#and im like that is exactly what I mean
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I’ve said it before I think but. The argument about whether you need dysphoria to be trans is mainly just an argument about the definition of the word dysphoria. People who say you Do need dysphoria to be trans tend to define it as just a state of your gender identity not matching what you were assigned at birth, or just some kind of internal sense that you are trans. People who say you Don’t need dysphoria to be trans tend to define it as self hatred, extreme discomfort with one’s appearance and genitalia, being miserable with life etc.
No room for any in between or for individuals to have personal experience w what dysphoria means for them. Which leads to a whole lot of putting words into people’s mouths and assigning beliefs to people and making up a guy to get mad at and creating mortal enemy Teams about it when there’s really a lot more agreement than we acknowledge. There will never be one universal definition of dysphoria or transness, and I think it would be beneficial if more people approached it with more nuance
#I’ve said things like this irl and people i usually agree with will look at me w visible disappointment#or like feel a need to make sure I haven’t secretly been a Bad Person all this time#and im like that is exactly what I mean#hearing statements like this and jumping right to ‘so u think all trans ppl have to be sad forever’ is crazy#I’m not even saying u need some sort of dysphoria bro im saying I Don’t Know bc no one can actually tell me what they’re asking#if ur asking ‘do all trans ppl viscerally hate their junk’ obviously no. I don’t think many ppl think that#but if ur asking ‘are trans people real or is it all just dress up’ that’s different and u know it!!#anyways I think it’s all just a stupid nothing argument and we should all go outside#it’s certainly a discussion that will get people to show their transphobia real fast#btw all of this was prompted my my textbook saying that trans ppl being forced to stay as their agab often causes dysphoria#the fact that some ppl would say that’s a bigoted statement is absolutely wild yall need trans 101 before u post#mine#txt#trans#transexual
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wade can talk about noble sacrifice and marvel jesusing all he wants but he was ready to die for his friends and for logan, instead of logan, because he wanted him to live. “say hi to my friends for me, peanut”, says the man who wants logan to become a part of the group, a pack, again, to take his place in protecting the people he loves, probably the only one he trusts to do so. and there is so much love in his desire for logan to stay alive and finally experience something good in life
#this realization hit me like a train and im writing this with shaking hands and wet eyes because there is!!! so much!!!! love!!! in!!! this!#and look. i know i could be overthinking this a bit and add some meanings that canon writers didn't mean to put in there#but the power of the good story!!! is that it has space and it allows its readers to breathe and fill the said spaces!!!#with their interpretations of the story!!!! and that's exactly what dp&w has!!!#anyway yea i keep decomposing in the pit called poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#deadpool#wolverine#deadclaws#poolverine#**dw
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hey just so y'all know, rhetoric like this:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/19571497d5e0cb9776607b0adfe61bbd/92da1344e076ee02-8c/s540x810/17e6321adb90317ce8ba9425a91f47b4e4a233ff.jpg)
is anti-transfeminist dogwhistling.
the "radfems" they're talking about are transfems trying to define and use language about our own opression like "transmisogyny" and who is targeted by it.
"gender essentialism" is used to mean different things. for one it's meant to denounce tme/tma language, saying that everyone is targeted by transmisogyny the same, and depraving us of standpoint epistemology. a second meaning i often see is: it's "gender essentialism" to say "we live in a patriarchy that benefits men over women"
this tactic is used mainly to paint transfeminists as dangerous and transmasc-hating, for applying intersectionality and materialism to feminist theory. it's to shun us by calling us terfs (a hate group primarily centered against transfems) which will immediately mark us as unsafe for other transfems and trans people in general. this is done instead of calling us baeddels, because calling us medieval slurs has fallen out of fashion and has become too obviously transmisogynistic
#jeady rambles#that post has 5000+ notes#and a lot of them are like 'yeah i agree. but what exactly do you mean' like. now you know#transmisogyny#i hope this explains the dynamics well im not the best with words. but this really bothered me#also I'm not saying fuck everyone who agreed with the post on the surface you probably didn't know#transfeminism#anti transfeminism
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some thoughts wrt the two established "romances" in severance so far (burt/irving and helly/mark) inspired by @figmentof who pointed out how irving had to find out mark and helly kissed from the corporate video in s2 e1 and how he must have felt seeing his co-workers' love affair like portrayed like that, and how it ties into the queer narrative at play here which uses workplace dynamics and policies as very clear analogues for real-life prejudice against queer couples. I mean, just look at this:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6ef332d303dd3ba0398805cf3c1d8630/28d342e9ecb03b00-ab/s540x810/66080d6b47b54e3d7fe72b5ebe59c1536fd22470.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7522b96bbe29993126697b5d94597794/28d342e9ecb03b00-67/s540x810/00d5200f0cc6cf4de4344ad81a7e136eaf3b2b00.jpg)
it's not just documented, but celebrated. used as propaganda for how the conditions on the severance floor have improved. proof that the severed workers are happy. and how even though he is unaware of the sociopolitical meaning of all this, lumon is very not-subtly telling him that what he had with burt is inherently lower and less valuable than this.
