#and i fear that grammar might do them in with language learning once and for all

[you-will-return]

--just a little rant dw

[mochayoubi]

hello!! how are you? i'm reaching out to you because you're the one i keep seeing my dashboard that's related to japanese learning.

i wanted to ask: how do you suggest a beginner should start studying? like, they're N5, and they know hiragana and katakana, but do not know how to move forward from there because it scares them? (it's me, btw, hi hello how are you how are the kids)

thank you so much!! have a good day!!

omg hi!!! im doing ok (im sick rn but it's fine lol) thanks sm for the ask! :3

i think the best thing you can do for yourself is follow your curiosity! at the early stages of learning curiosity will take you much farther than trying to set hard deadlines for yourself - especially when it sounds like moving forward is a bit intimidating at the moment.

so, i'm going to list out things that might be worth checking out. it takes a while for people to figure out what works for them, and since you mentioned you already know hiragana/katakana you're primed to get out there and really explore your options! embrace the feeling of possibility rather than the fear of the unknown :D i say this bc if you get too caught up in making the "right" choice it might just make learning too stressful to want to continue

anyway here's some things that beginners commonly go for when continuing with japanese learning (under the readmore)

find a textbook and work through it there's a bunch out there, I know Genki I is probably the most well-known, but i'm also familiar with Tobira I, Yookoso, and Minna no Nihongo. textbooks are nice because they're literally designed for learners and offer structure to what order you learn kanji, grammar, etc. and come with lots of practice questions. the difficult part is self-teaching through them since they tend to assume youre also using it with a teacher who can correct you and give advice. however they're still pretty good as references imo! if you google "[textbook name] pdf" they're pretty likely to come up

find an app you can use daily there are also a lot of these, and many of them are designed to be used daily so you can better enforce the habit of studying japanese every day. these tend to be simpler and gamefied to make it more appealing and easier to pick up as well. i would just stay away from duolingo as i've heard their japanese curriculum is bad. some other ones i've heard are helpful are Renshuu and Human Japanese.

find an online guide and follow it by "online guide" i mean websites people have compiled of their own guides to learning japanese, such as Tae Kim. these are more accessible and unlike textbooks tend to assume that you are self-studying, so it's easier to follow independently, but usually don't have any practice questions or ways to test yourself. still good as a reference. you can also check out this website that specifies their philosophy on what makes effective japanese learning and what steps to take as a beginner (imo it's very. long. and winds on for a while. but people have said it helps!)

download and use anki anki is an app (both phone and pc) that uses flashcards and that many learners use to retain vocab. their site has decks other people have created, and you can find decks of "core vocab" for example which has flashcards of common japanese vocab. you can also create your own flashcards of words you encounter in the wild to help practice them even after you've read it. i think anki is super useful, but i would probably suggest using it once you have more of a grasp on basic japanese concepts or else you'll just be rote-memorizing things that don't make sense to you yet. but i'm putting it here in case this appeals to you!

take a class or find an online tutor now this one will most likely cost you money, but it offers the most structure and guidance possible which can be extremely helpful starting out since you're able to ask questions and get feedback. you can look into nearby universities who might offer japanese classes, or you can try one of the many language-learning tutor websites out there. i've had some decent success with italki, and there's also JOI (japanese online institute) that i've heard is very helpful too.

watch japanese-learning videos these can be nice bc you can actually hear the japanese and how it's supposed to sound, and it's typically lower effort and easier to get into than actively starting a textbook or class. miku real japanese, japarrot, and 日本語の森 are channels i've watched before and like, but there's plenty others out there too. i'd just steer away from clickbait-y looking ones like "i learned japanese in 30 days and here's how!!" since they tend to not be that helpful.

read simple stories in japanese reading in japanese tends to be the most intimidating step for people, but there's sites that have stories made for beginners that are easy to follow and only use hiragana/katakana. my go-to for my students is usually tadoku since the stories are short, organized by level, and very beginner friendly. a while ago someone showed me natively which lets you look up japanese books, also by level. if you want some good beginner manga, yotsuba and teasing master takagi-san are what i've recommended before

misc. things you can try!

watch anime but intentionally - try to actively listen and pick up on words they say. a long time ago i used animelon, which puts japanese subtitles that you can adjust to show hiragana only

look up jlpt n5/n4 specific materials. they're geared for an exam so it might not be the most natural feeling, but they do tend to be convenient for lists of vocab and grammar. this website has some helpful resources for that

add an extension on your browser that will let you hover over japanese words and see its definition. i use firefox and have 10ten reader to do this, but rikaikun and yomichan are also similar extensions

when you learn the japanese word for something in your house, put a sticky note on it that has the japanse word. like, for "table" you can put a note on it that says 「テーブル」. i heard this can help with retention (i haven't done it myself tbf)

EDIT: ohh i can't believe i forgot this. but join a japanese-learning community! there's discord servers out there, and if you have a friend willing to study with you you can ask them to be your accountability buddy.

anyway, i know that was a lot but i hope that gives you some direction on where you'd like to go next in your japanese learning journey! ^_^ and again, absolutely no pressure to do all of these. the most important thing is letting curiosity be your guide and fostering a positive relationship with learning japanese rather than being afraid. if i can help out some more lmk!!

[vampalaurels]

I do this with my students as well! I am an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher at a private academy, meaning most of the time there is no consistent age range between my students. I've had groups made up entirely of teenagers, or a mix of teenagers and young adults, and this year I taught my first Level 1 group (I usually take over the advanced levels but there wasn't anyone available at the time so they gave it to me.)

There were 3 people in the group: a middle aged lady who wanted to speedrun the course because she might be moving to the US with her son, and 23 yo radio host, and a 17 yo highschool graduate. Technically, all adults as far as education goes.

When they started the course, the 17 yo - let's call her Dory - barely participated at all. Sarah, the mom doing the speedrun, was the most talkative, not because she was better or knew more english, but because she didn't care if she made mistakes or not. Sam, the radio host, sat squarely in the middle. Thankfully, they got on great amongst themselves and with me from the start, so that was a big plus.

What finally got Dory out of her shell was, surprisingly, the chance to point out the mistakes the others were making. Not in a malicious way, mind you. It's a common technique when teaching languages. You'll introduce sentences or a text and you'll ask the students to point out grammar mistakes and correct them. Dory got really good at these exercises, and she started doing it with her classmates. And it was great! She was opening up! Being more confident! And Sarah and Sam actually felt better when Dory corrected them than when I did! It created this feedback loop that gave them all a lot of support and help, particularly out of the classroom when they needed to practice on their own.

Encouraging that each of them try and help the others in ways that came easier/more natural to them did wonders for the entire group. Sarah, being the most talkative, would actually mock argue with me for laughs, giving the others a chance to join into the conversation. Sam knew a bunch of idioms that she would try and include in her writing exercises, and through that the others learned them as well. And when someone made a mistake, the entire group took it as an opportunity to learn.

One of the simplest tricks I have that has turned out to be extremely effective is using interactive online worksheets. The students can fill them in on the computer and once they are done they can click a button and the worksheet will grade itself, showing the score as a big red number on top and every correct answer will be highlighted in green. Let me tell you, the joy felt when my students see that huge red 10/10 at the top of the sheet is exactly the same no matter the age. And it's even greater when they complete worksheets as a group, everyone pitching in to get the answers right. Every little bit of positive feedback works actual wonders with even the most tired, stressed or confused students.

Another thing I try to do is shape my classes around the students' interests. This is harder to do with larger groups, but even then some common ground can be found. Games are great for this. Nothing gets a room full of bored teenagers going like a game of Uno Jenga, it'd have them yelling, taunting each other, and joking IN ENGLISH in absolutely no time. And when you join them and show them that you like the things they like and that you encourage their interests, the difference is tangible. The students are much more open, abandon the fear of making mistakes, and actually inject passion into the learning process.

Recently I had a student that, when asked what he was planning to do his final presentation about, told me he came from a family of ranchers and wanted to talk about the relationship between the agricultural industry in our country and the several species of large cats that inhabit those same areas. I told him that this was a subject I knew absolutely nothing about, and that I was very excited to watch his presentation and learn something new! The way his face lit up, man, it was incredible.

This 13 yo boy came to class on the last day carrying BOOKS on the subject, a REAL JAGUAR SKULL, and an ABSOLUTE BANGER of a presentation. Everyone was blown away.

All it took was a little bit of interest, encouragement, and positive feedback

consider: teenagers aren’t apathetic about everything they’re just used to you shitting all over whatever they show excitement about

[strangesupremee]

It’s okay (Dr. Strange)

Summary: You were the holder of fire and you could talk to the Phoenix but fear was consuming you on the fight with Thanos on the planet of Titan and you regretted for not helping them but you were scared of getting them hurt especially the love of your life, Stephen Strange. 

Words: 2.2k 

A/N: Hope you guys this one, I don’t know what I just wrote but yeah. Enjoy reading and excuse for my grammars as english is not my first language. If I find any errors I’ll change that. 

You were fighting against Thanos on the Titan but he had already had the four Infinity stones, two more and he could wipe half of the population. You saw Stephen how he fought Thanos and all you could do is watch him even though you could help him but fear, fear was your enemy. Fear was consuming the battle but not fear because of Thanos, fear because if you’ll use your uncontrollably power you might hurt them especially him.  All you could do is fight using the lesson you have learned from Stephen. 

Thanos saw an opportunity and grabbed your neck. You tried to free yourself but unfortunately it didn’t work. He was about to use one of the stones to get rid of you but Stephen spoke up,”No! Spare her life and I’ll give you the stone.” You looked at him as tears were now falling out of your eyes. You slowly shook your head but Stephen didn’t listen. 

Thanos let you go as Stephen gave him the Time stone and he eventually left. You looked at him,”We’re on the Endgame now.” He said as he moved towards you and cried on his chest. 

“I’m so sorry.” You cried. 

“Shh, it’s okay, you’ll be okay. Don’t worry, my love.” He comforted you as he kissed your head. He lifted your chin up and gave you a sweet kiss, he let go and smiled.”I love you, darling. I’m sorry.” You looked at him, confused. Then you looked around as the guardians slowly dusted away and you looked at Stephen. 

“No, no, Stephen, please.” He smiled and kissed your forehead. 

“It’s okay.” You cried and held him tighter but slowly he also dusted away.

“No! Stephen! No! Come back, please.” You cried as you held his ashes in your palms.”I love you too.” You whispered.

“Stephen!” You woke up, tears were streaming down on your cheeks and you looked beside you to only see an empty space that once Stephen accompanied. You hugged your knees as you cried your heart out…again. 

It’s been five years since you have seen Stephen, five freaking years you have left alone in the dark just like how your parents left you. You could have save them, you could have save him if you just used your power on the battle on the Titan but your fear was consuming you that time, fear that you might hurt them as you accidentally hurt your parents but now guilt is the one consuming you, guilt that you just watched him dusted away in front of you, in your arms as he said his last ‘I love you” to you. 

After crying your eyes out, you’ll read a bunch of books on how to bring him back again. You’ll do everything for him, everything just to have him by your side again. To feel him, to feel his warmth, to feel his love. If using a dark magic will bring him back then you’ll surely do that but Wong didn’t agree especially Stephen, he would be mad but it’s worth a shot, right? 

You heard a knock on the door and you lifted your head and saw Wong with a tray of food,”Knowing you, you haven’t eaten anything yet.” You weakly smiled at him and gently put the book down. 

“Thank you but you really don’t have to do this, Wong. I mean, you’re the Sorcerer Supreme now.” He shook his head. 

“I may be the Sorcerer Supreme but I am still your good friend, Y/N. Nothing will change that despite the rank.” You smiled and were flattered by his words. 

“Thank you for being with me, Wong. I appreciate it.” He smiled and nodded his head. 

“Stephen is also a good friend of mine despite his attitude but still that man had a good heart.” 

“Yes, he indeed had a good heart.” 

Wong left you alone as he had a higher duty to do while you ate the breakfast he gave you while reading the book that you were reading a while ago. You were busy reading multiple books that you didn’t notice that your phone was ringing, ringing and ringing but you were so focused on your task that you didn’t realize it was now afternoon not until Wong appeared again with the news. 

“Y/N!” He barged  in on Stephen's study room because that’s where you are. 

“Yes?” 

“The Avengers called you several times because they have something to tell you but they couldn’t reach you so they called me instead and they already have a way to bring everyone back, to bring Stephen back.” Your eyes widened in shock that you immediately took your slingring and opened a portal at the compound.

“Is it true?” They were startled by your sudden appearance. 

“Yes, Y/N. It’s true, we already time traveled back to get the stones and we called you but you wouldn’t answer your phone.” You were holding back your tears as you clasped your hands on your mouth. You looked around the room.

“Where’s Nat?” You asked but they only gave you a sad face and silent air, you then realized.”I’m sorry.” You apologized. They gave you a small smile. 

“Are you guys ready?” Bruce asked and everyone went into defensive form and you put your shield up to protect yourself. Bruce put the gauntlet on and screamed in pain but he eventually snapped his fingers. You quickly went to aid him using your healing spell. 

“Guys! It worked!” Scott shouted. 

“You did it, big guy.” You said and smiled at him, he smiled back. Suddenly everything went black when a bomb was sent to the compound that the compound collapsed. 

You grunted in pain as you slowly opened your eyes, you tried to stand up but your foot got stuck on a pile of stemate.”Guys?! Is everybody alright?!” You shouted and then you heard a grunted near you. 

“Y/N?” You heard Clint’s voice. 

“Clint! Thank goodness, you’re alright! You’re okay, right?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. I should be asking you that because of your foot.” 

“I’m fine.” You said, hiding your pain. 

“No, you aren’t.” He tried to lift it up but it’s way too heavy. He stood up and push something on his ear, definitely his earpiece."Can anyone copy? Guys? Y/N's foot got stuck." He got no replies. 

He looked at you,"Don't you have any spell to lift this shit up?" You shook your head. 

"No, I was too focused on finding a way to get everyone back. That I haven't learned a new spell that I need." Clint nodded his head on understanding. 

"Let's lift this shit together. You ready?" He asked and you nodded your head. Both of you lifted it together but you were really in no position to lift that thing. 

"Guys? Does anyone copy?" 

"I copy! I copy! We need help, Y/N's foot is stuck and we couldn't lift the rock up." You roamed around the place and you saw the gauntlet not far from you. 

"Clint." You called his name. 

"Yeah?" You pointed your finger,"The gauntlet." You said. Clint quickly took the gauntlet and both of you heard groans like some kind of animal. 

"Clint, you need to get that thing out of here." Clint shook his head. 

"No, I can't leave you here. Not again." He quietly said the last words and you smiled at him assuring him. 

"I'll be fine, don't worry. I'll just need you to get out of here. Please." The monsters are slowly approaching where the two of you are. 

"Go now! I'll hold them back for you. Those stones need to get back where they belong." 

"But–" 

"Clint! We don't have time," You looked at him with assurance in your eyes. "I promise, I'll be fine. Just go." 

"If I don't see you on the battlefield, I'll kill you." You chuckled. 

"Yeah, yeah." He nodded his head and you did as well, he quickly fed the place and you looked back at the dog aliens. 

You looked at your palm. "It's showtime." You let your power freely flow through your body then a ball of fire was now dancing on your palm. 

"My foot may be stuck but my hands aren't, now say goodbye to this world." You blast them with your fire and now they're just black ashes. 

"Finally, you didn't let your fear consume you again." 

"Oh, shut it and just help me free my foot, you bird." 

"That's not how you talk to an elemental bird, you disrespectful child." You rolled your eyes. 

"You’re still a bird. Whatever." You used your power to lift the rock to free your foot and it successfully did. You didn't want Clint to be here because you were scared that you'd lose control again. 

"I'll take over." 

"What? No." You again felt fire rising through your body, you were now set on fire, your eyes were now bright as fire. Phoenix is slowly taking over your body but you were fighting it. 

Avengers were fighting, Stephen was searching for you but couldn't see you. Hoping that you were alright, hoping that you didn't join the war because he wanted you to be safe. Suddenly an explosion was seen on the other side of the compound. Fire was going crazy. 

Everyone was confused on where the fire was going, then it landed on the side of avengers, slowly the fire faded out and it revealed you. A red hair, red eyes and a sword made of fire. 

"Now, that's fire." Peter commented. Stephen looked at you, amazed, mesmerized, stunned and such. Your new look suits you so much. 

You were glaring at Thanos, who was confused. "Because of you, I have suffered so much." 

"I don't even know who you are." You smirked. 

"Oh, you will. I'll make you remember till you'll never forget it ever again." You launched an attack at him and you two fought. Stephen wanted to help you but he got the water duty control. 

Stephen didn’t see that coming, he didn’t see you on that 14 million possibilities. Yet, here you are fighting against Thanos with Captain Marvel and Tony. You were thrown away by Thanos and Tony looked at Stephen as he raised his index finger, Tony realized what it meant and tried to take the stones from Thanos as he successfully did. 

“I…am… Iron-Man.” Before Tony snapped, you quickly held his wrist, absorbing the infinity stones so that it wouldn’t kill him. Stephen quickly made his way on where you are but there were still smokes around. Once the smoke cleared out, he saw you, healing Tony and you also absorbing the remaining power of the stones in him. 

After doing that you sat back as you caught your breath, Stephen immediately ran towards you and kneeled down, putting your head on his lap. ”You were so great, darling.” You weakly smiled at him. 

“You think?” He nodded his head and kissed your head. 

“Yes, you did.” 

“Y/N.” You looked at Tony, "Thank you for saving my life.” 

“No problem, Tony. You’re a friend of mine.” You felt something different on your body, your whole body was burning up. Stephen felt that.

“Are you good? You're heating up.” You quickly moved away from him, from them. 

Stephen was about to come close but you stopped him,”No, do-don’t come any closer. Please.” 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Stephen felt somehow familiar with what's happening right now. 

You were feeling what you felt on the day your parents died,”No, I’m not okay. I have too much energy with me. I’m like a volcano that will erupt very soon.” Stephen then realized the meaning of a bright light like fire on the possibility he saw. A tear rolled down on his cheek. 

“No, you would explode my love, you won’t. Let me help you.” You aggressively shook your head and saw the stones. You put back all of the energy of the stones but you still felt like you were going to explode. 

“Kid, your body wouldn’t take this kind of energy. Let me help you.” The Phoenix spoke. 

“All you need is to let go, don’t worry they wouldn’t be harmed in any way, just heartbroken.” 

“What do you mean by that?” You asked the Phoenix. 

“You need to go.” No, you looked at Stephen who was now crying. "It's the only way,” 

You trembling sighed, you made a blue fire and let it fly towards Stephen as a memory that you will always be on his side. He shook his head, ”No, don’t go, my love. We’ll figure it out together. Please.” 

“It’s okay, you’ll be okay. I love you, I always will.” Slowly your body was glowing, some looked away as tears crawled down on their cheeks. Some may not know you but they were grateful to fight alongside you. 

Stephen quickly ran to and hugged you so tight, afraid to let you go. You hugged him back and gave a peck on the lips before fading away. He dropped on his knees,  feeling the warmth of your hug. He was silently crying and Tony patted his shoulder, kneeling down with him. 

“I love you too, I always will.” He muttered to the glowing light that was going up in the sky. 

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: [INFJ] Hi! I got two questions that I've been thinking about a long time. 1) Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed I may have episodes of derealization. I try to stop as fast as I can, using strategies to recover my connection with the world. Does it have something to do with an "overuse" of Se?

