapters and you're telling me only like a month has passed canonically. That's wild and such poor writing.

And as someone who literally will sympathise with any lead character pretty quickly, the story makes me hate them. It makes me want to root against them. I also hate the fact this trash is somehow top ranked on webtoons when so many other stories are far better then it.

Anyway, many thanks to this blog for existing and allowing me to dump so much text here to vent out my hate for this series lmao. You the mvp fam, hope you're having a good day 🥂🥂🥂