irving doesn't even know homophobia exists and yet he is still affected by it, it still seeps into every corner of the way his and burt's romance progresses. burt is positioned as an unacceptable love interest from the jump. irv is actively discouraged at every turn from pursuing it. their friendship is viewed with disgust and apprehension from their coworkers. burt working in a different department that's hated by MDR. dylan himself not being homophobic in the sense he opposes their relationship because they're both men but his attempts to keep them apart still has a parallel sort of prejudice behind it and still ultimately has the same effect as if it WERE driven by homophobia. irving is made to feel perverse for wanting contact with burt. he's told this is for his own good.
and then, just as they manage to overcome that immediate resistance from their peers and escape to a place where they can explore this blossoming romance on their own terms, burt retires. for all it matters to irv, he's dead. and then irving is given the option to live the rest of his life with grief that will never heal, or kill himself too, because there is no reality where they get to be together. that's just the way things are. of course they wouldn't get to be together. he was unreasonable and childish for ever hoping that could happen. this is just the way it goes for innies. he's told to get ahold of himself and not make a scene.
but the thing is, the standards are not the same for all. a heterosexual romance gets upheld as the shining example of success and fulfilment for the severed employees, whilst a homosexual romance is ridiculed and invalidated, and written off as something that was simply never meant to be. and even more importantly to irving, a heterosexual romance is APPROVED OF by lumon, and by extension, by kier. irv held back from allowing himself to even call his and burt's relationship a romance, because his god had told him it was wrong, he followed the handbook, thinking this was what kier wanted, and then finding out after suffering the worst heartbreak imaginable because of it, that this WASN'T EVEN TRUE. it's simply just that someone like HIM doesn't get to have something like this. his love is not the kind of love god wants. he does not approve of irv's love. cynical and manipulative though that approval may be (even within the context of the corporate video, the helly/mark romance is only being celebrated to further the narrative that lumon care for their workers, but the point still remains that it was THEIR romance specifically used to suit this end), when your entire life has been in pursuit of that approval, it must be devastating to learn it was never on the cards for you.
he and burt even used the fact kier met and fell in love with his wife in the same circumstances as them to justify this to each other - and they were RIGHT, god does approve of falling in love with your coworkers - this simply just doesn't apply to them specifically. and if irving needed any more proof that he no longer has a place at lumon, that he's better off not existing at all than existing with this pain that cannot be remedied, pain that won't even be acknowledged for what it is, a symptom of a sickness which plagues the entire severance system, pain that he is simply expected to choke down and get over - this is that proof.
and that's the POINT. they're TELLING us that this is unjust, and there's a double standard. they're using the ways the innies experience romance and the difference in lumon's reaction (lumon being the collective of all the management we've seen, lumon as a singular entity) to burt/irving vs helly/mark to comment on how queer people are not afforded the same level of respect or validation IN REAL LIFE, for their attachments, their love, their pain, their suffering. it is NOT just incidental that irving's romance is with a man. it would not WORK if his love interest was a woman. the POINT is that they are both men and how that puts them at a disadvantage, even if they aren't aware of the prejudices of the outside world, even if they don't TECHNICALLY apply on the severance floor, there are very clear analogues which still end up oppressing them in equivalent ways that they would be suffering if this were a normal workplace in the outside world.