I've read things that you've written that helped with question. To be specific, my worry is that I feel like I can't handle so well with a lot of demands that life is bringing for me right now (I'm an student in the last period. This is my first week of my 2nd internship. The places that I'm working right now are really challenging for me because there are many things that I got to study from 0 - during college some contents were taught in a very superficial way. Besides that I have insecurity issues, but I'm working on this. I think the problem is that I may be slower and I end up feeling tense about the fact that I'm not being as proactive as I should be or I fear that I would not be capable of being a good professional in the concrete world).

I feel I'm making a lot of effort to handle everything. And yesterday I was feeling so exhausted that I questioned if I'll get to handle with all of it or if I made a good choice about my career or if it may get better with experience. When I say that I felt exhausted I mean it gets more difficult for me to perform well as a friend, as a student, as an future OT. When I feel exhausted I'm not really enjoying being with people, but I try as much as I can to be nice. And my future profession requires a lot of human contact. But I don't know if it's just something that will get better with more experience, and then I would be just dramatizing about something that it's part of the process. 2) Can it be more difficult for INFJs to improvise when it is required in a work context, for instance?

Thanks for your willingness. (I apologize for any vocabulary or grammar mistakes. English is not my first language)

***********************

Derealization is a defense mechanism triggered by intense stress. Function-wise, it is probably a result of Ni shutting down and sliding into Se grip. Like most defense mechanisms, derealization and depersonalization are ways to detach from negative feelings and emotions when they have become too much to bear. Thus, resolving derealization requires you to improve your emotional intelligence and stress management skills.

1) Situational Stress: Student life is indeed very hectic. You can't control everything in life, so there are some stressors that can't be avoided or removed. However, you can improve your response to situational stress in a variety of ways. For example: prioritize well, organize and plan, establish better work-life balance, learn more efficient methods of doing tasks, defer less important tasks, delegate tasks, ask for assistance, accept some setbacks and failures, let go of some duties and responsibilities that you can't handle, etc.

It sounds like you have taken on too much, so it might be necessary to pare back. Trying to accomplish too much at once isn't worth it if it means sacrificing your health and causing yourself long term damage. It is sometimes better to use a slower pace and take longer to reach your goal if it means that you can enjoy the journey better.

Another form of stress management is learning how to adjust your perception of situations, so that you don't blow every little thing out of proportion…

2) Self-Imposed Stress: You describe emotional issues like fear, insecurity, and dramatizing. These underlying psychological issues generate self-imposed stress, on top of whatever situational stress you're confronted with. If you are the one imposing the stress, it's up to you to remove it.

Take two different people and put them in the same stressful situation and you will get two different responses. Generally speaking, the more uptight a person is, the more easily they are disturbed by stressful situations. Being "uptight" means being too rigid in your expectations and/or too limited in your behavioral responses. In other words, you aren't able to go with the flow, be creative and resourceful, and adapt well to change. Immature INFJs often suffer from having unrealistic expectations and putting unreasonable demands on themselves (e.g. perfectionism), search past posts for more detail.

To adapt well to change, the first step is to let go of your resistance to change. Accept that change is a constant. Accept that you sometimes have to change your thinking and behavior in order to respond better to the environment's challenges. Improvisation is a skill anyone can learn, and being better at it would go a long way to help you socialize with more ease and flexibility, thus reducing fatigue. But in order to improvise well, you have to let go of the self-imposed idea that things should only go one way or can only go one way. Idealistic thinking works against you when you can't tell that ideas aren't "real". Do you understand that an idea can be changed at will, at any time?

3) Emotional Intelligence: Your physical responses and emotional states tell you everything you need to know to take care of your mental health - but the problem is you don't listen to them. Being tired simply means you are out of energy and NEED REST. There are a variety of ways to rest: sleep, breaks, meditation, hobbies, doing nothing, etc. Rest is a fundamental human need. It sounds like instead of stopping to rest when you should, you push yourself further into fatigue, and then eventually into exhaustion.

If you don't listen to your emotions, they get louder and louder until you do. And when they get too loud, your brain has no choice but to shut down, because there's just no energy left to formulate a response. Exhaustion is a precursor to derealization. Do you understand the process through which mere tiredness escalates into extreme derealization? What will it take for you to pay attention to yourself and make the necessary changes to properly care for your well-being? Are you waiting for a derealization episode so severe that you just faint and collapse and have to be transported to hospital to have rest forced upon you?

Have you ever been on an airplane? In emergency situations, you're supposed to put on your own oxygen mask first, before you help others with theirs. You can't take care of others when you haven't even learned how to take care of yourself.

[junko-and-riri-domain]

˚₊·˚ “babes” | ot7 ˚₊·˚

↬ pairing: ot7 x reader ↬ genre: fluff | drabbles | scenarios  ↬ warnings: none ↬ w/c: 1.3k ↬ requested by: 🤍 ↬ request was: Hihii I was wondering if you could do enhypens reaction to calling them things like baby or my love in your native language (excluding English and Korean) ↬ a/n (a few things !!)

since i clearly don’t what “my love” in everyone’s native language “babes” is the place holder word and you can imagine it as whatever “my love / love” is in your language !! also i haven’t done an ot7 post in a while so these might be kinda bad and lowkey might not make any sense 💔

also, the 500 followers event is closed (unless you decide to send one in tonight then i’ll still write it 👀 !! ) but somehow we hit 800 followers today !! how this blog managed to get like 200 followers while i was ia is beyond me 😭

but thank you everyone 🥺 i’ll be writing requests from the 500 followers throughout the week and responding to asks as well <33 

˚₊·˚♤˚· lee heeseung ˚₊·˚♤˚·

late one night you and hee are laying in bed, unable to sleep so you ask him,

“babes, wanna eat some ramen?” he’s like yes, ramen !! but wait,

“babes?” he asks. “isn’t that fish in russian?” (like that whole “te amo” means “i love you” in tagalog / filipino even though it actually means ‘i love you’ in spanish. but yeah, he’d probably think it was something completely different in another language lmao) once you realized what you just called him you tell him,

“it doesn’t mean fish, it means love in [insert your language].” the dots connect in his head and all of a sudden,

“i babes you,” you hear. you can’t help but smile at him and laugh a little because,

“that’s not how the grammar works, but at least you tried.” from then on if he wanted something from you he’d do aegyo and would say.

“babes, please !!”

˚₊·˚✎˚·  park jongseong / jay | self indulgent jay mini fic somewhat related to this req ˚₊·˚✎˚· 

you’re chilling with jay one day and all of a sudden,

“hey, babes can you hand me the remote?” you ask. suddenly he’s frozen in place, looking at you like,

“did you just call me love in [insert your language]?” you look at him, slightly tilting your head to the side and you’re all like,

“huh, i guess i did.” in his head, his mind is going crazy because what ?? you l-word him ?? but then you’re just like,

“wait, how do you know what that word means?” and then he gets all flustered and begins to ramble.

“i went on a YouTube spiral at four am, and, uh… uhh… yeah, i just heard it. it sounded unique so i sorta just remembered.”

“when?”

“like, a few weeks ago.”

“what were you watching?”

“the basics to [insert your language] 101.” you’re shocked but not really since jay is basically a language genius. but now your heart feels all fuzzy and warm because he’s learning your language.

˚₊·˚ ✁˚· sim jaeyun / jake ˚₊·˚ ✁˚·

if anything, you probably didn’t call him babes first. why? because you said it to layla. you stopped by jake’s place before the both of you went to your parent’s place. since you haven’t seen layla in a while, she instantly captured your attention (like she so rightfully deserves).

“babes, i missed you!” you say as you smile while petting her and seeing her tail wag in happiness. jake looks at the sight of the two loves of his life and can’t stop the way his heart flutters a little. he doesn’t want to ruin the moment but he wants your attention so he ends up sort of sitting on the ground next to layla and peeks up at you with wide eyes and a smile.

“babes?” he asked. you end up also sitting on the floor, layla settling onto your lap,

“it means love in [insert your language].” he frowns,

“you said you love layla before saying you love me?”

“who says i love you?” he gets kind of pouty because he knows that you love but he wants to hear it. some time passes and when you’re at your parent’s house, you’re talking to them and you tell them in [insert your language],

“i love jake.” he hears the word and his name in the same sentence. so he takes a chance and using the same sentence you said but with your name he says,

“i love ___.”

˚₊·˚ ❆˚· park sunghoon ˚₊·˚ ❆˚··

it probably slipped out in a moment of panic while the two of you were ice skating. sometimes you slipped into [insert your language] due to a surge of various emotions, sometimes anger, fear, or frustration. sunghoon had asked if you wanted to go on a date to the new rink that just opened and you said yes because ice skating with hoon, how could you miss the opportunity ?? he was holding your hand and skating to your pace trying to teach you how to ice skate. but somewhere down the line, he ended up letting go without you realizing it (like when you ride a bike and the person behind you holding the bike lets go !!) so you turn around, eyes wide at the distance between you and sunghoon and you’re like,

“YAH, BABES YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T LET GO,” and all of a sudden you lose your balance. thankfully, sunghoon being the great skater that he is manages to get to you and holds so you so that you don’t fall. you’re clutching onto his jacket, trying to catch your breath, “i hate you,” you mutter. he smiles as he moves your hair to get out of your face,

“yeah, keep telling yourself that. wait? what does babes mean?” he asks.

“it means love in [insert your language].” suddenly, ice king composure melts. heart going a hundred miles a minute. mind is all like wait what? he accidentally loses his footing and balance, falling while taking you down with him but you’re fine since you landed on top of him.

“are you ok, babes?” he asks to at least try and keep some cool because even though you’re in an ice skating rink, it suddenly feels as if things just got a hundred degrees hotter.

˚₊·˚❂˚· kim sunoo ˚₊·˚❂˚·

he had been interested in learning about your language and culture, mostly for the food… but a+ for effort, right? he would often ask you, “what does this mean?” “what does that mean?” that kind of stuff, since he was genuinely curious. he picked up a few words here and there, occasionally using a word that he knew in a sentence while talking to you. your family asked you to bring him over for a family gathering / party situation sometimes it felt like they liked him more than you. you were sitting down with a plate of food,

“babes, can you hand me a napkin?” suddenly, your and sunoo’s ears are filled with the sounds of “OOO” and your family begins teasing you. to yourself, you’re just like, did i really just call sunoo… but when you look at sunoo his smile is the widest it’s ever been

“you called me love, matji, matji?” (matji meaning like “right” in korean, idk it just felt right to spell that out here ok anyways)

“how did… how did you know?” and he does that thing where he kind of giggles,

“you just confirmed it!”

˚₊·˚✧˚· yang jungwon ˚₊·˚✧˚·

one night jungwon was dropping you off to the front of your doorstep to make sure you got home safe and sound. you were trying to be cute and said,

“saramhae” (saram means person in korean, but what you really meant to say was, “saranghae” which means i love you in korean). jungwon then does that thing where he smirks at you, tilting his head slightly, and he says,

“nado saramhae, babes.” (so like “i love you too, [love in insert your language]” but it’s saramhae because that’s what you said at first) but then,

“babes?” you ask. he plays it off by saying,

“i’m the leader, i need to learn how to communicate in different languages for engenes.” but really it’s just secret language learner pt. 2 exposed.

˚₊·˚⍢˚· nishimura riki / ni-ki ˚₊·˚⍢˚·

ni-ki’s head was on your lap, eyes closed since he was taking a nap and decided your lap was the best thing to claim as his pillow. you needed to get up so to wake him, you poked his cheeks,

“ni-ki,” you said. nothing.

“riki-ah?” this time as more of a question while lightly patting his hair. also nothing.

“babes, if you don’t wake up i’m gonna shove you off my lap.” suddenly, his eyes open and he looks up at you which causes you to jump back in your seat slightly.

“bae-ehbs?” he asks, trying to sound out the word.

“uh huh.”

“wait doesn’t that mean, love?”

“no… it means pabo,” you reply playfully. (pabo meaning like dum dum / stupid in korean, but it’s not meant to sound offensive here !!)

“no it means ‘love’ jay hyung told me about that word when i started dating you.”

“well, if you knew then why’d you ask?”

“wait, so it actually does mean love?”

“you just said jay told you!”

“yeah but i didn’t believe him.” at the confirmation of the word’s true meaning, he feels happy and kind of giddy at the new name he’s earned for himself from you. like heeseung, he’d use it to get something that he wants from you but instead of aegyo it’s more like teasing.

↬ a/n pt. 2 + semi tmi: i speak two languages and i suck at both, english and my parent’s native language. two & a quarter if you count the bare minimum of spanish i learned from taking it during the first two years of high school and the few words of korean i picked up from kdramas lmao 😭

❦ written by riri ( @enhykkul​ ) | blog masterlist | blog navigation

↬ tagging: @bloom-bloom-pow​ | @markleepooh​ | @sunshineshouchan​ (permanent taglist is open if anyone wants to be in it !!)

[fragiledewdrop]

Hello, and sorry in advance for the long post, but this is really interesting to me :)

Based on my own experience and that of those who study English at university with me, it tends to be phrasal verbs and prepositions. By a mile. Even people who could almost pass for native speakers mess them up, and learning them is really hard because there's no rhyme or reason to them , so either you a) straight up memorize endless lists (rarely effective), or b) listen to and read so much material in English that you eventually pick most of them up by osmosis. Either way, you will still make mistakes.

English grammar is fairly easy, though, especially the verb system. I speak a Romance language. Irregular verbs in English have only three forms each, sometimes two. Irregular verbs in my language, or in Spanish, or in French? They can have six different forms just for the basic present tense. I feel your pain, OP, because I am learning French too, and I would take the whole of English morphology over the French Indicative any day with zero hesitation.

Plus, irregular verbs in English were mostly formed through vowel alternation, which was the productive morphological process before you switched to adding -ed (I think it was in Early Modern English? I have to check.) That means it's not actually random. There are patterns: swim/swam/swum, sing/sang/sung, run/ran/run; bring/brought, teach/taught, catch/caught, think/thought.

They sound very similar, even to someone who knows knows nothing about linguistics. Once you figure it out, they are not that difficult to remember. Same with adding -en to some participles. There are still a few wild cards, but it's not that overwhelming.

What is hard, on the other hand, is figuring out aspect: do you use the Simple Past or the Present Perfect? The Future Simple or the Future Continuous? I have given English lessons, and this is what they are about, mostly, especially in high school. Then again, this is a problem when learning any language that is not very closely related to your own. My brother has a Master's degree in Japanese, and he had very, very similar issues there.

One thing that often gets overlooked, but is really hard to get into your head when you are an Italian speaker, is that English is a non-pro-drop language. It means you cannot omit the subject, even if you have to use the same pronoun five times in the same sentence. That is difficult for us, because not only is that not the case at all in our language (we can form whole sentences where the subject is implied; we do it all the time) but we absolutely abhore repetition. It feels extremely weird at the beginning. As I have been told, repeatedly, "it sounds wrong".

Also, in English you never put the verb before the subject. The order is strictly Subject Verb Object, except for questions, where Verb and Subject are switched. Our language is way more flexible about that (it still has nothing on fusional languages that use cases, which know no fear of man nor god when it comes to word order. Think German, Latin, or-lord help us- Ancient Greek.) In Italian we might say "è finita la partita", but in English you can't say "is over the football match". You have to switch the order of the components to put the subject first: "the football match is over". This becomes a recurring, pesky issue with longer sentences, especially when writing long texts.

Lastly, well, spelling and pronunciation, obvioulsy. I think a lot of native speakers are in a bit of a pickle there too. It's just the way the etymological cookie crumbled. At least you don’t have random accents on your vowels xD

That's it, mostly. There are a million different things to say about this, but I really need to go to bed. I hope it was interesting, and not extremely boring🌸

Native English speaker here who thinks learning French is hard so I was curious

Bonus points for tagging your native language

[meichenxi]

Not going to China + restarting French and German: life update

Hi everyone! 

I’ve been alluding to this all over the place, but I’ll sit down now and explain things properly. I’ve had some bad news recently that means essentially that I can’t go to China, and that the money I have put into paperwork for the visa (upwards of £3000) I can’t get back. Everything that has happened is complicated and I really don’t feel like explaining it all again but basically: there have been policy changes in the Chinese government, I potentially wouldn’t be able to get my work permit until December, it could be even longer, and the visa could take another two months. 

I can’t just wait around for another six months in the hope that something will change. I’ve already been waiting since June. I need a job, and I need to leave my living situation, and I need money.

I thought about trying to apply for a study visa, but the truth is I just can’t face another few months of waiting and planning and uncertainty. So I’m instead going to find a job in the UK and move in with my girlfriend. This could be an amazing opportunity for us to live together, and it could also be wildly demotivating and upsetting to settle for a job I’m not sure I want in a tiny apartment, constantly living with Covid fears - realistically it will be both. 

I’m sad that all of the work I’ve put in has come to nothing - I’m sad that I’ve lost money I could have otherwise spent on things to improve my and other’s quality of life - and I’m upset most of all that I can’t go to China right now. I had been working towards this for a very long time, and waiting since June at home, doing nothing, when I could have had a job. 

But. Onwards and upwards. I’ve already applied to lots of jobs, and I’m sure some of them will want me! I’m going to continue with Chinese, and I’ve contacted the local Chinese schools to see if there are any events or classes I can take part in. And I am going to continue with Chinese, but with a focus I think on teaching myself more about its linguistic history. 

I’m not giving up on China. I’ll go back when Covid is over. But at the moment there’s just too much uncertainty, and things need to change. 

More excitingly, however, I am going to have to start properly picking up German and French again (sigh, I know, tragically it is my second best language even if I don’t like it as much). It’s incredibly frustrating searching for jobs that will help me use my languages, only to find that my French especially isn’t quite good enough to be used in a board room. So that’s something which needs to change, especially if I want a job in the charity sector - French will be very necessary for that. I could also choose Spanish, but my girlfriend speaks excellent French and I’d have the opportunity to practice with her. 

So what will happen to this blog?

With all of this change, I’m going to take a little break from how intensively I’ve been studying Chinese. I’ll carry on, I just need to give myself a little bit of time to - well, to be sad. I never want it to become a chore, because it’s a language I love so very much, so I don’t want to ‘push through’. Over the next month I’m going to focus more on German again, and I need to work out how I’m going to start learning French again too, and then I’ll cycle back around to Chinese. It might sound a lot to do three languages at once, but bear in mind I have B2 production and C1 comprehension in French, and C1 production and C2 comprehension in German - so there’s no hardcore grammar to learn, just vocab, and mainly focusing on reactivating them. It’s been a few years since I’ve spoken French especially.

My motivation for this is very strong, and simply: I don’t want to be stuck stacking shelves. I want a job where I can use my languages, and where they are good enough for that. Chinese eventually - but that will take a little more time. 

I’m going to take a little break from this blog, maybe a month or so, to deal with real life and put things in order. But I have a lot of plans for new content, so this is not disappearing - I just need some real life time!!! I have received your asks, and I’m going to work on those too. 

In the mean time: keep learning, and keep adding oil!!

- meichenxi

[thewritinggrindstone]

Identifying Harmful Repetition in Your Writing

Something I’ve encountered ad nauseam over the last few projects I’ve edited is a relentless repetition of words, phrases, and ideas. One of the most frustrating and confidence-destroying issues a reader can encounter is poorly executed repetition, which can stem from different problems, including:

Too much reliance on your natural stock phrases.

Limited vocabulary.

Not proofreading close enough or editing thoroughly enough.

Lack of confidence.

Not writing with the reader in mind.

I want to preface this with the fact that obviously certain types of repetition aren’t bad. Repetition is an incredibly powerful tool when used effectively, and what’s effective is subjective per book and per reader. That’s a massive topic for another time. This post is specifically about egregious uses of repetition, the types that any good editor or beta reader will point out as in need of fixing.

Stock Phrases and Words

Every person has their own unique lexicon, a repository of words and phrases they naturally will draw upon when they speak, write, and even think. There’s a reason clichés are prevalent, and that’s because the brain likes the path of least resistance. It’s easy to mentally grab those words and phrases that are constantly in arm’s reach, those words and phrases that are comfortable and familiar, but constantly doing this while writing and then not changing them can result in overuse that is noticeable on both stylistic and technical levels. It can also lead a reader to the understanding that you haven’t thought critically about what you’re writing, which can and will undermine their confidence in you.

If you’re writing a first draft, don’t worry about this too much. You probably just need to focus on putting words down, not exactly what those words are. Repetition is an issue that can and should be intentionally fixed during the revision process.

If this is a problem that bugs you even when you’re drafting, there are different ways of dealing with it. I tend to be highly aware of most repetition within my work, and because I constantly edit as I write, backtracking to add/move information as I go doesn’t tend to interrupt my workflow too much. If I know I’ve already used a word and can’t think of something better after several seconds’ thought, I’ll use the repetition and immediately flag it somehow—usually with a “repeat” comment—so I can deal with it once I’ve completed the draft. Opening a thesaurus or dictionary tends to be more disruptive during drafting than it’s worth, but sometimes it isn’t, and you will need to determine what works best for you according to your own style.

Once you’re ready to target the issue of repetition, you will need to work hard, think hard. Don’t settle for the easy word, the stock phrase, the cliché. Discard the timeworn, the tired, the used-before. Play with language—try to come up with new phrases, unique descriptions. Get silly, flip rocks over, dig around under them, push things as far as you need to create something different, then go back and edit again, refining what you’ve written until you’re satisfied.

It’s going to be a process. It’s going to be difficult. It won’t be natural at first; you’ll need to form new pathways in your brain, just like when you learn any new skill, and that’s uncomfortable, but if you persist, your writing will be fresh and alive and won’t be as prone to being bogged down by reader-infuriating repetition.

Limited Vocabulary

Tying into the idea of your personal lexicon is the size of it. No matter how much you pay attention to precisely what words or phrases you’re using, you won’t have much in the way of options if you don’t have at least a good-sized repertoire to draw from.

Increasing your lexicon is something that just takes dedication and time. You can’t rush it, you can’t force it, but you can be deliberate in growing it. Read broadly, maybe bookmark or sign up for your favorite dictionary’s word of the day, or keep a word cache of interesting words or phrases you like.* I have a document titled “word hoard” in Dropbox where I keep all unusual, unfamiliar, or beautiful words I encounter as well as their function(s) and definitions. Most of these words haven’t properly entered my own lexicon yet, but actively being aware of words that are anywhere from slightly to completely outside what you usually use will help you become a more mindful writer.

* I got this idea from Barbara Baig’s Spellbinding Sentences, which is one of my favorite books I’ve ever read on writing.

Lack of Proofreading/Editing

The identification and elimination of repetition hovers somewhere between content editing and technical editing. It’s an easy problem to skim over, especially when you’re the writer because you’re likely too familiar with every word you’ve put down, and issues like this tend to fade into the background. This is particularly true of writers who have reworded or reorganized a given piece of writing, since repetition can easily become lost in the jumble.

If possible, set your project aside for at least a few days—preferably a few weeks or even longer—then come back to it and read it with fresh eyes while intentionally noting and commenting on or highlighting all uses of repetition, big and small. If you aren’t sure if it’s something you repeated, flag it anyway—you can always check later.

If you don’t have time to set the project aside for a while, read your work aloud. If you can’t bear reading your work aloud or you aren’t able due to circumstances, listen to the document instead. Word has a read aloud function, and there are many online text-to-speech websites where you can paste a piece of writing. The unnatural cadence of the artificial voice might be weird and awkward at first, but listening won’t fully engage the “reading” portion of your brain, and you’ll likely find it easier to notice uses of repetition, among other problems. While writing this post, I have listened through it three times, tweaking phrasing and eliminating repetition—and deleting some of the harsher statements—as I go.

If you’re feeling really brave, have another person read your writing back at you. Nothing like being uncomfortably hyperaware of every word you’ve put down to recognize pretty much every single problem within your work. Just do not overcompensate and decide that nothing you’ve written has any value at all (it does), or that you’ll need to change everything (you don’t). If you approach this method with the understanding that it’s going to be awkward but are nevertheless determined to get something useful out of it, you’ll benefit, especially if your reading partner is willing to help you with any areas you feel you need assistance in.

When editing for repetition, if possible, pay attention not only to noun/verb/adjective usage. Go deeper. What types of repetition are you prone to using? Do you begin a significant portion of your sentences with conjunctions? Are there certain conjunctions you use more frequently than others? Do you reiterate entire sentences two or more times with only slight variations in wording? Do you return to the same idea numerous times? What about tone, do you use lots of rhetorical questions? Sarcasm? Self-deprecation? Self-boasting? Do you frequently return to the same imagery or settings or use of metaphor? Or grammar—are there certain punctuation marks or grammatical conventions you use more than others? Do you have a sentence construction you consistently fall back on?

Again, some of these questions might require an outside opinion for you to find suitable answers, but becoming self-aware of not just what you do but why you do will help you recognize these patterns, which in turn can help you mentally eliminate repetition before it even makes it past your fingertips.

Lack of Confidence

Widespread repetition of sentences and ideas is often a major symptom of a writer who isn’t confident in their abilities to communicate what they’re talking about. “If I just tell you this fact again, surely you’ll believe me this time. I’ll make you believe me. Do you believe me now? What about now? Now? Now?”

The painful truth is... no.

Encountering mindless or fear-based repetition is extremely frustrating for readers. Inevitably, without fail, every single time I edit a book by a writer who has repeated themselves over and over and over again, with every single repetition, I increasingly doubt both their credibility and their ability to pass on important knowledge to me. I feel either patronized and insulted, or I feel annoyed because it seems like the author threw their thoughts down on paper in whatever order they came out and then hit publish with

no regard for how those thoughts will be perceived by others, and

no regard for how they are wasting the reader’s time.

Please, please do not undermine your credibility by repeating yourself. Readers usually only need to read information one time for them to absorb it, maybe twice, so trust your readers. If the reader needs to come back to information, they have that ability. Do not force unnecessary repetition in their faces. Always assume readers are at least as smart as you. If you don’t need the information repeated, give your readers the same respect.

Increasing your writing confidence will once again take time and effort. You’ll need to determine why you’re not confident and then seek out methods of correcting the issue(s). In general, fear of not being heard or understood tends to be the underlying cause of repetition, so learn how to be deliberate in your writing. Say what you mean to say. Say exactly what you mean to say. Understand that you have something important to share with the world, so share it—then stop. Readers will appreciate you for not wasting their time.

 Writing for Yourself

Yesterday I finished editing a project just over 88,000 words. Nineteen chapters. Almost 250 pages.

I hated every word, and I learned nothing.

If it had been a line edit, I could’ve cut the book’s word count down below 50K merely by eliminating all of the repetition. This author is infatuated with the sound of their own voice, talked on and on and on merely to hear their own self-revelations and how special they are compared to everyone else stated again and again in near-identical sentences.

I’m editing another book right now that is less self-important and is far more interesting on the whole (and is thankfully over a hundred pages shorter), but again, the author has repeated themselves sometimes three or four or five times, with some phrases appearing over fifteen times, and I can feel my resentment growing. If an author isn’t going to take the time to put forth a thoughtfully crafted piece of writing, why should a reader likewise invest in it?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing for yourself. You should—you’ll learn a lot about yourself as both person and writer, and you’ll enjoy writing more, and you’ll (hopefully) be able to refine your skills.

But if—if—you intend to share your writing with the world, if you actually have something to say, you need to be aware that you have a duty to make yourself understood without wasting people’s time. Do not make people regret having picked up your writing by being so in love with the sound of your own voice that you are no longer courteous to others.

Love your writing. Love it fiercely and passionately and with reckless abandon, but reach a place where you know how your writing is going to be perceived at large. Use as many words as you need to get your point across and no more.

In Closing

If you’re still having difficulty identifying repetition within your own work, ask someone who is skilled at recognizing this issue to look over your writing. It’s always easier to recognize repetition when you haven’t written it, so fresh eyes can give you the insight you might not be able to see yourself.

Know your audience. A children’s book will require a different level of repetition than an instruction manual or a sci-fi novel or an autobiography. If you’re reading a recipe, you’d be annoyed and confused if the author told you to add the same ingredient twice due to shoddy proofreading. Write and repeat accordingly.

Whatever you’re writing, make a point of intentionally performing at least one round of editing with the intention of eliminating unnecessary repetition. Your readers will appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.

[malenkaya-glosoli]

Thinking of Oxana Malaya (PLEASE READ)

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of violent current events, neglect and some ableism.

My thoughts are with the people of Ukraine after and during the terrible Russian invasion there, but I have also not forgotten this woman who is one of the most vulnerable people there.

This is Oxana Malaya. Some of you have probably heard of her before. She’s commonly known as “the Dog Girl of Ukraine” because of her famous dog-like behaviour — a nickname which she has said offends her. Oxana was born in November 1983 in the village of Novaya Blagoveshchenka. The most common version of her story, which is the version still often passed around today, goes that one night when she was three years old, her alcoholic parents forgot her outside the house and that she sought shelter with a pack of wild dogs near her house. The story continues that Oxana was found still living with the dogs five years later at age eight, unable to speak or walk and instead crawling on all fours and barking. Some accounts with fabricated and exaggerated details published in tabloids claimed that she ate raw meat and when hurt would whine the way a dog might because she literally couldn’t cry. It has even been said that at the schools and orphanages Oxana was sent to, the nurses who had a fear of dogs were afraid of her too because she sounded and behaved so much like a real dog.

Although it took several years, Oxana was rehabilitated and socialised into human behaviour. She can draw, but is unable to read or write; and she learned to speak fluently, which is a rarity for most people who go through prolonged first-language deprivation since they usually end up not being able to use correct grammar or syntax or even master either at all. Although she was taught that barking instead of speaking is socially inappropriate, her caregivers suspected that she still did bark as well as crawl on all fours when in private. Oxana now lives at the Baraboi Clinic in or near Odessa, a group home for disabled adults that has its own farm where they can do work. In 2003, when Oxana was almost 20, a Portuguese documentary crew visited her and filmed her demonstrating her former behaviour for them. The video went viral on the early 2000s internet, which is how some of you may have heard of her, but, although she ultimately recovered, the experience did cause Oxana to regress for a time. Then in 2006, when Oxana was 23, a British child psychologist, Dr. Lynn Fry, visited her to perform an assessment on her. Although Dr. Fry said that she was warned that Oxana could “fly off the handle” and was “very uncooperative and socially inept” (note: Oxana is not autistic), once she met her she was surprised at Oxana’s intelligence and development. She concluded that Oxana had the “cognitive ability” of a five or six year old and likely wouldn’t progress much further (note: I don’t believe in mental age), that she also had the drawing skills of a five or six year old child, and that she had a sophisticated enough grasp of language to understand prepositions, although she speaks “flatly, as though it’s an order” and that “there is no cadence or rhythm or music to her speech, no inflection or tone.” Dr. Fry also added that Oxana loves to be the center of attention and to make people laugh. Oxana’s doctors have said that she would be unable to survive independently. At the same time as Dr. Fry’s visit, Oxana was reunited with her father and met her younger sister for the first time. She has said that it is her life’s dream to someday find and meet her mother.

In 2012, a British anthropologist, Dr. Mary Ann Ochota (shown above with Oxana), flew to Ukraine to investigate the truth of Oxana’s story. While there, Dr. Ochota found that there were no dogs living near Oxana’s childhood house at the time she lived there, that she was taken from her parents by the state as a toddler, and that she grew up in orphanages. At that time orphanages in Ukraine often had dogs on the premises, and Oxana preferred spending time with the dogs. One of her teachers from one of the orphanages recalled that Oxana tried to bark and move like the dogs, that she seemed to be trying to genuinely communicate with them and even confide in them, and that if she got hungry while feeding the dogs she would put her face on the plate and eat the food like how a dog would. Experts believe she spent so much time with the dogs and began imitating them as a way to cope with the trauma of suddenly being placed in an unfamiliar environment. Oxana spent her teenage years in a series of schools until she finally arrived at Baraboi. As of 2013, she had a new boyfriend, although her previous boyfriend (if not the same one) broke up with her after she showed him her former behaviour. She loves taking care of the animals on the farm and has come to see herself as fully human and wants others to see her as such “in spite of her upbringing”.

Please do not forget Oxana or the other disabled people in Ukraine. They are especially vulnerable during the current situation, and it’s terrifying to think what could happen to them. I hope that luck will be on their side and that the overall situation may be resolved soon and with as little violence as possible, although that seems extremely unlikely.

AGAIN, DO NOT FORGET OXANA OR HER PEOPLE!

[angelinasway]

Regaining Hope Chapter Seven

Pairing: Clark Kent/Buffy Summers Warnings/Triggers:Torture, Violence, Mention's of Major Character Death, Bad Language, Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, Mentions of Sexual Assault Summary: Takes place during Man of Steel. When Buffy discovers the U.S Military trying to keep quiet about an object buried in a twenty thousand year old glacier, she immediately thinks the worst. However, when a surprise visit to the Canadian Arctic puts her in the path of a mysterious stranger her whole world is changed forever.

Previous Chapters: [Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six]

[TTH] [AO3] [FFN]

Authors Notes: Thank you all for your amazing and wonderful reviews. I do need to address something though, when it comes to reviews, I honestly don't mind anyone critiquing me when comes to grammar, characterization, or even if its kind of a heavy subject and someone feels like they need to debate me on it. That is absolutely fine, for instance I knew I would get a few blocks and even someone asking about the religious views of this story. I do not mind that. I do however mind, if you think I'm a decent writer, but then proceed to belittle the content of my story. I'm going to try to say this as absolutely nicely as I can...If you don't like the content of this story, if the talk of soulmates, soulbounds, or claiming is not for you, if the romance of this story is not for you, kindly back out of this story now and please just don't leave a review. I will say that anyone who's been in the BTVS fandom long enough already knows what a Claim is pretty much a fanon canon, since its been around our fanfiction community since like 2002 at least. Wesley mentioned Angel and Buffy being soulmates in season one of ATS, so that is actually canon. I say this in the nicest way possible, because sometimes I think reviewers who don't write, do not realize how much a review about content can actually screw with our muse and inspiration and I believe there will be at least a handful of people that do write who will agree with me. That being said, this chapter took as long as it did for me to write because of a bad review, so I'm sorry for the long winded exposition everyone. I know this chapter is a bit choppy and if it wasn't for my beautiful Beta Hipkarma, I'm pretty sure it would have been illegible. This chapter deals with some pretty heavy subjects and I added a warning tag just in case. I do not expect anyone to feel the way Buffy does on this subject, and if you feel the need I will gladly talk to you through pm about it. Thank you guys so much again, and please review, unless you know its an above subject and you hate it. Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Seven

 The plane arrived right on time as Clark anxiously awaited Buffy’s arrival outside the terminal. He’d felt this way since he awoke this morning and he didn’t know why. It was almost like that feeling you get when you know you’ve forgotten something.

 He’d dreamt of her last night and it was so vivid and real that when he opened his eyes, he expected her to be there. The feeling had washed over him after that, like a sudden cold draft in a stifling room. He’d also been as hard as nails and had to relieve himself twice in the shower. His dream Buffy whispering filthy words into his ear as he imagined pinning her to the shower wall and driving into her hard and fast. It only seemed to make the feeling worse though. There was a pounding, an almost driving force that told him he needed to see her and that coupled with the lust, he couldn’t seem to shake was a dangerous combination that he did not enjoy feeling at all.

 It was so strange, yesterday he’d been fine, more than fine really. He’d walked into his house humming and smiling. His mom had noticed his exuberant mood in an instant and raised her eyebrows in surprise, a curious yet knowing quirk in her lips. She had immediately started bombarding him with questions about his evening and Clark had been unable to deny her even a single detail. Well, there were definitely a few things he left out, but he told her everything from meeting Buffy at the school to him having to sing at Lorne’s. This was a first for both of them, Clark making friends and being able to tell his mom all about it. She listened intently, a happy smile on her lips as if this was something she had always wanted for her son. The ability to just be treated normally by people, even if they knew what he was. The more he spoke about how great Buffy was the more his mom’s knowing smile grew. He told her he promised Buffy that he would pick her up at the airport, and his mom had agreed to let him use the truck as long as he promised to take her to work before he left. She had a full shift at the diner tomorrow, so he was pretty sure he could make it back in time to pick her up and take her home.

 Later that night, after getting off the phone with Buffy so she could go patrol, Clark had spent the evening on the internet looking up several theories and ideas on the concept of soulmates. All in all, it was pretty simple stuff, a soulmate could be a romantic or platonic relationship with a mirroring of the souls. Where, both their values and ideals deemed them a perfect match. He had even gone to a few sites on the mystical aspects of soulmates that seemed to be pretty legit, and they believed that when it came to soulmates not only were the souls similar, but both souls usually challenge each other to perceive themselves and the world differently. In essence, your soulmate could help you transcend into a higher state of consciousness. All of that seemed to match very much with what he had been feeling since the moment he met her. None of that however, explained how he felt now.

 Buffy had been right the other day when she said it wasn’t just the soulmates thing. He was almost positive the out-of-control lust and the uncontrollable desire to be near her had very little to do with the fact that they were soulmates and everything to do with the prophecy. Something wanted them to consummate their relationship, and he was pretty sure that something had a reason. He wondered if he was in danger of meeting the other woman and somehow changing his mind about her. He definitely couldn’t imagine ever doing that though, not when he felt what he felt, not when she had consumed his thoughts so thoroughly since the day they met.

 He felt physically ill at the idea of ever having to fight Buffy as an enemy, Lorne’s words about killing her making him nauseous and dizzy. The demon said it most likely wouldn’t happen now, but God, what if it did? What if he wasn’t capable of fighting off this mystery enemy of the future. He shuddered at the thought, his anxiety level spiking in worry. He had to get himself under control.

 As the passengers began to exit the terminal Clark looked on, his eyes searching for golden hair and green eyes. When he finally spotted her the tension that had been growing in his limbs immediately eased. It happened so fast he almost felt boneless by the sudden release. Her eyes met his and a similar look of relief washed over her face, but there was something else there. She was scared, which just made the tension begin to build again. Clark frowned in confusion, but didn’t deny her as she ran to him wrapping her arms around his waist tightly as she laid her head on his chest.

 “Are you okay?” He asked.

 She shook her head and closed her eyes. “There’s something wrong,” She whispered. “I shouldn’t be feeling this–”

 “I know,” he whispered. “I feel it too.” Clark shuddered, so it wasn’t only him who was feeling it. “I think it’s time we learn more about this prophecy.”

 He felt her nod. “I’ll call Wes once we get to the safe house.”