it genuinely sickens me to my stomach that even in a world so divorced from reality and the sensibilities of regular society, a queer couple is still made to suffer and feel inferior in a way that perfectly mirrors their real-life counterparts. how they will never, EVER be allowed to exist in a world where their love could thrive freely and uninhibited - they never get to taste the joy our world has to offer people like them, but they are still somehow subjected to all the pain it has to offer them regardless. it's such horrifically devastating writing. it makes my skin crawl. I can't stop thinking about it
#TO BE CLEAR i am not trying to claim that lumon do genuinely want helly and mark to be a couple#they very begrudgingly co-opted this display of affection and camaraderie to suit their own ends#like i say. the approval is cynical. its purely utilitarian.#however the fact it CAN be used to further their narrative that severance is a good thing#whilst severance itself has brought nothing but pain to irv and his romantic endeavours#is very telling. its very fucking telling#especially from irvs perspective specifically here. this is how HE'D see it#as someone who puts so much stock in what kier would think of him. someone who based his entire identity#on following his doctrine to the letter. how he would see the one real true thing hes ever experienced written off like this#whilst another couple is inexplicably celebrated. i mean just look at his dead eyed stare in that sc.#this broke him. this was his final straw#anyways im not nearly intelligent or well read enough to do a thorough analysis on exactly how#religion plays into irvs mindset and his character arc#these are just thoughts on the hypocrisy shown by lumon on the romance thing specifically#clocking into writing meta for this show like its a 9-5. its so serious.#severance#severance spoilers#severance season 2#meta tag#wails from the abyss#irving bailiff#burt x irving
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been thinking about ur fav assisting you with the hand job you’re giving him. Either you’re not used to giving one or maybe their cock is big enough that your hand can’t wrap around fully, but regardless it has them putting their hand over yours and showing you how they like it. They’re dribbling over both your hands with pre and really all you have to do is watch while they use your hand to get themselves off atp
#mari says#mari your hand kink is showing again#i was thinking abt it with a bunch of boys#not a train. individually#this has been in my brain for too long now im going back to sleep probably mwah mwah ciao#little breathless words while some are telling you exactly what gets them as they get to watch both your hands curl around the tip#and they let you rub your thumb over it#ok yea i gotta leave im thinking tewwww much#im mean really you could just be reading and theyre laying next to you and ofc they dont wanna interrupt…but if you can spare youre hand fo#them so they can get off and theyre using your hand like a dog while you’re practically unaffected?#tho id look unaffected and be going insane incthe brain abt it#spicy mari#sorry mino
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i imagine it's quite chilly in the black sea (for the lack of sun and color), so they're wearing slightly warmer clothes now uwu
+ thoughts
#i was meaning to only draw jay to try and figure out a design for her *once more*#but i was super happy with the first one i did so i drew the boys in slightly changed outfits instead#also yeah im VERY pleased with this outfit for jay. the colors look sooo good and exactly like i imagine them to look#the pants are not straight up green but they have this green ish hue to them that adds a lot i think#quite happy with chip's and gill's outfits too they're very sexy and cool hehe#gill in the turtleneck with short sleeves-- so good. and i gave him a haramaki!!!!!!!!!!! hell yeah the one piece fan in me is happy#and chip in the high waisted pants and these boots-- brooooo. slaying so hard. and he's wearing a proper shirt which is rare#also. there's a lot of typos in the explanations probably. um. yeah. not always looking at what i write#edit: forgot the actual tags whoops#jrwi riptide#jay ferin#jrwi chip#gillion tidestrider#my art#sketch
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do u think they ever explored each others bodies
#JESUS CHRIST :phoenixheadinhands: -> wolf mode#an american werewolf in london#david kessler#jack goodman#an american werewolf in london fanart#movie is so funny.. ‘stay on the path’ they immediately walk off it not wven realizing.#why would you walk in the wet grass when there is perfectly good path right there#stupid#also i need other people to bavk me up on this. david kessler american werewolf looks exactly like ethan morgan my babysitters a vampire#just older. pleas agree with me in right#im right#my friend aaid david reminds them of me and i just wanna kniw what that means.#blood
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thoughts on hellfire gala charles? i’m obsessed with that design
Design Wise if we mean the one by lucas werneck, theeen...... i have no clue im divided on it honestly LOL
i like the halo idea, im just not sure im totally sold on the whole execution...