 ****<S>**<S>****

 The drive there had been mostly quiet. The only real sound was Buffy’s smartphone giving directions to their destination. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from reaching out and entwining their fingers however, and she smiled at him gratefully before closing her eyes and sighing. They finally arrived at what looked to be an unassuming house just outside of town that rested on a few acres of property. Buffy untangled their fingers and reached into her carryon bag that was between them and pulled out a large multicolored crystal.

 “Here,” she said quietly. “Hold this.”

 Clark, frowned but did as she asked. Watching her as she muttered the word, “Agnoscis.” The stone suddenly warming in his palm as he caught the house in front of him shimmer for a moment out of the corner of his eye.

 “Latin?” He guessed.

 Buffy nodded. “It means recognize. It’s so you can get through the wards.” She bit her lip, “We can also bring your mom here, in case you ever need to hide her you’ll have a place to take her that’s pretty impenetrable.”

 Clark nodded gratefully, his eyes studying the sad expression on her face. He reached out and gently brushing the back of his knuckles down her cheek. Her whole body shivered at the contact, a small gasp escaping her lips.

 “Are you…are you okay,” He asked.

 She shook her head, “I think it’s affecting me more than you.”

 Clark was quiet for a moment, and then he shook his head. “It’s not, I think I’m just a lot better at controlling my impulses.”

 Buffy chuckled humorlessly, “Maybe, that’s something you can teach me sometime.” She met his eyes and Clark lost his breath at the want he saw shining there.

 God, she was beautiful like that. Her eyes almost swirling with color and heat. His temperature immediately skyrocketed, his pants becoming tight. He wanted to ask her if there was anything he could do, but didn’t dare for fear of what her answer might be. She had already told him she wasn’t ready, and if he was being honest with himself, neither was he.

 He swallowed, his heart beating in his chest. “Come on,” he whispered, opening his door and stepping out. “Let’s go make that phone call.”

 He walked around her side of the truck as she fumbled with her seatbelt, opening the passenger door for her and holding out his hand. She took it gratefully as she slid out of the passenger’s side, hoisting her bag over her shoulder after her feet hit the pavement. Clark reached in the truck bed and grabbed the only other bag she’d brought with her. He wondered where her weapons bag was, but remembered she’d just went through an airport and realized she probably couldn’t bring them with her.

 As if she was reading his mind, she said. “Willow was here last night; I had her ward the training equipment so that we can use it without destroying it.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye as they walked up the driveway. Her hand fumbling with her keys as they made their way to the door. “I also had her fill the fridge and bring my weapons bag over.”

 He didn’t say anything as he watched her slide the key in the lock and open the door. He followed her through a spacious living room that was tastefully decorated, through another door and into a modern kitchen. She slid her bag off, dropping it unceremoniously on the floor. She pulled out her phone next, scrolling through her contacts and hitting send before putting it on speaker. She set the phone on the island between them and walked to the fridge, leaning her back against it as she closed her eyes. 

 Clark wanted to go over and comfort her, but something in his gut told him that would be a very bad idea. She was putting distance between them for a reason and he completely respected that. Her sudden change however, worried him and he was beginning to think maybe she really was suffering more than him.

 "Buffy?" A cultured British male voice answered after the first few rings.

 "Yeah, it’s me." She said quietly.

 "Is everything alright?" He asked, his tone worried.

"No, not really." She answered. "I think it’s time you told us about this prophecy."

 "Buffy, I've already explained–"

 “No,” She cut him off. “No Wes, you don’t get to do this. Not now. Something is wrong with me, I feel…” Her face went red, as she looked at Clark, “I feel like I’m on fire, I…” Her eyes moved to her phone and glared, a growl tearing from her throat in frustration. Her teeth clenched as she ground out. “I feel incredibly sexually frustrated, okay? Like a cat in fucking heat.” Her face went scarlet and she avoided looking directly at Clark. “Want to explain?”

 There was a sudden choking sound on the other line, as a coughing fit proceeded it. “Good Lord, it’s happening already?”

 The outrage in Buffy’s eyes, did something to Clark in that moment and he stepped forward his anger simmering under the surface. “What’s happening?” He demanded.

 “Mr. Kent,” Wesley said in surprise, “I didn’t…I didn’t realize you were on the line as well.” Clark heard the British man sigh, “I’m sorry we were finally introduced this way, I had hoped to meet you in person. I’m sure you already know that I am Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and that I am head of the Watchers Council.” There was a pause, before he continued. “I do apologize for not telling you both sooner, but I had hoped we would have a few more days before the bond started to require a need to be fulfilled.”

 “Bond…what?” Buffy’s face scrunched up in confusion.

 “I don’t really understand it myself,” Wesley admitted. “But it’s written that once the Immortal Slayer and, I believe the correct term is Star God meet, a…I think the term is soulbond will start to form and a compulsion to fulfill it will start to take hold. Now, both Willow and I think we’ve found a way to counteract the compulsion, but I didn’t expect it would start to take hold so quickly. I do apologize Buffy; I had planned to have Willow bring me there tomorrow so I could explain.”

 “What’s a soulbond, exactly?” Clark asked, “And how is it any different than being soulmates?”

 “I honestly don’t know, there are very few references to what it is exactly. I imagine that much like soulmates there must be a similarity or mirroring of souls if you will, but unlike soulmates there is a need…a compulsion for a confluence between the souls. As far as I can tell, once that happens it would act very similarly to a claim.”

 Buffy gasped and looked at Clark, her eyes wide and disbelieving. Clark swallowed, “What’s a claim?”

 “It’s a…a type of marriage between demons, vampires in particular.” Buffy shifted uncomfortably and looked down. “It’s barely ever used now because its unbreakable, not even magic can undo it. It’s ancient and powerful and requires total trust and consent between both parties.” She met his eyes then, an apology shining through but Clark didn’t feel like he needed one, in fact he just felt very confused.

 “That doesn’t make any sense, not after what Lorne told me.” Clark said with a frown. “If this bond is as powerful as you say then…” It was his turn to look at Buffy apologetically, “Then even if I met this other person first, wouldn’t the bond take hold when I met Buffy regardless?”

 “I don’t quite understand what you’re referring to.” Wesley said in confusion.

 Clark looked up at Buffy and saw suspicion in her eyes. “Lorne didn’t tell you?”

 “Lorne doesn’t give me the details of readings Mr. Kent; he treats all his clients very much like a therapist treats a patient.” Wesley said, adding. “The only thing he told me was that you were the one the prophecy spoke of and that you were on the right path in regards to your destiny. What exactly did he tell you?”

 Clark shifted uncomfortably, feeling Buffy’s eyes on him but unable to meet hers. “He said I had two very different futures, that Buffy was my soulmate but I have another as well and in this other future this woman dies and something makes me go bad.” He finally got the courage and looked at Buffy, her eyes were wide and burning with hurt and maybe a bit of jealousy. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, thinking he had ruined everything.

 Buffy shook her head and swallowed, “Did he… did he say what would happen if you met her now?”

 Clark nodded, "He said I'm a one-woman man, that it wouldn't matter."

 She seemed to relax a bit at his words, her eyes softening and darting back to her phone as Wesley began speaking, "Then you are very correct Mr. Kent, if you met Buffy in this other future, it should have activated the soulbond whether you had feelings for this other woman or not. A soulmate is not always a love interest after all." He paused for a moment, "There are only two things that could have stopped it. One would be that you don't meet Buffy until this mystery foe had your mind or if you did meet her, she was already claimed."

 Buffy gasped, and looked at Clark guiltily, “I almost asked him to claim me.”

 A potent wave of jealousy and possession swept through him at her words. If she was referring to Angel, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to control himself much longer. Not when the very idea of her being tied like that with someone else made his blood boil.

 "What?" Wesley said, shocked.

 "Spike, Wes. Not Angel." She clarified. "It was...it was right after we found Alicia. I knew it could make us stronger and I... I thought it might give us an advantage against Angelus. I never had the courage to ask him though."

 “And thank every deity in the universe for that!” Wesley said sharply, “I don’t think you quite understand the repercussions that could have had on not just Clark’s future but your own.” There was a long silence, the only sound was heavy breathing before a much calmer Wesley finally said, “That kind of bond Buffy…think about what you did to Angelus and multiply it by a million. I was there that day you came through the portal after Spike died. You were almost feral; your Slayer was in complete control and she wanted to kill Willow for making her immortal. There was a part of her that already thought of Spike as her mate, and she wanted blood from whoever had wronged her. If you had been claimed and Spike died…” They heard him take a shuddering breath, “You would have burnt the world and then marched into Hell without a second thought in search of him. There would have been no stopping you.”

 Clark watched Buffy shiver at Wes’s words, her eyes getting lost and faraway. His possessiveness grew at her words, but a small part of him couldn’t help but be curious as to what happened between the two of them and why she so rarely spoke about him. The book had only said that the vampire had killed two Slayers, and had tried to kill Buffy on numerous occasions. He had been hampered by some form of neurotechnology by the US Government and began working with her reluctantly. Somewhere along the way he had fallen for Buffy and regained his soul, sacrificing himself for the world once, where he was resurrected by a mystical amulet he was wearing when he died. The author of the book believed he’d been brought back by mistake and the amulet was meant to be worn by Angel, but there was also some speculation that Spike may have been the actual bearer of the Shanshu prophecy. The author however, was highly skeptical about this because Spike didn’t do what he did out of heroics, even with a soul he relished in the violence of his nature. The author believed that becoming mortal would feel more like a punishment than a reward for the vampire. It spoke some about his time at Wolfram and Hart, about his part in the fight against Angelus, and how he died saving Buffy a second time.

 “I don’t…I don’t remember any of that.” She said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself. “Even what I did to Angelus, I only remember parts of it. I felt like I was outside my body looking at someone who wasn’t actually me, except I could feel what I was doing.” She shivered, and it took every bit of self-control he had not to go to her, especially when her voice cracked. “When I came to, I-I was covered in blood and…God, Wes there was nothing left but a torso and head. I…” She choked. “I even took his face.”

 When a single tear tracked itself down her cheek, Clark couldn’t take it anymore and he rounded the island and pulled her into his arms, hoping she was too upset to be affected by the embrace, but not really caring if she was, not when he could feel her trembling in his arms. He understood now why she’d been so adamant the other day about her being wrong in the way she killed Angelus and about Slayers not actually being creatures of light but warriors for the light. He could never picture her being capable of such carnage even after hearing it from her own mouth. Then again, he could never picture himself killing her either or anyone else for that matter, not on purpose at least.

 They heard a muffled sniffle over the line, before a choked sounding Wesley finally said, “Oh, Buffy, I never…I never knew it was that bad. We found the warehouse and the blood, so I did realize…but…not to what extent, and then you just disappeared and Willow couldn’t ever get a read on you. It was like you were blocking her somehow. Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

 Clark felt her shake her head, “I was ashamed.” She answered honestly. “Lorne’s the only one who knows everything, even the stuff I can’t remember.”

 “Do you remember anything that happened before you captured Angelus?” Wesley asked cautiously. “I’ve always wondered how you did it, but was always too afraid to ask after the way we…the way we found you.”

 Buffy sighed against Clark’s chest, her shivering increasing. “I think I let myself be caught,” she said quietly. “The only thing I really remember is being bound magically by Amy and then Warren tearing open my shirt.” Clark stiffened at her words, his whole body going rigid. She squeezed her eyes shut, her grip on him tightening. “Angelus threw him out of the way, and said everyone would have a turn, but he got to have me first.” Clark’s anger flared at her words, his fist tightening behind her back, he had to squeeze his eyes shut at the sudden heat he felt building. “I-I don’t know how, but somehow I was able to break through the magic that was binding me. Everything’s kind of a blur after that, but I think…” She frowned, her forehead crinkling in confusion. “I think none of the spells were working on me. I think…I think I killed everyone.”

 Clark found himself sighing in relief at her words. God, just the image of someone trying to do that to her made him see red. Literally, in fact. He really hoped that something like that has never happened before, because he could already tell he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from tearing whomever did it to shreds. As horrendous of a way she killed Angelus, he couldn’t judge her for how she did it, not after hearing that. God, if she hadn’t been able to break the magic… He felt himself shudder.  

 Wesley was quiet for a long time, “I’ve always known that Willow brought you back stronger, but being able to break a binding spell with sheer force of will is extraordinary Buffy. We should have started testing this advantage years ago.”

 “I try not to think about that day, Wes.” She huffed. “I don’t think the magic going wonky even occurred to me until this moment.” She was quiet for a few moments, before she finally said, "So what happens if I bond with Clark and I lose him too?"

 Wesley sighed, "Well, I'm hoping since it’s your souls that are bonding and not your Slayer, that it will make quite a difference."

 "You're hoping? That’s really not a guarantee, Wes." She said in annoyance, stepping out of Clark's embrace and leaning on the island. "And what’s to stop my Slayer from trying to initiate a claim? What if this soulbond thing isn't good enough for her? Lorne already said she's been looking for her mate since I was called. He said that's why I was so drawn to both Spike and Angel." She shook her head, "Well, according to this prophecy he's my mate, right? Or the closest she'll ever get to one. So, what's to stop her from doing what she's been wanting to do for years? I mean I looked up claiming in high school, Wes. As soon as I read the word, I was fascinated."

 Clark stepped around the table so he could look at her. She seemed worried and deep in thought before her eyes met his and they softened immediately, a small smile forming on her lips as she studied him.

 Then they heard Wesley sigh, "I honestly don't know. We've still not even translated the whole thing and we've been working on it for over a year."

 Clark watched Buffy frown in confusion. "Is there a reason you haven't gotten Dawn in on this?"

 "I'll give you three guesses as to why." He said sarcastically.

 Buffy snorted, saying mockingly, "Aww Wes, you're not afraid of my baby sister, are you?"

 There was silence on the other end of the line and then a grumbled, "I would rather face all the demons in hell than deal with Dawn on a tirade about you."

 She chuckled and shook her head. "Well tough, because I want her in on this."

.

"But Buffy–” He started to whine.

 “No Wes,” she said cutting him off.  “I love both you and Willow, you know that. But, if there’s anyone in this world who will have our best interests at heart and give it to us straight, it’s her. I want her in on this.”

 “Fine,” He groaned.

 Then a smile broke across her lips and an evil look of mischief Clark was slowly becoming familiar with sparked in her eyes. “Plus, she already knows I spent time with Clark the other day and she knows he’s something other.”

 “How on Earth did she find out about that?” Wesley said in surprise.

 Clark smirked as Buffy’s smile grew. “I may have pissed Faith off by waking her and Gunn up with a cold shower. She ratted us out.”

 There was silence on the other line, but she swore she could hear him shaking his head. “Do I even want to know?”

 “Probably not.” She said chuckling and then sighed. “I’m feeling a little better now, I mean as far as the compulsion stuff goes.”

 “Hmm,” Wesley hummed. “Perhaps it gets worse when you’re apart. I knew that you would feel a need to be around each other, but perhaps being away from one another has an even greater affect than I imagined. How about you Mr. Kent, how do you feel?”

 Clark blinked in surprise. Now that Buffy mentioned it, he was feeling less uncomfortable than he had all morning. “Better, actually. It’s still there, but not as potent.”

 “Then perhaps the theory is a sound one,” Wesley said. “However, to be on the safe side I’ll have Willow drop off the pendants she’s making this evening. They should be able to subdue most of the compulsion until you both feel ready to move forward with the bond. I would also recommend spending as little time apart as possible. I believe that the pendants are powerful enough to ward off the worst of it, however if this bond is as powerful as I think it is you very well might override the magics if the compulsion becomes too powerful.” He sighed, “I suggest staying there with Buffy for the time being Mr. Kent.”

 Clark shook his head “That not going to work Mr. Wyndam-Pryce. I need to help out on the farm. While I was away my mom got behind on the payments and if we don’t bring in a decent crop this year my mom could lose it.” He looked at Buffy nervously. “You could stay with us though; we have a guest bedroom.”

 Buffy nodded, “Yeah, yeah, that might be a good idea. I can help you with anything you need, and we can start your training in the afternoons.”

 Wesley cleared his throat, getting both their attention. “I think you’re forgetting the contract, Buffy. He may very well not need to worry about that any longer.”

 Buffy’s eyes widened, “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. I’ll be right back.”

 Clark watched her run out of the room as Wesley said, “Are you still there Mr. Kent?”

 Clark looked at the phone, “Yes.”

 “Good, I thought I’d go over the numbers for you and see if they’re satisfactory.” Wesley said. “I had thought of paying you as we would a hired mercenary or demon hunter, however since your role in the future will be pivotal to keeping this world intact, I decided you deserved what we would pay any Slayer, it’s only fair after all.”

 “What aren’t you telling us about this prophecy?” Clark said, Wesley’s words telling him the man knew more than was saying.

 He heard the man sigh, “I would prefer not to say at this moment. I already know how Buffy will feel about it, and I believe you both have enough on your plate with the bonding. I’ll tell you both, but she’s not ready to hear it yet.”

 Clark frowned, “I don’t think you give her enough credit.”

 “You may be correct,” Wesley conceded, “But I know she will not be happy about this, even if it’s a good thing. I, at the very least need to prepare myself for Dawn finding out, and she may very well tell Buffy even if I ask her not too. I do not believe either of you have long to wait.”

 “Alright,” Clark said, “I’m going to hold you to that though.”

 “Now,” Wesley said, just as Buffy walked back in the room. “How does two hundred-thousand a year sound?

 Clark blinked in surprise, the blood rushing to his head. He couldn’t have possibly heard that right, could he? “I’m sorry did you…did you just say two hundred-thousand?”

 “Clark are you okay?” Buffy asked, running to his side. “You look a little pale.”

 He shook his head, “It’s…that’s too much.”

 “No,” Buffy disagreed, shaking her head. “It really isn’t. Entering this world Clark… you’ll be putting not only your home but your mom at risk and no amount of money will ever make up for that.” She bit her lip and nodded, “Trust me on this, most demons aren’t stupid enough to mess with the good guy’s families, but the real big-bads, the uber-powerful demons, who’s only goal is destruction and world domination? Those demons won’t care, they’ll do everything in their power to try and hurt you, even if that means trying to break you.” She sighed, “It’s why I want your mom to have access to this place too. It will make me feel better knowing you can get her to safety if you needed to.”

 Clark sighed, reaching out and sliding the small stack of paper out of her hand. “And what happens if I sign these and change my mind?”

 Wesley spoke up, “You are not beholden to anything Mr. Kent, if you sign those and decide that helping the Watchers Council is not in your best interest, it would simply be like you quitting a job. You wouldn’t be paid anymore of course, but you would not be obligated to continue helping us either. However, with the bond beginning to form I’m not sure how you would be able to distance yourself from the Council or Buffy, but if you made that decision no one would stand in your way.”

 Clark pulled out a chair and sat down, his eyes quickly reading it through. It was pretty standard stuff, nothing in it that had some sort of hidden agenda. He flipped the page and read through the rest before getting to the signature line.

 “Do you have a pen?” He asked, looking at Buffy.

 She went to a small drawer and pulled it open, grabbing one from inside and handing it over. Clark took the pen signing his name on the dotted line. “Okay Mr. Wyndam-Pryce, I signed it.”

 “Very good.” Wesley said, “Now, I don’t suppose you’re up for giving him a tour of the underground facilities?”

 “Of course.” Buffy said.