ive always wanted to draw it tho so. have a scribbly if you may :)
bonus cause i need to hang him up like a set of keys
#xmen#charles xavier#professor x#xmen comics#krakoa#snap sketches#take a shot everytime i draw a mfer reaching for the camera. hes projecting his period cramps onto me is that why ive been suffering lately#but yeah idk. im not sure exactly what makes me itch about it its just noootttt my favorite. BUT ITS NOT BAD just not my favorite#if we mean the Other yellow gala outfit he wore that matched eriks .... i think i like that one a lil more#nvm i just looked at it and the collar bit still makes me laugh bro what IS THAT. its still cute tho. i think. needa look at it more....#ill have to draw THAT design some day. with erik preferably. but thats for another day#anyways. should i eat? i should eat. if at least leave my room so i can pick up a package#ohhh but im not hungry ..... maybe ill have dinner later at least
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also i think if roleswap laios and canon laios met theyd immediately start fighting.
#canon laios would blurt out 'why do you look like our dad' and fisticuffs ensue.#shuro........ is a little more complicated#if canon shuro doesnt think too hard about it and just treats the other him like a stranger then theres no problem#on the other hand i imagine he holds himself to high standards and if he sees his other self doing things he considers improper or uncouth.#i imagine hed only speak up if he saw it happen A Lot like hed pull him aside like hey... what the fuck#thered be a bit of 'holy shit i woulda turned out like THAT??' on both sides#roleswap shuro would often get frustrated but i think hed understand that like. thats how the culture is like he lived it too#but i think similarly hed watch laios steamroll og shuro and eventually be like. DUDE. just say something#shorter fuse lmao. anyways still turning this AU over in my head#how much more forward can shuro be before hes unbelievably out of character...#and what if they switched universes!!!!#if laios switched. it would be immediately obvious something is up in the og universe but it may be chalked up to like#a weird mood..... though maybe the party starts to wonder 'hey... is it not possible this is a shapeshifter' 😭#but og laios in the roleswap universe...#tbh havent thought too hard on what the party dynamics in that universe might be like assuming all else is the same save for the roleswap#i imagine chilchuck would still get on alright as long as hes being paid upfront and laios is still attentive/ recognises his abilities#and limitations also. marcille................................... hmm#she might treat him more formally and be less close.... may perceive him as more threatening at first meeting#(in terms of like. 'taking falin away' i mean if that makes sense)#but well. u kno how in canon laios Does notice a lot of things about his companions and has a very pragmatic view that surprises them#and they dont tend to notice until he says it aloud because its often overlooked cos of his. everything else.#well. id imagine roleswap laios still notices things but simply would not say it aloud.#the party would also be like .. dude... did he hit his head#if SHURO swapped...................... well it depends when exactly it happened#i imagine it could be a bigger issue with the retainers#im losing steam cos my lower back hurt so bad adgfsdfg i cant get a good position on this chair#but for shuro himself i imagine it would be nightmarish lmao.#roleswap (henceforth RS) shuro would wake up as an adult with the retainers like. ??? was that all a dream?? did i never make it out#meanwhile og shuro ending up god knows where..........#if he ended up with the retainers again he might not immediately realise somethings amiss and try to act normally
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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Can someone who is NOT a zionist tell me why Jewish people have so much conspiracy and hate? when did it start and why? how and why did it spread?
Preferably someone who is jewish or really knows what theyre talking about answer
#it might be silly to ask#but i see all these conspiracies like from every angle and its been going on for so long like#why!#how does it spread#like was it one guy who made another guy mad and you can pinpoint exactly when antisimetism conspiracies started#or is it bc religion?#or did it happen in 2 totally unconnected places? but how would it spread#im sorry im really high rn and i read that post#and like i know of the stuff said. not all tho i learned something new#but i realize i dont know why#like whats it mean that im ashkenazi dna on my moms side#maybe thats seperate convo idk#it really hittjn#hope it all make sense#oh shit i forgot to write tags#jewish#jewblr#jumblr#antisemitism#history#ashkenazi#question
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Wade: I'm too clumsy to be around fragile masculinity!
Logan: Which is why I carry around duct tape all the time.