 “Very well,” he said. “I’ll call you before Willow leaves, in the meantime try and keep your wits about you.”

 The line disconnected and Clark raised his eyebrows in curiosity. “Underground facility?”

 ****<S>**<S>****

Buffy slid open the hidden panel in the wall of the master bedroom. She entered a number into the keypad and then looked up into a camera where it scanned her face, and slid her keycard into the slot. 

 The computer’s AI came online and a female voice said, "Good afternoon Miss Summers, what can I do for you this afternoon?"

 "I need to give a new recruit security clearance."

 "Name?" The computer asked, as Buffy removed her keycard and slid in the blank one Willow had left for them.

 Buffy nodded at Clark and stepped away from the panel so he could stand in front of it.

 "Clark Joseph Kent," he answered, stepping into the space Buffy had just vacated.

 "Facial recognition." The computer said, and Buffy pointed up to the camera, indicating he needed to look into it. 

 Once that was done the computer said, "Four-digit pin."

 Buffy looked at Clark and nodded, "Now choose four numbers you'll remember easily."

 She watched as he thought about it a second before he put in his code. Once that was finished the computer said, "Thank you Mr. Kent, you now have full access to the Watcher Archives as well as all facilities. Ms. Summers would you like access into the rest of the building?"

 "Yes," Buffy answered before the hidden wall shifted, sliding away and revealing the steel doors of an elevator that would take them down into the heart of the house. The doors slid open and Buffy removed the new keycard handing it to Clark as they stepped into the elevator, Buffy pressing the simple down-arrow button.

 “We had these built in all the safehouses after what happened with Angelus.” Buffy said as way of explanation. “Or I should say, Wes and Willow did. I wasn’t really around for that.”

 It didn’t take long for the elevator to reach its destination and the doors slid open. She could feel Clark’s eyes on her as she stepped out of the elevator and into the large steel control room. There were several monitors on the walls with keyboards on a stainless steel counter top that bolted into the walls along half the room.

 “This is the control room.” Buffy said, “For safety reasons, if we’re ever in any code-red type situation, this room is always occupied in case someone manages to get past the outer wards. We can house up to thirty bodies here at a time and since most of us are a little something-other, we can at least hold off whoever’s broken in to give the rest of us a fighting chance to escape by sounding the alarm.”

 She knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t look at him right then. It was just occurring to her all that she admitted to Wesley and what she’d said in front of Clark. He was going to ask about Spike, she could almost feel it. Of all the things Wesley could have brought up, it had to be claiming. She felt Clark move closer, and wasn’t surprised when she felt him place his hand on her shoulder as she rambled on about where the exits were located.

 “Buffy?” He whispered.

 She sighed and looked down, “Yeah?”

 “Why…why don’t you ever talk about him?” Clark asked.

 Her shoulders slumped at his words, but she still couldn’t bring herself to turn around and look at him. “It’s…it’s complicated.”

 “Well then, I think you should try to uncomplicate it for me, because this thing sounds pretty permanent between us and I need to know if I’m going to be living in another man’s shadow.” He said honestly.

 She spun around, her eyes meeting his in surprise. “God, no. It’s not like that at all. We were…” She sighed. “Maybe we should go into another room that’s more comfortable. This is a long story.”

 Clark nodded at her and she turned, leading him through the heavy metal door to their left and down a hallway the AI illuminating the rooms as it monitored their approach. Buffy led him into a large rec room, a massive tv mounted to one wall with a standard sized couch in front. There was a card table in a corner and a pool table in another. A few pinball machines lined one wall of the room and a dartboard hung near a foosball table. She led him over to the couch, gesturing for him to sit before she wrapped her arms around herself protectively. She waited for him to sit down first, and sat at the other end biting her lip in thought, staring straight ahead into the black void of the blank tv screen, not sure exactly where to start. She figured the beginning was probably best, so she started there.

 “When I met Spike,” she said slowly. “He was just about as evil as they come, or at least that’s what my sixteen-year-old-self thought. Though, I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting Angelus yet, so I was a bit naive in that department. Anyway, his girlfriend-slash-sire had been weakened in Prague at some point and he came to Sunnydale to try and restore her and bag himself another Slayer.” She shrugged, “So, we pretty much started out as mortal enemies. We fought each other a lot that first half of the year, and he was a hell of a fighter. He almost got me on that first one, but incredibly enough my mom was the one who saved the day.” Buffy smiled in amusement. “Clocked him on the back of the head with an axe.”

 Clark snorted in amusement. “Sounds like something my mom would do.”

 Buffy smiled, “Yeah my mom could be pretty tough.” She shrugged, “Anyway, I ended up putting him in a wheelchair after dropping an organ on him during a spell that actually did end up restoring Drucilla. On my birthday I found out they were both still alive and Dru was reassembling an ancient demon called the Judge who couldn’t be killed by any man-made weapon. Me and Angel tried to stop it from happening, but we were both too late. That night I made the colossal decision of losing my virginity to Angel.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and sighed, “And just like that his soul was gone. Maybe that’s why I clung on to the notion that we were somehow destined for so long. I mean, the breaking of Angel’s curse literally states that only a moment of perfect happiness could release the soul. I guess I thought that if our love was enough to drive his soul away, it must be special.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “Honestly, knowing Angel it had more to do with him somehow feeling redeemed in me or it very well could have been that he hadn’t dipped his wick in over a hundred years. Whatever the cause, so began several horrible months of mental torment from a demon wearing my lover’s face.”

 “And Spike?” Clark asked.

 Buffy sighed, “Spike went through his own torment at the hands of Angelus and Drusilla. Spike really did love her, but her love compared to his was fleeting at best. He told me once how they would mock him for being wheelchair bound and Angelus would…well, he would fuck Dru right in front of Spike because he knew how much it hurt him. I think that’s when whatever destiny Spike had must have started. He came to me and made a truce in the hopes of getting Angelus away from Dru and also according to him, he actually liked the world and didn’t want to see it destroyed like they were planning.” She sighed again, “Anyway, that’s probably the first instance where I started to see Spike in a somewhat different light. Less of a danger and more of a nuisance if that makes sense.”

 “Yeah,” Clark nodded. “I guess I could see that.”

 “Okay, so skip ahead a few years, when I’m in my first year of college. I’ve seen Spike once in that time when he kidnapped Willow and Xander, trying to make Willow preform a love spell to get Dru back. Apparently, our little truce didn’t sit well with her and she dumped him.” Buffy shrugged, “We had one more real fight where we were actually trying to kill each other that year, and then a few months later the Initiative planted the chip in his head and then once again he came to us for asylum.” A small smile tugged at her lips, “We fought like cats and dogs that whole year. I think our bickering is partly what drove Giles to drinking so much. Then sometime during the next year when Dawn arrived and my mom got sick, he realized he was in love with me.” Buffy sighed. “It wasn’t a healthy love though, not even a little bit. He was obsessed with me. He had a weird shrine to me and he had, the super nerd Warren make a lifelike robot of me for reasons I’m sure you can guess.”

 Clark grimaced before saying, “Is that the same Warren that–”

 “The one and the same.” She interrupted. “I’ve dealt with some pretty gross demons before, but as far as Warren goes, he’s probably the worst human I’ve ever had to deal with.” Buffy sighed, “Anyway, as weird as Spike’s obsession with me was, he did some things that year that really surprised me. Things that normal vampires wouldn’t do, though I still to this day haven’t decided if Spike was the unique one or if Angelus was, because I know for a fact Spike isn’t the first vampire to keep a portion of his humanity after being turned.” She shook her head getting back on topic, “Anyway, he protected my sister’s secret when Glory tortured him for information and he promised to protect Dawn until the end of the world. When I came back the next year, I didn’t really acknowledge it at the time, but he was still there. Still looking out for my baby sister. It’s strange how you don’t see those things when they happen, but Spike loved Dawn like a little sister and he loved my mom too. For some reason he was drawn to us Summers women.” She sighed and looked at Clark. “I already told you when I came back, I went to a dark place.”

 Clark nodded, his eyes studying her face. “You have.”

 “I went to that dark place with Spike, I didn’t… when I came back, I was numb and I didn’t know it at the time, but my Slayer had gotten stronger. Part of me hated my friends, I was furious with them for bringing me back and expecting me to be happy about it.” She swallowed, “Spike became my confidant at first, he became my quiet solace. I could sit with him and just be… he didn’t…he didn’t expect me to just be okay like everyone else. I was the one who made the first move…we were under a spell at the time but that didn’t stop me from making a second move after it was broken. One night not long after our second make out session, after my Watcher decided I needed to learn to do things on my own and left, we got into an argument about the kiss and I hit him,” she frowned bitterly, rolling her eyes. “He retaliated and must have realized his chip didn’t fire. The next day, well he started a real fight with me. The first one we had since…well since our brawl before the chip.” Buffy could feel her cheeks heat up at the memory, “It was the first time I felt alive since my resurrection and one thing led to another and we…well we weren’t fighting anymore. At least not with fists. It was the first time I didn’t have to hold back and it was exhilarating.” She looked at her hands, “And the next day I told him how disgusting we were, and I was cruel and awful to him.” She shook her head. “I’m not saying that he didn’t give as good as he got, but I was always the one saying the cruel stuff first. I was awful to him Clark; I beat him once and left him for the sunrise. He was trying to help me…well, I thought I accidentally killed someone.” She pursed her lips, even the memory of Warren now days could send her into a rage. “I hadn’t, Warren once again was trying to fuck with my life, but both of us thought I did. He didn’t understand why I had to turn myself in, how much even thought of hurting someone innocent was killing me. I…I just snapped. I honestly don’t know how he managed to make it to safety on time.”

 She didn’t realize she was crying until she felt Clark’s arms come around her. “He still had bruises a week later and vampires, they heal fast.” She sniffled. “Shortly after that my ex-Riley came to town and somewhat reminded me why being with a soulless vampire was a bad thing. I realized that what we were doing…we had to stop. I was using him and it wasn’t fair to either of us, so I broke things off.” Buffy shook her head, “It was hard, because I really did still want him, but I resisted. Some things happened, over the next month or two, my friends ended up finding out about us and one night, he showed up at my house. I was pretty banged up from a fight earlier that evening and he tried to…I’m not even sure he knew what he was doing…but he tried to rape me.” Buffy said quietly, she felt Clark’s arms stiffen around her, this was the judgment she’d been waiting for. “I kicked him off, and he was shocked at himself and then I said, ask me again how I could ever love you?”

 She looked at Clark then, and she could see the anger swirling in his blue eyes. “That’s why Spike got his soul. He thought it was the only way he could be sure never to hurt me again. He wanted to be the man I deserved. He did it for selfish reasons of course, but the outcome of those reasons? It was worth it in the end, because he’s the reason we don’t still have a Hellmouth in Sunnydale California.”

 Clark shook his head, “I don’t…how can you have feelings for someone after they…even if he didn’t, how could you have not wanted to kill him?”

 Buffy shook her head. “Because love isn’t rational, because it can be beautiful or a nightmare, and unfortunately feelings can’t just be flipped on and off. I think if he hadn’t gotten his soul, I would have felt differently, and maybe I eventually would have stopped caring about him. You have to understand though…what he did, it’s never been done before. He fought against his nature and became something incredible for it. I think I would be kinda a hypocrite if I could forgive and still love Angel for what he did to me without a soul, but couldn’t forgive and still have feelings for Spike.”

 “Your ability to forgive, Buffy…I think you might have me beat in that department.” Clark said.

 She shook her head, “I don’t necessarily think that’s true. I don’t think I can ever truly forgive Willow for bringing me back, and you now know what I did to Angelus.” She sighed. “I really do think it depends on the transgression. Willow tore me out of Heaven, she made me immortal, denying me the peace and reward that all Slayers crave. Angelus went after people I love and he tormented and killed my sister Slayers, all of which were young girls, newly called. I know what Wes said, and part of its true, but Spike was just the catalyst, he was not necessarily the cause. It was my hate, my emotions guiding my Slayer, and it wasn’t the first time that part of me wanted to kill Willow nor was it only her that wanted to destroy Angelus for what he had done.”

  “And the claim?” Clark asked.

 Buffy sighed, “It was something that was swirling around my head for a while, and at first it was absolutely a hundred percent my Slayer. But by the time I started seriously considering it, that was definitely all me.”

 Clark looked away, “You wanted to bind yourself to him for eternity.”

 She was silent at his words; she knew what he was thinking and he was wrong. She remembered very clearly why she wanted to do it. “It…I really did want to win, Clark. I know you’re thinking I must have been head over heels in love, but… I loved Spike, I did and I still do, but not…It was the type of love you hold for your best friend, for the person who gets you more than anyone else. I’m not saying it wasn’t romantic in nature either, but it was a love that formed over time. There was no cupid moment. I knew we were compatible sexually; I knew he would never leave me, and I knew it would make us stronger. Claims, they don’t even require love to be fulfilled, just a mutual respect for one another and I knew we could make it work.”

 Clark sighed, leaning his head against the back of the couch. “Why didn’t you then?”

 “Fear,” Buffy said simply. “Fear of the unknown, fear that he would say no, and fear that he would say yes.”

 She watched Clark swallow. “And you want to do the same to me?”

 Buffy blushed. “I-I don’t know. Yes, I think so…” She was silent for a moment. Did she want to claim Clark? Her Slayer seemed to think so, but was that the prophecy or an actual want. She certainly didn’t want to lead him on, so she said “But I think it’s something that could happen in the heat of the moment.” She could literally feel her face heating up even more. “Just, if…if I ever bite you when we…and say ‘Mine’, don’t answer unless you’re willing to do the same.”

 “I’m assuming when you say bite, you mean breaking skin.” He said raising an eyebrow.

 “I do.” She admitted. “That’s basically what a claim is, it’s a symbolic ritual of sharing one’s life force, blood, saliva, semen. The mixing of your essence with another to create two halves of a whole.”

 A slow amused smile broke across his lips. “That actually sounds kind of beautiful, if not a little messy.”

 Buffy snorted, her own amusement growing at his analogy. “Anything else you want to know, before we continue our tour?”

 His eyes slowly gave her a once over, before he shook his head. “No, I think that was more than enough for today.” He looked down, “It’s hard for me to picture you like that, being cruel I mean. Not when…not when you’ve been so nice to me. I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand anything you told me about him and you, and…and if I’m being honest, I can’t help feeling…” He looked at her seriously, his mouth set in a firm line. “Let’s just hope he doesn’t come back from the dead again, because I can’t promise I will be very nice.”

 She found herself giggling at the visual. Dear God, that would be funny, especially with how quiet and reserved Clark was. Spike would drive him up the wall. “Oh, trust me neither will he, even with the soul he had the ability to drive just about anyone mad with rage.”

 “Well, then it’s probably a good thing he’s not around anymore. I don’t think I’d like to be responsible for killing someone you cared about.” Clark said seriously.

 Buffy rolled her eyes; he might be from another planet but he was definitely a hundred percent male. “Yes, Clark, lucky for you, you only have one of my ex’s left to contend with and he’s married.” She pushed herself away from him, grabbing his hand as she did and pulling him to his feet as she stood. “Now, come on, I’ll show you the training room.”

[mooniehsh]

Just like he was before

Lucifer meeting his daughter for the first time

Obey Me! Lucifer

 (OC’s daughter just to be clear) 

Warnings: A little bit of angst, just a tiny portion of it... yeah... 

(I’m really sorry if the characters doesn’t seem like themselves. It’s the first time i tried to write something with them, and I’m not that sure that i make everyone accurate) 

I'm 99.9999% sure that i might write about this again. It’s such a fun concept, and i apologize about my grammar. English is not my first language. 

Enjoy! 

- Made by: Ace (MT)

Gif not mine

Lucifer was livid, but that was not the exact word to describe how he was feeling at this moment even though it was close to it. He was anxious, waiting, and walking towards Diavolo’s chambers with stress and curiosity running through his veins and messy heart. Anticipating on firsthand that the prince was calling only to inform him about a problem with his brothers, or maybe a usual meeting about work, and that was the main topic he had on his mind when he called him... but no, luck doesn’t exist for him. So when Diavolo spoke about his lover as the central problem in this call he was speechless.

Not to say that he was terrified in a way...

But he decided to calm down, thinking of a reasonable cause of why the young prince had called him specifically about her.  And when he reached some possible motives, he decided to shut up and not bring expectations to the matter.

 Let it be a surprise", he thought immediately when fateful scenarios crossed his mind, she is not in danger I know it. Did he believe in his own words? This time: no, he did not. But as he said before, let fate decided for him and not bring speculations to an uncertain future. 

And the great moment had to come. He walked towards the entrance, heart on the mouth, begging himself to behave and not lose his mind in the process. 

“She is a strong woman. whatever is the matter I’m sure is not that complicated” 

But only if he knew exactly what was behind the doors he definitely would be beyond terrified, maybe even confused

And what a lovely surprise, that’s exactly how Diavolo view everything in the room: confusion and pure excitement of the creature sitting on the edge of his sofa, waiting for a word to be spoken.

But it was the other way around, he wanted to hear her voice, know more of the girl who reminds him of an old friend… how strange, he thought her parents liked to talk. 

- My lord, I think we should call Lucifer a second time

 - There is no need. He will be here soon, fear not my friend-The butler nodded with his head, looking over the woman in silence one more time. And he smiled, laughing inside for the similar looks she shared with the new guest coming to the palace in no time. – So, you said your mother wasn’t coming to meet us. Is she sick? -Diavolo asked for the third time, making the young girl exhale for the curious question. She did not want to talk, but she did not have to answer with words, so a simple shake of her head was enough.

But was Diavolo satisfied with it? Of course not. So, with that in mind, he asked again -Does she knows that you’re here? -She let escape a simple laugh from her lips, opening her mouth, making the prince wait anxiously for her voice to be heard once again.

- She’s occupied with mortal duties -She responds, gaining a sly grin from Barbatos, who was curious to know if the girl was frightened of Diavolo thanks to the fact that she had not made eye contact with the man in this whole time, except when they introduced themselves of course. But deep inside, he believed that it was more out of respect. Lucifer sometimes does that, so it would make so much sense if it were the actual reason…

How thrilling the day was going to be…

- She is a doctor, am I right? It is a good profession, more with these difficult times, don’t you agree? – She nodded, playing with her phone, cursing under her breath at the moment she noticed that it was completely dead, no battery that would help distract her from the intense gaze of the demons over her body

Mother was right about this; it was going to be a little uncomfortable…

- Mortal phones do not work down here, I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. -She threw an apologetic smile at him, making eye contact for the first time in that long-languishing moment. And with that, Diavolo chuckle filled the room, spreading the humor towards his butler and creating a weird tension on her shoulders

She did not understand how her dear mother passed one whole year with these kinds of things… she was a warrior with no doubt

-  Has anyone ever told you how much you look like your father? – He had no idea… hearing the same thing from close people with knowledge of the realms was overwhelming and frustrating. But it was something she learned to normalize, until now, of course. She was there to discover for herself the truth in those words, to see if they were lying or not.

Her father was a great enigma that never had a beautiful or tragic response, and if no one dared to respond it then she was willing to sacrifice her life to search for the long-waited question 

And the same thing goes for Lucifer, whose palms were sweating from the nervous heat he was feeling inside, but that didn’t stop him from knocking on the door three times. He waited, standing in front of the golden gate, quieting his mind with delayed work, supposing this was something insignificant and momentary

But the surprise was more than alarming to him than the call that the prince dared to make minutes ago. His eyes grew bigger in honest astonishment, locking his lungs with the thin air at the simple sight of a woman, whose steps were getting closer to him in the same moment when Diavolo said something about taking her to the house of lamentation.

Lucifer was not listening to one word that fell from the mouth of his dear friend. For the first time in millennials, he never expected to find someone so intriguing yet so dangerous to meet. And his mind finally exploded when Barbatos said something about a beautiful family reunion, pointing out how much of siblings they could be if the daughter- father thing never existed between them.

- You call me for this…? -  His tone lacks the true feelings he had inside, making him sound so cold and sour that the girl couldn’t help but mock him with a confused grin. So, he was her father? 

The great lucifer was nothing other than a tired and young man whose first impression was to criticize the meeting they were having? No wonder why uncle Sol used to talk so bad about him…

 -It was a surprise, I’m sorry if made you panic but I believed it was something very important… Lucifer, meet Miss Van Doren, your lovely daughter- And the world stopped only for him to digest that tiny information.

It was her; it looked like her, but somewhat different from what he expected… 

His beloved told him about the pregnancy long ago, something he agreed to have but for details like work and difference between worlds he never got the chance to see the beautiful newborn that he created with the love of his life. He only saw through photos her baby face, how pretty she was with so little age that made him question if it was his child. 

But when his work started piling up, Lucifer had little time to check his telephone, decreasing the chats he used to have with his lover, and with it, the photos of her daughter… 

Sometimes he even forgot that he had a phone in the first place

And so, he never got to know what his beloved daughter looked like today. Until now… 

-Luci? Are you listening to me? 

-Yes! Yes, I am… -He was not, Diavolo knew that immediately. Anyways, he repeated the same instruction twice, making sure the man in front of him was paying close attention. And this time, Lucifer heard everything - You want me to take her to the house of lamentation? - Diavolo nodded with a smile, barely touching the back of the girl, pushing her closer to her father and the man was more than astounded right now. 

Who would think that a demon like him gave life to someone that radiates the aura of an angel? She was a Nephilim, of course, but he was so sure that she could be easily mistaken by an actual angel with just one glance at her 

She was the vivid image of him, and it was scary. How her eyes were so dark but yet full of light, looking at his reflection in them, knowing that she was doing the same in those ruby orbs of him. And her hair, falling almost over her shoulders with gracious black curls, just like the ink in the books he used to read to her mother. The length not too long or too short, resembling a little like her mama at least. 

It was like looking at the mirror, looking at his figure when he was part of the celestial realm. Is this possible? He was a demon now, but here she is, radiating such a pure aura and soul… 

-The others might want to meet their niece, so it’s a good opportunity to know each other. But save some space for tonight, I need to know more about her… you never told me about your affair with Jules- Because he never craved to mix personal stuff with work, but it looks like he needs to do it now thanks to this little secret. -Anyways, I hope you have a wonderful day. -And with anything else to add, they started walking towards the exit, being the palace a place so quiet that even their breaths sounded like huge lightning bolts. 

Lucifer initiated the conversation, not even daring to see the girl at his side, and it looked like she didn’t want to do the same. 

-Your mother… why did you come alone? How did you enter? 

- My uncle helped me… -Her velvet voice took him by surprise, but her words charged against him so fast that he stopped, analyzing the phrase with a confused look in his factions. 

- Uncle? - He raised a brow, while his daughter stopped her steps a few meters away from him but with a low voice she assured him that this help didn’t come from his brothers. 

- Solomon, you know him, right? -Of course, the shady magician always comes to help this tiny family. First, it was Jules when she messed up something with chemicals, and now, his child. 

- You have no idea… -Should she ask? In her mind, that attitude was kind of similar to the man mentioned before. Do these two men hold a grudge against each other? She never questions Solomon about these types of things, more because he never answered… -And your mother? Did she agree to you coming here? All by yourself? -She inhales thin air, looking at his figure getting closer and closer. In every book or website, they described this man as intimidating, but he wasn’t. Hell, she even thinks her mother can do the same thing and she would be terrified knowing it was a sign of frustration… 

- … I sneak out, so no, she doesn’t know that I’m here. - And a side of him appeared at the terror her mother must go through if she found out. That was somewhat inconsiderate on her part, to leave without telling her where she was heading 

- Do you have any idea of how frightened your mother must be? You cannot come to the Devildom like this, it is very irresponsible. You could have been attacked by another demon or worst, your aura would easily attract them, and nobody would know you were here. -She wasn’t awaiting him to scold her in their first meeting, but due to the circumstances sooner or later it would be expected to happen. 

So she waited until he had finished. And when his lips sealed in a line, looking with the ruby eyes the dark ones she smiled somewhat uncomfortable 

- Mom is working right now, in urgencies… she never goes home until 7 pm, so I got my chance- It wasn’t enough reason, but for now, he let it slip, knowing that Diavolo and Barbatos were lurking in the shadows only to hear everything they discussed. They needed privacy, so he guides the girl until the breeze of Devildom hit them. 

Lucifer put one of his hands on her back, a little hesitant, he doesn’t know if she would like it or not, he is cautious as always. Although seeing how she didn’t mind, he kept it there, still guiding her through the desolated streets of Devildom 

- Even if your mother is busy, you shouldn’t do things like this. It is dangerous, any demon could have their way with you if you are not careful… - She lightly snorted, interrupting his speech, making him feel annoyed by her action

- Father, I’m not dumb. I did not ask anyone who passed in front of me to help me. Sol would never put me at risk and besides, I appeared with Lord Diavolo… I know what I’m doing here, so do you. -And before he even dared to say something more, she continued, hugging herself because of the weather. It was cold, and her little jacket wasn’t enough to cover her body. She wishes she had listened to Solomon before she agreed to just go in without a word. - And you can lecture me with mom at your heart’s content, but I was tired of waiting for this day to come… -Lucifer squinted his eyes just a little, not sure she was trying to say. Her facial expressions were completely the opposite of her words, making her voice appear like she was struggling with something but the moves she made didn’t say the same. She seemed calm, oddly calm 

- How so…? - But he was the same, curiosity in the voice of the demon but serenity in his posture. She had to admit, they were similar in some things… - You couldn’t wait to come and risk your life without telling anybody?

- Mother said we were coming in summer, that I would meet the great Lucifer and finally get the answers I deserved. Guess what? It’s already Autumn. She made that promised more than once, and every time I was ready to go and meet you, she got a call from the hospital. How convenient… -She whispered something, an insult maybe, he couldn’t listen properly, and her body failed to hide the frustration she had inside. - I couldn’t bear to stay and keep this waiting on and on… 

-You don’t have much patience, do you? 

- I do have patience, but everything has its limits - Her footsteps were pretty slow until she stood in the middle of the sidewalk, with expectations low of what he could tell her. This demon saw in her the same posture he had when the world burned down under his feet, right at the moment, he rebelled against his father for something he thought was wrong to do. The difference? She didn’t radiate rebellion or wrath, just interest, curiosity, maybe a little of exasperation. 

What a surprise… 

-I waited almost 17 years just to see you, so don’t give me a lecture for wanting to meet my own father. - Lucifer grinned, taking his coat and putting it on her shoulders, blocking his gaze with hers. The world talked, both of them discussing something incomprehensible like past and future, so odd to everybody else, but for them?

 It was just like looking at the mirror, one that never ages, the reflection that would never let the memories escape. And the similarities with the celestial Lucifer didn’t stop coming to his exhausted mind. She wasn’t corrupted, she didn’t have desires that could identify her as hostile or something related to that keyword. She was half-human, with a soul that any demon would love to devour, with ordinary wishes like any other person in her world… she was just like he was before 

- To be this our first encounter, you don’t look like someone afraid to defy me. - Just like her mama taught her, this man is not easy to talk to. She would play his cards, even if she doesn’t know what she is doing, even if she is not conscious of it. - It reminds me of someone… 

- Mom? - The sweet and velvet voice appeared, and he took her hands, walking towards home, glazing at her from time to time. - or it is you father? - that word was still foreign to her tongue, something she had never used even if somebody demands her to pronounce it. But here she is, trying to accustom her mind to do it one more time. Deep inside she liked the idea to finally call someone like that. And luck was on her side… 

- Both, more your mother than anyone else to be precise. She was more curious than Solomon if I remember right… -And she asked again inside of her head if the man fought with her uncle. However, she should save that question for another time - She was always intrigued even by the little things that life throw at her. I don’t know how she survived so many things. It wouldn’t be a surprise if you have the same strength Louise -and her heart stopped beating, making her feel the cold of Devildom get through her clothes. Lucifer took her features for a single moment, wondering what happened to make her look so startled.

- you know my name… 

- You thought I didn’t? -She nodded, so determined that it surprises him. Did Jules never tell her about him? - I gave you the name, right when you were born… she never talked about me? 

- Not much… but mom always loved to do it, the problem is that she is very busy with work and I don’t like to interrupt her with my curiosity… sometimes - He sighed, noticing the way her eyes inspected the trees, how her hair becomes a mess, making it hard to distinguish her locks from the coat. Meanwhile, the girl called Louise was with an infinity of questions haunting her mind.

Was he the one who gave her that name? It wasn’t a joke? Oh, god, she did not know whether to thank or question Lucifer even more...

- So you know very little 

- I wouldn’t put it that way… it’s more like I know who you are, what you do but I don’t know why you leave my mother, why did you leave me? - The big question comes to his ears, making him get away from her only to open the gate of the House of Lamentation. And the name was exactly what he felt: he lamented not being there for her mother or Louise. She was a woman now, not entirely but she was older enough to understand trivial matters of the realms. - She told me you were a workaholic, but I don’t think that’s a good excuse to not come and see us… right? -The silence weren’t deadly, but her patience surely took that attribute until the lips of her creator parted to explain himself. 

- Your time is very different from mine. The clock goes slower than yours, and I’m… -His pause was something he didn’t want to express. And his pride was a rare feeling he hated right now, where deep down he tried to fight it, but it was useless -I’m the same man your mother tried to tell you about… There’s a lot of things that requires my attention, and I’m just one solitary demon. -There was something behind it, she could feel it, she didn’t buy it. 

- That’s your excuse? - Lucifer groans reach her ears, making her back up immediately, not trusting his movements one bit - Mother suffer every time I see her calling you or texting you, we deserve something more than that cheap apology… -She was walking in dangerous territory, and still feels right to her to fight the devil himself. Man or demon who wanted so badly to let her know with the exact words how true the past was for him, how things went down hill so easily. 

- I love your mother, I really do. So sorry to disappoint your expectation in my answer, but I never lie when it comes to her, you should understand that. Some things escape my possibilities… - Louise hugged the coat, even more, drifting her gaze away from him. And Lucifer sighed, making sure no one was around, not even his brothers spying through the windows. 

With another apology, he tried the last thing he would ever do in front of others, being the avatar of pride and a man who craved for a gentle touch but always deny the act when is in front of him. He hugged her, causing the girl to gasp when she felt the embrace surround her. So sweet but bitter, like cold natural lemonade made at home. She finally felt the love of a father, making the wishes she kept inside her mind for so long a dream come true, achieving something both mirrors craved so much. 

- Life is cruel, that’s how it works in our lives ,dearest one… - Louise had a strong grip on him, not wanting to let go of this moment, clinging to his father fearing this would be the last time even though is the first. And Lucifer never wanted to protect someone of corruption so much as he does right now, being her daughter so precious that he desired to see her live peacefully, not worrying about demons and wars between species… but he knew that would be impossible. Still, he would protect her and her mother just the same way he wanted to protect Lilith, and he would not make the same mistake twice 

- I never wanted this meeting to be so depressing -Lucifer offered her a wide smile, being so close to open the front door, to show her this other life she never got the chance to meet 

- Let’s call it a heartbreaking reunion, not depressing -She nodded, agreeing with his words, returning the smile but in a smaller way. And with everything settle, he greeted her inside of the House of Lamentation with hidden enthusiasm, making some of his brothers appear and see the arrival of the oldest.

They were more in shock than Lucifer when they saw her, instantly loading the girl with questions or simply trying to guess what she was. 

Surely her soul was something from an old world. Nephilims were resurfacing, it was expected to the others feel this little and simple curiosity, but being so close to the girl, inspecting her to head to toes were a little… extreme 

But still, she let them do what they wanted to do with this curiosity. She let them say whatever they wanted to say. It was fun for her to listen to stupid theories, to look at them right in the eye and see them struggle while trying to decipher who she was and why she was there 

It was fun until someone broke the tension over the brothers, being Lucifer the judge of this behavior towards his daughter. She didn’t mind if we put aside the number of times some of them dared to get too touchy with her. She even smiled when one of the brothers said something towards Lucifer about her mother 

-Angel or not, you shouldn’t be so concerned about this girl. She is not Jules, we know how to behave -Asmodeus smiled with his words falling in the air as he speaks. Louise’s laugh reached the ears of the brothers, making the action contagious to her father, being the two of them a rare pair. 

-Of course, but being his daughter might complicate some things- Levi choked with his saliva, Beel gasped, Mammon screamed some completely incomprehensible things, and the others only remained in silence. Her eyes laid upon the blonde demon who wanted so badly to say something, being interrupted by others every time he had the chance to express his mind- And no, I’m not an angel

-I knew Jules had a child, but I thought it was with Solomon… -Louise was the one now who choked, looking at Asmo and Lucifer a few times, noticing that the raven-haired demon looked a little concerned about this new information 

-...I don’t have brothers. Noah is adopted, and my mother never had another lover -Asmo mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ , and Satan finally spoke with such an intensity in his eyes. She waved at him, receiving a tiny smile from his part. And every pair of eyes laid on him

-She is gonna get mad, you know that Louise? -Of course, he was going to say the same thing Lucifer did. She knew what she was doing, she knew the risks, she was not a stupid mortal who acted on impulsive decisions all the time. 

-You know her?! Since when?! -Lucifer’s curiosity grew bigger, knowing exactly what was going on in his house, taking a few steps closer to the avatar of wrath. Please, Louise begged, do not start a conflict

-He had been visiting Jules, am I right? - The older spoke, and Satan wanted to laugh, but he remained in silence, with his gaze on the girl who expresses between her eyes and hands, that he must  leave the wave of a fight at this moment. 

-I’m not like my other brothers who forgot to go and pay a visit to our favorite doctor. Even if she was busy… -The others started with the questions one more time, shushing immediately by Satan or Lucifer. Louise only understood that some of them were with little time to see her, and others like Beel and Asmo knew about this girl. Funny, she doesn’t remember when did they go...

Maybe she was very little at that moment, she would ask her mother later if she survives… 

-… So, just to be clear: you are telling me that this girl named Louise is your daughter, and Solomon got a son which he adopted, and now she came to see you because she wanted to meet you, and Satan knew all this time and never say anything to Lucifer for respect to what Jules decided to do with her love life. And we never got to know this information until now- When Levi put the words from his perspective it seemed like a total disaster, her mind would be if Louise were him.

-It is partially your fault, for not wanting to go and see Jules. It is cruel of your part Levi -The demon made a pout when Satan spoke about him, while Mammon looked at the girl with wide eyes, realizing that it was obvious the family she was part of. 

-Hell, you are really Lucifer’s daughter. You don’t even look like your mother at all… why you never said anything?! -Lucifer groaned, crossing his arms over his chest, annoyed by all this questioning and discussion. He thinks it would be worst with Jules, knowing that if both of them arrived like a big surprise the brothers would be screaming like maniacs about this matter… 

They were yelling, that’s correct, but in a more calming way… sort of. 

-At least she got her beauty - Louise’s cheeks tainted a faint red over them, looking adorable to Asmodeus, the demon who spoke seconds ago. - Yes! She has her beauty! Oh, you look like an angel -And like an instinct, she hides behind her father, who grabbed her hand and took her upstairs while the other demons tried to stop him 

-We are not done here Lucifer! Why Jules never said something about her? It’s her daughter! 

-Mammon, that’s enough! All of you should at least give her space and not asphyxiate the poor girl! -The oldest of the brothers yelled with no effort, reflecting his molested attitude and tired mind in this discussion - You want answers? Ask Satan, I’m trying to find them as well -And with nothing else to add, he kept walking with Louise right behind him 

-Why not ask Jules? She will arrive in this home in less than an hour, so it’s a good opportunity to explain all this mess. Right, Luci? -His grin grew bigger, and the girl shivers with the simple idea of the disastrous war her mother would do when she sees her. 

-How are you so sure? -A low voice that took everybody by surprise, asking for the truth in the words of Satan. The man stood there for a few seconds, getting closer and closer to Louise, putting his hands right on her shoulders, gaining a warning from Lucifer. He didn’t care, he had more connection with this girl than he, so why bother? 

-Louise, your plan failed in just one simple error. You didn’t tell Noah about your escape right?- She had everything under control huh? Yeah, that was lie… a big one - ‘Cause I don’t know you, but he is always with you when your mother leaves you alone at home. Sometimes he even invites you to see what he had created with Solomon… -And she always calls him if she doesn’t respond to her messages. She totally forgot about him...

-She called him, fuck, she did… - A mortal who sounded and looked like an angel cursed with the simple idea of forgetting a tiny detail. Satan laughed, biting his lips while his brothers looked around kind of confused, except for Lucifer who desired to shut everything off only to have time alone with his daughter. It was annoying as always, his inexistent bad luck trying to steal precious time with his new family

- … But… you know what? I think it was a good idea that I forgot about Noah… -And Satan’s eyes went wide with her words -She owns me an explanation after all, and in this place, no work would not let her get away without telling me the truth…. So let her come -She had questions just like these brothers, and she finally would get those precious answers she deserved. 

But she wouldn't create a war for it, on the contrary, she just wanted peace and to live with both of her parents present in her life. It was the correct thing to do… 

And Lucifer could only think how oddly similar it was, how her determination put her in such a high place where there’s no visible fright for defying her creator. Just like he was before the falling… 

[moonlit-mizukage]

Love Letters Aone x Reader

Very Brief Summary: Shy new girl (y/n) confesses to Aone through an anon letter in his locker

Genre: Fluff I think (?)

Word Count: 2.9k

An: This is my first ever writing piece I'm posting so I hope it's not too bad :/ I might do a part two if people want to see what would happen next, sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes. 

FRIDAY APRIL 15TH 

It's been just over a month since school started a new term. Things returned to normal in the Miyagi Prefecture for everyone, except Aone Takanobu, a third year at Date Tech. Aone had received his very first anonymous love letter, placed on top of his shoes at the end of the day. 

"What's that Nobu?" Futakuchi asked, eyeing for the mysterious envelope in his hand. 

"Must have been the wrong locker" Aone replied stoically. 

Futakuchi grabbed the envelope, reading over the front of the envelope. "Not unless there is another Aone Takanobu in this school." He said laughing a bit. Aone grabbed back the letter slightly flustered, his cheeks showing the slightest pink tinge to them. The boys walked out of the school together heading to the volleyball clubroom. 

Upon entering the club room second year Koganegawa perked up looking at the very thing Aone had clutched in his right hand. "Did you get a love letter Aone?!" He said slightly too loud. The other team members looked over at him and he remained unfazed other than the small pink tone once again across his cheeks. "Who's it from?" He asked again. 

"He didn't open it yet!" Futakuchi explained dramatically, "Come on Nobu don't you want to know who it's from?" 