#make of this qhat yoh will#even i don't know what it means#like genuinely; someone tell me what this menas#deadpool 3#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#poolverine#logan#logan howlett#wade#wade wilson#deadclaws#wolverine x deadpool#deadpool x wolverine#logan howlett x wade wilson#wade wilson x logan howlett#this is because i lost my pin that said exactly that and im so sad so i gave the line to wade
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Sweet reward for obeying commands
#THIS PIECE WAS SPONSORED BY THE HOURS OF RESEARCH I DID ON HUMAN HORMONE AND THEIR EFFECTS AND THE 0 REFERENCES I USED FOR THE SERVER TOWERS#ghosts art#SAYER#SAYER podcast#SAYER ai#jacob hale#sayerhale#well kids. lets analyze this piece. what did the author (me) mean by this?#anyways uh this is. something ive drawn. and made. and posted.#if you are thinking to yourself ''this looks intimate'' then yes. you are right.#i also feel like i owe a hand written apology letter to everyone who works in IT. i am NOT a technology nerd. but i AM a human antomy nerd.#anyways!!! role swap!!!!! its now Hale prodding around SAYER's ''brain'' instead of the opposite :)#the filename for this is SAYER_sayerhale objectum nonsense . just a fun silly fact for everyone#because i am aroace towards humans. but i am also very much objectum#i dont know if ill have the balls to post this in the official server . but enjoy#objectum#<- dont worry about it#ALSO PLEASEEEEEE ZOOM IN ON THE DETAILS. IM BEGGING YOU.#MY ASS DID NOT SPEND HOURS DOING ALL THAT RESEARCH FOR NOTHING!!!!#''what exactly are hale's biometric readings telling us about'' decide that for yourself . up for interpretation.
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If Thorin lived Dis would have killed him
#Im gonna be so fr I dont think Fili would have ever forgiven Thorin for this#like even after everyone kind of puts it together that Thorin was already goldsick in laketown#which he /was/. I mean. Thorin isn't exactly a font of good ideas but. WHAT was this decision bro. Kili by himself???#He didn't even tell Oin to stay with him dude had to speak up and volunteer. Thorin was loopy yall. Straight up loopy.#the hobbit#thorin oakenshield#fíli#kíli#arts
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And once again we are left with Robby Keene, the eternal scapegoat of Cobra Kai. They blame Robby for Johnny continually abandoning him, they blame Robby for not trusting Daniel after being thrown out, they blame Robby for joining Cobra Kai when he literally had nowhere else to go, they blame Robby for Kenny’s descent to the dark side, they unilaterally blame Robby for underperforming at the tournament when everyone else was too, and now they blame Robby for his own sexual assault. What the fuck.
#cant wait to see what gets pinned on him next#kwons death? maybe!#you can fucking tell there is one token woman in the writers room who doesn’t get a say ablut anything#because this was clearly written by men#every single woman i know has a story like this so yeah maybe im fucking projecting but its also just so genuinely offensive#i do not think this show would have done this with reversed genders and thats almost worse#because it means they KNOW exactly what this is amd what happened here and yet they wrote it this way regardless#what the fuck.#cobra kai spoilers#ck spoilers#robby keene#cobra kai
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thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.
#banana fish spoilers#I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT#mutual reblogged exactly one (1) piece of ash fanart and sent me on A Multiple Hour Long Thing and now im rewatching it lol#yes i am only on episode 2 yes i am still going to write big long analysis posts ANYWAY#whatever hope this makes sense. anyway#banana fish#okumura eiji#ash lynx#asheiji#hhhhh i can't believe i've only watched this twice in like what 5.5 years?? sheesh#anywayyyyyyy i care about them a lot ok. god#and yes i DO kinda have beef with the decision to kill ash off at the end but it really does say so much About his character#that he chose to die in the way that he did even though he's been throwing his life away since episode 1#dying in peace in comfort in solitude rather than in some chaotic battlefield.... ough...... in the peace eiji alone could give him.....#anywayss i relate to ash a little more than i should so. this one's for us cool guy bottoms up#edit i uh.... i forgot it was a leopard.... in the story..... but whatever it doesn't really affect the symbolic meaning it's just embarras#ing that i forgot >;/
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