Aone lifted the letter up flipping it over, his facial expression remaining the same. He glanced around at his teammates knowing they would not leave him alone till he did. He carefully pulled back the flap that was gently tucked inside the back. He pulled out a handwritten letter and started to read it slowly as the guys around him looked at him with excitement. 

Aone flipped the letter over on the back side showing a slight trace of confusion on his face. "There's no name." He started flipping the letter all around. 

"Let me see," As Futakuchi grabbed the letter from his hand. He scanned over the letter looking for any sort of hint who it could be. "We can check again after practice Nobu, maybe we missed it." He said placing a hand on Aone shoulder. The team had left the room headed into the gym. 

Little did they know, (y/n) and her friend Yuki were hiding out peaking around the corner of the third gym watching the door of the club room. 

"I should have put my name on" she exclaimed nervously to Yuki. "I haven't talked to him before, so I don't think he will know its me, maybe it better this way though, I probably embarrassed myself beyond belief with all my mistakes and-" 

"Stop that (y/n). I'm sure he'd be overjoyed to have someone who is truly beautiful inside and out, having a huge crunch on him. Plus if he doesn't know it's you then maybe he is dense." Yuki said with a slight  giggle. (y/n)'s eyes grew larger from her inner embarrassment as as she remembered how she had gotten here.

(y/n) was a new student who had just moved here late January from out of the country. She had joined a second year class even though she was a third year just to get in more practice with the language. Her ability to speak the language was far better than her reading and writing skills. Her father's job had uprooted them in her last year of highschool, but she didn't mind much as she was very shy and didn't have many friends back home anyways. She met Yuki through her father's co-worker saying he had a daughter about (y/n)'s age. 

When she first laid eyes on Date Techs middle blocker she instantly felt the need to be held by him. She wanted to be the one able to hold his hand, be able to fall asleep in his arms, be the one to give his soft kisses and hugs. She fell head over heels in just one glance. She tried at first to learn his name from overhearing his friends call to him. The one always referred to him as Nobu. At the beginning of May, she had finally gotten the courage to place an anonymous confession letter inside the third years locker. Little did she know, there was two third years given names ending with Nobu. She waited around the corner for him to open the letter only realizing it was the wrong guy she had confessed too, out of total embarrassment, she even decided not to show up to her own confession spot she had left on the letter that evening. Her friend Yuki had an idea that they would go to a practice match they were having against Karasuno at their school the next day. On Saturday, they sat down watching the two teams play it out, until she heard  "Nice block Aone" after the man she had heart eyes for blocked a powerful spike from the orange haired guy. She let out a squeak noise as she finally knew his name, she noticed they had heard her as Aone was turning to look at her she quickly jumped to the floor leaving Yuki red in the face looking down awkwardly. The next incident was April 13th, two day before she would give the letter. After find out his name she had wrote him, She was walking through the cafeteria and was looking around for him, not noticing him walking as she directly collided into his strong chest, 

“I-I-I-I uhh sorry.” She said as she rushed off as fast as her feet could carry her straight out of the cafeteria. She told Yuki as Yuki had a good laugh about it. (y/n) had decided this time she would give him the letter, but in his locker, and not signed, the chances of him knowing her name she thought was small and he wouldn't return the same feelings she feared. After three embarrassing incidents, she decided she had to tell him her feelings. 

This is how the two girls got to where they are now, creeping around the third gym, Yuki peaked into the window, to which she did not realize Futakuchi had seen her. Yuki was telling (y/n) all about how flustered Aone was looking out on the court with is pink cheeks. 

“Hey” a voice spoke from behind the two girls, (Y/n) pankiced as she turned on her heels and started running as fast as she could. Yuki turned around awkwardly as she is now face to face with Futakuchi

“Uh Hi,” She started sounding nervous. 

“Are you the one who gave Aone the letter?” He asked very bluntly. 

“Uhh, no sorry. It was my friend who just ran away, she is really shy, I’m sorry about that too.” She said rubbing the back of her neck. 

“What’s her name? She never signed the letter so Aone wasn't sure who had written it for him.” 

“Yeah… she said she did that on purpose cause she assumes he has no idea who she is…...Oh, her name is (y/l/n) (y/n). She's really sweet I promise, I better go catch up to her, see you around Futakuchi- Kun” she said as she started running after you. 

(y/n) was currently sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the running track, slightly panicking. As Yuki approached her she began to grow more and more worried. 

“Yuki! You didn't tell him anything did you?” She said, as her noticeable sweat beat down her forehead. 

“Uhhh well you see,” 

“YUKI!” 

“What (y/n)! You know cute boys are my weakness! You ran off so fast and he saw me peeking in the gym window! I had to say something.” 

(y/n) eyes were so big as she stared at the ground slightly stirred up by the news she had just received. “Ha ha” She laughed very very awkwardly, “Time to transfer schools.” 

This time a genuine laugh from Yuki came out, “You’re hilarious (y/n), let's go back to my place.” The girls left the school grounds now and headed back to Yuki’s. (y/n) wishes she had waited two more days to confess, as it was friday she would remain nervous all weekend now. 

Back in the third gym, Futakuchi had returned to the scene and was quickly approaching Aone. “(y/l/n) (y/n), that's who wrote you the letter Nobu. I didn’t get a good look at her though, she ran away so fast, she must be on the track team with that speed.” he said with a light chuckle.

“Oh, (y/l/n)! She’s in my class,” Spoke up Onagawa, “She is the girl with (y/h/l) (y/h/c) (y/h/t) hair and (y/e/c) eyes. She is really shy and just talks to Sato-san.” 

Aone looked noticeably more flustered than before, no one knew if he knew who she was or was just flustered he got a confession. 

The weekend came around and Futakuchi and Aone were hanging out in Aone’s room. 

“I found her!” Shouted Futakuchi from beside Aone. He passed over the phone to Aone, “See this one right here, she matches Onagawa’s description perfectly. I found her by using Yuki’s account. 

Aone blushed, “She’s so pretty, are you sure she is the one?”

“Yes I am for certain Nobu. What do you plan to do now that you know?” 

Aone looked hard at the picture of (y/n) on the phone. He stayed silent for a few minutes. He remembered the very first time he saw her walking the school halls and how his stomach felt as if he ate 1000 butterflies for lunch, as she rushed so fast passed him the scent of rose filled his nostrils. It was this moment he knew he wanted to be the one to hold your hand, the one to give you kisses and text you good morning and good night. He wanted to be the only one to be able to say you were his. 

He remembers when she showed up to a practice match and how you had made such a strange noise when he had blocked a spike. He also saw her dive onto the floor, which he thought was the cutest thing.  He also remembers the time you walked right into him in the cafeteria, he didn't even get the chance to ask if you were okay before you fled the scene. He thought you were scared of him after this, but finding out she was the one to write the letter made his heart race. Aone smiled slightly as he looked at Futakuchi. 

“I will confess back..” 

At this moment Futakuchi could not help but get excited for his best friend. “I didn't know you liked her! Nobu you should have told me sooner I could have helped.” 

MONDAY APRIL 18TH, 

Aone began to feel his nerves as today he would put a letter back in your locker. The letter was very different from yours as all his said was:

Cherry blossom tree friday at 3:30

 He waited for the area to clear out before heading back and slipping it inside your locker under your shoes. 

At the end of the day (y/n) went up to her locker, yuki standing close beside her, as she grabbed out her shoes as she noticed the note slide out from under them. As she picked up the note and read it, confusion could be seen across her face. Her eyebrows furrowed so deeply as she looked up at Yuki. She passed it over to Yuki as she read over it. 

“Oh my gosh (y/n)! I think it's a confession!” 

“But…. what tree am I supposed to meet them under?” She asked as if Yuki had any idea. 

“Well dear (y/n)-chan, that's a great question.” 

Over at the third gym Futakuchi was bragging about his best friend who had put a love letter in a girls locker today. 

“What did it say, Aone-Senpai?” asked Koganegawa. 

Aone replied with his usual facial expression just casually saying “Cherry blossom tree friday at 3:30.” The confused facial expressions could be seen worn by his team. 

“Is that really all you put? You’re kidding right? How is she going to know which one to go to? They are all over the school grounds. And what about that cute sappy one I helped you write? You took everything out but the last line.” Futakuchi sighed, running his right hand through his hair. 

Aone looked a little worried before he just walked away to his spot on the gym floor ready to play the practice 3 on 3 game for today. Futakuchi looked at him, noticeably annoyed with his friend's lack of response. 

FRIDAY APRIL 22ND: CONFESSION DAY

After a long week of nerves from both sides, Aone of course not showing it and only expressing it to Futakuchi one night on their way home from practice. (y/n) on the other hand was noticeably nervous, today she was shaken up wondering all week who would be the one at the cherry tree today, and even what cherry tree. She was hopeful in thinking it was Aone and that he was the one who wanted to confess, but then she also worried it was him because she didn't know where to go and if she didn't find him in time, maybe  he would think she was rejecting him. Panicked thoughts filled her head all day about every single scenario she could possibly think of happening. 

Finally the end of the day had come, (y/n) headed outside to look for the cherry blossom tree, hoping not too many people were confessing today or it would be awkward. She said goodbye to yuki as she wished her luck on the way by. (y/n) had rushed around the school to the large patch of cherry blossom trees, no one was there. She looked down at her phone reading 3:26pm. She began to rush to the second large area where the cherry blossoms were, stil no one to be seen. She stood there thinking to herself where more could be. She looked down at the time again, 3:30, she's late. She remembered the tree close to the track field she sat under just last week after running from the gym. She began sprinting as fast as her legs could carry her. Seeing a tall boy in the distance under the tree starting to leave she started to feel tears in her eyes, from the guilt of being late. He began walking and with her vision slightly blurring from her tears she was unable to see who it was.

“Please wait! I'm sorry I went to the wrong trees! Please don’t leave!” She began shouting, the guy turned around just in time to be slammed into by a nervous girl. She fell straight on her butt as he reached his hand out to her. 

“This is the second time this has happened.” She looked up dumbfoundedly realising it was Aone talking as he helped her up. 

“I-I-I I’m so sorry Aone-Kun. I was trying to catch you before you left.” 

He just responded with a light laugh. She felt her heart flutter and so did he as she smiled back to his laugh. (y/n) remembered suddenly he called her here and got noticeably nervous again. Aone quickly noticed ushering her to sit beside him on the bench. 

“I got your letter.” He said. Her eyes widened as she stared at the ground. It was silent for a few minutes. (y/n) didn’t realise how nervous Aone is as she is watching the ground so intently. 

“I’m sorry for leaving it in your locker, if that why you called me out I can leave now, I didn't mean to upset you Aone-Kun, It wasn't my-” 

She was cut off by his adorable laughter once again. She looked up at him with her eyebrows furrowed. 

“Im… I’m just as nervous as you.” He stated as she tried to find a hint to his feelings in his stoic expression. 

“I like you (y/n), is what I’m trying to say.” He quickly turned away from her, now feeling his face heat up. (y/n)’s smile covered the bottom half of her face as she threw her arms around him with excitement. He looked down at her as his eyes grew bigger. 

“Ah- Im so sorry!” She said as she began to pull away. 

“Don’t be, I like it, (y/n).” He said with a soft smile as he pulled her into his arms. “Will you go out with me tomorrow at 5pm, on a d-date?” He asked as he held her. 

“Of course Aone. I would love to.” 

“Please call me Takanobu.”

She smiled up at him. He pulled his one arm away and passed her a letter from his pocket. She looked at him blushing as she accepted it from him. It was his original confession letter.

Note my art I just found it online :)

Masterlist

[taison]

The obstructive point of view

One neglected part in conversations about language learning I feel is how much of your attitude and point of view will factor into how easy it will be to get started, but not to mention continue. With Japanese attitudes like “oh its one of the hardest languages, the grammar is backwards from english, there’s keigo, there’s 3 alphabets, and one of them is kanji...” the tone of this is already innately defeatist, until we add a “but it all has to make sense” at the end, but actually being able to see how much Japanese is a language that makes a lot of sense can be obstructed by the English point of view.

For people interested in japanese there is a huge issue of bad or unhelpful attitudes towards the language not just with individuals but also within some learner circles. A lot of the above mentioned is spread around almost like fear mongering. I think a lot of this comes from the shock a lot of people feel when they’re hit with how Japanese isn’t like, say, a european language that is malleable to english. Japanese is very independent from the european language trees and is uniquely culturally self sustained. As in a japanese person can easily get the content they want in japanese, they won’t have to learn english like, say, an Icelandic person might have to.

Basically if you feel stuck in the beginner phase you need to first ask yourself is there something about how you internally approach Japanese that may be obstructing you. Do you kind of dread it? Are you combative with your learning materials? Are you trying to make sense of it the way you try to make sense of english? Examples of what I mean with the earlier mentioned defeatist attitude is saying things like “but that doesn’t make sense!” “How am I supposed to remember that!” “That can’t be correct!” to yourself anytime you feel frustrated. You need to stop and ask yourself why isn’t it making sense? From what perspective is something failing to follow any form of logic to you? How do you know you won’t remember when this is literally the first time you’ve encountered this? If you relate to any of these things then its worth setting aside a little time to think about how you might have to adjust your thinking. Because truly a lot of things in japanese really do make so much sense once you stop spending your energy on translating it all into the logic of english.

I’ve fallen into some of these attitudes and combative ways of thinking myself. Literally my first day on duolingo i was trying to argue with that green owl and only in late 2020 was able to fully deprogram the energy consuming practice of translating every piece of Japanese I encountered into english in my head. Some reminders that got me through the beginner phase and has sustained me up to know has been:

I know nothing about this which is why I’m learning. There is no use for me to argue with the material trying to teach me basic things like vocabulary. language learning is a humbling experience if anything

There has to be a logic and function to kanji otherwise it would’ve been scrapped decades, if not centuries ago

I need to trust my intuition first and foremost and give myself a pat on the back everytime I was right! If I wasn’t then now I know

Japanese is simply different, not inherently difficult. So I need to be more receptive to navigate the language not through the lense of english, but Japanese

And this one is for all the bilinguals reading: I’ve learned a whole language before! Of course I can do it again!!

And to be candid I have ADHD and studying has been a recently acquired skill for me. What has sustained me through this has been tapping into the pros of ADHD which is that when I center something around my interests there is literally no way to stop me!! So take a moment to think about what would make this journey easier for you and what is currently making it hard, is it your approach or your material? Are you making your learning interest based or are you just following a tired standardized route? Why do you want to learn in the first place what is it you can only attain in Japanese but no other language? Take a day just to think about this and center your next plan of attack around your solution.

At this point I’m personally convinced anyone is capable of learning Japanese, it makes way more sense than what most people give it credit for and its highly rewarding the first time you realize you didn’t even have to think to understand what was just said. The biggest obstacle in this journey is just the point of view.

Some recommended learning on this topic: Making Sense of Japanese by Jay Rubin, Fluent Forever by Gabriel Wyner, and Cure Dolly’s youtube channel

[le-chevalier-au-lion]

Doriath’s treaties on shapeshifting

My @officialtolkiensecretsanta gift for @batshape who asked for something with Lúthien and Thuringwethil.

Word count: 2400 words.

Lúthien discovers someone (something?) who might teach her what Melian the Maia will not.

The problem with a half-Maia child –

There are no guards, doors or locks when Lúthien decides to leave – to run, her hollow-boned thrumming to a strange melody she alone hears. Her mother teaches only tricks a girl would benefit from. Sing and dance to dazzle, tie a knot that never will fail for a life that will prevail, coax flowers from hard earth. The rest, she figures out by herself. How to send souls with iron spines to sleep and how to tear through the dark, sleeping forest. Lúthien burns and runs like a shooting star invariably plummeting.

It’s no surprise she walks through the Ered Gorgoroth with her breath held, eyes on the stars that are twice as dim here. Beneath her feet, the soil is cold and lifeless, and Lúthien thinks of flowers but knows none that would daringly bloom here.

(She comes, but not as the nightingale.)

“The Maia Queen’s daughter cometh to me,” the thing in the dark says, voice stretching strangely, vowels damp and odd. Far too gleeful and twisting and else. “Why dost thee walk alone? There would be handsome reward for thy life returned.”

Lúthien scowls, digs her feet in the rocks. “Show yourself.”

One day, this voice might send the King of the World to sleep. It hasn’t yet, it might not, but there is a world where Morgoth will spend the rest of his days wondering and furious at a simple song, a simpler dance. The thing in the dark hisses, a long, slithery sound that makes her ears ring and her skull drum, but it slides from all around her.

It has no shape but three hearts relentlessly beating, cores of molten iron and fire. There are shapes and shadows wrapped around it. Lúthien knows it – her people do not venture here, but they tell tales nonetheless from passing glimpses.

The thing that has no name beats and coils, its lack of a body wrapping up until it passes for a woman, a creature pale like the underbelly of a fish. Grown in the dark, Lúthien thinks, stumbling a step back. White and red-eyed, an albino bat and an elf at once with a snout and a sneer. It laughs, the sound brittle and sharp, a glass shard.

“What is thy name?”

“Maybe,” Lúthien says, languid and deliberate – her mother has taught her how to deal with her kin, if mother even has kin. “Maybe I could give you a name few know, one that was whispered at cradle, for a promise. And you might even give me yours.”

“Thy secrets art not worth my own,” it argues, advancing with joints that move strangely. An unshapely creature who doesn’t understand what it is mimicking.

“Are you even called something?” She challenges.

“Not in any tongue your mouth may form words in without burning.”

(Lie.

Truth: the thing in the dark has no name and didn’t bother to give itself one. It was born with Morgoth’s song deafening and molten in its half-formed core, and the only thing it could mutter was chaos like one mutters for their distant mother. It had a shape that remembered many concepts, many thoughts, but Valarin doesn’t translate well. Once, a Vanya was driven insane trying to make grammar out of feelings.)

Lúthien breaths in the stale, foul air and breaths out. If she ever spins this tale, she’ll remove the fear and focus the eyes on defiance. “I need to call you something.”

It snaps malleable joints, testing its new body. “Call me Horror if thou must.”

Her father has a talent for plucking it out meaning and titles from nothing but speeches and a certain natural creativity. He could weave a name that would echo for centuries, if only because of raw significance and no echoing power of its own. Lúthien has to make do. She will not call anything Horror, not even shapeless creatures digging gnarled roots into land that hates and twists and agonizes. Her idea is uninspired.

“Thuringwethil will have to do.”

From: the women who stalk the halls with blind eyes and soft, amorphous mouths, reaching out for the forests with fingers like poisoned spider-silk. There is already a Thuringwethil, countless of them in her beloved Doriath, a society of its own, but their namesake is going to be more famous – or infamous and terrifying, truly.

“Must I be a woman? Must I be anything at all?” Thuringwethil cocks it head.

Lúthien shrugs. “I had to begin with something.”

“Very well, gray daughter, I suppose I shall hear more.”

It sits, she sits, and they talk.

 Or rather, they don’t talk, and Lúthien tries to pry meaning from antiquated language and limbs that twitch like reality bears down too heavily to stand without scratching at the cage. But she is curious, and Thuringwethil even more. There has never been another of mother’s kin, her kin. Not a single another to teach her what Melian will not, thinking it’d be better for her daughter to be a glimmering girl with gentle touch.

Lúthien dreams of waves and seagulls and children that do not fit her arms comfortably, both dark-haired and gray-eyed and lost. She dreams of kissing a statue on the lips, mistaken for a man she loves and is now given to the land. She dreams of falling on the halls of a palace still building itself anew, a sword stuck in her gut. She dreams of light, mostly – a light that calls to her and shifts beneath her skin, alive alive alive.

Thuringwethil laughs, shrill. It has not remade the bat snout and the fluid spine as it leans into her and twists her face from one side to another. Displeasure does not shine in her expression but leaks into the air. “Thou hast been made too solid.”

Solid?

“What does that even mean?” Lúthien scowls, a whip on herself.

“Once, thou changed at will. Not anymore.”

“Teach me.”

“No,” it says, smiling too wide.

(Too many teeth.)

 “Teach me,” Lúthien insists, not for the first – nor for the second or third or fourth. Everywhere in Doriath, her father’s hunters hound her steps, but she comes still.

They wound deeper and deeper into the Ered Gorgoroth. There are no stars, but a fog that’s cold and clammy and hateful. She has learned how to fend off spiders that have poison dripping from their fangs with fire and begged her mother for a cloak of twilight to thread the path as a shade – Melian must know, because Melian knows everything, but she keeps the secret and Lúthien keeps coming. If she discovers a peculiar trick or two by herself, the Queen certainly can’t be blamed for her strangeness.

Tonight, Thuringwethil has a thick, sneering mouth and no bat snout, though its eyes shine golden and still as death. It has skin brown as damp earth and hands that blur, perhaps three or four of them if Lúthien squints. And it is not prone to kindness.

“No, for mine time is a precious gift, and thy self is hard as stone.”

She twists her hands. “Teach me,” Lúthien commands, Compels, beseeches.

Thuringwethil throws its head back, neck almost snapped, and laughs without a single sound. “Clever, clever tricks, though empty as air here. Unveil your eyes.”

Its hands, its many or few hands, snap as spiders, bones popping and remaking themselves – Lúthien watches, watches, watches until there is a buzz in her ears and tears in her eyes. Her palms sweat but do not imitate, can’t imitate. Thuringwethil has needles now, sharp as polished steel and twice as wicked. They pluck from fabric from the rotten, stale air and twist one, two, three times as they measure the length. A cloak, black as Night itself. The buzz is loud, a living creature festering inside her skull.

Lúthien watches.

“The world is Song, Maia daughter,” Thuringwethil intones. “Song is not stone, is not unchanging. The melody shifts, and there’s creation. The melody shifts, and there’s destruction. Thou art not born from earth. Remember this, and maybe I shall teach you.”

“Why must you be so difficult?” She huffs, kicks a pebble in its direction.

“Why must thee think as some pitiful fool that will wilt in a summer?”

It cuts the final thread and slips the cloak over its full, naked shoulders. A mantle like no other, a mantle like a miracle. Lúthien reins herself back in, the buzz subsiding to a hum. Not black as Night but the proper Night, darkness given a solid body where once was nothing but shapeless ideas. Her fingers twitch. Is it soft to the touch? Cold? Could she… Thuringwethil slips on the hood and stares at her golden, unblinking eyes.

Lúthien stands very, very still as its needle-wicked hand brushes her hair back from her eyes. Its touch is icy, too light. “Nightingale, thine eyes are blind.”

“Then I will make them see.”

Thuringwethil smiles, wide and pleased and sharp. “Aye, you shall.”

 One day, tales of Lúthien’s stubbornness might rewrite fate itself – fall down towers, challenge the King of the World, work a twist around the Doomsman.

Might.

As for now, she sits down where no other light shines and talks with a being pulled in so many directions her eyes sting if she looks too closely. It reeks of old smoke and cold and laughs strangely and doesn’t even try to be an elf most times.

There are indeed worse people to talk to.

And many more boring.

“Gray daughter,” it says, close enough its talons brush against Lúthien’s back, wickedly sharp. “Why dost thou come to me? Dost thou not fear thy death?”

“Fear my death? Will you kill me?”

“Ah, ‘tis but a way of speaking.”

Lúthien does not believe it’s only a way of speaking, just as she doesn’t believe she’ll be killed. Thuringwethil could’ve killed her already or simply let wander around in the Ered Gorgoroth to her untimely doom. As she yet lives, she hums out a laugh and doesn’t turn back to face it. It has its beauty, those lands forsaken by all goodness.

And well, she does favor testing out Thuringwethil’s strange temper.

“Why did you not kill me?” She challenges, imperial.

Thuringwethil hesitates for a suspended moment before her clawed hands rise to rest at the base of Lúthien throat. “I do not desire the Maia Queen’s wrath.”

“Is that all?”

“No.” And nothing else.

Orcs’ flaming shit. Lúthien turns around sharply and goes up, up, up to kiss Thuringwethil on its almost-mouth (not-mouth?). She’s kissed people for less.

It is not bad, but its mouth is spongy and too still, a pale imitation of her own.

She doubts it has ever done so and takes an odd pride at that.

“What hast thou done?” It asks, vexed, lying still as a pray animal caught in the sharp gaze of a hunter. Lúthien smiles – beams up, disproportionately satisfied.

“Kissed you.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

Thuringwethil doesn’t even blink, a statue save in the way her flesh seems to move out of her control. Lúthien refuses to her smile waver. “Teach me.”

“No,” it answers, but it is unmoored, curious, lingering.

Lúthien’s mouth tingles.

It’d not be so terrible, she thinks, unbidden, to kiss once more.

 The second time Lúthien kisses Thuringwethil, she’s fluid as water under her wandering hands. She takes a disproportionate pride in making it forget a body entirely, even if she comes back drenched and miserably cold through a forest which shades grow both sharper and darker as the things outside push and hiss and sing in odd tunes.

It becomes a game.

“Close thine eyes,” Thuringwethil says, eyes wide and still and fever bright. She deems it a victory, that twisting madness. “Oh, gray girl, close thine eyes.”

They only kiss when she can’t see it.

A precaution.

Thuringwethil turns from too thin flesh to hard, boiling scales that send Lúthien scrambling back, her hands and her mouth searing with pain and bubbling. I’m not afraid, she tells herself, as the skin peels. I’m not afraid, she swears, oath-solemn in her determination even as there are soft, fine feathers poking at her face and a wiry, sharp fur that reminds her the countless spiders weaving their webs in this dubious peace. It becomes a game to herself, a trick she alone can uncover – how many times more may she kiss it to learn how to trade this elf for something else? She’s is half Maia.

(Underneath it all: how many times more may they kiss without feeling?)

“Dost thou know fear at all?” Thuringwethil asks, curious like an owl, all bizarrely exaggerated expression and gestures. Too thick, too ached eyebrows and mechanic, histrionic confusion. Lúthien wonders from who it is learning its tricks and shows.

“None,” she lies. But does it count as fear if not a single soul can tell?

It laughs, thick and treacherous as the chilly wind blowing through her hair, freezing her skin. “Then close thine eyes, and for I have something else to show thee.”

 In Doriath, whispers run with the wind, as they are prone to do when an uneasy peace lingers – the princess has gone mad, has gone savage, has gone strange.

(Truth be told, only madness may be a recent development.)

Elu Thingol’s hunters return empty-handed, as do his spies.

As for Queen Malia, she remains tight-lipped.

Lúthien lingers where the shadows are too thick and undisturbed, quiet as the tombs. She lies down under starless sky, hard rock on her back and the screech of things unnamable in her eyes. She keeps kissing Thuringwethil – for the hell of it, because it is a surprisingly good kisser with a bit of practice, to discover how to change.

Underneath her hands, there is metal, cold and unfeeling, but the mouth remains warm as embers. Sometimes, there is barely anything, and Lúthien reaches out for air and little else. She doesn’t mind it terribly, even if the scars of the second kiss remain.

And Lúthien is clever.

Thuringwethil, equally.

“Thou knowest how to change thy shape, and yet thou linger and dost not make an escape,” it says, habitual and grotesque confusion twisting its expression into what might pass as those clay masks actors wear. “Thou art a fool, gray daughter.”

“Ah, but do I?” Lúthien grins.

Thuringwethil’s soundless laughter echoes in her chest, warm.

[rigelmejo]

Observations when I study multiple languages at the same time:

Hello so good morning all. 早上好大家，我就着急啊哈哈....

I awoke today and my brain SPUN because I can read some Chinese, but I forgot how to say I woke up and got out of bed in chinese. I also just?? I suppose my brain worried and was like? “Do you even remember how to read french? do you even know any Chinese? Or is the new Japanese just overwriting old stuff?!”

I rationally know japanese probably won’t overwrite the rest because like - the first 5 months I studied chinese it just blocked out my French active recall unless I purposely used French a bit. But I didn’t lose any French as far as reading ability, and I got my French active recall back once I used French for a few hours/days. So it would be quite normal if my Japanese is recalled easier than my chinese for a few months. But my brain is like “we worked So hard to get to read what we Can read and say what we Can say we will be SAD if we lose it!!”

反正早上好我床上来了。我已经醒了。我不忘记很多的词。我着急为了没有的意思。我就找到一个翻译词典为了检查对的词。我猜不错。幸好！还我就可以阅读在法语，很好啊。今天我早阅读法语书一下，很容易。我没事。

My chinese may be a mess grammatically I know.

Anyway. I am. Thrilled I didn’t forget that many actual words. Universe help me if Japanese grammar starts fucking up my Chinese grammar tho. I mean I hope not because French never got fucked up; but to be fair to French I DID forget a ton of the conjugations when actually speaking/listening ToT I can barely recall French conjugations anymore unless I actively look at some textbooks or Le Français Par Le Method Nature to refresh myself. Likewise, I studied Japanese probably over 1.5 years ago now and since then, I’ve forgotten nearly all the verb conjugation endings I used to know with the exception of: ます、ません、じゃない、です／だ、じゃありません、ありまう、います、i know te form exists still though I completely forget what it’s for? Giving orders/suggestions? I forgot how adjectives conjugate but I remember they do? And I certainly forgot how words change when connected to their verb endings - I think there’s i and ru verbs? And they conjugate slightly different? And maybe nakatta is past tense negative, and katta is past tense positive (though I can’t remember if it’s katta or something else tta)?

Basically I forgot a HUGE portion of Japanese grammar. I also forgot Word order, I nearly forgot particles (I still have vague recognition of は、が、を、に、の、か). And I remember でも means but because it’s one of the few words I hear constantly and still catch. Also daijoubu (I may be spelling it wrong) for ok (I remember hearing it in YouTube and shows way more than any learning material I had, and I remember I’ve heard a similar word in thai dramas). 大丈夫／だいじょうぶ - using imiwa dictionary app I’m fairly sure that’s the word I’m remembering. Anyway I forgot... so much of my Japanese it’s like I just am relearning from almost scratch but with a vague impression it’s all familiar. I relearned these words/phrases lately which all sound extremely familiar now that I’ve heard them again: そうです、ここ、そこ、あそこ、駅／えき、子園／こえん, お電気／おでんき、今／いま、今日/きょう、あおい／青い、人/じん、話します／はなします、分かります/わかります、どこ、じゃまた.

Among the good things, I do remember most kana upon seeing them again, I think it’s just a few katakana i don’t remember unless I’m reading katakana then I recognize the word and remember the sound - like my name ミジョ/みじょ MeJo “mi-jo.” I always forget specifically ミ、シ、lol. I also forgot the way to extend vowels in katakana versus hiragana until I saw it again. And I still don’t quite remember why cake isカアク, but something else might be ice cream with a - like アーカイブ?

Anyway. Like I mentioned, this morning I read some French to assuage my fear and remind myself i can Actually still read French. I have not actually forgotten, even though my active recall is shot to hell unless I practice. And I did read, and aside from a few words I distinctly remember always confusing me and never looking up, I read fine. I’m fairly sure I read that novel easier than I’d ever read it before, even, catching more details this time than any time previously. So clearly my French reading skills are still fine, have been maintained, and if anything then over the years they’ve still marginally improved a bit.

I suppose my biggest concern with chinese is just... that I want to absolutely ensure my reading skill hits that vague “specific tipping point” that my French reading skill did. The point at which, once reached, your reading skill does not slip below “capable of grasping the overall gist of main ideas” and if you read every few days or weeks then also may continue improve over time. I remember in French, BEFORE I hit that “specific tipping point,” if I stopped reading for a while, then when I came back to reading things were harder to comprehend again and it took a bit of extra work to re-establish the foundations. But after a certain tipping point was reached, even if I didn’t read French for a few weeks or months, when I came back I had a basis of understanding that never fell below “at least able to follow gist of main idea” and often picked up any forgotten words within a few hours, then picked up new words to learn. And so I could continue “picking up where I left off” with learning instead of fighting with my reading skills sliding backwards. They no longer slid backwards, they only got “rusty” and then once polished up in a few hours, would resume improving. It’s the stage I want my chinese reading to reach, because once it reaches that point I will no longer worry I’ll forget the foundational skills - it’s decently doable to re-familiarize yourself with specialized words as needed (we even do it in English if say we read a psychology book for a class 4 years ago then pickup a new psychology class, etc). But it’s difficult to build the original foundation skills everything leans on. In Japanese, I never finished building it - I think I was finally starting to at 2.5 years in, then I gave up. As a result, I lost a significant portion of that foundation I had not finished building. At first I retained some of it, but from years of no review AND no continuing to finish building it, that foundation crumbled. So now I remember pieces of Japanese, but not enough to rely on. Whereas my French had enough time devoted to finishing the foundation, that now even if I take a few months or a year away from it, if I go back to speaking/reading/listening to French then the foundation is remembered quickly and I can start learning mostly where I left off and just jump to improving again (instead of needing months to relearn). While I can relearn/strengthen the basic things in French, I can also jump into books or listening or convos and know enough to just learn from doing, and still remember enough that I’m Capable of interacting with those things and comprehending enough To do them.

I think of it like drawing - idk when it happens with a skill like drawing, I drew since I was able to hold things so I don’t know. But basically whether you draw everyday, or stop for a few months or a year then return to drawing, within a few hours of drawing again all your previous skill comes back to you. If you forgot something you’d learned, usually a few minutes or hours re-learning is enough to drag your skills up to where they were before. So you can quickly return to your former skill level last time you drew, and quickly start improving further. So each time you draw, you’ve retained your skill from before (mostly) and improve your skill, then that skill improvement carries over to the next time you draw. It’s great. In some ways, my French skill is like that - I quickly can get to the comprehension level I was at last time I engaged with French, can improve from there, and then the next time I engage with French I can pick up from the level to which I’d improved to. I may forget some specifics I didn’t use much or learn as well - specialized words, or ways to express myself I rarely use (so rarely reinforce), but if I re-study them it takes a few hours to get those back (instead of the months it took to learn the first time). I am so grateful my French is past that “specific tipping point” because it makes French way easier to retain a useful level in, and easier to pick it back up when i have time and improve it as needed in the areas needed and retain the improvements I make for the most part. In Japanese, I never reached that “specific tipping point” of having established enough of a foundation. So I lost a lot of what I knew.

With Chinese, I really want to ensure I’ve reached past that “specific tipping point” of enough of a foundation, before I give it less dedicated time. I don’t want to lose the chinese I’ve learned, since it’s a significant amount. And... even more than that, my chinese speaking and listening ability is in many ways BETTER than my French, because I worked on it, and I don’t want to lose those abilities either to the degree I’ve developed them. In French, i know I have very low levels of speaking/listening in comparison to my reading and they lag behind as a result - even once they reached the “specific tipping point” a year later than reading in French, they still lag a ton behind my reading (think A1-2 French speaking/listening skills, versus French B1-B2 reading skills). Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to make it so my listening/speaking skills only lag behind my chinese reading skills a little bit. And I’d like all of those skills to reach the “specific tipping point” where I am able to retain the majority of those skill levels, before I work on chinese less frequently.

I know myself. With Japanese, at 2.5 years in I was Just starting to hit the beginning of making that foundation I could retain later - I was just starting to read and comprehend the gist of the main plots in manga, to watch YouTube or play games and grasp the bare gist of what the main ideas was. In French, those skills started at about 5 months in, and I don’t think they hit “specific tipping point” of me being able to rely on keeping those skills perpetually, until 1.5 years in. With Japanese, as I said, i hit the beginning of building them around 2.5 years in, and just never solidified them enough to hit the “specific tipping point” unfortunately. With Chinese, at least in reading (since I’m only discussing reading skill in all 3 languages), I probably hit the beginning of building these skills at month 10-11. That was when I could start reading manhua without a dictionary, novels without a dictionary (and grasp the main ideas gist at minimum), and watch shows and do the same. Which again, is higher than Japanese even was at its beginning-foundation, as I couldn’t even Read novels or listen to Japanese audio on its own and follow the main idea. So I suppose, to compare the absolute beginnings of each foundation being built: in French it was month 3 (when I could start brute forcing through news/Wikipedia and comprehend some gist of main ideas), Japanese year 2.3ish (when I started brute forcing through manga and comprehending very roughly some main ideas), month 6-8 in chinese (when I started brute forcing shows and novels and comprehended honestly more than I can believe I managed to in retrospect, considering how much easier those still-challenging tasks feel now). Anyway... Chinese has seemed to take 2x as much time to improve compared to my French. I do suspect chinese normally takes native English speakers roughly the FSI recommended 4x as much time. I suspect my French learning plan was just not very optimal for my learning style, so it wasn’t as efficient. Likewise... I suspect Japanese should normally take roughly 4x to 5x longer to improve then French. I suspect mine took SO long last time particularly, because I did not even have a good study plan for myself until year 2 of Japanese study.

So... based on all that. I imagine my chinese will be very firmly where i want it’s minimum skill to reliably maintain the foundation of what I know, to be at.. year 2-3. Year 2, if I keep improving as well as I’ve been doing (and assuming if my French had been more consistent it would’ve been at the “specific tipping point” by year 1). And year 3 if I don’t always study as much, or it simply takes longer (so twice the 1.5 years French took). Which honestly... 3 years is still intensely fast as I see it. And, if I’m improving the way I think I have been, I can’t even imagine how ill be in year 3. Anyway... based on all of that... I think it would be a bad idea to pick up Japanese heavily until my chinese is past at least year 2. With my 1 year+ of French, at that point I was also studying Japanese, and they seemed to work fine as I studied both - the only thing was it slowed down my French progress. So I do think waiting to do anything heavy with japanese, until my chinese is a good play I’m ok to let it simply maintain for the most part, is probably a safer plan.

—-

Realistically... no reason I can’t lightly re-study Japanese though and Just like rebuild the beginnings of the foundation I had though, it was probably N4 starting into N3 when I gave up. So I could probably re-learn some old stuff without taking too much time from chinese. And then if my chinese is year 2 by then, that sure would be convenient. Lol this is all... me contemplating. When we all know the truth is, I’m going to do whatever I want to do in the moment, and see what happens o3o

I am gonna tentatively say though, I think as long as I don’t abandon Chinese for any length of time until at least 2-3 years in, it should probably be maintained at least though at where it’s at/gradually improve. I didn’t lose any French during the times I kept using it, even when studying Japanese and russian, the “specific tipping point” didn’t really matter until I stopped using French for months at a time. I am sure I will notice if another language study is slowing down my chinese study though, in which case I’ll pause the other language if I have a Chinese goal that needs more time for attention.

At the moment, my Chinese goals are going about as expected. I wish I could carve some more time for them, but I’m giving them as much time as they were getting throughout the fall - so it’s not like they’re getting any less time than usual. (I am just inpatient, and wish I was the kind of person with the time and focus to give them 4-6 hours a day lol).